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English
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Published:
2021-01-03
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5,874
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1/1
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day in the life

Summary:

drumbeat your head in: i’m going back to the dorm don’t fucking @ me or i’ll leave instead of just muting

hardchord emo: the demon has gone. finally, peace

hardchord punk: i mean he didn’t straight-up leave so i guess he cares abt us too

g(uitar)-string: one (1) person in this groupchat express their emotions without being fucking weird challenge FAILED.

hardchord punk: does that count as an emotion?

hardcord emo: with bakugou one must take what they can get

259m yen piano: As Todoroki likes to say, ‘it’s the trauma.’

Notes:

this is a late christmas gift for the_ajl, who is an amazing friend and writer. they are a fan of bkg & hatsume friendship, and requested found family, friends/couples being Soft but also giving each other shit, and/or bkg & tokage (lizardy from class 1-b!!) and bkg & kouda friendships so ofc i decided all of the above was the way to go. i hope you enjoy, adam!
check the notes at the end for a list of who's dating who and a list of references!!

chat key, in order of appearance:
arcanine: bkg
raichu: kaminari

insomnyac: shinsou
katastrophe: bkg

i believe i can fly: bkg
subparkour: sero

cinnamon bagel: bkg
plain bagel: ojiro

two quirks for the low low price of lifelong trauma: tdrk
villain bait: bkg

alien queen: mina
king explosion murder: bkg

Bomb Squad:
Bomb Tech: bakugou masaru
Field Agent: bakugou mitsuki
The Bomg: bakugou katsuki

(unnatural) disaster squad:
government-approved lsd: camie
occluded front: tdrk
cheats at twister: inasa
backpack leash kid: bkg

join my boy(-boy-boy-girl-girl-shadow) band:
drumbeat your head in: bkg
259m yen piano: momo
g(uitar)-string: kaminari
hardchord punk: jirou
hardchord emo: tokoyami

polycule circus:
lion tamer: kiri
baton twirler: shinsou
trapeze artist: sero
contortionist: mina
knife thrower: jirou
hooper: kaminari
ringmaster: bkg

el-es-dee: camie
oui'd: bkg

caution sign: kouda
stop sign: bkg

bakusqua(sh)d:
red kuri: kiri
black futsu: tokoyami
sweet dumpling: mina
patty pan: kaminari
crookneck: sero
butternut: ojiro
buttercup: hagakure
acorn: shinsou
sugar pumpkin: hatsume
hubbard: bkg

firebar: bkg
piranha plant: kiri
toxic waste: mina

aizawa-sensei has 20 problems but mineta ain't one:
team umizoomi: iida
king dedede: bkg
i'm gonna be so good at hugging: shouji
dark kirby: shinsou
kirby: mina
keeby: kaminari
gravity b*ng: uraraka
spite cranberry: deku
wanted for international espionage: aoyama
women in stem: hagakure
enabler: kiri
if found return to bakugou: sero
rainbow connection: asui
splenda hate club: satou
present mic please shut up pl—: jirou

marty mcfly: bkg
lizard of oz: tokage

broccoli: deku
cauliflower: bkg

bambam: bkg
pebbles: kiri

candyland:
gramma nutt: tokage
mr. mint: tdrk
lord licorice: shinsou
queen frostine: kendou
king kandy: bkg
princess lolly: hatsume

high maintenance bf: bkg
tsundere gf: jirou

romance novel enthusiast: bkg
sent a cricket into orbit: uraraka

 

other social media:

Snapchat:
hatsumei: hatsume
skink: tokage
battery boy: kaminari
pinkdrink: mina
speederman: sero
bone smoothie: deku
midnight club: los angeles: iida

Instagram:
AllMightOfficial: All Might's pr account
hatsumei: hatsume
red_riot: kiri

Twitter:
Earphone Jack 🎵: jirou
camie-mile tea 🍵: camie

Twitch:
betterjeanist: an artist bkg follows who also does hero analysis

Spotify:
earphonejack: jirou

 

things i made up:
Boardgamer (essentially game pigeon)
Presscue Hero Daily (news)

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

12:00 AM
[EVENT]: morning training (recurring event)
5:15 AM–6:30 AM

[EVENT]: gig @ music festival
11:30 AM–12:40 PM

[EVENT]: movie night w/ mic & animal planet (recurring event)
3:00 PM–5:00 PM
(see 4 other events scheduled for today)


12:12 AM
Snapchat: New Snap from hatsumei!


2:38 AM
arcanine & raichu

raichu: Kacchan are you sleeping in Eiji’s room again? I’m nervous about the show. :(
raichu: I know you’re asleep but Eiji didn’t answer his phone and I don’t wanna wake anyone up by coming upstairs.
raichu: I’ll go cuddle with Hanta but just know that tomorrow night I will be invading your room for cuddles. 💛💛💛🔫


2:44 AM
Snapchat: New Snap from hatsumei!
Snapchat: New Snap from hatsumei!


3:13 AM
Boardgamer: Your move! Play Battleship with insomnyac.
Boardgamer: insomnyac requested a chess match!
Boardgamer: insomnyac wants to play mancala!


