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Chapter Text

Adam

Four weeks. That was exactly how long his brother Joseph, affectionately known as Little Joe, had been missing. They had just received word that Little Joe had been found, safe with a family in a small town a little ways from Virginia City. All the telegram had said about Little Joe was that he was recovering and would be able to travel now. Recovering? Recovering from what?

Adam let out a groan of frustration, dropping his head into his hands and listening to the sound of his sigh echoing in the silent house. His father and Hoss had left on the stage yesterday to get Joe, and Adam had drawn the short straw on having to stay and watch the ranch.

Adam got up from his spot on the couch, moving to stare once more out the window at the empty yard. They should be back anytime, he knew the stage was due at 2:00, and judging by the sun it was close to 4:00 by now.

He could hear their faithful cook, Hop Sing, bustling around in the kitchen. Probably preparing an extra-large welcome home dinner for Little Joe. From the scent in the air, it was roast beef, and probably multiple sides and desserts to go along with it.

Adam moved away from the window and started pacing his way around their couches, only stopping once to throw a few logs into the fireplaces dying fire. It was probably about 30 minutes later when he finally heard the sound of horses entering the yard.

Practically dashing for the door, he swung the sturdy wood door open all the way and hurried outside, eager to see his little brother again. But what he saw surprised him and drew him to an unsteady halt at the edge of the porch.

He watched quietly as Joe slid slowly from his horse, seeming to pause for a steadying breath before turning to face him and the house. Joe looked terrible. His once vibrant and full of life brother, now seemed so tired. He had lost a lot of weight in the weeks he had been gone, and his eyes were dulled with fatigue. At only 16 years old, Joe had still been small, but he looked even smaller and more fragile now. There was a healing cut on the side of Joe’s face, extremely close to his left eye, but other then that Adam couldn’t tell if his brother was injured anywhere else.

Unable to stand the awkward silence any longer, Adam stepped off of the porch, putting a welcoming smile on his face.

“Little Joe, its good to see you brother.”

Joe refused to meet his eyes as he brushed past him, mumbling something that Adam couldn’t catch. He could see the worry on his father’s face as Joe rushed off without a single backward glance, but there was only silence until the front door closed behind Joe.

Adam stepped forward and grabbed Cochises reins from where Joe had dropped them.

“I’ll get him untacked.” He offered quietly to his distracted family members.

Hoss flashed him a smile that quickly faded, then turned to lead his own horse, Chubbs, into the barn.

“What happened, Pa?” Adam asked as soon as they were inside the barn and away from prying ears. “What’s wrong with Joe? I don’t think I’ve ever seen the boy that unsociable and quiet.”

“To tell you the truth, we don’t really know.” Ben admitted, pulling the saddle off of buck. “A family found him about a week ago just lying in the woods injured and alone. Even after he woke up, he wouldn’t tell them anything except his name and where he lived. He barely said anything to us on the ride home, and I don’t want to push him to speak about it yet.”

Adam stared silently at his father, silently contemplating the words.

“Alright.” He reluctantly agreed, not liking being left out of the loop, but he’d hold off the questions for now.

Joe

I wander slowly through the quiet living room, feeling out of place in my own house. Adam had stayed outside with Pa and Hoss, so I know they’re out there talking about me, probably trying to figure out what’s wrong with me. Truth is, I don’t know a hundred percent what’s wrong with me. Well, besides the obvious pains that I hide inside me and under my clothes. How could I tell my family what happened? I have no idea what their reactions would be, and I’m to tired to deal with it.

I hear footsteps as my family steps onto the porch, and I bolt when an irrational fear seems to seize me. I move so fast that I’m already at my bedroom door when I hear the front door creak open below. I slip into my bedroom, closing the door quietly behind me, and hurrying towards my bed.

I plop down onto the covers with an exhausted sigh, just wanting to stay hidden my room for the next week. But I know that someone will be up shortly to get me for dinner, and I’ll have to force myself to go downstairs and act like everything is normal. Because if I don’t, they’ll get suspicious, and I just can’t handle the questions, not right now.

Pushing off of my bed, I quickly change out of my dusty clothes into some clean ones. I frown as I study myself in the mirror, studying how the clothes seem to hang off of my slim form. I had to tighten my belt up a few more notches then usual as well. I didn’t realize how much weight I had lost, and it makes me upset to think about it, so I go stare out my window, hoping to see something to distract myself from my thoughts.

The yard below me is empty of any activity, so with a disappointed sigh, I turn back to my room and head back to my bed. I lay down on my side, yanking the blanket off the end of my bed up and over my bed. Curling up under the warm fleece, I feel my tired eyes close, and soon know no more.

