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"Thank you for helping me with the proposal. You're really an amazing friend," Gulf said with the widest smile Mew has ever seen on him. He doesn't exactly know how to respond, ' I'd cross the oceans if you asked me to', 'I'd do anything just to see that smile on your face', 'of course, I love you after all'? Mew doesn't know. Maybe, he doesn't really want to know. Perhaps, he doesn't want to respond. Maybe he just wants to disappear because right at this very second, his world just disappeared.
Mew was busy staring at Gulf, was busy getting lost in his eyes that he completely forgot that right beside the man he loved with his entire heart is Eye, the person Gulf loves more than anything else in this entire world, more than him.
So what exactly do you say to the person you love who you have just helped with his proposal? What do you say to someone who holds your entire heart in the palm of his hand and he doesn't even know it? What do you say 'that' person when he finally found the person he's willing to spend the rest of his life with?
'Anything for you'?
The words rang in Mew's ears and just like how can't rid himself of the love he has for Gulf, he also can't rid himself of that phrase.
*Flashback*
"Thank you for doing this," Mew heard Gulf say as he watched Gulf button his pants.
They had just finished having sex. Mew thought that maybe this time, maybe just for tonight, Gulf would stay with him. Maybe just for tonight, Gulf would forget what exactly they were and cuddle him to sleep.
'I've fallen for you', Mew wanted to scream. He wanted to have the strength to utter such words to Gulf but he couldn't. He couldn't find the courage to do so because right from the very start, Gulf made him promise. The younger man made it clear to him what they were, fuck buddies. But to be completely precise, he's the thing that Gulf uses to get off every time he needs it because he and Eye broke up, because he's still trying to get him back. So from the very start, he swore to Gulf that he wouldn't fall in love with him because of their set-up no matter what. It's not exactly breaking your promise when you've been in love with him before everything even started, right?
"Hey, are you okay?" Gulf's voice snapped Mew out of his own thoughts. The older man allowed his eyes to scan Gulf's entire frame. The younger one had just finished getting dressed. "Yeah, I'm okay," he managed to say. "That's good," Gulf said looking at him. "Thanks for tonight, I had fun," Gulf said, smiling slyly at the man. Mew could only nod at him.
'It's okay to ask him to stay, right?' Mew asked himself. Before Mew could even think further, Gulf's voice reverberated throughout the entire room, " Well, I should get going now." 'Fuck', Mew cursed in his head as he watched Gulf turn his back to him and started walking towards the door.
After a few steps in, Gulf heard Mew say something inaudibly. Furrowing his brows, he turned around to look at the older man. "Did you say something?" He asked, unconsciously cocking his head to the side.
Mew took a deep breath, closing his eyes as he did so before speaking, "Do you want to stay the night?" Mew could feel his heart hammering in his chest. 'Fuck, what if he wants to end everything instead because I asked that, fuck.' Mew could already imagine how badly things could turn out.
Before he could even get any more lost in his thoughts, he looked at Gulf as the younger man walked slowly towards him. 'Is he going to say yes?' The older man asked himself as Gulf inched closer to him every passing second. 'Maybe we have a chance,' he thought once more as the younger man stood in front of him.
Gulf leaned in, his face extremely close to Mew that the older man's breath hitched despite the fact that they just had sex not only 10 minutes ago. 'Please tell me you'll stay,' Mew pleaded with his eyes — hopeful.
However, Mew's hopes went down the drain when he heard Gulf chuckle, "Silly."
"We promised that we wouldn't cuddle after having sex, right? " Gulf asked, eyes boring into Mew's. "Right," the older man forced out a smile. "Silly me, I don't know what I was thinking," Mew mumbled as he turned his face away from Gulf. Mew could already feel the tears forming, his eyes stinging. 'Fuck, why did I even allow myself to hope?' At this moment, Mew wanted nothing more than to disappear.
Before Mew's tears could fall freely from his eyes, Gulf cupped his face and gently turned it so he'd face the fully-clothed man. "Thanks for tonight," Gulf said briefly, smiling down at him before he crashed their lips together.
The kiss was sweet, innocent, as if their situation isn't anything but. Mew felt Gulf's tongue glide across his bottom lip, asking for entrance. Before he could even give the man exactly what he wanted, Gulf bit his bottom lip gently, so gentle that Mew couldn't help but feel loved. The older man moaned at the younger's action. Gulf took this as an opportunity to invade Mew's mouth with his tongue, successfully deepening the kiss. The shorter of the pair responded to the younger's kisses with much intensity. Maybe he was trying to fool himself, maybe he was thinking that at least in this way, he could have Gulf — maybe.
Mew's eyes rolled at the back of his head as he let out a throaty moan when Gulf started to suck his tongue. 'Yeah, maybe just for a little while, I'll allow myself to believe that Gulf could be mine.'
The pair kissed passionately until they were out of breath. Gulf pulled away from the kiss to catch his breath. He looked at Mew, smirking with satisfaction as he stared at the older's puffy lips.
It was silent for a good minute, only the sound of their heavy breathing could be heard in the entire room "I really did have fun tonight. Thank you for doing this," Gulf said, breaking the silence. He once again pressed his lips against Mew's, but it was brief — fleeting.
'Of course, I love you.'
"Anything for you," Mew smiled at him despite his aching heart, despite reality crashing hard on him, slapping him in the face with what they truly are. Lord knows how much he wanted to tell the younger man that he loved him, but he can't, because if he can't have Gulf forever, at least he'd have him on the nights the younger man felt lonely, at least for a few hours, he'd be able to lie to himself that he could have the man he so desperately wished for every night, even if he's just using him.
Gulf returned the smile before standing up straight. "I'll head out now, okay?" He said, turning around without waiting for Mew's reply. The older man watched as Gulf stood in front of the door, turning the knob. He hated this part, the one where he'd have to face the loneliness that lingered once Gulf was out the door, the real reminder of what he truly is for Gulf.
Mew watched as Gulf stepped outside. "Don't forget to double-check if you locked the door, okay?" Gulf asked, smiling at him with the sweetest smile. "Okay, drive safe," Mew replied, smiling back at the man. 'I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you," Mew wanted to call out but before he could even open his mouth, the door closed. The sound of it shutting ringing in Mew's ears. In that moment, he allowed himself to break down.
*End of Flashback*
"Mew? Are you okay?" Gulf asked, snapping him out of his reverie. "I'm sorry, what?" Mew asked, chuckling awkwardly. "I said thank you for helping me with the proposal," Gulf repeated, pulling Eye closer to him as he planted a kiss on top of her head, making her smile.
'Fuck.'
"Everything was amazing, Mew. Thank you," Eye said which made Mew turn his head to her. "Right, babe?" Gulf chuckled. "You're really an amazing friend. I think she only said yes because of you. If it weren't for you, she probably would have said no," Gulf said, chuckling. "God knows I have no talent in art," he continued, rolling his eyes dramatically. Mew could only smile at how endearing Gulf's actions were.
