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Louis could count the number of good New Years’s Eve he had on one finger.
His parents weren’t really the celebrating type, and the beginning of a year didn’t mean much to them. As a result, they never found any reason to have elaborate plans on December 31 when Louis was a kid, and when Louis was older, his parents never allowed him to go out late. The best New Year’s Eve he’d had was when his family had gone on a vacation, and spent December 31st watching fireworks near a lake and had gotten ice cream afterwards. To ten year old Louis, the fact that his overly-strict parents had taken them all out at such a late time and had gotten ice cream at 1 a.m. was incredibly exciting, and the thrill of fun had forever remained in Louis’ memories.
On the other hand, he had had plenty of bad New Year’s Eve. When he was younger, he slept through all of them. When he grew old enough to stay awake up past eleven p.m. and to realise that there was a reason to celebrate, he started begging his parents to have a party. So, for a few New Years’, Louis had gone to parties; but the parties of his parents’ friends, who were as fond of celebrations as his parents were. So he spent those parties with kids he wasn’t even friends with and at 12 o’clock each time, he would gaze at the fireworks solitarily. There was even one New Years’ Eve where they were visiting an old relative so all he did was pop a balloon at the strike of the clock, with everyone else asleep.
So it was safe to say, that Louis was not a big fan of New Year’s Eve. Part of him hoped that one day, he would have a magical New Year’s Eve, with a kiss right when the new year began but a more realistic part of him had stopped believing in the magic of New Year’s Eve and the potential a new year could bring a long time ago.
This year though, Louis was attending a party. An actual party. He was eighteen and in his first year of medical school. He didn’t have parents breathing down his back or curfews and rules. He had been invited to a party that was promised to be “wicked”, by his roommate, Niall. Niall was a loud Irishman, fond of laughing and alcohol. Louis adored him. Niall was Louis’ first friend in university, and had introduced him to Liam, Zayn and Harry. Louis felt like he could be himself, finally, with these four boys and they all too willingly fell into some sort of group. Louis had a special relationship with each one of them.
Niall was the one he caused mischief with. Niall found anything Louis said hilarious and every time they were together, they would cause absolute havoc that the other boys fondly rolled their eyes at. Liam was like an older brother to Louis. This meant that Liam would chastise Louis sometimes but it also meant that Liam fiercely protected Louis and was his pillow and pillar of strength at the same time. In return, Louis loosened up Liam and made him see the light of every situation instead of being worried about everything. Zayn was Louis’ best friend. In such a short time, Louis and Zayn had learnt everything about each other and whenever Louis had a problem, Zayn was the first person he told. Zayn was like Louis’ diary, but one that could offer advice and comfort in return, and Louis was so grateful he had found such a great friend in such a short time. And Harry…
If you asked anyone who didn’t know them, they would say Harry and Louis were dating. But Louis knew that this whole feeling was only one-sided. Ever since Louis had met Harry, he had been enchanted by his bright green eyes and his drawling voice and his humongous heart. Louis could sit for hours just listening to Harry talk about anything in the world, and Louis would be content. Harry was the most wonderful person he had met and his crush for Harry was unlike anything he had ever felt before. Zayn said it was love, but Louis didn’t want to think that, because if it was love then it would just be more painful. Because while Harry was Louis’ sunshine, Louis was just another friend to Harry. Zayn tried to convince him otherwise but Louis saw the way how Harry’s eyes lit up every time he was with Nick and how the two of them flirted so much that it was almost uncomfortable to sit next to them. But it was fine. At least, that was what Louis tried to convince himself. Because Nick was a wonderful guy and him and Harry shared interests, that Louis knew nothing about. They had their own set of friends and places to hang out, friends and places that Louis didn’t belong in. Nick understood Harry in a way that Louis couldn’t and Harry was happy with Nick. So it was fine, because Louis just wanted Harry to be happy and if he was happy with Nick, then Louis was happy for Harry.
