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he watched as everyone began to leave the scene, slowly moving off to gather resources and do their own things. he sighed, raking a hand through his hair. he was officially un-exiled, but it still seemed as if everyone hated him. he could barely talk to tubbo, dream was very obviously against him, he had betrayed his own brother and father, and the rest of l’manberg didn’t trust him. even though he was back, he still felt completely and utterly alone.
not to mention the fact that he was also currently facing the impending doom of having l’manberg destroyed yet again. it seemed to be a recurring thing at this point. yet he knew that this time, the stakes were far higher. both he and tubbo were on their last lives. he had already faced too many close calls, some self inflicted and others accidental, but goddamn it he didn’t wanna become some sad confused ghost like his dead older brother became.
he didn’t know how he kept getting into messes such as this. while the destruction of the community house was very funny to him, he had been completely truthful when he said it wasn’t him. contrary to popular belief, he didn’t have a death wish, at least not anymore.
walking up the path in the direction of his home, he tried to wrap his head around everything that had just happened. everything had completely and utterly spiralled out of control, and all he could do at the moment was do what everyone else seemed to be doing. he had one main goal, stop dream and technoblade and protect l’manberg. l’manberg was his home, it was all he virtually had left of his brother and like hell was he gonna let that green bitch destroy it.
he came to a stop as he reached the bench, collapsing onto it. he chuckled to himself as he turned to his jukebox. he didn’t even have any discs to play.
burying his head into his knees he curled up, letting his muscles relax. while he was incredibly stressed, he needed a moment to himself, to process everything. a part of him still called out for dream, to go back to the man who had hurt him endlessly. he knew that part of him was wrong. dream - he hadn’t been a friend.
the voices of his friends, untrusting and angry rung in his head. he could hear fundy doubting him, tubbo calling him reckless, niki calling him a liar and more.
he almost didn’t even notice the footsteps approaching him.
—
niki was mad. she was furious. she had put all her trust in all these people, her friends, her family . and what did they do? they casted her aside and sided with tommy.
tommy.
how were they all so blind? he was the root of all their issues, not dream! he was the one who went around pulling stupid pranks that put l’manberg in jeopardy.
he stole from everyone, dragged them into fights and started conflict in places that otherwise would’ve been peaceful.
he made messes and never cleaned up after himself. she couldn’t even count the number of creeper holes that she had filled for him, never even receiving a single word of thanks.
she stalked up the prime path, thoughts of anger and distrust clouding her mind. she barely even registered what was happening when she saw tommy sitting in the bench, before storming up to it in the midst of her rage.
“so this is what you’re doing huh?”
he barely even got a word out, looking up in surprise before she continued.
“while everyone else is out there working their asses off for tomorrow, for a fight that was caused by you , you are just sitting here doing absolutely nothing!”
he stared at her, eyes wide in shock.
“the others were telling me to give you a chance, that maybe you’ve changed but it’s clear that isn’t true! you’re still just making everyone else clean up your messes for you tommy!”
she took a step back, exhaling slowly. perhaps she shouldn’t have yelled at the teenager, but she was pissed and had every right to be.
“i- i- i’m sorry i- i- should’ve-“ he stuttered over his words, his brain going into autopilot. he was no longer sitting at the bench. he was back at the obsidian walls of l’manberg with dream shouting at him.
no, he was in the temporary jail cell, with tubbo yelling at him to be quiet.
then, he was back at logsteadshire. with no one other than dream. the echoes of explosions were ringing in his ears and his eyes burned from the smoke.
dream was making him drop his items, leaving him with nothing yet again. he forced him to start over.
he yelled at him, threatened him, even went as far as hitting him. his eyes burned worse and he felt his throat clog up, unable to breathe.
“tommy?” he heard someone call out to him.
“tommy? what are you doing?” where was he again?
“tommy? breathe!”
he could tell that someone was crouching in front of him.
“tommy, tommy please you need to breathe, focus on me. you aren’t wherever you think you are. you’re here with me, at your house”
he focused on the words that were being spoken to him, breathing as they instructed.
slowly the world seemed to come back to him.
he looked up at the person in front of him, seeing niki with an incredibly concerned expression on her face.
he recognised the feeling of wetness on his cheek, how? it hadn’t been raining.
he soon realised that it was him crying.
“tommy? are you back now?”
he nodded, embarrassed. he was such a baby. niki had just raised her voice slightly, telling him something that was completely true and it had sent him spiralling into a panic attack.
he briefly remembered technoblade explaining those to him. it had happened before, back when he was staying at his base.
niki stared at the boy across from him. she didn’t know what she had been expecting to come out of this confrontation, but it certainly hadn’t been... this.
she felt bad, no scratch that - she felt awful.
she didn’t know what had set him off, and honestly she was scared to know. this wasn’t the tommy she knew, the tommy she knew would’ve playfully cussed back at her, ignoring anything of substance that she had said. he wouldn’t have started crying or having a panic attack.
“tommy, are you okay? i’m sorry for shouting,” she said softly, coming to sit down next to him. she may have her own dislike for the boy, but she was no monster.
“i- i- i’m fine, it’s nothing, i-i’m sorry for bothering you,” he moved as if to stand up but she lightly rested her hand on his arm.
“tommy, it’s okay if you’re not okay right now, do you mind telling me what caused that?”
he shuddered, inhaling shakily.
“i- i dont do too well with shouting or explosions these days i guess,” he forced out a laugh, the silence that followed was painfully awkward.
he sucked in a breath.
“when- when i was in exile, no one came to visit me niki. the only person that came to see me was dream.”
she tilted her head, confused with where he was taking this.
“he- he would say things to me, call me silly, he would demean me, and mock me for anything i did.”
“any time i accomplished anything he would take it away from me, or destroy it. sometimes, he- he would make me destroy it myself in-in front of him.”
niki listening with full attention, not believing the words she was hearing.
“w-when i didn’t listen to him, h-he would threaten me, or sometimes, he would- he would hurt me.”
she stared at him in shock.
dream had done what?
“he made me feel really really bad niki,” the boy subconsciously leant into her side. she let him.
“i- i had really b-bad thoughts. thoughts that scared me. i didn’t want to do any of those things, but at the same time i- i wanted to.”
she gasped. tommy looked down, ignoring her scanning gaze.
“i obviously didn’t do any of them, but i had come close, that’s why tubbo thought i had died. h-he had found my tower, i don’t know what i was thinking.”
he curled in on himself. niki looked at the boy beside her and she didn’t understand how she had been mad at him only minutes ago. she pulled him into a hug, wrapping her arms around him.
this was wilbur’s younger brother. he had even been like a younger brother to her at one point too.
how had this happened? he was just a kid, tubbo was a kid, they were all just kids. she looked down at the blonde head of hair. this boy had every right to be acting the way he was. she had been wrong, he should never had been brought into a war or fight, let alone being exiled for a small prank. she could only imagine how tubbo was doing. she made a mental note to go check up on him later.
she hugged tommy tightly, and if she noticed the quiet shaking of his shoulders resume, she didn’t mention it.
she had changed her mind. tomorrow she would be fighting beside and for tommy. and dream? he was going to pay for what he did.