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It all happened so fast.
One moment Class 2-A was fighting in two teams as Aizawa had instructed and the next thing he knows, one of Bakugou's explosions got a building near the group to collapse.
Now, that wouldn't had been a problem.
If Shinso hadn't been standing right where the building would collapse. Even if Sero yanked the boy away with his quirk on time, the sight struck Aizawa like a rollercoaster, eyes growing wide as he was forced to take a step back.
The sound of the building collapsing reverberating through his bones, making his hairs stand as the hot dusty breeze of the impact made his breath catch in his throat.
There were kids screaming.
"Cloud!"
Oboro.
"Shirakumo!"
The building fell, his head, his head, he had to-
More screaming.
Kids were screaming.
Crying.
So many debris falling.
Falling.
Falling.
He couldn't-
The air felt thick around him, his heart felt like it had started a marathon on its own, he couldn't-
He couldn't breath .
He couldn't move .
He had to move , he had to get him out, get him out, get him out, out, out.
"That bad? We have to get him to the hospital, quick."
There was a body. Blood seeping through the white sheet on the ground. The cold rain, so cold. It seeped through his very bones, strangling his lungs, freezing his blood, making breathing even more difficult. The air felt thick around him. The smell of blood, sweat and concrete in the air. So hot. So thick.
He couldn't breathe .
~
The moment Shinso was yanked away from the falling building, most of the group had been forced to close their eyes due the sudden dusty breeze hitting their faces, making a few cough. As the foggy air faded away they were able to blink.
-Bakugou what the fuck?!- Kaminari was the first to speak, because holy shit that had been close .
-You should control yourself better, you are gonna end up hurting someone.- States Todoroki flatly.
-Huh?! How the fuck was I suppose to know that that shit was so fucking weak?!- Snaps Bakugou hastily. He would rather die than accept the fact that he could feel his hands shaking. Not an aftermath effect of his quirk but at the fact that he almost killed zombie face.
-We are in a goddamn disaster zone it's fucking obvious!- Retorted the electric boy. The thought of what could have happened if Sero hadn't reacted in time dulled any sense of life preservation as he confronted Bakugou. The fear of losing a friend deep in his core, I mean, Bakugou was also his friend, but still...
It was scary .
-Aizawa Sensei?- Midoriya's voice caught everyone's attention, a few already visualizing the man's murderous stare on them for being so careless.
Yet that wasn't what met them.
The erasure hero was crouching on the floor, fingers gripping the fabric of his capture weapon, eyes wide. Yet he didn't really seem to be entirely there, it was more like he was seeing something else, shoulders shaking.
He looked...
He looked terrified .
And that sole thought made shivers run down their spines.
-Sen-
-Wait.- Yaoyorozu was quick to grab Uraraka's arm, stopping her from even thinking about approaching the man, she knew what this was.- Iida get a teacher, he's having a flashback.- She told the boy, Iida was quick to nod, setting off. Yaoyorozu for her side released Uraraka in order to approach the man, careful to not make any sudden moves that could upset him even more.
Even though it kind of made her gut twist in anxiety to see him of all people so distressed, so scared...
So vulnerable.
She knew she had to at least try to bring him back. As she kneeled infront of him she realized how erratic his breathing was How much was he shaking. Erasure flashed on for a moment before shutting off again.
-Aizawa Sensei? Can you hear me? You are okay. You are having a flashback. Whatever you are seeing, it can't hurt you.- She tells him, voice gentle yet firm. She doesn't touch him, even though she had never dealt with this kind of situation, she had read enough about it to know that touch could sometimes make things worse.
Her words only get him to tug at the capture weapon around his neck, fingers tightening their grip around it as he sucks in a sharp breath. It suddenly made her realize that maybe that scarf wasn't just meant to be used as a weapon.
-Sensei, can you take deep breaths and release them slowly? You have to stabilize your breathing or you are gonna pass out. You are okay, you are safe , you are at U.A., at ground beta.- She tells him, his eyes seem to glisten at that, though she can't tell if it's because he wasn't blinking or if it was for another reason.
