Chapter Text
“Hoh, hellspawn! I, the Greatest King of Athens, am ashamed to say that I greatly require your assistance at this present moment!”, King Theseus bellowed, having tracked the Daemon-Prince Zagreus down to the glade of Patroclus where he stood alongside the warrior Achilles. He knew the area well enough; it was fairly remote, but the Fates had guided him to it several times already. It was certainly because they wanted him to befriend a noble figure such as Achilles! Patroclus himself, on the other hand, he could take or leave. Still- he (usually) knew better than to pick a fight when it wasn’t warranted. He’d act civil this time. “My fellow warriors, you are free to pitch in as well!”
The trio was sipping nectar when the King arrived, but now all had paused to look at him quite judgmentally. Patroclus looked particularly unamused by the sudden appearance of King Theseus, but he didn’t do much more than roll his eyes. Achilles on the other hand had a tense smile, and the fiend looked, well… he looked as fiendish as ever, really. Unremarkably fiendish!
“Is that your way of saying that you need help with something?” asked the daemon with a clearly exhausted tone. The nerve of him, speaking in such a way to a king!
Regardless of the fact that all three men were clearly annoyed by his presence alone (inconceivable! A face such as his should be beloved by all of Elysium!), Theseus continued: “Yes, exactly that! I seek your assistance on a matter of the utmost importance to me! ”
The hellspawn should feel honoured that a kingly figure such as himself was coming to him, an insignificant minor god(!) for help! He should fall to his knees and plead for his divine forgiveness, promising to do everything in his power to aid the king! It had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that there were few others within the realm who could tolerate having a conversation with him, whatsoever!
Zagreus, fiend that he is, simply asks “Can’t you go to Asterius about this? He seems like he’d help you out with just about anything!” He says it in the exact same tone of voice he takes with the king before their battles in the arena: in any other situation Theseus would take it as a rise to challenge! But this was not the arena, and they were not about to enter a battle to the death. Theseus didn’t even bring his spear with him as he normally would! He realized rather quickly the sight of it alone may lead this conversation down a different route, or convince the daemon he had intentions other than asking a simple question.
(Patroclus and Achilles both murmured in agreement with the daemon: Patroclus huffed something under his breath about how “the minotaur is the only person in this or any other world patient enough to deal with you.” Hearing such a thing made the King scoff in pure disbelief, but he otherwise remained silent.)
Theseus only persisted, however. “I cannot go to Asterius with this- for it is Asterius who is the concern of mine. He is what I need help with, presently! For I have a question in regards to him, or more specifically the relationship between I and he!”
At that, the glade was silent. It made Theseus groan- he hated explaining himself to those who were undeserving of his presence! If it were Achilles alone he would gladly elaborate, but Patroclus and himself had never gotten along ( You are a king, and the favored of Poseidon. And yet, you are very short. How sad for you , Patroclus had said once. The fallen warrior was, decidedly, the worst person he’s met in Elysium.)
And the daemon was, well… a daemon. A vile, fiendish daemon! A daemon, who would sever the fraternal bonds he shares with Asterius the moment either of them dropped their guards! Which is one of many reasons why he has to do this- so that the hellspawn may see just how deep his devotion to the Bull is!
“This may come as a surprise to you... ” Theseus began, already feeling his face burning up. He would not falter, though. His brilliant smile continued to shine through, and he even posed proudly as he spoke, hands on his hips. “But you see- I have been in love with my dear friend for quite some time now!”
Again, silence. Patroclus takes a big swig from his glass of Nectar. The daemon keeps opening his mouth to say something, then quickly closing it. Even Achilles just looks… stunned. Complete and total shock and confusion.
Noble Achilles eventually coughs: “We… know. Everyone knows, King Theseus. You’ve never been good at hiding it.”
“You all already know?!” He couldn’t contain the surprise in his voice. He never made any real effort to hide his feelings, but he didn’t think he was that obvious, either.
“Well, yeah!” shrugged the daemon, “you’re always going on about your fraternal bond and eternal devotion to one another. To tell you the truth, I thought you were already dating!”
“As did I.” adds Patroclus, who had already popped open a second bottle of Nectar from the fiend’s stash.
