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Hawk couldn't quite remember the specifics as to how this happened: all he could think about was right now, back flat against the concrete, staring into his own wide, curious eyes. Except it wasn't quite him, or at least not the him he had become over the past year. Instead of his blazing red mohawk, he had a head of mousy brown hair, and his torso was clad with a knitted sweater his aunt had got him two years ago. It was like he was staring at a memory he'd been repressing. He grimaced on instinct.
"Okay, what the fuck is going on?" He asked, trying to hide the panic in his voice (no weakness).
"The, uh, the storm, I think," the other Eli (he refused to call this version of himself Hawk) replied timidly, pulling at a loose thread on his sleeve. "You got hit on the head, and then I, uh, appeared next to you."
Oh right, the storm. It had started as quickly as it ended, with hail as large as bowling balls battering down on the town, crashing into cars and denting the smooth roads until the Valley looked like the warzone it seemed to be becoming. Then, it stopped, and the ice melted, and normality resumed.
Except for him, of course, because the universe decided he was so goddamn special , and hit him on the head with a massive chunk of ice on his way home from the dojo, and he most likely had a concussion. That wasn't the part to dwell on, though: the winner of that prize would be Eli, sitting in front of him like the fucking Ghost of Christmas Past, still fidgeting and avoiding eye contact, old habits he remembered clearer than he wanted to.
"Uh, what do you think we should do? Should we tell someone?" Eli's voice was quiet, like he was scared Hawk would break. Pussy.
"Fuck no, so they can send me off to some psychiatric hospital? We just need to find a way to undo... Whatever this is." Hawk stood up, pointedly ignoring Eli when he offered his hand out to help him get to his feet, and stumbled over to the nearest bench, touching the spot on his forehead where he'd been hit. Yep, that'd leave a bruise.
Eli sat next to him, back slightly hunched over, like a snail curling all the way into its shell. "Why don't we ask Demetri? He knows about this science-fiction stuff."
Hawk scoffed. "Demetri's a little bitch."
"He's my friend," Eli grew slightly louder, tilting his body a little more towards Hawk. "And he's smart. He'll know about this stuff."
"He's not your friend, first of all," Hawk sighed grimly, the mist of his exhale fading away before his eyes. "He only hung out with you because you were the only person too pussy to shut his annoying ass up. Plus, I doubt his lame comic book knowledge will actually do much in the real world."
"He's the best chance we've got," Eli looked close to tears, trying desperately to keep Hawk from seeing the obvious glossiness of his eyes. Hawk could almost laugh at how pathetic he was.
They were lucky the street was quiet: on weekday evenings, this part of town was always sparse, the primary reason why Eli had chosen this route home when he had started to be allowed to walk places without his mom. Hawk wasn't entirely sure why he still followed it - instinct, he presumed.
Anyway, the street was completely barren, which was useful in that nobody would see him talking to another version of himself (seriously, what the fuck?). He didn't even know how people would react - probably negatively, knowing his absolutely stellar luck. His mom would probably send him away somewhere, so someone else could try and fix his problems, treat him like how a child treats a broken toy. Miguel would tell Sensei Lawrence, or Sam, and rumours would spread, and then everyone would be ambushing him or staring at him or calling him a freak. Moon would be kind and soft, as always, and would probably give him some bullshit crystals with names he couldn't pronounce for him to meditate with. Demetri would--
What would Demetri do?
Make some dumb reference first, the nerd. Test him to see if he has superpowers. See if he can form a hero-sidekick duo with himself (which sounds like just about the saddest thing Hawk had ever heard). Have that gleeful twinkle in his eyes as he gestures wildly with those freakishly long limbs of his, looking like a giraffe who's just learnt how to stand on his weak, spindly legs. Probably insist on being 'the Alfred to his Batman' or something equally as embarrassing and not-at-all endearing.
Demetri wouldn't tell anyone, he decided. Even though he has a big mouth, the sheer thrill of having a secret 'superhero' friend would be enough to keep his mouth shut.
