Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Aaron groaned as his alarm clock woke up him from his peaceful sleep. He rolled over expecting to see his wife, who was not a morning person at all, still fast asleep or resisting waking up. She surprised him by being awake, but lying flat on her back with her eyes closed and taking purposeful breaths in and out. He rolled onto his side and opened his mouth to ask her what she was doing, but was interrupted by her fingers covering his mouth.

“Shh, I’m practising mindfulness.” She whispered, not even opening her eyes to look at him.

He lovingly rolled his eyes at her slightly before pressing a kiss to her fingers and grabbing her hand in his. “I think you’re meant to do that before you go to sleep Em, not first thing in the morning.”

She sighed at him and opened her eyes, looking directly at him. “You do it whenever you want to relieve stress, Aaron.”

He tucked her hair behind her ear and leant down to quickly kiss her. “Big day today.”

“Yeah,” She breathed out. “Big day.”

Her hand that wasn’t still held in his drifted down over the bed covers to rest on her stomach. After weeks of treatments, injections and an egg retrieval today was the day she was getting an embryo transfer.

“You ok?” He sat up to lean against the headboard, pulling her up with him and settling with his arm her shoulder.

Emily nodded, “Yeah. I’m ok. It just feels like a lot to take in. After everything we’ve been through trying to have a baby I could be pregnant by the end of the day. Not that we’ll know for a couple weeks.”

They had been married for six years and trying to have a baby for two. He tightened his hold on her slightly as he remembered all those months when her period would come, her disappointment turning into sadness and eventually into despair. She had been damn near inconsolable when the doctor told them she would struggle to conceive naturally. It had taken him a long time to convince her she wasn’t at fault for what was happening.

“Are you sure you want to go to work this morning?” He asked, still unsure that it was the right thing to do.

She turned her head into his chest and pressed a kiss against him, “Definitely, I need something to distract me until this afternoon,” She mumbled into his t-shirt before pulling away to look at him, the mischievous glint in her eyes that he loved so much, “Besides, we’ll already be out later - I don’t think the BAU could survive a whole day without the Unit or the Section chief.”

They had only been in their perspective new roles for six months. Strauss had left the department and Aaron had been the natural choice for her replacement. Emily’s own promotion had come as a shock to her, and at first she had wanted to turn it down not wanting it to seem like nepotism with her husband promoting her. It took a meeting with Aaron’s superior to convince her that order had come from above her husbands head.

“I’ll tell Morgan you said that.” He joked kissing her before he god out of bed to start the day, laughing at the sound of outrage that he heard coming from her.

“You will do no such thing!” She called after him as she followed him into their ensuite.
____________________________

Emily nervously tapped her foot as she sat at her desk watching the clock. The morning had dragged by, and her aim of distracting herself with work had failed. She blew out a breath as she tried to centre herself as she waited for her husband to meet her in her office.

She looked down at the wedding photo she kept on her desk and smiled, picking it up to inspect it closer. She couldn’t believe it had been six years. It was a beautiful day that, despite her mother’s heavy involvement in both the proceedings and the guest list, she considered to be perfect. The photo in her hands was one of her favourites from the day, a candid shot of them where she was laughing looking past the camera, and he was pressing a kiss to her temple - visibly smiling himself as he did so. No sign of the broken hearted man she had met three years before their wedding.

She was 22 when they first met and he was 29, working as a security detail for her mother. Emily was back from Yale and had immediately noticed the somber looking agent. She convinced him to go for a drink with her, which had been no mean feat given his aptitude to remain professional at all times, and once he had a few drinks in him he’d told her all about his high school sweetheart turned ex-fiancé who had left him only a matter of months before they were due to get married.

They become friends after that, her always choosing to spend time with him rather than the people her mother wanted her to be with, him supporting her as she joined the bureau herself. It took a couple months for it to develop into something else. Emily had been the one to take the chance when she kissed him in a dark corner of the embassy when her mother was holding a gala.

They went out for two years before he proposed, and the wedding happened around ten months after that. Her parents had been against their relationship from the beginning - citing Emily and Aaron’s age gap among many other things that made their union inappropriate.

That all changed when Aaron was injured during his SWAT days just after they got engaged, and Emily had been with them when she got the call. Seeing how in love their daughter was with the man who had once been just another security detail at their estate, and how devastated she had been at the prospect of losing him, had made them come around.

It hadn’t all been plain sailing, but they loved each other fiercely. He had often told her over the years how she had put him back together so many times he didn’t know who he was without her anymore. Whilst she felt the same way, she would always scrunch her nose at the declaration and tell him he was corny, before kissing him into oblivion.

“Em,” His voice from her office door shook her out of her revere, she looked up at him and he smiled at her, “Ready to go?”

She stood from her desk grabbed her coat and bag. “Ready as I’ll ever be.”

They walked together down to the main bullpen and she stopped by her teams desks.

“We’ll be back tomorrow. Try not to break anything whilst I’m gone, I really don’t fancy doing the paperwork and the Section Chief is a real hard ass.” She teased, smiling when she heard Aaron scoff behind her.

Morgan and JJ laughed and nodded in response, Gideon just about smiled. They all knew how important today was to their friends.

“Of course, boss.” Morgan replied saluting her in jest.

JJ got up from her seat and pulled Emily into a hug, which Emily gratefully accepted and she hugged her friend back.

“Thanks guys.” She replied as she pulled away from JJ, moving back to her husbands side. “Call if you need anything.”
They all nodded, but Aaron’s face from behind his wife indicated if they were to call her that afternoon there would be hell to pay.

_________________________________

Aaron pressed his hand onto his wife’s knee as it bounced repeatedly up and down, trying to stop the motion. She was momentarily distracted by a text alert from her phone, reaching into her bag and apologising softly to the other people in the fertility clinic waiting room as she fished it out and put it on silent. She laughed to herself as she saw the text from Garcia on her screen, before tilting it so he could read it.

Can’t believe you left without saying goodbye! Good luck Hotchners, hope you get knocked up.

“Emily Hotchner?” A voice called out from the other side of the waiting room, drawing both of their attention to the nurse stood there. They both indicated she was who the nurse was looking for. “Right this way please.” She said kindly.

The couple looked at each other briefly and stood, her grasping his hand immediately before they walked away from the waiting room and into a procedure room.
______________________________

“They said I could do the majority of my normal activities Aaron, I think I can walk into the kitchen and get my own ice cream.” She chastised as he insisted she stayed where she was sat on their couch.

“Hey, I’m taking the chance to spoil my wife who had a medical procedure today. Let me.” He responded, his face pure Section Chief Hotch as opposed to her husband Aaron. She watched in amusement as he disappeared into their house towards their kitchen.

She loved their house. Until they moved there three years ago when they initially thought about extending their family they had been living in a condo in DC itself. Moving into the suburbs of Crosspointe, Virginia had been and adjustment for both them but they loved the sense of normality it gave them when they came home from a tough day at work.

“Here you go.” He said, returning to the couch with a bowl of ice cream for each of them.

“Thanks.” She replied taking her bowl from him as he sat down. They sat in silence as they ate and pretended to be invested in whatever trash tv she had put on when they initially sat down for the evening. “I wish I knew, or felt different.” She eventually said around a mouthful of ice cream.

“What do you mean, sweetheart?”

She looked at him and smiled, a bit sadly, “I don’t know really, I just wish I felt-” She paused, unsure how to finish.

“Pregnant?” He offered, placing his hand on her knee after he put his bowl down on the coffee table in front of the.

“Yeah. I guess.” She replied, placing her now empty bowl next to his. She moved into him, leaning her head on his chest. “This is going to be a long two weeks.”

Over the coming months Emily would look back on that statement and realise just how right she was.

____________________________

The next day Emily was stood behind her desk, grabbing some paperwork before she headed to a briefing when she heard a knock at her door.

“Come in.” She called out without looking up from her desk.

“I’m sorry, I was told this was Unit Chief Hotchner’s office.” A woman’s voice she didn’t recognise said from the door. Emily looked up and looked up at the woman in question. She was blonde and petite, and there was something vaguely familiar about her to Emily. She seemed nervous as she fiddled with the visitor badge attached to her coat lapel.

“Well I’m the Unit Chief, and my married name is Hotchner,” Emily explained, letting out a small laugh, indicating that the woman could move further into the room with her hand. “Sometimes people around here forget I work under my maiden name. My husband is the Section Chief though, if you are looking for him.”

She rambled slightly, something about the stranger in her office, combined with the emotions of the day before were throwing her off her game. The woman opposite her shifted awkwardly on her feet and moved towards her desk.

“Can I help you at all, ma’am?”

“You’re married to Aaron Hotchner?” The woman asked, a tone to her voice that almost sounded accusatory. Emily saw recognition on the other woman’s face as she took in the wedding photo she had on her desk, before looking back at Emily and looking her up and down.

“I’m sorry, who are you?” Emily asked, narrowing her eyes slightly in confusion about how this stranger knew her husband.

The other woman let out a sigh, “I’m Haley Brooks. I used to know Aaron a long time ago.”

The realisation hit Emily immediately. She was stood in front of the woman who had broken her husbands heart before she met him. The only other woman Aaron had ever loved.

Chapter Text

For the first time since they started working together Emily internally groaned when she saw her husband in the hallway as she walked to her meeting. She hadn’t even begun to figure out how she was going to explain that his ex-fiancé had been stood in her office just minutes ago. What she had decided was she wasn’t going to tell him until they were home, and she hoped she would be able to avoid him until the end of the working day.

He could read her like a book. Since the day she had met him she had never been able to keep anything from him. Emily knew the second their eyes met that today was no different. He frowned slightly as they crossed each other in the hallway and he came to a stop at her side.

“Em-” He started, but she interrupted before he could go any further.

“I’ve got to go, Aaron I’ve got a meeting.” She tried to walk away but he grabbed her wrist and turned her back to him.

“Emily are you ok?” He hesitated for a second before his eyes flicked down her body to her abdomen. “Has something happened? Do we need to go to the doctor.”

“Oh God, no.” She assured him, kicking herself mentally for making him assume the worst. “I’m ok I promise. We can talk when we get home later, ok?”

He nodded at that, seemingly placated by her reassurance, and he let go of her wrist.

“Come by my office when you’re done for the day. I’ll wait for you.” She said as she walked away, leaving her concerned husband behind her.

________________________________

When he entered the BAU’s bullpen at the end of the day he saw the team grabbing their go bags. Emily had grounded herself for the next couple of weeks, and placed Morgan as acting agent in charge on away cases, whilst they waited to see if the IVF had been successful, and he had been grateful she had made that decision herself. Aaron was smart enough to know that if she did end up pregnant he would have an uphill battle convincing her to not go in the field, but that was a conversation that he was trying to avoid, as both her boss and her husband, until it was necessary.

“You guys catch a case?” Aaron asked Morgan as he approached him.

“Yeah, we’re off to Nevada.” He explained, “Hey man, is she ok?” Morgan asked, tilting his head towards Emily’s office. “Did everything go ok yesterday?

Aaron followed the other mans gaze to his wife’s office and he saw that the door was closed, which in itself was unusual. “Everything went as expected.” He looked back at Morgan. “How has she been acting?”

Morgan shrugged slightly, lifting his go bag further up his shoulder. “A bit on edge, distracted almost, not fully herself. I assumed you had done something to piss her off.” He smirked.

Aaron smiled at his friend, “Not as far as I am aware.”

Morgan patted him on the shoulder as he walked past him. “Fix it, man. For all our sakes.”

Aaron made his way up to Emily’s office and gave the door a quick knock before letting himself in. “Ready to go, sweetheart?”

Emily looked up to him from her paperwork. “Yeah, just give me a second.” She smiled at him the way she smiled at her mother when she was unhappy about an event they were being forced to go to, and that worried him even more.

“Are you sure you’re ok?”

Emily sighed loudly as she stood up from her desk, briefly looking at him as he smiled at the wedding photo Haley had been staring at only a few hours before.

“Aaron, I’m ok. I really want to go home. I promise I’ll tell you when we get there.” She gathered her things and a few case files and walked to stand by his side. She kissed his cheek gently, which in itself crossed their very clear cut professional line they had drawn years ago. “I’m ok.” She repeated, knowing he was still worried.

“Let’s go then.”

They walked out her office together and down the stairs to the main bullpen and then out towards the elevator.

“It feels weird that they have gone without me.” She remarked as they stood next to each other.

He turned to look at her to see if she seemed upset by it, but she looked ok. “Do you still think you made the right choice to ground yourself for the next couple weeks?”

“Definitely. If anything happens I wouldn’t want to be half way across the country from you.” She moved her hand to thread into his interlocking their fingers.

“You’re breaking all sorts of rules this evening.” He quipped, trying to lighten the mood.

Emily laughed at him and stepped forward into the elevator as the doors opened, pulling him along with her. “You bring it out in me, my mother would say you’ve been leading me astray for years.”

“If only she knew it was the other way around.”

He laughed as she made an outraged sound and hit him lightly in the chest. For the first time since Haley had walked into her office that morning Emily felt like things were ok, but she knew it wouldn’t last.

___________________________

She knew as soon as they were home she wouldn’t be able to put him off much longer. She took off her boots at the door, and by the time she had turned around he was sat on the couch in the living room looking at her expectantly.

Emily took a deep breath and walked over to the couch and sat next to him. She sat close enough that her thigh pressed into his. She was unsure how to tell him what had happened in her office that morning. Emily had always been very secure in their relationship, and she knew he was completely and irrevocably committed to her, but having the only other woman he had loved show up had shaken her.

She couldn’t help but wonder what her life would look like if Haley hadn’t left Aaron, if he had already been married when they met. Maybe she would have taken that job at Interpol she’d been offered when she joined the bureau.

“Em?” His voice broke her out of her revere. He looked so concerned it made her heart ache.

She took a deep breath. “Haley came to my office today.”

“Haley?” He looked confused for a moment, before realisation dawned on his face. “Hayley Brooks?”

Emily nodded in response, biting her lip slightly as she tried to figure out what he was thinking. “She was looking for you, but someone in security directed her to my office. I don’t know when the message is going to get through that we’ve both been promoted and that I’ve never worked under my married name.” She attempted to joke, rambling a little bit since the blank stare on his face made her feel uncharacteristically flustered.

“What did she want?” He asked, his eyes finally meeting hers.

“I don’t know. She seemed quite taken aback that I was your wife.” She reached out and grabbed his hand, “I told her you were busy, I didn’t think you’d appreciate being blind sighted by her showing up in your office.”

He laughed wryly at that. “You seem to have handled it just fine.”

She smiled in response, “Well I’ve always been better at compartmentalising than you.” She placed a hand at the nape of his neck and ran her fingers through his hair. “I have her number so you can call her. If you want to.”

“I don’t understand why she’s here after all this time. She left me by leaving a note and the ring I gave her. I came home and she was just gone.”

Emily knew that, she had done for years and she had hated Haley for it. For hurting this man who, despite being incredibly reserved to the outside world, loved with every part of him. Over the years Emily became thankful towards Haley, knowing that if she hadn’t been stupid enough to walk away from his man she would never have known what it was like to be loved like that.

“It seemed important.” Emily said, still providing comfort by running her fingers back and forth over the nape of his neck. “She seemed almost sad.”

They sat in silence for several minutes, both of them contemplating the next step.

“What are you thinking?” She asked softly not wanting him to internalise this too much.

“I think I should call her. Maybe have her come here so I can hear what she has to say.” He looked at his wife intently to see if she disagreed with that idea, but she just smiled at him.

“Ok, let's do that then.”

“Will you be here when she comes?”

Emily scoffed at that, “Like I’m leaving you alone with the one other woman on this planet that you once proposed to.”

_______________________

Haley had taken them up on their offer, and suggested the following day. Her urgency to see Aaron concerned Emily a bit and for what felt like the 100th time in the last 24 hours she was trying to figure out the other woman’s motives.

Emily was on the phone to Morgan when the doorbell rang getting an update about the case, and she heard Aaron open the door and greet Haley. Once she hung up the phone she blew out a breath and left the kitchen to approach them.

She was starting to wonder if this had been a good idea. Feeling uncomfortable in her own home was not something she was used to since she moved out of her parents house and in with Aaron, and it was not something she had missed.

“Haley, would you like a drink?” She offered, wringing her hands together as she took in the sight of Aaron and Haley stood in front of her just inside their house.

“A black coffee would be nice, thanks.” Haley responded, clearly feeling just as uncomfortable.

Emily nodded and then turned to Aaron, “Babe, do you want anything?”

Despite the circumstances, Aaron suppressed a smirk at that. Emily wasn’t someone who used pet names a lot, and when she did she certainly didn’t say ‘babe.’ She was marking her territory and not being particularly subtle.

“The usual would be great, sweetheart.”

She smiled briefly at him before walking towards their kitchen, leaving Aaron and Haley alone for the first time she she had arrived.

“She’s impressive.” Haley said, drawing Aaron’s attention away from his retreating wife. “She’s younger.”

“Haley.”

“She would have been what, 9 when we met in high school?”

“Haley.” His voice was firm this time, stopping her from going any further and crossing a line he wouldn’t accept.

“Sorry. When I met her yesterday I looked her up. She seems incredible.”

“You don’t have to tell me how amazing my wife is, Haley. I’m the one who married her.”

They stood in silence then until Emily returned holding a mug for each of them, she was surprised to find them both still stood in the entrance to the house. “Shall we sit down?” She suggested, gesturing towards the living room.

Emily placed Haley’s mug on the coffee table in front of couch and signalled for her to sit there. She then moved to the love seat to the right of the couch and sat down, placing both her and Aaron’s mugs down on the edge of the table. He sat next to her and placed his hand on her knee, needing the tangible connection. Emily understood, as she always did, and placed her hand on top of his linking their fingers.

Haley angled her body slightly so she could face them, and picked up her mug so she had something to do with her hands. “You have a lovely home.”

“Thank you.” Emily replied, feeling like she could cut the tension in the air with a knife.

“How long have you guys been together?” She asked taking a sip of her coffee.

Emily wasn’t sure why Haley was asking, since she knew that this was not why Haley had shown up at Quantico the day before, but she found herself answering anyway. “Almost nine years. We’ve been married for six.”

Haley scoffed slightly at that, muttering into her coffee as she took another sip. “Didn’t take you long to move on then, Aaron.”

“Excuse me?” Emily asked, starting to get frustrated.

“I’m sorry,” Haley apologised, sounding genuine. “That was uncalled for. This isn’t how I wanted this to go at all.” She paused for a moment before looking up at them. “Do you want to have any kids?”

Haley would tell they didn’t have any yet since the house she was in so clearly was only occupied by adults, and whilst there were plenty of photos of Emily and Aaron everywhere there weren’t any photos of any children.

That question threw Emily for a second, and her mind immediately went to the pregnancy test in their medicine cabinet in their bathroom waiting for when she was allowed to take it. The 12 days she had left to find out if the embryo transfer had been successful were looking like they would be the longest days of her life.

Aaron finally spoke up, knowing where Haley’s last question would have lead his wife’s thoughts. “Why are you here Haley?”