5:00 AM
[ALARM]: get

5:01 AM
[ALARM]: the

5:02 AM
[ALARM]: fuck

5:03 AM
[ALARM]: up
(see 11 upcoming alarms)


5:09 AM
insomnyac & katastrophe

katastrophe: you’d better be asleep right now
katastrophe: denki was up late too, you should take a nap with him later


5:10 AM
arcanine & raichu

arcanine: you’re on nap detail with hitoshi this afternoon
arcanine: you get one shot at sleeping with me tonight. if you blow it i’m kicking you out


5:12 AM
insomnyac & katastrophe

insomnyac: what would you say if perchance i were not asleep

katastrophe: i would say go to fucking bed

insomnyac: play 8ball withme

katastrophe: no
katastrophe: don’t make me sic ei on your flat ass

insomnyac: you are so fcukin mean nd nasty
insomnyac: do it again

katastrophe: sleep, hitoshi

insomnyac: consider: my brain is incapable of producing sleepytime chemicals

katastrophe: consider: you become unconscious when my fist encounters your face

insomnyac: ill take it
insomnyac: thx loverboy

katastrophe: you know what, i’m getting tails to deal with this

insomnyac: noooooo dont wake him up :(
insomnyac: KAT


5:14 AM
i believe i can fly & subparkour

i believe i can fly: for the love of god make sure hitoshi and denki take a nap today, i don’t care if you have to tape them to the goddamn bed


5:15 AM
Spotify: Now playing songs to commit arson to.


6:11 AM
cinnamon bagel & plain bagel

plain bagel: The Baby has been Put Down

cinnamon bagel: i always knew you weren’t as big of a goody two shoes as you look

plain bagel: Only one of us has tried to dropkick a child recently and it wasn’t me

cinnamon bagel: ‘tried’
cinnamon bagel: hanta is enforcing a nap later but he’s a fucking beanpole so he might need you to interfere

plain bagel: Appreciate the heads-up. You’re a good boyfriend, dude

cinnamon bagel: 🔪

plain bagel: Still glad I’m not dating your frumpy ass ✨😌


8:17 AM
two quirks for the low low price of lifelong trauma & villain bait

two quirks for the low low price of lifelong trauma: Good luck today, please refrain from getting kidnapped a second time if at all possible

villain bait: literally why are you awake

two quirks for the low low price of lifelong trauma: To bother you, specifically

villain bait: you have two quirks: daddy issues and mommy issues
villain bait: neither will keep me from ripping your nerves out if you keep talking

two quirks for the low low price of lifelong trauma: Hm. Youre testy today
two quirks for the low low price of lifelong trauma: Are you feeling nervous

villain bait: i’m feeling murderous actually

two quirks for the low low price of lifelong trauma: You have nothing to fear, bakugou. When you get captured again i will be sure to lead a second rescue mission to retrieve you

villain bait: i see you saying ‘when’ and, for the sake of my blood pressure, i am choosing to ignore it

two quirks for the low low price of lifelong trauma: Ah, my mistake
two quirks for the low low price of lifelong trauma: I assumed you were unaware that anyone within a two km radius can follow the stench of burnt sugar directly to you, but i see it was actually an attempt to make yourself appear less disgusting
two quirks for the low low price of lifelong trauma: I amend my statement: good effort, you’ll get it next time

villain bait: one day i’m going to pull out every single one of your eyelashes and then blow dirt directly into your face

two quirks for the low low price of lifelong trauma: Dont you have low blood pressure anyways

villain bait: jesus fuck, you know i do

two quirks for the low low price of lifelong trauma: You think jesus fucked? Interesting theory

Mute two quirks for the low low price of lifelong trauma?
This user has been muted for eight hours! (Undo)


9:01 AM
alien queen & king explosion murder

alien queen: i hope you appreciate how early i’m getting up to do my makeup today, a sunday, the day of rest and No School

king explosion murder: i didn’t ask you to do that

alien queen: well!! i’m going to!! i want to be pretty in the photos we take later

king explosion murder: you don’t need to spend two fucking hours getting ready to do that
king explosion murder: i swear, none of you fuckheads have a decent sleep schedule. nine isn’t even that early but you’re gonna be cranky as fuck later

alien queen: so sweet 💞 and at least we’ll match!

king explosion murder: 🔪

alien queen: sweet thing i’m gonna look so good it’ll rock your world

king explosion murder: as if i’d expect anything else


9:10 AM
Bomb Squad

Field Agent: Hey brat, we’re crashing your gig.

The Bomb: don’t

Bomb Tech: Too late, bud. We’re already on the train.

The Bomb: the fuck, it doesn’t start until 11:30

Field Agent: We’re having a little date! I want to spoil my husband before I have to go see my punkass kid in the flesh.

The Bomb: gross

Bomb Tech: Katsuki you have six significant others.

The Bomb: they’re idiots, not gross

Field Agent: That’s a lie, you kids are mushy as hell. Don’t embarrass us up there if you start thinking about Kyoka-chan or Denki-kun. ❤️

The Bomb: that’s not going to happen hag

Field Agent: Maybe not, but now you’ll be thinking about it all day.

