Archive of Our Own

Elissa was tired. The battle was long and hard. And there was more than once she thought she wouldn't make it. 

She slashed through darkspawn after darkspawn, as did the others. One by one they made it through until no one was left. 

Finally came the Archdemon. A foe Elissa knew would test her skills. They fought hard; abilities after abilities were used until the killing blow needed to be made. 

Elissa looked at Alistair. Just like her, he had darkspawn blood and guts all over him. "No," he took her hand that held the sword, "Let me."

But she shook her head. "I'll be okay," she promised. "Remember we made that deal with Morrigan."

Alistair nodded, though she knew he'd rather not think about that. "You're injured." He pointed to a gash at her side. 

"I already took a potion for that. I'm fine." Another promise. Not an empty one. At least, she didn't hope so. 

Her side had a sharp pain, reminding her that it wasn’t fully healed, demanding to be treated. But there wasn’t time for that now. The Archdemon demanded her attention more. 

"Alright." Alistair nodded but his neck was stiff, the nod reserved. 

The sword was unsteady in her hands, heavy. Not as light and safe as her two daggers but it had to do. She screamed out as she ran. 

Elissa hit him on the tail. Her side screamed from the pain and so she wanted to cry out from it. But she ignored it. Archdemon blood everywhere. But suddenly he turned and with its paw he threw her. Time didn't slow down, it simply stopped. She saw Alistair. Leliana. Wynne. All of them screamed their different types of no. Alistair was running to her. 

Suddenly, she was in the air and the whole world spun. Until she hit the ground and all she saw was darkness. 

"Elissa!"

They did it! The Archdemon was dead. When his fellow Warden fell he picked up the swords and fought. He had to duck where he could. 

The fight was hard and the Archdemon got him a bunch of times as well. But none of the hits he got was as bad as Elissa's. 

"Let me look at you," Wynne said. But Alistair wouldn't let her. Not until he was sure Elissa was alright. 

"I'm fine." He didn't know if it was his words or his eyes but Wynne was taken aback. He winced as something shifted that shouldn't have shifted but he ignored it. 

Darkspawn and dead fellow soldiers were everywhere. The battle was clear in the sky, smoke and fire. Smells of battles hard fought but none of that mattered to him one bit. 

At a distance, Elissa laid motionless. She hadn't responded when he called her name and he only hoped it wasn’t a bad sign. 

When he became closer to her he started to run. Sharp piercing pain was in his ribs but he didn't give a damn. In moments he was by her side,investigating the scene. 

There was no blood and silently he thanked the Maker. That was a good sign, right? He moved to her head and kneeled, "Elissa?"

But she didn't wake up and that was definitely not a good sign. Worriedly he looked at the gash at her side but it didn’t look like anything to be concerned about. Wynne should probably look at it just the same. 

"Elissa."

That's when he started to hear a groan escape her lips. It was soft at first and barely audible but became louder. "What…" but she winced and her hand immediately went to her temple. 

"Warden!" Wynne ran to them. "How are you feeling?"

Her eyes looked weary and weak. "Like someone cracked my skull and then stepped on it."

"That throw wasn't good." Wynne stared at Elissa for a moment as she decided what to do next. She studied Elissa’s gash, and did some of her healing magic on it. "Can you sit up for me?"

Elissa wanted to object. Alistair could see it in her eyes. But instead she slowly nodded, as if nodding too quickly might make her head fall off. 

With Alistair's help she slowly sat up straight. She winced as one or numerous of her injuries hurt her. Probably her side. 

Wynne's fingers worked fast, feeling along the Warden’s face and neck. The old woman frowned as her fingers got to Elissa's golden hair. "We should keep an eye on that head of yours."

Elissa frowned as Wynne pulled away. "I didn't hit it that hard."

"Just listen to me, Warden," she playfully scolded. 

"But she's fine, right?" That's where Alistair finally got a word in. "Her head wasn't bleeding."

"Yes and no."

Alistair raised his eyebrows. Wynne's answer only confused him more. "Meaning?"

"There could be more damage. We just have to keep a close eye on her tonight."

He nodded, but the anxiety in him was awakened. 

