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Bellamy had never felt so calm before. Maybe because there never was peace for him before. He always had to take care of both his sister and mother back on the Ark and now on the ground, he had to take care of a hundred teenagers who he was the leader of. But now, in the woods, with the girl he loves . . . he feels like peace actually exists and he is feeling it now. Having her in his arms gives him calm, relief, peace.
He had wished it for so long. For just one day, one hour, one minute—no matter how long—he just felt like he didn't need to fight against the world every time on his own. Sure, now he had Clarke he didn't do it alone anymore, but there is a bound in his chest that he had been caring for so long and now it just feels like it has been taking away with the wind.
Bellamy sighs and hugs Clarke tighter. He could tell by the rise and fall of her chest she was sleeping peacefully. He knew she was tired, either for the walk and for . . . the other thing they have done.
He smiles at the memory. It was their first time—and more important to Bellamy, her first time. It had to be perfect. Bellamy was so worried he would hurt her or it would go wrong, but in the end, it turned out to be all okay. It was magic, and certainly, neither Bellamy nor Clarke would forget that night.
Clarke had never felt so loved in her whole life. The way Bellamy looked at her, kissed her, touched her . . . the way always made sure she was comfortable and wanted to go on. He was so caring and loving and Clarke just felt overwhelmed by the fact that this guy, this amazing and incredible guy, chose to love her over a bunch of other girls. There were many back at the camp, and certainly more beautiful than her, Clarke thought, but he chose her.
Though Clarke didn't know, Bellamy always thought the same. In times like this, when Clarke was asleep and he got to look at her face so calm and relaxed, she looked so beautiful and Bellamy wondered how could she think he was enough for her. He had never felt enough even for himself, let alone for Clarke. She was just—incredible. He thinks he won't ever be able to fully give her what she deserves. She deserves the world—too bad he can't give it to her.
Their relationship grew up faster than they thought, Bellamy believes. They had known each other a year now, and he admits it or not, since the dropship days he felt a tension, chemistry between them two. But there was Finn, and then Lexa, and Bellamy never could bring himself to tell her his feelings. Not when she seemed so happy with other people. He didn't want to ruin her happiness, because this is the thing that he most wants for her, even if it is with him or not. But when Lexa died—she was so broken and Bellamy was too—Gina had died recently too—and they found comfort in each other's arms. And what once upon a time was just comforting, supporting platonic hugs, became, somehow, kisses and I love you's.
Bellamy didn't regret anything though. Yes, he wished they had got to be together sooner, but first, they had built a bound, a bound that could never be broken, and he knew it made their relationship stronger. If they had got together in the dropship days, it would be just a yell and shout's relationship.
Clarke moved even closer to Bellamy in her sleep and he smiled, kissing her temple. He felt her blonde hair against his cheek and her breathing on his neck. His arm held her waist while hers held his too. It felt so familiar—it felt like home.
And then suddenly, a loud noise made Bellamy sit up abruptly. He looked around but he didn't see anything there, but he knew this noise wasn't nothing. He turned to look at Clarke, who was massaging the back of her head, frowning and let a whimper escape from her list.
"Sorry, Princess," he says and holds her hand. "We need to go."
"Go? Why? What's wrong?" she murmured the words confused and he could tell she wasn't fully awake yet. He helped her get on her feet pressed a kiss on her hand which was still on his.
"I heard something. In the trees, maybe. We should get going."
"It's probably just a bug or something," she says, laying her head on his shoulder, completely tired. "Now can we get back to sleep?"
"Nope. The sleeping beauty can't sleep quite yet," he teased and she moaned, but took her head off his shoulder and sighed, and she looked more awake now.
"Let's go now, then. I'm dying for sleeping."
"You haven't slept the past few days well, have you?" he asked. His tone wasn't angry, but Clarke knew he was upset. He always worried about her, sometimes a little too much, and she knows when she's not doing well and doesn't tell him he gets upset.
"I was taking care of some patients and teaching Octavia medic techniques."
Bellamy sighs, trying to not scream at her when he says, "Clarke!"
