Chapter Text
Alex didn’t like to dream.
It was an easy thing to fall into. A wandering thought at a seemingly innocent what if or maybe. Imagination running wild because it offers far fewer limitations than life and those ideas and fantasies created one of two outcomes: Alex feeling hopeful, or him feeling hopeless.
Hopelessness always had him feeling like he was screaming into a void with nobody there to answer his calls. It felt like something heavy somewhere in his chest that made getting through the day needlessly complicated. Sometimes, instead of heavy, it felt hollow, like something had been taken from him that he didn’t know was there. He hated feeling like that, but he hated feeling hopeful even more because he never knew how long it was going to last. Usually it wasn’t long at all.
It would always start with feelings of self-confidence that Alex wished he could hold onto for eternity. A sudden burst of motivation that would set everything in motion right up until his mind decided that he’d been having too much fun. It would start picking at each and every positive thought until there was nothing left of them. His mind would tell him that something was going to go wrong, and then when it did it would start picking at everything else. It was right about that one thing, so what if it was right again?
No matter what, dreaming would always end up with him feeling hopeless, so it was something he preferred to avoid.
Tonight felt like a dream, though, and Alex figured that maybe this time it was okay, because for once it was real. The sand beneath his feet, the presence of his three favorite people in the world, the bonfire in the middle of the circle they formed; the crashing waves and the clear night sky – all of it was real.
What had been months and months of wistful thinking had turned into a reality that left Alex’s hands shaking with excitement hours after the announcement.
“Can you believe it, boys? We graduated. We freaking graduated.” He wasn’t entirely sure if it was normal for someone’s voice to sound so filled with wonder and disbelief at something like graduation, but Luke’s voice definitely did. Alex supposed it was fair; Luke had little to no motivation for classes that didn’t involve music. He’d considered several times to just drop out, but what he wanted more than that was to study music in college. So he stuck around, his friends helping him where they could. Most of that involved Reggie or Bobby dragging him to the library.
“Not only that; we graduated together,” Reggie added, a lopsided grin on his face, the glint in his eyes reflecting the same kind of wonder and disbelief that dripped off of Luke’s words.
Those words carried weight for him, Alex knew. It had been on a drunken night less than a year ago that Reggie had confessed his fears of being alone; of losing them. Alex shared those feelings with him, and he thought that maybe Reggie knew this and chose to share it with him because of it. Alex had never seen Reggie tipsy, let alone drunk, so he didn’t think the alcohol was the cause.
Alex had listened to him quietly, soaking in every sentence that Reggie was willing to share with him. Reggie seemingly hadn’t realized that he’d started rambling like that because he fell quiet for a couple of seconds before apologizing profusely. Alex had told him that it was okay, because it was, and that he shared those same feelings, because he did.
So when Alex looked at him then, Reggie looked back, a quiet understanding between the two of them that the others didn’t seem to pick up on.
For almost the whole night, Bobby had been sitting quietly, staring into the crackling fire as he soaked in everything going on around him. He’d never been a man of many words, happy to let Reggie and Luke’s energy take the front stage. Whenever he did speak, though, he always pulled the attention of the other three.
“Like we always say; no stray left behind.”
Bobby hadn’t averted his eyes from the fire, a plastic cup nearly void of liquid resting against his lips. To a stranger he’d look bored or uninterested, but they saw the softness in his eyes. He was thinking. Processing what had happened and what was going to happen next while enjoying their company.
Alex couldn’t help but smile at his words, soft and fond. Him and Bobby were childhood friends, young kids that felt lost more often than not. They’d pulled each other in, never leaving each other’s sides. Whenever one of them felt particularly lost and lonely, the sentence ‘no stray left behind’ was used to comfort them. When they met Luke and Reggie, it applied to them almost immediately and it didn’t take long before they started using it too.
They were all just kids that felt lost and like they didn’t belong, like they didn’t have a home where they could just be themselves. Those words were just a reminder that they belonged together, and that they could always find a home in each other. A home and a sense of belonging that was going to come with him across the state.
“It’s kind of insane,” Alex said, the soft smile still lingering on his lips. “Four years. It doesn’t feel like it’s been that long.”
“You’re right,” Luke answered. “It feels like it was much longer.”
Alex shoots him a look and shoves Luke’s knee with his foot. “Not what I meant, asshole.” And it’s in the other boy’s smile that he sees the joking intent behind it.
“I’m kinda gonna miss that place,” Reggie said, looking up at the stars as if they held all of his memories. “It wasn’t all happy and fun times, but it had its moments.”
“Like that one time you tripped in the cafeteria and spilled your food all over your crush?” Bobby teased, finally looking away form the fire to shoot a playful grin towards Reggie, who suddenly looked exasperated and threw his hands in the air.
“Did you have to bring that up?”
“That’s tough talk for someone who almost burned down the school in science class,” Alex said.
“You and Reg refused to work with either of us because we sucked at it, what else did you expect when Luke is my lab partner?” Bobby defended himself. “Besides, Luke was the one in charge of making sure that wouldn’t happen. I was writing down chemical formulas.”
“Well I did my job,” Luke answered. “School is still standing.”
“The teacher had to use a fire extinguisher.”
“Shut up, Bobby.”
Tonight they were living a dream. Not only did they all finish off high school successfully, they were going to be attending the same college; no need for goodbyes. It was something Alex hadn’t even dared imagine, terrified of how his mind was going to pick at those thoughts if he did. Whenever ideas about it would pop up inside his mind he’d push them away, hide them somewhere, unwilling to think about the possibility of losing the most important people in his life.
Tonight there was little for his mind to pick at because there was no denying the reality of things. He wasn’t imagining the flickering fire in front of him. He wasn’t just thinking about going to college with Luke, Reggie and Bobby; everything had already been taken care of.
He wasn’t dreaming about bickering with his friends about the things that happened in high school. He wasn’t hallucinating the carefree smiles or the fake hurt expressions.
It was real and it was undeniable, and it felt like magic.