Archive of Our Own

“Excuse me?” Endeavor couldn’t help but ask the stupid, rhetorical question. Their size difference meant nothing when Enji turned away from his stack of paperwork to face the source of his disbelief. From his seated position, Endeavor ended up almost eye to eye with the winged hero. Gone was his cheery smile and mischievous eyes. He was smiling, yes, but it was empty. There was no life to his smirk, and no light in his eyes— it felt wrong.

Hawks was very casually leaning on one of Endeavor’s office drawers. His posture tried to radiate his usual carefree attitude, but his wings were stiff. It was a habit of his to keep his hands in his pockets when they weren’t making wild gestures as he chattered away, but Endeavor never seemed to notice that it was to hide the fidgeting. The Commission had beat that habit out of him, but this flame hero just had an effect on Hawks and he couldn't help it.

To Endeavor, it just looked like Hawks was being his usual self; stiff as a curved board, but himself nonetheless… sort of. What he didn’t know was that Hawks’ mind was speeding through all his thoughts faster than he flew— which was pretty already insanely fast if they were being honest.

There was a small smile on Hawks’ lips. He’d never admit it, but Endeavor couldn’t stop noticing it. It was the kind of smile that matched the sorrowful acceptance that filled his eyes. There was some sliver of affection in his eyes, but that was to be expected after what the man just said. The part that bothered Endeavor was the fact that he looked so open and vulnerable. When was the last time he saw a hero act like a normal human being? What added Enji’s discomfort was the dissonance between the man before him and the man… well he couldn’t really say he knew Hawks but… he knew him. If that made sense. 

The Hawks that Enji knew could barely shut up for five seconds, but this one was almost unbelievably quiet. The silent tension made Enji’s large office feel too small, and it’s suffocating density was too heavy to even be sliced by any of Hawks’ feathers. A few words. It only took Hawks a few words to do this to him.

Enji should have seen this coming. He knew it was a mistake, but he acted like a lo— like an utter fool as he entertained Hawks’ horrendously juvenile flirting.  He’d been doing that to Enji since the moment they met, but only three months ago did it turn into something.

It happened during a promotional shoot that was still gushing over the pair’s “wonderful chemistry on the field.” Endeavor barely made it through without burning anything— if only to satiate his PR secretary who claimed that a team-up with the charismatic winged hero would raise his approval ratings as it did last time. Hawks’ incessant babbling throughout that whole day didn’t affect Enji, no. He’d grown used to that after the first few times he’d been forced to interact with the man.

It wasn’t in the barrage of pickup lines, either. Hawks made it through Enji’s thick exterior when he gave the latter a glimpse into who he really was— and what they could be— if he dared venture into that part of his mind.

They had to spend the night in one of the hotels that usually accommodated the magazine company’s shoots, and Enji expected it to be another boring night— if you could call his regular inability to actually sleep “boring.” All those expectations were thrown out the window when the tiny man that was Hawks knocked on Enji’s door, and the poor overgrown fireboy made the mistake of opening it.

Hawks had brought a good few bottles of the hotel’s supposed “best” sake, but he didn’t seem to bring his seemingly ever-present need to chatter away, strangely enough. Enji’s boring night was flipped over the moment Hawks entered his room with his goofy smile and twinkling eyes. That beautiful curve of Hawks’ lips that he realized he couldn’t stop staring at, and the eyes that learned to bring warmth into his— his room, yeah. His room.

“Damn, ‘Deavor. Aren’t you at least gonna invite me inside?” the tall man scowled but moved to the side nonetheless. He made it a point to move enough for a normal person to fit through, but still not enough for Hawks’ wings. If the young man noticed, he didn’t comment on it. Instead, he just kept chuckling to himself as he set the table with their snacks and alcohol. He was mostly mumbling but Enji could make out a few giggles, and the repetition of the words “Damn ‘Deavor” in between them. The brat had the gall to start saying it in a sing-songy voice as he bounced his head side to side with a granny-looking dance or his strange inner song entitled “Damn, ‘Deavor.” it was just like him to be so entertained over— wait, was he already drunk?

That was how it started— with a few shots of sake, a couple of hours in a room together, and a handful of shared laughs and small smiles; all throughout a night of just staring at the stars while seated next to each other. Enji should have known it was all going to snowball into something disastrous when he found himself smiling for the first time in… he wasn’t sure how long. 

“The stars remind me of you,” Hawks commented out of the blue. He was peacefully leaning on the balcony railing, arms crossed and head tilted skyward; Endeavor just sat on one of the chairs by the table and continued sipping his drink every so often. It was strangely domestic yet soothing— neither of those adjectives fit the friendship (if you could call it that) between Japan’s top two heroes, but somehow it worked.

