Chapter Text
“Sure, you are?” Yoda said, ancient eyes heavy with sorrow. The figure knelt across from him slumped even further, head almost touching the ground.
“Yes, Grandmaster. There is nothing left for me here.”
“False, that is. Yet, see it, you will not. Wait, you should, until awaken, he does.”
“I cannot, Master. I do not have the strength nor have I the courage for that.”
“Stronger than most, you are,” Yoda disagreed, reaching forward to place a hand on the bowed head.
“Not enough. Never enough.”
“Stop you, I cannot. But know this, you will. A place with us, you shall always have. Only ask, you must.”
“Thank you, Master,” Obi-Wan said and stood up. He executed a perfect bow to the Grandmaster, and left, whispering as he went “But I doubt that is true.”
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Obi-Wan made his way to the medical ward. He did not recall the journey there, only looked up when he realized he was infront of Qui-Gon’s bed. His master was so pale, dwarfed in the large bed made to accommodate species twice his size. If not for the steady sound of the heart monitor, Obi-Wan would have thought that the Sith had succeeded. But there it was. His master’s heart was beating along—slow and strong.
Yoda’s words reverberated in his mind, eatting away at his resolve. Perhaps he should wait until Qui-Gon wake up. But as he thought it, doubt crept in. He did not trust himself to have the strength to leave once he see those ocean eyes again. It was best that he leave now. To take with him what was left of his dignity and wounded pride, instead of being drag screaming away to make space for his Master’s new charge.
Mind made up, Obi-Wan approached the sleeping figure. He lowered his head until his forehead touched Qui-Gon’s and closed his eyes, reveling in his Master’s presence one last time. When he opened them again, he thought that he saw Qui-Gon’s eyes fluttered. But after minutes without change, Obi-Wan chalked it up to his desperate imagination. Shifting his focus down to Qui-Gon’s lips, Obi-Wan let out a whispered, “I love you”. His lips were only a hair breathe away from Qui-Gon’s, but he did not dare to close the remaining space. This kiss was not his to give nor was his to take. He stayed still for a few minutes longer, then straighten his spine and gave Qui-Gon one last bow.
“I will miss you”. With those words, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Jedi Padawan was no more.
He walked away then, without any tear left to shed—those had ran dry days before. When the healers informed him that he had used up all of himself to heal Qui-Gon. He had refute their claim. But tried as he might, he could not run from the truth. He could feel it. The emptiness. That deepest part of himself was now a barren wasteland. “Highly improbable”, the healers had said when he asked about his recovery of the Force. He had rebelled once more at those two words, screaming his rage and shock. What was he, if he could no longer be a Jedi. And when he could no longer scream, he had wept. Wept for his lost of a future that could have been. Yet, as he walked from Qui-Gon’s room now, he could not bring himself to regret his actions, for his heart was still alive, even if he had to leave it behind.
Only a short time later, Obi-Wan found himself back in front of familiar quarters. Upon entering, he spied Anakin curled up on the couch. The boy was twitching in his sleep, arms fold tightly to his chest while his legs kicked in aborted motions. “No. No. NO! MOM!” The boy screamed and thrashed, arms flung wide. Obi-Wan ran forward and pulled Anakin into a hug, holding his limbs tight lest the boy injured himself. “No, please. No,” Anakin whimpered, still deep in the thrall of his nightmare. Obi-Wan stroked the young boy’s hair, gently singing a lullaby he had learnt from a mission long ago. When Anakin finally settled down, Obi-Wan carried the boy to his own room and tucked him in.
Once again, Obi-Wan came to a decision. A last gift he had to give. He packed up his meager belongings, only taking some clothes, the river stone, and enough credits for a one way trip. He placed his lightsaber on the bedside table, wrapped neatly in a piece of leather.
“Be a good Padawan to him, Anakin Skywalker. And be the Jedi that I can never be,” Obi-Wan said.
Nine hours later, Shmi Skywalker left Tatooine as a free woman.