Hawk rolled his eyes before glancing over at Eli, who was staring at the cracks in the sidewalk with a solemn expression, hands still absently fidgeting with the thread on his sweater sleeve. He looked like he was about to attend a funeral. "Fine. Let's go to Demetri's."
Eli's eyes lit up, and the pair took off down the street, keeping their heads down (a regular activity for Eli) and moving swiftly until they were standing by Demetri's front door. Hawk hadn't been here in almost a year, and nothing had changed - same flowerpots either side of the door, same brass knocker he'd use for their secret knock every time he'd come over. Of course, everything surrounding this house had changed, but here, Hawk felt like he was about to step into a time capsule. A sanctuary.
He took a deep breath, then made a fist around the knocker. He didn't even realise he'd done the secret knock until after he was finished.
"Eli?" Demetri opened the door (of course he still recognised the knock). "What are you-- what the fuck?"
Demetri stared at Hawk like he had two heads. Because he did.
His eyes widened at the sight before him: Hawk, nostrils flared, looking like he'd rather be anywhere than here, with a smaller figure - himself?!?! - peering up at Demetri from behind him, shaking slightly. He figured the dramatic thing to do would be to faint, but he was frozen by the door, mouth open, probably looking completely illiterate. He was lucky his parents were away for the week, visiting his grandparents in Florida.
"Yeah," Hawk said, snapping him out of his thoughts. "We were wondering if we could get your opinion on something?"
And of course he was still being cocky; if Demetri wasn't freaking out, he would've rolled his eyes.
"So I got hit on the head during that storm earlier," Hawk continued, seemingly unfazed by Demetri's lack of response. "Got knocked out, and when I woke up, this little bitch was staring at me."
Hawk gestured to Eli, who was still cowering behind him, who hadn't taken his eyes off Demetri. He gave a small wave to punctuate Hawk's sentence, as if Demetri didn't recognise him or realise how absolutely crazy this entire situation was.
"You should come inside," Demetri slowly moved to the side to let them in. "Can't have this chaotic duo roaming the streets at this hour."
Demetri chuckled, because he had no idea what he was supposed to be doing, not because anything remotely funny was happening. Eli's mouth quirked upwards to an almost-smile, probably for the same reason.
"So, is this like a time travel situation, or..." Demetri looked between the two boys (the one boy?) with raised eyebrows as they sat on his couch. He felt like he was in a weird sitcom.
"No, I don't think so," Eli said. "I'm not from the past. I think that the storm somehow split me into two people - Eli and, uh, Hawk. We need to figure out how to, uh, get back together. Figured you might have some ideas."
"For the record, I didn't think you'd have any ideas," Hawk commented boisterously. "Useful ones, at least."
"Well, I, uh," Demetri scrambled frantically to collect his thoughts. "Do you reckon this is like a Freaky Friday situation?"
"Told you he'd be no help," Hawk looked equal parts smug and annoyed.
"We haven't swapped bodies," Eli said, trying to ignore Hawk. "I don't think Freaky Friday's an accurate comparison."
"Well, excuse me for not being at my sharpest right now," Demetri laid back on the couch, clearly deep in thought. "But, no, this makes sense. Lindsay Lohan and Jamie Lee Curtis were able to get back to normal by understanding each other. So maybe that's what you need to do, find a balance between Eli and Hawk."
Hawk scoffed. "That's ridiculous. LaRusso's really got in your head with that 'inner balance' bullshit. I mean, we're existing together here without killing each other, so why aren't things normal, huh?"
"Hawk, do you like Eli?"
The question threw Hawk off-guard. His instinct was to say no, because everything he hated about himself was now sitting next to him, and, if they really were two halves of a whole, then Eli was just a reminder that no matter how hard he tried, he could never escape the softness he'd buried inside himself. He could never really be the badass he had trained so hard to become.
Apparently, his silence was telling, because Demetri had already moved on to Eli. "Eli, do you like Hawk over here?"