The calmness of the provincial setting added to their gentle existence in that wonderful moment. The light and late-night air brushed against Endeavor, and it did well to cool his rising temperature from the alcohol. He had to blame the alcohol when he found himself staring at the way Hawks’ feathers flowed with the wind. Then, he watched his blond hair. After that, he saw how Hawks’ eyelashes fluttered shut when they closed because of a particularly cold gust of wind. It was at that point that Enji turned away and watched the skyline instead; full of trees, some shapes of mountains, and the distant shine of the stars. He had no idea how such innocent stars could be compared to a man like him.

Enji realized he didn’t ask about it, so he turned to Hawks. With a shot of sake in his hand, he raised his thick eyebrows in question. Hawks pretended not to notice though and kept his eyes on the sky. Enji saw his small hands crossed over on the railing twitch a little as if wanting to reach out for something, Adam's apple bobbing when he seemed to have swallowed nervously. He could have pointed out how Hawks’ had begun blinking rapidly for a while there, or the incessant movement of his hands as if he was fidgeting in place of doing something else with those hands. Instead, he chose to take his shot of sake and turn away. He only gave a soft grunt in reply to the other’s lack of explanation. It began with a small chuckle (probably at how very much Endeavor the stoic man was being) before Hawks burst into all-out laughter. The corners of his eyes crinkled as he laughed. The idea that Hawks’ eyes sparkled even more beautifully than the stars they were gazing upon hit Enji like a truck. He wasn’t an airhead, and he knew that this young man’s fanbase was mostly made up of fangirls fawning over him, but he never took the time to… well, understand why. He should have known from the first time he saw Hawks, honestly. It wasn’t much of a question.

His brain immediately commanded him to get up and leave the birdbrain to freeze out on the balcony in the dead of night. Only, the sake must have won because instead of leaving, Enji ended up smiling ever so slightly at his energetic companion. This kid was easily the most annoying brat he’s ever met, but for some reason, this time it was endearing. 

He wasn’t sure how it happened, but the moonlight hit Hawks perfectly. The next thing Enji knew, he and Hawks were staring at each other. He wasn’t sure what kind of expression he was making, because all he could do was get lost in the absolute trust that he found in Hawks’ eyes. To be honest, he wanted to.

A thought popped into his head, and it came out through his mouth as a whisper before he even processed what it was. Hawks’ wing twitched a little, but there was no other sign that the kid heard what he accidentally let slip. Endeavor sighed as he searched for the brightest star in their sky. In his searching, he didn’t notice the way Hawks softened when he decided Enji’d stopped checking if he had heard him. Hawks would rather fall over the balcony than let it be known that he was having the same thoughts— he could fly, but that wasn't the point. Part of Enji kind of wished that Hawks did hear, though. Maybe it would be nice to be heard. He continued to drink away these “foolish” thoughts, as he knew that it was for the best if the only ones to hear his odd, drunken woes were the stars that illuminated them under the dark sky. He repeated it to himself, almost talking to the star he’d chosen that “felt most like Hawks.”

“Why can’t it be like this all the time?”

It was a foolish question. He should have known that someone like him couldn’t possibly have anything good in his life for too long.

That’s how they found each other now. Over the few months since then, Endeavor stopped getting annoyed at the birdbrain’s antics. They never really had a moment like that night under the stars again, but it was in the small things. The way they’d look for each other first in hero meetings; the way Hawks would jokingly ask Endeavor out for coffee or lunch, but now he’d actually accept; the way Hawks would always scoot over to sit or stand closer to Endeavor in any situation at all; the way Enji put up a subtle sign on his glass door for the balcony so that Hawks would stop slamming into it every time he dropped by. Through their glances, swift touches, and small smiles, all the things that should have been minuscule, grew larger. Too large.

“I know you heard me, En—” Hawks seemed to struggle with his next syllables. His eyes only left Enji when he muttered, “Endeavor.” The short man with loaded eyes staring at the floor felt so foreign to him, but Enji found the words the former had just said even stranger. Hawks tried to keep things normal though. As if anything about their relationship was normal— again, not the point.— “C’mon, big guy, your knees might be giving out, but I’m sure your ears are just fine,” he said. He chuckled, but it sounded heavy.

Enji didn't even have half the mind to care about that not-so-subtle jab towards his age. His mind had already sped through all their memories for the past months and more , but it still couldn’t seem to grasp those words that flowed out of Hawks’ mouth; both naturally, yet strained at the same time. Not sure what was the appropriate thing to say in this kind of moment, he sighed.

“What do you want from me, Hawks?” his eyes connected with Hawks’ and they asked the million other questions that he couldn’t voice out just yet. To his surprise, Hawks just smiled and took a step forward and away from the drawer he was leaning on. With his head cocked to the side, he answered, “a little bit of honesty would be great, yeah?” and he didn’t flinch at all from the immediate puff of smoke that came out of Endeavor’s ears. The fact Hawks was so casual with him made him want to puff out vapor again— he just couldn't understand why the brat got to him so easily.

