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“I keep my letters in a teal hatbox, just for me. There are a total of five; Kenny from camp, John Ambrose from Model UN, Peter from 7th grade, Lucas from Homecoming, and of course, Josh. They may have addresses and names, but I have no intention of ever sending them out. These letters are for my eyes only.”
Ahead of the pair, the TV played a cute rom-com. They sat on the sofa covered by a fuzzy blanket, legs tangled together, sharing a bucket of salty, buttery popcorn.
Jimin looked up at Taehyung, who was entranced with the movie, idly popping snacks into his mouth.
His fluffy, overgrown hair covered his eyes and curled into little ringlets at the ends. In the most endearing Taehyung fashion, one eye had a monolid, and the other a double lid. A tiny mole rested on the tip of his nose. His visuals were heavenly, constantly surrounded by a glowing aura, as if his features had been hand-sculpted by Hephaestus himself.
And of course, being incredibly attractive certainly wasn’t enough, because god had favourites. He was kind and warm and charming, despite a shy and reserved demeanor. His voice was mellow and calming and deeper than the depths of the ocean. The boxy smile and melodious laugh he possessed could light up the entire world.
Most importantly, he was Jimin’s best friend. His soulmate. His baby. Which is why he could never tell Taehyung how he felt. Taehyung was his entire universe. A reason to wake up in the morning, to fall asleep peacefully at night. His last reason, his sparkling light in the darkness.
Jimin would rather keep his love unrequited for the rest of time than risk losing his everything.
.
“Ah, hold up.” The movie paused abruptly on a scene of a couple sitting side by side on a bus, napping on each other’s shoulders.
“I’m cold. Gonna go steal one of your hoodies, yeah? Thanks, be right back.” Taehyung slipped out from under the blanket and ran up the stairs, dark hair bouncing with each step he took.
At the absence of warmth by his side, Jimin sighed. He spaced out blankly at the screen. He had always loved this relationship, as vanilla as it is. It’s not their interactions that he envies, but rather the value behind these small gestures. Each finger intertwined, each forehead bumped together, each glance stolen when they didn’t think the other was looking. Every action translated to a message further than enamour. It wasn’t an “I love you”, but an “I’m in love with you.”
As the sound of slipper-padded footsteps descended the stairs, Jimin looked up.
Taehyung hurried down the stairs, now wearing a baby blue hoodie embroidered with yellow stars and a single crescent moon. While the fit of the sweatshirt is normally oversized on Jimin’s petite frame, it hugged Taehyung’s broad shoulders nicely, worn as it’s supposed to be. Save for the slightly too short sleeves, which the younger fidgeted with nervously as the movie played on.
“You gonna break my heart, Covey?”
“I’d always fantasized about falling in love in a field, I just never thought it’d be the kind where you play lacrosse.”
The movie faded to black, credits rolling onto the screen in magenta cursive and delicate turquoise borders.
Stretching his limbs until they stuck out of the fuzzy throw, Taehyung turned onto his side and rested his head in his best friend’s lap. Jimin’s heart paused for a moment, a warm shock coursing through his veins. “Mm, that was a good movie. What was it, the fifth, sixth time we’ve watched this together?”
Jimin hummed in response, fiddling with the soft tendrils of dark hair resting on his thighs. “Twelfth, actually.”
Taehyung smiled at that.
.
They sat like that for a while, Taehyung happily laying in Jimin’s lap, Jimin playing with Taehyung’s silky hair and soft cheeks and round nose.
A yawn escaped Taehyung’s lips. His expression was one of pure bliss, leaning into the sensation of soft fingers gently combing through his hair. On the cusp of sleep, his tired whispers slipped through the silence.
“Hey, Jimin-ah?”
“Yes, Tete?”
“Have you ever fallen in love?”
.
“Hey, Kavinsky!”
“What?”
“Let’s do this.”
Taehyung has had quite a few crushes over the years. He fell for people quite easily, just as easily as he got over them.
He had hoped that Jimin would be the same; he couldn’t risk his stupid feelings driving a wedge between them.
But none of the others were love.
