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You’re still not sure why she left in the first place.
You thought you had a solid plan that fell apart, you thought you were in this together. One moment, she says she’s been waiting for your arrival for far too long, and the next, she leaves you for the sake of being alive, for the purpose of going solo. It’s not like you care that much. It’s not like you have to care at all, really.
It makes you think about the signs. Were there any signs? Did she leave you traces and clues to pick up on that you somehow missed? Of course not. You’re more intelligent than anyone in these bubbles. Well, except for her, but that’s only because she fills her pan with useless information that no one else cares about but her. You know all of the important pieces of information, like where the cash is stored and how to frustrate any of your friends into a psychotic oblivion.
The more you think about her, the more you see where you should have listened to her. She spoke of Vriska and how cool she was, of how she was taking notes from her dancestor on how to be more like her Alternian counterpart. Aranea was never one for adventure in the first place, not like you, and so you figured she was spouting bullshit. Same old Aranea.
But you trusted this girl to have your back, to stick with you through thick and thin. It didn’t ever cross your mind that she would be the one to leave you, even though you were the one that always expressed distaste in her stories and her demeanor. The truth is that you never truly disliked anything about her. In fact, everything that most of your friends found subpar about her was what made her so, well, her.
And now that she’s gone, and now that she’s managed to trick you and go behind your back, you start to wonder if any of it was actually real. Why were you so blind to her ideas? What served as the barricade for your ignorance? You begin to think about it.
Did you think too highly of her, when you regarded everyone else as subservient to you? She was your equal. She was your top gill.
But when you miss her in times like these, you think it might have been more than that.
You think you might have loved her.
You think you still do.