After dragging his hand across his face, Enji’s weary eyes landed on Hawks once more. “What exactly do you want me to be honest about?” Hawks always used vague words and sentences with double meanings. He’d joke when he’s serious, and be serious when he’s lying. Enji began to wonder how in the hell he still had a modicum of sanity when he’s always around the birdbrain.

“You know… you never did tell me how you felt about KFC. I’d always ask you to go out for lunch with me there— and you have… twice, I think, but you never comment on the food. How could you even pretend to not like chicken?” Hawks’ wings were loosening up, and he wore this lopsided smile that belonged on his face. It didn’t quite reach his eyes, but it was there.

Enji sighed, “I can’t believe I thought you could be serious for more than 5 minutes. I should have known it’s just another one of your jokes.” It started out lighthearted, the same tone he used on Hawks when he was being brattier than normal. By the end of it though, Enji felt his throat tighten. He wasn't sure why.

“...your feelings, Endeavor.” the man in question blinked. “ Feelings? ” he responded, almost incredulously, his eyebrows zipping as high as they’ve ever been— which wasn’t all that high in the first place, but anyway— Hawks was honest to god trying his best to be the same Hawks he always was but God this was so out of his comfort zone. Before he could respond though, Endeavor repeated: “ Feelings . You want me. Enji Todoroki. To talk about my feelings.” if Endeavor was a man who laughed, he would have in that moment.

“You’re joking,” he scoffed, completely ignoring the absolute heaviness of this conversation and the discomfort that came with it.

The number one hero turned away from Hawks, giving him time to pull himself together because he was not the person to help him with that. He sighed before pretending to grab the papers he was reading earlier in an attempt to dismiss the awkward conversation they just had. Right when his hand touched the paper, Enji practically felt the temperature drop. “I don’t joke when I’m with you, En…” Enji looks back to Hawks, not sure what he wanted the other to say. “Endeavor,” he finished. Enji refused to acknowledge the change in the atmosphere, just as he refused to acknowledge Hawks’ words. “I beg to differ, Hawks, you’re always joking. It’s a miracle we get anything done at all.” Hawks just hummed, before he spoke in the tone of an adult explaining something to a child. It infuriated Enji. “that’s where you’re wrong, buckaroo,” where the fuck did that come from? “I know that you know me well enough to tell when I’m being honest.” Enji sighed for the umpteenth time as he pinched the bridge of his nose. The boy wasn’t wrong, and that frustrated him too. They worked well particularly because Endeavor was so good at reading him. “That’s why you’re so conflicted, right? Your ‘logic’ tells you I’m lying, but you know that I’m not.” the man getting attacked huffed again.

“I know that you know that you know me better than you’ll ever want to admit.”

“What the fuck, Hawks?”

Hawks smiled at the familiarity, but that serious look was back on Enji’s face. Tsk. He just wanted to get this over with. “So you want honesty from me, Hawks? Be honest with me first. What do you want me to say?”

“I don't want you to say anything in particular, Number One. I just want whatever to come out of your mouth to be real.” Enji gave him a look, one that he always gave Hawks that meant “get to the point.” the kid really did have a habit of going round and round about things. He was the complete opposite of Endeavor himself. Huh… opposites.

“Okay, fine— I just want to ask you what we are.” Endeavor made a move to question that statement, but Hawks was ahead of him. “Don’t even try to say there’s nothing between us, because we’re not idiots, Endeavor. Things changed somewhere down the line. You know they did.” He took a deep breath. Stay calm. He was Hawks, the best liar in the damned world, maybe. He could tell the truth… right?

“I’ve told you where I stand— I love you, Enji.” the older hero almost flinched… if such a man could flinch. “Now, I just want to know where you’re at, in all this. I’m not silly enough to expect a grand confession like mine— which was awesome, by the way,” Hawks’ cheeky mouth couldn’t help but add, “but I guess I’m enough of an idiot to hope for something .” if he wasn’t such a good actor, his voice would have cracked. 

Something .

Yeah, they sure were something.

Hawks smiled, but there was so much going on in his eyes that Endeavor had to look away. There was a pregnant pause; Enji was tense, and Hawks seemed like hundreds of words could spill out of him in that moment. He closed his eyes, inhaled, exhaled, and chose them carefully as he said, “So tell me as it is, Number One. I can take it.” He punctuated his last statement with a smile as he leaned backward and put his hands up behind his head. That last statement was well into Hawks’ comfort zone— lies— he had the right to at least act comfortable.

