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It started early that morning when Philza was pulled out of sleep at the arse-crack of dawn by the sound of heavy boots pacing back and forth on the floor above. Confused, Philza dragged himself out of bed, pulled on his robe, and trudged up to the mainroom to find Techno rummaging through his enderchest and muttering things under his breath that could have been to himself or to Chat but were way too indistinct to make out. Eventually, he produced a pouch of emeralds that he swiftly deposited into his inventory. When he turned around, he jolted and stumbled back into the wall of chests. He tried to play it off like he was just smoothing out his (wrinkle-less) shirt. Somehow. “Oh, I didn’t hear you come up. Mornin’ Phil.”
“Good morning, Techno.” Philza stifled a yawn behind his fist and gave his friend an odd look. “So, er, any particular reason you’re stomping around at…” He looked to the clock on the wall. “...Five AM?”
“I’ve got a plan, Phil,” Techno announced, striding over to the hook on the wall that held his blue-red winter cloak. He threw it over his shoulders and started down the stairs to the storage room.
“Do you now?” questioned Philza, following him down.
“I do, I do.” Techno grabbed the saddle and bridle off the rack on the wall and marched to the front door. Philza beat him to it, undoing the bolt and shoving the door open as he approached. Techno strode through the cool blast of early morning arctic wind without a care in the world, grabbing the lit lantern hung by the door on his way out.
Meanwhile, Philza - who was still only in his robe - let out a violent shudder at the bone-penetrating chill. Wrapping the folds of his robe tighter around himself, he stepped into a pair of boots he’d left by the door the prior night and trotted outside, cussing out the horrid weather as he went.
By the time he’d finished venting his frustrations to the unforgiving temperatures, Techno had already half tacked-up Carl, moving quickly with a pep in his step that Philza hadn’t seen in a while. He asked, “So, what exactly is said plan?”
“Two words.” Techno yanked the girth strap tight in one strong tug, to which Carl responded with a disgruntled snort. It would seem that the stallion wasn’t all too thrilled to be roused so early in the morning either. “Ocean. Monument. I don’t know how I didn’t realize this before - there are so many resources there that we could use for the construction of The Syndicate, Phil, so many! And better yet, I know there’s a cartographer in the village south of here who has a few maps on where to find one.”
“So you’re gonna go take on an ocean monument?”
“Yup.” Techno grabbed the bridle, fed the bit into Carl’s mouth, and pulled the rest of it on, swiftly fastening the buckles.
Philza raised a skeptical eyebrow. “On your own?”
“I know you wanted to go grab some things from the Nether today, so I didn’t tell you about it. Didn’t want to step on your plans with mine.”
“That’s not my concern,” Philza said with a nervous chuckle, shaking his head. “Mate - do you even know how to navigate an ocean monument?”
Techno paused immediately, like the thought that oh, maybe he should know what the fuck he’s getting himself into before he goes running in, guns fucking blazing, Gods above -
“Ehhhhh, it’ll be fine ,” Techno dismissed with a wave of his hand. “I’ve done some readin’, I know enough.”
“Reading and doing are two very different things, Techno.”
“Well, there’s a first time for everything, right?” Techno unclipped Carl from the hitching post, brought him out of the pen, and hoisted himself into the saddle with a grunt. Carl tossed his head with a snort, seemingly waking himself up and preparing to set out at a canter, because with Techno’s eagerness, there was no way he was going to take the ride to the village slowly.
Philza looked up at his friend, whose eyes shone with unbridled excitement. Techno wasn’t quick to smile, so the easy smirk curled around his tusks might as well have been a face-splitting grin. Realizing that he wasn’t going to be able to convince Techno otherwise, Philza answered with a sigh, “Yeah, I suppose you’re right. It’s better than going in blind, at least.”
That easy smirk widened minutely. “Thank you, Philza Minecraft, I promise I won’t let you down.”
It managed to get a laugh out of Philza, who said a pleasant goodbye to Techno and watched him take off for the southern village. It was still terribly dark out, the first signs of day just barely creeping over the horizon, so how Techno was going to be able to avoid crashing into something with only his lantern to light his way was beyond Philza. It didn’t matter, though, as Techno had already disappeared into the forest.
After that whirlwind of a wake-up, Philza found himself unable to get back to sleep, so he made himself some breakfast and a cup of coffee to go with it, hoping that if he couldn’t go back to bed, then at least he wouldn’t have to spend the rest of his morning only half-awake. By the time a quarter to six - A quarter to six! Fucking hell... - rolled around, he was dressed, effectively caffeinated, and ready to start his day.