“What do you mean?”

“Why are you here? You certainly aren’t here to question us about our relationship since you didn’t know I was married before you met Emily yesterday. You have shown up here nine and a half years after you left me without even saying goodbye and you are stalling.”

Emily tightened her hold on his hand slightly, and used the hand that wasn’t grasped in his to loop around his arm pulling herself slightly closer to him. He was speaking to Haley like she was an unsub and Emily wanted to cool the situation down a bit.

“I did feel bad about how I left, Aaron. I should apologise for that. I think I’ll be apologising to you for a lot of things.”

“Now? So many years down the line?” He asked incredulously, “There has to be a reason.”

Haley sighed, placing the mug down on the coffee table before looking at her hands. “I couldn’t tell you in person that I was leaving because I would have chickened out.” She looked up at the couple in front of her and she knew what she was about to say was going to change their lives, and she felt sorry for them. “I would have ended up telling you that I was pregnant.”

“What?” Aaron said, his shock colouring his face and voice. Emily tightened her grip on him even further.

“I was pregnant when I left. You have a son, Aaron.”

Chapter Text

March 1993

He wasn’t sure why he was doing this, but there was something bout the ambassadors daughter that drew him to her.

Her obvious beauty was part of it, he couldn’t deny that, but it was also something about the way she carried herself. She was enticing, insanely intelligent and also, as he had learnt in the few weeks they had known each other, very funny. She was everything he knew her mother would want to be, but he could also tell she was more than that and that she wanted more than the world she had been brought up in could offer.

Emily had been spending a fair amount of time with him when he was on duty recently, keeping him company despite her mothers obvious disapproval at the friendship they had formed. He had tried to keep a distance when Emily suggested they spent time together outside of his working hours in her house, he was after all a professional through and through and Emily was for all intents and purposes someone he was meant to be protecting, but she was nothing if not persistent.

Which is how Aaron found himself in a bar in downtown DC, under the guise that Emily wanted to know more about the application of applying for the Bureau herself now she was done with college. She immediately admitted that she had done plenty of research and knew she was still too young to apply since she wasn't 23 yet, and that she had just wanted to spend some time with him alone.

Aaron couldn’t bring himself to even feel the slightest bit put out by that as they fell into an easy conversation.

“You speak how many foreign languages?” He asked incredulously, watching with some amusement as she put down her beer to count on her fingers.

“Six, although only four of them fluently.” She seemed to blush slightly at the look on his face, which seemed to be a mix of disbelief and awe. “I can get by in Russian and Greek.”

“Do you have any idea how ridiculous that sounds,” He took a sip of his scotch, “You can ‘get by’ in Russian and Greek and I barely scraped a B in AP French.”

Emily laughed at that, “If I’d been living in the country at the time I could have tutored you.”

“I was in senior year Emily, you would have been what, 10? 11?”

“I still could have tutored you. I’ve spoken French my whole life. I’d have got you that A” She had a teasing look on her face, and it didn’t take a genius to know she was flirting with him. He suppressed a smile back at her. He was starting to feel like he was on dangerous territory.

“I actually had a French tutor.” He murmured, “Although we didn’t spend a huge amount of time studying. She was also my girlfriend.”

“How long were you with her?”

“She left me 6 months ago.” As soon as he said it Aaron wasn’t sure why he had. Something about the combination of the alcohol and Emily’s presence clearly made him an open book.

“Shit, Aaron. I’m sorry. You were together a long time.” She sounded, and looked, genuine. And for the first time since he had sat next to her that night the mischievous flirty look in her eyes faded away.

“We were engaged.”

“Shit.” Emily cursed again, and signalled to the barmen to get them the same drinks again. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bring all this up.”

“It’s not your fault, Emily.” He picked up his new drink and took a gulp from it. “She didn’t even say goodbye. She just left a note with the ring on top of it.”

Emily wasn’t even sure he was aware he’d said the last part out loud, but she could see how he was blaming himself for what happened. She wanted nothing more than to reach out and touch him, but physical connection was a line they had not yet crossed. She resisted, for now, deciding that was something for another day. “She really did a number on you didn’t she?”

He looked up at the young woman in front of him and took a sip of his drink, “What do you mean?”

“Your ex. She really has you convinced you aren’t good for anyone.”

Aaron let out a mirth filled laugh at that and took the final sip of his scotch before putting the glass back down on the bar. “My dedication to my job pushed her away. She didn’t want to be several years down the line married to a man who spent more time at work than he did at home.”

If he was honest he remembered every word of the note Haley had left him. He had read it over and over again in the weeks after she left, but he wasn’t about to admit that to Emily. He wasn’t even sure why he was telling her anything in the first place.

“Well, if you ask me-”

“Which I didn’t.”

“If you ask me,” She repeated, continuing as if he hadn’t spoken, “She’s an idiot. One day she’ll realise she let one of the only good guys out there get away.”

He raised an eyebrow at that and properly smiled at her for the first time since she had sat next to him at the bar that evening. “You think so?”

“I know so.” She smiled back at him, acutely aware of the butterflies she felt in her stomach when he smiled widely enough she could see his dimples. “So, Agent Hotchner, are you going to buy me another drink?”

He nodded and signalled the barman again. It wasn’t until after Emily kisses him at one of her mother’s events two weeks later that he considered how much the night in the bar had changed things between them.

________________________________________

Haley’s words bring almost bring the world to a standstill. She watches the couple in front of her try and process the bomb she has just dropped on their lives, when neither of them speak she offers more details.

“His name is Jack.” She says, aware of the tremor in her own voice, as she pulls a photo of him out of her purse and places it on the coffee table sliding it over to them. That seems to bring Emily out of her trance.

Emily turns to look at her husband, having felt his hand that had been gripping hers tightly go slack, and she took in the blank expression on his face. Her eyes flick back towards the photo on the table before she swallows against the lump in her throat.

“Haley,” She addresses the woman opposite her as she stood, slipping out of her husbands lose grasp. “I think you should go.”

Haley furrows her brow, looking as if she is going to argue.

“We clearly have a lot to talk about, but Aaron and I need to process this. Alone.” Her voice leaves no room for argument, and she hopes Haley doesn’t hear the slight shake in it.

Haley nods at that, “I understand.” She gathers her things, leaving the photo on the table, and follows Emily towards the front door. Once the door is opened Haley steps through, and turns back to look at the younger woman married to the man she had once loved. “I am sorry, truly. I didn’t have a choice.

Emily nods mindlessly, trying to figure out what Haley meant by that, but her usual faculties fail her because of all of the information she is trying to process. “We’ll call.” She barely waits for the other woman to nod before closing the door.

She allows herself a moment stood there facing the door to try and pull herself together. Emily closes her eyes and takes a deep breath before turning around to head back towards the living room. She sighs when she sees it is now empty, her husband having apparently left the room when she was showing Haley out. Emily approaches the coffee table and picks up the photo left there by Haley with slightly shaky hands and her breath hitches in her throat as she looks at the picture properly for the first time.

His hair is a light brown and he looks a lot like Haley at first glance. His eyes are a deep hazel colour, and she would recognise the dimples brought forward by his wide grin anywhere. She can tell just by looking at him that the young boy is undeniably her husbands.

________________________________________

She gives him a bit of space. It allows her time to compartmentalise her own feelings about what Haley had revealed. Emily couldn’t believe that it was just yesterday when the other woman appeared in her office searching for Aaron, she felt like she had lived a thousand lifetimes since then.

She was conflicted. She couldn’t understand why Haley had kept this from Aaron. He was a good man, the best, and he would have stuck by her if he had known about his son. He wanted to be a father so much, which was something that had always fed fuel to the fire of her own heartbreak over their difficulty conceiving their own child. Emily stood outside of her husbands slightly ajar office door, and found herself hating Haley for her choices. For keeping Aaron from his son.

She also, on a level she hated herself for, was grateful for what Haley had done. If Aaron had known that Haley was pregnant he wouldn’t have let her go. Emily knew that for a fact. Her husband was fiercely loyal, almost to a fault, and there is no way he would have let Haley walk away. Emily was grateful because Haley’s choices meant she had Aaron and his loyalty all to herself.

She wondered absently what kind of person that made her, to feel even slightly grateful her husband had lost time with a son he didn’t know existed.

“I know you’re out there, Em. You can come in.” His voice called through the slightly open door.

Emily took a deep breath, shoved all of her feelings into a little box in her head so she could be there for her husband, and she walked in. He was sat in his office chair, looking grimly ahead eyes fixed on the wall as he held a glass of barely touched scotch in his hand. She knew him well enough to know this was his first glass, his feelings around alcohol firmly routed in his relationship with his father. His gaze moved to her, the frown on his face slipping slightly.

“Are you ok?” He asks, moving his chair back slightly in silent invitation for her to join him.

She scoffs at him as she walks over. “Am I ok? I’m worried about you.” She sits in his lap, grateful for the physical contact as one of his arms loops around her. They sit in silence, not the comfortable one that usually can enjoy together, as both of them try to figure out what to say. Eventually, it’s her who speaks first. “What do you want to do?”

He takes a small sip of his drink before putting the tumbler on his desk. “I don’t know.” And he didn’t. For the first time in a long time Aaron Hotchner didn’t know what to do, and he didn’t like the feeling. It was several minutes before he spoke again. “We should probably ask for a DNA test before we do anything else.”

Emily hums in response, knowing he’s right. She doesn’t say that whilst Haley is a lot of things, she doesn’t think she is someone who would lie about this. She doesn’t mention that the photo of the little boy downstairs on their coffee table looks so much like him it fractured her heart.

“Why would she do this?” He asks, his voice almost unrecognisable to her. She isn’t sure if he’s asking why Haley had kept this from him for so long, or why she was telling him now, but she can’t answer either question for him.

She brings her hand to his face, brushing stray hair from his forehead from where he had clearly been running his hands through it in frustration. “I don’t know, honey.” She isn’t one for nicknames usually, although she loves when he uses them on her, but when he needs comforting they fall out of her before she can stop them. “I wish I could help you.”

He wraps his arms around her tighter. “You are helping. Just by being you.”

She smiles at him, although it doesn’t reach her eyes, and presses a kiss to his cheek. “We’ll figure this out together, ok? Just like we always do.”

He nods in response. “You’re ok, right?” He asked, his hand drifting down to her stomach. “The doctor said you should try and stay as stress free as possible.”

When the doctor had said that after the embryo transfer she assumed any relevant stress would be around work, so had taken the necessary precautions. This was something they couldn’t have foreseen at all, and Emily wanted so badly to go back in time 48 hours when her biggest frustration was her husband forcing her to sit on the couch whilst he got her ice cream.

“I’m ok.” She answers, putting her hand over his. “No changes. You know I’d tell you if there were.”

“I love you more than anything.” He says firmly, an intensity in his eyes she usually only sees at work. “You know that, right?”

She wonders, not for the first time since they became them, if he can read her mind. Or if her insecurities around Haley’s reappearance were obvious to him even though she has desperately decided to shove them away. Despite everything that has happened in the last two days, she knows he’s telling the truth. “I know.” She replies, leaning her forehead against his. “I love you too.”

He moves his head slightly so he can press a kiss to her forehead. “We should go to bed.” He murmurs against her skin.

“In a minute.” She tightens her hold against him, not wanting to break this tiny sanctuary they had created curled up in his desk chair in his office.

He kisses her forehead again, before resting his chin on the top of her head and bringing a hand up to stroke her hair. “In a minute.”

Chapter Text

Haley was initially offended by the request to do a DNA test on her son, but relents quickly to their request. It had been two weeks since Haley had appeared in her office and a week since they had sent off the test, meaning the results would likely arrive today.

Emily was in her office trying to concentrate on paperwork when a knock on her door caught her attention. She looked up to see JJ standing there, looking at her with concern.

“Are those the latest cases we’ve been contacted about? Emily asks gesturing to the files in JJ’s hands.

JJ nods and walks over to pass her the files, “Yeah these are just a few of the ones we’ve had contact about this week.”

“Thanks, JJ.” Emily returns her attention to the work she was doing, expecting JJ to leave, but she notices her friend is still stood there staring at her. “Are you ok?”

“Emily, are you ok? You don’t seem yourself.”

“I’m fine, JJ. I promise you.” They had decided to keep everything under wraps for now until they were more used to the news themselves, and until it was confirmed. Emily knew it was the right thing to do but it also meant that the only person she could talk to about it was Aaron, and she didn’t want to burden him with her own feelings about the matter when he was struggling with his own.

“I may not be a profiler like the rest of you, but I know when someone is lying to me.”

Emily sighs and drags in a deep breath, closing her eyes against the emotions she is desperately trying to keep in the box she has shoved them into. “JJ. Please leave it.” She begs, and her friend relents, knowing that Emily doesn’t beg for anything.

“If you need to talk you know where I am.”

Emily nods grimly, but her voice is sincere. “Thank you.”

_______________________________________

When they get home from work that day she checks the mailbox almost immediately, and sees a letter from the company they had used for the DNA test. Emily takes it into the house and passes it to Aaron. For a moment they both just stare at the envelope, sat at their kitchen counter, knowing their lives were likely about to change. Eventually, after what feels like a lifetime, he opens it. The look on his face tells her it’s the result she’s been expecting all along.

He has a son.

Emily can’t help but wonder how they will explain this to everyone. She briefly thinks of what her mother’s reaction will be. Whilst her initial reaction to their relationship had been less than favourable, since their wedding Elizabeth had been a lot more accommodating towards Aaron, and she often was taken aback by the slight fondness her mother and husband for each other. They sit in silence for a while, neither knowing what to say. When Emily can’t bear he silence anymore she places her hand over his. “What are we going to do next?”

“I don’t know. Ask to meet him I guess.” He replies, finally placing the letter down on the counter.

“Is that what you want?”

“Of course I want to meet my son, Emily.” He bristles, and she removes her hand from his like she’s been burned.

“I wasn’t suggesting you didn’t,” She implores,“it’s just all happened so fast. Two weeks ago you didn’t know he existed.”

“I probably need to reach out to Haley.”

“Yeah, you do.” She nods, not particularly wanting to continue acting as their go between as she had done the last two weeks. She gets up from where she is sat to busy herself. She starts to make a cup of tea, even though she doesn’t want one, just to do something with her hands. She places a mug down on the counter before turning back to him, deciding in that moment she needs to say what she’s been putting off since Haley came to their house two weeks ago. “I think something else is going on here.”

“What do you mean? The test was definitive.” He gestures to the piece of paper right in front of him.

“Not that.” She almost says she knew the little boy was his the second she saw the photo of him. That without Haley’s lighter hair and nose he looked almost exactly like she had pictured their own child in all the months she failed to get pregnant. She doesn’t say it though, knowing now isn’t the time. “I think Haley is hiding something.”

He furrows his brow at her, clearly not agreeing with her assessment of the situation. “What makes you say that?”

“It doesn’t add up. Why now? She didn’t know about us so she clearly didn’t go to a huge amount of effort to look you up, but I also don’t think this was an impulse. There is something going on that she hasn’t told us yet. When she was here she said to me that she didn’t have a choice. I’ve spent the last two weeks trying to figure out what she meant.”

“I know this is a lot for you to take in, but I think you’re too close to it, Em.”

“Of course I’m too close to it.” She exclaims, abandoning the tea making process entirely. “My husbands ex-fiancee just showed up with a kid she’s been keeping secret from him.” She can feel her temper rising, unsure why he won’t face the truth. “That doesn’t mean I’m wrong.”

“You don’t know her like I do. ” He attempts to leave no room for argument, a tone she has heard him use on unsubs but never on her, and suddenly something inside of her snaps.

“You don’t know her, Aaron.” She yells, more angry than she ever remembers being with him, and she hates herself for it. It’s not his fault everything has changed anymore than it is hers, but she’s hormonal from all the fertility treatments, and tired and just so sad over about the confirmation that he has a son with another woman. “You knew her. A long time ago. The Haley you knew and told me about would not have kept your son away from you for almost a decade.”

“Em-” He’s angry too, indignant in his rage.

She interrupts him, still so angry at him she can’t think straight. “So I may not know her, but you don’t either. What I do know is that something else is going on here. She hasn’t just shown up after all these years deciding she wants you in her sons life.” She wipes a lone tear off her face with the heel of her hand in frustration. “If you don’t trust me as your wife to see it, because I’m ‘too close’ to it, at least trust me as the profiler you once said was one of the best.”

She turns to walk away, to give them both the space they desperately need, but as she reaches the bottom of the stairs she turns back to him. “I can’t even imagine how difficult this is for you,” her voice is calmer now, and she almost sounds defeated. “But don’t think for a minute this is easy for me.”

“I know it isn’t.” He replies, her admission making his own frustration recede. He takes a step towards her but frowns when she steps backwards that takes her up one of the steps.

“I’m going to bed, Aaron.” She clears her throat. “I’m going to sleep in the spare room. We both need some space, and you need to think.”

He wants to argue with her, he wants to tell her that he needs her, but he doesn’t. He nods and lets her walk up the stairs.

It isn’t until he hears the slamming of the guest room door that he thinks about the fact it’s barely 7pm.

_______________________________________

Things are tense between them for four incredibly long days. Emily overheard him talking to Haley on the phone a couple of times, arranging a time and place to meet his son, and it hurts her more than she’d care to admit.

One of her fears in the early stages of their relationship was what would happen if Haley had appeared and wanted Aaron back. Emily had never told him that and as time went on her concerns lessened. By the time he proposed to her, Haley never crossed her mind as a threat anymore, just as a woman whose actions had allowed Emily to know the love of a man like Aaron Hotchner.

Those fears had all come rushing back in the nearly three weeks it had been since Haley had showed up in her office. It wasn’t rational and she knew it, but the thought had kept her awake the last few nights as she laid beside him in silence.

“Tell me what you are thinking.” His voice breaks through her revere, and she realises she’s been stood at the kitchen counter stirring her cup of tea for quite some time. When they got home from work he had stalked off to his office like he had done since their argument a few nights before.

Neither of them did well when they were at odds. Her mother always told her that it meant they were codependent, but Emily never took relationship advice from a woman who was clearly in a marriage of convenience.

She puts the spoon in her hand down and turns to look at him. “I can’t.”

“Emily, we don’t hide things from each other.”

She scoffs at that, “You’ve barely spoken to me in days.”

“That’s not true.”

“Isn’t it?” She crosses her arms across her body as if protecting herself from what’s happening. “You’re not the one who has had to ward off questions from the team all week. They are trained to read behaviour after all.”

“Please speak to me. I know you’re not sleeping, and you’re closing yourself off.” He implores her, ignoring her comments about the team. He’d had enough visits from Derek Morgan over the last few days he thinks he has seen him more recently than he did when he the man’s Unit Chief. “I don’t like not knowing what is on your mind.”

“I can’t, Aaron. Don’t you get that?” Her voice breaks and all the emotions she has held back over the last few weeks come tumbling to the surface. “ I can’t tell you what I’m thinking because then I’d tell you how heartbroken I am over the fact another woman has given you a child when I couldn’t. I’d tell you how terrified I have been that you’ll go back to her because of it. I’d say how awful those things make me feel because there is a little boy in the centre of it all who didn’t ask for any of this.”