Wynne, along with the other healers, helped the wounded where they could. Alistair and Elissa also helped where they could, but things weren't very easy for Elissa. 

"Are you alright?" Alistair asked after they helped a wounded woman move so that Wynne could take a look at her. 

"Yes." It was a lie. Her side didn’t bother her as much as it did before, but her head was killing her. She felt sick to her stomach and nothing stood still infront of her. "The battle has been tiring."

Alistair stared at her for a long while. He didn't believe her. They were married only for a short while, and didn't know each other long, but it felt like he knew her all his life . "You know you could tell me."

She sighed as she folded a blanket. The people that had no place warm to stay for the night would need the blankets. "I'm just not feeling great," she admitted.

Immediately Alistair's face fell. "You should tell Wynne."

Elissa shook her head. That was a mistake and she winced in response. "I'm just tired. It's nothing."

"Promise you'll speak up when you're not feeling well."

"Alistair I'm fine." She gave him a peck on the cheek. "Don't worry about it."

But Elissa never did say she promised.

Elissa didn't feel good at all. Her feet didn't work together, and she couldn't hide how she was feeling. 

"Come child," Wynne said when she looked at her. The sun was just beginning to set. "Let me look at you." Her hands touched Elissa’s face and went to her forehead. "You're burning up," the healer concluded. 

Elissa only tiredly nodded at her. She didn't have the energy to do anything else. 

"You should rest."

"The others need help…"

"Take care of yourself, child," Wynne kindly suggested. "You can't help others in this state. Yours and Alistair's tent is already set up. Come."

But Elissa couldn't. She felt sicker and sicker. Bile rose from her throat. And suddenly it came out of her mouth to the ground. Wynne was there rubbing her back like her own mother would do if she was sick. 

"Thanks." She said as she wiped her mouth with her one hand. "Do you know what this is?"

Wynne shook her head. "It could be any number of things. But you need rest. The battle has taken its toll on your body." 

Elissa only nodded. With Wynne's help they went to her tent where the mage helped her. Elissa was so useless she couldn't get her boots off and the mage even needed to help her with that. 

"It's alright child," Wynne said as she understood, "Rest dear."

And that's what she did. 

Alistair only had a moment to sit down when supper was almost done. It was already dark and Elissa was nowhere to be seen.

Worry immediately settled in. What if something happened? She didn't feel well, what if she was unwell? What if…

"The warden is asleep." Alistair immediately recognized the voice belonging to Zevran. He shot a sharp look towards him. "Wynne sent her to the tent."

Alistair nodded his thanks and stood up from the campfire. Tomorrow would be a long day. They would be traveling to Redcliffe castle. He could only pray Elissa would be alright for the trip.

When he got nearer to the tent he heard moans coming from within and immediately fastened his step. Elissa was in distress. He knew her too well by now. 

He flapped open the tent and couldn't get to her side fast enough. He shook her shoulders carefully. "Love, wake up." But she only gave more alarming moans in response. 

That scared him; usually shaking would've done the trick. "Elissa." He shook her harder. But still nothing. 

"Elissa!" This time he shouted her name. Her eyes slowly opened. But they were as wide as they were confused. 

"Wh… We have to do… Something." Her speech slurred. She didn't know where she was or what was going on. She questiongly looked at him with those beautiful blue eyes of hers. "What needs to happen?"

Alistair's features changed into a frown. "Love, what is the last thing you remember?"

"I…" This time she frowned trying to think what was the last thing she could remember but he could tell it was near impossible for her to recall. "I'm not sure. There was a battle? Did we fight darkspawn?" Her eyes went wide. "Did they attack the camp again?"

"No. No." He tried his best to calm her down. Alistair found it very odd that she couldn't recall the battle with the Archdemon. It was a huge victory. "Don't you remember?"

"No?" She was very unsure. "The last thing I can recall was fighting something. A big battle. But I don't know what."

"We fought the Archdemon." Alistair spoke slowly. To him this was a very bad sign. But luckily a light went on in her eyes.

"Oh right," yet her heart wasn't in it. "Was I hurt?"

"You hit your head pretty hard but other than that you're alright." Or at least that's what he hoped. "C'mon let's get you ready for supper."

