Chapter Text
Hailey’s sneakers barely make a sound as she climbs the steps to her unit. She rode in with Jay, but he’d stopped to talk to someone and she had kept going. She’s a little lost in her own thoughts this morning, but they're good thoughts. There’s not really a way to describe the way things have shifted between her and Jay. It doesn’t make sense how something can feel as though everything has changed and that somehow, not a single thing has changed.
They’re Halstead and Upton. Hailey and Jay. Partners and best friends and now... more.
On the mornings he doesn’t stay over at her place, he picks her up, a cup of coffee waiting and a smile on his face. They still grab drinks together and join the rest of the unit at Molly’s. They are still so in tune with the other that they anticipate each other’s moves. Their thing is still theirs.
The changes, though subtle, are everything she didn’t even know she was missing. Like the way his fingers linger on hers as he passes the cup of coffee to her. The brush of his lips against hers in greeting, or the way his hand finds her lower back as he walks through the door to the bar behind her. It’s the way he pulls her close when they sit on his couch after a tough case and they just hold onto each other. The way his caring eyes are the last thing she always wants to see before she falls asleep, and the first thing she sees upon waking. It’s all so new but still so familiar...an extension of them.
If anyone in their unit notices the way his eyes hold hers for a little too long, the way they stand close enough to touch shoulders, or the easy smiles she offers him throughout the day, they say nothing.
The only person that knows anything has changed between them is their boss. A week after telling Jay she wasn’t taking the FIB’s offer, he told her that he didn’t want to hide this from Voight.
“We are not a dirty secret, I don’t want to feel ashamed of this.” It was such a loaded statement, and it had taken her by surprise. He’s talking about him and Lindsey. About how Erin never wanted to tell Voight. How they had had to sneak around behind everyone’s back.
It was about Erin, but maybe a tiny dig at her too. Her and Adam. Sure, Voight had known about them, but only because it had been necessary to tell him in order to try and help out Adam.
Was she ready for everyone to know? No...but she wanted to tell Voight out of respect to him. He’d helped her when she started to lose herself last year. Sending her to New York didn’t save her, but it definitely set her straight.
That was another conversation that she hadn’t seen happening the way it did. He wasn’t angry, which was what they both had expected. He’d just leaned back in his chair. It was a short discussion about remaining partners and what would happen in the event of a lovers quarrel or a breakup. All in all, it had taken longer to fill out the HR forms than coming clean to him. His question as they prepared to leave his office was really the only tell that he had even cared.
“How long?” The words stopped them both and Jay let Hailey speak, a reassuring hand on her back.
“Just a couple of days.” It looked like he had been surprised by that. Like maybe he had been expecting them to tell him it’s been months that they’ve been together. A quick nod was his only response, and they had hurried from his office before he changed his mind.
That was two months ago. Two months of everything and nothing changing. She’s happy. The kind of happy she never really saw herself being. Honestly, it’s a struggle to not grin like an idiot all day at work. It would take a lot to ruin the high she’s been on.
Jay’s hand on her arm pulls her from her thoughts, and the goofy smile that's taken up residence on her face the last couple of weeks falls when she looks at him. Somethings wrong.
“Hailey...your uh...your mom is downstairs.” His eyes are full of concern for her, unsure of what she needs in this moment, and just like that...her high is gone. Those words are more than enough to bring her down.
She takes her time signing into her computer and checking for emails. She doesn’t care that it means her mom has to wait. She should wait. Waiting is the least of what that woman deserves. She has no clue what brought her here, and she’s in no hurry to find out.
Something touches her foot, causing her to look down under her desk where she finds Jay’s foot, stretched out under the small opening, trying to get her attention.
“Would you stop?” She’s not mad or annoyed with him, she’s just stuck in her own head right now, and she knows he can see that. He’s just being Jay...trying to help.
“Want me to tell her to go?” He's only half joking.
Hailey’s eyes close for a moment, trying to quiet the noise in her head. She hates that a part of her wants to let Jay send her away. Whatever her mom is here for, it’s too late. She doesn’t want to be a part of it.
“I’ll handle it.” She isn’t sure if she actually said it as harshly as it sounded in her head, so she awkwardly taps her foot against his, making him look back at her.
“Thank you, Jay.” She doesn’t need to tell him what for. He knows.
After dragging things out upstairs for as long as she could, Hailey finally makes her way through the gate, meeting Platt’s intrigued gaze as her foot hits the last step. A small shake of her head tells her that even she has no clue why her mom would be here.
“She’s in there.” Trudy points to the room next to the steps and Hailey squares her shoulders before starting in that direction. She just wants this over as quickly as possible.
“Hailey, sweetheart. Finally...” Susan Upton stands from her chair, stepping towards her daughter, fully intent on hugging her.
The audacity of this woman... Hailey inwardly cringes at the endearment from her mom. She sidesteps her, obviously ignoring the hug, and crosses her arms.
“Why are you here?” There’s no patience in her tone, no sympathy. Hailey had tried for years to get her mom away from her dad, but there’s only so much you can do for someone who doesn’t want to help themselves. She no longer cares...hasn’t for a long time.
“Sweetheart...”
