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Stupid fucking idiot Yuuji.
All she wanted to do is run back to her room to get her hammer and hit him in that potato head so hard the dumb, cheeky grin on his face turns into a grimace of pain as apologies escape his mouth.
Itadori sat right in front of Kugisaki, both situated on the floor with that bottle, that cursed bottle between them.
Why did she agree to do it? She could have suspected how a game of spin the bottle with those jerks can go. More so, that jerk. Megumi, after all, was only accompanying them, dozing off on the mattress, letting Itadori spin the bottle for him and mumbling his questions and answers. Nobara couldn’t blame him.
The one to blame opened his mouth to speak, “So? Are you going to answer or can I take a point already?” He smiled even wider, revealing his teeth and in that split second she wanted to knock them out.
The rules of the ill-fated game were simple. You spin the bottle and ask whoever it lands on a question. They can either honestly answer or keep quiet, thus making you gain a point. At this point, both Nobara and Yuuji were at the score of seventeen points and she just couldn’t let him win, she had to answer.
“Not so quick, dumbass.”
It was all fun up to until a moment ago, when Itadori put a finger on his chin and pushed his peanut-sized brain to make up a question that will corner his friend. And as it turned out, he hit the mark, asking Kugisaki, “Do you have a crush on anyone? If so, who is it?”
“But we have to set a condition,” she raised her index finger in the air, her tone deadly serious, regardless of Yuujii’s chuckle, “If any of you spills the beans, don’t be surprised when you feel a sudden blast of cursed energy while you’re sleeping.”
Itadori folded his hands and laid back, leaning his head on the desk’s leg. His eyes, still laid on his friend, narrowed, as if he was considering a deal of his lifetime, “Sure,” the answer came out in a murmur, “That’s not gonna happen, but if it does, you can tear my Jennifer Lawrence poster apart.”
A shocked gasp spilled out of her mouth as she gathered the right words, “Fine. There is someone I like.”
The few beats of silence after those words anticipated the weight of the confession. The girl locked her eyes with a crack on the wood flooring.
“It’s Maki.”
“Shut up,” Yuuji let out the loudest gasp, and even Megumi opened his eyes in shock. Nobara sighed wearily, as Yuuji struggled to find the right words, “I– I didn’t– I wouldn’t have thought. I had no idea you liked girls.”
“It’s not like it’s a bad thing,” Megumi clarified seeing the troubled look on his friend’s face.
“Of course not!”
“Chill out, I know,” the way Yuuji and Megumi acted towards each other made her mentally cross out the option that they might be straight, so the thought of them not accepting her didn’t even come up in her head, “It’s just that I don’t know what to do.”
Her friends looked at her, dumbfounded. Why did she choose to play spin the bottle with them in the first place?
–
Fortunately, the topic hadn’t came up for a while, and for a while Nobara was too busy to even ponder about it. The first year students have been training extra hard for some task Gojo mentioned once and found it a good excuse to give them a hard time, so when they finally got a longer break and approached the older students, a look of surprise appeared on their faces.
“Gojo-sensei let you out early?” Panda exclaimed, getting up from his seat.
“Yeah, finally,” fixing her uniform and tucking her fiery hair behind her ears, Kugisaki let out a prolonged sigh.
Suddenly, she crossed her eyes with Maki, who has been staring at her for a while now. Nobara hoped a shade of faded red isn’t creeping up her face, but obviously, she was wrong. The one staring got up and stood right in front of her. The younger girl kept forgetting how much taller she was, and couldn’t help the fluster when she looked down at her like that. Her heart skipped when she felt the warm, gentle touch of her hand on her forehead.
“You’re hurt,” it sounded like a statement more than expressing her worry, but knowing Maki, the other understood.
At the thought of her being worried, she couldn’t help but stutter, “Um, yeah, nothing serious, I just fell over.”
As she took a closer look of the wound, Nobara took a closer look of her face. Studied it, as if she was watching a painting in a gallery. However, the furrowed brow, narrowed eyes with the intense stare and the emerald-like sparkle, slightly parted lips with one of the corners curved in concern, made her more breathtaking than any precious work of art. Beyond that, the fact that she was staring with worry at Nobara’s face specifically made her feel a fluttering sensation in her stomach.
