Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“As Queen Empress of the Jabberwock Island Hopeless Romantic Society, Ibuki hereby calls this grand meeting to session!”

Silence.

Thirteen faces, each with varying levels of incredulity, stared up at Ibuki Mioda, the Ultimate Musician, standing proudly atop one of the wooden dinner tables.

“Sorry, what?” Kazuichi asked, glancing around, “Hajime and Mahiru aren’t here yet.”

“THAT’S what concerns you about what she just said?” Fuyuhiko massaged the bridge of his nose, sitting beside Peko who was clearly beyond paying attention.

The punk-rock girl winked as she got down from the table, much to the woe of Teruteru, who had been sitting directly beneath her. “Fear not, Ibuki shall explain all!”

“This had best be entertaining, mortal,” Gundham grunted from his place near the door, “Cham-P has begun complaining of a restless stomach, and I would hate to turn his ravenous maw onto you for interrupting his snack time.”

“We are here,” Ibuki began, “To discuss the crippling tsundere bitch disorder of our two excluded friends, and how exactly we are going to help them to get over it.”

“Ah, I finally understand,” Byakuya stood, “Ibuki wants to get Hajime and Mahiru together, and she wants our help in doing it.”

“Awww, that’s my Byakuya! All readin’ my mind and stuff. So cool!” Ibuki grinned wide as she took a seat, surrendering the floor to the thickset progeny.

“Whaa?” came the whiny voice of Hiyoko, “Big sis Mahiru can do wayyyyy better than that twink. She would never be interested in someone that dopey and dumb!”

“Does Hajime even swing that way?” Nagito piped up, “I’ve been getting, uh… different vibes from him. But take my word with a grain of salt, I won’t pose as understanding the minds of you ultimates.”

With those two statements, two pairs of friends shared a knowing, and somewhat amused, look. Kazuichi and Fuyuhiko smirked at one another, recalling Hajime’s drunken confession of attraction to the red-haired photographer after a few too many brotherhood-declaring soba shots. Sonia and Mikan, at the same time, recalled Mahiru’s vision wandering out the window from their girls’ teatime to admire the shirtless Hajime at the beach.

Indeed, everyone besides Hiyoko and Nagito appeared to share some insight into the romantic interests of the two. And they were all equally frustrated by the lack of payoff, despite the pair being so clearly in deep for the six months they had already spent on the island. They weren’t exactly subtle. And yet…

“What was your idea, Ibuki?” Chiaki looked up from her game momentarily, “I’m pretty bad with this kind of thing, I don’t think I’ll be much help.”

“Well, obviously, we send fake confessions of love from both sides in the form of notes, lure them out into the beach house, then bag ‘em with chloroform and lock ‘em in the supply closet! Give them a few hours, I guarantee they’ll be mackin’ on each other when we open the door!”

“OOH!” Sonia clapped her hands excitedly, “I have seen movies like this! A classic love-in-the-face-of-terror trap!”

“HELL YEAH!” Nekomaru leaped from his chair and flexed instinctively, “I’ll take Hajime down, no sweat! Somebody else will have to get Mahiru though, I’m pretty sure manhandling a girl like that would make me feel like shit.”

“Oh, don’t worry coach!” Akane felt herself getting pumped up, “The redhead is all mine!”

“Uh... “ Teruteru began somewhat timidly, “We cannot all be in agreement about that plan. I realize this island is lawless, but chloroforming just about anybody for any reason cannot be okay, even if it’s for a good cause.”

“Surprised as I am to hear it coming from that source, I gotta agree,” Fuyuhiko piped up, “Hell, is interfering in their love life even any of our fuckin’ business? What if there’s a good reason they wanna avoid a relationship?”

“Yeah, like the fact that BIG SIS HATES THAT DORK,” Hiyoko fumed from her seat at having been ignored earlier.

“Oh, please,” Gundham stroked the chin of Jum-P as he mused, “One look at how those fools interact, even in a group setting, is enough to tell that Eros has done his good work. As beneath me as it is to trifle in the amorous affairs of mortality, I agree something must be done to push them along. I have grown… fond of them.”

With that, Gundham hid his blush (which was already difficult to see through the several pounds of pale foundation) behind his scarf.

Byakuya sighed, “I don’t see why we can’t just call them out on it. Get them together and say straight out that enough is enough.”

“Uhm, I don’t think... that would work very well,” Mikan’s eyes burned into the floor as she spoke, “Hajime might confess, yeah, but Mahiru would just get flustered and, uh…”

“Deny it,” Kazuichi finished for the poor nurse as her voice got too quiet to hear, “We’ve seen it a million times. The girl’s face goes the same color as her hair, and she runs off saying something hurtful that would probably only set us back even further.”

“What if we didn’t let her run off?” Peko asked, participating in the conversation for the first time as a menacing twinkle sparked in her eyes.

“...Well, I hated every part of that,” Byakuya said after a beat of silence, gesturing to Peko’s face.

“Well, SHIT!” The burly manager fumed from the corner, “We gotta think of something! A healthy romantic life is PERTINENT to their athleticism!”

“If you don’t mind, I have an idea,” Nagito raised his hand politely from beside Peko, who was being politely comforted by Fuyuhiko at having her one suggestion shot down, “What if we convinced them to confess to the other, but made it seem like it was their idea? Like, hinted that they should without outright saying it?”

“Delightful!” Sonia nearly jumped up and down with glee, “Implanting an idea! Just like Leonardo DiCaprio! Now all we need is to get them while they sleep, so we can access their dreams!”

“Now that would be fun,” Akane smirked, “But I think Nagrio, or whatever his name is, is just suggesting that we talk to them and encourage them that way.”

Her mood undisturbed, Sonia bounced right back with, “Lovely! I shall prepare a banquet of tea and sweets for all the girls, Mahiru included! There, we shall do all of the hinting necessary!”

Byakuya nodded, “At last, a good idea. Us gentlemen should have a similar group event for Hajime. Any ideas?”