Ah. This was humiliating! To be so rudely told that his feelings were so obvious! As if it wasn’t a big deal! This was, truly, a devastating blow. But he could not let it get to him; he'll gladly put up with any embarrassment for the sake of his beloved brother-in-arms. Even if his cheeks were burning fiercely, he continued:
“We are not dating! At least, not yet. But I would like for us to be together in that way. For you see, I wish to confess to Asterius. To tell him that I have feelings for him! A love that burns with the passionate heat of a sweltering sun! A devotion that is unfathomable! A partnership that is unbreakable! A bond that is unSHAKEable- “
“Didn’t you marry in the past? Multiple times, to multiple different women? Shouldn’t you be able to do this on your own?”, Patroclus cut in, interrupting his speech. Of course he wouldn’t understand! What does he know of true devotion?
(Speaking of devotion, why is it that he and Achilles wear matching outfits anyways? He'll have to ask sometime.)
“This is entirely different, Patroclus! The love I hold for Asterius is strong enough to have been forged by Hephaestus himself! The affection I held for any of my wives cannot even begin to compare to what I feel for Asterius.” It was the genuine truth. None of his marriages were… particularly good. Some circumstances were out of his control, other times, he acted rashly. But Asterius knew how to deal with Theseus' impulsive nature. It was one of many, many things the king appreciated about his bovine companion.
“Why don’t you just tell him the stuff you were just telling us, then? You know, about Hephaestus or whatever.” The daemon suggested. “Sure, it’s nerve-wracking, but I’m more than certain that you of all people would be able to do it!”
“Pah! Asterius deserves far greater than words alone, fiend! I must do something that will truly and wholly show the depths of my feelings for him!”
(That wasn’t the whole reason: while Theseus didn’t want to admit it to Zagreus of all people… he truthfully wasn’t entirely sure if Asterius felt the same as he did. Yes, Asterius had promised to fight by his side by eternity! He’d promised his devotion, his strength, his everything to Theseus! But that didn’t necessarily mean he loved him romantically . For (as much as he was loathe to admit it), Theseus knew he could be a bit of a handful. Even Poseidon, who favored him and was a father figure to Theseus, had once described the king as a “hot-tempered braggart.”)
Asterius had been patient with him (though admittedly, there were times it felt as if such patience was more than he deserved), and had never strayed from him (even when he had dreams of that fiend Zagreus, he always reminded the king hat his place was by his side), but the insecurity still gnawed at Theseus incessantly. The idea that Asterius may one day leave him for someone more worthy… even after they reaffirmed their bond, he couldn’t help but to feel worried on the occasion, despite the fact that he no longer allowed those worries to follow him onto the battlefield.
King Theseus had every intention of wooing Asterius, of impressing him with just how strong, and heroic, and valiant he is! He would make the Minotaur fall for him! He would show him what a wonderful partner he can be both on and off the battlefield! And then, maybe… that worry would finally fade.
(How unfortunate he was, that such insecurities followed him even into the afterlife!)
“You want to do something to impress him?” the fiend suddenly asked. Theseus must’ve been thinking out-loud again, whoops.
“Why yes, of course! My dearest friend deserves only the best I have to offer!” the king twirled a strand of his blonde hair around his finger, trying to act casual despite the fact his face was, undeniably, redder than a tomato.
“I’m not sure if that would be the way to go. I’ve seen your way of impressing people, Kng Theseus.'' Achilles waves his hands upwards in a dramatic gesture, an imitation of the confetti cannons Daedaelus had custom made for the Macedion Tau-Lambda, “and I don’t think your bull friend would appreciate the commotion.”
“I wasn’t thinking of doing anything like that!” Theseus lied; His first idea had involved fireworks, before he remembered how much the Bull was unsettled by sudden loud noises.
By the way Achilles chuckled, he must’ve known it was a lie. The champion had never been a good liar. The embarrassment of being laughed at by one such as the Great Achilles… it was something he would have to endure, for now.
“Why don’t you try making some sort of gift for him?” Patroclus asked. Theseus perked up at that: He had of course given the Minotaur gifts in the past- hand-woven wreaths of laurels and Elysian flora to crown his head with, combs made from the shells of creatures he fished from the river Lethe; the red paint Asterius adorned his horns with was created by Theseus himself by grinding ruby-coloured flowers into a fine powder.