The Bomb: fuck you

Field Agent: Watch it, brat.

Bomb Tech: We’re getting off the train now. Good luck today, Katsuki. Call us if you need anything.

The Bomb: yeah yeah, have a nice date or whatever


9:32 AM
arcanine & raichu

raichu: 👀

arcanine: thin ice

raichu: oop.


9:39 AM
Snapchat: New Snap from skink!


10:00 AM
Instagram: new posts by AllMightOfficial, hatsumei, and 6 more!


10:36 AM
(unnatural) disaster squad

government-approved lsd: yo @backpack leash kid fuck it up today bitch!!!!!!!!!!!

occluded front: Isnt the point to perform well so that people will give them money

cheats at twister: Your charitable spirit is admirable! Attempt not to look too much like your usual self, or you may frighten off donors

occluded front: Also bakugou unmute me

backpack leash kid: no

Mute (unnatural) disaster squad?
This chat has been muted for eight hours! (Undo)


11:16 AM
join my emo boy(-boy-boy-girl-girl-shadow) band

drumbeat your head in: i want it to be known that i don’t fucking want to be here

259m yen piano: We know, Bakugou.
259m yen piano: You haven’t stopped complaining since we left the dorm.

g(uitar)-string: that’s Yaoyorozu for ‘stop bitching already,’ Kacchan.

hardchord punk: kaminari’s persistent lack of fear is almost inspiring sometimes

hardchord emo: i will recite passages of my immortal over his descending coffin, as he would have wanted

hardchord punk: what, you’re just gonna. get up there and meme it out?
hardchord punk: deliver his eulogy to his bewildered parents?

hardchord emo: if i must

g(uitar)-string: damn Tokoyami’s really going to look my parents in the eye and quote Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way, huh.
g(uitar)-string: I don’t think they even know which one of my classmates you are, dude.

259m yen piano: Why do they need to ask who Tokoyami is? It’s not like we have more than one person with a bird-mutation in class.

g(uitar)-string: idk Momo I talk a lot and I expect people to zone out at some point.

hardchord emo: i am prepared for this scenario
hardchord emo: i will introduce myself thusly: Lizzen I’m in a goth band wif those guys. Were playing 2nite at da Marylin Mason show as back-up
hardchord emo: then i will throw a handful of gravedirt into the hole and commence the funeral dirge

hardchord punk: i mean that’s all the explanation they need
hardchord punk: @g(uitar)-string idk Momo I talk a lot and I expect people to zone out at some point.
if i knew somebody who talked a lot i would simply listen to what they had to say bc i care abt them. rip to ur parents but i’m different

259m yen piano: Kyouka that’s most of our class.

hardchord punk: yes.

259m yen piano: Ah.

g(uitar)-string: the only time Jirou admits that she cares about me is when she’s roasting other people.
g(uitar)-string: but! I care her.

259m yen piano: I also care her.

hardchord emo: her presence soothes the disgruntled screams of the damned souls trapped within me

hardchord punk: ldksjfslsfjkl

drumbeat your head in: oh my god can you shut the fuck up with the soft shit we’re about to go on stage
drumbeat your head in: don’t fuck up the performance or i’ll kill you

259m yen piano: A bit hypocritical of you, Bakugou, but I suppose we can continue this discussion at a later time.

g(uitar)-string: that’s his way of saying he wants us to do well.

hardchord punk: not if i have anything to say abt it mo

g(uitar)-string: you don’t! :)

hardchord punk: h

drumbeat your head in: the next person to send a message before our set finishes gets their phone blown to hell


11:25 AM
Twitter: Earphone Jack 🎵 tweeted: we’re going live in five! thanks again to everyone tuning in. the charity event is going on until eight; check my last retweet for links to the livestream and the charities supported by today’s performances!


11:27 AM
polycule circus

lion tamer: @ringmaster @knife thrower @hooper Good luck today guys! <3

baton twirler: i dont think theyre on their phones rn ki
baton twirler: p sure kat confiscates them before they go on stage or smth

lion tamer: I don’t care i want them to know i love and support them!!!

trapeze artist: i think they know bro

lion tamer: Well i want to be sure!!!

baton twirler: ki they know trust me

contortionist: they know but we wanna express our love anyways!!!!! it’s what they deserve
contortionist: @knife thrower you’re gonna kill it girl you’re the best musician in this hell school @hooper good lucky bby i know you’re nervous about breaking another string or overloading the amp but try and relax, it’s all gonna be okay! @ringmaster don’t be a bitch baby you can afford to keep buying new drumsticks but i know you have more self control than that

trapeze artist: mina is that you calling baku a bitch baby or telling him not to be a bitch, baby

baton twirler: yes

contortionist: yes

trapeze artist: alright keep your secrets

contortionist: i will 💞

baton twirler: i think theyrhebfjfnkfl

lion tamer: Everyone shut up they’re coming out and they look MANLY AS HELL

baton twirler: ki did you have to pUNCH ME

trapeze artist: f in the chat for toshi drawing the short straw and sitting on kiri’s left

contortionist: f


11:31 AM
Snapchat: battery boy, pinkdrink, and speederman added to their stories!