Two hours to midnight
Louis was at the “wicked” party, and Louis didn’t think he was that happy. Because Harry had been with Nick the entire time so far and… A part of Louis had hoped that now that he was finally at a proper New Year’s celebration, he could have a proper kiss too… with Harry. Louis criticised himself for being so stupid and forgetting the fact that Harry had no interest in him. Whatever New Year hope Louis had, diminished.
Louis went to find Zayn. He was drinking beer in the kitchen and when he saw Louis, he just smiled knowingly.
“Don’t say anything about it,” Louis muttered, as he grabbed a beer for himself.
“Okay, I won’t, but it’s not what you think it is Lou,” Zayn said.
“You’re saying something,” Louis replied. Zayn chuckled and Louis glared at him as he drank his beer.
“Don’t worry, Lou, you will get your New Year’s kiss,” Zayn said, his tone slightly mocking, but mostly comforting. Louis rolled his eyes anyway.
“Today is just another day, at least for me. And I think I will spend the last moments of this year in the balcony, thank you,” Louis snapped, but with no malice in his voice.
“But-“
“Zayn, it’s okay, I’m used to it. Now please drop it,” Louis interrupted him. Zayn sighed.
“Okay fine. But at least let’s get you happier! Come on, let’s go find what horrifying game Niall has set up,” Zayn smiled and hopped of the counter he was sitting it. Louis smiled and went with him to the living room. Who needed a kiss when you had an amazing best friend. Louis thought. Then he saw Harry laughing at something Nick had said and the thought immediately flew out of his head.
90 minutes to midnight
Louis and Zayn had found Niall around twenty minutes ago and they had been roped into a game of beer pong. Liam and Louis had teamed up against Zayn and Niall, and they had been in a riveting game since. Liam and Louis were totally crushing Zayn and Niall, but Zayn and Niall kept claiming that Liam and Louis were cheating.
It was Louis’ turn and if he made this shot, Liam and Louis would officially win. On the other side, Zayn and Niall were trying to distract Louis, by shouting crazy things and singing off-key. Louis kept laughing at their antics until Liam swooped in, and put his hands on Louis’ face.
“Focus Lou, come on,” Liam urged him, shaking his head gently a few times, as if trying to remove all the distractions from his mind. Louis giggled, but instantly sobered up when he saw Harry nearby, watching them. Harry had his eyes narrowed on where Liam was holding Louis, and his mouth was in an unhappy pout. Louis let his imagination soar for a second, before sternly telling himself not to read too much into it. Harry was probably pouting because Nick wasn’t there, and wasn’t focusing on Louis at all. Nevertheless, Louis shook himself and straightened his shoulders. He gazed calculatingly and took his shot.
He made it. Louis and Liam cheered, while Niall and Zayn booed and demanded for a rematch from the other side. Liam suddenly picked up Louis and swung him around, and Louis shrieked in surprise and started giggling and telling Liam to put him down. Liam wouldn’t listen and swung him round and round until Louis finally sagged in defeat and Liam let him down. He was so dizzy that he fell into Liam’s chest as soon as he landed and Liam’s arms came around him, as he laughed at him. Louis looked up, mock affronted, and pushed himself away from Liam but he still hadn’t got his balance so he stumbled backwards until he landed on a warm chest.
He looked up in surprise and inhaled sharply when he saw big green eyes looking back at him. He stopped giggling and blushed.
“Sorry Haz,” He removed himself from his arms, that at some point had come to wrap around him.
“It’s okay Lou,” Harry said, gazing at him with some strange intensity that made Louis feel hot all over. Louis needed to get away from Harry fast, before he did something like kiss him or confess his unrequited love.
“Do you wanna-“ Harry started.
“Um sorry, I-I gotta go. I will see you around, okay?” Louis stammered out and fled the room.
