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Reiki: Noun. A healing technique based on the principle that energy can be channeled into a patient by means of touch, to activate the natural healing processes of the patient's body and restore physical and emotional well-being.
Or, if spelled Reki, one sparkling, exuberant skater boy.
Langa wasn’t quite sure was going on, or how things got like this in the first place. Last week he was functioning just fine but now, he could barely get out of bed. Nothing was interesting to him anymore, not even the thought of skating with Reki which is something that has been keeping him going ever since him and his mother moved to Okinawa. But now the only thing he can think about is this emptiness in his heart, one that he had no clue where it came from. He just wanted for it to go away.
His mother worried. For the past few days, she would pass by his room and peek her head in, trying to have some small conversations. If there was anyone who truly knew what was going on it was her, as she always had been by his side whenever this would happen. It was pleasant company, even though Langa didn’t exactly feel like talking to anyone much. In fact, he accidentally let his phone die so besides his mother he had contact with no one at all. Not that a whole lot of people really cared, Reki was the only person he talked to consistently anyways.
It hurt him to know that Reki was probably wondering what happened to him. Or maybe he forgot that he existed. That would probably be for the best anyways. Besides, skating was Reki’s thing, and Reki’s life. The thing he was most passionate about. Langa was a fool to think that he could share the same love, or that he could fully connect with Reki. He was terrible at communicating with people after all. That was one of the major reasons he was alright with moving away from Canada in the first place. There was no one to tie him there, and Canada without his father made him feel so, so alone.
The depression always has happened this way, ever since his dad died. It came in the most extreme waves. Back in Canada it was worse, with the constant feeling of suffocating practically every day. It was as if one day he was allowed to breathe before it all started up again the next. Over time it didn’t happen as frequently so he thought he was getting over it, but time and time again he learned that it was hopeless to think he would completely be okay like before. No matter how much therapy he went through in Canada, he always struggled with coping when things got this bad. Langa was never a crier which left his emotions to pool up without release. Usually it didn’t get this bad, though.
The sun was peeking through the windows, but Langa hadn’t moved an inch off of his bed. In fact, he was burying himself under the blankets trying to get back to sleep. His mother had made him some lunch before leaving to run some errands which he had not eaten due to a lack of appetite. It may seem a bit odd but being alone gave Langa a bit of solace for a change. When alone there is no one present to directly worry about him. He can just work on pulling himself together in his own time. He was just too tired and too dejected to attempt to do so today. That would be tomorrow’s job.
Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. That was odd, his mother should not have been back from the store yet and as far as he knew she wasn’t expecting any visitors. His plan was to ignore it and go back to sleep but it seemed like whoever was on the other side of the door had other plans. They were clearly determined, pounding on the door to no end. With a huff, Langa figured that it was important and dragged himself to the door, preparing himself for any interaction coming his way. If need be, he could just ask the person to come back later, as his mom was out and she was probably the one that they were looking for.
What he wasn’t expecting, was to be met with bright red hair as soon as the door swung open. Sure enough, standing in front of him was none other than Reki. A typical grin was spread across his face. “Langa! Hey!”
“R-Reki?” Langa gasped, taken aback by his sudden appearance at his house. “Is this... Are you real?”
“Of course I’m real! Langaaaa.” Reki puffed out his cheeks. “I came to bring you your homework. The teacher said you weren’t feeling well and... I offered to bring it.”
“Oh...”
There was a brief silence between the both of them. It was obvious that Reki didn’t quite know what to say, and Langa didn’t quite know what to say either. Besides, if Reki had no other business here, then why was he still standing there? Why did he even bother coming? Langa could have just grabbed all of his missed work when he came back to school. After all, it’s not like they’ve known each other forever. Even if their friendship developed very quickly, Langa didn’t quite know where the two of them stood with each other. He waited long enough until the silence got slightly uncomfortable, and then he moved to close the door.