She finally looks away from him and suppresses a sob as she looks to the floor. “I’d tell you how there is a pregnancy test up in the bathroom that I should have taken four days ago,” this time she does sob and looks back at him, “but I can’t bring myself to take it because my husband won’t even look at me.”

He closes the gap between them and pulls her into his arms. She resists for a moment before wrapping her arms around him and pressing her wet face into his neck. “Em, sweetheart, I am so sorry.”

Aaron had known since the spare room door slammed shut behind his wife four nights ago that she was right. Something else was going on, and Haley wasn’t being completely honest about everything. Ever since then he had struggled to find the words to express himself to his wife so he simply hadn’t, and as a result she had spiralled completely into her own concerns and fears.

“You know I’d never leave you, don’t you?.” He says, knowing that in this moment that is the only part of what she has said he can address immediately, the rest too complicated for the moment. She doesn’t answer, only buries herself further into his grasp and his makes him frown. He pulls away from her enough so he can look at her, and he hooks a finger under her chin so she looks at him. “Sweetheart, you’ve got to know that.”

She sniffs. “I do,” She smiles sadly at him, “But she’s your first love. When we first met you were so heartbroken because she left. And now she’s back, and she has a kid. Your kid. If you’d known she was pregnant back then you would have convinced her to stay, and then we wouldn’t be together.”

He couldn’t deny that, and he wouldn’t do her the disservice by lying to her. The thought had occurred to him in the days that followed Haley telling them about Jack. “I didn’t know though. She left without a word, and then I took a job for an ambassador and met her incredible daughter.”

Emily smiles at him wryly and cups his cheek in her hand. “And then you begged me to go for a drink with you.”

He smiles playfully at her. “You and I remember our early days very differently,” she laughs, albeit through her tears, and he becomes serious again. “She may have been my first love, Emily but you are everything to me. I don’t know if I believe in soulmates or anything like that, but if I did you’d be mine.”

Her thumb strokes his cheekbone. “You’d be mine too. If I believed in them.”

“I’m sorry for being so closed off the last few days, and for making you feel like you couldn’t take the test.”

“It’s ok.”

“No, it isn’t. I should have thought about it.”

She nods at that because he should have, but she doesn’t want to hold it against him. “Just don’t leave me alone in this, ok?”

“Never.” He kisses her, pouring all of his love into the kiss before pulling back. “Do you want to do it now?”

Emily shakes his head at him. “No, it's more accurate in the morning. And I just want to spend an evening with you, if that’s ok. One more night won’t change anything.”

“Of course.” He pushes hair behind her ear and kisses her again.

“First thing tomorrow though.” She says as they pull apart.

“It’s a date.”
_______________________________________

June 1993

He wakes her up by pressing a series of kisses into her shoulder. She doesn’t have to be up yet, he knows her plans for the day will likely be around applying for a job she can do until she is old enough to apply for the FBI herself, which is now only a few months away. She had already been doing some free-lance translator work for the local police, which she had been doing throughout college in New Haven too.

She presses her face slightly further into her pillow, and Aaron smiles to himself. He finds it unendingly amusing that Emily isn’t a morning person.

“I have to go.” He hates waking her, but he is at her place and the one time he did leave without waking her up had not ended well for him. She moved into this apartment, which she bought with money from her trust fund, around the time they had gone for drinks together.

Emily grumbles again before turning over and resting her head on his thigh. “Stay.”

“I would give anything to stay,” He runs his fingers through her hair as he speaks, “Sadly I don’t think my superiors will see me staying in bed with my girlfriend as a good excuse to miss a briefing. Especially when said girlfriend is the daughter of the last person I was assigned to work for.”

She shoots up in bed at that, hand steadying her on his thigh where her head had been resting seconds beforehand. The sheet she’d had wrapped around her falls around her waist. “What did you just call me?” Her tone is a mix of amusement and trepidation.

He replays what he said in his head and then his brain falters. They had been sleeping together for two months now, but hadn’t really defined anything. It was out of character for him to have no strings attached sex, but despite their lack of conversation around what they were nothing seemed causal between them. He stayed at hers most nights, they went to dinner together, stayed up until the small hours of the morning talking. She talked about his job with him, so desperate to be doing the work herself. In that moment he realised they had fallen into a relationship without even talking about it.

He decides in that moment just to steer into the skid, although he can hear the uncharacteristic nerves in his own voice that she always seems to bring out of him. “My girlfriend. Is that a problem?”

She smiles widely at him, “No. The only problem is my boyfriend is apparently abandoning me for the rest of the day.” She leans forward and kisses him then, wrapping her arms around the back of his neck and pulling him tight to her.

He responds for a moment, before pulling away. “You are making this much harder than it needs to be.”

Emily raises her eyebrows at him before looking down to his crotch. “I’d say so.”

He levels his eyes at her, attempting to look unamused but his eyes sparkle at her. “You know that’s not what I meant.” He removes himself from her grasp and the bed and starts to ready himself for work.

She pulls herself out of bed and puts on his shirt they discarded on the floor the night before, knowing he has another one at her apartment that he can wear to work. She rubs her eyes as she leaves the bedroom and walks down the stairs to the living area. Emily has only just switched the coffee machine on when she hears a knock at her door.

Still not entirely awake she doesn’t consider her attire or look through the peephole to see who is there before she opens the door. She immediately regrets it when she sees her mother on the other side.

“Mother.” Her eyes are wide, and any lingering sleepiness is gone in seconds. She steps back and lets Elizabeth in, closing the door behind her. “What are you doing here?”

“Can’t a mother drop in on her daughter to say hello?”

Whilst Emily has no doubt her mother has noticed she is only wearing a mans shirt, she doesn’t address it. “Not before 8am on a Wednesday. Is everything ok?”

“Not everything has an ulterior motive.”

Emily fights the urge to tell her mother with her there was always an ulterior motive, but before she can say anything else she hears Aaron descending the stairs, and she closes her eyes to steel herself for what she thinks is about to happen.

“Em, have you seen my red tie? I could have sworn…” His voice trails off as he rounds the bottom of the stairs to find Emily stood opposite her mother. He recovers quickly, and approaches the two. “Ambassador Prentiss, it’s good to see you.”

“Agent Hotchner. Now this is a surprise.” Elizabeth’s tone is cool and even, but the raised eyebrow she sends her daughters way makes Emily internally wince. This was not how she had wanted her mother to find out about her and Aaron.

“Aaron was just leaving.” Emily says to her mother, but looking directly at him. “I think you said you had another tie in your desk at work.”

He quickly understands that she is trying to get him to leave so she can deal with her mother, so he nods. “You’re right.” He takes a step towards her but pauses, unsure how to act under her mothers gaze which has not shifted from him since he appeared in the living room.

Emily closes the gap between them and steps on her tip toes, their height difference evident with her being barefoot, to press a brief kiss to his lips. “Call me later?” She asks, and smiles when he nods in return.

She steps past her mother and opens the door and lets him out. She closes the door behind him and turns to face her mother. “Before you start actively judging me for my life choices can I at least go put some more clothes on?”

Elizabeth’s expression doesn’t change, although Emily is sure she can see a slight hint of amusement, but she moves over to the couch. “Be my guest.”

Emily quickly runs up the stairs and pulls on some sweatpants and replaces Aaron’s shirt with a sweater. She gives herself a second to gather herself before she leaves her bedroom and heads back downstairs.

Her her mother starts talking before her feet even hit the floor.“It’s inappropriate. He works for the family.”

Emily sighs as she walks over to join her mother on the couch, “He works for the FBI. And he doesn’t even work your security clearance anymore.”

“He was reassigned 2 weeks ago, Emily. I can assume this thing between the two of you has been going on longer than that.”

Emily sighs before answering. “We’ve been seeing each other since the benefit you hosted in April.”

“Emily-”

She knows that tone, and she doesn’t appreciate it, so she interrupts her mother. “Look, it’s my decision. We are both consenting adults and he’s a good guy.” Emily pauses for a second and pushes some hair behind her ear as she avoids her mothers gaze. “I really like him, Mother.”

Elizabeth considers her daughter for a moment, and decides to let it go for now. “Were you going to make coffee or not?” Emily lifts her head at that, narrowing her eyes at her mothers sudden change in subject. “I need to talk to you about an assignment I’ve just picked up.”

Emily nods, “Sure.” She got up and walked back to her kitchen, thanking the universe or whoever was out there helping her, for ensuring her mother would be out of the country again for a few months.

Chapter Text

September 1993

They were spending a rare night at his place. Usually her apartment would be where they would spend the night, but he had no clean clothes left at hers and he had an early start the following day, so she suggested spending the night at his.

The buzzer sounded indicating their takeout had arrived and Aaron jumped up from the dining table to grab the money to pay for the food. As he opened the door to his apartment his house phone rang, and he let out a noise of frustration. “Em, can you get that?” He called back over his shoulder as he left to meet the delivery guy at the main entrance.

Emily got up from where she had been sat at the dining table and grabbed the phone from where it lived on the side table. “Hello, Aaron Hotchner’s phone.”
She was met with silence on the other end, but she could tell someone was there, and she could swear she could hear a baby crying in the background. “Hello?”

“I’m sorry.” An unfamiliar female voice said on the other end, “wrong number.”

Before Emily could say anything further the caller hung up and she was met with a dial tone. Emily frowned slightly as she put the phone back on the receiver.

“Who was it?” Aaron asked as he reenters the apartment, Chinese takeout in hand.

“Wrong number apparently.”

They sit and eat in companionable silence, occasionally sneaking bits of each others food. Once they are done they move to the couch to watch a movie together.

Emily keeps stealing glances at him throughout the film, unsure how to broach a subject she had been putting off for a week now. She notices the fingers he had been trailing up and down her arm come to a standstill and the next time she looks at him he is looking right back at her.

“Are you ok, Em?” He reaches forward for the VCR remote and pauses the movie, “This is your favourite and you’ve barely registered it's on.”

Her immediate instinct is to say everything is fine, years of training from her parents to keep a lid on her emotions shining through, but she stops herself. “I have to tell you something.”

“You can tell me anything.” He says it so seriously she smiles at him and turns so she can face him a little better.

“I got contacted by Interpol.” She says as evenly as she can. If he’s surprised he doesn’t show it on his face. “I’ve been asked to join them, apparently my language skills and academic background have caught the attention of some important people there and at the CIA.”

She has a sneaking suspicion it has everything to do with her mother, her name and influence something Emily knew could get her any job she wanted. Her mother wasn’t against using it, especially when her daughter was in a relationship she didn’t approve of and she saw it as a potential option to get her away.

“Em, that’s an amazing opportunity.” He knows it is, but he also knows what it means. She could be away for years at a time and she wouldn’t be able to tell anyone where she was. It would mean the end of them.

“I turned them down.” She says it like it is the most simple thing in the world, and to her it was, and it makes him furrow his brow.

“Emily-”

“Six months ago I would have snatched his hand off for the opportunity.” She interrupts him. “But the thought of being away for possibly years at a time no longer appeals to me.”

He cups her cheek, and despite himself tries to do what he thinks is best for her. “You can’t turn down an opportunity like this for me. I won’t let you.”

“I’m not.” She refutes, placing her hand over his on her cheek, “Not entirely anyway, I’m turning it down because for the first time in my life I feel like I have roots somewhere. I have an apartment that I love, and I have us.”

Neither of them are very good at discussing their feelings. Their childhoods, whilst wildly different, had left them in a similar place as far as that was concerned. But they were trying to be better for each other so that this relationship they both treasured more than they thought they would could last. She decides to take the leap.

“I love you, Aaron. And I think you might love me too. I’m not risking that for anything.”

He lifts his other hand to her cheek so he is now framing her face, “Oh sweetheart, I love you so much.”
____________________________

Emily jumps as she enters her office and sees someone sat at her desk. “Damn it, Dave.” She exhales as David Rossi has the nerve to smirk at her.

“Hello to you too Mrs Hotchner.”

She scowls at him, albeit lightheartedly, as she approaches her desk. “Get out of my seat, Rossi.”

He smiles at her and moves out of her chair to a seat on the other side of the desk, grabbing her and Aaron’s wedding photo as he goes before smiling at it and setting it back down. “I retire and go on a book European book tour for a year and I come back to find you and Aaron as Section and Unit Chief."
“I didn’t even realise you were in town.” She says as she sits down, ignoring his comment.

“I wasn’t until a couple days ago, thought I’d come see the BAU’s new Unit Chief.”

She rolls her eyes at him. “I’ve been in the job 6 months, Dave.”

“Still new.” He smirks at her, in the way she’s always found incredibly irritating, before continuing. “Interesting that Gideon has taken my old office.”

“Gideon turned down the Unit Chief job and then I got it, which is fine. But he still insists on ‘helping’ me hire new recruits. His latest offering is a doctor who doesn’t look old enough to be out of diapers.”

“You just bitter because he’s technically too young to join the FBI but they are still letting him anyway, and you had to wait?”

She narrows her eyes at him, “What are you really here for? Because I’m assuming it's not to just try and piss me off first thing in the morning.”

“Your husband may have mentioned that you could do with seeing a friendly face.”

Emily makes a disbelieving noise in her throat, “Of course he did. And you both deemed that you were the person I needed to see?” She raises her eyebrows at him.

They find themselves at an impasse, both staring at each other over the desk that was once his, before he gives in. “What is going on, Emily?”

She sighs, not wanting to have this conversation with anyone yet, but knowing she has to start somewhere. Dave is her friend, one of the first people who recognised her skills and saw beyond who her parents and husband were. Her start at the bureau had been rocky given her connections, many people believing she hadn’t earned her place, but Dave had always been kind. A completely irritating asshole, who could see right through her, but kind none the less.

“How much did he tell you?” She asks, not really knowing where to start.

“Nothing.”

Emily smiles grimly, finding herself slightly mad at her husband for leaving it up to her to tell one of their oldest friends about his estranged son. “Well, you should go get yourself a coffee before I start. It’s a long story.”

Dave nods, standing up to make his way to the kitchenette in the bullpen. “Do you want one?”

Emily wants a coffee more than she can possibly describe, but she knows she can’t. “Not for me thanks.”

If Dave thinks that answer is unusual for her he mercifully doesn’t say anything as he briefly leaves her office.
____________________________

“So Dave came to see me today.” She says when they settle into bed that evening, smiling as his arm comes around her and his hand settles on her stomach. Their morning had been rushed, barely any time to celebrate the fact that she was pregnant. There was a very long way to go, but even with the added stress around Haley’s reappearance in his life and the son she had brought with her, she was so happy. “Apparently someone told him I could do with a friend.”

Aaron hums, and his thumb gently strokes the skin below her belly button. “That’s good, I’m glad you saw him.” He pauses for a moment, unsure how to phrase what he wants to say next. “How did he take it?”

“Well I think we finally did the impossible - David Rossi was shocked into silence.”

Despite himself Aaron laughs. “Who knew that a child kept from me by my ex would be the thing to do it.” He strokes her belly again. “Did you tell him about the baby?”

She shakes her head firmly. “No, until we know everything is ok for sure I want to keep it between us. The team will have to know when it’s necessary because of work. Hopefully we’ll never have to tell my mother, or wait until the baby is old enough to tell her itself.”

He pinches her skin lightly for the comment about her mother, rolling his eyes at her. “We do need to speak about work.” It was a conversation they had put off for a long time. “I don’t know how comfortable I am with you going in the field.”

“Aaron.”

“You’re pregnant, Emily.”

“I do know that. I’m the one who peed on the sticks.” She looks at him, fire in her eyes and frustration with him evident. “I’m also the one who took all the hormone shots and went through two, very painful, egg retrievals. And the implantation. I’m not going to do anything to risk this, Aaron. But I am going to work.”

“I am your boss you know-”

“If you even think about trying to use that against me during this you will be sleeping in the spare room until the baby graduates high school.”

“Just high school?” He asks teasingly.

“I could push it up to college.” She smiles at him, and cups his cheek in her hand. “I know there will be limitations to what I can do now, and I’ll happily do what is needed. I’ve wanted this for too long to do anything else.”

“I know, Em. I just worry.”

“I know you do, honey. And you worrying as my husband is one thing, trying to force me to stay in Quantico until I give birth as my boss is another.”

“When is your appointment with your doctor?”

“In a week.” She is as nervous about it as she is excited, part of her concerned that the four pregnancy tests she had taken that morning were somehow all wrong. Her immediate reaction was to try to not get too excited, to not let herself imagine the future with a tiny version of them in it, but that had fallen by the wayside very quickly. “I don’t think there will be much to see.”

“If that is your way of trying to tell me I don’t have to be there you’re being an idiot.”

She smacks him lightly in the chest for that. “Don’t call your pregnant wife an idiot.” She leans forward and kisses him briefly. She doesn’t fully pull back before she speaks again. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

“How do you feel about tomorrow?” She asks quietly, settling herself against him as they lie down in their bed together. He was finally meeting Jack, and she was going along with him. Haley had suggested meeting somewhere that would count as neutral ground and they had settled on a local park.

Aaron tightens his hold on her, pressing a kiss to her forehead. “Nervous, excited too.” He runs his hand up and down her back. “What if he doesn’t like me?”

Emily scoffs, “Of course he’ll like you.”

“You sure you’re ok to come with me?”

She hums, the movement of his fingers up and down her back lulling her to sleep. “Of course.”

The truth is she isn’t sure how she will cope with tomorrow. With seeing his ex-fiancee and meeting his son. But she knows this is really about him, so pushes her own feelings away - knowing there is time for them another time.
____________________________

“I called once.”

Emily furrows her brows at that, looking at the blonde woman to her left. Aaron and Jack far enough away from them that they can’t hear what they are saying but they can see the pair of them together from where they are sat on a park bench. It had been odd being introduced to Jack, and she wasn’t sure how much the 9 year old really understood, but he had taken to Aaron quite well.

Watching her husband play with his son equally makes her heart soar and ache. She thinks of the tiny little baby in her own stomach, and she hopes that one day she will be watching her husband and their child play together. She resists placing her hand on her abdomen, since Haley was not aware of Emily’s pregnancy she didn’t want to draw attention to it.

“What do you mean?” Haley asks.

“Jack was only a few months old and I was struggling. I called our old apartment, Aaron’s apartment, and a woman answered the phone. I’m guessing that was you.”

“I’m sorry I don’t remember that.” Emily frowns, trying to wrack her brain.

Haley smiled ruefully at her, “I wouldn’t expect you to, I panicked and said it was the wrong number. In that moment I felt justified in what I had done, knowing if he had moved on so quickly it was good I had left.” Haley clearly spots the look of outrage on Emily’s face and puts her hand up. “Trust me I know that was wrong, and I had no right to feel put out by him finding someone else.”

“Why now?” Emily moves her gaze from where her husband is talking with his son to the woman sat next to her on the bench.

“Sorry?” Haley asks.

“Why have you come back now?” She knows Aaron won’t want her to have this conversation now, that he said he’d bring it up with Haley, but she can’t help herself. “I keep trying to think of what made you decide to let Aaron into Jack’s life now.”

