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Harry let out a soft sigh as he watched Ginny sleep, her chest rising and falling rhythmically as she lay on their bed. He knew that he couldn’t keep doing this, that he had to tell her sooner rather than later that he didn’t feel the same way about her that she so clearly did about him. He had to tell her that though he wanted to want her as a lover, it just didn’t seem to be working out, but that was exactly why he hadn’t yet told her. That was exactly why they were now at the point where she was living with him in Grimmauld Place rather than with her family back at the Burrow, because he so badly wanted her to be the one. He didn’t care how stupidly outdated the idea that he should marry his childhood sweetheart and start a family with her, it was what he wanted - or at least it was what his head wanted. His heart on the other hand…
Harry’s heart wanted someone else, even if it made absolutely no sense to go there. He knew that he didn’t stand a chance with the person that his heart wanted, but that didn’t mean that even as he sat beside his girlfriend that his heart was going to listen. He had tried to convince himself that he loved Ginny and only Ginny for some time now. But he was failing.
Ginny couldn’t continue to be his future when his heart was elsewhere. He couldn’t continue to build a life with someone that he only really saw as a good friend. It wasn’t fair on Ginny for a start. She deserved so much more - she deserved to be treated like a queen and if he couldn’t be the one to do that then he wanted her to be able to find the person that could.
He rubbed a hand down his face as he took a slow, almost shuddering breath and stood up, leaving Ginny to sleep on her own. He didn’t deserve to share a bed with her, not when he was having these impure thoughts.
The problem was there was only one person that he wanted to talk to this about, that he wanted to tell that he was thinking about breaking it off with the girl that he had been with for two years, but she just so happened to be the very person that he couldn’t talk to because she was the one that he wanted to be with instead. This, of course, ruled Ron out as well. If it weren’t bad enough that Ginny was his sister, Hermione was his girlfriend and if Ron even got so much as a whiff of Harry having any feelings towards the bushy-haired brunette then he was pretty sure he would be hexed into next week, if not next century.
Harry might have been the wizard who took down Voldemort, but Ron’s jealousy was not something that should ever be messed with, especially not if one wanted to live to see tomorrow. Not to mention the fact that Ron was a little more adept at duelling than he was, not that Harry would ever openly admit this to anyone. Harry had peaked during school, after all, whereas Ron seemed to be far more suited to the auror life than he was. Harry was just glad that Ron seemed to prefer his work in the shop and didn’t really want to pursue a career working for the ministry.
Harry let out a sigh as he made himself a cup of tea, hoping that something warm might make him feel like he was able to get even just a little bit of comfort from somewhere. He wanted to go to someone, he wanted for someone to be able to give him the comfort that he was currently only able to receive from a beverage, but the reality was that Harry was alone. He wasn’t just alone though. He was lonely and that felt like a dangerous thing to be when he was surrounded by people who loved him.
He had thought that the days of his loneliness were far from behind him - considering that the war was over and they had apprehended almost all of the Death Eaters who had caused trouble for them way back when, but when he looked around him and all he saw was a girlfriend that he didn’t deserve and a pair of best friends that he was doing dirty, he realised just how wrong he was.
“Harry?”
He spun around on his heel so fast that he almost dropped his mug and all he could see in his mind’s eye was the shards of porcelain that had almost littered the stone floor of what had to be the coldest kitchen that anyone had ever had the ‘pleasure’ of visiting. He knew that was because of the age of the house, and that he could easily update the house if he so wished as he had the means to do so, but he had never managed to bring himself to make any changes to the former house of Black.
"Are you alright?" Ginny asked as he finally made himself meet the red-head's gaze. Her hair was a mess and her eyes were half-closed so he knew that now was not at all the right time to have the conversation that was burning away at his brain, melting it as it waited for everything to be resolved.
"I - yeah. Sorry, did I wake you?" He asked quietly. He wanted her to go back to bed so that he wouldn't have to risk accidentally telling her how he felt in his agitated state.
"No, I just…" Ginny began but trailed off with a small shrug before she yawned. "Are you coming up to bed?"
Harry tried to ignore the pang of guilt that was trying to make itself known as it sat on his chest. He could head to bed with her and sleep next to her without needing to be her lover. They could be two friends sharing a bed and he could let himself pretend that that was all that they were until at least the morning.