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“I just think you would feel better if you went to the dentist you know? Baby, please.”
“Ani, I don’t need to go and have someone poke their fingers around in my mouth.”
“But your pain-”
“I can handle it, Elliott.”
“.........”
Elliott stares hard at his boyfriend who isn’t quite meeting his eye. The man in question attempting to ‘subtly’ look to the side as he twirls his fork between his fingers. They were eating lunch together cooked by yours truly (not to toot his own horn but he makes a mean sweet pea risotto) and he’d noticed Taejoon wince a couple of times while eating his meal. Which is, wild, really, because they were eating risotto and that stuff is soft! But apparently not soft enough for him to handle because before he knew it ‘Joon was pushing his plate away from himself, claiming that he ‘had his fill and wasn’t hungry anymore’ and here they are!
Truly, he should be offended by such actions, like, hello? This is Elliott Witt here, his cooking is good, no one can deny his food! No one! And yet here is Taejoon doing just that and trying to refuse help for the very thing causing him to turn away such deliciousness! This wasn’t any new development either, for weeks now Taejoon has been complaining about pain when he opens his mouth or chews or even sometimes headaches- which could apparently be caused by tooth pain. It was hard to see him in such pain yet despite his gentle prodding of the subject, he has done nothing to remedy it, and normally? Elliott might have left him be a while longer but frankly! If it is to the point he is starting to refuse food because it hurts too much then enough is enough.
As it turns out though, his delightful boyfriend has an unfortunate stubborn streak to him that he is all too familiar with, so! Elliott knows that he will have to pull out the big guns if he is going to stand any chance of convincing him to go get his teeth checked. To start with he reaches out a calloused hand then, cupping the side of Taejoon’s face gently, very gently! To garter his attention and once he has it, with those eyes of deep amber fixating upon him and that seemingly permanent frown upon his face (Elliott knows the tricks to getting that frown to go away though), he stares at him intently. Almost pleadingly, but he doesn’t want to break out the puppy dog eyes just yet. Gotta save that secret weapon for later.
“Angel, please, won’t you at least let them do a checkup? For me?” He asks, his voice low, coaxing he hopes. “And then you can decide whether or not you want further treatment, how does that sound?”
Taejoon stares at him after that, long enough that Elliott starts to sweat. For all the time they have spent together (little over a year now!) he never could quite predict what Taejoon was thinking at any given time. His brain is wonderful but also pretty weird and prone to making little comments that often left Elliott spluttering in response. He could tell he is at least considering the offer though, just by the little way that his brow wrinkles and those pretty lips of his purse just slightly. Oh, if only he could kiss that frown away but- focus! Elliott, get your stubborn mule of a boyfriend into the dentist’s chair first, kisses later.
“Won’t they still have to poke around a bit during a checkup? I already told you I don’t want people poking around in my mouth, Jagiya,” Taejoon finally says, his gaze drifting back to his twirling fork. Something that had stilled for half a second while he was still considering the request.
Fuck. Elliott had been hoping that would work.
Okay, okay, drastic times call for desperate measures. Or something like that. Finally he pulls out the secret weapon, the big boy puppy dog eyes, his bottom lip also puffing out in a full-blown pout. He reaches out for his boyfriend again- this time going to grab at his wrist. “But sweetheart-” he nearly whines, hoping that his dramatics will be enough to catch his attention- and it is! Taejoon once again turns to regard him with one eyebrow delicately arched. “Babe, listen, listen, listen. Think about this for a moment. If you don’t get this looked at all this pain you have been feeling will only continue yeah? We won’t be able to kiss even at this rate! And worse-” He balks with a full-body shudder. “You won’t be able to eat my cooking at all! Now I'm not saying you reacting bad to my food is making me feel bad but you reacting bad to my food is making me f-”
“Okay, enough-” Taejoon cuts him off with a sigh (though Elliott swears there is a hint of a smile flickering on his face) and before he knows it, he is leaning forward to give him a gentle peck on the lips. “If I agree to go for a checkup will you stop acting like a diva for a little while?”
