Chapter Text
He had excused himself after talking with Claire in the locker room, telling her that he had left something in his office. The conversation with her had left him feeling unsettled. He did what he thought a friend would do, but he couldn’t deny that it hurt to tell her to give Dash a chance. He wasn’t sure when his feelings from her had changed from friendship to something more, when she had become the person he looked forward to seeing most. He finally had to stop denying his feelings when he had seen her smile when she hugged Dash, wishing he could be the one to bring her that happiness.
He walked into his office and sat down in his chair. He needed a few minutes to get himself together. The one thing he was sure of was that she deserved all the happiness in the world. If he couldn’t be the one to give it to her, then he would make sure to support her in finding it. He had always thought that she was the strongest resident, but it wasn’t until they started spending time together outside of work that he realized just how incredible she was.
With the favoritism complaint lingering over them, he had tried to step back. Maybe the fact that he couldn’t, should have been a clue that he had fallen deeper than he realized. If he ignored that fact that he was her boss, he knew that they could good together. He could picture with her the future that he had always dreamed of. But he knew it wouldn’t happen. He would rather stay by her side as her friend then lose having her in his life. Pushing her towards Dash would be difficult, but it was the right thing to do. He hoped if he repeated that enough times, he might begin to believe it.
Feeling the weight of the day pressing down on him, he headed out. Claire had been right that going home to an empty house sucked. He pushed away thoughts of having her waiting there for him. Thinking about what he couldn’t have would just make him feel worse.
He thought about going to get a drink somewhere to distract himself from these different emotions. As he walked out of the hospital, he bumped into Claire. He knew he should just tell her goodnight, but something stopped him. As they stood facing each other, the wind blowing her hair in her face, he didn’t want to be anywhere but with her. Despite Dash coming to visit, they had a successful day with their surgery.
“You want to grab a celebratory coffee, or we can go crazy and have a real drink?” he asked.
He hoped that he wasn’t overstepping the boundaries of their friendship. He realized that his question could be construed as asking her out on a date. Her silence made him nervous, and he wondered what she was thinking. Finally, she smiled at him.
“I think a day like today deserves a drink.”
They decided to go to a nearby bar. He thought of suggesting somewhere further away, but that made it seem as if they had something to hide. They went to their cars to meet at the bar. He had spent time with her many times, but for some reason this time felt different. As he parked and got out of the car, he reminded himself that this was just like every other time they had spent outside of work. He waited for her to get out of her car before they walked in together.
They headed to an empty spot at the bar. He rolled his eyes as the bartender starting flirting with her as she ordered her drink. He didn’t even think that she realized the affect that she had on others and the way her smile lit up the room. Pushing those thoughts away, he ordered his drink.
He couldn’t help but make a face at the bright blue drink that was placed in front of her.
“What is that?” he asked, as his whiskey was placed in front of him.
“Blue Hawaii,” she answered, pulling the cherry off the top and popping it into her mouth. “Want to try it?” she asked, holding the drink towards him.
Reluctantly he took the glass from her. “I’ll try it if you try mine.”
She wrinkled her nose in disgust. “I already know I don’t like it.” He went to hand her the glass back and she rolled her eyes. “Fine,” she said, reaching for his glass. She took a small sip and made a face. “Happy now.”
He took a small sip of her drink, surprised that it didn’t taste as bad as it looked. “Not horrible,” he said. They switched their glasses back. “I’ll stick with this.”
She made a face again, “I don’t know how you drink that.”
“Like this,” he said, taking a sip as he tried not to laugh.
She rolled her eyes, hiding her smile as she took a sip of her drink. “You’re ridiculous.”
“Is that your favorite drink?” he asked. They had gone out together a few times and gotten drinks, but he didn’t remember it being that shade of blue.
She shrugged. “Kayla would always order it when we went out. Thought it would be a nice way to honor her.”
He sighed. He had forgotten for a moment about Dash coming to see her.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
She nodded. “Seeing Dash just made me miss her more.”
“I’m sorry.” He took another drink to prepare himself for what he wanted to ask her next. “Are you going to call him?”
