Work Text:
Good morning! Today is January 12th. It is -3 degrees outside, so bundle up! You have nothing on your schedule today.
|
☆
Good morning! Today is January 13th. It is -5 degrees outside with a 70% chance of snowfall in the afternoon. You’ve asked me to remind you to RETURN LIBRARY BOOKS.
|
☆
Good morning! Today is January 14th. It is -6 degrees outside. There is a severe weather warning for heavy snowfall this evening. You have LUNCH WITH A-QING scheduled at 12pm, and CALLIGRAPHY at 3pm.
|
☆
Good morning! Today is January 15th. It is -4 degrees outside with clear skies. You have MEDITATION scheduled at 7am, and COFFEE WITH SONG LAN at 9am.
|
☆
Good morning! Today is January 16th. It is -2 degrees outside, so stay warm! You’ve asked me to play VOICE RECORDING from April 12th. Do you want to play it now? You can also ask me to remind you later or delete.
“Play voice recording.”
Okay! Playing VOICE RECORDING.
This is so stupid. You’re probably gonna laugh at this. I can nearly hear you laughing, actually. But anyways, hey. This is, uh, Xue Yang. But you should already know that, ‘cause y’know, voice. Do I sound weird? I’ve never recorded myself. Shit’s embarrassing. I’m just—look, I’m doing this ‘cause I don’t know what else to get you for your birthday. You keep telling me not to buy you anything, but you get pouty when I don’t. You’re so difficult. Has anyone ever told you that?
God, the fuck am I gonna talk about? I didn’t plan this. Clearly. And you’re probably laughing again, ‘cause I’ve always been shit at planning. But y’know, what? I don’t think this would work if I scripted everything, ‘cause then it’ll sound fake. And that’s not me trying to make excuses—I mean, okay, whatever. Uh. Where was I even going with this? It’s going to be so stupid. But I know you’re still listening. Unless my future self officially moved in with you and chucked this device out the window. But let’s be honest, you’re probably listening to this in the morning, so my future self wouldn’t even be awake.
Your birthday’s in ten days, and if my future self isn’t giving you ten days of dick, at least you’ll have this voice message. Stop that. I know what you’re thinking. I’m not ‘bout to sex talk you through this thing. Although… nah. Let’s save that for tonight, yeah? Think I’ll just—I don’t know, talk about you? About us? For ten days. Fuck, this is too embarrassing. You better give me a good suck after this. I’m kidding. Kind of. Not really.
Uhhhhhhhh.
I know you’re laughing at me. I don’t know if I’m there with you, but I just know you’re laughing. I hate that about you, y’know that, right? You’re always laughing at—fuckin’ everything I say. It’s not even funny sometimes, but you still laugh, and I don’t know if you have a shitty sense of humor. Or if you just giggle at everything. I mean, some of the things you laugh at—what was it? Today. This morning. When you saw a cloud that looked like a toothbrush and couldn’t stop laughing for what, twenty minutes? People were looking at us ‘cause you were so loud, and then—and then you started choking on your own spit, which made me laugh and made everyone else think I was a bad boyfriend. Ha ha. But seriously. I hate you and your laugh. I hate how I can hear it so clearly in my head. Sometimes when I’m out by myself, and I think of a funny joke to tell you later, I would just—hear you.
Am I really that funny?
It’s kinda nice, knowing I can make you happy. I usually piss people off, so it’s a good change. I guess.
This is getting long. ‘Til next time. Xue Yang out.
How do you stop this—
What would you like to do with VOICE RECORDING? You can ask me to replay, save, or delete.
“Please save.”
|
☆
Good morning! Today is January 17th. It is -1 degrees outside with clear skies. You have HAPPINESS LECTURE scheduled at 6pm. You’ve also asked me to play VOICE RECORDING from May 31st. Do you want to play it now?
“Yes.”
Okay! Playing VOICE RECORDING.