Elliott’s face splits into a grin at that as he chases after Taejoon’s lips, determined to steal another (gentle) peck from him. What can he say? He’s perpetually kiss-starved and greedy. Even he can’t be perfect all the time. “Yes, I think I can manage that for a little while.”
“Alright! Then we have a deal.”
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A couple weeks have passed since he convinced Taejoon to go into the dentist for that checkup. A couple weeks, fourteen days (give or take but who’s counting) and he hasn’t heard a single word about it since.
To be fair, as far as Elliott is aware, Taejoon did make the appointment and he even left the legend compound for the afternoon that he supposedly made the appointment for. He had been unsuccessful in convincing his boyfriend to allow him to accompany him for the trip though, and when Taejoon had returned he hadn’t said a single word about the results. Like, seriously? You are going to go and then not say anything at all about what happened? It made him doubt whether or not he actually went to the dentist or just disappeared off somewhere for the afternoon and came back after a couple hours. Not that he actually believes this, nor did he dare accuse him of such a thing. Believe it or not, Elliott is a man of considerable patience and he is willing to wait for his darling boyfriend to come forth with what’s up in his own time. He’d been so prickly about going in the first place, perhaps all he needs is a little time to ruminate over it?
At least that’s what he had thought. For all his patience, Elliott is starting to get pretty darn tired of waiting for him to speak up. Even now as they sit curled up upon his couch, recuperating after the match they just played earlier that day, he is thinking about it. His fingers anxiously tapping together as he debates on how he could go about giving the hacker a little nudge without it being too obvious. Right now the man in question is curled up against his side, using his chest as a sort of pillow like he is fond of doing as they mindlessly watch the movie that Elliott had thrown on the television earlier. He isn’t sure what it is about really, pirates on a ghost ship or something? Something about a black pearl? Whatever, his mind is elsewhere and he’s barely paid it any attention since it began but he’s pretty sure that’s what it is all about.
“Jagiya-” Taejoon begins suddenly, not lifting his head from where he is settled against him.
Elliott jolts at the sudden sound of his boyfriend’s voice, slightly muddled as if he has been sort of dozing off while he has been fretting. Without conscious thought his hand jerks up to start rubbing up and down the knobs of Taejoon’s spine- something that makes his shoulders visibly relax in response.
“Huh- what?” He starts, going for a clueless and innocent tone as if he has no idea what’s going on. Although... a funny feeling tells him that he may already know what this might be about. “Something on your mind angel?”
“You have been tapping your fingers for the last hour, I should be asking you, if you have something on your mind,” Taejoon sighs and though he can’t see it from this angle Elliott imagines one of his characteristic frowns tugging upon his face. “I’ve spent enough time around you to learn your nervous ticks.”
“Hey you don’t-” But of course he is right. Though to be fair, finger tapping and drumming is just something that he does sometimes! That’s ADHD for you baby, but the finger tapping thingy in particular is definitely something that tends to crop up more when he is feeling nervous or a bit anxious over something. Sometimes he just did it without even realizing and he always felt sheepish whenever it is brought up in conversation, almost as if he shouldn’t be doing it, y’know? But he knows Taejoon isn’t bringing up to like, make fun of it or anything, so chill out brain. It’s okay, don’t go haywire just yet.
Taejoon finally sits up then, shifting away out of his comfortable and sleepy position to fix him with those sharp eyes that he always felt tore down his walls and stripped him to the bone when they looked at him like that. He can’t hide from those eyes and Elliott swallows- his adam's apple bobbing as he looks at him. Why do they always gotta be so intense?
“Eo, I do.” Taejoon affirms still staring at him in that intense (kind of hot) way of his. “So what’s on your mind then? Come on, tell me.”
“I don’t-” He begins then stops, letting his shoulders sag in defeat. “Okay, I was just thinking about you and, y’know, your dentist appai- appin- your visit.”
“Okay… and?”
“Well, why aren’t you saying anything about it?” He blurts out. “You are making me seriously doubt whether you even went, sweetpea, not that I don’t trust you! Because I do! Utterly and completely, yup, but like, you haven’t said anything since you went? And usually if you were waiting on any results you would have been sent them by now and as your boyfriend and everything I kinda wanna know? Since you are, again like I said, my boyfriend and your health is important! So…..” he starts fiddling with his fingers again. “What gives?”
