Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Loki had absented himself for five days. Only five days but that was all it took. He had observed many times before that the world did indeed turn on a dime but this... this was unfair.

Ll. Oo. Kk. Ii.

Loki got back home after a five day search of the accursed realm. He was glad to be back and no doubt about it. Anyway, in the grand scheme of things, five days spent searching for a root was a small price to pay – especially as the root in question was the last ingredient needed to turn Doctor Banner into a normal human once more. 

The god sighed with relief as he set the precious plant down carefully on the table then he allowed himself to flop down inelegantly on the settee.  Loki just lay there for a good ten minutes, wondering why he felt slightly nervous. And then it hit him...

Clara. His young friend always seemed to know when he was back in the building, always. The first chance she got, she would come see him. So where was she?

Loki waited a further twenty minutes, getting more nervous as each passed Clara-less. He had lost track of the amount of times he had checked the clock and the calendar, just to be sure that she was not in fact at school or asleep but no, it was early evening and definitely the weekend.

Finally, despite the worry gnawing at him that wanted him just to stay still, don’t move - because nothing could go wrong if he just stayed right where he was, could it - he forced himself to move.

Loki moved with haste out of his home and down the stairs. When he got to Loretta’s door though, he hesitated in knocking – the strong sense of foreboding seemed to have now turned his arms to lead.  After standing there for long moments, he finally grit his teeth and forced himself to knock on the door.

His sense of doom was not alleviated any when the door opened and Loretta stood before him - he had never seen her looking anything less than elegant before but right then, her hair was unwashed and uncombed and sticking up and he was fairly certain that the clothes she wore had been on her slight frame for some days. Add to that her tear-stained face...

Before he could even put words together to ask (though a horrible suspicion was fighting to be heard that he did not want to consider), Loretta's eyes had widened with realisation as she was pulled from her grief temporarily.  She launched herself at him without warning; kicking, slapping, pulling... possibly even biting.

If it had been anyone else, anyone but Loretta who had shown him such kindness when everyone else saw only the monster, Loki might well have reacted by slapping them away but it was Loretta and, the sporadic words she managed to get out through angry screams and sobs told him what he didn't want to know. Words like: Clara; Joyriders; Knocked down; Dead; Your fault; Where were you...

If he still believed he had a heart, he would have sworn he felt it shatter as he managed to pull all the words together to make sense of what Loretta was saying and it was the worst news he had ever received

On what had been her second week of secondary school, Clara had walked down the street with her friend Angela so that they could get the bus home.  They had needed to cross the road and heeding the instructions drilled into them, they had crossed at the proper crossing so that they would be safe.  A teenage boy in a stolen car had come out of nowhere and mowed them both down.  They never stand a chance.

Loki shuddered as he stood there, perfectly still as he let Loretta take out some of her anger on him - it was the least he deserved after all.

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When the woman finally flopped against him, her attack changed to just clinging to him as she sobbed.  Loki lifted her up automatically, taking her into her house and setting her down on the sofa.  He sat down on the chair opposite and tried to process it; tried to make sense of it all but he could not.  Just could not. 

He looked over at her.  “When?”

“Tuesday.”  The day after he had left...

He buried his face in his hands trying to think, trying to make sense of it all but all he that was going round in his head were Loretta’s words ‘it’s your fault, where were you?”  It didn’t matter that he probably would not have been able to do anything even if he had been there - at least he would have been with Loretta.  Instead she had had to face it alone.  Besides, there was always something he could do.  He could have teleported to her or he could have put some sort of spell on Clara. Why hadn’t he put a spell on Clara to keep her safe from all harm?  This was his fault.  He had done this. ..  He had not kept Clara safe.

Clara...

Damnit but what was he supposed to do?  What was his life going to be like without the sweet child that brightened his day immeasurably and made him think that maybe, just maybe there was hope for the human race…and maybe even for him.

He felt anger rising then but he pushed it down – he was very aware of Loretta sitting there – so very human and fragile and definitely not able to withstand the anger he wished to release.

Ll. Oo. Kk. Ii

Loretta had finally fallen into an exhausted slumber two hours later.  He had shifted her on the sofa so she would sleep better, covered her with a blanket and put a pillow under her head.  He had bestowed a gentle kiss on her forehead and walked out calmly, like he wasn’t breaking down.  He paused only long enough to grab the set of spare keys off the sideboard so that he could let himself back in.

Only when he was away from the building did Loki teleport out to the desert and finally release the tight hold he had been keeping on his temper.  Fortunately for the world in general, he had chosen a good place to vent and only a few cacti had to die to use up the magic that he wanted to use to destroy; to maim; to annihilate every human who dared to live when his Clara was dead...

He eventually dropped down to the sand and tears came.  He had forgotten just how badly it hurt to lose someone that you loved with every fibre of your being but, as bad as losing Frigga was, she had lived a long life comparatively – and his mother, at least, had had a chance against her assailant.  Of course she should have had many more years ahead of her yet but, it wasn’t the same as Clara.

Clara’s life was only beginning.  Would only last at best a century... she was so precious... and now she was gone.

...and it was his fault.

He wanted to find the cretin who had killed Clara and her friend and wipe every trace of them from the realm – but only after he had torn them limb from limb.  How dare they hurt innocent children!

...except... was that not what he had done?  With every attack on Midgard, hadn’t someone died?  Okay, not actual midgardian children but, what difference did it really make?  He had considered himself very much a child at a hundred years... every single mortal on Midgard was exactly that – a child...

He was the monster parents warned their children of at night.

He pulled his knees up to his chest and rested his forehead against them as the tears continued falling.

Ll. Oo. Kk. Ii.

He returned hours later and Loretta stirred.  She sat up and looked at him and when he met her eyes, he found he did have some tears left.  The broken woman crumpled a little as she saw him, remembering...

Loretta closed her eyes and looked down, shame mixing with her raw grief.  Loki looked every bit as devastated as she felt herself.  Worse even, because he had just learned.  It helped a little, to know that someone else was as broken as she was – even when she had rung her ex he had not been that bothered, sounding like he could not get her off the phone quick enough.  He hadn’t even turned up to the funeral.

She raised her head and looked at the wary god as he stood there, unsure of himself and broken.  “I’m sorry – of course it’s not your fault, Loki.  What could you possibly have done?  I was just... angry.  I’ve been all alone.  I’m so sorry.”

Loki moved to her then, sat down beside her and hugged her.  How long had it even been since he had hugged someone other than Clara?  Some years ago with Thor no doubt.  He didn’t even remember.  He started talking, speaking into her hair because he didn’t want to let her go – not that she wanted to let go either.  Loretta felt like she was drowning in a sea of grief.  “I... she’s – she was a perfect child, Loretta.  You did an amazing job with her.”  He wanted to say that if she had been his mother, he might have even turned out better but, that would have been a disservice to Frigga.  The fact that he had turned into a monster was no one’s fault but his own.

Chapter Text

It had been two months.  Two months of grief that seemed unrelenting.  Loki couldn’t shake the notion that while the majority was for Clara, he was grieving for so much more.

Neither he nor Loretta seemed to be able to find it in themselves to do anything.  She did not even have to go to work because her employer had been one of the first to ring on hearing the news and had told her to take as much time as she needed; her job would be there for her when she was ready.  That was how Loki found out that Loretta had employment with a nearby cleaning firm.

He pondered every so often on what the Avengers would make of his absence but he did not really care enough to think on it for long.  Part of him wanted to run to his big brother because he could make everything better, couldn’t he?  He could make the pain go away, could fight the demons... but it was a small part of him and he wasn’t a naive child any longer – Thor would probably only laugh or say that he deserved this pain...  So he pushed thoughts of his family aside, did what he could to help Loretta.

It was strange – when Frigga had been murdered, he had only a short period to grieve and then there had been Thor standing in front of him and offering revenge.  He hadn’t had to think that much.  This time though, there was nothing to do and so he found himself walking around the house, staring blankly into space as accusing thoughts ran in circles around his brain.  When that became too much, he would go down to see Loretta and do any chores or just sit and stare blankly into space with someone, gaining comfort from even that small thing.

He would have much preferred to have found the person responsible for Clara’s death: find them and tear them to shreds but that was impossible – after mowing down the two girls, the scum had managed to go a further two hundred yards down the road before ploughing headlong into an articulated lorry.  Neither he nor his friend had survived that.  At least four families ruined.  And for what?

Ll. Oo. Kk. Ii.

It had been in the fourth month of existing in a zombie state that he found Loretta slumped in Clara’s room, her wrists cut with deep, jagged wounds; her blood pouring out onto the floor beneath her.  She did not have enough blood left in her system for him to be able to save her with his magic.  By the time he remembered to call for help, she was dead in his arms.

He had not thought that his heart could shatter any further.  How wrong he was.  He sat on the floor of the home of two dead girls, his arms clinging to the bloody corpse of the mother and despaired.  The only two friends he had, had been torn so cruelly from him.  How could this happen?  How was this fair?  The tears came then and he gave himself over to them completely.

Ll. Oo. Kk. Ii.

In the morning Loki awoke with a seed of an idea...

He carefully lowered Loretta’s body to the ground and kissed her forehead before leaving the apartment.  He didn’t even remember that he was covered in her blood but it didn’t matter – it was still early, no one saw him.

He lifted down a pile of books from his shelf and searched through them meticulously until he found what he was looking for.  Vengeance demons...

He narrowed it down to just one: Nomusa.  She was a creature many millennia older than he.  She would grant the requestor’s wish but the price was a high one – the requestor sacrificed their life; gave up everything to make the wish come true.  It was actually Thor who had told him of her, years ago.  His brother had apparently met her after saving her partner or something.

Needless to say Nomusa was not a well-visited demon.  Nor was she well-liked.  No text spoke of her in glowing terms and yet, she was the only one to offer him what he needed... a way to save Clara and Loretta. 

Giving his own life would be a small price to pay.

Ll. Oo. Kk. Ii.

Loki checked over the marks he had made on the floor, ensured that he had everything properly placed then stepped into the awaiting circle with a grimace – he shouldn’t care and in truth, only a minute part of him did but he couldn’t help but feel that it was a very dated way to gain audience with someone.  He sighed and shook the thought out of his head.  It didn’t matter - nothing mattered except saving Clara and Loretta.

He sat down on the floor and recited the words of the spell, expecting to see the rather wizened and crazy-looking (going by the pictures in his books anyway) old crone appear in his home in front of him.  Instead his stomach gave a lurch as he was unexpectedly pulled out of his home to what he assumed was hers.  It made him feel less annoyed about the old-fashioned summoning circle – because clearly that was just a gimmick or she had amended it to her liking long ago.

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Nomusa peered curiously at her would-be summoner.  She could feel the grief rolling off him in waves and she could not deny its pull for a moment.  She shifted closer to him and her eyes widened as she recognised him.  “You are Loki – ‘god’ of mischief and chaos and enemy and brother of Thor... did you kill him at last then?”  The words were spoken with only the barest hint of interest.

Loki looked up, could not hold back a wince – the pictures in the books had been kind.  Very kind indeed – she was the physical manifestation of every nightmare ever had by children on midgard he felt sure.  Still, he was not here to court her.  “I did not.  I am here about another matter.  May I stand?”

Nomusa shrugged.  “It would be a little pointless sitting there.  I warn you now though, if this is a trick to cause me harm, it will return you to threefold.”

He held his hands up in surrender.  “It’s a matter of business – I wish... I wish to change the events of the past.”

She considered that for a moment.  “You wish to save your lover?”

Loki frowned.  “Not a lover – two friends.  One a girl of only a number of years; and her mother.  Both have been wonderfully kind to me when they need not have bothered.”

Nomusa cackled as she paused in the act of pulling down a few books from her shelves.  “So you want to save a pair of mortals... Loki the destroyer wants to save mortals...”  She cackled some more.  “You must not be him after all.  Reveal your true self to me!”

Loki scowled and raked his fingers through his hair in agitation.  “I am who I say I am.  Will you help me or not?”

“Are you willing to pay the price?”

“I am.”

This was apparently a cause for even more glee for the old crone.  “Loki Laufeyson brought so low that he is willing to sacrifice his life for two mortals.”  She giggled and clapped her hands and jiggled on the spot in pure delight.  Loki winced as despite her ugliness, he was reminded of Clara.  “That’s not my name.”

Nomusa stilled.  “No I suppose it is not... saving these two doesn’t balance everything out though.  You are still a murderer of innocents.”

“I am quite well aware of that. I do not expect to end up in Valhalla when this is done – or wherever a Frost Giant reared as an Aesir would go on the event of their death... I just want to save my friends.”

Nomusa considered him for a moment, and considered the sincerity of his words.  “Very well.”  She gestured for him to sit down on the chair by the table.  “I will send you back...”  She reached out to him when he had settled himself.  “The tears are a very pretty look on you, almost-King... are you sure you wouldn’t prefer to live on and use them to their full advantage?  Perhaps you could finish the job with Thor..?”

Loki eyed her.  “No.  Just... send me back.”  He held back a shiver as her hand wrapped around his – he had never before felt skin so dry and disgusting and immediately he wanted to slather himself in moisturiser.

Nomusa’s eyes closed as she focused on the connection she had made with him, in a second she had linked into his mind.  He didn’t want to consider just how she had done that or what she had seen that he had not wanted to share so he tried to tune it all out.

When the images she was seeing started to appear in his mind too though, playing back like a film, he had no choice but to pay attention.  He watched as in only a matter of minutes, his life played backwards in his head, to the moment that he had seen Loretta and she had told him the devastating news.  He registered Nomusa talking to him from very far away.  “Is that them?”  He must have given the right answer because she didn’t ask anything else.  More minutes passed and then the witch was releasing her hold on his hand and on his thoughts.

Nomusa stared at him, considering and measuring him for a moment before she spoke.  “Well once-king, it seems that you are out of luck – only certain moments in life allow for things to be changed.  At least so I have discovered.  Perhaps others have found a way to do more and you are welcome to go seek them out...”

Loki looked at her with horror.  That could take weeks, months... even years.  He couldn’t live like this for that long.  There was no way he could.  “Are you seriously telling me that you can’t help me?  That I can’t be sent back?”

She eyed him coolly.  “I did not say that.  I said that you cannot be sent back to prevent the child’s death but you could go back further.  No matter the life, there’s usually three or four points that I can bend to my will.”

Loki held his hand out to her.  “Find it!”

She snorted.  “Feisty, aren’t you?”  She shook her head, amused at the way he dared to order her about.  “All right – I will look further back.”

Ten minutes she broke away from him and stared.  “Well, aren’t you just an interesting creature.  Only two such moments are open to you... the day Odin took you; and your brother's coronation... I doubt that you would want to live through either of those again.”

She was correct.  The very last thing he wanted to do was live through it all – the pain, betrayal and heartbreak had been bad enough the first time around.  He didn’t think he would survive a second.  Then again... his resolve hardened.  He was going to die anyway so he didn’t need to survive for long – just until he could save Clara.  Clara and Loretta were what mattered.  Midgard would not be a realm worth anything without their shining lights. 

He could do this.  For Clara.  For Clara and Loretta.

“Do it!”

Nomusa studied him for a long moment but eventually shrugged. "Well, I guess it's your funeral." She cackled at her choice of words for a time then sobered. "Well then..."

Loki frowned as she moved away, gathering what she would need for the dark magic she was about to cast. His eyes widened with fear when she pulled out a long, curved dagger. "What is that for?"

She raised a brow as she turned to look at him. "I should have thought that was obvious - this is the dagger you will pierce your heart with. I did mention that I take payment in advance, did I not?"

"I...well yes but, I assumed that you..."

Nomusa cut him off with sharp words. "Idiot. It's easy to sit and die when someone else does the deed. The power from the spell comes from the act - you have to be the one to plunge the dagger into your own heart."

Loki ignored the fear and focused instead on logic. "How do I know that you won't just leave me to die?"

It wouldn't be much of a sacrifice if you knew it was going to work out now, would it?" She turned away once more, pulling down the last of what she needed.

She spoke again as she hovered over what Loki could only describe as a cauldron. "Last chance, little prince...maybe the girl isn't worth it after all."

And for a moment, just a moment, Loki was tempted. So very tempted. But then an image of Clara flickered in his mind. He could - would - do this for her.

He clenched his fingers into fists at his side in a gesture of resolve (though really, it was more to hide how badly they were shaking. True, he had attempted to die before but this was premeditated and he was terrified) and walked steadily to the table.

"Hmm, perhaps you are not a complete bastard after all." Loki blinked at the insult thrown about so casually as the witch started to put the ingredients together. "Where do you want me?"

Nomusa waved in the vague direction of the table. "Lying on that will be fine."

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Lying there as Nomusa incanted her spell; while his heart beat so fast that he worried he might die before she could finish, his mind drifted to his father - Odin. He imagined that if he could see what he was doing, he would laugh heartily.

Chapter Text

Loki's hand shook terribly as he took the dagger from Nomusa. For a moment as he lay there with head raised to look at it, all he could do was panic.

Why was he doing this? For a mortal of all things! True, Clara's life had just begun but her life was but a drop in the ocean compared to his... besides, there were bound to be other children just as smart and adorable as she was - Midgard had billions of them after all. The odds surely stated that around a million would be just as loveable...

His gaze swept to the door and he imagined himself running for it. Running and never coming back...

"When you're ready Prince." Apparently Nomusa had already gotten everything ready while he fretted.

Loki sighed and flopped his head down on the table. He wasn't going anywhere - Clara and a million children just like her. That was worth more than maybe five thousand years of his life spent causing chaos.

He wondered vaguely if anyone would mourn him or if there would be a mass celebration when the inevitable news of his passing got out. Of course, it only mattered if Nomusa didn't send him back into his past. He shook off the pointless thoughts as his hand gripped the handle of the dagger tighter and before he could come up with any more reasons, he thrust it into his chest.

Through the agonising pain, he heard the witch cackling. He spared a moment to pray to whoever it was who watched over fallen would-be deities that the witch would keep her word and then he gave himself over to the agony of it all.

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When the pain finally ended, Loki just lay there.  Of course, delaying the inevitable did no one any favours - if the witch had betrayed him, it was best to find out as soon as possible so he could plan how to escape the only place he could be after dying - hel.

A groan escaped him as he opened his eyes - hel looked an awful lot like his chambers in Asgard...

He stood on legs that did not seem to belong to him, somehow and moved to the bathroom, feeling like a splash of water on his face would settle him somewhat.

Turning on the tap, he glanced at the mirror in front of him, he let out a startled gasp as he took a shocked step back.

Two faces stared back at him: his younger self, which, well obviously...why had he not expected that? He was in the past after all. More disturbingly as he looked in the mirror, he saw Nomusa standing behind him. He whipped around but she was definitely not in the room with him.

He turned back to the mirror and noted that the witch was definitely finding the situation funny. "What..?"

Nomusa cackled, and how he hated that sound. "You did not think I would leave you all alone, did you little prince? I will be keeping a close eye on you. Not just when you look in the mirror but until our deal is finished."

Loki sighed. "I would expect nothing else." He rubbed at his forehead, turned and left the room. For a moment, tiredness overwhelmed him and he wanted nothing more than to sleep but one thought brought him wide awake: "Mother!"

It was a matter of only minutes to find her in her chambers. On knocking and gaining permission to enter, he walked in and his heart was crushed in an instant at the look of disappointment on his beloved mother's face. Had the witch got it wrong and sent him in at a different time after all?

Frigga crossed the distance between herself and her youngest. "Darling, as much as I love to see you in the morning - or any other time for that matter - I must ask why you are not ready."

Loki blinked, caught offguard. What should he be ready for? "For what?" He watched as his mother gave him a look that was equal parts exasperation and love. "Oh, I don't know... your brother's Coronation perhaps?"

His eyes widened. "Oh." That. He thought he would have time to orient himself. Then again, he had no intention of changing anything he had done other than to save Clara.

Frigga laughed and placed a hand on her son's cheek. "Oh indeed. Give your mother a hug then you really had better run along and get ready." Her eyes crinkled at the corners as she smiled at him and he did his best to memorise every detail as he leaned in to hug her. He tried to stay detached from it all but this was his mother, living and breathing. Who could blame him for hugging a little longer? "I love you Mother." Loki kissed her cheek as he pulled back from her, said the words only as she could look into his face and know them for the truth.

Frigga's smile increased in intensity. "Not as much as I love you, darling boy." She made shooing gestures with her hands. "Now go or we will both be late."

As Loki dressed for the non-event to come, he grinned to himself - he had been worried last time that someone would find him out and had not had the chance to savour his victory. This time he would.

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Loki settled back and let events happen just as they had before - the Frost Giants he had shown the way in to had arrived just at the right time and broke up the coronation. Thor got angry which in turn saw Odin get angry... he didn't bother to try and intervene this time though - he saw no reason to suffer the indignity of Odin shouting incomprehensible words at him when he could at least shout words at his true son.

It was glorious - watching Odin treat Thor like a spoilt brat was actually one of the best things he had witnessed in Asgard. That was definitely not something to ever wish to change!

He went to see Thor afterwards, watched him turn a table over in rage before angrily dropping down in a seat off to the side. Loki considered the mess the big oaf had made of the room then moved from behind the pillar, sitting down beside his not-brother.

"It is not wise to be in my company right now brother."

Loki opened his mouth to speak; to manipulate and instead he just stared at Thor for a moment as the Aesir stared stonily ahead. He almost laughed then as he was reminded of Clara looking exactly the same way when her mother had shot her down. Loretta had done so for very sound reasons but Clara had remained mad for hours afterwards... The memory of the child made him at least attempt to be nice.  Manipulation could wait a moment or two. "The threat was dealt with - okay, so you're not King yet but, you will be."

Thor turned and glared so fiercely at him that he wanted to move away after all. "You think I care about the coronation? You think me that shallow, brother?"

"I...what?"

Thor scowled. "What if they had crept in at night? What if they come again? What if they ignore the Casket to go after Mother and Father as they sleep...or you? What then? How am I supposed to protect you all?"

What? What? Loki's fists tightened with anger in his lap. Anger at Thor. Definitely Thor. "Do you imagine me so weak that I cannot defend myself? That I am so cowardly that I need you to save me...some terrified damsel from one of mother's old tales?"

Thor was bewildered. "Of course not! What a ridiculous thing to say! It's my job to look after everyone, Loki. Why else would I be given such strength?"

No, Loki was lost. He just gaped at Thor and probably would have continued to do so as the Warriors Three (privately he liked to think of them as Porthos, Athos and Aramis after characters in a midgardian story. He supposed that made Sif D'artagnan) and Sif entered the room.

Damn, he'd lost his chance and now Thor would...

...he stared in bewilderment as the five of them talked themselves into going to Jotunheim to restore their friend's imagined lost honour.

WHAT?

He broke out of his trance-like state and glanced around quickly, sure he had heard Nomusa's cackle but he saw no sign of her.

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Loki had realised the first time around that the guard he had sent to inform Odin of their leaving for Jotunheim had not bothered to convey the message. That had filled him with such fury. Somewhere along the line, his anger had mostly melted away. The most he could muster when he saw him this time was a spell that dropped a handful of spiders onto his head.

The man had screamed and frantically brushed them off and then looked embarrassed that someone witnessed his moment of weakness. Again he was reminded of Clara - more specifically, the moment when he had found her hiding under the table, hiding from him because she had eaten the last of the ice cream. What else could he do but pull her out and hug her?

He did not feel so inclined towards the man thankfully. Still, Loki smiled, glad for the reminder of happier times even as such thoughts brought along pain too.

Feeling something other than anger and hate and grief was a pleasant change.

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Jotunheim was as cold and as miserable as he remembered. His analytical mind wondered if things would seem different if he were to change to his true form - would the realm be more beautiful from those alien red eyes. Would he feel the cold less if he wore his true skin?

Such thoughts fled though as Thor finally provoked an appearance from Laufey... and suddenly there he was - his father. No, the man whose seed had created him and who had then deemed him unworthy and had cast him out. He hated this man with everything he had in that moment - even more than he hated the Allfather.

He supposed he should have at least made the effort to talk Thor down - for the sake of appearances if nothing else but he was suddenly itching for the fight as much as the other man.

And so he fought…

The outcome was still the same though - Volstagg got frost burn; his own wrist turned blue; Fandral defeated one giant only to be skewered by the ice of another; Loki saved him again and Volstagg lifted him, intent on getting him home to safety. And of course, Thor ignored it all so that he could fight...

Loki at least, had the common sense to run after the others when the monster was released from its ice prison. He supposed it was the Jotunheim equivalent of the Destroyer.

And of course, there they were at the end of the ice, calling for Heimdall to open the Bifrost - which he would not because why would he put Asgard at risk?  There was nothing to do but to turn and watch Thor take on the monster before smirking smugly as he ‘defeated’ the monster by knocking it off the edge of the ice.

Of course the monster that Thor thought he had defeated was actually running straight for them - just under the ice rather than where they could see it.

Loki reacted on pure instinct when it appeared, throwing out a fire spell at it that he had learned somewhere in the past ten years. Taken completely off-guard, the creature roared with pain as it fell, this time with no chance of saving itself.

Sif screamed for Thor as the giants suddenly surrounded them. The Bifrost opened just as Thor finally pulled his head out of his ass and joined them.

Loki watched dispassionately as his two not-fathers fought with their words until Laufey declared that Thor had instigated a war that the Giants were only too happy to continue.  Odin finally realised the futility of it all and called the Bifrost and they were pulled back to Asgard.

Chapter Text

Thanks to Odin’s timely intervention, the group were returned to Asgard once more.  Loki felt nothing.  He felt nothing as Thor argued with his father. Absolutely nothing as he heard Odin's verdict on Thor: banishment.

He felt his numbing cocoon break a little though as he looked at Thor and noted the broken look on his face. Guilt reared its ugly head then but he ignored it as well as he could. It wasn't like he felt nothing the first time either. When Thor had been banished, he had felt mind-numbing terror...until the Allfather cast Mjölnir out too. It was in that moment that Loki realised just how truly favoured Thor was…and that even in his banishment, Thor was given preferential treatment.  He left as soon as it was acceptable to do so and went to check on Thor's friends in the healing room.

It was with some annoyance that Loki realised he was still holding the hand that had revealed the truth to him - as though afraid the blue would return if he let it grow cold. At least first time around, he had the excuse of fearing he was cursed. This time... this time he was just being an idiot.  He released the hand with a growl.

He turned as he heard a question being asked. A pretty important one. The answer to which had angered the four greatly: who told on them.  Loki opened his mouth to respond, to tell them it was him... but it wasn't. He had not bothered. His mouth closed with an audible click.

Well, this was a strange situation he found himself in - yes, he had let the giants in originally but, what else had he done? He had not told the guard to warn Odin; had not encouraged Thor... he had even (unintentionally) taken out the beast. Naturally no one commented on that.

He eyed the four coolly as they turned their gazes to him having clearly decided who had told on them was not as important as asking him to intercede for Thor.

Loki sighed as he looked at them in turn. "You want me to intercede…  Look, I would but, when I tried Od-Father just roared at me.” Calling him Father again is going to take some getting used to.  He hoped the others didn’t pick up on the discomfort it caused him.  “We need to give him time to calm down. Though perhaps he has a point - should the future king of Asgard really be so willing to charge into battle? Should he not consider what is best for all of Asgard rather than just reacting to every single slight with the full might of Mjölnir?" He could not even find the energy to put any real emotion into his words because he knew they would not really listen to him anyway – they would just hear that he was unwilling to help Thor and hate him a bit more.  As he realised he was worrying his hand again, he let out an aggrieved sigh and left them to it. He would undoubtedly feel better when he got some sleep.

Sif growled as she glared at his retreating back. "He has always been jealous of Thor!"

Fandral snorted. "Who hasn't on some level? What does that have to do with anything?"

Sif turned her glare on him. "This is his fault!"

Fandral looked confused. "How, exactly?  Is it his fault that we went to Jotunheim?  Should he have knocked the five of us out then locked us in the cells?  Perhaps he should have tried to dissuade Thor when we got to Jotunheim!" He snorted. "I have never known anyone able to stop Thor when he scents a battle is imminent."

Volstagg spoke up then too. "He saved Fandral's life, Sif. He saved all of our lives with that rather timely fire spell, loathe as I am to admit that once again, magic saved the day – Loki saved the day!  Imagine if we had died there... we would not have gotten to Valhalla, would we?"  He considered his words for a second.  “Because the Jotuns would probably have tortured us.  Slowly and painfully… and then we would have languished in hel.”

Fandral nodded in agreement at that. "He’s right - We would not have gotten to Valhalla regardless as to whether magic or brute strength was used. It would hardly have been the qualifying glorious death in battle."

Volstagg sighed. "To think that we might have missed out on all that feasting."

Hogun frowned at the way the conversation was going. "Laufey said there were traitors in the house of Odin..." Knowing that at least one person agreed finally made Sif lose her glare. "Exactly!"

Fandral considered them seriously. "Loki has always been one for mischief but that's on an entirely different level. Be sure of what you say, my friends."

Sif straightened. "Oh, I'm sure. When you two are healed, we go to the Allfather!"

Ll. Oo. Kk. Ii.

Loki promised himself that he would be calm when he spoke to the Allfather. That he could do. He would be calm if it killed him! With that thought in mind, he made his way into the vault, stopping in front of the Casket of Ancient Winters. He quickly cast a spell - a simple one that would allow him to detect lies. As expected, just as he placed his hands on it, Odin's voice thundered out. "Stop!"

Loki waited until the Jotun colouring had spread completely over him before turning around. "Why? Are you worried I will give it to Laufey? To my true father?"

Odin sagged. "So you know..."

Loki smirked bitterly. "Is that why we have all been banned from Jotunheim? So that no one would discover your mistake of adopting a frost giant?"

Odin looked startled. "I have made many mistakes over the years of my reign, Loki but, adopting you was never one of them."

Loki rolled his eyes at that.  That the other man could dare to lie directly to his face in such a manner.  Then again, how could he really be surprised at that?  "So did you plan to give me back to them before or after the Casket?  I’m guessing before – that way you could hold onto the Casket a little longer."

Odin exploded at that.  "NEITHER! You are my - and Frigga's - son. The only way that you leave Asgard is by your own choice!  We would never force you to leave your home!"  

Loki nearly choked on the irony. It had been Odin who did not save him when he dangled over the Abyss. He had not even tried to find him afterwards.

He jumped a little as he heard Nomusa's voice in his head. "Ah but little prince, he had woken from a deep sleep... and you hit him with quite a whammy. Do you think, if you had been in his place, and Clara in yours... would you have been able to wrap your mind around it in the seconds that you gave Odin?"

He wanted to ignore the question but Nomusa had a point. He felt her influence fade out as he looked at Odin.

"How exactly did you imagine that I would bring peace to the realms?"

Odin sagged a little even as he took a step forward but the effort was exhausting. He sat down heavily on the stairs and looked at his youngest. "I thought, in time, you could go to Jotunheim - better help them to understand us. You in turn, would help the Aesir to realise that if one of their beloved princes was Jotun, then maybe they were not that bad after all."

Loki detected no word of a lie but still... "You would have left me there, to rule perhaps?"

