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Chapter Text

You heard the hiss of the platform lower from inside the first order transport you had been forced into. The ribbon over your eyes was starting to feel annoying on your eyelids and it was tied way too tight, strands of your hair being pulled by it as the stormtroopers took no care when they had tied it behind your head. But that was nothing compared to how tight they had clasped on the metal shackles onto your wrists, your veins pulsed as the limited blood flowed through them. Struggling against them had not helped throughout the ride so eventually you had given up and tried to block out the full throb of pain it caused you. 

Two hands grabbed you from either side and hauled you up by your arms. As they started to pull you forward you strained back, giving out a cry of defiance. But it was no use, you just felt more hands grab you and push you forward despite your struggles. Feeling the decline of the floor below you, your panic went into overdrive, now realising that you were on the first order's ship with no way out. You kicked wildly in every direction and finally managed to break free, sprinting forward. 

"There will be none of that" you hear from a deep, modulated voice as you are held by the force, feeling your limbs go stiff, flexing every muscle but achieving no movement.

You could only imagine that this was Kylo Ren, the infamous Sith Lord that the resistance were fighting against. You did not dare say anything, knowing of his power and also his temper. 

You only heard footsteps get closer to you, made by heavy boots. Your breath quickened and you held back your tears.

"Take her to one of the cells." He says, authority flowing through his voice, "Now. You WILL go quietly, princess."

You start to splutter and choke as you feel your airways being squeezed but not by his hands. Your own hands were still bound, unable to even pull at the invisible restraint on your neck. All you could do was give a quick nod and eventually you are released from the grip, taking in sharp, deep breaths.

"Good" is all the modulated voice says and the same heavy footsteps walk away.

Head down, you walk un-defiant this time, allowing the stormtroopers on either side of you to drag you along. You had no idea where you were or where you were going. All your senses were useless, your hearing only picking up on the woosh of doors opening and closing and the marching of the stormtroopers beside you as the blood rushed to your ears from being choked earlier. 

Eventually, after a while, you are pushed to the floor in what you assume is the cell Kylo spoke of. The stormtroopers no longer held onto you but you do not hear them exit so they must be standing nearby.

Your mind raced with the possibilities of what would happen now, you tried to regulate your breathing, calming yourself down. They had brought you here for a reason, and that reason wasn't to kill you or they would have done it already. Or maybe they were waiting to do it publicly, cameras pointing at you and displaying your death as a holographic to the entire universe, sending a message that helping the resistance came with consequences. You knew there would be consequences when you had signed up your planet to supply the resistance with weapons and equipment, but you were more confident that they would not catch up with you. How you hated being wrong…

The sliding of a door broke you out of your thoughts and you rose your head, straining to hear anything that would help decipher what was going on. More footsteps came closer but these weren't Kylo's, these were much lighter.

"Why is it always a princess messing in affairs that aren't her own" said a voice, ridged and menacing.

You stood up, rising to this bait, "Some of us who have power decide to use it for good, not evil."

There was a laugh, curt with no warmth behind it, "Good and evil are so subjective. What I see as good for the people of this empire may be seen as evil to you and vice versa." 

It was your turn to scoff at his remark, "How is helping those being oppressed by the tyranny of the first order, evil?"

"Ah so you admit that you are helping the resistance. You admit you are supplying them with weapons and everything and anything else that they want, when you should be helping us to bring order to the galaxy," the footsteps got closer, "how eeevil of you to disrupt that peace."

"It is your ways that are twisted! You know nothing about me!" You spat back.

Just then, although you couldn't see it, the man clenched and unclenched his hands. His head pounded as he tried to remember what he did know about you. He had read your file of course, the reason you were here and where you were from, your lineage. But he had a feeling he did know you deeper than that but he didn't know why.

When he didn't reply you continued, "You won't even let me look at you, look me in the eye and tell me what you think you know about me." 

The stormtroopers next to you looked towards the man and he took a deep breath, slicking back his ginger hair and smoothing down his coat before giving them a curt nod.

You felt hands start to untie the knot of the blindfold, pulling at your hair even more and you clenched your teeth. As the fabric slipped away, you blinked, getting used to the harsh light of the room and focusing on the figure before you. 

Your eyes grew wide,

"Armitage?"

Hux's eyes matched the shape of yours and suddenly his hand was brought down upon your face, the force of it pushing you to the floor and leaving a stinging in your cheek.

"How dare you use that name!" He shouted.

"Armitage, please!" you pleaded again but were only met with a kick to the ribs. You cried out in pain and curled up into a ball.

"I know you!" You said, desperately hoping that you could connect to the boy you used to know, "Armitage Hux, son of Brendol Hux. We used to play together when we were younger."

Hux's fingers went to your chin, pulling you up so you were kneeling before him, head tilted up to him, "You know nothing about me". 

Smack. Your vision went blurry again as your shackled hands clutched your head that had just been thrown against the wall.

"You two, get out of here so I can talk some sense into the prisoner" Hux commanded, pointing towards the cell's glass doors, face contorted in rage. The stormtroopers marched out of the glass doors and then through the metal doors on the other side. 

You couldn't stop the tears now, they were streaming down your face as you groaned in agony, writhing on the floor. 

"Don't you dare use that name again, I told you! Whatever you think you know about me, you don't!" He screamed, holding back his own tears. He hadn't cried since he was a boy, what was going on? Memories came back to him, each one agony. His father bringing him to your father's palace, sneaking away to play in the gardens, the sun on his skin as you both lay together in the grass, talking about how one day you would run away together, screaming as his father pulled him away from you, your face as he looked at you one last time. He looked upon your face now, just like that last time he saw you but much more defined, older of course. He turned away again. How had he forgotten all of this? He didn't understand and he didn't like not understanding.

"Arm…" you started to say but stopped as he turned to you, a mixture of fury and confusion in his eyes, "Hux. Don't you remember me?" 

"I...I...whatever you remember me as, I'm not that boy anymore." He stumbled out.

You laughed breathlessly, "So you do remember."

"No! I don't!" He shouted back. 

You struggled onto your feet and slowly walked towards him, "I can't believe you're here. You really let your father get to you. You don't need to be like this, like he wants you to be."

"Like he WANTED me to be!" He says, looking you dead in the eye, "I killed him. Along with everyone else that doubted me. I showed them. I showed them that I was so much more than they would ever be. That I was the one with the power now." 

This man before you was deranged, nothing like that sweet boy you spent the summers with when you were younger. That boy was scared, this man is wild. 

"You didn't need to prove anything. I knew you were good, that you didn't need to follow in their footsteps."

He slapped you again and you fell against the wall, sliding down and he crouched before you, "I obliterated their footsteps. I made my own way, going beyond anything anyone thought of me."

"I thought the world of you," you whispered, staring back at him, tears streaming down your face.

"ENOUGH", he shouted, his hand coming to your throat and pressed down on your windpipe, your hands still bound, unable to do anything about it "I don't need the force to choke you to death." 

"No, that would be my job" says the same modulated voice from earlier. Hux snapped his head towards Kylo as he entered the room, letting go of you. You found yourself breathing heavily once more, gasping for breath as you leant against the wall. 

"Ren. I was just interrogating the prisoner" Hux said as he stood up, calmer now, smoothing down his great coat. 

"Did you get anything before nearly killing her?" Kylo responds, a hint of sarcasm coming through.

Hux lifted up his chin, swallows and said, "Yes, she admitted to helping the resistance."

"We know that already! We need to get her to help us instead!" Kylo replied, squaring up to the General before turning to look down at you, "She is no use to us now, we shall talk to her in the morning. You are dismissed, General."

"Ren…" Hux started to say.

Kylo lifted a finger to him, "I said you are dismissed." 

Hux shifted uneasily before giving you one last look and walked out of the metal doors.

"Shall I give her some provisions, sir" a stormtrooper asked beside Kylo.

"No. She must learn that traitors don't get the respect of a basic human being. She's not in the palace anymore." And with that Kylo Ren is out of the glass doors and through the metal ones, closing each one behind him.

Chapter Text

The lights are out as you lay in your cell alone. 

Everything hurts.

But you can't get Hux out of your mind.

You didn't believe that you would ever see him again after the last summer you spent together. But why didn't he remember you? Was it really that long ago or were you really that forgettable? You had never forgotten him. After your father died you vowed to never work with the First Order, not after the stories Hux told you. There was of course defiance from your court after all your family was one of the greatest benefactors to the First Order in its early days. But you would change yourself for the better and you had always thought Hux would too. 

You had to know what had happened after he had left, maybe then you could talk him over, get him to see that he doesn't need this life. 

For now, you lay on the cold floor, dipping in and out of consciousness as your mind whirled through memories of you and Armitage.

You blinked hard as the lights flickered back on, reminding you that it wasn't just a bad dream, you really were here on the First Order's ship. You slowly sat up, hands still bound and starting to really chafe now. Every time you moved your arms it was sore. You could see the dried blood around your wrists and also on the floor, reminding you of the beating you took from Hux - someone who you never thought would do this to you. Trying to call out to see if anyone was around, only a croak came out, your throat still sore from all the choking. You were in a bad way and hoped that they would at least patch up your wounds - your bruised ribs, your cracked head, your busted face. You yawned and felt you lip split once again, cursing yourself. 

You waited and waited but no one ever came. Your stomach growled and you realised you hadn't eaten since yesterday morning. That's even if it was a new day now. There was no clock and no windows in this cell, not that a window would be of any help since you were in space. You missed Rossi, the warmth of the sun as it streamed through your windows in the morning, the wind as it whipped through your hair as you strolled through the gardens. You wondered how everyone was doing back home, you still had your mother but other than that it was just your servants and your subjects. You had no idea what happened to them when you were captured. 

You wondered if Hux was behind all this. If you were just another pawn in his political domination plan.

Just then, at the thought of him, the metal door wooshed open and Hux stood in the doorway. He looked indifferent as he approached the glass that separated the two of you. You lent against the wall and stared back at him.

"I hope you are ready to address me properly today." He said, narrowing his eyes slightly at you.

"And I hope you're ready to listen to me without resorting to violence today, Hux" you replied hoarsely, leaving a pause before you said his last name. You weren't about to completely give in to him but you didn't want a repeat of yesterday so obliged him just a little bit.

His mouth formed a thin straight line as he furrowed his eyebrows.

"I must...apologise for my outburst yesterday. But to address me so casually is not allowed, no matter what you think you know about me, so you had to be taught a lesson." He said, pacing the floor.

You go to reply but as you do you couldn't help but cough, your voice hating you, you tried to cough it out but then you can't stop. Hux looked at you displeased and then looked towards the metal door before he took a water bottle from his bag he had brought with him and slid it into a small box in the glass wall. You opened the box from your side and clutched the bottle as well as you could with your hands bound and gulp it down hungrily, every drop tasting as heavenly as the fresh water from the mountains of Rossi. You didn't care as some of it dripped down your chin, ignoring any royal manners that had been drilled into you since birth. You knew you looked a mess anyway, still in your torn, blue nightgown. As the bottle left your lips you gasped gulps of air. 

"Promise us the supplies you would otherwise give to the resistance." You heard Hux say plainly.

After you had caught your breath you turned to look at him and reply, "What? You're just going to go straight in like that? What makes you think I would give in so easily?"

"Well, you want to get home, see your family, your subjects again. I can arrange that." He said, again so matter of factly.

You stood up and mirrored him, "And will you come with me?"

He rolled his eyes and gave out a growl of annoyance, "Stop with this nonsense, princess. Do not make me lose my temper again!"

Hux turned around and tried to calm himself down. Why was he so emotional about all this? It was Ren who was known for his anger problems not himself, and he would not stoop to his level. 

"Hux, you can come with me and I will remind you of who you used to be." You plead, both hands on the glass. You saw his shoulders rise and fall as he breathed heavily. You didn't know what to say to make him calm down. Mentioning anything about his past clearly riled him up but then what else could you do to remind him that he used to be good. 

"You can turn this around. It's not too late, I promise." You continued.

"You promise?!" He shouted back, turning around, fire in his eyes, "Just like you promised that we would run away together?!" 

At this you stepped back from the glass, speechless. This really was still the hurt, little boy that you knew. Scared of attachment, on guard at all times, not fully embracing his emotions. 

"Th...this is nonsense. You've twisted my memories somehow. You're right, I don't know you. You're getting into my mind and using it against me. I'm getting Ren in here to settle this." He said and before you could reply he stormed out of the room.

You bit back the tears that formed in your eyes. He's right, in a way. You did promise that but you never followed through. Once he was taken away from you, you moved on with your life. Well, you were forced to. You were next in line to the throne, you were busy. But, then again, you knew that was no excuse. 

When the door opened again, it was not Hux in the archway but Kylo Ren. Face hidden by his mask, cloakless as to show off his lightsaber hilt clipped to his belt. He stalked in and two stormtroopers followed him.  The glass door opened and all three of them stepped in. The stormtroopers grabbed your arms again and led you out of the room completely, following Kylo down the corridor. You had no energy this time to fight back, going along with them and taking in the black and red decor of the ship. Kylo opened a door at the end of the corridor and you saw some sort of contraption in the middle. The stormtroopers pushed you into it and strapped down your ankles. They undid your handcuffs but you only get a short period of relief as they then strap your wrists to the contraption. You writhed in pain, your wounds having been exasperated. 

"Leave us" Kylo ordered and the stormtroopers filed out and the door closed behind them. 

You stared at the wall opposite you as the masked man circled you.

"Tell me," he says, "Do you know how to use the force?"

You scoffed, "No, of course not. Why do you think I do?"

Kylo stopped right in front of you, "You have been poisoning the General's mind with your false memories."

You were still hurt that Hux thought you were making everything up but you just replied, "Why would I do that? If I had the force there are surely better ways to get out of here than making up some memories".

"Perhaps you intend to turn him to the light. To use him for the resistance's benefit."

"It is you who is using him! You were the one who poisoned his mind with the dark side! Armitage is a good man, he just wanted to be better than his father and you pushed him down the wrong path. He was forced into this life!" You're shouting now, your voice wavering towards the end as it had still not recovered. 

You stared at the mask, waiting for it to reply but there is nothing. You stared at each other silently for a while.

But then Kylo breaks the stare, bending his head down, pressing the side of his mask and slips it off, holding it by his side.

To say you were surprised at his appearance was an understatement. This wasn't the face of some evil, remorseless Sith lord, this man looked lost. Your mouth hung open slightly as you took him in, his long, dark hair still perfect even after being under that mask, his dark eyes flicking between yours, searching for something.

"We were all forced into this life," he says, his voice softer and so much better without the voice modulator, "each one of us was chosen for this. There is no other way, no getting out of it."

"That's not true! No one is born evil, everyone is worthy of redemption."

At this, Kylo gets close to you, "You really think that?"

You nodded at him, taking in every freckle on his face that was so close to yours, "I genuinely do."

You saw him soften for a moment, something in his features that made him look so young, like a totally different person almost.

"Hux needs to remember that. To really remember me as well." You continued. 

At the mention of Hux, Kylo's face darkened again and he stood upright, "Right, the General. Let's see if you're really telling the truth."

He stretched his gloved hand out towards you and you felt a burning sensation coursing through your mind, he was rifling through your memories. He went through the last few years of resistance communications until he found you and Hux, your first meeting.

"Armitage, this is King (L/N). You will treat him with the utmost respect while I am his guest. Remember you are only here to note down the important details of our meetings. You must be seen and not heard."  Brendol Hux says, gesturing towards the man upon the throne. The small, ginger heard boy nods and bows to the King. 

"Brendol please, your boy is also my guest here! I offer him my hospitality too." The King says, stepping down from his throne, you, hot on his heels.

"That won't be necessary. He must learn his place early on." Brendol replies.

You stare at the little boy before you, he looks almost starved, trembling as he stands beside his father. You catch his eye and giggle and smile at him as you hide behind your father's cloak. He quickly looks away, a red hue appearing on his cheeks.

"Look, why don't Armitage and my young (y/n) go and play in the garden while we discuss your stay here. It won't be anything of much importance, just briefings." The King says and he pushes you towards Armitage. 

"No no, I don't think…" Brendol begins to say but before he can continue, you grab Armitage's hand and pull him towards the gardens.

"C'mon, Armie!" You say.

Back in the present you screamed, tears ran down your face as you felt like your head was about to burn up. 

"Stop! Please! I can just tell you!" You pleaded but Kylo probed deeper.

"You don't say a lot, Armie" you state as you lead him down the marble steps to the fountain at the start of your garden.

"My name is Armitage." He sternly says, trying to dig his heels in as you now drag him down the gravel path with lilies either side of it.

You stop to look at him before replying, "Hmm nah. I like Armie more." 

You finally drag him to the rose bushes,  there's one of each colour. 

"So what's your favourite colour? Out of all of these?" You say as you spin in a circle, arms out wide as you show him the roses.

He clutches his arm and looks at the ground, "I don't have a favourite colour."

"Whaaat?" You exclaim, "you must do! Mine is white."

"White isn't a colour." Armitage says.

You turn to look at him, hands on your hips, "Uh yes it is! Says who?"

He looks up at you, "I dunno it just isn't.

You pout at him and say, "Ok then, smartie pants. What IS your favourite colour?" 

Armitage looks around at the different roses, taking his time to inspect every bush. He finally stops at the bush at the end and points to the rose, "Orange. Orange is my favourite colour."

You skip over to him and pick the rose he was pointing to, "Orange. Hmmm."

You hold it in your hand, mulling it over in your mind. As you hold it up, you notice that it matches Armitage's hair and you break out into giggles.

Armitage frowns, "I'm sorry. Was that the wrong one to pick?"

You grab his hand and say, "Noo silly! I was laughing because it matches your hair!"

He looks at the rose and then plays with his hair, "Oh yeah! I guess it does!"

You give him the rose and then ponder it for a moment.

"You know," you say, "actually, I think orange is my favourite colour."

Blush overtakes both of your cheeks.

Kylo released his hold on you and you slumped forward, tears flowed from your eyes, sweat dripping from you, sticking your hair to your forehead. 

"You monster! You bitch" you manage to whimper out hoarsely.

"So you are telling the truth" he stated calmly, "interesting." 

Chapter Text

Kylo puts on his helmet and walks to the door as you try to catch your breath.

"Get Hux. Now." He commands to a stormtrooper waiting outside. They run down the corridor and Kylo comes back inside to wait.

A few moments later, Hux enters the room and you turn away from him, unable to look him in the eye after your trip down memory lane.

"So?" he says, "is she using the force to alter my memory or something else?"

"She's not using anything. The memories are real." Kylo states, voice once again modulated by the mask.

Hux shakes his head in disbelief, "Ren! This can't be true! How come I am only remembering it all now though? She must be doing something to my mind!" 

Kylo walks up to you, you can feel him searching for the force, for anything else but he finds nothing.

"It's all real. You must have been conditioned to forget. Someone didn't want you to remember her." He says, turning back to the general.

"Your father," you whisper and Hux tentatively walks towards you, "your father didn't want you to remember what it felt like to be happy from something other than power."

You look up at him, a complete mess, blood now dripping from your nose.

Hux merely sneers at this. 

"I hope this does not change your disposition, General" Kylo asks pointedly.

"Of course it doesn't!" He snaps back, glaring at Ren, "my loyalty is to the First Order and the First Order only. Whether the princess and I have history does not matter, it was clearly a long time ago and does not cloud my judgement or affect my loyalties. If anything, I can use this to our advantage when turning (y/n) to our side." 

"No!" You manage to shout out and you pull at your restraints, feeling blood trickle down now from your wrists, "Armitage. This isn't you! Please listen to me!" 

Hux looks to you, the sneer still upon his face. Your eyes plead with him, you search and search for anything behind those dark soulless eyes but there's nothing. There's really nothing anymore.

You thrash even more and shout and wail from pain from everywhere, your memories, your interrogation, your beating. You want out.

"Do something Ren!" Hux commands as he turns back to Kylo.

You see Kylo reach out his hand once more and you scream as he closes your mind and sends you to sleep.

Chapter Text

You woke up once more in your cell. 

If you thought everything hurt before, that was nothing compared to what you were feeling right now.

Your head reeled and you crawled your way to the hidden toilet in the corner and threw up, well, nothing. You'd not eaten so all that came up was liquid. It hurt as you retched into the bowl, willing for it to stop. Eventually it did and the feeling passed, but now you were leaning on the toilet bowl, feeling the worst you had ever felt. When you found some strength, you crawled back to the corner you had designated as your bed space and shut your eyes as the cell span around you, focusing on the coolness of the ground.

"You're awake." You heard a voice say and your eyes bolted open, trying to focus on the figure sitting on a bench on the other side of the glass.

It was Hux.

"Go away." You said and closed your eyes again.

There was silence for a second and then  you heard his boots across the floor and the sound of the small glass box being opened and shut.

"I managed to smuggle you out some food. It's not much but I feel like you should at least eat something even if Ren does want to starve you." He said and walked back to sit down on the bench.

You opened your eyes again and looked at him sitting there. Once again, he gave out no emotion, sitting erect like a good soldier. You noticed his hair was a little fluffier than usual and he didn't have his great coat on. Must be late.

Your stomach rumbled at the thought of food in a way that you weren't sure whether it wanted it or not. But he was right, you had to eat something. Even if it was pity food from the man who now hated you.

You managed to stand up somehow and grabbed the plate from the box. There was a bread roll and some weird grey sludge that made you want to throw up just by looking at it. You decided to stick with just the roll and sat down as you took a small bite from it. Immediately your throat protested but you kept it down.

"Thank you." You whispered. A princess had to have manners no matter what. 

You sat in silence as you ate your bread and you wondered what he was still doing here. You then thought about what an absolute state you must look and decided to try your luck.

"I don't suppose uh," you began and he looked up from the spot on the floor he was staring at to look at you, "that uh I could bathe? Get some new clothes that weren't dirty, ripped night clothes?"

He nodded and replied levelly, "I can have that arranged." 

You hummed in response to this. 

"I will also send in a medical droid but don't let anyone know." He stated and stood up then headed towards the door.

"Wait!" You cried and he stopped, turning his head towards you, "I'm sorry these memories are causing you stress. That's the last thing I want them to cause. They should be happy memories and I'm sorry that your father blocked them out."

He swallowed before replying, "It is not your fault. You have always been so kind."

He catches himself saying that, sighs and continues to exit the room. 

You smiled to yourself alone now. He's starting to remember you.

After a while, a small droid enters the cell and starts to patch up your wounds. The gel it uses soothes your bruised ribs and sore wrists and it gives you some small pills that instantly take the pain away and you sigh deeply, glad to be able to relax a little more. A stormtrooper then enters to escort you to a washroom where you get to soak in a bath as the droids scrub every inch of you. You immediately feel so much better, being free from all the dirt and dried blood staining your skin and you sink down into the bathtub tub to revel in the warmth and the bubbles. Your hair is washed and when you step out the tub you are led to a side room where a dark, practical but nice dress is laid out for you. It goes all the way down to your ankles and has a sweetheart neckline, small sleeves either side. You let your hair stay down after you had dried it but kept a bobble on your now soothed wrists for future use. 

As you looked in the mirror you smiled sadly. You look nothing like you usually do. You imagine what your mother would say if she saw you in such a dark dress and you begin to feel tears fall down your face. When would you get to see her again you wonder. 

It's then you notice that you're not wearing the locket your father gave you before he passed away. You start to panic as you burst back into the washroom and start to ask the droids if they had seen it, getting down on all fours to try and find it. Your tears were coming thick and fast now. This was the last thing you had to remember your planet by and you weren't about to lose it forever. 

You crawl over to the entrance of the washroom when you hear it open with a woosh. You stare up and see Hux looking down at you, utterly confused.

"Get up!" He commands.

You begin to explain what you're looking for but he repeats himself and hoists you up by your arm.

"Please, Hux! It's the last thing I have to remember my planet by." You plead, grabbing his coat lapel.

He looks at you, his features softening and goes to say something before,

"Hux", says the modulated voice once again.

Hux turns around to see Kylo.

"I was just escorting her back to her cell. I thought if she was cleaned up then she would be in a better position to be more amicable towards our proposal." Hux bullshits as he starts to drag you back towards the cells. 

The two of you start to walk down the corridor before Kylo says, "Wait."

You both turn around and he continues, "In that spirit, perhaps we should put her in an actual room. With a bed." 

He hesitates on the last words but you were quick to stumble out a thank you as Hux drags you the other way.

"Hux! My locket!" You harshly whisper as he leads you down the corridor.

He doesn't look at you as he replies, "Forget about your stupid locket. You should be grateful that you're getting an actual room." 

You decide to be quiet, knowing that you shouldn't push him any further or you might need that medical droid again. Eventually you both reach a door and as it slides open it reveals a small room with a bed, a chest of drawers, a door to which you assume is the bathroom and a small window where you can see the stars.

He pushes you in and says, "I'll be back to speak to you later." 

And with that he left you alone. 

You tried the door but it was locked. Of course, another cell, just more fancy.

You sit on the bed, worrying over your locket before your curiosity gets the better of you and stare out into space. You'd never been to space before. All the other planet's ambassadors came to you so there had never been any need to go off planet. But you had often dreamed of exploring the stars. You and Armitage had spoken about it many times.

You sigh and tear yourself away from the window, residing back on your bed.

Maybe appealing to a boy you knew years ago was a lost cause. You clearly don't know him now.

But he had shown you the odd act of kindness - the food, the bath and new clothes. But then you remember the beating. The flash of red as he struck you and the fuzziness of your head as he slammed it against the wall. If the old Armie was in there, it was deep deep down and was going to be hard to uncover.

You lay on the bed, happy for the comfort, and thought about those happier days.

A few hours past you noticed, staring at the clock, watching it tick by, when a stormtrooper appears at your now open door.

"Follow me." They say and you mull over what would happen if you refused, deciding that it probably wasn't worth it. You get off the bed and as you near the figure in white armour, they grab your arm and lead you down the corridor to the right. Being dragged a few paces, you were then shoved into an elevator, left alone to ride it upwards.

When the doors finally opened, you were met with Hux, standing square in front of you. 

"Princess." He states, his gaze remorseless. You decide not to reply, instead opting to lower your gaze to the floor. Although you don't see it, Hux's face shows a glimmer of sadness at your response. His emotions towards you slowly creeping out.

He turns curtly on his heel and strides into the room opposite the elevator. You lift your head back up and see a long,narrow table through the doorway, Kylo Ren at the end of it, back to you as he stares out the panoramic window before him.

Slowly you walk in and the door shuts behind you. 

"Ren." Hux says at Kylo's side and the dark haired man turns around to look at you free of his mask. Those lost eyes boring into yours again.

You shift uncomfortably on each foot before saying, "what am I doing here?" 

"Sit" Kylo commands and Hux pulls out a chair on your right side, closest to the window for you to sit down on. You look between the two men before making your way over to the chair, eventually sitting down as Hux tucks it in. The red haired man takes his seat opposite you, Kylo remains standing. 

"It has come to my attention that maybe I am not going about your treatment the...right way." Kylo begins, his fingers furling and unfurling during his pause, "Afterall, it is not merely information I need from you but your patronage. So, you are now my guest. You are free to do as you please but to a limit. You decide to push those limits and my hospitality will be withdrawn". 

"So, I can go home?" You ask.

"No!" Kylo suddenly shouts, banging a fist on the table and you jump, remembering the tales of his temper. 

"Do not overstep your mark, princess" he continues, leaning in towards you, bearing his teeth, "If it were up to me, you would be back in your cell right now, ribs broken and mind broken." 

Your eyes flick to Hux across the table, the man being eerily silent. He merely blinks at you, but you see a glimmer of softness in his eyes - something you only see when he thinks no one is watching him. 

"Hux is too soft on you all of a sudden, it is most unlike him." Kylo says and you see Hux's features harden again, staring daggers at the man next to him.

"Are you still questioning my loyalties? Your uncivilized ways would never win her over to our side. It is not kindness that we are offering her but a choice. A choice to stay in squalor or hear us out and be adequately looked after." He says, the two men seeming to have a stare off. 

"We should be re-conditioning her as we speak, I am surprised the leader of such 'esteemed' stormtroopers would suggest otherwise." There is pure poison behind Kylo's words as his fists curl into a ball once more, "You know, I am starting to come off this idea more and more as we talk". 

"Do not go back on you word, Ren!" The general says, standing up from his chair to meet the sith lord beside him. 

"If you are suddenly so fond of the princess, overcome with your pathetic childhood memories then you shall be in charge of her! I want nothing to do with her!"

At this, you suddenly stand up, annoyance coursing through your veins, "I am here you know! I should have a say in this!"

"No!" Both the men shout as they turn to you, their eyes aflame. You stumble backwards, eyes darting to the door of the room and you decide to make a run for it. But the moment you moved you knew it was a foolish idea, your muscles seized up and you were frozen in place. 

"Heed my words, (y/n)! I do not take defiance lightly!" Kylo growls and at that he flicks his hand towards the window, sending you flying into it. There is a slight crack of glass as your head collides with it and you slump onto the floor, blood trickling down your neck. 

"Do not disappoint me, General." Kylo hisses and storms out of the door, unsheathing his lightsaber. You hear the sound of the corridor walls being trashed through the ringing of your ears.

The General squats at your side, gloved hand coming to your head, "Are you alright?"

"Get away from me" you say as you push his hand away and turn from him. 

He sighs in rage, standing up, "You know it was me who managed to get you cleaned up, bring you food and arrange for your stay to be more comfortable here. You should be more grateful!" 

"Grateful?!", you scoff, peering up at him through your now disheveled hair, "you are so all over the place with how you treat me that I don't know whether to be utterly terrified of you or to try and be civilised with you! But grateful I am not! I did not ask to be here! I did not wish to see you again! It is not my fault that you forgot every part of you that was good. These tiny acts of kindness, if you can even call it that, are merely tactics to win me round to your side. Do not pretend that you are doing any of this for my sake!" 

The leather of the General's gloves squeak as he balls his fists. 

"You're wrong" he says, his voice small and your face relaxes into an expression of confusion. He kneels beside you once more but this time not meeting your eyes. 

"My mind has been flooded with memories of our time together ever since I saw you. I know I did not believe it at first but if what i am remembering is right then you truly are the only person who has ever shown me kindness. You said you did not wish to see me again, well I did not wish for these memories to pain me, I did not wish for you to remind me of them. But you did. And…" he runs a hand through his hair nervously, "and although these are not favourable circumstances of which to meet each other again, it is what it is. We must both make the best of it."

He finally looks you in the eye, the softness of them now shining out and you can't help but see the small boy you knew in the garden. 

"Help me escape then, we can change our circumstances." You whisper to him. 

His rage does not come back as you had expected it to but instead he whispers back, "You know we cannot. This is who I am now and I wish you would give me a chance to show you how it can benefit you." 

You don't even know how to reply to that. Your eyes linger on his for a moment, both of you breathing softly together. 

Eventually, he helps you up and you lean on him, the world spinning around you as the blood rushes to your head and probably out of your wound. 

"I have a reputation to uphold. I am pushing the boundaries asking Ren to treat you properly. Please do not throw it back in my face and make this harder for the both of us". He says as he guides you towards the door and out into the corridor. What he was saying wasn't exactly kind but diplomatic and you understood diplomacy. 

"I understand," you mutter as you both now enter the elevator and travel down, "I shall be civil".

Chapter Text

Hux supports you all the way to your room, eventually sitting you down on your bed. To your surprise, he reaches into one of the draws and pulls out a first aid kit. He tends to your head wound and bandages it up, both of you silent. You look up at him as he wraps the bandage around your head, taking in his appearance now. He was so pale but not weak looking, he had always been thin but you could see that he had some definition to him. Still a pretty boy.

"I do wish you wouldn't stare so" he states, his eyes not leaving the task at hand.

You blush and look down, "Sorry. I'm just getting used to seeing the small boy I knew all grown up". 

You think you see a flicker of a smirk and after he had pinned the bandage he leans back to look at you. 

"Seeing you is so weird to me. It's like I'm seeing you for the first time every time I look at you but then my mind goes to compare you to the image of the small girl I supposedly knew. It is quite frustrating." He says. You were unsure if he was being light hearted or not. You decided to stay quiet as not to evoke the wrong reaction from him. He gives out a small sigh and turns away, the door opening as he approaches it.

"Wait, what happens now?" You ask before he leaves.

He turns around and replies, "You will be compliant".

His face turns stony once more and he walks out of the door, it hisses closed behind him.

Your whole body ached once again and you turned to find the pills the medical droid had given you earlier. You took one and looked around for a glass to fill some water with. At that thought, a small droid rushes in, a plate of food and a glass of water sitting upon its large, circular head.

Sitting up and taking the food you give it a thank you and it speeds out just as quickly as it came. 

You took your pill with a gulp of water and started down at the food before you. It was some sort of stew, not the most appetising one you had seen but nevertheless thankful for as you ate slowly, not wanting to risk another night on the rim of the toilet. You finished your meal, brushed your teeth and decided to settle down for the night, snuggling up to the sheets of the bed you had so graciously been allowed to have. 

When you finally woke up you felt well rested for the first time in forever. There was still a dull throb in the back of your head but not bad enough to take any more pills. You hopped out of the bed and took a long, hot shower, making sure to take off your head bandage beforehand. When you stepped out of the bathroom you looked around for the dress you had on yesterday but it was nowhere to be seen. Scanning the room for any piece of clothing you could find, you pulled out one of the draws and found a long skirt and a shirt, all black of course. Deciding there was no other option, you pulled these on and dried your hair.

You then took a tentative step towards the door. Your hand reached for the pad towards the side of it and you tried your luck at pushing your palm against it. To your surprise it opened. Ren had followed up on his agreement then. 

You wandered the corridors, keeping an eye out for a place where you could get something to eat. There must be a kitchen on board somewhere, you thought to yourself. You went to go ask one of the officers walking past but they all gave you the same distrusting stare. 

After a while, you found yourself on what you assumed to be the bridge of the vessel - officers busy at work behind computers, surrounded by blinking lights and dials. But you were more focused on the vast window at the helm. You had not been able to take in the beauty of space back in the meeting room, but now with it before you, you felt breathless. You'd never imagined it was so beautiful. 

Unfortunately, you were jolted from your thoughts by a voice cutting through them, "(Y/n)".

You turned around to see Hux directly opposite you at the other end of the bridge. He strode towards you, greatcoat swishing behind him and grabbed you by your wrist. 

"You shouldn't be here," he said, dragging you towards what you assumed was his office nearby. 

"I was just trying to find some breakfast." You explained, being pushed into the room and Hux shutting the door behind him to then take a perch on his desk to look at you. 

"Breakfast?" he questioned, "it's nearly midday, (y/n). A droid tried to wake you in the morning but it was not successful". 

You vaguely remember a beeping in your dreams but took no notice of it at the time.

"Sorry." You mutter out, "I hadn't slept very well the past few days".

Hux's head lowers at this, running his hand through his hair.

"No matter. You will accompany me to lunch." He states.

You start to protest but he lifts up his hand to silence you.

"That was not a question." He continues.

You bite your lip and narrow your eyes at him. You felt like you were walking on eggshells with him.

He leads you back onto the bridge and you take in the officers at the station again as you pass them. What made them want to be so loyal to such a terrible cause? You remembered Kylo's words in your mind - 'Each one of us was chosen for this. There is no other way, no getting out of it.'

You couldn't disagree more, there was a way out of everything. 

Hux leads you to a small room with a round table and two chairs either side of it, the room was decorated with odd red marks across the walls, a long dresser spanned the width of the window on the outer wall. 

Looks like you and Hux were to be dining alone. 

"Please, sit" Hux says as he pulls out a chair for you and you sit down, him pushing the chair forward as you do. He takes his seat opposite you, folding out the napkin on his lap and you do the same. 

This was all so formal, you felt like you were dining with a diplomat back on Rossi. But as Hux had inferred earlier, this was just all diplomacy to him. 

You weren't satisfied with that though - you wanted to know what had happened after you had parted ways. 

"What happened when you left?" You asked, your hands folded together upon your lap.

Hux gave out a small laugh, "We have not even begun to eat yet, (y/n). Can this wait?" 

"No. It cannot." You replied back curtly.

The red haired general's face fell and he shifted uncomfortably in his seat. 

"I am not comfortable talking about my past. Before I was a General." he said plainly.

You reached your hand across the table, "Please. Tell me something about how you became to be the man I see before me". 

Hux swallowed hard, looking at you the same way he did when Ren questioned him but you didn't care. You needed to know.

But before you could plead any more with him, two droids wheeled in. You pulled your hand back under the table. The droids set down a plate before you both. It was slop. This is what a General eats? You picked up your fork and played with it.

"Not up to your standards, princess?" Hux questions, sarcasm dripping from his voice.

"Is this really what you eat? You're a General! You should eat better than this!" You exclaim.

"A General must show solidarity to his troops. Besides, I am used to this." He says and starts to eat.

You eat in silence for a while, taking small bites as you try to swallow down the tasteless mush. Oh how you missed the feasts of Rossi, even the porridge that the servants ate was better than this.

You had had enough of this. 

"Hux! Tell me what happened!" You say, slamming your fork down on the table.

He stares at you, disdain upon his features, "Is this how a princess acts? Besides, you are in no position to demand anything". 

"Hux, please. I have wondered for years!" You plead, softening your expression.

He sets his fork down and dabs his mouth with his napkin, "My father took me to the farthest reaches to train me. I worked my way up as the First Order formed and now here I am. Nothing else to be said". 

"How was it? The training?" You ask.

"Brutal," he replies, "I couldn't get away from him if I tried. He...he left me alone with his newly formed stormtroopers. But I eventually showed them. They became mine and I created the greatest generation of soldiers built for warfare".

He straightened himself out, his hands gripping his fork so tightly that his knuckles went white. 

"I'm sorry...I didn't mean to bring back bad memories. I just wanted to know…" you said softly.

"I know!" He screams, his turn now to slam down his fork on the table.

His voice softens, "I know". 

He takes a few deep breaths and then continues to eat.

"I cried over you for weeks after you left." You admitted, hoping that if you let your guard down then so would he, "I was inconsolable. I know we were young, my father never stopped reminding me of that, but my feelings were real".

There was no response from Hux at this. He continued to stare down at his plate as he ate. What were you to do? There was no getting through to him.

"I remember the first session of conditioning when I was dragged away from you" he eventually says, his voice small, "I too was inconsolable, I remember my father trying to beat me out of it but he soon saw that it would not be enough".

You hung on his every word, willing him to go on.

"I was carted off to some facility on Jakku, strapped down and probes stuck to my head," he continued, staring down still at his food but no longer eating, "I tried to hold on. It took multiple sessions to really break me".

"I tried, (y/n)" he says, lifting his head up now to look at you, tears brimming at his eyes. 

Your brow furrows in sympathy and you reached your hand across the table once more, this time it rested upon the general's.

As if your fingers were boiling hot, he shot up out of his seat and away from your touch. His breathing was ragged as he turned to the wall away from you.

"Get out." he spoke.

"Armitage…"

"GET OUT!" he screamed as turned towards you, pointing towards the door and you see tears streaming down his face. 

You sprinted out of the room, terrified out of your mind of what would happen if you didn't. 

Chapter Text

You had no idea where you were going as you ran down the corridors of the ship. All you knew is that you had to get as far away from Hux as possible. Tears now began to run down your face, blurring your vision and not helping your disorientation. You bumped into a few officers and stormtroopers as you whirled passed, murmuring a quick sorry as you did. Everywhere and everyone looked the same to you so you didn't even notice that you had bumped into Commander Ren until you were stopped in your tracks by his hand gripping your arm.

"What is the meaning of this?!" He growled through his mask. 

You did not answer his question, opting to instead frantically try to break free as you shouted at him to let go. 

His hand flew to your neck now, pinning you against the wall. 

"You will calm down, princess" he ordered as you strained your head back, eyes closed to get away from him and this place as far as possible. 

"You've broken him!" You cry out, "you and your horrific regime!" 

Kylo starts to notice the stares of his officers around him and pulls you into a secluded side corridor, dimly lit. 

"You must calm down." Kylo repeats and stares at you as you slump down against one of the support beams. 

"He was just a boy," you sob, "you took away his innocence, his one anchor of happiness and turned him into this remorseless soldier all because he thought there was no better way. He doesn't even know what affection is. He's scared of it".

"Affection is weakness." Kylo states.

"Affection is good!" You cry back, looking up at him, "affection and kindness and love are some of the most powerful emotions in the world and he had them beaten out of him. Just like I'm sure you did".

Kylo's hand went to rest on the hilt of his lightsaber, "You don't know anything about me."

"I don't need to! You're all the same! Cold, absent and violent parents, trained from birth to follow the regime of the First Order and every time you stepped out of line you were reconditioned again and again and this cycle never stops."

You stood shakily to your feet, "If someone had just shown you love or affection then there would be none of this. Instead of tyranny there would be peace. Instead of hiding behind your mask you would be showing yourself unapologetically to the world because you would have nothing to hide, you would not live in fear".

"I do not fear anything!" Kylo says, ripping off his mask and squaring up to you, "my parents were nothing like you described, I was coddled. This cycle you mention doesn't just happen in the First Order, I was expected to follow in my parents footsteps, live up to their reputation but my family betrayed me. They tried to kill me even though they were the ones trying to eradicate the dark side. You should not be so quick to judge!" 

"It is a shame that they did not succeed" you spat at him and immediately felt the heat radiating from his now ignited lightsaber against your face.

"You will be silent! You are lucky that you are useful to us or you would be dead right now". He says through gritted teeth.

You knew you had gone too far. You held your tongue for Hux's sake. You would not abandon him here.

Kylo puts his mask back on and escorts you back down the corridor, having calmed down now you silently follow at his heels.

"You will see that there is no redemption for Hux. Your efforts to reconnect with the boy you knew are in vain" he says as you reach a large door. 

It wooshes open and you both step in to find yourself on a gantry up high, a gym below you with a sparring ring in the middle.

"Send Hux in for a training session. Rules macabre" Kylo says to a nearby officer, observing the gym below.

"Yes sir." Says the officer and he runs through the door you came through.

Kylo sits at one of the benches near the railings of the gantry and instructs you to join him. You comply and look at the officers training below. What did Kylo mean? Why was he showing you a training session?

Hux walks in a few minutes later, stripped of his greatcoat and shirt, left only in his boots, trousers and vest. He enters the sparring area, dipping under the ropes and starts to stretch. 

"Sir? What's going on?" Asks one of the officers surrounding him, a woman with dark skin and hair pulled back in a tight bun. Hux's sight flickers to you and then immediately to Kylo as he stretches backwards.

"A training session. Rules macabre." Hux answers back and the room erupts into murmurs, everyone looking at each other in panic.

"Who wants to go first?" Hux asks so casually, looking around the room trying to catch someone's eye. The officers looked down, not daring to look at him at fear of being chosen. 

"C'mon everyone! Don't be scared. This is not the way I trained you," he said a little louder now.

"You, boy." He said, pointing at an officer no older than 16, "let's see if you remember your training".

The officer looks terrified but nonetheless steps forward and enters the ring. 

"Now you know the rules," Hux says, "there are none".

And with that he lunges at the boy, punching him square in the face. He staggers back, caught off guard but soon steps forward again to take a punch back at the General but the red haired man nimbly dodges out of the way.  He tries again and again but Hux avoids every blow and then kicks the officer straight in the ribs. He falls onto the mat, clutching his side but Hux continues to kick him in the ribs. The officer coughs up some blood but then grabs Hux's ankle, clawing his way up to drag him to the floor, climbing on top of him and punching him in the face. Hux's lip splits and he wrestles with the officer, managing to pin him down with his arms either side of his head. The officer writhes underneath him and then gives out a blood curdling yell as the General bends down and rips off the officer's earlobe in one foul movement. 

At this, you turn away. This was pure torture. 

"Watch" Kylo commands and uses the force to turn your head back towards the ring and keep it there. 

The officer is now clawing at Hux's face, leaving deep gashes and blood runs out. There's blood everywhere. 

Hux leans back out of his reach and then comes back down on him heavily, headbutting him and the officer goes limp.

Stepping off the body of the unconscious man underneath him, Hux spits some blood on the floor and shouts, "Pathetic! Someone show me a real challenge". 

You couldn't believe what you were seeing. You knew Hux wasn't the same anymore but you did not imagine that he would be as wildly ruthless as he had shown you just now. 

As the body is removed from the arena, another officer steps up, anger in his eyes. His frame is bigger than the last one, he looked as if he spent his whole life in the gym doing weights. He was easily twice the size and probably weight as Hux. 

The General nods to the man as he enters the ring, "Well done, FN-1899. You've finally come to show me a real fight." 

The officer gives out a cry and tackles the general, body slamming him to the ground. But Hux kicks up at his ribs and moves out from underneath him. He then pulls the officer's arm behind his back, twisting it so hard you thought it was bound to break. But before it did, the officer launched Hux forward over his head and slammed him in the ground once more. 

At this, you hear Hux give out his first groan of pain and you bite the inside of your cheek, struggling against the force holding you in place. 

The officer, taking no pause, slams down hard on Hux's arm with his foot and you hear a crunch through another shout from Hux.

"Stop!" You begin to shout now but the room was too full of cheers and hollers to be heard. 

Hux rolls onto his back and using both legs, slams his feet into the officer, sending him staggering backwards. He uses this chance to stand up, raising his one good arm in a defence position. The officer is quick to go back to punching him - both of them get in a good few punches at each other, Hux dodging and weaving as much as he could. But eventually the officer punches up at Hux's chin, sending him onto the ground. Hands wrap around his throat and he struggles for air.

The room suddenly goes silent. Kylo leans in.

You struggle to find the will to shout anything, words lost on you at this moment. 

Hux's good hand frantically goes to his boot and he tries to grip something. He finally manages to grab it and you watch as Hux stabs the officer straight in the throat. 

The man's grip on Hux's neck weakens and he falls to the floor spluttering, blood pouring out of his neck. 

Hux leans back on his haunches, hair wild and breathing frantically, blood drips from his mouth and various head wounds. 

You feel the force leave you and you sprint down the steps to the lower floor. 

"Hux!" You shout, running over to him as he exits the arena.

"Clean this up." He says matter of factly to one of the officers and then makes his way to the door leading out of the gym. 

"Hux!" You repeat, staring at him as walks, his eyes fixed firmly ahead, "Are you...I…"

"Go back to your room, (y/n)" he states wearily and you stop in your tracks, watching him walk away. 

Chapter Text

You sat on your bed, staring down at the sheets. You weren't sure how to process the scene you had just witnessed. Hux was a murderer. You knew this of course but to witness it...that was something completely different. It had only been a few days since you were captured and thought you could get through to Hux but it all seemed like a lost cause now. 

The man you saw walking around for the next week felt completely unfamiliar to you. Each time you saw him, instead of the young boy you knew, there was just the image of him in the arena, stabbing that officer's throat. The medical droids had done a good job in mending his arm quickly and patching up his wounds but his face still bore the scars of the fights, making it even harder to forget about. 

Not that you had had much interaction with him deeper than questions about your planet's resources. You would refuse to reply and every time he would eventually give up and send you back to your room. 

You had no idea how to interact with him now.

A beeping on the holopad you had been given recently indicated that you were needed in one of the meeting rooms. Strange, you thought, you'd already been interrogated today. Although not by Hux. It seemed that he had decided to try and get some of the commanders to get through to you but you had merely deflected their questions, trying to get to know them more instead. You wanted to know what really made the First Order tick, to really understand it's people so you could best plan how to get through to Hux. You could not see yourself going back home at any time so you might as well try and make the most of the opportunity for intel.

You made your way to the specific meeting room to find it empty. Looking around, you didn't see anyone. You wondered if you had gotten the wrong room as you absentmindedly stared out of the window. 

"I believe this is yours." A voice behind you says and you jump round in shock. 

Hux is standing there, your locket dangling from his fingers. You step back a fraction, staring at the locket, unsure whether to reach out and take it. 

You make eye contact but immediately look down. However his gaze does not shift. 

He looks at you sadly, takes a step closer and says, "please".

You hesitate but eventually turn around and lift up your hair to the side to allow him to clasp it around you. As he does so, his fingers brush against your neck and you flinch.

"(Y/n), I'm not going to hurt you." He says softly, continuing to clasp the two sides of the chain together. You let your hair down and he stands behind you, you can feel his breath on your neck. For a moment you stay like this - your breathing now synching up, short, sharp inhales and exhales, every breath making you panic even more while simultaneously making you want him to say something, do something, anything. 

You waited for him to explain himself but when he did not you muttered a thank you and turned to leave. You get only a few steps away from him before he grabs your wrist. It was not a harsh grip but the action forced your mind to relive the moment Hux twisted the officer's arm behind his back in the arena. 

"Let me go." You mumble, head down, hair covering your face. 

"Let us talk first" he says.

Talk? How can you talk to this man who you now hardly know? To this killer? 

"I have nothing to say" you reply and tug on his grip but he does not relent.

"I am sorry that you had to witness what happened last week and I'm sorry for my behaviour following it. The last thing I want is for you to...to hate me but last week I was just following orders and throughout this week I admit I have been a coward. I should have talked to you sooner but I did not know how. When I found your locket the other day it took me a while to even find the strength to return it to you". 

You say nothing but do not move as he lets go of you, opting to continue staring at the ground and now playing with your locket.

"As all the memories of you come flooding back to me every day, it becomes clearer and clearer to me how much you really meant to me, how much you" he swallows, "care about me. The emotions I have towards you are foreign to me and I have been a coward to ignore them and to not do something to put you at ease this past week. I cannot change who I am now, years of conditioning and training is hard to undo but please".

He steps closer, continuing, "the man in the arena is nothing like the man I am when I am with you, when I see you or when I think of you".

He tentatively pushes a strand of your hair behind your ear but you still do not look up at him,

"Show me what it's like to feel again. Guide me through these emotions I have for you because if you don't, I fear I will be as I have for the past week forever. And that tears me up inside". 

Finally, you look up at him. He looks scared, lost. The man from the arena far from your mind, you now recognise the person standing in front of you and all you can do is wrap your arms around him and hold him tight. 

He stiffens, such affection alien to him but he soon relaxes into your embrace and lifts a hand to rest on the back of your head. 

"I'm here." You simply say.

Chapter Text

The next day, Hux was off ship, meeting with First Order sponsors on various planets. You sat in your room, playing with your locket and keeping yourself busy until he returned. Things still weren't perfect between you of course. You can never forget what you saw or change who he is when in command, but it brought you peace and happiness to know that he now really remembered you and his feelings and that you saw how he was around you. It gave you hope that you could bring him back to the light for good. 

It was around 5pm that you received a notification to make your way to a room in the upper deck. It did not say what was in that room but nonetheless you smoothed down the black dress that had been returned to you and headed over there.

You stood in front of a door and double checked the room number on your holopad to the one on the door. Satisfied that you were in the right place, you pressed the button on the side panel to signal that you were outside. 

The door slid open and a flash of ginger ran by, arms coming out from the door to catch it. 

"Millicent, no!" Hux hisses and he stands up, the ginger cat in his arms looking displeased about having been caught. 

He steps to the side and says, "Sorry about her. Come in." 

Bewildered, you walk in and as the door shuts behind you and Hux you take in your surroundings. You were in Hux's quarters. A large space with a kitchen to the left, a seating area to the right and a bed on a raised platform straight ahead of you, another panoramic window behind it.

"I would really appreciate it if you kept quiet about her," Hux says as lets go of the cat who scampers away to lie on one of the couches, "no one else really knows she's here. We're not technically allowed pets but I came across her off ship once and she wouldn't leave my side".

"I...I won't tell anyone," you reply, "what am I doing here, sorry?" 

Hux looks at you as he dries his just washed hands on a tea towel, "I uh thought we could have dinner together. No rations though! I've cooked us a proper meal". 

You take in his appearance now, he wears just his trousers and a shirt with the sleeves rolled past his elbows, also a waistcoat that you didn't realise he wore. His hair was free of gel and you appreciate the rare sight of his fluffy hair. 

"I do not claim to be the best cook but I think I can do better than the mush served in the canteen most of the time." He says and bends down to check something in the oven. He looked so vulnerable now, dressed so casually (well casual for him) and doing something so domestic as cooking. 

"Um sure…" you say hesitantly, shifting uncomfortably on your feet, unsure of what to do with yourself. 

He notices this and says, "Feel free to sit down. It will be a few more minutes".

You look towards the couch where Millicent was now napping and sit down next to her. Her eyes shoot open and she looks at you inquisitively so you hold out your hand for her to sniff and once she gets used to your smell she rubs her face up against you. 

"She likes you" Hux remarks as he stands behind the kitchen's island, observing the two of you. 

You merely hum in response, a small smile forming on your face as you glance up at him and then focus your attention back on giving the cat some fuss. 

An awkward silence falls over the both of you and it was now Hux who was shifting uncomfortably as he stood, unsure what to say next.

Eventually he breaks the silence and says, "I uh have something for you."

He makes his way over to a chest of draws by his bed and opens the top draw. Reaching in, he pulls out three roses, their petals a brilliant, bright orange colour.

You chuckle as he walks towards you, flowers in hand.

"I saw them while I was off ship earlier and I, well, I thought you might like them. They're just like the ones I picked…"

"In the garden back on Rossi, yes. I remember" you interrupt him.

He tentatively sits next to you on the sofa and offers you the roses.

You take them from him and twirl them in your fingers, staring at them. Millicent is quick to take an interest, sniffing them and then using her paw to bat at them.

"Millicent!" Hux warns and pushes the cat away from the flowers, reaching over you.

"It's ok" you laugh, giving her a small scratch under her chin.

"Hux." You shift your body to look at the man beside you as you address him, "this is sweet but I want you to know that this does not make everything perfect between us".

He licks his lips and looks down, "I understand this, (y/n) but I thought I could start somewhere with this small gesture of peace". 

You had to give him credit for trying, you guess. He really didn't know what affection was so this was big for him.

"Thank you." You say, and kiss him softly on the cheek. 

He freezes as the feeling of your lips on his skin ricochets throughout his body. He felt as if he should dare not move, wanting to live in this moment forever - the first moment in a long while of feeling someone's touch on his bare skin. 

But he is quickly brought out of it by the beeping of the oven.

"E-excuse me." He says and darts towards the oven to turn off the alarm.

He opens it to reveal a large bird of some sorts, surrounded by various vegetables. 

"Looks nice." You say as you stand up and head towards him. 

The corners of his mouth upturn at your comment and then he starts to carve the bird, placing slices of it on pre-prepared plates.

"Let us hope it tastes as good as it looks then." He replied and once he had plated up the vegetables he placed both plates on a small table that had been made up inbetween the kitchen and the seating area. 

You sit down at the table but realise there was nowhere to put the flowers he had handed you. You lift them up to him and were about to ask about a vase but before you do, he quickly grabs one out of the cupboard. Once he had filled it up with water he placed it down on the side of the table and takes his seat. 

As you put the roses into the vase, Hux places his gloves next to it. You realise he only ever takes them off to eat, well and to fight of course. But you were trying to not think about that anymore…

He pours you both a glass of red wine and then stammers out, "Well uh, let us eat then," gesturing for you to start.

You think he doesn't often have company around for dinner. 

You both dig into your meals and you give out a hum of approval as you chew, savouring the taste of something other than canteen food.