Philza spent the first portion of his morning trying to sort out their mess of a storage room as well as all the other chests scattered around the house. Then, he went to go feed the cows, spend some time with the dogs, and check on the turtles and their eggs. He was just getting ready to do some maintenance on the redstone wiring of the bee farm when he, standing on the roof of the structure and holding down his hat to keep it from blowing away in the wind, spotted Ranboo working on something on the side of his house. Feeling friendly, he waved a hand and called out, “Hey Ranboo!”
The kid perked up and whirled around. Even though he was a good distance away, Philza could spot that beaming grin a mile off. Ranboo waved back. “Hi Philza! How’re you doing?”
“Good! You?”
“Good as well!”
“What’re you up to?”
“Renovations! Wanna see?”
“‘Course, mate!” Philza shoved his redstone materials back into his inventory without a second thought (he wasn’t particularly fond of redstone maintenance, after all) and trotted down the ladder on the side of the farm. He came to where Ranboo was currently nailing what appeared to be the last board on the framework of his shack. The structure, once ragged, now looked much more fleshed out.
Philza ran a hand down the side of the wall, glanced over the woodwork. He tested the boards with a few hearty knocks. “I’ve got to say, this is some pretty impressive craftsmanship. Very sturdy.”
“Thank you,” chirped Ranboo, skating his gloved hands against each other to pat off the sawdust. He stood from his crouching position at the base of the wall and straightened himself out, easily towering over Philza as he continued to show off what he’d done: “This is just the outer layer. I’m planning to do some more work on the inside to insulate the walls better so I don’t get any water leaks from snowstorms. Then, I think I’m gonna build myself a proper fireplace. It gets a little chilly at night sometimes.”
Philza snorted. “Yeah, ‘a little chilly’ for you . Meanwhile, I’m freezing my arse off just trying to walk from my bed to the bathroom.”
“O-Oh no,” laughed Ranboo, “that’s not good. Have you considered redoing the insulation on your walls? I know you guys light your fireplaces each night, so you’ve probably got a heat leak somewhere.”
“Yeah, yeah, we probably do,” Philza exhaled in reply, folding his arms. “Yet another thing to fix in the house. At least we’ve got time now. Techno and I are almost done with the expansions, so insulation is definitely next.”
“Speaking of Techno, is he around?” Ranboo craned his neck, like he was trying to peek through the walls of the house somehow. “I wanted to show him something.”
“No, he’s not home right now, mate.”
“Really? Where’d he go?”
“He left early this morning to go see the cartographer at the village a few miles south of here. Wanted a map to an ocean monument.” Philza opened up the holographic screen of his communicator and started to scroll. “He messaged me a little while ago saying he was almost home. You could talk to him when he gets back.”
“Oh, okay, thank you.”
“No problem.” He closed up his communicator and patted a friendly hand on Ranboo’s arm. “Well, I’ll leave you to your renovations. I’ve got to stop procrastinating on my redstone stuff anyway. See you around, Ranboo.”
“Yeah, see ya.”
Philza returned to the upper level of the bee farm and squeezed himself into the little crawlspace. It wasn’t exactly the easiest thing in the world with his wings getting caught on the lips of the hoppers, and it was hell on his knees (no, he would not admit that he was getting too old for this - because he wasn’t ); but he took out his tools and set to work replacing any worn wires and unclogging any obstructed hoppers. Then, he shimmied out of the crawl space and went to the underside, where he could more easily gather up all the collected bottles and check on the bees to make sure none were showing signs of illness and that all of the flowers were healthy.
As he exited the bee farm, inventory filled to the brim with bottles, honey, and redstone components, he ran into Techno, who was in the middle of grooming Carl while talking to Ranboo.
“...I mean, if you insist on coming, then who am I to say no?” Techno drawled with a hint of a smirk, dragging the brush over Carl’s coat as the horse munched on some much deserved hay.
“Really?” Ranboo nearly gasped, thin tail swishing around his legs. “Ooo-ho-ho, this is gonna be fun!”
“What’s going on over here?” Philza inquired as he stepped forward.
“Change of plans, Phil,” said Techno. “Well, sorta. First of all, Ranboo’s gonna come with me to raid the ocean monument, so we’ll have better luck on that front. Then, Ranboo said he found some information on the whereabouts of another woodland mansion that hasn’t been raided yet.”
“As far as I’m aware” Ranboo tacked on, holding up a finger. “It’s possible that someone else has already found it, but the chances are slim.”
“Slim enough to be worth the trek,” continued Techno. “So, assumin’ nothing terribly, world-ending-ly wrong happens while we’re at the monument, we’re gonna do both in one day.”
Well. That was certainly... ambitious . “Both in one day?” questioned Philza, furrowing his brow. “Are you so sure about that?”