Odin threw his head back and laughed at that. "Ha! As if Frigga and Thor would ever allow it! As if they would accept you leaving us permanently!" He sobered. "Loki, you are a prince of Asgard, not Jotunheim - they lost any claim to you when they left you in a temple to die."

Odin winced as he realised just what he had let slip. "I am sorry - you did not need to hear it like that. My temper is much hotter this close to Odinsleep."

Loki stared at the old man before him. "But...I... WHY? Why take me when you so clearly favour Thor?"

"Do I?"

"Of course you do - he got Mjölnir, he gets to be King, he gets expelled to Midgard where no harm will come to him..."

"Thor got Mjölnir because it was designed for someone who could control thunder… would you really want to be King, Loki? I thought it would suit you ill - you have always hated to be tied down. The role of advisor seemed more suited to you. You would get to steer his decisions, make sure he made the right choices and yet, you would maintain your freedom to come and go as you required."

Loki gaped for a moment but was rarely lost for words for long. "He got Mjölnir, what did I get?" Nothing, of course.

Odin slumped further. "As I said, Mjölnir played to Thor's talents - I planned to give you the Casket, after I found courage enough to tell you of your origins."  Odin forced his eyes open. "Take Gungnir - you will see being King is not so great."

Loki eyed him. "You would trust a Jotun to rule in your stead?"

Odin put a surprising amount of his venom in his gaze, annoyed. "I trust my son, Loki."  A weak hand lifted to rest on the younger man's cheek and then the Allfather was lost to the Odinsleep.

It was a rather bewildered Loki who called for the guards.

Ll. Oo. Kk. Ii

Loki followed the guards to Odin's chambers, stopping only to tell a passing maid to inform Frigga of what had transpired. 

Once Odin was settled, Loki sat down on the opposite side of Frigga and asked her a question. "Why did he not tell me that I was of Jotunheim?  Why did you not?"

Frigga looked annoyed. "Because you are not - you are our son. Where you came from originally is insignificant." She sighed and reached across Odin’s prone form to take his hand.  "He was scared of losing you, Loki. We agreed to tell you when you were old enough but every year, we lost courage; we promised ourselves that we would the next year. You know the pain of being separated from a child - the anguish it causes but at least you can see them all...if you had decided to hate us, you would be lost to us forever.  You would just have disappeared and we would never have seen you ever again. That thought has kept us awake many a night."

With the truth spell still in effect, he could tell that his mother did not lie to him but he had never doubted her previously. He had never doubted Frigga's love...  A muscle twitched in his jaw as he tried to assimilate the rest of the information.

Loki was so lost that it took him a moment to register that Frigga was talking again.  "Darling, are you okay? Perhaps after all this, the last thing you want is to rule in your father's stead."

"He's not my father." He said it automatically, no real anger in his words because his mind was just reeling too hard to even think straight.

"Would you rather have Laufey?"

Loki snorted. "Definitely not... I just don't want to be forced to go to Jotunheim… I don’t want to leave Asgard, Mother."

"She eyed him.  “Who exactly do you imagine would make you?"

He shrugged helplessly.  "Odin? Thor? Hogun; Sif; Volstagg; and Fandral, to name a few.”

"Oh Loki, show some sense - what would we do without you? What would Asgard do without your mischief and fun? True, your latest prank had a crueller twist that I do not appreciate but..."

Loki interrupted. "What prank?"

Frigga levelled her gaze upon him. "You let the frost giants into Asgard."

He wanted to deny it; to lie through his teeth rather than see that look of disappointment in his mother's eyes but he could not find the words. He lowered his gaze then hung his head in shame. "No one would listen to me - Thor was not ready."

"You could have come to me."

Startled, he looked up. "I… I'm sorry. I never thought..."

Frigga sighed. "What if they had killed someone, Loki? A needless death that lies with you is not something that I ever want you to have to live with."

Loki's eyes pooled with tears but he held them back. He was far removed from the son his mother had once known - she had no idea how many needless deaths he was responsible for... though it was but a handful compared to either Odin or even Thor.

He would keep telling himself that.

Frigga got up and moved over to him. Standing over her son, she placed a hand on his cheek. "A big mistake - or error of judgement if you prefer - but not an unforgivable one... I assume no more can get through?"

Loki shook his head and tears did slip from his eyes then, regardless of what he wanted. "I closed the way down before I came here."

Frigga nodded. "Well, no doubt your father will have a word or two to say about that. Possibly even Thor - though he does love you so – I am sure you will remain intact." She smiled to lessen the blow then she sighed as she lowered her head to place a kiss on his forehead. "Go Loki - be a good king!"

Chapter Text

When he had been here before, Loki had witnessed the looks on the faces of Thor's friends when they saw him on the Allfather's throne. He didn't need to see it again. When they entered, he was standing off to the side and staring into space and thinking over Odin's words - his true words. 

Was… was it possible that his father did love him?  It really shouldn't make a difference, not really. Yet it did.  Just the possibility of it was… confusing.

It was because of Clara of course - he had loved her – and Loretta - far more than he had ever loved himself, he had given his life for the chance to save her - and that was after only a handful of years... it was possible, wasn't it, that Odin meant what he said - that he did actually love him and wanted to keep him around?  Loki sighed and rubbed at his head. He really needed to sleep.

Turning around, Loki gave his attention to the four.  He didn't say a word, just waited for them to notice Gungnir in his hand…

Sif didn’t disappoint, being the first to speak – to accuse.  She glared at him. "Where is the Allfather?"  Lovely. Did even this Sif believe him capable of killing Odin when she had not yet witnessed his full rage? "Not here. Clearly. I'm in charge now." Well that was blunter than he should have been.

Sif took a step back in shock, her eyes narrowing in anger. "And what of Thor?"

Loki moved to sit on the throne now that they had had a chance to get used to the notion of his being in charge. "Still exiled to Midgard - where he will stay."

Hogun spoke then, glaring and looking down his nose at him the way he always did. "You would see your brother rot there so that you can rule?"

Loki felt a spark of anger as he returned the glare. "What would you have me do, exactly?"

"Bring him back!" This naturally met with agreement from the rest.

Loki could point out at this stage that he was King and talking to him in this manner was ill-advised but, why make them break the habit of a lifetime?  "And what do you imagine the Allfather would do the minute he wakes once more and takes his throne back, hmm?" Well, if nothing else, it shook them up for a moment.

"Okay, let me answer - the Allfather would banish my brother again. Probably right along with me and all of you. And Heimdall too by the way."

Volstagg frowned. "My king..." He floundered and for the first time, Loki felt like he had the power in the group. It felt good...and really strange.  Well, it felt good for a moment anyway but, he made the mistake of looking at them all in turn and they reminded him of Clara after being told off - sad and lost... damn this was impossible!

Nomusa’s laugh resounded in his mind.  “Why did you imagine any of this would be easy?  Or fun?”  A groan escaped him.  "Look, it's not like Thor is gone forever, is it? Father placed a caveat on Mjölnir - basically, he just has to prove himself worthy."  At the thought of his brother, he smiled fondly (damn it, did he?). "This is Thor we're talking about - underneath all of that brash exterior lies the heart of a hero." Norns, he was making himself sick now.

Sif blinked, startled – Loki said something nice about Thor – she could not even remember the last time that happened. "Does Thor know?  That there is a way home?"

Loki's ears rang with his mother's words. "No he does not...which is why two of you - Hogun and Volstagg - will go to Midgard!"  He pondered on it a moment. "I don't think it's a good idea to tell him though."

Volstagg blustered. "Well, why not?  Surely that would quicken his return!  He needs to be back where he belongs – with us!"

Loki turned his gaze to him. "Volstagg, true selflessness has to be exactly that – if Thor knows that he could get his powers back by doing good deeds, then are they truly selfless?  Surely at least part of the good deed becomes selfish.”

Volstagg relaxed and nodded in understanding. "That seems to be a fair point, my king. Would you have a problem with us steering him in the right direction?"

"Me?  No, of course not.  As to Odin's spell, well I can only guess." He shook his head. "You are free to do as you feel is necessary but I believe it has got to come from him - from his heart.  He has to be willing to save others even if it means putting himself at risk.  Just as a king would."

After a whispered conversation between the four, Sif nudged Fandral - looking rather reluctant, he spoke up. "Loki, my king... why not all of us?"

Loki grinned, a ridiculously innocent smile then. "Why, because I had assumed that Sif would want to stay here and keep an eye on me. As for you, Fandral, we are currently at war with Jotunheim are we not?  You need to ready the men, in case we need them."

Sif was...stunned. "You...want my help?"

Loki shrugged carelessly. "Father left me in charge of the Realm.  He did by the way – just before he fell into the Odinsleep, he passed Gungnir to me.  Mother has her hands full attending to him and Thor is banished to Midgard…that leaves me.  On my own...  I might have been raised to do this all my life but, it's a rather daunting thought." He sighed and rubbed at tired eyes. "I know you don't like - or even trust - me Sif but, I also know that I can trust you to steer me in the right direction if I lose my way. For Asgard, right?" He gave her a lop-sided smile.

Sif wondered if perhaps the world had turned topsy-turvy in the last half hour or if when the Jotun hit her earlier, it had knocked her brains about and she was only now feeling the effects - Loki was asking for her help. Loki was being sincere. "...right."

Loki's smile brightened. He was actually having fun – taking people’s expectations and turning them on their heads was something he had not done in quite some time.  And certainly not to be nice… Besides, he was going to die - was dead already, in fact. Why not have some fun by ultimately making them sorry that he was gone?

He cast a glance around each of them and watched them flounder. Well, except for Hogun. Some time ago, Loki had watched a midgardian tale about a metal machine that masqueraded as a human - he was fairly certain that tale was based on the emotionless man in front of him.  "Does anyone wish to add anything?"

The group just stared at him mutely for a few seconds before shaking their heads slowly. "Good. Excellent. In that case, I'm going to get some sleep. A couple of hours, I think."  He stood up but as he moved to leave, Sif stopped him by placing a hand on his arm. "You can't leave the throne unattended, my King."

Funny how those last two words didn't seem to stick in her throat so much now. "Ah excellent point, Sif..." He handed Gungnir to her.  She was so shocked that she took it. "I'll be back in a couple of hours."  He smiled at her.

Oh how they gawked! True, when he called for her, Gungnir would return - until Odin woke once more, at least but, giving her over for an hour or two was still a big deal.  Sif spluttered as she realised the enormity of what had just happened.  "Make that three... tell my brother that everything is in hand so far, by the way Volstagg.  Or don't. Your choice... might get him to return quicker."  He shrugged carelessly and walked out.

He collapsed unto his bed five minutes later, asleep before his head hit the pillow.

Ll. Oo. Kk. Ii.

Hogun stared at the staff in Sif's hand. "This is a trap."

Fandral rolled his eyes. "How, exactly? I said it already - Loki is one for mischief, nothing more. He and Sif may not get on but he trusts her: he trusts all of us... if you remember nothing else, remember the countless times he has saved us all in battle. More than we have saved him, in fact."

Volstagg shrugged. "He stays on the edge, keeps out of the fight. How much danger can he even get into?"

Fandral looked disappointed. "How many times must we have this conversation?  We each must play to our strengths! Loki may not excel at hand-to-hand but his magic is second to none.  It has saved us all time and again.  As have his daggers."  He rubbed at his shoulder, the injury there still fresh in his mind and still giving phantom pain despite the healers fixing him up completely.

"You have made just as many disparaging comments as the rest of us." Hogun eyed him accusingly.

Fandral shook his head. "Jokes, Hogun. The same jokes I make at all of your expense - including my own."

Volstagg sighed. "He did save us today, Hogun. He saved Fandral and then he saved us all with his magic."

Hogun shook his head. "Thor would have killed it."

"When? When he dealt with the army of frost giants that he wanted to kill or when he finally registered the fact that the thing had killed us all?  I'm sure he would have avenged our deaths wonderfully of course but in this instance, I'm… actually with Loki." Volstagg looked as surprised as the other men by his words but he stood by them.

Sif meanwhile, wasn't even paying attention. She had walked to the throne and sat, waiting to see if she would feel something...

It was a small thing but, she felt it welcome her - or more likely, welcome Gungnir. She could feel its power wrapping around her, however faintly; couldn't deny that it was enticing but, it was not the life she wanted. She hadn't fought so hard to be recognised as a warrior only to end up sitting on a throne all day - or more accurately sit all day by the power who sat on the throne – that was after all, the only way that she would even get a little bit of this for herself - if she married Thor.  That was definitely not on the agenda. Neither she nor he felt that way about each other. 

Sif cast her gaze to her friends, noted that they were getting into a heated debate about Loki and a mischievous smile broke out on her face - when she was younger and forced to learn magic, one spell had stuck.  A rain spell.  She had never really got it to be more than a single cloud but, she cast it over the three of them anyway.

Sif's eyes widened in amazement as her spell changed from the expected light shower to a barrelful of water being dumped on them. She threw her head back and laughed as protesting squawks met her ears. Her hand tightened a little around Gungnir's shaft. "Don't you all have somewhere to be?"

More giggles escaped her as the disgruntled three squelched out of the room. When she calmed, she looked at the nearest guard. "Get someone to dry that up!"  She had to admit that people running to follow her commands was a little enticing – but it was also something that she had achieved in her own right as the Warrior Sif.  She didn’t need Gungnir to get respect.

Chapter Text

Loki woke two and a half hours later and felt ridiculously light - it may have only been a couple of hours but it was unbroken and more than he had gotten in a very long time: he was safe here.  He could not even recall the last time he had felt truly safe without the many protection spells he had employed in his home back in Midgard.  It probably had something to do with Thor, back in the day. He rolled his eyes, stood up and headed to the bathroom to freshen up.

He jumped a little as Nomusa's face appeared in the mirror five minutes later. "Having fun, little prince?"

Loki grimaced. "I have never been more bewildered in my life."

"I note you are still trying to manipulate though."

"Trying?" he smiled. "I'm doing more than trying, Nomusa."

"Mmm." Her face vanished and he was alone.

Loki got to the throne room and realised that they were all still there (Or maybe the three had gone and come back because their clothes seemed different). He sighed and shook his head - they had been so quick to leave Asgard the first time around, despite him having banned it. Perhaps Thor's friends were really just fans of committing treason. He caught Sif's attention, rolled his eyes, waved and backtracked to his chambers. Undoubtedly Sif could watch over the throne a little longer...

Back in his chambers once more, he made himself comfortable then cast the spell that would allow him to project himself to the big oaf.  He was going to gloat.  Oh wait, no. He wasn't.

Ll. Oo. Kk. Ii.

Thor was broken: he had managed to sneak into the compound to get Mjölnir back but when he finally got to her, after clearing his way through the enemy, he was not able to lift her - wasn't even able to feel their usual connection.

He was only vaguely aware of the Midgardian agent talking to him. He lowered his head still further as the Son of Coul left the room. It whipped up though as he heard Loki's voice. "Brother."

For a moment, Loki could only stare. Sure, he had seen his brother brought this low before but he had not enjoyed it. Right then, he knew he could not possibly be responsible for bringing him lower. Not again.  He sighed and looked down at his older brother.  "Oh Thor... you've really done it this time..." He snorted. "I appear to be losing my mind."

Thor looked at him, confused by the remark but he waved it off. "I wanted you to know that Father has fallen into the Odinsleep. Mother of course, remains at his side. The burden of the throne has fallen to me now." He wrinkled his nose at the last sentence - this was actually quite a burden, he was going to have to be good.  Again.  Ugh.

And if a small part of him felt relief at that, he would never tell.

Thor brightened a little. "Then...could you...bring me home?"

"I wish I could, but father's going to wake up again, Thor. What would he do then?"

Thor sagged again. "He would banish me and you both - but to different realms, no doubt."

Loki stared at his brother's downcast everything and wondered how he - someone considered inherently evil - could switch so easily to caring rather than hating. Because he did care. He wanted to hug Thor - something he had not done since they were much, much younger. Sure, he had tolerated hugs from his older brother, but to actually want to hug him?  Doctor Doom would have a field day!

Then again, so would Clara and that was acceptable. "Thor... it's not without hope, you must know that - father wouldn't turn his back on you. He wouldn't do this if he didn't think you would learn something."

Thor raised his head and pinned him with a look of such hopefulness that Loki felt his eyes water (what?) he blinked his eyes furiously. It was definitely time to leave.  "I have to go, Thor but... I know it's going to be okay - you will do this. If there's one thing I can count on, it's you." Where did that come from? It had spilled so quickly from his lips that he wasn't sure if it was the truth or a lie.

"Just... take a shower, brother - your hair is a mess."  He grinned when Thor looked at him, startled.  He found that he had the urge to ruffle Thor's hair when he finally smiled back, strong as it may be.

"I can't bring you home and I cannot stay with you Thor but, hopefully Hogun and Volstagg will be with you soon... I told them to go more than three hours ago but I think that they panicked when I left Sif in charge temporarily while I caught up with some sleep."

Thor stared at him with wide, shocked eyes. "You put Sif on the throne?"

"Temporarily, yes - I needed the rest, brother."

Thor frowned then nodded.  "A sensible choice.  I wish I was there to help you.  I am sorry."

Loki smiled wryly. "If you were on Asgard right now, I would not be in charge anyway. Who would you choose to temporarily watch over everything?" He would probably say the oh, so dreary Hogun.

Thor's look said that he was asking a really stupid question. "You!"

Oh.  "You wouldn't worry that I would try and steal it away permanently?"

Thor smiled fondly at him.  "You would never have the patience to stay in one place to rule over it for years, brother. Even if you did, you would have Asgard's best interests at heart so how could I complain?"

Loki's fists tightened at his sides. Couldn't just one person who mattered act in the way he expected them to? This was ridiculous! It was on the tip of his tongue to tell Thor the truth of the giants breaking into their home but he stopped himself - he couldn't kick him when he was down like that. Loki sighed as the weight of the world seemed to fall on his shoulders once more. "I have to go, brother. I'll see you soon..." He reached out and touched his brother's cheek for a moment then he vanished.

Loki didn't go far - he reappeared in the room where Mjölnir sat, unmoving - he knew he shouldn't try to lift the hammer but, being unable to lift it would ground him a little and that was something that he sorely needed.  Clothed in invisibility still, he wrapped his hand slowly around the hammer's shaft then pulled with a good deal of force...and let out an undignified squawk as it gave easily, causing him to fall on his ass.

Loki stared at Mjölnir until he came to his senses. He let go of it quickly and headed back to Asgard to a chorus of bewildered humans shouting about the hammer moving on its own. Someone was even saying he had heard it talk...

Loki flopped back on the bed and stared in bewilderment up at the ceiling.  Mjölnir had not seemed resisting at all - he had held it as easily as he held his own daggers.  Although somehow he sensed that she was not too happy about it - just because he was not Thor.  The thought caused him to laugh, amused rather than offended.

He had not intended to go back to sleep but he had anyway.  Waking hours later, he stretched and then went to the bathroom to freshen up before remembering about Sif. "Oops." He grinned at the mirror and at Nomusa’s image there.  He didn't bother to wait to hear if she had anything to say.

Ll. Oo. Kk. Ii.

When Loki finally returned, Sif was glad to see him. The extra power that Gungnir had given her was nice but, the novelty had soon worn off when the people started coming in to list their complaints. None of them even seemed to realise that she was not the Allfather, and so they just launched into their tales of woe that they must have started the day before.

Loki didn't even have to ask - as soon as he stood at the bottom of the throne, Sif rushed to meet him and handed over Gungnir. She looked over at Fandral. "Training Room. Now!"

Surprised that she had shown just how restless a few hours on the throne made her, Loki could only watch the two leave, his mouth gaping slightly.  As the door closed behind them, he moved to the throne and sat down, ready to listen to the people and help where he could. This at least was familiar and easily dealt with - even when his mind was busy elsewhere, brooding over everything.

Ll. Oo. Kk. Ii.

The Warriors Two banged on the window enthusiastically as they saw a very casually dressed Thor talking with some Midgardians.

Thor lit up as he saw his friends. Loki had not wasted time, thank the Norns. Perhaps they could help him work out how to get home. Although... he cast his gaze briefly over at Jane... perhaps a little longer on this realm would not hurt too much. He smiled and moved to greet the two. "My friends..."

He smiled as he hugged first Hogun then Volstagg. "How strange to see you both without Fandral - and indeed Sif."

Volstagg nodded. "Indeed. We're a little lopsided, are we not? All is well though - Loki insisted that Sif stay behind to keep him in line, and Fandral of course to get the men-."

He stopped talking as an elbow attacked his side. He turned to eye Hogun who gave him a look. "Thor does not require all the details, Volstagg." He doubted that Thor needed the reminder that their- his actions (True, they had gone with him but it was Thor who had done all the talking - and he felt guilty for even thinking it, but there it was) had reignited a war.

Thor ushered them further inside, aware that they were hiding something from him but, he was mortal now - matters of Asgard were not his business, regardless of what Loki thought. Well, most of them... "I hear that Loki left Sif in charge for a while..."

Hogun sighed long-sufferingly. "She used her borrowed power to soak us all with her strengthened magic. She is worse than Loki!"

Thor laughed at that but was reminded by a subtle cough that they were not alone. He looked to his side and smiled endearingly. "My apologies, Lady Jane - let me introduce you to my friends..."

Chapter Text

It had been two months since he had become king. Two months of ruling, for the most part, on his own. Yes, both Sif and Fandral had stepped in when necessary, sorting out petty disputes and problems, but all the major decisions were left to him.

He sighed wearily as he made his daily trip to see Heimdall to ask about his brother. Sif had not been around so he had left Fandral in charge - his expression of awe alone made it worth it.

The news thus far remained the same of course - Thor remained mortal and apparently unwilling to do anything about it - despite the best efforts from Volstagg and Hogun.

It bothered Loki - and wasn't that surprising! Last time around, he had been sure that Thor was very different from him at a fundamental level... yet he was right there on Midgard doing absolutely nothing worthy. Was it really going to be down to him again to make his older brother worthy? Was that what it would take?

He did not like that thought - because it suggested that things happened regardless of the changes one aspired to make. That was unacceptable - he would not live through Clara dying again...nor another mortal on Midgard for that matter. Not by his hand, anyway.

He looked at Heimdall hopefully. "How is Thor today? Any...change."

Heimdall sighed. "No, my king - he witnessed a mugging and kept a safe distance, shouting loudly for Volstagg and Hogun, who saved the day."

Loki sagged. "He is too focused on keeping himself alive. That's the key, isn't it - he has to be willing to sacrifice himself for others the way a good king must. He has to put the needs of others above those of his own."

Heimdall nodded. "It seems we will have to wait a while longer for your brother's return."

With a heavy heart, he thanked Heimdall and started walking back. How strange life was - he had thought it impossible that the Aesir would accept his rule and yet they did. And stranger still that he was once more behaving himself while Thor had the fun.

Then again, how long had it been since Loki had fun anyway? Obviously he had fun with Clara but before that? He honestly didn't remember. When did he start taking life so seriously? Was it just because he was a frost giant or was it because his brother took everything so lightly that he felt obliged to pick up the slack? Or was it just a way of driving the Aesir crazy...

He realised he had stopped walking and had somehow found his way to the edge of the Bifrost. He cast a wary glance down, past it to the void he knew lay waiting, shivered and took a few steps back.

He sat down there, in the middle of the Bifrost and stared blankly ahead. He had no clue what to do - for the first time, he found himself wishing that Odin would wake and take his power back - he worried that he was going to have to jump just to bring back Thor – or send the Destroyer after him.  To watch him die again, well before his time... and then there was Jotunheim - every day they attacked through portals.  He may well have closed the one he made but it seemed that the people of Jotunheim were just as capable of creating them.

So far, he had managed to convince the Aesir not to kill any of them - and whoever thought that it would be possible that he could convince them not to? Their oldest enemy for most of them.

The problem though, was that they could not continue like this. Unless he did something, Asgard was going to find itself in the unusual position of having the entire population of Jotunheim living in its cells. Was setting the Bifrost on Jotunheim fated to happen?

Loki startled out of his thoughts as someone sat down beside him. He looked over and sighed. "Lady Sif." he spoke in greeting politely enough but he hoped that his curt tone would dissuade her from staying. It didn't.

Sif sighed and looked out in the direction he had been staring in. "Does something trouble you?"

He responded with a snort and a roll of his eyes. After a moment he sighed. "My brother doesn't appear to want to come home, my father doesn't appear to want to wake up, the people of Jotunheim are gearing up for war whilst sending volunteers here as often as possible and, oh yes, I'm in charge of a realm that no one wants me to be in charge of.  Is that enough?  If not, I can go on..."

Sif looked at him. "You are doing a good job, Loki."  He gave her a disbelieving glance. "I mean it. If you weren't, don't you think there would be people complaining?"

"I seem to recall quite a lot of complaining today - when the guards had to escort men out."

Sif snorted. "You mean Mad Balder and his family? The clue is in the name, Loki."

Loki scowled. "I doubt the rest would be so fond of me if I was the only one sitting on the throne - it is only the fact that both you and Fandral have taken turns that they accept me." He held his hand out and some stones appeared in his hand. Lifting one, he fired it out into the void. It wasn't as satisfying as the time he had spent a good few hours skimming stones on the beach with Clara and Loretta. He sighed and got rid of them again.

Sif considered his words carefully and then laughed - a sound that was part amusement, part bitterness. "Stick around in the shadows, sometime - most of them complain about my solutions, say you would be kinder and come back the next day to petition you instead. I've even seen people turn away because I am sitting on the throne."

Loki eyed her, angry. "Do me a favour and stop being nice to me. You don't mean it and I don't need people pretending to be my friend!"

Sif, normally so quick to anger in relation to Loki, paused and took a breath and really looked at him. Probably for the first time in years. Yes, there was anger there but, beneath that, she saw pain. She sighed. "We were friends once, Loki. You were the one who decided not to call me that any more."

He stared at her, disbelieving. "This is what you call friendship, is it? This looking down on me, being nice because I'm doing everything in my power to make it clear that I'm not planning anything evil? That I so clearly DON'T WANT this realm?"

Sif forced her temper down. "I tried to be your friend when we were younger but you were not overly willing, were you? Always so jealous of anyone who took Thor's attention from you... Still I tried, even as you looked down your nose at me - at all of us, for finding fun in immature things like fighting and racing and climbing..."

Loki stared at her for a moment then shook his head. "That is the most idiotic thing that I have ever heard!" He vaguely noted the way her fists tightened at her side. "I wasn't looking down my nose at anyone... I was jealous - I couldn't fight as well, couldn't run as fast, couldn't climb at all well... you left me behind. Thor left me behind."  He sighed and looked away. "I was lonely. I wanted so desperately to be like you all...yet on the few occasions I joined in, you all made fun of me. Do you know what that felt like?"

Sif looked stunned by his words but she finally managed to get her brain in gear and so she thought back on everything, trying to remember what he was talking about but, nothing came to mind. "You are such an idiot."

His head shot around to glare daggers but before he could fire off any abuse, she started talking over him. "Do you pay any attention to the world around you? If you had, you would notice that that is the way we talk to each other! That's what good friends do - if we did it to you it was because we were trying to make you a part of everything, why in Odin's name are you so damn sensitive and ready to take everything as a slight against you?  I really hate to break it to you but, that chip on your shoulder really needs to go. Not everything is about you...for the record though, I liked you well enough - until you c-.."

Loki interrupted her, his tone biting. "Here we go again - until I cut your hair, right? I got you a replacement, did I not?  What exactly is the problem that you still have?"

Sif stared at him incredulously. "Are you serious? I thought you were my friend at that stage..." She floundered for a moment, took a deep breath to calm and focus once more. "You sneaked into my chambers and cut off my hair..." She stood, ready to walk away. She was done. They could never be friends, clearly. The thought saddened her because she had thought that finally, maybe they could be. She was an idiot.

Loki growled and something in him snapped as he rose to meet her, returning her glare with equal venom. "I thought it would grow back! I thought it through from all angles and it was the best solution I had!"

Sif's anger gave way to confusion. "Solution for what?" She stared at him, bewildered.

Loki waved a hand around erratically for a moment. "The night before, you were drunk and lamenting the fact that no one took you seriously in your quest to be a warrior because all they saw was your blonde, shining beauty."

"So..?"

Loki shifted. "So I cut it off. I figured you'd finally be listened to - that it would give you the breathing space you needed to prove yourself."

For the first time in a while, it wasn't Loki who found himself suddenly floundering. Sif's mouth was opening and closing but no sound emitted forth.

"I thought your hair would grow back in a matter of weeks - look at mine... I cut it two weeks ago and it's already grown four inches. I assumed all Aesir were like that but I guess not - that's just the spell the Allfather cast on me. There's Thor too of course but then, he's got the whole fertility thing going on..." He snapped his mouth shut. He was prattling.

"W-what spell?" Why would the Allfather cast a spell on his youngest?  What sort of spell would make his hair grow so quickly?

He ignored her; didn't really hear her. "You have maintained all these years that you remain angry because I never apologised but from the moment you set the new hair on your head and stopped skulking in your chambers, you had a new life ahead of you - people listened to you."

He looked over at her for a second. "Isn't it amazing just how much difference having dark hair can make in the eyes of the Aesir?" He snorted and looked away once more so Sif was looking at his profile. "They deem you less beautiful..." He rolled his eyes. "There's still not a single goddess that can hold a candle to you." If he had looked over then, he would have seen Sif's mouth gape open once more because of the unexpected compliment.

He rubbed at his hand, remembering the coldness that had washed over him as his mind was pulled back to the Aesir and how he was different from them. "I will not apologise for cutting your hair..." he turned his gaze to her. "...but I do apologise wholeheartedly for the pain it has caused you.  That was truly never my intention."

A silent tear trickled down Sif's face then. She leaned in to him and hugged him tight. Loki jumped a little in surprise at the contact. "Thank you."

For a moment, so surprised was he, that Loki simply stayed there but then he snapped and pulled away from her. "Stop it! Stop being nice to me! You would not be nice if you saw the real me!"

Sif was a little taken aback by the outburst but it also wasn't anything she hadn't witnessed from his brother a thousand times before so she recovered quickly enough. She watched as Loki rushed over to the edge of the Bifrost.

"What? What are you talking about, Loki?  What real you?"

Loki growled. "What am I talking about?" He whirled around, suddenly eager to see the look of horror on her face as the fake sweetness melted away. "I'm talking about this..."  He closed his eyes for a moment, willing away the false Aesir skin he had worn for so very long. When he finally felt it happen, he opened his blood-red eyes to study her. "Take a good look, Sif - this is me. The real me."

Sif eyes widened in shock and she floundered. Was this a joke? It was a strange joke if it was. Normally when he pulled a trick like this, the sparkle in his eyes gave him away. She felt sure that even though his eyes had changed colour, she would still be able to see that sparkle...and that voice! She had never heard such despair before. She looked him up and down, confused.

"But...you have always been here. I remember Mother bringing us to see you just after you were born!"

Loki laughed bitterly. "A cover story - nothing more. Odin brought me home after the war. He found me abandoned in a Temple...apparently even my own people did not want me." He lifted his chin as he stared defiantly at her. Any minute now, her shock would recede and she would run... He needed her to run...

"Well…when did youfind out?"  Had he managed to keep such a huge secret from them all for all these years?

