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Hypnos watched Zagreus leave. He looked at Zagreus’ smile going away with a pinch in his heart.
And stars lit up the Styx.
[...]
Hypnos wasn’t that kind of person to reveal his feelings ; cynic and sardonic, he preferred to hide behind a smile and a laugh.
So he used to make fun of Zagreus, each time he died repeatedly and came back with a smile (and without the Minotaur’s autograph, that made him sad. ) Zagreus could see nothing, just his cheerful tone and naps in between "Have you ever tried not to die?” Zagreus always answered with an amused laugh with a “I have to find my mother, bye!”
And when Zagreus left, the colors faded. The leaves were falling in a sweet dance carried by the wind. If Hypnos would stop lying to himself, he could have known that he felt when Zagreus left was fear. Like a snake painfully clutching his heart, it prevented him from breathing.
A sigh passed his lips and he looked away from Zagreus. He didn’t want to hurt himself unnecessarily ; he had better things to do. Like sleeping. Sleeping was always a good choice.
[...]
Hypnos frowned. Zagreus was with Thanatos - like always - laughing at things he didn’t understand. But that wasn’t the thing he was worried about. Not really - because seeing Zagreus with Thanatos every day made his heart ache a little bit more every second, but it didn't matter. Seeing Zagreus happy made him happy.
What worried him was that the crimson color of the Styx was faded. And nobody noticed it except him. Zagreus hadn't noticed it when he straightened up after his death or even Dusa who always noticed everything. He was the only one who noticed that the beautiful red was turning gray, a dull and lifeless gray, as if the colors were tired.
And since no one noticed, he decided it wasn't very important, so he fell asleep again. When he woke up again, the red color of the Styx had not returned. He was always gray, like lifeless. Hypnos was beginning to worry and he wondered if he should tell someone what was going on with the Styx.
But as always, no one paid any attention to him. He stayed alone, counting the souls who insulted him because they didn't understand what was going on. Of course, he had seen Zagreus; but he had almost ignored him to talk to Orpheus. Hypnos had said nothing but his heart hurt painfully.
He ran away from Zagreus - from everyone - because the stars were beginning to illuminate his eyes.
[...]
The world continued to lose colors. Quietly and slowly, the gray became more imposing. It was, just there, this lifeless gray that made Hypnos want to cry. Zagreus continued to ignore him, throwing vague smiles at him. Every time he saw him come back, coming out of the now gray Styx, Hypnos almost started to cry. He wanted to hold him, to tell him everything that was happening, to tell him about his heart beating loudly, so loudly in his chest that he thought everyone could hear him. But his feelings remained silent, hidden at the edge of his lips.
One day, Zagreus kissed Thanatos, between two laughs that resounded in the House.
And tears came to the eyes of Hypnos, and stars slid down his cheeks.
Hundreds of stars slid, preventing him from breathing, reaching the ground in an unbearable noise. And everyone saw them. Nyx had come closer to see his son crying stars, Hades had raised his face to stare at him, and Orpheus had stopped singing. The world was silent and Hypnos continued to cry silently, eyes closed so as not to see the incomprehension in the eyes of others. Long minutes passed, when nobody dared to move and Zagreus tried to approach Hypnos. He had no time to take a step towards him as Hypnos was running away from them without seeing where he was going. The world was spinning and he was tired, so tired of living in that moment.
He definitely didn't know where he was when he looked up to look around. He shrugged his shoulders and closed his eyes, slipped against a wall to sleep peacefully. He didn't want to be disturbed and forget everything that had just happened; hopefully the others would have forgotten too, when he returned.
Why would he loves me? The stars in my eyes are much more beautiful than the kisses he can give me.
[...]
“ Hypnos !”
Oh fuck, no. Hypnos lifted the top of his list, patiently listening to a soul who wondered why they had died. He had returned to his place a few hours earlier, fearing that Sir Hades would punish him for his absence. Fortunately for him, he had said nothing and let him work. ( Well, if sleeping was synonymous with working, he was working. )
And now Zagreus was there, returning from one of his many deaths. He was still as beautiful as ever, his eyes of magma and forest staring at him, a worried glow dancing in them.
