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We don’t need things like memories.
Atsumu doesn’t understand the school motto. Not because he’s dumb. But because he thinks it’s wrong.
He’s had other people explain to him and it always makes sense in the moment it’s explained, but thinking back on it later, his brain always supplies so many arguments and exceptions to the rule.
Memories are necessary.
Memories are good things.
Memories are something to look back on, happy moments that play like a movie in your mind.
Memories are how you hold on to loved ones when you can’t be with them.
Memories are how you see how far you’ve come, and what you’ve accomplished, and can feel proud.
Memories are precious things.
And then Osamu will give him a tired look and explain, again, “It’s not about that. It’s about not being tied to the past, your past accomplishments or mistakes, and instead looking forward to the next challenge. It’s about living in the moment and enjoying it. Anticipating what the future holds. You’re taking it too literally.”
And with that explanation, Atsumu thinks, oh yeah, I like that. What a good motto.
He loves being challenged. Getting the setter position wouldn’t have been half as satisfying if he hadn’t worked hard and beat Osamu for it. Getting the highest grades in his class was especially gratifying because he overheard some classmates talking behind his back and saying shit like he was just a dumb jock.
And it’s true that worrying about past mistakes is no good during a game. Dwelling on how you fucked up in a previous game just makes you nervous about the one you’re playing. Confidence is an athlete’s best friend. Forget your mistake and have confidence you’ll do better next time.
Even the part of the motto’s meaning about not being attached to past accomplishments makes sense. If you’re happy with what you’ve achieved, that’s all well and good. But. Do you just stop there? Are you just satisfied with winning once, or getting those good grades for one semester? Fuck no. You keep winning, you go for gold, as high as you can. You get the best grades every semester, every year, and you graduate valedictorian and give a bomb ass speech about overcoming the dumb jock stereotype. Then you focus on the next thing.
Those are the times he likes the motto.
And then, inevitably, he circles right back around to why memories are good things and why he needs them.
Usually the catalyst for this reset on his opinion of the motto is when someone does something that Atsumu doesn’t want to forget.
An unkind example would be the time Osamu sprayed milk out of his nose and it got all over his bento, when moments before he’d been bragging about his delicious lunch that he’d prepared. Or the time Suna almost dropped his phone in a pond and lunged to grab it, ending up in the pond himself (his phone also was not saved).
A far more benign occasion that comes to mind is the time he got a cold his first year. And Kita sent him home from practice criticizing him for not taking care of himself. Then finding the note and the medicine in the locker room and realizing that Kita Shinsuke isn’t just a stick in the mud scary senpai. He’s a senpai that cares about Atsumu.
And the time he overheard Kita talking to some other members of the team about Atsumu and his brother. That it wasn’t fair to call their crazy stunts only possible because they’re volleyball prodigies or geniuses. That reducing their ability to simple “genius” discounts the hours of work, the effort they put into perfecting those stunts. It minimizes their dedication to practicing every day, training their bodies and minds until they were good enough to improvise crazier stunts. Not to mention it erases the experience they’ve accumulated over years, experience that enables them to recognize game situations and know how to react. It’s not fair to say it’s some super ability they were born with. It’s the result of hard work. And that deserves to be acknowledged. Atsumu thinks about that a lot. He is grateful for that memory.
And the time he saw Kita laugh at something Aran said. Kita’s usually so reserved, but that day, that moment, his face had opened like some kind of fucking flower as he smiled, eyes crinkling, head tipping back, mouth opening to release a laugh that made Atsumu want to punch a wall.
And the time Kita got his number one jersey, accepting it with a quiet stoicism that lasted until he walked back to his spot and sat down. But he broke down seconds later as he stared at the jersey in his hands, the result of his own hard work over years. Tears streaming down his face, he didn’t try to hide them. The whole team had been stunned. Atsumu was not an exception.
Or the time Kita took his side in an argument he was having with his brother. Osamu’s face had been absolutely dumbstruck. Atsumu had been kind of shocked himself, until Kita patted him on the shoulder and told him that, yes, mint chocolate chip ice cream is delicious, don’t give in. And then Kita had left while Atsumu’s shoulder burned where Kita had made contact with his hand. His soul might have ascended out of his body; he was smug for an entire week because Kita had taken his side. He lorded it over Osamu.
There are more memories.
Many, many more.
Memories of Suna being an asshole, but also a good friend if you squint. And Osamu, always there at his side, getting angry for him, being happy with him, crying just as hard at grandpa’s funeral, and overeating after a game until he’s sick and Atsumu can say I told you not to eat that much ya idiot.
Memories of Kita Shinsuke, quietly but reliably always there, doing something to make Atsumu notice and make his heart clench.
The school’s motto... Well, it makes an okay motto, especially for a sports team.
But Atsumu is not going to follow it as his life’s philosophy.
His philosophy is simple: more. He wants more, more, more, as much as he can get, everything anything and all of it. He won’t let anything hold him back from taking as much as life has to offer, always pushing forward for more. But he wants more memories too and he’s going to hoard them, jealousy, greedily, like a dragon with treasure.
He wonders what Kita Shinsuke thinks of their school motto, if he’ll simply move on and forget about Atsumu after he retires from volleyball, after he graduates from high school. Will Atsumu become a memory he doesn’t need?
The thought is an awful one. Unacceptable. It leaves a film on his mind, like a bitter aftertaste that lingers on the back of your tongue after sipping stale black coffee.
Irrationally, Atsumu eats four cupcakes to rid himself of an imagined taste in his mouth.