They both look to Aaron and Jack playing again. Their interactions look a little awkward, but it seems like they are both having fun.

“I’m dying.” Haley says suddenly, the tone of her voice not matching the magnitude of her words, and Emily snaps her head back to her so suddenly she twinges her neck.

“What?” She asks, her hand rubbing her neck where the tendons are protesting.

Haley moves her gaze from her son, and looks at the younger woman next to her. Someone she hadn’t expected, but who would be a part of her sons life long after she left it. “I’ve got a brain tumour, and it’s inoperable. I’m dying.” Her voice cracks slightly as she repeats herself.

Emily stares at her open mouthed, unsure what to say, and that’s the moment Jack and Aaron chose to come back over.

“Mom, I want some ice cream but Aaron says I have to ask you first.” Jack’s voice breaks through the tension between the two women.

Haley turns to look at her son, plastering a smile on her face Emily found almost impressive given the conversation they had just been having. “Of course you can sweetie.” She reaches into her purse to grab some money.

Aaron notices his wife is simply just staring at Haley, a look of shock on her face he has only seen less than a handful of times. “Emily, are you ok?”

She looks up at him, seemingly broken out of whatever trance she had been in. “Yeah. I’m ok.”

He doesn’t look convinced, but before he can push any further Jack is back at his side with a ten dollar bill in his hands.

“Come on, Aaron. I’ll buy you some ice cream too.”

Aaron throws a smile at the boy, still slightly stilted in how he is acting around him. “Okay, Jack. Let’s go.” He throws his wife a look, and he recognises the look in her eyes. They’d talk later.

Emily watches the pair walk away before she turns back to the woman next to her. “Haley.”

“He doesn’t know.” She answered the question she knew was on Emily’s tongue. “I need you to tell Aaron.”

Emily blows out a breath. “Haley.” She says the other woman’s name again, seemingly not able to say anything else.

“I know it’s not fair of me to ask that of you.” Haley scoffs at herself, “You already had to tell him about Jack, and God know’s I’ve caused you more than enough problems since I walked into your office. But I can’t tell him. I don’t know where to start.”

“And I do?” Emily says, finally able to find her words. She looks up to where Aaron and Jack are stood by the ice cream kiosk, the young boy laughing at something her husband had said.

“You know him better than I do, probably better than I ever did.”

Emily stares at the woman sat next to her, and she knows she has to agree to this. How could she possibly say no. Emily sighs and wonders when her life got so complicated. “Ok.” She nods. “But you need to tell me everything.”

Chapter Text

His joy from meeting and getting on well with his son is short-lived as he notices his wife’s mood as they settle back into their car after parting ways with Haley and Jack. There had been a shift in behaviour between his ex and his wife when he returned to the park bench, ice cream finished, at the time they had all agreed they would head home.

On the outside Emily seemed perfectly fine, but he knew her better than that. Her smile was the fake one he had seen her paint on at many parties at her parents over the years, or that she directed at a local detective on a case who got a bit too friendly for her liking. The skin around her thumb nails seemed to have been freshly picked out, dots of bright red blood lining them. As he drove away from the park he could see her picking at the already damaged skin out of the corner of his eye.

“How was your time with Jack?” Her tone is lighter than he expected it would be, and he can almost hear her mother in it.

“It was nice.” He answers curtly, still trying to figure out what was going on.

“Just nice?” She looks at him and they briefly make eye contact, a small smile flitting across her face before he looked back at the road. “From where I was sat it seemed like you were really getting on.”

“It was good.” He replies, softer this time. “He seems like a good kid. Haley has done a good job with him.”

“Yeah,” She sounds distracted now, and a quick glance at her tells him she is now looking out the passenger seat window. “She has.”

“Are you ok? Is it the baby?”

She smiles sadly at him, “No, it's not the baby. It’s going to be a long pregnancy if you ask me that every time I seem off.”

“I just worry, we’ve waited a long time for this.” He flushes a little bit, and she’s sure its a mixture of embarrassment and indignation.

“I know, honey.” She rests her hand over his on the steering wheel and briefly laces her fingers between his. “Let’s go home first, ok?”

He doesn’t want to wait, his mind swirling with possibilities over what has Emily so bothered, but he doesn’t push her. He nods, and they spend the rest of the car journey in silence.

___________________________

“I guess this means you were right.”

Emily had told him everything Haley had told her, about how she had known she was sick for a while but only about the terminal diagnosis for a couple of months. How it had caused her to reach out to her estranged sister, who in turn insisted Haley reach out to Aaron, saying she owed him that much at least.

Emily had briefly met Jessica Brooks once, during an incredibly awkward encounter in a bar when they first moved in together. Aaron had told her afterwards he had no idea Jessica lived anywhere near there, but Emily hadn’t missed how he had tripped over the word ‘wife’ when introducing her to the woman who could have once been his sister in law.

She furrows her brow at him from her place sat to his right on their couch. “What do you mean?”

“That there was something else going on.”

“Aaron,” she chokes out his name, “You’ve got to know me well enough to know thats not what I’m thinking.”

He closes his eyes and nods. “I’m sorry, you’re right.” He leans forward and rests his elbows on his knees with his head in his hands. “You’re right.” He repeats. “Whats going to happen to Jack?”

His question hangs in the air and Emily puts her hand on his shoulder and rubs back and forth in an attempt to comfort him. “I don’t think she’s thought that all out yet.”

“I’ve met him once, Emily. I’ve met my son one time.”

He sounds so broken, so unlike himself that she closes her eyes to force her emotions back. She shifts closer to him so her arm is fully around him, and she presses a kiss to his temple. “I know.”

“What should I do?”

“I think you should talk to her, ask what she expects of you, and what she wants you to be to Jack.”

He nods, which she feels more than sees since she is still pressed so closely to him. “He’s a good kid, Em. He doesn’t deserve this.”

“I know he doesn’t.”
___________________________

Haley comes over the following day. She leaves Jack with her sister, and Emily goes to work, an urgent case pulling her from her husbands side. Aaron finds himself sat opposite Haley at his dining room table, and he realises this is the first time they have been completely alone together since she left him all those years ago.

“I have a lot of things to apologise for.” She says as she avoids his gaze, purposely looking at the steaming mug of coffee she has grasped in her hands. He remembered how she liked her coffee, made it without even thinking.

“What do you want from me, Haley?” That gets her attention, she looks up at him and they lock eyes. He remembers he once imagined having blue eyed children, children with her eyes. Now all he pictures are precocious dark eyed babies who take exactly after his wife.

“What do you want from me?” She repeats his question back at him, her shackles coming up slightly. It had always been her defence response, deflecting the issue back at him. It was oddly comforting to Aaron that whilst so much had changed, not everything had.

“An explanation would be nice. A proper one.”

She opens her mouth to argue before closing it, seemingly remembering this isn’t his mess in the first place. She sighs before she nods. “You deserve that. When I found out I was pregnant I panicked. We hadn’t spoken about children yet, hell we weren’t even married yet. You were already working so much and I saw our future so clearly. I could see your work consuming you and I knew it would eventually break us.”

“So you just decided to leave, without saying anything?”

She maintains eye contact with him, his classic Hotch glare not working on her. Not that it ever had. “Yes. You’re a good man, Aaron. And I loved you. If I’d told you about the baby you would convinced me to stay.”

He shakes his head slightly but he can’t argue with her. Emily had said something similar to him. If he had known about his son back then he would have gone to the end of the earth to convince Haley to stay with him. He asks the other question that has been bothering him since Emily told him Haley was sick, the question he hadn’t been able to bring himself to ask when he called her and asked her to come over this morning.

“Would you have ever told me about him if you weren’t dying?” It comes off harsher than he intended, but she doesn’t wince.

“I don’t know.” She answers honestly, looking back at her coffee. “Maybe I would have done eventually. He started to ask more questions about you and I was running out of excuses. Then I found out I was sick. Then I found out it was terminal. When you're told you have less than a year left it really clears some things up in your head.”

“He doesn’t know, does he?” Aaron asks quietly, unsure how to respond to her beyond that.

“No.” Haley’s voice breaks, the first time her emotion has come through since she arrived. “He doesn’t. I don’t even know where to start with that conversation.”

They sit in silence for a couple of minutes before he speaks again, “What do you want from me?” He repeats his earlier question, more desperately than last time.

“I want you to get to know him. Emily too.” She wipes a tear from her cheek, “We have around 6 months left to figure out the rest.”
___________________________

A week after the trip to the park that changed everything Emily wakes up to find her husband staring right at her, and she grimaces at him before closing her eyes again. “Creepy.”

“Good morning to you too.” He leans down towards her and presses a kiss to her forehead. “We need to get going.”

She groans “I will never understand how I ended up married to someone who is such a morning person.” She blearily opens her eyes again before looking at the clock on her bedside table, panic immediately pushing her sleepiness away as she sees it is way past when her alarm should have gone off, and pushing when she should have been arriving at the office. She attempts to sit up, but is lowered back down to the bed by her husband. “Aaron?”

“Just for today, we are only going to think and worry about us.” He runs his thumb over her temple and smiles at her. Today was their first appointment with her OBGYN since she’d taken the pregnancy tests. It was still early, so early it made her nervous, but given her history her doctor wanted to see her as soon as possible.

“Aaron.” She says his name again, imploring him as her fondness for him floods her face face. It’s a lovely idea, but it's not that simple. They have work, and he has Haley and Jack to think about now. In the week since they had found out about Haley’s diagnosis they had spoken a lot to the other woman, and made plans

“I mean it. We both have today off.” He leans against the headboard and finally allows her to sit up, but pulls her to lean against him.

“Do we now?” Her tone is full of mirth with an edge of joy, and it isn’t lost on her that things haven’t felt this easy since before Haley walked into her office.

“I put in a good word with your boss.”

Emily hummed in her throat and cocked an eyebrow at him, “Oh really?”

“We’ve waited for this for a long time, Em. We should enjoy it.”

She leans up and kisses him, and she pulls back just enough so that when she speaks her lips are still brushing against his. “Okay.”

She’s nervous by the time she is lying on a hospital bed in a backless gown he teases her about when the nurse them alone for her to change. He is sat in a slightly uncomfortable chair next to her, his hand grasped tightly in hers.

“What if it hasn’t worked and the tests were wrong.” She says quietly, and he doesn’t even know if she intended for him to hear her.

“Em, sweetheart, no matter what happens things will be ok.” He strokes his fingers through her hair.

“How can you be so sure?”

“Things are always ok when I have you.” He smiles, knowing it’s cheesy as he says it, and that she always pretends she hates stuff like that, but it gets the reaction he wants.

She laughs turns to look at him, squeezing his hand in hers. “You are ridiculous, Aaron Hotchner. But I love you for it.”

“I love you too.” He’s about to lean in for a kiss when the door opens indicating her doctor is in the room.

“Joanne, good to see you.” Emily says, smiling at the woman who had been her OBGYN ever since she’d first needed one.

“You too, Emily.” Joanne turns to Aaron with a twinkle in her eye. “Nice to see you again Mr Hotchner.”

Aaron stifles a groan, knowing when he hears his wife chuckle that the two women are making fun of him. When it first became clear Emily was struggling to get pregnant he had come to a few appointments with her before they were referred to the fertility specialist. He had commented that he found it odd that she was on first name terms with her doctor and she had rolled her eyes, called him too much of a southern gentleman for his own good as she explained to him that once someone puts their hands that close to your vagina, you end up on a first name basis with them pretty quickly.

It was clearly a conversation she had relaid to Joanne, seeing as the woman insisted on calling him Mr Hotchner every time she saw him. Aaron rolls his eyes in good humour before replying. “Dr Hughes.”

“We’ll talk in a bit more detail in a bit,” Joanne says before taking a seat on a stall at the end of the bed Emily is laid on, “But I know you’ll be anxious until we do the scan so let's do that first shall we?”

Emily nods, “Yes please.” She grabs Aaron’s hand impossibly tighter, and feels him press a kiss into her knuckles.

Joanne smiles at the two of them before putting on a pair of gloves and grabbing a probe on the machine next to her. “So because it will be so early on we will have to do the scan trans-vaginally, but the next time it will be a regular ultrasound.”

Emily nods again, already knowing this from the copious amount of research she had done, and she scoots down the bed to get into the right position. She grimaces ever so slightly as the probe is inserted, and she closes her eyes as she listens to Joanne pressing buttons on the machine next to them.

“And there it is.” Joanne’s voice filters through and Emily opens her eyes and turns to look at the screen. Joanne is pointing at what looks like a white dot inside a black spot on the screen.

“That’s the baby?” Emily asks, and she doesn’t recognise her own voice. “It’s small.”

“That’s the baby.” Joanne confirms. “Congratulations, Emily. You are 5 weeks pregnant.”

“Oh.” Emily can’t find the words she wants, struck speechless for the first time in a long time. She turns to look at her husband, and sees tears in his eyes she knows are reflected in her own. “Aaron.” It comes out as a whisper but it conveys everything she wants it to.

“I know, sweetheart.” His thumb traces her forehead and he leans in to kiss her, only noticing her cheeks are wet when their faces meet. He hears Joanne say something about printing them some pictures and giving them some privacy whilst Emily got dressed.

____________________

When they get home after speaking to Joanne about what Emily could and couldn’t do, and when the next scan would be, they sat cuddled together on the couch looking at the blurry image of their baby in her hands.

“I can’t believe it’s real. I know it’s still so early and anything could happen,” She says gently, smirking when she hears his grunt of disagreement at the thought of something going wrong, “But I’m happy.”

“Me too sweetheart.”

For a moment Emily allows herself to enjoy it, the time with her husband and the fact she’s finally pregnant. All the hurt and heartache she’d gone through up until that moment worth it for the feeling of knowing it has paid off. A moment, sadly, is all she gets when she sees his phone on the coffee table light up, Haley’s name on the tiny screen.

The real world comes crashing back down onto her and she lets out a sigh. “You should answer that.” She starts to disentangle herself from him, but he pulls her back. “Aaron.”

“We were meant to have today.” He looks conflicted, eyes firmly on the phone that has disrupted their time together.

She sighs again, “And we did, and we will after you speak to her. It will be about Jack.”

She releases herself from his grip this time and leaves the room, almost out of earshot by the time she hears him answer. She leans on the wall by their kitchen and takes a deep breath. She knows Haley doesn’t know she’s pregnant, or the struggles they have gone through to get here, but in that moment she can’t help but feel slightly angry at the other woman for not even allowing her this one day. She’s angry at her husband for always making her be the bigger person, for making her be the one to tell him to answer the damn phone.

Mostly, she’s angry at herself for feeling those things. For feeling anger towards a dying woman who only wants best for her son, and her husband who is still so thrown by all the changes in their life lately that he isn’t as sharp as he usually is. For the first time since Haley’s revelation on the park bench Emily lets herself cry.

None of this was how it was supposed to be.

___________________________

November 1993

She presses a kiss into his neck as they enter the bar, giggling as he tries to wiggle away from her. He is not a huge fan of PDA, and she knows that, so she tries her best to wind him up about it as much as she can. It’s their date night, his night off, and she is making the most of her time with him. She loves to touch him, she has done since even before they were a couple, finding comfort in the warmth of him. The wine that they’d had with dinner is loosening her inhibitions and she can’t seem to help herself as she palms his ass as he helps her onto the one empty barstool left at the bar.

“Emily.” He says, a warning tone in his voice that never works on her, as he takes his place standing next to her.

“Aaron.” Her voice is so full of mockery he can’t help but crack a smile and she knows she’s got him. She leans forwards and kisses him, and spots him throw a glare over her shoulder before tightening his hold around her waist, pressing a kiss to her neck. She looks over her shoulder and sees a man she doesn’t know stood there, very clearly checking her out. Emily rolls her eyes and turns back to her boyfriend. “Oh so PDA is fine if it’s you marking your territory.”

“Yes.” He answers simply.

She laughs at him. “You are ridiculous. Order me a drink.”

He does and they enjoy their drinks together, their conversation flowing easily as they exchange kisses and jokes.

“Aaron?” A woman’s voice from behind Emily disrupts them, and Emily turns to see a woman she doesn’t recognise. Her boyfriend, however, clearly does recognise her.

“Jessica.”

“It’s been a while.” Jessica says, and Emily could swear you could cut the tension with a knife.

“You could say that.” Aaron replies and Emily looks back and forth between the two of them.

Realising that no one is going to address her she decides to introduce herself. “I’m Emily.” She directs towards the blonde woman stood opposite the couple.

“Sorry, yes,” Aaron says suddenly, gesturing to Emily with his hand. “This is Emily, she’s my…” He falters on his words, and despite the fact his arm is wrapped around her and that Jessica likely saw them kissing before she approached he can’t get the word out.

“Girlfriend.” Emily finishes for him, “I’m his girlfriend.”

Aaron looks at her, an apology on his face. “This is Jessica, Haley’s sister.”

“Oh,” Emily turns to look back at Jessica, noting the woman’s own awkwardness and suddenly realises why things are uncomfortable. “Nice to meet you, Jessica.”

“You too Emily.” Jessica smiles, although it doesn’t seem real, before she addresses Aaron again. “I am sorry to just come over, I just wanted to know if you’d heard from her at all.”

“No, not since she left.” Aaron replies, no clarification needed on who they were speaking about. “Have you?

“Once.” Jessica nods, “Just after she left, asking that we left her alone. I don’t even know where she is.”

They stand for a few seconds in incredibly awkward silence that reminds Emily a bit too much of dinner with her parents before Jessica carries on. “Anyway, I should go. I am sorry for everything, Aaron. Nice to meet you Emily.”

“You too.” Emily calls after her retreating form. She turns to look at her boyfriend, initially tempted to give him shit for not knowing how to address her in front of his ex’s sister, but the look on his face stops her. “You ok?” She lifts her hand to stroke his cheek and this seems to bring him back to the room.

“Yeah, I’m ok.” He covers her hand on his cheek and links their fingers before dropping their joint hands to her lap. “Are you ok?”

She rolls her eyes at him. “I’m fine.” She bites her lip, wondering how she’s going to get their light hearted evening back. “You want to talk about it?”

He shakes his head. “Not yet.”

“Okay.” She leans forward and kisses him much more forcibly than the other kisses they had shared since they entered the bar. When she pulls back the dazed look on his face says she’s been successful in her aim of distracting him. “Let’s go back to mine.”

Chapter Text

She is on the jet home to DC, a four day long case behind her, when JJ sits opposite her. The younger woman looks at her expectantly, and Emily narrows her eyes at her friend cautiously. “What?”

JJ raises an eyebrow at Emily before sighing. “What’s going on? And don’t tell me nothing, because that’s just not true.”

Emily opens her mouth to say something, anything, but is suddenly hit by a wave of nausea. Over the last few days the pregnancy symptoms had started to hit her full force, and despite how awful she felt she was so glad to be feeling them. It was something tangible apart from the grainy ultrasound photo she had stuffed in her purse, something that proved to her that what she had wanted for so long was finally happening. It was a feeling she had once hated as a teenage girl in Italy. When she first saw the fertility specialist when she was struggling to get pregnant she had told them about her teenage pregnancy, sure that was proof that her body was capable of doing what she so desperately wanted with her husband. They explained to her that whilst it wasn't impossible for her to get pregnant naturally it was highly improbable, and what happened to her in Rome was, as the doctor phrased it 'unlucky.'