" Hey… Hum. Listen, Hypnos- "
He was looking for his words and Hypnos was not looking at him. He didn't want to look at him. He was tired, so tired. He felt that whatever he did, he would have to fight to exist; fight for someone to watch them. And now that someone wanted to watch him, he didn't want anyone to watch him anymore.
He almost jumped when Zagreus cleared his throat.
" Are you okay ? "
Hypnos looked down, before laughing softly.
" Yeah! Why are you so worried, Prince? I'm okay ! I'm always okay and happy to be here. "
He lied; of course he was lying, but he hoped Zagreus was too stupid to notice it. And obviously, obviously Zagreus was silent. He looked at him for a long time, suspicious before finally speaking again.
" I'm here if you want to talk, you know?
- I know, I know! "
He slipped his hand over his blindfold, to signal that he was going to sleep a bit - shapes could wait a bit.
" Okay. I'll see Thanatos, see you later! "
Hypnos watched him go, his throat tight, the gray world swirling around him. He didn't want to cry his stars again so he closed his eyes and fell asleep.
[...]
Sometimes Hypnos wondered if anyone loved him. Maybe everyone hated him; even Zagreus. Usually it didn't matter, but he felt lonely. So lonely .
So when he felt like that, that his heart ached too much because his beats were getting thorny, he would go to Charon. They rarely saw each other; Hypnos would sometimes go to see him before going to see Chaos but each time, Hypnos came back all smiles from these meetings.
Her brother was not a big talker; other than hhhhrrr and grrmmhhh , he didn't say much else. Sleeping on Charon's boat, enjoying the silence of the Styx, was something wonderful.
But of course, fate hated him now.
Hermes was there. Right there, laughing after speaking, his face close, too close , to Charon. He was going to kiss him and Hypnos knew it. From his eyes that had lost color, the smoke of Charon turned a sinister gray, he saw love dancing in the eyes of the Olympian.
Hypnos closed his eyes. All around him, love reigned and he was alone. He only had the stars in his eyes to comfort him.
He went away with a heavy heart.
[...]
Hypnos had stopped talking. His back resting against the wall behind him, scrolling through his list, he spent days focusing, not seeing anyone. He did not want to see his mom and the disappointed look in her eyes, or Zagreus coming back from endless deaths. He did not bother with the people that tried to cheer him up. He only cared about shades. He helped the lost ones to understand where they were. Calmly, he talked them into accepting their own death.
Obviously, rumors made their way in. Slowly, they got on everyone's lips here in the House. Even Thanatos knew what was happening. He was there, watching over Hypnos from afar, as if he was worried. And if a few days ago, it would have made him happy, now, it just hurt Hypnos a little more.
Everybody knew for the stars in his tears. Everybody knew for the wounds in his heart.
Everybody knew that he was in love.
Everybody knew that whoever it was, they did not love him back.
He stretched, sighting. He ruffled his hair slowly, and managed to avoid Meg's glance. Even her now was looking at him with a mix of pity and worry dancing in her, usually so cold, eyes. That made him want to puke. Everyday he was told that, as Sleep Incarnate, he should be perfect, flawless, that he should not have weakness. But his tears were out in the open now..
When he heard the sound off the Stygian waters dripping off Zagreus' body, he decided to run away instead of looking at him. When he closed the door of his bedroom, he saw kisses he wished he had never seen.
[...]
Time was passing, Hypnos knew it, even if, since he was in the deepest depths of the Underworld, he could never knew exactly when it was, how long was hours. He did not even knew if it was the time of the stars or time for the sun to rise. He just knew that Time flew. No matter how much he was fleeing, Eterny knew no end. The time when he could just avoid his colleagues, his brother, Zagreus, was coming to an end. He had to talk, to explain everything, to make everything clearer. The world was fading, nothing the only thing he could see was that dull, greyish, color.