“Well... Thank you. I’ll see you around I guess.”
As he started to close the door, Reki stopped it.
“Langa, are you okay?”
No. Not at all.
“I-it’s just... You haven’t been at school and I’ve been worried. It’s lonely without you.”
Langa wanted to form words, but he just couldn’t. He wished he could say something, anything to lie to Reki, to tell him he’s ok because he will be whenever this hard time passes. But instead he just said nothing. He just let his red-haired friend stand there with a look of concern on his face as he struggled yet again to face his emotions head on.
But instead of giving up and leaving, Reki leaned forward. His amber eyes showed concern but that quickly changed once he shook his head. “You know what? Let’s go to the skate park!”
There was a great deal of hesitation arising in Langa’s gut. Just the thought of leaving the house was a bit overwhelming at the moment but there was no way he could tell the other that. The sparkle in Reki’s eyes made him cave in a bit, despite his strong desire to stay inside the house. “... Sure. Just let me get dressed first.”
Instead of putting on the usual white t-shirt and dark blue button up, Langa decided to just throw on a hoodie and sweatpants. If he was going to feel immensely uncomfortable leaving the house, he might as well wear the most comfortable clothes he owns. A sigh escaped his mouth. This is all for Reki, he told himself. He owed him for being gone from school, for bringing his homework, and for his phone being dead for the entirety of when he wasn’t showing up anywhere. Thinking of that reminded him of his dead phone, which he grabbed to plug in before exiting his bedroom.
As soon as he returned to the front door, he was greeted once again by the excited Reki. Almost immediately after he stepped outside his apartment, Reki grabbed his hand, leading Langa onto their destination with his skateboard in the other hand. As they moved on their way he was told about all of the trouble his friend had caused skateboarding around school while he’s been gone. It was nice to be in the company of someone who isn’t expecting him to say anything in return. Especially because talking wasn’t something he really felt like doing. In a way it made a feeling of guilt rise up in Langa’s stomach for leaving Reki behind even if that wasn’t his intention.
But yet, Reki didn’t seem bothered at all. He didn’t criticize Langa for being absent or not getting back to him. If there’s anything that he did best, it was to radiate warmth to all those around them. Maybe that’s why it was so easy to become close to him. Maybe that’s why Langa felt slightly more at ease just by holding his hand.
Once they arrived at the skate park, Reki let go. For some reason a bit of disappointment flowed through Langa. A part of him wished that the two of them could have just taken a short walk together but it’s a skate park, and of course the other clearly had different plans in mind. He wanted to skate. So Langa just stood by and watched having not brought his own board. It’s all fine anyways, Langa didn’t quite feel up to skating. He was content with just being the audience for today.
Langa might have been the one to shock the skating world with his sudden appearance in “S”, but it was Reki who really shone on a skateboard. All of the dedication and hard work lead to one talented skater. It was very admirable how many times he would get up and try again even when he would fall, just so he could work on nailing every technique he could. Sometimes when he makes the simplest mistake on the board, Langa just wants to give up. But Reki keeps on encouraging him, telling him that it’s alright, he just made a mistake, and that there’s always room to improve. Maybe that’s why Langa gained some of the motivation to continue in the first place. Reki is like the sun, bright, shining, warm. The complete opposite of Langa. Perhaps that’s why things just seemed to work between the two of them.
Langa was a bit lost in his thoughts that he didn’t even notice that Reki had stopped right in front of him. “Hey, Langa.” He started, cocking his head to the side. “Everything alright?”
“No, it’s all good.” Langa found it in himself to say, with a sigh. “Are you all done?”
“I think you should take a ride!”
“Reki I don’t think...” Before he could finish his sentence, his friend was already eagerly offering his board, wide-eyed with that wide grin on his face. There was no way he was going to get out of this is there? Langa let out another sigh. “Ok fine, but just for a bit.”