'If I told you I loved you, would we have had a chance?' Mew wondered silently. ' Probably not ,' he answered himself as he stared at the sparkle in Gulf's eyes, the ones that only appeared when he's with Eye or when he's talking about her. Mew should know, he's seen that thousands of times — right after they have sex, when Gulf stays for a few minutes so he could tell the older man how much he missed her.
"You know you have more to thank him for, right?" Eye interrupted his thoughts. "What do you mean?" Gulf asked, furrowing his brows at his fiance. "Didn't I tell you? He's the one who explained your entire side to me," she replied smiling at Gulf. "If it weren't for him, I would never have gotten back with you," Eye chuckled, wiggling her brows to tease her betrothed.
Gulf turned to him dumbfounded, ' Did I just hear that correctly? '
"Yeah, and he would have continued to be sad for the rest of his life," Mew chuckled, staring at Gulf's beautiful eyes. ' 'Maybe that's the reason,' Mew thought, silently chuckling to himself. ' Maybe the only reason why I talked her into getting back with Gulf is because even when I desperately wanted him all for myself, I wouldn't stand seeing him broken without her, ' Mew smiled bitterly to himself at how pathetic he must sound but the truth is, Gulf's eyes are the most beautiful when he's with her so yeah, maybe it hurts seeing him happy with someone else but he'd rather hurt alone than be selfish to watch Gulf's broken state. 'I just wish I could have stared at your dazzling eyes for a little while longer… but you're happy with her and if you're happy, then I'm happy.'
"Thank you, Mew," Gulf's voice engulfed his entire system. He could see how genuine Gulf's happiness and gratitude were.
'I'm glad I made the right choice,' Mew smiled bitterly to himself. "Anything for you," Mew replied, smiling at the man. "If you'll excuse me," he said once again as he removed himself from the pair's bubble.
He doesn't know how he got there but the next thing he knows is he's at the rooftop of the hotel they were in, tears falling from his eyes as he screamed at the top of his lungs the one thing he never got to say to the only person he has ever loved this much.
"I love you, Gulf!"
~
If this was a movie, the camera would focus on Mew letting out heart-wrenching sobs as he repeatedly screamed the phrase he has been longing to tell the person who he just helped with his proposal. The frame would focus on him for probably a good minute before it pans to the steel door that serves as the main entrance of the rooftop. While Mew’s sobs slowly die down in the background, the camera would focus on the man standing there, frozen in his place as he watches the person he wanted to kiss for the last time before letting go of their set-up -- Gulf was watching the painful scene unfold in front of him.
He doesn’t exactly understand why it’s painful, why he’s feeling a slight pang in his heart at the sight of Mew’s broken state, how could he even have time to think about how he feels when right before his eyes was Mew’s defeated form, baring his heart out to the rest of the world, thinking that no one could hear him. “I love you so fucking much you stupid idiot,” Gulf heard Mew say, voice scratchy from all the screaming he did and it crashed down on Gulf like a bucket of cold water washing over him. What is he supposed to feel? How was he supposed to approach Mew? How is he supposed to talk to the man who he, in the very first place, had an agreement to never fall in love with each other no matter what? Why does the sight of Mew being that broken make his heart hurt when the man was just supposed to be his fuck buddy?
Maybe he’s a coward, maybe he doesn’t have enough guts as he made himself believe because if he did then why the fuck is he running away? Why can’t he go out there and face Mew, give him one last kiss before asking the man to move on from him? Why is he telling himself a lame-ass excuse such as, it’s my engagement day, now’s not the time to talk about such matters as he walks towards the elevator, away from where Mew is?
But will there ever be a right time to talk to someone you casually fucked when you’re sexually frustrated? Gulf asked himself as he entered the lift. How am I going to tell him to move on because I’m going to get married? Do I even tell him that I know? There must be a reason why he never told me right? Gulf’s mind wandered, and the next thing he knows is he’s in front of the hotel room where he and Mew prepared everything for his proposal for Eye. Fuck, it must have hurt him so much to help me with everything when he’s in love with me, Gulf thought, closing his eyes as the dull pang in his heart, that seemed to have crawled its way under his skin since he saw Mew on the rooftop, suddenly became insistent like it’s demanding to be felt at the thought of how painful everything must have been for Mew.
Shaking his head lightly, Gulf opened the door to the hotel room not before placing a heart on his chest. How am I supposed to deal with this ? Gulf once again found himself wondering as he entered the room. What am I supposed to do? Fuck- Gulf thoughts were cut off when a pair of cold hands suddenly wrapped itself around his biceps. Gulf’s head quickly whipped to the owner of the hands and relaxed instantly when he realized that it was just his fiance.
“Are you okay?” Eye asked, looking at Gulf with such worried eyes. “Yeah, I am. Don’t worry about me, okay? Go have fun with everyone else,” he replied, gesturing towards the people who were also in on the surprise who were having fun and dancing to the beat of the music. He invited a couple of their friends and family to witness him popping the question but that’s all there is to it, they didn’t exactly help set everything up. Heck, he didn’t even do much of the work -- Mew was the one who planned all the little details that he thought Eye would appreciate. Sure, a part of him was scared that maybe Eye wouldn’t say yes but to be honest, having Mew there kind of calmed him down, maybe it’s because Mew has been reassuring him that everything would go well, that Eye loves him. I wonder if every time he told me that Eye loved me, he was longing to tell me that he loved me as well? Once again, Gulf’s heart hurt as he remembered how painful Mew’s sobs sounded.
“Are you sure?” she cautiously asked, still worried about Gulf. “I am, I promise. Go have fun, babe,” he replied, cupping her right cheek and planting a chaste kiss on her lips. “Okay, but just as long as you promise you’re fine,” she smiled sweetly at the man. “I promise,” Gulf returned the smile to try and appease her. Contented, Eye nodded before she left to approach her friends who welcomed her with such wide smiles, clearly happy for her.
Once Eye left, he let his mind wander again as he sat down on one corner of the room. Fuck, should I go back up there? Should I talk to him? What do I even say to him? Fuck, I told him not to fall in love with me. Why does he even like me? Gulf sighed as he ran a hand over his face in frustration. Is he okay right now? Will we still be friends? Should I tell him I know? Thousands of questions flooded Gulf’s mind the entire night. He seemed extremely distracted as the night wore on, maybe he was waiting for Mew to come back as he allowed himself to drown in his own thoughts despite everyone being so happy around him -- maybe but if he’s honest, he’s too much of a coward to admit that. I should be celebrating right now, right? Why am I even so bothered by this, it’s not like I’d lose him, right? We’re still going to be friends, right? He can move on from me, right? Gulf’s mind ran endlessly as thousands of possible scenarios haunted him.
Gulf wishes that he could find the answers to all the questions that he has and he could if he wanted to, if he would just muster up the courage to talk to Mew about everything then he’d probably have his answers. Except he can’t, because just as it’s hard to actually face Mew and talk to him about the entire situation, it’s also hard for him to face every question he has. He wishes he could drown himself with liquor, maybe then he’d face liquid courage, not to talk to Mew, but to face the one question at the very back of his mind that he refuses to acknowledge, the one question that could probably make or break his life -- Do I even want him to move on from me?