“Nothing loosens the tongue of the hapless like enjoying a bout of grand bloodsport from the seats of the grand coliseum!” Gundham sneered, “Seeing death up so close releases all mortal inhibitions! Now, who to be the sacrificial gladiators…”

“As much as I dig the enthusiasm, dumbass,” Fuyuhiko shook his head, “I think something a bit tamer is in order. What about a group movie night or something? The shopping centre has all sorts of flicks, and we can use the big screen in the theatre.”

“Yes, much better,” Byakuya adjusted his glasses, “As a compromise, we can watch the movie ‘Gladiator’ if you like. Anything else?”

Nobody said anything, but many of the islanders were glancing around at their friends, anticipation growing for their new mission.

“Fantasmalistic!” Ibuki hopped up, “Then I call this meeting of the Jabberwock Hopeless Romantic Society adjourned!”

As the friends split off into groups by gender to begin discussing their plans, a certain photographer and mystery student elsewhere on the island were struck with an unexplainable sense of foreboding. They couldn’t place how or why, but they could tell from the air that something was about to happen, and that it wasn’t exactly going to happen the way it was intended.

Chapter Text

“We must be direct, yet subtle,” Sonia commanded to her entourage as she took out the baking recipe book that Teruteru had loaned her for the occasion, “Cut straight tothe heart of the issue, while ensuring our clueless friend does not suspect us of conspiracy.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” Akane snatched the recipe book out of her hand, “So what were you thinkin’? Crepes? Frosted cinnamon rolls? Frosted cinnamon crepes? I could do whatever.”

“Oh, I was not intending to bake with you all,” Sonia replied with a mildly haughty tone, “I was going to serve as a moderator, making sure that everything is up to par. Nothing but the best for this special occasion.”

The other girls shared a mildly disgruntled look, but said nothing. By this point, they understood that when Sonia got into one of her royal moods, there was no convincing her to do any work. After a degree of prompting, Akane relented from gazing longingly at the pictures in the recipe book, to allow them to crowd around as a group. All except one of them, that is.

Off in the corner of the crowded kitchen, Hiyoko sat down on a high stool and fumed. "This is so stupid," she thought, "Whatever that porcupine-head thinks of Mahiru, there’s no way she feels the same about him. We’re trying to force a confession that isn’t true! It can’t be true! She’s got wayyyy better standards than that! She decided to be my big sis, after all, that takes taste!"

Hiyoko continued to ramble off silent objections in her head as the girls began to bake. Ibuki and Mikan set to work on a tray of “Rainbow Unicorn Ecstasy” cupcakes (Ibuki chose them purely for an excuse to go nuts with sprinkles). Akane initially attempted to help Peko with a fruitcake, but eventually she was instruted by Sonia to sit out, lest she continue to consume the fruit before it could be added to the cake. Eventually, Akane agreed to make a tray of cookies without eating any of the batter, as she mentioned something about “Coach Nekomaru never forgiving her for getting Sally Mella disease, or whatever”.

After ten minutes or so of “moderating” (She really just stuck the occasional pinky into frosting and licked it, followed by an approving nod), Sonia turned to Hiyoko, who was still pouting in the corner.

“Ah, Hiyoko! If you don’t mind, would you care to run down to the supermarket and search us up some tea bags?”

“What for?” the dancer responded, lips curled up in a frown, “Big sis doesn’t even like tea.”

A few beats of silence passed, followed by Peko saying, “We… know from experience that that is incorrect. This isn’t even the first time we have done something like this, and last time Mahiru was the one to organize it.”

Hiyoko had nothing to say to that, she just sent a death glare back towards the silver-haired swordswoman. The death glare was, much to her surprise, returned in earnest, as Peko’s predatory gaze sent a chill down her spine.

“Fine,” Hiyoko said, turning away, “But only because there’s nothing better to do, okay?”

Sonia clapped her hands appreciatively as Hiyoko walked out of the kitchen, grumbling to herself. This continued all across the island, accompanied by the occasional rock that was kicked indignantly. So stupid, they’re all so stupid…

Eventually reaching the supermarket, Hiyoko was temporarily interrupted by an aggressive shout coming from the Film & Media section.

“WHAT’S YOUR PROBLEM WITH ‘THE BLIND SIDE’? IT’S A BEAUTIFUL STORY ABOUT FAMILY AND PERSEVERANCEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!”

"Oh yeah", Hiyoko recalled as she made her way to the drinks section, "Those idiots are getting movies."

Locating the tea, Hiyoko picked out a Mugwort blend, a Peppermint mix, and some basic honey tea. She also grabbed a bottle of strawberry milkshake for herself, as any kind of tea was usually too bitter for her. Avoiding the guys on her way to the exit caused her to take a brief detour through the Pharmecudicals section. She slowed in her progress, eyes settling on a certain item, located perfectly at eye level.

"Oh, this will be fun now," she thought mischeviously, grabbing a bottle off the shelf and dashing out of the supermarket.

Meanwhile, back at the kitchen, most of the baked goods had been inserted into the many ovens, with the girls now moving on to setting places and preparing toppings for the cupcakes and fruitcake. Peko alone remained in the kitchen, chopping fruit to decorate the top of her fruitcake. Peko was in the middle of expertly dicing a fresh mango when she heard a voice from the doorway that, had she not been so trained in self-control, may have made her slip and cut herself.

“Quite the setup you girls have here,” the voice came, “What’s the occasion?”

Peko stiffened, and looked up to meet the gaze of the scruffy-haired mystery student that now leaned against the doorframe. Hajime’s expression was nonchalant yet curious as he surveyed the, admittedly, messy state of the kitchen.

“Hajime,” Peko answered in a slightly louder voice than she needed to, “I am assisting the other girls in preparing for our gathering.”

Ibuki’s muffled “Oh, crudmuffins” from the other room confirmed that Peko had succeeded in alerting the others to Hajime’s presence. The boy nodded.

“Another one of those girls-only things, huh?”

“Indeed.”