“It’s really nothing, you don’t have to–“
“Oh, I’m just checking,” Maki cut her off, taking her palm off her face and letting it fall against her side.
Silence fell between the two of them, the kind of silence that felt as if it was stinging your ears, so uncomfortable that it gave a sudden urge to speak.
Nobara opened her mouth, but only a ghost of a sentence crossed her lips as Toge spoke, “Kelp,” and jerked his head towards Maki.
“Right, we have to go,” Kugisaki felt her breath on her face before she turned away, “See you later, then.”
The three strolled away from their friends, leaving Nobara with a stunned expression and Yuuji and Megumi with their gaze focused on her.
“What?” she finally snapped out of her state.
Itadori’s grin spread over his face, “Man, how have I not noticed it earlier? You’re head over heels over her,” Nobara shot him a thunderous glance, “Bastard!”
“Yeah, your behavior makes a lot more sense now,” Megumi added, shrugging, and fixing the stray raven hair that fell on his face.
“And you, Fushiguro, against me?”, she yelled out, pointing a finger.
Their gaze crossed and after a moment of silence, the three burst into laughter.
–
The evening was so quiet the only sound in the air was the muffled chatter coming from the dining room. The smell of soy sauce and fried noodles floated over the kitchen as Nobara was finishing preparing her tea. As the steam from the cup hit her face, she remembered the feeling of her friend’s breath on her face and dwelled on that memory, since it was the closest she could get to what she wanted, deep down in her heart. Letting her mind wander, she wanted much more, but she was helpless, all she could do was rethink those memories and hope that one day, a miraculous spark of courage lights up inside of her.
The warmth of the teacup and the plate in her hands was pleasant on this freezing day. Turning on her heel, she made her way to the dining table.
“Kugisaki!” Itadori yelled, mouth filled with food, as soon as she stepped in the room, “We need to talk.”
“Yeah, what do you want?” the chair squeaked as she slid it across the floor and sat down, stirring her dinner.
“Let’s face it,” the boy gestured, unfolding his hands, “You really like her.”
Hoping she could have another day without discussing it, Nobara let out a sigh, “God, you’re really a one-trick pony.”
“But the thing is,” he seemed to completely disregard her comment, “You should give it a shot! She probably likes you too.”
“What?” Nobara scoffed, an amused look crossing her face, “What the hell are you talking about?”
“Fushiguro, don’t you agree?”
“Well, I’m not really the one to know,” Megumi looked up at them, picking up a napkin to wipe his face with, “I’m not very good at feelings, romantic attraction, and all that stuff.”
“Oh trust me, I noticed,” Itadori blurted out, leaving Megumi with a puzzled look on his face, “But seriously! She cares about your opinion, asks you for advice, always laughs at your jokes, even though they’re terrible –”
“Hey!”
“My point is,” Itadori continued, unimpressed, “She cares about you.”
“But she cares about you too! And Inumaki, and Panda–”
“But in a different way,” he cut her off in a frustrated voice, “It’s obvious.”
Rolling the cup around in her hands, a groan escapes her mouth, “I don’t know.”
Did they really mean that? How could she be sure if it wasn’t just platonic? Her feelings were hard to conceal, but Maki probably only saw her as a friend, moreover, what if she would be uncomfortable with the fact that Nobara, a girl, likes her? There was too many scenarios that could possibly happen and she couldn’t put her friendship at stake just because of some petty crush. The feelings will probably eventually go away, hopefully.
–
The cold breeze flew through the path, making the leaves of the surrounding trees tremble and struck the three heads following the route. Quiet footsteps led to a grassy glade encircled with bushes of various shapes, sizes and shades of green. The rustle of the leaves and grass paired with unsteady breathing formed the background noise of the mission the three students have been on.
However, it wasn’t just the three of them alone, they were only executing the order to split up. Walking carefully in single file, starting with Maki, they kept on meticulously observing their surroundings, until she has risen her palm, signaling them to stop.
