Chapter Text
I fucked up, Sasara thinks.
He should have never done this in the first place. Sleeping around was easy enough for him. And why wouldn’t it be? Sasara was charismatic and a people-pleaser. He could read complete strangers based on how they walked. A simple action such as pulling out a phone held so much.
Sasara was almost too good with people. He always knew what he wanted, and he knew exactly how to get it.
He used his popularity to his advantage. Certain types of fans would approach him after shows or live recordings, and he’d sweet-talk them until he had them in bed. It usually took a date before then. It’d have to be on the same day or there was no point. Not keeping contact afterward was key.
Men, women, anyone outside of that. It didn’t matter. He’d taken virginities more often than not, but if they were willing to give it to a total stranger, then so be it.
They’d never get to know him beyond his stage persona anyway. Sasara wouldn’t give them the chance. Parasocial relationships were like that. They had expectations, and Sasara would fulfill them. He always left in the early mornings anyway, not even remembering their names. He didn’t want to.
It became routine to him.
After however many one-night stands, nothing could have prepared him for a friends with benefits situation. With Samatoki of all people.
Sasara didn’t set any boundaries or rules with Samatoki. He didn’t want to.
He didn’t mind if they met up at either of their apartments. Someone like Samatoki deserved better than shitty love hotels.
He didn’t mind if Samatoki had his phone on the nightstand. Usually Sasara would have his flings leave them in the bathroom or closet. He had an image to preserve, after all. One publicized scandal, and he’d be doomed.
And he definitely didn’t mind kissing Samatoki. In fact, he’d missed it. It took him back to their Mad Comic Dialogue days, where if they had nothing else to do, they’d make out in their office.
Samatoki made him remember why he pursued random hookups in the first place. Because nobody would ever be able to compare to Samatoki.
Sasara sought out physical intimacy to replace the emotional intimacy he had with Samatoki. And it only led Sasara back to him.
Samatoki was like home.
From the moment Samatoki finally had his arms around him again, he knew. Sasara knew it’d still been Samatoki after all this time.
The first time they slept together again, Sasara waited until Samatoki was sound asleep. Then he locked himself in the bathroom and cried. He cried for so long that he fell asleep on the floor, amidst a sea of towels. He couldn’t bear the thought of waking up to Samatoki’s gentle sleeping face.
That morning, Samatoki frantically searched his apartment for Sasara. When he found him, he carried Sasara back to bed and tucked him in, complete with a kiss on the forehead. Samatoki made breakfast for the two of them and they went on with their days.
Sasara had never left a night like that with his heart so empty, yet so full at the same time.
This wasn’t supposed to happen.
“For the love of God,” Rosho snaps, taking an aggressive bite of his pudding. “Will you please just talk to him already?”
Mindlessly stirring his cream soda, Sasara heaves a dramatic sigh of defeat. “I can’t.”
“Why not? Last time I checked, your voice was perfectly fine. You’re talking right now.”
“Don’t wanna.” Sasara whines.
“Don’t make me repeat myself,” Rosho commands using his stern teaching voice.
Sasara stares down at his drink. He pops the cherry into his mouth, stem and all.
“I’ll wait.” Rosho smiles condescendingly. By now, his pudding is finely chopped and melted into a paste. Sasara is his best friend, but he can be downright infuriating.
Sasara rolls the stem in his mouth and ties it into a knot. He places it on a napkin and takes another sip of his drink before speaking. “Don’t wanna ruin what we have.”
“And what, pray tell, would that be?”
“I dunno.”
“What do you mean you don’t know? Just talk to him!” Rosho exclaims. “You’re partially at fault here. You knew you still had feelings for him, but you wanted to keep this up anyway.”
“I’d rather have him like this than not have him at all…” Sasara mutters. He turns his head to the side, avoiding eye contact.
“Then tell him.”
“What if he reacts badly?”
“That’s for you to find out. Take some responsibility for once. If you’re not willing to deal with the consequences of your actions, maybe you shouldn’t do them in the first place.”
“As always, you sure don’t mince your words.” Sasara gives a weak laugh.
“I take pride in it.” Rosho adjusts his glasses and grabs their check to pay.
“Wait, where are you going?” Sasara quirks a brow. “I thought it was my turn to pay.”
“Something to take care of.” Rosho smiles. “Don’t worry about it since I’m the one bailing early.”
Rosho looks up at the massive apartment complex in front of him. It’s at least twice the size of Sasara’s building. This was the correct place, right? He double, even triple-checked the address. He takes a deep breath and enters.
The anxiety in him continues to rise as he takes the elevator up. He’d come all this way already, so he might as well finish the job. Checking between the nameplate and room number on his phone, he clears his throat and presses the ringer. Now or never.
Footsteps approach. The door opens. The silver-haired man looks concerned, surprised, and angry all at once.
“Aohitsugi Samatoki, correct?” Rosho is surprised he hasn’t stuttered yet. This is the first time they’ve interacted one-on-one and outside of Chuuoku.
