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Remus stared at the ocean, blue and vast. It was August the thirtieth already, summer having passed far too quickly for his liking. He still hadn’t decided what to do about the Sirius situation…
They had left things quite rough at the end of term… Sirius had kissed him at the Quidditch Cup celebration party, but Remus was so surprised by it he hadn’t moved. At all. That had left Sirius with quite the bad impression, of course, apologizing and thinking he had misread the situation completely. Which he hadn’t. But Remus didn’t tell him that.
He was such an idiot.
He sighed and stared at the sea once again. It reminded him of Sirius, wild and free. He was kind of jealous, to be honest. He wished he could be more like him, express his feelings with ease, not fearing about the repercussions, no anxiety over what the others would think since he was so comfortable being himself.
He wanted to tell him about his feelings. He’d pinned for over 3 years and when the opportunity presented itself, he froze. But he’d had the time to think about it now. He couldn’t let Sirius do this. What could he offer him? He didn’t have a future, he wouldn’t be able to have a stable job, or money, he would have to live with his parents after school because he couldn’t afford anything else. It wasn’t fair to Sirius, he deserved someone better.
And that’s what he was going to tell him.
***
Remus’s heart was beating wildly. He’d been at the station for a good twenty minutes but still no sign of Sirius. Peter was already here, though and he wouldn’t shut up.
“And then my Dad took us to southern France, it was amazing, Remus! We stayed there for a couple of weeks, and then we…”
Remus tuned him out. He offered him a tight smile and looked around for any sign of black hair. Suddenly a hand clapped him on the back.
“Well, hello my fellow Marauders!” James smiled widely at him.
“Hello, Prongs” Remus smiled and hugged his friend.
James let go to hug Peter next and Remus was faced with Sirius, finally.
“Hey, Moony.” Sirius offered him a tight smile and Remus felt his heart sink.
“Hey, I want to…” Remus started but Sirius interrupted him,
“We should get to the train, it’s almost time to leave” Sirius didn’t look at him, but grabbed his trunk and followed Peter and James, who were talking animatedly.
Remus sighed and followed them towards the train.
Once they were settled in their compartment, James started narrating his and Sirius’ summer adventures and Sirius pretty much pretended Remus wasn’t there. He couldn’t blame him really. He sighed, leaned against the window and closed his eyes.
He woke up a while after to an empty compartment. Just as he got up to go look for his friends the door opened, and Sirius came in.
“Oh, you’re awake” Sirius muttered under his breath.
“Yeah, no way to ignore me now, huh?” Remus replied a bit angry.
“I’m not avoiding you, Moony…” Sirius sighed.
Remus laughed bitterly.
“Isn’t that what you wanted anyway?!” Sirius raised his voice.
“No, you idiot! I wanted to talk to you!”
“Why, so you can reject me again!? So you can tell me how wrong I was about what happened? So I can be humiliat”
Remus stopped his rambling by pressing their lips together. Sirius froze for a second but kissed him back quickly. Sirius’ arms wrapped around his waist and Remus moaned a little into his mouth.
They heard laughs in the corridor and quickly jumped apart. Remus looked at the door as James and Peter entered the compartment, their hands full of different sweets.
“Hey, what’s up?” James asked looking between the two of them.
Remus turned his eyes at Sirius. He was still looking at him, a hand on his lips and shock in his eyes.
“Um…” Remus tried to think of something to say but his brain wouldn’t cooperate.
“Remus wanted to go straighten his legs after his nap. We’ll be back in a bit” Sirius answered.
James raised an eyebrow but nodded. Peter was too busy eating Chocolate Frogs to listen. Sirius walked towards the door and looked at Remus expectantly.
“Right!”
Remus followed quickly.
Once in the corridor, Sirius muttered, “Let’s find an empty compartment, shall we?”
Remus nodded, his mind going a mile a minute. He had a plan! He had to tell Sirius how he felt about all this first, not just kiss him at the first opportunity! Damn it. But he looked so cute, all flustered and tall, and his shoulders had gotten broad over the summer… Stop it, Remus. Merlin.
