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It starts with a soft knock on his door, and Alexis calling his name. David is not in the mood for whatever shenanigans she's up to, so he stays silent, watching his television screen with great attention. He turns up the sound, enough to mute her words. The knocks become louder, and a few seconds later, Alexis screams.
"I'm coming in whether you want it or not!" There's a clatter in his lock - his sister barges in quickly.
He should have guessed. Alexis was always talented with locks and bobby pins. She’s dressed up, purse in hand, a nice jacket on – but she looks pissed, staring at David with wide eyes and a very annoyed face. Her expression softens a bit as she notices David’s puffy eyes, his curled-up position in bed, and his hair a bit too messy from his usual preference. The curtains are closed and there’s an empty pastry box by his side.
“You could have just answered, David,” she sighs.
David is honestly surprised that she tried that hard. She could have just left him alone, drowning his misery. Maybe she’s been worrying, he thinks. He pushes that thought away. Alexis wouldn’t.
“Mom’s asking if you want to join us for a shopping trip,” she asks, trying to sound casual, playing with her rings.
“Well I’m not coming with you,” David answers immediately, not looking away from the screen, avoiding his sister’s insistent gaze.
“Come on, David, you should – “
“Not a chance,” he cuts her off.
He pulls up his blanket a bit higher, he tightens his grip around the pillow he’s been holding for comfort. It gives him countenance. Alexis seems infuriated at his nonchalance, annoyed by the rejection.
“Ugh, I was trying to be nice, David – Mom didn’t even ask”, she shouts. “Just stay by yourself, sob in front of Julia Roberts or whoever, ‘cause that’s gonna make you feel better!”
She slams the door as she leaves. The room falls quiet behind her, leaving David alone with his thoughts – Bridget Jones’s diary is still playing in the background, but he doesn’t really pay attention anymore.
He can feel the tears build up slowly, a drop making its way to his cheek, his chin, his neck. More follow and David tries to wipe them away with the back of his hand. Somehow, it feels even worse than the sobbing sessions that had been happening for the past days. These were cathartic, emotions flowing away from his shaking body, using rom-com characters as an escape route, conducting the painful feelings he was experiencing into empathy for the characters. It was easier that way. This – this, the silent sorrow, his aching heart and the void opening up again – this is hard.
He can’t help it, the way his thoughts seem to escalade every time he thinks about it. It starts with Sebastian; David thinks about the way he left – about the pathetic glance he had received as he begged Sebastian not to go. He thinks about the previous times, when the photographer came back with flowers, wine and a pretty smile, whispering promises he wouldn’t keep. David would give a lot to believe his sweet lies again. His heart knew it wasn’t right, deep down. He knew that following Sebastian’s every desire was a destructive pattern he had kept on for too long. He knew he should never feel this shattered while in a relationship, because if he was honest, the wound had been there before the breakup. Yet – if Sebastian came back at this exact moment, David would throw himself at him without looking back. It was unhealthy, it was wrong – but it was comforting. It was all he’d ever known. Sebastian wasn’t the first one to hurt him and leave; and he probably wouldn’t be the last one, either. This was what David was used to, and anything else was too scary to think about.
David wouldn’t know what love was if it showed up on his front door. Every nice gesture he had received had been a manipulative twist, every nice person a front to evil operations. David himself wasn’t good, he knew that. He was selfish and stubborn and – really, just pretty messed-up. He wasn’t fixable, and he would push away anyone trying to repair him. He didn’t deserve to be loved anyway, so why would he try? Maybe that’s why he and Sebastian had been such a good fit. Any sensible person would have run away – wouldn’t have let a self-absorbed narcissist use them. Any sensible person wouldn’t be craving Sebastian, aching for him to come back, to be called beautifully broken again as if that was something to be proud of.
David is letting the tears flow without restraint as the film’s credits start to roll. The screen turns black after a few minutes, and David keeps staring at it, his reflection looking back at him disdainfully.
He still hasn't moved when a tentative knock presses the door open, a few hours later. The room is silent, the TV awfully quiet. Alexis walks in without a word as David watches her distantly.
She puts a white box on the bed; grabs something else from her purse as she walks towards the TV cabinet. She struggles to open the DVD player, curses at it when it opens and closes three times in a row. A tiny smile forms on David's lips at the sight. She finally works it up, grabs the remote, and slips into the bed next to her brother.
David is too tired to protest – he’s well known to loneliness, he’s used to dealing with heartbreak on his own. He is, however, not used to Alexis’ determined attitude to keep him company in this… troubling time. He should be bothered. He should push her out, ask her to leave him alone. Somehow – his sister’s company almost makes him burst into tears once again. He’s grateful for her presence. They weren’t used to this, not anymore. The fact that Alexis cared enough to make a step towards him feels incredibly soothing. He must have looked miserable, he thinks, to have that effect on her. But that’s how he feels anyway, so it makes sense.
“Thanks for the pity party,” he says.
He hates the words as soon as they leave his mouth – he doesn’t know why it happens, sometimes. He meant to thank her. He doesn’t know how the bitterness and sarcasm got in there – he’s not capable of expressing emotions correctly. Another one for the list.
"Thought you could use a change," Alexis says as she presses the play button, ignoring his comment.
The Holiday starts playing, as Alexis takes the box she had previously put on the bed, spreads it open, and grabs a donut from it.
"Do not eat the whole box, David," she states. He hums, grasping a chocolate pastry.
They stay quiet for a moment, Alexis settling more and more into her brother's side. It's not a hug - they wouldn't - but it's close enough to soothe David's craving for human touch. When he's sure that his voice won’t crack up as he speaks, he can't help but tease Alexis - the moment they're sharing would get too emotional if he didn't.
"You know, this is technically more of a Christmas movie than a break-up - "
"Shush, David. Shush."