He scowled. "When we went to Jotunheim, one of the giants touched me. Rather than burning me as it did Volstagg, my skin started to change colour.”

Sif gasped and her hand flew to her mouth and there it was - the horror. Funny how being right about guessing someone's negative reaction to him did not make him feel vindicated. He just felt hollower. He dropped his head, biting down hard on his cheek to try and ward off any tears that threatened to well up.

"But...Norns!  That's... Loki, I..." Sif shook her head, took a deep breath and started again. "You learned the truth just after hearing your brother say he wanted to wipe every Jotun from existence, that they were all..." She stopped before she made everything worse.

Sif walked slowly towards him. She stopped a pace away and just looked at his face. Her hand raised tentatively, fingers hovering over his face but not touching. "May I?"

Loki shrugged helplessly, every bit as thrown as he had been when Clara had asked the same thing of him years ago.  “It will not hurt you – it only hurts if I will it to.  For what it’s worth, I give my word that it will not.”  She was probably just going to slap him anyway - or add the day she touched a frost giant to her war stories...

Sif smiled and let her fingers touch his skin, she almost squeaked at the difference in his temperature. It was unseasonably hot this day and Loki was pleasantly cool. She giggled as an image of her wrapping herself around him to cool down slid into her mind. She noticed him raise a brow. "You're cold but not like they were on Jotunheim. I suppose the coldness of the realm added to their coldness." She let her hands fall away from his face only when she had traced every line. She wondered if he knew what they meant but figured now was not the time to ask.

"So you see, Lady Sif, when Hogun called me a monster last year, he was entirely right."

Sif smacked him in the chest. "Being Jotun doesn't make you a monster, idiot - only monstrous actions can make you one." She rolled her eyes. "You can rest assured that turning Hogun's wife into a horse for five minutes does not make you one, despite what he said at the time." She grinned at the memory. "She deserved it anyway, for bringing up Sleipnir like that."  Her expression sobered – Hogun’s wife had been more than cruel to Loki that day.  Even Hogun had been annoyed with her… until Loki had turned her into a horse.

Loki gaped at her. "Why are you not horrified? You should be!"

Sif shrugged. "I suspect the anger is masking it?"

Loki sagged and relaxed at the same time. This at least, was as expected. "The enemy living in your midst..."

Sif's expression softened and compassionate eyes rested on him. "No Loki. I am angry because for years we were told that the Jotun were evil.  Yet how could a race that gave us you be little better than animals?" She leaned into him suddenly and he was being hugged. "You are not a monster, idiot - you are an Aesir Prince - king at the moment, as memory serves."

For a second all Loki could do was stand there as warm arms encompassed him but then he was hugging back because years of Clara's hugs had made it almost automatic to do so. His Jotun skin faded away once more.

He could hold back no longer. He wondered just when he had lost ability to not care; to feel completely dead inside for the most part. He let the tears fall and they were not even proper manly tears - they were loud and noisy and his whole torso shook. Apparently his dignity had deserted him. "Y-you...you don't understand... I let them in!"

Sif was more than a little disconcerted to have a crying Loki in her arms, so his peculiar statement was actually a bit of a relief because it gave her something else to focus on. "Who?"

Loki did his best to calm down, taking deep breaths rather than gulps of air. "Frost...giants...I did it."

Sif's eyes widened as she pulled back to look at him. The anger that had stirred briefly at his announcement died away again as she looked at him - he looked so beyond miserable. "Why?"

Loki took more deep breaths until he felt he had himself under control more than he had been. "He wasn't ready - I tried to tell F-Father but, he would not listen to me. I never expected the whole Jotunheim mess though. I thought that they would stop us before we even set a foot into the observatory. The most he would get was a telling off and a postponement of the ceremony."

Sif's immediate reaction was to be angry for Thor and indeed, the anger flared in her eyes for an instant but it fled just as quickly. She sighed and sat back down again this time at the edge of the Bifrost, with her legs dangling over the side. "You can't really blame yourself, Loki - okay, you shouldn't have done it but, the Jotuns could have refused. Or Thor could have not decided to attack...or we could have talked him out of it..."

Sif paused and looked out to the void, deep in thought for a moment. She looked back at him after a while and patted the space beside her. Loki took the hint and sat down again. For a moment he considered the notion that she would push him over the edge in revenge but he dismissed the idea - sneakiness was his way, not Sif's.

She stared blankly at him for a moment as she continued to mull it over before apparently coming to a decision and nodding to herself. "You were clearly right.  After all, the ruler of Asgard is meant to be the protector of the Nine Realms not just Asgard. Thor should have searched for peace not convinced himself or us to attack them... he probably would not have gone on his own either so maybe he's not the only one who needs to grow up." She smiled wryly, including herself in her last statement.

A tear rolled down Loki's cheek. "How can you be so nice to me?"

Sif blinked, taken aback by the question. "You apologised and you meant it. Why would I stay angry? As to letting some frost giants in... it's only natural to want to see your family." She grinned as she reached out and ruffled his hair. "Stop worrying so much, Loki - and stop assuming that nobody likes you. That's low self-esteem talking."

The corners of Loki's lips twitched in amusement. "Have you been spending a lot of time watching Midgard while on the throne?"  Using Hlidskjalf for its intended purpose was something that Sif had thought beyond her measly grasp of magic but actually, it turned out that it was easy enough whilst wielding Gungnir – as Loki had shown her the second time she had stood in for him.

Sif shrugged. "I was trying to see what makes humans so interesting to Thor. They're interesting in truth but, I do not understand why he chooses them over us."

Loki considered it for a moment. "He has spent most of his life fighting and having epic adventures. Maybe he just needs a holiday." He reached out and hesitantly placed his hand on her shoulder. When she did not shrug it off or move away, he risked a comforting squeeze. "He will return, Sif."

Sif rolled her eyes. "Yeah, when he gets bored with this Jane woman." She pretended she wasn't jealous; Loki pretended not to notice. She smiled and stood, holding her hand out to him. "Come on - I haven't seen you in the hall in a while and it's time to eat."

Loki peered up at her for a moment then smiled and took her hand. As they headed back, they walked silently side by side in companionable silence.

And for the first time in as long as he could remember, Loki actually felt like he belonged there in Asgard.

Chapter Text

Loki sat upon the throne and mulled over his dilemma. The war with Jotunheim was imminent; his father still slept; there were a ridiculous amount of Jotuns in the cells; and Thor was still on Midgard being mortal.  He dropped his head back and groaned quietly rather than emitting the loud scream he wished to. This was... it was madness!

Was this really the way it was meant to play out? Was this the big catch in Nomusa's magic? Because it seemed like his only option was to call the Bifrost down on Jotunheim - that would certainly start the chain of events that would ensure that the Jotuns could not attack; that his brother would become worthy; and that the Allfather would awaken...

He didn't want to do that. He smirked as it occurred to him that if he were to try and lift Mjölnir in that moment, it would probably be too heavy.

He looked up as he heard approaching footsteps: Sif.

"You wanted to speak to me, Loki."

He smiled faintly. "Will you ever call me king, do you think?"

She smiled at him. "It's too formal for my friend."

Loki swallowed and looked away. He hated this life sometimes - this could-have-been. He didn't doubt Sif's sincerity, not for a moment and oh, how that stung.

"Be careful what you wish for, little prince. Isn't that what they say?"

"And sometimes I think I hate you most of all, Nomusa."

The witch laughed at that and then her presence in his thoughts faded to the background once more. He turned his attention to Sif again. "I want you to take over for a while - I have an errand to run."

She inclined her head in agreement but couldn't resist asking the obvious question. "An errand?"

He waved a hand vaguely at the question. "Nothing serious. I want to spend some time with Mother and Father then I thought that I would check in on Thor."

Sif nodded in understanding as she took the steps to the top. "Will you be gone long?"

Loki shrugged. "As long as it takes." He smiled at her but it didn't quite reach his eyes.

"Loki... is something the matter? You seem troubled."

The woman missed nothing. He realised for the first time that that was why she had never been his biggest fan... the lies that he had told; for the moment that he dealt her truths, she had let her defences fall... and he in turn was reminded of just why he had once wished to marry her, once when he was so very young.  She was beautiful - inside and out.

"I'm tired of this Sif. Do you think my brother will ever do something worthy?" Norns, he was tired of the question running around in his brain, day in, day out...

Sif made a face. "You know Thor - the only thing he ever jumps into recklessly is battle." She smiled but it died as she saw the way Loki paled at her words. "What? What's wrong?"

Loki shook his head. "Nothing, nothing... well, just the thought of what could happen to him if war were to come to Midgard."

Sif shivered at the thought then shook it off. "You don't need to worry about him, Loki - he has Hogun and Volstagg to watch over him, remember?"

Loki smiled as brightly as he could. "You're right. Of course you're right." Maybe some things really did just happen, regardless of how you tried to change them... He smiled at Sif again then handed Gungnir to her, turned and walked off.

Just before he was out of earshot, Sif spoke. "Loki...take care." She had a bad feeling...

Ll. Oo. Kk. Ii.

Loki headed straight to his parents chambers. He spent an hour there, talking with Frigga and soaking up the feeling of being loved unconditionally, of having a mother who was still proud of him and his actions.  He traced the back of his fingers down his father's cheek and the feel of it - the fragility of it - shocked him. Even though Odin had grown older, he tended to see him in the same way he always had: young and strong and invincible... his skin told a different story and it brought tears to his eyes.

He tried to wipe them away so Frigga would not see but since when had his mother missed anything? "Loki, you must not give up hope - this sleep is longer than most, but he will return. As will your brother."

"Do you truly believe that? Thor seems rather content there with his Lady Jane."

She rolled her eyes. "He does seem to love her very much at the moment - and why not? She is smart and beautiful and...mortal." She shrugged helplessly. "He may live on Midgard for her remaining years or he may grow restless tomorrow but he will return. Asgard holds more than his heart."

Loki snorted. "Yes, I suppose he will."

An hour later, Loki made his excuses and left. He went to collect a few things then headed to the Bifrost. "Heimdall, open the gate to Jotunheim."

Heimdall looked at him. "You are going alone? Do you think that wise?"

Loki snorted. "Probably not. Open the gate please."

Heimdall studied him for a moment then finally did as he asked.

Ll. Oo. Kk. Ii.

Loki stepped onto Jotunheim and immediately the Bifrost disappeared. He shivered as the cold hit him. He took a moment to marvel at the sheer detail afforded by the Allfather's magic in turning him into an Aesir - no skin-deep transformation here. He felt Aesir right down to his freezing bones.

A sound of metal clinking pulled him from his thoughts and made him look up... to realise that he was already surrounded by Frost Giant. His kin he supposed but, even now after having years to assimilate that information, he felt no bond.  Loki held his hands up to show that he was not a threat. "I wish to speak to your king..."

Ll. Oo. Kk. Ii.

Loki stood before the throne of Laufey and had to suppress a shivering fit - it was nothing to do with fear, just the fact that somehow, this place was even colder than the world outside had been. He looked around and tried to work out why but nothing sprang out at him. He turned his attention back to the king though as he started to talk.

"So the little not-king comes to beg forgiveness, does he?"

Loki snorted. "My name is Loki and I do not. I come to make peace."

The only outward sign of Laufey's anger was the way that his hands tightened on the arm of his throne. When he spoke, his voice was almost conversational. "You mean you came here to make threats... there is nothing you can say that will stop this war now - it is inevitable. Your brother saw to that."

Loki stared at Laufey as the giant talked, only half-way listening as he focused on studying his face, searching for similarities to his own. He frowned though as his not-father finished talking and he mulled over his words.

"I suppose this is the point when I am supposed to come up with a suitable threat - I could say that you will back down or I will leave and once I am safely returned to Asgard, I will once more turn the Bifrost on this realm... and leave it on. I could point out that in so doing, your realm would wither and die..."  He felt the antagonism towards him increase a hundredfold at that, heard the sounds of weapons being drawn - oh, he would not get out of here alive!  A gleeful expression took over his face.

He held up a finger.  "But..." He certainly had their full attention now. He resisted the urge to glance around the room, to check that there was no one behind him, ready to pounce. He rather believed there was, given the way that Laufey held a hand up - a stopping motion - whilst his gaze was fixed somewhere behind Loki's back. "...You all know that already."

Loki shifted a little and looked around, wondering if the people who dwelt here saw beauty in their surroundings; if they would fight to protect their home. "Is now really the time, princeling?"

"No it is not Nomusa."

He sighed and gave his attention to Laufey again. "My apologies, my mind wandered. I'm not as quick-witted in the cold." Now that was a lie but he didn't think anyone would mind too much. He sighed. "Do you really want to go to war, Laufey King? Is this really what's best for you and your people?"

Laufey leaned forward and for the first time Loki saw his calm facade crack if only a little, in the tense way he spoke. "Your father is a tyrant who has taken much from our realm - and from me personally."

Laufey felt the old anger stir as he glared at Odin's youngest. It was tempting to snap his neck - then the monster would know the pain he lived with daily. Later. Killing Odin's son would be an outright declaration of war that the tyrant would not ignore and they were still not yet ready for war.

An evil smirk alighted on his features that Loki couldn't help noticing and which, for the first time, caused him to see a resemblance to the face he saw in the mirror each morning.  This intriguing thought was almost enough to quell a shiver of foreboding - Laufey was about to do something horrible to him.

Laufey considered the child. He may not be physically able to break him but mentally... that was a different story. "Oh yes, little would-be king - your father is not the model of virtue that he no doubt claims to be... he stole the Casket of Ancient Winters from us, dooming this world and its people. Even worse, he took my son from his place of safe-keeping in our Temple and killed him!" He sat forward, eager to see the look of shock wash over Loki's face.

Loki felt rather light-headed for a moment. "W-what?"

Laufey sat back, content to see that the scales had fallen from the child's eyes. It would do. For now. "Oh, you heard correctly - he killed the son of my beloved mate Farbauti and I. Not content with winning the war and taking the Casket, he killed my son too. Your father is a murderer.  Many times over."

Loki stared at Laufey open-mouthed, trying to make sense of it. Could he be telling the truth? Could this creature still grieve for the son he lost over a millennium ago? He only snapped out of his daze when Laufey seemed to grow tired of his game. "Say what you came to say, little king - I have work to attend to."

Loki forced himself to focus on the problem at hand. "Stop this war, Laufey - it will bring nothing good for your realm or for Asgard."

Laufey threw his head back and laughed at that. The others joined in until he stopped. When he did, he took a calming breath then eyed Loki. "Do you truly imagine that we have anything else to lose?"

"There is always more to lose."

"Ah, so you intend to open the Bifrost if I don't agree? Because that really is all Asgard has left against us."

Loki rolled his eyes. "What good would that do anyone? As a good friend reminded me, I swore to protect the nine realms..." He pulled the Casket out from where he had hidden it. Just long enough for everyone to register what it was then he sent it away again. The place was in uproar and it made Loki smile a little. "I believe I have something that you want..."

Laufey snarled. Oh, how he wanted the Casket - he could fix his world, he could fix his people... "As if you are actually going to give it back. What is to stop me murdering you right here and now and taking what is ours?"

Loki shrugged. "You would never see the Casket again for starters. Do you really think you would find it?" He paused. "You could of course try it and see..." He held his hands out to the side and slowly turned around, offering anyone who dared the chance to kill him. No one moved.

When he was facing Laufey once more, he lowered his arms. "There are of course, conditions."

Laufey snorted. He did not for a second believe the boy but he would listen. "Go on!"

Loki looked at him. "Four to be precise: one, you stop this war; two, you drop your argument with my brother; three, you do not use the Casket to attack or colonise any inhabited realm or world... and four, I would like to come back from time to time, with a friend or two, to see how your world as you fix it up."

Laufey stared at him and waited - there had to be more. But when Loki merely fell silent and offered nothing further, he could keep silent no longer. "You are insane."

"Loki gave him a bland look. ”I might have heard this a time or two, yes."  He smirked.  “I think I get it from my father.”

That last comment seemed to have an additional meaning for Loki but Laufey didn’t bother to ask what.  "Even if I agreed to your terms, the Allfather would simply negate the agreement."

Loki shifted a little, straightened and smiled. "Oh, he can't - I am King right now. The only way he can go back on that is if you give him reason to."

This was clearly madness but Laufey was tempted nonetheless. Even in that brief moment, Laufey had felt the power of the Casket; felt how the realm had seemed to brighten for but a moment. "I suppose my men were killed the moment they set foot in Asgard."

Loki gave him a disbelieving look. "That would be a terrible way to start negotiations. They are currently residing in the dungeons - I have ensured that they have plenty to eat and drink, in case you're wondering. I think they might actually have put on weight since their arrival."

Laufey stared and for a moment - just for one precious moment, he believed the boy in front of him meant what he said. "You said negotiations - that seems to suggest I can lay terms of my own down."

Loki shrugged. "Name them."

Laufey considered. "Just one - unless there is a threat of war, I do not want your father to set foot in this realm again." He raised a brow as something he said made Loki smile. "Something funny?"

"It amuses me to think of my father's reaction to the condition" He shrugged. "Does this mean you agree?"

Laufey nodded once in acquiescence and Loki was walking towards him. He watched as the boy stopped only when he was almost level with his eyes.

"Do I have your word?"

Laufey sighed. "I swear that if I get the Casket back, and my people back, I will end the war with Asgard, drop my argument with Thor and not try to take over any other world - or realm - that is inhabited. And you may come to the Realm to watch over our progress."

Loki considered him a moment longer, not saying a word.

"So I imagine we will have to wait a few millennia, hmm? To get the Casket?"

Loki grinned and produced the Casket. He held it out in front of him. For a moment, Laufey just stared, aware of the hush that fell around them. A nudge from his son Byleistr, who stood at his left side, made him try... he gasped as he took the Casket from Loki with no resistance whatsoever.

Loki grinned and bowed to him. "I take my leave now - I think you have much work to do." He walked away, no one paying the slightest bit of attention. It was only when he got to the Bifrost that he relaxed. "Heimdall..."

He didn't even get to finish the sentence before the Bifrost was opened and he was being pulled back to Asgard. He felt sure there would be a not-so-welcoming party awaiting him...

Chapter Text

When Loki reappeared in Asgard, he fully expected an armed guard to be waiting for him - led of course by a returned Thor and an awakened Odin... it was some surprise therefore, to find only the omnipresent Heimdall. He looked at the older man curiously. "You don't have anything to say?"

Heimdall regarded the current king. "Your actions have saved us all from war. It is certainly more preferable to your other idea."

Loki blinked, caught off-guard but he rallied quickly enough. "I doubt the Allfather will agree."

"You did what was best for the nine realms... I am sure he will understand."

"Why are you not angry?"

"The people of Jotunheim will have their hands full for quite some time repairing their realm - too much so to worry about any other for a considerable time. My priority is Asgard and today you saved her from another long and pointless fight.  Today you have saved countless lives.  It is an action worthy of a king."

"You think he will stick to his word?" Why was he asking Heimdall of all people for his counsel?  He already knew that he would - the Casket was what mattered here.

Heimdall glanced over at him. "He will."

"Oh." He frowned. "You know what I am, do you not?"

Heimdall looked at him. "Do you truly imagine you are the only Aesir with ties to the people of Jotunheim?"

"I am not Aesir."

"You are the son of Frigga and Odin. Adopted or otherwise, they have raised you for a thousand years. You are Aesir." He smiled faintly. "Yet also more."

"I have frost giant blood!"

"So what?" Heimdall eyed him. "The frost giants are not evil. They are just desperate... today, you made them a little less desperate. Tomorrow, they will be even less so."

Loki frowned in confusion. "What's tomorrow?"

"You will have returned their people home and repairs will start."

Loki shook his head, bewildered. "You are not acting at all like I had expected you to."

Heimdall snorted. "You expected me to try and kill the King of Asgard? For attempting to protect the realm that I too have sworn to protect? For trying to protect the people from all the nine realms?"

"I..." It was on the tip of his tongue to say that it wouldn't be the first time but dazed, Loki just turned and walked off, heading for the dungeons.

He took a detour on his way, found Fandral chatting up a maiden. "Fandral, I need you to gather the men - they are to escort the Jotun people home.  No one is to harm them, are we clear?"

If Fandral was surprised by the order, he didn't show it. "Yes, my lord." He straightened and fell into step with Loki. "I gather you spoke to Laufey and negotiations went well?"

Loki nodded. "I believe so."

Ll. Oo. Kk. Ii.

Laufey was still waiting for the other shoe to drop. He wasn't surprised therefore, when he heard the Bifrost... no doubt an army would soon appear. An army of angry Aesir. Well, they would not get the Casket back easily. He strode out to meet them on his own – if he was going to die, then so be it... and stared open-mouthed as Odin's son stuck to his word - the small army that came through was his army.

For the first time in over a millennium, Laufey dared to hope...

Ll. Oo. Kk. Ii.

Sif eyed Loki as she stood beside him, watching the last of the Jotun disappear through the Bifrost.  She only spoke when the only people left in the observatory where Loki and herself. "You lied to me."

Loki continued to stare straight ahead at where the Jotuns had disappeared. "God of Lies, remember?"  There was no real malice in his words though so she did not bother to take umbrage. "What if they had killed you, Loki?" 

He turned his gaze to her then, looking rather pompous. "Would you have mourned?"

Sif wanted so badly then to slap his face but she refrained - one did not simply slap the King of Asgard and get away with it. "We all would have!"  Loki snorted at that and his casual dismissal ensured that she threw caution to the wind and she moved to stand in front of him and slapped him anyway.

For a moment Loki was shocked but he waved the approaching guard away. (Damn but being watched all the time was annoying). He sighed and rubbed his cheek. "Do you suppose I would be mourned if I had, I don't know... sent the Destroyer to Midgard to kill Thor?"

Sif blinked and tried to make sense of his words. "That makes no sense - why would you do such a thing? You have always loved Thor so very much. As if you could exist in this life without him!"

It was now Loki's turn to look bewildered. "...what?"

"Do I need to be worried about Thor?" She didn't sound that concerned, not really and actually, that was rather annoying - because it hadn't taken much at all for her to turn against him way back when; to believe the very worst of him in the other time line.

His scowl only deepened as he heard Nomusa's voice. "She believed you capable of it from the moment you hit him with the Destroyer, little king. She gave up on you because a man who could kill the one he loves most is dangerous indeed."

"Since when do demons spit out logic?" Of course, her cackle was the only reply.

"Loki..?"

Loki pulled himself out of his thoughts and sighed as he remembered her question. "No, Sif - you don't need to worry. I just... want him to come home."

Sif considered that. "Maybe you should go tell him that."

Loki shrugged. "It wouldn't change a thing." He handed Gungnir over. "I'm going to see my parents." He really did not see a point in delaying the inevitable. He felt sure that Odin would be waiting, ready to tear a strip off him. After Frigga of course.

Ll. Oo. Kk. Ii.

The moment that Loki walked into his parents’ chambers, he was engulfed in a hug from his mother and proceeded to forget his nerves for a moment.  "Not that I am complaining but, what's the occasion?"  His arms wrapped around her and he held her as long as she desired.  He had missed too many of these.

"You gave them the Casket."

He blinked and pulled back to look at her. "I am sorry I did not discuss it first, I..."

Frigga waved the apology away. "You really only had two choices. This one is the only true one."

Loki frowned. "You saw it on your tapestry?"

Frigga nodded and released her hold on him but took his hand instead, pulling him over to the bed where her husband slept. "I am so very proud of you, Loki - it can't have been easy for you to go there."

He shrugged it off. "It felt easier than choosing to destroy their world."

Frigga shuddered at the thought of it. "They are not all monsters, Loki. Of course there are some, just as there are anywhere but, if they were truly monstrous, how could a child as beautiful as you have come to be?"

And didn't his mother just make him want to cling to her for ever? "And they call me Silvertongue!"

Frigga threw her head back and laughed. "I taught you well, did I not?" She placed a hand on his cheek. "My words are true though."

Ll. Oo. Kk. Ii.

Loki didn't understand - he had returned the Casket two weeks ago. Heimdall informed him that while progress in repairing the desolate realm was slow, it was starting to take shape once more. Why did the Allfather still sleep? Why did Thor remain on Midgard? He wasn't sure which rankled him more. That was a lie - it was Thor's absence. What was so special about this Jane woman anyway?  He heard Nomusa's cackle in his head and winced. 

"She's intelligent, beautiful, good at science - or magic if you prefer - and she's stronger than she looks. And brave. Remember when she slapped you, without any thought for what you might do to her? Sounds like someone you know."

Loki snorted. "Please. Women like that are in abundance in Asgard... you could even say the same of me."

For some reason this comment seemed to make her laugh harder. He winced. "Indeed you could."

Before he could reply, her presence disappeared again. The crone was driving him insane.

Ll. Oo. Kk. Ii.

Sif looked at Loki and frowned. "You seem agitated."

Loki looked at her and frowned. "I don't understand anything right now. Thor's absence, the Odinsleep, none of it!"

She raised a brow at that.  "That's a first - Loki Odinson doesn't know exactly what's going on... What's annoying you the most?"

He smiled ruefully. "Thor."

She shrugged. "So go see him, see what he is planning to do."

Loki shook his head. "It's not that simple!"

"Isn't it?"

He shook his head in negation. "Of course not. Besides this is the first absence he's taken in years - I've taken longer breaks than this."

"Perhaps, but did you ever consider that he does not feel welcome?"

Loki snorted. "Father's anger would already have passed if he had been awake. You know that as well as I do."

Sif rolled her eyes. "Who's talking about Odin?"

He blinked at her. "What?"

"You, Loki.  Maybe he does not believe that you would welcome him back."

He stared at her. "How do you figure?"

She stared incredulously at him. "Loki, your brother may not be as quick-witted as you are, but the fact that you let the frost giants in will not have gone unnoticed – now that he has had time to think on the matter.   Eventually, whether you believe it or not, what you think of him matters more than a little to Thor."

Loki frowned in thought as he considered her words but he shook his head. "Thor does not care what anyone thinks of him, least of all me."

Sif shrugged. "Then you will not have a problem going to see him, will you? Or are you... a coward?" She smirked, knowing he would rise to the challenge.

Loki's eyes narrowed. "You are a very sneaky woman. Have you been learning from my mother?"

Sif laughed. "I'm going to take that as a compliment. Go! I will take care of things here."

Loki sighed. "I think you're getting a little too fond of ruling."

Sif made a face. "I'd rather be on the battle field any day of the week. I don't care what anyone says about this just being a different type of battle, it does nothing for me. Now, stop stalling!"

Ll. Oo. Kk. Ii.

Thor was sitting in the chambers he had acquired at the local hotel. Jane had assured him that 'hotel' was pushing it but, it mattered little - it had a bed, what more did he need? They had even agreed to keep the fire lit for him and that at least, offered some comfort, made it feel at least a little more like home.

Which is why he was sitting by the fireside, staring into the flames without blinking. If he focused really hard, they were the flames of the fire in his chambers in Asgard and everything was as it should be. Not messed up because he had been a spoilt brat.

"Isn't it about time you found your way home, Thor?"

Thor hardly reacted at Loki's voice. For a moment he thought it was a product of his imagination.

"Thor!"

Thor looked up at that then ran the question over in his mind. "When did you stop calling me brother?"

Loki snorted. "This is what you decide to reply with?"

Thor shrugged and reached for the poker and prodded the fire. "It is what matters to me, brother."

Loki shrugged carelessly. "I stopped sometime after I found out that I wasn't actually your brother." It seemed as good a time as any to mention it - maybe it would motivate Thor to do something worthy.  All so he could protect Asgard from the corrupting influence of his once-brother.

A muscle twitched in Thor's jaw. "All those years together, side by side, mean nothing to you? We mean nothing to each other now?"

Loki sighed tiredly. Was that it? Was that all he got? He must have known too. Fine, two could play the game of being unshocked and unruffled. "Thor when did we ever stand side by side? Even on Jotunheim, you told me to mind my place, remember that? That's what your being king would have meant for me...  Always behind you, standing in the shadow of your greatness."

Thor looked at him. "Is that why you let the frost giants in on the day of my Coronation..?"

Chapter Text

Loki sighed tiredly. "Thor when did we ever stand side by side? Even on Jotunheim, you told me to mind my place, remember that? That's what your being king would have meant for me...  Always behind you, standing in the shadow of your greatness."

Thor looked at him. "Is that why you let the frost giants in on the day of my Coronation?"

Ll. Oo. Kk. Ii.

Loki took a step back in surprise at that. "How did you know..?"  Even though Sif had warned him, he had not expected Thor to work it out so quickly.

Thor snorted. "I may not have your great intelligence, Lokibut, I am not entirely stupid either - Laufey talked of a traitor in Odin's house, they got in with magic... at first I didn't want to believe it but then, when I heard Father had fallen into Odinsleep and you were in charge..." He shrugged, placed the poker back and stood. "So what now, hmm? Now that you have what you always wanted, what now for the great King Loki of Asgard? Will you finish what I started on Jotunheim perhaps?"

Loki smirked at just how different Thor's idea was from his new reality. "I don't think so."

Thor eyed him. "...but we are at war..."

Loki shook his head, his face troubled. "Have you learned nothing in your time here on Midgard?"

Thor shrugged. "I have learned plenty but we are not talking about me, are we?"

Loki's gaze fell to the fire.  "I have no intentions of continuing war with Jotunheim, Thor. It would achieve nothing but death and I find that is not to my liking at all." His tone, much like his mood, was beyond weary then.

Thor snorted. "So you intend to bring about peace?"  That was an interesting notion.  Thor was not sure he liked where this was going.

So here it is... Loki's eyes met Thor's gaze, defiance clear in their depths. Though no doubt Thor would misconstrue the reason behind it; probably assume he had betrayed them. "I have already started the process - I gave them back the Casket."

Thor's eyes widened even as his hand moved to call Mjölnir. Loki spotted the action and smirked bitterly. "Such a shame you can't strike me down, isn't it, Thor?"

Thor flushed guiltily, ashamed to be caught out in such a rash action. What would he have done with Mjölnir, anyway? To strike down Loki was unthinkable. He sagged visibly before moving to slump down on the seat once more.

Loki eyed him for a moment. A small part of him was pleased that Thor had acted like this - it meant he had been right all those years ago, believing that Thor would never see past his Jotun nature but mostly, he was so very hurt (stupidly) that Thor had been ready to strike him with that thrice-damned hammer... that he could so easily believe he would betray him and Asgard.

"But you already did, little prince."

"Shut up Nomusa. What I did THEN is irrelevant."

"Fine, let's talk about this reality, shall we? You schemed to let your kin into..."

Loki cut her off. "I know very well what I have done, Nomusa. Leave me alone."

Once she was gone, he turned his attention to Thor once more. "Well, now that I've shared the latest news, it's time for me to go home." He turned and headed to the door. He didn't even feel like making a dramatic exit.

Thor's head whipped up at that.  No he did not like this at all.  "To Jotunheim?" He watched the way his brother faltered and stopped altogether before turning his head just a fraction of an inch. "What?"

Thor shrugged. "Is that the master plan? Give them back the Casket so you can return? Leaving us - your family - behind?"

Loki had to take a moment to process that. He turned it over and over but it still didn't make sense. He turned slowly and looked at Thor. The one person in all the worlds he had loved every bit as deeply as he had hated. "What?"