“As sure as we can be. It’ll be efficient, Phil, just you watch.”
Less than thirty minutes later, the two of them were off, geared up in sturdy armor (water-tight, in Ranboo’s case) with the proper enchantments on their helmets, boots, and weapons. Philza watched them go on their merry way, unable to decide if he found it endearing to see Techno and Ranboo getting along so well or if he was indescribably nervous about them going off on their own to do something that neither of them had done. They seemed confident, though, and Philza was just one call away in case things went pear-shaped.
And they did. They definitely, definitely, did.
The call came in while Philza was busy gathering blackstone bricks from a crumbling bastion deep in the Nether. With his heart still racing from being jumped by a mob of furious piglin brutes earlier, he yelped and nearly went tumbling off the side of the structure when the ping from his earpiece sounded off in his helmet. “Gods, fuck ,” he hissed, putting away his pickaxe and jabbing at the buttons on his communicator. Taking a deep breath to calm himself, he joined the call. “‘Ey, what’s up?”
“We lost an entire room,” blurted Ranboo.
Philza heaved a sigh. “ Okay , what’re you looking for?”
“Sp - ” Techno tried to reply, but was abruptly cut off when there was a grunt and a watery squeak on the other end (a guardian getting mercilessly skewered, by the sound of it). “Sponge room.”
“Sponge room?”
“Yeah, we’ve checked everywhere,” groaned Ranboo. “We saw it earlier, but we got sidetracked with killing the Elder Guardians - which we’re still trying to do. There’s one left somewhere - ”
“Found it.” This was followed by a series of fleshy stabs, a tight-jawed growl, and a deep, rumbling cry. “And now it’s dead.”
“We are no longer looking for Elder Guardians,” Ranboo was pleased to inform him. “We are definitely still looking for the sponge room, though.”
“And I’m guessing you guys haven’t been keeping track of your coordinates,” Philza said flatly, folding his arms.
Silence. Then, “Nnnnnno. We have not.”
Philza resisted the urge to face-palm. He really should have insisted that he go with them, as they just weren’t experienced enough to handle this on their own. Again, reading and doing were two very different things. Well, it was too late now. Philza leaned back on a crumbling pillar and started to pull up every trick he’d ever learned about conquering ocean monuments. “Alright, so, you need to find the sponge room. First thing you’re gonna want to do is get to the center of the monument on one of the lower layers and check the rooms down there.”
“I’m at the center right now,” Techno offered, then backtracked: “No I’m not. Wait...wait, no, I am. I’m at the center.”
“You’re not, Techno,” provided Ranboo.
“How do you know that?”
“Because I’m at the treasure room, which is always at the center, right, Philza?”
“Yes, that’s right.”
“Heck yeah.”
“Now you need to head downwards to the lower rooms.”
“Okay, got it.” There was a brief pause as Ranboo presumably moved to carry out that order. “Alright, I’m - oh, hey Techno.”
“See? I told you I was at the center! Human GPS, remember?”
“You’re - you’re not even a human .”
“‘Hybrid GPS’ doesn’t have the same ring to it, I’m goin’ for the vibe, Ranboo - ”
“We’re getting distracted,” Philza said, pulling them back on track. “You guys need to check the center rooms first. Chances are you’ll find the sponge room there.”
“Alright, alright. I’ll go this way, Ranboo, you go that way.”
“Don’t split up - ”
“Okay, Techno!” came the kid’s reply.
Philza exhaled and let out a nervous chuckle. Oh, this could only go wrong in so many ways. “Please tell me you guys are at least keeping track of your coordinates now.”
“Uh,” said Ranboo.
“I can be,” Techno answered. “Lemme just - I don’t see it, Phil.”
“See what?” prompted Philza.
“The sponge room. I’ve checked my half, and there’s nothing here. Ranboo?”
“Nah, I don’t see anything either.”
Philza tilted his head back to rest against the blackstone walls, thinking hard. “Alright, then you’re gonna want to start checking the outer sections of the monument. I’d suggest starting left and working your way right.”
Ranboo made a troubled sound. “Left? Wait, my left or your left - ?”
“Whaddya MEAN left?” exclaimed Techno, voice roaring over Ranboo’s. “Phil, left is relative - !”
Philza reached under his helm and ran a hand down his face. “If you - ”
“How am I supposed to know which left yer talkin’ about?!”
“If you go out to the front of the monument - ”
“There are countless different lefts in existence - !”
“You guys need to go outside the monument!” Philza cried over him, throwing a hand out to the side in frustration even though he knew they couldn’t see it. “You don’t have a single fucking clue where you are right now! I can’t guide you if you’re lost! You need to reorient yourselves, and LOOK AT YOUR COORDS, for the Gods’ sakes!”