And that made him feel like crying and yell.
But he was a God. And Gods can't show weaknesses remember ? No matter how deep was the wound, it had to be kept away from sights. Even if it meant that their heart had to lie.
They had to deal with it, would nobody cared if salt and sand slipped into it, because nobody could see.
So Hypnos stayed quiet. Too quiet. He hid the flowers blooming in his chest, flowers made out of love that he wished could have blossomed surrounded by water and sun. But he hid them, under stormy clouds, and they were dying under the acid rain.
He could only admire the flowers that touched the floor, heavy black petals that slipped, where Thanatos waited, sometimes, looking at the Styx.
But sometimes, even roses that are made out of Darkness deserves water and sun.
He stood up, forgetting about what he was doing. At least, he had stopped sleeping while working. He was Sleep Incarnate but he had somehow forgotten about that for now. His mind was tortured by tsunamis so strong that Poseidon himself seemed weak. He couldn't find peace. He stretched, and took a break, no matter what Lord Hades would think.
He did not even look actually, and Hypnos joined the East Hall, where his mother always stood. Even she did not look at him, she did not bother with a glance, even less with an affection mark. They were not part of the same world. She could rivalize with Aphrodite, in terms of Beauty, except that hers was like ice, glorious, intimidating, cold. And her voice, far from the softness of the Queen's, was always brutal.
She scared Hypnos. She has always shown some kind of indifference toward him. With her golden eyes looking down on him, he felt like she could break him down in a second. And it was true, he would kneel down the second she would ask. Her mother always preferred his brothers, and the fact that he was bonding with Chaos made everything worse.
For a second, he thought about going back, going back to his own chambers, and closing his eyes, lying down. Going back to Chaos and his reassuring silence. They wouldn't ask any questions.
But it was too late, Hypnos was already at Zagreus' door, one step ahead and he was with the one that made the stars in his tears.
He never went to Zagreus' room before. He often admired the purple light that shone into the corridor, making that mystic atmosphere so tempting that he often had to convince himself not to go.
(It was sort of a lie, since, when he was younger, he often played on Zagreus' bed, jumping and laughing.
But those were blurred, past memories that he almost faded.)
Now that he was here, he found Zagreus' chamber just basic, with its perfectly made bed. He knew he never used it, except for the loving hearts of Thanatos or Meg, with their cheesy smiles.
On the walls, they were posters of Gods he did not really know, a lyre stashed away and that huge mirror that showed nothing but pure abyss.
But none of this mattered for Hypnos right now, because Zagreus was there, right there, looking at him. He looked like he was about to leave for one of his numerous escapes. He seemed surprised, but he still smiled, as he did before. Before Hypnos started to run away and cry. Like back then, when he could love in silence, in secret, without pain.
Right now, he would have loved to see the forest and the volcano in his eyes, but the only thing he could see was that tired grey, almost withe. He felt tears burning his eyes, but he managed to stop that, focused on his breath.
" I'm in love. "
Zagreus bit his lips. His body tensed and his hands started to fidget, playing with his own neck, as a reflex. Hypnos had never seen him that nervous since the day Thanatos met his mother, Persephone. Hypnos knew that because he was there, on his own hallway, under his heavy blanket.
" Yeah… Yeah, I know, Hypnos. You want to… talk about them? "
Hypnos cleared his throat. For the first time in a long time, his feet touched the ground, and he made a move, walking toward Zagreus.
" Yeah. They are perfect. They are beautiful and talented, their eyes speak more than their words. Their smiles are sparkling and when they look at me, my heart seems to dance. I love them so much that I feel like I'm dying from the inside out. But I'm a god, right? I can't die. But if I could, I would have done it for them. "
Zagreus frowned. Hypnos saw him, and heard his heavy gulp. Then he opened his mouth before shutting it again, as if he was looking out for words.
But Hypnos did not give him the time to find them, talk or move, with his eyes closed, he added
"And every time you die, I fall in love with you a little more. ".