So uh, you brought me to your meditation class thing today, and we kinda got kicked out. No, not kinda. We did get kicked out. But in my defense, it was your fault for laughing. Okay, so maybe I made some stupid faces at you, but still your fault for finding it funny. It wasn’t like I was trying to get out of the class. But if I’m gonna be honest with ya, I don’t think this was gonna be our ‘couples activity’ thing anyway. You know that famous video of that meditation teacher saying ‘release all the energy that’s trapped inside of you,’ and then the guy in the green fursuit started screaming? That’s how I felt. I don’t know how you’re doing this every week. I mean, now that you’re kicked out, guess you won’t be. But hey, that’s one more hour you can be spending with me doing—y’know, whatever else.
We’ll find something. Baking, kickboxing, just something more, y'know. Fun. Exciting. Maybe knife throwing? There's this place underground. Don't ask me how I know. But I swear, if we’re doing yoga by time you hear this in the future, know that I hate it. I’m definitely only going with you ‘cause otherwise you’d ask Song Lan, and y’know what? Fuck Song Lan. I know he’s your good friend and all, but he likes his coffee black, and I don’t trust a bitch who drinks bean water straight up.
I’m joking, by the way. I don’t actually hate the guy. Feel like I have to keep telling you this, ‘cause you always look so worried whenever I talk shit ‘bout him. We’ve always been this way. Honestly don’t remember the last time I said a good thing about him, aside from the comment about his nice ass which you took personally.
You have a nice ass, too. If you’re still caught up on that.
It’s kinda cute when you’re jealous. Don’t know if you realize it, but you do this pouty thing, and you look really conflicted. Like you're working through your feelings or something. You never say anything, though. There’s no shame in feeling jealous. You know that, right? I get jealous a lot. You’re—ha. You’re always hogging everyone’s attention. D’you know how that makes me feel? Seeing everyone lookin’ at ya wherever we go? It’s like I’m going out with a fuckin’ celebrity.
Guess that makes me lucky, huh?
Yeah.
I’m pretty damn lucky.
What would you like to do with VOICE RECORDING?
“Save.”
|
☆
Good morning! Today is January 18th. It is 0 degrees outside with partly cloudy skies. You have MEDITATION scheduled at 7am. You’ve also asked me to play VOICE RECORDING from July 7th. Do you want to play it now?
“Please remind me in three hours.”
Got it! I will remind you of VOICE RECORDING in three hours.
...
You’ve asked me to play VOICE RECORDING from July 7th. Do you want to play it now?
“Yes.”
Okay! Playing VOICE RECORDING.
At this point, I’m using this as some sort of journal. It’s still awkward as fuck talking to myself—well, I guess I’m talking to future you, but still weird.
Your schedule sucks. I barely got to see you this week. Should look into that teaching assistant stuff. The one at Kunshan? It has normal hours.
No point telling future you this, unless you’re still on your back to back to back schedule. It’s offensive, y’know? You saying that you can schedule me in. Makes me sound like some—I don’t know—like an acquaintance or something. ‘s not that hard to cancel plans either. I do that a lot. Have to, else we can't hang.
Right.
This was supposed to be a birthday message.
Uhhh.
Clear your schedule for the 25th, yeah? I don’t know what my future self is planning, ‘cause we both know I’m bad at planning things in advance—but clear it. I want to see you longer than a lunch break and a quickie in the alleyway. Not sayin’ I don’t want that. But I just—you get what I mean.
What would you like to do with VOICE RECORDING?
“Save.”
|
☆
Good morning! Today is January 19th. It is 2 degrees outside, so bundle up! You have TOUR AT KUNSHAN UNIVERSITY scheduled at 3pm. You’ve also asked me to play VOICE RECORDING from July 15th. Do you want to play it now?
“Yes.”
Okay! Playing VOICE RECORDING.