From the moment he met Jimin, he fell head over heels. Jimin, all delicate features, pastel colours, soft lines. Jimin, whose eyes crinkled when he smiled, who could never resist asking to pet stranger’s dogs (and of course, they always said yes, because it was Jimin). Pretty, intelligent, selfless Jimin. Jimin, who he was utterly, stupidly in love with.
Nothing felt more natural than Jimin’s hand grasping his. Than the way they leaned on each other’s shoulders when they were tired. Than when strangers thought that Jimin was his boyfriend.
So here he was, sitting in Jimin’s living room for their weekly movie night, hugging an overflowing bowl of popcorn to his chest.
“Wait, you’ve never watched Fight Club? Okay, write it down, double feature. After we watch the Candles movie, we are watching Fight Club.”
He glanced at Jimin from his periphery. The changing, bright light from the screen illuminated his profile, highlighting each perfect angle of his face.
He loved him.
.
Taehyung’s slipper-clad feet hurried up the stairs. He wasn’t really that cold, but he never passed up an opportunity to borrow Jimin’s sweaters, all pastel colours and fluff. Rifling through the rack in the walk-in closet, he grabbed one of the sweatshirts in the back. Pulling the hoodie over his head, he breathed in it’s familiar scent. It smelled like Jimin, like roses and vanilla and lemon soap. As he pivoted towards the door, running his fingers over the stitched embroidery on the sleeves, something fell with a soft thump behind him. A white cardboard shoebox, accented on the corners with gold bindings.
“Shit,” he cursed under his breath, kneeling down to pick the box up. However, as he began to stand up, the lid slipped off and spilled the contents onto the floor.
“Damn it.”
The first thing he saw was his name. A crisp, cream coloured cardstock envelope with “Kim Taehyung” written on it, decorated with tiny pink and gold heart stickers. Next, “Lee Kihyun”. Then “Kwon Seungyeon”, scrawled in 2nd grade Jimin’s handwriting with a green crayon.
But, while each other person only had 1 or 2 letters, he counted at least 7 with his own name written in swirly cursive.
The last thing he saw was a letter, peeking out of it’s envelope, as he placed them back in the box. It was likely written by 19 year old Jimin, based on the ink of choice, a Daiso pastel purple felt tip.
“Kim Taehyung, I don’t love many people. But I am utterly, hopelessly in love with you.”
.
Jimin blinked in shock.
“Have… Have I ever fallen in love?”
“Mhm.”
His breath caught in his throat. “That depends. What do you mean by ‘in love’?”
Taehyung’s eyebrows knit together in thought. As he spoke, his eyes turned glassy and shone with happiness.
“Hm… Someone that you want to have and to hold. Someone who you’d be happy to spend the rest of your days with, to kiss their lips at the slightest whim. Someone who makes life colourful, whose eyes hold moons and galaxies, whose musings are wonders. Someone who inspires you, who makes you love yourself. And someone who you’d cross the Earth for.”
He only thought of Taehyung. Taehyung, who made each moment worthwhile. Taehyung, who he’d love nothing more than to wake up next to every morning. Taehyung, who always made sure he took care of himself, who brought him jjajangmyeon when he was busy studying for finals, who finally showed him what it was like to be happy.
Jimin exhaled a shaky breath. “I… have.”
Taehyung didn’t even flinch. “Really? What’s it like?”
“You.. don’t know?”
The younger blushed. “I do, of course I do. I just want to hear you say it first.”
He smiled. He’d go first, of course he would. For his Taehyungie.
“The first time I liked someone was in elementary. And yeah, that was pretty cute. But I don’t think I truly fell in love until I was sixteen. I can’t say how, or why, but I just remembered watching him smile and thinking it was the most beautiful thing in the world. Or looking at his eyes and thinking romantic shit like, ‘I knew how eyes worked, but I never knew they sparkled until I met you.’ He was my entire world, the love of my life. He made every day brighter. I woke up thinking about him, I went to sleep thinking about him. And y’know what? I loved it. I still love it, I don’t regret a single moment spent with him.”
A small tear had formed in the corner of Taehyung’s eye.
“Not even a moment?”
Jimin chuckled softly and stroked the other’s smooth cheek with his thumb.
“Never.”
The younger sniffled and buried his face in Jimin’s hoodie.