She closes her mouth to swallow down the nausea climbing up her throat. JJ mistakes this for reluctance. “Did the treatment not work?” She looks at Emily sympathetically, placing her hand over hers on the table. “I read that the first attempt doesn’t always work.”

Emily looks past the woman sat opposite her and sees that the rest of the team are either asleep, or have their headphones on. She looks back at JJ. “This wasn’t the first attempt.”

JJ opens her mouth in slight surprise. “What?”

“This wasn’t our first attempt at IVF. It was our second. The first time was around 6 months ago.” She explains, pushing down the re-emerging feelings of sadness she felt at the time when it became clear it hadn’t worked last time.

“You never told us.”

Emily smiles wryly. “Technically we didn’t tell you this time. Pen broke into my pocketbook when I turned down one too many girls nights when I was going through the treatments and couldn’t drink, and she saw I had an appointment with the specialist.”

Emily had not been impressed at the time, but was ultimately grateful they all knew.

“So did it work this time?” JJ asks

Emily can’t help the smile that spreads across her face, effectively answering her friend before she speaks. “Yes. It did. I just turned 6 weeks today.”

“Emily, that’s amazing. I’m so happy for you guys.” She grips her hand tighter on the table, not wanting to get up and hug her - drawing the attention of the other team members onboard.

“Thank you. No one else knows yet, we’re trying not to get too carried away.” She still had this ever present fear that this could be snatched away from her. She tried her best to be realistic, to not allow herself to hope too much until she was further along. But if she was honest with herself she was already completely in love with their child, even if it was so small it was nothing but a tiny dot on the ultrasound picture she looked at whenever she could.

“Your secret is safe with me.” JJ smiles at her, but it fades slightly. “So what is wrong then? Because it’s something if it isn’t the IVF.”

“If I tell you, you have to keep this to yourself too. For now at least.”

“Of course.”

Emily sighs, “It started the day after I had the transfer.”

______________________

When she gets home she is dead on her feet. Exhaustion creeping in to every part of her body as she locks the door behind her. She can hear her husband shuffling around in the kitchen.

“I’m home.” She calls out as she takes off her coat and shoes, dumping her go bag by the door.

“Hey sweetheart.” He appears in the hallway, wearing his sweats and a t-shirt, and pulls her into a hug. “How was it?”

“Brutal.” She replies, wrapping her arms around him. She rests most of her weight into the hug, leaning on him as she starts to feel more tired by the minute.

“Tired?” He asks as he presses a quick kiss to her hairline.

“Extremely.”

He pulls back from her slightly, but keeps a tight hold on her. “Did you eat?”

“I’m not hungry.”

“You have to eat.” He pulls her towards the dining room and she begrudgingly follows him, but smiles when she sees her favourite pasta served up and ready to eat. “We’ll have dinner and then we’ll go to bed, ok?”

She smiles at him, taking a seat as he pulls a chair out for her. “Ok.”

They speak about the case she had been on as they eat, and he tells her about his meetings and his paperwork. He also tells her about the previous day when he had spent some time with Jack once the boy was done with school. Haley had officially completed his school transfer the week before.

“He asked about you.” Aaron says as he finishes his meal.

Emily smiles, because despite how the whole situation has left her feeling she can’t deny that Jack was adorable. “That’s sweet. I’ll be there next time.” She takes another bite of her meal, but grimaces at the face that even her favourite food was making her feel sick. “JJ knows.”

“Knows about what?” He asks gently.

“The baby. And Jack and Haley.” She explains.

He nods. “She’s your friend, you are allowed to tell her.” He says gently before he pauses, unsure how to broach the next subject in a way that won’t immediately upset her. “Speaking of telling people, your mother called this morning.”

Emily stiffened as she often did when her mother was brought up. Their relationship had come on leaps and bounds in the last few years since Elizabeth had not only accepted, but seemed to actually like Aaron a little, but it still wasn’t perfect. He knew it never had been, that irrevocable damage had been done years before he came on the scene. “You didn’t tell her did you?”

“No, Em. But I think we should. Soon. She invited us over for dinner next week now they are back from Spain.”

Emily groans and buries her face in her hands, elbows on the table. “Let me guess, you agreed.”

“I couldn’t exactly say no, sweetheart. They are only in the country for a couple weeks and I know you wanted to tell them in person about the baby.”

“At least it buys us some time on how to explain it all. ‘You’re going to be grandparents, oh by the way - Aaron has a son with another woman who happens to be terminally ill.’”

“I wouldn’t phrase it quite like that.” He says, voice full of mirth. She still has her head in her hands and he reaches out to her and places his hand on her shoulder. “You ok?”

“Honestly, Aaron? I have no idea.” She looks up at him and she looks tired, more tired then he thinks he has ever seen her. “This should be the happiest time of our lives but it feels like we’ve fallen into a soap opera. And that’s without even beginning to consider how my parents, specifically my mother, are going to be with all of this.”

“I know, and I am so sorry.” He squeezes her shoulder and she puts her hand over his.

“God, Aaron you have nothing to apologise for. It’s not your fault. I don’t think this is really anyones fault. Not even Haley’s really. I’m just,” She pauses, not knowing what she really wants to say. “I’m just really tired, and I don’t know what to do about anything.”

He stands and presses a kiss to the top of her head before pulling her up. “Well lets start with the easy part, you go to bed and get some rest. I’ll clear up the dishes and come join you, and we’ll deal with the rest tomorrow.”

She leans into him. “You make it sound simple.”

“I know it’s anything but, but we’ll deal with it all, Em.”

She buries her face in his neck, the remnants of his cologne the one thing she could still bare to smell without the ever present nausea rearing its ugly head. “Even my mother?”

“Even your mother.”

______________________________

December 31st 1993

“This was a terrible idea.”

“I have met your parents before, Emily.” He reminds her, suppressing a smile at her antics. It was out of character for her to be so flustered, but he knew her parents - specifically her mother - brought it out of her. He thought that it was adorable, not he would dare to say that out loud.

“As their security detail, Aaron. Going to this thing as my boyfriend is a different thing entirely.” She turns her attention from him back to her own reflection in the mirror, once again inspecting her outfit as if her mother plans to parade her around in front of all the guests. “Maybe we should cancel. Just spend new years here.”

“Do you really think that will get us in better favour with your mother?” He raises an eyebrow at her as their eyes meet in the mirror. He walks towards her and places his hands on her shoulders, turning her to look at him.

She groans, placing her forehead in the centre of his chest. “You’re right. Why are are you always right?”

“It just comes naturally.” He replies dryly, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “Come on, or we’ll be late.” She looks up at him with a slight, incredibly out of character, pout on her face and he leans down to kiss her. “We can find our spot from last time, make out a little.”

She smiles against his lips at the memory. The last of her mother’s parties they had been to was a charity event back in April, at the same venue as the party tonight, and it was the first time she’d kissed him. He was working but she had convinced him to sneak away with her once he was relieved by one of his colleagues. They’d found an empty conference room in the hotel and sat there and had a drink together. Over the years they would both tell the story of their first kiss very differently, but she leant forward and pressed her lips to his.

“I’d like that.” She replies, wrapping her arms around his back.

“Lets go then.”

______________________

Her mother, as it turns out, is on top form and barely bats an eyelid at their arrival, just merely says a quick hello as she mingles with her guests. Emily and Aaron grab some drinks from the bar and stay at the edge of the room. It had not passed him by that several men had come up to her, a look on their faces he did not like as they tried to reminisce about old times from when they were younger. Emily made a point of saying she had just joined the FBI and of introducing him each time, putting an emphasis on the word ‘boyfriend’ each time she did. He took great joy in slipping his arm around her if they didn’t seem to get the point.
“I haven’t seen some of these guys in years.” She mumbles into the top of her glass as she takes a sip of her Champagne. “This has my mother written all over it.”

He frowns at her. “What do you mean?”

“I mean it’s not a coincidence that all of the sons of her friends are here and have all made a pointed effort to speak to me.” She explains as if it’s obvious, waving her hand in the general vicinity of the dance floor where some of the men were were with other women after she had rebuffed them. “If you weren’t here I’d have had to dance with at least a few of them by now, and probably been groped by two.”
He looks horrified by that, and she laughs at the way his eyebrows shoot up his face. “Seriously?”

“Seriously.” She drinks what is left in her glass and places it down on the table next to them. “Why do you think I hate these things so much? Since I was 19 these parties have always been like a parade of potential husbands she approves of.” He still looks so horrified that she smiles at him and puts her hand on his neck to guide her lips to his. When she pulls back, her hand still on his neck, she continues. “Why do you think I was so insistent on you sneaking away with me last time?”

He brings his own hand up to her face, fingers tracing across her cheekbone before tucking a stray curl behind her ear. “I just assumed you were bored.”

“That too,” She smiles, widely in a way that shone brightly across her face. “But it was mainly because I knew that if there was one guy in that room I wanted to spend any time with it was you.”

“And you call me the corny one.”

She groans, “You’re rubbing off on me.”

He smirks, the glint in his eye lighting a fire in her belly. “Speaking of rubbing off, don’t we have a conference room to find?”

She bites her lip, “Lead the way, Agent Hotchner.”

______________________

Her mother finds her leaving the bathroom almost an hour later, after she had spent quite some time fixing her hair and doing what she could with her make up.

“Emily, there you are.” Elizabeth says, sounding frustrated. “I’ve been looking for you everywhere.”

“Sorry, Mother.” She replies trying to keep the amusement out of her voice. “Aaron and I were just mingling.”

Elizabeth raises an eyebrow at her but doesn’t take that line of conversation any further. “Yes I just spoke to Agent Hotchner, he said he’s thinking of an assignment to SWAT.”

Emily smiles at the idea of her boyfriend being corralled by her mother the moment he returned to the ballroom after their fun in the conference room. She wishes she could have seen the look on his face. “He’s thinking about it. And please call him Aaron mother. Attempting to alienate him isn’t going to do anything other than piss me off.”

“Emily.” Elizabeth scolded, and Emily knew it was about her language.

“Just,” Emily closes her eyes to centre herself, not wanting to lose her cool in a public setting. “Please try. I love him, and he’s moving in. This isn’t going away.”

“He’s moving in?” Elizabeth questions, seemingly startled.

“Yeah, he’s already started. He hasn’t slept at his place in a while and the tenancy there is coming to an end. It makes sense.”

“Trust you to think of a practical reason to move your boyfriend into your apartment.”

Emily narrows her eyes at what she knows is a barb. “Would you rather I said I can’t bear to be without him? Because that’s true too. But I know that’s not your kind of thing.”

“I just want you to be careful, Emily. Your father does too.” Elizabeth replies, with what sounded like genuine concern in her voice.

“Careful about what? He’s a good man, Mother. Regardless of what you think about our relationship surely you know that.”

“He’s older than you for a start, you might be expecting different things from this.”

Emily blows out a breath, feeling herself barrelling towards a conversation she’d had with her mother several times over the phone in 6 months it had been since Elizabeth had walked into her apartment to find her half naked and Aaron descending the stairs rambling about his tie. “I am not having this conversation again, not here. I’m going to go dance with my boyfriend before the year is over.”

She turns to walk away when she hears her mother speak from behind her. “He’s been engaged before, has he told you that?”

Emily turns back. “Of course he has. I knew that when we were just friends.” She crosses her arms across her chest. “Did you have him looked into or something?”

“We have to be careful in this family, Emily. We have a reputation to uphold.”

Emily scoffs. “I’m done with this. I love him.” She walked back towards her mother, closing the space between them. No matter how annoyed she was she didn’t want to make a scene. “I know you think I’m young, and probably being stupid, but I really do love him, Mother. And he loves me. Please let that be enough for you.” She turns and leaves before her mother can say anything else.

She finds Aaron stood at a table, two glasses of Champagne set next to him, and a soft smile on his face as he spots her. She walks over to him and presses a kiss to his cheek as she grabs one of the glasses, drinking half of it in one go.

“You ok, sweetheart?” He asks, quirking an eyebrow at her as he runs his hand down her spine, letting it settle on her lower back.

“I’m fine, just a quick run in with my mother.”

He opens his mouth to ask more, but spots the woman in question approaching them from over his girlfriends shoulder. “Speak of the devil.”

Emily practically growls in her throat. “Can’t she give me a damn minute.” She turns so she is stood right next to him and she freezes.

The moment Elizabeth walks towards them with a man he doesn’t recognise he knows Emily does. He feels her spine stiffen below his hand at her lower back and she presses herself, seemingly unconsciously, further into his side. He hears her blow out a breath, the telltale sign she isn’t ok, but before he can question her on it her mother is in earshot and the moment is lost.

“Emily,” She says, completely ignoring Aaron’s presence and the cross words she had exchanged with her daughter mere minutes before. “You remember John Cooley don’t you? We were just reminiscing over the days we were all stationed in Rome together.”

“Were you now?” Emily responds, voice not quite sounding like her own. She slips an arm around Aaron’s side, hand settling against his dress shirt under his suit jacket.

Her mother excuses herself and steps away, distracted by another person she has to speak to, seemingly unaware of the situation she has just created for her daughter. Aaron often wonders if Elizabeth simply can’t read Emily at all, or chooses to ignore what she does see. He fears its the latter.

“John. It’s been a while.” Her grip on his side tightens, nails digging into him slightly, and he recognises the society smile she has plastered on. It’s not the bright, heart-stopping thing he loves.

“It has, it must have been 7 years since we last saw each other.”

“Closer to 8 actually” She says tightly, she finally draws him into the conversation, clearly wanting it to change direction. “This is my boyfriend, Aaron.” She moves her hand from his, dragging her fingers up his arm as she grips his tricep. “He’s in the FBI. About to join their SWAT team.”

Aaron suspects Emily is using that as a thinly veiled threat, which seems to work since the man stood opposite them takes a small step back. “Nice to meet you.” He puts his hand forward to shake John’s hand, which he accepts. Aaron isn’t above squeezing a little harder than necessary despite not knowing what it is about this man that is making his girlfriend so obviously uncomfortable.

“Nice to meet you, Aaron.” John says before looking over their shoulders, “I should mingle some more. It was good to see you, Emily.”

“Bye, John.” She looks away as he walks past them, and then levels her eyes with her boyfriends. “Lets go dance.”

“Em, what was that all about?”

She pulls on his arm towards the dance floor, coming to a stop when he doesn’t move with her. “Not now, Aaron.”

“Em.” He’s worried about her, mind racing over what could have happened between her and this man he had never heard of before.

“Please, not now. I’ll tell you another time, but there are only 20 minutes left of 1993 and I’d like to spend them dancing with you.”

He relents, nodding as he steps toward her and presses a kiss to her forehead. “Lead the way.”

______________________

It’s four days before she mentions it again. He’s sat in their open plan living area on the couch reading a book when he looks up when he hears the clearing of her throat. She’s stood in front of him, almost close enough to touch, wearing one of his Harvard sweatshirts. Her arms are tightly crossed across her chest, so tight he can see the skin of her knuckles go white as she grabs her own tricep, as if she is protecting herself from something. She wasn’t looking at him, her eyes trained on the ground.

“Em?” He sets the book down and leans forward, elbows on his knees, as he tries to put herself into her line of sight.

“I need to tell you something.” Her voice is strained, and he is taken aback because he’s never heard her like that before. “No I don’t need to, I don’t owe you this. But I want to tell you.” She’s rambling, almost muttering, and he finally reaches out and wraps his hand around her knee and it makes her eyes dart to him.

“You can tell me anything.”

She nods, and looks away from him, to the ceiling this time. “I need you to promise me something.”

“Anything.”

“If this changes things for you,” She blows out a breath, dropping her arms down, “If it changes how you feel about me I’d rather know now, not several years down the line, so just tell me ok?”

“Em,” He moves his hand from her knee and grabs her hand, tugging her gently down onto the couch next to him. “Just tell me what you want to tell me and we’ll go from there.”

She nods, tightens her hold on his hand and then shifts her gaze from his and stares straight ahead. She then tells him everything. Who John Cooley was, how she knew him, what had happened in Rome. She didn’t dare to look at him the whole time, worried what she would find if she did.

Finally, when she is done, he pulls her closer to him and presses a kiss to her temple. “I’m sorry you went through that, sweetheart.”

She didn’t cry when she was telling him, but she can’t help the few tears that escape at his immediate, unrelenting acceptance of what she considers the darkest chapter of her life. She wipes the tears away quickly. “It’s ok.” She whispers

“I could kill him you know. Make it look like an accident.” He offers, only partially joking as it draws a sad smile across her face.

She turns to him and cups his cheek with her hand. “It’s ok.” She repeats, before she corrects herself. “Well, it isn’t. But I’m ok. I promise.” She settles back into his embrace properly and tightens her hold on him. “I’ve always known I wanted children. It was just the wrong time. It couldn’t have been more wrong.”

He presses a kiss to the top of her head. “You’ll have them one day, Em.”

The connotation of his words are clear but are left unsaid. They’ve only been together for 9 months, but they both know this relationship is it for them. That one day they want to build the family they have both wanted their entire lives but didn’t have for entirely different reasons.

“Yeah,” She replies, smiling into his chest. “One day.”

________________

Chapter Text

April 1994

“I can’t believe we’ve been together a year and I’m only just meeting your mother.” Emily says as she straightens the placemats on their dining table for the dozenth time in as many minutes.

He grabs her hand from the table to prevent her from fiddling with the place setting any further. “I know, sweetheart.” He presses a kiss to her lips and pulls her towards him by banding an arm around her waist. “I don’t see her that much.”

“That’s an understatement.” She grumbles slightly, readjusting his collar as she lifts her arms to his chest. “You make my relationship with my mother seem healthy.”

He smiles at that, his dimples appearing on his cheeks. “You know it’s nothing to do with you right? I’m not embarrassed of you or anything. My mom is a lot to deal with, and I didn’t want to expose you to it.”

If he’s honest he would have happily kept Emily from his family for his entire life. It was a part of him he so desperately wanted to leave behind, back in his childhood where it belonged. He had told Emily about it all, the things he had experienced at the hands of his father and the words of his mother, but her experiencing it first hand was something else entirely. But his mother had called, said Sean was missing him, and he felt like he could no longer put her off. As bad as it sounded he was grateful his father was dead - that was something he would never have exposed his girlfriend too.

“I know, honey.” She answers softly, fingers tracing up from his shirt collar to his jawline. “I’ll be fine. I’ve literally been in training for this kind of thing my whole life.” She kisses him, but is interrupted by a knock at the door.

He groans as he pulls back and she gives him a reassuring smile and peck on the lips as he disentangles himself from her to answer the door. “Mom, Sean. It’s good to see you both.”

Alice Hotchner gives her son a smile and a small hug before stepping passed him into the apartment he shares with his girlfriend. As she does so Aaron picks up his brother and swings him into a hug.

