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'Cause Without Me, You Know You're Lost

Summary:

He just needs time and space, Gen tells himself. He scowls. No, he needs sleep. If only he’d realize that!

And Senku does realize it. Just, a little too late.

Notes:

This has some strong language just sayin~

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:



Gen slams his hands on the table. “Senku you need to get some rest!”

 

Senku doesn’t listen. Instead he yells back, “No I don’t! My mind is awake and alert so I’m going to make the most of it!”

 

In reality, Senku is very much not alert. If anything, he is lethargic and tired. On a normal day, he wouldn’t have bothered to argue with the mentalist, however, his brain was not functioning due to the lack of sleep. Thus, he continues to make bad decisions, which only further proves Gen’s point.

 

“At least take a break!” the blue-eyed boy insists.

 

Senku looks back to his laptop, tuning out the other boy’s voice entirely. Gen is livid. As he opens his mouth to yell once more, his hand, which he is using to make gestures, sways over the objects on the table and knocks over the steaming mug of coffee he placed just a minute ago. The liquid spills over Senku’s laptop as if in slow motion, staining the keyboard and sliding through the spaces between the keys. While Senku’s head jerks up, Gen stares in horror.

 

“S-Senku-chan, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to-” Senku cuts him off.

 

“You.” He whispers, his eyes practically bulging out of their sockets. “You FUCKING IDIOT! DO YOU SEE WHAT YOU’VE DONE?”

 

Gen gently places a hand on the boy’s shoulder, trying to calm him down. Senku aggressively shakes it off and pushes Gen away. He stumbles backwards, his shoulder blade slamming into the wall.

 

For a moment, Senku feels guilt, but it is quickly washed away with a flood of rage. He gives Gen a nasty glare. 

 

“Go.” he yells. “FUCKING LEAVE! I DON’T WANT TO SEE YOU!”

 

That’s a lie- don’t go, Gen, A tiny voice in him whispers, but his current mindset speaks louder. No. It’s not. Leave.

 

Gen shakes, bringing himself to his feet. He suppresses tears.

 

Fine! I’ll go! You won’t survive a day without me! Gen is tempted to say out loud, but he’s smarter than that. Senku’s words echo in his head.

 

Go. FUCKING LEAVE. For a moment, Gen wants to leave. He wants to go and come back and see Senku fall into a mess and realize that he needs him. But seeing that would stab his heart harder than Senku’s words.

 

“No!” he yells back. “I’m not going to leave!”

 

So instead of slamming the front door like he would’ve, he goes upstairs and shuts their master bedroom’s door.

 

He just needs time and space, Gen tells himself. He scowls. No, he needs sleep . If only he’d realize that!

 

And Senku does realize it. Just, a little too late .



-------------------



That laptop had everything on it! My notes, all my pdfs, research papers, you name it! 

 

Senku would be pacing to relieve the awfulness bubbling inside him, but his body is so fatigued that he hasn’t moved an inch from where he was standing when he pushed Gen. 

 

That dumb fuck Mentalist..

 

Senku finally lets himself fall on the couch in the living room. He lies there until sleep finally takes him away, leaving the hideous thoughts in his mind behind.



-------------------



The next morning, Gen comes downstairs to make himself breakfast. He’s woken up way later than usual, but he still hasn’t gotten much sleep. Though he doesn’t want to (and has given up on getting any more rest) and chooses to boil himself coffee to make up for it. 

 

Senku must still be sleeping, I bet.

 

And- he’s correct. The spiky-haired boy is laying sideways on the couch in a position that implies he’s been shivering. Gen doesn’t blame him- the weather is only getting colder these days. Senku opens his eyes, groaning and twitching. When he finally gets up from the couch, he pauses the second he sees Gen’s face.

 

Pfft- looks like he didn’t get any sleep either. Gen chuckles mockingly, picking up a glass kettle from the stovetop. 

 

Senku enters the kitchen, averting his eyes from the taller boy’s face to the kettle.

 

He didn’t get any sleep either, and I’m guessing that’s what the coffee is for..Wait-

 

“Gen, no, you can’t have coffee!” Senku lunges towards him, grabbing the kettle.

 

“S-Senku, what the hell!” The blue-eyed boy yells, reaching to take it back.