“If I remember, you’re.... Tsutsujimori? The guy teamed up with Sasara. Rosho, yeah?”
“Yes. I was hoping to talk to you about something.” No amount of teaching evaluations could ever compare to the amount of nervousness Rosho is feeling now.
“Depends what.”
“Sasara.”
“God, s’too early to be drinking today,” Samatoki mutters. He pulls open the door. “Come on in. Sorry for the mess, wasn’t expecting any visitors anytime soon.”
“Pardon the intrusion.” Rosho gives a slight bow as he enters. He takes off his shoes at the genkan.
Samatoki’s apartment is huge. The ‘mess’ he mentioned is hardly there at all. It feels distant yet lived-in at the same time.
Samatoki leads Rosho to the dining table. “Do you want anything to drink? My crewmates say I make some pretty damn good coffee.” A soft smile graces his features for a moment.
“I’d appreciate that, thanks.” Rosho nods. He crosses his arms and looks out the window at the view. He has to admit that the bayside city below is beautiful.
Samatoki returns some moments later and sets two mugs down on the table. He takes his usual seat. “Nice, huh? Gotta say half the reason I wanted this apartment was the view. There’s a lot about living here I used to take for granted, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.”
“Yeah, it’s lovely.” Rosho sits down, joining Samatoki.
“Sorry, dunno why I’m telling you all this. You seem super honest. What do you do for a living?” Samatoki takes a sip of his coffee, eyeing Rosho across the table.
Rosho fidgets before lifting the mug to his lips. Samatoki’s teammates are right. His coffee is impressive. “I’m a high school math teacher.”
“That’d do it.” Samatoki flashes him a look. Rosho can’t tell whether his carmine eyes are hostile or friendly. “So what exactly did you wanna talk about?”
“I’ve been aware of your… situation with Sasara for a while now. I’ll get straight to the point. Do you have feelings for him?”
“Goddamn it.” Samatoki sets his mug down with a loud thud. He inhales deeply before speaking again. “I do…”
“I think you should tell him.” Rosho takes another sip, peering over his mug at Samatoki.
“I don’t wanna.” Samatoki mutters, looking away.
This conversation feels way too familiar. “Might I ask why?”
“I’m worried about fucking up what we have. I’d rather it be like this than nothing at all.”
“I see. In that case, I definitely think you should tell him.” Rosho insists.
“You wouldn’t happen to know if he feels the same, would you?”
“That’s not for me to disclose. But I can say I have a good feeling he’d react positively.”
“Maybe I’ll think about it, then.”
“I’d appreciate it, thanks. And I know Sasara would too.”
Samatoki sighs. “Must be a pretty big deal if you came all this way to talk to me. It’s getting late, do you have a place to stay the night?”
“I have a hotel booked nearby.”
“I’ll pay for it.”
“I couldn’t possibly—”
“Nah, don’t worry. I got connections all over town. Just give me the name and I’ll clear things up.”
“Are you sure? I hope I’m not intruding.”
Samatoki gives an amused scoff. “I can kinda see why Sasara likes you so much… But really, don’t mind it. Besides, I owe a lot to people in your line of work.”
“Thank you.” Rosho smiles. “It’s great to hear that. But now I’m curious. Do you mind?”
“Ah… My little sister and I didn’t really grow up with parents. I was a delinquent, but I had a few teachers who still saw me for what I was worth. Pushed me to graduate from high school. I don’t think I did too great raising my sister on my own, but she was a good student and a hard worker. All her teachers loved her.”
“That’s… wow. I can tell you really care about her. I’m sure you did the best you could at the time. ”
“I tried. And thanks for hearin’ me out.”
“Of course. I understand to a certain extent, though. I was a delinquent when I was a teenager too.”
“No fucking way.” Samatoki’s jaw goes slack. “Really?”
“That’s usually the reaction I get,” Rosho replies with a chuckle. “Both of my parents are teachers and put a lot of pressure on me to follow in their footsteps. I didn’t want to back then, so I rebelled.”
“Damn. That’s really hard to imagine. But maybe we’re more similar than I thought.”
Rosho smiles. “Yeah.” He takes one last sip of his drink. “At any rate, I don’t want to overstay my welcome. I should get going.”
“Wait.” Samatoki rushes over to his desk and grabs a business card. He scribbles his personal number on the back. “Give me a call if you ever need anything.”
“Thanks. I’ll have to come by for your coffee again.” Rosho pauses, realizing that he’d invited himself over again. “O-oh, only if you’ll have me of course.”
Samatoki laughs. He can’t help but think Rosho getting flustered easily is endearing. “Anytime. I’m sure I’ll be seein’ you around a lot anyway.”
With a polite goodbye, Rosho heads out of Samatoki’s apartment. He exits the building and pulls out Samatoki’s card to save his number.
Katengumi… Wakagashira?!
The man might be a high-ranking yakuza, but he’s as dense as a brick.
“They’re idiots. They’re both fucking idiots. They deserve each other,” Rosho mutters to himself with gritted teeth. Never has Rosho been more grateful to be turning in for the night.