Work Text:
Month 3
🔸💧
Zhongli finally started facing reality when Childe’s belly started growing. “You’re really pregnant.” he said one morning over breakfast as Childe was between chews.
“Didn’t I already have this freak-out?” Childe said as he slurped on his rice noodles. “Remember? Four months ago? We had sex, I got sick, Baizhu said I was having your baby. I ran away to Snezhnaya and you came to get me. Ring any bells?”
“I know…” Zhongli cleared his throat, still staring at the small bump on Childe’s belly. “It’s just… I can see him now. My baby.”
Childe swallowed another bite then stood up. Zhongli was thinking of apologies and to tell him not to leave when Childe plopped on his lap instead and snuggled close. “Touch,” he grabbed Zhongli’s hand and placed it on top of his growing belly. “Our son is growing.”
Zhongli nodded. Sensing the strong energy within Childe’s body. The little heart beating steadily. He was strong and growing.
Childe kissed the corner of Zhongli’s mouth to reclaim his attention. “We still have plenty of time to get ready. We’ll figure it out together.”
Zhongli smiled and nodded. Kissing Childe before he could say another word and forgetting all about breakfast.
Month 5
🔸💧
“My boobs are bigger.”
Zhongli choked on saliva. Grabbing a nearby towel to cover his hacking. “Your what is what?!”
Childe pursed his lips as he stared at himself in the mirror wearing only a pair of trousers. “My chest and nipples,” he said as a matter of fact, rubbing each nipple with the tip of his fingers. “They feel bigger. Sore too.”
Zhongli hurried over to Childe, the hacking miraculously ceasing. “Bigger?”
Childe snickered and poked Zhongli’s shoulder hard. “Don't act innocent now. I know what you want.”
“You said bigger.” Zhongli said as if that explained things.
“It’s not a magic word!” Childe laughed. “Do you think I’m gonna make milk for this baby?”
Zhongli’s eyes traveled to Childe’s nipples, then back to Childe's eyes, then back to his nipples. “I want to check,” he said before sticking his tongue out and leaning in.
Childe squeaked really loud.
Month 7
🔸💧
“I’m a whale.” Childe puffed his cheeks as he sat on Zhongli’s favorite chair. “I’m a large large whale.”
Zhongli hummed as he continued making dinner. “You’re carrying a baby, you’re not a whale.”
“I’m a giant ass whale!” Childe groaned as he rubbed his sore lower back. “Do I really have two more months of this? I want him to be born now!”
“Baizhu said he may come sooner. Considering he’s half adepti.”
“Really?” Childe perked up and straightened up a bit, patting his large baby belly. “You hear that, Ji? Papa and I are gonna meet you soon! And we are gonna raise you and love you and give you lots of presents!”
Childe happily patted his belly again again with each word. Smiling at Zhongli who had stopped cooking and was staring at him with his mouth open. “Ok. Who are you and what have you done with my bloodthirsty mate?”
Childe just grinned and rubbed his very large belly. “Where’s my food?”
Month 9
🔸💧
“You lied! You said he would come soon! It’s been nine months and six days. Nine months and six days! That’s not soon! That’s so not soon! Baizhu is a liar! You are a liar! You both lied to me. I am this humongous whale. I have to pee every five minutes. Everything hurts, everything sucks! And I can’t go kill things anymore!” Childe ranted as he walked in circles while Zhongli filled out some paperwork. “Do you know how long it’s been since I’ve killed something?”
“You killed that cockroach last week.” Zhongli said as he wrote down his signature with calmed elegance.
“That doesn't count! That was a tiny tiny cockroach! I want to kill something large! Something big! Let’s hunt some Ruin Guards! You can make them stone and I can shoot them with my bow from far away! Me and Ji will be perfectly safe! We—”
“No.” Zhongli said as he handed the papers to Ferrylady and saw her out. “I’m not making anything stone and you are not shooting anything with your bow. We are not killing anything big, anytime soon. We are going to take a walk around Liyue and visit Baizhu, then heading home and wait for the baby to come.”
Childe threw his head back and groaned. “He’s not coming yet! He likes it in there too much! He’s always kicking me right in the bladder. He loves that. Bladder kicking is his hobby. He thinks it’a a polearm. He’s gonna be a kicker, just like his daddy.”
“He is?” The tone made Childe stop and glance at Zhongli. Their eyes meeting for a quiet moment before Childe bent over and yelled.
“Ouch! He kicked me again!”