For a long period that seems to stretch on forever Taejoon remains silent, simply staring at him in a way that has Elliott fighting to not to squirm in his seat. Hey, his worries are legitimate and justified! But the longer that the silence seems to stretch on the more nervous and self-doubting he gets. It’s to the point he is about to open his mouth, prepared to backpedal on everything he said and just say ‘nevermind’, when Taejoon halts him in his tracks. He picks up one of Elliott’s nervously twitching hands to play with his fingers with a frown deeply etched upon his face and the words Elliott had been about to speak die within his throat.
“They said that… I need to have my wisdom teeth removed.” He finally mutters, quiet and in a fashion as if he didn’t want to admit it at all.
“So……”
“So?”
“Are you going to get them removed?”
At that, Taejoon pauses once again (he really wishes he’d stop doing that right now), staring intently at Elliott’s fingers to avoid having to meet his eye. His shoulders hunched as if he were guarding himself against something; though what exactly is beyond him. It is a look that Taejoon too often had on him, unfortunately. He didn’t even have to speak for him to already know the sort of answer his question would be getting.
“I’m… not really thrilled at the prospect of them having to perform oral surgery, no,” he finally admits with a fair bit of reluctance making his voice sound brisk and tight.
“Okay… why is that?” Elliott prods gently. “Come on, you can talk to me.”
Taejoon purses his lips, taking his sweet ass time collecting his thoughts (patience Elliott) before finally glancing up at his eyes. It’s clear, whatever is troubling him, he didn’t really want to admit to it and so Elliott reaches out the hand not being played with to touch his knee. Praying that the light touch would bring him enough comfort and encouragement to continue.
It seems to do the trick with ‘Joon’s gaze flickering to his and the expression on his face relaxing slightly before he opens his mouth to begin speaking again. Something Elliott does his best to pay attention and take in every word of. Sometimes concentrating could be difficult but he wants to give Taejoon all the attention that he deserves in this. Lord forbid his boyfriend think that he wasn’t paying attention when he is opening up to him- he didn’t want to do that to him.
“I’m just… not fond of the whole concept. I don’t like someone invading into my space and going into my mouth to begin with but surgery? That will require me to be gassed up or put under and I don’t like either of those. I don’t like the idea of not being in my right mind or unconscious around a group of strangers in an unfamiliar place. It…” He pauses to fiddle with his fingers some more, that frown back in full force. “It makes me nervous. That’s why I don’t want to go. I’ll just find some other way to deal with the tooth pain.”
There is another pause then, but this time it is Elliott’s fault as he takes a moment to absorb and process everything that was just said to him. Honestly…. When he thinks about it, and Taejoon’s situation in particular, it makes sense why he’d be so nervous, why he doesn’t want to go if it means being vulnerable around someone he doesn’t know. It’s an understandable concern but he… hates seeing him in pain. He hates seeing him like this too, all wound up and anxious because of what has been forced upon him. He hates it more than anything and so he twists his hand, weaving the fingers Taejoon has been playing with with his own. The cool kiss of his cybernetic covering pressing against the warmth of Elliott’s hand as he squeezes gently.
“I get it, ‘Joon,” he starts softly. “I really do. I understand why that might make you worry but… You can’t just leave your teeth as they are. I had mine taken out when I was eighteen because they ruptured and were causing me all sorts of problems and let me tell you. It can get seriously nasty and it would only impede you if you allowed it to get that bad.”
“Besides-” Elliott adds with a bit of a smile. “Knowing you and how you are, you likely did like, I’m taking a shot here, seven? Ten maybe? Background checks on the office and all its employees and the surgeon before even setting up the appointment. You’ll be safe there if you have the procedure done and… if you want… I could go to the office with you? Y’know, for moral support and all that but also so you don’t gotta worry about saying anything you don’t want to be heard.”