~
Gulf doesn’t know what he expects out of Mew. He doesn’t even understand himself because now that he knows how Mew feels, he expects the man to message him like he used to. Gulf probably won’t admit it out loud but he might have spent the entire night thinking about how he should act around Mew, how he should reply to his texts, what he should say, and basically just everything Mew Suppasit.
He’s at work but he doesn’t understand why his mind endlessly wanders to a certain 182 cm guy who has the softest hair, kindest eyes, and the most captivating smile he has ever seen. Sighing, Gulf took another look at his phone, trying to figure out why Mew hasn’t texted him for the past two days now. What if he’s already trying to move on? He suddenly thought. I mean is him helping me propose his way of trying to move on? Why is he being so distant all of a sudden? Is it just me or is he really being distant? Once again, questions invaded Gulf’s head but the question sitting at the back of his mind is the question he refuses to face, do I want him to move on from me?
Gulf impulsively opened his messages and before he knew it, he already sent a text to Mew.
Hey, wanna meet today, at my condo?
Gulf heart pounded in his chest. Fuck, what if he thinks I’m just trying to have sex with him again? Fuck- Gulf panicked. He was about to start typing a new message when his heart literally stopped beating for a few seconds when a message suddenly popped up. Then his heart suddenly started beating faster at the name that popped up, “Mew🐼💖”
With shaky hands, he frantically opened his phone. Maybe I should’ve just messaged him sooner, maybe he’s just busy. Maybe he’s not trying to avoid me because if he were, he wouldn’t reply this fast, right? Gulf thought as he unknowingly sported the widest smile he wore since the engagement.
But just as how quickly his heart was beating at the moment is how fast his heart sunk when he read Mew’s reply.
Nah, I'm kind of busy. Meet you some other time.
Not even a sorry? Is he really avoiding me?
Gulf was taken aback by Mew’s response, the man has never once turned him down when he offered for them to meet. Everything just felt really strange for Gulf. He couldn’t quite explain it but Mew avoiding him made Gulf’s heart feel extremely uneasy and once again, he felt that itchy unexplainable feeling that crawled under his skin. There was only one other time when he had felt that -- when Eye wanted to break up. Why do I feel like Mew and I just broke up? Gulf closed his eyes tightly as he ruffled his hair in frustration, why the fuck am I feeling like this?
Try as he might, he can’t seem to get rid of that unwavering emotion of feeling like his relationship with Mew was about to take a turn for the worse and of course, the feeling of rejection.
~
To be honest, Gulf doesn’t blame Eye if she got mad at Gulf because the man has been doing nothing but sighing and checking his phone every five seconds, hoping there would be a message or even a notification from Mew while they’re out planning for their wedding. So when Eye suddenly stood up angrily after Gulf checked his phone for the nth time, he could only look up at her and try to frantically apologize for his actions.
“Babe, I’m sorry. I’m just really stressed with work right now,” Gulf said, trying to calm Eye down. It’s not exactly a lie per se, he really is stressed with work because all he’s been doing is think about texting Mew, or calling him, or showing up at his house unannounced, and just Mew Suppasit, so now he’s behind with all the work he has to do and it’s not exactly sending the best message to his boss. “No, Gulf! It’s been days already, you keep on sighing, you keep on checking your phone like you’re waiting for someone to text,” she replied, sighing. “I’m sorry,” Gulf mumbled, eyes casting down.
It was quiet for a few seconds before Eye spoke up. “Are you cheating on me, Gulf?” She asked seriously. Gulf’s head whipped up immediately at that question. When he did, her eyes bore into his. “Of course not, why would you even think of something like that?” Gulf replied, brows furrowing because really, how could Eye think that he’s cheating on her?
But is thinking of another man constantly, even when he’s with her cheating? Is it cheating if even if he’s in bed with Eye, his mind couldn’t help but think about Mew’s toned body? His gentle touches? His ability to make him forget about reality? The way he never fails to make Gulf feel safe and taken care of when they’re together, like he can let go of all his inhibitions because he’s with Mew and Mew would never judge him? Is it cheating if whenever he cuddles with Eye after making love, he desperately wishes he could turn back time and cuddle with Mew, stay the night, endlessly talking about nothing and everything, and cook breakfast the morning after, every single time they too made love?
Weeks passed and Mew kept on rejecting him with either "No" or "I have plans today" or “I don’t really feel like going out” or “ Sorry I fell asleep last night” or nothing at all and Gulf tried to be reasonable, he tried to tell himself that Mew’s just busy with work but he knows he’s not because he knows Mew’s schedule, he knows when the man is free and when he’s not.
*Flashback*
It was seven in the evening. The night was still early and he’s already in bed. He can’t distract himself from thinking about Mew while texting Eye because she’s out with her friends. He tried to turn his attention to the movie playing in front of him but he couldn’t. His conversation with Mew was displayed on the screen as his hand hovered over the keyboard as the cursor mocks him. Gulf would really like to believe that he’s strong and cannot be easily wavered but it’s seven in the evening and he’s alone with his thoughts as the movie fails to grab his attention, and it’s Mew’s day off the following day… so he succumbs.
He now realizes how weak he is because how could he give in to the urge to text Mew when he’s been turning down his invitation to meet the past few weeks? Gulf made himself wonder because he didn’t want to admit to himself that as he’s asking himself, he’s formulating and typing out his message for Mew.
If Gulf is admittedly anything, it’s stupid because the next thing he knows is his hand has already pressed the send button and it was too late to take back his actions.
Hey, can I come over? We don’t even need to have sex, we could just order Chinese and watch a movie. We could watch that wretched movie you always asked me to see, I’ll let you pick all of the movies.
Gulf stared at his message for the longest time. Fuck, what am I even doing? Did I really just suggest staying the night and not having sex? Gulf frustratingly asked himself. He swears if he could bash his head with a rock right now, he would. However, a little ding brought him back to reality and instantly, his heart pounded at the thought of Mew replying.
Sorry, I can’t. I’m out with Mild right now. Maybe next time.
Mew’s heart sunk almost instantly as he read the text over and over again. “Fuck,” he cursed as he closed his eyes.
Gulf doesn’t know where he gets the confidence but he thinks that maybe he could join Mild and Mew wherever they are, so he texts Mild.
Hey, which bar are you at?
Gulf stood up and headed to his closet as he waited for Mild’s reply because he just really wants to see Mew right now, be it his condo where the rest of the world can’t interrupt them or in a bar where there’s a sea of sweaty and drunk bodies, just as long as he sees Mew.
When he heard his phone ding, he immediately started walking back to his bed where he left the device.
What do you mean which bar am I at? It’s Tuesday Gulf, I don’t go to bars on Tuesdays like a normal person. I’m at home with Boat right now.
And just like that, Gulf’s world came crumbling down and he could no longer ignore the tightness he feels in his chest as he finally accepts the reality that Mew really is trying to avoid him -- that this is a way of moving on from him… and that’s what’s hurting Gulf the most and he doesn’t even know why.