Zhongli reached Childe’s side quickly, taking his arm in support. “Lean on me.”
Childe took the offer. “Thanks I— BLOODY ARCHON.” He swore. “That kick really hurt, why is he being so—”
“You’re in labor.” Zhongli interrupted. “It’s not kicks. You’re in labor. I can sense him. He wants to come out.”
“Now?!” Childe moaned in pain. “Not now! I wanted to go kill something! We were going to go kill something!”
Zhongli laughed as he started helping Childe back to their home.
Month 9
🔸💧
“No! No!”
Zhongli moved out of the way as Madame Ping told Xiao to stop screaming. “This is unbefitting of any adeptus, especially one who calls himself the Conqueror of Demons, calm yourself.”
“Calm myself? Calm myself!” Xiao almost dropped the basin full of warm water. “You said you needed my help with a new adeptus. Not this!”
Zhongli sat next to Childe who immediately grabbed his hand and squeezed hard. Zhongli didn't even blink. “Listen you little shrimp,” Childe snapped. “You’re not the one having a mini half dragon god trying to break free from his body. So if you’re not going to help Madame Ping please leave! Or are you too afraid to help?”
Xiao pouted hard. “I’m not afraid! This is just beneath me! This is—”
“Xiao.” Zhongli called out. “This is my child you’re helping be born. I appreciate your aid in this matter.”
Xiao quickly shut his mouth and bowed. “Yes, Lord Lapis.”
Childe grinned as Xiao carried the basin to where Madame Ping needed it, then quickly screamed when another contraction hit and squeezed Zhongli’s hand again. This time Zhongli flinched.
“The baby is coming.” Baizhu announced. Ganyu crossed the room and reached for some blankets, stepping aside to let Baizhu work. “Ok, Tartaglia. I need you to push as the contraction hits. Let’s get this baby born.”
“I told you you don't have to call me that anymore— AH BLOODY ARCHON— I feel him, he’s coming.”
“I’m here.” Zhongli said in support. To which Childe snapped his head and right down glared.
“Of course you are here! You put this baby in me! Your baby! Who likes to kick me in the middle of the night! And made me puke my breakfast for four months and pee! Do you have any idea how much I’ve peed in the past few weeks?!”
Zhongli stared bewildered, trying really hard to hide his smile. Childe noticed anyway and tried to smack him just as another contraction hit that made him scream again and push.
“I see him. Just one more push.” Baizhu said.
Childe held Zhongli’s hand on a tight death grip while he pushed. Zhongli sat almost frozen as the cries of a baby started echoing in the room.
“He’s here.” Childe exhaled, as his grip loosened. “Our baby is here, Zhongli.”
Zhongli kissed Childe’s lips softly. “You did good,” he said.
“Cause I’m awesome.” Childe said as his body relaxed. “Next time we plan this ok? No more surprise half god babies you got me?”
Zhongli blinked. “Next time?”
Childe half-grinned. “Of course next time. You think we only having one kid? Hell no. We are having at least three— no, four. Our own mini army of powerful half hydro-geo gods. Yesssss.”
Zhongli didn’t say anything for a long moment then laughed as he kissed Childe again. “We’ll discuss it in the future.”
“I want four, you hear me.” Childe repeated giddily.
Madame Ping cleared her throat. “Do you want to meet your son?”
Childe reached out as Ganyu handed him the bundled newborn. “Ah! He has a little horn! Zhongli! He has a little horn from you!” Childe kissed the baby’s cheek. “Hi, Ji. I just gave birth to you. We have to talk about all that kicking later ok? We must channel it into some type of fighting.” Ji opened his mouth and yawned. Childe smiled and turned towards Zhongli. “Come meet your son.”
Zhongli didn’t move, his eyes wide in disbelief. Could he really hold this fragile little thing? Was he even ready?
“Come hold your son.” Childe nudged him again and Zhongli closed the gap.
“What if I drop him him?” He asked.
Childe reached out to hold Zhongli’s trembling hand. “You won’t. You protected this land for thousands of years. That’s what you do. You protect. You won’t drop him.”
Zhongli nodded, gently taking the baby from Childe’s arms. A gentle warmth quickly enveloped him. Similar to where he was close to Childe but unique as well. He was a father. He had a son. After 6000 years of watching the world go, he was finally part of it.
Zhongli softly kissed Ji’s little head. “Thank you for being born, my son,” he said. Knowing full well life had just started. “Welcome to the world.”