12:15 PM
el-es-dee & oui’d

el-es-dee: hey whore, bangin eyeliner
el-es-dee: i told u the v neck was a good choice. now if only u’d wear jeans that actually fit


12:43 PM
polycule circus

knife thrower: f

hooper: f!

ringmaster: wimp
ringmaster: @lion tamer stop bruising our boyfriend he’s an anemic loser

baton twirler: im not anemic

trapeze artist: but you are a loser?

knife thrower: @trapeze artist but you are a loser?
yea

lion tamer: Sorry baby!!!!

baton thrower: @knife thrower yea
next time i wake up im choosing violence

ringmaster: yes you are aizawa ratted you out

baton twirler: it appears i have once again become an orphan
baton twirler: oh to have a father figure that wont forsake me,,,

contortionist: he just cares about you enough to use katsuki’s mother henning against you

knife thrower: it’s his most powerful weapon

trapeze artist: aizawa’s most powerful weapon or baku’s

baton twirler: yes

knife thrower: yes

trapeze artist: gotdam

hooper: I love it when I’m not the one being oppressed. 💛

trapeze artist: 😔


12:56 PM
join my boy(-boy-boy-girl-girl-shadow) band

drumbeat your head in: as sad as it is, i’m impressed that you fuckers managed it

hardchord punk: it’s okay bakugou u can tell us we did a good job

g(uitar)-string: we did better than ‘okay,’ Jirou!!!

259m yen piano: I think we performed admirably!

drumbeat your head in: i meant not texting this shitty groupchat again, fucker
drumbeat your head in: i’m going back to the dorm don’t fucking @ me or i’ll leave instead of just muting

hardchord emo: the demon has gone. finally, peace

hardchord punk: i mean he didn’t straight-up leave so i guess he cares abt us too

g(uitar)-string: one (1) person in this groupchat express their emotions without being fucking weird challenge FAILED.

hardchord punk: does that count as an emotion?

hardcord emo: with bakugou one must take what they can get

259m yen piano: As Todoroki likes to say, ‘it’s the trauma.’


1:17 PM
Instagram: red_riot tagged you in a post!


1:20 PM
el-es-dee & oui’d

oui’d: no you fucking didn’t, all you did was complain because i wouldn’t agree to go shirtless

el-es-dee: and then i told u to show off ur tits
el-es-dee: and ur ass but i admit that was wishful thinking on my part

oui’d: if i agree to do your makeup for your next date will you promise to shut the fuck up about my ass

el-es-dee: lmao do my hair too

oui’d: fine

el-es-dee: u’ve got urself a deal bakuboy
el-es-dee: u didn’t say anything abt ur boobs tho that’s still fair game

Block el-es-dee? Messages from this user will no longer be visible.
This user has been blocked! (Undo)


1:26 PM
Twitter: camie-mile tea 🍵: bitch


1:30 PM
i believe i can fly & subparkour

subparkour: ojiro has been deployed, naptime is underway

i believe i can fly: every day i am grateful that i have at least one partner with an ounce of sense

subparkour: you mean common sense??

i believe i can fly: no i would never lie to your face and say you have common sense
i believe i can fly: just look at what you did to the blender
i believe i can fly: or the fucking ceiling fan

subparkour: and yet i’m still the least disastrous person in this relationship 😔🤙

i believe i can fly: get fucked

subparkour: not by your ace ass 💛🤍🧡

i believe i can fly: .


2:24 PM
caution sign & stop sign

stop sign: hey rock candy are we still on for tonight

caution sign: 👍

stop sign: cool
stop sign: tell mic if he makes us wait for him to get his takeout again i’ll spit in his food

caution sign: gross, bakugou.

stop sign: tell him i’ll let a bug loose in the common room during the movie

caution sign: :/

stop sign: stop judging me i’m not gonna do it
stop sign: i just wanna see him squirm

caution sign: :/

stop sign: 🖕


3:00 PM
bakusqua(sh)d

red kuri: Has anyone seen bakugou

black futsu: i have truly been blessed this day, and have not yet encountered Him since He departed the performance grounds

sweet dumpling: lmao doesn’t he have his weekly movie night with kouda and mic-sensei on wednesdays
sweet dumpling: well, movie ‘nights’ since bakubabe likes to sleep early

red kuri: It’s tuesday though?

patty pan: oh, Kiri.

red kuri: Wait fuck is it not tuesday

patty pan: it’s Wednesday my dude.

crookneck: (aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaugh)

patty pan: thanks, babe.

crookneck: 💛

butternut: @black futsu i have truly been blessed this day, and have not yet encountered Him since he departed the performance grounds
Wait why are you capitalizing like Bakugou’s God

red kuri: Guys stop flirting i’m having a crisis :(

black futsu: He is a being of great power and it would not do to ignore His demonic status
black futsu: also it’s fun

buttercup: Kiri I thought you already figured out you liked boys

red kuri: Slkfjslflsfjs hagakure Shut

sweet dumpling: what’s your crisis kiri

red kuri: Who am i gonna work out with if bakugou is busy :(

patty pan: you’re such a gym rat, oh my God.