"Bell, here on the ground anything can happen anytime, we can't afford to sleep too much and—"
"Then we don't sleep and if they decide to attack us we can't even step forward," he says and he doesn't mean to yell at her, but as he speaks his voice grows. She tends to do things like this; putting other people's needs above her own. And then she doesn't care about her wellbeing, just the other and in the end, she gets sick or hurt. Last time, she got so damn sick that the whole camp got worried the hell out of them.
"Bellamy, I don't want to argue, okay? Tonight . . . it was amazing, and I don't want to ruin the night with your bullshit."
"My bullshit?" Bellamy didn't want to argue either, but when she said this—Bellamy knew he couldn't stop himself now. "Clarke, this is not bullshit, it is your health! Can you please just care about yourself once? Because is so damn tiring worrying about every single step you take because you can't take care of yourself!"
He regretted his words as soon he said them, but it was done. And when he saw her eyes, he knew the damage was done.
He didn't mean it. He knew she could take of herself—she just avoids it sometimes, making take care of everyone else her number one priority. Either way, he knew it was unfair to say she doesn't know how to take care of herself because she has been doing it for a long time. She managed not to go insane on the solitary, to keep herself alive that three mouths after Mount Weather and in the City of the Light to stop A.L.I.E. She could take care of herself better than anyone there and probably better than Bellamy as well.
But now, he wouldn't take back what he said. In the first place, because there is no way to unsay something you've said, and secondly because he's too stubborn for that.
"Unbelievable," she says the worlds in an unbelieved whisper and then sight with a small laugh, but he knows it isn't a good laugh. Is the type of laugh she does only when she's really, really angry and is trying her hard to calm down. "You're such a—"
She never got the chance to finish her sentence, because someone jumped over her, making her head hit the ground so bad that Bellamy swore everyone who was possibly near them heard the sound.
"Clarke?" Bellamy asked, but his eyes didn't leave the grounder's. "Clarke, are you okay?" He never got an answer. The grounder got off over of her and stood up, approaching Bellamy.
"Who are you? What do you want?" Bellamy asked, taking steps back as he looked at the ground looking for something he could use to defend Clarke and himself, but he could find nothing, and he cursed himself for going out of the camp without a weapon.
The grounder smirked. "Ai laik Laylah kom Sangedakru. And I am under my Queen's orders to get Wanheda to her."
Wanheda. Of course, Bellamy thought. Although they managed to make peace with the grounders after A.L.I.E., they still call Clarke "Wanheda," and he knew deep inside it was just a question of time before some of the clans break the peace and start hunting her again.
"You don't need to do this," Bellamy said, trying to buy some time so he can find something to fight with the grounder. Then he saw a piece of metal within the fallen leaves. He just needed to wait for the perfect time to pick it up and attack the grounder.
"Yes, I do," she says, showing the knife she had with her and he didn't notice. "My Queen's order was to kidnap Wanheda and kill everyone who got on my way." She twirled the knife on her hand and then looked at him, pointing the knife menacingly at him. "Today I'm feeling a bit merciful though, and I will let you get away in one piece. You just have to run in the next ten seconds."
"I won't leave her," he said firmly and the piece of metal was in his foot.
"Bad move, sky boy," she said and then tried to kill him, but he was quick enough to deviate and pick up the metal and beat it against her head. When the grounder fell unconscious on the ground, he sighed in relief.
"Bellamy," a soft voice said his name in a whisper, and he dropped the metal and ran to her side. He could see she was struggling to keep her eyes open. She was frowning, and he knew it meant she was in pain.
"It's okay. I'll get you back to the camp and your mom I'll fix up your head, alright?"
"Bellamy," she repeated his name, but there was something in her voice he couldn't recognize. She took his hand and placed it on her stomach, and he frowned. He didn't understand what was going on.
And then he did—when he looked at his hand, it was covered with blood. He pressed his hand tightly against the wound and Clarke gasped in pain, and then he looked at her.
"I'm sorry— I'm— Shit!" he said, not being able to think straight. All he could think now is Clarke's bleeding out and he has to get her back to the camp.
He didn't realize he was crying until Clarke's fingers wiped up his tears and he sighed when she stroked his cheek with her thumb. "It's okay, Bell," she whispered, and Bellamy shook his head.