"This is wonderful!' You compliment.

Hux gives you a small nod, "Thank you. I tried my best".

You glance up to him every now and then as you continue eating and sipping on your wine, aching to know what was going through his mind right now. What were his intentions? You hoped they were pure, an offer of peace like the roses but unfortunately you weren't ready to trust him just yet. You think of a conversation starter, something to get out of this silence that had fallen over the both of you.

"Your scars have nearly healed," you comment, referencing the ones on his face, "although your knuckles still look a little worse for wear".

"Ah yes," he replies, putting down his knife and flexing his hand, "your face looks a lot better too. Less bruising". 

You bite the inside of your cheek and look down. 

"Not that your face is bad in general! I just meant that it had recovered well from the beatings…" he tries to make things better but trails off at the end, realising what he was saying. 

Well, that didn't work. The silence returns, even more awkward than before. You both down your drink and he fills the glasses back up.

"Sorry…" you eventually say, "I shouldn't have brought up such a topic. I don't know what I was thinking". 

"No it's ok, it was um…" he hesitates, "let us talk about something else". 

You take a deep breath and smile up at him, "Yes! Good idea. So...what do you uh do for fun around here?"

"I get very little time for recreation." He replies.

"You must be able to do something though," you say, searching through your memories for something the young Hux used to enjoy. You finally settle on one particular memory. 

"You used to draw a lot when we were younger." You continue, "do you still do that at all?"

Hux's face turns red, "No. No, I...I don't".

"But you were such a natural talent at it! The moment I gave you a pencil and paper I had snuck out of my father's office, you drew the most beautiful picture of me. You drew me every summer that you came to visit, every drawing better than the last". You say, smiling and hoping that he would remember.

He smiles, finally! 

"Yes, I do remember now. The times when I came to stay with you were when I really got to practice. I would doodle on scraps of paper I found lying around while on my father's ship but it wasn't the same as having the freedom to draw on proper artist paper or canvas when I was with you," he says, holding eye contact, "you were my favourite subject to draw. I had a go at drawing the landscapes of Rossi and the wild animals but I much preferred portraits. And yours was such a pretty face to draw". 

You giggle at his flattery.

"Not that it isn't still pretty of course! Gods, why do I keep digging myself deeper" He stammers again, thinking you were laughing at him. 

"No, no I understand what you were saying!" You say.

He swallows hard and goes back to eating his meal, his face still flushed red while a smug smile graces yours.

"How about your singing?" He says and you look back at him, "did you continue with that? I remember you were quite the queen of arias." 

He remembered your singing.

Smiling wide now, you replied, "Yes! I got to sing at almost every ball and event we hosted".

"What was that one you used to sing all the time? Something about greenfinches and linnet birds?" He asks, face in deep thought as he tries to remember. 

"And nightingales and blackbirds?" You prompt him.

"Yes!" He says and his face lights up, the first time you've seen him like this since you had seen him again, "that's the one!"

"Would...would you sing it for me now?" He asks tentatively.

You laugh, "only if you draw something for me!" 

His eyebrows furrow, "absolutely not. I am years out of practice whereas you continued your talent". 

"Noo! Please!" You plead lightheartedly. 

He sighs but you see he is also smiling, "let us see after we have finished eating". 

You huff but then say, "finnee". 

You continue eating in comfortable silence now, glad to see that you were managing to reveal the old Hux with your reminiscing. The ginger haired general also looked a lot more relaxed after your discussion. 

You spent the rest of the meal eating, drinking and catching up like old friends. Every mention of an old memory would bring out the old Hux bit by bit until it was almost as if you were sitting across from the boy you knew all those years ago, but a more refined, somehow even more handsome version. 

Maybe the wine was going to your head…

"That really was delicious, Armitage" you say as you place down your knife and fork next to each other on your empty plate but then you freeze. His name had slipped from your mouth. You look up at him, waiting for his anger.

He had stiffened but then he runs his hand through his hair and says, "You are allowed to call me that but only for tonight".

"Thank you, Armitage." You say his name once more to test the waters. 

He does not look happy about it but does not say anything, opting to instead clear away the plates from the table. You watch him walk away and place them into a dishwasher before coming back to stand at the table. 

"I believe you owe me a drawing then!" You say with a smile and stand up, grabbing your glass of wine as you do.

"I never actually agreed to it!" He says, narrowing his eyes at you but you knew that this was only playfully this time.

"Please, Armie." You say, slowly making your way over to him, looking up at him through your lashes. 

He looks down at you as you stand before him.

"Certainly not if you're going to call me that". He says but there is no anger in his voice.

You bite your lip and give him your best doe eyes, "Please." 

He sighs, tilting his chin up just a fraction, still staring into your eyes. 

"Fine." He eventually says, giving up and going to a desk near his bed to retrieve a notebook and a pencil. 

You smile, down your drink, set the glass on the nearby kitchen island and go to sit on the sofa. Millicent had decided to move onto an armchair so Hux had plenty of space as he sat down next to you. 

"Now, don't expect this to be amazing. I am very out of practice." He says, leaning the notebook on his leg that he had pulled up onto the sofa. 

"No matter what you draw, I'm sure it will be wonderful." You say, straightening out your hair and sitting up properly. 

"Ok sit still." He says and gets to work.

You wiggle your head a bit to annoy him, waiting for his reaction when he looks back up to you.

"(Y/n)." He warns, suddenly stern now and you immediately go back to posing, realising that he was taking this very seriously. 

You sit still for a good while, the lack of movement coming easy to you having been used to such a task through years of sitting at court. But this was way better than those boring sessions. Your eyes never left Hux as he glanced from you to the book every now and then. It was so good to see him focused on something other than military tactics or trying to get information out of you. You hoped he would realise that you would give him any information he wanted if he was always like the man you see before you right now. You hadn't felt this at ease for a while and you held onto the hope that he would always be like this around you at least. You understood now that he had a role to play, a facade to put up when he was around others but that didn't matter as long as you could get through to him one and one as you were now. If you managed to make him like this as much as possible then you were sure that you could convince him to escape with you. Your heart fluttered at the thought. 

You had been in your thoughts for so long that you were surprised when Hux said he had finished. 

"Let me see then!" You say excitedly, holding out your hands to him. 

"Hmmm," he hums as he looks down at the page for a few seconds before handing it to you. 

You grab the book from him and turn it around to look at it.

It was...wonderful. 

You took in the precision of the lines as your eyes trace the curve of your cheek and your hair and the features of your face. The shading perfectly accentuated the details, giving your eyes a softness to them.

You realise that this was how Hux saw you.

"I told you not to expect it to be amazing!" He exasperates, taking your silence to mean that you didn't approve. 

"No! No!" You stammer out, looking up at him, "Armitage, it IS amazing. Seriously, you've not lost your touch". 

He looks away to the side, clasping his hands on his lap, "You don't have to say that just to be nice". 

"I'm not," you say sincerely and lay a hand on his knee, "I promise". 

He looks down at your hand for a few seconds before saying, "Now I believe you owe me a song!" 

You take your hand away and sigh, leaving the notebook on the sofa before standing up 

"Well, I've not warmed up, you know. There's not a piano so I don't know my starting note and how am I supposed to keep in time without an accompaniment?" You ramble, throwing your hands up into the air, thinking of any excuses possible.

"(Y/n)" Hux warns again, playfully this time and stands up as well. 

"The stars!" You exclaim, pointing towards the window, "they're not right. Can't do it". 

"(Y/n)," Hux repeats and closes the distance between you so he is inches away from you, "Please".

You make a face at him, realising he is using your own trick against you. You both flick between each other's eyes, searching to see who would back down first. You try to hold back a smile creeping onto your face, going back to a straight face every time it did. Hux, on the other hand, kept his face steely cold, not a single twitch, no curl of his lips. 

"Fine!" You finally let out and he steps back, a proud look upon his face.

"But not all of it!" You say, squaring your shoulders and correcting your stance as he sits back down onto the sofa, "Just a few lines". 

"At least to the chorus!" He states and leans back, getting comfortable. 

You tilt your head at him, "But there's not really a chorus!"

He shrugs his shoulders, "Not my problem".

You huff but continue to get into the right stance and then take a few deep breaths.

You start:

"Green finch and linnet bird,

Nightingale, blackbird,

How is it you sing?"

You look out of the window, focusing on the never ending stars, unable to bare the nerves you felt when you were looking at Hux.

"How can you jubilate,

Sitting in cages,

Never taking wing?"

You didn't see the way Hux's eyes glistened as he listened to you. Everything else leaving his mind, being able to focus on just one thing for the first time in years.

"Outside the sky waits,

Beckoning, beckoning,

Just beyond the bars.

How can you remain,

Staring at the rain,

Maddened by the stars?"

But then you do dare to look back towards him and instead of nerves there was just a lightness in your chest, a feeling from the past solidifying itself there.

"How is it you sing

Anything?

How is it you sing?"

You see Hux smile, a genuine smile that reaches his eyes. His eyes - they show the emotion that you were feeling in your chest - pure admiration. 

You suddenly can't find the notes.

"Uhh and then greenfinch and linnet bird blah blah blah". You say having stopped singing.

"No!" Hux protests, "you have to continue it!"

"Ah maybe another day. It's getting late", you make up as an excuse. 

But, Hux turns to look at the clock on his mantelpiece.

"Oh, you are right," he says, worried, "it is after 10pm and I have a whole statistical report to create". 

"Oh, right…" you reply, not actually wanting to make the evening end.

"I'm sorry, (y/n) but these reports take a good while. I could be up until 2am". Hux says as he stands up.

Your eyes grow wide in shock, "Goodness, I didn't mean to take up so much of your evening if you had work to do!" 

"It is of no worry. I do not sleep a lot anyway." He says and looks to his desk littered with papers. 

"Well, I hope you do manage to get some sleep" you say and offer him a sympathetic smile. He gives you a small smile in return and a small nod of his head. 

"But here," he says and grabs the notebook from the sofa, ripping out the page with his drawing on then grabs the roses from the vase, "these are yours".

You take them from him and hold them to your chest. 

"I shall cherish them forever" you say and you meant it, no matter what happened, you'd always remember the night you got back your Armitage. 

After a quick pet of goodbye to Millicent, Hux walks you to the door.

You turn to him, door still closed behind you.

"You're still a wonderful singer, (y/n). I hope to hear much more soon." He says and takes your hand to plant a kiss on the back of it. 

"And you, a wonderful artist" you reply, holding up the piece of paper in your hand.

He laughs dryly, "I don't think I would go that far". 

You laugh as well and smile up at him. He smiles down at you. 

"Goodnight, (y/n). Thank you for a lovely evening". 

"Goodnight, Armitage. The pleasure was all mine" 

And with another kiss on his cheek, you open the door behind you and walk down the corridor back to your own quarters. 

Chapter Text

You open your eyes in the morning to see the three orange roses you had placed in a vase on your nightstand when you got back from Hux's quarters. You then smiled. It was the first time you had smiled instead of groaning when waking up on this ship. Rummaging around in your nightstand’s draw, you pull out the drawing Hux had made of you. 

You go over the events of last night in your mind. Having new, pleasant memories with Hux made you ecstatic. 

For once, you jumped out of your bed and got dressed as quickly as possible to go see him.

"Thought you might not have had time to grab breakfast" you say appearing in the doorway of Hux's office, waving a brown paper bag. 

"(Y/n)" he says as he looks up at you, features turning soft and straightening himself in his seat, "thank you. That is most kind of you". 

You sit down opposite him without asking and set the bag down on the table. Taking out a pastry for both you and him, you offer his to him.

"Ah, later. I just need to write a few more sentences of this report otherwise I will forget where I am" he says, holding up his hand to the pastry and going back to work.

You hum in response and tear off a piece of your own pastry before popping it into your mouth. You watch him as he works, just as serious writing as he is when drawing. 

He scribbles down a few more words onto his data pad and then sets down his pen, "Right then, to what do I owe the pleasure of your presence this early in the morning and without having to be forced?" He asks, leaning back in his chair, ignoring his pastry, "finally ready to give me all the resources of your home world and the names of the resistance that you work with?" 

"Hmm I was thinking more that you could show me more of your artwork. You must have worked on some over the years!" You plead and watch as he rolls his eyes at you. 

"My dear princess, there is no more than the one you already possess. I have told you, I do not normally have time for such frivolous activities" he replies.

"I just simply don't believe that to be true" you say as you stand up, eating the last bite of your pastry and start to make your way around the room. 

Hux sighs, "Whatever are you doing?" 

"You've hidden them somewhere and I intend to find them" you say, opening a few draws and turning over loose sheets of paper. 

He scrambles to his feet and rushes over to try and hold you back from looking anymore, "Would you stop? You can't just go rifling through my things!" 

"Well, I wouldn't have to if you just told me where they are" you laugh, continuing in your task despite Hux's best efforts to hold you back. 

You revel in the flush that comes over his face as he keeps protesting, doing this mainly to wind him up, knowing he wasn't going to do anything too harsh now. 

He steps between you and a cupboard that you had moved onto, his body now pressed against yours and you press yours even more against his as you lean to open the cupboard. 

"(Y/n)! This is most inappropriate!" He says harshly. 

Then, there is a cough from the doorway. 

You both turn to look at the source.

"Um, I'm sorry to interrupt sir" says Lieutenant Mitaka, one of the many officers sent to interrogate you over the week, "but Commander Ren requires the presence of you and the princess in meeting room 3".

Hux steps out from being practically underneath you and runs a hand through his hair, "Right. Yes. Tell him we will be there momentarily".

Mitaka looks between you and the General before saying, "Yes, sir" and disappears out of sight. 

He looks back at you, a scowl on his face but there is nothing but innocence upon yours. 

"Come on" he huffs and takes off towards the door. 

"General" Kylo says as you and Hux enter the meeting room, distaste laced through his modulated voice. 

"Ren" Hux greets back, matching the distaste in the commander's voice. 

"Morning." You say as the two men stare at each other. Kylo merely turns to look at you, saying nothing. 

You decide to ignore his icyness and sit down, the general taking his opposite you again. 

"What is this for, Ren? I am a busy man." Hux asks, glaring daggers at the mask as always. 

"The time has come to host a sponsors gala" he replies, ignoring the General's annoyance.

Hux scrunches up his face in disapproval, "Again? I swear there was one just the other week." 

"It was over three months ago now. Supreme Leader Snoke is eager to finish Starkiller base soon and in order to do so, we must gain one more round of funding", Kylo says.

You'd not heard them mention the Supreme Leader since you had been captured. You knew of him of course, everyone did. You knew that he was in charge of all of this, the whole of the First Order. Starkiller base though. That was a new one on you. 

"And what does this have to do with me? And for the princess for that matter. Surely she should not be allowed to overhear our plans" Hux says.

You reply before Kylo could, "If I am to be helping you then surely I should be allowed to overhear your plans."

"Oh, so you are helping us now?" Kylo asks, turning to you, the General doing the same. 

"Well," you say, fidgeting in your seat, glancing to Hux and then back to Kylo, "I guess uh I will have to see if it is something worth investing in!"

You actually had no plans to waver on your loyalties to the resistance but at this point a little white lie wouldn't hurt anyone, especially if it led to you gaining more intel. 

"That is good to hear as you will be in charge of organising the gala" Kylo says.

"What?!" You and Hux both exclaim, turning to look at the masked commander.

"What?" You repeat yourself, turning back to Hux, "why are you surprised? You don't think I'm capable of hosting a gala?" 

Hux stammers, "No, no, I just...I don't understand why you were picked to host one of our galas". 

"She is a princess, she knows how to prepare for an event and she is a woman so she knows the little details to really impress," Kylo says and you frown at his blatant sexism, "this also gives her a chance to mix with the First Order elite and to see that we are working towards a worthy cause". 

"Wait, I never agreed to attend the gala. I haven't even agreed to organise it!" You exclaim.

"You have no choice, my intel informs me that you have not been very cooperative as of late, this will change now" Kylo states. 

You stare into the mask, whirling over the idea in your mind. You guess this would give you something to do other than wait around in your room or be interrogated. And it wasn't like you were directly helping the First Order in anything bad. It was just party planning. 

You narrow your eyes, "Fine. I will do it". 

"Good. Hux will show you to everything that you need" and with that Kylo storms out of the room. 

"This should be fun!" You say half heartedly to Hux.

"You know, sometimes I feel like my job is just to ferry you around to different rooms aboard this ship" he says as he stands up.

"Don't deny you don't enjoy the company though" you tease, giving him a small smile and he gives you one back although he tries to hide it. 

"Come along then" he says and you follow him out of the room. 

Hux asks for your holopad as you both make your way down the corridor. He enters in a code unfamiliar to you and a map appears on the screen. 

"Here is a map of the Finaliser. Not all rooms are marked of course, you're not allowed just anywhere. But this way you can locate such departments as tailoring, design and the like" he says and hands the pad back to you, "I will give you a short tour of the departments I think you might need but then you are on your own. I unfortunately have much work to do". 

"Unfortunately, general?" You question suggestively, stopping in your tracks. 

He stops a few paces in front you, turning back to look at why you had stopped.

"Well, I admit I have found your company to be quite pleasing recently, princess" he says, voice as curt as ever.

"But don't be telling anyone I said that" he continues, going back to making his way down the corridor. 

You scurry to catch up with him, matching his step once again. 

"General, I am flattered" you say, playfully pushing him to the side.

Hux looks at you surprised and then around him, checking to see if anyone had seen that. 

"May I remind you that I still have a reputation to keep up!" He whispers to you through gritted teeth. 

You just smile at his embarrassment, "I understand". 

He walks you around the different departments as he had said, making sure to take note of the vague direction they were in relation to your quarters and what you could need from them. 

But then he leaves you in the design department after introducing you to the team, leaving with a curt nod to go back to the bridge.

"Right then," you say to the design team, "let's get to work". 

Chapter Text

A week flows by in a haze of flower arrangements and seating plans. But you still manage to find time to see Hux, dinner every other night if he wasn't too busy, a small chat to discuss gala plans, revelling in every moment he was his true self when with you. He was still the steely General overall though and you knew not to push his buttons too hard or be overly friendly in public. You too had to keep your princess-ly dignity about you. 

"Where should I seat, Commander Ren?" You ask one night as you sit on the floor of Hux's quarters, pouring over the seating plan laid out on the coffee table in his seating area, Millicent sleeping soundly on the couch behind you. 

"He won't be attending" Hux says, eyes not straying from the drawing he was working on at his desk. You had managed to convince him to go back to his talent after hours of pestering him. This particular piece was of the mountains of Rossi. It helped him remember your past better. 

"What?" You question, turning around to look at him, "why not?" 

He shrugs his shoulders, "he refuses every time and I can't be bothered to convince him to be there when I don't even want him there". 

"Strange" you say and go back to your plan, scribbling off Kylo's name from the list. 

You carry on down the list of those who needed to be seated, checking the database on your holopad to see who they were and also checking with Hux before deciding anything. After all, he knew everything about everyone and whether you were about to make a grave mistake by sitting two rivals together. 

After a while, you give out a sigh and decide to have a break, standing up to stretch. 

"Tea?" You ask as you fill up the kettle and place it on the stove. Millicent had followed you into the kitchen and had started to rub herself against your leg. 

Hux glances up at you and nods, "that would be wonderful, thank you". 

You pick Millicent up and hold her in your arms and as you wait for the kettle to boil you also take the opportunity to study the General, concentrating hard on his drawing. You notice how his mouth forms a hard line when he is concentrating, his brows furrowed, eyes flicking across the page. He draws a few lines but then huffs and grabs the eraser to rub them out. You smile at his small annoyance. He picks up the pencil once more and you notice how delicately he holds it between his thin, calloused fingers. You watch them as they sweep across the page and then through his hair as he leans back to look at his drawing. His ginger hair immediately flops down into his eyes again and you enjoy the laid back style, relaxed even (the General was almost never relaxed). It made his face look so much younger. You wished he would wear his hair down more often but that was totally against First Order protocol so you were thankful for the moments you saw it messy and not coated in gel.  

But unfortunately you were shaken out of your thoughts by the kettle whistling. 

You put Millicent down and pour out the boiling water over two green tea bags in separate mugs and add a spoonful of honey into Hux's. Just the way he liked it. 

You carry them over to him and set one of the mugs onto the desk. 

"Coaster!" He says and slides you a round, wooden shape. 

You sigh and pick his mug back up to then place it onto the coaster forced into view. 

"How's it going?" You ask and peer over his shoulder to have a look at the drawing. 

"I meant it when I said landscapes aren't my strong suit" he says, moving the paper along the desk and away from you. 

"Ah, c'mon! It can't be that bad" you whine and move over the other side of the desk to try and look at it. 

"There's just...so much grass!" He exasperates, placing his hand over the drawing. 

You laugh and move his hand out of the way. His hand shoots away under the desk, having not gotten used to such casual touches still. 

"Hux! This is good! And no I'm not just saying it" you say as you take in the drawing, "it looks just like the mountains I could see from my bedroom". 

Sadness sweeps over you all of a sudden as you remember those mountains in your own memories. Two mountains next to each other, one a little further back than the other, a hill of luscious grass leading down from your bedroom towards them and behind them, a dense forest of pine trees. You remember how the tops of the mountains would hide behind dense clouds when it snowed, the hill covered in a brilliant white, the green of the trees peeking out of snow that had settled on the branches. 

"Hux?" You ask, voice small.

"Hmm?" He hums in response as he puts away his pencils in a sleek, black case in front of him. 

You take a deep breath in, "when do you think I will be able to return home?" 

He rests his hands on the desk for a moment before grabbing his mug of tea and going to sit on the sofa next to Millicent. 

"I do not know" he states simply, petting the cat beside him. 

"Will it be soon? I miss it terribly" you enquire more, going to sit on the couch opposite him, trying to catch his eyes. His gaze does not shift from the cat as she begins to purr softly. 

"You've not agreed to our terms yet. When you do then I assume there would be a chance that you would be able to go home" he says then takes a sip of his tea, blowing on it to cool it down first. 

"A chance?" You exclaim, "So there's a chance I may not ever be allowed home?" 

Hux sighs and finally meets your gaze, "I have not thought about it that deeply yet. You are taking your sweet time in cooperating with us that I have not seen it as a priority".

He says these words so casually but you are horrified that he had not even thought about when you would be able to return to Rossi. 

You stand up and it takes all your might not to throw your steaming mug of tea at him. 

"Releasing me from captivity has not been your first priority?! Well, I am sorry but I thought we had grown closer recently and that you would have a little more respect for me now" you say, raising your voice. 

He looks up at you.

"(Y/n), I don't know what you expected. I know we have grown close this past week but that does not change my position in this universe. I am still here to serve the First Order and to gain your alliance. If we grow close throughout the process then that is a bonus and something I cherish dearly but I still have a job to do" he says again so matter of fact. 

Tears brim your eyes at his words. You thought you were getting through to him finally. How foolish you were to think that you could change the General of the First Order so quickly. 

"I just...I just thought that you would allow me some liberties now that you were remembering me, your feelings towards me. But now I realise that I am just being silly" you say, a stray tear falling down your face.

He stands up now, rounding the coffee table to stand directly in front of you. 

"My feelings for you are all still there. Do not doubt that," he says, wiping away the tear staining your cheek with the knuckle of his gloved hand, "but you know that I have a clash of lives. The one I have and now lead with you and the one of the fierce, loyal First Order General".

His hand rests on your chin, lifting it up so you were now looking at him. His eyes were soft as he looked down at you but you could still see where his loyalties lay. 

"You seem...happy here. You fit in well" he says. You know it was meant as a compliment but to be seen as a First Order sympathiser was the last thing you wanted. You just wanted Hux. 

"Please don't say that" you mutter and step back from his fingers on your chin. 

He can sense the conflict in you and you could sense it in him. You were both rooting for each other but not for the same side. 

There was a moment of silence between you until Hux says, "If you behave well at the gala and go along with whatever happens at the evening then I shall see what I can do about arranging for a visit to Rossi". 

"Just a visit?" You ask, eyes boring into his. 

"You know that that is the best I can do for you now" he says and tucks your hair behind your ear. 

Another tear escapes but you sniff and give him a nod, "I know...thank you".

He shifts uncomfortably on the spot, flexing his hand, the leather squeaking as he does. He was debating whether to hug you or not.

You wrap your arms around him, making the decision for him. 

Chapter Text

A few days later, all arrangements made, the day of the gala was finally here. You left for the planet hosting the event early in the morning to set everything up. 

The place where the event itself would be held was a vast mansion, the entire interior made of a brilliant black marble, meandering rivers of white running through it. Large pillars were decorated with ribbons of red, first order insignia everywhere, especially in the grand hall with two massive banners on either side. At one end there was a grand staircase, sweeping down the middle and on the other was a raised stage with a podium in the middle for the speeches of the evening. Flowers of all kinds adorned the tables at the edges of the halls, fitting the colour scheme of black, red and white, a gold rose stood in the centre of each arrangement. 

Servants flurried around you as you barked orders at them, taking your role as the host very seriously. When you did a job, you always did it to the best of your ability. 

It was all coming together perfectly. 

As you looked around you, you realised that this was the first time since being captured that you had set foot on solid ground again. You took a moment to breathe in the fresh air and tried to suppress the memories of Rossi.

"Everything going as planned?" A voice says behind you and you turn around to see Hux in his regalia - a smart black uniform with a small cape attached to it and it was very firm fitting.

You appreciate his appearance before replying, "Of course, General. As it always does when I am in charge"

Hux lifts an eyebrow at you, "Oh really?" 

"Really" you say as you smooth down the shoulders of his uniform, "you look really very quite handsome, General".

"Flattery will get you nowhere, princess" he teases back quietly. 

"I must say I prefer you with your hair free of gel though" you comment, staring at his hair, slicked back as ever.

"As you keep saying, my dear (y/n). But.."

"It is not protocol" you finish his sentence and he narrows his eyes at you, "yes as you keep saying. Anyway, I cannot stand around discussing your hair when I have to go sort out my own hair and general appearance".

"Ah yes, you do look quite a sight right now" he jokes with a tiny smile upon his lips. 

You make a face at him before replying, "I am going to pretend I didn't hear that". 

With that, you start to make your way towards your guest room but before you get too far, Hux shouts for you.

You turn back to him.

"Would you allow me to accompany you tonight? I feel like it is only right for me to be the one to chaperone you" he asks, straightening himself out. 

Damn, you thought you had escaped from having a chaperone for once but I guess Hux would make it fun for you. 

You smile graciously and bow your head to him, "I would be delighted" 

"Very good" he replies and kisses your hand before you go back to locating your room. 

You take a good while getting ready. The time eats away into the start of the gala but you were not worried. You were sure everything was already accounted for, confident that the evening could go ahead without a hitch. 

Once you were ready, you made your way towards the top of the grand staircase. It was customary for each guest to be introduced as they entered so you joined the line that was still there despite the evening having already started. It was a big event after all, you thought to yourself. 

Your nerves climbed as you got closer and closer to the curtain that led to the grand hall. You were used to galas, of course, but this was your first First Order one. You knew hardly anyone and you were expected to parade around like everything was fine. Like you weren't being forced to be here. You think back to Hux's words - the possibility of seeing your homeworld again spurring you on. 

Eventually, you reached the curtain and you were next to be announced. 

"Her Royal Highness, Princess (y/n) (l/n) of Rossi." You heard the words of the announcer and stepped through the curtains to the dazzling lights of the event. 

You stood at the top of the stairs for a second, letting your eyes adjust to the light so you were able to see what was before you. When your eyes did focus, you realised that the whole hall was looking up at you. A hush had fallen amongst the crowd.

Swallowing hard, you made your way down the steps. 

You wore a dress of dark red - a corseted bodice, red roses adorning the edges and across your torso, the skirt full and silky, falling perfectly as you placed delicate steps of jet black heels on each step of the staircase. A delicate cape hung at your shoulders - matching red and made of fine netting. It clasped together between your collar bones with a chain attached to more rose petals that continued across your shoulders. Your father's locket hung from your neck. Upon your head was a silver crown, adorned with dark, red crystals and a matching circlet rested on your forehead. 

You kept them perfectly balanced on your head as you took the last few steps down onto the hall floor. 

There, Hux was waiting for you, eyes wide and mouth open. You smiled towards him, waiting for him to offer you his arm but it was like he was in a trance as he stared at you. You glanced towards the crowd, they had started muttering amongst themselves now, eyes still on you. 

Looking back at Hux, you give him a small cough to bring him back to reality. 

His eyes ripped away from your dress and to your eyes. With a moment of realisation, he finally held his arm out to you and you took it. 

He leads you into the throng of people, all of them parting as you walk past them, others filling the gap they had left just to catch a glimpse of you. 

"Have they never seen a princess?" You ask Hux through a smile as you nod at everyone. 

"They have," he replies, "just never one as pretty as you". 

You try to stop yourself from blushing as Hux stops by the refreshment table, grabbing two drinks and handing one to you. As you begin to drink it, the room goes back to their own business as more people are announced. 

"Well, it's a good job I have you with me. You're so intimidating that you'll scare off all the women that normally try to approach me at these events" Hux says and takes a swig of his drink.

You give him a look that showed him that you did not quite believe him, "Get many women wanting to dance with you, do you then?" 

"Why of course. You said yourself that I look quite handsome tonight" he replies, looking at you sternly but you knew he was playing. 

You sigh, "You do, dear General. I wish I could have had you to chaperone me at every ball and gala I've ever attended".

He narrows his eyes at you but also gives you a small smile. But then his face softens, a look of sincerity upon it. 

"Really, (y/n)," he starts, placing his gloved hand upon yours that was resting on his arm, "you look breathtakingly beautiful tonight. I surely would have been the luckiest man alive if I had gotten the opportunity to escort you to every ball you have attended if you look as you do tonight. I certainly count myself to be the luckiest man tonight with the prettiest girl on my arm". 

You smile, one that reaches your eyes and giggle as you look down, never been so flattered by anyone, certainly not from the General. 

"General Hux" a refined voice says and you both turn to look at its source. 

"Ah, Allegiant General Pryde," Hux says as he recognises the man and shakes his hand.

"Mrs Pryde" Hux gives a bow of his head to the woman holding the Allegiant General's arm and she gives him one back. 

"And who is this stunning beauty on your arm, General?" Pryde asks, running his eyes up and down your body. 

"Allegiant General Pryde, allow me to introduce you to the Princess of Rossi, (y/n) (l/n). And Princess (y/n), allow me to introduce you to Allegiant General Pryde". Hux says, gesturing to the both of you. 

You hold out your hand to the man and he takes it.

"Pleasure to meet you, sir" you say and bow your head to him.

"The pleasure is all mine, princess, believe me" he replies and kisses your hand, staring up at you as he does. 

"May I be so curt in asking what the princess of Rossi is doing at such an event as this?" Pryde asks innocently but Hux is quick to give you a look of warning. Right, it wouldn't look good if you said it was because you were forced to. 

"I am here to support the General in his endeavours," you say cheerfully and place your hand on Hux's arm, "we are old childhood friends". 

You feel the General's arm stiffen and Pryde's eyebrows move up in surprise and he tilts his head to the side. 

"Is that so?" The Allegiant General enquires, his gaze shifting to Hux. 

"Do forgive me, Allegiant General, but the princess has not had her first dance yet and I know she is quite keen so I do not want to keep her waiting. I hope you understand" Hux stammers out quickly, nodding to the man and pushing you towards the dancefloor.

"Well, of course," the man replies and bows his head, "we shall talk later".

Hux merely smiles tightly back before pushing you further onto the dancefloor.

"What are you doing?" You whisper to him as you take up your positions to dance.

His eyes scan the hall as you begin to move, not looking at you once. 

"Do not tell people that we know each other from childhood" he hisses at you, "many of these men were friends of my father. You know, the man who erased you from my memory. I am sure a lot of them were around at your palace as well when conversing with your father. We must not let them know that we remember each other, for both of our sakes". 

"What am I supposed to say then?" You ask. 

"Tell them that you have had a change of heart and have now decided to help the First Order. You see it as a worthy cause" he replies, eyes still scanning around.

"But, that is not the truth! I will not be seen to have wavered in my loyalties" you argue back.

He turns back to you, his eyes wild as stares at you now, "Do you want this evening to go smoothly or not? Stick to my story or you will find that the evening does not go well for you at all". 

You can tell he is deadly serious, frantic as he speaks. 

You realise he left you no choice. He had forced you into this evening to parade you around as a win for the First Order - to get you to say the one thing you had refused to say these past weeks. You were the trophy he showed to the world. To show them that he had turned the staunch resistance resource supplier to the dark side. 

Your blood boiled as you settled on this realisation. 

He was studying your face, looking for a response, "well?" 

You look at him, stare cold, "I will do as you command". 

He takes a deep breath, seeing that you were not happy. 

"Good" is all he replies before silence falls between you as you dance. 

How could you have been so stupid to think that you would get to enjoy this evening? Of course that was why you were here. Hux was surrounded by important First Order supporters, he wasn't going to show any of the real Hux to you. You formulated a way to get out. Maybe escape forever. 

But no. You couldn't leave Hux, you had promised that to yourself. You would stomach the evening for him - for the Hux that allowed you into his quarters to reminisce, the Hux that understood your conflict of interest, the Hux that wiped away your tears.

The dance finished and you stepped back from Hux, curtsying and clapping your hands as the others around you did as well. He offered you his arm once again and you begrudgingly took it this time. And thus began the parade. 

He introduced you to various officials, officers and other First Order sponsors - touting his story of turning you to their side. The guests fawned over his achievement and congratulated you on joining the 'right' side finally. You did your best at being civil, giving each one a tight-lipped smile and bow of the head but you kept your conversation to the minimum.

At multiple points during the night, a woman would giggle with her friends and then make their way over to Hux. You managed to scare them off every time - shooting daggers at them with your eyes and turning the General away, leading him somewhere else in the hall. He wasn't kidding then when he had said about the women earlier. 

When it hit 9pm, you excused yourself and headed backstage. 

You had not told Hux but you had prepared an aria to sing at the gala. You felt in no mood to sing right now but you knew that it would probably be the only enjoyable part of your evening now. 

You felt relieved to be away from the crowd. Your face hurt from all the fake smiling and laughing you had done and you massaged your jaw, loosening it up. You did a quick few scales to warm up and went through the tune, checking to see that you still knew all the words. It was out of nerves more than anything. Of course you knew the words. As Hux said that one night, you used to sing it all the time. 

You heard the music stop and the announcer making everyone quieten down before introducing you once more, announcing that you had prepared a song for everyone. 

As you walked onto stage to applause, you regretted picking this song for Hux. But it was too late as you took your place, applause fading out and the first few bars of the song played. 

"Green finch and linnet bird,

Nightingale, blackbird,

How is it you sing?"

As you sang, you kept your gaze mainly on the back of the hall towards the staircase. The gravity of the situation settled in but that did not impeach you in any way. Instead you let it fuel you. Giving one of the best performances of your life. 

You neared the end of the song and dared a glance at Hux if you could find him. Your eyes scanned the crowd and your eyes finally found him, looking up at you from the crowd to the left. You notice his eyes had softened again, his stance relaxed. He looked totally taken in by you. It was the first time you had truly recognised the man this whole evening. 

It was too much. You couldn't deal with such a shift in personality any longer. 

You finished the song gracefully and took a deep stage curtsy as applause erupted around you. You kept your head down as you took in the admiration of those you so hated. Their applause meant nothing to you for you knew what they booed at. Without looking back up at the audience, you made your way backstage, picking up a stray red rose someone had thrown at you during your applause. 

Chapter Text

After your performance, you made your way towards one of the balconies attached to the side of the hall. The rails here too were decorated with red ribbons and white roses. You learnt on the railings and played with the red rose in your hand as you looked over the estate. It reminded you so much of Rossi that you felt sick. You started picking off the petals from the roses, chucking them over the balcony and watching them as they floated down into the moat below as your thoughts raced through the events of the last few weeks. You'd never in a million light years thought you would be here at a First Order event, but then you had never thought that you would have found Armitage again in a million light years. You sighed as the ginger haired man came to the forefront of your mind and let the decimated rose fall from your grasp. You didn't know how to go from here. You needed to find something that would truly turn him, make him question his purpose in the First Order. But you didn't want to mess up his life in a bad way. It seemed that he was right when he said your definitions were different for right and wrong all the way back to when he first met you again. Back in the cell...that really happened. You rubbed at your wrists that had now completely healed of course but you suddenly couldn't get the feeling of them being clasped in handcuffs again out of your mind. You started panicking now. Your breathing becoming rapid as you replayed the beating over and over in your mind. The phantom pain making you panic even more. And then the burning of your mind as Kylo Ren rifled through it, stealing your precious memories that belonged only to you and Armitage. 

You stared down over the balcony and the ground jumped up and down at you, your tunnel vision bringing you on the brink of vomiting. You felt thick, hot tears stream down your face and you quickly tried to wipe them away but they kept coming. The world was shrinking around you in the darkness and you could do nothing to stop it. 

"(Y/n)?" You hear a voice say your name and you turn around, sobbing and struggling to breathe. 

It was Hux.

"(Y/n)?!" Worry and panic overtaking his voice and he rushes over to you. He tries to grab ahold of your shoulders but you push him away, your back collides with the railing from the force you used and you almost tip over the edge but you grab onto the railings before you do.

"(Y/n)" he says again, holding his hands out to you, "Step away from the edge". 

"Or what?" You ask, voice breaking through your sobs, "you'll bash my head against the railings to stop me from going anywhere?" 

"No! No, I...I wouldn't…" he stammers out. He was clearly uncomfortable, having no idea how to handle this situation you had caused him to be in.

"Because you don't care how you get the information out of me, do you? Once you have paraded me around as your greatest achievement and I tell you all my secrets, you'll dispose of me. Just like you disposed of that officer back in the arena" you had no control over the ramblings that were coming out of your mouth now, "when you stabbed him in the neck, remember, Armitage? Are you going to kill me too? Are you going to stab me in the neck?" 

Sobs wracked your body as you leant against the railings. Anticipating the pain from a slap, a pull of your hair. Whatever it was, you knew it was coming. 

What you didn't expect was Hux to pull you into an embrace. You fought for a moment, not wanting to be anywhere near this man but he stroked your hair so tenderly, rubbed your back and whispered into your ear, "it's ok. (Y/n), it's ok. You have nothing to be afraid of. I swear on my life that I will not hurt you. You're safe with me". 

You eventually collapsed into his embrace and he held you up as you both stood there wrapped up in each other. You grabbed his shirt, not being able to stop crying. But he didn't seem to mind, he just continued rubbing circles on your back and whispering words of assurance to you. 

You managed to get your breathing back under control and slowly your senses came back to you. You squeezed Hux tight before lifting up your face to look at him. His face was overcome with worry, his eyes searching yours for something. 

"(Y/n), what's wrong?" He asks and you had never heard such tenderness in his voice. He wipes away your tears as he continues to flicker between your eyes.

You sniff, "I'm...I'm sorry. But I can't deal with this anymore. I can't deal with you switching between being two people. I want to go home and I want you to come back with me but it hurts me so much that I can't find a way to do that".

His features were overtaken with sorrow now, still holding you close. 

"I couldn't stop thinking about when we met again. In the cell…" you decided to not say anymore, hoping he got the picture. 

"Oh, (y/n)" Hux says and holds you closer still, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I wish I could go back and stop myself from hurting you. I'm sorry". 

You hold him back just as tight. The two of you taking solace in each other's embrace. 

Your breathing syncs up, slowing back down to a normal pace now. You pull away from each other and Hux wipes away the rest of your tears and your makeup that had run down your face.

"There," he says as he smiles at you, "all better". 

You stare back at him, matching his smile. 

"Kiss me" you say and he furrows his eyebrows in confusion.

"What?" He says, bewildered at your request. 

"Kiss me," you repeat yourself and he blinks a few times, "Kiss me like you did back on Rossi for the first time, in the forest, in the clearing". 

You search his face for his reaction but it was still one of bewilderment.

"I...I…" he stammers.

"Please" you whisper and plead.

His eyes flicker to your lips and he licks his own.

"(Y/n)" he says. 

"General?"

You both jump away from each other and whip your heads around to the voice coming from the direction of the hall. 

It was Mitaka again. It was a good job he was one of the more discreet officers or you think you already would have been in trouble. 

"What is it, Lieutenant?" Hux asks, flattening down his hair.

"It is time for your speech" the lieutenant states. His eyes glance to you but then shoot to the ground. 

Hux looks back at you, his face showing that it was time for you both to rejoin the party. You stare back, shaking your head fractionally at him.

"Very well. Come along, princess" he states as he offers his arm to you. 

You sigh sadly, eyes forlorn but still you take the General's arm and he leads you back inside. 

You patch up your makeup from your small bag of cosmetics in your handbag as the General takes the stage, his steely demeanor turned back on, his uniform neat.

He taps the mic, sending frequency through the speakers around the hall and the crowd quietens. 

"I want to thank you all for being here tonight," he starts, voice strong with authority, "the First Order is honoured to have such esteemed and generous sponsors, without you, we would not be able to continue in our mission to bring order to the galaxy. The project you are funding is a project of my own design. Starkiller base will be the greatest wea-" 

BOOM

The General is cut off as the ceiling falls in and crashes down to pieces behind him and he braces himself on the podium in front of him. As he looks up towards you in panic, whole pieces of the hall were falling down around you, crushing the crowds. 

Everyone starts screaming. 

Hux leaps down from the stage, narrowly avoiding the lighting rig coming down towards him. It erupts with sparks into flames as he grabs your hand and pulls you towards the exit. 

You join the throng of people clambering towards the two large doors either side of the staircase that led to the front garden of the estate. There was pure chaos around you as you tried to narrowly avoid stepping on people as they squeezed through the doors. The hall falls to pieces behind you, the sound of bombs deafening you along with the screams every time one landed. 

Eventually, you and Hux find yourselves in the front garden with the rest of the crowd who had escaped. 

"Hux! Your head!" You exclaim, realising that it was bleeding, a gash deep at the corner of his left eyebrow. 

"It is of no matter," he replies breathlessly, eyes on the sky, "I am more worried that the transport ships haven't arrived". 

You look up at the night sky also, there was chaos up there as much as there was down here. 

Resistance X-Wings flew around you, shooting their lasers down, blowing up statues and destroying the fountain you were standing next to. You crouch down and cover your head as you scream, shards of granite flying everywhere. Hux pulls you away from it, hand not having left yours this whole time. 

"Where are they?" He questions through gritted teeth.

Tie-fighters now appeared in the sky, a dog fight breaking out above you. 

Nothing was happening to help you on the ground though, no one was coming to rescue you. This thought soon spread across the crowd and people started to run off in every direction, wanting to get away anywhere from here.

"Armitage," you pull his face to look at yours, tears streaming down it, eyes wild with panic, "I'm scared". 

You could see he was trying to stay calm, trained as he was in combat and situations like these, but the demeanor was slowly slipping. 

You searched his eyes for reassurance, anything to hold onto right now. 

It was then that he grabbed onto the back of your head and pulled you into a kiss. 

You heard the explosions of bombs and the shots of blasters as you closed your eyes, leaning into the kiss. Focusing on it as if it was the last time he would ever kiss you, because it might well be.

As you part, ships begin to land to the left of you but they were not of the First Order. Their ramps begin to descend and you are pushed backwards as everyone scrambles away from them. Resistance troops file out and begin their shooting.

"Hux, I want you to have this," you say, tugging the locket from your neck and shoving it into his hand. He looks down at it, confused.

"Your father's locket?" He questions, offering it back to you, "no! It's yours!" 

"Please. Just in case…" you plead and then trail off, not wanting to explain more.

Just then, the First Order transports land to your right and everyone rushes towards them, you and Hux included after he gives you a look and puts the necklace in his pocket.

But before you can reach the ships, you hear a voice shout your name.

"(Y/n)?!" It shouts again and you stop to turn around, wildly trying to locate its source. 

It was then, you saw her. 

"Maya?!" You scream back, locking eyes onto hers. 

It was the resistance trooper you corresponded with, her black hair tied in two plaits either side of her head, fringe falling over her mono-lidded eyes. You stare at each other as the slaughter goes on around you, mouths open in pure shock. 

But you were soon quickly pulled away by Hux dragging you towards the transporter and into its carriage, forced to look away from Maya as you made your way through the crowd. 

Hux pulls you as far into the transporter as he can and you were soon being squished between people on all sides. 

You both try to catch your breath, backs towards each other and you feel the ship moving.

As you look out of the small window to your right to see the chaos get further and further away from you, away from the view of others, Hux intertwines his fingers with yours and you hold onto them for dear life. 

Chapter Text

Maya had seen you. The resistance knew where you were now. They could come and rescue you. 

These were the thoughts whirling around in your mind as you held onto Hux's hands. 

Hux.

They would take you away from him. He would be taken away from you again.

You squeezed his hands tight and he squeezed back. 

You felt sick to your stomach as the transporter slid into the Finaliser's hangar and landed. 

The crowd streamed out, relief washing over them all as they were escorted into the ship by stormtroopers and other officers.

Hux lets go of your hands, the absence of his hands from yours upsetting you. You follow him as he makes his way down the ramp where you were immediately met with Kylo Ren. He had his mask on but you didn't need to see his face to guess that he was angry. 

"What happened?!" He roars, his hand coming out to force choke the General.

"Stop!" you shout, "it wasn't the General's fault!" 

But Kylo's force grip did not weaken around Hux's neck. 

"No? Whose fault was it then? Yours?" Kylo demands and he turns to look at you. 

"No! Someone must have told the resistance where we were" you explain and Kylo finally lets go of Hux, walking up to you. The General catches his breath once again. 

"It must have been you. You still have your connections" he says as he towers over you.

"It wasn't me! I had been planning the event every waking moment! Ask anyone, ask the General!" You say trying to explain, both you and Kylo turning to Hux.

He looks between you both, jaw clenched.

"Well, General Hux?" Kylo asks through his modulator. 

"Well," he starts, "I do not think it could have been the princess".

"Think or know?" Kylo asks, voice laced with anger. 

Hux's eyes flicker to yours.

"I know" he says with assurance and you thank the gods that he didn't mention Maya.

"I will see for myself" the masked commander says and motions for two stormtroopers to hold your arms.

"NO!" Hux shouts.

You scream as you feel the intense burning in your mind again as Kylo enters it. He rifles through your memories of the last week and a bit, seeing every interaction you had had. This meant he also saw every interaction with the General. He sees the evenings spent together, the moment you broke down into his arms and most worryingly, the kiss. 

Kylo pulls out of your mind and you collapse in pain, the stormtroopers the only thing holding you up. 

"Ren…" Hux starts as the man turns towards him. 

The two stare at each other a while, Hux breathing deeply as he waits to see what Kylo would do with the information he had just learnt. 

"Escort the princess to her room," the modulated voice eventually says, addressing the stormtroopers holding onto you, "lock her inside of it and do not let her out unless I command it". 

The stormtroopers give out a "yes sir" and you look at Hux before they drag you away and you hear the sound of Kylo Ren igniting his lightsaber. 

Chapter Text

"Let me out!" You scream, banging on the solid metal of your door.

You'd been shouting for a while now, your hands throbbing with pain from their impact against the metal many times. Your privilege to walk around freely had been stripped from you. Your room once again your cell. 

You slide down onto the floor, giving up your fight. No one was coming. 

Tears fall from your eyes for what felt like the 100th time tonight and you bring your knees up to your chest. 

What had Kylo done to Hux? You prayed to any god out there that he hadn't killed him. Surely he would not be killed over a gala? He had no idea that the resistance were going to storm the place. You had worked with him to ensure the tightest security for the event and you could not work out how they had found you. It didn't even matter now. 

You were a prisoner once again and they won't listen to a thing you say.

The feeling of uncertainty closes in around you now and you spread your hands on the metal floor, feeling the coolness of the material on your skin, letting it overtake your mind in an effort to calm you down, to focus on something other than the situation you were in now. It was something that your father had taught you. Whenever you were having a tantrum (as you often did when you were younger) he used to give you something cold or hold your hands to the floor and tell you to focus on it and nothing else. It grounded you.

Hux's fingers were cold when you had held them in the transporter. You tried to hold onto the relief you felt in that moment as you escaped the resistance's attack, knowing that Hux was safe. 

At least you thought he was...you didn't think that you were going back to deal with Kylo's wrath straight away. You wish that the transporter had taken you somewhere else. That it could have been the moment that you and Hux had escaped together but again, it was just another foolish notion. 

You waited and waited for anyone to come to see you but eventually sleep overtook you, your dreams overtaken with the kiss. 

You woke up still in your gown, makeup smudged and hair all over the place. You had no idea what time it was but knew a shower was needed.

As you stepped out the shower, you found a meal on your doorstep. Checking the clock, it was 1pm. Maybe you were just getting one meal a day then. 

You wolfed it down after you had gotten dressed and lay on the bed, turning to lie on your right side towards the wall. It was on this wall that you had pinned Hux's drawing. 

Ugh no.

You couldn't deal with those emotions now. 

You turned to the other side and closed your eyes - wanting to go back to sleep and not deal with anything right now. You knew if you were to even dedicate one minute of thinking about everything, you would enter a breakdown that you would not be able to recover from by yourself and you had a feeling you would be in here for a while. 

After day 5 of no contact, no holopad communications, nothing, you were at breaking point. You'd done nothing but sleep, eat and cry the whole time. Your resolution to not think about anything lasted all of 1 day and you were ready to accept Hux was dead. 

You'd just stepped out of the longest shower yet when the room was overtaken with a flash of white light. 

Light speed.

You ran over to the window and strained your neck to see if you recognised where you were but the only thing you saw was a snowy planet with a weird metal protrusion. 

You hear the sound of the door open behind you.

"Hux!" You whisper, hardly believing your eyes as you turn around.

You hardly recognised the man standing in the doorway but not because he was wearing the facade of the stone cold General, but because he looked terrible. His face was gaunt, even more pale than normal except for dark rings around his eyes. One eye in particular had dark bruising spreading into his cheek and there were dark scars on the corners of his forehead, mouth and chin.

Kylo had not been kind. 

He took one look at you and then looked away, blush peeking out through his bruised face.

"Get dressed," he says, voice hoarse, "quickly".

You start to stammer something out, wanting to know what had happened but nothing coherent came out.

He takes a quick look down the corridor before turning back, "please. We don't have much time".

He steps in and turns to face the door as it closes behind him. You take the hint and quickly throw on some clothes and ruffle your towel on your hair. 

"What are we doing?! Where have you been?!" You ask as you pull on your shoes.

"I'll explain everything later. Just follow me" he says and takes your hand to lead you into the corridor. 

The both of you sneak around the ship and make it to the hangar. There, you see a ship already waiting for you. 

"General, your ship is ready for you but um is the princess…?" Begins the stormtrooper guarding the ramp to the ship.

Hux interrupts him, "she is with me".

"But Commander Ren…" he starts again.

"Is off ship therefore I am in charge and I say the princess is coming with me" Hux says and drags you onto the ship. 

He leads you to a seating area as the ramp lifts and closes up.

"Go, Lieutenant" Hux orders into the cockpit.

"Yes, sir" Mitaka replies and begins to take off. 

The ship speeds away and Hux takes you into his arms.

"(Y/n)" he breathes into your hair.

"I thought you were dead!" You sob, squeezing him tightly and nuzzling into his chest. 

"Ren would never. He would have the Supreme Leader to answer to" he says, holding you back just as tightly. 

"But where have you been?!" You say, leaning back to look at him.

"I couldn't go against his orders straight away but he is off on his own mission and sent me to check on the new base,' he replies, "i have taken you to accompany me"

"What if Kylo finds out though?" You ask. You did not want Hux to be in trouble again.

He leans his forehead on yours, "Don't worry. We will be back before he can find out". 

You breathe a sigh of relief and kiss him deeply, thanking the gods that you both stayed alive so you could do it again after the resistance's attack. 

He runs his fingers through your hair to hold the back of your head as you clasp your hands around the back of his neck and you kiss him again and again. 

You try to jump up into his arms but he gives out a soft shout as you both tumble to the floor, you lying on top of him.

"Sir?" Mitaka asks, glancing back at you both.

"It's ok, Lieutenant" Hux replies.

"Princess, what were you thinking?" He whispers as he scolds you, narrowing his eyes. 

You merely laugh as he flickers between your eyes as you straddle him now.

"Sorry…", you say with a smile and get off of him. 

You forget he wasn't used to affection. 

He stands up and offers you a hand up. 

"Oh, I must return this to you" he says as he rummages around in his coat pocket. 

He pulls out the silver locket so familiar to you and you smile.

"Thank you for entrusting me with it but I am more thankful that I can return it to you" he says and you turn around, pulling your hair away as he clips it around your neck.

You relish in his touch as his fingers brush your neck this time around, thinking about how far the two of you had come since that time in the meeting room. Turning back round to him, you place your hands on his chest and kiss him

"And thank you for looking after it so well" you say.

The corner of his lips upturn as he looks down at you, "I know how much it means to you".

You lead him to sit down on one of the benches in the seating area, leaning your head on his shoulder as he sits next to you, "I'm so glad you came to get me".

"I am sorry I did not come to see you beforehand. Ren was, well, Ren and forbade me or anyone for that matter to interact with you. To make sure I didn't sneak out to see you, he kept me busy night and day" he says as he holds your hand in his.

"Ah, so that's why you look so terrible" you say as you look up at him teasingly.

An unimpressed look settles on his face, "yes thank you for saying"

You sit up, looking at him seriously now.

"Seriously though," you say, hand cupping his cheek, running your thumb near the cut to the side of his mouth, "how badly did he hurt you?" 

He pulls your hand away from his face and into his upon his lap, looking down, "it is of no matter. I am still in one piece". 

It was clear that he did not want to talk about the events of the last few days so you did not push.

"Perhaps now you can get some rest?" You ask.

He runs his hand through his hair as he turns to look out of the small window behind the two of you.

"Perhaps. I will be busy making sure the base is ready though" he says, watching the planet as you enter its atmosphere. 

"Ready for what?" You ask, inquisitive to know what exactly you were doing here.

He looks back to you, his expression now unreadable. But before he could reply, Lieutenant Mitaka announces your landing approach. 

"Here," Hux says, taking a thick winter coat out of a closet and handing it to you, "it's cold out there". 

You put it on and brace yourself as the ramp lowers onto the snowy wasteland. 

You are immediately barraged with a cold, biting wind and wrap the coat over yourself even tighter. 

"Come on," Hux says and makes his way down the ramp. 

You follow, hot on his heels, taking ahold of his arm to steady yourself as you trudge through the thick snow towards the entrance to the base - a large, grey structure sticking out amongst the white of the snow blanket surrounding it. 

You were thankful as you stepped through the large, metal doors into the base. Although it was not warm, it certainly was far better than it was outside and also sheltered from the wind. 

Two officers run up to you and Hux as you shiver and start to brush the snow from your coat. 

"General Hux, sir. Welcome back." One of them greets you both, a young woman, dark skinned with her hair in a tight bun as per protocol, "we have prepared your quarters as per your instructions". 

The door behind you opens again and Mitaka stumbles through, suitcases in hand. 

"Very good," the General replies and gestures towards the lieutenant who had just walked through the door, "take the bags from Lieutenant Mitaka and lead on". 