“Minor problem with that plan,” Ranboo pipped up. “We... kinda forgot where the entrance was.”
Phil was pretty sure his soul left his fucking body. “I’m sorry, you what ?”
“The monument’s like a labyrinth, Phil,” Techno defended, words tumbling out in a rush to explain before Philza could lose his Gods-damned mind. “We got turned around right at the - Chat, would ya stop screamin’ ‘Technolost’? Trust me, I’m well aware of the fact that I have no idea where I am. ”
“Hey Techno, I see you!”
“Oh, hey Ran - RANBOO OH MY GODS LOOK BEHIND YOU - ”
“What’re you talking about OH GEEZ - ”
“What? What’s going on?” Phil demanded.
“ - I didn’t even NOTICE those!”
Over the alarming sound of what had to be several lasers charging, Techno managed to shout, “Ranboo’s got like thirty guardians on ‘im and he comes swimmin’ over like, ‘Oh, hey Technoblade, how’s your day been, I’m about to get BLASTED INTO OBLIVION.’”
“Oh geez oh geez oh geez oh geez,” muttered Ranboo, just barely audible over the sound of a desperate sword swinging through blubber. “How could I miss that?!”
“Well shit, mate, you need to break their lines of sight or else you’re gonna get your insides shot out!” Philza barked. “Swim between the pillars, and once they can’t see you anymore, charge at them.”
“How are there so many?!”
“How did you not notice?!” cried Techno. He laughed nervously as Phil heard him bury his sword into another guardian. “You seriously - oh Gods there’s more - ”
Philza had had enough. “Get out of there! Just go , swim! I don’t care if you have to bust through a wall, you need to go!”
“WE LEAVEEEE!” bellowed Techno. “C’mon Ranboo, follow me - ”
“I’m following, I’m following!”
“Down this way - ”
“Right - ”
“- and we go over here - ”
“ - uh-huh - ”
“ - and then... IS THIS THE SPONGE ROOM?!”
Philza dropped his face into his hands and groaned through a pained chuckle. “Are you fucking kidding me.”
“Philza, we found the sponge room!” cheered Ranboo.
Techno cried, “Q-Quick, block it off!”
“Oh, right!”
Philza grunting as broken pillars were presumably rolled through the water to block the entrance to the sponge room. For the first time in several minutes, there was silence on the other end of the line save for labored breathing, and Philza found himself catching his breath too. He felt a little more than winded after...whatever the fuck that was.
After a long moment, Techno spoke up. “...NOT EVEN CLOSE, BABY!”
“Yeah!”
“TECHNOBLADE NEVER DIES!”
“We got the sponge room! Mission success!”
Philza couldn’t help but laugh, somewhere between pissed, relieved, and baffled. “You guys are fucking insane - ”
“Yeah we are!” crowed Ranboo.
“That wasn’t a compliment!”
Philza refused to leave the call with them until they had gathered all the sponge in the sponge room, safely found their way out of the monument, and rowed ashore. With vehement promises to be back before 1 PM ringing in his ears, Philza disconnected and took a moment to wrap his head around what just happened.
For the sake of his blood pressure, he decided that all that really mattered was that Techno and Ranboo were safe.
Philza spent the rest of his morning in the Nether gathering blackstone. On his way back to the Overworld, he made note of any warped forests that looked relatively untouched, already making plans for part two of his Nether work for the day. (They still needed more materials for the construction of The Syndicate, despite all the blackstone bricks Philza had gathered and whatever else Techno had found in the ocean monument.) Once he was home, he chucked all the blackstone in a chest to sort through later and set about making himself, Techno, and Ranboo some lunch.
At 1:24 PM, Philza heard a pair of exuberant voices chatting away outside. He stood from the table and poked his head out the front door to see Techno and Ranboo approaching the front lawn. They looked a little worse for wear, Techno’s armor cracked and bloodied and Ranboo sporting a few burns that could only be from water, but they greeted Philza in a whirlwind of excitement. Philza brought them inside where he pulled out some healing potions and the first aid kit. As he helped clean them up, they told him about their adventure in the ocean monument like Philza hadn’t been listening in and consequently losing what remained of his sanity for half of it.
“So are you still planning on heading to the mansion today?” Philza asked as he wrapped bandages around Ranboo’s wrist. He felt as though it were a pointless question. After everything that had already transpired that day, surely they were much too tired to even consider -
“Yup,” Techno answered around a mouthful of beef sandwich.
“Definitely,” agreed Ranboo, bobbing his head. “One down, one to go.”
Philza raised an eyebrow at them. You fucking what? “Are you serious?”