"When did you find out?"

"Find out what?"

Thor's hands gripped the arms of the chair tightly before he released them and stood up to face the other man. "Don't play games with me brother - you know the truth now... that's why you gave them the Casket and even worse, now you will give them you!"

Loki frowned. "I must be dreaming... someone put something in my drink, didn't they?  All this...Nomusa...it was nothing but a dream!"

Thor moved to stand in front of him and he looked every bit as intimidating in that moment as he ever had in the midst of battle. "Enough of your games, Loki! You will tell me the truth!" His hand slipped to its spot on his younger brother's neck and wasn't it strange how much comfort that simple action could give even as they argued.

Loki ignored that though and smirked. "Which truth would you like to hear, Odinson?"

Thor growled and moved his arm back, perhaps to try and knock some sense into the idiot in front of him. "Are you leaving us?"

"So that is your preference... no, sorry. I have no such plans. Disappointed, are yo-"

Thor talked right over him. "Why?"

Loki scowled. "Because whether you or anyone else likes it or not, Asgard is my home, not Jotunheim..."  His words were cut off as he was pulled into a tight hug. "...what?"

"Don't you dare ever scare me like that again!"

Yes, definitely dreaming...

...which was nice actually, because it meant he could hug his brother back. Hug him tight and remember what it was like to have the illusion of a brother who loved you.

So what if there were tears in his eyes? This was a dream - not real...he had no control over what his dream-self got up to. He sighed and shifted a little closer, soaking up Thor's Thorness because, in dreams he could admit just how much he missed the big oaf.

"Come home, Thor!"

Thor pulled back a little and his hand moved up, finding its place once more on Loki's neck. "I thought you wanted to rule."

He shrugged. "It's not the same without you there..." he paused as his brain finally caught up with itself.  "How exactly did you know what I am?"

Thor blinked at the sudden topic change. "Oh. I found out just after you cut off Sif's hair."

Loki's eyes widened. "What? That was centuries ago, Thor!"

Thor nodded. "I suppose it was."

"Well, why didn't you tell me?"

Thor stared at him like he was insane. "Why?"

"What do you mean why? Because I don't belong on Asgard, for one?"

It seemed that Thor, while mortal, was still quick - the hand that had been on his neck shifted in an instant and wrapped tight around a clump of hair and gave it a hard yank. "You belong in Asgard! With US! With ME! Not with some stupid Jotuns who were too stupid to see your true worth!"

Loki sighed and reached up, gently untangling Thor's hands. There was no point arguing with a dream anyway. "Fine, fine, as you say. That hardly explains why you never said anything - it would have been the easiest way to win a fight, would it not? You put up with years of my insults because I was no match for your fists... you could have broken me easily enough, if you knew."  And it would have broken him then, even more than it had years later, because a part of him still believed that he had belonged back then.

Thor looked at him, confused. "Why would I want you broken?  Words were your weapon, little brother. I never begrudged you them. You and I always met as equals in the training area, but to use that against you... to steal your words - your weapon - and use them against you..."

Loki shook his head in confusion. "No, that's not right... you cannot possibly have accepted me! Not that easily! There is no way you could have accepted me just like that!"

Thor raised a brow. "Why not? We've been brothers for years. Why do I care where you started this life? Loki, you have always been my best friend and worst enemy – as brothers so often are.  You are also the person I love most."

Loki pulled away from him then, no longer feeling comforted by his brother's nearness. "Lies!" He growled and paced angrily over to the window and glared out, trying to calm himself before he did something stupid like punch the stupid oaf and kill him.

He finally turned around to face him once more. "Need I remind you of how you reacted when the Jotuns interrupted your Coronation? You hate them, Thor!"

Thor sighed and nodded. "It was not a particularly justified hatred... it actually started because of you..." he ignored the venomous reply that garnered. "...before I found out about your origins, I didn't hate the frost giants. They just terrified me. Then I found out you were one of them. Once I got over my shock, I was just bewildered as to how they could abandon you. THEN I started to worry - what if they hadn't? What if they somehow came after you and took you away from us... I couldn't let that happen.  The thought of life without you was... horrible." He sighed and ran nervous fingers through his hair. "That was when I started to hate them. I vowed from that moment to do everything I could to ensure you would never want to leave us for them... including putting them down at every turn and making you hate them too.  And you did.  It wasn’t enough though – I kept going to ensure that you would hate them even more fervently..."

He hung his head in shame for a moment as he mulled that over. "I never considered how you would feel if you discovered the truth. Father kept it a secret to protect you; I vowed to do the same. I forgot after a while, where the hatred had come from. The Coronation rattled me far more than it should have but they were in our home!" He growled and shook his head.

A wry smile graced his lips. "Even though you were standing so close at that moment, my first thought was for you. Then I was confused, wondering why that was so. Then I was just angry..." He smirked. "You know, my first edict as King was going to be that you couldn't leave the realm without my express permission - if at all."

Loki stared at him, unsure as to when this conversation had taken on the completely surreal twist. "You don't think, perhaps, that would be going a little overboard? Also, do you really imagine I would have listened?"

Thor sighed. "Of course not but, I don't know... you seem determined to..." He shook his head. "What exactly did you hope to achieve, letting them in to Asgard."

Loki sighed. "I just...didn't think you were ready to rule...to sit around on a throne all day, dealing with all the politics."

Thor shrugged. "But you were?"

Loki laughed at that. "I didn't realise that father was due for his sleep, Thor. Which is actually rather annoying because you know I miss little... he must have hid it even from me.  You still think that it's all fun, all the time. It's not - just ask Sif if you don't believe me on that score."

Thor smiled at that.  “So you did not just put there as a one off – that is good to know.  You have finally been able to see past your differences.”

Loki shrugged. "She is a wise woman, Thor. You would do worse than to choose her for your wife when you finally become king."

Thor blinked. "That's not going to happen."

Anger flashed in Loki's eyes. "How can you pass Sif over for a mortal? For that Jane?"

"For... Jane's not really what I'm looking for. Besides, she seems rather taken by Fandral."

"Oh. Of course she is." See, this is what happens when you get your brother banished, fight him for years, start to love a people you had never cared for, lose your mind and do a deal with a demon only to start it all again - the sleep you haven't gotten in years gangs up on you and ambushes you and gives you crazy dreams. "You love Jane."

Thor laughed incredulously at that. "I assure you I do not. She is certainly lovely - beautiful, funny and intelligent but she talks in riddles most of the time about Science.  At least when you talk about magic, it's in terms I understand."

Loki stared...

And stared...

He finally shook himself out of it. "Right. I'm going home. To Asgard.  Now. Or I'm waking up. Either way, this conversation is over."

"Loki..." Thor spoke in a pleading tone but Loki merely held a hand up in farewell as he walked out of the room.  Thor moved to follow but a noise from behind distracted him. In that second of distraction, Loki was gone.

Chapter Text

Loki walked away from his brother hurriedly. It was a relief to get out of there, if he was honest. He had the horrible sensation that what had just come to pass was not a dream.

"Of course it wasn't! What would be the point of allowing such dreams? If you woke to a crueller reality, you would be broken and that would hardly suit my needs now, would it?"  Nomusa’s smirk was so wide that he could sense it.

Loki sighed and rubbed at the bridge of his nose. "None of this makes sense! How can it not be a dream?" he called out to Heimdall to open the Bifrost. For some reason, the witch found something funny. "What?"

"You're talking out loud. To yourself. Do you really want to add insane to the list?"

"When did they not think that of me?"

"Oh, probably right until the moment that you let your kin into Asgard."

He scowled as the Bifrost opened. "Was there a point to this conversation?"

"Certainly... so Thor doesn't love either Jane or Sif...so the question becomes...who does he love?"

"You are asking m-" He cut his words off as he stepped into the Observatory where of course Heimdall was watching him. "All is well in the realm, Heimdall?"

Heimdall lowered his head a little in agreement. "It is, my King."

"Any sign of father waking in my absence, given that I've upset the golden son?"

"...no, my Lord."

Loki smiled wryly. "Thank you." He left the Observatory and headed back to the palace. "Well, Nomusa? How would I know who my brother loves?"

"He does seem to have a thing for intelligent, attractive dark haired beings who are stronger than they look..."

"He ruled Sif out."

"Maybe not so intelligent after all.  Sif is intelligent, yes but, she is every bit as strong as she looks."

"Exactly - that's exactly my point. My brother is an idiot."

Loki had the feeling that Nomusa would be rolling her eyes at this point. Her dry tone certainly seemed to suggest it. "I was not talking of your brother. Idiot."

As he walked into the palace, his steps faltered as that comment hit home. "Then who..." He waved aside a worried maid and started walking again. "I don't know of any other woman who fits that description - except perhaps, my mother."

"No woman, no."

"No woman..?" He frowned, so distracted that he walked into a wall, much to the amusement of a couple of maids. He sighed and shook himself off.

He finally made it to his chambers without further incident, which was a relief. "Are you saying my brother is gay? How could you possibly know that?"

Nomusa sighed and materialised before him. "Do you really imagine that you are the only Aesir I have followed? Your little lives fascinate me."

"Little?" Well, if Loki thought he was bewildered before... "What are you?"

"I don't see how that's relevant. It won't negate our deal, if that's what you're thinking." She looked around the room, her eyes finally settling on his books. She moved over to peruse them but her expression changed from interest to disappointment when she saw they were mostly all magic or history related. "Booooring!"

She moved over to another shelf and her eyes lit up when she spotted what looked to be a Midgardian tale – a well-read one at that. "Ooh, A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens. Do you know, I haven't actually read this one - can I..." She pouted as the book was pulled from her grasp and secreted into one of Loki's pockets.

Loki shook his head. "I'll buy you a copy next time I'm on Midgard but you can't have this one!" This one went everywhere with him - it always had since he had gotten it for one of his birthdays.

Nomusa smirked. "Did Thor buy it for you?"

"That's neither here nor there."

Nomusa giggled. "If you say so." He scowled at her but she just danced off. Yes, danced...

"You have changed."  He could not put his finger on it but she seemed different.  Somehow.

Nomusa shrugged. "Today is a good day."

"What exactly makes for a good day for a witch?"

She turned and eyed him. "I don't know. What makes a good day for an insane sorcerer?"

For a moment, anger showed on his face but he shoved it aside and his face turned pleasant once more. He held up a finger. "Not actually insane now, am I?"

Nomusa smiled lopsidedly. "That can be debated. Who else would make a deal with me? For a chance to make things right with their brother?"

Loki scoffed and rolled his eyes. "I made the deal to save Clara... and the humans.  Because they are all just little Clara’s really - potentially at least."

Nomusa rolled her eyes. "This conversation is boring me." She disappeared again and for a moment Loki just stood there, reeling.

And then it hit him... "He doesn't hate me..." He flopped bonelessly onto his bed.

Ll. Oo. Kk. Ii.

Thor looked at Fandral who was visiting.  Again. He had become a frequent visitor of late - and not to see him. "I'm going out for a walk."

"But Lady Jane is coming over..."

He cast a withering glance in Fandral's direction. "She's not coming to see me. Just like someone else in this room." He gave his friend a pointed look, then with that said, he turned and walked out.

He managed to get ten paces from the hotel when he heard Darcy. "Hey big guy, you look troubled...want a drink?" He turned to the sound of her voice and saw her wiggling a bottle of beer, some random man by her side.

Thor shook his head. "Thank you for the offer, Lady Darcy but I am afraid that I am not the best company tonight." It would have been good to have her company but he did not feel up to the task of making small talk with her male friend.

Darcy caught his meaning, turned to the guy she had been talking with. "Sorry Josh, gotta book - I have a damsel in distress to rescue." She grinned over at Thor. "See ya tomorrow maybe."

Josh sighed dramatically. "However will I survive until then Lady Darcy?"

Darcy rolled her eyes at the way he was making fun of Thor's speech. "I'm sure you'll survive, dude." She walked over to Thor. "So, what about that drink?"

Thor frowned. "You did not need to leave your young man to look after me."

Darcy smiled and wrinkled her nose. "He’s not my young man, Thor.  I’m not his type either - he's awesome and all, but vainer than you claim your friend Fandral to be...and gay."

Darcy frowned then pouted. "Shame for me - he's hot... why do gay men seem to love me so much when all the straight guys just see Jane?"

She caught Thor casting a curious glance over at Josh's retreating back. "Oh, don't even go there, Thor - unless you're after a one night stand."

Thor flushed. "I wasn't going anywhere, lady Darcy."

Darcy looked disbelievingly at him. "Oh, come on - you haven't hit on either Jane or me... every guy I know hits on her. Some even hit on me... you must be gay."

Thor sighed. "I meant only that I was not considering him."

Darcy considered him. "So you are gay."

Thor shook his head. "You mortals think in such a strange way. A soul is neither male nor female. We are attracted to - and love - who we do because of the soul, not something as petty as gender."

Darcy rolled her eyes. "Yeah, some people here still don't realise that.  Sooo.... is there someone special in your life?"  She peered curiously at him as his gaze took on a faraway look. "Oh, there is! Tell me all about them!"

"Do you always get this excited about the affairs of other people's hearts?"

She wrinkled her nose. "It's been a while since I had one myself. It's always good to hear other people's tales because it gives me hope... so tell me all about him – or her!"

Thor shrugged and swiped the bottle from her hand and took a drink then grimaced at the taste. "Is this really what passes for alcohol here?"

Darcy laughed as she snatched the bottle back. "It's the best there is around here. Stop dodging the question."

Thor sighed and sat down, right there in the middle of the road. Good job they were pretty much in the middle of nowhere. After considering it, Darcy sat beside him but resolved to stay alert just in case someone came along in their vehicle and accidentally wiped them out. "It is... he... Loki is complicated."

Darcy's eyes widened. "Loki? Your brother? Wow. So gods really don't care about that stuff."

Thor frowned. "He is adopted. Even if he wasn't, it is not a big deal to us - you fall in love with a soul, remember?"

Unruffled, Darcy shrugged. "So what's he like?"

Thor smiled as an image formed in his mind. "Tall but not as tall as me. Slim, dark hair, green eyes, smarter than me, mischievous, funny, he can hold a grudge like no other and he can be petty and cruel... but then we all can be that. I try to keep him at a distance."

Darcy tilted her head to the side. "Why?"

"Because he thinks of me as only a brother." He sighed. "I have been cruel to him in the past, just to protect my own heart."

He was getting really gloomy now. Darcy decided to change the subject a little. "So what does he think of you being here?"

"He wants me home."

"So what's stopping you?"

Thor rubbed at the back of his neck. "I am still mortal. I do not know what I need to do in order to make father and Mjölnir happy."

Darcy chewed on her lip in thought for a moment. "Okay. Well... what did you do to get banished?"

Thor looked over, a wry smile on his face. "I started a war with Jotunheim after my brother let three of them into our realm."

"...Okay... wait, didn't you tell me yesterday that it's one of the nine realms?"

"You are quite correct, my lady."  He nodded.

"So... the day after you made a vow to protect all the nine realms, you attacked and started a war with one of them?"

He winced. "When you put it that way, it sounds really bad."

Darcy raised a brow. "How else can I put it?" She shifted a little in the dirt, trying to get comfortable, or at least not notice that her butt was sore.

Thor sighed. "They invaded our home to... I thought they were there for Loki. And the Casket."

"And that's a good reason to start a war?"

Thor let out a groan. "No." He flopped down on the ground, staring up at the still-unfamiliar stars. "I don't always tend to think rationally when there is the possibility of a fight. Or when he or my family might be in danger."

Darcy snorted. "Typical male, then. Still, as a king, you should put that all aside, shouldn’t you? How many people from both realms will die now?"  She thought back on what he had told them over the last few days.  “How many from our realm will be caught in the crossfire?  That’s where it all started, right?  With the Jotun people trying to take over our world?”

Thor shook his head. "As far as I know, yes but none will die. My brother is too smart for that - he gave them the Casket." A troubled look spread over his face.

"Isn't that a good thing?"

"Of course! But... what if he leaves us for them too?"

She shrugged. "Then you do what all the best romance movies say you should. Go after him and declare your love!"

Thor snorted and threw his arm over his eyes. "I can imagine well how that would go - he would laugh in my face or he would punch me... like I said, he has no reason to want me around."

"Except that you said that he told you to come home?" She smacked his shoulder. "Stop being so melodramatic and let's get back to the question at hand. What do you think your father wants of you?"

Thor pulled his arm away to eye her. "To do the opposite of what I did on Jotunheim, like a good king should."

"So that means..."

"Put the needs of the people I rule above my own. Stop thinking like a warrior and act like a king..." He sat up. "Of course! He asked Laufey to treat my actions as those of a boy... but I'm the one father was going to install on the throne only the day before - I am not a boy any more and my actions have consequences."  

He nodded, resolved. "It's time to grow up."

Chapter Text

Sif looked at Fandral with curiosity as they sat with Loki during a rare break. "I take it that your date went well with the Lady Jane, then?"

Fandral snapped out of his daze. "What? Oh... yes. Quite well. She really is quite lovely - smart, funny, beautiful... did I mention smart? Really smart... I think she might even give Loki a run for his money."  He grinned dopily.  "Do you think she would allow me to court her?"

Loki looked at him, bewildered. "Fandral, you went out to dinner with her.  Twice now.  On your own. You are dating."

"Oh. Yes... wonderful!"  His expression became even dreamier, if it was possible. Sif and Loki shared a bewildered look. "Don't tell me that you are falling in love!"  Sif’s tone was strangled – after all these years, Fandral was falling in love?  With a mortal?

Fandral answered after a moment.  "Do you know, I believe I might be?  She is everything I always imagined a perfect wife could be."

Loki stared at him. "And she likes you too?"

Fandral's expression became troubled. "I do not know, I think so?"

Both Sif and Loki boggled at that. "A perfect wife...you mean that you would even consider...being faithful to her?"  Sif turned her attention from him to Loki as she whispered to him.  “Am I dreaming?” 

Fandral's expression cleared then.  "It would not be a hardship."  Both Loki and Sif were staring at him again, clearly shocked.  Never before had Fandral been willing to forego the pleasures of other women – not even when he was dating one of the realm’s most desired women – and being Fandral, he had courted most of them.

"What in Hel's name have I started?"

Nomusa's cackled resounded in his brain. "It's delicious, isn't it? So many things changed by your very small inaction..."

He sighed and shook his head, trying to clear the witch's words from his mind. "Fandral, look... we don't have to worry about war with Jotunheim now so, why don't you go swap places with Hogun or Volstagg? You may as well spend as much time with her as you can before you grow bored."

Fandral's expression turned scandalised.  "I could never grow bored of Lady Jane!  Still, if you are giving permission then I should indeed like to go."

Loki made a shooing gesture with his hands.  "Then go!  Send whichever one of them that wants to come back... and do remember to look after my brother too!"  Would it be terribly wrong of him to ask him to send home Volstagg?  Probably.  He sighed and dismissed the idea.

Fandral grinned and bowed to him. "Yes, my king!" Loki shook his head in amazement as Fandral practically danced out of the throne room.

Sif grinned as she too watched him.  The moment that the doors closed behind him, she turned back to Loki. "You are getting soft in your old age, Loki."

Loki snorted. "It suits my purposes to have him spend time with her."  Because then Thor wouldn't have the opportunity to fall in love with the mortal and would want to come home and then things would return to normal.  More strangely, the fact that Fandral was happy made him happy too... Sif was right - he was going soft and yet, he could not bring himself to mind.

Sif pulled him out of his thoughts. "I've been thinking..."

"Are you sure you want to do that - could be dangerous." Before she could take offence, he smiled at her - one of those sweet smiles that made half the women in Asgard fall just a little bit in love with him, and she forgot to be mad. She chuckled and shook her head. "I think I'll survive. Anyway, as I was saying... I think Thor's banishment was good for all of us. It has certainly helped me grow up. Look at me - I followed him blindly into Jotunheim, hardly stopping for a moment to consider what damage our rash actions would cause… yet since you put me on the throne, I've listened to so many people's fears about a war with the Jotuns... We're supposed to protect…everyone!  Somewhere along the line, I forgot to be more than a warrior, Loki.  We all did."

She shook her head and sighed. "We all could have died on Jotunheim. So many could have died afterward because of our actions.  And for what? Because Thor wanted revenge for their interrupting his coronation?" She frowned and rubbed at her forehead. "If they hadn't, he would have been crowned and what would have stopped him from dragging us into war after war, just to satisfy his ego and imagined wounded pride?  We would have followed him then too, just as blindly.”

Loki looked away, thinking of the lives he had laid to waste in his own attempt to make himself feel better. If he hadn't already felt heartily ashamed, he would have in that moment. "No one needs to die for such a senseless reason... not even Jotuns."

“Not even…”  She eyed him. "I think you need to go back there.  To Jotunheim."

"What? Why?" He cast a startled gaze in her direction.

"Why? Because I refuse to believe that they can be the monsters that bitter old men have led us to believe they are. How can they be when they produced you?"

He snorted and laughed. "And I am such a paragon of virtue!"

"Maybe you don't always get it right but, you do try.  That counts for a lot.  Maybe, just maybe, they're just like us.  Only blue.  And good with cold temperatures."  She grinned at him.  “I mean, you are pretty annoying at times and antagonistic but you mean well.”  She laughed and nudged him.

Loki smiled faintly at that and she shrugged. "Then again, maybe they are the monsters we've been led to believe but... since when did you believe anything anyone tells you so blindly?  If it were anything else, you would want to see the evidence with your own eyes.  Why is this different?  Isn't the unknown always that bit more terrifying than the known?"

Loki could think of a thousand lies he could use.  He went for the truth - and bizarrely, that was starting to feel normal.  At least with Sif.  He thought that he might even like that.  "I am afraid to find out, Sif. Because if they are monsters, then so am I."

Sif snorted inelegantly at that. "Nonsense!  Don't be ridiculous. Even if they are, you're not - you're just Loki."

Loki laughed. "One moment you say that there has to be more to them because I come from them, now you're saying that if there's not, it's nothing to do with me. It can't work both ways."

Sif shrugged. "Exactly! And that means they're not monsters."  She grinned at him.  "See?  Flawless logic."

She shrugged. "Just… get to know them, Loki.  Talk to them when it's not life or death and see what you make of them.  I will even go with you, if it helps.  I have to admit that I'm intrigued and also, if I am honest, I want to prove those old idiots wrong.  Again."  The idiotic old men in questions, were after all, the same men who had laughed and deemed her unworthy of being a warrior.

Loki considered her. "All right. When Father wakes or Thor returns - whichever comes first - we will return to Jotunheim."

Sif grinned victoriously. "Excellent decision."

Loki smiled wonderingly at her. "You should think about strong-arming Thor into marrying you. You would make an excellent queen."

Sif snorted. "No thank you.  On both counts."

Ll. Oo. Kk. Ii.

In the end, it really didn't take long for Thor to become worthy once more - once he knew that he was wanted back on Asgard, and what had caused him to be exiled in the first place, it was just a case of being worthy. He stopped allowing his fear to rule him.  He was Thor - he protected those who could not protect themselves.  That could not possibly change just because he was mortal, because being mortal did not stop people on Midgard saving others even if it put their own life at risk.

So, to quote Darcy, he ‘put his big-girl panties on’, saved a woman from a mugging, saved a family from a house fire, rescued a cat from a tree, helped an old woman cross the street and gave every homeless person he saw the money they needed to eat. He would have given them more if he had it.  He did many other things besides… and it felt good.  It felt better than anything he had done on Asgard because he was actually risking something.

Sure, some of it was terrifying - entering an inferno to rescue people trapped inside was by far one of the scariest things he had ever done and he didn't just do it without thought. He did it because no one else was coming and they were trapped and going to die and because to walk away, assuming that the authorities would deal with it eventually, would probably mean their death and really, even one needless death was one too many - every life was precious.

Those were the thoughts speeding through Thor's head as he rushed into the inferno.  He hardly stopped as burning timber glanced against his shoulder as it fell, didn’t even register the pain.  So focused was he on getting to the mortals that he didn't even register Mjölnir flying towards him, or his power flooding back into his system.

It was only as he set the four people down safely outside that he realised that he would not have had the strength to carry them all in one go if he were still mortal; he stared in shock at the hammer he had dropped in favour of being able to set the mortals down carefully. The air left his lungs in a whoosh. "Odin's beard..."

He pushed it all aside though, to focus on the family and make sure that they were all okay.

He stayed on Midgard only long enough to give Darcy the promised fly through the sky with Mjölnir.  He grinned at the beaming young woman as he set her down then gave her a hug.

Darcy beamed even more.  “Dude, that was awesome!  Now… go see Loki – I’ll let the others know and I’m sure that Hogun and Fandral will follow you soon enough… well, Hogun will, anyway.”  She stood and watched as the Bifrost swallowed up a grinning god.

Ll. Oo. Kk. Ii.

Loki had been in the middle of listening to one of the people's complaints - not usually a major problem but at the moment it was quite widespread... the farmer's fields were dry.  They were dry because there was no Thor to bring the thunder and the rains.  He couldn't help but wonder what had happened when Thor exiled himself to Midgard after their mother's death, intent on spending time with his mortal friends. Then again, he supposed the Allfather was awake and had dealt with it.

The farmer scowled as he noticed the regent's faraway look. "My lord, I would beg you to give this probl-" his mouth slammed shut as Loki held up a hand for silence.

The Bifrost had just started up and he knew no one was due to come through on either side. Could it be..?  The whole room fell silent, picking up on Loki's urgency, waiting to see what was about to happen.

When Thor finally strode through the door ten minutes later, it was almost an anti-climax - he didn't announce himself in his usual manner and perhaps because of that, the crowd, whilst welcoming, were not overly so.  A good number even turned to Loki, as if waiting to see how he would react before following suit.

Loki wasn't even sure how to react. Thor was home, his powers restored. He was worthy.

He gave it some thought and realised that he was angry - angry that he had left Loki to do this on his own, left him so long...

He was sure the anger that he felt would override any relief as he waited for Thor to cover the distance to be able to reach him. When his brother was standing before Hlidskjalf, he finally moved to stand in front of him.  Before he could say anything though, Thor had engulfed him in a big hug. "I'm so sorry, brother."

Loki sighed long-sufferingly. "For what in particular?"

Thor shrugged. "Everything." He pulled back, holding his brother at arm's length to look at him. "For starting a needless war, for being gone for so long, for being gone at all... for assuming I knew what you wanted.  For needing such drastic measures to be taken to make me listen to what you were saying.  I am an idiot, of that there is no doubt."

Loki tried to hold onto his anger, he really did but it was ever thus: his anger crumpled the very second that his older sibling apologised for his wrongdoings - or rather, when he knew why he was apologising and actually meant it. Not like the time with the Destroyer and his "whatever I have done to upset you..." speech.

Loki sighed and hugged his brother then, at last. "Welcome home Thor."  For reasons he didn't bother to examine, he felt quite tranquil when Thor once more wrapped those solid arms around him.

Ll. Oo. Kk. Ii.

Later at the feast for Thor's return (after his brother had done the needful and given the realm a thorough soaking) Loki found a quiet moment to tell him of his decision. He practically thrust Gungnir at him. "Here. You will need this - I'm going to Jotunheim on the morrow."  In retrospect, he could have broken the news more gently.

Thor paled visibly at those words. "You are leaving us?"

Loki's eyes widened in horror. "No! No, of course not. Well, I mean yes - temporarily I am.  I merely wish to see how they are getting on... and perhaps get to know their ways better."

Sif butted in then. "I have volunteered to go with him, Thor.  Do not worry so."

Thor relaxed only marginally as he looked between the two.  "You are both leaving me? I can't do this on my own.  I have only just gotten back."

Sif rolled her eyes. "Temporarily, Thor.  You can.  Loki did and he faced much direr odds than you now do.  Even you cannot manage to start another war."  She considered that for a second.  "Hogun, Volstagg and Fandral will be here to ensure you do not start another war."

Hogun looked over. "Not Fandral - Loki gave him permission to spend time with Lady Jane."

Loki eyed Hogun, not liking his tone at all.  It seemed he had not mellowed any towards him even though the others had.  He broke eye contact though as he realised that Thor was eyeing him accusingly.  Loki just shrugged. "Fandral is falling in love for the first time in his life. With a mortal. Let him enjoy it."

For a moment, Thor stared at Loki as though he did not know him at all.  "You have changed."

Loki smirked. "You are imagining things, brother."

"Oh, you know he isn't." Nomusa butted in.

"Shut up. I know that, you know that and I suppose he knows that too but that doesn't mean he has to be so blunt about it."

Nomusa snorted. "What about him? Has he changed?"

"I don't know. What about Jane? Is he going to just snatch her from Fandral's arms now that he is not moping about?"

Nomusa laughed at that idea. "They're not soulmates, Loki. They just found each other attractive at the time."

Loki wrinkled his nose at that. "Well that's a depressing view."  

“It’s the truth – when Thor exiled himself to Midgard after the events with Malekith they managed to last a few months – as you well know.  She liked the idea of having a god love her.  He…well.”  Loki was pulled from the conversation as Thor gently nudged him. "Where did you go just now, brother?  Are you all right?"

Loki blinked and looked at him. "Yes, just thinking about supplies for Jotunheim tomorrow."

He waited for Thor to voice dissatisfaction about the planned trip. A part of him really wanted Thor to try and stop him again. Indeed, Thor's expression suggested he wanted to. "Promise you will come back!" he frowned. "Please, Loki."

Loki blinked, surprised then nodded.  How could he possibly refuse such a heartfelt request from the big oaf anyway?  "Where else would I go? This is my home." He smiled at the older god, reached up and rested the palm of his hand on the side of his brother's neck.  How could this feel so much more intimate than a hug?  Part of him automatically wanted to pull away but it seemed that Thor needed it.  Perhaps… he needed it too.

For a moment, Thor closed his eyes, glad for the simple contact as it grounded him, made him certain that he was home. With Loki. "I had hoped to spend some proper time with you before you went off to a new adventure.  I will miss you, Brother."

Loki smiled and shook his head. "You will be too busy running the realm as Father continues to sleep. Besides, you still have the Warriors...two. And Mother."

Thor smiled ruefully. "It’s not the same." He wrapped his arms around Loki and pulled him closer. He cast his gaze over at Sif.  "You will keep him safe?"

Sif nodded even as Loki squawked in indignation.  "I am more than capable of..."  He stopped and looked at Sif, an apologetic smile upon his face.  "We will keep each other safe."  Sif smiled back at him.

A flicker of jealousy moved through Thor then, even as he dipped his head in acknowledgement of the fact - it seemed that Sif and his brother had gotten close in his absence - but he pushed it down ruthlessly.  They deserved to be happy.  Even if that meant them being happy with each other.

After all these years; after everything that they had been through, why did his heart still hold out hope anyway?  He supposed his face crumpled a little then because a worried Sif spoke up.  "Thor, are you alright?"

He pushed the bleak thought aside and summoned a smile instead for her and his curious brother.  "I suppose the thought of ruling even temporarily is a rather daunting task now that I realise my full responsibility to everyone - but I shall endeavour to live up to it."

