Chapter Text
Why was he so nervous? It’s a tattoo. It’s not like he’s talking about his feelings. Although, in a way, maybe he was. It doesn’t matter. It’s Liam. It’s not like he had anything to worry about. Liam wouldn’t mock him for his choice. Liam wouldn’t judge him. It was Liam who encouraged him to choose something important. Something meaningful. Then again, maybe that’s it. It was important He couldn’t begin to describe what the tattoo meant to him. What if Liam thought it was stupid? What if Liam thought he was stupid for getting it?
No. No, Liam wouldn’t care what he chose. Liam would ask about the pictures. Liam would be curious about the word calling for attention in the centre. Most notable of all, Liam would listen. His answers would mean something. Everything he said would be heard. Truely heard. Not just ignored. Liam would care.
“Well?”
Liam was staring at him. Waiting. He must have been standing there, silent and motionless, for longer than he’d thought. “Are you going to show me or not?”
It shouldn’t be this hard. Just do it. It was as simple as taking his shirt off. It was that easy. Only it wasn’t. That one action, that one admission. was the equivalent to opening up his heart. It was a step towards allowing someone in, letting someone see behind his carefully constructed walls. More than Liam and his parents already had. He wasn’t sure he could do it.
Being seen for who he was, underneath every mask he’d crafted to hide his flaws and fears, was terrifying. Letting someone see the positive? Letting someone see what he found comforting? Allowing someone to know what meant the most to him? The thought alone rendered him sick. It was basically an invitation to that person to use what they learnt against him. To take what he held dear and destroy it. To take away the few comforts he had, those he clung to, leaving him alone and helpless.
“Theo?”
Snap out of it. He was practically catatonic, at this point. Liam would only question it more, and as strange as it was, Liam would start to worry. He was here now. There was no point in turning around. It wouldn’t solve anything, and besides, it was too late. Even if he had wanted to, it would be of no use. If he left now, Liam would only think something was wrong.
That it was more than just nerves.
He’d have to explain one way or another, if only to put Liam’s mind at ease. He may as well just show Liam. Before he could change his mind, he pulled his shirt over his head. The loose material hung from his hand, as he waited, unsure as to what to do next. Liam didn’t say anything. Not at first. The silence was eating away at his thin confidence. At the belief he knew Liam; that Liam wouldn’t laugh.
He already regretted going through with this. He should have just walked out. He should have listened to his instincts and fled, instead of allowing such an open sense of vulnerability to exist. He should have-
“It’s beautiful.”
Wait. Did he hear that right?
“You like it?”
“How could I not? It’s so detailed. I love the way you tied them together.”
Liam liked the tattoo. It was an immense relief. He still didn’t understand why Liam’s approval meant so much to him. It was his body. The tattoo was on his chest, not Liam’s. The only person who needed to like it was him. He really shouldn’t care what Liam thought, but he did. As much as it confused him, he did. He couldn’t deny the flutter of acceptance or feeling of security it elicited.
“Is the moon about you being a Chimera?”
“It is, but there’s more to it than that. I- I always felt a connection to the moon. It’s radiance, the luminous glow, the strength. The way it could control the tides, light an entire sky and keep the dark at bay, was unimaginable. It’s what I wanted. As a child, I wanted nothing more than to be free. To be strong. I was tired of having to live with a damaged heart.”
He trailed off; the sudden unexpected reminder of what he’d done, pressing against his chest. It was that same fear, that same desire to be free of his pain, which led him to kill Tara.
“I never thought of it like that. I can see it, though. It’s a nice thought. To have such a strong presence.” Liam spoke calmly. Neutrally.
There was no hint of sarcasm in Liam’s voice. There was no mention of the mistakes he’d made. There was no mention of how they’d come to know each other. Liam simply glossed over it. No. It was more than that. Liam didn’t even acknowledge it had happened. He knew Liam had to have made the same connection he had. It wasn’t hard. It was that very fear, that desire for power that led him to partner with the Dread Doctors. Liam had to know, and yet, it remained untouched.