The suggestion is offered with an air of hopefulness, a small, unspoken part of him desperately hoping that his boyfriend will agree and let him come along. Well really, he should come anyway since someone will need to escort Taejoon home while he is high off his ass, but he wants to be there for him. To hold his hand for comfort while he waits to go in and then be there to envelop him in a hug when he comes out. Taejoon didn’t talk about it very often, but there have been a few times he mentioned the comfort that Elliott brought him, how he often felt safe within his arms. It’s what staved off the horrible nightmares that plagued him whenever they spent the night together, so logic meant it should probably help if he were there while they did the tooth removal right? That’s what he thought anyway.
There is another long silence that follows, Taejoon making that scrunchy thinking face again all the while, but Elliott waits patiently. He knows better than to rush an answer and before too long he is rewarded with a returning squeeze to his hand, a hopeful smile flickering to life upon his lips. Taejoon is looking at him, his mouth also slightly curved- a thing that does funny flips to his heart no matter how many times that he sees it.
“You promise you will be right there? And that you won’t let me say anything I shouldn’t while others are around?” Taejoon asks, his voice even lower than normal and serious as ever.
“Yeah! Of course! Don’t worry, I won’t let you spill any beans!” Elliott grins. “Cross my heart! I promise I will be right there for you.”
“.....Alright then. I guess I can bear with it then if you will do that,” Taejoon mumbles, still smiling with that small smile of his as he leans forwards and delicately places a kiss upon his cheek. Something that Elliott positively glows at, his expression quickly splitting into a full-blown grin.
“You sure you didn’t miss the mark there, babe?” He jokes with a waggle of his eyebrows.
At that his boyfriend lets out an undignified snort of laughter, accompanied by one of his signature eyerolls. Yeah, Elliott’s gotten a lot of those in his days. But hey what can he say? If anything it’s Taejoon’s fault for being so attractive- not his.
“You are always so greedy whenever I kiss you, it can never just be one can it?”
But it gets him the kiss anyway, just a chaste thing, placed gently upon his lips though his boyfriend is kind enough to linger for a few seconds and let Elliott soak it in. He would try for more but likely Taejoon is in pain and he doesn’t want to hurt him so he won’t push for more. Just respond with a light pressure of his own before they part and Taejoon is looking up at him through half-lidded eyes that still look a tiny bit sleepy from his earlier dosing. His hair is all messy too, sticking up on the side that had been resting upon his chest and honestly? It’s an adorable look- one that squeezes at his heart and bids him to reach out a hand and tip his chin up the slightest bit.
“....You look so beautiful,” he murmurs- not able to contain himself in the moment. It’s a compliment that brings an instant flush to Taejoon’s face. Always does, and he remembers a time once before where they both were laying upon this very couch, in a fashion much like they are right now, where Elliott had been holding him to comfort him during a bad spell and he had been looking at him, and he just- called him beautiful. Because he is, but Taejoon had flushed then too and said no one has ever called him that before. Which didn’t make any sense to Elliott because he is absolutely beautiful in every sense of the word. Taejoon may be wrenched, and cracked, and bleeding from the trauma forced upon him, twisted and broken, but he is still the most gorgeous man Elliott has ever seen.
Taejoon buries his burning face into the crook of his neck then, warmth breath puffing against his skin as he curls back up against him. It brings a smile to Elliott’s face, softer than most the others, one that leaves little crinkles at the edges of his eyes and he wraps his arms around his boyfriend to bring him in closer as he mumbles something unintelligible into his neck. That’s okay, he didn’t need to hear it to get the meaning behind his words.
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Sooooooo……. Taejoon while high off his gourd is more of a handful than he ever anticipated him being. Elliott had been present when a couple of his brothers got their wisdom teeth removed, he thought he knew what to expect. None of that, however, had been enough to prepare him to deal with Taejoon though.
The second that they had escorted him out of the operating room at the office he knew that he was in for one hell of a time. Taejoon was all over Elliott, giggling away and uncharacteristically chattering away about all sorts of things with no apparent rhyme or reason the whole trip home. Literally anything. From the colour of Elliott’s shirt, a game ‘Joon' has been playing recently, a passerby’s dog that was wearing sunglasses, a bug on the window, even the fact the sky is really blue today apparently. Now here Elliott thought he talked alot, and normally! He would welcome all the chatter, thrive off it even, but not when the topics at hand were so all over the place and also kept switching whenever Taejoon opened his mouth. It honestly is hard to keep up with though a common theme emerging so far is how hungry he was, bless his little heart. It had all been really cute in a way up until Taejoon had begun yelling at their taxi driver out of the blue…. In Korean so god knows what he was actually saying but hopefully the man hadn’t been able to understand whatever his boyfriend had been shouting at him either.