“Well, I won’t stick around to bug you, I remember my treatment after helping out last time. I’ll wait for my lunch I guess, ‘Hiko asked me to meet up at the theatre anyways.”

With that, Hajime turned and left, raising his right hand to wave farewell over his back. Once he was gone, the door behind Peko opened up to reveal a shakily smiling Sonia.

“Well done, Peko!” the princess said happily, “If he had stuck around and noticed that Mahiru wasn’t with us, he may have gotten suspicious.”

“Not a problem,” Peko shook her head, “Though… do you smell something burning?”

“MY SPRINKLES! THEY WERE SO YOUNGGG!”

Ibuki’s shout echoed through the entire building as she dashed over to the oven, extracting the poor cupcakes whose frosting was covered in a brittle black shell of burnt sprinkles.

“I’m so sorry!” Mikan bowed frantically as she joined her baking buddy, “I knew we shouldn’t have put all the decorations on top until afterwards! I should have said something! Please forgive me!”

Akane stepped up to examine the cupcakes and, taking a very crunchy bite of the burnt shell, shrugged.

“They ain’t so bad,” she said, “Just a lil’ bitter.”

“You have no standards, huh,” snickered Hiyoko, who walked in holding a paper supermarket bag under her arm.

“Ah, lovely!” Sonia smiled, “Is that the tea?”

“Yeah, yeah, I got it. But since you made me go get the tea, I insist on making it so that it’s perfect for big sis!”

“Very well, the kettle is in the dining room. You know how to brew it?”

“Of course I do!” Hiyoko stuck her tongue out at the princess as she walked out into the dining room.

Sonia turned to Akane, “How come the cookies?”

“Oh those?” the gymnast scratched at her head, “I dunno, actually. I looked away for a few seconds and they just vanished outta the oven.”

Sonia felt her eyelids lower a good centimetre as she looked at the gymnast, unimpressed. However, Peko leaned in and whispered in her ear.

“Fear not, she didn’t actually eat them, I took them out and hid them before she could. They’re in the kitchen already, under a tablecloth.”

“Ah, you are a godsend, Peko. Is the fruitcake almost ready to come out?”

“If this book is to be believed, it will be done in ten minutes or so. I have made fruitcake before for my young ma----uh, younger sibling! My younger sibling loves fruitcake. This, however, is a new recipe to me.”

“Wonderful. If that’s the case, then we should go and fetch the guest of honor, should we not? We might as well begin while the tea is still warm, and Hiyoko is brewing it now. Mikan, could you grab Mahiru over here for us? I imagine she is in her cottage.”

“Actually, she’s on her way here right now!” Came a high-pitched, baby-like voice from the corner.

The girls all turned around, startled, Peko lifting the kitchen knife she had been using in a defensive stance. This reaction, while probably warranted, was needless, as they were met with the short, rotund form of Usami waving at them, sporting her signature Magical Girl outfit.

“Usami! Do not startle us like that!” Sonia gasped.

“Yeah, I’m already surrounded by both Mikan and Peko, my heart doesn’t need to go doki doki any faster!” Ibuki shouted indignantly, earning quizzical looks from the two girls in question.

“I’m so sorry!” The bunny girl responded, waving her paws (nubs?) reassuringly, “I just heard from Hajime that you girls were holding a tea party, and I guess my invite got lost in the mail!”

“As, I assume, did mine.”

The bob-haired form of Mahiru Koizumi appeared in the doorway, arms crossed and cheeks puffed out in annoyance, “If we were going to hold another girls-only tea party today, why did I only just now hear about it from Hajime out in the courtyard?”

Mikan’s inevitable slew of apologies, grovelling, and possibly stripping was nipped in the bud by Peko grabbing her arms behind her back, slapping a hand over her mouth, and dragging her off to the dining room.

“Ah, Mahiru!” Sonia’s mind whirled, “We were just about to come get you! I placed handmade invitations into everyone’s mailboxes this morning, but I guess your must have, uhm, blown away?”

Mahiru’s left eyebrow raised at least an inch, but she didn’t question it. “Well, I’m here now. Anything I can help out with, or am I too late to do any baking myself?”

“Ah, don’t worry about that, it’s taken care of,” Akane slapped the photographer on the shoulder (possibly harder than intended), “Cupcakes and cookies are all done, the shorty’s brewin’ up some tea, and Peko will have the cake ready soon. Just come siddown.”

Sonia nodded appreciatively at Akane as she pushed Mahiru out of the kitchen, ignoring a few “I can walk by myself!”s from the redhead along the way. Now alone with Ibuki, the two girls began smiling at each other mischeviously.