“Aww, it’s okay, baby. Don’t cry.” He pushed his fingers through the other boy’s fluffy hair, idly tracing a line down the curve of his jaw.
With tear stained cheeks, Taehyung dragged his face away from the warmth of the elder’s chest, turning on his side to look into his eyes. “Jimin.. I..”
“Hm?”
“I-I love you.”
Sunny warmth spread through Jimin’s body. He’s heard that countless times, yet it never gets old from Taehyung. His low voice, slightly raspy from sleep. The quiet murmur through the dark, meant only for him. “Of course, I love you too, Tae.”
The younger shook his head, loose curls bouncing around his forehead. “That’s not what I mean.”
Taehyung sat up and took a deep breath, voice trembling. “Um, I… I saw your love letters.”
“WHAT?!”
Jimin jumped, scrambling off the couch to look the other in the face.
Taehyung stood up too, cheeks pink and eyes panicking. “I’m sorry! I accidentally hit the box off your shelf, and then I picked it up upside-down, like a dumbass, and everything spilled out. And then I saw one out of the envelope, and it had my name on it! I’m really sorry, you’re probably mad which is honestly an appropriate reaction, and I promise I didn’t read anything, but…”
“God, Jimin, why didn’t you say anything sooner?”
He trusted Taehyung above all else, and a sensible, wise part of himself knew it was an accident. But he was pissed, he was upset, he was embarrassed, and he was so, so scared.
“Why the fuck do you care?!” He snapped. Angry tears flooded his view. “Obviously, you don’t feel the same way, so what does it matter? I love you too much to let go of you like that. I’d rather keep my feelings until I shrivel up and fucking die with them because I don’t want to lose you!”
His face was mere inches away from Taehyung’s, panting from his outburst. The silence of the space was deafening, Jimin’s heavy breathing the only sound piercing through the darkness.
Taehyung’s trembling voice was the first to break the silence, his head hanging low, not daring to look the other in the eye.
“Because I.. I’m in love with you.”
Jimin’s heart stopped. “You.. what?”
“I care because I love you. I-I’m in love with you. I want you, to have and to hold. To kiss silly, to listen to your thoughts and your voice and the way you sing. To see the way your eyes scrunch up when you smile, the way your whole body shakes when you laugh. I want it all. I want you, Park Jimin.”
His heart picked up speed, beating loud enough that he could practically hear it in his ears. Fresh tears sprang into his vision. A shaky hand reached forward and cupped Taehyung’s face, thumb brushing over his cheek.
A low, quiet voice rang through the heavy silence. “I-I’m sorry you had to find out this way. You deserve better than this. You... deserve better than me.”
Jimin sniffled, wiping the salty tears off his cheeks before bringing his free hand to rest on the other’s neck.
He pulled himself closer. He pulled Taehyung closer.
At that, the younger looked up. “Jimin, I-”
He was cut off by soft lips pressing against his own. At first, he was shocked and unsure, slowly kissing back and hands nervously reaching towards the other.
He gained confidence, though, leaning down so Jimin had better access to his face. His hand ended up on the small of Jimin’s back, pulling him closer, the other tangled in his pink hair.
Taehyung bit Jimin’s bottom lip, and the elder broke away, laughing. His eyes scrunched up all the way as he laughed, something that looked even more beautiful, sounded more melodic, so close. Their foreheads were still touching, hands still locking them together.
“Taehyung-ah, I’m in love with you too.”
The words felt freeing to say, an entire dam of pent-up emotions and hidden glances finally breaking. His palms fell, leaving a behind trail of warmth to rest on the other’s shoulders.
Taehyung smiled brightly in response. He repositioned his hands to cup Jimin’s face on each side, pressing a chaste kiss to the tip of the other’s nose.
“You have no idea how much I’ve dreamed of you saying that.”
“Can’t be more than I have.”
The younger scrunched his nose, laughing. “Fine, I’ll prove it.”
The dim moonlight seeped in through the windows. As the minute and hour hands overlapped on the bronze wall clock, Jimin smiled into Taehyung’s lips.
Being held in the taller boy’s arms, warm and cuddly and happy, there was nowhere else he’d rather be.