crookneck: i admire your devotion but there’s no way in hell you could convince me to work out today after aizawa put us through the wringer like that yesterday

acorn: i come into the chat expecting some sort of fuckery and what do i get instead?? exercise
acorn: disgusting

crookneck: shinsou rlly showed up just to shit on kiri’s whole life smh

acorn: it’s what i do
acorn: acorn squash: mild flavor, great for roasting
acorn: thanku melanie fincher whoever the fuck u are

red kuri: :( mina?

sweet dumpling: ei you are the light of my life

red kuri: :D

sweet dumpling: no.

red kuri: D:

buttercup: i’ll go to the gym with you Kiri!

red kuri: WHAT REALLY

buttercup: yeah! i wanna get buff.

crookneck: you took what bakugou said to heart huh

buttercup: well he was right! if i’m not strong enough to take on my opponents in close combat i’m not using my quirk to its full potential!
buttercup: he was still kinda a bitch about the delivery though @hubbard :p

crookneck: oh he’s gonna be pissed when he reads this

buttercup: what’s he gonna do, beat me up? i’ll just take my clothes off to repel his gay gremlin hands.

sweet dumpling: HFKDHSKDBDKD TOORU DONOT DO THAT

patty pan: no no, let her speak.

crookneck: would that even work???
crookneck: @red kuri what’s your Official Ruling as the authority on all things bakugou

acorn: i mean itd work on me

red kuri: It’s not manly to gossip about your friends :/

sweet dumpling: but?

red kuri: No buts i would nvr betray his confidence like that


3:32 PM
firebar, piranha plant, toxic waste

piranha plant: He likes winning sm i think he could overcome the terror of touching a woman’s naked body

toxic waste: VBKDSHKDDBSIDBDK EIJI

piranha plant: It’s not gossip if he’s included
piranha plant: You saw nothing

toxic waste: ofc <3

piranha plant: <3


3:34 PM
bakusqua(sh)d

sweet dumpling: i’m calling it, he prioritizes winning over dick

red kuri: M INA

crookneck: compelling argument i will take it under advisement

patty pan: @sweet dumpling i’m calling it, he prioritizes winning over dick
there’s no dick-getting in this scenario?

sweet dumpling: not w that attitude kami!!!!!

red kuri: WHAT ARE YOU GETTING ADVICE ON

crookneck: i’m calculating hagakure’s chances of survival, obviously

buttercup: what do i have to lose, it’s not like anyone can see me naked!!!!

crookneck: your life???

acorn: ive seen it and im not impressed theres not much to lose there

sweet dumpling: your dignity

buttercup: too unrealistic, next!

red kuri: your self respect

buttercup: Kiri i said be more realistic, not less.

red kuri: :(


3:48 PM
caution sign & stop sign

caution sign: >:/

stop sign: he was warned
stop sign: what did you want me to do, not keep my word

caution sign: yes.

stop sign: that’s on you for being unrealistically optimistic

caution sign: i can’t stand you, actually.

stop sign: sucks


3:49 PM
Snapchat: bone smoothie replayed your Snap!
Snapchat: New Snap from bone smoothie!


3:51 PM
Snapchat: midnight club: los angeles is typing…
Snapchat: New Snap from midnight club: los angeles!
Snapchat: New Snap from midnight club: los angeles!
Snapchat: New Snap from midnight club: los angeles!


4:26 PM
bakusqua(sh)d

sugar pumpkin: @buttercup well he was right! if i’m not strong enough to take on my opponents in close combat i’m not using my quirk to its full potential!
if you’d take on one of my babies already your potential could be maxed out in ten seconds!!

butternut: Oh chat cryptid spotted

sugar pumpkin: like you can talk!!!!!! you barely talk more than i do and usually it’s because [redacted] is here you sappy, pining motherfucker
sugar pumpkin: besides, some of us have to hone their skills outside of class to keep up with supply & demand!!! i’m a busy woman, ojiro. time is money

butternut: At least my cr*sh on [redacted] doesn’t render me inoperable when in the same gc as them. You’re not even in the same room

acorn: and yet,

butternut: And yet.

patty pan: why are you censoring yourselves? we all know what you’re talking about.

buttercup: NO we do NOT !!
buttercup: i’m on the edge of my seat

sugar pumpkin: aHAH get ready to fall on the floor hten because i will not be divulging this information!!!!
sugar pumpkin: and if any of you :) decide to get cheeky :) i will set my newest baby to kill mode and let her wreak havoc on you and those you hold dear
sugar pumpkin: especially you, bitchboy

butternut: Chill. We like the same person, I’m not going to expose myself just to mess with you

buttercup: the plot thickens 👀

butternut: Fuck

sweet dumpling: hA

crookneck: this is kind of painful to watch

patty pan: yeah, but I’m intrigued.

sugar pumpkin: okay i am leaving to work on my babies, none of you fuck shit up while i’m gone

patty pan: and will that be for two weeks or three, because I don’t know if we can hold ourselves back for that long.

sugar pumpkin: it’s for however long i feel the need to keep my silence, denki.

patty pan: oof.

crookneck: a full stop from hatsume,,

sweet dumpling: boy you better run

patty pan: Goodbye I am gone.