Eli just shook his head slightly, looking down. Hawk would punch him if he wasn't aware that that could maybe fuck with him as well.
"There you go!" Demetri clapped his hands together like he'd just solved the secrets of the universe. "You two need to figure out how to like each other, and accept the other as a part of you. Then I think you'll be one person again."
"Are you sure?" Eli asked softly.
"'Course not. Believe it or not, I've never actually been in this situation before. But it's your best shot, right?"
Eli nodded and Hawk sighed but didn't protest: Demetri figured this was a good sign. He stood up and headed to the kitchen to get snacks, leaving Eli and Hawk sitting awkwardly on the couch - it was getting overwhelmingly surreal for him, being between them.
"Do you think, uh, one of us should text mom, let her know where we are?"
Hawk laughed, short and sharp. "I don't do that shit anymore. Doesn't matter." Ever since he'd joined Cobra Kai, he'd be staying out more and more, to the point where his mom stopped asking where he'd been. But, on seeing Eli's anxious expression, he figured he should at least try to find a compromise with him. He pulled his phone out of his back pocket and shot a short text to his mom -
'Staying the night @ Demetris'
Before swiftly putting it back in his pocket, just as Demetri returned, armed with three pudding pots, three spoons, and his 'X-Men: First Class' DVD tucked under his armpit, having remembered it was Eli's favourite, so presumably Hawk would like it too, at least a little bit.
"Is doing some nerd shit really the way we're going to fix this?" Hawk groaned as Demetri set up the movie.
"You're right, I bet the local circus will be much more entertaining. You'd be the main attraction, right Hawk? Maybe you two could get matching leotards, I reckon that'd go down a treat." Hawk rolled his eyes, but didn't respond. "Look, all I have is nerd shit, and you're a guest in my house, so you'd better be grateful."
After that, they were quiet, all staring at Demetri's TV and trying to fool the others into believing they were actually paying attention to the movie. Hawk was clearly growing impatient, drumming his fingers against the armrest and sighing every once in a while, earning a soft elbow to the side from Demetri each time. Eli, however, had leaned slightly into Demetri's side, resting his head on Demetri's shoulder like they used to during their movie nights. It was one of the things Demetri missed most after he and Eli stopped hanging out.
Hawk occasionally glanced over at the two of them, who were practically cuddling next to him. He almost felt like a third-wheel, which consequently made him feel like punching himself in the face.
When the movie finished, Demetri left to find Eli's old air mattress; he figured that either there was a spare as well, or that Eli and Hawk sleeping in a confined space could be a potential bonding experience, win-win. As soon as he'd left the room, Hawk turned to Eli, who was absently staring at the spot where Demetri was sitting.
"I can't believe you were doing that," Hawk fumed, face red and burning almost as bright as his hair.
"Doing what?" Eli asked, even though it was obvious he knew what Hawk was talking about: the boy had a terrible poker face.
"I cannot think of a worse time for your pathetic crush on that loser to come to light,” Hawk scoffed, speaking slowly and carefully as if he was speaking to a child. “I don't want that nerd to think I want him to fuck me in the ass or anything."
Eli blushed. "But, uh, we're the same person, so, you do kinda like--"
"Don't even say it." Hawk interrupted, spitting out the words like the thought was poison in his mouth.
Demetri barrelled back into the room at this point, and Hawk looked away from Eli - the last thing he needed was Demetri finding out what they were talking about.
"I've got the beds set up," Demetri said, not noticing the tension between Hawk and Eli. "Turns out we do have two air mattresses, so you won't have to share."
"Thank God," Hawk was already heading up the stairs to Demetri's room, shoving past Demetri on the way. The other boy tutted quietly, shaking his head.
"No respect for people's homes," Demetri chided, before turning his attention to Eli, who was staring at him like a deer caught in the headlights. Cute . "Uh, how are you doing, by the way? I hadn't asked, and I assume Hawk wasn't as chivalrous either."