Sirius stopped and opened a compartment, Remus followed. Once he’d closed the door, Sirius was on him, mouths fused together once again. Sirius grabbed him by the waist and pulled him closer, but Remus had to pull away.
“Wait, Sirius”
Sirius sighed and sat, looking at his hands. Remus felt the urge to take him in his arms but instead, sat down opposite him.
“Look Sirius… I really like you…” Remus started, and Sirius lifted his head, a sparkle in his eyes and a small smile on his lips.
“But…” Remus continued.
“Stop right there, Moony” Sirius said abruptly, “I know what you’re going to say. You’re going to tell me how I deserve someone who isn’t a monster, or something along those lines, am I right?” Sirius looked at him with sad eyes.
“I know you don’t believe I’m a monster, Sirius, but truth is I could hurt you, very much. And it’s not just about being a werewolf, it’s about how I can’t give you anything, at all. Do you know I won’t be able to have a job? That means zero money, Padfoot, it means…” Remus tried to make him understand.
“What you fail to see, Moony is that I don’t care. I don’t care. Do you really think I would care that you don’t have money when I practically swim in it? Or that you won’t have a job after school? Do you really think that I won’t help you, that James won’t help you, or Peter?” Sirius was trying not to raise his voice, but it was becoming quite difficult.
“I know that, but I don’t want to be a burden for you guys…” Remus replied.
“You are not a burden, Remus! You are our friend, and friends look out for each other.”
Remus sighed and let his head fall onto his hands, perched on his knees. Sirius kneeled in front of him and placed a hand on his cheek,
“Moony, we love you, we all do. You would never be a burden. If there’s any way we can help, we will and gladly.”
Remus raised his head and looked into his eyes, “I wish you didn’t have to, though”
Sirius sighed, “I wish things were different for you, too. You don’t deserve the way they treat you, but you won’t be alone, okay? Ever. You’ll always have the Marauders.”
Remus laughed lightly, “Thank you, Sirius”
Sirius kissed his lips quickly and sat by his side. Remus laced their hands together.
“Do you really want to do this, Sirius?”
“Are you kidding? I’ve thought about this for quite a while, Moony” Sirius whispered.
“Really? When did you know?” Remus asked, curiously.
“Well, I’m not really sure... I’ve always thought you were interesting but never gave it a second thought, you know? And then, last year when that fifth year asked you out… Well, I got very jealous. And I couldn’t understand why so I talked to James…”
“Wait, you talked to James?! So, he knows about this?” Remus said surprised.
“Yeah… He’s my best mate, so I thought he could help me out.” Sirius answered raising an eyebrow.
“Of course, yeah, sorry. It’s just that, well… I’ve never told you guys that I fancy boys, too so…”
“Well, I haven’t figured out the details exactly, really… I just know I like you. A lot.” Sirius said, blushing a bit.
Remus grinned, “I like you a lot, too.”
Sirius grinned back, “So, do you want to do this then?”
“What does ‘this’ mean, exactly?” Remus teased.
“Ugh, Moony… You’re really going to make me say it?” Sirius rubbed his face, sighing.
“Yes, I am” Remus chuckled.
“You know, I’ve been pinning all summer, you should really be putting the effort here” Sirius whined with a smile still on his lips.
“Oi! I’ve pinned for you, too, you know?!” Remus poke him.
“Oh, really? Huh, I rather like that image… You thinking of me, at night, alone in your bed…”
“Aaaaalright, stop it.” Remus blushed and Sirius barked a laugh.
“Moony, do you want to go out with me?” Sirius stared at him, his grey eyes sparkling.
“Let me think…” Remus teased, and Sirius crashed their lips fiercely.
“You’re such a tease, Moonbeam.” Sirius sighed when they came up for air.
“Oh no, you’re going to call me pet names?! This will never work” Remus turned his face, dramatically, a hand on his heart.
Sirius laughed and turned his head, so he looked him in the eyes, “Well?”
“I would love to date you, Sirius Black.”
And their lips met again.