*End of Flashback*
You’d think that after the constant rejection he’s been receiving from the older man he would really learn his lesson to just let Mew be but he can’t and he doesn’t know why he can’t. You’d also think that the pain he feels whenever Mew rejects him would be lesser over time but it isn’t, the hurt isn’t more bearable, if anything, it just keeps on making his chest feel tighter and tighter that it feels like one day, he’s really going to explode, or breakdown, which either comes first.
Gulf must be crazy because it was almost his and Eye's wedding, and he actually wanted to spend the last day with Mew, before tying the knot and getting married to his lover. He really doesn’t understand himself because he should be busy and excited about his wedding but he isn’t and he isn’t supposed to be this affected by Mew’s feelings when the man didn’t even confess to him in the first place.
‘Why the fuck am I feeling this way? Isn’t he supposed to be the one who should be extremely affected? If anything, I should be the one who would want to distance myself from him, right? Because it’s unfair, Mew’s the one who broke our agreement so why is it that I’m the one that’s so bothered by not seeing him? What’s wrong with me? Gulf asked himself as he walked outside of the church they were in.
It’s the day before his and Eye’s wedding and all he could think about throughout the whole rehearsal is Mew. Mew and his soft eyes. Mew and his stupid smile. Mew and his stupid love for romantic comedies that Gulf could not stand watching but if he’s with Mew then he guesses it’s fine. Mew and his ragged breath and breathy moans and thoaty groans whenever they fuck. Mew and the way he moans Gulf’s name as if every letting that rolls off his tongue is said so delicately like he’s afraid of losing him. Mew and how wonderful it must sound to hear him say I do.
Gulf knows he’s a bad fiance because he shouldn’t be thinking about Mew when his wedding is only a day away. He really tried to but he can’t. Somehow, the urge to see Mew is greater today than any other day. This time around, he admits to himself that he’s weak when it comes to Mew, only when it comes to Mew. He fishes out his phone from his pocket and hurriedly types out a message to Mew.
Hey, I know that tomorrow’s my wedding and we’re going to see each other tomorrow but can I please see you? I really really want to see you right now, please? Please let me spend my last day being a bachelor with you.
He sends it without second thought, without remorse, which should sound alarming but if he’s completely honest, it doesn’t -- everything is lighter now that he’s finally accepted the fact that Mew has ‘that’ effect on him. He doesn’t know why and he doesn’t know how to deal with it, he needs more time, just a little bit more… but he doesn’t think he has enough time to figure things out. Sighing, he closed his eyes as he relished in the soft breeze gently gliding across his face.
After a few seconds, he felt his phone vibrate, and once again, his heart pounded in his chest at the thought of Mew replying. It’s stupid, he feels like a high schooler all over again.
Sorry, I can’t. I have a date today.
What? Gulf asked himself angrily. He might be selfish because before he could even acknowledge it, jealousy takes over his entire system and just like that, his emotions were all over the place. He feels hurt, betrayed, angry, and just… jealous . He knows he has no right to be because one, it’s him who’s going to get married tomorrow, not Mew, and two, Mew’s the one with feelings for him but he’s jealous and he could no longer deny that.
Without much thought, Gulf took long angry strides towards his car. Once he opened it, he immediately slid in and drove away without looking back at the church, without thinking of how Eye would feel, without thinking about anyone else but Mew, his Mew, the Mew who was going on a date with another person. With that in mind, he drove faster than he already was.
~
The drive to Mew’s house passed in a blink of an eye because right now, he's now standing in front of Mew's condo. He didn’t knock just yet, he doesn’t know why but then again, there are a lot of things he doesn’t understand about himself since he found out that Mew likes him. He tried calling the man but Mew just kept on rejecting his call.
Sighing, he opted to knock on the door instead because he knows Mew’s inside, he heard him when he arrived. "Mew,” he called out softly, fist hitting the door gently. “Open the door, please?” He pleaded, knocking once more and giving the man on the other side of the door time to open up.
A minute passed and Mew still hasn’t opened his door. "Mew, just please open it. Let’s talk, please?” He called out once more, knocking on the door again. Again, he was met with nothing but silence. “Mew, please stop trying to avoid me. Man up, and let’s talk,” Gulf said, voice raising a bit. He was starting to get pissed off now because Mew has nowhere to go yet he still chooses to ignore him. He doesn’t like being ignored by Mew but even more than that, he hates how the thought of Mew allowing him to get married tomorrow without even telling him how he feels.
"Mew, open this door or I swear to God-" Gulf’s loud voice was cut off when the door suddenly whipped open, and standing in front of him is the man he so desperately missed. He looked… so good. Mew looked breathtaking despite his hair being disheveled and in his pajamas. How can he still look so good like that? Gulf asked himself as he wondered what it would be like to wake up to that every day.
"What?" Mew’s voice snapped him out of his reverie. This made Gulf remember just exactly why he was there. Stepping inside, he took a deep breath. “What? That’s all you plan on saying to me? What?” Gulf asked angrily. “Was I supposed to say something else to you?” Mew replied, already starting to get irritated. “Do you mind telling me why you’ve been ignoring me for the past two months?” Gulf asked, crossing his arms, trying to defend himself because he knows that Mew could see the pain in his eyes.
“I’m not ignoring you,” Mew mumbles, eyes cast down. Why is Gulf even hurting? It’s not fair, it’s him that’s getting tomorrow, not me, he thought as he tried to keep his tears at bay because fuck, Gulf’s really going to get married tomorrow. “Yeah because refusing to meet up with me for two months, declining my calls, and not replying altogether isn’t you ignoring me?” Gulf replied with a scoff.
Mew was quiet for a while because Gulf’s not wrong, he is avoiding him but with him helping Gulf propose and Gulf planning his wedding, he thinks he deserves a chance to try and move on from the man he knows could never love him, he doesn’t even want to stay the night and cuddle and for him to ask it, after they’re both over, while he’s busy planning his wedding is just completely unfair.
“Gulf,” Mew sighs. “Why are you here?” Mew asked, voice pleading because he needs answers. What Gulf’s doing for the past two months isn’t fair, he’s never the one who asks to meet up if it’s not sex but he’s been constantly messaging Mew about just wanting to hang out, it’s not fair. It’s also not fair that he’s here right now, forcing all the feelings for the younger man he so desperately tried to suppress for the past two months, it’s hard enough that he has to see him get married tomorrow, he’s not ready to face Gulf today.
“Why aren’t you being your old clingy self Mew? Why are you ignoring my calls? Why are you distancing yourself from me?” Gulf asked, desperation laced in his voice. “I don’t really think Eye would appreciate it if I kept on clinging to you like that. Just in case you forgot, you’re already getting married,” Mew replied, voice raising in frustration.