Reki let out a tiny noise in victory as Langa gently took the skateboard from his hands. The skateboard was a bit smaller than he’s used to, but it still moved along the pavement much like his did. Kicking off, the board started to move slowly. He figured that he would just skate around the ramps a couple of times and just call it a day, but the more momentum he gained the more he felt an increased desire to skate. It just felt so free. The wind blowing around him, the cool air on his face, there’s nothing more exhilarating than this feeling. Langa couldn’t believe he could ever forget such a thing. It was as if he didn’t feel as heavy and weighed down by nothing anymore. The exhaustion was still there, but right now he felt as if everything will somehow be ok.
He didn’t know how much time had passed while on the skateboard. The sun had begun to set making the sky look like Reki’s bright, amber eyes. There was always time to skate, but there’s not nearly enough time to be close to Reki, to talk to him and be by his side. Stumbling off of the skateboard, Langa immediately fell into Reki, giving him a tight hug. The red head tensed up a bit in surprise and hesitated before making the decision to wrap his arms around Langa in return. He didn’t question anything, even as Langa laid his head in the crook of Reki’s neck. It just felt so good to be able to feel something again, even for just a little while.
Usually the casual touch or hug was Reki’s thing. He was the one to leap onto Langa, to squeeze his cheeks, or grab his hand to lead him places. Langa never was one to initiate small touches not even at home. To be honest, the only other people in the past to show him love in that way was his mom and dad, but it’s been a very, very long time since even his mother hugged him. But the gentle feeling that he gets when Reki touches him always makes him come to the realization that maybe he was a bit more touch starved than he thought. He would never admit to it out loud, but he became so used to it that it left him craving more.
Everything about Reki just made him more comfortable. So why should Langa hide this from him longer?
Langa though a bit reluctant let go and stepped back, managing to give Reki a small smile. “Do you mind if we talked for a little bit?”
“I don’t mind at all.” Reki responded and this time it was Langa who took his hand, leading him to that one small ramp they always take small breaks on when they come here.
They both took a seat, hands still intertwined. Langa took a deep breath. It’s now or never.
“Reki I.... I’ve been depressed ever since my dad died. This endless pit of darkness it... It’s just, been there. No matter what, I just can’t seem to shake it. I thought I was better but...” He shrugged. “Apparently not.”
“It started out with just feeling exhausted and heavy all the time and then it rapidly progressed to not being able to get out of bed for entire days. The only person who really has been there for me through it all is my mom, and she’s the only one who knows how bad it can get. Otherwise, I really just dealt with it alone. Back in Canada, I didn’t have anyone. I... I can be pretty terrible at communicating, so I didn’t have any friends. Going through my life without connecting to anyone and then without my dad was just so lonely, and I was so tired of being alone. It ate away at me until I lost all passion for everything I had previously done before, even snowboarding. That was something that I did with dad after all. Without him it just... Seemed pointless, you know?”
“Langa...”
“I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you. And I’m sorry for not letting you where I’ve been these past few days. I feel really guilty about leaving you in the dark. I guess... I guess I’m not too good at this friend thing, huh? It’s just not... the easiest thing to talk about.”
Suddenly the warmth from his hand left, which meant that Reki let go. Langa didn’t quite know what to think but his mind immediately jumped to the worst conclusion imaginable. Him opening up about this was too much, and his friend was just going to walk away from him. This wouldn’t be the first time Langa was alone, but the thought of this happening now as he chose to trust another scared him more than anything. He didn’t want a repeat of Canada, and he sure as hell didn’t want to live in Okinawa without Reki’s constant presence by his side. Langa didn’t know if he was strong enough to continue to go through this life completely alone.
All of these thoughts going through his head were interrupted by a certain red-head, who was now gently pinching his cheeks, making Langa look up. “Langa.” He repeated with a bit more force, though his tone was gentle and his face showed nothing but worry. “What do you mean not too good at this friend thing? You’re the best friend that I have ever had!”
“But...”