“Now, then,” the musician drummed her fingers together like a villain in a spy movie, “For our game plan…

~~~~~

Once the spread had been laid out as artistically as possible, and everyone had been seated (they had pulled a baby booster seat out of storage, on which Usami now say quite happily), Sonia stood and chimed her spoon against the edge of her teacup a few times to gather the attention of the others.

“If it’s quite alright, I would like to make a toast!”

“With...tea?” Mahiru asked quizzically from her chair directly opposite the princess, “Isn’t that something you usually do with wine?”

“Is it? I’ve seen tea-toasts in some of my movies, I thought they were relevant outside of my kingdom.”

“Who cares?” Ibuki asked, “Just lay it on us.”

Sonia smiled, “I would just like to say… A toast, to the family that we choose, not the one that we are given. And to the improvement of the bonds between us, not just around this table, but also between us and our friends of the less fair sex.”

Sonia had chosen her place at the table across from Mahiru specifically so that she could have an excuse to catch the redhead’s eye as she said this last bit. Ibuki,seated immediately next to her, drove the point home with, “I hear that!” followed by a suggestive whistle.

Mahiru’s cheeks went a little red at that, causing her to look away and let out an indignant, “Yeah, sure. Cheers, or, y’know, whatever.”

Peko coughed, somewhat red in the face herself, “Yes, indeed. Cheers.”

With that, everyone around the table took a deep sip of their tea, minus Hiyoko, who took a very satisfied gulp of her bottled milkshake.

“Now, let’s dig in!” Akane exclaimed, drool already drenching the napkin draped over her collar as she surveyed the spread of baked goods with cartoonishly dilated retinas.

Peko doled out slices of fruitcake to everyone, and they all grabbed what they wanted from the other platters (mostly just the cookies, the cupcakes were largely untouched except for Akane and Ibuki). It was once everyone was finally settled in that Hiyoko decided to play her hand.

“Hey, big sis? What tea did you go with?”

“Hmm?” Mahiru looked up as she plucked a slice of strawberry off the top of her cake with a fork, “The peppermint, why?”

Hiyoko smiled, "Perfect."

“How did it taste? You notice anything about it?”

“Not… anything out of the ordinary,” The photographer scrunched her brow, “Though I admit it was a lot more bitter than I was expecting after how much milk and sugar I put in.”

“Yeah, sorry,” The dancer’s smile widened further and further, “Most powdered drugs like that are pretty bitter, there was no getting around that.”

The table fell silent. Fourteen eyes (and two black spheres) turned to look at the small, kimono-clad girl who now giggled like a hyena.

“Explain. Now.” Peko’s red eyes bored a hole through Hiyoko’s head as the three venomous syllables were spat from her mouth.

“None of you were listening to me, so I decided to take matters into my own hands,” Hiyoko reached triumphantly into her kimono and pulled out a pill bottle, which she held up for everyone to read.

KUMA-BRAND TRUTH PILLS

“Gyaaaa!” Usami’s shrill squeak was deafening to poor Ibuki, who was sitting next to the rabbit, “I thought I had hidden all those away where nobody would see them!”

“I have a much lower vision line than anybody else here,” Hiyoko giggled, “Well, except for the pipsqueak gangster, but he looks so childish I doubt he can even read.”

Peko’s hand instinctively went for a butter knife, but Mikan surprisingly caught her, face frantic. The nurse was clearly already at least fifty percent adrenaline.

“Hiyoko,” Sonia’s tone was measured, but stern, “What have you given us?”

“Not everybody, just the people who drank the peppermint. I know it’s Mahiru’s favourite, but I dunno who else drank it.”

The slight widening of Ibuki and Peko’s eyes answered that question quickly.

“Don’t worry, it’s harmless,” Hiyoko continued, “It’s just gonna make you tell the truth no matter what for the next few hours.”

“B-but-” Mahiru sputtered, knocking over her chair as she stood up suddenly, “Why do this? Just as a prank? This isn’t funny, Hiyoko!”

Hiyoko smiled, “Well, it is a funny prank, but that’s not it. Ibuki, why are we here?”

“We’re trying to trick Mahiru into getting over her tsundere phase and confess her painfully obvious love to Hajime!”

Ibuki’s eyes went wide with terror as she spoke, seemingly unable to stop herself.

“Uh-oh.” Akane said through a mouthful of charred cupcake shell.

“WHAT?” the redhead exclaimed, “That’s ridiculous! Tsundere? Me? Come on, guys!”

“My point exactly!” Hiyoko said, “Nobody else believed me that you didn’t like that idiot, but I know you, big sis! You would never fall for somebody that clueless and ugly!”

Mahiru turned to look, in abject fear and apprehension, at the smaller girl.

“So,” the dancer continued, “It’s time to hear your truth from the horse’s mouth, ladies! Mahiru Koizumi, DO YOU LIKE HAJIME?”

“How could I possibly not? He’s adorable and he doesn’t even realize how adorable he is and it drives me nuts!” Mahiru blurted out quickly before slapping a hand over her mouth, her face lighting up like a christmas bulb.

The smile fell from Hiyoko’s face like a light switch had been flipped, “What…?”

A few beats of silence permeated the room, before an unlikely source raised its timid hand.

“Uhm…” Mikan asked, “I realize this isn’t how we wanted to do it, but isn’t this pretty much exactly what we wanted?”

Ibuki’s eyes somehow formed the shape of lightbulbs as she clapped her hands together in realization, “You’re right! Peko, Akane, GRAB HER! WE’RE GETTING THIS GIRL TO HAJIME, ON THE DOUBLE!”

The two girls rushed forward and, despite meager resistance and a good deal of indignant shouting, they hoisted Mahiru off her feet and began to carry her out of the room. Most of the other girls followed suit, leaving behind a shell-shocked Hiyoko in their wake.

“Ador...able?”

Chapter Text

As the girls departed from the meeting, tittering amongst themselves with varying degrees of enthusiasm, the guys all headed out towards the supermarket, where movies would be found for their plan.

“Our choices should be tactical,” Byakuya fiddled with his glasses pensively, “Get our Hajime in a romantic mood, or at least an honest one.”

“Oh god, please don’t tell me you want us to rent a fuckin’ rom-com,” Fuyuhiko asked with a pained look at the paunchy progeny, “My little sis made me sit through both ‘Kissing Booth’ movies on her last birthday, I just about threw up my lunch.”

“I agree!” Teruteru pumped his arms enthusiastically, “We need somethin’ steamy to set the right atmosphere. If y’all don’t mind, I have a personal list of recommendations…”

“That will not be necessary,” Byakuya said quickly, careful to nip any suggestion made by the pervert in the bud, “It’s true that a classic romantic comedy might not have the desired effect, not to mention arouse suspicion. Hajime must not see through our plans in order for the influence to work.”

“So we compromise,” Kazuichi looked uncharacteristically thoughtful, “What’s a movie that’s not too sappy and obvious, but still glorifies all the lovey-dovey stuff?”

“I fear my expertise is not applicable here,” Gundham shook his head, “My taste is far beyond the common drudge that swine indulge in. That is, when I do not allow my Devas to choose for me.”

The group continued in thoughtful silence until they reached the supermarket. The Film and Media section was close to the back, and much to the group’s disgruntlement, it seemed all the movies were thrown haphazardly into a large steel-mesh bin, rather than being alphabetized on shelves like they had hoped.

“Alright, this isn’t my problem,” Fuyuhiko shrugged and turned right back around, “I dunno too many movies that don’t pertain to my talent anyways, I’m gonna go find Hajime and let him know to meet us at the theatre in a bit.”

“Very well,” Byakuya nodded at the young yakuza, “Hurry back. I get the impression that you’ve spent the most time with Hajime than the rest of us, your input on our choices may be valuable.”

Fuyuhiko nodded and left, leaving the others to begin rummaging through the bin. “Related to his talent, huh,” Nagito murmured to himself, finding amusement in the mental image of Fuyuhiko enthralled by The Godfather.

“How’s about we all pick one, and Fuyuhiko gets final say because he and Hajime are so close?” Nekomaru rubbed his fuzzy chin as he searched.

“Sounds fair to me,” Kazuichi responded as he inspected a copy of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen skeptically.

“What sounds fair?”

Byakuya’s shoulders tightened as the new voice behind him caught him by surprise, almost prompting him to cry out in his natural, shrill voice had he not caught himself to stay in character. Slowly, he turned around to find Mahiru Koizumi, camera at one hip and paper supermarket bag under her arm, looking across at the scene questioningly.

“Uh, nothing!” Kazuichi responded to her question a little too quickly, dropping the movie case to the ground in shock.

Byakuya rolled his eyes at the mechanic’s lack of composure. “Come to think of it,” he thought, “This could be an opportunity…”

Gundham appeared to have had a similar idea, as he spoke, “Nothing of concern to you, Mistress of Frozen Memory, we are merely choosing tonight’s gentlemanly entertainment. Hajime could not join us, as he was priorly engaged, and so we are attempting to make a choice with his earthly preferences in mind.”

Mahiru eyed the breeder quizzically, but not skeptically, “Mistress of… what? Was that your attempt at flattery?”

Gundham did not respond. On his shoulder, Naga-Z seemed to chuckle (or whatever the hamster equivalent is) at his expense.

“Whatever,” Mahiru rolled her eyes, “Hajime likes that kinda warm, feel-good movie that you might take a younger sibling to see. Y’know, Disney-Pixar, Dreamworks, that kinda thing.”

“Ah, not bad taste,” Nekomaru said, nodding, “Much appreciated!”

Mahiru nodded and turned to leave, before Nagito asked something that, had he not been across the bin from him, would have prompted a sharp ding to the head from Kazuichi.

“If it’s not too much to ask, how do you know Hajime’s taste in movies?”

This outburst was met with silencing glares from the rest of the guys present, who knew they could not afford for Mahiru to get suspicious, especially if the girls were to do their work on her later on.

“Oh, that?” The photographer looked over her shoulder, “I overheard him mention it to Ibuki a few months ago…”

Mahiru trailed off as she realized what she had just admitted. Her cheeks were suddenly graced with a dusting of red as she turned away sharply, “I make a point to remember everything I hear about what everyone likes! It’s not like he’s special or anything, I just have very good memory!”

With that, she scampered out of the supermarket, bag still in hand. Byakuya let out a sigh of relief as he turned to look at Nagito, unimpressed.

“Oh, have I upset you?” the luckster scratched the back of his neck while chuckling softly, “My bad, I would never want to do something to bother one of you ultimates.”

“Just get back to work,” the progeny rubbed the ridge of his nose and resumed his search in the movie bin.