Chapter Text

Adam

Dinner is a silent and awkward affair, with no one really saying much. Joe barely eats anything, he spends most of his time scraping the food all over his plate, probably hoping it will look like he ate more then he did. Hoss still has a great appetite, he eats all of his food, but sends Joe a concerned look about every 2 minutes. And Pa, well, Pa just looks beside himself. He eats, but not a lot and very slowly. He spends most of his time staring at Joe, as if worried that he will suddenly disappear.

I guess I can’t blame him though, I can barely keep my eyes off of my little brother either. I practically have to force my food down, but I know I’ll need the energy and I don’t want to disappoint Hop Sing.

Joe looks extremely uncomfortable, but I can’t think of anything to say that will break the silence without upsetting anyone. All I have is questions. About where he’s been, what happened to him, and how can I help him. And I know he will need our help coping with whatever this is, but I don’t think Joe knows that yet. Or maybe he does but he’s to scared to face the truth. If I could use one word to describe my youngest brother, it would be complex.

Hoss clears his throat from his seat next to mine, and I see little Joe jump in surprise, before seeming to calm himself.

“Those new colts that the boys brought in today are looking good.” Hoss declares, grabbing another piece of bread and glancing at Joe.

“They sure are.” Ben agrees, pouring himself another glass of water.

“Maybe you’d like to go see them tomorrow, Joe.” I offer, trying to draw him in. “I saw a couple that you would like, maybe Pa will let you break one this year to keep for yourself.”

My normally super enthusiastic brother just shrugs, barely acknowledging that I had spoken to him. Pa on the other hand looks frantic.

“But only if you are feeling completely better.” Ben instructs, shooting a quick glare at me. “I’m sure you are still tired from the trip.”

Joe didn’t say anything, just kept pushing his food around.

Not wanting things to return to the even more awkward silence, I start updating Pa on the most recent timber contract. Joe seems to relax as I talk, and by the time Hop Sing brings the dessert out, he’d actually taken a few bites of food.

But as soon as Hop Sing removes his plate, Joe is on his feet and headed for the stairs. The suddenness of his movement startling all of us.

“Joe?” Ben calls, his voice filled with worry. “Is something the matter son?”

“Nothings wrong.” Joe replies, halting at the foot of the stairs. “I’m just tired, I’ll see you all in the morning.” Then he turns and for a moment actually meets my gaze. “And I’ll be ready in the morning to go see those horses, Adam.”

“Good.” I say calmly with a nod, while I’m really cheering inside.

But my happiness dies a little when I turn to look at my Pa after hearing Joe’s bedroom door close. He’s watching me with a strange expression, a mixture of anger and surprise.

“Why did you do that, Adam?” Ben questions sternly.

I blink in surprise. “Do what?”

“Push Little Joe into do something he shouldn’t be doing yet.” Ben explained, his aggravation obvious. “Can’t you see how tired and upset he is?”

I feel my famous Cartwright temper start to boil, but I manage to force it down for now. I know Pa doesn’t mean to be cross with me, he’s just upset and taking out his frustrations on the closest target, me.

“I thought some semblance of normal might help Joe.” I try to explain, keeping my voice calm and level. “Maybe make him want to talk to us. If we treat him like some fragile or broken thing, he’s going to think we don’t find him capable or strong. He may be young, but he’s no child.”

“He’s my child.” Ben snapped, pushing out from the table and getting to his feet. “And I think I know better then you what he needs right now.” He stomped into the living room, making his way toward the stairs. “I’m going to bed now, I’ll see you boys in the morning.”

With that Pa disappeared up the stairs, leaving me with a very shocked Hoss who looked like he didn’t understand all of what just happened.

“What was that all about, Adam?” Hoss asked me, confusion evident in his voice. “Why are you and Pa bickering about Little Joe?”

“I’m not really sure all of what that was about.” I admit to my brother, leaning my forearms on the table with a weary sigh. “You know sometimes Pa and I just don’t always see eye to eye, this is just another one of those times. Plus Pa is tired and stressed, I’m sure things will be better in the morning.”

Hoss didn’t look convinced, but he nodded his agreement anyways.

“Want to play some checkers before bed, big brother?” Hoss asked suddenly as I stood up. “Seems to early to sleep.”

I pause for just a moment to consider his question, a pang hitting my heart when I remembered how often my two younger brothers would play together after dinner.

“Sure, Hoss.” I agree, forcing a smile onto my face for him. “Maybe a good game of checkers will clear my mind.”

“That’s my thoughts exactly.” Hoss agreed, sounding relieved.