“Sean, you’ve gotten so big!” He says to the 12 year old.

“That’s what happens when you don’t see your brother in well over a year, Aaron. He grows.” Alice quips, an edge to her voice he doesn’t miss. “Well, you’ve really stepped up in the world, son.” She comments as she looks around the two floored condo. Her eyes land on the young woman stood near the kitchen counter.

Aaron notices the moment she spots Emily and makes his way back to his girlfriends side. “Mom, this is my girlfriend Emily Prentiss. Emily, this is my mom and my brother Sean.”

“It’s lovely to meet you.” Emily says politely, “Aaron’s told me a lot about you both.” She smiles at Sean, who is stood behind his mother, and he blushes slightly.

“Well, he’s barely told me about you at all.” Alice replies, raising a brow at her son. “I guess we should fix that over dinner.”

The conversation over dinner is stilted at times, although not completely unpleasant. Alice makes a lot of barbed comments towards Aaron about his career choices, and even mentions how much she misses Haley a few times. It’s nothing he’s not used to, but he’s impressed by how Emily handles it all with such grace. The skills she was taught by her mother at such a young age shining through, and he can’t help but smile when he can tell his mother is getting frustrated at not being able to get at the young woman in front of her.

“Can I go to the bathroom?” Sean asks, looking bored at the adult conversation.

“Of course.” Emily replies, standing up, “it’s upstairs but I’ll show you the way.”

Aaron smiles at the look on his brothers face when he realises he’ll have some alone time with Emily, not that he’s sure what the 12 year old things he will achieve in that time. It doesn’t even occur to him that it means he’ll be left alone with his mother until he hears Emily and Sean’s voices fade as they are walking up the stairs.

“She’s very young.” Alice comments, taking a sip of her drink as she does so.

“She’s 23.”

“And you’re turning 30 this year.”

Aaron sighs, “And what’s that got to do with anything?”

“It’s just notable, that’s all Aaron.” She sets her drink back down onto the table. “Have you heard from Haley at all?”

“No, Mom. I have not heard from Haley since she left me with nothing but her ring and a note over 18 months ago. You know that.”

“Emily is nice, Aaron.” She says, as she can hear the flush upstairs, and the door opening again as Sean joins Emily back on the landing. “But are you sure she’s right for you?”

Aaron knew his mother was trying to make him doubt his relationship, she had done the same with Haley back when they were teenagers and first dating. He hears his girlfriend and brother start to descend the stairs and speaks before they are back in earshot. “Yes, Mom. I’m very sure.”

Once they are once again alone in their apartment Emily ushers him into the living room and tells him she’ll load the dishwasher. He’s grateful as he leans his head back onto the couch and closes his eyes. He’s not sure how much time has past when he feels her nudging at his knee. He looks up at her to see her stood there, a bottle of beer in each hand, as she smiles widely at him. He gratefully takes one and then shifts so she can settle into his lap. He wraps his spare arm around her back, anchoring her to him, and settles his chin on top of her head as she settles into his chest.

“It wasn’t that bad.” She says gently, taking a swig of her drink. “She didn’t seem to outright hate me at least.”

“I don’t think anyone could outright hate you, Em. You’re very charming.” He rubs his hand up and down her back. “She’s just hard work. I always feel like a useless kid around her again, like I’ve lost everything I’ve built for myself. She knows exactly what buttons to press.”

“Hey,” She admonishes as she pulls away so she can look at him, faces close enough that their noses are almost brushing. “You’re not useless, you never have been.”

“You didn’t know me back then.”

“I didn’t need to know you back then to know that you’ve never been useless.” She leans forward and kisses his nose, something she knows he hates the sensation of, to get a reaction out of him. She succeeds when he scrunches his nose a little and laughs at her.

“You’re too good for me.”

“That’s something I think we are just going to have to disagree on.” She replies leaning her head on his shoulder and taking another sip of her drink.

He takes a sip of his own. “I think my brother has a crush on you.”

“He definitely does, he asked me to be his girlfriend.” She replies, laughter in her voice.

“What?” He exclaims, pulling back from her and smiling despite himself because of the look on her face.

“Don’t worry, honey.” She says, still laughing. “I told him I am very much in love with you, so I’m going to have to stick with you.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, you’re stuck with me I’m afraid.” She’s attempting to be serious, but a glint in her eye gives her away.

“I think I can live with that.”

____________________________________

“Sorry we’re slightly late,” Haley says, seeming slightly flustered as she walks through the front door of the Hotchner’s home with her son by her side. “Jack’s new school teaches Spanish, which his old one never did, and he forgot to mention to me that he had Spanish homework that is due tomorrow.”

The BAU was on a rare weekend off, so Jack and Haley were coming round for the afternoon. Haley had called ahead and said she wanted to speak to Aaron about a few things, preferably with Jack out of earshot, so Emily was going to distract the young boy for a while whilst his parents spoke.

Aaron closes the door behind them and smiles at Jack, who had his school bag slung over his shoulder. “That’s ok, did you get anywhere with it?”

Haley chuckles, “French was my thing, Aaron. And as I am sure you’ll remember I wasn’t great at that either.”

Aaron smiles at her. “I remember.” He replies, and he looks past Haley to see Emily stood behind her. He gets down to Jack’s level and speaks directly to him. “Well it just so happens that Emily can speak Spanish, maybe she can help you with your homework?” He directs the second part to his wife as a question.

“Of course I can.” She smiles at the boy.

“You speak Spanish, Emily? Thats so cool.” Jack exclaims, “Can you speak any other languages?”

Emily nods. “I speak six, seven if you include English.” Her smile widens when Jack’s mouth opens in shock and awe.

“You speak seven languages?” Haley’s voice interrupts, and when Emily looks up at her she can tell from the look on the woman’s face she hadn’t meant to speak out loud.

“Yeah,” Emily replies, a slight blush on her face she always got when her language skills came up. “English, Spanish, Italian, French and Arabic all fluently. I get by in Greek and Russian.”

She hears Aaron scoff in jest, as he often does when she comments on her Greek and Russian skills. “She always says that, but we went to Athens on our honeymoon and her Greek sounded pretty fluent to me.” He directs at Haley, who at least manages to muster a small smile at the idea of her ex-fiancee on honeymoon with his wife.

A sense of awkwardness falls over the room slightly at that, which Jack thankfully seems unaware of. “Can you do my homework with me, Emily?”

She shifts her gaze back to the boy and smiles at him. “Of course, why don’t we go to the dining room and give your Mom and Da- Aaron some time to talk.” She catches herself as she talks, knowing that for now at least Jack was still referring to her husband by his given name.

Jack nods enthusiastically at her and she guides him to the dining room with a hand on his shoulder, the two of them making conversation as they went.

Aaron can’t help but smile at the interaction between the two of them. Emily had always been great with children, which shone through in her work as a child advocate, and her maternal streak had always been evident to him. He was so happy that she was pregnant, that they’d finally have a chance to raise their own child, something they had so desperately wanted.

Haley seems to notice him staring, “She’s good with him. Did you ever consider having children of your own?”

“What did you want to talk about Haley?” He asks ignoring her question, taking a seat on the couch as he gestured for her to sit next to him.

“I think it’s time that Jack started to spend a bit more time with you and Emily, without me here.” She suggests, avoiding looking at him as she takes a seat.

Aaron furrows his brow slightly. “Why now?”

“It’s been over a month since you met him, he likes spending time with you. He loves Emily.” When Aaron laughs at that, it makes Haley laugh too. “Seriously, Aaron. I think he might even have a bit of a crush on her.”

Aaron chuckles and looks down at his wedding ring. “Yeah she has that effect on people, you should have seen Sean when he first met her.”

Haley lets out a small chuckle.“I think it’s time you got to know him without me here too.” Haley says as her smile turns sad. “I’m not always going to be here.”

“What are your plans long term for him?” He asks, intrigued. They had broached the subject briefly before, but never in any depth.

“That depends on a few things, including yours and Emily’s jobs.”

“What do you mean?” He asks, his tone immediately becoming slightly defensive.

“You’ve always been very dedicated to your work, Aaron. I can tell Emily is the same, it’s what makes you good for each other. I just need to know what that would mean for my son if he ended up living with you.”

“We’d make it work, Haley.”

“His life is going to be complicated enough anyway, I wouldn’t want you being at the office late all the time or Emily being away to make it harder on him.” Haley looks at him, imploring him to understand where he’s coming from. “You guys don’t have kids yet, and I would bet that your work has something to do with that. They don’t fit into your lifestyle.”

“Don’t talk about something you don’t know anything about, Haley.” He hisses, feeling himself quickly losing his temper. “You don’t get to speak about my relationship with my wife.”

“Seeing as she’s going to be a big part of my son’s life whether I like it or not I feel like I do.” She challenges, her own voice rising.

“Whether you like it or not?” He asks, levelling a frown at her he knows is usually reserved for the office. “What is that supposed to mean?”

____________________________________

Emily had helped Jack finish his homework when she hears Aaron and Haley’s voices become a little raised, and her eyes flick to the young boy sat next to her. “Jack, why don’t we go sit outside on the porch?”

He nods enthusiastically as he continues to talk to her about the pros and cons of his favourite Pokemon as they walk outside, taking a seat on the porch swing there. Emily nods as Jack talks at her, but is distracted by whatever is going on inside of her living room between her husband and Haley.

“Emily, is something wrong with my mom?” Jack’s question breaks her out of her revere, and she realises how intently he is looking at her.

“What makes you ask that, Jack?” He looks so worried, and so much like Aaron in that moment, she automatically finds herself smoothing his hair back with her hand only realising she has done it after the fact. She pulls her hand back into her lap, still not fully knowing her place in the boys life. She makes a mental note to try and tell Haley about this before she leaves.

“She gets tired a lot, and she had to leave her job. Then we moved here and in with Aunt Jessie.” Jack looks at her, as if he’s trying to figure out if he can trust her. “I heard them talking about her going to the doctor when they thought I was asleep.”

She sighs. “I think you should speak to your mom about that, honey.” The moniker slips out as she tries to reassure him, and Emily realises it feels right.

Jack opens his mouth to say something else, and the front door to the house opens and Haley walks out, Jacks backpack in her hand and Aaron not that far behind her. It’s clear to Emily that things are tense between them as she stands from where she had been sat on the porch swing.

“Come on, Jack. We should go.” Haley says, smiling tensely at her son. “We should leave Emily and Aaron to the rest of their day.”

Jack nods, clearly aware himself that something is wrong. “Ok, Mom.” He walks to Aaron and gives him a hug, and Emily feels warmth rise in her chest at the smile on her husbands face when he hugs the boy back. “Bye, Aaron.”

“Bye Jack.” He replies, releasing his son from his arms.

Jack then takes the few steps to Emily and surprises her, and his parents, when he hugs her too. “Bye, Emily. Thanks for helping me with my homework.”

Emily recovers from her surprise and wraps her arms around the boy. “You’re welcome.” She looks up at Haley and sees a look on her face that she knows is laced with jealousy. She lets go of Jack and he walks over to his mom, grabbing her hand as they walk to their car parked on the Hotchner’s drive. Haley throws a goodbye to the couple over her shoulder as she goes.

Aaron steps into Emily’s side as they watch Haley pull the car away from their house. He wraps his arms around her and rests his head on her shoulder. She places one hand on his around her waist, and brings the other to his cheek.

“Want to talk about it?” She asks gently, thumb aimlessly stroking his cheekbone as they watch Haley’s car turn off the end of their street.

“Yes.” He replies shortly, pulling her further back into his embrace. “Lets go inside.”

She follows him without question, as she always would.

____________________________________

Aaron clears his throat as he spots Elizabeth’s eyebrow raise when Emily refuses a glass of wine. His wife places her hand on his thigh under the table, knowing that they have already been rumbled. Emily never turned down a drink at her parent’s house and she’d often told him it was the only way to get through an evening with them - something he happened to agree with.

“Would you like some, Aaron?” Elizabeth asks, bottle in hand as she rounds the dining table to him.

“Yes please.” He replies, placing his hand over Emily’s on his thigh when he felt her pinch the skin. As much as he loved his wife, he really couldn’t get through this evening without any dutch courage.

“So,” Elizabeth says as she takes a seat next to her husband and opposite her daughter. “Anything you two want to tell us?”

Emily smiles and looks briefly at Aaron before she turns to her parents. “I’m pregnant.”

“That’s wonderful, Emily.” John Prentiss says to his daughter, his voice filled with genuine happiness. “Congratulations both of you.”

“Thanks, Dad.” Emily replies, “We’re really happy.” She looks to her mother and is relieved to see the smile on her face.

“I’m so pleased it worked this time. I know how much this means to you both.” Elizabeth says genuinely, and the mother and daughter exchange a genuine smile with each other.

Initially, Emily had never planned on telling her parents about their issues conceiving, wanting to keep it just between her and Aaron. However, at one particular family get together her mother made one too many comments about Emily not having any children yet that it pushed her over the edge. She’d ended up shouting at Elizabeth, one of the few times in her life she had fully lost her cool with her, and admitted everything.

A week or so after that Elizabeth had shown up at their door, apologetic and desperate to speak to her daughter. She offered to help financially if they needed it and whilst Emily refused, she knew it was her mother’s way of trying to help. In a way neither of them would have expected the whole situation had gone some way to healing their relationship, although it would never be what Emily hoped she would have with her own child.

After they ate and spent the majority of the evening having a relatively pleasant conversation about the baby and Elizabeth’s upcoming posting in Russia, they retire to the living room, and as they sit down Emily squeezes her husband’s hand in her own and decides it’s time to talk about what she’s avoided all evening.

“There’s something we need to tell you both.”

“That sounds ominous.” John jokes, but the smile slips off his face at the look on his daughters face.

“Do you both remember that Aaron was engaged before we met? And that she left him not long before their wedding?”

“Yes, thats not exactly something you forget.” Elizabeth says, looking directly at her Son in Law.

Aaron clears his throat, wondering how he had been able to stare down the most gruesome serial killers in his career but was always left feeling unsettled by his Mother in Law.“Well, Haley, my ex, came back to town a few weeks ago after living in Philadelphia since she left me.”

That had been a hard pill to swallow when Haley had told him where she’d been all this time. His son just living and growing up without him just over a couple of hours away.

“She came back with my son, who I didn’t know existed until 7 weeks ago.” He says it like it’s the most simple thing in the world, but the words still feel foreign in his mouth.

“Your son?” Elizabeth says, a look on his face he’s never seen before. It doesn’t quite look like shock, but it’s similar.

“He’s 8, almost 9. There’s more.” Emily adds, leaning further into her husbands side where they sat on the couch. “Haley isn’t well, and only a few months left to live.” She feels Aaron stiffen next to her slightly and she wonders if he is rehashing the argument he had with Haley earlier that same day in his head. They had parted on cross words, and he knew he’d have to call her the next day to try and even some things out/

The news about Haley does seem to shock both John and Elizabeth. “How sad.” Her father comments, and Emily nods her agreement.
“What does that mean for the boy?” Elizabeth asks, her voice more gently than Emily would have expected.

“We’re still trying to figure out what it all means for Jack.” Emily answers, “We think we’re going to get a lawyer involved eventually for all the legal stuff, Aaron isn’t even on his birth certificate.”

“I’m assuming you did a DNA test?” Her mother asks, a look on her face Emily had seen countless times at political events over the years.

“Yes, Mother. It was the first thing we did.” Emily replies, “Jack is Aaron’s son.”

“Well if you need any help with anything, do let us know.” John says, placing his hand over his wife’s on the couch between them. “I know some of the best family lawyers in the state.

“Thanks, John. We appreciate it.” Aaron says, lips set in a grim line on his face. “We should probably get going.” He turns to his wife and she nods at him, indicating she is ready to leave too.

They exchange goodbyes with Elizabeth and John, and as Aaron walks out the door to the car Emily takes a step back. “I left my purse in the living room.” She says, “You go start the car I’ll be right out.” She presses a kiss to her husbands cheek and watches him walk out the door.

Once he’s out of earshot she turns to her mother who is still there, her father had excused himself as they started to leave, and gave her a cold stare. “Did you know?”

Elizabeth frowns at her, “What do you mean, Emily?”

“Did you know Aaron had a son? I know you had him looked into back when you realised things were serious between us, by then Jack would have been born. Did you know?”

Elizabeth sighs, “Emily, I did not know that Aaron had a son.”

Emily blows out a breath. “If you are lying to me I swear to God I won’t be able to ever look at you again.”

“Emily.” Her mother replies more firmly this time. “I know I am a lot of things, and I have let you down in a lot of ways but I promise you I didn’t know. I would not have kept that from you.”

She looks at her mother for a few seconds, and realises she believes her. “Okay. I’m sorry. I had to make sure.”

“I understand, Emily.” Elizabeth takes a step forward and grabs her daughters hand. “You’re a good wife, and you’ll make a fantastic mother.”

Emily smiles at her and squeezes her mothers hand back. “Thank you.”

“If either of you need anything with this situation with Haley, please let me know.”

“Thank you, I appreciate it. I should go,” She grabs her purse from where she purposely left it so she could circle back, “He’ll think I’ve got lost or something.” She leans forward and presses a kiss to her mother’s cheek. “Let me know when you guys get to St Petersburg safely.”

Emily walks out the door pulling it firmly behind her, and Elizabeth lets out a breath she didn’t know she was holding.

“She won’t be happy if she finds out.” John says from behind her, and Elizabeth turns to her husband. “She takes honesty very seriously.”

“You’re being dramatic, John.” She attempts to walk past him but he stops her with his hand on her shoulder.

“You just lied to our daughter.”

“I didn’t lie,” Elizabeth replies shaking her husbands hand off of her. “I didn’t know Aaron had a child, all I knew for sure is that Haley did.”

Chapter Text

Emily groans to herself as she places her book, What to Expect When You’re Expecting, down on the coffee table, finally accepting the fact she wasn’t taking any of the information in. She was nauseous beyond belief and anything except lying down seemed to be making it worse. She moves to lie down on the couch, closing her eyes and placing her hands on her stomach, taking in a deep breath and letting it out slowly.

“Daddy should be on the way home soon with the saltines.” She says out loud, fingers stroking delicate patterns on her stomach as she did, speaking despite the fact she knows she is a long way off the baby being able to hear her, much less understand her. Aaron had gone out to the grocery store that morning, something she usually did if she wasn’t away on a case, but she had woken up with the worst morning sickness she’d experienced yet. He’d promised to come back with crackers and ginger ale and she sincerely hoped they worked.

Her plan of simply laying on the couch until he gets home is thwarted when the doorbell rings and she groans realising she is going to have to get up. The doorbell rings almost immediately again, and she huffs as she stands up, standing still momentarily when she feels a wave of nausea and dizziness, wondering who on earth was at their house at this time on a Sunday morning.

The doorbell rings for a third time and she swings the door open to see Haley stood on the other side looking furious. “Haley?”

The other woman storms past her, shoulder nudging hers as she goes past, and she turns to look at Emily - her fury apparently directed at her. “Who do you think you are?”