~~~~~~

“Yo, Hajime!”

Fuyuhiko waved to his sworn brother as he finally located the boy, who was stepping out of his cottage.

Hajime waved in return, stepping closer to the yakuza, “Hey, ‘Hiko, what’s up?”

“Not too much. You know how the girls always have those girls-only things that we aren’t invited to?”

“All too well,” Hajime rubbed his backside unconsciously, remembering the first and last time he had elected to help out in the preparation of one of those events, only to be (quite literally) kicked out immediately after by Sonia.

“Well, us guys were thinking we would do something similar! None of us, ‘cept maybe Byakuya, are much for tea, but we were thinkin’ of a guys-only movie binge or something like that.”

Hajime smiled and nodded, “Sounds like fun, I’m in. Don’t have much else going on today anyway. I was just gonna go grab some lunch in the kitchen, when do you guys want me to meet up?”

Fuyuhiko silently breathed in relief that Hajime was so readily on board, “Whenever you’re done should be alright. The others are just grabbin’ some viewing material at the supermarket. See you at the theatre!”

The boys waved farewell and headed off in their own directions, Hajime headed towards the hotel and Fuyuhiko back the way he came.

“Wait a sec, did he say the kitchen?”

Fuyuhiko whipped around at his own realization, but Hajime was already gone. “Aw, shit,” he murmured, “I hope I didn’t just mess everything up for the girls.”

The yakuza continued on his way towards the supermarket, passing a red-faced Mahiru on the way. He waved hello to the girl, but she barreled on past him back towards her cottage in such a way that he questioned if she had even seen him in the first place. He shrugged and made his way back to where he was sure Gundham and Nekomaru would be at each other’s throats over something or another by now. That always tended to happen whenever those two were together for long periods of time. Fuyuhiko chuckled as he entered the supermarket, reminiscing about the time the pair of them had forced the rest of the islanders to judge their sandcastle-building contest. Which had gone on for four hours. During one of the hottest days of their time on Jabberwock Island. Gundham, of course, had won, constructing a faithful replica of Minas Tirith from Lord of the Rings, while Nekomaru had only achieved a rather formless, 8-foot tall cylinder of sand.

“I wonder what they’ve got picked out,” Fuyuhiko wondered as he took a small detour on his way to the Film and Media section to stuff some fried dough cookies from the Baked Goods section into his blazer’s inner pocket. It was as he was passing the Pharmecudicals section that he caught a flash of orange and yellow out of the corner of his eye, but it was gone when he looked. He shrugged and returned to the group.

“Ah, the prodigal son returns!” Kazuichi said with a toothy smile as he rejoined the group, “Just in time, too! We’ve all got our choices ready, and since you’re the closest to him of all of us, you get final say. Cool?”