At least that gets him to try to stabilize his breathing. Fingers pulling at the capture weapon, as if he was trying to ground himself through the fabric. He bows his head, still shaking, she hears him sniffle, a muffled sob as his fingers find a new thing to grab onto, his hair, hiding his face behind his arms. Yet before she can say anything Mic's voice cuts her off.
-Little listener why don't you head back to the classroom? I will take it from here, thanks.- It kind of unsettled her to see the usually smiling man lacking a smile. He looks serious even for someone who she can't the eyes of. As she glances behind him, she realizes her group is leaving as silent as death. She looks back to Aizawa, not wanting to leave him.- Don't worry, he will be fine.- Assures Mic.
Yaoyorozu nods, still not too sure as she gets up, walking past the voice hero to quickly join her group.
As the Class leaves Mic kneels infront of his distressed friend.
-Shouta? Are you with me?- He asks tentatively, a sob is his only answer.- Can I hug you?- He asks again, the erasure hero nods, still hiding his face. Mic is quick yet careful when wrapping his arms around the other, pulling him into a hug.- Hey, it's okay, you are okay, just a bad moment, you are safe.- He soothes him, rubbing soft circles around his back.
-He was gonna die.- Comes the muffled voice.- He was gonna die. Again. I didn't do anything, anything . He's dead because of me. He's dead. Dead. I don't want him to be dead.
Mic frowns at that, chest tightening at Aizawa's broken tone. He didn't have time to ask Iida about anything at all. He was only told that Aizawa was having a flashback at ground beta. He looked around trying to decipher what may have triggered this. His eyes fell on the collapsed building that was definitely not there yesterday.
Oh.
Oh .
He couldn't help but hug Aizawa tighter.
-It wasn't. Whatever happened wasn't your fault nor what happened that day was your fault. You didn't kill anyone.- Affirms Mic, voice strained. Swallowing hard, he blinked back his tears. He couldn't cry now, someone had to stay grounded here.
Aizawa for his side didn't say anything, closing his eyes as more tears left him, warm as they streamed down his cheeks.
Mic was wrong.
It was his fault.
If he had been faster. If he had reacted in time. If he had a better quirk....
But he wasn't good enough. Never would be.
And that had cost him the life of one of his best friends.
That energetic sunny boy wasn't meant to die.
Oboro should be the one alive, not him.
The world needed Loud Cloud more than they needed EraserHead.
And the knowledge that he was the cause of such bright star dying before it could actually begin to share it's brightness, it would haunt him forever.
A death he would have to carry on his shoulders for the rest of his life.
~☆~☆~☆~
-Sensei, where's Aizawa sensei ? Is he okay?- Asks Ashido as Midnight steps through the door of the classroom later than usual. It was general knowledge (Mic's courtesy) that the R- Rated hero, Aizawa and the voice hero had actually been friends since High School, as they went to U.A. together. A weird match of friends but who were they to judge?
-Of course he's okay kid, he went back to the dorms.- States Midnight brushing off the issue as she came to a halt behind the podium.
-Sensei... Why did he react like that? Was it our fault?- Asks Ashido anxiously. She still couldn't erase the sight of Aizawa looking so vulnerable from her head. It was probably something that would haunt her for a long long time, and she knew she wasn't the only one.
-No, it wasn't, it wasn't anyone's fault.- The woman is quick to assure, the kids don't look that convinced.
-Then can you tell us why he reacted like that? It may be useful to know what to avoid doing or saying around him so as to not trigger him in the future.- Asks Iida politely, he didn't want to see Aizawa like that ever again. It was bad enough that he had to see his brother go through that kind of situations.
-You don't need to worry about that kid, there's nothing you can do about it, just... be careful to not make buildings collapse or at least not be in the line of fire when it happens.- She decides to tell them. She knew she couldn't really ask them to not let buildings collapse around, that was stupid and illogical.
-Uhm... I get that he's a hero, and that there's 98% of chances for heroes to suffer from PTSD due the kind of environment they work at but... Why a collapsing building?- Dares to ask Midoriya, hoping for it to not come out as insensitive. Midnight seems to sigh at that, rubbing at her forehead, right when Izuku is about to apologize she speaks.
