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Today was not going to be a good day.
Juno woke up to the lights on in the hallway outside but something about them felt like they were drilling a hole through his head straight into his eyes. He groaned lightly and even that noise, in contrast to the silence of the rest of the room, made him wince. He rolled over and buried his head in his pillow, distancing himself from the lump on the other side of the bed. Juno’s movement caused Peter’s arm to fall from where it had been draped across Juno’s side.
“Love,” Peter murmured, voice still thick from sleep, “you ‘kay?”
Juno was thankful that he didn’t reach back out to reposition his hand. It wasn’t anything against Peter, it was just so much easier to breathe right now when he wasn’t being touched.
“I’m fine, Nureyev, you go back to sleep.”
It was true, Juno would be fine, he thought as he gracefully removed himself from between the sheets of their bed and made his way over to the door. He’d be fine if he could just figure out a way to turn these lights off.
His room was in the back corner of the ship and the hallway that they were connected to didn’t have any other rooms on it so if he could just turn off the lights it wouldn’t bother anyone and he could go back to sleep.
The problem was, the lights wouldn’t turn off. He fiddled around with it for a while but each second he stood there his brain started screaming at him louder and louder until it became so intense he was on the verge of tears. Admitting defeat, he turned back to look at the outline wrapped around the quilt in his bed. Peter had fallen back asleep and would probably be like that for some time if the soft snores were any indication.
Juno turned back towards the hallway and the mind numbing lights. He screwed his eyes shut and quickly followed the route to the bathroom. He knew his way there like the back of his hand and was able to navigate there with very little trouble.
Once he crossed the threshold of the bathroom door he quickly closed the door and opened his eyes, except the artificial light was still streaming through the cracks in the door. Why were the cracks in the doors on this blasted ship so big? Why can’t he escape it? Juno walked backwards trying to distance himself from the intensity and fall deeper and deeper into the darkness when his back hit another door. The shower’s, of course, that would be a darker place, somewhere to hide in.
He groped around for the handle to the showers and once it was open he almost fell inside. He closed the door shut and pressed his face against the cool, tiled floor. Two rooms removed from the light, in a practically sound-proof little cubicle, Juno finally was able to calm down. Breaths steadying, he fell back to sleep curled around the metal drain.
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“Juno, Juno are you in there?”
There was a quiet, quick rapping at the door and Juno stirred, opening his eyes to the darkness of the room he was in. After a brief moment of disorienting panic, Juno oriented himself, realized he was laying on the floor of the shower and that there was a concerned boyfriend standing on the other side of the door.
“Yeah, Ransom, I’m in here.”
He heard the soft thud of a hand laying against the door and an exhale from the other side of the door, not of exasperation but of relief. Then, as Juno sat up, he heard muffled voices, Peter must have turned his head away from the door and was talking to someone else. A sense of shame overcame Juno, he must have worried the whole ship when Peter woke without him.
“Love, it’s just me out here now. Can I come in?” Peter sounded tired but his voice revealed his hesitation lest he upset the lady.
Juno realized that it didn’t hurt to hear his voice, whereas last night the sound of the life support system humming in the background has been drilling into his head.
“The door is unlocked, you can come in,” Juno found the same note of caution in his own voice.
Logically, he knew Nuereyv wouldn’t be mad at him, knew if he explained it that he’d listen, but there was a voice in the back of his head telling Juno that this would scare Peter away. He would realize that Juno was still too much of a mess to deal with. Luckily, he wasn’t left to stew with those thoughts for long because Peter was gently swinging open the door allowing time for Juno to stop him if he wanted to. Juno didn’t.
Peter caught sight of his detective and inhaled. He probably looked a mess from sleeping on the shower floor, hair matted and eyes squinting, trying to adjust to the light. Peter just smiled sweetly at him and Juno returned it more hesitantly, still nervous about his reaction.
“Are you okay?”
Three simple words. Three simple words that Juno didn’t have a proper answer to.
“Yes, no… I don’t really know”
“Do you want to talk about what happened?” Peter was still dancing around him carefully sliding down the shower wall and sitting a fair distance away from Juno.
Juno glanced away from the man facing him, “I guess so although I’m not really sure what happened or what to say and-”
“Love, hey, it’s okay. Take some deep breaths, we’ve got plenty of time and I’m not going anywhere,” and again that smile directed at Juno, making his shoulders drop. Suddenly he was aware of how cold and tired he was.
