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The food, as always was exquisite according to Aziraphale. Crowley indulged him, letting him talk about everything that flittered across his mind, as he sat and nursed his lost-count-of glass of red wine.
“I’m sure Gabriel didn’t appreciate that list of miracles.” Aziraphale was saying, polishing off the last piece of tiramisu.
Crowley just smiled, paid the bill, and guided the angel out of the restaurant. They were walking down the street, heading back to the bookshop when everything froze around them. Crowley looked around trying to figure out who was here, but he noticed that suddenly he was alone. Just as that realization hit him, he was hit in the face with a blast of heat.
Crowley felt his heart stutter and fully stop as he turned his face and saw the bookshop on fire. He saw a silhouette flash through the window as he lurched into action. He knew that figure. Aziraphale was in the burning bookshop!!
“Aziraphale! Where are you?” Crowley screamed, scrambling to pull the door open. The roar of flames was his only answer.
As crowley entered the burning shop, he recognized the flames and his heart plummeted. This was Hellfire and Aziraphale was trapped in it. He started running towards the back when he saw him. He was trapped against the back wall with the hungry flames creeping ever closer to his angel.
“Don’t worry, Aziraphale, I’m here! We’re gonna get out of here together, like we always do.” Crowley said, trying to move closer to Aziraphale.
“Crowle-“ Aziraphale said just as the Hellfire jumped, a guttural scream leaving him as he was swallowed by the orange and white flames.
“NO!!!” Crowley screamed, shooting up from the bed. His breaths coming in quick pants as he was on the verge of hyperventilating.
The door slammed open as Aziraphale stood in the doorway, slightly huffing himself like he’d just run across the entire cottage.
“Crowley, my dear, are you okay?” Aziraphale asked as he came further into the bedroom. Crowley just stared at him, his rapid and shallow breaths his only response, making Aziraphale worry further.
Aziraphale sat next to Crowley on the bed and reached out to him. As soon as his hand brushed against Crowley’s, Crowley finally reacted. He grabbed Aziraphale and pulled him into his arms, squeezing tightly, his breaths tickling Aziraphale’s ear as he buried his face in the cotton curls atop the angel’s head. Aziraphale wrapped his arms around Crowley, rubbing his back with soothing circles.
“It’s okay, my dear, it was just a nightmare. Everything is okay, we’re safe.” Aziraphale murmured to him, trying to pull Crowley out of wherever his mind was trapped. He kept repeating himself until he felt Crowley finally relax into his hold. Crowley’s grip on him still hadn’t loosened, making Aziraphale aware that this nightmare was bad.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Aziraphale asked, continuing to rub Crowley’s back. It took several moments to get a response from the demon, and the response was only a shaking of his head. Aziraphale bit back a sigh and just continued holding his demon until the sun rose several hours later.
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It’d been almost a week since Crowley has slept and his mood showed it, making him extra snappy and irritable. Aziraphale had tried to get him to talk but Crowley refused, finally snapping at Aziraphale for his persistence.
“I’m just trying to help, Crowley! You don’t think I haven’t noticed you’ve not slept in a week?! The whole village is facing your wrath right now because you’re exhausted!” Aziraphale told him, after Crowley had snapped at the paperboy for throwing their paper in the bushes again. “You’re avoiding something and you won’t tell me so I can help.”
Crowley scoffed, his bad mood making him dismiss Aziraphale’s concern. “I’m fine, I’m a demon, I’m not avoiding anything.”
Now it was Aziraphale’s turn to scoff, “I’m aware you’re a demon, dear, but we both know you’re not a typical one. Fine, don’t let me help, it’s not like I’m your husband or anything.” Aziraphale turned to go into the kitchen to make tea, as any Brit would when faced with an issue.
Crowley felt his hackles raise at the angel, mildly shocking himself internally at how angry he felt. “I didn’t ask for your help, nor do I need it. I’m not some pathetic angel.”
Aziraphale stiffened as Crowley froze, shocked at his own words. Neither one moved for a few tense seconds, waiting for the other to respond. Finally Aziraphale’s shoulder slumped, turning from the kitchen and moving instead towards his library. Crowley jumped to follow him, apologies falling from his lips, begging for forgiveness from his husband. Aziraphale ignored him, shutting the door softly in Crowley’s face, and locking himself in the room. Crowley laid his forehead against the door, begging Aziraphale to talk to him.
“I’m sorry, angel, that wasn’t said the way I meant it. You’re not pathetic, far from it, I was talking about every other angel, the ones in Heaven. Please talk to me, don’t shut me out.” Crowley said brokenly. No sound left the library.
Crowley slumped down against the door, wrapping his arms around his knees and laid his head on his arms. He didn’t even notice the tears that started falling down his cheeks.
“I’m sorry, Aziraphale.”
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Aziraphale hid himself away in his sanctuary and let the silent tears fall, hugging himself to keep from falling apart. He heard Crowley knocking and apologizing outside, but he couldn’t face his husband right then. He knew Crowley didn’t mean the words, he was tired and scared of his nightmares but it still hurt. He cried over the words Crowley said, he cried over the clear misery his husband was going through, and he cried because he felt helpless.