Sighing in relief, in a whisper just a little bit louder than the sound of the wind, she spoke, “I think they’re gone,” a side eye stare at Itadori, whose head nodded slowly, and she stepped onto the glade, leaning the heel of her heavy boot on the nearby rock and laying her fierce eyes on her spear.
Yuuji took a few steps forward and felt a gust as Nobara moved from behind him to the stone and plopped down on it, exhaling. Her brain was filled with static, the adrenaline coming from chasing the enemy just moments ago flowing through her veins took a toll on it, lighting up a spark of courage, “New hairstyle,” she blurted out.
“What?”, she mumbled, baffled, as she took her eyes off the spear and looked down at Kugisaki, “Ah, yes, I couldn’t find my hair tie. Must have got lost somewhere in my room.”
Nobara kept her gaze fixated on her, mind still too foggy to think about what she just said or even to notice the blush on Maki’s face, so the attempt at hiding it by focusing on the weapon again was pointless.
“You’ve noticed.”
Of course she did. Ever since morning, when she made her way to the training field and made out the two figures in the distance, noticing something unusual, that something being the lengthy waves of almost black hair, her thoughts kept spiraling around them. Occasionally, around the idea of running her hands through them, but that was a fact Nobara wouldn’t admit to anyone.
Her stutter made known of her sudden drop of confidence, “Uh, it suits you,” her eyes fell down to the ground, and rose back up, “You look really nice with your hair down.”
A hint of a smile appeared on Maki’s face, and Nobara thought it’s the best sight she had seen this day, well, this week even. Maki eyed her face, laying her eyes on hers, sparkling like two ambers in the scorching sun.
“Thank you,” as her smirk got even wider, Kugisaki’s face flushed. For a moment, Zenin immersed herself in the thought of how adorable she looks.
Maki had never been good with feelings, she just never gave it much thought, but suddenly, seeing Nobara’s face light up, or her eyebrows furrow in complete focus on the combat, the thoughts started chasing her themselves. Still unable to grasp them, she chose to dispose of them until they piled up somewhere in the back of her head and would come back in the brief moments when it was just the two of them, sharing an appreciative glance or an admiring smile.
The moment got cut off by Yuuji’s gasp, “I think I saw them there,” he pointed to a gap in the dense bushes as the other two turned their heads, “Let’s go, lesbians!”
A shiver ran down Nobara’s back. She and Maki shot each other a dumbfounded glare, but there was no time to give it much thought, so they just laughed it off and rushed, following their friend.
–
The days got even shorter, as dusk dwelled on the sky in the early evening and with that, everyone naturally had become tired even earlier. The teachers didn’t mind them crashing on the couch and napping in the common room until late at night. The key was to wake up early enough before Gojo comes by, notices you sleeping and decides to clap his hands right in your face or shake your shoulders until you wake up. He honestly thought the look of frustration on his student’s faces when he woke them up was absolutely hilarious.
On one of those afternoons blurring into evenings, they were sprawled against the sofa once again and engaged in lively conversation.
“What I’m saying is,” Panda’s voice blasted through the room, “You can technically eat any living organism, if you’re brave enough, of course.”
“But there are like,” Itadori seemed to be concentrating every one of his brain cells on the topic, “Poisonous plants. And frogs! Those funky colored frogs, the blue ones for example, are extra toxic.”
“Itadori, you wouldn’t even eat a regular frog,” Maki chuckled at the comment.
“Is that so?” the boy exclaimed, offended, “The French eat frogs’ legs, did you know that, Fushiguro?”
Hearing the excited voice, Nobara entered the room and the first thing that caught her eye was its owner, laying stretched out on the couch with his head situated in Megumi’s lap. The latter had been sitting with his elbows on the backrest, looking at the one below. It wasn’t the cold, collected stare Megumi always had, he was observing Yuuji with a softness in his eyes as he explained him the phenomena of French cuisine.
“Aren’t you a little too comfortable?” a question directed at Itadori came out of Kugisaki’s mouth as she laid back on the sofa between him and Maki.
“What?” Yuuji scrunched his face, turning his head towards her.
“Nothing, don’t mind me,” she let out a sigh and everyone who didn’t know Nobara would accept this answer. Except they did know her, so naturally they expected another comment, “Lovebirds.”