“As serious as we can be,” sang Techno, “and I mean we might as well. We’re on a roll today, Phill. If we knock both of these out, then we don’t have to worry ‘bout ‘em later.”
Ranboo picked up his sandwich, took a bite, chewed, and swallowed before adding, “According to my charts, we just have to head northwest for a while. It shouldn't take us long at all if we go by Nether. It’ll still be a bit of a walk, though. Do you remember how far the other one was?”
Techno groaned at the reminder, tipping his head back in melodrama. “I think we must’a spent three hours stumblin’ around on the Nether roof lookin’ for the right coordinates last time.”
“And then there was the walk back .”
“And then there was the walk back,” Techno sighed in acknowledgement. “It was not ideal.”
Philza considered the both of them. They looked tired, sure, sitting slumped back in chairs with their battered armor on, clothes and gear still a little damp from their underwater expedition; but Philza could see the excitement radiating from them at the prospect of raiding another mansion together.
Together.
Techno had been awfully slow to warm up to Ranboo. His reluctance was understandable with how he had spent the past couple months being betrayed and used by every person he ever got close to. His trust, once freely given, was now hard-earned. Ranboo, meanwhile, had been skittish, left all alone after the fall of L’Manburg. When Philza had found him, he had been sitting just outside the former nation’s borders, memory book hugged to his chest, tears burning down his cheeks and eyes lost lost lost .
But now they had found each other. Neither had an agenda or ulterior motives. They were working together not in the name of mutual benefit or picking sides, but in the name of something that was rather hard to come by nowadays.
Warm, genuine friendship.
Techno needed it. Ranboo needed it. And if helping them with their reckless, ridiculous plans to raid an ocean monument and a woodland mansion back to back in a single day meant that they got to spend more time with each other and nurture said friendship, then so be it.
“If you guys don’t want to walk back, then I could fix up the old ender pearl stasis chamber,” Philza offered, tying off the bandage with a little tug. He reached into his first-aid box and pulled out a small health potion vial to give to Ranboo.
Ranboo accepted the vial with a grateful nod, popped off the corque, and knocked it back. He made a face at the flavor before putting the corque back on and passing the now empty vial back to Philza. “Stasis chamber? Is that what that glass thing outside is?”
“Yeah. We used it to transport the dogs back here from the tunnels under L’Manburg. It kind of broke when all the dogs teleported in with Techno.”
“So many dogs…” Techno muttered.
“It should take me no more than ten minutes to fix the lever system. When do you guys want to leave?”
“I’m good to leave at any point,” said Ranboo. “What about you, Techno?”
Techno seemed to mull it over before responding, “Yeah, I’m good to go too. Just have to put away everythin’ I’m not gonna need.” He pressed a button on his wristlet and opened up his inventory menu. “I’ve got, like, so much junk left in here from the monument.”
Ranboo opened his own inventory menu and winced. “Ooo, same.”
“If you guys are all done eating, I can go get started on fixing the chamber now while you get ready.”
They didn’t need much more encouragement than that. Ranboo thanked Philza for the bandages as he hurried out the door to go put his stuff away in his house and grab some more gaps and a few fire resistance pots. Techno did the same, only he stayed in their own storage room to organize his inventory while Philza cleaned up from lunch.
Philza threw his winter cloak over his shoulders and fastened the buckles around the back, making sure his wings had room to move. “Could you grab my redstone kit, Techno? I think I left it in the top left chest.”
“Top left chest…” Techno intoned. Philza heard a click and a set of hinges squeal, followed by rummaging. “Uhh...yup, here it is, got it.” A thump, and Techno was at Philza’s side a few seconds later, holding a weathered leather satchel by the strap.
“Ah, thanks, mate.” Philza took the bag and threw it over his shoulder. “Alright, let me go have a look at the chamber.”
Techno opened the door for Phil, and the two of them stepped out into the brisk afternoon. Even though Techno had also donned his winter cloak, his clothes were still a tad bit damp, so Philza threw a wing over the piglin hybrid’s shoulders to shield him from the arctic breeze that whistled across the snow. He was forced to pull himself away from Techno’s side, however, to go work on the stasis chamber. He gave his wings a few powerful pumps to shoot him up to the top of the machine, where he lighted down on a ledge and held both his arms and wings out to keep himself from slipping on the ice-slicked glass. Once he was stable, he dropped down on one knee, pulled out his tools, and got to work.
“Do ya need any help, Phil?” Techno called up from where he waited at the base of the stasis chamber, leaning against the glass tube.
“No, not at the moment,” Philza called back. He unscrewed the side panel of the lever set-up and held the thin screwdriver between his teeth as he poked through the mess of wires with a rod. “Just gotta replace the broken wiring and fix the hinges on the trap door.” Philza found the wire he was looking for. He pulled a pair of pliers cutters from his bag and, after double checking that the redstone signal was off, pulled out the damaged component.