“No buts!” Reki huffed, now cupping Langa’s face in his hands. “I only speak the truth.”
That statement alone struck Langa’s heart and made warmth spread throughout him. He had no clue how Reki could be this good. He was filled with so much understanding, much more than what anyone else had shown before. It was evident that he was listening, and that he cares, and that’s more than what Langa could ever ask for. No tears fell, but he could feel them welling up in his eyes.
“Thank you.” Due to all the emotions currently built up inside of him, it came out in a whisper. But Langa meant it, he meant every word. “Even though I’m a mess, thank you for still being here. And... I guess for still staying close to me right now.”
That familiar grin rose onto Reki’s face. “You’re not a mess, you’re only human.” He reassured softly. “It’s okay to feel sad sometimes, but I’ll be here beside you. You won’t be alone Langa, not anymore. I’ll be here to listen, and I’ll be here always to pick you up. Okay?”
Taking a deep breath in, Langa nodded before leaning in, softly touching his forehead to Reki’s. “Okay. Thank you, Reki.”
The two of them sat there for a while, basking in each other's company. There wasn’t anyone in the world that Langa would want to be with right now besides Reki. Being with him just felt so comfortable, so right, and Langa hoped that what he was feeling would never go away. Even if it did, he knows now that he’s not struggling alone, and that there’s one more person that will always be in his corner. Time and time again his friend never gave up on him, and Langa will never give up on him either.
He couldn’t tell how long they sat there, until he could feel himself drifting slightly from consciousness. Perhaps he pushed himself a bit too far, though there was no way for him to know for sure. “Let’s get you home.” Reki softly said, removing his hands from Langa’s face.
Not ready for him to quite let go yet, Langa immediately reached forward, taking his hand once again. Reki didn’t question him or pull away. If anything, it seemed like he treasured the small touches as well. With their hands entangled, both of them headed on their way to Langa’s house in total silence. This was a big contrast to the walk to the skate park, but the quiet wasn’t uncomfortable. It was peaceful. Langa didn’t mind it at all.
Once they reached his front door, they lingered there for a while, each not wanting to say goodbye. They tried to delay it as much as possible, but Langa acknowledged it was getting late and the other should be heading home. Pulling him in, Langa wrapped Reki into one last tight hug. Before he said farewell for the night, Reki gave a tight squeeze, promising that if the other ever needed him he would fly over in a heartbeat. Even if it’s just to hang out in his room because he doesn’t quite feel like moving. Langa responded that he’ll keep that in mind, and that he will be talking to him again very soon.
The first thing he was met with when he entered the door was his nervous mother, who was pretty worried about him due to his sudden disappearance before she got home. There was some apologizing and explaining to do, which after she learned what he had been up to she cooled down. After the lecture, Langa hugged his mother tight. “Thank you for worrying about me, and thank you for always being here mom. I appreciate it way more than you know.”
When he entered his room, Langa picked up his newly charged phone. The most recent notification was a text from Reki, a typical ‘Got home safe! : )’ which was so like him that it made Langa chuckle. The other notifications below it were also from Reki – sixty of them. They were all missed calls from throughout the past few days. He made a mental note that he owed him bigtime for accidentally ghosting him for all that time. There was another vibration. Reki again, this time with a small reminder to take care of himself. ‘I’ll try’ was all that Langa responded, smiling to himself.
Today was the first day that Langa had a full appetite to eat the dinner his mother made for him. Today was the first day that he didn’t want to spend the rest of his day lying in bed under the covers. Today was the first day that everything seemed a bit lighter, and he could breathe a bit deeper than before. Langa wasn’t quite sure was going on, or how things got like this in the first place. If it’s one thing for certain, he wouldn’t quite be feeling this way if it weren’t for Reki. His company, his touch, all of it. It just made things feel a tiny bit more open than before.
With Reki by his side, Langa is convinced he can fight through this.
With that, Langa is convinced that he will be okay.