But after losing my fourth game of checkers to Hoss, I head up to bed, deciding that checkers is not a good way to clear my mind. I’m just as stressed as before, hoping that maybe a goodnights rest will do us all some good.

Chapter Text

Little Joe

Here it is, probably midnight, and I’m just lying in my bed wide awake. I’m afraid to sleep. But I’m also to ashamed to tell my Pa and brothers about my problem. I’m not a little boy anymore, I shouldn’t be bothered by my bad dreams.

I had fallen asleep earlier, but woke up gasping and choking, feeling like I couldn’t breathe. Flashbacks of being forcibly held under water for what felt like hours, though I know it couldn’t have been nearly that long, kept going through my mind. It didn’t help that rain had started pounding on the roof about an hour ago, and it made me want to cringe just listening to all of that water pouring down around me.

It makes me mad really, the fact that I used to love listening to the sound of rain at night, and those men, no more like those monsters, ruined that for me. Maybe eventually I’ll get over it, but until then it just frustrates me.

I let out a sigh of frustration before rolling out of my bed. I shiver slightly as my feet touch the cold wood floors of my bedroom, and decide to pull on a pair of socks before making my way out of the bedroom. I move silently down the stairs, years of practice helping me to know which stairs are creaky and might wake up Pa if I step on them.

I always was the more sneaky one in my family, I just have a hard time staying still. I can still remember all of those nights I crept down these stairs in this same fashion on my way to go night fishing with my friends. I only got caught once, after that I practiced moving silently up and down the stairs during the day while Pa and my brothers were still working, and now I can do it without even thinking about it.

I go around the couch and head straight for the kitchen, I wonder if Hop Sing left the coffee on, he usually does. When I enter the kitchen, I’m instantly hit with the delicious smell of brewed coffee. I’m extremely grateful for Hop Sing as I take that first sip of coffee, letting out a soft sigh as some of the tension melts out of me at the familiar taste.

I take my cup of coffee with me out into the living room, then add a couple of logs to the dying fire, before taking a seat on the chair closest to the fire, Adam’s favorite spot actually. I don’t know how long I stay awake, but I must have drifted off at some point, because next I know the sounds of Hop Sing starting breakfast and my brothers and father walking around upstairs wake me.

Jumping to my feet, I hurriedly, yet silently, make my way back up the stairs to get dressed and pull my boots on. I enter the hallway the same time Hoss does, and I had to admit he looked pretty surprised to see me up and dressed already.

“Hey, little brother.” Hoss greeted me, his cheerfulness still sounding a bit forced to my ears. “You’re up early.”

I shrug, trying to act nonchalant. “Adam is an early riser, and I didn’t want him to leave for the horses without me.”

Hoss nodded. “That is very true.” He gently placed a hand on my shoulder and turned me towards the stairs. “Well, we better get you some good breakfast then, it’s a long ride.”

I have to force my self not to cringe at the contact, and I’m really not that hungry either, but I’m pretty sure Pa won’t let me out of the house if I don’t eat something.

“Sounds good.” I force out with a fake smile.

By the time Pa and Adam come down, I’ve eaten a whole piece of toast and almost a whole egg.

“Good morning, son.” Pa greeted me, seeming to relax as he saw me sitting at the table and eating more normally. “How are you feeling today?”

“Fine, Pa.” I quickly answer him. “Ready to go see those horses.”

“Are you sure?” Pa asked in concern. “If you’re not ready to go out yet, you can just stay here with me and help with the bookwork.”

“No.” I answer a little more firmly. “I want to go out today.”

I can see the pride in Adam’s eyes as he grins at me, and I give him a small smile in return. Out of all of my family members, Adam’s treated me the most normal since I returned, and I’m grateful for that, so I want to try and do this, not only for myself but also for him. I mean, we’re only going to look at horses, it can’t be that stress inducing, right?

“Alright.” Pa seems to give in for now. “Just be careful, okay?”

I nod, going back to eating and forcing my self to choke down a piece of bacon so I could empty my plate. I wait anxiously for Adam to finish eating, and spring up from my chair as soon as he’s finished. I follow him silently over to strap my gun on and grab my hat, feeling Pa’s worried gaze on me the whole time. I can’t help the sigh of relief that escapes me as we leave the house, Adam giving me a sideways look.

“Pa means well.” Adam says lightly.

“I know.” I reply with a shrug. “It’s just, well…”

Adam chuckled. “I know what you mean.”

I give cochise a hug before I start tacking her up, glad that she had been able to escape and make her way home when I had been nabbed. As we set out at a canter, a real smile finally makes its way onto my face, now this was more like normal.