"Alistair, I don't feel so good…"

"Just try. It'll do you some good." He hoped he was right. 

Slowly but surely with Alistair's help they got out of the tent but Elissa was doing very far from alright. "Can you stand?" But he already knew the answer.

She nodded her head and put one foot in front of the other until she stumbled and almost fell. "Sorry," she muttered under her breath. It took her a while just to be alright.

"Lean on me." Alistair took half of her weight on him. He would have suggested that he bring supper for her in the tent but perhaps the fresh air would do her some good. 

Slowly he walked to the campfire and it wasn't long until faces looked up towards them. Each of their companions gave their own versions of nods in turn. Elissa just gave a very weak nod of her own.

Slowly Alistair helped her take a seat at the group. 

"Supper will be ready in a bit!" Zevran announced. 

But Wynne decided to take this opportunity. "Alistair, can I speak with you privately?"

He nodded and put his attention on Elissa again, "Will you be alright?"

"I won't fall down if you're not there Alistair." She tried to add a smile but that filled his heart with worry. 

He walked with Wynne and couldn't hide away how worried he was about her. Leaves were blowing away from them and they were walking towards the tents. Only a little light was shining there. 

"How is she?"

Wynne had her arms crossed across her chest. He couldn't see her expression well but he could tell she was worried about her. "Her symptoms are not good." She said what felt like a lifetime. 

Alistair only nodded. There was not much else that he could do. "She looks sick."

"She threw up."

He lifted an eyebrow. "Could that be part of a head injury?"

The mage shrugged her shoulders. "Could be. But we don't know. We should watch over her."

He nodded. "I'll do it."

"Alistair…" Wynne stopped him with her words. "You need rest, take shifts."

But he shook his head. "I wouldn't be able to sleep either way."

Elissa barely touched her food. And what little food she actually ate she puked back up. She wasn't doing well at all. 

Throughout the night Wynne and Alistair exchanged worried looks. 

"I'm going to bed."

Alistair immediately stood up to make sure he was by her side in case she needed his help. She looked worse by the second. "Let me help you."

Elissa only nodded slowly. Whatever energy she had left had disappeared and on her way to their tent she stumbled a couple of times. 

He helped her get undressed and slowly but surely she got into bed. Alistair said he wouldn't take watch all night, but in truth he lied. He wouldn't get over his heartache if something happened overnight to Elissa while he slept.  

"Join me," her voice cracked. She didn't have the strength to speak any louder than that. 

He nodded and climbed in bed next to her. He was so tired but he made himself a promise to stay vigilant, and he was intent to keep it to himself. 

Alistair didn't know how much time went by when the flap of the tent was heard followed by the sound of footsteps. 

His fingers were interlocked with Elissa's and every now and then he made sure to check her breathing. It was normal and Wynne even said so herself. But that didn't seem to calm him at all. 

"Alistair." He recognized Leliana's smooth voice anywhere. 

"Shift change?"

He couldn't see her face but he just knew she gave him a willing smile. "You should get some rest. I'll watch her."

But Alistair couldn't. He needed to keep watch. To make sure she was safe and didn't need anything. So he shook his head. "I'll join you."

"Alright." He didn't expect Leliana to give in so quickly perhaps she knew there was no convincing him.  

"She'll be alright."

Alistair just prayed she was right.

Alistair tried his best to stay awake but he drifted off at times. Wynne came in a couple of times to check on her but was happy with the progress during the night. 

It was a long night. A night he was more glad was over than he could possibly say. The sunlight even graced a smile to his lips. Somehow things didn't seem as bad anymore. 

He pulled away from her slowly making sure as to not to wake her up and slowly got up from his sleeping bag. 

"You look terrible," Leliana said as soon as she saw him. "You should have listened and slept."

His gaze went back to his and Elissa's tent. "I'll sleep when she is alright again."

"Alistair." This time Leliana decided to speak up. What was different between now and last night he couldn't say. "You're no use like this to her."

But he disagreed. He didn't deserve to rest while she suffered. "Let's start breakfast."

It was awkward enough but Alistair and Leliana worked with the atmosphere that wanted to strangle them alive. Hunting was hard. His focus wasn't there. It was on Elissa. But she needed the food. He needed to do this for her. 