Chapter Text

Loki and Sif stepped from the Bifrost into Jotunheim. Their arrival was uneventful, and wasn't that nice? No fighting for survival or over some imagined slight or even because Thor or he or even one of the others had heard of a great treasure in the realm. No the two were merely standing there, engaged in idle conversation as they waited for someone to notice their arrival.  They could have found their own way but there was no point antagonising anyone when they had finally managed a tentative peace.

Much like their first visit to the realm, they were not kept waiting for long at all. Even better - though the giants that greeted them carried weapons, they were not pointed at them or even drawn. The giants were wary but not hostile and, did he mention that that was nice?

Nomusa's laugh rung out clear in his mind at that, more than a little derisive. "And just who is at fault for that, little prince?"

Loki sighed. "As of late?  Mine.  I do seem to have a habit of making enemies wherever I go.  I just thought that it was... nice. That's all."

"Actually Prince, you have not been doing that for a while - or indeed for most of your life.  You left that to Thor.  Before today, could you even remember what it was like to not be hated on sight on entering another realm?"

"...Not really."  That was a thought that astounded him really - it had not been so very long ago that he was welcomed by someone on most realms – mostly because he tended to try and act as a peacemaker after Thor had created chaos. But that was before he had even met Clara and seemed like another lifetime.

As they were led to the palace, Loki was rather disappointed to note that, while there was change to their surroundings - a few of the most noteworthy hazards had been repaired - there was certainly not as much as he had thought there would be given Heimdall’s reports.  He cast a confused glance at Sif but she was too busy looking around, also searching for signs of improvement so didn’t notice.

Just before they stepped into the palace, she pulled Loki aside. "I cannot help but notice that there is not much change in the landscape. Is it possible they have used the Casket for..."  Despite her whispered words, Loki cut her off, wary of being overheard.  "I imagine we will hear soon enough but let’s hope not." He started walking again and she fell into step behind him.

They stood in front of Laufey and once official greetings were out of the way, he got down to business. "I imagined that repairs would have been more obvious given that it has been several months since I was here last."

Laufey sighed. "There has been rather a lot of damage done to Jotunheim in the years since the Casket was taken - and indeed before it was taken. Unfortunately, without a mage to wield the Casket the work is slower than we would like. Our resident mages do what they can and have indeed stabilised much of the worst damage already but..." He tailed off with a shrug.

Loki frowned. "If it is mages you require, there are several I can recommend from the different realms..."

Laufey laughed bitterly. "Only a Jotun mage can easily wield the Casket to Create. Although we all can access ice magic, it is only our mages who can use it properly for anything other than destruction.  A group of my people can use it, of course but it takes a lot out of us.”  Laufey guessed at the question that Loki was about to ask. "Perhaps on Asgard mages are commonplace but it is not so here in Jotunheim - one was born a thousand years ago and no more since."  Loki couldn't resist asking the question despite the fact that Laufey was suddenly looking angry and hostile. "So where is he or she?"

Laufey leaned forward menacingly. "The Mage - my son was placed in the Temple to be blessed by the Goddess and for safekeeping... your father killed him, leaving no trace.  Not even his dead body so that he could be laid to rest with his ancestors."

Laufey watched as Loki gasped and took a step back, stunned.  The shock on his face gave Laufey some satisfaction but he forced himself to remember that this child was not his father - in a short space of time, he had shown far more kindness than Odin ever had.  He sighed and sat back on his icy throne, guilt gnawing at him.  It was not the Jotun way to hold a grudge but the loss of his son who was also their first mage in millennia was simply too much to be forgiven.  "I can still picture him - my son. He was perfect.  Smaller than normal Jotun were of course."

Loki frowned.  "What do you mean?  Why would it be natural for him to be smaller than the rest?"

Laufey sighed and rolled his eyes and Loki recognised that expression - it was one he saw countless times in mirrors down through the years.  He frowned a little at the realisation but put it to the back of his mind until later, like so much else discovered on this visit already.  "My son was a mage - they are naturally smaller than the rest of the population because the goddess rightly saw that a being with immense magic did not need to also be immense in stature."  His eyes narrowed.  "You do not seem as shocked by this story as I would have imagined... you are not unfamiliar with it?"

Loki was sure his jaw must be hitting the ground at this stage - or at the very least, he had become as pale as death.  He turned to look at Sif and noted the smug look on her face.  He snorted with amusement at that even as it grounded him.  "Forgive me your Majesty, I have grown up in a realm were your people are not spoken of favourably."  Well this was what happened when you spent too much time with and thinking about Thor - you just put your foot in it, not even thinking of what you were saying, and to whom.  Where is your silver tongue now?  He thought quickly of what to say to lessen that blow.  "It is apparent already though, in my time with you that what we're told is exaggeration by battle-hardened and bitter old men.  Something I should truthfully have thought of before now, in truth."  He grimaced.

Genuinely amused, Laufey threw his head back and laughed.  "You have a silver tongue, Loki Odinson."  He shook his head, a smile still playing at the corner of his mouth.  "You should hear the stories told of the Aesir - the monsters we tell our children of at night and worse.  So much worse... some of it is even true!"

He stood and looked down at the two.  "Come - I will show you what work we have managed so far. I would not want you to leave here thinking that returning the Casket was a complete waste - or indeed that we were using it for something very stupid indeed."

They were led deeper into Jotunheim to what had to be the main village and it was here, at last, that Loki started to see beauty and reparation. Everything around them seemed to sparkle and glow in the sparse light of the weak Jotunheim sun.  

Sif looked around, noting signs of rebuilding and reparations.  Laufey moved ahead of them to talk to the group surrounding the Casket and she used it to ask Loki a question.  "I wonder if it would look different in your true form."

Loki bit down on the urge to tell her to shut up.  "We will probably never know."

Sif sighed.  "Never?  You still think them monsters? Surely you can see that they are not as terrible as we were told.  You said it yourself - they were tales from old men, exaggerated to make themselves look better.  Norns, not one of them mentioned the burning touch of a Jotun in battle!"

Did he?  No.  He had not been lying in what he said to Laufey - he knew they were not monsters.  That did not mean he wished to claim his place amongst them.  He belonged with Thor.  He scowled. With Asgard. He belonged with Asgard! He ignored Nomusa's laugh and turned to Laufey as he re-joined them.  "Are there children here at present?"

Laufey looked at him intensely for a moment as he considered the question before shrugging and pointing to a slightly shorter Jotun standing off to the left, having a rather intense conversation with a taller giant.  "Sveinn is in his first century and the youngest of us."

Loki and Sif startled a little at that - he was taller than both of them.  "What height are you usually to start?"

Laufey turned to Sif to answer her question, an amused smile on his face.  "About three times the size of one of your own babes."

Both males looked amused at the way Sif paled at that.  Laufey was exaggerating slightly and of course Jotun mothers were also bigger so it balanced out but it was amusing to witness her reaction.  Sif pushed her horror aside.  "Your queen must love birthing your children."

The amused light died in Laufey's eyes.  "Farbauti always maintained that the child was worth it.  She was never the same after Bjorg."

"Bjorg?"

Laufey frowned then realised he had not given them his son's name.  "My stolen son - Bjorg.  It means protection and hope."

Loki stared - it had never occurred to him to think that he might have had another name.  "Protection and hope... Hope for what?"

Laufey looked away.  "A better future."  He sighed.  "It was the main reason for why we were on Midgard so many years ago.”  Neither Loki nor Sif could make the connection. Laufey rolled his eyes.  "Jotunheim does not have many resources but Farbauti's belly was not that swollen despite the pregnancy being advanced - we had hoped the child would be a mage but, it would not do for a child that special to be born into this - or any child for that matter of course.  We went with hopes of either taking some of the hardier animals back or to claim a part of Midgard for ourselves - so few of the mortals resided in the ice it seemed it would not be an issue... Asgard did not share the sentiment."

Loki dropped weakly to a lump of ice behind him that could for that moment double as a seat - not only had he invaded earth with the Chitauri but his people had invaded a millennium ago, on his behalf before he was even born. Somehow that struck him as funny. He started laughing.

He wasn't sure he would ever stop.

Sif looked over at him, worried.  That only increased as Laufey glared at him.  "Please forgive him, your Majesty - he has not slept in some time.  I fear exhaustion is catching up on him."

Laufey considered them both for a moment then nodded tersely.  "Very well.  I have work to attend to in the palace please excuse me."  He walked off with only a bewildered, backwards glance at Loki.  Sif watched him go then sat down beside him.  A now silent Loki flopped against her – a very uncharacteristic reaction from him but he was not quite feeling himself.  "What a mess."

Sif could only nod slowly in agreement before awkwardly wrapping her nearest arm around him.  It was ever so slightly awkward.  It was no big thing to hug Thor but Loki had never seemed to invite physical contact of any kind from anyone.  Still, she felt that he needed it.  Loki's reaction was to shift closer and the hug somehow seemed more natural then and wasn't that just a touch bewildering for them both.  Loki let out a sigh.  "Bjorg Laufeyson... the people of Asgard would love that."

"Why?"  Bizarrely, Sif found herself itching to run her fingers soothingly through his hair as she would for a distressed child.  She pushed the urge down hard.

Loki sighed. "It's a girl's name in Asgard.  Rather fitting, wouldn't you say?  A girl's name for a Jotun runt who does womanly magic whilst hiding at the edges of battle like a scared woman."  He doubted he would ever get past the sting those particular insults caused.

Sif snorted. "Loki, you are what you are.  What else can you be?  So what if you don't match Aesir - or Jotun – expectations!  I don't mean to brag but how much worse off would you all have been if I had settled for being a typical woman?"  She grinned widely.  "Actually, yes I do.  Why not?  If it's good enough for Thor and the Warriors Three..."  She shrugged.  "How much worse off would we all have been if you had tried to be a typical Aesir male?"  She nudged against him.  "You've saved our lives countless times, Loki because you were at the edge, watching our backs.  If nothing else, be proud of that.  Stop seeing the fact that you are different as a negative thing.  How do you expect others to see your true worth if you will not?"  Her arm fell from his shoulders then but she did not move away.

Loki opened his mouth to negate her comment.  It snapped shut just as quickly.  Did Sif have a point?  She was not the first to say that he had an inferiority complex - Tony Stark, and more recently even Clara and her mother had said much the same thing.

Noting his thoughtful expression, she continued.  "Besides, you are not a typical Aesir - you were - and are - a much longed for Jotun child with access to serious magic in a world where that was a benefit to all."  Sif watched her friend's face turn puzzled and smiled a little sadly.  "You do not have to prove yourself to anyone, Loki.  Let your actions speak for themselves as they always have."

Loki grimaced at that.  His actions that had led him to this point had been anything but honourable.  But that was in a forgotten past.  He would die soon enough and when he did, perhaps he would be remembered with something akin to fondness by those who mattered.

He looked at Sif and smiled faintly.  "You know, there's a part of me that thought you might visit here with me to ensure I got stuck and never returned to Asgard."  He felt something inside him heal just a little when she did not hurry to make a joke to cover herself then - as if she had indeed given it thought.  Instead, she looked shocked.  "Loki, no matter what happens here, you will always have a home on Asgard.  You will always be our Prince.  The fact that you were not born on Asgard means nothing.  The King and Queen chose you and that makes you every bit as much their child as Thor is."

Loki mulled that over for a moment.  "You make it sound so easy... do you honestly imagine that Odin would have taken me if I had no magic?"

"Does it matter?  He did, and you do.  Even if you had stayed here, your magic would have been important - maybe even too important... what if war had come again?  How many would have died to protect you?  How many people that you loved would have died to protect you?  People you loved and cared for.  Dying to protect you from the Aesir, from Thor, from Fandral, Volstagg and Hogun... from me..."

Loki sighed. "At least my magic would have been seen as a positive here."

She rolled her eyes.  "Of course it would have.  By some - probably the majority.  But just like on Asgard, there would have been those who feared you because of it.  There might even be those willing to kill you for it out of envy.  Then again, maybe not - we cannot know it would have played out.  The Jotun are actually mostly a race of hunter gatherers.  It's their size that evens the playing field in war.  Take that away... or give a normal-sized Jotun your magic, and imagine how that could play out."  She stopped and considered it for a moment.  "People fear that which is different Loki. It was ever thus.  Look how long it took the Council – and the men at the forefront of armies – to recognise me as one of their best warriors."

Loki made a face as he agitatedly ran a hand through his hair.  "So you're saying I don't belong here either."

Sif smiled faintly. "You're Loki.  You belong wherever you think you do.  If I was to guess where that was, I'd say that was on Asgard."

"Why?"  His voice was tinged with desperation now.

"Because that is where Thor is."  She answered simply, before patting his knee and standing to walk off in the direction of the castle, pausing to glance over her shoulder to ask.  "You coming?"

"In a while."  Loki waved her off, preferring to sit there and think - think about what Sif said.  Because if she had said that to anyone else, he would have expected it to be followed with a "because you love him", but he didn't love Thor.  Not like that.  Did he?

Did he?

Nomusa snickered at that. "Now wouldn't that not put an interesting slant on your fight with Thor, on the Bifrost? You did seem rather focused on his relationship with Jane..."

Loki paled visibly but didn't say or think a word until Nomusa disappeared.  No doubt to focus on even more nefarious schemes back in...wherever she was at present.

"... This is bad."

Chapter Text

Farbauti was furious - of course, many would say that this was entirely normal for her, ever since Bjorg had been slaughtered so viciously by Odin Borson.  She and Laufey had eventually had more children of course -  as the rulers of Jotunheim, they had no choice in that regard - and she loved them both dearly but they could not - and should not - take his place.  There was also the fear that Bor’s son would return and take the others.  That was hard to live with and meant that they never had been able to find even a little peace.

Perhaps she would kill this whelp of his – or even just maim him horrifically and overtly.  That would certainly upset the serpent.  After all, a maimed second son would not be as useful as his firstborn would be to him – the child would never rule and how could he whore out an ugly child to further his standing in the realms?  Especially an ugly second child?

To either herself or Laufey – or indeed any other parent in the nine realms, such an incident could never tarnish their love for their offspring.  But as for the monster?  Well, that would certainly do the trick – vile creatures such as he did not love!  Then, and only then, he might begin to understand even a smidgeon of the pain she dealt with daily – that everyone on the realm dealt with daily because of him.

The thing that gave Farbauti pause was the fact that his son hadbrought back the Casket - true, Jotunheim could not thrive with it unless another mage was born, but they would be able to hold back the decay. That was something.  It gave them time.  Knowing his father as Farbauti did, she would have expected his son to carry out the threat he had briefly mentioned of destroying their realm with the Bifrost yet, he had not.  He had instead chosen a peaceful solution that had the potential to save them, if only another Mage could be born in the realm.  Surely to show such compassion, the child could not be a complete monster!

It was with these contradicting, swirling thoughts that Farbauti walked into the palace. She fully intended to go straight to Laufey and his ‘guests’ but she was met by Byleistr and Helblindi and she had not seen them in over a week.  She sighed and let herself be pulled excitedly into their shared room so that they could fill her in on their first hunting trip with just the two of them.

Two hours later, she had calmed down somewhat. Until Byleistr informed her that Laufey had taken Odin's son to the ice caves. Suddenly her fury was once more at the fore and she was storming out of the palace, her two sons trailing behind her.

Ll. Oo. Kk. Ii.

Loki was not entirely sure what to expect when Laufey told them he would take them to the Ice Caves. Actually that was a lie - he had expected something monstrous – perhaps his dead ancestors were there, encased in ice for all eternity, to be viewed by whoever wished to do so.  Why he had thought that would be the case he did not really know - Laufey had only offered to take Sif and himself to view them when he had overheard Loki saying that everything in the realm seemed to be so desolate, their surroundings only those of necessity and survival.  Sif had snorted and said something about him just being upset because there was nothing for him to read...

When Loki had realised that Laufey had overheard, he had rushed to apologise, not wanting to give offence but Laufey had just looked thoughtfully at them before announcing that he would take them to see the caves.

Laufey had taken them underground through tunnels that were a distance away from the palace and any sign of civilisation – because what was inside was too precious to risk in conflict that came to the realm.  If Loki had been given the time for more than a little thought, he would probably have assumed that somewhere in Jotunheim, there would maybe be ice sculptures or something similar but this? Not for a second! 

Every wall of ice and stone gleamed from the weak sun that streamed in from the roof – a sun that offered a little illumination but no heat. At first he could not make sense of the dazzling effect but as they got closer, he realised that every wall had words and images carved into it.  Some images were coloured in, many were not.  Either way, every surface sparkled due to the ice on it.  

They were not random either – from what Loki had seen so far, they told the story of Jotunheim from its birth to present day and beyond.  There were images of the realm's creation to its foretold ending millennia from now, images relating to his and every other Jotun's birth - there was even a completely terrifying image of the Allfather himself killing the firstborn child of Laufey and Farbauti.  There was plenty of glistening red used to illustrate the point. 

As well as the myriad images, the detailed history of their race was also there in writing.  He needed to get someone from Midgard here to record these images lest something awful should happen to them – this was just too important to lose to the ravages of time.

The cave itself... it was like being in a cavern of gems when someone was playing with the light above them.  Everything glittered and glowed… and enticed. 

Loki was entranced.  He had even removed his gloves to trace over the lines gently – not for too long though, lest he start to turn blue. Even Sif seemed impressed. She looked over at him. "Loki, this story right here - this is your creation and birth followed by the grief of your loss. Look at the Jotun people grief-stricken as much as your parents!" She pointed to the image in question and he nodded in recognition even as he stepped closer to take another look. 

The detail of each drawing was truly astounding - these were no rudimentary carvings, Loki could feel the grief and anger and desolation that was so plainly marked on the faces in front of them. Work like this surely took hours – maybe even days to properly illustrate each scene. 

He peered closely at the red of that particular image and it did look incredibly blood-like.  He wondered if actual blood had been used or if it was some sort of berry or pigment and just how they managed to get it to glisten as much as the ice did. There seemed to be at least a fine coating of ice over it but how did it keep its colour?  So many questions but now was not the time to ask.

Loki looked away from the heart-breaking scene, turning his attention to Sif. "Do you think I would have been happy here?" His gaze strayed back to the wall, entranced whether he wanted to be or not.

He was glad that Sif paused to think on it before answering, wasn’t overly surprised when she shook her head, a bemused expression on her face.  "I honestly don't know Loki - would you have gotten the chance to live here with Thor in Asgard so ready to fight any and all comers - running out into the realms to fight if necessary?  He might well have laid waste to this realm a thousand times over without you there at his side, calming him, but with myself and the Warriors Three there to egg him on at every turn."  She did not point out that there was a good chance Thor would have been dead long ago, if he was not there to talk him down so maybe he would have been just fine – not because she wished to belittle him but rather, because they both knew it and because it was not a pleasant thought.  She instead smirked. "There were quite a few times were you did not in fact encourage Thor to attack Jotunheim."

Loki smiled wryly at that even as he considered her words and shrugged them off.  He too, gave no voice to the idea that Thor would be long dead.  He would not test the Norns in such a fashion.  "Father had the ban in place, remember?  Thor would not have disturbed me here.  Possibly not even for a long time after his coronation."

Sif rolled her eyes. "Oh please – like you would have stayed away from Asgard when it housed the Casket!  Besides, the ban was probably only in place to stop you finding out the truth accidentally. Why would that be in play if you had never been taken to Asgard?"

Loki smiled faintly.  “You are absolutely correct – I would not have stood for my realm becoming so dilapidated when it was in my power to fix it… do you really think that Odin put the ban in place for my benefit?”  It was not a slant he would have put on things, before.  Now though, he had to admit, it made sense.  “I had not thought of that.”

Sif shrugged. "It's easier to think it through logically when not directly affected." She paused for a moment in thought then smiled. "Either way, I think that you and Thor would have met up sooner or later." At his questioning look, she continued. "Neither of you seem to be able to resist the urge to wander for long – alone or with company.  The question would only have been how your meeting would end.  How horrible to think that we all would have naturally ended up on different sides of a conflict.  That’s just so wrong."

Loki grimaced in agreement but the chance for further conversation on the topic was curtailed as Laufey joined them once more. "Is this to your liking, Prince Loki and Lady Sif - both reading material and beauty all in one place?  I suppose it doesn't match up to Asgard..."

Without thinking, Loki cut him off, annoyed. "It does not match as the two are entirely different - this is one of the most beautiful things I have witnessed, King Laufey. With your permission, I would like to return to study it further. There is so much history here that I simply do not know."  It would be interesting to see how much - if anything at all -- matched what he had been taught most of his life on Asgard.

Sif nodded in agreement with Loki before speaking up. "Forgive me, King Laufey but, there doesn't seem to be much here of the Aesir.  I was wondering why."  It had not taken them long to realise that the scenes with the most red in them seemed to be mostly about Asgard but there were only around ten that they had noted in the time they had been given to look around so far.

Laufey snorted with amusement at that. "There is enough, Lady Sif. Contrary to popular belief, the worlds do not turn or fall around Asgard and our lives do not either."

Sif flushed slightly at that and for a second, Loki was fascinated by the rare sight. "I merely meant that, our history is full of stories of..."

Laufey cut her off with a heavy sigh - he could imagine just how much of Aesir history was filled with tales of the Evil Jotun.  "I understood your point.  Aside from times of war, our worlds do not actually intertwine that often.  Other than how to live with defeat, we never learned much from your race so there is no need to record anything useful as we have from other realms.  This is our history, Lady Sif.  It is not always easy but, we do try and present an unbiased retelling of events… as to the last war, we can acknowledge that our downfall was mostly our own doing.”  He turned and pointed to an image off to his right before guiding them towards it. 

It was an image that showed a bloody conflict wherein both Aesir and Jotnar lay dead, blood all around.  Although in it, the Jotun survivors outnumbered the Aesir survivors, there was nothing that suggested triumph in the image.  The expressions on the represented faces were those of mourning.

 “We attacked the realm of Midgard and that was under Asgard's protection, as such your people had to protect it. We were at fault because we did not think it would matter - they were, after all, only mortal..." He rolled his eyes.  “It is that ridiculous thinking that led to our downfall.” 

Laufey pointed to an image on the right of the previous one.  This one must have been at the end of the war.  The people of Jotunheim knelt, weeping over the dead of three different realms as a rather evil-looking Odin carried the Casket away.  "The thing about losing a child is that it enforces the point like nothing else can that, life is precious, regardless of what form it takes… It was right for your people to stop us." He looked from Sif to Loki. "Perhaps if we had explained our problem to Asgard, they would have helped. Alas, our focus was solely on Bjorg's imminent arrival.  Think of the lives that could have been saved if only we had taken the time!"  It was a guilt that Laufey had lived with for years now.

Loki nodded slowly. "But you…" Whatever he was going to say was lost to a deafening roar from outside. A moment later, a very angry frost giant was heading their way.

Ll. Oo. Kk. Ii.

When Farbauti appeared in front of them, Laufey sighed wearily. When she started screeching about Odin's spawn, he gestured quickly to his nearby attendants to escort her out. He would pay for that later, he knew. Meanwhile, he grabbed Loki's wrist and pulled him behind him quickly, keeping him safe, just in case. He did not need to worry about Sif - she had the wit to step behind him too, protecting her prince even as she took shelter behind the king.

Loki blinked as he was hauled back but made no comment otherwise. He and Sif both just stared at the blue speeding along his body from the point of contact with Laufey. He frowned. This wasn't how he meant this to pan out.  Then again, since when had anything in his life ever gone the way he wanted it to?  He would just have to deal with it now, he supposed.

Sif whispered urgently to him.  "Loki, this could be a problem..." He looked at Sif when he heard her saying his name but he just shrugged helplessly as he gestured to the wrist held firmly by Laufey. There was nothing to be done – he could not get free and teleporting would just bring his birth father along with him. Still, it was easier to put all his attention on the changing skin than on the rage being aimed directly at him by his birth mother.  He gestured to Sif to move a little, keeping him firmly out of Farbauti’s sight.

Farbauti needed two of Laufey’s guards and both her sons to subdue her. Finally though, she was being led away. Laufey didn't let his guard down until he could no longer hear her shouts. He let out a weary sigh and turned to look. "I am sorr-." The apology died on his lips as he turned and saw Prince Loki of Asgard, standing before him and turning Jotun blue…

He was only vaguely aware of Loki's friend Sif standing nearby, ready to kill him if he so much as dared to look at the prince funny.  Sif's reaction was really the only thing that managed to push past the cloud of gathering rage - she did not act like she felt that this was a joke by the so-called god of mischief. She did not look angered or embarrassed as one might if a friend played a really bad joke. That and that alone stopped Laufey from attacking for what would could clearly be construed as a deliberate insult.

Why was Odin's youngest son blue? He frowned as a memory of a rumour from years ago relating to Odin's parentage surfaced but before he could grasp it, the blue hit Loki's face and revealed marks that had been seared into his memory years ago.  No two Jotuns had the exact same marks - though they are usually similar enough to those of both parents to know just who sired and birthed them.   Even if two Jotuns were to share parents, there would be differences in the marks.  The marks of his dead oldest son would be impossible to guess at for even his people.  Yet there they were, on the face of his enemy’s son.

Laufey struggled to control his breathing for a second. He carefully, so very carefully, released the prince's wrist and eyed him, warning clear in his tone, his eyes and his body language. "What sort of twisted joke is this..?" Laufey didn't move closer but he didn't take so much as a step back either - he didn't dare move at all for fear of what he would do to the boy.

Loki sighed and pulled his wrist back to his body, cradling it with his hand as though trying to hide the evidence of a misdeed. Despite his obvious discomfort, Loki shrugged apologetically as he returned Laufey's bewildered gaze. "No joke - twisted or otherwise. At least not of my doing. I'm afraid that I am exactly what you think I am. I discovered the truth the first time I was here when one of your men grabbed my wrist. At first, I thought I had been cursed but I learned the truth when Fa-Odin returned us to Asgard.  Lady Sif suggested I tell you sooner but, I admit I was not sure of my reception – I am still not sure of it, truth be told."

It hit Laufey then, like a ton of bricks. His mouth opened and closed uselessly as he tried to form words. He alternately shifted back and forth as though torn between killing or hugging Loki and running away. After a long moment, the latter option appeared to win out as Laufey turned away with a strangled sound and hurriedly walked out. He stopped only long enough to tell the two returned guards to stay in the caves and keep the two there also.

"Well that went wonderfully."  Loki sighed and closed his eyes as he rubbed at the bridge of his nose.

Sif shrugged nonchalantly.  “It will be fine, Loki.”  She hoped.

Nomusa snorted with amusement. "At least you're not dead.  That would be awkward.  And unfortunate for Clara.  You really need to work on your people skills though, if you want to stay alive."

“It was not my fault this time.  How was I to know that he would grab me like that?”

“What happened to the Loki who was prepared for all eventualities?”

“…I have no idea.  Nothing is what I expect it to be anymore.”

“And whose fault is…”

“Don’t even bother finishing that question, Nomusa.  Must you truly spend every possibly moment making my life a misery?”

Nomusa smirked at that.  “Of course not – sometimes I take time off to eat.”  Irritated, Loki smacked his own head in frustration.  Nomusa just laughed and faded away as Sif gave him a concerned look.  “It will be fine, Sif.”  Probably.  Maybe…

Ll. Oo. Kk. Ii.

In the instant of seeing Odin's son transformed into his and Farbauti's son, Laufey had wanted to kill and maim anyone and everyone around him...or hug the boy tightly and never let him go.  He wasn't sure which would have won out if he had stayed there, staring at a face he had thought lost to him centuries ago.

Bearing in mind that it was his son though, he had chosen to walk away until he was able to be calm once more. He had only stopped walking when he found a suitably barren area and then he unleashed his rage. The surrounding structures were pulverised but only a few would notice.  Even less would care.

Two hours later, he headed back to the cave.

Ll. Oo. Kk. Ii.

While his birth father was gone, Loki used the chance to look around at the cave while his true form remained. His blood-red eyes widened as he took in the sight - he had only thought it was beautiful before.

He was good with words, always had been, but he didn't have any way of describing the beauty before him. Awe-widened eyes turned to Sif. "I wish you could see this. It's like nothing I have seen before."

Sif smiled a little at that. Her smile widened more as the blue faded from his skin moments later and his vision returned to normal - the second prince actually pouted and it was adorable. "The look on your face actually makes me wish I could."

"Its beauty is only partly revealed to Aesir eyes. Possibly due to the red colour of my vision playing on the ice but, the colours came to life even more.  It’s… beautiful."  Sif smiled as Loki started rambling about it then, talking more to himself than to her. That was a little more like Loki of old and it made her quite nostalgic actually.

Ll. Oo. Kk. Ii.

When Laufey returned, he couldn't take his eyes off the boy who stood in front of him. He had reverted to his Aesir form but had been willing enough to allow Laufey to take his wrist so he could witness the change once more. He had so many questions but didn't know where to start. As it happened, he just blurted out the first thing that came to mind.  "How are you not dead?"

Hurt flashed through Loki's eyes and Laufey spoke quickly, amending the question. "I don't mean it like that. It's just... Odin took you whilst at war with my people, we thought you dead.  If we had but known, we would have torn Asgard apart...but he kept you alive! Even in our brightest days, when the grief was just a little easier to bear, we never could have considered such a possibility..." He floundered then, looked to his son to explain.

Loki gestured helplessly as he shook his head. "I know as little about the Allfather's reasoning as you do, believe me. He claimed he took me because I had been abandoned. That he hoped that he could unite our realms through me but I don't understand how he hoped to achieve that - why would the Jotun people accept my rule?"

Laufey blinked. "Because you are my son.  Both Byleistr and Helblindi are still quite a few centuries off being ready for it yet.  Perhaps his plan was to bring you back along with the Casket, forcing my hand… Is that why you are here?  Did you return the Casket to improve your standing with your true people?”  He couldn’t bring himself to really believe that.

Loki shook his head hurriedly, his expression earnest.  “It is not my intention, no.  I am sorry but I still feel that my home is on Asgard and whilst I may be a mage of this realm, would your people truly accept my rule, given that I have been raised there?”  He didn’t give Laufey a chance to answer as he continued.  “I want to help though.  Truly.  You are my blood kin and this is your home.  If you would be willing to show me how to use the Casket, I would gladly do what I can to repair the realm.”  It was the best he could offer.  He was not willing to walk away from Thor.  From Asgard!   Shut up, Nomusa.  He decided to beat her to the punch before she could make any comment on that slip.  She laughed at him regardless.

Laufey sighed tiredly and tried to find anger as there should be but he was just too tired and bewildered and astounded by everything right now. "He raised my oldest child to be loyal to Asgard then would install him upon my throne. Add to that, the return of the Casket and Odin would never have to worry about Jotunheim being a threat again."  It seemed the most likely option – and even Laufey could see the genius of it.

Loki sighed and shook his head, moving back a little to lean against the wall. "I cannot say for certain that was his plan but unfortunately, it does seem the most likely.  The only other way would be to marry me off to someone and I don’t see how that would unite the realms.  Unless he intended to keep my true heritage a secret for ever whilst marrying me off to one of your-our people.”  He sighed and shook his head.  Even now, it made no sense to him.  After all these years…

Sif frowned. "Loki, I am sure that he..."