“I’m okay to talk but it’s really cold right here. Could we go back to my room?”
“Of course, dear, of course”
Peter stood looking as graceful as always and Juno took another moment just to watch him, drinking in how beautiful he looked illuminated from behind. As he was steeling himself to get up, a hand reached down to offer assistance. Peter kept it far enough away that Juno could still get up by himself if he wanted to. It was a question, an assistance that could be taken or denied with no hurt feelings. Juno grabbed his hand, feeling the warmth immediately begin to center him.
Peter pulled him to his feet effortlessly but didn’t let go of his hand.
“Is this alright? Are you okay with me touching you?”
“Right now it’s fine, more than fine actually,” Juno mumbled, blood rushing to his cheeks.
Nureyev softly laughed and then moved his hand so it was around Juno’s back and then all of the sudden Juno’s feet were no longer touching the ground. Peter had swept him off his feet quite literally and now his arms were holding Juno, bridal style, one arm under his knees, the other his back.
After getting him balanced Peter checked in again, “Everything still alright?”
Juno, having gotten over his initial shock, was already busy burrowing his face into Peter’s shirt.
“Yes definitely alright”
Peter carried him like that all the way back to Juno’s room, or their room, the difference didn’t much matter anymore. He deposited him on the bed before flopping down next to him. The quilt that had been laying over him last night was now providing a cocoon for the private eye next to him.
“Hey you going to share that with me?” Peter lightly ribbed.
“You’re going to have to fight me for it,” Juno quipped back before throwing one side of the blanket over Nureyev and taking the opportunity to snuggle into his side.
It was a long time before Juno said anything. Peter lightly ran his hand up and down his back, allowing Juno to collect his thoughts. Peter thought he might have actually fallen asleep again when he heard the quiet voice.
“Sometimes it gets too loud or too bright and I don’t know how to function anymore. It happens sometimes during the day but mostly at night or when I’m just waking up. Once I’m up and moving stuff like that doen’t normally affect me but it has happened before. I normally just feign a headache because it's easier then try to explain that some days everything is just Too Much. Most of the time I’m able to take care of it but last night was really bad, I’m not exactly sure why. I don’t know why it happens.”
“Can I ask some questions?”
“Yeah that’s okay”
“What was it last night that got bad first?
“Last night I woke up and I could feel it coming on but what really set it off was the light outside the room. For some reason it was just too bright. I tried to turn it off but I couldn’t figure out how. Once that happened though, the sounds became too much too. The shower was quiet and dark which was why I ended up there.”
Peter thought about that for a moment and then kissed Juno’s forehead.
“Are you okay if I get up for a moment? I’m going to go look for something in my bedroom, I think it might be able to help.”
Juno was confused but eventually let him go, already missing the soft edges of the man who was next to him.
When Peter returned, a few minutes later, he had some piece of small dark fabric in his hand.
“When I was younger, my eyes didn’t react well to a lot of light. It was probably some reaction to what they were doing on Brahma. I wore a lot of sunglasses during the day but at night I had a hard time sleeping if there was really any light. Since I left, the light sensitivity has mostly disappeared. Sometimes I still wear sunglasses depending on what planet we’re on and the light in their atmosphere but I don’t have problems at night anymore. I don’t know if this will help you but it might.”
Peter handed him the piece of fabric in his hands and Juno realized it was a sleep mask. He put it over his eyes and was comforted to feel that it wasn’t thick but it still blocked out the light. He wasn’t exactly sure, but he thought that this texture would still be okay when he was having a moment.
“Thank you Nureyev, I think this will really help.”
“Well then, it’s all yours.”
Peter sank back down with him on the bed and Juno took the eye mask off, placing it carefully on the bedside table. He returned to his spot tucked into Peter’s side.
“How about you get some more sleep? I saw Buddy on the way to my room and she said she was giving us the day off. Take some rest. I’ll be here when you wake up.”
And he would be. Nureyev would always be by his side, no matter how hard things got.
“‘Kay” was the only response he got before Juno drifted off to sleep.
When Juno woke they would talk about other things Juno could do if he was feeling overwhelmed, signals he could give to Peter. Nureyev would convince him that it was okay to wake him up if he needed help. Juno would concede only after Peter promised to wake Juno up if he had any nightmares. But right now Juno wasn’t awake and they weren’t talking. Right now a lady was asleep in his boyfriend's arms and everything felt alright.