“Excuse me?” Emily replies as she closes the front door to the house, her shackles rising at the way she is being spoken to. Despite the slight awkwardness that still existed within her and Haley’s relationship they had never exchanged crossed words. She walks back over to the couch and stands by it, leaning on it as the rising nausea starts to feel slightly overwhelming.

“What did you say to my son?” Haley asks angrily, arms crossed tightly across her chest and seemingly unaware of the colour draining out of the face of the woman opposite her. “It was not your place to tell him about anything.”

“Haley-”

Before Emily can defend herself, explain what she had said to Jack, Haley continues. “He is not your son, Emily. He is mine and Aaron’s. You are nobody to him.”

“Hey.” Emily shouts, more stung by Haley’s words than she thought she would be, stopping the other woman in her rant. “You don’t get to come into my house and talk to me this way.”

She was going to carry on, explain the misunderstanding as best she could, but the nausea that had been crawling up her throat all morning finally won out. “Excuse me for a second.” She gets out, before rushing past Haley and into the downstairs bathroom.

Haley hears the door slam closed and then retching coming from the other side of the door. She grimaces slightly and averts her eyes from the direction the sound is coming from. Her eyes flick around the living room, landing on photos of Emily and Aaron throughout their relationship. She focuses on one picture in particular that is clearly from Aaron’s 30th birthday, obvious by the badge he no doubt only wore to keep the woman with her arms around him happy, and she thinks about where she would have been when it was taken. She would have been in Philadelphia, working in a day care because it meant she could have Jack with her, being the sole carer of her 18 month old son. All whilst Aaron was sat in a bar, his beautiful young girlfriend as obviously in with love as him as he was with her. It was a lovely photo, and she’d have once imagined having a similar one with him back when they were happy.

Part of Haley really hated Aaron for moving on, and she hated that Emily was the person he had moved on to. In the time she had spent with them she could see how good they were for each other, how Emily understood him in a way Haley never truly had. The worst part was Haley knew she had no one to blame but herself. If she had stayed Aaron would have taken the assignment at the Prentiss estate, and come home to tell her all about the ambassadors slightly rebellious daughter who purposely tried to rile up security, all whilst omitting just how beautiful the young girl was.

Haley imagines that in another universe, where she made different choices or didn’t get pregnant, maybe that was exactly what happened.

After a couple of minutes she hears the toilet flush, followed by the bathroom door opening. She tears her eyes off of the photo and her gaze settles on the book on the coffee table, and Haley suddenly pieces it all together.

She hears Emily shuffle into the kitchen, the clamouring of a cupboard opening and the tap running. Emily reappears in the living room, glass of water in hand. “Sorry about that.” She says nonchalantly, and Haley wonders how on earth the other woman is acting as if she hadn’t just heard her throw up.

“You’re pregnant.” Haley says, the time she had alone in the foyer of the house had given her the breather she needed to calm down a little.

Emily nods, knowing as soon as the bathroom door shut behind her that Haley would know what was going on. “Yes.” She sits down on the couch and sighs, the nausea certainly not gone but more bearable.

Haley takes her lead and sits on the couch opposite, still in her coat and clinging to her purse. “How long were you both going to keep that from me?”

Emily raises an eyebrow at that. “I don’t think you’re one to talk about concealing a pregnancy.” She closes her eyes and sighs. “Sorry, that was unkind.”

Haley laughs awkwardly. “But not incorrect.” The women briefly lock eyes and Haley smiles. “Congratulations, how far along are you?”

“7 weeks.”

“That’s early, I didn’t know I was pregnant with Jack until I was almost 10 weeks but I think I was in some serious denial by that point.”

Emily hums her response, and things become awkward then, more awkward than they have been at any point since Haley walked back into their lives. She doesn’t feel the need to explain her situation, the journey to this pregnancy that still made her feel incredibly sad if she thought about it for too long.

“Well, this was planned.” Emily says, wincing slightly when it comes out harsher than she intended. She wasn’t doing well this morning, but she was putting it down to feeling horrendous and being shouted at in her living room all before 9am on a Sunday.

Haley has seemingly taken it personally judging by the look on her face. Haley stares at her for a long second. “What did you tell him?”

Emily is confused for a second, before she realises they have switched back to the conversation that brought the other woman here in the first place. “Haley, I didn’t tell him anything. He’s a smart kid.”

“You don’t have to tell me anything about my own son.” Haley bristles.

Emily ignores the comment and continues as if Haley hadn’t spoken. “He asked me if you were sick, Haley. He knows something is going on and he asked me. I told him to talk to you about it. That’s all that was said.”

She watches as the anger disappears off of Haley’s face. “He really asked that?” Haley rubs her hands over her face at Emily’s nod. “I’m sorry, Emily. He just asked if something was wrong over breakfast, and said you had told him to talk to me about it when we saw you yesterday. I jumped to conclusions.”

“Yes, you did.” Emily replies, purposely not acknowledging the apology. “This isn’t easy on any of us Haley.”

“I know it isn’t.” Haley responds, moving her eyes away from Emily’s imploring eyes in embarrassment.

They hear the scrape of a key in the lock and the front door opens, Aaron stood on the other side with bags from the grocery store in his hands. He steps into the house and sees the two women sat together in the living room.

“Oh, Haley. Hi, I thought that was your car outside.” He immediately picks up on the tension in the room. “Is everything ok?”

“Yes,” Haley answers, tightening her arms around herself. “I was just going. I’ll call you tomorrow Aaron to arrange a time for Jack to come around.” She stands and walks past him and out through the open door, looking back to Emily who was now sat with her head in her hands. “Bye, Emily.”

“Bye.” Emily replies, not lifting her head as she hears the front door close.

“Em?” Aaron presses her, putting the bags he was holding down.

“It’s fine, Aaron.” She rounds the couch again, sitting down as she puts her head in her hands. “You’d better have that ginger ale and those crackers.”

“I do,” He replies distractedly. “Em-”

“She knows I’m pregnant.”

“You told her?”

She shakes her head. “No. Poorly timed morning sickness kind of did the job for me.” She answers shortly, the nausea feeling overwhelming again. She can’t bring herself to tell him about the yelling, the crossed words she had exchanged with his ex no matter how brief they were.

“Sweetheart.” He places this hand on her shoulder, his touch immediately calming her.

“Aaron, please. I don’t want to talk about it.” She says firmly, feeling a pang of guilt when she looks up and sees the concern on his face. “Now, please bring me the ginger ale before I throw up on this rug my mother got us.”

Her deflection works, for now at least, and she hears him chuckle as he presses a kiss to the top of her head. “It’s the excuse you’ve been waiting for to get rid of it for years.” He walks back over to where he left the groceries and passes her a can of ginger ale, opening it for her as he does.

“She’d think I did it on purpose.” She quips, trying to inflect as much humour into her voice as she can. She takes a sip of the drink and hopes it has an effect quickly.

“I’ll go put the rest of the shopping away.” He replies, and she can hear the rustling of bags that indicates he’s picked it all back up. He moves towards the kitchen but stops and turns back to her. “I love you, you know that right?”

She looks up at him and smiles. “Yeah, I know.”

Emily just hopes its enough to get them through this.

__________________

The next morning she gets an early call from JJ letting her know there is an urgent case in Baltimore and that they’d be briefed on the short journey on the jet in an hours time. Emily grabs her go bag, shoves some ginger ale and a pack of crackers in the side pocket. She gets to the bottom of the stairs to find her husband in the kitchen making his morning coffee. The smell immediately makes her feel a bit ill, and she grimaces as she walks up to him to kiss him goodbye.

“Call me later.” He says against her lips, and she nods in response, leaning forward to kiss him again.

“Love you.” She calls out over her shoulder as she rushes out of the house, and she smiles as she hears him say it back as the door closes behind her.

By the time she is on the jet the nausea is in full swing and she knows it would be nothing short of a miracle if she makes it through this flight without throwing up in the small toilet onboard. She focuses on what JJ is telling them, about the young men who have been disappearing in Baltimore and their bodies reappearing again a few days later.

JJ’s voice sounds like it starts to fade, and all Emily can focus on is the rancid smell of Gideon’s and the new kid, Reid’s, coffee. It gets to the point where it is overwhelming and she suddenly stands, excusing herself as she walks as quickly as she can to the bathroom just making it in time.

Once she has finished expelling what feels like everything she has ever eaten, she flushes and cleans her hands, looking at herself in the small mirror as she does. She looks shattered and the day has barely begun. She takes a deep breath, knowing she is going to have to go out there and tell everyone what she wanted to keep under wraps for a few more weeks.

She steps out and takes her seat back at the table and she doesn’t miss the knowing look JJ sends her. Gideon looks like he’s figured it all out, Morgan looks perplexed and Reid looks a little bit afraid. Emily sighs, “I’m pregnant.”

Morgan offers his congratulations, as does Reid. Gideon smiles at her and slides a pack of chewing gum at her across the table before he continues to talk about the victimology, and she takes that as his approval.

A couple of hours later when she realises the mint from the chewing gum has curbed her nausea significantly, she thinks that she has never felt more affection towards Jason Gideon.

For the next couple of days she muddles through with what she discovers is the perfect balance of the gum, the crackers and the ginger ale. She actively ignores the way the team hover around her and despite her exhaustion she feels like she’s back on the top of her game when it comes to leading the BAU.

That is, she feels that way right up until the moment she faints in the middle of the precinct when she stands to give her part of the profile.

__________________

It’s only when she spots her husband through the blinds from where she is sat in the conference room that she realises she should have anticipated this. That as loyal as her team were to her, they were loyal to him too. He would have eventually found out she had fainted anyway, and it certainly wouldn’t have been her at the receiving end of his glares even though she had insisted they didn’t call him.

If she thought they’d been hovering before she fainted, she had been sorely mistaken. Emily had sequestered herself to the precinct for the rest of the day, deciding to stay despite all of their insisting that she go back to the hotel. She had sent the majority of the team out on assignment, but JJ was still around working the press and finding excuses to check in on her every 15 minutes or so.

“Damn it, JJ.” She murmurs to the empty room, knowing it could have been no one else who would have called him, and she looks at him indulgently as he walks into the conference room, pulling the door closed behind him. He looks stern, which is how he often looks when he is stressed, and it makes her smile despite the situation. “Hi, Aaron.”

“Em.” He rushes over to her side, sits on the table right in front of her, and touches her face, her hair. Anywhere he can place his hands to assure himself she’s ok. “What happened?”

“I’m ok.” She reassures him, grabbing his hand in hers. “We’re ok. I just fainted, thats all. Everyone overreacted. Why are you here? I told them not to call you.” She places her hand that isn’t in his on his thigh, and she squeezes the muscle as if to assure him she really was ok. Despite her insistence that no one needed to bother him, she feels herself release a breath she didn’t know she was holding now he is right in front of her.

“What did the EMTs say?”

“They said I was pretty dehydrated,” She points to the absurdly large bottle of water JJ had found and practically forced her to drink after the paramedics had told her to hydrate. “And I just stood too quickly and my blood pressure tanked.” She quirks up one side of her lip. “At least we don’t have to worry about my blood pressure being too high I guess.”

Her attempt to make him laugh fails, and he closes his eyes and leans down to rest his forehead against hers. “Not funny, sweetheart.”

“Sorry.” She mumbles, she briefly is distracted by a noise outside the room, one local cop shouting for the attention of the other, and as she refocuses on him she notices the clock on the wall. “It’s only been an hour the EMTs left, how the hell did you get here so quickly?” It was, at best, a 90 minute drive.

He had the decency to at least look a little embarrassed. “I may have blue lighted it.”

“Aaron.” She says, slightly scandalised by the fact her husband, a man who followed the rules to the letter like no one else she had ever met, had misused bureau equipment to get to her faster. “You could have got into an accident.”

“I didn’t really think, I just wanted to see you. I left my office as soon as I hung up on JJ.” He pulls back, and still with her hand in his sits on the edge of her bed. “Are you sure you’re both ok?”

She nods, “I’m fine and the baby is fine. They didn’t even feel concerned enough to take me to the hospital, but said I need to book in to see my OBGYN as soon as possible. We have my 8 week appointment in two days anyway.”

She’d made the appointment for as late in the day as possible, and hoped that she’d still be able to make it. With the case dragging on a little longer than she would have hoped she was worried she would have had to reschedule - right up until the moment she woke up on the floor of the precinct. She knew then she’d have to go back for it regardless, for her own peace of mind as well as her husbands.

“I’ll call her office, see if they can get you in sooner.” He moves to get off of the table, reaching for his cell phone.

“Aaron, it's ok.”

“Emily,” His voice implores her, and she can see just how tired and worried he is. “Please.”

She relents, nodding at him. He presses a kiss to her head and walks out the room to find a quiet place to make the call. When she’s alone again she sighs. If she was honest it had scared her too, despite her insistence that she was fine. She sits in silence for a few minutes, rubbing her hand over her still flat stomach as she waits for him to come back in.

The door opens and she sees JJ walk in, a slightly guilty look on her face. Emily raises her eyebrow at her friend who holds her hands up. “It felt like the right thing to do, although admittedly I didn’t account for him breaking every speeding law in the state to get here.”

Emily lets out a laugh. “He was never going to just going to sit back and wait for me to come home. At least we were relatively close, I don’t know how he would have explained a long haul flight in the middle of his working day if we were on the other side of the country.”

JJ smiles and takes a seat next to Emily. “Are you really ok?”

“I’m fine, and thanks for calling him.” Emily smiles softly at JJ, knowing this is a moment when they are talking as friends rather than as the Unit Chief and Media liaison, “I don’t think I realised how much I needed to see him until he was here.”

“You’re welcome.”

Aaron walks back into the room sighing, seeming frustrated as he shoved his cell phone back into his jacket pocket. “She doesn’t have any availability before your appointment, I did get to speak to her though.” He gives JJ a nod as a greeting, and sits back on the table on Emily’s other side.

“Thats ok, I wasn’t expecting she would. It’s only two more days, Aaron. If anything else happens I’ll just go to the ER.”

He nods in response. “What do you want to do? I can stay here for a couple days until the appointment, or until the case ends - whatever comes first.”

“Don’t be silly, you have work. And Jack is meant to be coming over after school tomorrow whilst Haley has her appointment at the hospital.” She reminds him.

“Why don’t you just go back with Hotch.” JJ pipes up, seeing the discomfort on the Section Chief’s face at the idea of leaving his wife.

“We are in the middle of a case JJ, I can’t leave.”

“Put Morgan in charge for the rest of the case, and we’ll make sure you are kept up to date.” JJ says, reaching out and placing a hand on her friends arm. “I’m guessing your doctor wants you to take it easy until you see her.” She looks up over Emily’s head to Aaron, who nods when Emily also turns to look at him.

She rolls her eyes at the pair of them, but deep down she knows they are right. Emily turns back to JJ. “How is it you’re the youngest of us all barring Reid, yet you manage to mother hen us?”

“The beauty of having three older brothers who can’t look after themselves.” JJ replies, taking Emily question as acceptance. “I’ll let the others know, you guys should get going if you want to make it back and not hit that awful late afternoon traffic.”
When she gets in his car and sees a can of ginger ale and some crackers in the passenger side door she turns to him. “Did you plan for me to come back with you?”

He smirks at the look of indignation on her face. “I hoped I’d be able to persuade you one way or the other.”

“You are ridiculous.” She grumbles as she closes the car door and puts on her seatbelt.

“Em, I really just want to take my pregnant wife home and look after her, is that really a bad thing?” He closes his own door and puts on his seatbelt, starting the car almost immediately.

“I am perfectly capable of looking after myself.”

“I know you are.” Once he pulls the car out of the precinct parking lot he places his hand briefly on her knee, “But you have no idea how terrifying it was for me to have JJ on the phone saying you’d fainted. She said you were out for 10 minutes, Emily.”

Emily sighs and leans across the centre console to press a kiss to his cheek. “Ok, but you cannot coddle me this entire time. Today you get a free pass.” She settles back into her seat. “It scared me too.” She admits now they are truly alone.

“I know it did, sweetheart.” He hadn’t missed the fear in her eyes, or the pure exhaustion on her face. He wants to talk to her about his conversation with Haley the day before, about how his ex admitted to saying some things to Emily she now regretted, but he decides to leave it until another day. “Try and get some sleep if you can.”

She tries to get comfortable in her seat, leaning her head against the headrest as her eyes already drift shut. “Don’t break any traffic laws on the way home.”

She sleeps for the majority of the journey.

____________________________________

They are sat in her doctors office, her laying on the bed with her shirt tucked up under her breasts, and his hand tucked safely in hers as he sat next to her. She’d kept to her word and let him fuss over her for the two days it had been since he’d driven her home from Baltimore. He’d even wrangled Jack into ‘looking after her’ when he had been round whilst Haley was at the hospital.

Emily knew that the look on Aaron’s face when Jack asked him if Emily was sick like his mom was something she didn’t think she would ever forget. She’d recovered before him, and explained it was different. They hadn’t told him about the baby yet, Emily now more unsure than ever of her place in the young boys life after her tense conversation with Haley. It was yet another conversation they were going to have to have with the other woman, and Emily was so tired of everything being so complicated.

She was suitably chastised by Joanne about her stress levels, and about the importance of being hydrated. Emily feels slightly frustrated and ganged up on by her doctor and her husband and she wonders what on earth they spoke about during their brief conversation on the phone a couple days before to make them suddenly quite friendly.

Any frustration melts away when the grainy picture of her child appears on screen, and she can see it so much clearer this time. Joanne asks if they want to hear the heartbeat and they both nod eagerly, neither of them disguising their happiness at how amazing it sounds. Emily cries and tries to pin it on hormones, but they both know thats no excuse.

On the drive home she can’t tear her eyes off of her latest ultrasound photo, still not quite believing that this is finally happening to her. She takes the time to bask in the easy happiness she feels.

She’s grateful for that moment in the weeks to come.

Chapter Text

April 1995

“Family of Emily Prentiss?”

He stands as soon as he hears her name called, and he walks over to the kind looking nurse. He’d been waiting for what felt like hours, although he knew the surgery would have only taken around one hour.

“I’m her boyfriend.” He says as he approaches, and he realises how worried he must have looked with the sympathetic look the nurse sends him. “Is she ok?”

“She’s pretty out of it, but she’s ok.” She replies, smiling at him. “I can take you to her if you’d like.”

He nods and follows her down a hallway, before she stops outside a room and signals him in. He walks into the room she was in and smiles when he sees her. Even though he knew it was a relatively simple procedure he still felt so much better now he could see she was ok with his own eyes. She was sat up in bed talking to a nurse when he walked in, and when she saw him she pointed right at him. “That’s my boyfriend.”

He approaches the bed and supresses a smirk. Her voice is rough and he can tell her throat is sore, which isn’t surprising given that she had just had her tonsils removed, but the slight slur to her words give away the fact she is doped up on painkillers. Aaron sits on the edge of her bed and grabs her hand, stroking his thumb over the back of it. “Hi Sweetheart, how are you feeling?”