4:35 PM
team umizoomi mentioned you in ‘aizawa-sensei has 20 problems but mineta ain’t one’! Unmute chat?


4:36 PM
aizawa-sensei has 20 problems but mineta ain’t one

team umizoomi: @king dedede You have not read my other messages so I will address this here as well. Please refrain from posting videos of Present Mic encountering insects, it is highly disrespectful!

team umizoomi changed the chat name to ‘Class 2-A’!

team umizoomi: Also, the next person to change the group name is getting put down for a nap.

i’m gonna be so good at hugging: a nap?

dark kirby: iida please i crave sleep

kirby: then why do you give katsu and ojiro such a hard time every night hitoshi??

keeby changed the chat name to ‘taking the class out of class 2-A’!

team umizoomi: Dirt nap.

i’m gonna be so good at hugging: ah,

dark kirby: even better !
dark kirby: @kirby then why do you give katsu and ojiro such a hard time every night hitoshi??
bc i wnt to and its funnie

team umizoomi: Kaminari. :)

keeby: hm. don’t like that.

team umizoomi: :)

keeby: HM. DON’T LIKE THAT.

king dedede: chill i asked him before i posted it

gravity b*ng: dramatic irony

king dedede: stfu the only dramatic thing here is you

gravity b*ng: musty bitch

king dedede: muppet fucker

keeby: coming back from the dead to say you didn’t even use the right term; dramatic irony necessitates the audience being aware of things the characters are not and Kacchan definitely knows he’s dramatic.

spite cranberry: we get it you read shakespeare for pleasure

keeby: thy tongue outvenoms all the worms of the Nile, Midoriya.

wanted for international espionage: kaminari was resurrected only to be slain by midoriya seconds later, quelle horreur!
wanted for international espionage: that wasn’t very twinkling of you mon ami

spite cranberry: my brain broke trying to read that bc. words bad

wanted for international espionage: perhaps if you weren’t writing posts for your hero analysis blog at three am you wouldn’t be having these problems 💅✨

spite cranberry: hhow do you know that,,,

wanted for international espionage: idk tumblr user all-mightier, how do i know that

spite cranberry: :x

women in stem: ominous, aoyama! moving on,
women in stem: @kirby then why do you give katsu and ojiro such a hard time hitoshi??
I didn’t know you and shinsou were close Mina :0

kirby: we have the same boyfriends it would be weirder if we weren’t

dark kirby: minas lap is good for napping
dark kirby: who else am i going to talk abt my boyfriends with

enabler: Jirou

keeby: aww you talk about us!

dark kirby: yea talk shit

if found return to bakugou: oh we’re back to oppressing denki? i love this song

rainbow connection: They make milkshakes in the kitchen and complain, then leave their dishes in the sink

splenda hate club: THATS YOU GUYS???
splenda hate club: PLEASE
splenda hate club: THE  A N T S

dark kirby: oop

kirby: sorry satou :(

i’m gonna be so good at hugging: @present mic please shut up pl— and what do you have to say for yourself, Jirou?

present mic please shut up pl—: what’s happening
present mic please shut up pl—: oh
present mic please shut up pl—: i’m sorry for leaving a mess but i am very lazy and you should know i am most likely going to do it again

splenda hate club: jirou please :(

present mic please shut up pl—: h
present mic please shut up pl—: i will. try

rainbow connection: Just get Bakugou to deal with it, it’s the most effective way to handle them

enabler: We dont need to be handled

rainbow connection: Yes you do.

if found return to bakugou: yes we do

i’m gonna be so good at hugging: yes, you do.

women in stem: yes you do!

enabler: :/

splenda hate club: hagakure i’m sorry but what the fresh fuck is your username right now, i know you’re not into stem why is that your name

gravity b*ng: the fuck word :o

present mic please shut up pl—: you called bakugou a musty bitch ten minutes ago

gravity b*ng: i sure did :)

women in stem: like women in stem, i too am invisible

kirby: tooru have i ever told you how much i love you

women in stem: yes! but tell me again anyways

kirby: I Love You So Much

women in stem: i love you so much too!!!

if found return to bakugou: need me a freak like that

enabler: I love you !!!! <3

kirby: we’re already dating you have six freaks like that

if found return to bakugou: 💛

dark kirby: perish


4:59 PM
bakusqua(sh)d

hubbard: shitdick i told you not to @ me

patty pan: and yet you’re still here

hubbard: 🔪

sweet dumpling: 👀

hubbard: casper i’m not a bitch i’m the bitch

sweet dumpling: slkfjdlkja

crookneck: that’s. that’s all you’re gonna comment on
crookneck: nothing else

hubbard: if i dignify your dumb asses with a response it’ll encourage you to do more stupid shit
hubbard: you don’t let your dogs eat your food off the table one time and hope they got it all out of their systems they’re just gonna keep getting up there no matter how many times you tell them not to

sweet dumpling: if bakugou is The bitch and we’re his dogs does that make us his bitches
sweet dumpling: bc if so i have some constructive criticism

hubbard: don’t care

sweet dumpling: it fucking sucks

buttercup: that;s not constructive criticism Mina

crookneck: i think he went offline

patty pan: Kacchan this is why we call you a bitch.

