Chapter Text
I.
Death isn’t as scary once you’re actually dead.
Humans believe they’re untouchable. The expectation is to die of old age. Birth, grow up, be formed by the actions and decisions you’ve made, maybe get married, have kids, grandchildren, and die. That’s the average plan, what most people look for. It wasn’t the same for everyone, and he was one of the odd ones out.
Xingqiu believed he was untouchable. He never lost, no one could touch him. His life had been chaotic, even though he had it all, he threw it to the dirt. A nineteen year old with a juvenile record, an estranged relationship with his family, and a dead friend. That was all he was.
In the end, he found out how invincible he really was. And he wasn’t invincible at all.
II.
When you die, life flashes before your eyes, is what is said. Memories flew through him as his body crashed to the ground from the fourth story he had fallen from.
He remembered his birth, his parents as he grew up. He remembered his brother, a deadbeat just as he was, how the older one taught and used Xingqiu when robbing people on the streets. They had it all, their parents loved them, but it was never enough. He recalled being stabbed by a guy they had crossed, and how he miraculously survived. It was terrifying how painful an object that perforated your skin could be, the pain extending from the source to the rest of the body, leaving you breathless and terrified.
He recalled the jury, giving him two years of juvie at the young age of fourteen. He knew he most likely deserved more, but the psychological tests and the witnesses saved his ass somehow.
And then he remembered meeting her.
Xiangling was a ray of sunshine wherever she went. He could see the first time they met, outside of a cafe, and how she instantly struck a conversation, offering him her lunch, and he felt obligated to stay and bear with her. Who’d say that then that friendship would bloom within a year, and by seventeen the two were unstoppable. It was unfortunate that that same day he, although young, would piece together an almost impossible case that’d instantly earn him a medal of honor from the Liyue Police Department and a promising job as a detective as soon as he hit eighteen. It was unfortunate, how later on, it’d cost him her life.
He remembered holding her cold— so cold body, begging her to stay with him, but nothing else could be done about it. The blood, red crimson tinted liquid that flowed out of her just as her life energy did. After that, the memories became bitter.
The memories of loneliness struck him— inexplicable, deep loneliness. An ocean with no end and he was sinking there, and god forbid he tried to swim back up for the ocean would form beasts that’d tackle him back down. People around him moved on, continuing to connect with each other while he stayed behind. Hurry behind them, he begged himself, but all he could do was get into bed and curl up.
Xingqiu remembered the prejudice Childe had over him at the Police Station. A criminal, that’s all he was to the good old, ‘cops are good people’ Childe. Fucking bastard. “Try to pretend you’re one of us, kid. It’’ll get you nowhere.” played through his mind, as he continued to fall and as the bells of death rang.
And his last time speaking to him. Xiangling’s foster brother, one of the persons most affected by her death. He had given Xingqiu a job,
“This is crazy'' He heard Diluc warning him through the cellphone, while Xingqiu stared at the top floor of the apartment. “You need to slow down. We are going to send a car there but you will not go alone.” The blue haired boy could sense through the phone that Diluc was pinching his nose bridge and wore that stressed expression that Xingqiu had gotten used to.
“I’ve got it, Diluc. If we don’t go now, he could run away! He could kill someone, we can’t afford that! I’ll stall for time until back-up arrives.”
Silence for a moment, until he heard the lieutenant exhale through his nose. “Fine, I trust you, kiddo. If I didn’t know better, I would say you actually want to die.”
III.
Death isn’t scary once you’re actually dead.
But it is, as you’re falling to it.