Yuuji rose up from his position, propping up on his elbows and eyeing her with a thrown off guard look on his face, “Huh, lovebirds?” Megumi was glad Itadori didn’t look back at him, otherwise he would spot the awful flush on his cheeks, “We’re comfortable with each other, that’s it,” he continued, “And you, you’re jealous.”
“Whatever,” Nobara answered, rolling her eyes at his unnecessary reaction.
Next thing she knew, Maki shifted her weight to the side and she felt her head falling into her lap. Kugisaki was panicking internally, her eyes got wide as she murmured, “Maki-san, what are you doing?”
The one laying down felt a wave of regret flood her head and her immediate reaction was to lift it up, “I thought you were jealous,” what stopped her was Nobara’s hand on her shoulder. She didn’t even realize it was there, “Sorry.”
“No, it’s fine,” she blurted out, feeling her head falling back onto her lap, “I just… didn’t expect that, I guess.”
Kugisaki relaxed into the weight on her legs. She couldn’t believe this was happening, moreover, the fact that this was initiated by Maki. Immersed in a conversation with the others, she didn’t realize that her hand has been fiddling with the dark hair on her lap. Yet, Maki did, looking up and smiling at her gently. In this moment, she realized what exactly the unspoken tension between her and her friend was. God, she adored Nobara so much at that point, the sensation of the delicate, neat hand stroking her head, getting the strands of hair out of her face, the comfort of it felt as if it was suffocating her, in a soothing, pleasant way.
–
Outside the window of Nobara’s bedroom, it rained mercilessly. She could only imagine how cold it must have been outside, as the gusts of chilling wind made the trees almost bend over.
The bathroom was probably the most quiet spot of the room. The next door neighbour couldn’t be heard from behind the wall, there was no echo of the noise of feet shuffling through the corridor.
After a long, well-deserved shower she studied her own reflection in the mirror, trying to get hold of the thoughts thumping in her head.
It’s been a few days since she has last seen Maki. A week, maybe. The clear voice of common sense in her head told her it was nothing to worry about, maybe she has just been busy and didn’t have time to hang out. Yet, the other, burdensome one kept on repeating “She’s avoiding you.”
Perhaps that was the case. After all, Maki didn’t owe her anything, and that foolish hope that maybe she reciprocated a fraction of what she felt towards her was just the figment of her hungry brain. The memory of the feeling of her head lying down, so inconceivably close to her relapsed. Somehow, the weight of Maki’s head in her lap felt so right, as if it belonged there and she couldn’t be complete until she decided to get this close once again.
She probably won’t feel complete in a long time, given she will feel complete at all.
Heavy raindrops rumbled against Maki’s window and she was stuck, staring at the ceiling, her mind going around in circles. Each and every one of them returned to Nobara and the damned question, how was she supposed to admit her feelings? In this tempo, they could circle around each other for months, or even longer, but that thought was too much for Maki to stand. Taking action always came so easy for her, whether that was with fighting or solving everyday problems, so why did a girl with the eyes made of ambers and the hands of pure silk make it so hard?
In the recent days, she couldn’t even face her, couldn’t look her in the eyes because the weight of the nights when she was lying in her bed and wondering how Nobara’s hands would feel on her face, her hands, her waist and many other spots was too much for her to handle. Ever since the mission when she commented on her hair and Itadori let out the ambiguous yell the thoughts have been getting more intrusive. As much as she hated to admit it, she has been so distracted it felt like a physical weight on her shoulders.
Halfway through brushing her teeth, Nobara got an idea. Pointing her toothbrush at the mirror, she began, “Hey, Maki,” then frowned and started over, “Hey, Maki-san. You know, I have so much respect for you, and I just appreciate you being my friend a lot,” her voice started to crack a little, “So, I’m really sorry if it makes you uncomfortable, seriously, I–“ a sharp exhale escaped her nostrils, “I’ve been thinking about it, like a lot lately. About you. About us,” she groaned at how horribly it sounded, “Anyway, you know what, I just,” a few beats of silence, “I’ve been starting to notice how I feel around you, and it’s different. It’s different than how you’re supposed to feel around your friends... Damn, I sound like an idiot.”