buttercup: we’re all bitches here that’s what makes it fun!

crookneck: is it
crookneck: i think that’s just what makes aizawa wish one of us would just knock him unconscious already

buttercup: and i just think that’s fun :D


6:05 PM
marty mcfly & lizard of oz

lizard of oz: the only bad thing about not being in ur class and not having to see your ugly fuckn mug every day is that i cant ask to copy ur homework
lizard of oz: think vlad senseis actually tryin gto kill us

marty mcfly: i’m going to scream into a jar and throw it through your fucking window

lizard of oz: hav fun on house arrest again blastyboy

marty mcfly: fuck you

lizard of oz: bkggggg :(
lizard of oz: help me with my hw
lizard of oz: pls

marty mcfly: fuck no

lizard of oz: :(

marty mcfly: 🖕

lizard of oz: when u find my middle finger underneath ur pillow at night,, then u will learn

marty mcfly: my hearing aids are off, my eyes are closed, i’m not learning SHIT

lizard of oz: ur delusions grow stronger evry day
lizard of oz: ur SO fckng disrespectful n for HWAT ur note ven cute!!!!!!!

marty mcfly: can’t hear you over the sounds of my six partners bothering me

lizard of oz: im gonna boil ur gotdam bones


6:34 PM
Presscue Hero Daily: Damage reports on the latest battle in downtown Kyoto indicate a 27% increase in expenses from this time last year. Is more preventative legislation necessary?


6:40 PM
broccoli & cauliflower

cauliflower: come get your dad he’s coughing up blood in the common room
cauliflower: it’s scaring ei and jirou

broccoli: 😔 you call a man yr dad One Time while hopped up on the Good Drugs and you never hear the end of it.
broccoli: ill be right there.


7:02 PM
bambam & pebbles

pebbles: Look at this tiktok!! https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMJtF9Aqk/

bambam: hm. fluffy
bambam: 10/10

pebbles: You can’t rate every dog 10/10

bambam: you’re right
bambam: this one is 11/10

pebbles: You’re so cute

bambam: 🔪

pebbles: I’m immune to knifes actually

bambam: ✂️ i’ll come for your shitty hair in your sleep

pebbles: I will throw you like a frisbee

bambam: that’s not even threatening. you suck at frisbee

pebbles: No i don’t!!!

bambam: yes you do

pebbles: Yes i do 😔


7:31 PM
candyland

gramma nutt: h ey
gramma nutt: why is the ocean so fuckign scary

mr. mint: The ocean contains all the secrets the government hides from the public
mr. mint: The truth is scary

lord licorice: whales are big as fuck bc they eat the secrets

queen frostine: No,

princess lolly: makes sense to me!!!!!!!!!!!! corporations are full of secrets you know!!!!!!

gramma nutt: tru

queen frostine: No!

king kandy: the ocean is scary because you’re a coward, next question

queen frostine: Corporations have nothing to do with the government, Mei.

mr. mint: Thats what they want you to think

princess lolly: tell that to all the government officials paid off by big businesses itsu!!!!!

lord licorice: idk whats more surprising, that hatsume is super active in this gc or that bkg bothers to reply at all

princess lolly: of course i participate it’s important to listen to your consumers’ feedback!!!!

gramma nutt: none f us buy things from u mei

queen frostine: Bakugou and Shinsou get some of their gear custom-made from Mei instead of outsourcing to a support company.

princess lolly: that’s right!!! katsu and toshi are the proud step-parents of some of my most precious babies 💗!!!!!!!

king kandy: we’re not married fucknuts

lord licorice: im gay

princess lolly: my two loving husbands 💗!!!!!

king kandy: i’m bi but i have standards

princess lolly: my two loving husbands 💗!!!!!

gramma nutt: everyone shutup i wanna talk about whales
gramma nutt: whales sleeping vertically
gramma nutt: why do they sleep like that!!!

king kandy: they look like bombs

queen frostine: Wh

lord licorice: oh u mean like the abandoned naval mines from nemo
lord licorice: naval mines in Finding Nemo

mr. mint: Maybe they are the bombs

queen frostine: @lord licorice oh u mean like the abandoned naval mines from nemo
The way you wrote this makes it sound like Nemo himself left a bunch of mines around the ocean floor.

mr. mint: Maybe he did

king kandy: hey peppermint dick i know making conspiracy theories is your long-lost third personality trait but can you fucking stop

mr. mint: No ❤️

queen frostine: Whales are so big, what the hell!!! That’s Terrifying Scoob!!!
queen frostine: Something that big has no business existing on the same planet as me.

gramma nutt: they are SO BIG and for WHAT???? to target me specifically and keep me awake at night???

princess lolly: it’s because the ocean is big

gramma nutt: well mayb the ocean should shrink tthen didu ever think abt that

lord licorice: funnily enough i hadnt tokage

gramma nutt: mAYBE YOU SHOULD !!

king kandy: you are all so stupid

mr. mint: You fit right in :)

king kandy: 🔪


8:15 PM
Twitch: betterjeanist is Live: watch me draw while i rank the top ten heroes i would dropkick.