“When did we become a thing, enough for you to say that, Hawks?” It was what he always called him, but hearing Enji call him by his hero name kinda stung Hawks for some reason. It stung, but he chose to focus on that feeling rather than thinking up an answer for the big buff fireboy’s question— he didn’t have one, either way.

“I love you, Enji.” Those words only frustrated him further, but it seemed too frustrated Hawks even more, though he tried to hide it. Hawks’ voice didn’t waver at all, but Enji could feel the stress of uttering the damned words radiate from the bird. A small part of Enji couldn’t help but wonder how someone like Hawks could look so afraid of being vulnerable, yet still do it. His real question was… why couldn't he?

He shook his head, trying to shake away that thought along with it. He was not going to think those thoughts. Absolutely idiotic. Him? Vulnerable? He was the number one hero, and All Might never showed any weakness when he was in his spot. Well, that’s what he told himself (oh, only if he knew).

Enji had long given up on trying to understand the words on the papers in his hands, so he put them back on the stack. He didn’t let himself think about what a hassle it was going to be to finish those later. He had bigger problems right now. Big problems from such a small man. 

Becoming overly aware of their size difference, Enji felt an itch in his arms to reach out towards Hawks. The moment he felt it, alarms began blaring loudly in his mind. He battled it the only way he knew how:

“I have a family, Hawks.” the man in question visibly flinches, but he stands his ground. He just takes a deep breath before repeating those four words again, with the call of his name in Hawks’ voice echoing in Enji’s ears. 

“I have a wife, Hawks.” I love you, Enji.

“I’m so much older than you.” I love you, Enji.

“We’d drive each other insane.” I love you, Enji.

“Hell, you’re already driving me insane.” I love you, Enji.

I love you, Enji

I love you.

Love.

Love.

Enji. 

The flame hero sighed, starting to run out of things to say. Logically, he knew that the easiest way to get the brat to stop repeating those words was to tell him outright that he had absolutely no feelings for the birdbrain but… he couldn’t. He couldn’t believe he was being such a cliche character, but he genuinely couldn’t get the words to come out. He would open his mouth to let the words out, but they get stuck in his throat. He thought maybe he just can’t look at Hawks as he says it, but he tried staring at the door across him and he still couldn’t. Where did he go wrong? Was it the shared drinks? The way the short man never seemed to be intimidated by the very much iconic and intimidating Number One Hero? He had no idea what it was, but he wanted it to stop.

Next thing he knew, Hawks was sitting. His wings were far too big to be accommodated by the average-sized seat for anyone who'd dare speak with Endeavor in his office, but the kid's atrocious way of sitting made it work. Right across his table, a sad smile still painted upon his lips, and only the ghost of the bird he knew was there. Hawks seemed so different in that moment, so why did Enji feel a rush of deja vu? God, he needed a drink.

Hawks was unrelenting with his claims of love, so Enji decided to accept it for now. Instead of contradicting, he asked, “Why?”

It seemed as if Hawks expected this question when he didn’t miss a beat in reaching out to hold Enji’s hand that was clenched into a fist on his desk. Of course, the latter moved away immediately. Hawks remained unperturbed, though. “I can think of a hundred reasons, but I’ll use the shortcut since I like you so much.” He winked and gave Endeavor his familiar smirk, but it didn’t quite reach the energy level he usually had. It was a sad attempt, but an attempt nonetheless. There was a look in his eyes that practically screamed the word “sincere” at Endeavor.

“You make me happy, Enji.” the said man immediately tensed up. “And I know I make you happy, too.” Endeavor was quick to glare at the younger hero, but that glare had lost it’s supposedly menacing touch after the first few times Hawks was subjected to it. The venom behind it had long gone. Hawks continued to smile.

Enji tried to keep his glare steady, but that proved to be quite difficult when it felt like his entire being was wavering. He’s always been so sure of everything in his life— even in the wrong things— why did he feel so lost now? What was it with Hawks that he could reduce such a stoic and straightforward man like Enji to the quiet mess with a stuttering heartbeat he was now? Earlier, all he wanted was for Hawks to get the hell out of his office and leave him alone, devoid of all his supposed “bullshit—” Enji almost froze in shock when he realized he wasn’t sure what he wanted anymore. For some reason, he didn’t want to throw Hawks out of the room… for once. That was all he knew right now, if he was being honest. It used to be a flat “no,” but even Enji couldn’t deny the way his chest seemed to lighten around Hawks. Even Burnin and the rest of his sidekicks have grown rather fond of their regular bird visitor because they claimed it made Endeavor marginally more bearable.