“Whatever,” Fuyuhiko attempted to give off an air of nonchalance, but inwardly he thought, “This had better be good. One of these movies is gonna have to get my brother to go after the girl of his dreams, and I gotta pick the right one.”

The guys had laid out their choices before him on a fold-out table, and they each stood behind their movie proudly. Fuyuhiko looked over the options, immediately disqualifying some choices in his mind. Kazuichi stood behind a copy of Iron Man 3, while Teruteru stood beside him, chest puffed proudly, behind 50 Shades of Grey. Beside them, Nekomaru and Gundham were indeed giving each other the side-eye, standing in front of copies of Real Steel and Bolt, respectively. Fuyuhiko opted to ignore the copy of The Art of Racing in the Rain that was unceremoniously stuffed into the breeder’s coat. Byakuya seemed confident in his choice of Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs, and Nagito rounded out the list while standing in front of a copy of Tangled.

Immediately, Fuyuhiko tossed 50 Shades and IM3 into the bin, much to the woe of their choosers. Nekomaru chuckled at the dissapointment of those beside him, only to be outraged when his choice, too was tossed aside.

“HUH? WHAT’S WRONG WITH REAL STEEL? HUGH JACKMAN *AND* EVANGELINE LILY, MAN! SHIT!”

“We aren’t lookin’ for star power here, genius,” Fuyuhiko said as he inspected the remaining three choices, “We need to give off the right message, or else this will be all fo nothin’.”

Eventually, he chose to discard Bolt, as the synopsis on the back seemed like it leaned more on the platonic kind of “found family” deal, and they needed something else. That left two contenders.

“I’ll be honest, I just closed my eyes and picked randomly,” Nagito said as Fuyuhiko read the back of Tangled. The yakuza, surprisingly, nodded with approval.

“Well, that luck of yours is something else once again, Nagito. Tangled it is.”

Byakuya nodded his approval to Fuyuhiko and placed his movie politely back in the bin.