Eli's lips quirked upwards again, like they had when he'd first arrived at Demetri's house a few hours before. "It's weird, obviously. I mean, I was always around, or whatever, but most of me had been so repressed inside him that I don't really know who I'm supposed to be anymore. I don't think Hawk does either."
Eli laughed awkwardly, even though, to Demetri, that was one of the saddest things Eli had ever said to him. He knew the other boy was sensitive, but he never liked to talk about the serious stuff: when he was sad, he'd go to Demetri for him to tell him his elaborate Doctor Who theories, or which superpower he'd want to have. They never really had deep conversations; maybe things would be different if they had, Demetri wondered idly, but the thought never really developed.
So, this, in Demetri's living room, with Eli opening up to him, felt like a monumental moment for their friendship. And Demetri was almost compelled to cry, although he couldn't pinpoint why.
"Hey," Demetri said, resting a hand on Eli's shoulder and hoping his voice sounded comforting instead of patronising. "You'll figure out out. It's about balance, right?"
Eli nodded, his face rosy and hopeful. The pair then headed upstairs, and, seeing the bathroom door locked and hearing the muffled sound of the shower ( "of course, don't ask, use my facilities like they're your own!" Demetri had quipped sarcastically ), they sat in Demetri's room, Eli suddenly surrounded by comics that Demetri claimed he "had to catch up on, dude". He contentedly flipped through Spiderman from the comfort of Demetri's old bean bag that his friend had always hated - it didn't have adequate back support, apparently - but he'd always kept it, knowing Eli liked it. It made him feel fuzzy around the edges, knowing Demetri had still kept it after all this time.
From the sanctuary of his bed, Demetri watched Eli. He didn't feel like he'd gone back in time to their friendship pre-karate; Eli felt new, somewhere in between a stranger and the single most important thing in the universe. Demetri realised then that knowing whoever Eli or Hawk was going to be was his main priority, no matter these insane circumstances. He was going to help his friend.
"Dem'?" Eli began timidly, the comic blocking the bottom half of his face so Demetri could only see a pair of wide blue eyes. "I really missed you. I know Hawk's not acting like it, but he missed you too."
"Yeah, he's not acting like it," Demetri didn't mean to sound as bitter and hurt as he did. "You never said anything during all this Cobra Kai bullshit, and now you expect me to believe that that lunatic in my bathroom wants to be my best friend? Yeah, sure, Eli."
"I just know," Eli looked down. "That all of me missed you. Things just got out of hand, but I never meant it. Nothing inside me ever wanted to hurt you, Dem'."
And all of a sudden, when Eli's eyes tentatively walked the bridge to meet his, Demetri was overtaken by a rush of feeling, the same fluttering in his chest he felt when he and Eli brushed against each other accidentally, or when they stood back to back, fighting together in Sam's house. It was strong, and compelling, and Demetri had been drowning in it for so long without ever connecting the dots as to what it was.
He understood it now.
The moment was broken when Hawk came in, naked except for the towel around his waist, the usual mohawk which made him look like a burning matchstick extinguished to damp scarlet locks framing either side of his face. He looked almost soft like this, a step closer to a compromise between Hawk and Eli. Demetri stared at him for a second, almost awestruck by the sight of his bare chest (it hadn't looked like that the last time they’d had a sleepover), the little grim reaper tattoo near his heart.
Then he realised he'd been looking for a beat too long, and promptly looked away, which only made the situation more awkward. Eli noticed, and looked back down to his comic, hoping nobody would catch the blush rising on his cheeks with his head at this low angle.
The boys each picked a corner of the room to change in, staring intently at the posters covering every inch of Demetri's walls and praying that this won't have to become routine for them.
Nobody really slept that night: even though they all pretended to, it became immediately obvious in the morning once they all saw the dark circles under their eyes that they'd all been too stressed to sleep. Some part of them had hoped that things would go back to normal at midnight, a real Cinderella situation, but, because the universe had always hated them, it couldn't be that simple.
"Look," Demetri said, glancing between a dejected Eli and a simmering Hawk. "Maybe just doing stuff together isn't going to work. Maybe we could try talking, about our feelings or whatever, just lay everything out on the table. Could help you understand each other better."