8:33 PM
high maintenance bf & tsundere gf

high maintenance bf: https://open.spotify.com/track/7pEGM6phhCcPXx0muMqFWW?si=e1h1bQCtSX2oF0WaGqXXbw

tsundere gf: https://open.spotify.com/track/5io5w3uHAYTw74Sr8oHVEL?si=HZjdMbFsTjiqDCPu6Y6zgQ
tsundere gf: goodnight katsuki

high maintenance bf: try to get those assholes to go to bed early
high maintenance bf: make sure you get enough rest

tsundere gf: denki is with you tonight right?

high maintenance bf: yeah

tsundere gf: do you want me to check in on The Purple One when i go see the others

high maintenance bf: do whatever you want

tsundere gf: taking that as a yes

high maintenance bf: whatever. goodnight kyouka

tsundere gf: 💤💜


8:50 PM
romance novel enthusiast & sent a cricket into orbit

sent a cricket into orbit: 🖕

romance novel enthusiast: 🖕

sent a cricket into orbit: spar w me tomorrow??

romance novel enthusiast: 5:15, you know the drill

sent a cricket into orbit: ✨🥊✨


8:52 PM
arcanine & raichu

arcanine: if you’re going to come over, get a move on

raichu: on my way, Kacchan!!! 💫


10:39 PM
Spotify: earphonejack added ODD FUTURE to your playlist, explosive sound 💥!


11:47 PM
broccoli & cauliflower

broccoli: okay hear me out kacchan: the real reason shigaraki wanted to recruit you into the lov is that he wanted to steal your hands for his collection.
broccoli: i know that seems dumb as hell but have you considered that shigaraki is dumb as hell,
broccoli: a trick ass bitch, if you will.
broccoli: why do you have to go to bed so early youre never awake when i want you to proof-read my articles :/
broccoli: whats the point of reconciling with yr childhood friend if i cant Use you
broccoli: uuuuuuuUUUUUUUUUGH fine ig youre rlly asleep
broccoli: goodnight kacchan


11:59 PM
[CALENDAR]: You have 6 events scheduled for tomorrow! (View)

Notes:

this thing is 27 pages long, a nightmare of formatting, and the piece i have most enjoyed writing in... well, probably ever! i've never finished smth this quickly but i was having waaay too much fun and could have kept going for ages. this was super indulgent bc it was just me making myself laugh w outdated memes and mediocre jokes, but i hope you enjoyed anyways!

in this fic bakugou, jirou, kaminari, kirishima, mina, and sero are all dating each other. shinshou is dating bakugou, kaminari, kirishima, sero, and ojiro. jirou is also dating momo, and uraraka and tsu are dating (which is why bkg calls uraraka a muppet fucker), but they are very minor ships. ojiro and hatsume both have crushes on hagakure, and like to poke fun at each other.

bkg's name in his and camie's dms (oui'd) is a reference to this fic by sinderellaa. i am reasonably certain that "The Bomb" is a reference to another fic, but i can neither remember what it is nor find it.

"259m yen piano" is a reference to the $1,630,000 Steinway & Sons piano.

the bakusquad chat is squash themed. hitoshi mentions melanie fincher, who wrote this article describing how to cook different squashes.

'bone smoothie' is a nickname i once had in my college gc. 'midnight club: los angeles' is a nickname i came up w for iida, it's an old playstation racing game that i was very bad at as a child but remember fondly. 'team umizoomi' is a nickname my friend nina suggested to me. 'betterjeanist' is a reference to better jeanist by laurenshappenstobemyhusband, which i have not yet read but has been vouched for by several ppl i know.

kaminari's shakespeare reference is from cymbeline (act 3, scene 4). the whale talk was inspired by a conversation with pichu.

the songs bkg and jirou send each other are songs i associate with them due to personal hcs! also i just like them. :)

i've specified bkg, kaminari, and shinsou's sexualities in the tags purely for the sake of the jokes i wrote in this fic. i don't have particular headcanons for any of them, but bkg is biromantic & asexual (there are some jokes that imply smth vaguely sexual and another that calls bkg gay instead of bi, but it's in jest bc bkg doesn't care and they're his friends), kaminari is pan (which is why one of his uns is 'patty pan'), and shinsou is gay (literally just bc of that comment he makes to hatsume).

i don't think i referenced any other fics, but honestly my brain is a sieve so i could v well be wrong. everything abt this fic is So Long, if u made it to this point in the notes ur stronger than i am. i tried to give everyone at least a few lines!! i wish i could have included them all equally but i do not have the brainpower.

thanks for reading!