Chapter Text

I can’t help but smile, glad to have Little Joe by my side once again. I knew the ride out to see the horses would be good for him, maybe help him release some of that tension he’s been holding inside. And the look on his face when he pushed Cochise into a canter was priceless, I swear the boy looked like he was flying, he was so happy.

I know Pa was still upset with me for taking Little Joe out, but I thought it would give us some time alone. Who knows, maybe I’ll even be able to get my stubborn little brother to tell me at least something about what happened to him.

When we ride up to the corral where we are keeping the colts, there are only a few of our hands out there, they had brought some hay up for the horses in the wagon and called out a greeting as we dismounted.

I respond in kind, but Little Joe just nods his head, looking at them warily. The men don’t seem to care though, and just keep forking the rest of the hay over the fence.

“What do you think, Joe?” I ask, leaning against the fence. “I told you it was a nice bunch we had brought up this time.”

“There are some handsome ones.” Joe agreed, a slight smile on his face as he watched the young horses antics.

I study the animals closely, a large dapple colt catching my eye. He was a well built horse for his age, with a deep chest and sloping withers, and boy could he turn on a dime.

“What do you think of the dapple?” I question, knowing Joe had a great eye for horses and wanting his opinion as well.

“He’s real nice, Adam.” Joe replied. “Seems like he would be a good fit for you.”

“Me?” I ask with a laugh. “I don’t need another mount.”

Joe gave me a disbelieving look. “I’m sure Scout wouldn’t mind a break every now and then, and that dapple looks perfect for you.”

“Alright.” I quickly gave in, knowing my brother could read me to well. “You’re right, I would really like that horse.”

Joe nodded, looking satisfied. “I knew you did.”

“What about you?” I pressed. “Did you find one that you want yet?”

“See that little sorrel over there?” Joe pointed across the corral to the far corner.

“That’s the one you want?” I asked in confusion. “He’s a little smaller then the others.”

“I know.” Joe agreed. “But he has heart, look at him stand up to the other horses.”

I had to agree with my brother on that. The sorrel may be small, but he was feisty, just like my little brother.

“You know what, Joe, I think you’re right.” I said nodding my head. “That little horse is just like you, small and with a temper.”

“Hey!” Joe laughed, shoving me gently. “That’s not nice.”

“Maybe not.” I shrug, immensely enjoying the sound of Joe’s laughter and familiar banter. “But it’s still true.”

“I guess it is at that.” Joe admitted quite reluctantly.

I called one of the hands over and gave him instructions to bring the dapple and sorrel to our front home corral that evening. I figured Joe could use the time he was laid up to start bonding with his horse, I just hoped that Pa approved. I understood that he was concerned about Joe, I am too, but he can’t stop Joe from doing anything ever again.

“Well, I think we both made good choices.” I said turning back to face my brother, he already looked worn out and tired looking from the ride. “You ready to head back now?”

Joe nodded quickly, moving to slowly mount Cochise once more. I swung up onto Sport, keeping a watchful eye as my normally energetic brother almost had trouble swinging up into the saddle.

“Are you still hurting?” I ask as we start to ride away at a walk. “I’m sure Doc Martin would be glad to give you something for pain if you need it.”

“No.” Joe snapped, his good mood fading away quickly as he turned to glare at me. “This is why you brought me out here, isn’t it? You wanted to get me alone and convince me to tell you the whole story. Did Pa put you up to this?”

“No, Joe.” I answer with a frown. “You know me better then that, I just worry about you.”

“Well, I’m fine.” Joe snapped. “So you can stop worrying and trying to get me to talk, cause it isn’t going to happen.”

I open my mouth to answer him, but he quickly pushes Cochise into a faster gate, avoiding any more conversation.

I sigh warily as I ask Sport to go faster as well, not wanting my little brother to get to far ahead by himself. Because no matter what I want to happen, I know my brother is still not ready to be by himself out here. I know he’s still hurting, and I don’t just mean physically, he’s hurting inside and I don’t know what I can do to fix it. Maybe I’m not supposed to fix it though, this might be something little Joe has to decide to fix for himself and I just need to show him that I am here for him no matter what.

It’s hard to watch him struggle though, and I want to find the people who did this to him and make them feel the same way he does. Maybe that way they’ll finally see how wrong it is to mistreat and hurt others. But I’m guessing that’ll never happen, so I promise Little Joe silently that I will help him get better, no matter how long it takes or how much he lashes back at me. We’re brothers, that’s what I’m here for, even if Joe doesn’t remember that quite right now, he will in time.