The other officer, a man with bright blonde hair, nods and picks up the suitcases Mitaka had set down and the woman gestures for you and the General to follow her. 

As you descend a steep staircase you realise that this base is mostly underground but the moment you reached level ground again, you could have been back on the Finaliser it looked so similar. 

You make your way through the maze of corridors until the officers stop at a door. They step aside and look away as Hux enters the key code and the door slides open. 

These quarters were far more opulent than the ones on the Finaliser. All in black still of course but the features and furniture were as white as the snow outside. The room you were in now was the seating room and as you made your way further in, you could see the kitchen through a door to the left and the bedroom through a door to the right. But it was the view that astounded you. Large, sliding doors led to a balcony that hung over the cliff the base was built into, below it was a valley full of pine trees just like the ones back on Rossi, large rock formations on either side. You could see a frozen lake in the distance in a clearing. 

After setting down the bags, the officers file out and you and Hux are left alone together.

"Well? What do you think?" He says, coming to stand next to you as you stood behind the sliding doors, staring at the view, "I had them redecorate in a manner much more fitting for a princess"

You turn to look at him, "I will be staying here? I thought these were your quarters?" 

"Well, yes, yes they are but they are um...also yours," he says, the flush of red yet again peeking out from behind his bruised face as he nervously looks around. 

You wander over towards the door to the bedroom and peer in.

"One bed?" You say and you bite your lip as you turn to look back at him.

He coughs.

"Um yes well, like I said they are my quarters. The only other quarters available are Ren's and I would not put you in there if it really was the last place to stay, " he tries to explain, standing up straight, eyes on the ground, "I can sleep on the sofa of course if…"

You rush over to him and silence him with a kiss.

"One bed is fine" 

He straightens himself out once again, "Well then, yes. Very good" 

You smile at his embarrassment at the situation. He had planned this though so he couldn't be too embarrassed. You pushed your own thoughts away of the possibilities that this evening held.

You made your way back over to the sliding doors and opened it. You expected the harsh wind once again but were pleasantly surprised at the lack of wind on the balcony. As you stepped outside you could tell now that the rock formations were completely encasing the balcony and therefore shielding it.

"It really is beautiful here," you say to Hux as he joins you, both looking over the landscape, "why did you pick it for a base?"

"Tactical reasons" is the only reply he gives you and you purse your lips as he does not go on to explain any further. 

"Fine then, keep your secrets" you say, making a face at him.

"Do not think yourself entitled to top tier military secrets just because you have earned my favour" he says, narrowing his eyes playfully back at you. 

You huff, "what am I doing here then if you can't even tell me what your plans are?!"

He takes your hand in his and looks down at you, "I told you. You are here to keep me company".

A pause.

"I can always take you back to your room on the ship" he continues and you grab the lapels of his coat, eyes dark.

"No. Don't even joke about that" you say, deadly serious. 

He takes your hands from his coat and holds them, "you will not ask questions then". 

"Fine," you say, taking your hands out of his and making your way back inside. 

Hux follows you back in, sliding the door shut behind him. 

"I took the liberty of packing you some things you might need for your stay - clothes, toiletries and the like" he says he gestures towards the bags left on the floor, "I must go make my inspection of the base now but I shall return for dinner".

“Oh, ok” you reply, looking at the bags, “what’s the situation with uh the doors?”

He cocks his head at you, not understanding what you were getting at.

“Are they locked or…?” you elaborate.

Taking a card out of his pocket, he hands it to you and says, “This will give you access to the rooms on the ship I have cleared you for. You are not a prisoner here”.

“Well…” you say and click your tongue.

He sighs, “You know what I mean”. 

You walk him to the door.

“Until later then” he says, then takes your hand and plants a kiss on the back of it.

“Come here,” you scold him and bring him close to you to plant a kiss on his lips. 

He does not kiss you back - too in shock to respond before you draw back from him. You give him a small shake of your head at his fickleness towards affection but you knew it was just a matter of him getting used to it so you make it your job to make it second nature for him. He deserved to know what casual affection was.

“Until later,” you repeat and with a nod of his head, he walks away. 

Chapter Text

You drag the suitcases into the bedroom and rifle through them until you find some more weather appropriate clothes. You notice that there was an ensuite bathroom here so you get dressed and decide to sort out your hair and makeup in the bathroom mirror. The matted hair that sat upon your head, a product of wet hair being dried in the icy cold wind, was a nightmare to brush out but eventually you got it under control. 

Satisfied with your appearance, you made your way out into the corridor, on a mission to find the forest that stood below the balcony. You knew the corridors were a maze so resolved to go back the way you came towards the only entrance you knew, hoping that you could remember the way. 

You eventually do find the way you had come in and thanked the stormtrooper guarding the door as he opened it. You also thanked Hux in your mind for bringing you warmer clothes as the biting wind hit you again and you pulled the hood of the fluffy coat over your head to then make your way around the perimeter of the base. 

Trudging through the thick snow blanket underneath your feet, you rounded a corner thinking that it would lead you to the valley but you were just met with more of the base’s buildings. You huff in annoyance. This was going to take some time. 

You circumnavigate around these new buildings as well but it seems that they go on forever, so you decide to give up that plan and go on a search for something else interesting. You manage to find a pre-made path where the snow has been cleared and decide to follow that, assuming that it must lead to something important if it has been cleared. After following this for a while you get bored and decide to make a detour into the forest that runs parallel to the path.

You liked being in the forest; amongst nature. It made you feel relaxed in the way nothing else could. The wind had died down here and you were able to enjoy the flurry of the snow that was now falling and you lifted your head up to it, enjoying the feeling of the snowflakes melting on your flushed cheeks. You wondered what was happening back on Rossi. With their ruler having been missing for some weeks now you hoped that they had still been sending equipment to the Resistance at the allotted times but if your mother was in charge...well she was rather scatterbrained. Thank goodness for Royal Advisors. They had been good over the years, in line with your morals. 

But then you stopped, bending down to inspect a tree stump in tatters. It looked like it had been hit by a blaster, as did many tree stumps around it. You were in some sort of training ground perhaps. This reminded you of the stormtroopers as they took you away that morning, still in your nightgown, barely just finishing breakfast as they made their way in. Oh god. Was Rossi under First Order control? Why had this thought only just crossed your mind? If it was true then there definitely wouldn’t have been any shipments to the Resistance. You were suddenly overcome with guilt at what you had been taken away from. You had been so preoccupied with helping Hux that you had not spared a thought for your planet, for your subjects that were now under tyrannical rule. 

You sat down on the burnt tree stump with groan. You hated that your focus was being pulled in two completely different directions. That conversation about being allowed back needed to happen tonight. 

You trudged through the forest a bit more until you saw a large structure through the trees up ahead. As you cleared the trees, you saw it was a platform made of stone, laser cannons on either side, a mountain stood behind it all and at the front of it was a figure. You moved quieter now, making your way to the ramp that leads up to the platform. As you got closer you realised that it was Hux, staring out at the area that the platform overlooked. His hands were behind his back, but that is all you could just about make out from so far away.

He still couldn't see you. 

You were going to have some fun with this. 

Making sure your steps were as quiet and delicate as possible, you snuck up the ramp and made your way over to one of the large columns behind Hux. You bent down, grabbing a handful of snow and patting it into a ball between your hands. You took aim, reaching your arm back behind you and then...fire!!

The snowball hit Hux square on the shoulder and exploded, coating him with freezing cold snow and he let out of a cry of surprise. 

You start to laugh but then he turns around, blaster raised towards you.

"Wait!" You cry, holding up your hands in a surrender. 

"(Y/n)?!" He shouts and lowers his blaster then holsters it as he strides over to you, annoyance plastered all over his face.

"What the hell do you think you are doing?!" He scolds you as he brushes the snow out of your hand that you had picked up to make another snowball with. 

"I'm just having a snowball fight with you! There's no need to pull a blaster on me over it" you reply, eyes flicking to the weapon on his hip.

He sneers at you, confused.

"What?" He says, "why are you trying to fight me?"

"It's just a game! Here," you say and grab some snow off the ground to build into a snowball and hand it to him, "throw it at me". 

You jog past him in the direction that he had come from and lift your arms either side of you. 

"Hit me" you say but he just looks at you, displeased.

"Hit me!" You say again, putting more emphasis behind your voice this time. 

He hesitates but eventually throws the snowball at you, hitting your face with perfect accuracy. Of course...he's a freaking soldier. You brush the cold sludge off of your face and give him a smile and a thumbs up.

"See! Wasn't that fun?" You say, making your way back over to him.

The sneer is still on his face as he says, "sure". 

"Let's continue then!" You quickly say, stooping down to grab some snow and throwing it at him then running away with a laugh. 

He gives out a noise of offense and hurls some snow back at you. It hits your back as you run away from him.

"I am not stooping to this!" He shouts at you, brushing the snow off of his coat.

"Fine but enjoy being pummeled with snow while I stay completely dry!" You shout back as you throw another snowball at him. It misses and splatters against the ground to the side of Hux and the man looks down at it.

"Your aim is pathetic, princess" he says and crouches on the ground, scooping some snow into a ball, "let me show you how it's done".

You'd got him now, you thought smugly but the look was quickly wiped off your face as it was hit with snow once again.

You scrunch up your face as you clear it of snow and shout back, "Stop aiming for my face!"

You are hit once again in the face.

"No" he shouts back, a smile upon his own face now.

You scowl at him and whisper, "Right. That's it". 

You run parallel to him, crouching down every time he hurls some snow at you and taking the opportunity to pick up some snow for yourself that you quickly throw back at him. You had hit him maybe once or twice by the time you reached the other podium at the back on the platform, he had hit you too many times to count at this point. 

"Give up, (y/n)! You are no match for my expertly honed aim after a lifetime of military training!" He shouts from the other pillar.

You can't believe he had hardly moved considering the amount of times he had hit you. 

"You're taking this way too seriously, Hux! It's supposed to be a bit of fun!" You shout back, half heartedly throwing another snowball at him. He simply steps to the side and it hits the concrete with a thump. 

"Oh, I'm having tremendous fun!" He shouts, making his way over to you, snowball in hand. 

You are quick to make a snowball of your own and put some space between the two of you. You circle each other for a while, a Mexican style standoff situation arising. Your eyes don't leave each other's as you move. You - patting your snowball between your hands, him - throwing his up in the air and catching it every time. You breathed heavily as you waited to see who would strike first. 

Then, with a battle cry, you sprint towards him and tackle him to the ground, throwing the snowball straight into his face. He makes a noise of disgust and wipes his face as you laugh. 

"Ha! Got you!" You cry triumphantly and smile down at him. 

His face was flecked with snow now, small clumps caught in his light eyelashes and eyebrows. You notice he looks up at you in annoyance but luckily in a playful way this time. Finally, as he takes in the joy on your own face from winning, he smiles as well. It was such a lovely smile and your heart fluttered every time you saw it even if the sight was unfortunately rare. Brushing the snow from his face, your hand comes to cup his cheek and you lean down to kiss him. He kisses you back this time, closing his eyes and leaning up into it. His left hand coming up to hold onto the back of your coat. You eventually pull away and stare at his green tinged eyes. They shone with happiness but there was also something else...smugness?

Cold snow suddenly comes down onto the back of your head and you shriek, leaning back and hands flying to your head. That bastard had tricked you! 

Hux uses your distraction as an opportunity to push you off of him and stand up, making sure to create a fresh snowball as he does, ready to fire. 

"Ok ok!" You laugh, lying on your back now, hands up in defence, "that's enough! I concede!" 

"You promise?" He asks, snowball still aimed at you.

"I promise" you say and he lowers his hand, letting the snowball drop to the ground. 

You hold your hand out to him, asking him to pull you up and he grabs a hold of it. But before he can begin to pull you up, you yank on his arm and he falls into the snow once more as you move out the way of being crushed. Laughter escapes you once again and you hold your belly it hurts so much. He turns to look at you, eyes shooting daggers into you as you laughed at your little prank. 

Picking himself up off the ground, he brushes snow off of his coat once more and does not extend a hand to help you up this time. 

"What's this platform for, anyway?" You ask as you get up off the ground and begin to remove the snow off of your own coat.

Hux looks back over the area beneath the platform, face serious.

"It's for the ceremony - for the base when it…" he pauses, eyes flicking to you and then back again, "opens. I shall address the troops as they all stand here".

He gestures to the space in front of him. 

"In fact, I need to go up onto the roof of the structure to find the right position for the snipers" he continues, turning to look up at the roof held up by the two large columns.

"Snipers?" You ask, following his gaze upwards. 

"Yes," he says matter of factly, walking over to the right column and picking up a black case that was hidden behind it, "just in case an unwelcome visitor decides to crash the party". 

"Like the resistance?" You ask.

He nods, "exactly like the resistance. We do not want a repeat of the gala now do we".

Your spirit falls a bit at the mention of the gala, at the thought of Hux being reprimanded for something that wasn't his fault. Your eyes flicker to his face as you walk, taking in the bruises and cuts once more. You also had heard nothing from Maya or the resistance since you had seen her that night. You were hoping that they were just waiting for the right time to rescue you. 

For now, you followed Hux as he made his way down the ramp on the right side of the platform and then up some steps at the back of it. You both walk across the roof and Hux crouches down on the left hand side edge. Setting the case down, he flicks open the latches and opens it to reveal a sniper rifle in individual parts. It takes him no time at all to assemble it, showing that he had done this a million times before and he perches it on the edge, looking through the scope to the platform below. 

"Hmm" he deliberates to himself as he adjusts the position of the rifle, looking through the scope each time. 

"(Y/n), could you do me a favour?" He asks, eyes flicking to you and then to the case which he flips over to reveal a secret compartment full of small, empty liquor bottles.

You hoped he had not drunk them all himself recently. 

"Uh sure" you reply, gaze going back to him. 

He picks out 8 of the bottles from the compartment and hands them to you. You hold them against your chest, not wanting to smash any of them.

"Go back down onto the platform and place 4 of the bottles along the platform's edge on the right side and then stand away from them. Far away, do you hear me?" He commands, looking at you directly in the eyes to see if you understood. 

"Yes, sure. Of course!" You say, trying to sound self assured but failing. 

But Hux seems to be convinced and turns back to look through the scope.

"Good" he says and with that, you make your way back down to the platform. 

You set out the bottles as instructed, placing them an even width apart from each other and step back to the middle of the platform. You gaze back up to Hux, or what you could see of him as he lies on his stomach, in control of the sniper. There is but a moment before you hear the sound of glass shattering, once, twice, three times and then four as he shoots them all down in mere seconds. You shriek and you turn around to look at them, all of them now just shards of glass on the floor by the time you had turned around. 

"That was amazing!" You shout up at him, still in disbelief that he had just done that so quickly. 

He stands up and peers down at you and the broken bottles, giving no reaction to them, having done this probably a million times before. 

"Set down the other bottles on the other ledge and come back up. I want to show you something" he shouts down and picks up the rifle to make his way to the other side of the roof. 

You do as instructed and walk up the steps to the roof to find Hux waiting for you, hands behind his back, standing next to the rifle perched on the other ledge. 

He gestures towards it with a slight jerk of his head and instructs you to lie on the ground and take it in your hands. You almost don't believe that he was being serious until he did not make a move, waiting for you to do as he said. Hesitantly, you take your position on the ground and hold the rifle, totally unsure of what you were doing.

Hux crouches down next to you, leaning over and placing his hands over yours as he repositions them on the weapon. 

"Now, look down the scope and really focus on the bottles, lining them up with the lines in the scope" he instructs and as you do so, he brushes your hair behind your ears so it was out of the way. You hoped he would attribute the flush on your cheeks to the cold weather. Speaking of the cold, your fingers were stiff from lack of circulation even though you were wearing gloves. It made it hard to grip the rifle and feel the trigger. You fumble a bit with it but Hux is quick to correct your position.

"Take some deep breaths, steady your hands as you focus" he continues, exaggerating his own breathing pattern for you to follow. 

You feel yourself begin to relax more as you breathe in sync with him and your hands do steady.

"Good" he says, "now take one big breath in and as you slowly release it, squeeze the trigger at the same pace. Be prepared for the slight knock back". 

You do as he says - breathing in, focusing entirely on the bottle down on the ledge and then breathe out, squeezing the trigger as you do so. 

There is a quick sound of the bullet whipping through the air and you stumble back a bit. Partially from the shock and partially from the knock back. 

"Did I hit?!" You exclaim as you reel from the experience of shooting your first gun. Your eyes widen as you peer over the side of the roof, straining your neck.

"Well, look" he says, gesturing for you to look through the scope. 

You look back through it and find the bottles. You find each one, mentally counting along.

"They're all still intact" you say disheartened and roll onto your back, looking up at Hux.

He looks down at you, "Pathetic" 

"What?!" You scramble onto your feet now, a look of pure offense upon your face.

He rests a hand on your shoulder, gives you a small smile and says, "I joke. It's only your first time shooting. I would not expect you to hit".

"Show me how to do it properly then" you say as you cross your arms over your chest, pouting. 

He crouches back down next to the rifle and reloads it, clicking the mechanism into place. 

"Try again then" he instructs, one hand on the weapon, a goading look in his eyes as he looks up at you. 

You take your position once again, shifting the rifle around until it sits right in your freezing hands. You look through the scope and line up one of the bottles. Determination settles over you now and you regulate your breathing to steady your hands. Hux places his hands over yours once more but presses down on them a little harder than last time.

"This will help with the knock back" he says, reading your mind as you had wondered what he was doing. 

One deep breath in. You and Hux take it together.

Then, the slow breath out, squeezing the trigger in time. 

You steel yourself for the knock back and the noise.

Then, the bullet leaves the chamber, whipping through the air once more and you think you hear the breaking of glass. As soon as you release your finger from the trigger you look through the scope, frantically searching for any broken glass. You find it. The far right bottle was lying in pieces on the ledge and you scream in delight.

"I did it!" You shout, pushing up on the floor so you are now kneeling on the snowy concrete and turn to Hux with a wide smile.

He gives you a slight bow of the head and a smile, "Good work".

You giggle and lean across the rifle to give him a hug and then a kiss. 

Making your way back down to the platform to clean up, Mitaka appears from the other side and runs up to you and Hux. 

"Ah, lieutenant," Hux says as the man stands to attention before you both, "I have finished the inspection of the sniper points. Have it noted that all is well"

Mitaka stumbles out a 'yes sir' and takes the sniper rifle case as Hux holds it out to him. 

"Um, sir, there is a problem with the reactor and none of the engineers are available" he delivers the news nervously, not quite meeting the General's eye. 

Hux's demeanor turns as icy as the wind around you.

"Well, then make them available" he says through gritted teeth. 

Mitaka licks his lips and shivers, from fear or the cold you weren't quite sure. 

"Um, I would but no one can get ahold of them" he manages to say, clearly wary of Hux's subsequent reaction. 

"But they are all on the base somewhere! Where could they - oh forget it. I shall come and deal with it" Hux says, angered by his officer's news. 

He turns around to you and his features soften, "I must go deal with this. Will you be ok finding your way back?"

You smile and nod at him, taking his hand.

"Of course. Do not worry about me" you say and give his hand a squeeze of reassurance. 

He gives you a small kiss on your cheek and then turns around, leading Mitaka back towards the base. 

Your hand comes up to your cheek, touching it where he had kissed you and a smile spread across your face. He was getting there. He was getting used to casual affection. Your heart lightens at the thought and you bounce up and down on the spot in glee.

"Bye, Lieutenant Mitaka!" You shout at the officer beside Hux, a new found confidence overtaking you.

The lieutenant looks over his shoulder at you in confusion. He gives you a nervous smile and a nod of the head before Hux pushes him forward through the snow. 

Chapter Text

You find your way back with ease thankfully but you did not seem to warm up properly even after a few hours of being back in the quarters. 

When Hux did return, it was dark and you immediately ran into his arms as he entered.

He gives out an 'oof' as you collide with his chest but then wraps his arms around you.

"Everything ok?" He asks, face buried in the top of your head.

"Coollldddd!" You complain and he gives out a hum of amusement.

"I can ask for more blankets? Or maybe we can start with lighting the fire?" He suggests.

"No," you reply, trying to bury yourself deeper into his embrace and warm coat, "just you". 

His hand comes up to stroke your hair, "I'm here now".

You finally let go of him and he does light the fire, throwing an adequate amount of firewood onto it to keep it burning for a good while. Dinner soon arrives and you eat, chatting about the snowball fight, the sniper rifle and more generally about the base. He would not give you any specific details of course, skirting around the specific questions, but he did tell you just enough.

Afterwards, you manage to convince him to rest and you both lie on the sofa by the fire - you resting your back against his chest as he sketches in the notebook he had brought along with him. You had asked him to draw something else that he had remembered of his time on Rossi and he settled on the throne room where you had first met. You'd asked him this to help him remember of course but also as a segue into the conversation you wanted to have about going home. Not an easy one to have but one you were determined to get your way in.

"Maybe when we get back to the Finaliser you could arrange that visit to Rossi you talked about?" You manage to ask, making sure not to let your nervousness be heard in your tone. 

Hux's fingers gripped the pencil he was holding, interrupting the detail he was adding to the throne. 

"Why?" Is all Hux asks back and you turn around to look at him.

"What do you mean why?! Because I want to go home!" You say, totally bewildered why he would even question you wanting to go back to the home planet he had taken you from.

His face takes on the expressionless mask he puts on whenever you discuss going back and it infuriates you. You hated seeing his eyes so stoney when talking about a very serious thing.

"Are you not enjoying yourself here? You want to leave me?" He asks and your stomach drops. 

"What?!" You exclaim at his ridiculous questions, "dont frame it like that! Can't you understand that I want to go home at some point!"

You were not expecting this from him. But then again you never knew what reaction you would get when you asked him to go home. You're standing up now, pushing his arms from around you and subsequently crossing your own arms over your chest. 

"What can you get on Rossi that I cannot provide here with me?" He says way too nonchalantly. This was just diplomacy to him. An exchange of resources of course. 

"I want to go home and rule! Look after my people! I have a duty, Hux!" You say.

"And you," you get on your knees and place a hand on his arm as he sits, "you can come and rule with me".

He laughs as if you had just proposed the most ridiculous scheme ever and stands up, going over to the liquor cabinet.

"I am no prince, (y/n)" he states as he pours himself a drink.

"Why not?" You ask and go over to stand behind him.

He turns around to look at you, drink in hand, "Why be a prince when I can be a Supreme Leader? I don't intend to be a General forever, no that is for sure, but that is because I shall be Snoke's next in line when he finally shuffles off this mortal coil"

He gestures to the surroundings with his drink and then knocks it back, going straight back to pour out another one. 

"But if you join me, you can have a title that doesn't take years of bloodshed to gain!" you say then place your hand on his back, "and you would have me". 

Your arms snake around his torso and you rest the side of your face on his back, feeling the soft material of his shirt on your cheek as you hug him from behind. You both stay like that for a moment, you focusing on the rise and fall of his body as breathes. Eventually he turns around, making sure your arms do not leave his torso as he does so and he comes to rest one of his hands behind your neck and the other cups your cheek. 

"(Y/n)," he starts, eyes boring into yours, "you know your people would never accept me as their ruler, not even with you by my side. Not after...everything. But if you stayed here well, the whole galaxy would adore you just as I do".

He removes his hands from you and moves them to hold yours, looking down at them now.

"If I am honest, (y/n). I am a wreck when I'm without you," he squeezes your hands and lifts his gaze to meet yours once again, his expression instantly reminding you of the little boy you knew, "I need you here to stay". 

Your heart breaks at his words. Everything had backfired. You had successfully reminded him of your connection but had consequently backed yourself into a corner. He was right when he said that your people wouldn't accept him, not as he was now anyway, and he said he needed you. But he needed you to stay when you so desperately wanted to go. You could have him but never return or you could go home but lose him. You brought him into a tight hug as you deliberated over these thoughts, squeezing your eyes shut to stop the tears that had already formed from escaping. 

"I can't win" you say, voice breaking as you try so hard to keep it together. 

Your knuckles turn white as you grip onto the back of his shirt. His hand rests on the back of your head as he had done so many times before when comforting you. You couldn't just leave him. Not when you had just gotten back the person you knew all those years ago. 

Holding him close now, your mind wanders back to the day he left…

"There's still time to run away!" You plead with the ginger haired boy that held onto you as you both stood on the balcony of your bedroom in the palace, "we could be through those mountains and into the forest by the time they realised we were gone".

"(Y/n)," he says, trying to catch your gaze as you looked towards the mountains in the distance.

"Or we could steal a ship!" You break away from him now but still hold onto his hands, hoping deep down that he would never let go of them, "then we could run away to the furthest reaches! They definitely wouldn't find us there!" 

Your eyes search his for a reaction but all you saw from him was pity. Pity and defeat. 

It was enough to make you break down into tears. He brings you into his embrace again, closing his eyes and breathing in your scent, focusing on the feeling of you against him, etching every sensation into his mind so he would never forget you.

"Armitage, please" you sob into his chest.

"(Y/n). This isn't how I want to remember our last night together. Save your tears for the morning. For now, let us enjoy these last moments together" he says, pulling away to look down at you and wipe the tears from your cheeks. 

He takes in the sight of your reddened face, still so very pretty even when you were sad - eyes puffy and nose even more red than the rest of your face. He smiles at the sight of it and then rests his forehead on yours. 

"C'mon. Let's go back inside. It's getting dark" he says and leads you by the hand through the archway back into your bedroom. 

However, standing there, packed bags surrounding him, was Hux's father. He was dressed for the road.

"Boy," he says, the same look of distaste upon his face as always, "we are leaving now".

You let out a breath, eyebrows burrowing in confusion. Not tonight!

"But, father…" Armitage starts but his father brings up a hand to halt him.

"No buts. I know we were due to leave tomorrow but plans have changed. Now, come along" Brendol commands, picking up a suitcase and holding it out for Hux to take.

But, Hux shakes his head and pulls you further towards his side as a look of determination overtakes his face.

"No" he states.

"No?" 

"You said tomorrow so we are going tomorrow" Hux says, lifting his chin as he looks his father dead in the eyes. You had never seen him so defiant against his father before and you feared what would happen next. 

"Faustus" Brendol says, calling your father but eyes never leaving Armitage's.

The king steps into the room, clearly uncomfortable at the situation that he had found himself in.

"Escort your daughter out of the room" Brendol instructs, the only man who could talk to your father like that. 

Your father walks over to you but you shift behind Hux, not wanting to leave him to the mercy of his abusive father. You shake your head at him but he grabs your arm and starts to pull you away from Hux. 

"No!" You shout as you struggle against his grip, "you can't leave Armitage alone with him!" 

The days of patching up Armitage's wounds and being careful not to exasperate them in the following days after his father had punished him flash through your mind. You couldn't just leave and let that happen again.

Your father lets go of your arm, the imprint of his hand fading away as he steps back and you relax a little bit at his retreat. But it was not to last - two guards now file in and forcibly remove you from Hux to drag you through the door. You and Hux shout, demanding that they let go but they ignore your pleads and you stare at Hux as they pull you out of the room and into the corridor. 

Your father follows and shuts the door behind him. You struggle against the guards and shout at your father to stop Brendol but he avoids your eyes, instead instructing the guards to take you downstairs. They do as they are told as they follow the king down the staircase and into the entrance hall. You are screaming and kicking the whole way down, trying desperately to escape so you could take Hux away from the wrath of his father. You knew you would never be a match against him but still, you would try. As you struggle against the guard's grip, you see a figure running down the stairs towards you. It was Hux, face bloody and bruised and his eyes were desperate as he ran towards you. Kicking the guards in the shins, you break free and run towards him, falling into his arms. He holds you the closest he ever has and you cry and you cry.

"I'm sorry" he cries, holding your face now, his own face smeared with blood, "I'm sorry".

You kiss him and close your eyes, willing the world to stop. For it to just go away so you and Armitage could be alone and there would be no one to judge or to take him away. You focus on him and him only - burning this moment into your memory.

Your eyes fly open as he is ripped away from you, his father's grip harsh on his arm. Servants carry the suitcases down the staircase and into the Hux's ship outside as Armitage struggles against his father. Your own father is quick to hold you back from interfering but your eyes do not leave Armitage's as he is taken away from you. 

"I love you!" Armitage shouts from the doorway to the front garden, tears pouring from his own eyes.

"I love you too!" You shout back, voice cracking through your tears.

That was the last thing you said to each other before he was shoved into the ship.

As it takes off, you break free from your father and run after it into the front garden. 

You watch it disappear from sight into the sky and fall into the cold, hard gravel beneath you. 

"Whatever happens, I'm not losing you again" you say as your mind comes back into the present, appreciating the feeling of Hux against you even more now.

He runs his hands through your hair and starts to play with the ends, twisting the strands around his index finger, feeling it curl and uncurl.

"You can visit" he finally says in a whisper that you just about make out.

You pull back to look up at him, "huh?"

"Rossi. I will arrange for you to visit it" he explains, his expression having gone back to being unreadable. 

A smile spreads across your face and you bring him back into the hug.

"Thank you" you mutter softly into his chest. 

He sighs as you rest against him, probably from relief after such a serious discussion.

"Now, let us get some rest. I have much to do tomorrow" he says and you let go of him as you nod in agreement, wiping your face with the back of your hand. 

He walks over to the bedroom, you trailing behind him and he opens one of the chest of draws to retrieve a nightgown from it. He hands it to you and coughs.

"Um you can use the bathroom first. I will get changed in here" he says as he nods to the ensuite to the right of the room.

You reply with an 'ok' and go to get changed in the bathroom, along with brushing your teeth and everything else you do before going to bed. As you walk out afterwards, Hux shuffles in, avoiding eye contact. You stare at the bed for a moment before going over to perch on the side of it. You feel it sink down at your weight and you can tell it was one of the mattresses that changed shape to match your body and you realised your body quickly ached for its comfort. But you would wait for Hux to come back. It was his bed after all even if he did say it was yours as well. To crawl into it without him would be rude. You bit your lip as you thought that...you were going to crawl into bed with Hux. Sure you had done such a thing multiple times back when you were both younger but not since seeing him again. You wondered what would happen.

The click of the door being unlocked brings you out of your thoughts and you look towards the bathroom. 

Hux scoots out of the doorway in long, black pyjamas and he avoids looking at you in your long, black night dress. You cross your legs nervously and bite your lip as you smooth down your night dress. He slowly makes his way over to you, eyes coming up to meet you as he does. You uncross your legs as he stands before you, eyes staring down into yours as you look up at him, taking all cues from him. He licks his lips and you think he was about to kiss you. But as you strain upwards he makes his way around to the other side of the bed and gets in. 

Oh.

You bite the inside of your cheek in embarrassment. What the hell was going to happen now then? He's making this way more awkward than it needs to be. You eventually join him in the bed, lifting up the crimson red covers to get in the other side to Hux. The both of you lie on your back, staring up at the ceiling, waiting for the other to do something.

You swallow and say, "I'm cold".

There is a rustle of sheets as Hux turns his neck to look at you. 

"You are?" He asks and you turn to look at him.

"Mm-hmm" you hum in affirmation. 

His eyes flicker to the side as he thinks of what to do next. Ultimately, he lifts up the sheets and extends his arm out to you as an invitation for you to cuddle up to him. With a smile, you gladly take the invitation and lie on his chest as his arm comes around to rest on your shoulder. But you both lie there stiffly, not sure what to do next. This certainly was not relaxing and sleep was not going to come soon if it carried on like this. So, you shuffle to look up at Hux and his gaze shifts from the ceiling to you as you do so. You shuffle up just a little bit more to place a kiss on his lips and you feel him relax. You then pull back and resume your gaze into his eyes, his also on yours. 

Then, he takes you into his arms and kisses you again and again. Passionately now - deeply. His hands run down your body and one of them slides under your nightgown, sliding up your thigh to then grab your waist. Your own hand comes to slide up beneath his shirt, feeling the muscles of his torso. 

But all clothes are removed soon enough…

Chapter Text

The following few days aboard starkiller base were ones you were grateful for. You were not confined to a room and you didn't have to be wary of running into Commander Ren. However, as the days went by, Hux became more and more withdrawn into his work. It seemed that the first day together was when he was caught up in his emotions with you after finally getting you alone after your confinement to your room for a few days. But as he was forced to focus on his work it was almost as if you had faded from his view. You did all that you could to make him relax every now and then and to witness the Hux who truly adored you, but more often than not he was the standoffish General who thought about work night and day. Sure, he still slept with you each night but it wasn't like the first night. He had become selfish, more focused on what he wanted rather than think about how you were feeling. But, you held onto those glimpses of the Hux that you knew was there deep down.

Nonetheless, it all had to come to an end eventually. You both had to return to the Finaliser before Kylo got back. That was, however, sooner than you had anticipated.

"Pack your bags," Hux says, storming into the room, two officers following him in, "Now".

You peer around the bedroom door, not expecting him to be back so soon in the day. You had actually just finished getting dressed since you had decided to have a lie in after Hux had left the bed to start his day at a ridiculous hour as always. 

"What do you mean? Kylo won't be back for another few days will he?" You say, coming out to pick up a ring you had left on a side table in the living area.

Hux is quick to push you back into the bedroom, indicating that you should be packing. 

"He's already back," he says and you turn around to show him your confusion at his statement, "he found what he was looking for. Well...almost. But either way we need to get back right now". 

You manage to stammer out an 'oh okay' and you and the officers get to throwing clothes and toiletries into suitcases. 

You all rush into the ship prepared to take you back to the Finaliser - Mitaka takes his place in the pilots seat and the other officers quickly disembark after setting down the suitcases. 

"What's going on then?" You ask as the ship takes off, staring at Hux, waiting for an explanation. 

"Apparently, Ren has captured someone who may know the whereabouts of Luke Skywalker - a resistance pilot by the name of Poe Dameron" Hux explains, entering something into his holopad.

Luke Skywalker...now that's a name you hadn't heard in a while. Everyone knew who he was of course - the great Jedi who took out the Empire. He had been missing for some years now even when the galaxy thought he would return to stop the First Order as it had gained more and more influence. But, Poe Dameron. That was a name you were more familiar with. He had been with the resistance pilots that came to collect resources from Rossi every now and then, although he was always saying how he was more used to something a bit more exciting. Fighting you had assumed he was referring to. But, there wasn't a lot of that happening as far as you were aware. You guessed that had changed since he was now aboard the Finaliser. 

"We've been looking for Skywalker for years now," Hux says, his voice laced with annoyance, "I will be glad when he is eliminated".

You decided not to say anything back despite completely disagreeing. As always, this was official business and you did not think you had much say in it. 

The rest of the ride was quiet as Hux worked away on his holopad. You looked out at the stars and began to come to terms with the gravity of the situation. If Poe really did know where Skywalker was then that would be the end of the jedi. Something you never thought would happen.

Eventually, the ship slides into the loading bay and you and Hux disembark. 

"Wait for me in my quarters," he says, not bothering to turn to you as looks around the hangar, "I must go see what information Ren has found".

And with that, he walked away. 

Officers run up to help with the bags and you follow them with a sigh as they make their way into the ship.

As you do, your heart suddenly jumps and you realise that you don't have your holopad on you. You must have left it on the ship. Jogging back up the ramp, you go to ask Mitaka if he had seen it but he had already departed the ship. So, you search the empty ship yourself - overturning the seats and rifling through cupboards. 

Shit. You were panicking now. If you had lost your holopad then you were in big trouble. 

You rummage around a while more and breathe a sigh of relief as you find it fallen behind one of the benches. You sit down and clutch it to your chest. This small screen was also a lifeline if the resistance could hack it and send a communication through somehow. For now, you bring up the map of the Finaliser, studying the route from the hangar to Hux's quarters. You'd been on the Finaliser for quite some time now but still you could never get used to its endless corridors that all looked the same. How the officers and stormtroopers could you would never know. 

Satisfied that you vaguely knew the way, you make your way down the ramp and into the corridors of the ship once more. At first, you strode confidently, sure of the way you were going but then you became less sure. You slowed down a bit and tried to picture the map in your mind but it was no use. You would have to use the map as you went along. It was a bit embarrassing you admitted to yourself but hopefully it would just look like you were doing some work on it as you walked along.

So, you carried on as you looked at the map on the screen. They should have some damn signs in this place you thought as you turned yet another corner to then board an elevator. 

Head still down as you exited the elevator, you walk a few more steps and then collide into something, or rather someone.

"I'm so sorry! I should-" you begin to apologise before you realise who it was you had bumped into.

"Poe?!" You whisper as you look at the rugged looking man before you and then to the stormtrooper holding him at gunpoint. 

"Princess!" He exclaims back, making sure to keep his voice hushed.  

"Um, what's going on? I thought you were being interrogated?" You ask and look around you. 

The stormtrooper then pulls you both into a side corridor and takes off his helmet. You'd never seen one without a helmet on before and you stare at him, the sight of a face along with the iconic white armour relieving you of any words. 

"Who are you?!" The stormtrooper asks, looking you up and down.

"I'm...I'm a friend of Poes. What's going on?" You ask again, totally not understanding what was happening.

"Look, I'm getting him off this ship, and myself. You're not going to tell anyone are you?" He stumbles out, words going at a 100mph.

You shake your head and satisfied with your response, he puts on his helmet and goes to pull him and Poe back into the corridor. 

"Wait!" You say, grabbing the trooper to stop him before he could get away.

You tap the settings of your holopad and show it to them, "this is my holopad number. When you get back to the resistance please tell them to contact me on it. Please!" 

Poe looks down at it and then to you, "just come with us now! We can get you out of here!" 

Oh gosh how you wished you could. But, as you had settled on many times before, you couldn't leave Hux just yet.

"I'm not done here. But tell them to contact me asap" you say to them, knowing that there was no time to explain further.

Poe looks at you as if you were speaking a completely different language but eventually gives you a nod.

"We'll be with you soon, princess," he says with a wink and the stormtrooper pushes him out into the corridor, "keep your chin up!" 

You watch as your chance to go home walks away and your heart drops. Had you done the right thing? You hoped to the gods that you had. 

For now, you finally made your way back to Hux's quarters and sighed as you looked around at the familiar sights, unsure of this melancholy feeling settling on your chest. 

A soft meow grabs your attention and you look down at Millicent as she trots over to you.

"Hey, Milli," you coo as you squat down to pet her, "what are we going to do, huh? What are we going to do with Armitage?"

Hux did not come back that night, or the next. You paced around the quarters, stopping only to eat or lie on the sofa and pet Millicent for a bit, totally unaware of the chaos going down outside the walls.

You were awoken one day by the door sliding open. You bolt upright on the couch that you had fallen asleep on to see who had entered.

"We're going back to Starkiller" Hux says as he walks in and removes his gloves, placing them on the kitchen island. You smooth down your hair and rub your eyes in an attempt to look presentable. 

"Huh?" You ask, unsure that you had heard him right. 

He turns to look at you now and a sneer appears on his face as he looks you up and down.

"Did you sleep on the sofa? You do know there is a bed over there right?" He scoffs as he gestures to the bed a few meters away from you. 

You stand up now, pissed that he had not come back and was now talking to you like this, "well I wasn't sure if I was allowed in your bed and I couldn't ask cause you never came back!".

He sighs and rolls his eyes as he kicks off his shoes and shrugs off his greatcoat, leaving them in a trail on the floor as he makes his way to the bathroom. 

"Don't be such a princess, princess " he says as he enters the bathroom and shuts the door behind him.

You scoff loudly in offense. Who the fuck did he think he was?!

You stomp over the bathroom door and give a singular bash on the metal.

"What's going on, Hux?! You are never around anymore and when you are, all you do is order me around or talk to me about work!" You shout through the door.

But, the only response you get is the sound of the shower being turned on. 

That prick! 

You give another bash on the door and sit down onto the bed behind you with a huff. You sit there as you hear the sound of running water go on and on, waiting for it to stop. Eventually, it does and after a short while more Hux steps out, clothes on but hair wet.

You stare up at him and give him a look of 'well?!'. 

He stares down at you, standing there vulnerable without his polished look. He sighs and goes over to the kitchen to grab a wine bottle and a glass. He sets them down on the kitchen island and Millicent hops up, sniffing them in intrigue. You follow him and lean on the counter, arms crossed and eyes burning into him even though he does not even take a look at you. 

There is a popping sound as he uncorks the bottle and then he pours the liquid into the glass, making sure Millicent does not get in the way. 

You watch as he downs the glass and closes his eyes tight as it leaves his lips.

He pours another one and finally looks up at you. 

"I'm sorry, (y/n)" he says, "I did not get any sleep and I have not stopped working since we got back. A billion things seemed to happen all at once from the moment I stepped back onboard".

"You could have told me. I would have understood" you reply, going over to place a hand on his arm but he is quick to move away from your touch and towards the seating area. You knew there was something going on now. He had made such progress with casual affection and now here he was recoiling from your touch once more. 

"You think I had time to send you a message?! I hardly had time to think before I had to make some of the biggest decisions of my career!" He argues back, sitting on the sofa and kicking his feet up on the coffee table, relaxing back into the leather, wine in hand. 

"You don't have any idea how hard it is to keep it together when you have to run almost every operation in the First Order and deal with Ren's tantrums and have everything you do scrutinised by the Supreme Leader. I have been able to be lax recently but now, now we're in the endgame. If I do one thing out of place then it all comes crashing down on me, do you understand, (y/n)?".

He stands up now, coming to stand right up against you, eyes wild as he looks down at you. All you can do is look away and swallow hard since you could not even begin to start trying to form a response to that. 

He downs his drink once more and walks away into the kitchen, "no, of course you don't".

Tears start to fall from your eyes and you are frozen to the spot. How could he talk like that to you? After everything you had been through? It was unfair but you knew there was no getting through to him while he was in this state. 

There was a smash of glass as Hux hurled the wine glass into the sink. You jump round with a shriek. 

"Get your things," he says, picking up his great coat from the floor, "we're going".

Chapter Text

You quickly re-pack some things from your suitcase as Hux sorts out his hair. You'd just clicked the suitcase shut as he walks out of the bathroom, hair slicked back, transformed into the steely General once more. 

"Come along then" he says, looking down at you on the floor.

You weren't hiding the anger from your face as you looked back at him. But, you did not say anything as you followed him out of the door, tucking your locket behind your shirt. As you walked towards the hangar once again, your anger turned to pure defeat - realising that this was what it was going to be like now that the hunt for Skywalker was getting closer and closer to completion. All your hard work to get through to Hux was for nothing.

Stepping through the archway into the hangar, you realise Kylo was waiting by yours and Hux's ship - mask on, looking as intimidating as ever.

"I wish to speak to the princess. Alone" he says, looking to the General beside you.

Hux's behaviour towards Kylo was the same as ever, staring daggers into the mask, but he did not even glance to look at you as he spoke.

"Whatever," he says, waving his hand in a dismissive motion, "just don't hold us up for too long".

Then, he strides up the ramp onto the ship.

"The two of you having a fight, are you?" Kylo asks, sarcasm dripping through the modulator as turns to you.

You could not even bear to look at him. What was going on between you and Hux was nothing to do with him.

"What do you want from me?" You ask, eyes to the floor.

"You accompanied the General to Starkiller, I'm not stupid" Kylo replies as he steps closer to you.

"So?"

"I specifically ordered for you to stay in your room. I won't have you messing with his mind even more than you already have"

You give out a breathless laugh as you now look up to him, crossing your arms, "Oh, you act as if you almost care"

"Do not mistake my interest for sympathy" he hisses back.

"You do not need to worry anyway. That small interaction you had with him sums up the relationship between the General and I. I have not influenced him at all even if I had thought I was getting somewhere. He is still your loyal general, unfortunately"

You feel as he searches the forefront of your mind, not probing too deep so all you get is a small headache as he does so. 

"It is surprising," he says as he drops his searching.

"What is?" you ask as you rub your temples.

"The General's behaviour considering your own towards him. I should give him more credit"

Well, that just confirmed it. No matter what you did, the moment work overtook you as a priority, you had lost Hux. There was no way of getting around that. 

This was exactly the opposite of what you wanted despite doing what you thought was best. You look away trying to hide your sadness at your realisation even though you knew Kylo could sense it.

"Well, if you are satisfied that Hux is not about to speed away and join the resistance thanks to my influence, then I would like to go" you say and start to walk up the ramp but Kylo grabs your arm, stopping you in your tracks.

"I hope you understand Rossi is already under First Order control. I would rather not have to gain your resources by force - ransack your cities, kill those who need to be killed in order to gain access but if I have to then I will. You are quickly losing your usefulness, princess. The fate of your planet rests in your hands. Will you drop your subjects just to hold the hands of your dear General?" He threatens, pulling you towards him so your face is mere inches away from his mask. 

You stare at him a moment, mulling over his words in your mind 

"I have my priorities, Ren" you reply, determined, staring at the mask where his eyes would be.

A noise of what you think is a small laugh comes from the modulator and then he says, "And I will be interested to see what they are, princess. Especially after today"

Your determined expression slips, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Has the General not told you what he's about to do?"

You stay quiet. Kylo knew Hux had said nothing to you.

"I see. Enjoy yourself, princess" and with that, he lets go of your arm and leaves.

What did he mean that you would see after today? You hesitate for a second before heading up the ramp into the ship. There, you find Hux lying down on one of the benches - one arm draped across his eyes and the other resting on his stomach.

The ramp rises behind you and you suddenly feel trapped in this small space with him. So different from the last time you were here on your way to Starkiller.

"What is starkiller?" You ask, tense, the ship now juddering as it takes off.

"I told you, it's a base" Hux replies, not moving from his spot.

"But it's more than that isnt it? What is it?"

"Would you stop with your incessant questions? I am trying to get some well overdue rest"

"Tell me!" You say through gritted teeth.

Hux's eyes bolt open to look at the grip you now had on his arm resting on his stomach. They then rise to look at you, the anger in both of your eyes burning bright. He stands, your grip still firm on his arm.

"It's a weapon, (y/n). A weapon of my own design that will take out the whole of the Republic," he bites back, lifting his arm with your hand still attached, "so, I suggest that you get your hands off of me!"

He shakes your hand from his arm.

"I am not someone that you want to anger" he continues as he looks down at you.

You were terrified. The feeling reminiscent of your time back in the cell when you were first captured. The General had the same look in his eyes now as he did then. The young Armitage was well and truly gone and you did not understand why. But, now was not the time for that conversation, not after what he had just told you.

"The whole Republic?" You ask, voice small as all the confidence you had gained from anger withers away to settle into apprehension.

"Yes, the whole Republic" Hux replies and he sits down on the bench you had disturbed him from, a gloved hand coming up to pinch the bridge of his nose.

"How..how could you?!" You say, "Those are millions of innocent lives that you are taking away! Every man, woman and child -"

"Shut up! Shut up before I make you shut up!" He shouts at you now, springing up from his seat, backing you into the corner of the ship and you stumble down onto the opposite bench. As you hit the metal beneath you, you begin to cry. Hot, ugly tears, wanting to be anywhere other than here. Away from Hux.

All he can do is look down at you as he realised what he had done.

"(Y/n), I…" he begins to say, to explain but you flinch from his touch as he reaches out to you. 

Mitaka breaks the silence as he speaks from the cockpit, "Is everything ok, sir?"

"Eyes forward, lieutenant" Hux snaps back at him, his eyes not leaving you.

You hear the squeak of his gloves as he furls and un-furls his fingers in frustration. He does not move for a moment until eventually he gives up and you hear the shuffle of his feet as goes back to resume his position on the opposite bench. 

Emotions hit you like a barrage and none of them good. The fact that he just walked away from you made you cry even harder. You balled up your fists and pushed them into your forehead as you leaned forward. How could he just lie there as you were bawling your eyes out?! 

Neither of you leave your positions the whole way to Starkiller. Eventually you become tired of crying. There were no more tears left if Hux was not even going to care about them. But still you did not move from your hunched over position. You felt as if you were going to throw up at any moment - your throat was sore, a strong headache pounded at the whole of your head. 

When you felt the ship land, you held your breath. Hux stands up and tells you to do the same as the ramp lowers once more on to the desolate snow covered land. With a sniff and a wipe of your nose you stand up and follow him out of the ship, head hung low like the prisoner that you were. You had been kidding yourself the entire time you thought you were getting through to Hux - when you thought you were becoming equals on some level.

The door clunks behind you as it closes, trapping you inside the base. You did not welcome the respite from the cold this time around. You fancied your chances outside in the cold over whatever was going to happen in here. The same two officers from last time run up to you and Hux, both of them looking worse for wear.

The woman officer looks to Hux and he gives her a slight nod.

"Princess, you must come with us" the woman officer says.

"W...why?" You ask, stepping back from her as you try to decipher from her face what was going on.

"You will not ask questions" is all she says in response and grabs a hold of your upper arm then starts to drag you away down the opposite corridor from the one that leads to Hux's quarters.

"Where are we going?!" You say as you struggle against her grip and finally glance at Hux.

He was not looking at you.

He was not even going to dignify you with an answer.

"Come along" the officer says as she yanks on your arm, marching you down the corridor.

You turn to look back at Hux as you get further and further away from him, no idea where you were going or what would happen next. Just before you round a corner, his gaze flickers to you and you catch a glimpse of sadness - in his mind the young princess he once knew being taken away from him once more. And it was all his fault. 

Chapter Text

You were marched down the corridor, further into the base than you had ever explored, and it seemed to go on forever. This was it. You'd come full circle now - just a prisoner being escorted down a dark, metallic hallway once again. 

Except there was no cell at the end of it. Not this time. Instead, the officer pulled out a piece of cloth from her pocket and held it up to you, a smirk upon her face. 

You were confused and scared at what she was going to do with it. Your breath became rapid. You shook with the anxiety that overtook you. 

The officer stalked around behind you and with one quick motion, she brought the cloth in front of you and across your mouth. You bit hard on it in reflex as she tied it tightly behind you. What was this for?! Was it really necessary?! 

Next, she pulled over a looped cloth over your head and then pulled it over your nose, then finally pulled up the fur-lined hood of your cloak over your head. All that was showing now were your eyes and you squeezed them tight as you wished for the millionth time to be anywhere but here. You knew it was useless to run, to struggle even. All you could do was stand there and take it. You belonged to the First Order. 

Perhaps it was time for your execution. That had been your first thought when you had been captured after all. Like Kylo said - your usefulness was running out. You assumed it had run out completely now. Maybe Rossi was burning to the ground as you stood on this snowy planet, miles away. Your family and subjects dead as stormtroopers ransacked the cities. There was just numbness as you thought about it all. You had accepted your fate. You could not believe you were stupid enough to think it was going to end like anything other than this. And yet still your thoughts turned to Hux. Even after everything, the thoughts of your home world cleared to make way for your memories of the General - both the good and bad ones.

You felt selfish and pathetic. 

The vast door in front of you slowly slid open, your eyes squinting as the sunlight poured in and hit you like you hadn’t seen it in months.

What lay ahead of you was your own death and you thought of the General.

Pathetic.

After everything that happened.

As your eyes adjusted to the light and the officer pushed you forward, you saw what was outside. There were rows and rows of stormtroopers, First Order officers of all ranks and tie fighters all lined up around them. This was the whole of the army. You were marched across the platform that you and Hux had had a snowball fight on not that long ago. The memory bittersweet in your mind now as you looked up at the imposing banners displaying the First Order insignia, hanging from the rooftop where Hux had taught you how to use that sniper rifle.

But, you were not stopped in the middle as you had thought was going to happen. The officer pushed you further to the other side of the platform and down some steps onto the ground to join a squadron of officers to the left of the platform.

The officer next to you grabbed your arm so you were held in an iron grip on either side. They clearly did not want you to escape and cause a scene. 

You took in just how many people were here as you looked over the area below the platform. It was then that you remembered Hux saying that this was where he was going to address his troops when the base opened. You realised now that this meant he was going to fire the weapon. The weapon to take out the Republic…

At the thought of his words, Hux appeared upon the platform, dressed in his full uniform, hat included. He made his way to the front of it, his generals and other high ranking officers behind him. 

You wondered if he could see you. What use would it be if he could anyway? 

He surveyed his troops for a moment, the tails of his great coat swishing behind him in the wind. 

He fitted in too well as he stood there. Like he was born to be in this position. Kylo's words echoed in your mind once more - "each one of us was chosen for this. There is no other way, no getting out of it."

The moment he had said those words to you you had disagreed, always believing that there was a way out, a way to redemption. But now you were unsure. Perhaps Kylo was...right. 

Hux's voice rang out as he began his speech,

“Today is the end of the Republic—the end of a regime that acquiesces to disorder!

At this very moment, in a system far from here, the New Republic lies to the galaxy,

while secretly supporting the treachery of the loathsome Resistance!”

The Resistance...you should have done something. You should have warned them somehow. When you had seen Poe, you could have suggested a better way of contacting them other than waiting for them to contact you. You could have stopped this. My god, you could have saved millions of lives. 

Suddenly, you became very aware of the cloth over your face, it felt like it was strangling you - stopping any air from reaching you. You started to hyperventilate and struggled against the grip of the officers. You were the only movement on the area below the platform and yet Hux still did not look at you. 

Seeing Hux standing upon that platform - your mind flashed with the snowball fight once again. It was on the very place where he stood that you kissed him, looking down at his smile as he looked up at you. How you missed that smile. God knows if you were going to ever see it again. 

Your stomach flipped as you saw the man so unfamiliar to you. You had become sick of him constantly switching between being two people. You had thought you had really gotten through to him but it was now that you realised it was just that you had hardly ever seen him at work. He hadn’t changed at all. Not really.

“This fierce machine which you have built, upon which we stand,

will bring an end to the Senate, to their cherished fleet;”

The Resistance would be left with almost nothing. You supplied them with equipment and supplies sure, but without any fighters, any transport ships, what was the point? You weren’t even there to help them anyway. All you could assume was that the First Order had stopped any shipments out to the Resistance as soon as they took over Rossi. You needed to get back anyway you could.

But, for now, all you could do was look on. Powerless.

“All remaining systems will bow to the First Order,

And will remember this AS THE LAST DAY OF THE REPUBLIC!”

The whole area lifted up their arms in salute

“FIRE!”

You are dragged around so you were now facing the forest opposite the platform along with everyone else. The whole of the forest burnt a bright red and then out shot a stream of hot, bright red energy straight up into the sky through the clouds. 

The overwhelming sound was that of an immensely loud boom - the trees cracked as the energy flooded the forest and they came tumbling down upon each other.

You strained your head away from it, craning your neck to the side as far as you could to escape witnessing the weapon that would destroy innocent lives.

As you looked away, you looked up to Hux. The light of the weapon shone upon his face and in his eyes, staining them crimson. He looked...scared? Like that this was not what he was expecting. 

But, that couldn’t be. This was his weapon. His doing.

He was not allowed to be scared, not when the people upon the planets that he was destroying were 100 times more scared.

No. He was not allowed to feel like this.

Anger ran hot through your veins and you struggled harder against the officer’s grips, finally managing to break free.

You spun around, ripping the gag from your mouth.

“Hey!” you shout up at Hux, grabbing his attention and he tears his eyes away from the energy beam and towards you - the same scared look upon his face.

You run towards the steps up towards the platform but you do not get far as the officers grab you once again and before you can say anything else, one of them clasps a hand over your mouth. 

Trying to shout up at Hux, nothing but muffles come out through the officer’s hand. You push and pull against them but they are quick to drag you away from the arena itself. Nothing would ruin their General’s day.