-You do know we went to U.A. together right?- At the kids' nods she proceeds.- We also had our internships together, or at least Aizawa and I, Mic was picked by another agency. The thing is that there was actually another person with us at the time, Shirakumo Oboro, hero name Loud Cloud.
The Class frowned at that, not even Midoriya was able to recognize the name, yet no one said anything, fully aware that Midnight wasn't having an easy time saying this.
-He was friends with Mic and Aizawa. As I did with Aizawa, I also dragged him to the agency I was doing my internship at. There was an accident with a villain. From what I heard a building collapsed, Shirakumo was too focused on protecting the kids so he didn't see the falling debris coming his way. The upper half of his body was crushed by them, right infront of Aizawa who couldn't get to him in time.
The group flinches at that, stomachs churning at the thought of what it would have felt like, to see your friend get crushed right before your eyes just a few feet away from you, unable to save them. God, they had been 15 right? How in the ever loving dynasty did a 15 year old managed to not go mad at such sight?
But he had died a hero, protecting a group of kids and still...
He hadn't even gotten to accomplish his goal of becoming an official hero, it was....
It was cruel .
Wait.
Was that where Aizawa's words were born from ? That there was nothing crueler than letting a dream end midway?
Man if that didn't feel like a punch to the gut, the sudden knowledge of the actual weight behind those words...
-Is that why he is so harsh with everyone?- Asks Kirishima after a long moment of silence.
-... I don't know, I guess? He did change a lot after Shira's death.- Says Midnight with a far away look. She remembers how simple was Aizawa, not terrifying at all, just a socially awkward smol bean who gave the cutest little smiles when he thought no one was looking, but she guessed she couldn't blame him.
Because one way or another they had all changed. Mic became like a wild ray of energy, sometimes it felt like he was doing it to compensate for Shirakumo's absence. Nemuri herself had become less... open about her personality, just sticking to be the flirty playful type 98% of the time.
How funny...
How people dealt with grief...
Sleeping, laughing, flirting.
Masks perfectly crafted to hide the pain.
Because it didn't matter how many years went by. Oboro's absence would always be noticeable.
An empty hole in their lives.
-Also refrain from saying that name around Aizawa or asking him about anything at all either related to Shirakumo or that day. He tends to get quite... verbally aggressive.- She adds remembering that important piece of advice, she didn't want the kids to be at the receiving end of an extremely defensive Aizawa Shouta.
That doesn't settle well with the Class. Sad? They could get it but why anger? Why would he feel angry about even hearing the name? Did he...
-He blames himself doesn't he?- Asks Bakugou bluntly, Midnight doesn't say anything but her eyes answer for her. It makes their chests tighten.
-Why? He didn't do anything.- Says Jirou frowning, hand against her chest, it didn't felt right, she didn't like it. The idea of Aizawa blaming himself over something like that, it didn't settle well with her and she knew she wasn't the only one feeling this way.
-That's the point. He didn't do anything , that's why he blames himself. The fact that he wasn't able to do anything to save him. That he couldn't do anything at all for anyone at the moment. It may seem difficult to believe but at that time, Aizawa was far from trusting his capabilities, Shirakumo was the one who always had to push him to do it.
He thought himself to be useless, even after taking the villain down on his own when not even a group of professionals could. He thought himself to be useless, that because of it Shirakumo died, if he had been faster or had a better quirk, one way or another he took the blame.
Those words...
They felt like a stab to the heart, a knot swelling at the back of their throats, because no, Aizawa was far from being useless, he was...
He was amazing .
He was so strong, so quick, his quirk was also far from being something to deem useless. Erasure was a unique, powerful and useful quirk that anyone would die to have, and he was able to take a villain down on his own at 15! Who even managed that? He shouldn't be blaming himself over something like that. It wasn't his fault, he had nothing to do with it.
And it frustrated them to no end at the fact that they couldn't tell him that.
~
Aizawa was sitting on the couch in the common room, just staring blankly at the wall as his crossed arms rested on the armchair. Usually he wouldn't really stay here, but right now he didn't feel like locking himself in his room, the idea of being in an enclosed space made him feel anxious. Mic had left not even five minutes ago after Aizawa assured him for the hundredth time that he was perfectly okay.
Yet that wasn't entirely true.
