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Severus inhaled deeply the scent of the body beneath him. The rise and fall of said body's chest doing a good job in lulling him into sleep, but he was fighting against it with all his might. He knew that once the battle is lost, he would wake up to an empty space beside him in the bed. It would mean that he and his lover would have to go their separate ways for the time being and Severus dreaded it.
It, obviously, wasn't always like this. In the beginning, the nights with Tom were spent out of obligation – or so he would tell himself. Dumbledore had tasked him with getting as close to the Dark Lord as possible so he would trust his most secret plans to Severus. And so, Severus did. His cunning granted him such an easy way through the Lord's defenses that they have gone from casual talks post Death Eater meetings to sharing a bed really quick.
As much as Severus wished to deny it in the beginning, there was a shift in his feelings toward the Dark Lord – who was slowly turning into Tom – and it was terribly dangerous. They were in the middle of a war and to fall in love with the enemy was the most stupid thing one could do. And coming precisely from him, someone who was so wise, it was... worrisome.
Severus knew better than to get involved and he knew that he should put an end to it before was too late, but he just couldn't bring himself to do it. And it wasn’t as if the Dark Lord didn’t return his feeling. He could see it in the gentle way Tom treated him and how Tom would whisper sweet nothings in his ears every time they made love. They both were already in too deep to get out. But what could Severus do if every time he comes to Tom is like coming home? Every time Tom wraps his arms around him it feels like he was where he belonged.
And they were so much alike. Both were once smart boys with a bright future ahead of them but never knew love and chose the dark path as a way of glory. And maybe all off this was what drew them together. This longing for being loved, this need of being accepted without judgement about their background. Severus couldn't deny himself the chance to receive what he so desperately needed, neither could he deny Tom it. Not when they only had each other to count on.
The hardest part was to keep their relationship quiet. He and Tom both agreed that was for the best that no one knew that they were anything other than master and servant. But it was proving to be something very difficult because they barely could keep their hands from each. And when Severus hands wasn’t occupied with Tom, his mind was. Severus was almost constantly distracted, something that was totally unusual for him, and people was starting to notice the change in his demeanor.
Dumbledore was one of the first to notice that something was off and he was getting suspicious and worried that Severus was getting too involved with his responsibility. Severus honestly couldn’t understand why. He was doing exactly what the old man had asked him, wasn’t he? As long as Severus got the information that he needed Dumbledore should not worry. Not that Severus was relaying much information lately. Maybe that was exactly why Dumbledore saw the need of tell Severus that he was too valorous and that he didn't want to lose him. But Dumbledore’s fatherly attitude always would get in Severus’s nerves, so he would just let his words fall into deaf ears.
Lucius Malfoy also had been pestering him with his so called “worries”, saying that he should be careful since their Lord was far from sane. But Severus didn’t care to listen to Lucius either. To be honest, Lucius behavior was very confusing. It was him who had introduced Severus to the Lord and his cause, talking about power and revolution and now he wanted him to back off? If anything, it was Lucius the one that should be careful. If Tom had the slightest suspicion that Lucius was questioning his sanity, the blond man would implore for the Lord to kill him because Tom did not take treachery lightly.
Severus was so fed up with people meddling in his business as if he was a silly child who could not think for himself. Gone was the time when everyone had a say in his life. He was a grown man now. It was up to him to decide what to do, who to fall in love to, no one else. It was up to him even if his choices led him to abyss. He knew very well that his current state of bliss had an expiration date which was fast approaching. He was no fool, he was just desperately trying to have a little happiness in his life. War be damned.
Tom shifted breaking Severus out of his thoughts. Severus lifted his head to look up at him and soon enough a pair of sleepy eyes were locked on his face. “Are you alright, love?”, he asked, one of his hands finding its way between Severus’s hair strands and starting to massage his scalp.
Seeing such care and worry in the other’s eyes, Severus knew that that happiness he had found with Tom was totally worth the risk. And as long as he had Tom beside him, other people’s opinion didn’t matter a single bit. Sink his chin in Tom’s chest, Severus granted Tom with a sign that was very rare. A small smile slowly curled his lip up.
“I am perfect.”
As long as Tom loved him, everything else didn’t matter.