“Eventually.”
“What are you going to tell him?”
“Why is it so important to you that I reach out to Dash?”
He couldn’t tell what she was thinking, which he realized was unusual. He had gotten good at reading her since they had gotten closer. He took another drink to stall for a moment.
“I just want you to be happy,” he finally answered. “You deserve to be happy.”
She gave him one of her breathtaking smiles that lit up her whole face and somehow made her even more beautiful.
“I think I am happy,” she said sounding a little surprised. “It’s been such a rough few months, and because of you it’s been better.”
“I didn’t do anything.”
“You saved me. I was drowning and you were there to pull me out.”
“I was just at the right place at the right time, that was all you.”
She placed her hand against his arm. “Neil, knowing that you were there for me, knowing that I could turn to you, it helped. I can’t tell you enough how much your friendship means to me.”
“It means a lot to me too.”
She shook her head. “If only we didn’t…”
She was cut off as someone bumped into her as they walked by. He reached out to steady her, his hand coming to her waist as she reached out and placed her hand on his leg. He had been close to her before in the OR, but this was different. She looked up at him, and he found his eyes drifting to her lips. She pushed against him to sit herself back up correctly on the stool.
Smiling, she said, “See, always saving me.” Her hand lingered for a second against his leg before she reached for her drink.
“Didn’t really give me much choice that time,” he teased her. He glanced around and wondered when the bar had gotten so crowded. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” she said. “Thank you.”
He finished his drink. “What were you about to say?”
She hesitated a second, before shaking her head. “It’s not important.” She finished the rest of her drink. Before he could ask her if she wanted another, she said, “I believe your offer was for either drinks or coffee, want to do both?”
“Okay,” he said, pulling out his credit card to pay. He noticed she was reaching for hers and he reached out to stop her. “I got this, you can get the coffee.”
She smiled. “Sounds good.”
After he paid for their drinks, they left the bar and headed across the street to a small coffee shop. He held the door for her, and they walked in.
“Go sit down, I’ll get the drinks,” she told him.
“I can order my own drink.”
She stepped closer to him. “If you go up to the counter, you’re going to try to pay even though you already said I could. Go sit down.”
He shook his head as he followed her direction. She was right that he would try to pay. She was always so adamant that they share the cost of things, that he enjoyed her reaction when he was able to trick her and do something special for her.
He watched her up at the counter. He wondered again what she had been about to say in the bar. He worried that he was pushing things between them, things that would make work difficult. He didn’t have any doubts that he would be able to continue working with her, he knew they both would be able to remain professional, but the others at the hospital might not see it the same way. As watched her come towards him, he wondered if maybe it would be worth the risk.
She sat his coffee down in font of him and took a seat beside him. As he took a sip, he knew he shouldn’t have been surprised that she knew how he liked his coffee.
“Thank you,” he said.
“You’re welcome.” She closed her eyes as she took a drink of hers. “It’s so much quieter here.”
“It’s nice,” he agreed.
They sat together enjoying each other’s company as they drank their coffee. Every once in a while, he would catch her looking at him.
“What?” he finally asked.
She sighed. “Back at the bar, I was going to ask you something.”
She started fiddling with the top of her cup, and he could tell that she was nervous. He reached out and placed his hand over hers.
“You know you can ask me anything.”
She hesitated before asking, “Do you think things would be different if you weren’t my boss?”
“What are you asking?”
He was afraid to get his hopes up. He had told himself repeatedly that things between them could never change. But if it was something she wanted too, he would absolutely figure out a way to make it work.
“I know I told you that we were just friends, but I don’t think that’s true anymore. Am I wrong?”
“No,” he said softly.
She smiled at him. “I didn’t call Dash because I already have someone who makes me happy.”
“Claire,” he said, as he reached out to caress her face. He didn’t know what to say to her. She made him happy, and if he was honest with himself, he was falling in love with her. “You make me happy too.”
He wasn’t sure which of them moved first, but they moved towards each other as they gently kissed. He knew this wouldn’t solve any of the issues a relationship between them would cause, but as she deepened the kiss, he couldn’t bring himself to care.