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Chongyun did not know when these feelings started to appear. One day he and Xingqiu were good friends, and the next he could hardly look at him without his heart racing. He first noticed it when the two were spending time together down by Liyue harbor. They were sitting in silence. Xingqiu had a book in his hands, staring down in wonder at the faded ink inside, golden eyes darting across the page, lost in a world far from his own. Chongyun had an icy blue popsicle in his hand, staring out at the hustle and bustle of the harbor: Fishermen coming and going, merchants haggling on the streets, ships being docked, loaded and unloaded. Eventually his eyes landed on Xingqiu, where they remained for well too long. Maybe it was the smell of the sea or the way that the sun was setting just so, reflecting off of the waves in the harbor and lighting up his friend's eyes. Or the sound of foot traffic and seagulls being drowned out as he began to space out. But this time something different happened when he looked at Xingqiu. His heart felt heavy and light all at once. He noticed how pale and smooth the other young man's skin was. How his lips twitched ever so slightly as he followed along with the story, completely immersing himself. How his fingers were thin and perfectly soft, much different than his own calloused hands. It was then that Chongyun realized firstly, that he was immensely grateful for his childhood friend, and that they could enjoy quiet moments like this with one another. But second, the pain of desiring more. For the first time in his life he wanted to hold Xingqiu’s hand. He wanted more than he should be allowed to experience with his oldest and closest friend.
Xingqiu noticed his intense stare. He only spared Chongyun the briefest of glances before looking back at his book, a sly smile on his face. “Your popsicle is melting,” he said. And the moment was over. Whether he knew what was going on in the exorcist’s mind, Chongyun could never know.
This was only the first of many such moments. Regrettably, his feelings began to grow at an alarming rate. As soon as he realized that he had a crush on his friend, the thoughts amplified and began to consume much of his day.
For most people, this realization would be a minor inconvenience and would change very little. But for Chongyun, his entire life was made more difficult. Ever since he was young, he struggled with controlling his congenital positivity. Most humans had fairly equal balances of Yin and Yang energies. Chongyun, however, was born with far too much Yang energy. This was especially troubling given his profession as an exorcist. Demons and spirits fed off of negative energy, and so his excess positivity seemed to repel them. This frustrated him beyond belief. Though he was successful in getting rid of demons with simply his presence, he could not consider himself an exorcist because he never had the chance to utilize his training in thaumaturgy and martial arts.
Coming to terms with his feelings for Xingqiu only increased his positive energy. He found himself smiling when he thought of the other man. His mind wandered throughout the day, straying to other thoughts during his training sessions. Worst of all was what happened to his body when he saw his friend. His face would grow hot and his heart would race. A surge of positive energy ruining him for the rest of the day.
The decision was not an easy one but the solution was clear: Avoid Xingqiu at all costs.
The first week was easy. He was traveling for the majority of it. Being out of town was an excellent excuse to not see the young Guhua knight. But when he arrived back in Liyue at the end of the week, he was met with a note pinned to his front door.
Dear Chongyun,
I hope you had safe travels and a successful week. I am eagerly awaiting to hear about your journey. Meet me at Yanshang Teahouse tonight. Dinner, of course, is on me.
He was not surprised by the note. Xingqiu enjoyed listening to the stories of his travels, lamenting about his own mercantile duties in Liyue Harbor. This had become a tradition between the two friends: Meet up after a long trip, Xingqiu buys dinner and tea, and Chongyun lays out a detailed tale of his encounters (or sometimes lack thereof).
But Chongyun swore to himself that he would not interact with Xingqiu. If he was to be a successful exorcist, he could not indulge himself with the other man’s presence any longer. Especially given his inappropriate feelings that had developed.
He sat on the side of his bed, leaning forward and resting his head in his hands. He knew that he was making the right choice. But the thought of never seeing Xingqiu again was excruciating.