“No. I’m at work. You have two minutes to tell me why you’re here.” She keeps her face blank, not wanting to give her mom the satisfaction that she’s rattled. They stare at each other, her mother’s eyes bordering on pleading.
“Your father is sick.” It’s all she says, like that somehow explains everything, and in those four words, Hailey can hear everything she isn’t saying. He needs your help…you need to let it go...you need to forgive him...He’s your father.
She’s heard enough. She didn’t sign up for a guilt trip today. She’s completely silent as she once again steps around her mom, and heads for the door.
“Hailey!” It’s not quite a shout, but it definitely carries out into the district lobby, causing the few people milling about to turn in their direction.
“He’s dying.” The pleading quality in her mothers voice causes her eyes to close.
“I...I’m sorry…” All she can think about is getting as far from her as she can. Her fingers fly over the keypad, shaking as she tries to enter her code. The tiny light remains red. She can hear her mom’s hushed words about doing the right thing but for the most part, her voice sounds far away and muffled. Somehow she manages a nod of thanks to Trudy, when even without the proper code, the gate finally buzzes open.
Her back hits the wall when she makes it upstairs, hands resting on her knees as she struggles to get her breathing and emotion under control. A familiar pair of shoes appear in front of her own, and just as she looks up at Jay, there’s a crash at the gate downstairs. Hailey flinches, looking away from Jay, partly because she’s embarrassed, but mostly she’s ashamed.
“He’s your father!” Her mother’s voice gets further away and Hailey briefly wonders if she left on her own, or if someone had to physically remove her from the building. She knows it was probably the latter, and the feeling of shame intensifies.
Her mother’s shouts are swirling in her head, mixing with scenes from her childhood. They get louder and louder as her hands start to shake once again. It’s too much. The sounds growing and mixing with every second that passes until it feels like her mind is going to explode, and she’s seconds away from clamping her hands over her ears in an attempt to stop it , when suddenly a strong and warm pressure on her fingers pulls her back.
Her eyes snap up to meet his worried gaze. Blue against green, and it’s there that she finds it. The quiet she had been desperate to obtain. He’s always been there to try and bring her back from the edge, and now that they are dating, it’s easier to let him.
“What do you need?” Jay’s voice is soft and comforting and she knows he’d do pretty much anything for her.
“I don’t know.”
“Ready?” Hailey looks past the door to her locker to find Jay leaning against the next row.
“Ready.” She pulls her hair out from her collar and falls in step with him as they walk out.
He’s been watching her all day. Studying her every move. The longer he watched her, the more it seemed she closed herself off from not just him, but everyone in the unit as well. It wasn’t her typical shutdown, but she’s barely spoken all afternoon, and he’s yet to see her smile since he told her about her mom. It’s definitely got him more than a little worried.
They climb inside his truck, both buckling in, and Hailey waits for him to ask her the questions he’s held back all day. The questions she could see in his eyes every time he looked at her. She hadn’t been able to bring herself to reassure him that she was fine.
The truth is, she doesn’t think she is fine. Her mom appearing, telling her that her father is sick...it’s got to be something big.
Hailey sighs, her head dropping to the window as scenarios roll around in her mind. She’s so caught up in them that it isn’t until Jay is standing in front of her, the door open, waiting for her to step down out of the truck, that she realizes two things. She had zoned out the entire drive to her place, and Jay hadn’t asked her about it.
“You aren’t gonna ask about it?” Maybe he did ask her and she had been so involved in her thoughts, that she had missed it. Everything inside her calms again when he reaches inside the truck to pull her down, setting her in front of him.
“I don’t need to, Hailey.” His hand cups her cheek. “When you’re ready to talk about it, I’ll be here. You know that.” Her hug takes him by surprise, but not nearly as much as the sheen of tears he’d seen in her eyes.
“This isn’t me pushing you away. I just...I don’t think I’m ready to go back there right now.” Her words are muffled against his chest, but when he whispers that there isn’t a rush, she knows he heard her.
Jay spends the better part of the evening hovering around Hailey and awkwardly standing just far enough from her to give the illusion that he’s letting her have some space.
She’s still quiet, only really speaking when he asks her something. She picks at the pizza he ordered and chooses to have two fingers of whiskey instead of the beer he set out for her.
“I’m gonna take a shower.” Jay sets the last of the dishes into her dishwasher before he turns to look at her. The question she doesn’t ask is there, in the outstretched hand she offers him.
A tiny grin forms on his face because of all the things he’s unable to help her with right now, this he can definitely do.
Her movements are hurried as she flicks on the water in her shower before turning to him and tugging his shirt up and off. He wants to tell her to slow down, that he isn’t going anywhere, but the desperation in her touch blocks everything but this moment. Her eyes are pleading with him to make it all stop for just a little while, so he pulls them both into the shower, setting out to do just that.
By the time he’s managed to chase the lost look from her eyes, the water has long gone cold. He rubs her through the towel, trying to give her some warmth, but her shivers still linger even when he’s wrapped around her in bed.
Her back is to his chest and the arm that’s hugging her to him is clutched tightly within her hand, like she expects him to try and sneak away in the night.
“I’ve got you.” Jay presses a kiss to her shoulder, thankful when he feels her body relax slightly in his hold. He keeps saying the words, even though they are just in his head.
Maybe if he thinks them enough, he can keep the nightmares at bay