They were small things, yes, but Asterius had cherished them with so much love that it made Theseus’ heart swell just to think about those fond memories.
“That’s not such a bad idea, Patroclus! For I, Theseus, Greatest King of Athens, am an excellent gift-giver! And an even better craftsman!”
“Are you, now? What about the time with all the glitter -”
“Do NOT talk to me about that!”
Theseus absolutely refused to discuss the glitter incident, especially since Asterius only recently got the last of it out of his fur. Still, both Achilles and that fiend began to snicker, and even Patroclus smirked.
“Regardless, my fellow warriors!”, Theseus quickly changed the subject before Patroclus could say anything else, “I fully intend to take your advice! I will craft my dear friend Asterius something that is so large, so exquisite, that even the wretched shades of Tartarus will be jealous of my workmanship! And that jealousy will only increase when they see that such a gift is only befitting of dear Asterius, for he is unmatched by any other in my heart! Just you wait!”
With that, Theseus turned to exit the glade. Now, he had a plan! Well… more accurately an idea. Still! It was something, and… oh! He almost forgot.
Theseus backed up, returning to where Zagreus had resumed a conversation with the other two warriors. “I will be awaiting you at the arena later, for I know you will inevitably come to darken its halls with your vile visage!” He reached out to poke the daemon’s chest, causing him to make a noise that was quite unamused.
“Mention nothing of this to Asterius, or else my wrath will be even more viscous than that which you are quite accustomed to!” Now that that was finished, Theseus could leave for real. He sauntered out of the glade with confident steps, muttering to himself all the while.
Zagreus and the warrior pair watch as the king leaves, all looking equally baffled. Not that this was any more confusing than the average interaction with Theseus- afterall, he was very… odd. Difficult to understand. Asterius must put up with a lot, they all concluded together at some point in the past.
“So, what do you think he’ll end up making?” Achilles asked, swirling the honey liquid of nectar in a freshly opened bottle.
“Something that is far out of his skill range. He’ll go into it with his usual bravado and come out of it crying.” replied Patroclus, with a nod.
“At the very least, the Bull of Minos will like it either way.” Zagreus sighed, “I really don’t understand why he tolerates him! Aren’t there other, less obnoxious heroes he could befriend? And he never wants to hang out with me, either… “
Patroclus and Achilles glanced at one another. They didn’t know how to break it to the prince that Asterius definitely liked Theseus back, that flirting with him wasn’t going to get him anywhere, and he’d have an easier time taking Sisyphus’ boulder on a date than he would trying to win Asterius’ heart.
Even if neither of them could really understand it (though Pat would begrudgingly admit that there were times when the two Champions reminded him of himself and Achilles, with Theseus being so emotional and Asterius being so patient), the king and the Bull of Minos were clearly bound to one another. No force could separate them… lest of all the prince’s celebrity crush. He’d get over it in time, at least.
Zagreus came to the arena as expected. This time, he lost - though it was due to a stroke of bad luck on the daemon’s side rather than the duo’s actual battle prowess. Theseus dropped a bomb from his chariot that strangely enough didn’t detonate...until the prince had the misfortune of accidentally stepping on it with his flaming feet. The explosion he produced was quite spectacular! An unforgettable sight, really.
As much as Theseus would have loved to personally land the killing blow, this was good enough… and a good omen, certainly! For Theseus had planned to ask Asterius what he may like as a gift after the battle that same day or night.
Typically, he would start on a gift without asking so it would be a surprise… but after the glitter incident, it would be irresponsible of him not to inquire.
“Asterius, my dear friend…” Theseus latched onto the Minotaur’s arm, entangling his hand within his own. The difference in their sizes was highlighted whenever the king clung to his partner in this way; he could only wrap his hand around a few of Asterius’ fingers.
When Asterius first joined the king within Elysium, he was bothered by how physical Theseus was: it was rare indeed that he wasn’t holding something, be it his spear, some small contraption gifted by Daedalus, or even Asterius himself. Now it was something they’d both grown used to, something they both enjoyed greatly.
“If I, your beloved friend and king, was thinking of getting you a gift… what would you like from me?”
Asterius looked thoughtful for a moment, his handsome face gazing away as he pondered. He was never very talkative (a lifetime of silence would do that to a person, Theseus supposed), but he always listened, which Theseus appreciated immensely.