Another week passed before he was finally confronted. A knock on his door prepared him for the worst. Besides potential clients, Xingqiu was the only person who ever called on him. He held his breath as he peered out of the viewing hole on his front door. His suspicions were confirmed and he quickly went to action.
He slid on his sandals and his over-shirt before escaping through the backdoor.
It was nearly midnight when he deemed it safe to return home but of course, he was never so lucky. When he returned, Xingqiu was waiting for him. He sat on the steps of his porch, an open book in his lap. The moon was full and the sky just clear enough to give him enough light to read by.
Chongyun froze when he spotted his friend. He stood still in the street, hands clenched at his sides. He considered turning around and walking away but a pair of golden eyes met his and he knew he could run no longer.
Without a word, he approached his home, heartbeat pounding away in his chest. He struggled for words to say but nothing came to mind.
Xingqiu kept his eyes trained on the pages of his book and so Chongyun sat beside him without a word. They stayed like that for nearly ten minutes until the young merchant finished his chapter and shut the book in his hands. “You must be incredibly desperate to avoid me if you are willing to slink away from your own dwelling.”
Chongyun felt like a child being scolded by his school teacher. He wanted to deny the accusation but he knew that he had no grounds.
“Why? I know I did nothing wrong.” Xingqiu was as self-assured as ever.
“You did nothing wrong,” Chongyun agreed slowly, trying to pick his next words wisely. “I… Need to be alone for a while… My condition has been worsening lately. I am trying to get it under control.”
“You usually come to me for help with such things.”
It was true. Xingqiu always went out of his way to help Chongyun find solutions to his problems. The bookworm knew how important his work as an exorcist was to him. Perhaps if he just explained the situation, Xingqiu would understand.
“I am not sure there is a good solution.” Chongyun’s eyes were trained straight ahead, locked onto the rooftops of the adjacent building. He could not meet his friend’s eyes. “My condition worsens when I am around you.”
Xingqiu frowns hard at that information. “That why you have been avoiding me, then? Because of your crush on me?”
Chongyun’s mouth fell open and he quickly turned to look at his friend. He was always surprised by the other young man’s perceptiveness. Had he known about Chongyun’s feelings all along?
“That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard,” Xingqiu says bluntly. The words hit Chongyun hard in the chest. “I thought you were simply being bashful. Was that not it? Was it your plan then to avoid me forever ?”
Chongyun’s silence was telling.
“And you came to that conclusion on your own?”
“Huh?”
“Is it not fitting that I should have a say in this?” For a moment, the normally composed heir to the Guyun clan seemed genuinely mad.
Chongyun was stunned. He had not considered the other man’s feelings. The two had been friends since they were young, before either of them had even started primary school. Surely, Xingqiu did not want to lose his best friend.
"But," Chongyun began again slowly, "Aren't you uncomfortable knowing that I-... That I have feelings for you?"
To that, Xingqiu let out a breathless laugh, a clear sigh of exasperation. “You’re so clueless sometimes, Yun.”
Xingqiu was about an inch from Chongyun’s lips when the cryo-user pulled away with wide eyes. His face tinted bright pink, all the way up to his ears as he stared at his friend in confusion. Did Xingqiu just try to kiss him?
“Oh really?” Asked the young heir, an eyebrow raised toward his friend. “You were too timid to tell me how you felt and now you're too scared to kiss me, too?”
“I’m not scared,” Chongyun felt his face getting hotter in embarrassment. Why did Xingqiu try to kiss him?
“Then prove it.”
He could tell that Xingqiu was mad at him. Definitely for avoiding him. Probably for not coming clean sooner. And maybe for not kissing him? And Chongyun could not have his one true friend angry with him. But in his confusion, he hesitated for a second too long.
“Fine.” Xingqiu said dismissively, the slightest hint of disappointment in his voice. “Just do not avoid me any longer. I will not allow it.” The bookworm got to his feet and quickly turned his back to Chongyun, hiding the blush on his own face. He only managed a single step before a calloused hand wrapped around his wrist and spun him around.