"No, it is not okay. I need to—" He started to put his left arm under her legs and the right arm under her back, but she touched his chest and tried to pull him back though it was useless.
"There is no time," she said with a sad smile as tears filled her eyes.
"Yes, there is and we're wasting it."
"I won't make it back to the camp," Clarke whispered and Bellamy shook his head, trying to say to both himself and his girlfriend she would make it and she would be just fine, but why couldn't he bring himself to spoke at loud those words?
"I want you to know . . . " she choked in her own words. "I need you to know I'm so proud of you." She smiled caressing his cheek.
"Clarke . . . "
"You've been always the one for me. Always was and always will be. Always."
Her words should be comforting him, but it just made him feel sadder. Is this how it ends? Her bleeding out until death because of him?
"I love you so much, Bellamy Blake," Clarke said, her voice so light as if it was only for him to hear it.
He stroked her cheek as he pressed harder in the wound. "I love you too, Clarke Griffin. But this is not a goodbye."
"It isn't," she confirmed. "It is a 'see you soon'," Clarke said as her hand fell from his cheek to the ground and her eyes started to close.
"No! No, Clarke, please! You can't leave me! Your fight isn't over, not yet!"
"It is," she said and then passed out.
Bellamy's worry grew more if it was even possible and he squeezed her hand. "Clarke. Clarke! Please, don't do this. Please. Stay with me. Just— stay with me."
He got up and carried her through the woods. There was blood everywhere—on her shirt, on her face, on her fingers—and it is starting to drop onto him. He holds her face tightly against his chest and tried hard to press the wound while he ran through the woods with her in his arms. He looked down at her face; she was pale, and when he touched her forehead, it was burning up, but at least she was still breathing.
"Stay with me, Princess," he said.
When he saw the gates of his camp, even far away, he smiled and sighed in relief and look down at his girlfriend. "We're almost there, Clarke. Hold on a little bit more, okay? Hold on."
"Open the gate!" he screamed and the gate opened, and he passed through it without saying any other word, and he ran towards the medical, but he could hear people saying things like "Is it Clarke?" "It is Clarke!" "Oh my God, is she okay?" but he didn't have time to answer any of these questions and he just entered the medical, finding Abby and Jackson there.
"CLARKE!" Abby screamed in horror and took Clarke away from Bellamy, laying her gently on the table. "What happened?"
"We were . . . we were outside and—"
"You two were outside?" Abby snapped, and her voice made Bellamy take a step back. "Without a weapon?"
"No. I mean, yes, but we— I didn't think it'd happen."
"You didn't think," she said and something in her voice was really hurting him and he didn't know what. Jackson was already taking a look at Clarke's wound, but Abby seemed to focus on Bellamy. "What were you to even doing outside?"
Bellamy didn't answer, but after some seconds she seemed to realize what they were actually doing. "Oh my God," she sighed the words, and then looked angrier than she was. "I want you to get out of here and never be near to my daughter ever again."
"Miss Griffin . . ."
"Save it," she said rudely. "You . . . done things with my daughter, and then almost get her killed. You're not a good influence on her. You shall leave."
"I'm sorry, Miss Griffin, but Clarke's already eighteen now and gets to do her own decisions. I didn't push her to do anything and when we did, I had her total consent to it. I would never do something without her consent. And the only I’ll get to leave her is if she asks me to."
"But then you almost got her killed and—"
"Abby, I need you here," Jackson said and Abby's angry face became calm and professional and she got at her daughter's side and started to help Jackson after she cleaned her hands.
"You should leave," Abby said.
"No. I'm not leaving her."
"Abby's right," Jackson said softly. "You should clean up yourself before being near Clarke again, it can infect her wound. Go to your tent, get cleaned up, and then you come back, okay?"
"Okay," Bellamy said and left the tent, though he didn't want to. His body left, but his heart stayed there with that girl in a life-death situation.
* * *
When Bellamy got cleaned up, we rushed to get to Clarke's side. He got to the medical and saw Jackson still stitching her up, and since he didn't want to disturb him, he sat on the chair that was in there and watched him fixing his girlfriend up.