There was another gap of silence. Just as Philza was getting the new wire installed, Techno spoke up again. “Hey, Phil?”
Philza shut the panel and started to screw it back into place. “Yes?”
“...Thanks for all the help with the monument earlier. I could tell Ranboo ‘n I were stressin’ you out.”
“Really now,” monotoned Philza, rolling his eyes.
“Yeah. Maaaaaybe we should’ve gone on a different day when you could’ve come with us.”
“Well, you made it out in one piece, didn’t you?” Philza rapped his knuckles on the panel to make sure that nothing was loose, then turned his attention to the broken hinge. “That’s all that matters. But, we’re definitely all going to go raid an ocean monument together sometime so I can show you two how to do it properly .”
Techno snorted. “Alright, Mister Philza Minecraft , show us plebs how it’s done.”
“Fuck, someone has to,” Philza answered with a chuckle.
While Philza was finishing up some system checks on the trap door to make sure it was closing fast enough to break an ender pearl, Ranboo came jogging over, slightly out of breath. “I’m back!”
“Got everything you need?” Philza asked him.
“Yeah, yeah, I think so.” He opened his inventory and started to list them out. “Food, insulated canteens, fire res pots, gaps, trident, pick, pearls, sword, axe - sounds like I’m good.”
“Alright then. You two come on up here now, the chamber’s ready.”
It was a tight fit, getting all three of them to stand on the glass without slipping and falling. Philza held his wings out to either side to catch them should they lose their footing as he and Techno showed Ranboo how to throw his ender pearl into the chamber so that it wouldn’t hit the bottom or crash into Techno’s. They waited a few seconds to make sure the pearls bobbed to the top without any complications. There were none, and the three of them carefully descended from the upper platform.
“I’ll be in the Nether for the next few hours,” Philza told them. “I don’t think you guys will be done before I get back, though. Either way, call me when you’re ready to come home, and I’ll pull the lever. Hopefully nothing breaks this time. When do you think you’ll be done?”
“Uhh,” mumbled Ranboo, looking down at his map and notes. “It’s hard to say. Depends on how lucky we are with our guesses for the coords. Probably before night, though.”
Philza gave a thoughtful hum. “Yeah, if you guys could come back before it’s too terribly late, that would be fantastic.”
“We’ll do our best,” Techno promised.
After Philza had stored away his redstone tools and hung up his winter cloak, the three of them headed over to the Nether portal down by the shore. Once in the Nether, Philza flew off to go find one of the untouched warped forests he’d made note of earlier while Techno and Ranboo went another way, presumably to get to the staircase that led up to the Nether roof. Alone again, Philza threw himself into farming warped materials for The Syndicate, as well as picking up a few other Nether-related odds and ends that they needed back home. It was late afternoon when he got back to the house. Grabbing something to hold him over until dinner, he shot Techno a message asking how they were doing.
Technoblade whispers to you: still looking, really far out rn
Technoblade whispers to you: ranboo says he thinks we’re close
You whisper to Technoblade: ok just let me know when
Technoblade whispers to you: yup
Philza, not anticipating having to go to the Nether anymore, cleaned himself up and began the process of transporting all the materials to the location of The Syndicate, an odd underground structure he and Techno had discovered peeking out of the riverbed a few days before. They didn’t know what it was doing there, nor what it was for, but the ancient corridors seemed to be sound enough to house a (now quite literally) underground organization.
Something Philza realized while transporting the materials was that the withering libraries located on either side of the building might offer some insight. After everything had been set up, he paid the athenaeums a visit, pulling ancient tomes off the shelves and carefully leafing through the crinkling, yellowed pages. Though the entries were waterlogged and sometimes utterly indecipherable, entire sections of the books were in surprisingly good condition. From what he could tell, a majority of it appeared to be written in some older version of Galactic where the runes were a little more compressed than what he was familiar with. Still, it was Galactic, and therefore Philza could give it a go.
He gathered up as many legible books as he could carry and brought them back to the house. Once he was home, he organized them delicately in a chest. Then, a quick check of his communicator told him that he hadn’t received any messages or missed any calls from Techno or Ranboo. That was fine, though. Evening was well on its way, but it wasn’t late in the slightest.
Philza spent the last of his daylight hours with the ten or so dogs left in the kennel. He took off into a slow flight and had the mutts follow below as they went on a hunt, looking for some wild animals and any early-rising monsters who were unfortunate enough to stumble into their path. Once the dogs had been exercised, fed, and petted enough to make them bark with joy, Philza checked on and fed the other animals, including Ranboo’s pets. Then, he went inside and fixed himself dinner.