I know you’re up to something. It’s written all over your face. You’re so bad at lying. Has anyone told you that? I think I know what’s going on. My birthday’s in a couple of weeks. You’re the only one who remembered. Or well, the only one who cares enough to remember.
Funny, isn’t it? While I’m recording this, you’re planning mine, but when you’re listening to this, I’m probably planning yours. Still dunno what I’m gonna do, but you can bet your ass it’s gonna be memorable.
Was thinking mountains. Hiking, or something. But it might be too cold for my southern ass. You’ll keep me warm, right? Either that, or we can freeze to death together. That romantic enough for ya? Heh.
What would you like to do with VOICE RECORDING?
“Save it, please.”
|
☆
Good morning! Today is January 20th. It is -1 degrees outside, so stay warm! You have INTERVIEW WITH XINHUA scheduled at 12pm, and A-QING’S ART SHOW at 5pm. You’ve also asked me to play VOICE RECORDING 1 and VOICE RECORDING 2 from July 22nd. Do you want to play it now?
“Yes.”
Okay! Playing VOICE RECORDING 1.
So uhhhh.
Shit, I’m so fuckin’, uh. Shit, my head. Haven’t drank that much in years, and you’re just—hey. Wake up. Wakey, wakey. Xingxing. Baobeiii. Are you dead? Ah fuck, you’re dead. I’ll just deal with that tomorrow. Just don’t stink up the place, ‘kay? Wait, shit. We’re record—I’m recording. What was I about to say? Xiao AI, can you just—can you…
Xing—move your fat ass over. Hey, hey hey hey. Don’t! Bite! Me! What the fuck? Is this—am I? Ow ow ow. Xiao AI, call the hospital. I’m bleed—
End of VOICE RECORDING 1. Playing VOICE RECORDING 2.
Think ’m sober now.
Fuckin’ hell, Xingchen.
Never drinkin’ like this again. Make sure we don’t on your birthday, no matter what I say. Just remind me of this, uh, recording—voice. Thing.
Ah, shit. Bandage came off. Stupid tattoo. This was your idea. Just wanna remind you of that, 'cause for once, it wasn’t me with the bad ideas. Ow. Least it’s not something weird.
Ha ha.
It’s clever, isn’t it? 1010100. If you haven’t figured it out, it’s numbers. I mean, not numbers. Roman numerals. XXC. Get it?
Hey, move over. Move.
Fine. I’ll just sleep on top of you.
...
End of VOICE RECORDING 2. What would you—
“Increase volume and replay, please.”
...
Hey, move over.
Fine. I’ll just sleep on top of you.
Thanks, by the way. For uh. For everything. All of this. This is the first time I got a cake. Or well. First time I celebrated with someone else. So yeah, thanks.
God, ’m so lucky.
End of VOICE RECORDING 2.
“Please save both recordings.”
|
☆
Good morning! Today is January 21st. It is -2 degrees outside with a 60% chance of snowfall in the afternoon. You have MEDITATION scheduled at 7am, and LUNCH WITH BAI SHAN-LAOSHI at 11am. You’ve also asked me to play VOICE RECORDING from August 20th. Do you want to play it now?
“Yes.”
Okay! Playing VOICE RECORDING.
I know this is supposed to be a birthday message, but I—fuck, okay. I can’t—I don’t know. It feels weird saying this to you. Or at least, saying it to your face. I—uh, shit. How do I even—where do I start? It’s just. These past few days. Or well, it’s been a thing for weeks but… Okay. Y’know how you’re always telling me to talk about how I feel? This is me telling you how I feel. Sort of. I’m not good with words. You know that. But I’m trying. Trying that, but also trying not to chase you off.
Can’t help it. You know what I went through. I just—I just don’t want to—okay. Okay. I fucked up. Big time. I knew you weren’t ready.