“Well, why are you going on a date then?” Gulf suddenly blurted out. Fuck, he cursed in his head because the words rolled off his tongue before he could even stop himself. “What?” Mew asked, taken aback by Gulf’s question. “Why are you going on a date?” Gulf repeated. “Have you ever heard me asking you why you’re getting married? I didn’t question you who you’re dating, Gulf,” Mew answered, raising his voice. “I-” he tried to continue but stopped when his voice cracked. Taking a deep breath, he tried to muster up the courage to continue what he was saying even with tears threatening to pool in his eyes. “I even helped you propose to her, didn’t I?” He asked as he angrily wiped the tears falling from his eyes.
“Mew,” Gulf’s voice softened as he treaded carefully towards the older man. “Hey, I’m sorry. Please stop crying,” Gulf asked gently, cupping Mew’s face with both his hands. “Stop being unfair, Gulf, please,” Mew pleaded, breaking down into a fit of sobs at the end. "What do you mean? I don't understand what you’re trying to say, Mew. Please make me understand,” Gulf replied, close to pleading. He needs to understand how Mew feels, maybe then he too will understand how he feels.
"Maybe it's better if you don't understand at all,” Mew replied, turning his head to the side, trying to escape Gulf’s hold on his face. “If you’re only here for sex, please leave. You can ask your wife for that,” Mew mumbled, taking a step away from Gulf. Just then, Gulf’s hands felt empty, he longed for Mew’s warmth against any part of his body.
When Gulf didn’t say anything, Mew sighed. “Please Gulf just this once, please be fair to me,” he asked, tears threatening to spill from his eyes again. “When was I ever unfair to you, Mew?” Gulf asked, taking a step towards Mew, once again reducing the gap between them. “You wouldn’t understand,” Mew mumbled, tears falling down at the thought of Gulf marrying Eye tomorrow. Please, just once, help me move on from you , Mew thought.
"Well then make me understand, Mew. Do you even know how crazy it made me feel when you suddenly disappeared from my life? Do you know how hard it was getting rejected by you all the time? I couldn’t- I couldn’t get any work done, I couldn’t focus on anything, all I kept thinking about you and why you keep on rejecting me and that dull hurt I feel whenever we’re not talking,” Gulf said, looking at Mew straight in the eyes. “So please,” Gulf continued, cupping Mew’s cheeks. “Please make me understand,” he pleaded, placing his forehead against Mew’s as he closes his eyes.
Why Gulf? Why does it matter? Why do you feel that way? Mew asked himself to the point where he ended up saying it out loud. "Why?" He whispered, tears yet again adorning his cheeks. “Why do you feel that way? Why do I have to make you understand?” He asked, voice wavering at the end at the feel of Gulf’s soft hands wiping away his tears. "Because I was there that day,” Gulf replied almost instantly. The younger man’s reply made Mew freeze in his place. Fuck, so he knows? Fuck , Mew internally panicked but before he could even say anything, gulf spoke again. “I heard you that day... on the rooftop," Gulf said softly, eyes boring into Mew’s.
Fuck, so what’s going to happen now? Mew asked himself, eyes refusing to meet Gulf’s. So if he knows, why does he keep on asking to meet me and not want to have sex? Why does he feel that way when I’m ignoring him? Why can’t he get things done? Why does he keep on thinking about me? Mew asked himself, he wants to make himself believe that he isn’t hoping for anything, but with all the questions he’s asking himself, he knows he’s thinking that what if they actually had a chance? Even if it’s the eve of Gulf’s wedding.
However, Mew’s hopes went down the drain when Gulf opened his mouth. "I thought we had a promise. It was our rule that no matter, no one will fall in love with the other. I was supposed to be one walking away, but why the hell did you leave me hanging?” Gulf started, voice laced with so much desperation “Do you know how I feel? After hearing that, I chose to ignore it, and maybe we can still be friends and that we can still see each other despite hearing what you said. But for the past few months, it feels like you regret having feelings for me,” Gulf continued, tears falling from his eyes as well. “Don't play with my feelings, Mew-" the younger man wanted to add but was interrupted by Mew.
"No, Gulf! You're wrong. You think I’m playing with your feelings? Did you ever stop to think of how I must feel? I helped you get engaged for fuck’s sakes!” Mew said, voice raising at all the pain he feels. “I tried to distance myself from you to try and get over you but seeing you now, after all this time, I know that my feelings for you have not wavered,” Mew added, voice starting to crack more often because of all the crying. “I love you, Gulf. I love you so much that I’d do anything for you. Fuck, I even agreed to our friends with benefits set-up because I love you,” he added, stepping away from Gulf, trying to get away from his hold. “I said yes even though I know I’ll only get hurt because I know that you love Eye and I don’t want to come in between that so before I forget that having you in my bed is just a temporary set-up, I talked to her, I asked her to get back with you because fuck, Gulf, I love you so much that all I want is for you to be happy,” Mew tried to say in between sobs. “Do you even know how much it hurts hearing you tell me how much you love her and how much you miss her after having sex with me? Do you know how much it hurts, because for me it’s making love, while for you it’s simply fucking?” Mew continued, completely breaking down.
Gulf took a step closer to Mew, trying to hold his arm, but Mew flinched away. “I know where I stand, Gulf. I know you love her and I know you’re happy with her but I just- I can’t help but fall deeper in love with you too,” Mew spoke again once he calmed down a bit. “I thought that I, at least, had the right to try and move on from you. After all, I already helped you fix things with Eye, right? You’re even going to get married tomorrow,” Mew continued, baring his heart out to Gulf, letting him know of all the pain he felt from the way he looked to the way he sounded -- broken. “I tried so hard to unlove you, Gulf. I really did, but it’s hard when I have been in love with you since day one--”
Gulf doesn’t know why he did it but he took another step towards Mew, arms wrapping themselves around the older man’s neck and suddenly, his senses were filled with nothing but Mew. The short man’s breath was brushing against his lips, his warmth so comforting, his smell so intoxicating, and he’s confessing to Gulf that he has loved him since day one and Gulf just couldn’t help it -- he crashed his lips against Mew’s.
The kiss was gentle and passionate; it was filled with so many emotions. It isn’t like the kiss they usually shared, hot and steamy -- full of lust. This one’s unrushed, lips fitting perfectly against each others. Gulf opened his mouth to allow Mew’s tongue to mark every crevice of his mouth, fully giving the older man the dominance. Gulf wrapped his arms around Mew’s neck tighter, fingers playing at the hair at the back of the other man’s head as he deepened their kiss -- each of them getting lost in the overwhelming feeling of having each other’s lips on theirs after months of not knowing what the other tastes like.
Suddenly, Mew broke their kiss. “Hmmm, Gulf--” he started, breathless. “Gulf, this is wrong,” he continued when the younger man tried to pull him back for a kiss. As soon as the words left Mew’s mouth, Gulf froze, and once again, Mew felt like his world just crumbled down.
Taking a deep breath, Mew decided to speak. “Gulf,” he started after a few moments of silence that engulfed the once noisy room. “Why did you kiss me?” He asked, gathering all his strength to look at Gulf in the face even when he’s scared shitless of what the younger man’s reaction might be. “I don’t know,” Gulf replied almost inaudibly, slowly lifting his head to look at Mew. Fuck , Mew cursed -- he feels like crying all over again. “Do you still love Eye?” He asked shakily, taking a step away from Gulf. “I don’t know,” the younger man whispered as he could only try to reach out to touch Mew again but the older man would not have it -- his eyes were filled with so many emotions -- hurt, betrayal, fear.