It usually wasn’t this bad. He usually could control himself around Harry and they had had many many long conversations about anything and everything in the world. It was just recently that he hadn’t been able to take it anymore. Harry hadn’t gone home for Christmas and neither had Louis, and the sight of Harry wrapped in a ugly Christmas jumper with dimples flashing the entire day had made Louis’ heart race. Because they were having holidays, the five of them had hung out more, which meant Louis and Harry had spent more time together. Not to mention the new habit Harry had developed of cuddling Louis while they were watching movies. Louis simultaneously hated and loved it because it gave him goosebumps yet also left him with an ache in his heart. But on one hand, while Harry was giving him more affection and leading him on, he was also breaking him down as he saw Harry texting Nick and calling him while looking at Louis nervously. Louis pretended it all didn’t affect him. It wasn’t exactly healthy but it was the only way he could cope.
Forty minutes to midnight
Since Harry had escaped Louis, he had basically flitted between various acquaintances, trying to distract his fluttering mind and nervous heart. Harry was almost out of his mind when he, quite literally, bumped into Nick.
“Oh hello love, sorry didn’t see you there,” Nick said, smiling pleasantly.
“Hi Nick,” Louis replied shyly, looking at his feet. He felt the most inadequate around him.
“So how are you enjoying the party?” Nick asked, taking a sip of his beer as he looked at Louis expectantly.
“Um good, I guess,” Louis’ words stumbled and tripped out of his mouth. Nick was way better for Harry than Louis was. “Do you like it?” Louis asked back, to be polite.
“Yeah, it’s great fun. But I’m going to go to another one in a while,” Nick said, an odd gleam entering his eye.
“Why?” Louis asked.
“Oh, just got my New Year’s kiss waiting for me there. Came to this party just for Harry to be honest, no offence to your Irish mate over there,” Nick chuckled, gesturing to Niall.
Louis was so confused.
“Wait, so um you’re not going to be kissing Ha- I mean, someone in this party?” Louis gaped at Nick, shocked.
“No…” Now Nick was the one looking at Louis with confusion. Objectively, Louis would find his shock strange too but all the time, Louis had thought that Nick and Harry were a thing.
Oh wait.
Horror swept through him. It must be one-sided! Harry must have feelings for Nick and Nick must have feelings for someone else and Harry was probably in pain with his unrequited crush and Louis was a horrible friend because he had put his own sorrows in front of Harry’s and this is why Louis didn’t deserve love and -
“You alright, love?” Nick asked, concern lacing through his tone. Louis must have looked like he was in physical pain as the realisations hit him and Louis smiled at Nick, tight-lipped. That bastard. He couldn’t realise how amazing Harry was and instead, went and broke Harry’s heart.
“Yeah, I’m fine Nick. Wouldn’t want to keep you from your places to go!” Louis exclaimed airily and sashayed away, swaying his hips in some sort of defiance.
No wonder Harry had been upset when Louis had last seen him, wringing his hands and lips turning down unhappily. Louis had been at the threshold of the door, where no one could have seen him, and had watched Harry looked around and sigh. At that time, Louis thought nothing of it but now he realised that Nick had been breaking Harry’s heart. That bastard! Louis swore fiercely at Nick for making Harry so unhappy.
He strode to the living room, determination in his short legs. He had been a terrible friend to Harry so far, never asking Harry about Nick because he was afraid of the answers but Louis was going to put this behaviour to an end. Louis’ feelings didn’t matter when Harry was in pain.
He found Harry nursing a beer while leaning against the wall, alone. Louis’ heart lurched. Oh poor boy, he thought, as he watched Harry’s eyes, downcast. Even when he was sad, he was so so pretty and for a second, Louis fantasised about going up to Harry and swooping him into a kiss to cheer him up. The moment passed, and Louis forced himself to push any lingering thoughts of his imagination away. He squared his shoulders. took a deep breath and walked up to Harry.
As Louis approached Harry, Harry looked up in surprise and hurt, delight and fondness fluttered across his face before settling on a smile. Louis didn’t know what to think of it so he stowed it in the back of his mind.
“Hey Hazza,” Louis said, as he leant against the wall near Harry. He looked up at Harry through his eyelashes and Harry stared at him for a second, his mouth slightly open before he shook his head, as if to clear his thoughts.
“Hey Lou. Enjoying the party? Haven’t seen much of you,” Harry said, trying to sound casual but with an undercurrent of something else in his voice.