Even if Hizashi assured him that Shinso was okay, that every single one of the kids was okay, he couldn't help but feel anxious. His students out of his sight never allowed him to relax, it made him feel on edge, like they may die if he wasn't there to protect them.
Protect them.
What would have happened if Sero hadn't been there? If Sero had had a different quirk? What would have happened if Sero hadn't been fast enough?
Shinso would have died.
Aizawa wouldn't have been able to save him.
Sero, all of those kids would had been forced to feel as useless as Aizawa had felt. As frustrated and horrified as he had. Nightmares. Asking themselves over and over and over again why weren't they the ones to die, feeling like the guilt may suffocate them.
Like life was not worth living.
He flinched as he heard the door open. He turned to look, shoulders only relaxing when he caught sight of the kids, his eyes wandered over them, counting them one, two, three times to make sure they were all safe and sound.
Not because of him of course.
He never seemed to do anything right did he?
Man was he the hero of the year. First allowing Bakugou to get kidnapped, then Midoriya having to destroy his arms, Tsuyu's nightmares, it was like a never ending chain.
-Sensei are you okay?- Asks Hagakure.
It was hard to look at him now knowing what they knew, a man who always seemed to never let anything get to him... It wasn't that...
Maybe the fact that it seemed like that was because there was nothing that could hurt him anymore.
Broken.
-I'm fine. I'm sorry I wasn't able to react in time. It won't happen again.- They didn't like how monotone his voice came out, how was he acting like his reaction was an inconvenience, like...
Like he was berating himself for reacting the way he did.
Ashido scowled at that, a sudden sense of bravery taking hold of her as she stalked towards him, halting right infront of him, his eyes almost wary against her.
-Aizawa Sensei!- She calls firmly, the man blinks at her.
-Yes..?
-I know you don't like people touching you but I demand you to let me hug you!- Aizawa blinked at that, definitely not expecting such a thing.
-What...?
-You are an amazing person and amazing people deserve hugs! I'm a good hugger I swear, now let me hug you!- She almost demands, opening her arms in an exaggerated mannerism, a fierce fire of determination in her eyes.
Aizawa kind of felt concerned. Why was Ashido asking to hug him? Was she sick? Was this some kind of trick? Amazing? He was far from that, yet that fire in her eyes didn't allow him to refuse, so he ended up nodding almost afraid of the girl just jumping at him if he was to refuse.
Though he didn't even have to refuse to have her jump at him, kind of sent a shiver down his spine the sudden impact, yet he didn't pull away. He just allowed her to hug him, though he didn't hug her back.
It felt...
Weird.
To have a student hugging him, he wasn't even that much into physical contact, only allowing it when strictly necessary. But this somehow felt... comforting...
-Can I hug you too?- That was surprisingly Bakugou's voice. Aizawa for a hot second thought about asking the boy if he was okay, because what in the actual fuck was on here? Yet the kid didn't even wait for his answer, he just straight up stalked towards the couch, sat at his side and in a very challenging vibe hugged him. It unnerved Aizawa.
And before he knew it, somehow, he ended up engulfed in a group hug.
-Are you okay?- Aizawa can't help but ask a bit awkwardly, still confused and lost about what to even do or think.
-Sensei you are amazing.
-An amazing hero!
-Amazing, manly and cool!
-Fantastic monsieur!
-Why?- Frowns the erasure hero. Why did they keep saying that? Were they mocking him? Was this some type of revenge?
-Because you are! You are like really fucking badass. Even your fucking quirk is badass and you are so stupidly strong for someone so slim. You even make AllMight shake in fear by a single stare.- States Bakugou matter of fact.
-I still don't get why you are saying that.
-Because you are amazing and we thought you should know it! Appreciate you more, for all that you always do for us.- Declared Uraraka, Aizawa frowns.
-I don't need to be appreciated for that.
-Yes you do. Everyone deserves to be appreciated every now and then, even if they aren't searching for it. Everyone deserves to know how valuable they are to those around them.- Says Tsuyu softly, her words making something funny swirl around Aizawa's chest.
These kids...
They really were something unique weren't they?
Maybe, even if just for a bit.
He could allow himself to believe those words.