Still, you tried your hardest to escape from them, your muffled shouts probably not even reaching Hux’s ears. Even so, he continued to look at you, the red light shining in his eyes. It was like the devil himself was looking down at you. The devil who had just realised that he had fallen from grace and now had to deal with the consequences of his actions 

Just before you were taken through some doors, he turned back towards the weapon. Literally turning his back on you. Expressionless. 

The whole ordeal made his priorities perfectly clear to you.

And you were at the bottom of the list.

As you are trapped in the base once more, the officers push you down onto the cold, metal ground. You go to stand up, the anger still hot on your nerves, but the woman kicks you in the ribs and you fall back onto the ground with a groan. Her booted foot comes down on you again and again. 

“Dana!” the other officer shouts at her, “this was not part of the General’s orders!”

But, he does not move to stop her as she drags you up to your knees by a pull of your hair.

“Well, the princess should not have made such a scene on the General’s day. He would want us to punish her. To remind her of her place and who is in charge”.

You’re breathing heavily now, mouth open as you look up at the officer with an iron grip on your hair.

“You have no power here, princess,” she continues, eyes boring into you, “you saw what happened. Your precious resistance is doomed. You should surrender before it’s too late”.

Smack.

Her fist whips your head to the side as she punches you. The skin around your left eye stings and you assume that it was now bruised. 

“Put her down,” the other officer speaks up again, “she still has to look presentable”.

You see Dana hesitate for a moment as she looks at you - mulling over the other officer’s words. You match her stare for a moment before feeling all resolve fall away and your eyes drop to the floor.

“Fine” is all she says and then slams your face onto the ground.

Pain shoots through the side of your face as you scrunch your eyes closed. But you focus on the coolness of the metal beneath you, grounding yourself as you were taught by your father. Your breath steadies but still you wished you could melt into the metal that you were focusing on.

The coolness was soon ripped away from you though as the male officer picked you up and started walking you down another corridor.

It felt as if the weight of the world was crashing down upon you. Every step up you took, harder than the last. Who knew where you were going now. You did not even try to come up with any possibilities, the only thing occupying your mind was the massacre happening on the Republican planets and Hux’s eyes as he looked upon his weapon. 

Eventually, you stop beside a door, no different to every other door in this base.

“She can’t go in looking like this” the male officer says, turning to Dana who was following close behind the entire time.

“Hm, you’re right” she says as she takes in the bruise and small cut on the left of your face.

She then pulls out a small bag from her utility belt and takes out a small compact foundation, dabbing it on your cheek. All you can do is just stand there as she hides what she had done to you.

“That’s good enough,” she says and puts the compact away.

“What’s going on?” a voice says from behind Dana and as she turns around you can see that Hux was approaching. 

You make the briefest of eye contact before your gaze drops to the floor, face solemn.

“Uh, nothing General. Just making sure the princess was presentable” Dana says as she nods to Hux in greeting. 

You feel his eyes run over you and then he pushes Dana out of the way to take your chin in his fingers. He tips your head up but you keep your eyes off of him as he studies your face. It was obvious that he could still see the damage done to your face even after some makeup. 

You could feel the tension in the air from the two officers as they waited to be told off.

But when Hux lets go of your face all he says is, “Very good”.

The officers give out of a sigh of relief as the General turns on his heel and goes to stand in the doorway.

“Come along, princess” he says and he holds out his hand to you.

You do not take it but walk to stand beside him. There was no use resisting at this point but you would not do exactly as he said.

Chapter Text

You and the General walk into what looked exactly like the bridge of the Finaliser except instead of the dead of space outside the window there was the snowy landscape and another weird, metal protrusion upon the ground. 

As the officers realise that Hux had walked in, the room erupts into applause. A small smile appears on the General’s lips and he holds up a modest hand to get them to stop. 

“Thank you, thank you,” he says as the applause dies down, “I will spare you all another speech but we have done well today. Now, let us get back to work so we can finish off the resistance for good”.

The room resumes its chatter as everyone returns to their stations.

“How is the attack going on Takodana?” Hux asks an officer sitting at a computer.

He turns around to the General and says, “Commander Ren and the squadron have just arrived”.

“Very good. Turn the communicators to the loudspeaker. Let everyone hear the progress of our next victory” he says and the speakers around the room crackle on.

Immediately the room is filled with gunshots and battle noises.

“We have found the droid. It’s running into the forest accompanied by a girl” a voice says over the speakers.

“Commander Ren is pursuing it now” another one says in response.

“A girl?” Hux asks out loud, face scrunched up in confusion.

No one says anything. This girl is clearly a new development.

You listen in closer now but there is nothing for a while - just the battle sounds again. 

As you take it all in it becomes deafening. No one in the room is saying anything. They are all just listening as intently as you.

But they are listening so they are ready for the next development, you are listening because you cannot get away from it. You cannot get away from the images swimming in your mind of another massacre happening at the hands of the First Order. Of Hux.

You don’t realise but tears had weld up in your eyes. As you blink, they run down your face and your nose starts to run as well. You sniff and wipe it on the back of your coat’s sleeve. The tears stream down your face as you hear nothing but gunfire and screams and you start to shake. You step back a bit as a voice over the speaker cries out about the casualties - both stormtroopers and Resistance fighters. Hux had brought you into this room so you could hear all of this. So, you could hear what the First Order had already done back on Rossi.

Hux looks as you step back from him and a shadow of concern passes across his face.

“Lieutenant” he orders, eyes still on you as you cry and Mitaka steps forward from his position.

“Yes, sir?”

“Get the princess a drink or something” Hux says.

“Yes, sir” Mitaka responds and leads you over to the side of the room where there is a coffee machine.

You look out the window now, imagining the planet being raided so far away from this weapon. This weapon that had once been a planet where you had spent days with Armitage. But only one of them actually good, you realised. The lieutenant passes you a mug of steaming coffee and you are grateful for the warmth upon your hands as you hold it.

“Thank you, Mitaka” you say emotionlessly, still looking out of the window.

He gives out a small ‘no worries’ and goes back to his station.

Another voice crackles over the speaker, “FN-2187 is here” 

That must be the stormtrooper who had helped Poe escape.

You turn to look at Hux’s reaction. He looks at nothing as he concentrates on the communication line.

“He is taking on TR-8R but we are sending in more troops now” the voice over the speaker continues.

Your grip tightens around the mug as you listen for anymore news on the rebel stormtrooper. He can’t die now. Not after he had escaped the First Order and risked his life to help Poe. He deserved more than to be killed by the very tyranny he had escaped.

“We have captured FN-2187, Han Solo and Chewbacca”

The ceramic of your mug makes a loud smash as it falls to the ground, losing your grip on it at the news.

Everyone turns to look at you and the mess you had made. 

Han Solo? The Han Solo? He had returned to the Resistance then.

You look up at Hux and you realise that he is staring straight back at you, pure annoyance etched into his face. 

“Lieutenant,” he calls Mitaka once again and the lieutenant stands up once again, “escort the princess to my quarters so she can no longer be a nuisance”

“Yes, sir” Mitaka says and walks over to grab your arm.

He drags you towards the door and you do not resist. You didn't want to stand here and be subjected to this any longer. Hux watches you as you leave but you do not look back at him. If he was going to send you to your room like a naughty child then you're going to act like one. 

"Why are you here, Mitaka?" You ask the lieutenant as he escorts you down the corridor.

"I'm sorry, ma'am?" He questions you back as he looks to you.

"Here. Working for the First Order. I don't understand why anyone would want to work for such an organisation" you continue, eyes not leaving him as you wait for his response. 

"Well," he says and looks away, thinking for a moment, "it was the only viable career back on my home world I guess. Unless you wanted to go into farming"

He says the last sentence in mockery. 

"Do you...do you enjoy it here?" You ask tentatively.

Mitaka swallows hard and his face contorts in thought once more, the question clearly making him uncomfortable. 

"Um…" he stammers, "it's better than working in a field all day…"

A hum is all you give in response. 

After a moment of silence, you speak again, “Do you agree with what happened today? The deaths of millions of innocent people?”

You and Mitaka stop at the entrance to Hux’s quarters.

“Um...it was...necessary” he eventually says and moves out of the way so you could enter the code for the door to open.

Your hand hovers over the keypad as you look to him.

He does not look at you, instead his gaze is down on the ground.

“You really think that?” you ask.

He licks his lips and does not answer. You sigh and eventually enter the code for the door and it slides open.

“Join me for a while, Lieutenant” you say as you move to stand in the doorway. 

“I should really…” he begins but you are quick to interrupt.

“I insist” you say, giving him a look that showed him he had no option to leave.

Mitaka peers behind his shoulder, checking to see that no one was around before shuffling into Hux’s quarters after you. 

“A drink?” you say, sauntering over into the kitchen as Mitaka follows and then shifts uncomfortably in the archway.

“No. No thank you” he says and a bead of sweat drips down his forehead.

You didn’t mean to torture the poor man but you needed to make a point.

“No. Of course not,” you say, still going to open the cupboard that held the mugs and glasses, “how could you stomach anything after what has just happened”.

You pick up a plain, black mug, holding it by the handle in between two fingers.

“If you thought about it too much, you wouldn’t need any of these mugs ever. You’d be too sick to drink at the thought of all the atrocities the First Order had committed”.

As you intentionally lose the grip on the handle, the mug falls to the floor and smashes onto the tiles and Mitaka steps back in shock.

“Hosnian Prime”

You pull out another mug from the cupboard and let it smash onto the floor.

“Hosnian”

Smash.

“Cardota”

Smash.

“Raysho”

Smash.

Mitaka starts to look wildly back towards the entrance of the quarters, probably plotting his escape from this madness.

“Courtsilius”

Smash.

“The whole of the Hosnian system”

Smash. Smash. Smash. All of the mugs and glasses smash to the floor as you reach in and sweep your arm across them and towards the floor. You do not even bother to move out of their path and the shards scrape your ankles that peeked out of your dress as they broke.

“Ma’am?” Mitaka says shakily, his eyes moving from the floor to your face.

“And I've not even scratched the surface have I, lieutenant?” you said as you shook, breathing heavily as your eyes bore into his. You knew you’d gone mad but you didn’t fight it. You let the erratic feeling take over as you pushed past Mitaka to make your way back into the seating area. The area where Hux promised you that he would let you visit Rossi. Where he lied.

The quarters that Hux had redesigned especially for you now made you sick and they needed to be destroyed.

The anger burnt hot in your veins once more and you needed to let it out - sick of trying to keep control after everything that you had witnessed. 

“How the hell do you stay so calm?” you ask frantically, pushing Hux’s notebooks that he had left on the coffee table onto the floor, “Do they train your emotions out of you? Your remorse?”

You grab the nearest lamp, pulling it from its socket in the wall and bring it down upon the glass coffee table that shatters as it makes contact.

“Your conscience?”

The glasses crunches beneath your feet as you walk through it to the sofa and bend down to grab a shard of it.

“I just don’t…”

Riiipp. You bring the sharp glass across the black, velvet pillows that were on the sofa and feathers spill out of them as you chuck them across the room,

“Fucking…”

Riippp. Another one flies across the room towards Mitaka and he ducks out of the way,

“Understand”

Riippp.You feel tears falling from your eyes now as you look down at the pillowcase in your hands, your mind replaying the night in Hux’s arms on the sofa.

You look up at the sofa now and wonder if you were strong enough to push it over.

But it seemed your body had decided for you as you found yourself throwing the pillowcase to the side, standing up and, using your strength fueled by your anger, you grabbed the edge of the sofa and flipped it over so it fell towards the entrance.

You stood there, hyperventilating as you looked down at it, tears streaming from your eyes.

Mitaka had been frozen to the spot, totally in awe as he watched your flip over this sofa. But he looked back to you and took in the tears falling down your face and watched as you fell to your knees in the glass.

You sobbed and sobbed with your head in your hands, surrounded by the absolute mess you had made. Mitaka slowly made his way over you and, hand shaking, reached his arm out to tentatively place a hand on your back.

“No, Mitaka!” you shout as you jump up and away from his touch, “you are just as bad as the General himself! Your pity means nothing to me!

You stalk over to the dressers that adorned the walls near the door and with a cry of anguish, you drag the opulent statues and decorations from them. They too smashed onto the floor and you pull the dressers down onto their remains.

Then, you start on the paintings hanging from the wall, intricate landscapes of the snowy Starkiller base now ripped apart as you smashed them over the upturned furniture strewn across the room.

“Tell me, Mitaka! How can you just sit there and let these things happen?!” you say, stopping to kick over another sofa as you march over to him, again, frozen to the spot, “how do you sleep at night?”

You were right up against him now, face mere inches from his as your crazed eyes looked at him, waiting for an answer.

He looked back at you for a moment, absolute terror in his eyes, until his gaze moved to your hand that was raised to him. 

“I...I don’t know” he stammers out.

Your eyes shifted to where his gaze landed.

You did not realise until now, but you had picked up another shard of glass and were now holding it up to him threateningly.

As if it were suddenly red hot, you dropped it and it smashed into the pile of already broken glass below it. Your eyes refocused onto the landscape outside the sliding doors, seeing the valley of pine trees, just like the ones torn and broken by the burning, crismon beam of the weapon.

You give out another cry of anger as you move towards the small drinks cabinet and with a moment of pure adrenaline, you manage to pick it up and hurl it towards the glass, sliding doors.

“NO,(Y/N)” you hear Mitaka shout over the blood rushing in your ears but it’s too late. 

There is a tremendous smash that echoes around the room as the wooden cabinet collides with the door and the glass pane shatters into a thousand pieces. The cold instantly hits you and even some wind - it must have been a real storm out there for the wind to penetrate the valley. 

Ah, the cold.

The glass pieces fall to the ground but you close your eyes to focus on the cold pouring through the hole you had made in the room. Head tilted up, you breathe deeply as the fresh air flows over you and you try to calm yourself down.

“What the FUCK have you done, princess?!” you hear the familiar voice say behind you and you turn around to meet the enraged gaze of the fierce, red-headed First Order General.

Chapter Text

"Mitaka. Out." Hux says, his glare not leaving you as you stand there framed by the hole made in the shattered glass.

Mitaka is quick to scramble over the mess you had made and get out of there, thankful to get away from your unpredictability.

"Welcome back, General" you say, voice as level as you could make it in such a high strung situation.

He stalks over to you, the glass on the floor crunching beneath his feet, and drags you towards him. His harsh grip did not waver as he stared down at you and you noticed a small vein popping out from his forehead. 

"Explain." Is all he says.

You give out a snort, "Oh! So now you wanna talk?! This is what it takes for you to give me the time of day?!" 

Smack.

His hand comes down hard on the side of your face as he slaps you and you freeze for a moment in shock.

"You are such a spoiled little brat, (y/n)" he hisses as you turn back to face him.

“Get the fuck away from me!” you cry out, shoving against his chest but he is quick to pull you back towards him.

“No!” he shouts down at you, “your behaviour has been utterly unacceptable!”

“My behaviour?! Says the man who just murdered whole planets!” you spit back at him, baring your teeth.

“It was a necessary action for the good of the galaxy! You would not understand, princess," he says, shoving you back as he lets go of your arm and you just about catch yourself before you fell onto the glass,"How could you? The Republic was just a facade of order and goodness. I do not pretend that their destruction was ‘good’ in any way but that is not what the First Order strives for, what I strive for. Our goal is order - plain and simple. The First Order are the only ones who can bring about this order, not the Republic and certainly not your precious Resistance”.

More incessant propaganda spilling from his mouth. 

“Oh, Hux stop your preaching! Enough is enough!" You say, shaking your head at him, "your speeches are so tiring!”.

He stands there, absolutely fuming as he stares you down, hands curled into a ball at his side, “Watch yourself, princess”.

Who did he think he was to talk to you like that? Certainly not the Hux you knew. 

It was clear that you had no sway over him anymore. He had chosen where his loyalties lay, you knew that much. But still, you deserve an explanation for this sudden change of heart towards you. He owed you that much. Especially now that the two of you were finally alone. In the past, this was when he could truly be himself and show that to you. 

You walk over to him carefully, like approaching a wild horse that you were trying to tame.

“What are you doing? There’s no one here now, just us," you say, gesturing around you, "What’s going on?”

"You wouldn't understand,” he mutters.

“What?!", you cry out in disbelief, "I am sick of trying to be the better person, of trying to keep everything inside and just taking it! What have I done, Hux? What have I done to anger you over these past few days?! I do not understand!"

Tears brim at your eyes as you shout at him, searching his dark, soulless eyes for an answer, for any response at all. But you are just met with silence.

“Tell me!” you shout at him again.

Suddenly, his hand is around your throat, pushing down upon your windpipe and you start to choke, your eyes going wide.

“You’re just a distraction!" He shouts back, his face mere inches from yours and you see the same craziness in his eyes from back in the cell, "That is all you have ever been!”

You shake under his grip and at his words. So that was it...it was all a lie.

Eventually, he lets go of you, pushing you onto the shards of glass below and you cry out as the jagged edges stab into your back. 

He unholsters his blaster, pointing it directly at you as you lay there on the glass covered floor.

“Now, this will be the last time that I am going to ask you this. Are you going to give up your resources to us or not?”.

He was ready to kill you. After all this time, if you did not give him what he had been asking for since the start then you would die by his hand. You remember that night when you were sorting out the seating plan for the gala, when you first asked him if you could go home. His words rang through your mind now - ‘I know we have grown close this past week but that does not change my position in this universe. I am still here to serve the First Order and to gain your alliance’.

Your eyes do not move from the blaster pointed right at you as you say, “This really is what it has all been about hasn’t it? I thought...I thought that we were getting somewhere!"

You now lift your gaze to him. Was this really the same man who held you as you sobbed in his arms back on the balcony? 

‘I swear on my life that I will not hurt you. You're safe with me’

More lies.

"I thought that I was finally getting back the boy I knew all those summers ago!"

You search his eyes once more, for any indication at all that the man you knew was in there somewhere. 

His expression wavers for a moment as he adjusts his grip on the blaster.

You swallow hard.

“I love you, Armitage!" You say to him softly, "And I thought you loved me too…”

At this, he cries out in frustration and lifts his blaster higher. You cower as he lets out three random shots behind you.

“What do you want from me?" You're shouting at him now, "Rossi is under First Order rule is it not? I mean, were you ever going to allow me back?! Why am I still even here?!”

“I don’t know!” he shouts back.

You look back at him in shock. 

"I don't know" he repeats again, this time determinedly as his expression turns hard once again.

You breathe hard as the two of you stare at each other - you in shock and he in anger.

You were nothing to him anymore. He didn't want you here anymore. His priorities had changed.

Well, then so had yours.

“Then, let me go home. Please," you plead as you crawl over to him and hold onto his coat tails, "I'm literally on my knees begging you, Hux!"

But, before he can say anything, his holopad beeps and he takes a moment to look at you before holstering his blaster and taking the device out of his pocket.

"Sir," says the hologram of an officer as it appeared, "Commander Ren has captured the girl and is bringing her back here for interrogation. She knows the route to Skywalker". 

“Understood. I will be back shortly” he replies curtly and turns off the holopad, placing it back into his pocket.

You shake as you look up at him, waiting for what would happen next, your eyes wide and tears streaming down your face.

He looks down at you in anger and says, “I will deal with you later. Clean this up”.

And with that, he tugs his coat out of your hands and stalks out of the door. Always finding an excuse to avoid any real conversation.

You scramble up and follow him but you are just met with the metal of the door as he closes it in your face.

“No!” you shout as you banged against it, being locked in once more, “Come back, Armitage!”

You press your forehead against the cold metal of the door, taking deep breaths, focusing yourself. Your priorities had changed, you kept telling yourself.

You had to get out of here right now. 

Whipping your head back around towards the hole in the glass door, you made your way carefully through the overturned furniture and the shards of glass to walk onto the balcony. 

Hmm...it was way too far down for you to climb down, even if you did find something to use a rope. Adding the bed sheets to the curtain ropes wouldn’t even get you half way down, you thought.

You spent a good while trying to find anything else you could use as a rope but there really was nothing. I mean why would there be, you thought. It was a General’s quarters not a supply closet.

But you really didn’t want to wait around to see what the General would do to you when he got back. Trying to overpower him was out of the question - he was a trained soldier after all and your raw strength from earlier was pure adrenaline.You’d just have to hope that the next person who walked through that door wasn’t Hux. Maybe then you could persuade them to let you out.

Eventually, the door does open and standing there was Lieutenant Mitaka, in his hands was a tray of some soup and bread.

He does not meet your eye as he speaks, “I...I have some food for you, ma’am”.

Now that you had calmed down, you felt an immense amount of guilt at how you had treated him earlier. You had to try and explain yourself.

“Thank you, Lieutenant,” you say as you wring your hands, “You can just lay it down on the floor”.

He takes a few steps into the room and places the tray down in front of him in a patch of floor not covered in the mess. Immediately, he goes to shuffle out of the room.

“Wait!” you exclaim after him and to your relief he does stop and turns back to you, “Mitaka, I’m sorry. It was not you that I was angry at and I should not have taken it out on you”.

You take a few hesitant steps towards him and his gaze flickers up to you nervously.

“You know I am not normally like that. But you more than anyone else have seen the progression of mine and the General’s relationship and you have seen how he had suddenly just flipped on me. I was annoyed and angry and hurt. Now, I know that is no excuse for how I treated you but I just hope it at least explains it”. 

You look deep into his eyes, hoping your sincerity is getting across to him. He shifts uncomfortably on his feet but then nods at you in understanding.

“Thank you for your apology, ma’am and I do understand how you reacted considering...um…” he hesitates, not wanting to overstep his mark.

“You can speak plainly here, Mitaka. And please, you can call me (y/n)” you say, giving him a small smile of reassurance.

He exhales at your casualness.

“Oh, no, I...um. I agree that the General has not been kind to you recently, I do not blame you for the reaction you had to it. In all honesty...I thought you were the one who was finally getting to him. Since you have arrived he has been a lot better to work with. Until the map to Skywalker was found, that is” he says, clearly taking his time to make sure he was putting things in the most amicable way.

You hum at his words and then say, “I thought I was getting somewhere with him too. It seems he is in too deep though”.

“Perhaps that is unfortunately so,” Mitaka agrees.

You were not sure to say anymore after he had agreed with you. Your heart fell as you were reminded of your failed redemption attempt for the General. But luckily Mitaka’s holopad beeped and he got it out to check his notifications.

He swallows hard.

“We’ve found the Resistance base,” he states, brows furrowed as he looks at the screen.

“What?!” you exclaim at the news, “No..”

“I’m afraid I must go back to my station,” he says and puts the holopad back into his pocket.

He then looks at you sadly as he says goodbye and turns towards the door.

“Mitaka?” you manage to stop him before he completely leaves and he turns towards you in the doorway, “Leave the door unlocked. Please? If I am here when the General gets back then...then I fear I will not leave this base alive. I promise I will not tell anyone”.

He looks down and sighs as he deliberates over the request.

“I’m not sure, I…” he started to say but you needed out.

“Please,” you interrupt him, “You’re my only chance to stay alive”.

He bites the inside of his cheek as he looks at your pleading face. 

In the end, he turns back towards the door, enters something into the keypad beside it and walks out.

You rush over to the door and hold in your squeal of excitement as it opens when you enter the code and quickly go back inside to plan your escape.

Chapter Text

You look back at the room as your mind races with various escape plans, trying to think of the best one to get out of the base without being seen.

But there were way too many factors to consider. Sure you could make it outside or to the hangar but then how would you even get off planet?

Just then, your own holopad beeped and you got it out to check it.

It was a message from an unknown contact. 

As you clicked onto it, your face immediately lit up.

‘The Resistance is on its way. Find Han Solo, Chewbacca and Finn at the thermal oscillator before they take down Starkiller and escape. Good luck’.

So they had escaped! And they were coming here to rescue you! And ‘take down’ Starkiller? You didn’t know exactly what that meant but it didn’t matter. You were going home!

Stuffing what little things you actually wanted to take with you into a backpack, you headed towards the now unlocked door. You didn’t really want to take a lot of things that reminded you of your time being captured by the First Order but you guessed some clothes, undergarments and toiletries wouldn’t go amiss. As you passed Hux’s notebooks strewn across the floor, you hesitated for a moment, wondering if you should take just one piece of artwork with you to remember the good times.

But no.

Those good times meant nothing now. Your priorities had changed.

You shrugged on your coat, put on the backpack and headed out into the corridor.

So, you had to head to the thermal oscillator whatever that was. You couldn’t navigate Starkiller at the best of times and it didn’t help that you had never even seen a map of the place let alone owned one. All you could do was wander around and hope for the best. The Resistance said that they were on their way which meant that they weren’t here yet probably. That most likely gave you enough time to find where you needed to be.

So, that is what you did. Wandered around quietly, hiding around corners and holding your breath as stormtroopers and officers walked past your hiding places.

After a fair amount of time of navigating the base, you heard the drop of weapon and peered round the corner you were hiding behind. There - a stormtrooper walking away without its weapon. He had dropped it behind him. That was very strange, you thought but soon after a young woman followed him, seemingly trying to be sneaky as well.

This must have been the girl in the forest that the officers were talking about. 

She looked either way down the corridor before carrying on to her right and you decided to follow her.

Eventually, the both of you arrived at the hangar. It seemed that she had had the same idea as you to escape by stealing a ship, but how was she going to do that?

You hesitated for a moment as she entered the large hangar space but that’s all it took to lose her. As you looked back towards the hangar she had vanished. Just like that she was gone.

But where? You were so confused as you scanned the area below but she was nowhere to be seen.

Great...you thought, annoyed that you had lost a fellow ally and route to Han Solo and the others. You rubbed your eyes and steel yourself again before heading back in the direction you had come.

You only get the end of the corridor when you hear it - his voice.

“Prepare the weapon to charge again. Target the Resistance base” Hux says to his holopad as walks past you, just around the corner.

You hold your breath and press yourself up against the wall, wishing that you could just melt into it. You were not going to allow him to find you, not when you finally had a way out after all this time. 

You stare at his back as he walks further down the corridor and away from you. Tears start to form in your eyes but you are quick to blink them back. You had no tears left to cry for that man. You had to press on.

Waiting for Hux to fade from view, you then continue on your mission to find the thermal oscillator. 

You started walking down a corridor you thought you hadn’t gone down before but, as you had noted many times, they all looked the same to you so you could really be anywhere.

However, as you did, the whole corridor began to shake and you were slammed into the wall as you were pushed to the side.

You gave out a quiet groan as your back collided with the metal.

The Resistance must be here. You had no time to lose.

You started to panic as you snuck around the corridors, getting more and more desperate to find the place you were looking for as you passed room after room.

After a good while of wandering around and trying to stay on your feet as the corridors shook periodically, you were just about ready to give up.

But, just then, you heard someone shout.

“Ben!” you think you heard and you made your way towards the source.

Sneaking up to a large, open door, you peer around it and you can just about make out Kylo Ren standing on a gantry suspended above a vast void, approaching him was a man.

You didn’t know who it was but he was crazy for approaching such a monster, you thought.

You peered further into the area and seeing that it was clear, you sneak further in to get a better view of what was going on.

The man approaching Kylo was getting closer and closer as you silently made your way down flights of stairs towards the two of them. As you cleared the last staircase, you crouched down and stuck your head out to see who the man was.

It...it was Han Solo! You couldn’t quite make out what they were saying, but he and Kylo were having a conversation in the middle of the gantry.

For some reason, Kylo slowly removes his mask and the two stare at each other. They talk a moment more before Kylo drops his mask onto the bridge below him and unholsters his lightsaber.

Fuck. Was he going to kill him?! 

You start to shift a little closer, wanting to see clearly what would happen next but as you go to move, the light from an open door above goes out.

The weapon was fully charged…

You thought about Hux back in the commanding room, poised to give the order to fire the weapon once more and totally wipe out the Resistance. 

But before you could even begin to process that thought, your mind was ripped back into the present as the bright, red light of Kylo’s lightsaber appears and spears right into Han right in front of him. 

Your hand flies to your mouth to muffle the scream of shock you would otherwise let out at the scene that was unfolding before you.

You hear other screams from above you and you watch wide eyed in horror as Han falls slowly into the abyss below.

You had just cowered and hid when someone’s life was in danger. 

You did nothing.

Well, not anymore. You needed to do something, anything to show your defiance.

So, without thinking, without any plan you stand up and step forward towards the gantry, showing yourself in full view to Kylo.

His head moves from looking down at the abyss to look up to you.

You couldn’t make out his expression from so far away but the point was that he had seen you. He knew that you had escaped, that you had outsmarted him.

As you stood there, breathing heavily and staring straight at him in defiance there was a sound of a blaster shot and Kylo suddenly drops to his knees as a red bolt hits him in the side.

You run to the side of the platform and look up.

There, standing above you with his crossbow was Chewbacca! And above him was the rebel stormtrooper and the girl! They were all here!

Chewbacca fires a few more shots as he walks along the platform as stormtroopers appear and a fight breaks out.

Not wanting to get in the way, you duck back behind the stairwell and try to think of what to do next. But you didn’t get much time to think as you are suddenly thrown backwards as the large area starts to explode. Your ears start ringing as you clutch your head that had been thrown against the wall.

But you couldn’t stay here for long. The base was going down around you and you needed to join the others to escape.

So, you blink hard as you try to correct your blurry vision and stagger down the corridor and towards a large door. You didn’t care where it led you just needed to get away as fast as possible from this area. You swayed as you tried to focus on the keypad to the door and tried the only combination you could remember.

It worked!

The door slid open and all of a sudden you were hit with the icy wind of the outside. You shake your head and make your way out.

But before you could, you were suddenly frozen to the spot, unable to move at all.

“Where do you think you’re going?!” Kylo spits as he appears in front of you.

“Back where I need to be!” you shout back at him over the wind, struggling as hard as you could in his invisible grip.

“There’s nowhere for you to go, princess!” he shouts, holding his side where he had been shot and you notice fresh blood on the snow below him.

“It’s better than staying here and getting killed just like you killed Han Solo!” you shout at him and he brings up his still ignited lightsaber to your throat.

“Maybe I will kill you! Maybe I should-” he starts to say but stops as he looks down and notices your locket, illuminated by the crimson light of his lightsaber.

“Where did you get this from?!” he asks angrily as he snatches it in his hand.

“Let go of that!” is all you shout back.

He would not take your father’s locket from you. You would die before he did.

“How long have you had this?!” he shouts, now pulling it from your neck and holding it up to look at it properly. 

“Give it back!” you shout again, your temper running hot through your veins, “GIVE IT BACK!”

But he does not reply. He is so transfixed by your locket that he puts away his lightsaber and takes the locket in both hands.

You shout at him again and again as he studies it, rolling it in his hands.

“What’s inside of it?” he asks, fiddling with the opening mechanism.

Suddenly, your mind goes blank...what was inside of it?

“I...I don’t know...I don’t think I’ve ever opened it” you tell him, panic now overtaking your anger.

Why didn’t you know what was inside of your own locket?!

You might not have known what was in it but everything in you was warning you that you didn’t want to know. It had stayed shut all this time for a reason.

But Kylo did not know this.

“NO!” you shout at him as he clicks the opening mechanism and the two metal sides come apart.

You watch as if in slow motion as a small, clear crystal falls from the locket and down onto the dirty concrete of the floor. It clinks as it collides with the surface and bounces for a second before lying still.

Kylo’s eyes widen in recognition and still unable to move, you are powerless as he brings his booted foot down upon the crystal.

BOOM

The invisible restraint on your body leaves; you come crashing down hard onto the floor and you feel a ripple of energy pass over you originating from the crystal. 

And then it hits you.

The Force.

The energy and lifeblood of every creature, plant, element upon the planet entered your head and your bloodstream and it hurt like hell.

You cried out in pain as everything came back to you.

Your father discovering that you had the force, him training you to use it only for protection and healing, the moment he decided that he had to hide your true identity from the world.

“They won’t take you away after this, (y/n)” your father says as he places a retrofitted helmet onto your head and places your Kyber crystal into the machine hooked up to it.

“Will...will it hurt, Father?” you ask, squirming in your seat.

“Only for a while, my dear. But then you will be safe forever. You can rule Rossi after I am gone,” he says and you hear the whirring of the machine as it starts up.

“I will do it,” you say, bracing yourself, “for my people”.

You give out another cry and hold your head as you feel as if you were back there - the force being drained from you, being ripped from your body to be stored inside the crystal.

Your eyes fly open as you try to escape the memories, the lifeforce of everything around you and the burning sensation that they both brought.

It is then that you see Kylo lying down in the snow a few feet away from you. He must have been pushed back by the force as he cracked the crystal under his foot.

Now was your chance to escape him.

So, you struggled to your feet, head pounding and body shaking as you were hit with wave after wave of force energy entering your body. You blinked hard once again to focus your blurry vision, stumbling towards the glow of red on the floor which you assumed was your crystal.

As you approached it, you fell onto your knees as another wave took over you. Your mind span as you felt the energy of the raging snowstorm rip through you and then the shuffling of the undergrowth in the nearby forest.

You stuck out your hand, clambering around wildly to find your crystal and locket. Eventually, your hand collides with something boiling hot and you recoil back. Focusing hard, you manage to make out that it is your crystal, now in three small pieces. Luckily, Kylo had dropped your locket right next to it and you managed to shove the pieces back into the locket’s compartment and snap it shut.

There was no way that you were going to be able to tie it around your neck in this state so you shove it into your coat pocket and start trudging your way through the snow and into the forest.

Through the memories and the waves of the Force you tried your hardest to focus on the one thing you needed - an escape route.

Chapter Text

You stumbled through the forest, the thought of getting back home to Rossi the only thing keeping you conscious.

But you were so disoriented that you seriously had no idea where you were going. 

It felt like you were stumbling around for hours as you tried your hardest to focus your vision and try to take control of the Force. Every step you took, you were hit with a barrage of senses - the smell of the pine trees, the touch of each individual groove in a snowflake, the taste of the spores of the mushrooms, the sound of blackbirds calling to each other, the visions of chloroplasts closing on the leaves.

It was all so overwhelming and yet so familiar that you were annoyed at yourself for not having more control over it.

What didn’t help was the shifting of the ground underneath your feet every now and then, like the whole planet was being shaken.

You grasped onto the tree trunks as you used them to hold you up as you pressed on. You had never been so aware of their rough texture before, your fingers becoming hypersensitive to the rises and dips of the bark.

The tears streaming down your eyes didn’t help your vision either but you couldn’t stop them, every part of your system was overrun and you guessed this was its way of dealing with it.

You carried on a while more in the dark, getting better at ignoring the pain as the waves of the Force crashed through you but you knew that you could not go on much longer, especially since you sensed more and more of the ground being ripped apart as time went on.

Suddenly, your foot collided with a root sticking out from the ground and you could do nothing to stop yourself falling into the blanket of snow in front of you.

The cold was a welcome relief of the burning running through your veins.

The cold.

You remembered.

When your father had taught you to calm down using the cold, that was how he had taught you to focus on the Force. 

So, you let the memory wash over you as you sunk further into the snow and tried to channel the Force. Pressing your palms flat into the coldness, letting the feeling fill up your senses, you close your eyes. You feel the force slowly settle as you connect to the ground and breath regularly in…

 ...and out.

But, before you can reach any peace, you hear a groan nearby.

Your eyes shoot open as you sit up and try to locate the sound.

Breathing heavily, you scramble up and move towards where you think it was coming from. As you enter a clearing you see the rebel trooper lying down in the snow.

“Hey!” you exclaim as you fall onto your knees at his side, “Are you okay?!”

But he does not respond.

You shakily place your hands upon his chest and you cry out in pain once more, but instead of your own pain, you were feeling his. It was like you were him.

Gritting your teeth, you feel an especially hot sensation upon your back.

Rolling him over, it confirms your suspicions - Kylo had sliced him with his lightsaber.

You blink rapidly as you turn your head to the side and try to focus your vision to see if you could make anything out amongst the trees.

There was nothing you could see but there was something nearby. No...two things nearby. Through the flurries of various creatures and elements entering your mind you sensed Kylo, but what was the other thing?

Agh, it was no use trying to figure that out in a state like this, you thought.

So, you turned your attention back to the stormtrooper in your arms.

Healing.

That was definitely something you could do once. You had to try now.

You took a few deep breaths through your mouth as you splayed your hands over his back and tried to channel some of the Force into him.

You feel a stream of energy leave your body through your hands and see in your mind every cell in the wound being patched up - undergoing duplication in a chain reaction and growing over the exposed muscles in his back.

It was excruciating.

You didn’t remember it ever being this painful as you cried out.

“What the hell are you doing?” a voice penetrates through your focus and you fall back onto your haunches as you look up.

It was the girl...and she was holding a lightsaber.

You are quick to hold up your hands in defence, “Please! I’m helping him!”

“How?!” she shouts back and you can just about make out the fury upon her face.

But before you can say anything, the stormtrooper stirs.

“Rey?” he mutters as his eyes flutter open.

The girl, who you now know was called Rey, gives you a look before crouching down beside him.

“Hey, Finn. I’m here,” she says, giving him a reassuring look.

He blinks a few times as he stares up at her and he smiles as he recognises her face. Then, his gaze falls to you and he looks shocked.

“Princess!” he exclaims.

You breathe a sigh of relief.

“You remember me!” you say, pleased.

“Poe told me to rescue you too. I was worried when we didn’t come across you but you’re here? How?” he explains as he sits up and looks at you.

“It’s...a long story” you say as you bite your lip.

Rey looks back at you more softly now that she knew you weren’t a threat.

“Sorry...I didn’t mean to be harsh,” she says, “Correct me if I’m wrong, but you’re a force user too as well, aren’t you?”

You nod your head in affirmation, then Finn cries out in pain.

Your gaze shifts back to him as you place your hands back onto him, “I did my best to heal him but let’s just say I am a bit out of practice so I might not have done it completely right”.

“Heal him?” she asks, brow furrowed, “With the force?”

“Uh-huh,” you say before grimacing as another wave of energy hits you, “Like I said - it’s a long story”.

But she does not get to press any further as your vision is overtaken with a bright blue and white light, along with an intense wind only made by the presence of a ship.

Sure enough, as you look to your right, there was the Millennium Falcon floating right by you, piloted by Chewbacca.

You did not get to stare at in awe for very long though as Rey is quick to stand up and instruct you to help her lift Finn into the ship.

Pushing through the pain and the energy flowing into your body once more, you help Rey lift Finn up and carry him towards the lowered ramp of the ship.

The moment you all clambered into the ship, the ramp rose and you started to speed off.

Unceremoniously, you drop Finn onto the floor as you also drop to your knees, unable to find the strength to hold him up anymore.

You do manage to find the strength to crawl away from Rey and Finn though and pull yourself up so that you are looking out of the small port hole in the ship.

Your eyes squint as you look back at the planet, a hand pressed up against the glass as you watched it crumbling away. As you get further away, you see Resistance x-wings fly into view, trailing behind.

But, it was not them that you were focusing on.

You could not tear your eyes away from the planet as it imploded - collapsing in on itself it burnt a blazing red. The planet releases all of its force energy and it ripples through space and straight into you. You double over as a wave of energy hits you.

You felt every creature’s lifeforce, every chemical reaction happening as the planet died and you wept.

And you thought of Hux.

He was probably dead.

But you couldn’t decipher how you thought about that notion as the noise in your head became deafening and you collapsed onto the floor.

You brought your hands to your ears as you tried to block out the static filling your mind and sobs wracked your body.

But it was no use. Nothing was helping.

“Princess!” you hear a voice through the pain and you try to focus on the blurry figure in front of you.

“Princess!” it says again and you can just about make out that it was Finn crouching down in front of you.

You had to calm down, but you were boiling hot. You needed something cold, something freezing so you could focus all this Force energy.

“Where’s the coldest place on this ship?!” you shout at him.

But he just looks back at you in confusion.

“Where?!” you shout again with more emphasis.

You watch as he looks up at Rey, who looked like her mind was racing a mile a minute.

“Um, the...the cooling canisters! In the maintenance shaft! Down there and to the left!” she exclaims while she points to a nearby corridor.

You have no time to thank her as you clamber to your feet and stumble over to where she had said.

The maintenance shaft door opens with a swoosh and you make a b-line for the cooling canisters, feeling around for the frozen sensation.

You eventually find them and sink to your knees with a sigh as you thank the gods for coldness upon your back.

Tipping your head back, you let the coldness wash over you, placing your hands flat onto the frosty ground surrounding them and let the feeling fill up your senses once again.

You try to channel the force as you had started to back in the forest but you could not escape visions of the destruction of Starkiller. 

The animals running to nowhere.

The dispersion of the snow as the pine trees fall.

The sound of metal scraping on metal as the base collapses.

More and more. It went on.

Hux…

He was running...into a...a dark room and there was a figure.

And Kylo...lying in the snow but not where you had last seen him.

An excruciating burning sensation travelled down the side of your face and you cried out in agony as the Force made you focus close on him.

Enough.

These evil men were no longer your concern.

So you focused on the one man who could bring you peace - your Father.

You were in a mood, you had had enough of your lessons and refused to do anymore and was therefore having a tantrum.

“Hold it close, (y/n)”, your father says as he places a small, white crystal into your hands.

But you are quick to let go of it, unprepared for its coldness, “It’s coooold!”

Your father picks it up and places it into your hands again, this time closing your fingers over it.

“Focus on it. Let the coldness move through you just like the Force does,” he says and you look at him in annoyance, thinking such an exercise was pointless but you did not let go. 

“Now, deep breaths,” he instructs further, holding his hands over yours as you clutch the crystal, “Let the coldness calm you as it washes over you”.

He stares into your eyes as you breathe deeply together, giving up your temper to instead do as he instructed and focus on the crystal in your hands. You close your eyes as you feel the coldness seep into you and along with it, the Force falls into a lul throughout you. 

“There,” your father says as he sees you relax and you open your eyes to look back at it, “Whenever you feel overwhelmed, stressed or angry then hold this and channel your emotions into it. Focus on its coldness”.

But, your crystal was broken and boiling hot the last time you had touched it.

Tentatively, you reach into your pocket and pull out your locket and hold it up to look at it in the dim light of the maintenance shaft. Your hands shake as you pull it closer towards you and fumble with the latch.

The metal sides open and you stare down at the glowing, red light that the fragments emitted. 

How could you fix it? It gave you a splitting headache just looking at it. 

Fuck it.

You poured the fragments into the open palm of your right hand but the moment it touched your skin, it felt as if it had caused tiny, painful blisters and you let it drop to the metal grating of the floor.

This was not going to be easy. It was going to be agony.

Channeling the Force, you slam your hand onto the crystal and immediately cry out at the burning pain travelling through your veins.

This time, it was not the destruction of Starkiller that flooded your mind. No. It was somehow much, much worse.

You had never felt such...darkness before - such anger and hatred at everything, at the galaxy.

Suddenly, you could think of nothing good in the world. There was just suffering and violence and corruption and it infuriated you.

You were clutching the crystal to your chest now, breathing heavily as your blood boiled.

You thought of Kylo and Hux and their sense of entitlement. You thought of their arrogance and their manipulation of everything they deemed below them.

This was not a path you wanted to explore further. 

Falling forwards onto your knees, you pressed your forehead onto the cold, metal grating and focused on the coolness as it spread through your skin, overriding the blistering heat of the darkness.

You pressed harder and harder into the crystal in your hands as you cried out at the battle raging inside your soul.

The dark vs the light.

And then...

There was stillness.

Just like that, the energy left your body and you fell onto your side, sweat and tears pouring down your face as you breathed heavily.

You’d done it.

Your eyes flutter open and you listen to the gentle hissing of the machinery around you. You smile as you are not even slightly bothered by it and you’re not hit with any wave of energy or hypersensitive senses.

Slowly, you unfurl your fingers and look down at your crystal.

It was all in one piece again and instead of burning a hot red it was clear and cool.

You had healed it from Kylo’s darkness.

Chapter Text

Finding your strength, you manage to stand up and make your way out of the maintenance shaft and follow the sound of voices to what you assumed was the main room of the ship. The others sat on a bench to the side and immediately stopped conversing as you entered.

You give them a sheepish smile as they turn to look at you.

Finn eventually speaks up, “Feeling better, princess?”.

“Much better, thank you. How about you?” you ask, coming to sit next to him.

“My back still hurts a bit but it’s nothing” he says, shifting in his seat, clearly uncomfortable.

In fact, the whole atmosphere was awkward. Sure Finn had met you before for the briefest moment but these people didn’t know you and yet here you were escaping with them.

“Let me take a look at it,” you say, placing your hand on his side.

Finn looks down at it as you start to channel the force into him once more. But this time it was not painful for you at all. This time, instinctively, you focused on the crystal inside your locket, using it is an anchor and as a source of your healing powers. You were taking from the crystal, not from yourself.

Finn looked up to Rey in surprise and once you were satisfied that he was completely healed, you saw that Rey was looking at you with even more surprise.

“How...how can you do that?” she asks, mouth wide open as she watches Finn stretch his freshly healed back.

"Um, using the force," you say but you could tell both Rey and Finn wanted a little bit more of an explanation than that as they stared back at you. 

"But I don't take from the force as I feel it in my body. I focus on my Kyber crystal," you explain and open the locket around your neck to reveal the newly healed crystal, "I channel the force from it because it is forever regenerating".

You didn't know how you knew all this, but the words just came to you as you spoke. You felt as if you had known this information forever but were also surprised that you did know it.

" Can you take it from the force inside of you though?" Rey asks, leaning in close, wanting to know the answer.

"Well, yes but it hurts like hell" you chuckle, "Do you not have a Kyber crystal?"

"No...I only realised I had the force recently. Where can you find one?" she asks eagerly.

"I don’t know. My father gave me mine when he realised I had the force. They’re normally used to make lightsabers but my father wasn’t a fan of that idea unfortunately,” you reply, clasping the locket shut. 

You knew that your Father was overly protective of you to the point of not even wanting to consider that you would be in combat. He had taught you self defence using the Force but a lightsaber was clearly too far.

"I have a lightsaber!" Rey exclaims and takes the metal hilt from her belt and places it on the table.

"Where did you get that from?!" you question, completely surprised that she had one even though she had only just realised she had the force.

"It was Luke Skywalker’s. Can I use the crystal inside it?” she asks excitedly.

You place your hand on the lightsaber 

“No. Don’t tamper with another person's crystal,” you say, deadly serious as you look her in the eyes, “Why do you even have his lightsaber, anyway?!”

Rey leans back, a bit defeated at your answer and looks to Finn. She was seeing if it was ok to tell you more about their plans. Luckily, Finn gives her a nod and she looks back to you.

“I’m going to give it back to him. We think we know where he is” she explains and your stomach drops.

“So, you do know where he is!” you exclaim, “Did...did you tell Kylo Ren?”

At the mention of his name, Rey’s eyes go wide. 

“Of course not! How did you know I had seen him though?” 

“Well,” you start sheepishly, rubbing the back of your neck, “I had been a prisoner of the First Order for a while. I overheard that you had been captured and then when I escaped that’s when I saw you escape as well. I followed you to the hangar bay but then you just disappeared!”

“Oh, yeah. I tried to steal a tie fighter to escape”

“You did what?!” Finn speaks up now, turning to Rey in shock.

“I mean, you did the same thing!” she says back to him.

He goes to say something but stops, realising that he had got her there, “Touché”

“How long had you been a prisoner then?” Rey asks, turning her attention back to you.

How much should you tell them though? Surely, if they knew of the relationship between you and Hux they would see you completely differently, maybe not even trust you. You had to keep it brief.

“Probably just over a month, I think?” you say and shift uncomfortably on your seat, dropping your gaze to the table.

“A month?!” both Finn and Rey exclaim as they look at you in shock.

“How did you last so long?!” Finn asks, “From what I heard, prisoners normally lasted no longer than a few days once Kylo Ren was done with them”

“Well, it wasn’t information that they wanted from me, it was my resources,” you begin to explain, choosing your words carefully, “They tried to turn me to their side, to supply them instead of the Resistance. Guess they needed a longer time to do that”.

“Why did they bring you to Starkiller?” Finn asks.

You felt a tightness in your chest at the question. You couldn’t tell them about Hux.

“I suppose they thought General Hux’s speech was supposed to inspire me or something” you chuckle nervously.

It definitely wasn’t a lie. In fact, this time around it was definitely the truth. They just didn’t need to know about the first time you visited Starkiller.

“Hmm, I bet it was quite something,” Finn jokes, “I never had a lot of interaction with him but whenever I saw him he was so uptight. Almost as intimidating as Kylo Ren I would say. I don’t think any of the officers got on with him. You know, he was the one who started the stormtrooper program, he was basically the one who stole me from my family when I was a baby.”

You hum in response and nod your head slightly, unable to meet his gaze.

Your anger at Hux had dissipated into an uneasiness that settled in your stomach, your mind spinning as you thought about the two completely different sides to the man you thought you loved.

“Did he ever try and recondition you? That process was like going through literal hell” Finn continues and he shivers as he remembers it.

“No, we...we just talked,” you respond tactically as your mind continues racing with memories both good and bad.

“Talked?” Finn says, confused, “So, they offered you something in exchange for your help?”

“No…” you said, heart racing now as you had a feeling where this line of questioning would lead.

“What? What did they do with you for over a month then?” Finn questions further.

You finally look up at him and then to Rey, feeling like you were about to throw up. This must have been quite visible because Rey is soon quick to step in.

“Leave her alone, Finn,” she says, “She’s only just escaped and you’re basically interrogating her about clearly a very terrible time”.

“Ah, sorry, you’re right. I’m sorry, princess,” he stumbles out, feeling guilty about his intense questioning. 

It wasn’t his fault at all. These should be easy questions for you to answer under normal circumstances. But reuniting with a certain old lover just had to make it difficult didn’t it.

Luckily, you were saved from any further conversation as you feel the ship land and hear Chewbacca give out a growl.

“We’re back,” Rey says forlorn.

You felt an intense sadness suddenly overtake her, which you didn’t understand. We were back safe. Surely, that was something to be happy about?

Then, you felt it and it clicked.

Han Solo was like a father figure to her and she had witnessed his death right in front of her; now she had to confront Princess Leia.

“C’mon,” Finn says to you with a smile, “I’ll introduce you to everyone”.

The four of you walk down the ramp and onto the base of the Resistance. 

There, every member of the Resistance was crowding on the landing pad as they awaited your arrival, faces smiling at their victory and the safe return of their heroes.

You should be happy, relieved even but instead there was just this uneasiness that settled in your stomach. Perhaps you could put it down to trepidation at what was to await you now that you had to formulate a way to get Rossi back. But, you knew it wasn’t. It was because at some point you would have to tell everyone what had happened to you in the past month.

“Eyy princess!” you hear a voice say and sure enough, Poe Dameron emerges from the crowd to embrace you. 

You hug him back tightly, genuinely glad to see him again.

“Hey, Flyboy,” you say and give him a smile.

“Finn!” he exclaims and also embraces the ex-stormtrooper, completely getting lost in conversation straight away.

You could tell Poe was quite enamoured with Finn and it was clear Finn felt the same way as they stood next to you, speaking at each other a mile a minute as they told each other of their ordeals.

Your gaze wandered to the crowd as they celebrated and your mind wandered to those who had been aboard Starkiller. There were no celebrations for them. They had been forced to work as the base came down around them, no way out from the life that they had signed up for probably against their will. You thought of Mitaka and the other officers you had interacted with and how they would definitely never get back to their families now.

A shiver travelled down your spine and you tried to block out the memory of the Force hitting you as the base destructed. 

Luckily, a figure in the crowd caught your eye and out stepped an older woman in a light grey jumpsuit and purple blazer, her hair up in a braid.

“Princess,” you greet her with a small smile and a nod.

“Princess,” she greets you back, taking your hand in hers.

You squeeze it tight as you say, “I’m sorry for your loss”.

Princess Leia’s face falls and she swallows hard. You can feel her heartbreak radiating through her, totally overpowering anything you felt and your own heart broke for her. 

“Thank you,” she says solemnly.

Your mind buzzed with a million things to say - something comforting, some sort of important intel, but the princess’ gaze moved to look behind you. You turn your head as you let go of her hand and see that she was looking back at Rey - her face matching the solemn expression of the princess’.

You thought it best to leave them. They had much to talk about.

So, you stepped back and went to join Finn and Poe.

“And that’s when (y/n) healed me! Without her I don’t think I would be standing here right now,” he says as you join the conversation.

“What?!” Poe exclaims as he turns to you, hands on his hips, “I didn’t know you had the force?!”

You look back at him and give him a sheepish smile, “Neither did I until recently. It just came flooding back to me”.

And you explained what had happened - the crystal in your locket, the memories that had come back to you, your Father protecting you by encasing your powers in the crystal. Finn and Poe hung on your every word, eyes bulging and mouth wide open.

“Wow,” is all Poe said, speech leaving him as it did so very rarely, “Sounds like you need a drink!”

You laugh at his suggestion but that didn’t sound half bad right now.

“I think you might be right, you know,” you say and he wraps an arm around your shoulders and the other arm around Finn’s as he leads you into the base itself, pushing through the crowds of people congratulating the three of you, through the woops and the hollers.

“(Y/n)?! You made it out!” you hear a familiar voice as you enter the base.

“Maya!” you exclaim, your face lighting up as you see her and run to embrace her.

“I was sure that I would never see you again after the attack on the gala!” she says, holding you at arms length, the smile never leaving her face, “What the hell were you even doing there?!”

You were not prepared to have this conversation…

You hadn’t thought about that moment since you had escaped the attack, being so distracted by Hux and everything that happened with him thereafter. An explanation probably was in order to Maya since you and her had become close friends after years of communication. But, where would you even start? This wasn’t the place for such a conversation anyway.

“It’s a long story,” you say, smiling nervously at her now, “I’m just glad to have escaped finally”.

Finn and Poe continue walking towards what you assume was the drinks cabinet as you watch them go.

“I’m sorry it took so long. The Finaliser isn’t exactly an easy place to infiltrate. It was lucky that you were on Starkiller when it went down! You’re seriously so brave for lasting as long as you did,” she says.

You didn’t feel brave. If anything you were an enabler of the First Order. You didn’t stop anything, you didn’t help at all. You let your feelings get the best of you like a little girl.

“Hey,” Maya says, concerned when you didn’t say anything for a while, “everything ok?”.

You look in her eyes, your own threatening tears now and shake your head, “No…”.

Seeing Maya just brought back all the memories of your life before seeing Hux again. Your stomach churned as you felt the immense guilt of leaving your planet without their ruler and the Resistance without your resources. While you were off having snowball fights and stolen kisses with the loathed First Order General, your home planet was burning and the Resistance were struggling to keep afloat. 

Maya pulls you into an embrace more and squeezes you tight, “It’s ok, (y/n). You’re safe now”

Safe...something that Hux had promised you would be with him, but that turned out to be a lie. Of course it did. You scolded your past self for thinking you would ever be safe with such a man. But you were away from him now and you could make it up to everyone.

“Princess, c’mon!” Poe shouts over to you with a beckoning hand gesture, the other hand holding a bottle.

You pull back from Maya and wipe the tears from your eyes. Now was not the time to get emotional. Not in front of everyone.

“Coming!” you shout back to him.