"You sound like a bad therapist." Demetri threw his pillow at Hawk, hitting him softly on the jaw; Hawk was too tired to get angry.
"I think it's a good idea," Eli spoke up from the other side of the room, sitting cross-legged on his air mattress. "It's at least worth a shot, right?"
"Of course you'd say that," Hawk sighed. "Okay, let's do a fucking share-circle. Only because I'm desperate."
Eli and Hawk climbed up onto Demetri's bed, and the three boys sat in a circle, not sure how to begin.
"So," Demetri started awkwardly. "If I'm right, that this'll be fixed if you accept one another as part of you, it may help for you to talk about things you're scared of, be vulnerable with each other."
"I'm not scared of anything," Hawk huffed. "This is so dumb."
"Okay, Action Man," Demetri turned to Eli, his voice softening from the harsh tone he used on Hawk. "What about you, buddy?"
"I'm scared of you."
Eli blurted it out before he could stop himself, as if the thought was living on the tip of his tongue, waiting for an opportunity to come out. Hawk looked like he was about to explode, and Eli honestly wouldn't put it past him - his eyes were wide and dark, and his hair (still unstyled) reminded him of lava running down the sides of a volcano. He looked like the human embodiment of fire.
Demetri was staring at him, brows furrowed like he was trying to solve a Rubik's cube. Eli couldn't face looking him in the eyes, not when he was feeling so exposed. Instead, he kept his eyes trained on the stripes of Demetri's bedsheets, following each line until they disappeared off the side of the bed.
"What do you mean?" Demetri's hand was now on his knee, and he had never wanted to run away more.
But, he stayed.
"When we, uh, separated, Hawk said that you were never really my friend, that you only hung out with me because there was no-one else. I'd sometimes believe that, when we'd hang out, and it hurt, because I like you so much and you're so amazing and I'm just... Me. I guess I'm scared of liking you more than you like me, or that you're only trying to help now because you pity me."
Demetri was silent, truly speechless for the first time in his life. Eli's chest was tight with nerves, his mouth was dry, his hands were clammy, but he somehow managed to keep talking.
"I'm also scared of him," he nodded his head in Hawk's direction, causing him to narrow his eyes in response. "I'm scared of turning into some evil karate machine. I'm scared of hurting kids like me in some attempt to erase my own insecurities. I just want to like myself, yet somehow nothing seems to work."
Eli was on the verge of tears, and Demetri's hand stayed firm and solid on his knee, his fingertips rubbing little circles on his skin. Hawk watched the scene playing out and groaned.
"Oh, gimme a break!" He yelled, causing both boys to face him. "Enough with this 'I suck, I don't like myself' trash, I like myself! I'm a badass! Just because nobody likes you, doesn't mean nobody likes me. In fact, maybe all this happened for the best. Maybe I don't want to share a body with this baby anymore!"
Demetri scowled, removing his hand from Eli's knee so he could slap Hawk across the face. "Could you please drop the macho act for once? You're not fooling anyone with this overcompensating bullshit! If you think he's pathetic, take a look at yourself: you're a liar, and you're a coward, and you're not likeable. You're a villain, Hawk."
Hawk's face twisted even further into an aggressive grimace. "What do you want from me, huh? You want me to put on a stupid sweater and get slapped around by Kyler and his goons again? You want me to be the one person even weaker and lonelier than you? Would that be an ego boost for you? I can't be that person anymore, I won't."
"So the only other option is to be an asshole?" Demetri retorted. "There's a way to be confident and nice, you know. You need him to be an actual functioning person, instead of just some mindless alpha robot. Why can't you just open up?"
Demetri was yelling now, his voice cracking slightly due to its high volume. Eli flinched slightly at the noise, causing Hawk to roll his eyes, something he seemed to be doing a lot recently. Still, he refused to crack.