“Do you still want to get married tomorrow?” Mew whispered, afraid of what Gulf’s answer would be but they didn’t have time. Gulf was going to get married tomorrow and that would mean that he no longer has a chance with the man, not that he had any, to begin with. “I don’t know, Mew,” Gulf replied, tears pooling in his eyes. Fuck , Mew cursed as his tears began falling from his eyes again.
“Figure out what you want, Gulf,” he whispered, afraid of hurting himself more at the reality of the words he’s about to utter if he says them any louder. “Please, just this once stop hurting me,” he pleaded. Gulf's chest tightens at the sound of that, but before he could even speak, his phone rang.
Eye calling…
Gulf closed his eyes as he cursed to himself. He spared a glance at Mew who refused to look at him. Instead, the former’s eyes were focused on the screen of his phone. Why does everything have to be so complicated? Gulf asked himself as he answered the call.
"Yes, E-eye?" He asked, trying to sound normal but failing as he stuttered. "Where were you? Are you okay, babe?" She asked, voice laced with worry. “Y-yeah,” he replied. “I just went to the convenience store for a while. I’ll head back now,” he replied slowly, eyes looking at Mew straight in the eyes and then and there, Mew knew what Gulf chose.
He allowed his tears to fall as he watched Gulf talk to the person he truly loved. He couldn’t even find the strength to walk away, he was frozen in place.
Gulf doesn’t know what to feel because Mew has the look of utter disappointment on his eyes as tears fell freely from his beautiful brown orbs. The younger man closed his eyes as he felt his chest tighten at the look Mew gave him, but what can he do? He isn’t sure how he feels for Mew and he has only ever loved Eye his entire life; and his wedding is tomorrow. He wasn’t sure if his feeling for Mew is love or not, maybe he’s just not used to not having the man around. There’s just so many questions that he doesn’t have the time to find the answers to.
As soon as the call ended, he took a deep breath and faced Mew. There's so much he wanted to say to him, but no. How could I even say anything to him after lying, when I was in front of him? What do I even begin to say to him? How am I supposed to tell him all the things that've been running through my mind when I can’t even begin to sort out my feelings? He thought.
It would be a lie if he told Mew that he doesn't have certain feelings for him, after all the intimate moments and passionate kisses they shared, of course there is. However, he can't just say it, because one, there's Eye, the person he’s supposed to marry tomorrow, and two, he can’t figure out if what he feels for Mew really is love or not, if it’s true or not.
So maybe he's a coward because after staring at Mew’s handsome face for the longest time, trying to figure out what to say to him, he chose not to say anything as he fished out the invitation he had in his side pocket, and placed it just above the table, near the door. He turned around and quietly left, shutting the door as he went. He couldn’t even find the courage to say goodbye.
The moment the door shut, Mew allowed himself to break down. His chest hurt as he let out the most painful sobs, trying to figure out a way to release all the hurt he felt because this time, it dawned on him that Gulf really is getting married tomorrow. When Gulf was given the choice, he chose to spend the rest of his life with Eye. Mew sobbed pitifully because just as the reality of it came crashing down on him, so did the reality of how things were going to be from now on. There would be no more kisses before leaving; he would no longer be able to see Gulf's captivating smile after placing a kiss on his lips, and no more wishing goodbyes and see you laters. No more Gulf.
Gathering all his strength, he picked himself up from the floor and walked towards the door. With shaky hands and a rapid heartbeat, he picked up the piece of paper that Gulf left. It was beautiful -- of course, it was, Eye chose it after all but just as the piece of paper held beauty, it was also the cause of so much pain for Mew. Even with tears in his eyes, clouding his vision, the words written in beautiful cursive print were as clear as daylight.
We are inviting you to bear witness and to celebrate the becoming one of Eyesiwa and Kanawut
Mew sobbed until he no longer had tears left to cry. With a heavy heart, he stood up and headed towards his room. He really left. He chose to be with her... and that’s okay because it’s what makes him happy. I have no right to be selfish and ask him to love me when he can’t. I wish him well, I really do, but I don’t think I could bear to see him marry someone else. It’s okay, right? It’s okay to choose myself first. It’s okay to save my heart? It’s okay to choose to be happy even without Gulf in the picture? Mew asked himself as he reached his room. I need to learn how to unlove him, I need to learn how to be happy without him, I need to teach myself to live even without him in my life , Mew tried to convince himself as he picked up the shirt that Gulf left there a day before he got back with Eye.
Mew sobbed once more at how beautiful and calming having that shirt close to him was. The scent has almost completely faded and he wishes that his feelings too would disappear along with the scent. “I wish you’ll be happy with her for a very long time, Gulf,” Mew whispered as he wiped his tears, hands still clutching the shirt. I don't want to be the loser in our game, Kana, not anymore. You were my gamble and risked all of me just so I could have a chance at being your happiness, but I’m not. I’m sorry but I need to save what’s left of my heart , Mew thought as he walked towards his desk and opened his phone.
Hey, have you found someone to replace me for that New Zealand project? Mew sent to Kaownah. A few seconds later, his phone lit up.
No, and it’s already tomorrow. Is there really no way you can go? The message read. Sighing, Mew typed out a response.
No, It’s okay. I’ll go instead. Send me the entire details.
Okay, I’ll send it to your email along with the electronic ticket.
Okay thanks.
After that, he immediately packed all of these things. He didn't want to leave any stuff that reminded him of Gulf. He’ll take any remembrance or memories of them together with him, and then he'll let them all go to New Zealand, hopefully along with his feelings.
~
Today was the day. Gulf and Eye were going to tie the knot, today will be the start of their forever. Everything was extremely smooth sailing, from the cake to the decorations, it went well according to Eye's plan. She was thankful that Gulf supported her and helped with the last few arrangements last night.
She then inhaled deeply, because heck, it's time. She's now waiting inside a room, waiting for the signal when it's time to walk down the aisle. She was really ecstatic by the fact she's wearing her mom's wedding gown, and she can look beautiful in front of her beloved partner.
“Hey honey,” her mom softly called out as he entered the room. Quickly, she whipped her head in her mom’s direction, smiling with excitement. “It’s time,” her mom whispered, clearly happy for her daughter. She then smiled, tears already pooling in her eyes as she followed her mother out the door and to the venue of the wedding.
The moment was so surreal, one moment she was walking down the aisle towards the love of her life and the next thing she knew, she was being asked to say I do. "Do you, Eye Siwapohn Langkapin, take, Gulf Kanawut Tripippattanapong, as your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worst, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do you part?" The priest asked. Smiling, she held Gulf's lovingly and squeezed it as she responded, “I do.”