Things that were sure were beginning to waver, and he began questioning the things he knew. Enji tried to make sense of everything he was thinking, feeling, and seeing, but it all meshed together. He continued to stare at an empty spot on his desk, with his eyebrows furrowed. He saw movement in his peripheral vision, and his head jerked upwards to face Hawks, only for it to turn to the side. Without him realizing, Hawks was now standing right next to him, his hand over Enji’s larger one. The strange warmth of such a small hand over his made Enji feel a little weird. He didn’t seem to hate it, though? He immediately pulled away when Hawks tried to hold his hand earlier, so why is he still not moving away? A part of his head told him to take his hand back and make Hawks get out for touching him, but it simply echoed away in his mind before disappearing completely. Enji’s thoughts and heartbeat continued to run wild until—

Hawks finally took Enji’s hand in his, turning it over, and brushing his thumb over the bigger man’s rough palm. Endeavor felt as if his oxygen got stuck in his throat all over again. Eyes slightly widened, he stared at their joined hands. His eyes eventually snapped to the owner of the hands holding his, and with Hawks' little nervous but encouraging smile, all his thoughts disappeared— in the snap of a finger, his deep and tumultuous ocean of thoughts calmed. He blinked, and only one thought remained above the strange waters:

Hawks.

Memories of Hawks beaming up at him with that huge smile replayed in Enji’s mind; except this time, they were all in slow motion. He felt something in his chest, where his heart should be.

After the first few memories of that smile, Endeavor’s realization forced his mind to speed through all their memories all over again. It all zoomed into their small interactions, and the way Hawks’ glowing smile never failed to light the fire in his heart ever so slightly, too. Admittedly, he felt like it was okay for him to not be miserable when he was with Hawks. He took in a shaky breath and let it out slowly. He was okay— no he was not. This was fine— no it’s not. These conflicting thoughts that kind of scared Endeavor remained distant voices somewhere in the back of his mind.

Regardless, Hawks refused to stop. Enji had listed his reasons why this was not a good idea, so it was Hawks’ turn to prove him otherwise. The big guy better buckle up, because this hero had a way with words, that was for sure. The winged hero sat upon Enji’s expensive ebony desk. Mr. Rich Man sighed, but let him be. Hawks’ wings twitched when Enji moved his hand, too; grasping Hawks’ hand now too, instead of just letting himself be held. They both stared at their joined hands for a while, before Hawks let out a little nervous laugh. “You’re being awfully quiet, heh, fireboy?” Enji narrowed his eyes, “I’m always quiet, birdbrain.” Hawks just laughed. “You’re only quiet when you’re thinking of other bird puns to use on me.” he laughed a bit more and cleared his throat before starting his little speech.

The winged hero was only talking, but Enji felt he was being transported to each and every memory that he mentioned. One moment, he’s back on the balcony of that damned hotel, staring at how the stars shone upon Hawks— not realizing that Hawks was also staring at how the moon made Enji’s eyes glow an ethereal blue color. The next second, they’re back on the beach for another magazine shoot, and Hawks was still trying to splash the flame hero who was inches away from boiling all the water around them. In a childish moment, Enji moved his arms to let a medium-sized wave (using his hugeass arms) hit Hawks right in the face. The poor attacked man could only sputter and try to wipe the salty water from his face. Thank God the press didn’t get a shot, but Hawks saw the way Enji’s eyes cleared up, with the traces of deep-rooted anger and frustration disappearing; he saw how his lips relaxed from its usual frown, and tilted in what could be the smallest smile he’s ever seen. A little after that, it was just any other day— Hawks quite literally dropping into Enji’s office and inviting him for some on-the-spot double patrol together. Enji never really did figure out why he always agreed eventually. He couldn’t seem to figure out a lot of things when it came to Hawks.

Through his words, Hawks brought Enji on an adventure. From their endeavours (Hawks chuckled) in Kansai to all the way in Hokkaido. To Hawks, every day was an adventure if it was with Endeavor. He made it a point to tell him that.

“En… deavor,” he sighed. “I could list all my favorite memories of us— which is literally every single one— and I could also list all the ways and reasons I…” Hawks’ words got stuck in his chest for a while, and he looked at Endeavor with those wide and vulnerable eyes. He was almost panting, as if all this honesty was genuinely getting him tired. He sighed, “Look, I don’t want to pressure you into anything— that’s not why I’m saying all this.” Enji didn’t even have half the mind to raise his eyebrows at that one. “I just… I just really like you, okay? So much that I can’t tolerate watching you lie to yourself.” Hawks’ eyes were pleading; Enji didn’t particularly like that look on him. At least not in this situation.

“I want you to tell me where you are in all this— where I am in your life. I know that I can make you happy— I do make you happy— and you deserve that, I know you do, but you don't know that you do and—” His words were rushing out of his mouth. Thoughts were everywhere, escaping through his mouth without going through any sort of filter. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. When they opened again, he had his usual smile plastered on, matched up with sad eyes. With a light tone, he said: “but that’s just me, right, Number One?” God, Enji was glad to see Hawks smile again. Even if this wasn’t the most appropriate time, it felt familiar. It felt safe.

