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“Have I ever told you how beautiful your eyes are?”
The slurred words made the freezing night air suddenly feel so hot , as blood rushed through Tomura’s veins to his cheeks. His heart stuttered and for a moment, the world paused. His stomach twisted and it felt as though he was going to simultaneously throw up and ascend to the heavens. He floundered for words, but stood frozen in place with his mouth slightly open when he couldn’t find any.
And the only thing he could think, is about how wrong all of those dating sims got it.
He didn’t have a witty comeback, he didn’t have sweet words in return, he didn’t have a response at all. He didn’t even have the common sense to laugh.
And really, the words were laughable. Tomura’s eyes? Beautiful? And the most puzzling part of all is the person who said those words.
Why would Natsuo care to look at Tomura’s eyes, and find them pretty ?
Natsuo himself didn’t seem to have noticed the heart-stopping, earth-shattering, blood-racing moment Tomura had found himself stuck in. He continued his off-key humming and then cleared his throat to speak again, “I used to hate red, y’know?” Natsuo glanced at the villain.
No. No, Tomura didn’t understand a single second of what was going on anymore.
The other man continued. “It reminded me of my father. His red hair, his red flames. Red is kinda like a symbol for everything wrong in the world to me.”
Okay, that Tomura could understand. He knew of Todoroki Enji’s horrible fails as a parent, and the effect it had on Natsuo and the other Todoroki children. He knew of the color all of them seemed to hate, and why. Tomura had to agree with them, red wasn’t a color he enjoyed. In the privacy of his mind, he often thought how he was cursed to have red in his eyes. No matter what Toga said about them being pretty, he didn’t believe her, and her words never shocked him as much as Natsuo’s head.
Tomura could look in the mirror and agree that Red was not a color meant to be loved. Red really did seem to be the symbol for everything wrong in the world, it only made sense that his eyes were cursed to be that color.
His mind supplied a picture of deep red staining his hands and shirt as tears mixed with the liquid. Hana’s blood. The blood of someone who didn’t deserve to die by his hands. The blood that’s as red as anyone’s and a stain in Tomura’s thoughts.
“But, y’know,” Natsuo speaking snapped Tomura out of his thoughts and pushed away the grotesk picture of his sister’s blood. He was eternally grateful for the image’s disappearance. “I don’t think it’s so bad anymore.”
Tomura glanced up to him in confusion. Red eyes met grey and he didn’t dare to look away. A tint of pink shaded Natsuo’s cheeks, and white hair framed his face. Tomura knew that the blush was purely alcohol and snow induced, but the fact didn’t help the way his stomach twisted painfully in an emotion he couldn’t name but he didn’t seem to mind it as much as he thought.
He couldn’t stop the thought that the taller man before him was absolutely gorgeous like this. The dark of the night seemed to make Natsuo glow, and light snowflakes dusted his already white hair, sparkling when the streetlights hit them just so. The snow around them blocked out the already quiet noises of the silent neighborhood.
Natsuo blinked at him and continued again, “You’re not everything that’s wrong with the world. No matter what everyone else might think. I think maybe you’re everything that’s good in the world,” He paused to glance ahead of them. “In my world.”
Tomura was left speechless again. It seemed softer than before, though. There was no twist in his stomach, no blood rushing to his cheeks.
Instead, he felt tears prickle at the corners of his eyes for the first time in years. A sharp breath of frozen air grounded him, the sharpness of it stinging. Grey eyes were back on him again, and the breath got caught in his throat.
This man was almost ethereal in his beauty.
Tomura’s thoughts were starting to feel like a broken record and he suddenly found himself wishing that this truly was just a dating sim, or a horribly made RPG. Or an anime where the screen pauses and a little chibi version of the main character pops up to say something like, ‘You may be wondering how I got here’ before rewinding to before the events that were just paused. At least those would give him the option to truly pause this exact moment and take a screenshot of Natsuo, one he would treasure for years.
A pause would also give him the time to think of something to say . And a moment to sort out the thoughts speeding through his brain faster than he’s ever felt them go.
He was reminded of the tears threatening to spill when the threat became reality. tears dripped down his cheeks, stinging with salt and the cold of the air around them. His breathing hitched as he hiccuped. The feeling was strangely forgein, he didn’t remember the last time he cried.
Natsuo’s eyes flooded with worry, and his eyebrows creased. Suddenly, his hands, strangely comforting in their lack of heat, were on Tomura’s cheeks, wiping away the tears.
“No, no, no, no. Why are you crying? Don’t cry. No, stop that. Don’t do that. Don’t cry. Was it something I said?” If it weren’t for his slightly slurred words, Tomura would have forgotten the alcohol in Natsuo’s system.
He hiccuped again and the words telling Natsuo that he was okay, and no, it wasn’t anything you said , got caught in his throat painfully. More tears spilled and Natsuo brushed them away in a manner so gentle that Tomura felt like he’d start crying all over again.
Natsuo tugged him closer and wrapped him in a hug. Tomura didn’t know how to react, but he didn’t pull away, instead letting the other hold him. Slowly, Tomura’s own arms found a place around Natsuo, and he was glad that he remembered the gloves that covered his pinkie and ring finger, protecting Natsuo from his quirk.