 

Unfortunately, Senku moves away too quickly, causing the black liquid to spill from the container onto his hands. He winces in pain and his head goes dizzy as the kettle shatters to the ground.

 

“Are you okay?” Gen questions frantically, checking Senku’s hands. “Wait here, I’ll get the first aid kit-”

 

Gen runs upstairs. Even while Senku is standing there, unsure of what in the world just happened to him, he realizes how much Gen actually cares for him, despite the current circumstances. When Gen finally comes back down, he immediately sits the younger boy down and soaks his hands in a bowl of cold water. As he washes the back of his palms, Senku begins to form words, but Gen puts a finger on his lips before he can utter a word.

 

The hell is wrong with me? He thinks, looking at the ground. And why the heck is Gen helping me? After what I said-

 

His thoughts are cut by Gen, who gives him a look as if he’s read his mind.

 

“Yeah~ We can talk about that later.”

 

Senku shudders. A professional, through and through, huh.

 

Gen dries Senku’s hands and applies an ointment, then wraps them in gauze. Once he’s done, he looks into the boy’s eyes, which are outlined by eyebags just darker than his own.

 

“How about you get some rest, hmn~” Gen says this in a way that doesn’t let Senku argue with him, though he doesn’t plan to anyways. Instead, he keeps staring at the dark hardwood floors and mutters under his breath.

 

“Y-yeah.”



-------------------



When Senku wakes up again, it's already around 5:00 pm, meaning, he still has hours before he can call it ‘a day’. He doesn’t want to go back to sleep, but he surely doesn’t want to make use of this time, considering all his work and research is currently inaccessible.

 

I guess I could watch TV..or eat lunch . His stomach grumbles.

 

He goes to the kitchen to fix himself a meal.

 

I don’t even know how to cook..

 

It isn’t to say that he’s never made a meal before, it’s that he’s never made one successfully . Everything he’s prepared either turned out burnt, raw, or just plain disgusting. Senku sighs. He feels stupid thinking about just how much he relies on Gen on a daily basis. 

 

I literally can’t live without him, huh.

 

Even so, he can’t bring himself to face Gen. He feels bad but he isn’t over the fact that he’d ruined what feels like his whole life’s work . It was a trivial thought, but he just needs more time.

 

Gen’s food was so much better than this.

 

Senku looks down at his burnt eggshell-filled ‘sunny side up’. The yolk is broken and the egg whites are black on the edges and little shards of shell are sticking up from all over. It tastes just as gross as it looks, he realizes. His fingers burn as he takes another bite.



-------------------



After helping Senku out, Gen decides not to stay home for the day. Instead, he goes over to the nearest restaurant with a breakfast menu and orders out. He would have loved to make his own meal in his own kitchen, but there’d be a whole lot that would accompany him- things he doesn’t want right now. Namely, his mess of a boyfriend, and the last person he wants to think about at this moment.

 

Let’s just..go shopping, I guess.  

 

Right now, Gen honestly doesn’t care what he does, as long as it doesn’t involve Senku. So he goes around and window shops, picks up a few things here and there. After a couple of hours, he comes out of a thrift shop with a handful of bags and stops in front of the movie theatre.

 

Hmn..Might as well~ He shrugs, walking in.

 

The movie sucks. Well, he doesn’t actually remember the plot, because the only thing he’s been thinking about is the conversation he had last night, replaying over and over in his mind.

 

‘You FUCKING IDIOT!’

 

Gen tries to pause the memory. Senku was tired- he wasn’t in his right mind. Gen knows that . But the words don’t hurt any less. This isn’t the man he knows- the one he fell in love with. The thought brings tears to his eyes.

 

‘DO YOU SEE WHAT YOU’VE DONE?’

 

He jerks himself back to reality and stares at the giant screen in front of him, forcing his mind to focus on the movie. In the end, his efforts are in vain, and Gen hurries back to the curb where he left his car.

 

-------------------



As Senku scrolls through another TikTok, he hears the front door open and the sound of keys clinking.

 

So he’s back..

 

Gen doesn’t wait before kicking off his boots and running back upstairs.

 

Eager to get away from me, huh?..I mean, I don’t blame him..