“We’ll catch up later, yeah?” Maya says as you look back to her.

“Of course,” you reply, giving her arm a squeeze before heading over to the others.

But how much would you tell her later?

“To your escape!” Poe lifts his glass of the drink he had poured for the three of you.

“To the resistance for helping me escape!” you correct him as you pull back your glass from his.

“To me, then!” Poe says and downs his drink, leaving you and Finn to laugh at his cockiness before downing your individual drinks. 

“So, any intel for us?” Poe is quick to ask, mind straight back to work of course.

“Poe!” Finn exclaims, pushing the pilot’s arm, “She’s only just escaped the First Order! Giver her a moment”

You smile at the irony of his words, having been guilty of the very thing he described earlier.

“It’s ok. I think I actually still have the holopad they gave me so there will be some stuff on there,” you say and rummage around in your bag.

But it wasn’t there, you pushed all of the clothing out of the way but there was nothing. Patting down your clothes, there was still nothing. It must have fallen out when you were pushed back from your crystal exploding.

“Oh, sorry,” you say looking back to them, “I must have dropped it back on Starkiller. I think I can remember some stuff though”.

“Ah, no worries. Means they can’t track you I guess. Would have been risky anyway,” Poe replies and pours himself another drink.

“Hey, guys,” says an officer, popping his head around the corner you had found in the command room, “the General needs to see you”.

Your stomach drops at the word ‘General’ but you are quick to ground yourself - Leia. They meant Leia. You were safe after all this time. 

As you all make your way towards the main console, you realise everyone's gathering around C3PO and R2-DR and you look on in awe at Luke Skywalker’s droids. 

Your gaze quickly shifts to a projection of a star system that R2 is projecting, following the lines of ship trajectory that leads to an empty space in the map. 

This must be the map to Luke Skywalker but it was incomplete when Rey said that they knew where he was.

“Yeah, alright, hold on, buddy,” Poe says as his droid rolls over to him beeping.

He retrieves a small, metal fragment from the console and gives it to the droid who then projects another piece of the map, filling in the empty space.

“The map. It is complete,” C2PO says as you all stare at it.

“Luke…” Leia says breathlessly.

So, this was what the First Order had been looking for this whole time. The thing that took Hux’s attention away from you. Now that the Resistance knew where Luke was surely this would turn the tide. The thought gave you hope for the first time in a long time and you smiled as you took in the map. 

“Well,” Poe says, his eyes not leaving the projection, “What now?”

“I need my planet back,” you state and you feel all the eyes in the room move to you, “I understand that Rey needs to find Luke but I am more than willing to lead the charge. My father only taught me self defence but I will train as long as is needed in order to protect you all”.

“Taking back a whole planet is not easy, (y/n),” Poe says, “Plus, you’ve only just been freed. Surely you want some time to rest”.

You tear your eyes away from the projection and turn to the man next to you.

“No,” you say, shaking your head, “I have been away for too long. I owe it to my people and to you all to get back as soon as possible. If we take Palace City then I gain back control. I understand if you cannot help me but I need you to at least point me in the direction of someone who can”.

You look around the room, looking upon the faces of those who you felt you had betrayed.

Leia speaks up, walking over to you, “No, we’ll help you. You have been a loyal supporter for many years so we owe you just as much”.

“Thank you and I promise to give you any resources that you need when I have control,” you say. 

The two of you smile to each other in understanding but there is a murmur from the crowd.

“And how exactly do you expect us to gain control over a damn planet?!” Poe exclaims as his hands rest on his hips.

You stand up straight and try to look as determined as possible, “I have a plan”.

Chapter Text

Before you delved into any plan though, Rey and Chewbacca headed off to make their way to find Luke. 

“You should come with us,” Rey says to you before boarding the Falcon, “Luke can teach you too”.

You smile at her kind suggestion but then shake your head.

“That is your destiny, not mine. I have a duty to get back to my people and help them escape the tyranny of the First Order,” you explain.

As much as you would want to go to see Luke, to gain his tutelage, you had decided your priorities the moment Hux had revealed his true feelings towards you and you would not back down now.

Rey smiles at you sadly but nods in understanding, “Good luck, (y/n)”.

“You too, Rey,” 

The whole of the Resistance gathered to wave them off as they sped off towards Ahch-To and with them, the hope of the whole galaxy.

When you reconvened, the knowledge that you could use the Force soon became common knowledge as you started to lay out your plan to take back Rossi.

“Well, this should be easy then,” one of the officers speaks up as you all gather around a holoprojection of Rossi’s Palace City, “if the princess has the Force then she can just wipe out the First Order occupiers with a flick of her hand”.

“I will not kill,” you say and all eyes turn to you, “My father taught me to protect and heal, that’s it. I will not go against his wishes for me. Plus, I have seen and talked to those who work for the First order - they do not want to be there. I cannot kill them when they have been tricked and forced into that life”.

A murmur settles across the room once more as you wait for someone to voice a reaction. 

“What are you going to do then?” another officer speaks up.

Again, everyone turns to look at you and you look towards Poe who was standing beside you. Normally, he would defend you but he had a look of ‘they’re right, what are you going to do?’ upon is face.

“I will be there to protect you. I can stop people in their tracks, stop blaster bolts even. The Force does not need to be offensive to be useful,” you reply to the group.

Your words are doing nothing to convince them though as you look around at their faces - doubt etched into every one.

“So, you’re just going to send us in to do your dirty work?” the first officer speaks again but the officer next to him is quick to punch his arm at his rudeness.

“No!” you exclaim, your own face falling as you realise that you were not putting your case across properly, “I am not forcing you to face the First Order alone while I sit back and wait to swoop in and reap the rewards afterwards! I will be there with you!”

“Ok, everyone, settle down,” Leia finally says, looking to you across the console, “Tell us your full plan then and we shall all decide together whether to go ahead with it or not. That is only fair”.

You had let your emotions get the best of you too many times recently. Now was the time to calm down and focus on a battle plan - go back into diplomat mode. Once you had told them of your plan then surely they would agree.

So, you lay out the details of your plan to everyone, making sure to cover all possibilities and highlight what you would personally do.

“I may be a bit out of practice so I will need time to retrain but we need to do some recon anyway to find who now holds power over Palace City so we know who we are up against,” you say after your explanation and look around the room to gauge their reaction.

“We can do that,” Leia says, nodding to an officer beside her who then leaves presumably to start the investigation, “I assume it will be a General who was stationed there in case you ever came back. Do they know that you are still alive?”

You shifted uncomfortably on your feet, “I don’t know...Kylo Ren was the one who saw me last as I escaped onto the surface of Starkiller but maybe they assumed I died when it blew up”.

“Hmm, so we may or may not have the element of surprise on our side,” Leia says, deep in thought as she studied the map before her, “and do they know that you have the Force?”

Your heart sank at another question you didn’t know the answer to.

“Again, I don’t know. Kylo saw my crystal before I escaped though and he would know what it was so let’s assume that they do,” you reply to Leia as you look at her.

As you study her body language, the Force hints to you that she was uncomfortable so you search deeper into the Force for answers.

Focusing on her Force signature you are suddenly hit with darkness - not hers but someone very close to her…

Kylo...he was her son.

You quickly take yourself away from the darkness before it consumes you and focus back into the room.

Leia shifts her gaze from the map to you and you convey your sympathy to her, knowing that it must upset her to talk about her son and she sighs sadly to you, giving you a small smile to show that she was ok.

So, Han and Leia were Kylo’s parents. It was them that he was describing when he had said that his family had betrayed him, back in the side corridor on the Finaliser. He said that they tried to kill him. But you could not imagine such a thing crossing Leia’s mind as you looked at her now. She only ever wanted what was best for everyone and that would not have been death for her own son. How could you even trust Kylo anyway? He must have been lying.

“So,” you begin as you tear your eyes away from her and back towards the room, “We need everything we can get on Rossi’s occupation and as soon as we have a good grasp of what we’re up against then we’ll finalise our plans”.

As you look around the room now you felt a bit more confident - you think you had managed to convince everyone as they no longer looked doubtful but determined.

“Thank you, everyone,” you say with a nod and they all disperse to get on with their jobs.

Poe rests his hand upon your shoulder reassuringly and then leads you further into the base to show you to your quarters.

“It might not be up to your royal standards, but it will have to do until you get back home,” he says as you walk into the small room after him.

It was pretty similar to the room you had on the Finaliser - a small bed, a bathroom to the side and a bedside table. It just lacked the jet black aesthetic. Still, it was enough to make you feel that pit in your stomach you felt when you thought about your time aboard that ship.

“Cheers, flyboy,” you say to him but it came out a bit more disheartened than you intended it to be. He picks up on this because his face quickly switches to an expression of concern.

“Hey, everything ok, princess?” he asks, head tilting to the side as he looked at you.

“Yeah...it’s just been a lot, yanno?” you say and laugh half-heartedly.

“I understand. I’ll let you get some rest,” he says and starts to make his way out of the room after a brief hug.

“Actually, can you go get Maya for me, please?” you ask, holding onto his arm before he leaves and he looks back to you.

“Sure. You gotta get some rest at some point though,” he says pointedly with his eyebrows raised and then he leaves.

Rest? How could you rest when your life and stability was crashing down around you?

It was now that you finally had time to contemplate the fact that Hux very well might be dead.

You were surprised at yourself when the first thought that came to your mind was that his death was for the best - that he could no longer continue with his tyranny. But that was your anger talking. Your guilt crept in next as you thought about your failure - your failure to turn Hux to the light, to make him see that he did not need the First Order to be happy. If only you had tried harder…maybe he would still be alive.

The tears that you had stopped from flowing earlier now came back with full force, sitting on the end of the bed as you sobbed into your hands. You had failed everyone that you held dear and those who were counting on you - Hux fell into both of these categories. 

“(Y/n)?” you hear a voice say and look up, red eyed at Maya who had just entered, “What’s up?!”

All you can do is let out another sob as she rushes over to sit next to you and rests an arm over your shoulders. She pulls you towards her and you cry into her embrace, letting out pent up guilt and heartbreak.

“Hey, whatever it is, it will be ok. It’s alright,” she whispers to you in comfort.

At her words, your mind takes you back to the moment you sobbed into Hux’s arms instead.

“It's ok. (Y/n), it's ok. You have nothing to be afraid of. I swear on my life that I will not hurt you. You're safe with me".

You were never going to hear his voice again.

“I’m stupid,” you mange to say through your sobs, “I’m so stupid!”

“What?! No you’re not! What makes you say that?” she asks, pulling away so she can look at your face.

“I don’t think I can even admit to you what I’ve done,” you choke out and her face falls.

“What...what do you mean? What have you done, (y/n)?” she says, her eyes searching yours for any indication of what you were getting at.

You let out a shaky breath and say, “If I tell you then you have to promise me that you won’t tell anyone else”. 

She swallows hard and furrows her brow, deliberating over what you were asking of her a moment but eventually sighs and nods her head.

“I promise,” she says, looking into your eyes, “Go on”.

You bite the inside of your cheek as you try to stem your tears, mustering up the courage to tell her about Hux and yourself.

“So, we’ve talked about my childhood before, right?” you say and Maya nods.

“Well,” you continue, “I never mentioned that back then…that um”

You sniff and wipe your nose with the back of your hand,

“That I was in a relationship with General Hux…”

“What?!” Maya exclaims, letting go of you as her eyebrows shoot up and her mouth hangs open.

“He wasn’t a General back then of course!” you are quick to say, “He was just a boy, a boy that I spent nearly every summer with until we had to part ways. Very different ways it would now seem”.

Maya still looks at you like you are crazy.

“But...General Hux, (y/n)?!” she says, still in absolute disbelief.

“He was nothing like he is now. He was sweet and caring and understanding,” you say, your eyes to the ground as you think back to better days.

Maya scoffs and says, “Are you sure we’re thinking of the same person?”

Your eyes flicker up to hers, tears still brimming at them and her expression is quick to turn to one of guilt.

“Sorry,” she says, “Go on”.

“Well, you can imagine that we were both quite surprised to see each other after all this time when the First Order captured me. After some initial...frostiness, he soon warmed up to me once more and I, to him,” you explain and look at Maya seriously, “I thought I was getting through to him, that I could turn him to the light”.

Maya’s expression now turns to doubt and you feel your guilt and hatred at yourself getting stronger.

“I know, I know!” you sob, “I told you, I was stupid! I am stupid and I should never even thought that I could change his mind but the more time we spent with each other it was like being young again, spending my time with the man I loved, Maya! That’s all I wanted! To get back the Hux I know and love”.

Maya didn’t know what to say, that much was clear. Her mouth opened and shut again as she went to say something but decided against it. You couldn’t blame her. After all, you had just confessed that you were in love with the General of the First Order that blew up the whole of the New Republic.

“I was selfish, I know and I did nothing to stop his plans. I just stood there, hoping that he had changed and ignoring every sign that showed me he had not and I hate myself for it. I should have done something. I could have saved millions of lives and now their blood is on my hands as well,” you ramble on, professing your guilt to the one person you would hope would understand and have some sympathy for you.

“Hey, no,” Maya says firmly, putting her hand on your shoulder, “What he did was not on you, ok? Of course you had no sway over damn First Order military tactics! He was doing his job and there was nothing you could have done to stop him. You can not blame yourself”.

You break down once again, putting your head in your hands as you rest your elbows on your knees. Maya places a comforting hand on your back and rubs circles across it. 

“Look, let’s focus on getting Rossi back and then, who knows, when we finally beat the First Order then maybe he’ll come around? Realise that he was wrong?” she says but there was a hint of insincerity in her voice. 

She was just trying to be nice or she hadn’t thought about things enough.

“You don’t have to say these things, Maya,” you say after another shaky breath, “I think he’s dead”.

You turn your head to look at her, waiting for her to protest, to say something that would give you some hope. But Maya stayed silent - pressing her lips firmly together that indicated that she agreed with you and wasn’t going to try and argue otherwise. 

“I think...I think I need some time alone now actually, sorry,” you say, your voice strained.

You couldn’t bring yourself to go into any more detail at the moment and Maya clearly needed time to process everything before she could really be there for you. You did not blame her for this, of course. 

She looks at you - her face a mixture of sympathy and concern - and bites her nails, deliberating whether to leave you or not. It was a lot for her to take in and you were being silly overall, you knew that, but your feelings for Hux were real despite everything he had done and you needed time to process that. You knew that no one else would understand but that was ok. They would in time.

Just right now, you couldn’t stop the pit in your stomach and the lump in your throat that stopped you from talking further. 

“Sure,” she eventually says, taking you into a firm hug once more, “I’ll come back later, yeah?”

You hold onto her even tighter, subconsciously hoping that she would not let go, that she wouldn’t actually leave you alone with your thoughts even though that is what you had asked for. You just wanted her to understand but her reactions thus far indicated that she was not ready to hear the full story - not just yet.

You whisper into her embrace, “I’m sorry…”

Chapter Text

When Maya had left, you lay down fully on the bed and stared up at the ceiling as your tears made their way down the sides of your face.

You squeezed your eyes tight as you thought about the fact that it seemed that this base was not only full of celebration but heartbreak as well. However, yours paled in comparison to the Resistance fighters who had lost loved ones and of Leia’s heartbreak for Han and her son who she had lost to the dark side.

You shouldn’t be feeling this bad, he didn’t love you, everything you had done together this time around had been a lie - a ploy to turn you to his side, nothing more. He had moved on when you, pathetically, had not.

And he was gone...forever.

You were crying over a dead man who didn’t love you and yet you could not stop despite knowing how ridiculous it was. 

Memories flew through your mind of your time together when you had been captured - both the good and bad ones now making you even more upset. His words were as clear in your mind as if he were here right now - the slight break in his uptight demeanour as he confessed how he enjoyed spending time with you, his compliments about your singing, the way he told you that he needed you to stay with him.

You could almost feel him against you as you thought about his embrace, leaning against his chest as he drew his memories of Rossi, his hand in yours as you sped away from the gala - holding it tight like he never wanted to let you go.

The way he looked into your eyes after he had realised that he was upsetting you, brushing away his steely Generals act and becoming the young Armitage you once knew.

“My feelings for you are all still there. Do not doubt that”.

Was the act the man he was when he was with you? When you thought that he was showing you the real him? How could he be so committed to his lies that he would go so far as to prey on your old memories of him?

“I swear on my life that I will not hurt you”.

He did hurt you and he paid for it with his life...

You spent the night crying and crying until your throat was sore and your mind split with a headache. Sleep came and went in waves - your dreams plagued with memories of your time with Hux and you would wake up in a cold sweat, cursing his name for making you feel this way, for taking sleep away from you. But there was still that blanket of sorrow that lay over your mind at his death and what you had lost. The times when it was especially bad was when you thought back to the good times and you found yourself laying in ignorant bliss for a while. You wished you could live in denial - that Hux would come back, that he would say that he was wrong and that he was sorry, and more importantly that his feelings for you were not a lie.

It was in this ignorant bliss that you awoke in when you realised that it was now light. Your mind stirred, not wanting to go back to reality as the sun reminded you that you were no longer in the depths of space aboard the Finaliser. How stupid you felt for missing that ship.

Taking a deep, shuddering breath, you got up and stared out the small window in your room. You could only see the thick jungle in the near distance outside and you took a moment to ground yourself, to remind yourself of why you were here and that this was a place where you were safe - no threat of being reprimanded if you overstepped your mark, no Kylo Ren to slam you into walls with the force, and no Hux…

No.

You were safe but your people were not.

They were your priority.

You tore yourself away from the window and got ready. Luckily, there were some fresh clothes in the chest of draws that were in your small room and after you had put them on you looked at yourself in the small mirror above the sink.

How different you looked in the muted beiges and greens of Resistance clothes. You scolded yourself when you found yourself thinking that you didn’t feel right, that the black dress you had escaped in was a lot more fitting.

You had been under the control of the First Order for too long, you thought.

Next to your royal robes, these garments should be second best, not the dark materials of the First Order clothes that you were forced to wear. You should wear these Resistance clothes with pride.

You brushed aside all of these thoughts and made your way out of the room in search of Poe or someone who could point you in the direction of a space for you to train. The Force ran through your veins like it had been there your whole life, as you now knew it had, but when you focussed harder there was still much that felt uncomfortable to you. 

A few days of training would help that feeling go away.

“Maya!” you cried out when you saw her as you found your way back to the main command room.

She turned around as you entered the space but was quick to push forward Poe who had also turned around to see you as he stood beside her.

“Oh, uh, princess! Didn’t expect you to be up this early!” he said and you noticed he was slightly uneasy; Maya averted your gaze as she shuffled her feet beside him.

“I couldn’t sleep...is everything okay?” you ask as you approach them.

Maya keeps her eyes to the ground.

“Sure, sure, sure…” Poe rushes out, giving you a smile but it was not genuine.

You were just about to ask what was going on when Finn jogs up to the three of you, some mechanical part in his hand.

“Hey guys, where do we keep-,” he starts to say but stops when he lifts his head up and sees you there as well.

“Princess!” he exclaims as he approaches you, his face turning to an expression of annoyance, “General Hux?! Really?!”

Your eyes widen and your stomach drops.

“Wha?! Maya!” you whine to the woman in front of you and her eyes finally meet yours, “You told them?!” 

“They had a right to know!” she says, crossing her arms in front of her defensively.

“Why?!” you cry, completely offended that one of your closest friends had broken her promise to keep your secret.

That was it. They would never trust you again. 

“Do the whole of the Resistance know?” you ask, pushing your fingernails into your palms, leaving small, red crescents on your skin for sure.

“No, just us…” Poe says sheepishly, him now avoiding eye contact with you.

You exhaled shakily as you bunched up your hair in a fist, turning away from them. Well now what?

“Princess, what were you thinking? Like, did you not see him destroy the Hosnian system?! He is a murderer and a tyrant! He is the reason why I was forced to be a stormtrooper!” Finn speaks up again, stalking closer to you until he is right up in your face.

“I know!” you shout at him and step back, feeling claustrophobic all of a sudden, trying to control your rapid breathing, “You don’t know the full story though! You can’t just have a go at me for something you don’t understand!”

The command room fell silent at your outburst and you retreated into a secluded corner where the others followed you to. It was bad enough that Poe and Finn knew your secret, you didn’t want to broadcast it to the whole of the Resistance.

Poe lifts his hands up in defence as he inches closer to you, “Hey, c’mon, princess. Finn is right yanno. He’s not exactly the type of person I would think you would go for”.

“He was! I thought I could get back the man he used to be, before the First Order corrupted him,” you ramble out, unprepared to have this conversation now.

“(Y/n), he’s always been power hungry and you can’t convince me otherwise,” Finn says, his expression not moving from annoyance.

“That’s not true,” you say as you shake your head, “he was a good man”.

Poe and Finn scoff at your statement.

“Well, look, he’s not part of the equation now is he! He’s dead!” you shout at them and walk hurriedly away from them to the exit of the base before they saw the tears that were making their way down your face now.

The anger at Maya's betrayal ran through your blood now, making the Force fuzzy. You had to find a space to be alone for a while, to get this anger out before it started to consume you.

Wandering into the jungle, you couldn’t believe that Maya would rat you out like that so quickly. After you had cried to her and thought that you could trust her.

You broke out into a sprint now, not having any idea where you were going but it didn’t matter. The burning in your lungs as you panted heavily was something to focus on until you came to the edge of a valley, a calm river running below you. On the bank of the river were a few small, stone huts, clearly abandoned long ago as their walls crumbled and great holes covered their exteriors. Without thinking, you jumped down into the river below.

The water splashed aggressively around you as you landed and the river got faster - foaming up as rapids formed.

You let it get more chaotic as you stalked over to the huts, deciding that they were the perfect structures to take your anger out on. This fuzziness was something that was too overwhelming to even try and control - you weren’t used to it and honestly, you were scared of it.

Holding your arm out towards the nearest hut, you used the Force to push it harshly into the river and let out a cry of anguish. You are tense as you watch the riptides swallow up the stone, carrying it through the rapids downstream. Red bled into the sides of your vision as the thought of your friends hating you over took every other thought - the look on their face as they judged you for your foolishness.

How could Maya betray you like that?!

Another hut was thrown into the river with another cry. The water splashed onto your red hot face but it did nothing to cool you down. 

Had she really lost all respect for you?

Your arm was stretched out towards the next hut but suddenly you felt a presence behind you. You twirled around and stopped the figure in its tracks.

“Poe?!” you shout over the roaring of the river and take the Force away from him as you lower your arm.

“Are you doing this?” he shouts back to you as he finds his footing, nodding to the once calm river that was now churning itself up.

You turned around to stare at it and fully took in just how aggressive it was getting - matching your own anger. The Force was latching onto this chaos and causing all of the fuzziness. The dark side - it was the dark side overtaking you and you had to stop it now.

Closing your eyes, you take some deep breaths to try and calm yourself down. It wasn’t Poe you were angry at and he came after you - he cared about you.

When you could no longer hear the deafening crashing of waves you opened your eyes to a river that was calm once more.

The fuzziness had subsided significantly but there was still a hum that settled on your chest.

“Sorry…” you say as you turn back round to him, “I’m not as in control of the Force as I think I once was”.

“Good job the natives won’t be coming back any time soon,” he says as he walks over to the remnants of the stone huts, kicking a few odd pebbles around the bare soil.

All you can do is hum in response. Your anger had settled but you were still annoyed in general. You were also apprehensive at what Poe now thought of you.

“Please don’t hate me,” you plead and he looks up to you, his brown eyes looking into yours.

“I don’t,” he states and makes his way over to you, “none of us do, ok? We’re just...surprised. I mean can you blame us?”

“No...and I feel just as stupid and foolish as you all think I am. I should have seen that everything he said to me was a lie just to get me on his side. But at the time...you have to understand that I had not seen him since we were basically children! Before he was taken from me, we were going to run away together. I hope you can imagine how I felt when I finally saw him again and I saw that I was getting back the man I loved, the man I was willing to give up my planet for,” you explain and swallow hard, “I also hope that you can understand my devastation and heartbreak when it was revealed that that was all a lie…”

Poe nods as he shifts uncomfortably on his feet.

You understood his uncomfortableness, you understood the other’s reactions. You just wished you could have told them yourself when you were a bit more stable.

“But my priority is Rossi,” you say when Poe does not say anything, “I am dedicated to getting it back and to resuming my life as it once was, without Hux. I just need time to process. I meant it when I said that it has been a lot”.

You just needed time, that was it. What happened with Hux and you was of no concern to them, it wasn’t for them to worry about. 

The brown haired man continues his silence as he thinks things over.

His silence worries you so you extend the Force towards him, trying your hardest to only read the thoughts at the forefront of his mind but he soon lets out a cry of pain.

“Ow!” he exclaims, holding his head and you quickly retreat the Force from his mind.

“Sorry! Sorry! I...I can’t do anything right! I’m just so worried about what you all think of me now,” you ramble, retreating into yourself, your fingernails coming to dig into your palms once more.

He looks up at you and gives you a sad smile, “It’s ok, I get it. We’ll say no more”.

At this, you envelope him into a hug.

“Thank you,” you say as you squeeze him tight and he reciprocates, “I promise I’m still the same person”. 

The Force tells you that he was not quite convinced.

Poe walks you back to the base and sets everything straight with Maya and Finn.

You were still annoyed at Maya for telling them your secret but at least you had all agreed to drop it. That’s all you needed.

You tried to carry on as if everything was fine but you could not bring yourself to get out of bed some mornings - guilt heavy on your chest. You would get up at around midday and half heartedly train for a while before getting frustrated and giving up. Things were coming back to you but without a mentor it was hard.

A space had been set up for you to train which is where you spent most of your time - even if you could not find the motivation to actually train. Maya, Finn or Poe would walk past some times and give you a half-hearted smile. Poe would stop to chat every now and then, so would Maya less so but Finn would never. You guessed he was the most upset and it made sense - Hux was the one who had inadvertently captured him and forced him into the life of a stormtrooper. The thought of anyone being with a man like Hux confused and hurt him, even when you had explained everything to him.

A few days went by like this, wallowing in self pity about Hux, about Rossi, about your training and letting down your friends. It was hard to find the motivation as terrible as that sounded considering you had much to fight for.

“Princess, we got some information for you,” Poe says as he jogs up to you in your training space one day, “It’s about the occupation of Rossi”.

Your heart flutters at these words and some hope returns.

So you follow him into the command room where everyone had gathered around the console as they had back when you laid out your initial plan to take back Rossi.

“This,” Leia starts, a hologram of a bald man appearing, “is Commander Vancil of the First Order, currently in charge of their occupation of Rossi”.

So this is the man who is terrorising your planet, you thought to yourself and you felt the Force turn fuzzy in your veins once more. You pushed it down, holding onto your locket.

“He has decided to take up residence in the palace of Palace City. Now as I’m sure the princess will verify, the palace was built to stop intruders and armies getting in. It won’t be easy to get to him,” Leia continues as a murmur falls upon the crowd.

“Not if we go straight in,” you speak up, eyes fixed on the hologram, “straight through the front door. He won’t be expecting it”.

Everyone looks to you, waiting for you to explain further.

“If we can get our ships to the front garden of the palace, we can storm the place easily,” you continue, “they may or may not already be expecting us to attack depending if they think I am alive or not. I say we risk it and just go for it”.

There is a brief discussion amongst everyone until Poe speaks up, “I guess it would fit in with the already existing plan, not to mention making it a lot quicker”. 

“And what do we do with the Commander once we reach him?” Maya asks from beside you.

“That’s for me to decide when I get there,” you say and everyone looks to you once more, shocked at this change.

You’d not said that you would kill him out right but who knows what would happen when you got there. Of course you should probably just arrest him, take him to the holding cells of the palace but at this point, you were too overwhelmed with emotions to know if you could keep that promise if you were to make it. 

This information greatly motivated you though because now you knew what you were up against.

And after all, you were a princess first and foremost - a diplomat that others relied on, your people needed you and you would not fail them further.

Chapter Text

The Force quickly came back to you as you now trained with more focus. Even just the face of the oppressor who now had his clutches over Rossi gave you enough to focus on over well...everything else that was falling apart in your life.

The nights were hard, but that was to be expected. When you were alone there was nothing to stop your thoughts from racing.

Some nights you would imagine that you were back in your bed on Rossi - the cool, summer breeze flowing through the wide open doors that led to the balcony, safe in the knowledge that you had gotten your planet back and that your people were free once more.

But then the bed would start to feel so empty. If you were back on Rossi then Hux should also be there. You had found him again after all these years of wondering where his father had taken him, when he was ripped from your arms. You had found him so he should be with you.

Instead he was dead - merely space dust.

The Force gave you no comfort in that respect. Hux was no admirer of the Force, his distaste of Kylo Ren made you aware of such. You wondered what he would think if he saw you now.

The tear stains upon your pillow each morning did not relent even as time went on. But you did not let the sadness get to you once you were awake, not when there was training to do and plans to solidify. 

Poe and Maya had quickly gotten back on your side. You were back to joking, gossiping and the like. All was fine if you didn’t bring up Hux and you guessed that was ok - you couldn’t expect them to have total sympathy for you. Finn on the other hand had decided to completely ignore you. You did not even get a chance to explain things to him as he would avoid you every time you would walk up to him, move seats every time you sat down next to him. The other two said they had tried talking to him as well but in the end you told them to give up. You didn’t want to ruin the friendship between them with your problems. 

The Force slowly became your main source of comfort - taking solace in the lifeforce of others as you felt the buzz of the bees as they went around pollinating the exotic fauna of D’Qar, the unfurling of the leaves every morning as they soaked up the rays of the sun that began to peek over the horizon, the hope of the Resistance fighters as they discussed plans and exchanged determined glances. As long as you had other’s energy to fuel you, there was a chance that you could be the leader that they needed to win back Rossi.

After all, the First Order still knew where the Resistance base was located. Time was not on your side.

Sooner than you had anticipated, the day came to take back Rossi. You had not even decided what you were going to do with Commander Vancil once you faced him so, as you had said back in the command room, you would have to decide in the moment.

“You ready?” Poe asks as you, him and Maya watch the Resistance fighters file into the transport ships and the pilots into their x-wings.

You take a deep breath, feeling the Force run through your veins as strong as it had ever been.

“Yes,” you state and turn to look at them.

“See you on the flip side, princess” Poe says, giving you a smile as he heads off to his own X-wing.

“Soon to be queen!” Maya exclaims, giving you a knowing wink before racing off towards one of the transports.

She was right. The day you were captured, you had been stripped of your opportunity for coronation. Once you were back, those plans could be put in motion once more.

You would have your planet back and you would finally become its queen.

This was the time to get your life back - your life before General Hux and his lies, his suffocation of the Armitage you held dear in your memory.

You kept your eyes away from the small windows that adorned the transport ship you were in, instead opting to look down at yours and Maya’s shoes as she sat next to you. You knew seeing Rossi as you approached would heighten your already shaking nerves. Your abilities were not in question at this point but still, you had not been in battle before. Things could easily go wrong if things did not play out as you hoped they would. 

There was a slight jostle of the ship and you knew that you had entered Rossi’s atmosphere; your stomach flipped at the realisation. 

You awaited the sound of blaster fire, of a First Order transmission, anything to warn you that you had entered a battlefield but there was nothing.

So, they didn’t know that you were alive.

Eventually, without a hitch, you feel the transporter land.

You didn’t think your idea of just turning up the front door would work this well. You expected a fight, a struggle. This was strange.

“You’re up,” Maya says as she turns to you and you nod in response, pushing aside any doubtful thoughts.

Letting the Force now push down any trepidation and the nausea creeping in, you stand up and take a shaky breath.

The ramp of the ship edges downwards as you walk towards it and the light of Rossi peeks through. The floor of the transport burnt a deep orange, showing that the sun was just beginning to set and you stepped out into its brightness.

There, framed by the setting sun, was your palace. Once covered in luscious vines and fauna, it now stood almost derelict with all plant life dead and decaying. Large, crimson First Order banners hung over the archways that lined the front of the entryway. The stone of the exterior which once used to be polished so regularly that it shone in the sun now looked dull and dirty.

They had let it go to ruin.

The person responsible for this, the reason you were here, stood upon the steps that lead from the entryway to the front garden that was now overtaken by stormtroopers all lined up, blasters raised and poised to fire at any moment.

His bald head shone brighter than the palace stone and his dark, First Order uniform was covered by some garish attempt at royal regalia - a red sash fell over his left shoulder and upon his head was a golden headpiece of leaves.

Your crown...

“Princess!” Commander Vancil exclaims, arms outstretched in some sort of sick welcoming gesture, “What a nice surprise for you to visit!”

“This is more than a mere visit, Commander Vancil. I’m here to take back what is mine,” you reply as you stand at the bottom of the ramp, your cape billowing in the warm wind as you stare the man down.

The rest of the Resistance pile out of the transporters behind you, their blasters raised to match the stormtroopers.

Vancil laughs, not leaving his spot from upon the steps.

“What ever would that be?” he asks, “Rossi is under First Order rule, you have no claim to this planet now”.

“I sacrificed everything for this planet and I will not let it be overtaken by some pompous ass playing royals who worked his way up the ranks of some genocidal organisation by senselessly killing anyone when ordered to,” you reply, fire in your eyes as you spat you hate at the man who was in your rightful place, “I feel sorry for those who had no other choice but to join the First Order but you - you chose to be here, to do as your tyrannical superiors said and oppress my people because what? You enjoy it? The feeling of power as you look in their scared, innocent eyes?”

Vancil smirks at your words and paces up and down the platform above the steps in thought as he nods his head.

“Just like any good First Order officer,” he states and stops his pacing, placing one foot on the step below him, “Just like your precious General Hux”.

Your body tenses at the mention of his name.

Your breath hitches in your throat.

“Oh yes, you may think you know me. Well, I know many things about you as well. This sort of gossip travels fast across First Order officers. Nothing in this organisation is a secret,” Vancil says as you are frozen to the spot, the fuzziness overtaking you again, “I have to hand it to you. Hux is the most bloodthirsty of us all, thoroughly enjoys the, how did you put it? ‘The feeling of power as he looks into scared, innocent eyes’? He really does, princess, and yet there you were clinging to his arm like a loyal puppy during that gala  - gazing into his cold, calculating eyes like some love sick teenager. So many rumours. Such a scandal”.

He stands there so nonchalantly mocking you, not knowing the full story and it made your blood boil. 

You had to calm down.

Now the whole of the Resistance knew your secret and you could sense their shock behind you as their minds raced with questions. You try your best to block their thoughts out of your mind as you come to focus on the task at hand. If you did not calm down then you would do something rash - something that would validate Vancil’s attempt at riling you up.

“None of this is of importance when I am staring down the man who is currently upon my throne. Hux is dead and if you do not hand my crown back to me then you will end up the same way,” you reply, keeping your voice as level as possible as you let the Force wash over you, calming you down, grounding you.

“Dead?” Vancil laughs heartily and you shift uncomfortably, your feet crunching on the gravel, “Oh no, princess, General Hux is not dead!”

Your heart clenches.

Not...not dead?!

Vancil continues, “In fact he pulled troops away from Rossi for some other mission quite recently, this is why I am left with the shred of stormtroopers you see around me. Seems rather suspicious if you ask me. Maybe I should inform Supreme Leader Snoke of his behaviour, see what he thinks of it”.

“Enough!” you cry out, hands balled into fists at your sides, “I am not here to discuss General Hux! This is between you and me!”

Was he telling the truth about Hux? Whether he was lying to you or not did not matter in this moment. Vancil would not distract you from your goal

He merely blinks at your words, stopping his mockery.

“You’re right,” he says with a sigh, “let’s get this over and done with”.

With that, a hundred, red blaster bolts fly through the air towards you.

You feel the shift of the Resistance behind you but before their fingers can even begin to squeeze their triggers you lift up your hand in one, swift movement.

There, frozen in mid-air, are the streaks of red, no further than a few feet away from the blasters of which they had been propelled from.

“Wha...what?” Vancil stammers as he takes in the sight before him, “I thought the rumours of you having the Force were merely that - rumours”.

You stare back at the now panicking man, perspiration rolling down your temples as you strained to keep the bolts in place.

“You cannot pick and choose which rumours to believe, Commander,” you say and with a flick of your hand, the bolts explode into the ground beneath the stormtrooper’s feet.

The stormtroopers fall out of line as they are distracted by the explosions and the Resistance take the chance to shoot their own blasters and troopers fall to the ground left and right.

This moment of surprise does not last very long though.

The stormtroopers are quick to re-orientate and begin to shoot back, now completely in battle mode.

Blaster shots from either side whip past you and you move your hands to stop as much enemy fire as possible as the Resistance advances

You are able to stop the odd bullet as much as you could, but in a firefight like this, it was hard for you to focus on the right blaster shots. You did not want to hinder the Resistance’s efforts.

Making your way through the crowd, you Force shove stormtroopers to the side that stood in your way and scanned for any Resistance members that needed healing.

Each one you found, whether it was a lethal shot or not, you bent down, focused on your crystal, and let the Force move from it and into the person to be healed. 

They would thank you and swiftly get up to join back in with the fight.

After a while of doing this process, you scan the crowd for that blinding, shining head.

But Vancil is nowhere to be seen.

He didn’t even stay to join in with his own fight, that coward.

No such person should be in charge of Rossi.

As you looked at the carnage happening around you, you wondered if it was acceptable to abandon them like this and go and find the Commander?

Luckily, there were not too many stormtroopers (thanks to Hux apparently…) and the Resistance were really holding their own.

They could handle this, you decided.

You had to find Vancil. Only then would this fight be over - no matter what you decide to do with him.

So, you make your way through the crowd once more and head towards the steps that lead to the palace entrance. Your focus is on Vancil and Vancil only as you sprint forwards, throwing stormtroopers out of your path, pushing them into their comrades or onto the rough, gravel ground.

You clear the steps easily, stopping only at the top to look back and survey the fight down below.

Your breath is heavy as you try to make out the situation - the different colours of blaster shots coming from all over.

They’ve got this, you affirmed to yourself and headed into the palace.

The entrance hall, like the exterior of the palace, had clearly seen better days. It seemed as if when the First Order overtook, they had just thrown up their banners everywhere and called it a day, not bothering to maintain the beauty that your family had curated for centuries. 

Your heart broke as you looked around at the peeling wallpaper, the smashed statues. The background noise of the battle rang through, bouncing off of the walls. 

As you walked further across the cracked marble floors, your footsteps not even penetrating the battle sounds, you stopped as the family portrait caught your eye where it hung just to your left.

Your father - sat down, with your mother and yourself standing either side of him. Your mother had her hand on the back of your father’s chair as you stood there with your hands in front of you. All of you were smiling brightly, dressed in your royal regalia. 

Your father wore his golden crown that was now being worn by the slimy snake of the First Order that had done this to your ancestral home.

The painting was stained, with careless cuts over all of your eyes.

The fuzziness took over again as you studied the painting, a high pitched ringing muffling the sounds of blaster shots and groans of pain.

You were seeing red.

It is only a pained scream that penetrates this ringing and you tear your eyes away from the painting and to the double doors of the throne room.

“Mother…” you whisper.

Vancil was going to pay for what he had done.

You would send a message to Hux, that he would not mess with you again. That you weren’t scared of him or the First Order.

“Vancil!” you scream as you throw open the double doors and you shake as you take in the sight before you.

“Don’t come any closer or she’s a goner,” Vancil says, his grip tight on your mother as he presses his blaster against the side of her head.

Her face is red, stained with tears that kept flowing - her hair a mess as Vancil’s hand bunches it up in his fist.

Vancil was not doing himself any favours, riling you up like this. You didn’t know how much longer you could contain the darkness that was seeping into you now.

“Let. Her. Go,” you reply through gritted teeth as you slowly approach the madman.

Vancil laughs - clearly trying to hide the fear he felt from you but you could hear the uneasiness in his tone. The fear was basically radiating off of him and fueling this growing darkness in you.

“Or what?” he asks, fumbling as he adjusts his grip on his blaster, “You’ll...you’ll start making the chairs float before my very eyes?!”

The First Order. So ignorant in the ways of the Force.

“No,” you state as your hand flies out to stop him from backing away any further, “you’re going to see what the Force can really do”.

You gesture to the side and the blaster soars through the air to land upon the floor out of Vancil’s reach. Before he can react, Vancil releases his grip on your mother and as she crawls away, his hands come up to claw at the invisible restraints pressing hard down on his windpipe.

The high pitched ringing fills your ears again as you stalk closer to the man, now coughing and spluttering, face going red as your hand reaches out towards his neck. Your eyes do not move from his as you watch him suffer - suffer as your mother had, your people, the Resistance, yourself! For the first time, you let your anger take over your body - the culmination of months worth of hurt and despair fuelling you to keep pushing harder upon Vancil’s windpipe. Here was a living thing, flesh and blood, that you could channel your emotions into and it felt good to see him suffer, to see him display as much pain as you felt inside.

But there was a muffle in the background. 

A voice calling out to you, calling your name.

You ignored it, the darkness too heavy in your soul to focus on anything else other than the destruction of this man before you that personified everything wrong in your life.

“(Y/n)!” the voice shouts louder now, closer, “Stop this! This isn’t what your father would have wanted!” 

It’s your mother.

You realise her hand is upon your shoulder and your eyes finally shift to look at it. Your grip upon Vancil relaxes a bit as you lift your eyes to look at her face.

“I’m ok, (y/n), and you’re back where you belong,” she says softly to you as her eyes still shine from the tears that had been stopped for now.

With a sharp intake of breath, you cast Vancil to the side and wrap your mother in the tightest hug you had ever given her.

“Mother!” you cry as you shake in her arms, tears falling from your eyes now.

You were struggling to breathe. Each breath not staying in your lungs for long as you took short, sharp breaths.

The darkness was still there but it was diminishing. You focus on the force radiating off your mother that you had not seen in months - her goodness, her resilience and most importantly the feeling of home you felt as you hugged her.

But it was not enough - red still blurred your vision and the fuzziness would not shake from a dull throb that you felt throughout your body.

All of a sudden, there is a crescendo of crimson across your vision as a burst of pain shot through your leg.

“Agghh!” you cry out as you double over, grabbing your mother’s arms to steady yourself.

“The First Order does not give up so easily!” Vancil shouts as he crouches on the floor, blaster smoking as he holds it raised to you.

Your head whips round to look at him, your tunnel vision now making you see him and only him.

Enough.

You had had enough.

“Let’s send a message to them shall we? See if they’ll give up after what I have to say,” you spit back at him.

Your arm raises once more to hold him in the grip of the Force and your mother is quick to place her hand on your shoulder again.

“(Y/n)...” she warns but you do not stick around to hear what she has to say.

You walk out of her grip, dragging Vancil across the floor as you make your way back to the palace steps. Striding across the marble floor once more, you raised your other hand to use the Force to rip the banners from the walls and the clanking of their metal poles echoed through the rooms as you dragged them behind you as well.

You would rid your precious Rossi of anything to do with the First Order.

Vancil writhes along the floor as you breathe heavily, the pain of the blaster shot in your leg nothing compared to the darkness that overtook you now.

You had never felt anger like this before. It swallowed you whole, covering the Force with a thick, viscous coating that you had never felt before either. As it swam in your veins, it spurred you on, and eventually you came to stand upon the top of the palace steps.

You force the Commander to kneel beside you, still restrained by the Force and throw the banners down the steps, their metal poles clanking and gaining the attention of the soldiers as they rolled to a stop beneath their feet. Blaster shots die out one by one as everyone - Resistance and stormtrooper - turn to look at you.

“I have a message for the First Order!” you shout, your voice ringing out across the area.

“You may have heard rumours about me - of the kind, compassionate Princess of Rossi that fell under General Hux’s spell,” you begin, fire in your eyes, voice clear, “but that kindness does not extend to the First Order, neither to General Hux! I do not kill but I can undo what has already been done!”

Both soldiers from either side look around to their comrades, confused at what you meant.

You shift your enraged gaze from the crowd towards Commander Vancil that knelt beside you, struggling against his invisible restraints.

Your arm raises once more but not to choke him, nor to throw him.

Instead, you use the Force to locate every scar upon his bulbous, pale body.

Each one told you a story, flashes of its origin pass your mind - a careless knick on a kitchen knife, a stab wound from military practice, countless blaster shots from various battles against the Resistance. Each one leaving a scar as a reminder of what had happened.

If you could heal, then why not take away the healing done to others?

“What are you doing?!” Vancil exclaims but his questioning is quick to turn into screams instead.

Eyes closed, you reach out with the Force - skimming over each scar, pulling the skin from its scar tissues, exposing the flesh and blood beneath it. Sinews and bones snap as you undo a surgery, bones crack out of place as you undo a broken arm.

Vancil screams in absolute agony as blood begins to pour from years of sustained wounds and soaks through his uniform, dripping onto the tiles below him and down the marble steps.

You lived through every one simultaneously as you pushed harder, deeper with the Force.

You ripped apart the man before you piece by piece.

“(Y/n)! Stop!” you hear a voice approaching you and then there are arms that are pulling you back.

You release your grip on Vancil, falling exhausted into your mother’s arms and his mangled, lifeless body falls forward, straight down the steps of the palace.

Your crown lies at the top of the steps, soaked in blood from Vancil’s wounds.

You push away from your mother to bend down and take it into your hands, not caring about the blood that was now literally staining your own flesh.

Turning towards the crowd, they look on in pure shock and awe. It radiated off of their bodies but nothing could penetrate the darkness that had now consumed you.

The crown fits as perfect as ever as you place it upon your head and look towards the setting sun ahead of you.

You hold your head up high as your enemy’s blood runs down the sides of your face and you hope Hux is watching.

Chapter Text

Stormtroopers and Resistance alike look upon your face in shock.

“Leave!” you shout, blinking away the blood that drips down from your forehead, “Get into your ships and crawl back to your precious General Hux to deliver my message loud and clear - the First Order shall never, NEVER, set foot upon Rossi again!”

The stormtroopers scramble left and right, making their way to their ships without a second thought as you stare down at them.

You watch them go, flying off into the sky as the Resistance cheers. They embrace each other, all of them smiling and laughing in relief.

As the adrenaline wears off, a bout of pain shoots up from your leg and you are reminded of the blaster shot you sustained. You bend down to inspect it. It was pretty nasty and you were thankful that you had gained your healing powers back as you grimaced through the healing process. The skin closes up, not even a scar is left behind and you are reminded of the reverse process that you performed upon Vancil.

You shiver and wipe the blood from your face now - you look down at it as you rub it between your fingers.

You had killed someone.

An enemy - a terrible man who had falsely claimed your title, yes.

But nonetheless, you had killed a person.

Poe runs up the steps towards you, a wide smile spread across his face.

“Wow!” he exclaims, “Didn’t know you had that in you! Quite the theatrics if you ask me”.

You swallow hard and turn to look at him. There was no joy upon your face. Just fear - fear at your own capabilities and the fuzziness that was not going away.

When you do not say anything, Poe speaks up again.

“What now?” he asks and you look down at the banners and Vancil’s body at the bottom of the steps.

“Burn it,” you say without thinking, “The banners, Vancil, anything that even implies that the First Order had been here. Burn it all”.

Poe turns to look at you and you look back at him, unblinking. You were serious. You needed it to go back to the way it was, completely untouched by any darkness. 

You hoped the same for yourself.

Eventually, Poe gives you a nod.

“You got it, princess,” he says and relays the message to Maya who was waiting at the bottom of the steps. 

You can’t bring yourself to move from the spot at the top of the palace steps, eyes unable to shift from Vancil’s corpse as Poe joins the Resistance as they rush around to find anything to do with the First Order to pile it up on top of the banners you had ripped from the walls.

What have you done? 

This wasn’t you. You weren’t supposed to kill.

You watch as the flames are lit - burning through the crimson of the banners, spreading up to engulf the First Order insignia. More are added until there is a whole pyre of banners and in the middle of it is Vancil’s corpse.

You were right, this wasn’t you. This was the First Order’s doing, making you this impulsive creature.

A hand on your arm pulls you out of your thoughts and you turn to see your mother - her sorrowful eyes looking into your lost ones.

“(Yn)...What? What was that?” she asks wiping away the now drying blood upon your face, completely dumbfounded at what she had just seen you do.

You had gone against everything that your father wanted for you and now your mother was here to see this disappointment that you had become.

“I…” you stammer but you couldn’t think of anything in response to her question.

There was no excuse for your actions, not really. You could spout some nonsense about it being the right thing to do at the time, that Vancil even deserved what happened to him but nothing would explain your actions to your mother.

Luckily, you did not have to stand there speechless for long because Maya and Poe run up the steps towards the two you. 

“Right, that should be all of it I think,” Maya says, bringing her hands to rest on her hips as she looks to the burning pyre, “The First Order surprisingly didn’t have a lot of stuff here. Seems they just used your stuff”.

You look to her, a frown upon your face at her words.

She looks back at you sheepishly and says, “Sorry…”.

Of course. Not only did they have to oppress your people but also taint everything you owned. 

“Anyway,” Poe begins, shoving Maya a bit for her insensitiveness, “Are we going to address the elephant in the room?” 

Your heart skips a beat. Were they also going to call you out for your actions towards Vancil? You thought that the Resistance, knowing their own methods, would be a bit more understanding than your mother.

“Is General Hux really alive?” Poe asks.

No...they wanted to talk about something much worse.

Your fingernails instinctively press into the palms of your hands, unsure if you wanted to know the answer to Poe’s question.

Your mother speaks up, “I heard Vancil talk to someone when he was informed that troops would be pulled from Rossi prior to your arrival. I’ve not seen him since he was a boy but I’m pretty sure it was General Hux”.

Tears rim your bloodshot eyes as you tense every part of your body.

"I love you!" Armitage shouts from the doorway to the front garden, tears pouring from his own eyes.

"I love you too!" You shout back, voice cracking through your tears.

That was the last thing you said to each other before he was shoved into the ship.

As it takes off, you break free from your father and run after it into the front garden. 

You watch it disappear from sight into the sky and fall into the cold, hard gravel beneath you.

That place where you had fallen to your knees and sobbed over your loss of Armitage was now a burning pile of First Order souvenirs.

“So,” Poe says, looking to Maya, “General Hux is alive”.

You suddenly found it hard to breathe.

It was all too much. 

This was where you had spent so many summers with him - happy summers full of mutual love and affection and now what were you left with?

A heart broken, still holding on to the man who had called you a mere distraction.

A man who was prepared to kill you...

You storm away, not before feeling the fire in the force and with a flick of your hand it erupts into a large fireball.

As you walk away into the palace, you hear the roaring of the now even bigger fire and the cheers and whoops of the Resistance as it fuels their own fire of rebellion. You do not hear the calls of the three people who knew about you and Hux but did not understand.

You sprint up the staircase and straight to your room, still holding in your tears. You didn’t know what sort of state it would be in but at this point, with this many emotions swimming through your mind, you didn’t care. There was one thing you wanted at this point and it was in your room.

As you burst through the door, you are taken aback by how pristine it still looked. Almost everything was still in place as it was when you had left it. 

Shaking your head, not wanting to waste time on these thoughts right now, you slam and lock the door and make your way to the bottom of your bed’s headboard. 

There, in a secret compartment you had made when Hux had left, were all of the drawings he had done in his time with you. You frantically pull them out from their small cubby hole, not caring that they were going everywhere. 

Finally, the tears start to stream down your face as you look down at them, your gaze shifting over landscapes of Rossi - the mountains, the lakes and the garden, and portraits - you, your parents and...and him.

Your hand lays flat on the one singular self portrait of the young Armitage as you kneel on the floor, shaking and sobbing. 

“Just one!” you plead with Armitage as you lie in bed with him one summer evening after a day of Dewberry picking.

In the rare days that you had completely to yourselves, when Armitage was allowed to rest after working for his Father, you would make sure to make the most of it. Dewberries were native to Rossi and you had planned to make a pie with your spoils you had collected but your supply was quickly going down as the two of you lay in bed eating the sweet fruit.

Armitage inspects the berry he had picked up, lips pursed together in contemplation.

“Hmm,” he thinks, rolling the fruit in between his fingers before popping it into his mouth, “no”.

“Pleassee!” you plead with him, hand on his chest as you look up at him, “For me?”

You give him a few bats of your eyelids with the sweetest smile you could muster but he gives you nothing, just chewing his berry as he stares down at you.

“But you never do any of yourself!” you whine, lips moving into a pout.

“I just don’t care for self portraits. They are so self indulgent,” he replies.

“But don’t you get sick of just drawing me?” you ask, giving him a look.

His hand moves to cup your cheek and he rubs his thumb against your soft skin.

“How could I ever tire of drawing something so beautiful?” he says, smiling at you now.

“Hey! Don’t try and sweet talk your way out of this,” you say, shifting out of his hold on you.

He leans up on his elbow, revealing his bare chest from underneath the sheets as he rests the side of his head on his hand. He sighs in mock annoyance. You knew he found it endearing when you tried to get your own way.

“Fine,” he says and your face lights up, “but just this once, okay? You’re not going to ask again?”

“Of course not,” you reply, giving him another sweet smile, scrunching up your eyes.

He shakes his head softly, giving you a look of mock disapproval as he gets out of bed. You were going to ask again and he knew it.

But you never got the chance to ask him again.

This was the only self portrait he drew before he was taken away from you.

You look towards the full length mirror beside you, your memory taking you back to that evening once more as the tears still streamed down your face.

Armitage sits cross-legged on the floor as he looks into the mirror, easel and notebook beside him. His gaze flickers between his reflection and the paper as he sketches, fully engrossed in his art, his face serious.

You make sure not to disturb him too much as you sit behind him, chin resting on his shoulder as your legs rest to one side. You begin to trace the long, jagged scars along his back, wishing that you could have done something, anything to prevent them.

Hux shivers and pauses.

“(Y/n),” he chuckles, “that tickles”.

“Sorry…” you whisper, not wanting to take him out of the zone.

He goes back to his drawing but you can’t take your own eyes off the scars. You had seen them all before of course, tended to some of them even, but Armitage didn’t like to talk about them that much. But, there were just so many.

“I know I’m not supposed to bring them up, but this one is especially bad,” you say, tracing a long scar all the way from his right shoulder to his elbow.

Hux stops again, watching your movement in the mirror and his face falls as he sighs.

“Apparently that day’s meeting notes were especially unsatisfactory,” he says and swallows hard.

You shift to sit beside him now, looking at his face.

“That was because you didn’t write notes properly?!” you exclaim, brows furrowed in shock.

“This one was because I accidentally dropped a tray of drinks,” he says as he runs his fingers over a scar on the right side of his torso, “It’s mostly faded now though. It was a long time ago”.

“Armie…” you say, brushing his hair out of his face, trying to catch his eye.

He smiles a small smile as he looks down, clearly trying to stop his thoughts going to these terrible memories.

“Anyway, it -” he begins but you sit up on your knees and bring him to a tight hug.

“I wish you could always stay here - with me,” you say as you hold him, “At the end of this summer, refuse to go with him. I’ll get my father to back me up, we’ll find something for you to do here”.

He leans out of the hug to look into your eyes, full of sorrow.

“There’s just no way my father would allow that. I have to go with him. But, I promise you this, (y/n),” he says and holds your face, taking a moment to flicker his gaze across it, “I will always come back to you. No matter what, we will be together”.

Promises, promises.

All of them broken.