Caring her body through the woods, seeing her face turning pale and her skin turns cold in front of his very eyes and all he could do was run was for sure the hardest thing he's ever done. He thought, for one second, she'd died right there in his arms and her blood would be in his hands.
He wouldn't be able to support the idea he killed Clarke. He was wishing so bad she was going to be okay . . . she had to be okay . . . because he can't lose her. The heart cannot lose the head, if so life would be existent. The heart needs the head, and so does the head needs the heart.
It's like half of the same heart—if one half goes missing, the other feels incomplete and lost. For sure, since the day the dropship landed on the ground and his eyes landed on that blue eyes blonde girl he knew he was in a lot of trouble. He couldn't help but fall in love with her more and more, and he was afraid his love would know actually make him fall, but this time fall apart.
"She is going to be okay," Jackson said, and Bellamy sighed in relief as he felt the tension leaving his shoulders and a bound leaving his heart. She's going to be okay, he told himself. She's going to be okay.
"When will she wake up?" Bellamy asked as he rushed to her side and grabbed her hand.
"It's hard to tell. Soon, hopefully." Jackson smiled. "I am going to tell Abby she's okay and see some patients. You'll be good on your own here?"
"I'm cool," he said gently and smiled, and Jackson nodded.
"She may ask for water when she wakes up. There is water right there." He pointed to a desk that was in the corner of the room. "Make sure she takes it easy and don't move too abruptly."
"Sure. Thank you, Jackson. Really," Bellamy said gratefully.
"Anytime. But I hope there's no other time." Jackson smiled.
Bellamy sighed. "So do I."
* * *
Four hours later, Clarke woke up. She was confused at first, but then memories from earlier played in her head and she figured she was in the medical. She tried to move, but she felt something over her chest and realized it was Bellamy sleeping. She didn't want to wake him up, but the sudden movement woke him and he looked at Clarke's face and saw she was awake. He smiled so brightly in a way Clarke had never seen before, but she loved it. He holds her face so gently as if she would break in his touch, and smiled even more if it was possible.
"Hey you," he whispered, brushing her hair off of her face carefully.
"Hi," she said and then felt her throat scratch as her mouth fell dry.
"Water?" Bellamy asked and she just nodded. He grabbed water for her and helped her lean her head to drink it. When she was finished, he placed the cup back on the desk and got back to her side, holding her hand immediately.
"I'm so glad you're okay."
She smiled and squeezed his hand. "Well, someone has to keep you from doing stupid things," she joked, but he didn't laugh, and it concerned her.
"Bellamy? What's wrong?"
"I— I just— I'm so sorry about everything I said earlier. I was just so upset you were taking care of yourself, because . . . "
When he paused, Clarke said, "Bellamy, it's—"
"Because I can't afford to lose you, Clarke," he said and she saw the truth in his words, and smiled sadly, caressing his hand. "I can't lose you," he repeated. "And this is all my fault. I never should— God, I never should make you leave the camp with me and go to the woods. If you've died I—"
"Stop," she said gently, placing her hand on his cheek calming down his breath and he looked—finally—in her eyes, and she could see the pain in them. She stroked his cheek with her thumb and he closed his eyes as a solitary tear fell, and Clarke wiped it. "Hey, Bell. Look at me."
He opened his eyes hesitantly. He was so afraid she would blame him for what happened to her. And in fact, it was his fault. It was all his fault.
"It wasn't your fault," then she said as if she had read his thoughts. "It wasn't your fault," she said again. "It wasn't."
"It was, Clarke," he said. "If I—"
"All you did was save me," she interrupted him, smiling.
"I didn't save you, Clarke. I just put you in trouble."
"You brought me back here on time, Bellamy. You saved me today, you saved me yesterday and you'll save me tomorrow too, because it's that what you do. You save me. You save me when you just smile and the whole world just suddenly feels right. You save me when you hug me, when you kiss me, when you tell me you love me. You save me when you say a stupid joke and makes me laugh even when I'm said. You save me when I'm lost and I can't seem to find my way back. Bell, you have been saving me for so long and you didn't even realize."
But she noticed it all.