~
Gulf Kanawut
It was thirty minutes before the wedding. Gulf was in his own room in the hotel and if he looked out the window, he could see how beautiful the setup was beautiful. Wooden chairs painted white were laid out on either side of the aisle for their friends and family to sit while the aisle that Eye would walk down were rose petals that were soft pink in color. At the place where they would stand in front of a priest were more rose petals in the shape of a circle and directly in front of that was an arch designed with soft pink flowers.
It was thirty minutes before his wedding but there he was pacing around the room as he tried to call the only person he wanted to be there on his special day as he gazed out the window, trying to calm himself down with the busy buzz of the people outside who were excited for his wedding. He might sound like a total asshole but he wishes that he were as excited as them, just as he’s supposed to be.
Fuck, am I really that selfish to want him to be here? Gulf asked as he stared at his phone. He carefully gazed at the contact photo and sighed a wave of longing washed before him.
"The number you have dialed is not yet in service, please try again later."
"The number you have dialed... toot toot toot"
He was really close to throwing his phone on the floor, if not for the desperation that he wanted to hear Mew before getting married, he would have. He really wanted to see the latter so bad, he wanted to hear his voice… he wanted Mew.
Thinking that the man might be socially active elsewhere, he opened his Instagram account. Searching for Mew’s name, he noticed that the older man posted a story. It was a picture of Mew holding a Starbucks drink in his left hand while his passport and plane ticket sat on his lap.
No, no, no, no, fuck, Gulf cursed in his head as tears threatened to fall from his eyes. Should I go to him? But what about Eye? What about my wedding? Am I going to lose him forever? Fuck, thousands of questions clouded Gulf’s mind but before he could even find the answers to them, the door swung open and Mae Nuch came into view. “Hey, it’s time,” she smiled at him as she embraced him. “I don’t know if I’m right but whatever it is, I hope you choose the one that makes you happy,” she whispered in his ear. Does she know? Gulf asked as returned the hug. Once she was satisfied, she smiled at him before turning around. Taking a deep breath, he walked behind his mother and out of his hotel room.
He was now standing, waiting for Eye at the other end of the aisle. When everyone began to stand up and the song began to change, he realized that Eye was going to start walking any second now. Sure enough, Eye’s beautiful face came into view just moments after.
As he watched Eye walk down the aisle, he couldn’t help but think about what he should be feeling -- he should be happy, over the moon, or even crying at this point because he was finally going to marry the love of his life, but why was he feeling like this? Why is it that as he watched his soon-to-be-wife slowly approach him, he couldn’t help but think what it would feel like to be the one walking down the aisle while Mew stood in front, waiting for him. He doesn’t understand the way he’s acting, because he couldn’t help the smile from spreading across his face at the thought of getting married to Mew. Before he could even wonder why he was even thinking of marrying Mew, suddenly the person he originally asked to marry was walking down the aisle, the girl already stood before him. Taking a deep breath, he smiled at her as he helped her walk towards the center of the circle of petals.
He couldn’t focus on anything the entire ceremony, not the girl beside him, not the priest and his words, not even how beautiful everything is, because all he could think about was Mew and how much he misses the man. He asked himself, for probably a thousand times already, what he actually felt for the man, why can’t he even focus on his own wedding because of him. But the thing that invaded his mind the most was the image of Mew saying I do. Not Eye, Mew.
He was snapped out of his thoughts when he heard the presider call his name, “Do you, Gulf Kanawut Traipippattanapong, take, Eye Siwapohn Langkapin, as your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worst, for richer, for pooper, in sickness and in health, until death do you part?" He allowed his eyes to travel from the priest to the person standing in front of him. Once again, his mind wandered to how Mew would look like if he was getting married to him, how Mew’s lips moved as he uttered the words he wanted to hear from him -- I do.
He was brought back to the present when Eye squeezed his hand. His eyes gazed at her face as the reality of things sunk in. Standing before him is Eye, not Mew. The person he’s about to marry is the person he once loved but it was crystal clear to him now who it is that he really loves, who owns his heart today.
Taking a deep breath, he turned his head to the priest, “No.” A series of gasps were heard around the entire venue. “Pardon?” The priest asked, but before he could even answer, Eye stole his attention. “Gulf, what’s going on?” She asked, voice cracking as tears began to pool in her eyes. “G-gulf,” she called out to the man again with trembling lips and pleading eyes. “Eye, I’m sorry. I’m really sorry, you don’t deserve to be treated this way-” Gulf tried to explain. “So why are you doing this to me?” She cried. “You deserve someone who loves you, someone who loves you with all your heart-” he tried to make her understand. “Don’t you love me?” Eye cried harder as her entire world seemed to have crashed down. “Eye, I love you. You’ll always be in my heart but right now, I just-” he stopped himself, looking away because he doesn’t even know how to explain everything to Eye. “You love someone else more than me,” she whispered. This made Gulf whip his head up. “It’s Mew, isn’t it?” She asked once more, voice almost inaudible. Gulf just stared at her dumbfounded. All this time, did she know? Was I the only one having a hard time figuring out my feelings? Gulf asked himself when Eye suddenly hugged him. “I love you so much, Gulf,” she sobbed softly in his ear. “I knew that something was wrong with you lately, I just didn’t expect you to only realize it on our wedding day,” she chuckled, wiping her tears as she pulled back from the hug. “I’m not selfish, Gulf,” she continued, voice still inaudible to everyone else but them as her arms were still wrapped loosely around her now ex-fiance’s neck. “I won’t ask you to spend the rest of your life with me knowing that you don’t love me anymore.”
Eye stared at the man’s eyes for a second, cupping his cheeks before he closed the gap between them and pressed her lips against his. It wasn’t sexual, it wasn’t even open-mouthed, it was just them, saying goodbye to the love that in the end, wasn’t meant to be. “Go,” she whispered, lips still ghosting against his. “Thank you,” he said sincerely as Eye removed her hands from the man.
Once the words left his mouth, he dashed towards the exit. He feels like crying because, fuck, if he does’t get there on time then he might end up losing Mew. He hurriedly got in the car and hurriedly sped off towards the airport. He doesn’t care if he’s breaking every speed limit there is because he finally admitted to himself that he loves Mew. He has loved Mew even before they started having sex, maybe that’s why it was easy for him to ask that from the man, maybe that’s why before they even started having sex, he always craved for the other man’s attention. All the touches, kisses, longing for each other and how Mew made love to him, was what made him start to realize his feelings. He didn’t want to admit it before but the reason why he didn’t want to stay and cuddle with Mew is because he didn’t want to face his feelings because he didn’t think he could ever love anyone other than Eye. Maybe the way he would rather meet up with Mew and just lounge on the couch, rather than going home with Eye these past few days should have told him what he wanted, how he felt. Mew has always been there for him, he did everything for him, even if it meant hurting himself, even if it meant helping him propose to Eye while still being in love with him.
As soon as he arrived at the airport, he rushed inside the building, eyes frantically searching for the older man as he continued to try and call him. Fuck, how am I supposed to find him in this place? Gulf asked, frustrated and scared that he won’t find Mew in time. “Where would he go?” Gulf asked himself as he walked towards the international terminal. Sighing in frustration, he tried to check Mew’s Instagram story again, maybe he’ll find some clue there.