There was a furious knocking at the door now but you ignored it, your eyes moving back to the portrait of Hux.

He was still out there. Not space dust as you had thought, but roaming around commanding the First Order, hating you.

You should hate him.

But it’s like you can’t even bring yourself to feel that towards him anymore. You knew you meant nothing to him now but being here, being home, you wished for nothing more than for him to be here with you once again. 

Moments ago you were hoping that he was watching as you ceremoniously killed his Commander and burnt the symbol of his precious organisation.

But now, now that you really knew he was alive...something inside of you still thought that you could turn him to the light. It was stupid, you knew that really, but you could not shake that ‘what if?’.

Your tears of mourning had turned into tears over a lost love once more.

Chapter Text

The incessant knocking eventually gets to you, ripping yourself out of your thoughts, and with a small gesture you unlock the door. It opens and your mother rushes over to you. You quickly try to wipe the tears from your face, sniffing. As you start to gather up the papers strewn around the floor, your mother walks over and bends down to help you.

“Where have these come from?” she asks, running her eyes over the drawing of herself as she holds it in her hand.

“I stored them away when...when he left,” you say, taking the drawing from her hand and adding it to the pile you had started to make.

She hums in response as she picks up the one portrait of him from the floor.

“So young,” she comments, looking down at it.

You stop collecting the papers to look at it as well.

“Did you see him?” she asks, looking to you now, eyes sorrowful.

All you can manage is to nod in response as you try to hold in your tears again.

You couldn’t put this on your mother, not now, not after you had just dishonoured her and your father. It wouldn’t be fair.

She sighs and says, “General of the First Order…” 

You knew she couldn’t quite believe it either as she looked at the picture of the young boy she knew. The both of you knew Hux would end up in the military no matter what but what you had a hard time understanding was the extent to which he went to climb the ranks of such an organisation. 

“How...how was he?” she tentatively asks, handing you the picture.

“We don’t have to do this,” you say as you take the picture from her and add it to the pile, “I understand if you’re angry with me…”

“I’m not. I’m really not. I’m shocked, of course, but,” she sighs, “I understand why you did it”.

You search her face and see that she’s being sincere. Of course she is, you think, she’s still your mother and you shouldn’t have doubted her.

“I’m just glad your home,” she says, her voice breaking while a sad smile graces her face.

“Mother…” you breathe out, bringing her into a hug, “I can’t tell you how good it feels to be home and to see you again. I should have tried to escape sooner but...I was an idiot”.

“Hey,” she says, pulling back to look at you, both of your faces stained with tears, “you’re not an idiot! You were captured!”

“But, when I saw him again,” you sigh, furrowing your brows in thought, “I thought this was it, the universe had brought him back to me. I ignored everything that he had become and what he’d done - the beatings, the harsh words, the ruthlessness - just because I thought it was me who was going to bring him back to the light. I thought I was getting there, I truly did, but,”

You shake your head, not even bothering to try to stop the tears now.

“I’m worried that such a thing is not even possible anymore. I thought he was dead! I thought that I could just move on, knowing that I tried but now...now I have to live with the fact that I have failed him and that he’s still out there, and he’s going to continue doing these horrible things and that I could have stopped him and that…”

You can’t stop rambling. You were spiralling deeper and deeper into self hatred again as the fuzziness grew once more.

“(Y/n), (y/n), no. No, he is not your problem,” your mother says, holding you by your shoulders now, “He is what he is now and that is not on you”.

You look into her eyes, trying to ground yourself, telling yourself that she was here, you were home and that everything was going to be ok. But that was just it. You’re home - you have accomplished what you had set out to do when your priorities had changed. You had been able to focus on getting your planet back but now what? 

You had a planet to rebuild, to inspire and yet you were here, unable to shake your thoughts from the man who had called you a mere distraction.

You collapse into your mothers arms once more, holding her close.

“Why do I still love him?!” you cry as you sob into her embrace.

The two of you sit on the floor of your bedroom, holding each other as you let yourselves take comfort in the other for the first time in ages. 

“Oh, sorry. I didn’t mean to -” a voice comes from the doorway and you pull away from your mother, wiping the tears from your face as you look to see Poe standing there.

“No, no,” you sniff, standing up, “it’s okay”.

“I’m just here to tell you that we’ve gotta go now,” he says looking between you and your mother, clearly still embarrassed that he had interrupted a moment, “We have to get back to the base asap and evacuate. The First Order is probably on its way to D’Qar as we speak”.

His eyes drift to the drawings left scattered on your floor. You see a glimmer of confusion pass his face before looking back to you.

You couldn’t have him asking too many questions - that would not be a conversation you want to have right now.

“I’ll see you out,” you say quickly and with a look to your mother, you shuffle out the door and close the door behind you.

“You gunna be ok?” Poe asks as the two you linger in front of the door.

You look up to him, giving him a small smile and reply, “Of course. I’m back where I belong now”.

Poe’s gaze flickers around your face, clearly not convinced as he takes in what an absolute state you must look right now. His hand comes up to your face and he uses his thumb to brush some of the dried blood from your forehead.

“Just look after yourself, princess,” he says softly and you bat at his hand, pushing it away like you were his kid and he was a mum brushing dirt from their child’s face.

“I’ll be ok,” you say with another smile, “thank you...for everything”.

The two of you look at each other, memories of the past few days whirring around in your minds. He brings you into a strong hug, holding you tight, like he wanted to protect you. He saw what you can do and still, he was caring even after your little...display.

“Things will go back to normal. I know they will,” he whispers into your shoulder and you let out a breath.

“Invite me to your coronation yeah?” he says more cheerfully now, pulling out of the hug and beginning to walk towards the stairs and you follow.

You give him a chuckle and say, “Of course, flyboy. You’ll get front seat priority”.

The two of you eventually reach the front of the palace and see that the Resistance had already embarked on their ships save for Maya who was waiting at the top of the marble steps. You immediately bring her into a hug, squeezing her tight.

“I’m going to miss you,” you say as you hold her at arm's length.

“Things will go back to normal and we’ll see each other soon enough,” she says, confident in her words, “I wish I could stay and help and, well, be there for you but…”

“I understand. Thank you for everything and give my love to Leia,” you say, addressing both of them now.

“We will and we’ll be in touch,” Poe says with a squeeze of your arm.

You watch them go, walking down the steps and towards the smouldering pile of what was left of the First Order’s occupation of Rossi - the only thing lighting up the area in the darkness of night along with the soft moonlights.

“May the Force be with you!” you shout down at them.

They turn back and simultaneously give you a salute before heading off in their ships into the atmosphere.

The last ship fades from view and you close your eyes, moving your head back to bask in the fresh air of Rossi.

You were home.

Your people were free.

But still, you felt your blood pumping in your ears in the quiet - the only sound, the small crackling of the fire. It filled your head, the gentle noise scraping at the walls of your skull until it was a roaring flame and you were suddenly transported back to Starkiller.

Behind your eyelids the base flashed by in its destruction. It was if you were suffocating in the thick smoke. Like you were trapped inside with no way out.

Just the flames. Flames everywhere you looked.

Out!

You needed out!

Mustering all the strength you could, you forced yourself to take a large gulp of air and to strain your eyes open.

You double over, panting heavily now as you stare at the marble steps you were standing on - your arms wrapped around your waist, your fingers gripping the thick, rough material of your Resistance uniform.

How could you get rid of this feeling? This darkness that refused to budge? This fuzziness - it had dulled down since the adrenaline of the fight had worn off, of course, but it was still there. Buzzing deep in your bones. It was unsettling, nothing like you had had to deal with before which meant you didn’t know how to get rid of it either. Was this how it was always going to be like now?

You feel a hand upon your back and you straighten up to find your mother.

“C’mon,” she says, wiping the tears and dried blood from your cheeks and holding your hand, “let’s get you cleaned up, yeah?”.

She leads you back upstairs and into your ensuite, twisting the golden taps of the bath that sat by the window. Water starts to run out and she grabs a small cloth to run underneath it.

“Come here,” she says, patting the edge of the bath and you shuffle over to plonk yourself down.

She starts to clean the build up of dirt and blood that stuck to your face. The coolness of the cloth soothed you, closing your eyes to focus on its calming effect. 

However, your eyes shoot open as you feel a weight being lifted from your head.

“No!” you say, clutching your crown that your mother now held in her hands, “I don’t ever want to take it off again”.

Her gaze flickers between your eyes in concern and she says, “Let me just clean it”.

You look down to it now and take your hands away. Turning them over, you see the print of blood upon your palms and quickly ball up your fists in your lap. You nod in understanding.

You were so jumpy. You had to take back control of your emotions, stop the Force from running free with them.

“Here you are,” your mother says after a moment, placing the crown back onto your head, “you do know you’re going to have to take it off to actually bathe?”

You give her a small smirk at her remark. 

“Yes, mother. I am aware,” you reply.

As you looked up to her and around the room, you were suddenly reminded that your bedroom was starkly more intact than the rest of the castle. It was as if you had never left it.

“How come my bedroom is still so pristine compared to the rest of the palace?” you ask, untying your cape as you stand up and let it fall to the floor, the sound of running water enticing you to want that bath sooner rather than later.

You mother scoops the cape up off the floor as she says, “Vancil had decided to take my chambers, moving me into yours. I was the only one who cared about appearances, clearly”. 

You hum in response, taking your place back on the edge of the bath and running your hands through the water.

“I’m sorry for what I did…” you mumble, a lump forming in your throat at the mention of that bastard’s name.

Your mother’s face falls as she looks at you while coming over from hanging up the cape to now pour some bubble bath into the water.

“I should have taken him prisoner or something, not,” you swallow, “kill him. I promise I’ll get better at controlling this anger that seems to rise in those sorts of situations”.

“Not that you’ll be in that sort of situation again,” your mother interjects.

“No,” you say, not completely convinced but you had to reassure your mother, “but just in case. I know I told them to never come back but there’s really nothing to stop the First Order from trying to recapture Rossi”.

Your mother places the bottle she holds in her hands down onto the edge of the bath - her gaze fixed on the running water.

“Please don’t say things like that, (y/n),” she says, deadly serious.

“We just have to be realistic! “ you reply, trying to catch her eye, “They know we’ll resume supplying the Resistance now that I’m back and you know they’ll do anything to hinder the Resistance in any way”.

“I’m not losing you again!” she exclaims, her head snapping up and brows furrowed in worry.

You sigh, reaching across to place your hand on hers.

“And you won’t,” you reassure her, “I have ways to defend myself now. I’m not going back to that ship”.

“And they’re not coming back here. They’re not,” she states and turns off the tap to then start to make her way out of the room..

“Mother...please try and be realistic,” you plead, walking towards her.

“I’ll be waiting for you outside. Take your time,” she says and before you can reply, she is out of the door and shuts it closed behind her.

She couldn’t live in denial forever.

Of course they were going to be back at some point. You were still a valuable asset to the Resistance and after their discovery of Luke Skywalker’s whereabouts, you were sure that they were going to ramp up their efforts which meant more resources were needed. Not to mention that you had greatly angered their most important and fierce General. 

You bite your lip as you realise you’re thinking about him again. Even when you had escaped the First Order, you couldn’t escape him.

You turn around and step into the bath after you strip yourself of your clothes and settle in with your thoughts.

Being back home just reminded you why you even tried to bring Hux back in the first place. You missed your summers together and now that you were home, your mind had decided that he was capable of turning back to the light - something you had completely dismissed altogether just a few days ago.

You swish the water with your fingers as you think. It was probably your mind trying to deal with the guilt of still wanting him, even after everything he had done.

You were grateful to be home, thoughts otherwise would be insane, but how were you going to deal with these irrational, foolish thoughts when everything you looked at reminded you of a memory with Armitage?

For now, luckily, you were exhausted.

You had to almost stop yourself from falling asleep in the bath after you had washed yourself. You made sure to scrub every inch of you - wanting to rid yourself of the metaphorical stink of the battle, of Vancil’s blood and even your time at the Resistance base.

You took care to place your crown on the floor next to the bath as you washed your hair.

It was like you were revealing your old self. You were now ready to pick up where you had left off before your kidnapping, before the First Order, before General Hux.

It had been a good while since Hux had been near you, let alone touch you anyway. Not that you cared, you told yourself. Maybe if you kept repeating it to yourself then you would actually feel that way eventually.

After you have dried yourself and put on the pajamas your mother had left for you, you make your way back into the bedroom to see your mother sitting on the edge of the bed.

You do not even have the strength to say anything, instead opting to crawl into bed as she shifts.

She places a kiss upon your forehead as you close your eyes, settling down into the comfort of your own sheets.

“Goodnight, (y/n). I love you,” your mother says, softly brushing your hair back with her hand.

You smile, “Goodnight, mother. I love you too”.

You settled in for what you hoped would be the first good night’s sleep in a while...

Chapter Text

Of course you were not going to get a good night’s sleep - not with your mind racing, unable to turn it off. You wondered if you could use your own Force sleep power on yourself but decided against it. You didn’t want it to become a crutch.

When eventually you did fall asleep, it was not long until you were plagued with dreams. Only one that you remember though - vividly.

You were back aboard the Finaliser but not present. The corridors whirled past you in a dark haze. Panic overtook you and you ran frantically looking for someone but every officer, every stormtrooper ignored you like you didn’t even exist.

Through the Force, you pushed on as it showed you your path, finally stopping at a door. As you peered through, you saw him - his leg bandaged, free of his usual great coat.

“It was a coordinated incursion, Allegiant General,” his voice rings out in the room that you now find yourself in all of a sudden, “They overpowered the guards and forced me to take them to their ship”.

“I see,” another voice speaks.

Tearing your eyes from Hux you see another, older man - a strangely familiar looking man - as he stands looking out at the endless space before him before turning to a nearby stormtrooper.

“Get me the supreme leader”.

And then there is a pain - a searing pain right through your abdomen as you watch Hux slide backwards by the sheer force of a blaster bolt aimed directly at him.

Your vision swirls as you desperately try to sprint over to him but it is as if the room moves just as you do, somehow leaving you in the same space as you had found yourself appearing in despite the fact that you swear your legs were moving. Someone is shouting, in fact it is your own shouts that fill your mind.

“Tell him we found our spy,” the voice continues, slowly getting further and further away as your vision finally fades to black.

You shoot up in bed as you are abruptly awoken and find yourself gasping for air, drenched in sweat. Shaking, your eyes dart around the room and your hands fly to the locket around your neck as you try to remind yourself where you were, that it was just a dream...nothing more.

What...what was that?

It felt like much more than a simple dream. It was too clear, too logical.

That man - it was Allegiant General Pryde from the gala that had shot Hux.

Your brow furrows as your still fresh from sleep mind tries to make sense of this premonition you’d had. 

Rubbing the spot over your own abdomen as you remember the pain searing through it, your mind decides to think back to the feeling of your fingertips on Hux’s abdomen back on Starkiller - the first time you had shared a bed together since you were young. Something that seemed like a lifetime ago when really it was, what, a few weeks ago?

The dream was fading from your memory as mere seconds ticked by.

Shaking your head of the actual memory, you turn to see the warm glow of the sunrise stream through the curtains of the door that lead to your balcony and ache for the last of the cool air before the sun heated up the planet for another day.

The cold breeze settles over you as you open the glass doors, welcoming the goosebumps that rippled over your skin and close your eyes as you take a breath of fresh air. Letting the coldness wash over you now, the feelings of panic subside but only to be overtaken by hurt. 

How dare Hux keep invading your sleep even when you had returned home, the one place you thought was safe?

Was your brain coming up with hate dreams now or was the Force trying to show you something? You run a shaky hand over your face as you curse Hux’s name for the millionth time. Heartbreak was exhausting but that was nothing new to you.

Whatever was going on it didn't matter. You had decided to move on as if you had never met Hux again and you were going to stick to your word, for your sake and for those around you.

Your eyes focus on the twin mountains before you, Hux’s depiction of them flashing through your mind for a second before turning around and walking back into your room with a sigh. 

It wasn’t going to be easy.

There was no point in trying to get back to sleep now so you decided to get ready for the day. There was much to do and you had yet to decide to even decide where to begin.

Walking back inside, your eyes are instantly drawn to the pile of drawings on your desk. Your mother must have tidied up as you slept.

That was the first thing to do - get rid of everything that reminded you of Hux.

As you had thought earlier, of course it wasn’t going to be easy. Everything reminded you of him when you look around, the memories of Armitage fresh in your mind as you run your eyes over the detailing of your bedroom.

But, the drawings. They were one thing that you could hide away.

So, you gather them up and shove them back into the small cubby hole where you had taken them from behind your bed. 

It was like you were ceremoniously locking up your memories to never look at them again. 

Afterwards, you strip off your pyjamas and run your hands over the dresses that adorn your wardrobe. The fine silks are soft against your skin and you smile.

Image is everything as a royal and these dresses hold who you are.

Eventually, you settle on a long, simple light emerald dress and slip into it, feeling instantly like yourself as you zip it up. 

This feeling solidifies itself in your chest as you admire yourself in the mirror. 

This was it -  the start of you moving on.

You spent the day assessing the damage both to your palace and to the nearby areas. With a good clean, the palace would be restored to its former glory but the surrounding villages were a little more worse for wear. You shook hands and conversed with your people, pledging to them that you would help them rebuild no matter what. Your return had brought them immense hope, you could sense it in every person you came across and you hoped that you would not let them down. You couldn’t keep doing that...

A meeting was then held to discuss the overall state of the planet and the populace.

You had called your Royal Advisers into the council chambers and had just gotten into your plan for the rebuilding of Rossi when Adreal, your main Royal Adviser speaks up.

“We should be focusing on your coronation, princess. It will be a moral boost for the people who have spent too long worrying for their future and their leader,” he says, looking around for encouragement from the other advisers, “Now that you are back, we must show them that you are here to stay and ready to lead them back to the life that they used to know”.

“Adreal, I will not be seen parading around in an opulent dress and spend thousands on a ceremony while my people have not even rebuilt their homes or livelihoods. What sort of impression do you think that will give them?” you reply as you stare at the dark skinned man before you in disbelief.

“Your highness, your people have missed you and to see you back in your rightful place will surely give them the drive to rebuild their lives after the terror of the First Order,” he replies, not backing down.

Adreal had always been a bit too pushy and forthright but normally it was something you admired. Now, he was just being naïve.

You shake your head at him, “I will not have it. Our efforts will be focused solely on the rebuilding effort. There will be no more negotiations”.

A flicker of annoyance passes Adreal’s face as he turns from you to the holopad in front of him and you continue to lay out your plan.  

Adreal’s defiance grated on you throughout the meeting. Had he become so detached from your line of thinking in these past few months that you should be worried?

Such a question was soon answered when you were suddenly interrupted when drawing up policy a week later in the very same meeting room.

“Your highness!” a communication guard exclaims as she comes rushing in, making everyone fall quiet, “we have received a distress signal from the Resistance from an old base on Crait - it’s from General Leia herself”.

Your stomach drops at her words.

“Send a royal squadron there at once,” you command but a voice is quick to interject.

“Princess! Let us discuss such a hasty action first!” Adreal exclaims.

Your head whips round to stare down the man who dared question your help to the Resistance.

“Adviser, there is nothing to discuss. The Resistance has our unwavering loyalty and therefore we must do anything to help them,” you bite back, trying your best to hide the annoyance laced in your voice, “May I remind you that it was the Resistance who helped me return to Rossi. We owe them”.

There are murmurs from the crowd and the Force tells you that not everyone is convinced. 

“Your highness, perhaps we should take stock here,” another Adviser turns to you, “we have hardly recovered from the First Order ourselves. I do not think that we are in a position quite yet to fight them again”.

“I’m afraid I’m inclined to agree, your highness,” another adviser turns around, “we have to think of Rossi first and foremost”.

“Perhaps a vote is needed here,” Adreal speaks up again, “Those who wish to help the Resistance and add more time onto our rebuilding effort, raise your hand”.

Your hand shoots straight up, looking around at those who agreed with their ruler.

There were not many..

Three more hands go up and your heart flips.

“And those who wish to keep our focus on Rossi and its people?” Adreal continues as he raises his own hand and you lower yours.

At such a loaded question, five other hands go up.

4 to 6.

You had lost not only the vote, but also the support of your own advisers it seemed. 

“Princess?” he turns to you now, expectantly.

You had the final say as the head of the council but you knew that if you did not go with the majority vote then you would lose even more support. Your power to veto was more of a formality than anything.

You looked around at your advisers as they all stared at you, waiting for your verdict.

Never in your lifetime did you think that they would be against helping the Resistance. After your Father had passed, you made sure to weed out any old Empire or First Order supporters. It had not been an easy task but you thought it had been worth it as you then worked effortlessly with your newly appointed council.

Your gaze moves towards the large window that stood at the opposite end of the chambers, the stained glass painting the sun beams blues and reds as it streamed in. Letting the Force overtake you, you feel your subjects’ pain, their anguish but most prominently their hopefulness at the future now that you are back. 

You could not let them down.

“We shall keep our focus on Rossi,” you eventually say, sitting down defeatedly in your chair, “do not respond”.

The rest of the meeting goes on without any more interruptions and soon enough, the policy was in place to support Rossi moving forward.

An uneasiness had settled in your chest throughout, feeling the slow ebb and flow of the Force as it stirred in your veins. It wasn’t right for you to have ignored the Resistance’s cry for help but you did promise to yourself that Rossi would be your priority and you needed your adviser’s loyalty.

“Your highness!” you hear a voice call after you as you begin to make your way out of the council chambers.

Stopping in your tracks you turn to see Adreal striding up to you and you suppress a groan of annoyance.

“What is it, Adreal?” you snap at him and you see him flinch back at your harshness.

“Sorry,” you say softer now, “It’s been a stressful few days back”.

He smiles a tight-lipped smile to you and watches the other advisers leave before clearing his throat.

“I understand, your highness. I wanted to apologise for my directness lately. I just want what is best for Rossi, I hope you see that,” he says.

“Of course,” you reply, patting him on the shoulder and move to make your way to the door once again.

“I just...I think I speak for everyone when I say how relieved we are to have you back,” he begins and you stop to turn back to him and give him a small smile, “We have not had time to discuss what happened while you were away and I would rather not go into it too much but let us just say it has affected all of us more than we could express. It has not been an easy thing to recover from but now that you are back and in your rightful place we are all much more hopeful. When the First Order was here...well, all of us sustained many...injuries for standing up for you and waiting for you to get back. We have all sacrificed a lot for you”.

“Adreal, I’m sorry, I never intended-” you begin but Adreal is not done with his speech.

 “I don’t want to guilt trip you!” he interrupts, “That is not my intention at all. I just wanted to try and articulate to you why we are so focused on Rossi and why we are so desperate for you to lead the relief effort. Please do not think that any of our loyalties are in question”.

You look at the man before you now and realise that you had been way too hard on him. The Force told you that he truly did have the best intentions behind his advice. He was broken too, that was also clear and you cursed yourself for not taking into account what had happened to him while you were gone.

“Adreal, I must also apologise. I have not even thought about what you all must have gone through while the First Order occupied Rossi and your loyalty even through such a terrible time means so much to me,” you say sincerely, placing a hand on his arm, “Together we shall build back Rossi”.

A wide smile appears on his weathered face and he exclaims, “And have your coronation!”

“Yes, yes, of course,” you laugh at the man’s need for a celebration which you couldn’t blame him for after such a time that he had endured, “my coronation shall be arranged as soon as we have rebuilt. I promise”.

Then with a bow and another grin, Adreal excuses himself from the chamber and you are left in the room alone. 

It was late, the sun had set hours ago as you looked upon the great stained glass window again. No sun beams streamed through now but the lights of the room lit up the scene painted onto the large glass panes. 

In deep, rich colours, your Father sat upon his throne dressed up in his coronation regalia, the sacred tree of your family behind him. His crown was a lot more grandiose than the one you had retrieved from Vancil - this one was the crown reserved only for coronations. It was simplified for the sake of the stained glass but you could still make out its distinctive shape wrapped around his head in furls of golden leaves that came to an almost circlet-like point upon his forehead where the royal crystal was held symbolised by a bright white, long, hexagonal shape. 

You hoped you would be as revered on your own coronation as he was on his, that you would be as good a leader as he was. You felt tears begin to well up as you took in his image.

Even in death, your Father still looked over you. 

Vancil’s death flashed through your mind and you scrunched up your face - willing it to pass. You had gone against your Father’s wishes and you hated yourself for it, but what could you do other than move on; atone for your sins by being the ruler that Rossi needed.

You would make your Father proud of you again.

Settling in for the night, you once again resisted the urge to use your own mind trick on yourself to get to sleep. The dream of Hux’s ‘death’ had plagued you again last night and it was not something you wished to see anymore. Not since Hux had been taken away from you, had you gotten such poor sleep as you had had over the last few days. 

You wondered what your mind had in store for you this night as you slowly began to drift off…

Cheering.

That was the first thing that you could make out, getting louder and louder. 

Then, a bright light which slowly focused into a crowd.

They stared up at you, clapping as a grin graced every single face that you could see.

And then you were aware that you were not alone - your hand was intertwined with someone else's.

“They love you,” a voice says and you knew exactly whose voice it was.

“They love us ,” you reply as if you couldn’t believe it and stared up at Hux who was standing beside you, hand in yours.

His hair was less stiff, most of it hidden by your golden crown of leaves and he was wearing a white, royal suit. 

“Who’d have thought it,” he says with a chuckle as he looked directly into your eyes.

His own green eyes shone with a softness that you felt he saved only for you.

The roar of the crowd grew and grew and eventually the dream fell away as the cheering swelled to a crescendo. 

Your eyes shoot open as you wake and let out a ragged breath, “No…” 

Chapter Text

You struggle to breathe as your dream swirls around in your mind, your chest still filled with the light, giddy feeling you felt when you had looked at Hux in front of the crowd.

No. This wasn’t happening. You weren’t allowed to feel like this anymore. 

But, you missed him, by the stars you missed him so much. Tears involuntarily make their way down your face at your realisation and you bunch your hair up in your hands as you try to push away the feeling. 

No, you don’t, you tell yourself over and over again. 

It was in vulnerable moments such as these, that you wondered how you would react if Hux were to ever come back to see you.

You just wanted him to apologise, to say that he was sorry and you knew that you would take him back. After all, all you wanted was for him to turn back to the light.

You knew it was stupid, that the things he had done could not be forgiven so easily or quickly but that did not matter to your irrational, lovestruck brain. 

He should be here, back on Rossi...in your bed. 

Giving out a groan of irritation, you turn over to the other side of your bed.

Behind you, you could feel Hux’s old, very, very weak Force signature radiating from the drawings stuffed behind your headboard. They had not been a problem before tonight but now, when your mind had decided to imagine this wildly, intoxicatingly romantic scenario, they had become suffocating.  

You think of his hands - how delicately they held the pen as they glided over the page, leaving his mark on the paper.

Then how his hands were on you - just as delicately gliding his fingers down the softness of your skin and how good it felt. 

How he held you close the few nights you got to spend together - wrapped up in each other's arms. You felt more tears fall as you remembered his arms snaking around your waist, pulling you towards the comfort of his chest as he realised, even in his sleepy state, that you had drifted away from him in the bed, like he needed to be near you.

Sobs wracked your body now as you tried to keep in the cries of heartbreak, mere whimpers escaping your lips as your whole body tensed, your vocal chords constricting. 

Eventually, you lost the energy to continue with your crying, ending up lying motionless on your bed as birdsong filled your ears and the sun streamed through the windows, illuminating the tear stains upon your cheek.

Staring up at the ceiling, you felt helpless. What was the point of getting up? You had set your plan in motion to rebuild Rossi. What harm would it be to stay here forever as everyone else worked? They knew what they were doing, they didn’t need you anymore. 

At these thoughts, there was a knock at the door.

You did not answer.

“Your highness?” a voice calls from the other side of the door, probably one of the servants, “it is time to wake up”.

More silence as you ignored them again.

There was a rattle as they tried the door but it was locked. After getting kidnapped, you were overly cautious and had made sure to lock all entrances into your room every night.

You hear nothing for a while more until eventually you hear the sound of footsteps walking away.

Maybe if you continued ignoring everyone then they would all leave you alone, at least for the day. 

Knock knock.

The door again.

“(Y/n)?” a different voice calls from behind the door now - your mother.

She too tries the door but to no avail.

(Y/n)?! (Y/n)?! Are you in there?!” she is shouting now, panic filling her voice.

Shit...of course she’s worried. The last time you didn’t answer, you had been kidnapped.

You manage to find the energy to raise your hand and use the Force to lift the latch, unlocking the door and your mother bursts in.

“(Y/n)!” she exclaims, rushing over to your bedside, “you had me worried for a moment there! Why aren’t you answering?”

You merely swallow hard and turn away in response.

Her hand is soon rubbing comforting circles on your back, “What’s wrong?”

There is a moment of silence as you try to find the effort to say something.

“How,” you start but then cough to clear your voice after your crying spell, “how did you deal with the heartbreak after father died?”

This time there was silence at your mother’s expense.

You feel her shift on the bed as she sends away the servant waiting at the door and then turns back to you.

“With time,” she states and all you can do is scoff.

“Bullshit,” you murmur into your sheets but she still hears you.

“(Y/n)! Language!” she exclaims, playfully batting you on the arm.

“Sorry…” you say, finally turning over to look at her, “I just don’t believe that’s it”.

She sighs and shuffles to rest against the headboard, pulling you into a hug.

“But it is,” she says matter of factly, “over time the weight in your chest gets lighter, you realise you're crying less, thinking about him less. The pain eventually settles down and you find yourself smiling at his memory instead of hurting”.

“What...what if, let’s say, you’re trying to get over someone who has hurt you so you don’t even think you should be crying over him…” you say sheepishly, not trying your hardest to be subtle as you look up at her.

Your mother looks down to you and smiles at you sadly.

“Is this about Armitage?” she asks softly and you turn away from her again, fractionally twitching the corners of your eyes and mouth - a habit you had picked up from Hux you realised. 

“Maybe…” you whisper.

You knew your mother was the most understanding out of everyone about the situation, you’d told her everything eventually, but it was still embarrassing to admit.

She sighs sadly, rubbing your arm in comfort.

“It’s going to hurt for a while, of course it is, but at least you have much to distract yourself with,” she says and you scrunch your eyes shut tight.

You couldn’t bring yourself to even get up out of bed let alone carry out your royal duties today. But you guess she was right - if you actually got on with something then that would stop your mind from wandering and thinking about everything.

So, with a groan, you haul yourself up from the bed and get ready for the day.

In between the rebuilding efforts, you manage to sneak off to call Maya. The deep pit in your stomach hadn’t gone away since you had made the decision to not respond to the Resistance’s distress call. You needed to set it straight with them...if they were still alive.

Your holopad beeps a few times as you sit on your bed, waiting for Maya to pick up. Every unanswered ring that went by made the pit in your stomach sink deeper and deeper.

Fortunately, Maya’s hologram eventually does appear and you breathe a sigh of relief.

“Maya!” you call out, trying to make out through the grainy hologram if she was alright.

“(Y/n)!” she exclaims back, “Where have you been? Did you get our distress call?”

“I...I did and Maya, I can explain,” you start as you watch Maya cross her arms defensively, “we had to take a council vote and I lost. We don’t yet have the resources to help the Resistance, I had to prioritise my planet and I am so sorry but I will make it up to you! Just give me a little bit more time and I will send all that I can to you, I promise!”

There is a moment of silence as Maya thinks things over and then eventually drops her defensive position and says, “I understand, princess. It has not been long since you have gotten back and you’re right, you need to prioritise Rossi”.

You have to bite back the tears of relief that were forming at her words.

“If it wasn’t for Adreal then I would have sent a ship straight away,” you complain, hoping that Maya would see that if it was up to you then you definitely would have helped.

“That old goat is still around?” she laughs, “I understand the need for ‘protocol’ or whatever but I was getting sick of having to jump through hoops when trying to get his approval for something”.

“You and me both!” you exclaim and the both of you sigh in annoyance, “but he’s old. Personally, I think he just wants to get the rebuilding of Rossi done as quickly as possible so he doesn’t die before he gets to see my coronation!”

“Yanno, I wouldn’t be surprised!” she replies and the two of you break into laughter again.

When the laughter fizzles out though, Maya’s face falls.

“Just wished someone responded though, yanno?” she says and your eyes go wide.

“What?! No one came to help?” you reply, totally shocked that the Resistance had lost so many supporters that no one would come to help.

“Well...there were two particular people,” she says, a lot more upbeat this time.

Maya goes on to tell you the story of how Luke Skywalker came to their rescue - fighting Kylo Ren head on, all for it to be ruse because he was a Force ghost the whole time and then of Rey returning in the Millennium Falcon to help them escape from Crait and fly them to safety.

“We’re on our way to Ajan-Kloss right now. We’re gunna set up base there for a while I think,” she finishes and you have to take a moment to take it all in.

“Wow...that’s actually crazy! I am so so glad that you are alright though! How’s Poe and Rey? And Finn?” you ask, praying to the gods that they were also ok.

You still hadn’t managed to repair your reputation with the ex-stormtrooper but you still cared about him.

“Yeah, they’re all fine. We’re actually ok considering! I’m optimistic about our own rebuilding effort,” she says and you give her a wide smile.

“And you will have all of my help as soon as possible!” you say.

“I’ll give Leia your message,” she says and then turns to someone off screen and then back to you, “Oh, I’ve gotta go! We’re on our landing approach now. I’ll be in touch!”

“Oh ok! May the Force be with you!” you reply, giving her a wave goodbye and with a salute, Maya cuts off.

With Maya’s communication, the pit in your stomach is lifted along with your mood and you go off to help restore your planet to its former glory.

The next few months went by quickly. 

There was nothing from the First Order and you hoped that it would stay that way. They had clearly gotten your message.

But you wished that what your mother had said to you was true - that things would get easier with time but that just didn’t happen. Hux still invaded your dreams either with his death that your mind had ridiculously made up or with the two of you happy together again which was just as ridiculous, if not more so. 

You wanted to let go so badly, there was no reason to hold on and yet your heart would still hurt every time you thought of him, foolishly wishing and waiting for him to come back, to say that he was sorry. You knew it was never going to happen but that didn’t stop you from daydreaming about it.

In the meantime, the rebuilding of Rossi had almost reached completion with the help of your Force powers, with the exceptions of the more rural areas that required more help; the palace was back to pristine condition.

Such progress meant that it was finally time for your coronation. 

You stare at yourself in your full length mirror moments before you were due to start the procession to the temple. You’d not gotten this far last time you were preparing for your coronation - Hux had taken that from you nearly a year ago now. Had it really been so long, you wondered to yourself.

“The carriage is outside, your highness” your maid states as she appears in the doorway of your bedroom.

“Thank you, I will be there momentarily,” you reply and turn to her with a smile.

She gives you a small smile back, curtseys and then disappears out of sight. Turning back to look at your reflection, you give yourself the once over once more to make sure you look perfect for the most important day of your life. 

You run your hands down the full, silken skirt, smoothing it out and think that you had never worn such a beautiful dress. It was almost white but gleamed golden instead of a brilliantly bright white. A panelled corset lead into the full skirt that trailed behind you and around the edges of both were intricate hand-made flowers in muted colours of white, lilac, pink, green and gold; around the skirt, the flowers trailed up just a little bit in even distributions. The wide straps, also adorned with the muted flowers, led to a mesh cape the same colour as your dress that also trailed behind you with embroidered pink and white flowers. Most importantly, a modest neckline allowed you to wear your locket for all to see and to keep your Father close on your big day.

Your makeup included heavy blush and bright golden eyeshadow that made your eyes shine while your hair was brought up into a half up, half down style held up by a lilac leaf clip that let your face stand out to everyone.

You really had never felt so beautiful or regal - like a Queen.

Making your way down the palace steps towards the front door, the quiet murmur of a crowd soon erupts into a roar as you step out into the brisk, Autumn weather and take in the scene before you. Your subjects had gathered in the front garden and snaked all the way towards the temple and out of sight. They whooped and hollered, waving Rossi’s flag of two stags flanking your family’s crest as you gracefully made your way down the marble steps. How different this place looked now that it had been restored when mere months ago this was where you had fought to reclaim your title.

The carriage that you stepped into was an archaic model with wheels instead of hover engines but it was tradition and you rather enjoyed the sensation of the bumpy rides on the few occasions you had ridden in it. 

The path to the temple was lined with people, all of them still cheering for you. You let their happiness and hopefulness wash over you in the Force, filling you with light. 

This is what you were born for - to inspire hope in your people, to give them something to celebrate. 

Eventually, the carriage stops and the door opens.

“Princess,” your mother states warmly, offering her hand to help you down and towards the temple steps.

You smile at her and a moment passes between the two of you. This was a memory that you would remember forever.

She leads you up towards the temple’s entrance to more cheers behind you, shouting your name and wishing you well.  When you reach the top, your mother takes off her shoes before leading you in.

This was it. 

The next time you would be outside this temple is when you are Queen of Rossi.

Taking a deep breath, you step inside.

You make your way down the aisle with your mother trailing behind you and either side of you were the special ones who got to see your coronation up close - mayors, acolytes, the council, to name but a few. Then, of course, Maya and Poe which you had placed right up front as promised. They all knelt on the ground sans shoes on this consecrated ground as they all looked up at you, the happiness radiating off them. 

You try to look at as many in the eye as possible, making sure to throw a wink at Maya and Poe who wink back, before stopping at the altar. Your mother takes her position in the crowd as you look up at the tall, sacred tree before you. Your eyes run across the various branches that all snake up and intertwine with each other to make this immense tree that stretched up into the sky. The limited sun that peeked through the clouds from the open roof shone off the small body of water that encased the flower bed where the tree stood.

As you took in this sight, the Force sang within your veins. You could feel the lifeforce of the water, the golden flowers and the individual tree branches - each one heavy with the different Force signatures of the rulers that had planted them. 

Your ancestors were here to support you in your coronation just like you will when the next ruler is coronated. 

“Princess (y/n) (l/n) of Rossi,” the Arch-Cleric’s voice rings out as he stands before you on the steps to the altar, “You have come here today to swear your life to the protection of Rossi. Are you willing to accept this role?”

“I am willing,” you state.

“And are you willing to add your sapling to fortify the sacred tree as your forefathers did before you?”.

“I am willing”.

“Then step forward and solidify your place as ruler of this planet,” the Arch-Cleric says and hands you a small sapling that had been passed to him.

You carefully take the bunch of soil from him and he retreats to the side so you can ascend the steps and approach the pond. As you do, a small wall rises up in the middle, separating the body of water and slowly the two pieces open up to reveal a walkway to the sacred tree. 

You make the procession towards the sacred tree and kneel down in the soil, not caring for your dress. When you place your sapling into the premade indent in the dirt, you feel a pulse of the Force fly up into your body from your fingertips and as you cover it over you have to take a second as you are overwhelmed with the voices of your ancestors filling your mind. You couldn’t make out what any of them were saying but by the gods they were loud.

They were so loud that the Arch-Cleric had to repeat himself to get your attention.

“And now you will enrich the sapling with your lifeforce,” he says louder this time and holds out a knife to you with a hilt of carved wood.

Taking yourself away from the voices, you look up to him and eventually take the dagger from him.

Slowly and carefully, you run the dagger over the palm of your left hand and let the blood drip down onto the soil. As if in slow motion, you watch the first drop hit the dirt and you feel yourself being lurched forward, your sight instantly disappearing.

“(Y/n)?” a voice says through the darkness and when there is light again, you see your father standing before you - standing amongst a lush woodland.

“Father?!” you exclaim before running to embrace him, unable to stop the tears from falling as you do.

“You made it then,” he says as he holds you tight, “Rossi has been left in good hands”.

You chuckle into his shoulder before pulling away and looking at the face you had missed for so long.

“I miss you,” you say, taking in every feature of his face, memory after memory rolling in your mind.

“I’m always there with you. You know that,” he says, wiping a tear from your cheek.

“It’s not the same...I worry that I won’t be able to rule as well as you did. I understand why you kept up relations with the First Order even when you realised they were turning into something evil. The sacrifices you made for your people...I don’t know if I could ever be that strong,” you say, pouring out your heart to the only man who would understand such insecurities, “I have already gone against your wishes for me and I am not even Queen quite yet”.

Your father looks back at you with not sadness in his eyes, as you had expected, but with pride.

“You did what you had to do. You were fighting against the First Order and I have no doubt that you will be as strong, if not stronger, than me,” he says sincerely, “in fact I think I was wrong to have taken the Force from you all those years ago. I know I was afraid of losing you to the Jedi but looking at you now, I think you could have told them a hard no and they would have taken it”.

His eyes crinkle as he laughs and you join in, tears still falling from your own eyes.

“There is no doubt in my mind that you are what Rossi needs now. It is clear that your people think that too,” he continues.

“My people…,” you say, the words sitting weird on your tongue in the presence of your father. 

He nods at you as you ponder the words before bringing you into a tight hug once more.

“I’m proud of you, (y/n),” he whispers and you hug him even tighter, not wanting to ever leave this moment.

“I love you, father”

“I love you too, (y/n)”

As the words leave his mouth he starts to fade.

You look into his eyes as he does and prepare to return to the present, to your duties and your people.

“Oh and don’t give up on Armitage just yet!” he shouts and the words hit your ears as if he is getting further and further away from you.

“What?!” you exclaim in response, your eyes going wide.

The smell of the rich soil hits you as you return to the present, your bloody hand coming into focus as you feel its sting.

But you do not have any time to think about what your father had said as the knife is pulled from your hand which brings you back to the reality that you were still in the middle of your coronation and a ritual that was very important.

You take a deep breath to steady yourself as you arise from the soil and turn around to raise your bloody hand to the crowd, showing them that the ritual was complete.

The holocameras that float around come to focus on you as you make your way back to the altar steps, the pond closing behind you. The Arch-Cleric bandages your hand with a white cloth as you now kneel before him while an acolyte takes off your shoes. 

“Now, we present you with the sacred artifacts of Rossi as you take the sacred oath,” the Arch-Cleric states as he takes the artifacts from the acolytes standing ready with them.

“I present to you the Kyber Geode,” he begins and places a grainy rock containing striking, white Kyber crystals inside into your freshly bandaged hand, “Will you solemnly promise to govern in a way that prioritises the safety, wellbeing and prosperity of Rossi and all of its citizens?”

“I solemnly promise to do so”.

“I present to you the staff of the sacred tree,” he states and pass you a long, dark wooden staff with another striking, white Kyber crystal at the top encased in the wood, “Will you to your power cause law and justice, in mercy, to be executed in all your judgements?”

“I will”.

“Please solidify your oath”.

“The things which I have here before promised, I will perform and keep as witnessed by the powers of the Force and the citizens of Rossi”.

Finally, he takes the coronation crown from the last acolyte - the detail of the golden leaves and the crystals that adorned it more breathtakingly beautiful than you had ever thought possible.

“It is then with this crown that has sat upon your forefathers before you, that I proclaim you Queen (y/n) (l/n) of Rossi, ruler, protector and sovereign evermore”.

The moment the intricate crown is placed upon your forehead, your ears will with the joyful shouts of the crowd professing ‘Long Live the Queen!’.

You turn to look upon the faces of your loving subjects, finally standing proudly before them as their Queen.

The stone of the floor is cool against your feet as you make your procession down the aisle to the crowd waiting outside, the people around you throwing flower heads at your feet as you walk. The coldness brings you comfort and focus within the dizzying shouts and applause coming from all directions and you remember your small encounter with your father, leading to a smile gracing your face now.

Two acolytes are waiting at the entrance as you step out to greet your subjects. They take the two artifacts from your hands, leaving you with your crown as you wave and smile at the crowd who were also throwing around flower heads in celebration.

“Long live the Queen! Long live the Queen!”

The chant rings out across the crowd and you solidify this overwhelming feeling in your chest. This support from your people was why you were here, why you fought so hard to get back to them and now you would lead them through the no doubt tumultuous times ahead.

You wish that you could stand upon the temple steps forever, taking in each and every face that looked up at you in hope.

But you were more anxious to get back to the palace because then you would get to meet some of them. It was customary to grant a few, select citizens favours in exchange for an offering on a ruler’s coronation.

So, you slowly make your way down the steps, still smiling and waving, and are helped back into the carriage that was to take you to the palace and the start of this custom.

The cheering and celebration did not stop all the way to the palace as people lined the streets still. It wasn’t until the main doors of the palace were shut (after one last wave to everyone) that you enjoyed some silence.

You instantly start to sprint towards your throne room, throwing the doors open to take in the specially decorated throne room. It wasn’t very proper of a Queen to do such a thing but you had managed to keep the crown steady upon your head so it was fine.

You had but a moment alone before the custom of favours was to begin and you started to take in every little detail of the room as you made your way over to your throne.

Banners of your royal crest hung from the archways behind your throne, trails of ivy and luscious flowers hung along the ceiling and trailed down the vast pillars at the corners of the room.

Your once bare but intricate, wooden throne was adorned with lilac and pink flowers that twisted around the branches of the headboard and down the armrests.

It was absolutely stunning and you approached it to look at it more closely.

However, as you did get closer, there was a fuzziness in the Force coming from behind it.

It was a lifeforce but not a Force sensitive one. In fact, it was just a hole, just an empty space in the Force as you came to focus on it more and more.

There was only one person you knew that now had such little influence on the Force due to his immense hatred of it.

You sit tentatively down on your throne and call out,

“Have you come to kill me?”

Then, from the arches behind you, a figure with fiery red hair, dressed in a long, black coat steps into view. 

Chapter Text

As Hux’s eyes come to rest upon you, there is just a flicker of shock that passes his face before the expressionless mask settles in as you had seen it so many times before.

“How did you know I was here?” he asks so nonchalantly and you have to take a moment to ground yourself.

He was here.

Flesh and blood.

And his voice...it made your heart flutter hearing it after all this time, but you are quick to try and quash such feelings.

“Why are you here?” you bite back, not forgetting the less than friendly interaction you had had the last time you saw him.

Although...that felt like so long ago now. Being back on Rossi, surrounded by good memories of Hux, had dulled down the hurt and betrayal you had felt at that time. Instead there was just longing - longing again for the Armitage you had known.

Seeing him now before you only solidified that longing when you had expected pure hatred towards him. You were angry, of course, but you could not deny that you had missed him.

You stare him down, waiting for an answer but instead you are met with the wrong end of his blaster once again as his hand flies to the weapon at his side.

"What…" you begin to say, rising from your throne, but before you can say anything else, he pulls the trigger - the laser bolt flies towards you and instinctively, you raise your hand up to stop it in midair with the Force. Hux stares at it, mouth open in shock and follows it as you flick it to the side of the hall.

You feel your whole body tense as you look down at him.

His gaze does not shift from the scorched floor, seemingly frozen in place, "So it is true. You have the Force".

"And this is how you decide to test it? You are completely derailing from my question towards you!" you shout at him.

"How do you have the Force?" He asks calmly, gaze still fixed in place on the floor from shock at what he had just witnessed.

"How do you have the audacity to come here after you called me a mere distraction?!" you shout back, taking a step towards him as tears threaten to fall from your eyes.

He doesn't seem to have an answer for this. In fact, as his eyes flicker to you, you see a shadow of panic, of fear even, cross his face. 

The Force...he despised the notion and the fact that you had it...it scared him.

A moment passes between the two of you - the absolute opposite of the situation you had both found yourself in last time. He was scared of you and you stared him down, absolutely fuming.

"Is this the only reason you came here? To see my Force powers for yourself? If so then you can go now. I hope you are satisfied," you say dismissively and turn to go back to your throne.

“No, wait!” he exclaims and you stop but do not move to look back to him.

“(Y/n)?” a voice calls and you finally turn around to see your mother, complete shock upon her face that was now as white as snow as she stares at the boy she had not seen in years standing here in a First Order General’s uniform.

“Mrs. (l/n),” Hux greets her nervously.

He was only expecting to see you. Not your mother as well.

“ General Hux,” she greets back, her voice dripping with contempt.

This was the first time she had greeted him since he had joined the First Order. Normally, she would be on first name terms - Armitage, sometimes even Armie if she was being really endearing but now...she had greeted him by his military title, showing him that the two certainly were no longer on friendly terms.

The message had certainly reached Hux as he tenses and adjusts the bottom of his uniform’s tunic, trying to regain some authority in the room. He knew it was useless - both you and your mother were angry at him right now.

“Shall I call the guards?” she asks, turning back towards the entrance to the throne room.

“No,” you state and both your mother and Hux turn to look at you, “Hux came all this way. I shall hear him out”.

You meet Hux’s gaze, giving nothing away as he straightens himself out.

“Stall them for just a moment. I will only allow him to talk for a few minutes,” you continue and shift your attention back to your mother.

She looks at you, puzzled at your reaction, making sure that this is what you really wanted. You give her a calm nod in response and, with one last wary look at Hux, she disappears behind the doors. 

Sitting back down on your throne, you let out a sigh. You do not even bother to look back up to Hux.

“Stars, look at you,” he comments and you could feel his gaze on you, taking you in your full coronation gown.

“Why are you here?” you ask again, feeling more inconvenienced than anything now that he had made you delay your time with your citizens.

A glove hand comes into view holding a white envelope.

You laugh, "is this some sort of 'congratulations on your coronation' card?"

His gaze is serious as you look up at him.

"Please, just open it," he says and you take it from him with a sigh.

A classic colour scheme of black and red that you knew too well comes into view as you take the piece of paper out and run your eyes down the First Order sign up propaganda.

"You're giving me a pamphlet?" You ask, completely confused at what Hux was trying to get at.

"Turn it over," he says.

You do as he asks and you are met with yourself - a portrait of a much younger you.

"You drew this from a memory?" You ask further, still just as confused.

"No. Look at the date of the leaflet," Hux replies. 

As you turn around the leaflet once again, you look towards the date of the sign up event.

"This is…"

"From when we were still together. Yes," he finishes your thought for you and you look up at him.

"Where did you get this? You didn't remember me!" you exclaim.

You didn't understand. If had had this the whole time then he must have remembered you! Did he pretend to forget?! 

He swallows hard and says, "I have a box where I had saved just a few things from my childhood. You can imagine that it does not hold much. I went to throw it away many times but every time I did, there was always something preventing me - just a feeling that I should keep it".

You can tell that this is hard for him. A feeling keeping him from doing something? Such a thing was irrational and that did not sit well with him.

"When I returned back to my quarters on the Finaliser after…" he hesitates as he continues his speech, "after what happened on Starkiller, I immediately went to destroy that box but this time I noticed a secret compartment I had built into its lining. It was there that I found that drawing I had done of you. It's on the back of a First Order leaflet because it is all I could find on the ship as my Father took me to Jakku for my...rehabilitation". 

All you can do is shake your head at him as you stare back in bewilderment.

"But, I don't understand," you say, rising from your throne and charging towards him now, "why are you showing me this?!"

You shove the leaflet and the envelope into his chest and he grabs your wrist before you can move away, pulling you close towards him. You push down the feeling that fluttered in your chest from being so close to him again.  

"Because the moment I found that portrait I realised that I had made the biggest mistake of my life!" He exclaims, his eyes desperate as they bore into yours.

"What?" You angrily bite back.

"That I had pushed you away and lost you again!" He confesses and your face falls.

You pull yourself away from his grip and step back from him.

"Don't say things you don't mean," you say seriously as the fuzziness returns, the sound of blood pumping in your ears.

All of sudden you are finding it harder and harder to find your breath as your heart hammers in your chest. 

"(Y/n)," the sound of him calling your name cuts through the mounting fuzziness but you still couldn't look at him, "I knew that you would never want to be with me after what I was about to do so I, foolishly, pushed you away - to protect you”

“How the hell were you protecting me?!” you shout back at him, voice breaking as you look up at him, tears still brimming at your eyes.

“So, you wouldn’t be attached to a monster!” he shouts back and all you can do is scoff at his words.

“I see I have succeeded in that,” he continues more calmly now, “But even as Starkiller fell around me, I rushed to my quarters and you weren’t there and I thought you were dead. But when I went to find Ren I found your holopad. I found the message from the Resistance and I knew that you were alive”.

“And how did that make you feel?” you ask him.

“Relieved”.

You laugh dryly, “You were going to kill me! If I had been there when you came back you would have done it!”

He shakes his head, "No".

“You pulled a blaster on me!” you exclaim.

“I was never going to do it. I could never have killed you,” he says softly, his fingers brushing your cheek before you lean out of his touch as your chest involuntarily constricts.

“Please don’t,” you whisper, unable to meet his eyes, “Don't think you can just come back here, say you made a mistake and think that I will just fall back into your arms,”

You swallow hard before continuing, “Because I want to! My stupid fucking heart can't let go of you. After all this time - after what you did! How I wish we could go back to the way we were - hold you as I once did, be safe in the knowledge that you were there, that I had gotten you back after all these years,”

You look at him now, his expressionless mask slowly slipping, “But you threw my love back in my face. So no, you don't get to come in here and play with my feelings all over again because I do not have the strength for it”.

Licking his lips, he averts his gaze from you, staring straight down at the ground.

“Why am I even telling you all of this? You don’t care,” you say dismissively, shaking your head.

He looks up at you now, “I do. I do care”.

You could see that this was not going to plan for him. He didn’t know how to go about such things, of course he didn’t. You should give him credit for trying but at this point in time, you couldn’t see past what he had done. After all, this was probably some plot to get you back onto the Finaliser to torture you again.

“Stop. Please. Whatever game you are playing with me is over. I will not fall for your empty promises again,” you say, still desperately trying to hold back the tears that were threatening to spill at any moment. 

You wanted to believe him so badly. You wanted things back to the way they were, that is all you had wished for for so long but after everything? You were unsure whether that was even an option now.

“I will not go back on my word this time,” he says.

“How do you expect me to trust you after everything?!” 

“Let me redeem myself, let me prove myself to you”.

“What? What could you possibly do to make everything right?”.

He glances to the side before taking a step towards you and saying, “I will give you and the Resistance information”. 

Your brow furrows in shock as you look back at him.

“What?! You'd betray the whole First Order to get back in my favour?” you whisper harshly to him.

“Well, it also seems we have a common goal now - I need Kylo Ren to lose”.

You say nothing, waiting for him to explain further.

“He now holds the title of Supreme Leader if you can believe it,” he continues, balling his hands into fists, “I fought my way to power, it was handed to Ren!”

“Oh, so this is what it’s all about. Why you’re really here,” you say as you stare daggers at him.

“No!” he exasperates, placing his hands on your arms and you look down at them briefly before turning back to him, “I am ashamed of what I’ve done. Every time I looked into your eyes back on Starkiller I felt ashamed - both at my actions towards you and of what I did. Even now, I'm ashamed of what I’ve done when I look in your eyes”.

As his eyes bore into yours, your own flicker between them, “And in your eyes - I see the burning. But for what? For power?”

His hands travel up your arms to hold your face.

“For you”.

You should pull away, continue to squash these feelings that have been completely unearthed at his return but you can’t find the willpower. Tentatively, your hands come to rest on his chest.

“Why this sudden change of heart? I don’t understand,” you say to him, slowly letting your emotions unravel.

“You say your heart can’t let go of me. Well, mine can’t let go of you. You’re right, it’s been a long time and yet here we are - unable to move on. Surely, that means something?” he says and you think that you had never seen him be so sincere, so open about his emotions before.