After he’d eaten, he found that there were still no messages from Techno or Ranboo. He shot one over to Ranboo, just to make sure that they were alright.
Ranboo whispers to you: oh we’re good, just got turned around. It delayed us a bit
You whisper to Ranboo: it’s starting to get a little late
Ranboo whispers to you: shoot sorry, I think we’re almost at the mansion now
Ranboo whispers to you: for real this time
You whisper to Ranboo: alright just making sure
Philza didn’t have any worries about Techno and Ranboo getting themselves into trouble while at the mansion. Both of them had gone on mansion runs on multiple occasions, so compared to the ocean monument, this should’ve been a walk in the park. That wasn’t to say that it wasn’t dangerous, but at least they would know what they were doing this time around.
Philza, however, was anticipating having to stay up a little later than he initially thought. He had woken up early, caught up on all the chores that desperately needed to be done, spent several hours in the Nether, and gained about a dozen grey hairs from trying to get two inexperienced individuals out of an active ocean monument alive. Any other day, he would have conked out at 9 PM without giving a fuck about what Techno might’ve said about being an ‘old man’. But, he needed to be awake for when Ranboo and Techno wanted to come back home, or else they’d be left to walk all the way back from the woodland mansion which, as it seemed to have turned out, was very far away.
Philza simply didn’t have the energy to begin construction on The Syndicate, and there was nothing less appealing to him at the moment than having to head into the bitter cold that had surely settled over the arctic once the sun fell below the horizon. Instead, he decided to pull out some of the ancient texts he’d found earlier that day and begin his research on the nature of that crumbling structure deep underground. He would read and take notes until Techno and Ranboo needed to be brought back, and once the two of them were home, he would go straight to bed.
So, Philza buried himself in the texts, the room silent save for the crackling of the fireplace and his quill scratching over the parchment in his notebook. He used a charcoal pencil to sketch some of the drawings in the books in his notes so that he might annotate the figures. The Galactic phrases took a good deal of effort to decipher, a lot of patience and perseverance. One paragraph took him more than half an hour to pick apart and in the end, he wasn’t entirely sure if what he wrote was correct. The texts spoke of cities suspended on magic, islands floating on pure void, and a fearsome creature of scales and fire guarding the only gate back to the Overworld.
It was as confusing as it was enthralling.
His translating picked up a feverish pace as he sank deeper down this rabbit hole, his hunger for more knowledge burning a hole in his stomach. He always loved a good mystery, a puzzle to solve…
BRRRRR... BRRRRR... BRRRRR...
With a groan, Philza peeled his eyelids back and lifted his two-ton head to find that he’d passed out at the table, notes smudged by his cheek and hair plastered to the side of his head. He didn’t think he’d really done much harm in smearing the ink, however, as the notes that did survive weren’t exactly the most coherent. Either that, or his bleary vision was making it awfully difficult to read them.
He dragged a hand down the side of his face. Gods, what time was it?
BRRRRR... BRRRRR... BRRRRR...
Philza shifted his eyes to look at a lumpy pile of scratch paper. He reached over to push the parchments aside and found that it was his communicator that was the source of the incessant buzzing. His earpiece was there too, little green light flashing.
BRRRRR... BRRRRR... BRR -
Philza scooped up the device and squinted at the notification on the screen.
Incoming call: Technoblade
A glance at the corner of the screen told him it was currently 4:53 AM.
Philza yawned, jammed in his earpiece, and accepted the call. “Hey - ”
“HEY OLD MAN!”
Philza winced at the shout. “Wh - ?”
“HEY PHILZA MINECRAFT!”
“Techno - ?”
“YEAH, WAKE UP, WAKE UP!”
Philza scowled, quickly realizing what this was all about. “I’m awake, you fuck.”
Techno just cackled on the other end. Philza pushed himself out of his chair with a groan, hating the way his back protested - sleeping hunched over was not really the best when you had wings to worry about - and shuffled over to where he’d hung up his winter cloak and hat. Stifling another yawn, he asked, “How was the mansion?”
“Ohhhh, it was great , Phil,” his friend rumbled. Philza found himself sleepily nodding along despite the fact that Techno couldn’t see it. “We found five evokers total AND - get this! - a God Apple!”
If Philza had been any more awake, he probably would have been jumping around in sheer excitement at that bit of news, but all he could manage was a vaguely positive hum and a muttered, “No way.”
“I know right? And even better, I yoinked it from Ranboo! I just - COMPLETELY stole it from him, Phil, it was hilarious! See, what happened was...”