“Now,” the progeny said, “Off to the theatre.”

~~~~~~~

Hajime was already waiting by the theatre entrance when the rest of the guys rolled up, to whom he waved happily.

“Hey guys! So what’s on the docket for today?”

“Right here,” Fuyuhiko tossed the ahoged boy the Tangled case.

“Tangled?” Hajime asked, “It’s a great flick, but this kinda thing really appeals to all you guys?”

Byakuya and Fuyuhiko managed to give convincing thumbs-ups that counterbalanced the weak approval from Kazuichi, Teruteru, and Nekomaru. Gundham simply shrugged and mumbled, “Well, the girl does have a lizard….”

Nagito volunteered to put the disc into the player while the rest of the guys chose seats. Bags of popcorn acquired from the lobby in hand, they settled in for the movie. About ten minutes in, however, the audio started to skip every now and then.

“What’s up with the disc?” Fuyuhiko asked, “Is it scratched or something?”

“Seems like it,” Nekomaru sighed, “Aw shit, and here I was getting into it.”

“Well, it’s only once every few minutes,” Hajime said, “We can still watch…”

Hajime was cut off by the movie beginning to frantically cut in and out of visibility and audibility. The sound practically sounded like Ibuki was up in the wings messing around on a record, while the visuals were jumping all over the place. One shot would be normal, the next black and white, the next zoomed in 1000 percent, the next with its exposure turned all the way up. It was pretty clear the player was having a hard time with this one.

“I’ll go pause it and see what’s up,” Kazuichi stood and began to make his way up to the projection deck. Through the glass, he could see the player shaking and vibrating ever so slightly. “Sheesh, Nagito, whatever happened with that luck of yours…” he trailed off as he saw the exterior of the player begin to warp and redden with heat.

“Uh-oh…”

The explosion wasn’t too big itself, but it did shatter most of the glass in the projector room, as well as send deafening sound waves all throughout the building.

“WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?” Fuyuhiko’s angry shout echoed up at Kazuichi, who was paralyzed with fear as he saw a crack begin to creep its way up the drywall to the ceiling.

“DUCK AND COVER!” Kazuichi yelled as a deep, metallic groan sounded from above them as dust began falling down around the moviegoers. Hajime, notably, was too paralyzed to get under his chair as a large metal support beam directly above the row they had all been sitting in gave way, snapping in two.

“GET DOWN, HAJIME!” Nekomaru’s scream was somehow the loudest thing so far, but it came too late as the jagged metal plunged down towards Hajime’s face…

And stopped about half an inch away from his widened eyeball, having been caught by thick rubber cables that had snapped along with it and wrapped around it. The support beam was now a metal spear, suspended by a thick rope, dangling just above Haijme’s head. For reasons unknown to him, Nagito felt a slight chill.

“TAYLOR SWIFT!” Teruteru grabbed Hajime and yanked him away, “We gotta get outta here before the rest comes down!”

The rest of the guys needed no prompting as they made their escape, but as they convened outside the theatre, they heard no more sounds of collapsing or falling debris.

“All that…” Byakuya panted, “Because of a faulty DVD. I thought… you were supposed to be lucky… Nagito…”

Nagito shrugged from his place on the ground, clearly too out of breath from his poor constitution to respond.

“You alright, bro?” Fuyuhiko planted a hand on Hajime’s shoulder, who was standing a bit away from the group, “You just about got skewered in there.”

“Yeah, fine…” Hajime sounded distracted, yet fine. Suddenly he turned to Fuyuhiko and said, “I almost died in there.”

“Yeah, you just about did.”

“Man, I’ve been such an idiot…”

Fuyuhiko cocked his head to the side, confused, “Whadda ya mean?”

Hajime grabbed his friend by the shoulders, ruffling the material of his blazer slightly, “I’ve been living in fear, man! God, I’ve wasted so much time! I gotta live while I’m alive!”

“As… pumped as I am that you seem alright, man,” Kazuichi asked as he approached, “What are you talking about?”

Ignoring the mechanic’s question, Hajime took off running towards the cottages, moving with more purpose than any of them had ever seen him run.

“Where are you going?” Byakuya shouted after him.

“To shoot my shot!” Hajime called back before disappearing behind a grove of palm trees.

On the ground still, Nagito chuckled to himself as both he and the others around him regained their breaths and looked at each other incredulously.

“What do you know?”

Chapter Text

Hajime’s chest heaved with exertion by the time he approached the system of cottages that they had all been staying in. The wind pulsed against him in tandem with the pumping of blood in his ears as leftover adrenaline from his recent near-death experience coursed through him.

“I should… probably… slow down…” Hajime thought as he wheezed, leaning up against the wall of Kazuichi’s cabin and coughing up a lung, “The girls are all in their private thing, right? It’s not like I’ll be able to get Mahiru alone for a while yet…”

“THERE’S THE BEDHEADED SUMBITCH!”

The familiar shout from the voice of the Ultimate Musician echoed throughout the entire island, sending a nearby flock of seagulls scattering. Hajime looked up to the direction of the hotel, where the shout had come from, and was met with a very odd sight barrelling at him.

Was Ibuki… riding Mikan?

Indeed, the nervous nurse was staggering under the weight of Ibuki, who seemed to have hopped up on her back piggyback-style and was now pointing a finger directly at Hajime with a wild grin on her face. Coupled with the running forms of Sonia, Peko, and Akane, the musician looked one whip short of a cowgirl corralling animals from atop a steed. Hajime’s fatigue was forgotten with a jolt of incredulous confusion as he realized that Peko was hoisting a certain squirming redhead in a fireman’s carry as the group charged at full speed.

“Uh…” Hajime began as they approached, “I… take this to mean you’re done in there?”

“Oh, we’re all done all right!” Ibuki’s response carried almost sinister undertones as she hopped down from Mikan’s panting form and flung the door to Hajime’s cabin open, “In. Now.”

Before Hajime could respond, or even take a step forward to do as told, Akane grabbed him by his shirt collar and began dragging him by the neck to his own cabin.

“Hey!” he yelled through the occasional slight choke, “Somebody wanna explain what’s going on here?”

“Something that’s been a long time coming,” Akane simply said as she shoved him inside. Hajime tripped over his own feet and ended up sprawled on his bed, messing up the neat job he had done that morning of making it. Hajime turned to find Peko carrying Mahiru (who, now that he was closer, he could tell was absolutely beet red) into the cabin after him. The photographer seemed to have given up resisting physically, instead resorting to begging the swordswoman to put her down anywhere but inside the cabin.

“---swear on heaven, if you get me out of here until it wears off, I will do whatever you want for a month,” Hajime could make out the frantic mumbling, “Heck, I’ll sneak an artsy photo of Fuyuhiko in the shower for you! That’s forsaking my morals, but I will do it for you if you put me dow--OOF!”

Mahiru was cut off by her own cry of pain as Peko did, indeed, put her down. Well, more like dropped her on the floor, it was not delicate. Peko simply nodded to Hajime, who noted that the swordswoman’s cheeks were dusted pink, and left rather quickly.

“Hajime!” Ibuki yelled at him through the doorframe, “Now’s your chance! She physically can’t lie right now! Go for the throat!”

With that, Ibuki slammed the door shut.

“Hey!” Hajime got up and began pounding on the door, “Don’t make it sound like I was in on whatever this is! What’s even going on here?”

The pounding was met with no avail. Hajime could tell that Akane or Peko or both were holding the door from the other side, and he also knew that he had no chance in hell of overpowering either of them, even on a good day.

“What the heck even is this day I’m having?” Hajime shook his head incredulously as he turned to look at Mahiru, who was dusting herself off and pointedly not looking Hajime in the eyes.

“You okay?” he asked the photographer.

“No,” she responded, “Everything is coming crashing down around me and I am in the situation that I would absolutely least like to be in.”

Mahiru choked a bit at the end of her sentence, covering her mouth with her hand. Hajime blinked, remembering what Ibuki had shouted at him.

“Is… something wrong with you?”

“Hiyoko drugged me with some magic nonsense bullshit drug that makes no biological sense, but basically it doesn’t let me lie and makes me answer any question I get asked, so silence isn’t an option.”

Mahiru groaned loudly, turning away from Hajime and inching towards the corner of the room that was furthest from him.

“Please don’t ask me anything else, I don’t want to say anything I’ll regret,” Mahiru’s shoulders visibly tensed as she crossed her arms around herself protectively, “Especially to you.”

“A… truth drug?” he thought incredulously, before everything clicked.

“I see,” he said, “We’ve been bamboozled.”

“Huh?” Mahiru turned to look at the boy, “How do you mean?’

“To be honest, I’m a little embarrassed that I didn’t notice it sooner. The clues were all there, I just didn’t put them together until now because I didn’t think there was anything TO put together,” Hajime cleared his throat, “The case appears to have begun earlier today, when I noticed that most of the others’ cabins were empty. I didn’t think much of it at the ti--”

“Hajime, as much as I love your painstakingly complex over-analyses, could you shorten it up a bit?” Mahiru asked, remembering the huge ordeal that Hajime had made a few months back when someone had filled Gundham’s shampoo bottle with pink hair dye. Alas, (As Hajime had deduced it to be) Ibuki’s plan didn’t go as intended, and while Gundham’s head remained black and brooding, the devas were pinkified for a few weeks afterwards.

“Oh, ah, sure,” Hajime felt his cheeks flush as he noticed Mahiru’s word choice of “love”, “You’ve been drugged to only tell the truth, and I have just come from a frankly rather harrowing near-death experience that has given me incentive do, uh, do something that I’ve been too afraid to do for a long time. It seems like our friends are scheming to get the two of us to do something.”

Mahiru nodded, remembering what Hiyoko had told her, “Yeah, they’re trying to force something out of me… wait, what exactly is it that you were too afraid to do?”

Hajime ran a hand through his messy hair, blushing, “Well, uh, you see…”

Hajime leaned in towards the photographer a little closer, bringing the rosy color back to underlight her freckles. “You can’t lie, right?”

“Um… doesn’t seem like it, no.”

Hajime swallowed, suppressing his nerves for the quite literal moment of truth from the photographer.

“Scale of one to ten… how mad would you be if I kissed you right now?” his face was mere inches from Mahiru’s, green staring into green.

“Zero, please do. Wait, WHA---”

What felt like most of the blood in her body came rushing to Mahiru’s face as her cry was silenced by Hajime’s lips meeting hers. Unbeknownst and forgotten to both residents of Hajime’s cottage, Ibuki (who had been monitoring the situation through the crack between the curtains) pumped both fists high into the air in victory. The kiss itself was brief, maybe only three or four seconds of contact before Hajime pulled back, but it felt like a blissful eternity to the red-faced redhead.

The two stared into each other’s eyes for a second more, trying to unravel the tangled web of unrestrained desire and stark terror that seized them both. The moment was broken first by Mahiru, whose vocal chords somehow produced a frequency that would prove harmful to dogs without any direction from her. The girl’s vision went fuzzy as she scrambled backwards, falling onto the bend and instinctively grabbing the blankets over herself to hide.

“Heh… sorry about that,” Hajime’s chuckle was dry and apprehensive, clearly not knowing what to do with the situation he was presented with, “I’ve just… thought about doing that for a long time…”

“So have I…” came the weak, involuntary reply from beneath the blankets.

“Look, Mahiru,” Hajime straightened his back, “I.. really like you. I have for a long time, actually. I’m not gonna pretend that it was something cheesy like love-at-first-sight or anything, but… after that evening? The one when you got me to take your picture at the beach? The girl… no, the woman I saw in through the lens of that camera… she was the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.”

“Jeez, Hajime, you IDIOT!”

Whatever response he had been expecting, Hajime was not prepared to block the pillow that came flying at his face, presenting a dull *thud* before dropping to the floor. Mahiru, now kneeling on the bed and bearing the second pillow in an aggressive stance, bore an expression halfway between rage and jubilance.

“I’m sorry if you don’t feel the same!” Hajime began, “I just had to be hone--”

The ahoged boy was cut off by the second pillow, as well as something very unexpected that followed it immediately. Mahiru dove off the bed, wrapped her arms around his torso and buried her head in the crook between his neck and shoulder.

“Why didn’t you say any of this sooner?!?” Mahiru yelled at him as she clutched at the material of his shirt, “I’ve been here agonizing like some lovesick heroine in a bad Y/A movie, and you mean to tell me YOU’VE LIKED ME THE WHOLE TIME?”

“Uh… yes?”

“Oh my god, you idiot,” Mahiru sighed before letting out a soft giggle. She looked up at his eyes as soft streams ran down her beaming face. With one hand, she tugged Hajime’s tie downwards slightly and met his lips once more. This kiss was longer, much longer, as the pair finally had an outlet for the pent-up affection they had been bottling for so long. Once they finally broke apart, their faces were nothing but uncontrollable smiles as they took a few seconds to examine every intimate detail of each other’s faces.

“I am never going to forgive the others for making us do the one thing we've been wanting to do for months.” Hajime chuckled.

Mahiru shook her head, “Never.”

After a few more moments together, Hajime walked over and knocked on the door once more, much less panicked this time.

“Alright you all, we’re ready to come out now. We’re done in here.”

The door creaked open to reveal the faces of Fuyuhiko and Hiyoko, both of whom had apparently caught up with the group at one point or another while Hajime and Mahiru were inside.

“Big sis!” Hiyoko began, “I hope Hajime didn’t do anything---”

Hiyoko cut off as both her and Fuyuhiko’s eyes widened at the scene before them. Hiyoko’s jaw dropped in horror, but Fuyuhiko laughed aloud and clapped Hajime on the shoulder.

“Damn! Hajime, I never knew you would be smooth enough to get so far so fast!” the yakuza whispered in his friend’s ear, “I shoulda had more faith in you!”

“What do you mean?” Hajime asked, confused, before he turned to look at what the vertically challenged duo were looking at.

“Oh. Right.” Hajime thought as he saw the source of the confusion. The bed, Hajime’s bed, was absolutely trashed. The fitted sheet was off one corner, the blankets were in all sorts of disarray, and the pillows had been thrown across the room. Mahiru, standing in the corner, now also realized the implications of the scene, face once again growing red.

“Uhm… it’s not what you think?” Mahiru squeaked.

Hiyoko’s wild animal-adjacent screech echoed throughout the entire island, sending birds and mammals alike running for the hills.