Something drastic really must have happened for him to come here like this.

You begin to think things over in your mind, both the good and the bad. You were unsure but you couldn't keep denying the reaction you were having now that he was here in front of you again, holding you like this.

“I can see that you are holding back,” he continues, grazing his thumb over your cheek, “You don’t need to. I’m here”.

“But which version of yourself are you?” you reply, voice strained as the tears now escape from your red eyes that had been trying so hard to keep them back, “even if I take back the Armitage I knew, the moment we were in front of others you would switch back to the heartless First Order General again. How do you expect me to stop seeing the monster upon that platform, eyes on his weapon as it destroyed a whole system when I look at you?!”

“Let me show you that I can be better. Better because of you," he pleads and waits for your reaction but words have become lost on you as you stare back at him, "they say that the First Order rose from the dark side. That's not true. The First Order rose from me and if I can build it up from the ashes of the Empire, I can just as easily take it away and destroy it!"

All of a sudden, a flash of your recurring nightmare appears in your mind - Hux standing in front of Pryde, his injured leg, the blaster bullet to his chest…

"This won't end well for you," you say, coming to play with the material of his coat's lapels.

"You don't know that".

"Yes! I do!" you're whispering harshly at him now, grabbing his lapels, "This...this is too risky".

He places his hands on yours, making you release your grip on him, comforting you.

His eyes are soft as he looks down at you, "I'll be careful".

Another flash - Hux falling to the floor.

"Not careful enough," you say, just audible enough for him to hear.

The sound of the doors to the throne room opening again pulls the two of you back to reality as your mother steps in. She clicks her tongue as you and Hux pull apart from each other to look her way.

"I cannot stall them any longer. They're wondering what's going on," she says, her suspicious gaze not moving from Hux.

"I understand,” you reply, turning to Hux to let him know that it was time for him to go.

He looks to your mother and then you, stepping closer.

“I’m not leaving now. I’ll wait for you,” he says and before you can even begin to protest, he makes his way to the side of the hall to wait in the shadows of some arches.

Your mother looks at you suspiciously but you wave a dismissive hand at her - showing her that you should just get on with things.

Sitting back down on your throne, you take a deep breath as you go back into perfect Queen mode. 

Hux’s timing was...less than perfect, but you would have to deal with that later. For now, you had to be present for your subjects.

People filed through the entrance to the throne room, both young and old alike. They all came bearing gifts of flowers, a cut of their harvest, artwork of their own making. You smiled as each one approached you, taking their gift and listening to their stories and finally their request. Some asked simply for a blessing or some advice, others needed resources to help them get through the approaching winter - whatever they needed you tried your hardest to provide for.

Eventually, only two citizens remained: a young boy and girl.

"Your majesty," they say as they both bow and you can't help the wide smile that spreads across your face.

"And how can I help you two?" You ask sweetly, the two of them warming your heart as you lean forward to beckon them closer.

"Our town's water well was blown up when you went away," the boy states as he steps forward.

"We haven't been able to water our gardens where we play and all the flowers are dead…" the girl finishes off as she too steps forward and the two look up at you expectantly.

"Well then, I shall have to send my finest well diggers to your town as soon as possible!" you say, making sure to look at both of them in turn to show them that you meant it.

Their faces instantly light up at your words but then are quick to fall again.

"I'm sorry but we don't have anything to give you, your majesty," the boy says bashfully, shuffling his feet.

Gosh you wanted to cry at how endearing these two were. They had clearly suffered. They needed a break.

"That's ok. I actually have something to show you though," you say excitedly, rising from your throne to offer your hands to them. 

The two look at each other before tentatively grabbing a hand each and you lead them over to the large, glass double doors to your right that lead to the royal gardens.

"This is my garden," you say and children look on in awe as they take in the multitude of colours that were dotted between the greens of the leaves, "I know you can't play in your gardens right now but you can have absolute free roam of mine'.

You open the doors and gesture outside with a nod of your head.

"Go and see how many different flowers you can find!" You say excitedly to them, bending down to meet them face to face.

Unexpectedly, they both envelope you into a hug.

"Thank you, your majesty!" They squeal and rush out into the garden, giggles escaping from them as they run down the pebbled path.

You watch them chase after each other, getting lost in the innocent moment until a voice pulls you out of it.

“Reminds me of us when we were younger,” Hux says, suddenly appearing beside you.

You jump slightly as you look to him before returning your gaze back to the children.

“I hope that they do not turn out to be like us,” you reply, watching as the boy hides behind a rose bush, teasing the girl.

“Well, me of course but you…” Hux says, turning to look at you.

You pause for a moment, thinking about how different you had become over the years, how different you had become even in the past few months.

“You saw what I did to Vancil,” you say, turning to look at him briefly before wandering back towards your throne. 

He laughs as he follows you, "He was a nuisance anyway, I sent him here so I wouldn’t have to deal with him any longer”.

"But did he deserve to die? Especially in the way that I did it...it wasn't right. It will never feel right no matter what," you say and wipe away the tears that were now falling at the haunting memory.

"It was a necessary means to an end," Hux replies more seriously now as he puts a hand on your arm, pulling you round to face him, "but I'm sorry that you were made to do such a thing".

Silence falls between you two as you cannot find the will to reply. You couldn’t have such a conversation now, not with Hux anyway when there were so many other things to sort out.

Eventually, Hux moves to softly intertwine his fingers with those of your left hand, making sure to carefully avoid the bandage that was wrapped around your palm.

“I thought you had some sort of healing powers?” he inquires, pulling up your hand to inspect the bandage.

“This is one scar that I want,” you reply as you also look down at it, “Every ruler of Rossi has bore the scar of the ceremonial dagger. It is tradition. Marks us as rightfully holding our title”.

“Queen of Rossi,” Hux says wistfully, moving his fingertips affectionately across yours.

You hum in response through your lips that were now drawn into a smile and the two of you look into each other's eyes - the thought that you had never imagined that you would be here, in this position after all these years, passing between the both of you.

It is you who breaks the silence,

“So, where do we go from here?”

Chapter Text

“I must leave you to your festivities,” Hux says, his gaze unwavering from you, “I do not think it would go down well if I was seen parading around your palace”.

“Indeed not,” you reply, blinking back at him, still not quite believing that he was actually standing in front of you.

“But I just...I wanted to see all this for myself, to see you where you are meant to be after all these years,” he says, a hand coming to cup your cheek now and you do not move out of his touch, “and I wanted to explain everything although I know that it does not excuse what I did”.

His words bring you back to reality - what day this was, what he had done.

“I will see you out,” you say, finally moving away from him, “how did you even get in here anyway?”

He begins to make his way towards the back of the hall towards the arches he had first emerged from and you follow. 

“Well, I know this palace well enough now that my memories have come back. And in terms of slipping through undetected - I have my ways,” he says smugly as he looks back at you.

“Oh gosh, sounds like I need to have a word with my head of security,” you half joke, mentally making a note to actually talk to them.

Hux leads you through the secret tunnels and passages to the back of the palace as well as you would have done it and you are almost impressed at his memory. As you step outside, you are met with a clearing with large pine trees up ahead.

“This way,” he says, checking to see that there was no one around before jogging towards the trees.

You jog after him, the cool grass pleasant against your still bare feet.

“You know I am risking everything for you by being out here!” you harshly whisper as you catch up to him.

The two of you slow down once you reach the trees and the ground starts to get a bit more unstable. 

“I know,” he says, taking your hand as you both make your way down the grassy bank, “And I’m risking everything for you by being here”.

 As you reach the bottom of the bank, a small, black ship comes into view.

“Well, here she is,” he says sheepishly, turning to the ship and then back to you.

You hum worriedly, still not happy that he managed to slip through your security undetected but also relieved that he did so you could at least talk privately.

“Can you do something for me?” you ask.

“What is it?”

“Let me read your thoughts - to see if you are lying or not,” you say seriously and he takes a step back from you as fear crosses his face.

He swallows hard before replying, “It normally hurts when Ren does it”.

“I’m not him,” you say softly, stepping forward to close the gap between the two of you, “It won’t hurt as much if you openly let me do it”.

You watch as he deliberates this over in his mind, probably remembering the countless times Kylo had tortured him by invading his thoughts. Eventually, he looks to you and nods his head.

“Ok,” you say, stretching your hand out towards him, “relax as much as possible”.

Carefully, slowly, you enter his mind.

The first thing you are hit with is an overwhelming amount of darkness and the fuzziness returns - fuelled by images of Kylo, the heat of battle and the endless corridors of First Order ships. You push through, searching for the light that you knew was there somewhere, that he had started to show to you. 

But that was not what you found next.

The second thing you felt was shame - the fights between the both of you, your own terrified face as you looked up at Hux’s blaster back on Starkiller, the heat of the crimson beam as the weapon fired. Also, the emptiness he felt from the moment he found that portrait of you, never leaving him until he came here today. He needed you..

But you needed to press on, deeper into the recesses of his mind.

Finally, you found it.

The light - it filled him as memories of you swirl around. You recognised a few moments, both old and new, but overall it was just snippets - your smile, the way you were so relaxed and open with him, the small pieces of casual affection. Just the knowledge that you were near comforted him. 

All of a sudden, you are pulled into a certain memory from when you were younger and the shock of it makes you retreat out of his mind and into your own as you recall your own experience of that time.

It was going to rain at some point. It was just one of those days where the air was thick and heavy with humidity. Nevertheless, yourself and Armitage walk the streets of the city’s markets, taking in the array of delights and wares that it had to offer. Although, you had to admit that you were mainly indulging in the various foods that were being cooked up around you.

“Do you think we should get back?” Armitage asks after he swallows his last bite of some sort of savoury bun that you had shared, “I don’t want your parents to worry because we have been out all day”.

“Oh, we’ll be fineee,” you reply, already scoping out the next stall you wanted to snoop at next, “we’ll be back for dinner for sure”.

You pull him towards a stand of unusual wood sculptures before he can reply.

After a while of perusing the stall, sure enough the sky opens and it starts to rain.

“Aahh, c’mon!” Armitage cries playfully, pulling up his cape so it covers the both of you and you run into one of the covered alleyways. Once he knows you are safe from the rain, he lowers his cape and runs his hand through his semi-wet hair as you both laugh. You blow a stream of air upwards to try and move your own hair out of your face and he laughs at your silliness, eventually coming to move the strands of hair out of your face for you. 

“Thank youu,” you coo and pull him into a kiss which he instantly melts into, pushing you against the brick wall behind. 

However, you do not get to revel in it for too long, as a voice speaks up from aside, “You kids shouldn’t be out in the rain!”

The two of you pull away and turn to the source - a woman standing in a doorway, shielding her eyes from the storm as she squints at you through the rain. All of a sudden she realises who you are, her eyebrows shooting up in shock.

“Oh, Princess! Please, come inside and shelter yourself from the storm,” she says and moves to the side, ushering the two of you inside.

You slip a ‘well, might as well’ look to Hux and before he can respond, you pull him towards the doorway.

“I’ll make you some tea. Please have a seat,” the woman says with a smile once she has led you up some stairs to a small cafe. 

She heads off to the kitchen area to the left and you and Hux wander over to sit down at some pillows in muted greens and browns surrounding a low, wooden table.

“We should really be getting back, (y/n),” Hux says as he looks around the deserted cafe.

“But look at that view!” you exclaim, leaning back on your hands as you take in the panoramic view the large window offered beside you. 

You really did love your planet - the way the houses rolled over the hills and troughs of the landscape, all tucked in together, the intricate bridges that connected anywhere and everywhere, and of course the dense forests and woodland that surrounded it that you could now see in the distance.

“I have been getting in trouble far too much recently, (y/n),” Hux speaks and it makes you turn back to look at him, “We need to be a little bit more careful”.

He absentmindedly shifts his shoulder, a sign that Brendol had been unkind one too many times and you sigh.

Reaching across the table and taking his hand in yours, you say, “One cup of tea and then we’ll go, I promise. The rain will have settled by then”.

As if on cue, the woman comes back and sets down two ornate cups filled with a golden liquid before you.

“Enjoy,” she says with another smile and she walks away without further explanation.

“What do you think it is?” you ask, waiting to gauge Hux’s reaction as the honorary tea expert between the two of you.

He holds the cup delicately in his fingers, bringing it up to his face to take in its aroma. As he does, his face contorts in confusion.

“I don’t know,” he says, taking another whiff, “smells earthy though”.

“So, not tarine tea then,” you quip, also bringing your cup to your nose to smell it.

Hux raises a singular eyebrow at you, “Definitely not”.

The two of you take a tentative sip, letting the warm liquid run over your tongue. You smack your lips dramatically as you pull away, knowing it annoyed Armitage.

“I like it!” you say agreeably.

Hux merely hums, still unsure of what to make of it.

As the two of you sit there, taking rushed, sizable sips between conversation, you start to feel...different. The room was suddenly so vivid and clear to you - every detail caught your eye as you look around now and when you look outside, it was like everything was gleaming. 

“Armie,” you say, unable to tear your eyes from the now entrancing landscape.

“(Y/n),” he replies, his gaze also lost in the outside world.

“Is everything like, intense to you?” you ask slowly, finding it hard to think of words.

“Yeah,” he says as he now lifts a finger to chase a rain droplet down the glass of the window, “it’s feeling pretty intense”.

Your heartbeat thumps in your ears now as you try to blink away the shininess of everything.

“What’s going on?” you ask as you now look to him and he to you.

It’s like you both realise it at the same time as your gazes shoot to the now empty tea cups before you.

“Shit…” you mutter under your breath and you can hear Armitage call the woman over.

 “What was in this?!” he exclaims, pushing the cup towards her.

“It’s Ho'Din herbal tea. A very mild type though!” she says, clearly worried that it wasn’t as mild as she thought it was as she took in the state of you and Armitage, “it’s supposed to be calming!”

“Well, it’s freaking me out!” you exclaim, unsteadily rising to your feet, needing to get out of here as quickly as possible.

Armitage stumbles after you as you hurriedly make you make your way towards the entrance of the cafe and have to brace against the wall to stop yourself from falling down the steps that led back to the alley. The rain was still lashing down and what was once a pleasant, calming comfort, had now turned into your worst nightmare.

“Does...is this rain melting your skin?! Is this acid rain?!” you shout to Armitage as you leave the canopy of the alley, running your hands over your arms, torso, legs, everywhere, just to get the burning rain away from you.

“It is now that you’ve pointed it out!” he shouts back, face contorting in panic as he looks down at his quickly soaking clothes.

“I’M MELTING!” you shout and start to run frantically around, half aiming for the palace, half not knowing what on earth you were doing, “I’M LITERALLY MELTING!”

“(Y/N) NOO!,” Armitage shouts as he watches you eventually fall into a puddle on the ground.

He rushes over to you as you writhe in absolute agony, the splashing of the puddle scorching your skin as you thrashed about. Throwing himself down beside you, he clutches you in his arms.

“NOO YOU’RE MAKING IT WORSE!” you exclaim, wrestling him in the fiery pit.

“WE CAN MELT TOGETHER, MY LOVE! WE’LL GO TOGETHER!” he cries out as he tries to keep you close to him, convinced that you were both melting in the ground together now, slowly becoming just a goop on the floor.

You squeeze your eyes shut as he presses you close to his chest in your last moments, still struggling against him but his grip is iron clad around you.

“Let it happen, let it happen,” he breathes into your hair and eventually you stop struggling as you accept your fate…

“Oh,” Armitage states, releasing his grip on you, “it’s just normal rain…”.

You finally manage to shake free of him, both of you coming to lie still on your backs as you let the now normal feeling rain fall down on you. The two of you are breathing hard, squinting up at the sky and blinking away the water droplets that land in your eyes.

You look to each other...and burst out in a fit of giggles.

And once you start, neither of you can stop. Moments ago you were fearing for your life and here you were rolling around in laughter instead.

“C’mon,” Armitage manages to say, staggering to his feet as he laughs, “let’s get back”.

You look up at him as you try to control your own laughter but the sight of him absolutely soaked, water dripping from every edge of his clothing, was just hilarious to you. You can tell he’s trying just as hard not to laugh but he was probably having similar thoughts about you lying in a puddle. 

Nevertheless, he reaches his hand out to you and you take it, but you had no intention of getting up. He tries to pull you, expecting you to use his arm to lever yourself up but instead you go limp making it extremely difficult for him to lift you. But he doesn’t give up. He knows exactly what you’re doing so instead he bends down and drapes you over one of his shoulders and slowly, shakily stands up.

“Damn, you’re heavy, (y/n),” he jokes as he adjusts you to a more stable position.

You scoff at his words, “It’s the rain! It adds at least ten pounds”.

He merely laughs at this and begins to head in the direction of the palace.

You were actually quite shocked that he was able to carry you like this. He wasn’t weak but certainly was no muscled man you would see at the carnival. 

The wet fabric of his cape was enormously fascinating to you as you bobbed up and down as he walked. You rubbed it between your fingers which were now starting to go dead from the cold - turning white and numb, leaving you wondering why you couldn’t feel the material between them.

This small thing seemed to occupy you as Armitage trudged back, flicking between finding it intensely worrying and immensely intriguing because it didn’t seem like long at all until you were back at the steps of the palace. If Armitage was saying anything to you as you walked, you were blocking it out.

You were only shaken from your trance once you fell to the ground with a groan.

“Ah, sorry,” Armitage says but he was still laughing as he towers over you.

“(Y/n)!” you hear a voice shout and turn to see your mother running down the steps, a servant at her side holding an umbrella over her as she did so.

“Mother!” you cry out happily, scrambling to your feet to greet her.

You move to embrace her as she approaches but she is quick to step back as he takes in the absolute state of you.

“What have you been doing?!” she exclaims, “your father will not be happy with you if he sees you like this - both of you”.

Her eyes flicker to Hux who is trying his hardest to keep his giggles in, a small smile gracing his face.

She leads the two of you up the steps, instructing you to go and get changed straight away but before you can even make it to the bottom of the stairs to the next floor, you hear your father’s voice coming from the throne room.

“(Y/n)?” he calls out, “Is that you? Come in here would you?”

You and Armitage share a panicked look at this. It was one thing for your mother to have to deal with you in this state, but if your father saw the two of you like this then he was bound to have something to say about it.

Begrudgingly, you stalk towards the doors to the throne room and Hux trails behind - both of you leaving a trail of muddy water behind.

However, it wasn’t just your father who was here. Oh no. The moment the two of you step into the room, Brendol Hux turns around and his eyes grow wide.

“What the hell is going on here?” your father exclaims, rising from his throne to meet you, “explain yourselves!”

You should be scared, you should be apologetic, but with this damn stuff running through your veins you couldn’t help the laugh that left your lips.

And that was not the right reaction.

Brendol walks up to Armitage beside you but his eyes search the both of you, trying to work out what was going on, observing the fact that you were both keeping your lips pressed tightly together, suppressing a smile. Your father is quick to join him.

“Are you high?” your father questions and without even looking at each other, both you and Armitage let out a snort.

The next thing that happens is Armitage holding the side of his face - the flesh there growing red. This snaps you awake, acutely aware of what was about to happen next if you didn’t step in.

“Hey! Leave him alone!” you cry, coming to shield him from his father, “it was my fault okay? Don’t take it out on Armitage!”

Being this close to Brendol, you could see the fury in his eyes; the vein that had risen on the side of his forehead.

“I would step out of the way if I were you, princess. You do not want to get caught in the crossfire between Armitage and I”.

“(Y/n),” Armitage warns behind you and you feel him place a hand on your arm.

“No! You are being unfair! He didn’t do anything wrong!” you spit at Brendol.

He takes another step forward, closing the gap between the two of you and you could see that there was no stopping him. It was not logic that fueled him, it was pure spite and there was nothing that you could say or do to change that. His chest rises and falls as he breathes heavily and you wait for his next move. You knew what it was going to be and you almost wanted to dare him to do it.

“Enough!” your father shouts as he clasps a hand on Brendol’s shoulder, not wanting this to get any further, “I do not tell you how to punish your son but you will not lay a hand on my daughter”.

Breondol tears his glare away from you and towards your father now, “She needs to be punished, Faustus! She says that it is her fault!”.

“And I will punish her in a way that I deem fit, just as you will with Armitage,” he replies and you stare at him with your mouth wide open.

When Brendol Hux punishes his son it never fits the crime!

“Father!” you start to protest but he gives you a look that you have seen enough times to know that you were not getting a say in this.

He and Brendol share a look before Brendol grabs Armitage’s arm, squeezing hard, “Come with me, boy”.

You go to say something but Armitage is quick to shake his head at you, warning not to go any further as the two of you stare at each other whilst he is being dragged away. You hope he can see the apology in your eyes.

“What were you thinking?!” your father says again once the two had left the room, “this is most improper and I thought that you knew better!”

“It was an accident, father!” you explain, turning to him with pleading eyes, “we were ushered into this tea shop to seek shelter from the rain, there was tea, and then things starting going weird and we ended up in a puddle, and-”

Your father holds a hand up to silence you, “That’s enough, (y/n)”.

You watch as he brings his fingers to pinch the bridge of his nose, lowering his gaze, no doubt thinking about what to do with you. Trying to talk to him like this would be no good, you knew that you wouldn’t get through to him while he was thinking. So, you waited for his verdict, every muscle in your body tense, small droplets of water running off your clothes the only sound as they hit the floor.

“You need to be more careful for Armitage’s sake,” he begins and your eyes snap up to him, totally unexpecting what he had just said, “Brendol and I have been very lenient but you keep getting him into trouble. You need to think about the consequences of your actions!”

“I do!” you exclaim.

“No. Clearly you do not! Think about the times he has ended up with a broken rib, a black eye, unable to get out of bed because of something stupid you dragged him into!” he argues back and you stare back at him, brow furrowed, mouth wide open in shock.

Surely he does not actually blame you for Brendol’s actions?!

“I am well aware of what Brendol does to him! Who do you think is the one who tends to Armitage’s wounds in the aftermath? Who cares for him and tells him that he is loved?!” you yell.

“If you really loved him then you would not get him into situations where Brendol has the opportunity to punish him! You know that he will find any excuse to harm Armitage and yet you are so careless with your actions!”

You scoff at his words, “If you cared about Armitage at all then you would do something to stop Brendol!”

“It is not my place to tell him how to raise his own child,” your father replies, voice dropped to a more level pitch now but you were not relenting.

“Why?!” you yell at him, “why is it not?!”

Your father takes a shaky breath as he averts his gaze from yours once more, “You will understand when you are older”.

Backing away, you shake your head at him, jaw clenched as your blood boils at his words.

“I’m going to see Armitage,” you say but your father is quick to grab you by your wrist, making you look up to him.

“Take heed of what I have said, (y/n) - for Armitage’s sake,” he says seriously.

You do not reply. Instead, you pull your arm from his grasp and stalk away in the direction of Armitage’s room.

Your father didn’t know anything. You always had Armitage’s best interests at heart. Always. He said it himself - Brendol would hurt Armitage at any given chance. It was merely coincidence that recently he had used your slip ups as an excuse.

Or was it…

Doubt now started to creep into your mind where once there was none. The thought that you were the cause of Armitage’s beatings had never, ever crossed your mind. You were the one who comforted him afterwards after all. If it was your fault then surely Armitage would never allow you to take care of him.

As you approached his room now, you could hear his cries getting louder and louder with every step.

“I’m sorry!” he cries out, followed up by a brutal smack and you wince as you get closer to the door.

“You will be once I’m done with you, boy!” Brendol shouts now and then there is just blow after blow, mixed in with Armitage’s cries of pain and pleads for his father to stop.

You have to clasp your hand over your mouth as you lean against the wall next to the door, muffling your own tears as they fall at a sound you will never get used to.

Standing here, you think that maybe it is your fault. Maybe if you just left Armitage alone then he wouldn’t have to endure this any longer. 

Finally, after a while more of listening to the abhorrent sounds of the beating, it stops.

The only sounds are your own rapid, muffled breaths and Armitage’s whines of pain.

“Stay in your room until I say so,” Brendol instructs and his footsteps get closer to the door. Just as he opens it, you are round the corner, pressing yourself into the cool stone and hoping that shadows would conceal you from him. Luckily, he walks the other way and you breathe a small sigh of relief. 

There is blood you notice as you walk back towards the door, coming from Armitage’s room and heading towards where Brendol had walked. Could you even face Armitage now knowing what you know? That it was your fault that there was no doubt his blood all over the floor?

You can hear him shuffle around in his room, along with small groans and sharp intakes of breath as he did so. 

Your hand shakes as you lift it to the door, inching ever closer to push it open, to face the consequences of your actions.

But you couldn’t bring yourself to do it. 

You tentatively place your fingers on the wood of the door as you hesitate - the various scenarios of the scene behind the door racing through your mind. Bile rises in your throat as you do so and you clench your fists to stop the nausea that was now mounting in your stomach.

However, this small action pushes the door open ever so slightly and suddenly there is silence.

You freeze.

“(Y/n)?” Armitage’s voice questions, his voice strained and full of fear.

You don’t go in, you don’t stop to let him see you, instead you sprint right back to where you had hidden from his father moments ago.

“Hello?” he calls out once again and you can see the light from his bedroom shining through the now open door.

You peer over the corner just a fraction to see him and by the stars he was in an absolute state; you had to bite the inside of your cheek to stop a strangled whine escaping your lips at his appearance. 

Blood was dripping from his mouth and various cuts and abrasions all over his body, his panic filled eyes darted around as he tried to see if there was anyone out there and he was clutching his side as he limped forward a step, his wet clothes still stuck to his skin. 

You move back round the corner now, not wanting him to spot you and the tears that were now silently making their way down your face.

How could you be such a coward?! You should rush to his side, let him lean on you, tend to his wounds and tell him that it will be okay and yet your mind was shouting at you to stay where you are, that you would just make things worse.

You’d done enough, you thought. 

So, leaving the wounded Armitage behind, you run away to your room to change and move on from this horrible day.

The next few days were some of the worst you had experienced so far. Armitage and yourself never fought, not properly. You had disagreements like any couple but you always got over them quickly, but now you were actively trying to avoid him and you weren’t even in a fight. It was unfair on him, you knew that, but you were being a coward and putting off the inevitable after your revelation. 

He was bed bound for a day so you didn’t see him then. The first time you saw him after everything was in a meeting where he was back to taking notes for his father. You could tell that he was trying to catch your eye as the two of you sat opposite each other on the round table amongst your father and the council. But your gaze was fixed on the natural shapes of the wooden table, only ever lifting it to look at someone if they were speaking. Armitage wasn’t allowed to speak in these meetings so you got away with ignoring him then. He tried to catch you as you left but you just sprinted up into your room.

If you passed him in the hallways then you would make up an excuse not to stay, that you needed to be somewhere all of a sudden.

He would sneak up to your room at night. You could hear the soft knocks on the door and his voice calling out to you in a hushed whisper, pleading for you to tell him what was going on, why you were avoiding him. Yet still you ignored him; pushing your face to the pillow to muffle your crying and catch the tears that were falling at your cowardice.

You had to do it. You couldn’t prolong it anymore.

Your knuckles come to wrap on the wood of Armitage’s door once the sun has set and he was free of any duties set by his father.

“Come in,” he calls out and you steel yourself before stepping in and interacting with him for the first time in too long.

“(Y/n)...” he says in shock, pushing himself from his small desk where he was collating notes from today’s meetings and standing up to meet you.

“Hi, Armitage,” you reply, your gaze lingering on him for only a second before immediately dropping to the ground.

In that split second, you saw his face fall. You called him by his full name. You didn’t do that. It was almost always Armie when the two of you were alone.

“What’s going on?” he questions as he takes a tentative step towards you, “why have you been ignoring me?”

You start to pick at the skin around your nails, still unable to look him in the eye as your heart broke at his strained tone of voice.

“I’m sorry. I...I’ve been thinking,” you say.

He steps closer, “About what?”

“About us”.

A beat.

“Right”.

“I think...we should...it’s best if-” you stuttered.

You couldn’t bring yourself to say it. The words were stuck in your throat, scratching at the sides as they tried to crawl back down, retreat back into the abyss where they had been formed. 

“Stop,” Armitage pleads and finally, you look up at him, “this isn’t like you”.

You let out a strained breath at his words.

“It will be better for both of us,” you try once more.

“Don’t be like this,” he pleads further, clutching your hands now to stop you from ripping your skin to shreds.

You look down at his hands, still bruised and cut.

“Where is this coming from? I don’t understand,” he says, squeezing your hands as if he was worried that you would run off at any moment.

“None of this is fair on you,” you try to explain and you can feel tears rolling down your cheeks.

“You’re right! It’s not fair! You’ve been ignoring me and now you’re trying to tell me that we’re breaking up and you’re not actually telling me why!” he rushes out.

His tone isn’t harsh but desperate.

“Because I keep getting you into trouble and you take unfair punishment because of it!” you exclaim as you come to look into his eyes, “look at yourself, Armitage! You weren’t allowed out of bed after the most recent beating because I was careless! How many times has that been the case?”

His mouth opens and closes, thinking of something to say.

“Too many times is the answer!” you continue, “look at your hands, look at your face. Look at the scars all over your body and tell me that most of them aren’t because I dragged you into some crazy, stupid scheme that you were blamed for as well!”

“They are because of my father, (y/n)! Not you!” he exclaims, confusion still written all over his face as he searches your eyes, his grip on your hands unrelenting. 

“And he did that to you BECAUSE of me! It’s my fault!” you yell, tears still streaming down your face.

Armitage shakes his head as his own face becomes stained with tears.

“He will find any excuse to beat me, you know that! Plus, I would take a beating every day if it meant I had just a few moments with you!” he says and it’s your turn to shake your head at him.

“I don’t want that for you! You shouldn’t have to endure any beatings!” 

“Why aren’t you listening to me?!” he’s frantic now, full on sobbing as he pulls you close to him, “he will beat me no matter what! Please don’t take away the one good thing I have!”

Your heart was broken. You could feel the pieces of it stab you in the chest, pain shooting through you as you took in the shattered boy breaking down before you. 

It is for the best.

It is for the best.

You pull your hands from his, “they will be less if I am not around”.

“That’s not true!” he says and tries to hold your hands once more but you step out of his reach, “(Y/n)...please…”.

You couldn’t look at him. You knew now that you had done it, if you looked at him then you would be too tempted to change your mind. The image of him heartbroken already seared into your mind enough to last a lifetime.

“I’m sorry…” you say, your voice breaking and with that, you leave behind a broken Armitage once more.

Chapter Text

You let out a breath as you look at Hux now.

“Why are you thinking about such a terrible memory?” you ask but his face contorts in confusion.

“Initially it was terrible, yes, but the conclusion of it all,” he says and hesitates for a moment, “it reminds me that we promised we would risk everything for each other - such a promise is what I am relying on now”.

After your...talk with Armitage, you couldn’t shift the nausea that followed and the sleepless nights and days of overthinking.

You doubted yourself so much. You wanted to go back and stop yourself from doing it but no. It was done.

He was now the one who was ignoring you. Of course he was.

In all honesty, you were trying to ignore and avoid him as well. It was easier than seeing him and feeling the hole in the pit of your stomach get bigger and bigger. 

You’d made a mistake, you knew that much. The thought would only solidify when you did see him - the tiny flip your heart did when he walked in the room or you saw him from across the room, the mounting scars and bruises despite you having nothing to do with him, but the worst part was when you were forced to interact with him. 

He never looked you in the eye anymore and he would keep his voice monotone, replying in one word answers when he could. It took everything in you to not cry every time, scolding yourself because the tears were your own fault.

In due course, your mother took note of what was happening.

“What’s going on with you and Armitage?” she asks one day as you are both eating dinner when your father is off on business with Brendol, leaving Armitage behind to stay in his room.

There is a loud clunk as you drop your fork on the ceramic of your plate.

“What do you mean…” you say, just audible enough to be heard.

“I can tell there is something going on. You never spend any time with him anymore,” she elaborates, setting down her own cutlery a little more carefully than you had.

You take a deep breath before replying, “Father thought it was best that I broke up with him”.

“What?!” she exclaims, “why would he ever suggest such a thing?!”

You picked up your fork again now and started shifting around the food on your plate, “I was getting him into too much trouble. I wanted to save him from any more beatings at my expense”.

“Brendol will find any excuse to hurt that poor boy, (y/n). You know that you are one of the only good things in his life! There is no need for the two of you to be apart,” your mother says as she reaches across the table to steady your hand.

This small gesture breaks down the wall you had been building up to stem the heartbreak from flooding out. You broke down now, tears streaming from your eyes as you hunched over the table.

Your mother rushes over to you, kneeling down beside your chair to bring you into an embrace, whispering soothing words.

“I know, mother! I know! But what can I do now that it is done?! He won’t want me back after this,” you sob out, holding your mother close.

“Nonsense! That boy loves you so much that he would take you back in a heartbeat!” she insists and you pull back to look at her.

“You really think so?” you ask, searching her eyes to see if she was being genuine. 

She gives you an encouraging nod and says, “You should go set things straight with him now. He’ll be in his room having dinner”.

“Now?” you say, completely bewildered that she would suggest a thing.

“Yes, now!” she says as she pulls you up from your chair, “I will not have the two of you be miserable for no reason any longer”.

She practically pushes you out of the door before your mind has even begun to compute what she wanted you to do.

Your feet almost instinctively start walking towards Armitage’s room and suddenly you are right outside his door, no plan, nothing. Just the thought that he needs to know the truth.

You lift your hand to the same position it was on that fateful night, ready to knock, but this time you wrap your knuckles solidly on the door.

There is just a questioning hum from behind the door and take this as being allowed to enter.

The moment he looks up to see who has entered, he shoots up from his desk and lowers his head.

“Your highness,” he greets and you bite the inside of your cheek to override the pain you were feeling in your chest at his way too formal greeting towards you.

“It’s just me. You don’t have to be so formal,” you reply, stepping into the room properly and closing the door behind you. 

“How can I help you?” is all he says, completely ignoring what you had said.

Where do you even start? You didn’t know if anything you could say would explain what happened or make him want to get back with you. But you had to try something, anything to get him back.

“I want you to forgive me,” you say and his eyes flicker up to yours, blinking once, “I was...too hasty in my decision the other day. After what happened after the market, my father warned me that I was putting you in too many positions to get hurt. He didn’t explicitly say that we shouldn’t be together but let’s just say it was heavily implied. Then, when I came to see you afterwards I could hear Brendol and the doubt and the guilt just got to me. I’m sorry that I didn’t think it through, that I let my father get in my head and I’m sorry-”.

“Stop,” he says and you do, noticing now the tears forming in his eyes, “That’s all I wanted - an apology so yes, by the stars yes, I forgive you, (y/n)”.

Huh? It was that easy?

You stare at him wide eyed and unable to move, “Just like that?”

He nods, “Just like that”.

“Oh thank the Gods,” you breathe and finally rush into his arms, squeezing him tight and enjoying this familiar feeling that you had missed so much.

“I don’t understand though,” you say as your voice muffles in his shirt.

“Nothing has changed for me,” he says, pulling you back to hold your face now, “Nothing ever will. I would risk everything for you”.

You sigh as you feel the pull on your heartstrings. How could you have ever thought that he would feel differently? It just made you feel even more guilty.

“And I promise that from now on I will risk everything for you,” you say, “No turning back”.

He brushes some of your hair out of your face and stares deep into your eyes, “No turning back”.

You look back at the man before you, trying to find the boy that forgave you so easily because he couldn’t live without you.

“I don’t think things can fall back into place as easily as that this time,” you say, shuffling your feet and looking away.

“No,” he replies, “I guess there are more barriers now than...parents”.

The two of you give each other an awkward smile and it comes as a surprise that you find yourself having to stop yourself from hugging him there and then. Your hands come to scrunch into your dress at the sides as you think about what to do next.

“This is so silly,” you say after you let out an amused sigh, “Now it’s me feeling like I shouldn’t hug you instead of the other way round as it normally is”.

He doesn’t know what to say to this, instead opting to change the subject.

“I hope you saw that I’m not deceiving you,” he says, stepping closer, “I came here to tell you the truth because it’s what you deserve after everything”.

“Others will not be as understanding as I am,” you reply, your gaze fixed at your feet.

“It’s not others that I care about. It’s you”.

You do not dare to look at him, instead opting to look off to the side with a sigh.

And then it hits you - just a flash of your dream.

“Tell him we found our spy”.

Oh, screw it.

Pushing through any reservations you had, you find yourself wrapping your arms around him and you hear him take a sharp intake of breath. 

“I hate you,” you say, your voice muffled in his shirt. 

His hand comes to rest on your head as it had so many times before and you squeeze him tighter, thinking back to your time together before all this.

“I’m sorry,” you hear him say even though it was just above a whisper.

With your eyes closed, the warmth of Hux against you once more and his comforting smell washing over you, it was as if you had been transported back to your childhood. Especially with the both of you being back here on Rossi, you could have - no, you wanted to believe that you were young again with no responsibilities, just each other.

But you weren’t.

What happened had happened.

You pull back from him, your eyes fixated on his chest as you try to steady your breathing, wishing he wasn’t wearing that damn uniform that reminded you of the bad times.

“Why won’t you look at me?” he asks, his fingers finding their way to lift up your chin so you are forced to stare back at him.

You blink, “Because I can’t stop seeing the red of Starkiller being reflected in your eyes”.

He looks away at this, his light eyelids hiding the beam from your view.

“I promise that I am more than the architect of Starkiller - or at least I want to be,” he says, “I didn’t know anything else, but when you came back into my life,”

He braves a glance at you.

“I slowly realised that I did have somewhere else to go now, I had another option that was so much better than the one I have found myself in for these past years”.

You mull his words over in your mind and there is only one emotion that settles over you - relief.

You had done it. You had shown him that there was something better outside the First Order.

Smiling up at him now, you say, “If you mean that, truly, then I will help you”. 

He smiles a small smile back, “Of course I mean it. I’m sick of trying to keep up this facade just because I didn’t know anything else, because I didn’t have anywhere else to go”.

He was telling the truth. 

You knew this for certain now, knowing what was in his heart, in his mind. 

You had gotten back the Armitage you knew and you would make everyone see that. 

“Then we’ll make it work,” you say seriously, “When we saw each other again, I told you that I wanted you to come back with me, to change our circumstances for the better. 

“They love us”

A recollection of a nicer dream - one that made your heart soar instead of sink. 

“No matter what happens, no matter what anyone else thinks, I promise you that you will find a home upon Rossi once more. The light inside you is sure to outshine any reflection that I might see in your eyes”.

Armitage visibly relaxes at this. 

“I don’t know how to thank you…” he says.

You step closer to him, closing the gap between the two of you so your faces are mere inches away from each other.

“By telling me the plan”.

So, Hux told you the plan - what information he would give you, how he would get it to you and most importantly how to keep everything a secret.

You wouldn’t tell the Resistance where you got your information from but you knew that they trusted you enough that they wouldn’t push it. Hux said that he would try to visit in person if he could to directly tell you any very important information but again, it all had to be a secret; not even your mother would know. 

You watched his ship fly off into the sky and there was just a pang of worry relating to where this path would lead him, but ultimately you had settled on the thought that this had to happen. 

The Resistance needed all the help they could get and would benefit gratefully from intel especially from a First Order General. You swore that you would find a way to save him but it all had to happen as you had foreseen first. 

You wished that you could go to bed now and think about everything. So much had happened in just one day and you still had the coronation dinner to attend. How you would keep your mind focused you didn’t know but you had to remember that you were Queen first and foremost now and had duties to uphold.

Trudging back up the path, you make your way into the palace and to your room to change into something a little less extravagant for the meal. When you got there, your mother was already waiting for you.

“Where have you been?!” she exclaims, pulling you further into the room and out of earshot from the servants.

“I was...escorting Hux off the premises,” you say and it wasn’t exactly a lie.

“I hope you gave him a piece of your mind,” she replies with disdain laced in her voice as she starts to undo the back of your coronation gown.

All you do is give her a hum in response, not wanting to discuss it any further.

You quickly change into a long, blush satin dress and a simpler crown and make your way to the banquet hall.

“Don’t mention Armitage to anyone, okay?” you whisper to your mother as you take her arm to lead her down the stairs, “he’s gone now”.

She gives you a doubtful look but eventually agrees.

Waiting for you at the bottom of the stairs was Poe and Maya, engaged in what seemed like a very heated discussion and your mother gives you a look before she leaves you to it.

“We’ve gotta get the Outer Rim onboard, it’s the only way!” Poe whispers harshly to a flustered Maya in front of him.

She does not get the chance to reply though as you speak up before she can, “Only way to what?”

At your question, the two Resistance fighters turn to you and let out a sigh.

“The only way to fight back against Palpatine,” Maya replies and your stomach drops.

But...he was dead wasn’t he?!

“Now, it’s not confirmed that it was him on the broadcast but-” Maya continues but you are quick to interrupt once you have shaken out of your shocked state.

“Wait, wait! Palpatine is back?!” you exclaim, your eyes flicking between her and Poe to find confirmation, your heart quickening in your chest.

You had heard the tales of Darth Sidious and his role in the destruction of the Republic but he died. You were sure of it.

“Well, we don’t know that he’s back for sure but there was a broadcast and the voice sounded way too much like him for it not to be,” Poe replies, “Did you not hear it? It was everywhere”.

“No, no one told me anything,” you say and look towards Adreal who was chatting with another adviser by the banquet hall doors, a deep fuzziness flaring up as you do.

“General Organa has sent some people to confirm it but we haven’t heard anything from them yet. It is sorta a recent development,” Poe continues, noticing that you were staring daggers at your main Royal Adviser.

You didn’t care if it was two days ago or two minutes ago, the fact that Adreal did not inform you of such a broadcast meant that he was in big trouble.

“Adreal!” you shout at him from across the hall and his head whips round towards you.

Immediately, all colour drains from his face as he takes in the fury upon yours and politely excuses himself from his conversation to tentatively walk over to you.

“Uh, yes, your majesty?” he asks with a slight bow of his head, voice wobbling.

“Why didn’t you tell me about this Palpatine broadcast?” you say, faking the sweetness in your voice.

Adreal’s eyes go wide and he looks around quickly before turning back and leaning closer to you.

“Your majesty, the council and myself decided that it was better to inform you of this...development after your coronation,” he fumbles as he tries to explain himself.

“Oh, so now you’re having council meetings and making decisions without me?” you ask rhetorically, completely shocked that he would do such a thing.

He clasps his hands together in front of him to plead with you, “It was all in your best interests you must understand, your majesty”.

Your mind whirs as you think about what to do with him but before you settle on anything, the bell is rung to signify that dinner was to be served. 

“(Y/n), we’re handling it,” Maya says as she places a hand on your shoulder, “Enjoy your dinner”.

“You’re not staying?” you ask, finally breaking your stare at Adreal to look at the two beside you.

“A lotta work to do, not much time,” Poe says with a shrug.

“You’re right,” you say and stand up straighter, “I’ll be in touch, ok?”

You envelope the two in a hug and squeeze them tight before letting them go.

“Congrats, princess - oh I mean, my Queen!” Poe corrects himself as he lists a finger up in realisation.

“Well, I’m not technically your Queen,” you reply with a chuckle.

His only response is a wink and two clicks of his tongue before wandering backwards and towards the front door.

Maya rolls her eyes at this while you let out a laugh and give him a shake of your head.

“Congratulations, your majesty,” she says, opting to move swiftly on from that situation and give you a knowing smile.

“I’ll see you soon, Maya. May the Force be with you,” you reply and with a bow of her head she chases after Poe and out of the palace. 

Out of the corner of your eye, you can see Adreal has been trying to find a moment to slip away but just as he goes to move, you grab the sleeve of his cloak.

“Oh, no you don’t. I want to have words with you,” you say and watch as he swallows hard under your steely gaze.

After giving Adreal a quick telling off and making him promise not to keep information from you again, you finally sit down at the banquet table and the coronation feast begins.

But you did not have much of an appetite, not after the bombardment of information you had endured today. 

Your mind swirled with thoughts of your coronation, the duties and the power you now held, the worry that Palpatine may be back and above all else what the future held for yourself and Armitage. 

It wouldn’t be easy but you promised that you would help him; that he would have a home here with you even if you did not specifically say so. If he meant what he said, and you were sure he did, then that would be possible.

You’d promised him - no turning back.

You tried to enjoy the festivities as much as you could as the night wore on but you longed for your bed, to get some time alone to properly think and rest.

Although, when that time came and the partying came to a close, you lay in your bed and knew that sleep would not come this night.

Chapter Text

Although you could not directly help in the search for confirmation of Palpatine’s return, you fed the Resistance every little detail that Hux told you. You thought it best in the end to pass on the information through various other informants as it was too risky to tell them directly for fear that they put two and two together and found out that it was Hux giving you this information.

A couple of months wore on and the winter began to draw in as nights got longer and the days colder.

You did not get to see Hux in person nearly as much as you would have liked and when he did manage to slip away, the meetings were purely business. 

But, every time you did see him, the beam reflected back in his eyes dimmed just that little bit more. You understood the gravity of the situation, of course you did, but to see him back on Rossi, the both of you held up in your room, it was hard to completely focus when he was right there...

You had to admit that you would zone out at times as all you could focus on was just being in awe that he was back here with you and finally doing the right thing. Your pulse would quicken and you would realise that you were breathing in short, sharp breaths; that there was this new feeling in the Force - both inside of you and radiating from Armitage. You could tell that the once black hole that Armitage was in the Force was slowly filling out but for you it was fuzzy however not in the way it was when you were angry, no. This time it was...warm? It sat upon your chest and enveloped your heart.

Oh.

Maybe this was something else…

But could it really be? So quickly after everything that had happened?

Life Day quickly approached but you could not focus on being excited as you had not heard from Hux in a good while and you were starting to get worried. If he were to be found out then you wouldn’t even know so now, naturally, you feared the worst. The last you had heard from him was another message saying that he had managed to delay an attack on Rossi. That was one thing you were eternally grateful for - with Hux now on your side he could stop any harm that may come to Rossi from the First Order.

But there was nothing you could do but wait. You had Life Day plans to oversee and organise which would keep your mind off things.

Finally, it was the eve of Life Day and the biggest of all the festival’s celebrations. Still no word from Hux but nothing could stop you from enjoying the masquerade ball that was held every Life Day Eve so you squashed down your worry and sense of dread to deal with at another time. 

However, that was easier said than done.

You blew up at the dainty veil that covered your eyes, held in place by one of your many crowns embellished with small cyber crystals shining a brilliant white against the gold of both your crown and your dress. 

“What are you doing?” your mother whispers next to you as you both wait to enter the hall.

“Well, I’m not used to the veil, am I? I normally have my mask on,” you reply, resisting the urge to try and move the netting material out of your face again, “Father never had to wear this”.

Your mother turns to you, her own face half hidden by her black and silver mask, “Well, it’s not very manly is it?”

You just roll your eyes at her as the two of you are announced and the great double doors open. 

As you step into the hall adorned with boughs of holly and ivy set against white ribbon, standing out against the wooden panels of the wall, everyone turns and bows. What hits you first (apart from the heat from the sheer amount of lit candles) is the adoration pouring off from your subjects and you smile - instantly feeling more relaxed. They part, allowing you to make your way down the middle and towards the great tree that stood at the end of the hall, decorated to the highest standard with red, white and gold as is tradition. You try to look as many of your people in the eye as possible, thanking the Gods that you had made it this far to see this holiday, and marvel in the array of costumes and accessories from three point hats covered in feathers to extravagant, embellished cloaks and collars. People were usually gifted their masks when they were young and wore it every year but your eyes landed on a particularly interesting costume consisting of dark blue and gold robes with a peacock-like collar protruding up from their back.

The Force told you exactly who this was and well, you weren’t surprised. Adreal did always have a secret flair for the dramatics, you thought with a quiet chuckle.

Once you had reached the tree, you briefly looked back at everyone to see their expectant faces before stretching out your hand towards the large, golden star. Then, using the Force, you lift it up in the air to the sound of gasps behind you. Up and up it went until slowly and carefully, you set it down upon the top of the tree and instantly the bright, yellow lights wrapped around it lit up. 

At this, the hall erupts into applause and the band starts up. 

Now it starts.

People instantly flock to the dance floor and start the moves that had been drilled into them from birth. Normally you love dancing - hardly ever leaving the dance floor, being swung around left and right, but now you knew that there would be suitors to ward off and you definitely didn’t feel in the mood to entertain them…

All happiness from seeing your subjects had all but gone at the realisation. 

You make a beeline for the banquet table, more specially the chocolate truffles that Rossi was famous for around this time of year, and try to avoid the eye of anyone you brushed past.

“(Y/n)!” you hear behind you and just as you reach the table and are about to reach for one of those mouth-watering chocolatey squares, your mother smacks your hand away.

“Not until you have danced!” she scolds and you make a face at her.

“I’m not a child anymore! I can do what I want,” you reply, annoyed that she was still codling you after all these years.

“You are Queen now! You have to dance before anything else”.

You suppress a groan and turn to the crowd of people with a small sigh.

“I am not in the mood to entertain and schmooze tonight mother,” you say as you observe a few people practically tripping over each other to reach you.

“What’s wrong? You normally love Life Day Eve,” she questions and looks at you with concern now.

How could you pretend to feign interest in these others when your feelings were so all over the place towards Armitage? Actually, you wished you were confused about how you felt towards him because it was in fact the opposite and you weren’t sure if it was ever going to happen now.

“I have a lot on my mind,” is all you reply and steel yourself as the first person approaches you.

“Do not worry about anything tonight,” your mum says, “Enjoy yourself! Have fun! Your worries can wait until afterwards”.

With this, she gestures towards the man in front of you with a smile and he holds his hand out towards you. 

Putting on a smile, you take it - but not before stealing a truffle and popping it in your mouth with a sly look towards your mother.

The evening goes as expected. The moment a dance would stop with one man, another would come along and take his place. They would flirt and sweet talk you, trying to show how eligible they were as they bragged about their accomplishments. Some were genuinely lovely however, but still they weren’t him . 

You thought back to the First Order Gala and the way Hux had held you as the two of you danced. You did not appreciate it at the time of course but looking back you felt a very intense melancholy feeling. 

In fact, Armitage also loved the Life Day Eve ball on the few times he had visited around this time of year. When you had learnt that he was going to be attending the ball for the first time you made sure to have a mask ready for him with distinct patches of black and gold. It was the winter before you officially got together and when you had presented it to him, he hugged you the tightest that he ever had and you realised right then and there that you didn’t ever want him to let go. 

You breathed a sigh of relief as they announced the children’s choir and made your way back towards the tree where they were gathering. It probably wasn’t proper for the ruler to be involved in such small tasks as directing a children’s choir but you loved seeing their tiny, smiley faces as they all improved and came together to make a beautiful sound. 

They were on top form tonight, reaching the notes perfectly and every soloist remembering their parts with such confidence. 

Although, you knew what really motivated them - the hunt.

Once they had finished, the hunt for the sweet rock was announced and they clambered out of formation to run around and in between the crowd to search anywhere and everywhere for their small piece of sugary bliss.

They rummaged around in the wreaths and boughs of holly, under the tables, around the corners of the stone pillars, each one squealing in delight when they found what they were looking for. 

A little girl, no older than 5, clutched her sweet rock in her hand as she sprinted towards her mother who was beaming with pride at her little one’s find. However, she only got halfway towards her before she tripped over her own feet and came crashing to the ground. 

Instantly, she bursts into tears and you and her mother rush over to her. 

“My sweet rock!” she cries and you look at the red and white pieces in a pile on the ground next to her. 

“It’s okay, darling, it’s okay,” her mother soothes her and you realise everyone is looking now.

You look up at everyone as the small girl cries when an idea pops into your head.

“Hey,” you say softly to the girl as you crouch down beside her, “hey, do you want to see something cool?” 

She sniffs and runs a small hand across her face as she looks at you from her mother’s lap.

Lifting your hand up towards the wall behind them, you slowly make one of the candles in a candelabra float towards you. The little girl and her mother look up in awe as it passes over their heads and the girl stretches her hand towards it.

“Careful,” her mother says as the girl tentatively pushes on the wax.

You loosen your grip on it and it is pushed to the side which earns a giggle from the little girl.

Standing up now, you call some of the other candles around the room to you, lifting them up into the air just above you and spin them around.

You can feel the wonder that fills the room at your little display. It wasn’t the most effective use of the Force you had to admit, but if it made people happy…

The little girl hops from her mother’s lap and reaches up to the candles - she spins around as they do, laughing and jumping to try and catch them. Then, the other children join, all spinning around and jumping up in the air.

You smile at them as you hold up your hands, slowly spinning around yourself to see the scene you had created. 

All of a sudden, the music starts back up and other people start to join. They hold each other’s hands, twisting each other around in glee. The candles cast moving shadows all over the hall, falling over the dancers below as they switch from partner to partner.

“Can you do that while dancing?” a voice says from beside you and you see your mother holding her hand out to you.

You laugh, “I think so!”.

At the confirmation you weren’t about to drop a load of candles on the dance floor, she grabs your hands and pulls you into the flow of the dance. But you did not stay with her for long as she leaves your side and another takes your hands. 

Over and over, you take another partner and twist around.

With the moving lights and all this spinning you were starting to get dizzy, finding it harder to grasp the next person’s hands as they came flying towards you. 

Your vision was so blurry in fact that you practically crashed into your next partner. Luckily, they managed to hold you just before you fell to the ground and you looked up to see your saviour.

“I’m so sorry! I-” you start to apologise but stop at what you see.

You’d recognise that black and gold mask anywhere…

Your eyes widen as you let out a breath.

“Armitage…”

At such a shock, you are snapped out of your focus on the Force but luckily the commotion made from seeing around a hundred candles almost fall onto helpless people below makes you quickly throw up your hands to stop them before they hit anyone. 

Everyone’s eyes are on you once again and you try to laugh it off.

“Maybe we should change to something slower! Getting a bit dizzy here!” you joke and relax as others laugh at your little slip up.

You carefully place the candles back in their respective candelabra as the orchestra starts to play a slower song now and turn back to the cloaked man beside you.

One of his hands slips around your waist to bring you close to him and you place your hands around his neck as the two of you begin to sway gently from side to side.

“Is that really you?” you ask.

He looks into your eyes, showing his own brilliant green ones to you, “It’s me”.

Your grip tightens around him subtly, trying not to arouse too much suspicion from others around you.

“I haven’t heard from you in ages. Where have you been? Did something happen?” you ask and he turns his head away.

“No. Well, yes, but...I just...I know how much you love Life Day and how you always have a big celebration so I thought I could blend in with the crowd,” he explains, turning back to you now, “I just needed to see you”.

The two of you pull away from each other and back again in time with the music and you can see that with his long, black cloak, mask and three point hat covering his distinct hair, that he really could be any party goer.

“This is a big risk,” you whisper to him as you hold each other close once more.

“I have kept my word,” he replies.

You smile up to him, “And so will I. But please just tell me why you have not contacted me in so long”.

Armitage sighs and licks his lips.

“If I could make a request,” he says and you look up at him expectantly, “could we wait to have such a conversation? I wish to enjoy this time with you as much as possible before we have to go back to the reality of the world”.

You nod.

“Of course”.

At the confirmation of his request he straightens up, pulling one of your hands into his as the music quickens and the two of you drift into a new dance.