“The party is alright. Yeah, I’ve just been going from person to person so… yeah,” Louis finished lamely. He cursed himself internally. He could never think clearly when Harry was looking at him, like he was the only thing in the world. It made him feel so self conscious, more than he felt already.
“So…” Harry scratched the back of his neck nervously and Louis suddenly understood. Harry had figured out that Louis wanted to talk to him about Nick and Harry didn’t want to talk about him. So Louis was going to never mention Nick’s name or what happened with him, and focus on making Harry the happiest he could be.
“I just missed you Hazza, so I came to spend time with you,” Louis said, smiling up at Harry.
“Really?” Harry’s face lit up and he looked surprised, as if he thought Louis wouldn’t miss him. Silly boy. Louis missed him even when he was right next to him because he couldn’t have Harry the way he wanted to.
“Of course babe. Now what do you say we play something? HarryandLouis against the world!” Louis exclaimed dramatically, making Harry giggle into his hand. Louis’ eyes literally turned into hearts. How could one boy be so handsome and sexy yet so cute and adorable. Louis couldn’t understand. Harry Edward Styles was created by the universe to defy nature’s laws. Along with being Louis’ fatal flaw, of course.
Harry grabbed Louis’ hand and Louis grinned at the warm thrill that spread through his body at that. They went to where Niall had set up some games, giggling and bantering. Louis was finally enjoying the party.
Ten minutes to midnight
Louis hadn’t realised how cold the night was.
He was sitting on the balcony, away from everyone else. The stars were surprisingly visible, and of course, Louis wished on the first star he saw. If he wished for Harry to be his New Year’s kiss, it was no one’s business but his own, unrealistic as it was. He sat on the balcony, with his knees tucked to his chest, and gazed up at the sky.
Harry and Louis had played some drinking game of Niall’s invention, and it was so lighthearted, that Louis had forgotten about all his internal angst. They just fit so well together, and it was just so easy to be happy around Harry. Louis couldn’t help but think about a life where he and Harry were together, and after every win, they kissed, instead of this life where all they did was share a hug. Louis sighed. His level of pining was getting quite pathetic.
Inside, everyone was cheering and searching out the one they wanted to kiss, with only a few minutes left. Louis wanted to be one of them. He could probably find someone to kiss. It wasn’t like he was unattractive or undesirable. He was sure that someone or the other would be perfectly fine with kissing him. But he didn’t want to kiss anyone if it wasn’t Harry. And Harry was never going to kiss him so he was going to spend another midnight among the stars, instead of living a fairy tale. Louis had accepted this as his fate a long time ago.
“Louis?” A voice broke his thoughts.
“Louis?” The voice called out again and someone opened the balcony. Louis looked up to find Harry, looking around. Harry startled when he saw Louis, tucked up in the corner, but then he smiled, a smile that covered his whole face and made it shine. Louis’ breath hitched.
“There you are! Why are you sitting here all by yourself?” Harry asked, as he made his way over to Louis. Louis couldn’t say anything. “Aww Lou, you look so small,” Harry cooed as he sat down next to Louis.
“Wha-What are you doing here?” Louis managed to stammer out, blushing.
“Sitting next to you of course,” Harry replied easily.
“But… it’s almost midnight..” Louis trailed off uncertainly.
“And..?” Harry asked.
“Umm.. never mind,” Louis whispered. He had completely forgotten that Harry had just gotten his heart broken by Nick. How insensitive of him. He looked down at his fingers. Great, he had succeeded in making Harry upset too.
“Hey… What’s the matter?” Harry put his finger under his chin, and lifted Louis’ head to look up at him. Louis’ skin tingled where Harry was touching him and he blushed.
“No-nothing,” Louis stammered again. Harry had caught him at a moment where he was letting himself acknowledge that he loved Harry and it made Louis feel vulnerable and shy.
Thankfully, Harry left it. But he picked up another topic that Louis would rather not talk about. “So how come you’re sitting here all by yourself?”