Loki briefly looked over at her but returned his gaze to Laufey.  "You see?  In the face of such deceit, the Aesir still remain loyal."  A bitter smile graced his features.  "Even now, I wish to do what is best for Asgard and its people."  He shook his head, knowing it was not even that simple any more – there was more at stake than the inhabitants of any one realm.

“You do not sound as if you are happy there.  Do you truly not feel you could be happy with us?”

Loki frowned and shook his head.  “I… Asgard is all I have really ever known.  I have not always been happy there but I have also not always been miserable either.  Odin, while not a particularly loving father, ensured I wanted for nothing.” Except perhaps his love, respect, compassion, understanding…but perhaps that is not so hard to understand now.  Except that he had found it impossibly easy to love Clara.  Then again, maybe that was his fault and he was just really difficult to love.

Loki no longer felt sure of anything any more.  He sighed and looked at Laufey.  “You probably hate me now for my candour.  I am sorry.  I do not wish to hurt or offend you.”  He truly didn’t.  For a moment, he tried to match the Loki he was now, with the Loki he had been before Clara… it was shocking to realise just how different he had become; how much he cared.  How did people do this every damned day?  Did everyone spend this amount of time cross-examining their every decision and action?

Laufey’s gaze softened.  “You are my son, returned to me.  I could not hate you – even if you do decide to remain on Asgard for the rest of your life.  You are probably correct – though my people have mourned you, your rule now would be difficult.  Coming and wielding the Casket to repair our realm, they will appreciate it.”  He sighed.  “I want you to be happy.  That is all Farbauti and I ever wanted for our children…”

Ll. Oo. Kk. Ii.

It had not been Thor's intention to watch Loki. Or rather, not for such long periods as he currently was but, Hlidskjálf just made it so easy.  He had only watched initially to ensure that he and Sif were safely received on Jotunheim but even knowing they were had not stopped him randomly checking in for as long as could get away with.

The excuse that he was doing it for Loki and Sif's safety wore thin quickly enough. He had at least, admitted to his mother that he needed to know that Loki was not about to abandon them - abandon him - for Jotunheim.

Whatever his motives, he was actually glad he had done it. He was seeing the strange, alien realm in a way that Thor of Asgard; first-born son of Odin would never have the chance to.  It was a revelation: the people of the realm were just like the Aesir only so much worse off than those who dwelt in the Golden Realm. They had some truly impressive architecture albeit hidden well and showing the loss of the Casket. Their ice caves were filled with history and useful knowledge passed down through the generations and would have stunned him into silence easily, if he had been there and talking. As it was, he had to wipe away tears he felt pooling in his eyes.  The people of Jotunheim were so clearly not the mindless animals that bitter old men had spoken and sung of so often, down through the years.

Not so long ago, he would have happily destroyed Jotunheim. And for what? For some petty grudge over who knew what any more because the grudge was old even decades before he was born.

Even Laufey's reaction at discovering Loki's true parentage was controlled - he had been torn but in the end, he had left Loki and Sif behind to watch the Jotun king had stormed away. He had worried that Laufey intended to raise an army against his brother and his friend – if necessary, he could get to them before the enemy could. 

Thor was shamed further as he realised just how wrong he was – Laufey had left to ensure that his rage would not hurt anyone.  He knew that if he had been in Laufey’s shoes, there would have been no way that he would have reacted so calmly.

Thor was ashamed – the Jotnar were no monsters… but he might well be.

Chapter Text

Loki had thought that Laufey would tell Farbauti exactly who he was straight away but he didn’t.  In fact, he and Sif had been on Jotunheim for an entire month since that moment of revelation and his birth mother was still in the dark about the matter.  While a part of him was glad for it, he had to admit that it made him wonder if it was just a trait of fathers everywhere – that they hid things and used them to their advantage.  He didn’t think that he had done the same but he could not say for certain.

Perhaps he was in fact suicidal after all because he dared to ask Laufey about it.  Or perhaps he was starting to trust the king... perhaps even like him.  Then again, maybe getting all this attention from a father had gone straight to his head.  The thought brought a wry smile to his face.

Laufey had looked surprised for a moment then shrugged.  “I love your mother very much but if I am honest, I am rather afraid of her reaction when she discovers that our son was brought up in the realm that has brought so much misery to ours.  Bearing that in mind, I am spending this time with you, helping you get to know everyone and for them to get to know you.  I want her – and all the realm - to realise that you are not so alien to us, that you have not been changed into someone that she can find no common ground with because of Odin and your time on Asgard.”  He rushed to clarify on noting Loki’s expression.  “I’m just covering all bases, Loki.  I want to make it as easy for her as possible – and for you.  It will be a lot to take in.”

Loki considered that and nodded slowly.  “That makes sense I suppose but, I don’t think it’s the full picture.”

Laufey laughed at that.  “You are a little too astute sometimes, my son.”  He sighed and looked away.  “When you come back, you will be taught how to harness the power of the cube – Farbauti will be the one working with you then so she will get your attention.”

Loki felt alarm creeping over him.  “Laufey...”  And didn’t it feel strange to address a king so informally?  Yet that was what he had been told to call him, because ‘Father’ was still uncomfortable for him.  “...you know I cannot stay here.  I have...”

Holding a hand up, Laufey cut him off.  “I know, Loki.  But you have promised to visit – regularly, at that.  And to help with repairs with the cube.  There will be time.  We will work around you because you are our son, Loki – we will always have time for you.”  He smiled faintly.  “I do not intend to deceive your mother.  I will tell her exactly who you are after you have returned to Asgard.  Then, by the time you return, she will have had plenty of time to calm down and will have reconciled herself to the idea.  As such, you will see her at her best, not the angry woman that has taken her over.  You both deserve that.”  Well, that did indeed make more sense and in truth, Loki was even grateful for it – he didn’t need to see his kith and kin as monsters.  Not any more. 

Ll.  Oo.  Kk.  Ii.

Two weeks after Loki had returned to Asgard, Laufey finally felt the time was right.  It was not an easy conversation and his Queen was definitely not pleased to have been kept in the dark but it was done.  He would gladly take the brunt of her anger if it meant she got it out of her system and could show Loki nothing but the love he so clearly needed - though Loki had not gone into details, he sensed that Asgard had not always been kind to him.  Perhaps in time, he would come to them instead – but that could never happen if he was scared off by his own mother.  They all needed Loki to see Farbauti as she had once been – or as close as she was ever going to be able to get at least.

Farbauti’s anger raged for a solid month.  It was not a pleasant thing to witness but Laufey always ensured that he or some of the guards were watching over her, ensuring that both she and others were safe from her anger.  The others kept at a distance of course, as instructed by their King – it seemed only right that Laufey should be the one to deal with any physical anger… he was after all, the one who had convinced his lover that their son would be safest in the temple.

When Farbauti finally calmed, he asked her to sit down and shared with her everything he knew of their son.  Of course Farbauti wanted to go to him but he convinced her that it was better to let him return on his own terms. 

Loki had given his word after all.  He would be back.  When he was, she would have time with him as they worked with the Casket to repair the realm.

Ll.  Oo.  Kk.  Ii.

When Loki and Sif returned to Asgard, it was to the news that the king was awake.  If Loki was upset by the fact that Odin had not bothered to come see him after so long, he pushed it down, focusing instead on the fact that at least he had not been arrested.  That had to count for something, didn’t it?  He looked at Sif and grimaced.  “Probably best not to come in with me.  I’ll send Thor to you.”

Sif looked set to protest – and she was indeed ready to.  Not so long ago, she would have been pleased at the prospect of Loki being in trouble with his father.  Now though… what if the Allfather banished him as he had Thor?  What if Odin did something worse and they never saw him again?  It surprised her to realise that the thought was distinctly unpalatable.  “Are you sure you should face him on your own?”

Loki smiled then, a bright true smile.  “I do not regret my actions – they saved us all from war but, I thank you for your concern, my Lady.  If I am to face punishment, I will do so gladly knowing that I did the right thing.”

Nomusa’s laugh resounded in his mind.  “My, you have gotten noble, Loki!”

“What would you have me do?  Grovel before his feet?  I see no ill in my actions.  Not this time...unless he would have preferred to have gone to war!”

“I suppose we’ll find out soon enough, won’t we?  What will you do, I wonder, if he sends you out of Asgard for this?”

Loki sagged a little at the thought of having to leave the Realm Eternal for good.  “I don’t know.”  What would he do with this second chance - other than saving Clara and Loretta – if he was banished from Asgard?  He had no clue.

In a moment of generosity, or possibly just because she could not bear to listen to Loki going off on a self-pitying rant, Nomusa decided to be nice.  “I doubt that Thor or the Warriors Three will stand for you being banished, Loki.”

That gave him pause.  “You don’t think that Sif will care?  I… thought we were becoming friends.”

“I am not excluding her.  I am excluding Hogun.”

He didn’t get to ask her what she meant as Sif spoke again, her hand moving to rest on his arm.  He smiled faintly at her and rested his hand on hers in turn.  “I will be fine, Sif.  Thank you for worrying.  Did you ever think that we would be on friendly terms?”

She smiled and shook her head then hugged him on impulse.  It took a little more persuasion but finally Sif did as he bade her and went off to her own home.

Ll.  Oo.  Kk.  Ii.

For all his talk, Loki wasn’t feeling as brave when he got to the palace – he should go straight into the throne room to talk to Odin but he wasn’t ready, not yet.  He decided to go to his rooms and at least freshen up a little before facing the Allfather.

He nearly jumped out of his skin when he walked into his chambers and found his father there, sitting on his bed and apparently waiting for him – Odin had not been in these rooms in at least a century, he was sure.

“F-father.”  He bowed to him out of habit but also to give himself a moment to ready himself for the arguments that were no doubt heading his way.  He vaguely wondered if he would be allowed to see Frigga one last time before he was either cast out or imprisoned for the rest of time.

Odin stood up and looked at his youngest son.  “I apologise for not coming to meet you at the gate but I felt that our conversation was not one for everyone to overhear.  Your chambers seemed like the best place as I imagine you have them well warded to ensure no one can hear what is said..?”

“I…yes…I…”  He frowned.  “You... don’t seem very angry.”  He realised that his posture was stiff and wary; ready for flight, so he forced himself to relax.  He would not apologise for returning the Casket.  Setting the Bifrost on the other realm, killing his own father… these things had been easy enough.  Before.  Now though, they were unthinkable.

Odin sighed.  “How did you and I drift so far apart, Loki?  Do you truly expect punishment?”  Loki just blinked at him, blindsided and that caused his father to smile wryly – he had never known Loki to be at a loss for words before.  He supposed you really did get to see everything when you lived for as long as he had.  He sighed and sat down, patted the bed beside him.  “Sit down please.”

“Nomusa, what is going on?”

“You’re having a conversation with your father.”

“That’s very helpful, thank you.”  Her only response was a laugh.  He sighed and sat down.

Odin took a moment to consider what he wanted to say but wasn’t even sure where to begin.  “You did a good job while I slept.  I am sorry to have left you with such a burden – I knew the Odinsleep was coming but it took me by surprise in the end.  Unfortunate timing, I’m sure you would agree…  Still, it has given you the time to try out ruling and to get to know the people of Jotunheim, has it not?  They are not the monsters that you have been led to believe by stupid old men, are they?”

Loki gaped at him.  “I… what?  Are you not going to tell me off for giving them the Casket?”

Odin levelled his gaze upon his son; his expression was serious but not one of condemnation.  “No.”

“No?  NO?”  That’s it?  He threw his hands up in a confused manner.  “You cast Thor out for far less!”

Odin was taken aback by that.  “You call Thor’s reactions less?  He started a war.  You ended it – in such a way that no one died.  That’s hardly worthy of punishment.  You had three options available to you, Loki – return the Casket; go to war; or much worse, set the Bifrost down upon the realm...  You avoided needless bloodshed.  It was the right choice – the only choice.”

Loki tentatively reached out and poked his father’s arm, just to check that he was real but it was definitely not a hallucination – sitting beside him was Odin Allfather; Odin Borson… and he was not angry with him for giving the Casket back to Asgard’s enemies…  For a moment, Loki – Silvertongue himself – was rendered speechless.

“...WHY?”

Odin looked at him for a moment, studying him with his eye before he turned his gaze to the fire.  “I never intended to keep it so long – a century; two at most – just until things calmed down…that was the plan anyway.”  One side of his mouth lifted in a wry smile.

“So what changed?”

Odin’s turned to look at his youngest again.  “You did.”  He shook his head.  “Such an important event would be of the highest diplomatic importance.  That would mean the Casket’s return would involve a trip for all of us to Jotunheim – myself, Frigga, you and Thor... but you were always so interested in everything around you – how could I then take you to another realm where a simple touch of any of its people would reveal exactly who you are?”

That was a surprise but it couldn’t be that simple, could it?  Nothing with Odin was ever so simple.  “I was not an unwanted child – Laufey and Farbauti grieved for me – they still do!”

Odin sagged and another sigh escaped him.  “I know.  I didn’t know that when I took you – you need to believe me on that if nothing else.  I did not take you out of spite.  At the time, I genuinely believed you had been abandoned.”

“Why am I not angrier about everything?  Why does this seem acceptable?”  There was no response from Nomusa though he could feel her presence in the back of his mind.

“I suppose for any of this to make any sense, I need to go back to where it all began – the war.  No, before that…”  Loki shifted and got a little more comfortable on the bed.  Something told him this was going to take a while.

Odin stood up and moved to the window, staring unseeingly out as he got lost in the past...

Ll.  Oo.  Kk.  Ii.

“Asgard and Jotunheim were not always at war you know – we’ve never been close of course, but once upon a time, there was no real hostility.  It all changed when my father married Bestla.  She was quite the beauty – men from all the nine realms wished to marry her.  She accepted only Bor.”

Loki shook his head, not understanding what that had to do with anything – he had heard the tale before.  How his adoptive grandmother had so smitten the man who had died long before he or Thor were even born.  “What does…”

Odin cut him off.  “I know, you’ve heard this tale before – how he was the envy of every man because of the beautiful wife who now ruled alongside him… the thing I never mentioned to you both was that Bestla was native to Jotunheim – she was a frost giant.”

Loki stared, disbelieving.  “No she wasn’t.”

Odin turned to look at him and snorted.  “Oh, I assure you, she most definitely was – I do not have memories of my mother but the few that I do possess were of her switching her skin easily between blue and golden tones... and smiling; always smiling.  And yes, that makes me and my two brothers - Vili and Vé - half-Jotun.”  He looked away again, giving Loki a moment to try and process that before he took up the thread again.  “She apparently loved Bor dearly - hard as it is to believe that anyone could.”

“Unfortunately for everyone, she did not love him enough – she loved Jotunheim and its people more - much more than even her own children.  She stayed with him long enough to birth three sons and then she returned to her realm once more.  As far as I know, I have no other half-siblings but, who can say for sure?  She died without us ever getting to talk to her again.”

Odin rubbed at his beard then walked over to the fireplace, sitting down on the chair nearby.  “Bor loved my mother far too much to accept this harsh new reality of course.  So he followed after her with the intent of bringing her back only, the Jotnar stood by her, refusing to return her to Asgard – no matter what he threatened, if she didn’t want to go back, she was staying.”

He sighed and shifted on the seat.  “Defeated in this, he returned to Asgard but he was never the same.  He became cruel and short-tempered.  His deep love for Bestla was eaten up with a deeper hate.  A hate that he refused to let go of.”  He stood up again but sat back down and reached for the poker to stoke the fire.  “I don’t remember him as being anything but hateful but I was assured by my elders that before it all turned to ash, he was a good man – a kind man.”  He shook his head regretfully.  “I wish I could remember…”

In that moment, Odin looked vulnerable – nothing more than a child, as he tried to remember his father with fondness.  It was shocking to realise that he had once been the same age as him, with problems every bit as complicated as Loki himself faced.  “Are you saying that that is why he started the war?”

Odin looked at him, a faint smile on his face, pleased that he was following the story because he was not entirely certain he was giving a particularly lucid explanation because it still hurt to think of.  “It is.  Of course, the official reason was their attack on Midgard.”  He held a hand up to stop Loki interrupting.  “I know the true reasons.  Now.  He obviously never bothered to ask and how could I?  Heimdall told me as soon as Laufey told you.  We were so young when Bestla left - we grew up in the shadow of his anger and hatred.  I can only assume that he was waiting for us to grow up so that we could join him in what he imagined would be a glorious battle.  It was not.  It was horrific and wasteful and wrong.” 

A fleeting smile came to Odin’s lips.  “Despite years of listening to his anger and hate – and while I cannot remember him being kind, I still remembered my mother as a loving presence in my life – the few memories I had of her always made me feel a little better.  Perhaps that is why I could never completely engage in the war.  My brothers and I went though – to do otherwise would have been to damn ourselves in his eyes and there was no possibility of relying on paternal love to save us.”

“He died in the first proper battle, killed by one of our own in fact – unintentionally obviously.  Such shame was of course brushed under the carpet and they sing songs now, only of his great and heroic death.”  He shrugged carelessly.  “Despite what he had become and what he had dragged them into, the people of Asgard wanted vengeance.  Can you imagine – freed from his tyranny and they still wished only to avenge him...   So I did the only thing I could.  I led our people into battle and it was gruesome – my brothers fell next and I still don’t know the details of what happened to them other that they died just before the battle ended, in fact. I sometimes wonder what they would have become.  You and your brother remind me so much of them...”  He shook off that particular thought with a sigh.  “For all extents and purposes, we won.”

“You don’t sound very pleased about that – they still sing great songs about your victory that day.”

Odin snapped at him.  “Victory that comes at such a high cost is nothing to be proud of!  Too many died on both sides for the sake of my father’s pride!”  His mouth snapped shut and he looked embarrassed at his own outburst.  “My apologies, Son - as you can see, even now the whole mess leaves a bad taste.  I understand that war happens and is in fact a necessary evil but, to go to it because of a lost love who doesn’t love enough to stay with you?” 

Loki watched as his father suddenly moved over to his bookshelf and started scanning the books there.  “People have gone to war for less – a war on Midgard started because of a woman’s reputed beauty once.”

Odin turned back to him and smiled faintly.  “In that case, stupidity is not a gift bequeathed only to the Aesir.”

Loki couldn’t help but be amused at that, even if it was only faint amusement.  His smile faded quickly though.  “That does not really explain why you took me, though.”

Odin sighed and moved back to the window.  His restlessness was definitely getting annoying but Loki pushed back the urge to say something about it.  Just.

“Even as the war came to an end, I saw how stupidly futile it all was.  I hated every moment of it – it was my first real glimpse of exactly what it meant to be King.  Your will is no longer your own.  No, you have to do what the people wish...  I had the Casket though, I should have left but guilt weighs heavy.”

“I could not shift my guilt.  When I neared the temple, I decided to enter – with the intention of asking their gods – and possibly my mother too - for forgiveness because I had not been brave enough to stand up to my father in his madness.  Unfortunately I walked into a less than pleasant scene – my men had entered into the sacred building, despite my express instructions not to.  They had slaughtered everyone in it and there they stood, as if expecting my praise.”  Odin’s countenance darkened at the memory.  “I let them leave the building before I repaid the favour – I would not allow more blood to spill on hallowed ground.  I walked back in there afterwards to finish what I started... and that’s when I heard you.”

Odin sighed.  “You were crying and I must confess it was rather distressing for me.  Father had taken me to battle as Thor was born and my heart ached for him – ached for a frost giant child lying alone and distressed.  I could not leave you like that.”

A faint smile graced his lips as he looked at his son.  “I didn’t recognise the marks you bore – if I had been allowed to know my mother’s people, things might have been so different.  Instead, all I saw was a vulnerable child, left behind in the temple.  I assumed at the time it was because you were unwanted or your parents were dead... either way, you had no one.”  A muscle ticked in his cheek.  “What is that Midgardian expression... to assume is to make an ass out of you and me... perhaps it loses something in translation but there’s no denying that my assumptions in that moment had the direst of consequences.” 

Loki floundered a little.  “You could have taken me to any number of frost giants...”

Odin looked unconvinced.  “If I had known who you were, I undoubtedly would have but I did not.  I had a horrible feeling that if I was to take you to Laufey and try and explain what had happened, he would have slaughtered you on the spot, fearing a trap – or even just to make a point.  I was... afraid for you.”

He fell silent then and Loki turned his gaze from him to stare instead into the fire off to his side.  “I still don’t understand why you took me.  There’s more to it than this, there has to be.”

Odin shrugged.  “I saw a frost giant child abandoned, I saw two realms at war mostly because of my father’s actions but also partly because we never understood each other.  Worse in that moment, I had a flash of understanding – this war would not stop just because I wanted it to.  It would most likely carry into the next generation too... my son would continue on the most pointless of fights and he would do it with a song in his heart because that’s what the realm wanted of him.  I wasn’t strong enough to stand against what the people wanted but I knew I had to ensure that Thor was.  Somehow.  The moment that your skin changed, I knew I was going to take you back to Asgard with me.  We would raise you and look after you and you could testify to the people of Jotunheim that we were not monsters, that we were in fact, much like them.  More importantly, you would make Thor aware that frost giants are not inherently evil.”

“...It was two weeks after we got back to Asgard that Heimdall told us exactly who you were.  My first reaction was to return you because I knew the pain of being separated from your child but, Frigga and Thor loved you so and I could not bear to hurt them either.  Besides, what sort of world would we be sending you back to?  Jotunheim was a shell of its former self after our attack.  The thought of sending you there did not sit well with me.  So I told myself we would keep you along with the Casket, return you both together.”

A wry laugh emitted from his father then.  “Isn’t it funny the lies we can tell ourselves?  Obviously I didn’t take you back.  Because then there was the excuse of discovering you were a mage and of course, we had access to so much more magic than Jotunheim.  Why, it was only logical to keep you until you had a good enough grasp on everything – and so we got you the best tutors money could buy and time passed...”

“There was always more magic for you to learn... You were such an inquisitive child and both Frigga and I were enormously grateful for that fact.  It was all just excuses of course – we had long since stopped thinking of you as anything other than ours.”

Loki gawped at him as a thought finally registered.  “You are half frost giant – that means that Thor has frost giant blood too.”

Odin rolled his eyes.  “I did tell him the tale once, thought that would be enough.  I suppose I was wrong – it probably flew out of his head the moment that he walked out the door.”

“Did you cast a spell on him too?  Changing his colour?”

Odin shook his head.  “No, I imagine that if he were more talented with Seidr, he could change his appearance but he has never had that inclination.  He was born looking Aesir for all extents and purposes.”

An imitation of a smile came to Odin’s lips.  “There is another part to the tale – I really should have mentioned it to start with but it’s hard to keep it all straight…  It was the reason I realised that this war would not end with me – would in fact carry down to Thor and beyond.”

“When I lifted you that first time, I had a vision I think – I saw my son, fully grown, bloodied and the worse for wear, the bodies of frost giants, dead at his feet as he held my father’s blade aloft ready to strike: to strike at the last remaining frost giant – one beaten and bloody, on his knees in front of him, defiant to the last but unable to fight any longer… I watched as Bor’s blade sliced through the Jotun’s neck as though through nothing more substantial than butter.  That was terrible to behold but far worse was the joy and pleasure writ clear upon my own child’s face – he had killed without mercy… distant members of his own family.”

It was the first time that Odin had ever spoke of that particular vision though it had plagued him down through the years.  “I don’t even remember if it was truly Thor I saw that day or if I have just planted him there.  I do know that the child before him was Laufey’s son…”  He smiled sadly.  “I cannot lie, my son – the thought of you and Thor being on opposite sides of a conflict terrifies me.  I would lose a son either way.”

Loki stared at him, his eyes filling with tears but he blinked furiously to get rid of them.  “Was it worth it?  Bringing me to Asgard?  I’ve hardly been the easiest child to deal with.”

Odin’s laugh barked out.  He reached up and placed a hand on Loki’s cheek.  “Loki, taking you might have brought pain to your birth parents and for that I am sorry... but I cannot truly regret my actions.  You have brought joy and light and fun to this realm far more than you have brought pain and hurt…”

“You have brought joy and light and fun to me.  To our family.  You are irreplaceable.”

“Oh.”

“I told you that you were an idiot.  You’ve been wrong on just about everything.  Well, apart from Hogun of course and, who knows – maybe in time he too will stop being an ass.”

Loki might have bothered to think of something smart to say but any thought fled his mind as he was engulfed in a hug from his father.  The tears fell then and he clung to the older god.

Ll.  Oo.  Kk.  Ii.

When Odin finally left, Loki could think of nothing but sleeping – it was all so much to process right then.  Or possibly ever.  He was also sure that his father still held something back but that was probably just as well because any more and quite possibly, his brain would explode.

He flopped down on the bed just as a knock on the door sounded.  When he bade whoever it was enter, he found that he was taken by surprise yet again – it was his big oaf of a brother.  “Since when do you knock?”

Thor shrugged sheepishly.  “I watched you from Hlidskjalf, I am sorry.  I felt guilty about it but I needed to make sure that you were safe.  Then I just wanted to learn more of the frost giants… now that you are home once more, will you tell me about them?”

Loki sighed.  “Thor, you saw all I did apparently…”

“I know but, I would like to hear your thoughts on the subject… please brother?”

Please?  He had not even known that word was in his brother’s vocabulary. He relented with a sigh – he was not going to be able to sleep with so much on his mind.  “All right.  Come on, you big oaf.”

Thor grinned and flopped down on the bed beside him, laying down and turning on his side.  “I’m listening…”  And if that big grin did something strange to his heart, Loki was not telling.  His hand though, shot out of its own volition and tucked a wayward strand of hair behind his brother’s ear.  “Where would you like me to start..?”

Chapter Text

After talking long into the night, Loki and Thor had fallen asleep in Loki's bed, but with so much to think on, the younger god's brain could not stay silent for long.

He woke in the light of the early morning, tired but oh, so comfortable. It took him a while to realise that this comfort was due to the fact that he was currently using his brother for a mattress, he quickly shoved himself up, intent on moving away but in so doing, he pulled the blankets down.

His eyes were drawn inexorably down to his sleeping brother - and that cursed morning light which had woken him now gave him the chance to look at his brother; to admire his golden chest in a way last night's darkness had not allowed him to.  How long since he had last seen Thor like this?  Some time before everything had changed; before he had let the frost giants into Asgard.  He had forgotten just how perfectly formed the older god was – he was truly a sight to behold.

He facepalmed as he realised just what he had been thinking. It was preposterous - he was not admiring his brother. Not like that. He was just... coveting his form.

Nomusa giggled at that. "Oh you definitely were!"

"Not like that! Why can't I be like him?"

"Would not the worlds be rather boring if we all looked the same - could you appreciate his hotness if you looked just as he?"

Loki sighed. "I suppose not." He was still half-asleep, that's the only reason it took him so long to register all her words. "HOTNESS? I never said that! What does that even mean?"  Of course he knew - the word in this particular instance was used a lot by Loretta, when she was talking about her current celebrity crush - Tom someone or other.  A sigh escaped him at the thought of his lost friends but Nomusa didn’t give him a chance to brood on it.

Nomusa giggled. "Oh come on, Loki - Thor is HOT! Who wouldn't want to do things to that body? Or have those hands sliding over their skin?" She was practically purring at the thought of it.

Loki closed his eyes and rubbed at his forehead.  "I really don't need these thoughts in my head, Nomusa."

"Really? Damn, thoughts like that make my day so much better - just look at his hands, Loki... can't you just imagine those hands sliding over your skin?"

"Just imagine - He wakes up and stares at you with those gorgeous blue eyes of his, those big hands reach up to pull you back down. Then, when you're hovering over him, he'll pull you close enough to kiss... and oh, those lips... they'd be soft and firm, kissing you in such a way that you can't help but surrender. It's sheer heaven, that simple kiss. Not that his hands are still of course because, they're busy sliding down your sides, under your tunic to touch your skin - gently at first, testing the water but finally bolder, firm strokes moving up until thumbs trace over your nipples, just as his tongue slides into your mouth to taste yours-"

Loki could imagine it clearly. He had never considered himself a particularly sexual creature but her words heated his blood and it was shocking and embarrassing all at once.

"Lost in the moment, you moan his name against his lips - or maybe brother - and he loses it... in one easy moment, your positions are reversed and you're underneath him, whining at the loss of contact. A soft laugh escapes him as he takes the time to pull your tunic off before his head sinks to taste your throat, his prickly beard only enhancing the wonderful sensations."

"All you can do is close your eyes as your hands slide into his hair. Meanwhile his mouth slides lower, his tongue traces over your nipple, teases lightly with his teeth before sucking on it... and it's all so intense, no - new, like nothing you have ever felt before. You can't help but arch up, trying to get closer, to get more-"

Loki clapped his hand over his ears to try and drown her out but of course he could still hear her.

"His hands are moving down again - they tease lightly as they trail a slow path downwards, under your trou-"

"SHUT UP!" and she did, thank the Norns. Unfortunately, his words also startled Thor awake.

Thor bolted upright, hand out and ready to call for Mjölnir but even his sleepy brain could register that Loki was not in danger right then. He reached for his brother. "Loki..?" Before he was able to make contact, Loki scrambled from the bed and turned so his body mostly faced away from him. Thor looked quizzically at him.

Loki's face was still red and he couldn't feel more awkward than he did in that moment. "S-sorry - bad dream. Go back to sleep... I'm going to take a bath." A cold one.

Thor smiled fondly at that. "All right brother." He was asleep almost as soon as his head hit the pillow.

Loki meanwhile, wanted to die.

Nomusa's giggle resounded again. "Well, on Midgard, they do call orgasm la Petite Mort... Little Death..."

Loki did not think he could be any more embarrassed. He was wrong. "Shut up!"

Nomusa just laughed all the harder.

Ll. Oo. Kk. Ii.

Loki took a long bath, using a little Seidr to warm it after a while once his body was his own again.

He felt almost normal again by the time he clambered out of the tub... but he had not brought any clothes with him. A heavy sigh escaped him as he wrapped a towel around his waist before peeping out the door.

Content that Thor was still asleep, he walked out and grabbed his clothes quickly.

He should have known better than to look over at his brother. Really.

Nomusa purred. "Picture those hands of his, pulling you close by that towel... such a shame that it caused it to fall to the floor really because now he cannot resist, not for a second. you can only watch helplessly as the Mighty Thunderer falls to his knees before you and he's placing a kiss on the tip of your-"

"Arggh!" A strangled scream escaped him and Loki rushed back into the bathroom. Thor stirred only enough to wrinkle his forehead.

Nomusa appeared before him then but before he could reach up to strangle her, she disappeared only to appear behind him. He turned to eye her, a little desperately. "What game is this, Nomusa?"

Nomusa shrugged, a playful grin on her face. "It's called food for thought."

"What does that mean?"

She turned to the mirror and preened for a moment and Loki could almost swear she had changed since last he saw her. "Oh come now, Loki - even you cannot be that dense!"  She disappeared again but her voice he could still hear.

"Thor walks into a crowded room, he has eyes only for you. Doesn't matter who tries to talk to him, he doesn't even register their existence. Just you... before you know it, he is right there, pulling you into his arms and kissing you like nothing else matters..."

"If you keep this up, I will bash my head against a wall until I am unconscious!"