"I don't see why I should," Hawk broke eye contact with Demetri, only for a second, but long enough for the other boy to notice. "Maybe it's best for all of us if we don't get back together. I can keep being cool, and you get your obedient little pet nerd back--"
"And you'll both be unhappy," Demetri stubbornly interrupted, determined in a way neither Eli nor Hawk had ever seen him before. "I only want what's best for you, Hawk. I only ever wanted you to be happy. I could tell you weren't most of the time, both when we were friends and when we weren't. I don't think there's some big formula to being happy but, if there was, I don't reckon rejecting an entire part of yourself would be a variable in it.
"Look, finding balance doesn't mean you'll be all Eli Moskowitz, or even half. It means being strong, and confident, and brave, like you, but also kind, and polite, and sweet, like Eli. It means being a badass warrior who still likes sci-fi and superheroes. It means not being embarrassed of yourself anymore. And you'd rather live a massive lie than try that."
Hawk stared at him, looking dumbly in his direction without focusing on one thing in particular. Not Demetri's hair, still scruffy from sleeping and kind of in need of a haircut, not his eyes, two black holes he felt compelled to throw himself into, not his right hand, which was still a little red from slapping him earlier, how he used to hold that hand when they'd cross the street as kids. Not his lips, parted slightly and panting from the adrenaline, how he used to wonder how they'd feel pressed against his.
No, he wasn't looking at any of that.
He moved his tongue around his mouth to see if it was still working, if it was reliable enough to form a comprehensive sentence. It felt like a snake trying to escape from inside him. He was suddenly reminded of the snake Kreese showed him at Cobra Kai, when he asked that kid to feed the hamster to it. Right now, at this moment, he couldn't possibly relate to a hamster more.
In the silence, his brain felt like it was expanding, like bubblegum swelling until its inevitable burst, pushing at the sides of his skull with too many thoughts that he'd never have the vocabulary or eloquence to communicate.
"I'm scared that nobody will ever understand me," he spoke uncharacteristically quietly, barely even aware that he was talking, his voice wobbling and unsure like a Jenga tower on the brink of collapse. "Or that nobody would want to. Happy?"
When he looked up, he met his own eyes for the first time since this whole ordeal began. And, from this angle, he felt like he was seeing himself for the first time. He didn't look like a victim, or a coward, or a loser. He looked like a teenager, weird and awkward and somehow comfortable living with himself in a way Hawk wasn't. Comfortable in his hobbies, in expressing his sadness, in confiding in Demetri and letting his hand rest on his knee, intimate as a prayer.
The feeling hit him with the same strength as that bowling ball hail from the storm, the realisation that Eli was confident in a way he wasn't. The damn near world-bending revelation that he wanted to feel like that.
Eli's voice rang out through the ocean of quiet between them. A lighthouse.
"I feel like that too."
Demetri was looking between them, a lost expression adorning his features, like they'd had an entire conversation through their eye contact which he couldn't interpret. That's pretty accurate, actually.
Hawk sighed. "Truthfully? I… admire how you're able to be so kind and patient when the world is so shitty to you. You're brave without making a big deal out of it. It's kinda cool, I guess."
Demetri hadn't expected Hawk to crack first, but he supposed that was the legacy of his Cobra Kai training: Strike First.
In response, Eli smiled: not that fake half-smile he'd been forcing onto his face before, but a real toothy grin, happy and real.
And, to Demetri, he'd never looked more beautiful.
"I admire you too," Eli began, his voice barely above a whisper, but steady and sure. "You're bold, and you say how you feel, and you don't let anyone hold you back. You could probably do anything."
"Not anything," Hawk said bluntly, almost daring to look at Demetri before deciding against it.
"Not anything," Eli agreed, sparks of understanding flickering in his eyes. "But maybe one day? We could figure it out together."
Hawk was nodding before he could even stop to consider: once again, he blindly trusted his instincts. Eli smiled, warm and delicate as stardust.
And then, it was over.