“I dunno,” Louis said, picking at a loose thread on his shirt.
“Come on boo, you can tell me,” Harry urged. Harry put his hand on Louis’ knee and the warmth of his touch gave Louis courage.
“Well, I’ve never really enjoyed this day. I was never allowed to go anywhere, because of my overly strict parents. And I don’t know, I always wanted it to be a magical day that will make the rest of the year brilliant. But it never turned out that way, and I’ve learnt to associate this day with disappointment. And this year… there will just be more disappointment. Because the guy I want to kiss doesn’t want to kiss me back. And seeing everyone having their magical moment while I stand alone.. it’ll just drive the nail harder, I guess. So I decided to spend another year beginning with the stars. At least this is something I’m used to…” Louis trailed off uncertainly, scared that he had spoken too much. The entire time had been looking at his hands fiddling nervously but he looked up to find Harry watching him with a hint of sadness in his eyes.
“How do you know the boy you want doesn’t want you back?” Harry asked.
“Because, he wants someone else,” Louis’ gaze returned to his hands now. This was so humiliating. Harry probably would think he was some sort of loser now, if he didn’t already.
“How do you know?” Harry asked, oddly persistent.
“Because Nick told me,” Louis replied without thinking, and then his eyes grew in horror as he realised what he had said. He clapped his hand over his mouth and looked up at Harry in shock.
“Nick? What did Nick tell you?” Harry asked, sharply. He seemed scared. Louis cursed himself, why didn’t have have a brain-to-mouth filter?
“I’m so sorry Hazza, I didn’t meant to bring that up. I know that’s probably the last thing you want to talk or think about and I honestly didn’t meant to say that. And I swear Nick didn’t say anything bad about you, so don’t worry. But I’m so sorry Harry. I understand if you’re pissed at me,” Louis rambled nervously, biting his lip and gazing earnestly at Harry. Harry’s breath hitched but when he registered what Louis had said, his brow wrinkled.
“What are you talking about Lou?” Harry asked, bewildered.
“Nick told me he was going to another party…” Louis said, not wanting to say the entire thing in case Harry felt embarrassed.
“So what..”? Harry asked, confused. Then his face morphed into horror.
“Wait, you like Nick?” “No!” Louis exclaimed. Harry smiled, relieved.
“So then what are you talking about…?” Harry asked, still puzzled.
“Are you sure you want me to say it out loud?” Louis asked quietly. Why was Harry being so strange? Of course he knew what Louis was talking about so why did he act like he didn’t?
“Of course!” Harry said, almost a bit desperate now. Louis hesitated. “Come on Lou, please tell me,” Harry pleaded.
“Well… Nick said he’s going to another party because the person he wants to kiss is there. Which means he doesn’t want to kiss you. And… you must be feeling so bad right now so I didn’t want to bring it up but I accidentally did and I am so sorry. I didn’t want you to feel worse than you already do,” Louis mumbled. Harry had to strain to hear what Louis was saying.
“Wait, why would I be upset that Nick doesn’t want to kiss me?” Harry asked, shock present in every syllable.
Louis wanted to roll his eyes. What game was Harry playing? Whatever it was, Louis was too tired to figure it out so he decided his best bet was just answering Harry’s ridiculous questions.
“Because you like Nick,” Louis whispered, and then curled even further into his little ball. He momentarily closed his eyes, so he didn’t see how appalled Harry looked.
“Lou, I don’t like Nick…” Harry said slowly, still trying to figure everything out. Louis looked up in shock.
“What?!” Louis exclaimed.
“Why would you even think that I liked Nick?” Harry asked.
“Because you always talk to him and laugh around him and you guys have the same interests and go to the same place and have the same friends and you guys have these long talks and…” Louis trailed off helplessly. Harry didn’t like Nick? But everything Harry had done seemed to suggest that he liked Nick. He looked up at Harry’s face to see any trace of a lie or mockery but he could only find genuine puzzlement. Suddenly Harry’s face cleared up.
“Wait a second… does this mean,” Oh fuck. No, no. no. “Does this mean I’m the boy you want to kiss?” Harry asked, his voice lifting at the end.