"Sounds painful." She laughed. "Then again, it depends what head and whether the wall refers to Thor's chest or not because that could be hot in the right circumstances..."  She considered that for a moment and her tone turned serious.  “Hmm, I’ll admit that wasn’t one of my best ones but it seems to have gotten the point across anyway.”  She giggled at him but fell silent after a moment, allowing him to dress in peace.

Nomusa only shut up when Thor knocked at the door. "Loki, I'll be back in a few moments - I think breakfast is in order!"

Ll. Oo. Kk. Ii.

Nomusa was not as graphic after that but she chose her moments carefully: When Thor sucked some honey off his finger... ooh, what he could do with that mouth - the heat of his mouth contrasting amazingly against your cooler skin..."

Loki had choked on his drink, causing a worried Thor to slap his back a few times. The slight pain of it caused Nomusa's words to flee from his mind for a moment.

While sparring. They were using staves and Nomusa didn't seem to be able to focus at all. "Those hands...those fingers...just imagine the feel of them, sliding slowly into your-"

It was actually quite a relief to be caught unawares, the staff smashing into his head and stunning him a little.

Thor was quick to drop his weapon and offer him a hand up. Loki regretted taking it almost immediately - because he could not help feeling the texture of his brother's hands and remembering Nomusa's words. His face warmed and the demon laughed heartily.

He decided to forego dinner with his parents that night.

Nomusa did not let up for a further two days.  Such a short span of time to someone who had lived for centuries but Norns, it felt like an eternity.

Loki decided that as soon as Laufey sent word that Farbauti was ready, he would go back to Jotunheim to start with reparations.  It would be good to get away for a while, to clear his head and sort his thoughts out.

“Sugar coat it however you please, Loki but the fact is that you’re running away.  Running from Thor… he’ll still be here, waiting for you on your return.  And when you’re in Asgard, you have to deal with all those other feelings…”

He didn’t even bother to deny the accusation.

Ll.  Oo.  Kk.  Ii.

When he informed his family that he had gotten word from Laufey and intended to return to Jotunheim for a month or so, he really should have seen it coming – his brother asked Odin and Frigga’s permission to go with him, to help with the repairs too.

Nomusa’s laugh was hearty.  “Oh, this is just too precious.  All that time, alone with your brother.”

“I will hardly be alone with him – besides Odin will not allow him-“

His mouth snapped shut in the middle of his comment when Odin happily gave his consent. 

It was going to be a very long couple of months!

Chapter Text

Loki had been in the middle of packing for Jotunheim when Nomusa appeared in the room beside him.  “I’m busy.”

Nomusa laughed.  “Oh calm down, brat.” Loki raised a brow at that but said nothing.  “I’m not going to remind you just how hot Thor actually is.  Not now, anyway – it’s best done when you have an audience.”

Loki sighed long-sufferingly.  “What exactly do you want?  I’m busy.”

A giggle escaped her.  “Yes, you mentioned.  I just want to talk.”

“About..?”

“I have not quite decided yet.  Why don’t you start?”  He just eyed her before putting a few more things into the bag that was slowly filling up.

Nomusa shrugged.  “Fine, fine… we’ll start with these, shall we?”  She lifted up a set of daggers from the newly made pile, admiring them until Loki snatched them away and set them back on the pile.  She eyed him and lifted them again to study them closer.  “Who bought them for you?”

Loki scowled and tried to snatch them back but Nomusa put them behind her back.  It was fine – he had plenty of other things to pack anyway.  “Fandral.  Now, I have answered your question so put them back!”

Nomusa rolled her eyes and held the daggers up to the light, watching the way they sparkled.  “They must have cost him a pretty penny.”

Loki snorted.  “He won them in a game and had no use for such womanly weapons so he gave them to me.”

“And yet you still use them?”

He shrugged.  “They were forged by the dwarves. They have enchantments also, to make sure that they don’t break and that they return to their owner.”

Nomusa looked at the daggers again before looking at him.  “I think you’re lying to me.”

“About what, in particular?”

“Did Fandral actually say that to you - about them being womanly?”

Loki huffed.  “No, of course not – he was never so obvious in his insults.  He told me that he won them in a game but that he had no use for them and gave them to me, knowing that I do indeed use daggers.”

The demon nodded slowly.  “Seems feasible, I suppose.”

“Meaning..?”

She gave him a bland look.  “Meaning that it seems like a feasible excuse.”

“Are you trying to insinuate that I stole the damned things?  I assure you that-”

Interrupting, Nomusa spoke as she rolled her eyes.  “It was a feasible excuse for Fandral.  He did not win them in a game of cards.  They were designed for you.  He called in quite a few favours to make it happen.”

Loki looked at her.  “Rubbish.”

She eyed him disparagingly.  “Little god, might I remind you that I am a lot older than you and, while you might think your life is the be-all and end-all, I can assure you it’s not – your lives are nothing more than a soap opera for me for the most part.  I assure you, I saw him commissioning those daggers.  They were designed with you in mind.”

Loki decided to ignore most of what she had said.  “If that’s so, why would Fandral lie about it?  I have never known him to hide a good deed yet!  Why hide this?”

As his words registered, her brows kept raising higher and higher until Loki wondered if they would just fall off her face.  “Are you serious?  You’ve been prickly for years, Loki… he wanted to give you a gift that would show you were a valued friend and that your talents were appreciated even if none of them ever said it; because that is what friends do - they assume that the other knows that they matter because why else would they seek each other out?  But Fandral was not quite brave enough to say any of that to your face…”

Confused, he shook his head.  “Meaning what, exactly?”

“Meaning… what is the last gift that Thor gave you?  The book on your bed, waiting to be packed - A Christmas Carol, right?  That’s why it’s so important to you, isn’t it?  Rather, it’s the last one you accepted.  From that point onwards, you threw Thor’s gifts back at him, usually with a few angry words…”

Loki inwardly cursed at the way his cheeks heated.  “He started bringing me gifts that he would bring his women – flowers, chocolates...”

“Perhaps he was working through a list, trying to find something that you would actually appreciate… but we’re not talking about him.  We’re talking about Fandral – he got a gift for you, put so much thought into it in the hopes of stopping you drifting away from all of them yet, at the end, he was not brave enough to give it to you directly.  What does that say about you, Loki?  That Fandral didn’t trust that you wouldn’t be cruel and insulting to him and about his gift?”

“…but… he is not my friend – he’s Thor’s.”

Nomusa took a deep breath and let it out slowly.  “Loki, it is possible for him to want to be friends with you both, you know – there’s no rule that says someone can only be your friends or Thor’s.”  She guessed at what was coming next.  “Yes, you and Thor are different on a lot of levels but, that doesn’t mean that people cannot care for you both.”  She poked his arm.  “Look how deeply Clara and Loretta care for you – even after all the things that you did to their world, they saw through all that to the good man hiding deep down.  Don’t you think it’s possible that others saw him when he was not quite so hidden?”

Loki’s eyes filled with tears and her voice softened.  “Next time you practice with them all, take the daggers and let him see them – watch the way he lights up when you use them…  It means a lot to him to know that his gift was well-received, even if he had to lie about it.”

It was an automatic reaction to negate her words but he bit down on it. He had been wrong about Sif, after all – why could he not also be wrong about Fandral?  Perhaps there really was a chance that the other man actually wished to spend time with him for his own sake rather than to appease Thor…  “It was so much easier when I could believe that everyone hated me.”  How long ago now that was starting to seem.

Nomusa snorted.  “Of course it was – then you did not have to worry about disappointing anyone or hurting them.  You had no expectations to meet other than the fact that you would disappoint… but where’s the fun in that, hmm?  Have you not felt at least a little better, knowing that people give a damn about you?  You might not believe in all of Asgard but you have the people of Jotunheim and your mother, Sif… Fandral…  That’s more than you had before.  Clara and Loretta too of course, if they were still…”

He sighed.  “Don’t say it.  Please.”  He shook his head.  “I am not sure what to make out of any of this.  You turned my whole world on its head.  Surely this is just a dream!”

She shrugged.  “If discovering that Fandral has not just decided to be your friend because Sif says that you are acceptable, that’s not such a bad thing, is it?  Dream big, little Prince!”

He considered her words.  “Dream big… heh.  Is this the part where you tell me that Fandral has done all this because he’s secretly been in love with me for years?”

Nomusa laughed at that.  “Of course not!  Fandral’s head over heels in love with Jane.”

Loki laughed in turn at the absurdity of the whole thing.  “I had forgotten… I am glad that Thor has no knowledge of how it was…  Or Fandral!  He would probably break up with Jane just to ensure that Thor wasn’t hurt any further.”

“No probably about it – Fandral has a ridiculously pure heart.  He is noble and kind and would not dream of hurting a soul who didn’t deserve it.  He would sacrifice the love of his life gladly to protect the heart of his friend.  Good job he does not need to… how does it feel to know that, if you had not let the frost giants in, Fandral would not have met the love of his life?”

Loki’s eyes widened in shock.  “Surely, if she was the love of his life, they would have met somehow.”

Nomusa shrugged.  “Not in this life cycle, no.  How would they?  The Coronation would have gone ahead and it would have been beyond Odin to banish his son anywhere – when he finally came to Midgard, he would certainly not have been someone that Jane would have bothered with.  Why then would Fandral have gotten a chance either?”

He shook his head.  “Can we talk about something else?”

Nomusa shrugged.  “As you wish… what about Sif?  Do you have a favourite gift from her?”

Loki didn’t have to think about it – he moved over to a small box by his bedside and fished around for a moment before pulling out an amulet – it was split in two by an s shape, one side red, the other green.  With a blue dot in the centre of the biggest part of each.  He held it out to her. 

Nomusa looked at it and smirked.  “Ah, Taijitu… do you know the significance of it?”  He shook his head.  “It’s a Midgardian symbol representing Yin and Yang – meaning the concept of opposites existing in harmony.”  She smiled a little.  “Quite apt really, considering the pair of you.  One would almost think it had been designed with you both you and Thor in mind.” 

Was it odd that this comment made Loki want to stick his tongue out at her, much as he had seen Clara do over the years when someone was annoying her?  He should probably just be grateful that it didn’t make him break out in homicidal rage.  “I doubt somehow, that Sif knew the significance of the amulet.”

Nomusa grinned at him.  “You would be correct – your friend just thought you would like it.”

Loki laughed and moved to put the amulet back but changed his mind and put it into his pocket instead.  “That woman knows me a little too well, I think.”

Nomusa nodded in agreement.  “Okay… what about Volstagg?”

Loki looked flummoxed.  “I…  I can’t show you anything.”

She eyed him sceptically.  “Do you really expect me to believe that he has never given you a gift?”

The god laughed.  “Oh, he’s given me plenty of gifts down through the years – he was always giving me food, trying to fatten me up…”

“You weren’t offended by that?”

“Food is very important to Volstagg – I think once upon a time, he must not have had any so it was always on his mind.  I imagine that is why he never passes up any food offered to him.”  He smiled fondly.  “He gives food gifts to everyone – he doesn’t seem to realise that not everyone places the same importance on it as he does.”  His gaze followed the witch as she sat down on his bed. 

“So what was your favourite gift from him?”

Loki considered.  “There is a plant that only bears fruit once every five hundred years – it grows on Niflheim… Apparently he has gone there every single time and brought the fruit home to his wife so that she can make pudding for him.”  Nomusa just nodded in understanding so he continued.  “The last time was just after Angrboda told me in no uncertain terms to stay away from her…  Volstagg showed up at my door one day with the pudding.  He gave it all to me.  All of it.”

Nomusa grinned.  “So did you make him watch while you ate it?”

Loki snorted.  “It was the first bit of kindness I had received from anyone in a while.  I burst into tears… it was all very embarrassing.  Volstagg, in fairness, didn’t even flinch.  He set the pudding down and hugged me.  That was more than Odin – my supposedly loving father – was able to manage.” 

He sighed and shook his head.  “He didn’t say a word, I didn’t say a word… he just sat with me then, when I was ready he cut a slice of the pudding for me.”  Loki gave Nomusa a crooked grin.  “I insisted he ate the rest.  He’s right – it was the most delicious thing I had ever tasted.  And not just because I hadn’t eaten in weeks either.”

Nomusa smiled at him as silence fell.  Realising that he had nothing further to add, she asked about Hogun.

“Ah, Hogun – his gifts are all very generic.  Stuff I will need – basic supplies for new spells, sharpening stones, that sort of thing.”  She seemed to be waiting for more so he thought deeper on the subject.  “…he never joined in the jokes; never called me womanly or said that I was a coward – Hogun never really insulted anyone.”

Nomusa tilted her head.  “Why do you suppose that is?”  He shook his head, not knowing.  “Come on, prince – don’t let your supposed intelligence disappoint me now!”

Loki sat down on the bed too and flopped back to stare up at the ceiling as he pondered it.  Eventually he spoke again.  “Possibly he was not any surer of his place in the group than I was.  As such, he did not feel able to make those comments that the rest did with such ease…”

“Possibly…what else?”

“Hmm…  he didn’t feel it was right to do it?”

“Why?”

“Because… if everyone picks on one person, that person feels ganged up on… unwanted…”

Nomusa flopped down beside him.  “That would indeed be a rare insight for someone who has spent so much time with the thick-headed Aesir… what would make him possibly think of that?”

Loki glanced over at her, a frown on his face.  She shrugged.  “What makes you aware of how other people might be feeling in a given situation?”

“I’ve been through it myself…  Oh.  But…no one of Asgard would dare do that to Hogun!”

She raised a brow at that.  “Yet they dare to do it to a Prince of the Realm?”  She shook her head.  “If they do not, it’s because he has learned what it takes to stop the bullying.  He has learned the hard way.  Now, when he goes home, he is respected.  Not for his many good deeds though – but because he has a friend in Thor Odinson.  Can you imagine what it’s like to finally gain the respect you’ve always wanted, simply because you are friends with the golden prince of Asgard?”

Loki’s eyes widened at that.  “That’s absurd – Hogun is a great warrior and anyone who cannot see that is clearly blind!  Why would his own people not acknowledge that fact?”

“Indeed – you and Asgard know that.  His own people have been witness to that too.  Do you know who they credit though?”

“…Thor?” She nodded and he sighed.  “Thor…”

She poked his temple.  “It’s not Thor’s fault either so don’t go thinking that’s the point I’m making.  I assure you, it’s not.  Why do you think that Thor is friends with Hogun?”

Loki shrugged.  “They think alike.  And he allows Thor the chance to talk even more about how perfect he is?”

Nomusa laughed and rolled her eyes.  “Thor, like your mother, is a great judge of character even though he sometimes doesn’t bother to exercise the talent.  None of your four friends are acceptable really, on one level or another – Volstagg cares more about eating than fighting.  Not that he lets the side down on the fighting of course; Hogun dares to be silent when the men of Asgard are known for talking long and loudly about their every single victory; Fandral would choose the company of women over even the men who serve under him; and Sif of course, is a woman doing what traditionally only men do.  What do they all have in common?  Oh, you can include yourself in this given that you’re a man who fills what is traditionally a woman’s role.”

Loki sighed and looked away, staring at the ceiling once more.  A flick of his hand caused stars to pop into existence on the ceiling.  “None of us fit into Asgard’s view of what we should be.  Apart from Thor.”  He snorted.  “We make him look better.”

Nomusa’s elbow dug briefly into his side and he winced.  “You have it backwards – he makes you look better.  He saw your potential; he saw that you were all good people and did the one thing that would ensure that you were accepted… he chose you all to be his friends… and he was rewarded when you all in turn, chose him to be your friend too.  Until lately anyway, when you balked against everything Asgard stood for, simply because you were angry with Odin.”  She sighed and with a gesture, a few planets joined Loki’s display above them.  “Do you imagine that Thor could still care about you after all you had done if he had only cared about his own reputation?”

Nomusa sat up so that she could look at him properly.  “Look at you – you’re practically a teenager and you had messed up your life beyond what anyone could possibly imagine.  So young, so much potential and you threw it all away…  Now after it all, you’re here, with a handful of years left to live.  Was it worth it?”

Loki considered her question as he added a few more stars to create constellations he knew from his time on Midgard – Ursa Major; Orion; Taurus...

“Yes.  This way, I’m going to be the only one to die.  Plus, a few will even mourn me… not that I want them to be sad but, it means I’ve done something right, doesn’t it?  My life was worthwhile.  I… screwed up – to quote Loretta.  A part of me actually wishes I had died when I fell, rather than being found by the Chitauri.  Then all this would have been avoided.”

She eyed him.  “Don’t be a moron.”

“Why?  What difference does it make?”

For a long moment, Nomusa was too angry and frustrated to make any words.

“How about this time, you will be able to save people?  You have made your peace with the people who matter?  You will die knowing – actually believing – that you are loved!”

Loki looked away.  “I suppose so.”

Nomusa sighed and flopped back down.  “Change of subject – I already know that you prize that book Thor got you… what is your last happy memory of him, not tainted by bitterness or jealousy or Odin?”

It took a while for Loki to come up with something.  They lay there for at least ten minutes while he thought it over, in fact but, finally he spoke.

“It was about two hundred years ago and one of our first visits to Midgard – we weren’t doing anything particularly exciting.  And because the realm was so backward, we had agreed not to bring weapons or use any magic.  We had gone to a small island called Ireland – its alcohol had quite the reputation and Thor wanted to try it out.  It takes a lot to get a god drunk by the way – at least when it comes to Midgardian alcohol.  Still, we managed eventually – we visited so many different inns that even I lost count.  Our purses were decidedly lighter when we got home but it was fine.”

“So your best memory of your brother is effectively what the humans call a pub crawl.”

Loki frowned.  “Not really.  It was some time after that that we ended up in an orchard that claimed to have ‘the most delicious apples in the World’.  Of course we had to taste them for ourselves.  I guess they had to have been good – all the fruit that could have been reached by hand or ladder had been plucked clean off the branches.” 

He smiled and shook his head.  “Without any thought or effort whatsoever, Thor lifted me up and set me on his shoulders, like I weighed absolutely nothing.  Two hundred years later, if he were to do that now, I would assume he was making fun of me – pointing out how unmanly I was.  Back then, I was just in awe of his ability to do it so easily.”

“He just stood there, solid and unmoving as a rock… and then this goat came out of nowhere and knocked into the back of his knees… of course he lost his balance and the two of us toppled to the ground.  I dropped the fruit I had managed to collect in favour of protecting my face.  By the time we had recovered our breath, the goat had eaten all the apples.”  He laughed and shook his head, his gaze unfocused as he remembered it all.

“When I finally turned around onto my side, Thor crawled up beside me and kissed my forehead after apologising softly…  I remember smiling at him and saying it wasn’t his fault and then we fell silent, just looked at each other…”  Loki shook his head.  “Something happened then…  I don’t really know what.”

Nomusa considered him then laughed at his bewildered expression.  “You think too hard, Loki.”  She bounced up and danced around the room.  “Come on – you need to pack.  You and that hot brother of yours are going to see your parents, remember?”  Her eyes sparkled.  “Ooh, you’re taking Thor to see your parents.  That’s a pretty serious thing on Midgard you know!”

Loki facepalmed as he sat up.  “Is there any chance I could leave you behind while I go?”

Nomusa giggled.  “Oh no – sorry, Lovely Loki.  You’re stuck with me.”

Loki rolled his eyes.  “Unless you kill me with embarrassment, of course.”

Nomusa just laughed harder before disappearing again.

Chapter Text

If there had ever been any doubt in what Nomusa had said about Fandral, it had disappeared the second that he met them on the Bifrost – Loki was carrying his bag in one hand, the daggers in the other.  Fandral’s eyes had lit up the moment that he saw them.  Loki thought that he might be the biggest idiot to ever grace the nine realms – himself, not Fandral, he quickly clarified so that Nomusa wouldn’t start again.  She had been silent for all of two minutes.  How he savoured those two minutes! 

He frowned as he noted that Fandral had bags packed for a trip.  “Fandral, I’m sorry but you cannot come with us – it’s going to be asking a lot as it is, expecting them to accept Thor’s presence in their realm.  I’m not suggesting that you should never come but rather, introduce everyone, one at a time…  They’ll probably love you as they do Sif, of course but…”

Fandral blinked out of his happy daze to interrupt Loki’s rambling explanation.  “What?  Oh!  Sorry, no – it’s okay.  I’m going to Midgard, actually.  The Allfather has given me permission to bring Lady Jane for a visit.”

Thor seemed a little surprised at that.  “Father approves?”

Fandral shrugged happily.  “Seems to anyway.  I will not complain.”  He beamed at them both as a grinning Thor walked over and gave him a hug.  Loki watched Thor, for a moment expecting to see hurt there before he remembered that he and Jane had no history here.  He moved over and patted his shoulder consolingly anyway.  Because it made him feel a little better to do it.  Not that he cared. 

“Before you say a word, Nomusa, I’ll roll my eyes myself to save you the effort so save your breath.”  Though she didn’t say a word, Loki would swear he felt her smirk.  He sighed and focused on the group, allowing himself to be swept up in a hug by Sif … and then by Volstagg – though the latter used it as a chance to ask him to bring him back whatever Jotunheim’s delicacy was.  A stupid grin plastered itself over Loki’s face as he managed to get free.  “I will certainly see what I can do for you, Volstagg.”  With that said, they were moving over, ready for Heimdall to work his magic…

Ll.  Oo.  Kk.  Ii.

Loki had pinned all his hopes on Laufey actually – he was hoping that as soon as he and Thor arrived in Jotunheim, Laufey would take one look at the big oaf and send him packing back to Asgard.  He should have known better: While Laufey was wary enough as his gaze fell to the hammer at Thor’s belt, it was not drawn so he had to assume that his son’s…brother…was going to be on his best behavior.  That didn’t mean he had to make it easy for him though.  “The last time you were here with that, you killed a lot of my men.”

Thor bowed low.  “I can only apologise.  I was a fool, your Majesty.  I would like the chance to make it up to you and your people – I have listened to Loki as he filled me in on your people and I can honestly say that I have never been more ashamed of my actions than I am now.  Please let me help you rebuild – give me the chance to make up for mine and Asgard’s failings.”

Laufey snorted.  “You expect me to take you seriously when you bring that hammer with you?”

Thor smiled wryly as he lifted the hammer up. “I confess that I used it unwisely last time I was here – but Mjölnir is not just a weapon… it is also a tool like no other, used to create.  Though sadly, it has been too long since I have used it to do so…”

Laufey considered that for a moment then looked to his son.  “He will behave himself?”

Amused at how his father had managed to make Thor seem like an unruly pet with just one question, Loki smiled but pushed everything else down and considered Thor for a moment.  This would be the perfect opportunity to get rid of him… but he couldn’t do it.  He just couldn’t – if there was ever to be peace between the two realms, it had to start here and now, with Thor.  He smiled fondly at the big oaf then at Laufey.  “He will.”

Laufey turned his gaze back to Thor.  “Very well – but know that we will be putting you and your hammer to good use while you are here.”

Thor smiled, relieved.  “I look forward to it.”

Laufey nodded then looked back to Loki, a frown upon his face.  “Did Sif not come back with you?  So many have been asking for her.”

Loki felt a little put out that once again, someone was overshadowing him – even here on the realm of his birth - but he pushed it down.  “She had duties to attend to, apparently.  She said she would try and get here next week.”

Laufey smiled.  “Good, good – they are fascinated by her, I think – she is something that our youngest have never witnessed before… a non-hostile Aesir.”  He patted his son’s back.  “Do not be put out, my son – the fact that they are a little bit more excited about her just shows that they accept you as one of us.”

Loki’s eyes widened at that.  So easily?  “Really?”

“Of course… come – your room is ready for you… do you wish for Thor to stay in the room with you as Sif did?”

Sif and he had shared a room simply because Laufey had gone to great lengths to ensure that his room was warm enough.  It seemed wrong somehow, to ask them to set up another room – keeping a room in Jotunheim warm enough for an Aesir was not an easy task.  Instead, they had agreed to two beds on either side of the large room.  Loki might be a frost giant but in truth, he loved the heat.

“Especially Thor’s heat, right?  Like when you were using him as a mattress?  Have you ever had a better night’s sleep?”  Loki flushed at Nomusa’s comment, his mind remembering clearly what Thor’s body had felt like under his but he just rolled his eyes.  He was doing his best to give the impression that her words were just washing over him.

“Just think, Loki – you get to share a room with him… why, he might grow cold in the night and need you to warm him up…” 

Loki’s flush deepened.  “That doesn’t even make sense.”  The curious glances he received from both Thor and Laufey made him realise that he had said the last out loud.  He groaned but resisted the urge to hide his head in his hands.  “I mean, yes Laufey.  Thank you.  That would be appreciated.”

Nomusa giggled.  “And when Sif eventually does show up, you and Thor can always share a bed so she can have one to herself…”

“Norns, would you please give me a break?  PLEASE?”

Nomusa chuckled.  “Now why would I possibly want to do that when I’m having so much fun?  Besides, were you not paying attention – I gave you a break in your room when you were packing.  I played nice.  Now, here on Jotunheim, I’m going to do everything in my power to make you uncomfortable.”  Loki didn’t doubt it.

Ll.  Oo.  Kk.  Ii.

When they were shown into their room, Loki gestured to Thor to choose whichever bed he preferred.  The blonde god smiled and shook his head and set his stuff down on the bed closest to the door.  “This one is fine – you always did prefer to be closest to the window.”

Loki’s eyes filled at his words and he didn’t even have a clue as to why.  He nodded quickly and moved over to set his things down.

“Funny isn’t it?  How when you start looking for kindness, it shows up everywhere.  You don’t even need to look as hard for it as you did for ill intentions.”

Loki swiped at his eyes and walked over to Thor and hugged him.  Thor was a little taken aback – he honestly could not remember the last time that his brother had initiated contact that didn’t involve trying to hurt him.  His arms wrapped around the smaller god quickly enough though.  “Is everything all right, Brother?”

Loki nodded but broke the hug quickly enough when Nomusa chirped up with:  “You really should just let him fuck you already!”  “I’m fine.  It was just… a thank you.  For thinking of me.”

Thor’s expression turned confused.  “For thinking of you?  But I always…”  He shrugged it off.  “I just want you to be happy, Loki.  That is all.”

Loki nodded and walked back to his bed.  He sat down on it with a sigh.  “You know, when I first learned that I was a frost giant, it was the worst possible thing.  They were the monsters children were told of – the complete antithesis of everything the Aesir are…”  He turned around to look out the window.  “They’re really nothing like that.  I was stupid.”

Thor walked over and sat down beside him, an arm wrapping around his shoulders.  “We all were – the six of us should have known better than to listen to old men’s tales.  At least we have a chance to make up for it now, right?”

Loki sighed and nodded, wanted to be able to sit there and take the simple comfort offered but, Thor’s embrace was anything but comforting – he wanted so much more than he could ever ask for.  When he saw her properly again, he would be sure to kill Nomusa for that one.

Nomusa snorted.  “You would rather have lived in ignorance?”

“It would have been easier.”

“Oh really?  Do you know that there are other realities?”

“What is your point, exactly?”  He extricated himself from Thor’s hug and got up, pausing to let his hand rest on his brother’s shoulder to lessen any offence taken, then moved to unpack his things.

“My point is that in some of those, Odin’s plans for Thor involved him marrying Sif.”  He couldn’t help the scowl that came to his face then.  Nomusa laughed.  “Exactly, little king.  Exactly.”

Thor stood up and moved back to his own bed, following Loki’s example and unpacking when a thought struck him.  “Loki, what do they eat here?”

The simple question caused a smile to alight on Loki’s features, wiping out the distaste he had felt just moments ago.  He turned and looked at his brother, his smile deepening at the look on his face.  “Raw meat and fruit.”

“…raw…”  Thor turned slightly green at that revelation – he was very much in favour of well-cooked meat.  Plus, there was the old Aesir tales of them eating their fallen comrades…

Loki laughed, guessing easily as to where Thor’s thoughts had led.  “Don’t worry brother – they’re not actually cannibals, I promise.  They do eat whatever they can find but they draw the line at that.  Unfortunately the people of Jotunheim do not have access to fire magic – and not really much around that they can use to create fire so they eat their food raw.”

Thor didn’t look particularly comforted.  “So you’ve been doing the same?”

Loki stilled.  “Would that be a problem?”

Thor shook his head slowly.  “You never seemed particularly fond of the food on Asgard – sticking to fruit and dessert for the most part.  Have you been missing out all these years, being forced to eat as Aesir do?”

Loki rolled his eyes.  “If I have, I’m fine with missing out – I have never been a big meat eater, Thor – that doesn’t change because my people eat their meat raw.  I tried it, it was much like eating meat on Asgard.  It’s fine but not really my thing.”  He grinned suddenly.  “Would it make me less attractive if I did enjoy it?”  His eyes widened and a flush started to spread across his features even before he had finished the question – it had been the sort of thing he would say as a joke before but now…

“Ah, but was it really ever a joke, Loki?”

“Shut up.”  He turned away to focus on unpacking once more, startled slightly seconds later as Thor’s arms wrapped around him.  He sighed.  “What are you doing, Thor?”

Thor’s head sunk to rest on Loki’s shoulder.  “Do not ever imagine that I could think less of you because of who you are, Loki – what you are is my best friend and person I love most.  That will not ever change.”

Loki’s eyes filled with tears then and he did his best to blink them away as he rested his hands over Thor’s.  “You’re impossible, you know that?”  He heard Thor’s grin in his response then.  “You would not have me any other way.”

“No, I do not suppose I would.”  He closed his eyes and let himself relax for a moment.  Just this moment – I will take this.  This feeling of peace.

Ll.  Oo.  Kk.  Ii.

The first two weeks of their time in Jotunheim were nothing if not awkward – Laufey kept to his word and put Thor and Mjölnir to good use, building and repairing everything he could.  Loki meanwhile, was doing what he could with the Casket.  It should have been simple but the progress he was making was slow – mostly because Farbauti had decided that Loki and Thor would prefer to be together almost all the time… which would be fine, but for Thor’s love of stripping to the waist when he was working so intensely – and Nomusa’s continual comments drawing his attention to it…

Of course, given that this was Jotunheim, constricting or not, Thor should have kept his damned clothes on or suffer frostbite but then his oaf of a brother had asked him to place a spell upon him to make him able to tolerate the cold and really, where was the harm?  It wasn’t like he hadn’t seen his brother without any clothing at all before, was it?

The harm, it turned out, was that he was very bad for Loki’s concentration and yet again, Farbauti had had to pull his attention back to the task at hand.  He smiled sheepishly at his birth mother.  “Sorry.”  What is wrong with me?

“What is wrong with you is that your immunity is gone.”

“If you were here right now, I would throttle you.”  Nomusa’s only response was to laugh at him.  That seemed to be a common thread among the women around him lately as Farbauti smirked and considered him.  “Perhaps you would work better away from Thor, hmm?”

Loki’s eyes widened and he turned slowly to look at her.  “I… what?”

Farbauti shrugged.  “Come, we shall try somewhere else.”  She did not leave much choice but for him to follow, face flaming red.

Work progressed much quicker for Loki after that.

Of course, that still left the nights – nights when it seemed that sharing a room had them falling back into long-ago forgotten habits where one of them would flop down into the other’s bed to talk about everything and nothing. 