Demetri was expecting a fabulous ray of light, or an explosion, or literally anything . Instead, he blinked, and suddenly only one person was on his bed. He had bright red hair, soft and parted down the middle, surrounded by an oversized sweatshirt. Demetri didn't know if this was Eli or Hawk or someone entirely new, but the boy in front of him looked so completely, stupidly happy that he didn't care.
He didn't even process that they were hugging until a few seconds after it had started, his arms clutching at his friend's waist, tight enough to stop him falling apart.
He realised, a soft, content sigh escaping his lips, that he wanted to hold on to this boy forever.
"Hey, should I call you Eli or Hawk now?"
"Eli," he said after a moment of consideration. "I like it when you call me Eli."
Demetri nodded, staring at Eli, golden and glowing and perfect, finally embracing his flaws and his beauty and God, was it a sight to see.
Demetri had always had 20/20 vision, but, upon looking at Eli from the other side of his bed, he could swear that he had never seen clearer in his life.
--
It had been a week, and Demetri's whole body was still buzzing like he was full of bumblebees. He and Eli hadn't really talked about the whole body-split situation - Demetri decided that Eli should be the one to bring it up, and he hadn't.
He also hadn't confided in Demetri about that cryptic conversation he'd had with himself moments before Hawk and Eli were back in the same body again. And, while Demetri was trying to be respectful of his friend, he was nothing if not nosey. Still, he wasn't quite sure how to build the bridge of asking Eli.
They were walking home from the dojo together, elbows brushing against each other, the only sounds their footsteps against the cement and the occasional rush of a car. It wasn't the type of silence Eli hated, the type which made his thoughts loud and overwhelming as if to make up for the empty space around him. No, this silence was comfortable - Eli had been feeling so comfortable lately.
"So," Demetri broke through the silence built between them. "How’ve you been? We never really talked about, well, you-know-what, so…"
He trailed off, searching for a hint of anything swimming in Eli's eyes. All he could see was blue.
"You were wrong, you know," Eli began after a moment, pausing to find the right words; Demetri stayed quiet. "It wasn't about balance, I don't think. I still barely know who I am. I think it was more about accepting how messed up I am, forgiving myself from both sides, if that makes sense?"
Demetri nodded. He'd spent so much time waiting for Hawk to ask for his forgiveness that he'd never really considered the journey his friend would have to go on to forgive himself. His stomach twisted when he realised how selfish that was.
But then Eli placed a hand on his shoulder, and every knot inside him undid itself. "Hey, I'm okay. I'm figuring it out."
Demetri felt like how he assumed a cat feels when another cat wrapped their tail around his - warm and wanted and alive. Eli still looked like fire, with his hair flowing freely on either side of his cheeks, but not in the angry, dangerous sense like when he was in Cobra Kai. Now, he was looking like a sparkler, the kind Eli and Demetri would pretend were wands and would pretend to duel in Eli's garden.
The way he was looking right now, he was convincing Demetri that magic was real.
"Can we sit?" Eli asked tentatively, gesturing towards a bench (the same bench he'd sat on with himself a week before, not that Demetri knew that). "I want to tell you something."
"Sure."
The few seconds before Eli started talking would be mundane to an outside spectator: there were a few clouds blemishing the California sky, the grey, boxy buildings reaching up as if to snatch them out the sky. Demetri didn't care about the weather though - it could be throwing down freakishly large hail again, and he'd still be looking at Eli. Eli, who was facing him, sitting cross-legged on the bench, staring right back at him.
Although they'd always joked that the universe was against them, Demetri had never felt luckier.
"I just wanted to thank you," Eli finally said, blue eyes meeting Demetri's brown ones like the ocean meeting the shore. "For being there for me last week."
"Of course," Demetri replied instinctively. "You're my best friend, I'd do anything for you."
Eli's eyes flicked down for a second. "I know. You've been so patient with me, when I don't deserve it, so, uh. Yeah. Sorry, I'm shit at this."
"Nah, you're doing fine," Demetri grinned - when Eli smiled back, he felt like he was returning home after a long day.
"I want to make it up to you," Eli was still smiling as he spoke, his scar stretching outwards above his lip. "Seriously, anything you need. Least I could do."