“So… what about you?” 

“What do you say, big guy?” the smile returned, but his eyes were sad again. It was as if he'd already accepted Endeavor’s eventual rejection… was it gonna be a rejection? Wait— of course it was, Enji had no time to fool around with a man like Hawks… but it didn’t feel like they were fooling around, though. God, he wanted to get a drink again. Oh, the things he wouldn’t do to get his hands on a glass of nice whiskey— well he wouldn’t let go of Hawks, but regardless—

Hawks waited for an answer patiently. He didn't expect Enji to actually respond properly; he knew that the tough man had no idea how to deal with emotions— not that he did, but that wasn’t the point. Slowly but surely, Endeavor thought it all through. He felt nothing but absolute honesty and sincerity coming from Hawks, and he wasn’t sure how that made him feel.

All he knew was that birdboy was right.

He did make him happy.

The turmoil and conflict within Enji started up once more. How could he have… feelings? Is that what you call them? For Hawks. Even if he did have feelings, it wasn't as if he could do anything to act upon them… right? He wasn't homophobic at all, already having changed his own perception on that, against what his own father beat into him, but as he listed earlier, they had so many things to deal with. He had a family, he was twice his age, they were the top two heroes in the country… and yet Hawks was right there, holding his hand— and Enji was holding his hand too. It felt right… somehow.

“Hawks, if you want my honesty, this is all I can say…” Enji took a deep breath. Wow, they both needed to take deep breaths, this conversation was way outside of both their comfort zones, and they were starting to get tired. “I don't… know exactly how I feel, and I don’t know how to act upon whatever it is I’m feeling.” Hawks would’ve smiled a little at how formal Enji was being, if he didn’t feel so much weighing on the big guy’s words. Their future together would be dictated by these next few moments, and Hawks could feel it.

Unable to resist anymore, Enji gets up to walk. His hand let go of Hawks’ and he suddenly felt cold. This sudden movement made Hawks’ anxiety spike up, and he practically followed Enji across the room, taking fast steps to keep up with the big man's large strides. “C’mon man, you don't have to leave me hanging like that— my poor chicken hands feel cold now, without your fire— okay I’m joking! I’m joking— well not really but—”

Hawks started pacing around when Enji paused to get something Hawks didn't notice. His anxiety was skyrocketing, and he had to stop near the couch so he could sink his talons into the armrest. He tried to take deep breaths for a bit, but his mouth still refused to stop.

“Okay, Endeavor, hear me out. I know I’m doing this a little too sudden, but you don’t have to walk out on me man, c’mon, let's work something out— you don't even have to do anything, really, this was all me, I was being silly, just please don't g— oomph ” He was talking faster and faster, and only ended up stopping when Endeavor himself pushed Hawks down to plop onto the soft cushions of the couch. Hawks sat there rather stiffly, just staring at Endeavor with his eyes full of uncertainty. Enji sighed before plopping down next to Hawks. The pressure from the humongous man made the cushions around him puff out, and Hawks got a shred of airtime without using his wings.

Apparently, Enji only got up to get that drink he felt he oh-so needed. Hawks was too busy walking and panicking to notice that the big man had not left the room, and he only grabbed three bottles of soju from his mini-fridge. One in his left hand, and he fit two into his other. He took one good chug from the first bottle before his eyes landed on the rambling bird by his couch. God, he was pushing holes into his beautiful couch. The winged hero didn’t even hear Enji through all the times he tried to call for his attention, saying “Hawks… Hawks!” until the point that he just went over to the small man and made him take a seat to calm the fuck down.

Endeavor could keep telling himself that the alcohol was just to deal with the absurdity of what was happening— for God’s sake, his Number Two hero just confessed to him, and somehow he’s starting to regret saying no in the first place. He could lie to himself all he wanted, but part of him knew that he needed the liquid courage.

“I’m…” Hawks’ wings twitch. For some reason, Enji wanted to say sorry, but couldn’t. He wasn’t sorry. Well, at least he wasn’t sorry for having feelings for the small man next to him, as complicated and confusing as they may be.

“I don’t know how to do this, Hawks.” Enji was looking at his hands as he said this, and Hawks immediately perked up. He leans forward, to look into Enji’s eyes, as if he were trying to find something. He let himself hope. “...but do you want to?” he asks. A rush of electricity— well, fire would be more appropriate— goes through Hawks’ body when Enji’s crystal blue eyes connected with his, and said…

“Yes.”