He did not dare to open his eyes again. Here,standing still in the middle of Zagreus' bedroom, with his fist clenched, tightened over his blanket, he was waiting. He was ready for anything, really. From Zagreus urging him to leave to Zagreus kissing him, from Zagreus telling him he never loved him to Zagreus hugging him.
But Zagreus stayed silent, in front of him, Hypnos heard some footsteps, softly caressing the ground like kitten's, or dancers'. If he were not a God, his senses would not have been sharp enough for him to hear those.
And then, he felt the hand of Zagreus on his cheek, barely touching him, as if he could break.
And Zagreus was right ; if he was even a little bit rough, Hypnos would break.
"Look at me Hypnos..."
His voice was not weak, just delicate. It was a sigh, but almost a verse. Some kind of poetry dyed in thousands of colors that suddenly took flight. Hypnos could do nothing but imagine what Zagreus' voice would have looked like if he could see it. But now, their eyes met. He took a deep breath before opening his lips.
" Listen, I-. I don't have the words, a laugh slipped over his lips, I ... I… I thought it was better to wait before telling you... Because ... because I'm in love with Thanatos and Meg, you understand? I was scared, so scared that... you were hating me… Or that you would think that I was playing with you. It's stupid, right? When I heard that you ... had stars in your tears, I thought you loved someone else. So.. I said nothing. I just wanted to ... encourage you to tell this person your feelings. "
Hypnos gulped again, he could not look away, tears were slipping out of his eyes, stars got caught in his eyelashes.
" But… I love you too, Hypnos. I don't want to be just... your best friend. I want to be… your lover. If you want, of course! I know that ... I hurt you without wanting so, so I understand if you don't want to. "
Hypnos started to laugh, his head moved by itself, and he just could not stop. It was pure, it was just filled by blissful Innocence, it was just him, laughing with all the love in his heart, and that echoed everywhere. It started to resonate, even Achilles, in the West Hall, could hear. Even the Gods up on Olympus could hear how joyful he was, that very second.
" I love you, Zagreus. And yes. Yes, I want to be your lover too. "
Zagreus smiled and he let his face fall right on Hypnos' shoulder, and with that, he took the blanket to pass it over the both of them, hugging him tightly. He felt a shiver coming down Hypnos' skin, the soft caress of his lips in his neck, his soft laugh still dancing in his ears, and those kisses against the skin that made his heart race.
After long minutes, or was it seconds ? Days.. hours maybe, nobody knows, Zagreus stood up. His hand close to Hypnos' lips, he was asking for his consent, and they kissed. Hypnos could have written everything that he felt during that very moment, The lips of Zagreus that tasted like the sun, the way they moved, slowly, ever so slowly, against his own, the hands that were resting against his neck and on his hips, like it was the only place they belonged to, but nothing mattered anymore.
Except for Zagreus, and the love in their heart that finally started to resonate the way it always should have resonated.
In perfect harmony.
Zagreus stood up, finally, with its smile still stuck on his lips. Hypnos knew he has to go, but he also knew that he would be back soon.
" Hope you die faster so I can see you faster. "
Zagreus laughed, nodding, and he stole a last kiss before he left, running toward the courtyard without looking back.
And for the first time in a long time, Hypnos had no stars in his tears.
[...}
Colors never went back ; they never will, and Hypnos knows that. He knows that the world will always be grey, dull and half faded, as if it was about to disappear, even if it was irrational.
Nobody can heal his curse.
But it doesn't matter, not anymore. Because love has taken brand new colors that are his to discover. Every feeling that he will get now has new colors, and he still has to find names for every way Zagreus' heart can beat.
Now, people take care of him. He spends time with Meg, Than and Zag in the lounge, and they smile, they laugh. He can also kiss Zagreus each and every time he comes back from his deaths, and Hades can go to hell, with its angry pitbull eyes disagreeing growl. He can feel Zagreus skin under the blankets.
But the best part of this is that he can take care of the garden that is his Heart, now. Every flower has water and sun.