Thankfully he is able to pull him into the other man’s room without much resistance once they arrive back at the compound with Elliott leaving the taxi driver with a considerable tip for all the trouble. From the corner of the dimly lit room Taejoon’s cat, Ye-Jin, growls at him- his eyes glowing a menacing yellow from underneath his boyfriend’s computer desk. Elliott shoots him a look but doesn’t say anything, at least, not this time and not while Taejoon is there. (dumb cat, why did he hate him so much? He’s a likable guy!) Hopefully Ye-jin stays over there, he didn’t really feel like dealing with a cat attack and Taejoon at the same time- probably wouldn’t end very well for him.
“That was a fuuuuun car ride,” Taejoon mumbles as the door clicks shut behind them and Elliott steps away for a brief moment to flick the lights on so he could actually see.
“Yeah, it was fun up until you started shouting at the cab driver,” Elliott places a hand at his boyfriend’s elbow, prepared to guide him further into the room. “Now I don’t know what you were saying but thankfully he didn’t seem upset by it and didn’t decide to charge us a ridiculous price for the ride. I’m not made of money, dear.”
“Elliott I’m hungryyyyy,” Taejoon starts complaining, completely ignoring almost everything he just said. “I’m a hungry hungry hippooooo.” Oh boy.
“Riiiiiiight… well! Sorry to break it to you but we aren’t supposed to feed you right now so you will have to wait!”
“Can you make me a lasagna, Elliott?”
Elliott let out a quick snort of laughter, giving a tug on the other man’s elbow in an attempt to get him to move. “I don’t think so sweetcheeks, but I’ll tell you what I do think. I think we should rest this little voice of yours because you've been chatting ever since the dentist office.”
“Why are you so handsome?” Taejoon continues, clapping him suddenly on either side of his face and squishing his cheeks. “Your skin is like…. So perfect....”
“I meeeeeeean unless you wanna keep talking, in which case that works as well-”
“I’m tired- '' Taejoon suddenly announces and half slumps against an increasingly stressed Elliott, leaving him to grab him by the shoulders and spin him around towards the unkempt bed. Taejoon never did make the bed unless Elliott had spent the night there as well. Said there was no need to when it was gonna get messed up in a few hours again anyway.
“Sounds like you could use a nap there, then,” Elliott says with a bit of nervous laughter, clapping him on the back and guiding the hacker to sit down upon the edge of the bed. Maybe if he could manage to get him to lay down and nap then he would be able to sleep off the rest of this nonsense. He hopes.
“You know what I really want to do with you?” Taejoon asks as he sinks upon the bed without resistance.
“Uhm….. sorry love, but I don’t think we can do that while you are like this.” He reaches out and gingerly pats Taejoon upon the knee. His own face flushing red with embarrassment.
“Have a baby,” Taejoon whispers, reaching out to grab at Elliott’s idly sitting hand. Not that this is hard to do as his whole body seems to freeze up the second he hears those words.
Have a baby?
“U-Uhm…. Taejoon… did you mean make a baby, like making love b-because I already told you-”
“No, I meant have a baby-” Taejoon cuts him off, using the grip he has on Elliott’s hand to all but tug him down to sit upon the bed beside him. “We could love it, and hold it and feed it…”
“T-that’s… that’s a pretty big step, Taejoon-”
“And you would be such a good dad,” Taejoon sighs, staring deeply into Elliott’s eyes though he was hardly able to meet him for very long with the way his stomach is flip flopping all over the place.