You can’t seem to steady your racing heart both at his closeness and the pure risk of it all. It...excited you. If he was to be caught there would be no explanation and it would not end well but still - you are glad he was risking it all.

Surprised that he still knew all the steps, he leads you in dance after dance until you have to take a breather.

“What do we do now?” you say breathlessly as the music ends and people begin to change places for the next dance.

Armitage looks around and then back to you, “Do you still serve those truffles?”

You smirk at him, “Of course! This way”.

You lead him through the throng and towards the buffet table, making sure to brush off anyone that tries to start a conversation but in the most polite way.

“Here we go,” you say and hold out a truffle towards him.

He goes to take it from you but you pull it just out of his reach with a playful tut.

“(Y/n)...” he says as he looks around, knowing exactly what you wanted him to do.

“No one is looking!” 

You admit you were being a bit childish but with him being back and here at the Life Day Eve ball it really was like you were children again and had therefore reverted back to your childish habits.

He gives you a look (at least you think he does under that mask) and bites into the truffle as you hold it out to him. All sternness dissolves away as he gives out a satisfying hum as he chews.

“They are even better than I remember,” he says, licking his lips.

“Oh, highest praise from someone who eats gruel every day!” you tease with a smirk and pop a truffle into your mouth.

“Hey!” he protests but you just laugh at your success in riling him up. 

As you do, your gaze sweeps over the dance floor and unfortunately a certain someone catches your eye as they storm towards you.

“Oh gosh,” you whisper under your breath, “C’mon, let’s escape my mother”.

You don’t even let Armitage reply as you are soon pulling him towards the sliding doors that lead to part of the gardens.

Luckily, you manage to slip the two of you through the doors and close them behind you to face the cold outside - just you and Armitage. 

Chapter Text

The chill instantly hits you as the doors shut behind yourself and Armitage. Thankfully you were protected from the majority of the snow beating down as you had entered the cloisters that surrounded this part of the palace. Still, you were surprised when you felt the warmth of material being draped over your shoulders.

“Oh, won’t you be cold?” you ask to Hux as you clutch his cape around you.

“I’m used to it,” he replies with a small smile.

Right...Starkiller.

“Thank you,” you say, giving him a smile back.

“Hopefully someone doesn’t discover us out here though,” he says as he looks around, “I’m afraid that I was only able to acquire a hat and cape. It was lucky that I kept the mask”.

You can see now that he is only wearing a shirt and regulation trousers.

“It’s too cold for anyone else to venture outside I think. How come you do still have the mask though?” you inquire.

“It was in the box of things that I kept from my childhood”.

You nod, remembering him mentioning the box before.

“It’s nice that you kept some things. Even if you didn’t remember why,” you say as you lean against the ledge behind you, pulling the cloak over you further.

It truly was bitterly cold out here but you weren’t about to give up the first chance in a while to properly talk to Armitage.

“It seems I could never truly forget you no matter what,” he says, looking down at his boots, “my brain simply wouldn’t allow it”.

He looks up at you now and smiles a genuine smile.

At this, you can feel the butterflies in your stomach returning as they had so many times before when you were around Armitage. And now you could finally say something - tell him how you felt, admit that you wanted more than this business relationship you had slipped into.

Yet, all you could conjure up was, “It’s nice to see you smile”.

His cheeks turn pink, you could tell that even if he was wearing a mask.

Holding your gaze, he says, “You seem to have that effect on me...as does this place!”

He gestures around,

“So many nice memories for once”.

Nice memories with you.

You feel warmth spread across your chest.

“Anything in particular right now?” you say, hoisting yourself onto the ledge next to an iron lantern, trying to get as much of its heat as possible.

He looks out of the cloisters and off into the distance, squinting to see into the darkness. 

After a moment, he chuckles and turns back to you.

“Not nice for the person I’m thinking of but very amusing for us”.

What could he possibly mean by that?

“Go on!” you spur him on.

He chuckles again as he recalls the memory before starting, “We were in this spot or thereabouts. Reading and talking, nothing too exciting but it was a pleasant sort of warm - fresh with a cool breeze. However, the breeze started to pick up. It was soon teetering on a storm but this person didn’t seem to care. Oh, what was his name?”

He shuffles his feet as he thinks,

“He was one of your Father’s closest advisers”.

“Adreal?” you ask.

“Yes! That was him! He was crouching by the pond not too far away. We weren’t exactly sure what he was doing, collecting frogspawn or something I think we speculated, but anyway, he was crouching right on the edge of the pond when all of a sudden the biggest gust of wind came and knocked him head first into the pond”.

“Aha yes!” you exclaim, pointing your finger at Hux, “I remember that!”

“And when we rushed over to see if he was alright, he was sitting in the pond with the biggest frog I had ever seen sitting on his head!” he carries on, walking over to revel in your enthusiasm as he straightens up, proud that he had remembered something correctly.

“It was honestly this big wasn’t it?!” you hold up your hands to the width of your head.

“Yes! And its massive, webbed feet were stuck to his face!”

“Frog face!” you both exclaim now and tumble into a bout of laughter that brought on tears.

You had forgotten that such a ridiculous event had happened, but now you could see it in your mind as clear as day. 

A massive shiver runs through your body as the laughter dies down and Hux steps even closer.

“Here - let me tighten this for you,” he says and adjusts the straps of his cloak around you, coming as close to you as possible.

You watch with ragged breath as his fingers ghost over the skin of your neck and you see just a strand of ginger hair hanging down under his hat.

You should kiss him.

Should you?

Oh stars, you should just do it.

Wait, he’s pulling away.

You swallow hard as your gaze flickers up and something catches your eye.

Perfect.

“Wait,” you rush out, holding onto his shoulders before he can fully pull back.

He searches your eyes in confusion, “What is it?”

You nod your head upwards, indicating for him to look above the two of you.

He looks up, “Oh”.

The pink spreads across his cheeks once more as he looks back to you, “Was that there before?”

“Maybe, maybe not,” you reply with a smirk, “but that doesn’t matter! Tradition is tradition”.

Again, not another great use of the Force but oh well.

“I...I guess so,” he says and takes a deep breath.

The two of you lean in towards each other and, slowly, the two of you share a gentle kiss under the mistletoe.

Hux pulls back just a fraction and your heart drops.

That can’t be it. Not when you had waited so long to do that again. 

But, as quickly as he had pulled away, he leans in once again and this kiss was deeper, more passionate. 

One of his hands comes to your cheek while the other finds its way under your cloak and to your hip. You hold his face as he pushes himself further into you and his hand under the cloak makes a slow path upwards and upwards. 

He traces the curve of your waist and how you wished you didn’t have such a tight corset on, wanting to truly feel his hands on you. 

You kiss him again and again, waiting and anticipating the moment that his hand would find its way to your bare skin. Finally, his fingers find the exposed skin of your shoulder blade and with the combination of the pressure and the coldness of his hands on your skin, a moan escapes your lips. 

“I’m sorry,” he rushes out and pulls back completely now, “my hands are very cold”.

“No, no!” you breathe, already missing his hands being all over you, “it’s fine! Honestly!”

Hux rubs his hands together and breathes out a chuckle of embarrassment as he looks at you. 

Shaking your head in amusement, you say, “Shall we go to my room?”

Hux nods, “It is quite cold”.

So, you jump off the ledge and take his hand in yours, “C’mon”.

The two of you jog through the twists and turns of the secret passage that lead up to the corridor where your bedroom was. You make sure to check that the coast is clear before sneaking to your door but all of a sudden Adreal’s ridiculous collar from his costume starts to appear up the stairs and you unceremoniously push Hux into your room, slamming the door shut behind him.

“Your majesty?” Adreal half greets, half questions when he finds you.

“Adreal!” you greet back and give him an awkward smile.

“What are you doing away from the party?”

Quick. You needed an excuse.

“Oh, I’m not feeling very well”

Lame…

“Must be all the truffles I ate! I am quite partial to them. I’m just going to go to bed I think”.

You grab your stomach and lean against the door.

“Right…” Adreal replies as he looks you up and down. He doesn't seem convinced but you didn’t think he cared enough to press further.

“If you could tell my mother not to wake me until the morning that would be very much appreciated”.

“Of course, your majesty”.

“Thanks, frog face,” you tease and his eyes go wide.

“Goodnight!” and with that you rush into your room and make sure to lock the door behind you.

“Oh my goodness!” you exclaim as you lean your forehead on the door, “Frog face was right there! And I called him that to his face! Oh, you should have seen his reaction, it was like he had seen a ghost! I bet he had forgotten aalll about that little incident”

You double check the lock before turning round to Armitage,

“He can’t say anything to me though and it’s not like I’ll use it in front of other people. As much as Adreal gets on my nerves, I would never…”

You stop when you realise Hux was not listening. He had his back turned to you as he looked down at the table that the two of you discussed plans on. 

“Hux?” you question as you slowly walk towards him, “everything ok?”

He does not move but you can see the rise and fall of his shoulders as he tries to steady his breathing.

“There is something I must confess, (y/n),” he finally says and your stomach drops. 

“What is it?” you say shakily. 

“If you don't listen then I understand, I don't want to waste your time but I just...I need to say some things out loud”.

You ignore the temptation to enter his mind to find out what was going on. You knew it would be a lot quicker but you would not be like Kylo. Hux deserved better from you.

“When we were sitting here, at this table, I know that I should have been putting all of my focus into our plans, in giving you as much detailed information as possible - goodness knows that nothing ever distracts me from my work, you know this” he says and finally turns to you.

You nod, unsure where he was going with this.

“But when I was sitting opposite from you, listening to you speak, I have to admit I was not completely focused on the task at hand”.

“What are you getting at, Hux?” you ask as you walk up to him, needing him to just spit it out already.

“I’m sorry, I’m...I’m not very good with this sort of thing and this might be a little overwhelming, it certainly is for me, but, (y/n),” he says, looking straight into your eyes, “you are the one thing that can distract me from my work. No matter how hard I try, I cannot stop myself from thinking about reaching out to you and just...holding you, having you in my arms...more even...”

You let out a breath.

This was it? This was what he wanted to admit?!

“I understand that it was the mistletoe that allowed me to kiss you-”

“Hux”.

You try to stop his rambling - to get through to him that you felt the same but it seemed he was adamant on explaining himself.

“Please, (y/n). I just wanted to admit that even if there was no mistletoe,”

“Hux!”

“Even if there was no mistletoe, I still wanted to kiss you and-”

“Armitage!”

Finally, at the sound of his first name he stops his speech, looking at you expectantly.

“Armitage, I wanted to kiss you too!”

A beat.

“You did?”

“Yes! By the stars, yes!” you say, placing your hands on his chest now, “Hux, I know we have been through some...terrible times together but I can’t stop these feelings for you. When you came to me on my coronation day, you said that it had been such a long time and yet here we were unable to move on - that it meant something. You were right,”

The Force amplified his heartbeat through his chest and you could feel its ever growing pace vibrating through your palms,

“I would never have admitted it at the time but, Armitage, I can’t be without you. I don’t want to be without you! I’ve waited years and years. Stars! My whole life even, just to see you again and maybe have back what I loved so dearly before it was snatched away from me,”

You take off your crown and veil now, placing them on the table beside the two of you - revealing your full face to him in hope that he would see that you were being sincere as you poured your heart out,

“And now you are back - here, with me, on Rossi where you were always meant to be”.

He wasn’t expecting you to be the one to make a speech, that was for sure as he now found it hard to find the words to reply.

“(Y/n)” he finally says.

Your name - your name on his lips was like heaven and how you had missed it. 

You place your hand on his own that was furling and unfurling at his side, stopping his nervous twitch that always gave him away.

He holds it tight, intertwining his fingers with yours and says, “I wish I had never let my Father take me away. I wish we had run away together like we said. I wish I hadn’t been a coward”.

You remove his hat and place it on the table as well, slowly but surely unveiling the real Armitage to you in all kinds of ways.

Then, you say, “It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter now because we are here, together - no matter what”.

Pulling back, you let him reach up behind his head and undo the silk of his mask. He tilts his head down, slowly removing the mask from his face and placing it on the table.

Finally, he lifts his head back up to you, “I’ve missed you, (y/n)”.

The second you see those green eyes clearly looking back at yours, free of any shred of the red beam that had once resided there, your lips are instantly on his, taking his face in your hands as you reconcile in a way that could not be articulated in words. 

His own hands come to tangle themselves in your hair as he pulls you as close to him as possible - he too, knowing what this kiss meant...

You had him back.

You had your Armitage back.

You can’t help but break into giggles of joy.

“What is it?” he asks, eyes flicking between yours now as he smiles.

Your own eyes take in his face and a wave of emotion hits you. Staring back at you was the boy you knew all those years ago - eyes bright with adoration and an expression that showed you that when he looked at you, he was home.

“I’ve missed you too, Armie - so, so much”.

The two of you are quickly in each other’s arms again - no holding back now as you let years of yearning and waiting speak for themselves as each piece of clothing is removed. Every moment of skin on skin was like fire but one that pulled you in and let you take full control. It was desperate yet caring. You relished every moment as if it was to be the last time but the thought that it wouldn’t be made it so much better.

After all this time, you got to lie on Armitage’s chest and allowed yourself to think of him and only him for the first time in a long time.

“I can’t tell if this is real or part of my daydream,” he says, curling the strands of your hair around his fingers.

“You’re really here,” you say to him as you trace invisible patterns upon his chest to eventually trace up and hold his cheek in your hand.

He leans into it for a moment, eyes closed, locking this sensation into his mind so that this time he would not forget, not ever. Then, he places his own hand on yours to bring it round to his lips and places a soft kiss upon it.

“And you’re really here,” he whispers and with a smile, you nod in confirmation, “What now?”

You sigh as he searches your eyes, totally unsure, on guard as ever.

Shuffling up to face him, you place your forehead on his and whisper back, “Just be. That’s all I need”.

Chapter Text

The light of the sun on your eyelids woke you up in the morning and the first thing you saw was Armitage staring straight at you. However, the moment your eyes flutter open he turns away, embarrassed.

“Sorry…” he says from the edge of the bed where he was sitting facing away from you, “I didn’t mean to stare”.

“It’s okay,” you reply, coming to lean on your elbows and rubbing the sleep from your eyes.

It is silent for a moment and you take the opportunity to really appreciate the fact that Armitage was here. Last night had really happened; instantly the lightness in your chest returned along with the Force singing in your veins at his reconciliation. The thoughts of the outside world were all but gone from your mind and only he remained.

“I was just…” he starts, half facing you, “This place has many memories and it’s quite hard to ground myself right now”.

You come to wrap your arms around him, placing a kiss on his bare shoulder.

“I promise that this is really happening right now - and I’m so happy that it is,” you say, coming to look at his face straight on as you hold it in your hands, brushing your thumb over his cheekbone.

His eyebrows are furrowed, eyes worried, but you see the corner of his mouth turn upwards, showing that your words were giving him some comfort at least.

“And so am I,” he finally says after a steadying breath.

You place a soft kiss upon his lips before letting him stand up and put his trousers on. As he does so, you are suddenly acutely aware of all the scars that are still strewn across his body, now with extra ones no doubt from Kylo. 

“You know I notice your stares of pity at my back,” he says, coming to sit back down and put on his socks.

You resume your position behind him, now running your finger across the jagged white lines, “I can’t believe that they’re still there”.

“Well, of course my Father would find a way to constantly remind me of him,” he replies and the moment that you had left him to the mercy of his Father flashed through your mind.

Then, your finger coasts across the edge of a bright red line this time.

“This one is new,” you say, “Ren?”

He nods.

“I couldn’t protect you from him…”

He turns around to you at this and holds your hands in his, staring at you like you had just said the most preposterous thing in the world.

“It is not for you to worry about,” he says and you sigh, brows furrowed.

“Of course I’m going to worry about you - that’s all I’ve ever done,” you reply and give him a look that warns him not to argue back.

He searches your eyes for a moment and eventually sighs in resignation, although there is a smile on his face.

It was so good to see him smile so much.

He rests his forehead against yours and looks down at your hands still entwined with his, “Thank you”.

Your hands come to rest on his chest, the sensation of scar tissue and bone ever present as you run them over his skin.

Then, a thought hits you. You weren’t sure how he would react but it was worth a try.

“I could...I could heal them for you? The scars,” you say and as he pulls back you see his eyes light up at the mention of using the Force for probably the first time ever. 

However, as fast as his eyes lit up, his face falls.

“I’m afraid it would raise too much suspicion when I return,” he says and returns to hold your hands in his lap, “Hopefully one day…”

You could see that the best version of himself was dying to come out - fully accept this new path with you, but he couldn’t. Not yet.

“Anyway, you didn’t just come here to spend the night with me did you?” you ask jokingly, nudging your head against his with a smile.

He turns to you, eyes wide at your statement, “No!”

“I’m only joking with you! What happened?” you ask and he stands up from the bed, your eyes following him, waiting for an answer.

“Pryde took me to see Palpatine’s new recruits. They’re children, all of them, no older than ten, and there was…” he hesitates and you see his hand furl and unfurl as it often did when he was nervous, “It’s silly. Don’t worry about it”.

He walks over to the chest of drawers near the door where you had thrown his shirt last night, unwilling to elaborate further.

But you needed to know.

“Armitage, you can tell me,” you say as you go over to him, his back to you as he puts on his shirt.

“There was a young boy there, a...a red-headed boy and it just…” his voice cracks as he trails off and you rush to his side.

Placing your hand on his shoulder, you could feel the pure sorrow that ran through him as he recalled this situation. There was just a slight reflection of this sadness on his face as you looked up to him -  the glossiness of his eyes and the clenching of his jaw as he tried to control his signature expressionless mask. 

“Hey, it’s okay,” you comfort him, turning him around to face you now.

His tear-filled eyes bore into yours like he was searching for some meaning to all this inside your eyes.

He truly had lost all faith in The First Order and this was the straw that broke the camel’s back.

“Show me,” you breathe out and slowly enter his mind, waiting for his permission to enter further.

He relaxes any barrier that he had learnt to put up against this mind trick and you are transported to dark and dingy surroundings. Then, you see him, or more accurately you see his red hair stand out like a beacon against a night sky. He turns to you - showing you his small, innocent face and you feel the twang of heartbreak ripple through your body as you look to him. It is so overwhelming that your instinct is to break free from the bond you had on Hux’s mind and return to the present, breathless and overcome with the exact same sadness that was radiating off of Hux.

“Oh, Armitage…” you say, your own voice breaking now as you look at him with tears streaming from your eyes.

Seeing your own reaction to the situation, Armitage’s mask altogether breaks and tears start to fall from his red-rimmed eyes as well.

The two of you fall into each other’s arms and sink down to the ground, kneeling as you hold each other close and cry. 

“I worry that I may never break the cycle, (y/n),” he says with laboured breath, pulling back from you.

“What cycle?” you ask, eyes furrowed as you shake your head, not understanding what he meant.

“The cycle of abuse,” he looks straight at you, the frightened child shining back at you, “I am just as bad as my Father”.

You desperately take his face in your hands, “No, Armitage, no you are not”.

“I am! What life have I forced upon these children, on countless other children and...and every person that works under me. I have created a cycle of abuse that I am perpetuating”.

He stumbles to his feet and leans back against the chest of draws, trying to steady his breathing.

Looking up at him now, you hated that you instantly agreed with him. You knew he was trying to be better but it did not discount the terrible things he had already done. 

But it wasn’t your job to agree with him now. You were here to comfort him. 

“You are better than that now,” you begin, finally finding the words as you stand up and place your hands on his arms, “And you’re already helping to make other people’s lives better. You can turn it all around and achieve what your Father could never”.

It hurts to watch him try not to fall apart before you. His breathing was still rapid as he replied, “What?”

You move one of your hands across his chest to let it come to rest over his heart, “Redemption”.

But he just shakes his head, “It’s too late and we are both kidding ourselves if we think otherwise”.

“Don’t say such things. I don’t believe that at all,” you say without thinking.

You don’t know what you believed at this point. You were trying to convince both yourself and Armitage that he could move on from being the fearsome General of the First Order but still there was just a tiny voice in the back of your mind that said it could never happen.

You pushed this voice away, focusing in on the task at hand which was to calm Armitage down.

Now, you were not often one to say something just to please someone but it was like you were almost worried that you would lose Armitage yet again if you were to say the wrong thing.

“You’ll repair your reputation and they will all see you how I do, I promise,” you continue.

“These aren't just some parents that I have to impress though, (y/n). I can’t repair my reputation with the entire galaxy”

“Yes you can,” you say, trying to catch his eye, “I’ve seen it”.

He scrunches up his nose and the corners of his eyes twitch - an indication that he didn’t quite believe you.

“The Force has shown it to me,” you try to convince him, your voice verging on desperation. 

He sighs, his gaze falling to the floor 

“If you say so,” he says, finally look up to you with a small smile, giving your hand a reassuring squeeze.

He knew you were trying to help but something as complicated as arranging his redemption both practically and emotionally was not an easy task, and not a conversation you probably both planned on having after such a lovely night.

So, you dropped the subject altogether. No doubt Hux had to get back and you couldn’t leave it like this. You had left downhearted too many times before and you didn’t want it to happen anymore if you could help it.

With a sharp intake of breath, he moves away towards his cape on the floor and says, “In any case, I have something very important to give you”.

“Oh?”

He pulls his cape over his shoulders and rummages around in its inside pocket before taking out a small holodrive.

“This will confirm to the Resistance that Palpatine is indeed back. You must be especially careful with it, okay?” he explains, handing the black cube to you.

You nod as you take it from him and look down at it, “Okay”.

Such a small device, here in your hands, was capable of putting the whole Galaxy into disarray. It was the worst news that the Resistance could receive. 

You run a finger over its grooves, letting the weight of the situation settle over you.

Armitage could see the trepidation on your face as his own worried eyes looked to you.

“You know,” he says, taking the drive from your hands to place it on the table and then intertwine his hands in yours, “I’m glad I came here last night. It was so good to see you - properly this time”.

Your mind settles at his words, bringing you back to how you felt last night.

“And it was wonderful to see you too, Armitage,” you reply, leaning into him, “I wish you could stay longer though. I don’t want to be away from you anymore”.

“We will have our time,” he says as he cups your cheek.

You lean into his touch, letting the hope of truly being able to be with him again take away any other worries and cares. This is how you wanted to feel forever - safe in the knowledge that you had Armitage back.

He kisses you deeply before he goes. It lets you know that he was feeling the exact same. 

“I’ll see you soon,” he says, holding your hand in the archway of the secret door that led back to the gardens.

You give him another kiss - lingering as long as you could before having to let him go.

“Not soon enough”.

Chapter Text

When Hux had gone, you sat at the table in your room, playing with the holodrive in your hands. You had to give it to the Resistance but...you almost didn’t want to. Once the news spread that Palpatine was definitely back, the whole galaxy would shift.

How you wished for some peace just for once but this holodrive was the start of a whole new journey when you had not even gotten over the last few journeys you'd been forced to go on.

If you kept it stored away - just for a little bit - maybe you could carry on with these secret meetings with Armitage. Now that everything was out in the open between the two of you, perhaps there could be a few more nights like last night. 

This information wasn’t extremely pressing was it…

You pass it between your hands as you think - needing to know what exactly was on there.

Eventually, curiosity (or selfishness) got the better of you and you slid the activation button on.

Reams of code appeared from the box and you try to read it as quickly as you could as numbers and letters flashed passed.

Palpatine...return...quickly...hours…

Hours?

You wait for the code to rerun, anticipating the part where ‘hours’ was mentioned.

Your heart thumps in your chest as the code appears once more and you manage to fully translate - “By the time this reaches you, you will have 16 hours until he attacks”.

The holodrive crashes to the table top with a clatter as you lose your grip, shooting up from your seat. 

No...but, that is no time at all!

It has to be sent now.

Without even getting dressed, you race downstairs to the communications room, holodrive in hand.

“Send this to an agent immediately!” you exclaim as you enter the computer filled room.

Every worker turns to look at you but then immediately averts their eyes - realising that you were still in your night time attire. 

“Uh, your majesty,” a worker approaches you, not quite meeting your eye, “may I ask what is going on?”

“This here is a very important message from the spy in The First Order. Arrange an agent to send it to the Resistance at once and make sure it does get there! The galaxy can not afford to lose this information”.

The worker’s eyes widen as chatter overtakes the room and he takes the holodrive from you with a furious nod. 

Air rattles in your chest as you watch everyone get to work, wrapping your arms around your torso as you now become aware that you are just standing in the open in your nightgown. 

A servant soon comes to your rescue, leading you back to your bedroom to get changed and ready for the most nerve-wracking 16 hours of your life. 

As soon as you are ready, you call an emergency council meeting. 

You all sit around as you wait for the news that the message had been received and in the meantime - what the action plan should be. 

“Our forces are ready, your majesty,” one of your advisers says to you, “Whatever you need them to do, they shall do it”.

You wait for Adreal’s protests but there is strangely nothing from the normally very vocal man.

In fact, he was not even looking at you. His face was a ghostly white as he sat unblinking at the air in front of him. 

“Very good,” you finally reply, tearing your gaze away from Adreal and back to the other adviser, “We cannot solidify anything until we hear from the Resistance but I am glad we are in agreement about helping them this time”. 

An hour or so goes by excruciatingly slow as you discuss potential plans and other Rossi business. You were just in the middle of a heated debate about evacuation procedures when you see a call coming through on your holopad from Rey.

With a hand held up to the committee to silence them, you broadcast the call onto the main holopad in the chambers.

“Rey! How are you?” you ask, trying to read her face for a clue that they had finally got the message.

“I have to admit I could be better, (y/n),” she replies and you wait for her to elaborate, “I’m going through the Jedi texts and I was wondering if you could help me. There are so many things I don’t understand”.

She holds up a large, leather bound book to you - its pages crinkled, filled with rough scribbles and diagrams.

You shake your head at it, “I’m afraid I never got the chance to look at any of the Jedi texts so your guess is as good as mine about what it contains,”

Her face falls, eyebrows coming to arch above her solemn eyes, and opens her mouth to elaborate more but you had more pressing things to ask her about than a book,

“But, have you heard any more about confirming that Palpatine is back yet?”

She puts down the book to look at you now, “No...Poe has gone to meet an informant who apparently has a message from the First Order spy. That could be something but he’s been gone for a while actually”.

All of a sudden, there is a loud crash in the background and Rey’s head whips around to look behind her.

“Damn,” she mutters under her breath before turning back to you, “I think that’s him now and by the looks and sound of it he’s completely trashed the Falcon. I’ve gotta go, sorry. But I’ll let you know what he says”.

Your heart jumps in your chest at her words but you manage to feign a smile, shaking your head, “Ok, no worries. I’ll speak to you soon”.

And with that, the link is cut and you are brought back into the room.

It seemed stupid to just wait around to let Rey confirm what you already knew. But you couldn’t go ahead with anything until the Resistance knew because if they knew then everyone would know and hopefully the galaxy could rally together.

Thankfully, after just a brief discussion with your council members, she is back on the line.

Finally, she confirms it now to everyone - Palpatine was indeed back. 

The room erupts immediately into chatter.

Sighing, you put your head in your hands - rubbing your temples to relieve the headache that was now starting to build. 

“We need to initiate the evacuation procedures immediately!” says one of the advisers, frantically looking to the others.

“To where?” Adreal barks back, “The whole galaxy is in danger! Where are we evacuating to?!”

You hold up a hand to silence them, “I need to tell my citizens”.

There are protests from around the table but you press on, “They need to know what is going on and what we are up against”.

“But your majesty, we have not even solidified a plan yet,” Adreal says.

“I just want to reassure them - to let them know that we will protect them”.

You didn’t know what you were going to say of course. Hell, you don’t even know what to tell yourself to deal with this situation right now. You knew that being ruler was no walk in the gardens but you did not think that there would be so much to handle all at once both practically and emotionally. 

“Very well, your majesty,” Adreal says after looking round at the others, “I shall inform the citizens to congregate and prepare the holocameras for broadcast”.

A few hours go by, furiously scribbling and then promptly deleting lines of your speech on your holopad, until you eventually are somewhat happy with the results.

They just needed reassuring, like you said. That’s all.

Deep breaths.

In…

And out.

“Be with me,” you whisper to no one at all as you wait behind the door to the front steps of the palace, “Be with me”.

The hum of the crowd on the other side was starting to get to you - raising your heart rate sky high and making your palms slick with sweat. You toss the holopad between them so it doesn’t slip from your grip.

Your pleas to the Force were working in a way, but still you could feel the blood pumping around in your veins a mile a minute. 

“It’s time, your majesty,” a servant says at your side and you swallow hard.

Then, with a nod to them, the door is opened and you step outside to be the bearer of bad news.

The crowd immediately quietens down as soon as they see you, and you can feel the trepidation radiate off of every one of them.

You step up to the podium, 

“In times of crisis, my Father would stand upon these steps as I am now and address his people - giving you words of reassurance and inspiration. Today I am doing this, to you who are now my people.

There have been whispers in the skies of the return of an evil that was once dead and I stand here before you now to confirm that the worst is indeed true - Palpatine has somehow returned,”

The crowd turns to each other - faces laden with grief and terror - but you press on,

“But, our spirit is not broken” We shall face this threat as we have faced other threats so many times before. When we were oppressed by the force of the First Order, we were left to defend ourselves. In the absence of your ruler, you persisted and rose magnificently to the challenges that you all faced, and I am so proud and moved by this loud, indomitable spirit. 

But now, we have the whole galaxy on our side, and by the grace of the Force we shall prevail and defeat those who wish to disturb the peace that the galaxy has fought so hard to maintain. 

We must not underrate the gravity of the task which lies before us or the temerity of the ordeal, to which we shall not be found unequal.

However, I ask you, my people, not to fret, but to rally and come together as I know you can and take comfort in each other. The bond between each Rossi citizen is a source of enduring hope in difficult and unpredictable times,”

You take a moment to find a holocamera that was floating above you - staring right into its lens,

“I promise you this, wherever you are on this planet or in the wider galaxy - you are not alone,”

Your hand finds its way to hold the locket that hung around your neck proudly for all to see,

“May the Force be with you”. 

As the great wooden door shuts behind you once you have made your way back into the palace, you suck in a shaking breath.

Your headache slammed at the sides of your skull now - reverberating around your bones that were now uncontrollably shaking. 

Your own words meant nothing to you. 

You had no plan, they were all just empty promises to deal with a situation that was way out of your control.

Squeezing your eyes tight to steady yourself, you feel tears make their way down your cheeks. Even when you tried to begin to blink them away they would persist, seeming as if you would never be able to see straight again. 

“It’s okay,” your mother says, rushing to your side, “You did it. It’s okay”. 

You start to furiously wipe the tears away as you right your posture. 

All you could respond with was a nod.

You informed your servants that you would be having lunch in your room under the guise that you had to work through.

But your food sat on your table, going cold as you paced up and down the room waiting for something, anything from anyone - Hux, the Resistance, Rey.

The chain of your locket was beginning to make a red indent of the back of your neck because of how long you had been pulling at it now.

However, you immediately stop your nervous fidgeting as you notice a faint but persistent blinking light coming from behind your bed.

Your arm flies out towards it - using the Force to call a small, black box into your hand.

This was the communicator you and Hux used when he could not visit and he had now just sent you a message.

It read - “Chewbacca has been captured and is being held on the Star Destroyer the Steadfast, making its way to Kajimi now”.

Chewie?

If they have him then what about the others?!

As soon as you had informed Hux that you had gotten his message and placed the communicator back behind the bed, you fumble with your own holopad, trying to reach Rey.

She must have been with him when he was captured but Hux doesn’t mention anything about her. She must still be free.

The ringing tone seems to go on forever and ever, each beep making your stomach turn with the thought that Chewie was out there all alone on a First Order ship.

“Come on, come on,” you whisper to yourself, trying to ring her again and again but each time there is no answer.

Eventually, you give up, throwing the holopad across the table with a grunt.

Well, there’s only one thing for it - you’d have to rescue him yourself. 

Chapter Text

“Um, your majesty,” Adreal stammers at your side, trying to keep up with your pace as you walk quickly to the royal hangar, “I don’t mean to step out of line, but you have only ever flown in simulated flight before. You’ve never piloted an actual ship”.

You wave a dismissive hand at him, “How different can it be really? I’m sure I will be fine”.

“Why...why don’t you have a pilot go with you? It would be much safer”.

“Not for the pilot! No, I need to go alone”.

You make a b-line for one of the one-manned fighters - a small ship with two cylindrical engines either side.

“Whatever will I tell your mother?” Adreal asks as you begin to climb in.

“Tell her the truth,” you reply with a disbelieving shake of your head, “I’m not sixteen anymore and I am Queen! I don’t appreciate these patronising questions on what I can and can’t do”.

“Uh!” Adreal starts but before he can say anything, you close the door to the cockpit.

Okay, remember your training, you think to yourself, trying to think back to the...limited flying lessons you had. 

You press a few buttons until you hear the engines start up and soon enough (with just a few judders of the ship) you manage to take off. It's not the smoothest journey out of Rossi's atmosphere but you get there and things start to sound a lot better around you.

Once actually in space, you luckily are able to remember how to use the navigation system and manage to set it to Kijimi.

"Well, here goes nothing," you say to no one at all and with a small plea to the Force to look over you, you jump to lightspeed.

With a jolt, you eventually enter the perimeter just outside Kijimi...along with a First Order star destroyer.

"Shit," you curse under your breath and realise that you actually didn't have a plan. Like, at all.

What were you doing?! 

How would you even get onto the Steadfast undetected?

However, such thoughts were interrupted when a large tie fighter appears with longer wings than you were used to seeing.

Ren…

Your fingers curl around the control column of the ship at the mere thought of him.

His presence in the Force was so intense and almost overwhelming.

You had to get away from him and pronto.

Your only choice was to head to the surface and find a place to properly think this through. 

However, the moment you start to make your way, you notice that Ren is making his own way straight towards you.

This was not going to end well for you.

There was no way you were anywhere near as skilled as him in flight so you were left trying to shake him off your tail by pathetically manoeuvring left and right. 

But he was still there, never leaving your tail. 

Just as you begin to wonder why he was following you, you are suddenly showered with hot, white sparks as he begins shooting and you cry out as they pierce your skin.

A quick check indicated that the engines were still intact thank goodness but the sparks from the instrument panel indicated something had broken. 

Still, you headed towards the surface because the quicker you got off this ship, the better. Kylo was still hot on your heels and the multitude of flashing lights were starting to worry you.

One more hit and-

CRASH

You jolt forwards, the control column winding you as it slams into your stomach and your ship starts to spin out of control. 

You didn’t know what to do.

You didn’t know what to do at all. 

All you could do was squeeze your eyes tight and reach out to the Force - begging it to help you make it through. 

That was the last thing you remember before you completely blacked out.

“Oh stars, is she dead?” you hear a voice ask somewhere through the ringing in your ears.

You squint, trying to discern who the voice belonged to and just exactly where you were.

“No, I can still sense her life force and she’s breathing,” another voice says.

Was that…? How could it be?

“Rey?” you splutter out and are suddenly hit with a sudden wave of excruciating pain.

“(Y/n)!” Rey says, now coming into view as she crouches down beside you in the wreckage of your ship, “Are you alright?!”

You mentally scan the bruises and deep gashes that riddled your body now; some of your ribs were also broken.

Pushing through the array of stabbing and numbing pain, you send the Force through your veins and over your injuries - healing every single last one of them.

Rey stands up as you haul yourself to your feet like nothing had happened at all.

"I still can't get over how easily you do that," she says, raising her eyebrows as she watches you dust off your dark blue, embroidered tunic, looking around to see Poe, 3PO, BB-8, Finn and some droid you hadn’t seen before. Finn's eyes flick away the moment yours meets his and your heart drops.

You didn’t think you would ever repair your short lived friendship with him and that hurt.

But, you are quick to turn your attention back to Rey and to the task at hand.

"I will teach you one day, but right now we have a more pressing matter. Kylo-" you begin to say but before you could even mention anything about the new First Order Supreme Leader, his ship appears in the sky with a woosh.

"Is here," you finish as you all stare up at the ship now.

"I guess he is what happened to your ship," Poe quips as he pulls on your arm, indicating for you to follow him.

"Unfortunately so," you reply, running in stride with the others, "Please tell me you have your own ship". 

"The Falcon is on that Star Destroyer but I have a medallion to get us on”. 

You breathe out a laugh, “Oh thank goodness cause I know a certain someone on that ship who needs rescuing”.

You smile at the others, waiting to reveal this big piece of information but Rey is quick to cut in, "Chewie?"

You turn to her wide eyed, "You know?"

"I could sense him the moment the Star Destroyer arrived".

Damn, of course she did. 

Still, it felt like you were meant to be here at this moment in time. This journey is not going to be wasted. 

The five of you climb into a ship and you breathe a sigh of relief that you weren't behind the wheel this time around. The medallion cleared you for entrance into hangar 12 as Rey whispers hushed words for Chewie to hang on. She also quickly catches you up to speed on what had happened - the dagger, C3PO. 

“Whoever this Chewie person is, this is madness,” 3PO says and you look at him in pity.

Soon enough, the ship slides into the hangar and you, Poe, Finn and Rey disembark, Rey instructing the droids to stay behind.

“Which way?” Poe asks and for some reason everyone turns to you.

You give them a sheepish look, “Um, I dunno, my time on the Finaliser was a long time ago and I don’t think-”

“Follow me,” Finn interrupts your rambling, clearly getting annoyed.

Rey gives you a small smile of pity before taking off after him and with a sigh, you join her. 

Sneaking through the corridors of the ship, the greys and whites make you feel as if you were back on the Finaliser all those months ago. Hux was on board, you could sense him, but that thought now comforted you.

After making your way through the ship a while more - Rey baffling the others with her mind trick on some Stormtroopers - you eventually find the place where Chewie was being held.

All of a sudden, Rey stops and looks around.

“The dagger’s on this ship. We need it,” she says.

“Why?” Poe questions.

She looks back at the three of you, lingering on your gaze, “A feeling”.

You instantly understand and with a nod of your head and a promise to meet back at the hangar, she is off. 

“C’mon,” Finn says with a furrowed brow, “the sooner we find Chewie, the sooner we can get off this ship”.

Just as the trooper had said, Chewie was being held in a room not too far from here.

He roars in glee as the three of you storm in and you all smile at the sight of your friend.

“Of course we came for you, Chewie” says Poe, undoing his restraints.

Another roar.

“Yeah Rey’s here, she’s gunna get the dagger,” Finn replies now as he and Poe haul him up and towards the exit.

“Ship’s this way, follow me,” Finn says as he makes his way down the corridors and the four of you chase after him

“We close?” Poe shouts over the blaster fire as stormtroopers now begin to try and take you down once again. 

“Straight ahead,” Finn replies, pointing forward.

Then, before anyone could stop him, Poe runs forward into what he thought was a clear corridor. However, that was soon proven to not be the case as he cries out and falls to the floor.

“Poe!” you exclaim, using the Force to deflect a blaster bolt as you and Finn rush to his side.

“You okay?” Finn asks as you begin to feel in the Force where and how bad he had been hit.

But, before you can even begin to heal him, a stormtrooper begins to haul you away.

“Nope,” Poe responds as he clutches his side and looks up at the troopers that now surround you.

You struggle against the stormtrooper who had you in his grasp but more just come to restrain you further.

“Let me help him!” you say while scanning the troopers in front of you - your mind calculating the best way to get out of this situation.

“It’s okay,” Poe says, holding up his hands in surrender, “Let’s just get this over with”.

You give him a look but Finn and Chewie follow suit and raise their hands as well, indicating that this wasn’t worth the fight you were willing to put forward. 

So, you give in - letting the Stormtroopers escort the four of you down the corridors.

However, the further you walk, the better you feel. Instead of dread washing over you, there was a lightness in your chest, making your heart race.

There was only one explanation for this.

A metal door like so many others you had been through rises up, but this time, standing behind it was Hux!

His eyes widen just a fraction as he sees you and you have to bite back a smile that wants to creep out at the sight of him. You wanted to rush into his arms there and then, even if he was putting up the facade of the steely General that you so hated. 

You were so glad that Kylo wasn’t around to read your minds and rat you out. 

Your own eyes then wander to the officers next to him and then back again, not caring who they were because at least Hux was here. 

However, your stomach flips as you realise who is actually standing next to him…

“Allegiant General,” one of the troopers says next to you, “the scavenger's not with them but this is-”

“The Princess of Rossi, yes we’ve met,” Pryde interrupts and you now meet his eyes, squaring your shoulders, “Oh, I do apologise, it is Queen now is it not?”

“Fuck you!” you spit out at him, not bothering to even struggle against the troopers holding you because you knew you could kill him without even moving from your spot. 

Hux obviously knew you might try something so he stares at you, trying to get you to pick up on his thoughts through the Force.

‘Don’t’ is all he says but you ignore him for now, watching Pryde sneer at you as he approaches.

You always knew Pryde was the worst from the very brief interaction you had had with him back at the gala but you didn’t think you would have to deal with him anymore than that. 

But now that you saw him here, something stirred in you - a memory, no - a dream.

“Tell him we found our spy”.

That’s it.

That’s why you were here - to stop Pryde from killing Hux.

“Your little Queenie has quite a mouth on her, doesn’t she, General?” he says, narrowing his eyes at you.

The Force flares up in your veins at his words. How dare he stand here and make fun of Hux like that. 

Your gaze flickers to Hux as he swallows hard and says nothing, not rising to Pryde’s insult as he is still trying desperately to get his message across to you. 

‘Don’t’ .

You wanted to continue to ignore him - to take out Pryde here and now but you knew that what was going to play out, had to play out. At least to a point. 

If you could stop Hux from being injured then you escape together.

But for now you sigh heavily, moving your gaze back to Pryde to stare him down silently and try your best to keep your anger at bay.

“Nothing to say about that at all?” Pryde goads and you have to bite the inside of your cheek to stop any other profanities coming from your mouth. 

“Well, I’m sure you’ll have much to say in interrogation”.

He signals to the stormtroopers beside you and they start to pull you down the corridor once again. 

“As for the others, take them away - terminate them”.

“Wait!” you exclaim, looking back at the other three and the panicked look upon their faces that mirrored your own.

You got so caught up in saving Hux that you didn’t even think about how to save the others from this situation. You couldn’t just let them die.

“I shall personally escort them, Allegiant General,” Hux finally speaks up and begins to lead them past you.

Your eyes meet as he does so. Your own were wild, searching for something while his were soft - a look meant only for you.

‘It’s okay”.

A calm settles over you on the inside. You knew you could trust him now, no matter what happened.

But still you struggled on the outside, putting on a show for Pryde and the other officers, pretending to be worried about your friends all the way to the interrogation room that you were unceremoniously shoved into. 

Chapter Text

The stormtroopers that had escorted you to the interrogation room hold you up now so you are kneeling before Pryde, grabbing a fistful of your hair to make you look up at him.

"Hmm," he deliberates, looking you up and down until he stops - staring at your locket, "The Supreme Leader will be happy if I present this to him. He has told me much about it".

He stretches his hand out towards it but you use the Force to stop it before he could reach the pendant.

He struggles for a moment - his eyebrows knitting together as he tries to pull his hand out of the invisible grip.

"Stop these games. Now," he says sternly at you.

"I'll die before I hand this locket over," you reply, looking him straight in the eye.

He returns the stare, "That can certainly be arranged".

His eyes flicker to one of the stormtroopers and with a quick nod of his head, your own goes flying into the metal wall beside you.

You cry out as the room starts to spin around and your vision fades in and out.

You can feel Pryde's presence as his blurry form crouches over you and you struggle to focus on trying to get him away. 

You think you hear him say something quickly and then he moves away. 

As your head starts to clear, you reach out towards the nearest ankle and pull - hard.

There is a groan as a stormtrooper falls to the floor and a hand grabs your shoulder in retaliation.

But you are quick to react - using the Force to shove the other stormtrooper into the wall and before the other one can get up, you run out of the room.

With the Force and adrenaline running through your veins, you frantically run through the corridors of the Steadfast - so similar to those of the Finaliser all those months ago and yet not familiar enough to make you feel confident about where you were going.

All you could do is focus on the Force as it guided you towards the biggest signature on board.

Soon enough, you felt Rey and other weaker Force signatures in a room just ahead of you. 

As you burst through the doorway, you are met with a sight that makes your heart flip.

There, blaster in hand, was Finn standing right in front of a defenceless Hux. 

"Wait!" You exclaim but you're too late.

Hux falls to the ground, clutching his leg and Finn gives you but a glance before returning his attention back to Hux.

"Why are you helping us?" he asks, a mix of confusion and anger in his voice.

Hux's jaw tenses up as he tries to stem the blood seeping out of his leg and his gaze moves to you as you rush over to crouch by his side.

"(Y/n) showed me the light," he says and he slips his hand in yours, squeezing it tight "That what I was doing was wrong. That I could help".

Hux makes eye contact with Finn once again, but you do not see the disapproving look on the ex-stormtrooper's face, instead your eyes are still fixed firmly on Hux. 

To hear him say those words out loud, to someone else other than just you when the two of you were alone was...it gave you indescribable joy. 

"Right…" is all Finn's response, "(y/n) let's go. The others are waiting in the Falcon". 

"I'm staying here," you say without missing a beat, "I'll catch up with you".

Finn's face takes on a look of confusion that it had done multiple times in the small time that you had found him, "What?!"

"(Y/n) what are you doing?" Hux speaks up in protest next, "You can't stay here". 

"You have to trust me," you say looking between the two, "both of you".

Finn brings the back of his hand to wipe his forehead in thought. 

With a sigh he says, "Fine. But you better get out of here alive, you hear me? Don't sacrifice yourself for him ".

He nods towards Hux now and you can see Armitage swallow hard out of the corner of your eye. 

"May the Force be with you," you say, ignoring his jibe at Hux. 

Then, with a nod, he is out the door.

You turn to Hux straight away, "You trust me right?"

He shifts uncomfortably on the arm that he was leaning on, "Of course". 

"Then you have to carry on now as if I was never here"

"What? Can't you heal me?".

You look towards his injury, feeling his pain through the Force and suddenly you start to have second thoughts.

Maybe you should have just healed him and you and he could've escaped with the others.

"No. You just need to trust me".

This had to happen. 

You look around very quickly to make sure no one was around, "Where are your quarters on this ship?" 

"(Y/n), what…"

"Armitage, we don't have much time," you look him dead in the eyes now, waiting for his answer.

So, he tells you and you try your hardest to memorize the directions for this absolute labyrinth.

Once you had repeated his directions back to him, you bring yourself to your feet but hold on to Hux's hand as you look down at him, "I'll see you soon".

"Not soon enough," and with a small kiss on the back of your hand, he lets go. 

This was it, so close to the life you have wanted with him for years.

But in order for that to happen you had to get on with it and make sure all the timings were right.

Tearing your gaze away from Hux, you sprint in the direction of his quarters.

You make sure to keep yourself hidden behind corners and feel for Force signatures behind doors.

Finally, you feel the Force signature you were looking for…

"Millicent!" You exclaim, spreading your arms out towards her as she lifts her head to look at you.

"Time to go, Millie"

You give her a quick scratch under her chin before beginning your search for anything that Hux might want or need once he is out of here. 

There were the obvious things - some drawings stuffed in the drawer, basic clothes, but what you found hard to find was this secret box of his past. 

You try to think back, racking your brains for hiding spots that Armitage used back on Rossi. 

Rossi…

Closing your eyes, you try to feel its atmosphere, its freshness and lightness to guide you to just the tiniest scrap of it upon this ship.

The wardrobe...obvious really. But you guess Hux didn't have any need to hide his things. He wouldn't be subjected to any searches after all. 

Finding a bag big enough to put the basic things in was easy enough but a bag big enough to put Millicent in as well was a different matter. 

Just as you think this, Millicent gives a soft meow at your feet. 

"What am I going to do with you, huh?".

Turns out trying to be stealthy while holding a cat was not an easy thing to do.

"Shhh!" You whisper to the ginger tabby in your arms as two stormtroopers stomp past your hiding place. 

It wasn't too far to where Hux was now - the Force told you that. In fact, it seemed that he was just behind the door up ahead along with...Pryde.

The vision of the blaster bolt ripping through Hux flashes through your mind and you have to take a steadying breath. 

The sound of footsteps starts to get closer behind you and you knew you had to do something, anything now.

Looking around, you realise that the panel next to you had hinges at regular intervals along it. You follow it along until you come to a control panel.

Millicent gives out a soft purr as you brush your fingers across the buttons, thinking what this led to. 

Luckily, one of the old combinations Hux gave you worked and the panel slid open to reveal…

"Escape pods!" You quietly celebrate to yourself. 

As quickly as you could, you place Millicent and the bag inside one of them just before two stormtroopers appear from around the corner.

"Hey!" One of them says, both of them raising their blasters to you, "What are you doing?"

"You're here to help me out," you say, waving your hand and channelling the Force into their minds.

"We're here to help"

"Whatever you want"

You glance towards the door to Hux before you continue, "When I say, you will go and collect General Hux's body and put him in this escape pod".

"We'll get General Hux's body"

"And put him in that escape pod"

You give them a nod and wait just a few seconds to make sure they would comply before heading to look through the small window in the door.

Your heart quickens as you strain your neck to try and find Hux who was standing on the other side of the room, a bandage on his leg, leaning on a cane. 

And then…

BANG

"Now!" You strain, squeezing your eyes shut tight and doubling over as a burning runs through your chest.

You manage to press your back to the wall adjacent to the door that the stormtroopers were now filling through. 

You try to absorb as much of the coldness of the metal through the palms of your hands, trying to make it overtake the burning now searing through your body. 

There is shuffling in the near distance and then the stormtroopers are back - Armitage's limp form in their arms.

By the stars how you hated to see him like this. 

But you had to be strong for him, for the life you both wanted so badly that was so close now. 

Once the stormtroopers had carefully placed Hux's body in the escape pod you manage to compose yourself enough to give them one final instruction, "You will go on with your duties now as if this never happened".

"We need to go".

"We're going to work".

And then they walk away, leaving you with a rapidly deteriorating Hux.

"We're going to go as well," you say, slamming the release button as you step into the escape pod, "for good".

As the door shuts behind you and the pod ejects into the darkness of space with a hiss, you fall to your knees from the momentum. 

Immediately, you scramble towards Hux - healing his wound the only thing on your mind now.

Your hands glide over his torso as you focus on the red hot, broken skin of the blaster wound and start to channel the Force to close it up.

But the moment you start, you cry out as you feel your own life-force burn through your veins and eventually recoil back. 

What was going on?

It hurt. 

There was nothing for you to focus on to channel the Force anymore.

Your hand jumps to clutch your locket but…

"No."

The skin of your fingertips brush against the skin of your chest. No metal, nothing.

Your stomach drops.

Your heart misses a beat.

"NO!"

Where was it?!

Did it fall off?!

Where...no...where…

It wasn't here.

You tear the bag apart hoping to hear the clink of metal against metal but still nothing. 

"Meow," a soft noise from Millicent who was now snooping through the things you had flung on the floor.

"Millicent move!" You cry, tears streaming down your face now, "Please just move!"

You push her away, maybe a little bit harsher than you intended but your mind was racing and pounding against your head. 

She gives out a cry herself as she hops onto Hux who was still lying there, bleeding out. 

Oh by the stars, what were you doing?!

You had to heal him. No matter what. 

"I'm sorry, Milli. I'm sorry," you sob as you turn your attention back to Hux. 

He was still breathing, thank the Force. A weak pulse but it was there. 

So, you lay your hands over his chest wound and brace yourself.

Pain like no other tore through your veins as your own lifeforce moved to him. You knew it was a risk - giving this much of yourself to the healing process - but for Hux it was worth it.

Once it was done, his seared flesh healed, his heartbeat steady, you collapsed onto his chest, panting hard.

Your tears continue now from both physical and mental anguish.

Have you done enough? By the stars let it be enough.

As these thoughts race through your mind and you clutch tightly to the front of Armitage’s tunic, you feel a hand being placed upon your head.

“(Y/n), (y/n)”.

You raise your head to see Armitage’s face plastered with worry.

“Armie!” you strain, clinging to his neck as you envelope him into a hug.

“Hey,” he soothes, pulling you back to wipe away your tears, “what’s going on?”

Words catch in your throat as your eyes desperately flitter around his face, trying to find the words to describe how you felt.

“I’ve…I’ve lost it, I almost lost you and I…” is all you manage to stammer out before you feel your throat seize up again and all you could let out was a whine.

“I’m here, I’m here,” he says, bringing you back to rest your head on his chest as he sits up, “But where are we?”

You feel his head move as he looks around, he tenses up, and then he is pushing you off of him to stand on his feet.

“Armitage…” his name just as strained in your mouth as it was when he left you and you grab onto his tunic to try and stop him from looking any further, to bring him back into your arms so he could let you know that everything was ok.

“(Y/n)...what have you done?”

But his attention was all but lost on you now.

“Armitage…” you repeat as he walks out of your grip and right up to the windowed panel on the escape pod.

You press your forehead to the cold floor and cry like you are desperately praying that he will realise that this is a good thing even if it was without warning, even if he didn’t have a chance to say goodbye and make peace with such an evil but large part of his life. 

All of a sudden, his hands are wrapped around your forearms, bringing you up to look at him as he crouches down.

“What happened?!” 

This time, it was his turn for his eyes to desperately search yours.

A breath.

“You’re free”.

You watch as his arched brows shoot up and he lets out a breath of his own.

As his hands run down your arms, his back collides with the curved wall of the pod and he sinks to the floor.

Yet, you were still frozen to the spot as you worried about what was running through his mind in this moment; if he could now realise what this meant for the two of you.

While your mind is racing a mile a minute, a questioning chirp is heard behind you, and Hux’s attention is immediately taken from the receding ship and towards the ginger tabby who emerges from behind you.

“Millicent!” Armitage cries and scoops up his cat to hold her up in front of him.

“How…? Why…?” he begins.

"I couldn't just leave her, could I…" you reply, looking up at him with a small smile - your eyes and nose still red from crying.

It was in this moment that you saw his features soften, his shoulders drop as he really, truly saw you for the first time since being rescued. 

"(Y/n)," he breathes as he brings both you and Millicent close to his chest now, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry I freaked out. I just…”

“It’s ok,” you interrupt, looking up at him as you move your hand to cup his cheek, “I understand”.

He stares back at you, and very slowly you edge into his mind, asking for permission to see inside.

The guessing games needed to end. 

His barriers are down as soon as you try and you are flooded with what looked like memories…no…they were potential memories. The two of you together on Rossi but as you were now - as a free, unabashed couple.

You were both…happy.

Truly happy.

As you pull out of his mind, the world coming back into focus, you see him still staring back at you.

Then, with his eyes serious yet gentle, he says, “I love you, (y/n)”

And with those words - those words that you had been dying to hear ever since he had been taken away from you - they grip onto your heart, surrounding it with such joy as you had never felt before.

“I love you too, Armitage”.

So, with your head on Armitage’s chest, the two of you (and Millicent) watch as the Steadfast continues to fade from view until it was just a tiny spec in your lives.

And as you rubbed the scar along the palm of your hand, you knew that the both of you weren’t quite out of the woods yet but you had made just that bit further.