 

He turns off his phone and pulls out his earbuds. After eating his lousy excuse for a meal, he’s been bored as ever. He wanted to get out of the house and do something to get his mind away from his current stresses, but he was both too tired and too weak at the moment.

 

My hands are also practically useless right now..

 

So he had spent the entire day doing pretty much nothing at all. Sitting here on the couch scrolling through social media, flicking through channels on the TV, and other pointless activities makes Senku feel extremely restless, though sleeping is the last thing his body will let him do. In the midst of his thoughts, Gen comes back downstairs with a sheet of paper and a pen.

 

“Senku, come over here, will you?” The blue-eyed boy stands, leaning on the counter with a serious look.

 

“What’s that you’ve got there?” He gestures towards the sheet as he makes his way over.

 

“Your new bedtime routine. I knew you weren’t going to do anything about it, because you don’t care. I on the other hand do .” He thrusts his hand forward, “Take a look at it~”

 

Senku skims through the list. Drink a warm cup of milk, lavender scented essential oil and diffuser, he goes on before pausing. 

 

“In bed by 9:30!?” He looks up. “Gen, I’m not a ki-”

 

Gen doesn’t budge. “It’s already been decided. It’s 8:27 right now, so I suggest you wrap things up.” He glances over to the blaring TV, then back at the younger boy, and unfolds his arms. “I’ll be in bed either way. Good night.”

 

And with that, he’s gone. He doesn’t want to have to argue with his boyfriend about yet another sleep-related issue- he’s already screwed things up. But he most certainly is not going to go to bed so stupidly early. 

 

Well, on a regular night, at least. I don’t even care what I do tonight..

 

Senku falls back on the couch, and closes his eyes, but no matter how long he waits, sleep just doesn’t come to him. Tears come to his eyes. He wants to be with Gen, not on this stupid couch in this cursed living room. He wants to be upstairs with his boyfriend in his arms on their mattress in the master bedroom and fall asleep to the smell of Gen’s flowery scent.

 

I fucking messed up..

 

The tears don’t stop.



-------------------



Gen is practically in dreamland when he hears a knock on his door. He rubs his eyes and manages a weary ‘come in’ before he sees Senku standing in the door frame.

 

“Hey..” the younger boy starts.

 

“What is it?”

 

“I can’t sleep..” his voice cracks. “Gen, I’m so sorry. For the things I did, and what I said. I swear, I didn’t mean any of it.”

 

Gen’s heart tinges with pain. “Come here~”

 

He cups his face in his hands as Senku lies on the bed beside him.

 

“Senku-chan, it’s okay. You were so sleep-deprived, and I don’t blame you for what you did. That’s why I tried to get you to rest before something like this happened.” He wipes Senku’s tears with his thumb.

 

“Y-yeah.” the boy sniffles. “I won’t pull any more allnighters.”

 

“Promise?” 

 

“Yeah, promise.” Senku replies sincerely, placing a kiss on Gen’s forehead.

 

They lie there for a moment before Gen gathers his words again.

 

“Senku-chan..I’m so sorry about your laptop. I know you had everything on that, and I suppose it’s gone now.” He can’t get himself to look the spiky-haired boy in the eyes.

 

“It’s fine. I’ll get myself a new one, not a problem. And about all my files- well, science is based on trial and error, right? It’ll be alright, it’s not really gone anyways.”

 

He smiles, “I see~”

 

Gen wraps his arms around Senku’s waist and kisses his cheek.

 

“Are..we good now?” the boy asks sheepishly.

 

“Yeah~”

 

“So, can I do this now?” he brushes his lips against Gen’s.

 

The blue-eyed boy chuckles, pulling them in for another kiss as they break away. “Yeah~”

 

“I love you, Gen.” Senku squeezes Gen’s shoulder, bringing him closer to his chest.

 

“I love you too, Senku-chan~”

 

The two lie, embracing until they drift off.

Notes:

Behold~ The most Shittily written fanfic I have ever created! Yuh this is hella dumb just sayin, but if ya liked it, thats awesome and great and im glad.

Uh, thanks for reading, and I do really hope you liked it! If ya did, don't forget to leave a comment/kudos.

If ya wanna scream at me or be my friend, I have Instagram (@milly_a_5), Twitter (also @milly_a_5) and Tumblr (@millya5)

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