Adrenaline mixed with happy hormones coursed through Hawks’ veins. His face split into the biggest smile Enji’s ever seen, and that includes the first time he accepted a KFC lunch date from Hawks. He couldn’t help but smile back, and somehow Hawks’ smile got even bigger.

He then flipped around, using his feathers to maneuver himself properly.

Enji found himself next to a young man with the biggest smile he’s ever seen, feet up on the armrest of the couch, hugging his arm as if it were his favorite teddy bear, and body leaning on Enji’s larger one. He couldn’t say he didn't like the feeling— his quirk was about fire, but this was a different kind of warmth. Despite that, he…

“I don’t deserve this, Hawks.” the young man’s snuggling stopped. Endeavor couldn’t resist the urge to rub his face with his hand and sigh. Without looking, Hawks’ hand reached out to tap the bottle of alcohol Enji was holding in a silent request to have some. Enji handed it over without question, and Hawks chugged. Putting the bottle down, he cleared his throat and asked “Hm? What do you mean, Enji?” He almost groaned in frustration and inner conflict when he heard how natural it was for his name to fall from Hawks’ lips. Still though, he was undeserving, and Hawks deserved to know.

Enji put his arm around Hawks, both figures shuffling on the couch to make space for each other. He held Hawks against his body, and even leaned into him. This was the first and only time this could happen for them; Endeavor wasn’t the kind of person who had the right to experience this.

“I don’t deserve you , Hawks.” the winged hero stayed quiet, and he took this as a sign to explain. “You see me as this great person that you deemed worthy of your lo— your feelings , and I feel the need to be honest and tell you you’re wrong.” Before Hawks could interject about how Enji seemed to have implied that his feelings were wrong, he continued. “Since you care so much about me, I’m assuming you know about my family situation.” Hawks nodded. “That in itself is proof that I don't deserve you, Hawks. My… my hands are empty, Hawks, I have nothing to give you. There is nothing good inside me, and you deserve that something good.” 

“God, for such a smart guy, you can be such an airhead, Enji.”

His flames flickered on his face, for a split second before he got them under control again.

Smart— airh— Enji??

Hawks grunted when he got up from his semi-lying position. He put his feet down, and sat properly next to Enji— still wrapped around his one, humongous arm. Leaning his head on Enji’s shoulder, Hawks also reached for Endeavor’s hand. The rough hands looked even bigger than they already were in Hawks’ hands, but that was okay.

“Enji…” It was a little slurred, but that was fine too. “Your hands aren’t empty, you silly flame.” silly— what? Hawks, ever the goof (he wasn’t a lightweight considering the commission trained him to be self-aware at all times, but… this was cute), stared at the way his thumb swirled over Enji’s very much larger palm.

“You have my hands in them, see?”

Hawks held and squished Endeavor’s big hand as if it were the paw of his favorite dog plushie. It was certainly a strange feeling to be compared to a stuffed toy. Part of Enji felt like he didn’t deserve this gentleness considering he has been everything but that his whole life, but… he sure felt selfish enough to keep wanting more.

Enji shook his head ever so slightly, but turned his hand around so that both their hands were resting on his lap. “Hawks, do you even know what love is?” he couldn’t help but ask. Based on his (strangely limited, considering he’s the Number One hero) knowledge of the commission that looked after the Hawks he knew now, Enji understood that this might really just be the naive musings of a young man with feelings that he didn’t understand. It was a sad thought, that Hawks might only feel this way due to his naivety, but even Enji couldn’t take advantage of it. He was trying to be better, you see… A certain bird made him want to continue becoming better.

There was no judgment in his voice, that was clear to Hawks. Despite that though, he couldn't help the feeling of apprehension at the question. The young man couldn't answer right away though, and unfortunately came to the conclusion that Enji did have a point.

“I’m… not sure, but I’ve never felt anything like this before,” he says. Enji snorts a bit, and a rush of anxiety pierced through Hawks’ body while he disguised it as a simple laugh.

“That’s not how it works, birdbrain. You can love more than one person, you know.” Hawks’ anxiety only gets worse when he hears these words, expecting it to turn into a rejection. “No I don’t know, ya big hunk.” Hawks huffed, and Enji raised his eyebrows at the choice of words… and maybe there was a twinkle of entertainment when his eyes drifted down to Hawks’ pouting lips for just a split second. Hawks crossed his arm over while his posture hunched over, and his heels were hitting the front of the couch they were sitting on. Enji couldn’t help but find him cute— not that he would ever say that out loud, God no.

Still pouting but with a hint of a chuckle, Hawks told him: “c’mon gimme a break. It’s not like I had the most active love life under the commission’s thumb, okay?” All of a sudden, Enji could see right through Hawks. The baby-ish demeanor was his way of making the situation less serious because he was afraid. It was clear to him, because so was he. However, he would have to find a pirate’s treasure chest randomly appearing in his bedroom before he ever did anything similar to what Hawks was.