Demetri considered for a moment: as much as he didn't want to invade his friend's privacy, his curiosity was getting the better of him, and the opportunity to ask was right in front of him. "You could tell me what it was that made you come back together? I swear you were speaking in code or whatever, but you mentioned being scared of doing something?"
Eli's fists tightened, a nervous habit he'd developed upon learning karate. "I can't do that."
"Um, what happened to 'anything you need'?"
"You're an asshole," Eli countered feebly, clearly not meaning it.
"You can trust me, Eli," Demetri's hand was on his knee, just like it had been a week before (Eli hoped this would be a regular occurrence).
"Look, I-- ugh!" Eli groaned inwardly, running a hand through his hair. "Literally anything else, dude. It's just-- I don't know how to say it."
"Just… say what's on your mind, Eli."
The boy sitting in front of Demetri wasn't the Eli he used to know - he wasn't looking down or trying to hold back tears. He wasn't Hawk either, getting angry or suppressing his vulnerabilities. This was progress, he presumed - the fact that Eli was still on the bench without running away or punching something was testament enough.
Eli placed his hand over Demetri's, solid, as if to remind himself that he was there. "You're maybe the best person I've ever met, like, nobody's ever cared about me like you do. And I hate that I hurt you; I don't want to do that to you again, ever."
"Hey, it's all water under the bridge, I did some messed up shit too--"
"That's not the point!" Eli raised his voice, his grip tightening slightly on Demetri's hand. "The point is, I want to watch Doctor Who with you and your dumb running commentary, I want to spar with you so you can finally learn some offence, I want-- I want you to want to hold my hand at a time when I'm not having a breakdown--"
Eli cut himself off, his eyes holding Demetri's in a death grip, refusing to let his nerve falter. The thoughts left his lips like they'd always been there, right under the surface, pushed down for so long that now they were all springing up at once, and it was intense and exciting and scary, like balancing halfway on a tightrope where both the start and finish was Demetri, Demetri, Demetri.
"You're an idiot, Eli Moskowitz," Demetri said with a smile as he entwined their fingers, delicate as spider legs. "And I'll always want to hold your hand."
Eli looked down to where their bodies met, his calloused, bruised knuckles contrasting against the soft, pale expanse of Demetri’s skin, how it felt like they were building houses between them. "You're so cheesy." His eyes were rolling but his heart felt so full it could burst at the seams.
When he leant forwards, Demetri met him in the middle. It was different from kissing Moon; Demetri’s lips were chapped and he couldn’t figure out where to put his hands, alternating between the sides of Eli’s face, his waist, and his hair (a personal favourite of his). Moon had always tasted like those fruity, sticky lip glosses she always wore, but Demetri just kind of tasted like mouth. But he liked it, because of who that mouth was a part of.
Eli opened his eyes slightly, just to gauge a reaction, and saw that Demetri’s eyes were open too, curious and twinkling. They chuckled into each other as they made eye contact, pulling away to breathe. Demetri wiped the side of his mouth with the sleeve of his flannel, his cheeks rosy and his smile soft. Looking at him from the other side of the bench, Eli had never felt more whole.
“So, uh…” he began awkwardly, scratching the back of his neck. “I guess we’re doing this now?”
“Yeah, looks like it,” Demetri responded giddily (dork, Eli thought affectionately). “God, this is crazy, huh?”
“I’ve always liked you, Dem’,” Eli confessed, head tucked into the crook of Demetri’s shoulder. “Even when I was at my peak insane. I was just… scared of it, I guess.”
“That’s dumb of you,” Demetri said bluntly, humour lacing his voice. “We could’ve been making out for years!”
Eli snorted, causing Demetri’s smile to expand upon his face, making him look so smug and so damn pretty. “Guess we’ve got a lot of lost time to make up for then?”
Eli smirked as he leant in again, and Demetri didn’t complain when they came together again, moving in sync like they were each other’s missing piece, reunited for the first time.