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I'm back on earth. Still kinda feel empty knowing that I'll die. I did everything ... and still there is nothing that could save me.
I have no idea how I should spend my last months. Could hide in my apartment and pretend I'm already dead. Or could just continue my job as merc and do jobs till I pass out.
I scrolled through some old messages from Kerry.
Heeey, how's it hanging? Everything all right?
I'll just come right out and say it - I miss you.
Just a little bit though ;) You coming by anytime soon?
Miss you too, if you can believe that. See?
We're tuned to the same frequency. I'll try to swing by sometime.
Preem. I'll be waiting!
*~*~*
Been thinking about you...
Thinking about you too. You're like some chorus
to this incredible song that's been stuck on my head lately.
On loop :)
What's new? Still conquering the world with music?
Planning to! :) don't really know if there's anything left to conquer though.
You're already mine, right? (I know, I knooooow, it's cringe. But I couldn't hold myself back!)
My heart aches reading that conversation again. I really should visit him. Finally.
*~*~*
So ... now I'm staying in front of Kerry's door to seek comfort. Even so I feel like I don't deserve it.
I called him over the intercom.
“It's V,” I said and the door opens.
Moments later I feel Kerry's arms around me, hugging me tight. I felt a little better, closed my eyes, hugged him back and hoped we could stay like this forever.
And this was the moment where I couldn't stop my tears from falling anymore.
I wanted to leave. Kerry shouldn't see me like this. Shouldn't see me this weak.
He shouldn't see you like this V? Are you fucking stupid? You came here seeking comfort. For Love. Because you wanted to see him.
He should see you like this. He should know about what was going on. If you didn't want this then you could have just stayed in your apartment.
“I'm here, V. Whatever you need, I'm here.”
I broke down.
Cried even more.
I don't deserve him. I don't deserve his love. I don't deserve this kind treatment. I don't deserve to live.
*~*~*
I woke up again. Had no clue where I was. Slowly the memory fades back in.
I went to visit Kerry and cried in his arms and obviously fainted.
Well ... good work, V.
“Are you feeling better, V?” Kerry entered the room and sat beneath me on his bed.
“I guess ... yeah a little bit. Thank you.”
“No need to thank me,” Kerry admitted. “It made me happy that you actually came to visit me. Thought I would have to wait forever ... or that your feelings might have vanished into thin air while you were up there in orbit.”
Kerry really looked a little bit afraid, but one moment later there was a bright smile on his face.
“Look ... uhm, about that. We have to talk.”
The emptiness in me didn't want to fade.
“You want to end our relationship ... or whatever we had ...?” Kerry looked so sad that I stopped breathing for a moment.
“Yes ... and no. It is your decision. I would do it to hurt you less. I want you to be happy ... but you can't be happy with me.”
I reached for his hand.
“V ...? I don't understand. I want to be happy with you. Spend time together. Get to know you more.”
“I want that too, Ker. I want that too…” I whispered. “Fuck…” I wiped my tears away which had started to fall again.
“Then why do you want to leave me?”
“Cause I will die and I don’t want to hurt you.”
I wasn’t able to look into his face.
“Everyone dies.” Kerry replied.
“Of course everyone dies at some point, but I have only a couple of months left and knowing this sucks …” I paused.
Trying to get my thoughts straight. “When I would leave you now, you would have an easier time to just forget me and live on.”
And because of my fucking tears I couldn’t see a thing clearly but just one second later there were Kerry’s arms around me … again.
“I … the biochip damaged my body in an irreparable way … in my final weeks I’ll only be able to lay in bed …”
“V … this maybe sounds stupid to you, but I won’t leave you.”
“But … why? I don’t get it. Yeah … we kinda fell in love but we don’t know shit about each other.”
“Then we use the next months for this. I want you to stay. It wouldn’t change a thing if you would leave now. I couldn’t really forget Johnny and we had more of a love-hate relationship while we were friends.”
Kerry wiped away my tears with his hands and looked me deep in the eyes.
“I’ll promise that you’ll get to know me and hopefully I’ll get to know you in return, okay?”
I nodded. Unable to speak. The emptiness in me was still there, but not as dark as before. Arasaka let me down and I still feel like I betrayed Johnny ... but Kerry? Kerry wouldn’t let me down. This time I was sure.
“You know what? The first time I met you … I thought you were just some crazy idiot that had played in a band with Johnny Silverhand. But on that balcony … there I felt like you showed me something of the real Kerry Eurodyne. The Kerry Eurodyne you keep safe behind a wall where no one would hurt him. And I’m excited to learn more about him.”
“You will, V” he leaned in to kiss me and I kissed him back.
“I love you, V.”
“I love you, Ker.“