Thor’s proximity might be strangely uncomfortable but Loki wouldn’t have changed it for the world.  Well, he might have changed it by getting Nomusa to shut up but he did his best to tune her out when she started ogling the blonde, practically drooling over his form as she did so.  These memories were something he needed – something to take with him into whatever the next life entailed.

He was sleeping much better now too – a combination of all the work he was doing with the Casket; having Thor near; knowing that he was wanted and needed; and not being hated by all and sundry.  Mostly it was about Thor.  He had forgotten just how much comfort he used to gain from the big oaf’s presence.  Too much really, to have ever been just brotherly…

When Sif finally arrived, a month later than she had originally intended, he assumed that things would change – and they did – but not by as much as he had assumed they would.  Sif took one look at the bedroom and informed Farbauti that actually, two beds were more than enough given that the two were clearly falling back into old habits.  These seemed to amuse his birth mother to no end.

Ll.  Oo.  Kk.  Ii.

When only a day later, Sif had reason to wake them, she didn’t even seem bothered by how tangled the two men were in each other.  He looked drowsily at her, only able to turn his head given Thor’s tight hold on him.  “What’s wrong?”

Sif shrugged.  “Your father needs us back – a problem on Midgard, I think.”  That snapped Loki to full alertness and he was bolting up, heedless of Thor’s grumbling and clinging.  All the fussing finally woke the blonde and he sat up, instantly awake.  “Sif..?”

Loki shushed him as he concentrated feeling for something he didn’t want to, something that should not be…  He slumped moments later – not just from what he had felt, confirming his fears but from the fact that he had still felt that pull.  “…the Tesseract.”  He didn’t bother to waste time on seeing whether or not the other two were confused by his comment.  This was it.  He wasn’t sure how it was it, but apparently it was.

Ll.  Oo.  Kk.  Ii.

Leaving Jotunheim was not an easy task – he supposed he was too used to the freedom that both he and Thor had in Asgard to go where they pleased.  Laufey and Farbauti were not best pleased to know that they were most likely going off to fight in another realm.  Farbauti hugged him tight and explained the many reasons why he should stay right there.  Loki smiled and hugged her back.  “We’ll be fine, I promise you – we’ll be back before you know it.”

Laufey was slightly more willing to allow them to go but insisted on them taking some giants with them.  To Asgard and then on to Midgard.  It was a disaster waiting to happen. 

In the end, it took all of Loki’s diplomatic skills to convince them both that he and Thor showing up with large, blue ‘aliens’ who had once tried to take over their realm, might send the wrong message about why they were there.  His birth parents reluctantly agreed it might be awkward but made him promise to send for help if he needed.  They would come. 

Loki didn’t doubt it.  He took a moment to consider that his people would be very useful in dealing with the Chitauri invasion but let the idea go.  For now anyway.

Ll.  Oo.  Kk.  Ii.

It was no real shock when they got back to Asgard to learn that indeed, the invasion of Midgard was about to happen – what was shocking was the fact that the person behind it was Amora.  They had thought her to be dead she had been gone so long.  Now it seemed she had joined with an enemy force.  He looked at Thor.  “You really angered her this time, hmm?”

Thor frowned.  “Why do you assume this is my fault?”

Loki raised a brow at that, astounded that Thor could be that dense.  “Because, dear brother, Amora knows how much Midgard and its people means to you – of course she would do this… either to get your attention or to get revenge.”  Thor could not deny his point so he merely buried his face in his hands for a moment before looking to Odin.  “But we can fix this, can’t we?”

Both Odin and Loki were surprised by the fact that Thor was not immediately suggesting an all-out attack but that didn’t mean they were disappointed.  “Though I would prefer to send our army to ward off this attack, I think it would be too much for their realm to accept, given that we have not intervened in so long.  I think the best thing is for you both, along with Sif and the Warriors Three to go and sort it out.”

Loki considered him.  “So… go to Midgard, stop the Chitauri, retrieve the Tesseract..." Odin interrupted him. "Retrieve it only if you both think it necessary."

They both stared at him. "Father, are you sure?"

Odin smiled faintly. "My initial reaction to bring it back here but, I grow weary of collecting things - if you feel they can handle it, we shall leave it with them. Rule over Asgard and safekeeping of the nine realms will fall to you b- soon enough. I trust your judgement on this."

Loki sighed. "Okay - go to Midgard, stop the Chitauri invasion and retrieve Amora and the Tesseract if Thor deems it necessary..."

He was interrupted again. "If you both agree, Loki - we both know how your brother feels about humans, do we not? He is not necessarily the best judge."

Loki blinked a few times at him, glanced over at Thor then finally found his voice as he looked back at Odin. "Perhaps not."

As Thor stood beside Loki, his fidgeting only got worse, keen to be gone already. "Is there anything else?"

Odin smirked at them both.  “Have fun while you’re there… and go see your Mother before you go.”

They both grinned back at him, then bowed before turning and leaving to do as they were told.  As soon as he saw her, Loki moved over and hugged her tight.  “Oh, I missed you.”

Frigga swallowed hard as she clung to him.  “And I you, my son… I hear you are enjoying your time on Jotunheim, I am sorry that you have been pulled away.”

“There will be time yet, to spend there.”  He got to the heart of the matter.  “And here with you and Father too, of course.” 

Frigga beamed at him.  “Oh, my sweet boy…”  Before any more could be said, they were both engulfed in a hug by Thor and then the three were laughing and hugging each other tight, catching up with as much as they could before the two had to leave on another adventure.

Ll.  Oo.  Kk.  Ii.

Loki, Thor, the Warriors Four and the Lady Jane were waiting impatiently in the Observatory for Odin to finish briefing Heimdall on their mission when Loki grew bored.  He decided to use the time to feel once more for that thread of power given off by the Tesseract.  He didn’t have to try too hard though – apparently it was spiking.  His eyes flew open and he looked at Thor.

Thor straightened as he saw the alarmed look on Loki’s face.  “What?” 

“We’re out of time – the Tesseract has been awoken.  The humans will die!”

Chapter Text

Thor straightened as he saw the alarmed look on Loki’s face.  “What?” 

“We’re out of time – the Tesseract has been awoken.  The humans will die!”  It had been bad enough when he was there but he doubted that Amora would show the same level of restraint that he had.

-

Nomusa spoke up, curiosity clear in her tone.  “Does it not amaze you, Laufeyson, to realise just how much you actually care now?  About mere mortals?  How far you have come.  What would the Thor you left behind make of the changes in you, hmm?”

Loki frowned as he actually gave the question his consideration.  “He would have thought it a trick.  And who could blame him.”

“Hmm… perhaps.  He would have been wrong though – you care.  Deeply.  Imagine that!  You even worry for Director Fury – a man who had intended to get Thor to torture you…”

“As if I would have done any different in his position!  Besides, it’s not just about him – it’s about all of them.  I cannot stand idly by and let them die.  Not now.”  Images of Clara and Loretta flashed in his mind, followed by the many children he had saved in what felt like another life, all courtesy of knowing the latter two.  “I will do whatever it takes to save them!”

Nomusa grinned.  “You and Thor are indeed a perfect match!”  Unable to think of a smart answer for that, Loki just chose to stay silent.

-

Thor felt the blood drain from his face at those words but didn’t doubt his brother for a moment – he was after all, the one who knew magic best.  “How do we stop it?”

Loki cast his gaze to Heimdall, thinking to hurry him along but it was not, in truth an option – the Bifrost simply could not get them close enough to the facility that they would make it in time.  That left option two.  Unfortunate really, as it would not endear them to the mortals.  He sighed regretfully as he looked at Thor.  “Do you trust me?”

Thor’s response was immediate.  “I do.”

Loki blinked away sudden tears and reached for his brother’s hands even as he turned his attention to Sif.  “Take the Bifrost, we’ll see you in Midgard.”  Without another word, he turned to his attention to Thor and focused in on that power… a moment later they were gone.

Sif merely turned and walked over to the older men.  “My apologies for the intrusion, my King but apparently your sons felt it was urgent indeed to get to Midgard – perhaps my brother would be so kind as to send us there now, to back them up?”  That, finally, got their attention.  Odin just rolled his eyes at the knowledge that his sons had rushed in, then nodded to Heimdall.

A moment later, the group was speeding its way to Midgard.

Ll.  Oo.  Kk.  Ii.

Fury stepped out of the helicopter after Agent Hill and together they approached Agent Coulson.  He cast his gaze over at the facility before returning it to Coulson.  “How bad is it?”

Coulson considered the data available to him on the tablet in his hand.  “That’s the problem, Sir.  We don’t know.”  There was no choice but to follow him inside where hundreds of staff were running around, gathering up the essentials to evacuate the building.  Coulson finally spoke again.  “Doctor Selvig read an energy surge from the Tesseract four hours ago – it’s only increased since then.”

Fury’s frown only deepened at that.  “NASA didn’t authorise Selvig to test phase.”

Coulson shook his head.  “He wasn’t testing it.  He wasn’t even in the room.  Spontaneous advancement.  That’s his best guess.”

Hill appeared skeptical at that.  “You’re saying that it just turned itself on?”

Coulson shrugged and Fury looked around, wondering just how the hell they got into this mess.  “What are the energy levels now?”

“Climbing, as I mentioned – when Selvig couldn’t shut it down, we ordered an evac.”

Fury nodded – it was protocol after all.  “How long to get everyone out?”

“Campus should be clear in the next half hour.”

It really didn’t take a genius to know that that would be too long.  “Do better!” 

Hill intervened then.  “Sir, evacuation may be futile.”

Nick turned his head to stare at her.  “We should tell them to go back to sleep?”

Fortunately Hill had never been the sort to blush because she was sure she would right then, if she could.  “If we can’t control the Tesseract’s energy, there may not be a minimum safe distance.”  Because truly, they didn’t have the first clue, did they?  The forces they were dealing with were way outside what anyone on earth had ever dealt with.  The thing could explode with a small blast, or it could wipe the whole world out…

Fury didn’t even bother to answer that.  “I need you to make sure that PHASE 2 prototypes are shipped out.”

“Sir, is that really a priority right now?”  Sometimes she wondered if her boss was really the full picnic – this was one of those times.  Not exactly great whilst dealing with a likely apocalypse.

“Hill, until such time as the world ends, we will act as though it intends to keep spinning!  Clear out the tech below.  Every piece of PHASE 2 on a truck and gone!”

Chastened, Hill acceded.  “Yes Sir.”  She turned her attention to the agents standing nearby.  “With me.”  Fury watched them go before walking to the lab.  He considered the Tesseract which sounded ready to explode and grimaced before turning his attention to the doctor.  “Talk to me, doctor – is there anything we know for certain?”

Selvig shrugged helplessly as he pulled his gaze away from the glowing blue cube.  “The Tesseract is misbehaving.”

The director could only assume that was Selvig's attempt at a joke in the midst of crisis so let it go.  “How soon until you pull the plug?”

Selvig snorted disbelievingly at that.  “She’s an energy source, Director – if we pull the plug, she just starts it back up again.  If she reaches peak…”

Fury didn’t have time for this shit.  “We’ve prepared for this, doctor – harnessing energy from space.”

Selvig actually growled at him.  “We don’t have the harness.  Our calculations are far from complete.  Now she’s throwing off interference – radiation.  Nothing harmful – low levels of gamma radiation.”  He hastened to add.

Fury’s thoughts turned to Banner.  “That can be harmful.” He frowned.  “Where's Barton?”  He needed to get the doctor out of there and he had a feeling that Selvig would not go easily.

Selvig gestured up with his thumb.  “Up on the roof.”  Of course he was.  Fury sighed and called him down.  “What happened here, Barton?”

Clint Barton shrugged.  “No idea, Sir – no one’s come or gone.  Its oven is clean. No contacts, No I.M’s.  If there was any tampering, Sir, it wasn’t at this end.”

That caught Fury’s attention.  “At this end?”

Clint nodded, unaware of the impact his words were having.  “Yeah, the cube is a doorway to the other end of space, right?  Doors open from both sides…”

Before another word could be spoken by anyone the Tesseract started to spike once more – only worse than before.  Too late, Fury realised that Hill might have a point.

Then there is no time to do anything. They just stare as a portal forms and two figures fall through it.  Coulson’s eyes widened as he recognised one of them.  “…Thor?” Eric looked up then and smiled at the god. "Did you bring Jane home?"

Ll.  Oo. Kk.  Ii.

Linking into the Tesseract to travel was not particularly difficult for Loki.  The experience itself was more draining than anything else – what made it difficult was making the journey with an extra person.  When they arrived at their destination, the two landed in an ungainly, disoriented heap on the floor.  It seemed to take forever to free himself from Thor and then, for a moment he was leaning over Thor, staring into slightly dazed, blue eyes.  For a moment, he wanted nothing more than to lean in and taste the lips beneath his but a voice nearby reminded him of why they were there.  He stood quickly and turned to look at the mortals all pointing guns at them before turning to Thor.  “Move.”

Thor did not hesitate to do as he was told and Loki quickly got to work, shutting the portal down, before something – or rather someone – came through.

Fury stared at the intruders, wary but not yet ready to give the order to shoot.  Especially as whatever the dark-haired man was doing seemed to be calming the Tesseract down.  For the moment at least, whatever he was doing appeared to be keeping him busy so he instead turned his attention to the blonde.  “Who are you and what exactly are you doing here?”

Thor considered him.  “You are the person in charge here?  I am Thor of Asgard – and this is Loki.  Also of Asgard.  He used the Tesseract to pull us here so we could shut it down.”

“Uh huh.  So you just happen to be named after mythical gods from our world?”

Thor blinked.  “You still have stories of us?”  Somehow he had imagined after all this time, they would have been forgotten.  Which was silly, actually when he gave it thought – his presence last time around would not have gone unnoticed and of course people would be curious enough to read up on the old myths.

Loki sighed and moved away from the Tesseract and that strong pull he still felt, preferring to stand beside his brother, wondering why exactly Fury was playing dumb when he probably did all the research the moment that they had discovered Thor and Mjölnir on their realm.  “We – and indeed the rest of Asgard are not stories… and unfortunately your use of the Tesseract has brought the attention of more than just us to your realm.  You may well wish it had not.”

Fury’s eye narrowed.  “Is that a threat?”

While mere mortals would have done well to hide their terror that such a look evoked, Loki looked decidedly unruffled.  “From us?  No.  From other, not so kind people, certainly.”  He eyed the now quiet Tesseract.  “You think to harness it as a power source but the Tesseract is far more than that.”

Fury’s expression turned disdainful.  “Oh, and let me guess – we’re not nearly powerful enough to deal with it so you’ll take it off our hands?”

Thor opened his mouth to speak but Loki talked right on over him.  “If necessary, yes but for right now, we’re here to help you prepare for, and ward off an attack.”

The Director considered him for a moment but seemed to be on the level.  He gave the order with only a little trepidation.  “Stand down.”  It could be the wrong one but his gut hadn’t failed him yet.  He went with it.  He looked at Coulson.  “Call our people back.”

Ll.  Oo.  Kk.  Ii.

Loki and Thor now sat in a meeting room along with Selvig, Coulson, Barton and a few other apparently trusted agents.  Thor just sat quietly at Loki’s side as he filled them in.  “Basically, we have been sent here by the Allfather – Odin – to help you protect your realm.  If we cannot do this together, then he will send reinforcements but, this is your realm.  It is important that you protect it yourselves, if you can.”

Fury snorted.  “Of course it is – you don’t want to get your hands dirty, hmm?”

Loki eyed him but let Thor speak this time.  “Both Loki and I are here – plus four of our friends – ready and willing to do what it takes to protect your realm from harm.  The point, is that your realm has been left alone all this time because it was believed to be too primitive by most worlds to warrant an attack… now though, by using the Tesseract you have signalled that you are ready to join the rest – a force to be reckoned with.  If Asgard steps in now, that would be the ultimate show of weakness.”

Loki nodded in agreement.  “Exactly that.  The problem is that right now, you are not ready – and you will not have long to prepare.  The Chitauri army is vast and Amora is a most unpleasant individual.  I know not what new tricks she shall bring to this game.”

Fury was incensed at that.  “Game?  You think this a game?”

The brunette shrugged.  “Isn’t all life just that?”  He sighed and held up his hands to show he meant no offense.  “We are here to help, Director.  If you want us to.”

The director considered them both, crossing his arms over his chest as he leaned forward.  “What exactly is in this for you?”

Both Thor and Loki looked back at him.  “Well, for one, both Thor and I care about the people of this realm.  We would not see their lives extinguished.  As for Asgard, well, the nine realms exist together – if one falls, all do.”  Loki grimaced at Thor’s words – a truth he had conveniently forgotten when he had decided to take Jotunheim out of the picture by way of the Bifrost.

“Well, not thinking things through is another trait you have in common with Thor, hmm?  That and stubbornness… and looking really really good naked – though sadly for you, Thor has the edge there.  But still…”

Loki cursed as he felt a blush spreading over his face.  “Is now really the time?”  Nomusa of course, just laughed.  “I hate you.”

“You have mentioned that already, once or twice.”

Noticing his brother’s sudden discomfort, Thor fretted a little – perhaps the combination of using so much magic just recently and the heat of the room had been too much.  “Can we please get some water?  It’s rather hot in here.”

“Aww, look at that – big brother is all worried about you.  Imagine how he’d react if he knew that you weren’t red from the heat but from imagining him naked… perhaps he’d grab you and strip you both naked and take you right here, on this table.”

Loki groaned and buried his head in his hands, unable to stop the mental image that came to him.  Norns, he wanted! “SHUT UP!”  He jumped a little as a glass was placed into his hand, he looked up and noted Thor giving him a worried look.  He smiled faintly, trying to reassure him.  “I’m fine, Thor… Just a little hot.”

“and of course, horny…”

“I HATE YOU!”  He gulped down the water and it did help – the coldness of the ice he swallowed along with it gave a badly needed distraction.  By the time he finished a second glass, he was feeling more like himself and Nomusa was finally quiet.  He looked at the group who were all mostly staring curiously at him – apart from Thor who was just worried but he quickly turned his gaze from him.  “My apologies – the journey here took more out of me than I had realised.”  He refilled the glass from the jug once more and took another sip before setting it down on the table. 

“Alright - if the idea of nine interconnected realms is too much of a stretch for you, then the simple truth is that the creature looking for the Tesseract is a danger to everyone…  The Tesseract is not just an energy source but an Infinity Stone.”

Thor nudged him.  “Do you really think they need to know this?”

Fury’s eye narrowed at that but Loki shrugged, looking at Thor out of the corner of his eye, unwilling to risk further embarrassment.  “They’re a part of this now, Thor.  They need to know exactly what they are getting in to.”  He turned his attention back to Fury And reiterated one of many stories told to him and Thor as children - gems lost to space and time. “The Infinity stones…there are six in total – totally indestructible by the way – they each have their own unique qualities, but together they have the power to alter, destroy or remake the whole universe.  Your Tesseract is the space gem.  The problem, as you saw earlier is that they call to each other, wishing to be united.  That is why the six were scattered to different parts of the universe.”

Fury considered that.  “So which ones do you have?”

Loki smiled faintly.  “None, actually – their strength increases when they are in close proximity to each other and that makes them very dangerous indeed.  We do, however, hold the Infinity Gauntlet.”

“…which is..?”

“It’s what is needed to house the six stones.  Also indestructible.”

Coulson frowned.  “They’re all separate though, so what exactly is the problem?  Surely without it, they can’t do much.”

Loki smirked at the idea that the stones were in any way impotent.  “They already have one.  Odin sensed its disturbances which is how he learned of this threat. If they can get the Tesseract from you, their strength increases… it will not be long before they are all reunited.  Make no mistake, Thanos will stop at nothing to get what wants.”

“Why?”  The question came from Fury.  Loki turned his gaze to him.  “Thanos has rather a demanding mistress – Death herself.  He wishes to extinguish all life in the universe to please her. Mark my words - Thanos will do whatever he deems necessary to win her.”

Coulson looked a little sceptical at that. "You talk as though death is a living being."

"She is." Loki and Thor answered in unison.

A part of Fury wanted to pour scorn on the idea of Death being a living, breathing entity but then again, not so long ago, Thor and Loki and Asgard were nothing but dimly remembered stories from his childhood.  “So we fight.”  He saw no choice but to take the two ment at their word - with a nod to the group, he excused himself to go fill in the Council.  Perhaps this time, he could convince them to agree to the Avengers initiative.  It sounded like they needed it.

Ll.  Oo.  Kk.  Ii.

Exhausted, Loki flopped down on one of the beds provided for them in the facility.  It didn’t take Thor long to join him – he was still pouting and he had to admit, it was cute.  “Stop sulking, Thor – you know they cannot do anything to Mjölnir.”  If he was honest, he wasn’t exactly happy either that the mortals had refused to allow Thor to keep her but then again, if she was needed, he had only to call. 

Thor sighed and looked at Loki as he wrapped an arm loosely around him.  “You told them a lot.”

Loki shrugged and snuggled a little more into the blonde’s embrace.  He should be used to it by now but even after their time together on Jotunheim, it still felt nothing short of miraculous that he could do this again.  “I wanted to try something new – it would be nice if there was even one realm out there that knew me as something other than a trickster.  Besides, we cannot expect them to do this without knowing just why they are doing it.”

Thor’s hand moved up to brush a loose strand of his brother’s hair back from his face, tucking it behind his ear.  “I have the feeling you don’t want to take the Tesseract from them…”

Loki snorted.  “It’s a bit too late, isn’t it?  They’ve already sent out a signal to say they’re ready for whatever comes.  Surely it would make more sense to give them all the information at our disposal and show them how to harness it safely. Besides, if they can stop it falling into the wrong hands, shouldn't it be up to them what happens with it?”

Thor considered that.  “Perhaps you have a point.  Should we not take it to Asgard in the meantime?”

Loki smiled lopsidedly.  “Have a little faith, brother.”

The blonde sighed and rested his hand on Loki’s neck, smiling at the familiarity of the act as he looked into his eyes.  He nodded.  Less than a minute later, he was asleep.

Ll.  Oo.  Kk.  Ii.

Loki had absolutely no idea how Fury had managed to get the Avengers working together – then or now - but they were. After a fashion.  They had gotten to Amora in Stuttgart – she had ended up in exactly the same place where he had first met Iron Man and Captain America.  She too had ended up on the plane.  Difference?  No Thor to disrupt the flight and Loki was there as one of the good guys.  He was still getting used to it.

Thor glared at Iron Man.  “It would make more sense if you would let us take her back to Asgard.  We have cells that will hold her.”

Stark snorted.  “Oh yeah – I heard what she called you… she your girlfriend, Thor?  That it?  You two all hot an’ heavy?”

Thor grimaced.  “I am not interested in Amora – I cannot make her understand that though.”

Captain America moved between the two angry men, trying to keep them apart before they came to blows.  “Stark, their history hardly matters here – she’s one of theirs, she should probably go back there.”

Shocked, Stark turned to look at him.  “You’re kidding right – did you see how many people she killed?  JARVIS counted a total of seventy two dead.  These weren’t soldiers, Captain – they were civilians.  She needs to face justice!”

Rogers sighed.  “I know that.  I am just saying that she’s a part of the problem.  We need to remove her.  At least she would be one less issue.”

Loki intervened then.  “I don’t think it is wise to send her to Asgard right now – after, certainly but, not now.  She is in the employ of Thanos and that would bring her too close to the Gauntlet.”

Iron Man turned to glare at him.  “Oh, but it’s alright to have her close to the Tesseract?”

Loki smirked.  “Oh it’s much worse than that, I’m afraid – the scepter she had with her is an Infinity Stone too.”

Barton intervened.  “Then why are we keeping it here?  Didn’t you say it was dangerous to keep two together?”

Loki nodded in confirmation.  “We’re not. We will send Fandral back to Asgard with it – as you point out, there really is no sense in keeping two stones so close together. Besides, if we need it later, it will be but a moment's thought to retrieve it." He smirked at Thor. "It should soften the blow when the Tesseract is not returned."

Barton considered him. "In the old stories, you were the god of lies, right? So how do we know that you're not working with her?"

Loki laughed at the idea. "I have standards, Barton - I would not lower myself to work with that..."  Well, not now anyway.  He had in the past but now the very idea made his stomach turn.  What was he turning into?

“Somebody who actually gives a shit about someone other than himself?”

“…so it would seem, Nomusa.”

Thor's hand fell onto his arm then and whether it was meant or not, it gave him reassurance. He sighed and looked at him. "What can I say to that, hmm?"

Thor turned his gaze to the archer. "You don't have to trust us, Barton. But your commanding officer does... for now at least. However, if you would prefer to deal with this attack on your own, just say the word and we shall return to Asgard. Also. Loki is the god of mischief not lies. The difference is subtle but, there is a difference."

Clint eyed them both for a long moment. "I'll be watching you both.  Just so you know.”

Loki laughed softly.  “We would expect nothing less.”

Tony walked over to Clint and rested his hand on the archer’s shoulder. "I'm sure they're both quaking in their boots at the thought, Legolas. You're wanted up front."  He gestured behind him with his thumb.

The archer actually growled as he turned and walked up to Natasha, but at least he went. Loki looked at the man of iron. "So Tony Stark - have you no threats to make?"

Stark considered that then shrugged. "I haven't seen any reason to be a dick, no... I've mostly been wanting to ask if, when this is all over, you would let me study some of your magic."

It was not the response that Loki had been expecting. "...what exactly would that entail?"

The inventor shrugged. "Mostly you in my lab, casting magic so that I can analyse it with every machine I can think of... there has to be a logical explanation for it, just has to be!"

Loki smirked. "And if there isn't?"

"Well in that case Rock of Ages, you get to see my brain explode."

"Hmm... if you throw in a drink, you have a deal."

Tony looked a little surprised at that. "I do?" Loki shrugged. "I see no real problem with your request."

"Huh. Well, you just made flying in this plane worthwhile after all." He grinned and pulled a flask from somewhere in his suit. "How about we start on that drink..?"

Chapter Text

A million apologies to anyone who has been following this story - I have tried to write more for it (or anything) but nothing seems to want to come out anymore.

With that thought in mind, I am going to leave this story with the summary below because I DID have the ending planned out years ago, I just can't write it. Sorry.

Ll. Oo. Kk. Ii.

Loki, Thor etc. Help Midgard to fight off Thanos (more than once). It's not the full might of Asgard, Jotunheim etc that are there, there are just enough from each realm to ensure that potential enemies of Midgard know that the realm does not stand on its own. Saying that, they are waiting, ready to be pulled into the fray - because they all love a good fight after all. :D

Loki eventually wins over even Hogun - but that is one of his hardest jobs to do. Winning the Avengers over is simple when you have insider information, as Loki does (this actually pulls in my story Christmas with the Avengers).

Loki considered not consummating his relationship with Thor, given that Thor didn't know all that Loki had done but really, Loki never claimed to be a saint - there was only so long that he could push away a willing Thor for.

The sex was everything. So much better even than anything Nomusa had tortured Loki with... and she even left him alone to enjoy it.

Loki saves Clara (and by default Loretta). With Thor's help, he has strengthened the ties between Asgard and its allies and Jotunheim - they will remain allies now, even when he is gone. He is friends with the W4 and the Avengers - and has even improved their lives, he has gotten to know his blood-parents too, and loves them and his people.

In short, Loki's life is more perfect than anything even he could have concocted... it's the hardest thing to walk through Nomusa's door, to end his part in this new life. Yet, he must otherwise everything is forfeit.

Loki raises his head high and walks through the door as a true Prince of Asgard and Jotunheim should.

Nomusa is her normal, infuriating self and it hurts Loki to think she can be so uncaring - he has changed so much... not just the people around him but himself too. How can she not even offer some kind words at least, some congratulations maybe, anything...

...Nomusa instead takes the chance to show him visions of other possibilities - how his life could have panned out.

The visions are hard and wrong - the Avengers lying dead at his feet; Clara hating him; Jotunheim invading Midgard and everyone from his birth realm slaughtered at the hand of the Aesir. There is but one that starts hopeful - after grieving for months, Loki breaks. In the middle of battle. Loki rushes to Thor and hugs him. Unlike in my story though, it does not end well - Tony has been creating new weapons to take down errant gods. It should have disabled Loki but the difference in Aesir and Jotun biology means that Loki dies... Thor kills all the Avengers. Odin shows up and uses magic to resurrect them, only to then kill Tony himself.

When Loki finally returns to himself, he is shaken badly. Perhaps once those outcomes would have made him feel that he was happy (poor misguided idiot), now they make him feel sick. Still, it strengthens his resolve to see it through.

Nomusa though, has other ideas - she looks up and Thor walks through the door.

Loki is dumbstruck with no idea what is going on because this is not what he signed on for.

One more set of visions: Loki sees Thor rescue first Nomusa from a burning building - a deliberate fire set as she slept as the men of the village believed she had corrupted their women. Another vision shows Thor finding an injured woman. After some thought, he brings her to Nomusa to heal as no normal healer could help (too far away from Asgard).

At first Nomusa is hostile but it turns out that Angelique is the love of her life... two favours she now owes Thor.

After years of not calling in those favours, Thor finally does. He asks that she help Loki.

Nomusa cannot change how she works, not even for Thor. They come to an arrangement - Thor gives his heart to start her spell so when Loki gave his way back when, Nomusa's price had already been paid.

Nomusa looked into Loki's heart and saw the truth of all that he wanted, saw that it matched so perfectly with what Thor wanted and so she stayed around, nudging him minutely to get there.

Thor wasn't fully aware the whole way through though - it was only in chapter ten that Nomusa slipped him (the noise that distracted Loki when he and Thor were talking was the old Thor, disoriented but waiting patiently) in because she was thinking ahead. This Thor knows everything that Loki has done and it just makes him love his brother more. Because he has come so very far. Really, the fact that he has known he is going to die bit did his best to make amends...Thor couldn't love him more if he tried.

Loki stares at Thor, dumbfounded as he realises that he knows everything and yet still loves him, still wants him.

Tempting as it is to finally, Finally be able to watch the two have sex, Nomusa leaves them to it and finally brings the spell to its proper end.

When Thor and Loki come up for air, they discover they are back in Asgard, in Thor's room...just in time for Frigga and Odin walk in.

The couple quickly vacate but not without the two youngers hearing that apparently Odin owes Frigga now, because she was right about the two and he was wrong. Odin grumps about how it doesn't count when she can see the future but relents a little, muttering something about grandkids being good for Asgard and Jotunheim.

Despite that last (slightly scary) remark, for the first time in a very long time, Loki is happy. He has everything he ever wanted - and more. He is loved and loves deeply in return. No doubt the future will bring problems but he doesn't have to face them alone. He really never did, he can see that now.

He fully intends to find the perfect gift for Nomusa and yes, he will succeed.

NB: Nomusa changed through the story and that was deliberate. She was uptight but by the end she was almost childlike in her enthusiasm. She was meant to reflect Loki's changing attitude.

Some day I hope to get my mojo back and actually write all this out in its entirety but this will have to suffice for now. in the meantime, if there is anything I missed (undoubtedly) in this summary that you want an explanation for, leave a comment and hopefully I can satisfy you curiosity.

again, thanks for readinm for the lovely comments and kudos and yes again, I am sorry I could not finish writing this (or anything really).