Looking back at the mirror, the only thing she saw was the pained expression crossing her face. A grunt filled the air and her hand slammed on the edge of the sink.
“Maki-san, I think I’m in love with you.”
Maki searched through her drawer for a pen, with a notebook already in her hand. It was worn out, the first pages looked like they’ve been through a lot and that was a fact. The diary gifted to her by her grandmother had entries dating back to when Maki was barely ten years old, the latest page marked with the date of her sixteenth birthday. That stupid old notebook was the only outlet for her emotions, so when everything felt like it was too much to handle, she wrote an honest page or two. This was exactly the way she felt now, when she mumbled to herself, writing down.
“Dear Nobara,”
She crossed it out with a firm stroke.
“To Nobara,
Warning, this is going to sound so stupid you will probably never talk to me again. Who am I kidding, you will never see this. Or maybe. Ugh back to the point.
You’re actually kind of really important to me.”
Maki felt herself scowl.
“I care about you. And I know you would say something like, of course you do, we’re friends, but the thing is it’s not that simple. You know, I never really thought much about like feelings, love and stuff like that. Had more important things on my mind. But when I’m with you all of those important things don’t really matter.”
The last sentence crossed out.
“But because of you I do actually think about it.”
Another crossed out sentence and a shake of her head in sheer frustration.
“Jesus christ. If you had only seen how I’m struggling to write this you would laugh at me so hard.”
She chuckled to herself.
“And I wouldn’t mind, you know why? Cause I’m kinda in love with you, I guess.”
The pen in her hand seemed to weigh much more than it used to. With a swift motion, she closed the notebook and put it back in the drawer.
–
At this point, the branches of the trees around their training field were almost bare, most of the leaves making up a multicolor carpet spread through the ground, the air was too cold to let them be outside in their uniforms only. This signalized only one thing – the end of autumn, their last opportunity to sit around on the field without a sudden urge to go back inside because it’s so damn cold. The last day of fall aligned perfectly with the day the teachers finally let them have a longer break. Relaxing in the fiery scattered leaves, a single worry didn’t cross their mind.
Well, except for Nobara. Sitting uneasy and fidgeting with the end of her woolen scarf, she was worrying again. The classes were over and all of them, with the exception of Maki, have been together. She couldn’t find a single excuse why wasn’t she here, perhaps she was really avoiding her. The conversation was a nice distraction, a background noise to her annoying thoughts.
“But I’m a great fighter,” Yuuji scowled, flapping his hand right in front of his chest. Even in this moment, he managed to make Kugisaki smile with his over the top attitude and idiosyncrasies.
“Oh, sure,” an honest chuckle from her filled the air.
“I would argue on that,” Panda jerked his head to the side with amusement in his voice.
Itadori shrugged, confidence on his face as he laid back against a tree, “You can’t,” a smirk appeared on his face, “It’s a fact, you can’t argue on it.”
“A fact?”
“Yeah, just like,” his face was pulled in a scrunch in the moment of silence, “Gojo-sensei is the most powerful sorcerer, Megumi spends too much time on his hair, Nobara is crazy over Maki–”
He could feel Nobara’s petrifying gaze on him as Toge spoke, “Mustard leaf.”
As he looked back, all of his worst suspicions turned out to be true, “Oh shit,” Maki was standing right behind him, taken aback with eyes wide open. Yuuji felt as if he was about to faint any second.
The guilt overwhelmed him, as Nobara shot him a furious gaze. The look on her face was a look Itadori never wanted to see, it was unclear to him whether she was about to break down and cry or punch him until his nose breaks. Maybe both.
“Yuuji!” crying out, her fists clenched so hard her knuckles turned a bright shade of white and her nails started stinging her palms.
Itadori looked absolutely horrified, as he started blurting out genuine apologies, but Kugisaki only gritted her teeth, got a final glimpse of Maki and rushed to run away.
This couldn’t be happening, maybe it was just some horrible nightmare she would wake up from. She couldn’t believe it. Stupid fucking idiot Yuuji. Why was she foolish enough to even tell him about it, she could have suspected something like that would happen. But he has never let her down like that, of course, he was an idiot, but he never made her blood boil and hot tears stream down her cheeks like that. The feeling of humiliation struck her when she was entering her room, a nauseous sensation inside her gut made her think she will never leave that room again. Collapsing on the bad, what let out of her mouth was a half-sob, half-scream, but no sound could express how dreadfully miserable she felt.