Louis wanted to cry. He had had some horrible New Year’s Eves but this was going to be the worst of them all. Harry had finally figured out his pathetic crush and the next year was going to start with Louis being rejected by the person he loves. What a great start to what was going to be another crappy year. Now that Harry knew, he would stop spending time with Louis because of how disgusted he was. And Louis would have rather lived his life loving Harry from afar than losing Harry, but because of his own stupidness, Harry was going to leave him. Louis looked down and a single tear fell from his eye. “I’m sorry,” He whispered, fully expecting Harry to lash out at him.
What he didn’t expect was Harry to say “Oh babe,” and draw Louis in his arms. Harry was so big that he completely covered Louis and Louis felt like he was in his own cocoon. He started to cry properly. He wasn’t going to be shouted at, but now he was being pitied. Louis hated pity. But it was better than straight-out rejection. And while Louis still had time, he was just going to go ahead and confess. Because Harry at least deserved to know how lovely he was, even if it wasn’t from the right person.
“I’m so sorry Harry, I tried really hard but I couldn’t help but fall for you. You’re just all sorts of amazing. You’re so beautiful, inside and out. I get so happy when I’m with you because you just light up the world. And I wasn’t supposed to fall for you, because all you want from me is friendship, but you’re so lovely I couldn’t help it. And I just don’t want to see the boy I love kiss someone else but you came here and now you know my pathetic secret so I’m so sorry for probably ruining your night. I’m so sorry,” Louis started properly sobbing now.
“Louis,” Harry croaked out, sounding broken and like he was crying himself. “Hush Lou, what are you saying?” Harry lifted Louis’ head and wiped away his tears with both hands. Louis saw that there were tears trailing down Harry’s cheeks too and hesitantly wiped them off too. Harry put both of his hands on either side of Louis’ face.
“Louis, I can’t believe this is what you think. I thought I was so obvious. Every time I talk to Nick, it is about you! You can ask him, you dominate most of our conversations because I can’t stop squealing about how cute you are or because of something adorable you did. I talk to Nick to ask him advice on how to tell you that I’m in love with you too,” Louis’ breath hitched. “I love you Lou, I love you so much. Oh my god, I have been gone for you since the day I met you, when you were wearing Liam’s black jumper that was huge on you and you looked so cuddly and soft and I wanted to hold you in my arms before even saying a word to you. You’re the loveliest person I’ve met, not only because I think you’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever known but also because you everyone with your whole heart and even though you’ve been hurt so much, you still manage to make every single person that comes in contact with you happy. I thought I had no chance with you because everyone around you adores you and I thought I was nothing in front of them but to find out you feel the same way? You didn’t ruin my night you silly boy, you made my entire year. I am so happy right now that I cannot even put it into words or actions because I’ve been in love with you for so long and to find out that you love me back… You’re literally the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”
Louis was speechless. He literally couldn’t say anything because of how incredibly shocked he was. Inside, he heard everyone counting down. They was still four seconds left to midnight but Louis surged forward and kissed Harry.
It felt like home.
Harry kissed like he had been waiting to kiss Louis all his life and Louis kissed him the same way. They were completely oblivious to the shouting inside or the fireworks that were bursting in the sky. They were just in a bubble of HarryandLouis, both of their dreams finally coming true.
When they had to come up for air, Louis pressed his forehead to Harry’s. “I love you, I love you, I love you,” He murmured and watched as Harry’s eyes shone more with each time he said it.
“I love you more,” Harry smiled and Louis was going to say how that was an utter lie but Harry kissed him again and his protests floated away as he tangled his hands in Harry’s hair and felt Harry’s arms around his waist.
New Year’s Eve was the best thing ever, Louis decided. Because he knew that him and Harry were a forever kind of thing and he was going to have Harry by his side for every year’s beginning. Every sad New Year’s Eve before today had diminished because Harry lit up Louis’ soul. Louis decided that New Year’s Eve was the best thing ever, after Harry Edward Styles of course.