It’s—fine. Not really. Not fine. Okay. Wanna hear what I think? I can’t take all this ‘just a friend’ bullshit, ‘cause it makes it sound like you’re still on the market when you’re not. You don’t get it, ‘cause you don’t have to deal with it, but I have to every time we go out. You’re too fuckin’ nice. People think you’re flirting with them, and you—you took that bitch’s number? Just to be polite? It’s not like she’s going to get depressed because you rejected her. You said it’s because you want to be considerate of her feelings or whatever. What about mine, then? Just ‘cause I don’t get depressed over these things, doesn’t mean—
Ha ha.
Breathing exercises.
Your stupid meditation class taught me that. Actually works.
Funny you still go to the same one. Y’know, after we got kicked out that one time.
Dunno what else to say. I mean, I do. But I also know that you don't want to hear any of it, so guess I'll spare your future self the details. ’s not like you're gonna forget, anyway. August 20th? Ring any bell?
It's just—
You’re the first person that I truly—
I don’t want anyone else to look at you how I look at you. That’s all.
What would you like to do with VOICE RECORDING?
“Sa... Please delete.”
|
☆
Good morning! Today is January 22nd. It is -3 degrees outside. You’ve asked me to play VOICE RECORDING from September 9th. Do you want to play it now?
“Yes.”
Okay! Playing VOICE RECORDING.
This is the second night you’re staying over at Song Lan’s. Bed’s been cold. Hope our future selves are listening to this and laughing at how stupid we are. Were.
Actually haven’t heard it in a while. Your laugh, that is. I know you've been stressed about us.
It’s three days ‘til your birthday, yeah? Did you clear your schedule like I told you to? I have an idea of what I wanna do for ya. You’ll like it.
What would you like to do with VOICE RECORDING?
“Please delete it.”
|
☆
Good morning! Today is January 23rd. It is -5 degrees outside. There is a severe weather warning for a snowstorm this evening. You have CALLIGRAPHY scheduled at 3pm. You’ve also asked me to play VOICE RECORDING from September 22nd. Do you want to play it now?
“Please remind me later.”
Got it! I will remind you of VOICE RECORDING at a later time.
...
You’ve asked me to play VOICE RECORDING from September 22nd. Do you want to play it now?
“Later.”
Got it! I will remind you of VOICE RECORDING at a later time.
…
You’ve asked me to play VOICE RECORDING from September 22nd. Do you want to play it now?
“Yes.”
Okay! Playing VOICE RECORDING.
Wanna hear a theory? I think you’re faking your stupidity. No, wait. I know you’re faking it, ‘cause no way you’re that dense. I’m onto you, Xingchen. You can’t fool me. I’ve been fooled a lot throughout my life, so I know what ‘fake’ looks like. You don’t have to pretend to be a good person around me, y’know. I’m not gonna leave just ‘cause there’s conflict, so just fuckin’ talk to me—
“Stop. Delete the recording.”
|
☆
Good morning! Today is January 24th. It is -4 degrees outside with partly cloudy skies. You have MEDITATION scheduled at 7am, and COFFEE WITH SONG LAN at 9am. You’ve also asked me to play VOICE RECORDING from September 30th. Do you want to play it now?
“No. Please delete it.”
Got it! VOICE RECORDING has been deleted.
|
☆
Today is January 25th. Happy Birthday! You’ve asked me to play VOICE RECORDING from October 2nd. Do you want to play it now?
“Yes.”
Okay! Playing VOICE RECORDING.
I’m sorry.
Happy Birthday, though.
…
What would you like to do with VOICE RECORDING?
“Increase volume and replay.”
I’m sorry.
Happy Birthday, though.
I’ll miss you.
What would you—
“Replay.”
...
I’ll miss you.
“Replay.”
...
I’ll miss you.
“Replay.”
...
I’ll miss you.
“Save to keep forever.”
Got it! VOICE RECORDING from October 2nd saved to folder KEEP FOREVER.
“Xiao AI.”
Hello, how can I assist you?
“Please call Xue Yang.”
Got it! Calling XINGAN 心肝 YANGYANG.