All of a sudden, a knock broke her out of her thoughts and she yelled out at the top of her lungs, “Itadori, don’t even bother!”
Silence behind the door, then a quiet creak. Kugisaki was shaking in rage, “I said something!”
Instantly turning her head, she quickly caught sight of the figure in the doorway and it definitely wasn’t Itadori.
Nobara and Maki shared a painfully long stare and the weight of the silence between them felt like the weight of the whole world crashing down on the both of them.
“Hey,” Maki’s voice so gentle it was almost a whisper until it broke out into a much louder sound as her eyebrows furrowed, “Hey, were you crying?”
“No,” Nobara’s first instinct was to turn her head, but what stopped her was the hand on her cheek.
The silence braced them for what is about to come and Maki wished she had the guts to sit down on the bed next to her and hug her until no words are necessary. But she hadn’t, she just stood there.
Just like she stood there on the field a few moments ago, when the words from Yuuji made her so paralyzed she couldn’t even start chasing Nobara, she could only watch her crumble and run away. If she could, she would run after her in an instant.
“I’m so sorry.”
“Nobara–”
“No, I’m so fucking sorry,” choking back her tears, she decided to finally speak, “It’s true,” she couldn’t help but look down at the floor, “I fucked up. God, I fucked up a perfectly good friendship,” a state of panic flooded her body and her words slurred, “I didn’t mean to, I have so much respect for you I swear–”
Looking back at Maki, she broke off in the middle of the sentence. A smirk on her lips. Nobara was really doomed. This is how her precious relationship, racing so quickly recently, came to an end. This is how the fate of her first true love laid in the lean hands of the smirking woman, waiting to be crushed.
“God, Nobara, I thought it was obvious,” the calm words resonated through her room and echoed in her head and she had no idea what they meant.
As she was waiting for doom, the quiet, “What?” spilled out of her mouth.
Maki has always looked beautiful but in this moment Kugisaki thought the softest look on her face was so contrasting with her own state, like the most heavenly sight before she enters actual heaven, the weight of the words she was about to speak killing her.
“I’m– how did Yuuji say it… crazy over you too.”
The weight of the words didn’t kill her. It fell down on her but it wasn’t her doom, more of a saving grace. Maki had the most astounding smile she has ever seen and she could swear this is exactly what heaven looked like, except she wasn’t there. Instead, she felt like she was at home. Paralyzed in shock, but at home and she finally knew that the godly creature in front of her felt the same way and it made her want to scream in joy but she couldn’t mutter a single word.
She whispered instead, “So, what am I supposed to do now?”
The one in front of her frowned and just now had she realized how close she actually was, “I don’t know,” her voice was also a whisper, such a pleasant whisper in Nobara’s ear, “Kiss me?”
And before Nobara could form a single word, her eyes were already closed and her lips met Maki’s in a swift motion that she couldn’t even stop and she didn’t want to stop, so she relished in the way they moved so close, almost as if they were one. The perspective of kissing Maki had come up in her imagination so many times but none of those times could make her feel so complete, so at home as this. To think that she felt the same way.
Indeed she did, as she gasped for air, unable to wrap her head around the fact that she was, in fact, kissing Nobara and it wasn’t a dream and she wanted it too. She felt like winter had passed, it was the first day of spring and they could blossom together. Except they loved each other, and weren’t going to wither anytime soon.
Pulling away, Kugisaki let out a stifled chuckle, with her hands still on Maki’s cheeks, her eyes on her hazel irises gleaming with something that seemed like happiness and the feeling was mutual.
“You know what,” Maki spoke, stroking the side of her neck, “I think you should go talk to Itadori. He’s scared shitless.”
The amber eyes squinted, “And what should I tell him?”
“I don’t know,” she spoke, placing a kiss on her forehead, “Thank him for asking a girl out for you.”
“Hey!” and they laughed together, with their fingers interlocked.