The king loved to talk: he loved to hear the sound of his own voice, he loved to explain things big and small, to analyze, to make suggestions. Words held incredible power, and he wanted to utilize that power well. But there had been multiple occasions where he… might have accidentally chased off another Elysian he was trying to impress by getting too wordy about a particular topic (he still felt bitter that noble Odysseus wasn’t interested in his thousand page essay on whether Heracles or Perseus would win in a fight. He’d worked so hard on it, calculating how they’d fare in various different competitions right down to the very last decimal! Even the heroic Jason squirreled off when Theseus told him that the witch Medea was his stepmother, when he only wanted to ask about her son, Medus, who he knew briefly in life), but Asterius liked to hear him talk. He was so very, very kind. The only person Theseus ever met who completely accepted him, eccentricities and all.
Theseus was smitten.
“Well,” Asterius eventually hummed, “There’s nothing I particularly want at the moment. But…”
“Yes, yes?”
“I enjoy it when you practice on your lyre, king. Perhaps you can play a song for me.”
Theseus halted at that. When he was a boy, his mother Aethra had assigned him lyre lessons in an attempt to expend his near limitless energy. He complained at first, but came to find he enjoyed the lessons quite a lot.
When he left Troezen as a young adult he put such a hobby behind himself, finding it unbecoming of a hero… but now in the afterlife the desire to play again had taken hold of him, and he indulged himself. He was, of course very, very, VERY out of practice, but everytime he played Asterius would prick his ears to listen, to quietly support him as he tried his best to relearn it.
“You would like me to write a song for you… ?” Theseus asked, blue eyes glittering. His dear friend wanted such a humble gift! In the past, he might've protested and attempted to offer something much more exquisite… but this was Asterius. He didn’t often ask for things, but when he did he was always certain of himself.
“Nothing quite as grand as that, my king. I’d be happy hearing anything from you.”
Asterius gently brushed his thumb against Theseus, causing the smaller man's cheeks to darken with blush.
Right . Theseus makes a mental note to himself. Asterius absolutely wants me to write him a completely original and grand ballad, a testament to his fame! What a romantic gesture that will be!
He could imagine it now: Theseus, holding a lyre made of solid gold and ruby gemstones. He would sit Asterius down for a private concert; to play a completely original piece of music, one so beautiful, so heart-rendingly gorgeous, that mortals upon the surface would find themselves suddenly weeping, not knowing the reason why. Rose petals float aimlessly on the breeze, but fall around his beloved friend who seems to shine golden like the sun. His singing- beautiful, god-like, majestic! Apollo himself would be driven to jealousy at his voice! And it would all be for Asterius- only for Asterius, his dear, dear friend who he loved so deeply. Once he was finished, he would take a dramatic bow, and get down on one knee…
Asterius, he would ask, would you do me the honour of becoming not only my partner in battle, but my partner in all aspects of afterlife… ? I wish for our bond to grow and flourish, not just as one between brothers in arms, but one between lovers!
Theseus, Asterius would reply, nothing would make me happier. I am yours and yours alone.
And then, they would kiss! And then, they would be together! It was as simple as that.
“King…” Asterius suddenly sighed, waking Theseus from his elaborate daydream, “What’s with that look on your face?”
“Hmm?” The king had a habit of acting without realizing, of smiling and not noticing. Asterius considered it to be another charming trait of his, though.
“I am simply happy, my dear friend.”
“Because we won?” Asterius asked with a snort.
“Yes,” the king hummed, “and because I am with you, and you make me very happy. I have just the thing in mind for your gift, as well! Just you wait- soon, all of Elysium will know that I am a master of the lyre as well as the spear!”
“That sounds wonderful, my king.”
Theseus laughed softly in response, his smile wide, more gorgeous than any jewel, brighter than any star.
(What others within Elysium did not know was that the king sounded so incredibly sweet when his laughter was genuine. Asterius cherished being able to hear it: no other was allowed to see this tender, loving side of his king.)
"I think so, too."
Theseus allowed himself to lean against Asterius, head rested against the strong muscle of his shoulder. Asterius responded by giving Theseus’ hand a gentle squeeze, and the king did the same in turn. Hopefully next time they are together in this way, it will be as more than just friends... !