So he hunted. 

But when he went to the tent his heart sank. He couldn't explain it but somehow he knew something was very wrong. 

Alistair shoved that feeling aside and went inside. "Elissa." 

No answer. 

"Elissa!" He shouted. 

But still no answer. There weren't even moans coming from her anymore. That was the moment Alistair knew something was very wrong with her. 

"What's wrong with her?" Alistair immediately asked when Wynne got out of their tent. "Why doesn't she wake up?"

Wynne didn't look if she brought any good news. She only shook her head. "I've seen this before. She has bleeding in the brain."

"But you can help her, right?" Alistair needed Wynne to help her. He needed her to be alright. He wouldn't be able to live with himself otherwise. 

"When the Archdemon threw her she hit her head hard. Harder than we thought.  We couldn't be sure but she looked fine. But…"

Alistair shut his eyes. He remembered what happened. "She wasn't."

"When she began having these symptoms it was a possibility but there were so many other possibilities... I couldn't be sure."

Someone needed to be blamed. Someone needed to be at fault for this. And with this it was decided. 

It was his own fault. 

Alistair packed the wagons. With the state Elissa was in he needed to keep his hands busy with something. So that's what he did. 

Until he saw a redhead coming his way. 

"We understand you're worried but this isn't Wynne's fault. Or yours."

Puzzled Alistair looked towards her. "I agree. It isn't Wynne's fault. She did everything she could."

"It's not your fault either."

"Someone should have known."

"Only the Maker knew about it. But putting blame upon yourself isn't going to help her." Leliana's wise eyes searched his for something. But he wasn't sure if they would find anything. 

"What does Wynne say?"

"She's going to do some healing spells and try out some potions but…"

Alistair knew exactly what that meant. His eyes shut. "But she doesn't know if any of them will work."

"Some recover. Others don't. However Wynne says with how severe her symptoms are her chances don't look good." Leliana's eyes said something her words didn't. They said how truly sorry she was about her friend. "She will need to be monitored."

"Alright," he choked back a sob and when he looked at Leliana he knew she caught it. 

"Hey, she's going to be alright."

"You don't know that. I fell asleep during the night. I didn't…"

"Stop blaming yourself." Her words were kind yet they held firm. "No one expected you to stay up all night. The battle was long and hard."

He nodded, but still blamed himself. "We don't know how she's going to make it."

"She's a fighter. If others made it out of this she can as well."

The day dragged on and on. Alistair helped where he could but his thoughts always went back to Elissa, praying she would be alright. 

He checked on her when he could but it wasn't as often as he would have liked. 

Though Leliana had good intentions her words did nothing to settle his doubts. He should've been the one to slay the Archdemon. He should have checked on her better. 

At nightfall he left his post and decided to check on her again. 

"How is she?"

Wynne was at her side, having just finished her magic on her and who knows what else. But her face was expressionless. "She's not improving but it's too soon to tell."

"Just be sure to rest tonight," Wynne said. 

"I can't."

"Well then," she crossed her arms across her chest," you can't help her."

"Why do you have to make such good points?"

Wynne gave a heartwarming smile. And it was good to see it. "Take care of yourself, Alistair."

The rest of the evening went by slowly. The other companions asked how Elissa was doing and wished her well even though she wouldn't be hearing it.

When his shift was over, he excused himself as quickly as possible and went to her side again. 

"Hey love," he said when he got to her side again. He needed to just see her open her eyes and everything would be alright. But he knew it was too good to be true.

"There's still some darkspawn that needs some killing. They won't kill themself." He chuckled as if it was all a joke. But the truth was it wasn't funny. None of this was. 

Then he turned serious, "Please be alright. I need you to fight. Open your eyes. If not for you, do it for me." He looked down at her hand where her wedding band was. "For us."

Alistair did as he was told. He went to sleep. No watch, no nothing. But he woke throughout the night making sure Elissa was still breathing. 

When the morning finally broke his eyes hurt from not getting enough sleep. Wynne checked on her not too long after that. 

"No changes," she said with a long sigh. She sounded as tired as he felt. 

