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I Don’t Know Why (You’re Dancing In My Mind)
The forest felt just as inviting as usual. The moss felt velvety and slightly damp underneath her palms, the bark from the tree she leaned her back felt solid, softened by the humidity.
No matter how inviting it was, though, nature’s arms embracing her did not make that feeling go away.
It hadn’t been the flirting per se . Flirting she could deal with. It had been the filthy undertone to it, even after she had told them a clear no ; the way they spoke about her like she was something they could use for their purpose, with no consideration to her lack of consent and discomfort.
She had a feeling that it was something that should seem alluring, but it was truly not.
Yasfa leaned against the tree a little further, letting her weight be supported by it. Soon enough, the sounds of somebody approaching filled her ears.
“Yasfa? Miss, are you alright?”
It was Og’va, of course. He looked a gentle as ever, a concerned look adorning his eyes.
“Yes, of course.” She lied, looking at him.
His face did something strange. “Then why… are you crying?”
Oh, hell. She hadn’t even noticed until he spoke of it.
Yasfa touched her face, feeling the wetness covering her cheeks. “Oh. I hadn’t… noticed.” The words sounded lame even to her. She grimaced. Wet dirt smell, indeed .
Og’va made his way to her, sitting by her side. His warmth through his clothes was comforting, unlike the unrequited succubus’ phantom touch on her cheek.
“So.” He said. “What did they do?”
“Nothing, they didn’t do anything.”
“Come on.” His face spoke of incredulity. “You’re a tough woman. They made you cry, they must have done something.”
She hesitated. Speaking about those things was not her forte by far, It was all so shameful, so personal . No one but her late adoptive ma had ever taken an interest in her like that. She didn’t want to over-share, to make him uncomfortable. Her things were hers alone, and she was fine with that.
Or, not so fine, considering the feeling assaulting her chest at the moment.
“They were just… sort of forceful with the flirting.” She sniffed and wiped her face quickly.
“And that bothered you?” Was his conclusion, no judgement in his voice.
“They…” Yasfa flushed, looking down. “They said they were looking forward to the smell of… wet dirt .” The words came as if punched out of her. “Even after I told them no, they kept trying to kiss me, I-”
“No need to say anything else.” He put a comforting hand over her shoulder. “I understand.” And then he seemed to hesitate, battling with something. “But, and I ask this with the utmost respect… were you not interested?” Og’va voiced his doubt. “People usually are, you see. It’s surprising to see someone who would be this upset by their advances, as they are usually welcomed.”
Her teeth worried over her lower lip and she avoided his eyes again. “I don’t… feel those things like most people.”
“How come?” He stopped himself. “If that’s something you feel comfortable to share, of course.”
Yasfa hesitated once more. “I feel like… I need to have some previous… connection , to feel anything like that for someone.” Her tongue came to soothe the bite marks left there from her anxious nibbling.
“I see.” He nodded, comprehensive. “And… have you ever felt like that for someone?”
A memory of brown eyes and black hair flashed through her mind’s eye. “Y-yes.”
“Why did you leave that person to the adventurer’s life, then?” Og’va’s smile looked peaceful. “To feel something like that… I wonder what it’s like.”
“The first time, it… didn’t end up well.” She revealed, hands fiddling with the wood handle of her morningstar. “Some people from the village did not like me. When I was about sixteen, some of the other teenagers decided to play a prank at me… this boy pretended to be in love with me until I fell for him, and, well, once I did… he just used it against me.”
“That… sounds awfully cruel.” His eyes narrowed. “Don’t tell me that was the only time you ever fell in love. It sounds like a horrible experience that should be erased by something better.”
“N-no, it wasn’t.” The genasi agreed, her flush deepening to a dark green misted on her sharp cheekbones, honeyed eyes following the orc’s. “There was another young man, an apprentice. But… it was never serious for him, and I have been hurt before, so I didn’t let the feeling get too deep.” She shrugged.
He nodded. “I understand it now. It must have felt horrible, after those experiences, to be talked to and about like those succubi usually do.” Og’va shuddered. “I have bad memories from that. They wanted me to throw away my vows of chastity just to… you know.”
It looked like he was flushing as well. It was sort of adorable.
Yasfa smiled, heart somewhat appeased. “Yes, it was.” She nodded.
Silence stretched between them before she spoke again.
“Thank you for listening to me.” She said, glancing at him sideways. “It… really helped. “
He smiled back. “You’re welcome. Whenever you need, I’m always here to listen and help, if I can.” He said and stood up, looking around. “They’ve been there for too long, I think. I guess I’ll check on Kiiara.” On his feet, he turned to her again, offering a hand. “Will you be alright?”
Surprised, she took the offering hand, paying more attention to the warm, rough pads of his fingers against the calloused skin of her joints, overused by hard work with leather and metal, than on how he was able to pull her on her feet with relative ease.
So absorted he got on the sensation, she only came to it a few moments later, eyes focusing on the concerned look on his face. “Maybe I should stay.” He told her gently. “Kiiara can handle herself. She has done it before.”
“No! No, I’m fine.” Yasfa assured him, breaking contact between their hands quickly to pretend to straighten her clothes and armor. “I’m fine. Go check on her, we don’t want anything bad happening to your friend.”
“Are you sure?” He looked a little uncomfortable.
Yasfa plastered her best smile on her face. Despite it not being entirely genuine, it was genuine enough - she was truly grateful for his kindness, and, thankfully, it showed. “I’m alright. Promise.” The genasi insisted. “Go. Yell if you need any help.”
“Alright.” He nodded, turning to walk back on the direction of the clearance. “See you in a minute. If you need anything, come get me, alright?”
“Alright!” She answered just to appease him.
Yasfa ended up sitting back, hand caressing the damp, soft moss underneath her, back getting once again acquainted with the tree bark behind her. But her eyes now focused on the glimmers of firmament she could see in between the tree branches, the dark night sky peppered with twinkling stars that seemed to wink playfully at her.
And she had promised to herself that this would not happen again; the racing heart, the warmth blooming inside her chest like a well-fed bonfire, the tingling sensation spreading to her fingertips. She was overtaken by the sensation of breathlessness and a little dizziness as realization dawned into her body that she might have been developing a slight crush on her adventure companion.
Yasfa was acutely aware that she had probably been cursed by some of the antagonistic mothers from her village so she would never find a seed of love that she could plant and let grow. First, she had been tricked by the village boy, who thoroughly humiliated her on the day after their first night together; then, the other apprentice had told her fair and square that while they could be friends, he would not fall in love with the likes of her, and now her traitorous heart decided to take an interest in someone who was wondrously kind, and yet, completely unavailable.
Still, she thought, ears listening in to the sounds of him walking away, at least this time it was someone nice. Yasfa decided that she would not encourage or feed this fluttering inside her ribcage; but she would not fight it, either. Her chosen course of action would just be to let it develop into whatever it wanted to be, and enjoy whatever good it brought her way.
Maybe it would end up being nothing; a dead egg inside a gold cage, slowly becoming nourishment for something else. Maybe it would end up hatching into a beautiful nightingale that would fill her mind with the tunes of a lifetime.
Yasfa smiled to herself, willing the hummingbird of her beating heart to settle. She knew she would have her time, especially once she got her heart back from the green dragon’s claws.
She had time and patience to spare, at least. After all, she was not an earth genasi for nothing.
And if the forest around her seemed a tad bit softer and more inviting, well, that was what happened when she was happy, anyways. It was all between her and the nature around her.
Maybe she couldn’t be loved back, as the curse stated, but she could certainly relish the shade of whatever grew from the fertile soil of her heart. .
And that, for the moment, was quite enough.