Suddenly, he was facing Chongyun again, who appeared like a frightened animal, unsure of his next move. The two stood facing each other, icy blue eyes locked onto golden ones in an awkward moment of silence. Chongyun could swear he could hear his own heart beating.
Prove it. Xingqiu’s words echoed in Chongyun’s ears. This might be the only chance that he would get. Finally, he brought his other hand up to rest against the side of Xingqiu’s face and leaned in.
Kissing Xingqiu was better than Chongyun could have ever imagined. It was chaste and quick, but Xingqiu’s lips were unearthly soft and parted just slightly, expecting more. When Chongyun pulled away again, his head spun. He felt dizzy and lightheaded in the same way that he did when he ate a Jueyun chili or stood out in the sun for too long.
He wanted more and could not contain himself. And so he went in for a second chaste kiss, but it was not enough. Finally, he wrapped one arm tight around his friend’s waist and pulled Xingqiu closer. He kept his other hand against the other man’s cheek. All thought of rejection and fear of humiliation flew out the window when Xingqiu’s arms wrapped around his neck and they deepened the kiss. Chongyun’s head tilted to the right and his friend’s lips slotted into place, as if they were made to join one another.
After nearly a minute, Xingqiu finally pried away from the other man’s assault on his lips. He let out a breathless laugh, his face tinted pink and his eyes creased in the corners with a smile. Chongyun could not imagine someone more beautiful. “You do know I require oxygen, yes?” The young heir asked, resting his hands on Chongyun’s shoulders to keep him at bay as he stared at the other.
Chongyun let out a mumbled “Sorry,” before attempting to lean in for another kiss, pulling Xingqiu closer by his hips once again.
He was met with pale, delicate fingers covering his mouth. “I’m not finished being mad at you,” Xingqiu tells his friend, “Even if you are quite the excellent kisser.”
Chongyun’s face burned with the compliment.
“Your plan was to evade me? To what end?”
The cryo user’s eyes were glued to Xingqiu’s lips and it took all of his effort to pry them away. He bit his own lip, having a hard time focusing given the increased positive energy running through him. Oftentimes when he got like this he would make very regrettable decisions. “Until,” he started then paused again. “Until my feelings disappeared.”
“And you wanted them to disappear?” Xingqiu asked, his smile faltering just the slightest. He waits for his friend to offer him a small nod. “Does it change your mind to know that your feelings are not unrequited?”
“Huh?”
Xingqiu could not help but laugh at his friend. “I have also been harboring romantic feelings for you, Chongyun.”
“You have?”
The bookworm thought that his friend seemed far too surprised for someone who he has just finished making out with. “Yes!” He laughed and reached up, poking Chongyun in his cheek. “But I knew of your feelings, and I wanted to see how long it would take you to make the first move.”
As the information sinks in, Chongun pouts. “That was mean.”
“I am sorry, my dear,” Xingqiu said softly, leaning in to press his forehead against the other’s. “You are simply too fun to tease. And anyhow, you have done it now and so we can put this all behind us.” Of course, this was the young heir’s classic method of deflection when his shenanigans were called out. “Though there is still the matter of your congenital positivity, which is what led you to avoid me in the first place. We will have to find a solution to that.” Xingqiu leaned back on his heels and gazed to the side, a clear sign that he was deep in thought. “I simply cannot bear to be apart from you, nor can I let your condition worsen, you’ve already made so much progress in controlling yourself.”
Chongyun remained still, crystalline eyes glued to the other man. The night had been a whirlwind for them both. But despite the problem at hand, only one thought clouded his mind. “Can we figure this out later?”
Xingqiu let out a quiet hum, wordlessly asking for clarification.
“I‘d rather just keep kissing you.”
Xingqiu’s mouth fell open slightly, not expecting Chongyun to be quite so direct. But finally, he let out a quiet laugh and wrapped his arms back around his friend’s shoulders, leaning in to close the gap between them. “I suppose I can indulge you for a while longer.”