"That's not bad, right?" Alistair was trying to stay hopeful but his hope was slowly but surely fading away. 

"Not good either. We need to keep an eye on her."

So that's what they did. Alistair kept on working but his hands moved slower than usual. His mind kept thinking about the most horrible situations. 

Elissa died over and over in his head. The heart-rending thoughts would leave him alone. 

"Alistair! Come! She's not breathing!" Leliana yelled from their shared tent. 

Alistair left the wood he was collecting and ran as fast as he could. He shouldn't have left her. He shouldn't have gone on working. He should have kept watch. 

When he finally arrived at his tent Wynne and Leliana came with their shoulders sagged. He didn't need to hear their words to know what happened. 

But he refused what their words were telling him. 

"No! She's not!" he yelled. He moved past them with his shoulders and went to get her. 

Alistair felt for her pulse and felt nothing. 

"No! Don't you dare leave me!" he shouted. "We have a life together." Tears were streaming down his cheeks. 

"Alistair," Leliana said softly, " She's gone."

Alistair bolted awake in sweat next to Elissa. In and out he breathed. He immediately went to her pulse to feel her heartbeat and felt relieved when he did. 

The tent suddenly felt too small, forcing him out. 

Leliana stood before the dead campfire and before he could go to a different direction she called his name. "Alistair."

He shut his eyes. For days he has been avoiding everyone. He never left Elissa's side these days anymore. This time he decided not to exchange any pleasantries he just couldn't anymore. "Please don't."

"She'll be fine."

"Just don't." He stopped her with his hand. "I can't. She's not been improving at all. I can't do this anymore."

"I'm sorry."

And she left. 

Leliana was worried. 

Not only about Elissa, her friend, but Alistair as well. Wynne's talks with him didn't help. He didn't listen to anyone. 

Everyone was worried about Elissa. Alistair wasn't alone but he didn't want anyone's help. He just wanted Elissa awake and alright again. 

Leliana opened the flap of the warden's tent and found Wynne working her magic on her. 

"No change?"

"None,” Wynne said with a sigh. "I can't do anything else. The rest is up to her."

Leliana nodded. "Alistair isn't taking this well at all."

"Yes," Wynne agreed. She stood up from where she was kneeling. "But there's nothing we can do. He should take care of himself."

Leliana said nothing to that. What could she say? This was an impossible situation. And the worst part was all of them were powerless to do anything about that. 

It took a while for her to realize Wynne was staring at her. When their gazes met the mage spoke. "Do you want some time with her?"

"Yes, I'd like that."

Wynne nodded. "I need some fresh air." She stood up, opened the flap of the tent and left. 

"Warden," Leliana started, "please wake up. You didn't survive the battle just to die now. If you do…

Leliana stopped. She breathed in and out. Stopping herself to carefully choose her words. "...Well Alistair will not forgive himself. You know him," Leliana chuckled. "Always blaming himself for things that aren't his fault."

"Nothing is the same without you. Weeks we've been stranded here. And everyone is worried about you."

Leliana sighed as she continued, "Queen Anora wants to have a ceremony for the fallen. But she won't without you."

"All you need to do is to wake up."

The next few days didn't get any better. Elissa's symptoms improved but Alistair couldn't dare to hope. 

Day by day he spent it by her side. He heard the whispers of course. How careless he was and unhelpful, but he didn't care. 

And then one day something happened.

He was still staring at her when her blue eyes were suddenly staring back at him. "Elissa?" he asked in disbelief. 

"Alistair?" she whispered back. Her hand went towards her temple and she frowned. She was probably in a lot of pain. 

"Are you alright?"

"Everything hurts."

He nodded as he expected as much. "I'll get Wynne."

Elissa didn't nod or say anything. Alistair left to find the mage. His eyes searched frantically until he found the silver hair and he ran towards her. 

"Wynne…" He was out of breath. Hands on knees. He tried to catch his breath again. "She's awake."

The mage lifted her eyebrows in response and nodded. "Let me see."

Alistair felt like they didn't get back to the tent fast enough. But eventually they did. 

"It's good to see you awake, Warden."

Elissa only gave a weak smile in the process. "Me too."

"The important part is you're okay," Alistair said. He had the biggest smile.