New Zealand
Gulf’s eyes immediately searched for the Flight Information Display System. Gulf’s eyes immediately zeroed on the New Zealand Flight. The next flight is at 1:30 PM. Opening his phone, he looked at the time frantically.
1:28 PM
Fuck, they must be boarding now. He wants to break down, he just wants the entire world to stop because, fuck, what if he really lost Mew? But he can’t, he doesn’t have the luxury to do that so instead, he walks up to the information desk and asks if the flight really did board. “Sir, the plane is already on the runway, waiting for the go signal,” she replied. And just like that, Gulf’s entire world crumbled down.
His tears began falling from his eyes without any warning. His vision was blurry as his knees gave out. Gulf broke down, unable to contain his sobs, as he sat on the ground in the middle of the busy Bangkok Airport. He doesn’t care if people are looking at him, he just lost Mew. He lost the person he loved the most because he was too much of a coward to admit his feelings for the man right away.
What if I never see him again? What if he finds someone better there? What if he totally moves on from me? Gulf sobbed harder as the thoughts washed over him like a tsunami, leaving destruction in its wake.
Suddenly, he felt a soft tap on his shoulder. He gathered all the strength to lift up his head to look at who that person was. Not even a second after he glimpsed at the man before him, he quickly wrapped his arms around him, throwing all his weight into the man, and buried his face into his neck, sobbing harder. It was Mew, he hasn’t left yet, he’s not losing Mew forever, they still had a chance.
Taking a deep breath, Gulf allowed himself to be lost in Mew’s scent for a while -- the man smelled like home to him. “M-Mew,” he hiccuped. “Thank you for not leaving yet. I-I’m sorry. I’m sorry for hurting you like that, I’m sorry for being unfair,” he cried. Mew tightened his arms around the man. Why isn’t he saying anything? Does he not love me anymore? Gulf panicked at Mew’s silence.
Suddenly, Gulf felt Mew move away from him. This made the panic in Gulf intensify, causing him to tighten his hold around the man. However, Gulf’s heart sunk further when he felt Mew remove his arms that were wrapped around his body. “Mew?” Gulf whispered with so much pain in his voice. The younger man was surprised when he felt Mew press a kiss on his temple as he moved Gulf’s arms upward, making him wrap his arms around Mew’s neck. “Hold tight,” he whispered which made Gulf do as he’s told.
A surprised yelp escaped Gulf’s lips when he felt Mew’s other hand move to his knee pit, lifting him up swiftly. Gulf tightened his hold on Mew for a second before relaxing and leaning his head on the older man’s shoulder. He knows he’s safe there, in Mew’s arms. He knows that no matter what happens, Mew won’t let anything hurt Gulf.
The stronger of the pair sat down on one of the chairs and he was about to make Gulf sit on the seat beside him when Gulf tightened his hold on his neck, telling him that he’d rather sit on Mew’s lap, everyone else be damned. "Gulf…” Mew softly whispered after a while. “You're still wearing your wedding suit, why are you here?” he proceeded to ask once Gulf hummed in response.
"Why aren’t you at your wedding, Gulf?" Mew asked once more. Taking his face out of Mew’s neck, Gulf looked at Mew straight in the eyes. “Because you weren’t there,” Gulf replied sincerely. Sighing, Mew broke their gaze. “Gulf,” he said, feeling defeated. “So what if I wasn’t there? It’s not I’m the one you were planning to marry-” Mew continued, eyes starting to fill with tears but was cut off when Gulf cupped his face with both hands so he could meet the younger’s gaze. “That’s just it, Mew,” Gulf whispered. “You’re the one I want to marry, not Eye,” Gulf said with so much seriousness that it scared Mew, because his heart was already fluttering before he could stop it. “What did you say?” Mew asked, dumbfounded. “I love you, Mew,” Gulf said, looking at Mew in the eyes with so much intensity that no one would dare question it was a lie.
“I love so much that I couldn't bear the thought of losing you,” he added when Mew remained silent. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry if it took me so long to realize my feelings for you. I’m sorry I hurt you,” Gulf added. “So you didn’t get married?” Mew asked slowly. “Were you listening? I love you! I love you Mew Suppasit, that the entire time I was with Eye in front of that altar, all I could think about is you. I love you so much that when asked if I wanted to take her as my wife, I was imagining getting married to you,” Gulf answered, voice loud to make sure that Mew hears him right.
“I- mmm…” Gulf wanted to speak once more but was cut off when Mew’s lips crashed against his too. “I love you too, I love you so much,” Mew replied in between kisses. Gulf closed his eyes immediately at the sensation. Mew’s plump lips, the lips he missed so much, were finally against him again, and this time, he was sure of his feelings. Everything felt so overwhelming that the next thing he knew, a lone tear fell from his eye and landed on their lips.
Mew wiped that tear away as he continued to kiss Gulf passionately. Gulf was about to allow himself to get lost in their lip-locking when Mew pulled away, causing Gulf to whine. Chuckling, Mew pressed a kiss on the tip of Gulf’s nose, “We’re at the airport.” Pouting, Gulf furrowed his brows. “Well, I almost lost you,” Gulf said, jutting out his lower lip even more. Mew chuckled in response before placing a kiss on Gulf’s lips -- one that lasted for about three seconds.
Suddenly, Gulf remembered why they were even in the airport in the first place. Coincidentally, his eyes darted to the luggage that stood at the space beside Mew. In a flash, Gulf was consumed with worry. “You’re leaving me?” He asked, voice trembling as he faced Mew. “No, baby,” Mew replied, panicking at the sight of tears threatening to fall from Gulf’s eyes. “I’m only going there to attend a two-day seminar, but I extended my stay to a week so I could have time to think,” Mew explained, voice trailing off at the end. “And you know… move on from you,” he added softly, wary of what the man’s reaction would be. “But of course, I don’t need to do that now, do I?” Mew added quickly, pressing his lips briefly against Gulf’s, trying to appease the younger man.
Gulf hummed out a response, burying his face in the older man’s neck, still sad that Mew would be leaving. “How about you come with me?” Mew asked, rubbing Gulf’s back. “Really?” Gulf asked, pulling his head back from where it previously was. “Yeah, it would be fun. I’ll just be working for two half-days anyway,” Mew smiled at him, over the moon at the wide smile that adorned Gulf’s face.
All of a sudden, Gulf pecked Mew’s lips. “I’d love to,” he replied cheerfully before hugging the man. Mew smiled to himself as he returned the hug. “But wait, what about my clothes?” Gulf asked, pulling back. “I might have overpacked,” Mew replied, thanking the Gods that he brought way too many clothes. Nodding, Gulf smiled. “Okay, now, let’s go get you a ticket,” Mew told the man before they both stood up.
“Hey,” Gulf called out as they were walking towards the counter hand-in-hand. “Hmmm?” Mew hummed, looking at Gulf. “I love you so much,” Gulf said, eyes filled with so much love for the man. “I love you so much too,” Mew replied, squeezing Gulf’s hand.