“Don’t cry. No, no. Tomura, don’t cry. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you cry. I was just- Your eyes really are pretty, and I really used to hate red, but now I think that maybe it’s my favorite color? It just- it reminds me of you now, and you make me so happy. Why are you crying?” Natsuo’s words were soft, and the hug was warm. Tomura found himself burying his face into Natsuo’s shoulder, the tears getting caught in his jacket.
Another hiccup stopped him from speaking for a second. He swallowed, and the words caught in his throat dislodged.
“No, it’s okay. It’s not- you didn’t say anything. I just- it- I- No one’s ever-” A fresh wave of tears cut him off. “No one’s ever bothered to say something like that to me.” Natsuo rested a cheek on the top of his head and squeezed him tighter for just a second.
But for just that second, Tomura felt like maybe everything really would be okay. Maybe they really were safe, for just a moment. For just a moment, the rest of the world wasn’t there.
“Bothered? No, Tomura, it’s not a bother. You’re not a bother. Everyone else just sucks. Everyone who hasn’t said anything nice to you. They all suck.” Natsuo paused, a hand coming up to play with Tomura’s hair. “If no one else has ever said something like that, clearly they’re missing out on how great you actually are. And how pretty your eyes are.”
A small laugh bubbled through Tomura, ending in another hiccup. “Toga has told me she likes my eyes. I think it just reminds her of blood.”
He felt Natsuo laugh and then pull away slightly, just enough to look at Tomura in the face. A hand was back on his cheek, wiping tears away. He smiled softly, and Tomura lost count of how many times his brain helpfully told him about how pretty Natsuo was.
The silence was quiet enough that Tomura hardly noticed it, focusing on how close Natsuo’s face was, and how he could almost feel the other’s breath warming his face.
When their lips met, Tomura wasn’t sure who closed the gap, or if it was a combined effort. He tasted his own tears on Natsuo’s lips. He stopped thinking, getting lost in the feeling of Natsuo’s lips against his own. The hand on his cheek pulled him closer, and their bodies pressed together, as if trying to become one to battle the cold air pressing in on them.
When they pulled apart, neither went far, their foreheads resting against each other. Their breath mingled and Tomura couldn’t tell what was causing Natsuo’s blush anymore.
Something tugged at his heart, and something dark spread through him. Whether it was sadness or disappointment, he wasn’t sure.
“You’re drunk.” He whispered, voicing the fear that had suddenly made itself apparent.
Natsuo left out a soft breath. “You have Dabi to thank for that. Besides, you already knew that, didn’t you?”
He did.
And it made him feel all the more guilty.
He had known that Natsuo was drunk. He knew the second he stepped into the room where too many voices were too loud, and Dabi was cheering Natsuo on as he downed a shot and Toga looked on, jealous. He knew that when Dabi got angry with him for being pissed at the fact that Dabi had gotten his little brother drunk. He knew that when Dabi left the room, leaving Tomura to help Natsuo get home safely. He knew that when Natsuo said his eyes were pretty. He knew that when he stopped thinking rationally. He knew that when the other kissed him. He knew that when he kissed back.
He knew Natsuo was drunk. But it didn’t stop him from taking advantage of it. Accidentally or not. He really was selfish.
Natsuo’s eyebrows creased again. “Stop it. I can practically hear your thoughts. It’s alright.”
Tomura sighed and pulled away, their arms dropping to their sides. “No, it’s not alright.”
Natsuo took a step forward. Tomura didn’t step back. Even now, as guilt coarsed through him, he didn’t stop the selfish part of him that wanted Natsuo closer.
“It is. Just because I’m drunk- it doesn’t mean I haven’t thought about this moment a million times over. I didn’t think that it would happen because my idiot brother got me drunk and left you to clean up his mess, but I’m still happy it happened. I wasn’t lying when I said you make me happy. It’s true, you make me happier than I’ve been in years. Maybe ever.” Natsuo said. He was looking at Tomura, searching his face for some kind of reaction.
He sighed and continued, “You make me happy, Tomura. All of the little things you do. The way you glare at people even though it’s really more like you telling them that you care. The way you curl up when you play your switch, or how you look like a cat so often. The way you smile, so small that it’s almost unnoticeable unless you’re looking for it. And I am . I look for it constantly, because when you smile like that, small and genuine, it means you’re happy. And I just want to know that you’re happy too.” He stopped again, looking almost desperate. “That smile, I can tell that everyone else has overlooked it before, and it’s a shame that no one stopped for long enough to see how it softens your eyes a little and how it makes the room a little brighter and warmer. It’s a shame that no one else cared enough to watch for that smile.”
Natsuo really seemed to have a way with words that makes Tomura’s insides do a little dance, and his cheeks to warm.
The words he spoke, and the look on his face, they may be of a drunken man, but Tomura can tell that these are all sober thoughts.
Tomura didn’t stop him when Natsuo leaned closer again, and their hands found places to rest at the other’s hips, cheek, neck. Their lips barely brushed when Natsuo said, “I love it when I get to see your smile.” Tomura cut him off with a short kiss.
Natsuo pulled a few inches back again and smiled softly. “I love it when- you.” He laughed softly, and Tomura learned how easily his stomach melts at that laugh. “I love you .”
Tomura still didn’t know how to respond. He didn’t know if he’d ever know how to respond. But at least Natsuo seemed willing to give him the time to figure it out.