“Well it’s not like I really know what love is, either.” Enji took a long sip from his bottle, resisting a small chuckle that wanted to escape when he felt Hawks’ wings puff up just a little. Both their eyes shine with a tinge of hope. For two seemingly hopeless beings who had such a rough start in life, they had quite the courage to dare to hope. 

“Well, poetically speaking, does anyone ever truly know what love is?” Hawks tried, and the chuckle Enji was resisting finally came out. Wisdom talk coming out from Hawks felt so wrong, he couldn’t help himself. 

Enji sighed and eased into the couch. From sitting by the edge, elbows on his lap, he relaxed to lean on the back of the couch. He totally didn’t do it on purpose when his arm aligned with the back of the couch, perfect to rest on Hawks’ shoulders. Absolutely not. Hawks on the other hand, scooted closer to Enji. There was a moment’s hesitation, but a feeling of “home” burst in his birdcage of a heart when he leaned on Enji’s chest, and the large arm finally wrapped around the smaller man. A smile of contentment found itself on Enji’s face, matched with fond eyes. In that moment, he decided maybe he could pretend he wasn’t the number one hero, Endeavor. Just a moment was enough.

“You were right, you know.” Hawks hums in reaction to Endeavor’s voice. 

“You do make me happy, you damn bird.”

Hawks could only smile and snuggle closer to Enji, if it were possible.

Despite all that, Enji hadn’t fully squashed his doubts and second guessings. “What are we doing, Hawks?” he asked. Hawks only hummed once more and Enji was half an inch away from pinching the birdman’s cheek, but thankfully he answered. “We’ve been talking about our—” he playfully shudders, “—feelings for the past few minutes. Though if I’m being honest, it feels like it’s been a wholeass day, my man. Don’t you dare tell me you spaced out through all that, goddamn.”

Enji pushed through with that pinch.

He huffed too, barely noticing how Hawks swatted his hand away. “Neither of us knows what…” he fumbles with the word. “Love…?” Hawks tried. “Yeah. That.” Enji sighs again. God, he was tired. “How are we gonna make this work, Hawks?”

Without a verbal response, Hawks hopped up from his sitting position. He reached his hand out to help “lift” Enji up. The latter decided to humor Hawks and took the offered hand. It was to be polite, and definitely not to have the feel of Hawks’ hand in his again.

When they stood up, Hawks didn’t let go of Enji’s hand. Rather, he shook the gigantic and heavy hand, saying “Hi.” a beat passes, and Hawks looks at Enji right in the face.

“I’m Keigo. Takami Keigo.”

Enji blinked, staring at their joined hands for just a moment before it clicked. He was not used to such things but…

“Enji,” he nodded and shook Hawks’ hand too. “Enji Todoroki— not that you don’t already call me by my name, you brat.”

Hawks laughed ever so lightly. Well, the man wasn’t wrong, but at least he had permission to do so now. Enji may or may not know that literally no other living soul knows his real name, but Hawks didn’t have to tell him that right then and there. This was probably the most awkward handshake and greeting either hero has had to go through ever, but they made it work.

“So um…” Hawks began. He felt really smart and witty for that little introduction, but he had no idea how to continue. “To be honest, I don’t really know how this works, and where to go after this.” his small sheepish smile perfected his charming boy persona, and Enji couldn’t help but give the smallest of smiles in return.

“Keigo?”

“Yeah, Enji?”

They said those simple words as if they were nothing, but Enji couldn’t help but note how Keigo’s wings puffed out ever so slightly when he said his name. He couldn’t blame the kid, though. If he had wings, then he’d have the same reaction when he finally heard Hawks— Keigo say his name with no hint of hesitance at all.

They were fumbling, they had no idea what they were doing, and neither moved from their awkward position of standing while hand holding really strangely. Nonetheless, they were trying. In that moment, that’s all they wanted— and needed — really. That, and each other.

Keigo, not knowing what else to do and completely ignoring all the screams of self-preservation in his mind, let go of Enji’s hand.

Only to step forward and attempt to wrap his arms around Enji’s humungous body.

Enji tensed ever so slightly, still unused to physical contact— much less affection — but he raised his arms to gently pat on Keigo’s back too. Eventually, it grew into a full-blown vertical cuddle, and Endeavor wouldn't dare claim to have ever experienced comfort like this in his life. Hawks snuggled into his chest, and Enji’s hands naturally moved to hold him even closer. He rested his chin on Keigo’s head, and closed his eyes.

For once, Enji didn’t need his flames, and Hawks didn’t need his wings.

For once, they had someone else to give them warmth.

It felt nice.

Really nice.

Enji and Keigo couldn’t help but dare to hope that this was the start of something great