~~~~~~~

Fifteen ultimate students covered their ears on the screen that the two women watched from their control room, overlooking the slumbering forms in the pod room. One of the women was positively squealing with delight, the other fuming behind a stoic face.

“Pay up, Kyoko! They confessed!”

The suit-clad detective rolled her eyes as she fished a wallet out of her purse beside her. “Yes, yes. It was ten, right?”

“No, it was twenty!” Aoi crossed her arms indignantly, “Don’t you try to short-change me!”

Kyoko sighed and forked over two crinkled 10,000 yen notes, which Aoi happily pocketed. Both woman turned back to the screen, on which now Kamukura… no, Hinata could be seen laughing alongside Mioda and Kuzuryuu, with Koizumi under his arm. Both Hinata and Koizumi looked… happy.

“You getting any ideas?” Aoi teased her friend, “When are you gonna suck it up and confess to Makoto, anyways?”

The detective flushed slightly before shaking her head to clear it, “Whatever do you mean? Makoto and I have a purely business relationship.”

“Uh-huh,” the swimmer monotoned, “Sure thing.”

Kyoko sighed and turned back to the screen, which now displayed Hinata and Koizumi sharing a brief, yet tender, kiss as the sun began to set around them.

“Maybe they’ll be alright after all,” she thought, allowing a rare smile to break her stoic mask, “I hope so."