He could feel Crowley on the other side of the library door, so he silently sat on the floor on the other side, leaning back against it, trying to stop the tears but not wanting to at the same time. It was harder to stay hurt or angry after he cried it out. Someone once told him that negative things couldn’t stick to a soul wet with tears. And while angels didn’t have ‘souls’, it still felt cathartic to let his pain and hurt out through salty tears than holding onto it.
He got lost in his thoughts for Heaven only knows how long, when he heard it. A whimper, like an injured animal. He froze and listened again. He heard it again, only louder and more pained. Then a scream rent the air, causing Aziraphale to stand up and yank the door open. Crowley’s body tumbled back, having lost its support from the door.
Immediately kneeling down next to his husband, he gathered the sobbing demon into his arms, making shushing noises as Crowley shook and wrapped his arms around Aziraphale as tight as he could. Sobbing words begging for forgiveness leave the demon, none of which make any sense to the angel. He just continued holding him until he was coherent.
Pulling away slightly, he asked “Are you okay?”
After several seconds, Crowley responded softly, “No, can we talk about something else?”
Aziraphale hesitated, silently wanting his husband to talk to him, but he knew better than to push again or when Crowley was still distraught.
“Sure, dear.”
Crowley just curled closer to Aziraphale, resting his head on Aziraphale’s soft shoulder.
“I’m really sorry for earlier, angel.” Crowley murmured, tightening his hold again on Aziraphale.
Aziraphale just shook his head, “I forgave you already, Crowley. I just wish you’d talk to me. It doesn’t make you weak, I’m just worried about you so much. You don’t have to tell me about your nightmare, but what can I do to help you?”
Crowley didn’t know how to answer, instead burying his head in Aziraphale’s neck.
Aziraphale just sighed, letting silence wash over them both.
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Later that night, Aziraphale was reading in the bed when Crowley entered the bedroom. He stopped short, hiding a small snicker at his husband’s choice in nightwear.
“Coming to bed, dear?” Aziraphale asked, patting the spot next to him.
Crowley raised an eyebrow but didn’t question his husband. He just crawled into bed next to his husband, who twisted to curl around Crowley as he laid down. Crowley just sighed in contentment, having his husband wrapped around him was bliss, so he pressed a kiss to his husband’s lips, who responded in absolutely delight.
“You know I love you, right?” Aziraphale asked as they parted, pressing his forehead into Crowley’s.
Crowley smiled softly, kissing Aziraphale gently. “I love you even more.”
Aziraphale grinned, falling into the familiar loving argument. It’d felt like forever since they’d been this content. Finally they quieted and Crowley began to doze off, feeling whole being wrapped in Aziraphale’s arms.
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The moon was high in the sky, casting light through their bedroom, when the screaming started again.
Aziraphale was still holding Crowley and when he tried to shoot upon bed, he was restrained by his husband’s embrace. He woke sobbing, begging for Aziraphale not to leave him. Aziraphale’s heart shattered, he knew Crowley’s nightmares were bad but he didn’t think he dreamt of losing him.
“Crowley, Crowley, my dear, I’m right here, I’m right here, love.” Aziraphale firmly said, trying to pull his husband from the panic the nightmare induced.
He moved his hand to wipe the tears from Crowley’s face, placing light kisses in their wake. It took several minutes before Crowley was calmed down, the whole time Aziraphale kept one arm wrapped around him tightly. As the panic faded, Crowley leaned more heavily on Aziraphale.
Aziraphale opened his mouth, ready to beg Crowley to talk to him, when the demon cut him off.
“It’s always the same now. We’re eating at the Ritz, just enjoying each other’s company. Then we’re walking back to the bookshop and everything freezes and you’re gone.”
Crowley pauses to take a ragged breath, Aziraphale is frozen, afraid if he makes a sound, Crowley will stop talking.
“Then I’m staring at the bookshop and it’s on fire. I see you inside and I rush in, only to get there just in time to see you die in Hellfire.” Crowley doesn’t even acknowledge the tears trailing down his cheeks, he just tightens his hold on Aziraphale. As though if he holds him tight enough the nightmare will cease to exist.
Aziraphale doesn’t say anything for a while, just holding his husband as he thinks over the nightmare. He pulls Crowley tighter against him before he finally speaks.
“My love. My beautiful, amazing, brilliant demon. I am so sorry you’re being put through this nightmare, and there’s nothing logical I can say to make it stop, but I’m right here. We’re not in London anymore, we’re safe, and I’m right here and always will be. I wish you’d have told me about this nightmare sooner so I could reassure that we are safe and we are going to stay that way. That nothing on Earth, in Heaven or Hell, could ever take me from you or you from me.” Aziraphale whispers, placing kisses in Crowley’s hair.
Crowley just curled closer to Aziraphale, letting his husband comfort him. He knew the nightmares wouldn’t stop anytime soon, but just having Aziraphale holding him and reminding him that they survived and they’re safe went a long way towards putting him on a less fraught path.
“I love you.”
“I love you more.”
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