Philza barely listened to Techno regale how he’d heroically snatched the enchanted golden apple from under Ranboo’s nose while the poor kid was locked in battle with about a dozen monsters. Techno was talking way too fast for Philza’s sleep-addled mind to properly keep up, but his friend sounded positively delighted as the story tumbled out of his mouth, so Philza ‘mm-hm’ed at what sounded like all the right places while he went about pulling on his cloak and hat and tugging on his boots. Grabbing a lantern off the wall, he pushed open the front door, mumbled a few curses under his breath at the cold, and trudged over to the stasis chamber. He got himself up to the lever with a couple of flaps of his heavy wings.
“...so now we’re watchin’ the mansion burn down. Didn’t find any other chests, though, so I guess there’s no hope of gettin’ Ranboo an Apple of his own.” He cackled again. “Oh, man, Ranboo’s practically in tears, this is great.”
“Tragic.” Philza swallowed yet another yawn and put a hand on the lever. “You guys ready to come back?”
“Yyyyup, ready as ever.”
“Alright. Three, two, one - ”
Philza swiftly disconnected from the call, shoved the lever down, and watched the trap door crash onto the pearls bobbing in the water. In a flash of violet particles, Techno and Ranboo materialized into existence on top of the iron hatch. There was a pair of shouts as the two of them were slammed together. Techno went tumbling off the side into the snowy floor below.
“O-Oh, sorry Techno!” Ranboo called through a giggle.
“‘S fine, ‘s fine,” Techno grunted, getting back onto his feet and brushing off the snow. “Guess I deserved that.”
“Techno, you have no idea how unbelievably distraught I am,” bemoaned Ranboo as he scurried down the side of the stasis chamber. Philza followed. “I spent five days out in the desert last week looking for temples to find God Apples with no luck and then - ”
“And then the one you do find, I just - ”
“Steal it!” Techno broke out into evil cackles, and Ranboo dropped his face into his hands. “Oh geez, when will my suffering end?!”
When will my suffering end? Philza thought to himself, massaging his smarting eyes with ice cold fingers.
“Ooooo, suffer, Ranboo, sufferrrr!”
“I am, trust me, I am.”
“Do you guys need anything else from me?” Philza interrupted, blinking away the blurriness in his vision. He did not have the patience to wait for them to finish pointlessly bickering.
Ranboo glanced over, and he gave a wince. “Oh. Uh, g’morning, Philza. I'm sorry we woke you.”
“I’m not,” Techno provided with a sharp smile.
“Yeah, I know you’re not, bastard,” Philza growled, glaring at him. Given the way that Techno’s smile just widened, Philza figured that he didn’t exactly strike an imposing figure. “Could’ve just left you to walk all the way back, you know.”
“...But you didn’t,” Ranboo reminded oh-so-helpfully.
“I’m quickly coming to regret it.” Philza brushed some of the hair out of his face, picked up his lantern, and slogged through the snow towards the house. “Anyways, I’m going back to bed now. Keep your Gods-damn voices down. If you wake me for any reason, I will shove my hat down your throat.”
He pulled open the front door and turned around to make sure both of them were looking at him as he added, “And that’s not a threat. That’s a promise .” He slammed the door behind him.
As Philza shucked off his cloak and hung it beside the door, he heard Ranboo say, “Do you think he’s mad?”
A long pause followed. Then, “...Nahhh, we’re fine. He’s just a grouchy old man - ”
Philza burst through the door fast enough to startle a yelp out of Techno and nearly make Ranboo topple over.
“ - hEY PHIL, HOW’S IT GOIN’, PHIL,” Techno blurted with wide-eyed terror, “I was just tellin’ Ranboo how grateful I am that you got up at - ” he glanced down at his communicator - “five in the mornin’ to bring the both of us back home, i-isn’t that right, Ranboo?”
Techno shot Ranboo a pleading look, and Ranboo was quick to stammer, “Yup, we’re, uh, s-so grateful, thank you so, so much, Mister Minecraft.”
Philza glowered at them for a moment longer before letting his scowl melt into a pleasant, knowing smile. “Of course ,” he sang, drawing out the words. “Always happy to help out a couple’a mates. Goodnight.”
“G-Goodnight, Philza.”
“Night, Phil.”
Philza gently shut the door behind him and waited by the entrance for any further comments. When he heard none, he smiled lightly to himself, then hung up his hat, stumbled into his room, peeled back the covers, and promptly collapsed onto his bed. He was out before his head hit the pillow.
As it would turn out, he would never have to shove his hat down either of their throats. Admittedly, he did wake once to the feeling of familiar hands pulling the blankets over him and gently guiding his wings to arch into a more comfortable position, but he decided that, just this once, he would let it slide.