A Pack. It had seemed like everything at the time. It had seemed like the only thing to live for. The only reason to try. When everything else was falling apart, he’d had that wish to hold onto.
Liam’s lack of acknowledgment was deliberate. A silent reassurance. A way of letting him know it was okay; that he wasn’t the same person, who’d made the decision to steal his sister’s heart. He’d needed to hear it, even though it wasn’t explicitly stated. If anything, that made it more real. He didn’t feel the need to respond. He didn’t need to say thank you.
They both knew how much it meant, how desperate he was to be forgiven. As much as he’d craved forgiveness, he’d never dared to hope. It would hurt too much if he tried, only to find it was impossible. Despite that reluctance, here they were. Liam had given him exactly what he needed. Just like Liam had been there for him during the last two curses. In the same way, Liam was here for him now.
He owed Liam for so much over the past months. A thank you would be the least he could do, but he wasn’t ready. Not yet. Maybe one day he would, but for now, he just had to try to convey his gratitude through his actions. It didn’t feel like enough, but he had to try.
“What does the tree mean?” Liam continued, unaware of his internal struggle.
The tree. It was a symbol of his new found knowledge and place in the world. Despite everything he’d learnt with the Dread Doctors, and although he had extensive knowledge on many subjects, he had only recently gained an understanding of what truely matters. He had only now found a place he felt could be called home.
In spite of his time serving the Dread Doctors, he’d found a semblance of belonging. Liam had welcomed him into their home and protected him, when no one else did. Scott and the Pack, with the exception of Stiles and Malia, were ready and willing to assist.
“Trees are symbolic of many traits.” He wanted to elaborate, but he didn’t know where to start. Liam didn’t rush him; instead remaining as patient as ever. (Ironic, given Liam’s IED). “Wisdom, shelter and security. They’re the three which stand out the most to me.”
It was hard to talk about, and Liam seemed to understand that he didn’t want to explain his reasons, for choosing those particular meanings.
“I have to say,” Liam mused. “I wouldn’t have pictured you getting ‘hope’ etched into your skin.”
There it was. The word at the centre of his tattoo. The word which worried him the most. Those four little letters. Four letters that held so much meaning. It was that alone, which had caused him the most stress when designing the tattoo. The rest had seemed to speak for themselves. He didn’t need to think about it, but that one word... It had felt strange, and yet right, at the same time.
They both knew his thoughts on having hope and how little it achieved. If you didn’t act on your desires, if you didn’t actively search for a solution, you’d never succeed. Hope was effectively useless. As much as he knew that, he’d had no choice, but to hope these past few months. When all else failed, he’d hoped.
For an answer.
For a way to break the curses.
For his life to be normal.
For a reprieve from his struggles.
In the end, he had just hoped for a little peace.
“Well, it seemed fitting, given everything that’s happened.” He was starting to realise that it wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. Provided you didn’t rely solely on it working, he was beginning to see the appeal.
“What about the 9?”
His tattoo represented different times throughout his life. The moon was his past, the tree his growth, ‘hope’ his present and the ‘9’ his future. For a moment, he’d forgotten it was even there. It was designed to blend in with the moon and tree, sinking into the foliage and shadows. He should have known Liam would notice it. Liam had become well-versed in spotting his cracks.
“It, uh...”
“Theo?” Liam’s concern was back. “Are you alright?”
He licked his lips, nerves on high alert. “Yeah, I’m fine, I- I Just...” His earlier courage faltered, then collapsed, before finally deserting him entirely. He couldn’t force himself to say the words. No matter how much he wanted to, he couldn’t bring himself to tell Liam the truth.
“You don’t have to tell me. Not if you don’t want to.”
How was Liam so understanding? It didn’t stop for a second. Even after everything they’d been through. “I want to, I just...”
“You’re not ready. It’s okay, Theo.”
One day.
One day he’d tell Liam. It was only right.