The anxiety now coursing through his veins compels him to rise to his feet and start pacing around the room but the presence of Taejoon’s grip around his hand anchors him to the spot and forces him to resort to jogging his leg instead. His mind is racing a million miles a minute with all the thoughts cramming into his brain. At first, he feels joy because this is Taejoon, his boyfriend, telling him that he wants to have a family with him. Something that Elliott has craved ever since he lost a large portion of his family and is in the process of losing the last living member with his mother. It’s something that he’s dreamed of having for so long now. A nice cozy little family with a ranch and some dogs and kids running about… And he is telling him he would be good at it… Elliott wanted to be a dad so badly it hurt.
But that was just the thing wasn’t it? Taejoon had told him once, a while ago amidst tears and a shaking frame as he pushed and pushed, trying to make Elliott go away out of fear for him. For what may happen if he stayed close to him. He told him then that he felt like he couldn’t provide him with what he really wanted. He didn’t like dogs, he couldn’t give him kids in the traditional sense, he didn’t even know if he would ever be able to live a normal life because of the Syndicate. ‘You deserve so much more than what I can give you.’ he had said.
But Elliott didn’t care about any of that.
None of it mattered without him, without Taejoon, who cares about any of that? Who cares about hypothetical dogs or hypothetical kids- he loved Taejoon more than he cares about those dreams. As long as he had Taejoon, he told himself, (and Taejoon too) then that’s all he needed to lead a happy life.
Except now he is saying that he does want those hypothetical kids.
For a few precious moments his heart soars, his head filled with thoughts of how they could adopt a pair of kids from an orphanage, a pair like Taejoon and his sister, Mila, had been. Maybe they could move into a house together, do up the kids rooms, get a pet snake or something, have a proper family together. Together him and Taejoon watching the kids run and play out in the yard with his arms around Taejoon’s waist and something gold glittering upon his lover’s hand-
Wait wait, slow down Elliott, you are getting way too ahead of yourself here! As delighted as he is, absolutely thrilled, at the prospect of him and Taejoon having kids, growing a family, there is a little something that he shouldn’t let slip away in the heat of the moment. Taejoon, bless his heart, doesn’t quite have his wits about him right now, being high as balls and all, so… what if… when he sobered up, what if he told him that he didn’t actually want to have kids after all? Or worse, he didn’t remember saying these things to him at all and then Elliott would be forced to crush down the little buds of hope and excitement growing inside him as if none of it had ever happened and fuck he really hopes that isn’t the case. That this is real and that his boyfriend truly meant those words that slipped from his mouth and shook his world.
Regardless though, now really isn’t the time to discuss such things and so he swallows his excitement, forcing it down but not out as he gently guides Taejoon down until he is resting his head against the pillows. Once there he smiles down at him, something forced about the gesture as he threads calloused fingers through the other man’s dark mop of hair. “L-Listen my love… Taejoon… if it is a-alright with you, can we wait to talk about this later? You know- if you remember talking about this, i-if not, that’s okay too! I mean you already know that I would love to have kids, and I love you too so combining the two would be… w-well let’s talk later, kay?”
He feels like he is rambling far too much, his tongue tripping over the words in his haste to get them out and explain himself. All the while Taejoon simply looks up at him with hooded eyes, something close to a pout having formed upon his lips. He looks almost… disappointed? Which makes Elliott anxious and heavy with guilt because the last thing he wants is Taejoon thinking he doesn’t want to talk about this with him, he does! Oh, he absolutely does so, so, SO bad. If he could he would lay it all out for him right now, but now, as it often was, just isn’t the time for this. It is definitely something he will remember though, kept tucked close to his chest until the proper opportunity to talk about it rose again.
“Eung….” Taejoon finally mumbles, his hand reaching for Elliott’s and Elliott lets him thread their fingers together giving them a little squeeze in the process. “But I meant it, I…”
“I know, angel,” Elliott interrupts with a whisper, leaning forwards to press a gentle kiss upon his forehead. The wrinkle in Taejoon’s brow seems to lessen after that. “We will talk more later, I promise.”
“Okay…” Taejoon allows his eyes to close finally, all the while Elliott stares down at him fondly, still holding his hand. His heart is still pounding in his chest, loud in his ears and no doubt he would be laying awake thinking about what had been said for hours to come. Dreaming about the day when they got to talk about this again, whenever that is.
And whatever the outcome, it would all be okay, Elliott knows, because they have each other.