“Weird. Kind of like I’m floating.” She turns to the nurse stood next to her, who seemed to be checking Emily’s vitals. “Didn’t I tell you he’s hot?” She turns back to him, “I was just telling Kayla how hot you are.”

Aaron looks to the nurse, who apparently was called Kayla, and they exchange an amused look.

“Is she ok?” He asks Kayla, trying to ignore the way Emily had reached out to stroke his cheek.

“She’s fine,” Kayla responds kindly, putting her pen away as she finishes writing in Emily’s chart. “Try and get her to have some ice chips for her throat, and see if you can get her to eat some of the apple sauce. We need to make sure she can keep it down before we send her home.”

Aaron nods, “Will that be today?”

“All being well.” Kayla answers, smiling the couple as she goes to leave the room. “I’ll check back in on you in an hour and we’ll see where we’re at.”

When they are alone he turns back to her and grabs the hand she’s got on his cheek and presses a kiss to it before guiding it back to the bed. “Do you want any water or anything?”

She shakes her head, groaning as she apparently regrets it as soon as she does so. “My throat hurts.”

“It’s going to hurt, Em. You just had surgery on it.”

“Stupid tonsils.” She grumbles, and he does smirk at her this time. A few months prior she had started to get very frequent infections in her tonsils, something she had also suffered as a child, and eventually he had managed to convince her to go to the doctor to discuss the idea of surgery. The surgeon had been of the opinion it’s likely she should have had them removed years ago.

“Stupid tonsils.” He repeats, matching her tone. “Come on sweetheart,” He opens one of the pots of apple sauce from her side table, and grabs the plastic spoons next to it. “If you eat some of this you can go home.”

She narrows her eyes at him but takes the proffered snack from his hands and tentatively raises a spoonful to her mouth. She grimaces slightly as she takes a bite. She slowly eats it, but stares at him contemplatively as she does.

“What?” He eventually asks, placing his hand on her thigh, feeling the rough hospital blanket beneath his fingers.

“You’re so pretty.” She mumbles around a mouthful of apple sauce.

He furrows his brow at that. “Pretty? I think I preferred it when you were telling the nurse I was hot.”

“I also told her how good you are in bed.” She says nonchalantly, focusing her attention back on her snack completely unaware of the embarrassment sneaking up her boyfriends face.

“Emily!”
________________________

The doctors warned them that the surgery would cause her to snore for a few days, but he wasn’t quite expecting the noise that was coming out of his girlfriend. It was remarkable, and he was tempted to dig out his video camera from wherever he had put it so he could prove to her that she sounded like a foghorn, but he didn’t want to move her.

Once he’d got her home he had convinced her to lie on the couch since she all but refused to go to bed. She had grumbled initially about him swapping his shift at work so he could look after her for the first couple days after her surgery, knowing it meant he would now be doing some night shifts on call for the SWAT team as a result, but he could tell she was now grateful he was there. He put on her favourite movie, knowing he would most likely end up watching it all alone, and positioned her so her head was lying in his lap. She had fallen asleep before the beginning credits even started to roll.

He barely watches the movie, lets it pass him by as he strokes Emily’s hair as she sleeps. He thinks about how much he loves her and how much he enjoys just being with her. She had found him exactly when he needed her, blown through his life in a way he now realises he should have anticipated when she first smiled at him across the foyer in her parents home. He thinks of the ring he bought months ago that is hidden in his sock drawer upstairs.

They’d spoken about marriage, she had actually been the one to bring it up. Tentatively asking him one evening if he would ever think about getting married after what had happened with Haley. He had smiled at her and had considered running to their room to grab the ring he had bought that very week, but he decided against it, thinking it wasn’t the right time.

She groaned in her sleep slightly, and she rolled as she blearily opened her eyes so she was looking right up at him. He smiled at her, running his fingers through her hair and across her hairline.

“What?” She narrows her eyes at him, calling him out on the way he is staring at her, but the croak in her voice and the exhaustion on her face make her significantly less intimidating than he knew she would like.

“Marry me.” He says, the words escaping before he knew he was going to say them but he knew he meant them. “Marry me.” He repeats with more conviction in his voice this time.

“This is the right time?” She asks incredulously, raising an eyebrow at him.

“I love you, and I want to call you my wife. Marry me.”

She smiles at him this time, moving slowly to sit up, her movements still slightly sluggish. He helps her up, moving her so she’s sat up leaning against his chest, legs across his lap .He loops his arms around her anchoring her to him. She places her arms around his neck. “I love you too.” She presses her face against his, their noses touching. “Yes,” Her smile is bright. “Of course I’ll marry you.”

He lets out a breath he hadn’t realised he was holding in. “I have a ring.”

She kisses him, pouring as much into it as she can manage. She pulls away, fingers still grasped in the short hairs on the back of his head. “Go get it.”

He helps her move off of his lap and leaves her on the couch as he rushes up the stairs to their bedroom. He grabs the ring from the middle drawer of his bedside table and he’s back down the stairs in less than a minute. He almost misses a step when he gets to the bottom, drops the ring box as he stops himself from falling over and curses at himself.

She laughs at him, but quickly stops and puts a hand to her throat. “Aaron, don’t make me laugh it hurts.”

“I didn’t do it on purpose.” He grumbles, joining her on the couch again with the ring box back in his hand. He opens it and doesn’t miss her gasp as she takes in the sight of the moderately sized solitaire diamond on a white gold band. “I know it’s not much-”

“Aaron, it’s perfect.” She cuts him off. “I’ll still be able to wear it at work.”

He smiles at her, that having been another consideration of his as well as his budget. She had just started at counter terrorism, so mostly worked in the offices, but he knew she wanted to do field work in the future and anything too big would have been impractical. “Emily Prentiss, will you marry me?” He repeats his question again, taking the ring out of the box.

She smiles at him again, “Yes.” She says simply, holding out her left hand so he can place the ring on her finger. She kisses him again and then rests her forehead against his. “I always imagined we’d celebrate with champagne and a lot of sex, but I don’t think I’m quite up to that.”

He chuckles, hands framing her face as he pulls back from her. “How about a popsicle and then an early night.”

“Sounds perfect.”

________________________

She wakes to the smell of something cooking, and the sound of laughter floating up the stairs from the kitchen. Emily sits up and rubs the last remnants of sleep from her eyes, and is grateful that no nausea immediately overtook her. Despite her largely getting the nausea under control towards the end of her first trimester, now she was 12 weeks along she was feeling so much better. Emily got out of bed and stretched, deciding to join whatever was going on downstairs.

Jack had spent the night with them for the first time ever the night before. Aaron had been nervous, but things had gone well. They had watched a movie all together and had pizza, which was apparently the boys favourite, for dinner. It had been a good night, and Emily had made sure to send Haley a quick text before she went to bed to say Jack was alright.

The past month had been quite tense between Haley and Emily and Aaron. They were spending a fair amount of time together, so Jack could get to know his dad and step mother better, and it was starting to cause a bit of friction. Emily found it particularly difficult when she was away on cases and knew Aaron was spending time with his ex and their son. She trusted him to the end of the earth and she also knew that Haley respected their relationship, but she didn’t miss the way the other woman looked at her husband whilst he interacted with Jack. The regret was palpable and it made Emily’s heart ache, sometimes making her feel like she was in the way of something.

She said that to Aaron only a few nights ago, a small interaction between him and Haley causing her to overanalyse and spiral. Fuelled by her ever increasing pregnancy hormones she had cried as she explained how she felt. Aaron had, to his credit, very gently told her that he wasn’t in love with Haley, that he loved her , he then held her as she cried about how understanding he was. The following morning he called Haley and asked if they could have Jack overnight soon, spend some more extended him alone with him. She had relented, although she seemed nervous at first, but said she could do with a rest.

As Emily got to the bottom of the stairs she heard her husband speak to his son, “Go wash your hands Jack, it’s almost ready.”
“Ok!” Jack scampered past where she was stood in the foyer into the downstairs bathroom. “Morning, Emily.”

“Morning, Jack.” She smiled at him as he disappeared from view, and then she joined her husband in the kitchen. “Good morning, handsome.” She approached him from behind, wrapping her arms around him to press a kiss to his shoulder as he went about plating up pancakes.

“Morning.” He placed the spatula down and turned to take her into his arms, pressing a kiss to her lips. She pulled away, knowing Jack would be back any moment, and moved out of his arms to get juice from the fridge, as she stepped away he looked at her, and his eyes widened. “Em, sweetheart.” His voice was full of wonder as he stepped back towards her, placing his hand on her stomach. “You’re starting to show.”

She furrowed her brow and looked down at her abdomen. The tank top she had slept in was relatively form fitting, and it was looking ever so slightly more snug than usual. Although it could easily be mistaken for being bloated. She placed her hand over her stomach, moving his out of the way and she felt the slight, barely there curve. “Holy shit.”

Jack bounded back into the room at that moment, thankfully having missed Emily cursing. “Is it time for pancakes yet?”

Aaron turned to his son and smiled, “Yes, Jack.” He handed him a plate. “You go to the dining room and Emily and I will be there in just a moment.”

“Thanks, Aaron.” Jack says, walking away with the plate quickly as if he had never been fed.

Aaron smiles after him before turning back to his wife who was still stood there with her hand on her stomach. He walks over to her, places his arm around her and presses a kiss to the side of her head. “Love you.”

“Love you too.” She turns in his arms so she can hug him properly and she wraps her arms around him tightly. “Sometimes I still can’t believe this is happening.”

“I can.” He answers, kissing her forehead. “Now, let's go eat breakfast.”

They join Jack in the dining room and the three of them have breakfast together whilst discussing what Jack wants to do that morning before he goes back to be with Haley and Jessica. Once they are done Aaron’s cell rings and he takes a look at the caller ID before leaving the room to answer out of earshot.

Emily watches him curiously, but Jack quickly recaptures her attention by asking her questions about the zoo they were planning on going to the following weekend.

“Emily?” Aaron’s voice calls from the doorway to the dining room, and she turns to see the grim look on his face. “Can I have a word?” He tips his head to the side, indicating that he wants to speak to her without Jack nearby.

“Sure.” She turns back to Jack and ruffles his hair, “Back in a minute, Jack.” She walks out the room and follows her husband down their hallway, where he stops just outside their kitchen. He runs his hand through his hair, making it stick up in a way she usually finds endearing, but the fear in his eyes makes her heart stutter in her chest. “Aaron, what is it?”

“Haley had a seizure, she’s in hospital.”

________________________

Haley wakes up in a hospital room with the worst headache she’s ever had. Her vision takes a while to clear properly and she looks around the room, and sees Emily sat in a chair next to her bed with a book in her hand.

“Emily?” She croaks out, and the woman jumps slightly before looking up at her.

“Haley, you’re awake.”

“What happened?”

“You had a seizure this morning.” Emily explains, putting her book back into her purse that was on the floor next to her chair. “Jessica found you and called us once you were here.”

Haley nods, trying to take in the information. She’d never had a seizure before. “Where’s Jack?”

“Aaron has taken him to the canteen. He was getting a bit antsy.” Emily clears her throat slightly, “Jessica went with them. She looked like she could do with a coffee.”

“What have the doctors said?”

Emily purses her lips, biting the bottom one slightly before she speaks. “They haven’t said anything to us, but they said they’d come talk to you when you were awake.”

Haley nods again, not sure what to say. They sit in silence for a long few seconds before she speaks. “Tell me something.”

“What about?”

“Anything. I need distracting.” She watches Emily play with the rings on her left hand and smiles. “Tell me about when he proposed.”

“Isn’t that, I don’t know, weird?” Emily scrunches her nose up, wondering why Haley would want to know that story.

“You going to refuse a dying woman?”

“Haley,” she stutters out, breath catching on something that sounds a bit like it used to be a laugh. “That is so unfair.”

“I’m just intrigued. I got the whole fancy restaurant, nervous early twenties Aaron, I never even saw it coming, and I’m sure you know that story.” Haley says, raising an eyebrow at Emily, the slight blush on the brunettes cheeks telling her she was correct. “It’s only fair.”

Haley remembered that Aaron was so uncharacteristically nervous, but she was more focused on how they absolutely could not afford the restaurant he had chosen for dinner to even think about why he was out of sorts. He dropped the ring after she said yes, so out of sorts for a man who was usually so purposeful about everything.

“We discussed it before hand, so I knew it was coming eventually,” Emily starts gently. “I asked him if he’d ever want to get married after what happened with you and we spoke about it. He said he’d propose when he thought the time was right.” Emily looks at her rings and smiles, moving the engagement ring side to side slightly. “Apparently the right time was when I was recovering from surgery.”

Haley lets out a snort at that, and Emily looks up at her and the two women exchange a smile. “Seriously?”

“Yeah,” Emily laughs. “I’d just had my tonsils out, and that is much rougher on adults than kids. I woke up from a nap on the couch to find him staring at me and he just asked. Well, more like he told me. He just said ‘marry me.’” She smiles fondly at the memory, and remembers her indignation at the time. “I’ve never seen him more sure about anything.”

Haley hums in her throat and draws Emily’s attention back to her from her memories. “Sometimes I can’t see how my Aaron and your Aaron are the same person.”

Emily hums in her throat, looking back down at her engagement ring and matching wedding band. “Well, if it makes you feel better he dropped the ring with me too.”

The door opens then and Jessica, Aaron and Jack walk in. Jack is delighted when he sees his mother is away and barrels towards the bed, only slowing down when the other adults in the room tell him to be careful almost in chorus.

“Mom, I missed you.” He exclaims as he hugs her once he is sat on her bed.

“I missed you too, Jack.” Haley hugs him back, ignoring the weakness in her arms that she hadn’t felt the day before.

The door opens again, revealing a doctor this time. “Ms Brooks, I’m glad to see you awake. You gave everyone quite the scare.”

Haley smiles grimly at him, sees the way he looks at Jack as he stands awkwardly in the door.

“Hey, Jack.” Emily says, standing up from her chair, having also noticed the doctors behaviour. “Why don’t you and I go out in the hall while your mom talks to the doctor?”

Jack looks at Haley, clearly unsure. She strokes a hand over his head. “Go with Emily, Jack. You need to work some more on your Spanish anyway.”

He nods, and takes Emily’s proffered hand as he jumps down off of the bed. Emily looks back as they leave the room and exchanges a tight smile with Aaron, before nodding at Haley.

Once the door is closed behind them the doctor performed a few basic tests on Haley, noting the new weakness in her arms and legs. “We did some scans when you came in earlier, and I’m sorry to say that the tumour has grown since your last appointment. This somewhat accelerates things.” The doctor says, a sympathetic look on his face.

“What do you mean?” Aaron asks, sensing the tension rolling off of Jessica who was stood next to him.

“He means I have less time.” Haley says, turning to the doctor. “Don’t you?”

“I’m afraid so, Ms Brooks.”

She nods tightly, taking in a deep breath. “How long?”

“It’s hard to say, but we are starting to be talking about just a few months here, potentially less.”

________________________

“Emily?” Jack asks tentatively, looking up from the Spanish book they were reading together, her guiding him through the words.

“Yes Jack?” She closes the book, knowing he wasn’t really taking any of it in anyway, but she had hoped it would distract him.

“I don’t want my mom to die.” His lower lip wobbles, and voice breaks tears streaming down his face quickly. He throws his arms around her neck, making her grunt with the force of it as she wraps her arms around him.

“Oh sweetheart,” she runs a hand up and down his back and presses a kiss to the top of his head. “I know you don’t.” She can feel his hot tears against her neck and the way his breath tears through his lungs as he cries. Her hormones get the better of her will to stay strong for the boy, and she feels some tears escape her own eyes. She doesn’t tell him that it will be ok, because she doesn’t want to lie to him.

The door to the room Haley is in opens, and the doctor walks out followed closely by Aaron. The doctor gives her a tight smile before walking away, and Aaron takes the seat on the other side of Jack, who is still buried in his wife’s arms.

“Jack, your mom wants to see you.” He says gently, placing his hand over Emily’s on the boys back. She interlocks their fingers, squeezing his in the only form of reassurance she can provide him right now.

Jack pulls back from Emily a little and sniffles. “It’s bad isn’t it?” He asks, somehow sounding far beyond his 9 years, but looking so much younger with the fear on his face.

Aaron places his hand on top of the boys head and presses a kiss here. “Come on, you can go in and see her. She has to stay here tonight, so you can come back with us again if you’d like?” He sends a look over Jack’s head to Emily, who immediately nods her agreement.

“Ok.” Jack nods, wiping his hand over his face. “Can we get pizza again?”

Aaron chuckles. “Sure, Jack. We can get pizza again.”

The boy extracts himself from Emily’s arms and walks into his mom’s room, leaving Emily and Aaron alone in the hallway.

Aaron sighs and moves into the seat Jack was just in, wanting to be as close to his wife as possible. She clearly feels the same, resting her head on his shoulder and wrapping both of her arms around one of his. “It’s worse, isn’t it?” She asks softly.

“Yes.”

Emily blows out a breath and closes her eyes, turning her head so her forehead is pressed into his shoulder. “We need to make sure something is put in place for Jack. I know she’s hesitant, but Aaron if she’d died today what would have happened to him?”

He lets out a sigh, “I know. I’ll figure it out tomorrow, one of my friends from law school got into family law. He’ll be able to advise us.”

“Okay.”

“Tonight though, I’d just like to take my son back to ours and do whatever I can to distract him from the fact his mother is dying.”

Emily nods against his shoulder, and despite knowing that was an impossible task she does the only thing she can do. She agrees. “Ok, lets do that.”
________________________

Chapter Text

May 1995

Her parents are at her and Aaron’s apartment when she gets the call. It had been two weeks since Aaron proposed, and she was due to go back to work after her surgery the following day. Her parents, her mother more than her father, weren’t exactly thrilled with the news, her cool tone over the phone as she wished them congratulations had upset Emily more than she’d admit. Aaron, ever the peacemaker between her and her parents, had suggested they had them over to dinner. Sadly, he had been called in for work at the last minute leaving her alone with no back up.

“I just don’t think you’ve thought this through, Emily.” Elizabeth says after they finish their meal, sipping on her wine. Emily sighs and takes a sip of her own wine, noting the look her mother gave her engagement ring, again , as she did so.

“I love him, mother. He loves me. We’ve been together two years and have we lived together for most of that time. What else is there to think about?”

Her father steps in, as he always tries to when he senses tensions rising between his wife and daughter. “I think what your mother is saying is that you are still young Emily. You’re only 24, and he’s in his 30s. You might be expecting different things.”

The house phone rings before she can retort. She stands, throwing the napkin from her lap onto the dining table. “I’m going to go answer that, and you can both think about the fact you’ve implied I’m stupid enough to accept a proposal without discussing with my fiancé what we both want out of life.”

She walks over to the side table where the phone is, sighs to herself as she hears her mother say something about a pre-nup and picks it up, her back to where her parents sit. “Hello?”

“Emily?” A voice she vaguely recognises asks through the phone, an edge of panic in his tone.

“Yeah, this is Emily.” She answers, uneasiness settling in her stomach almost immediately. “Who is this?”

“This is Steve. Steve Hall. I’m Hotch’s, I mean Aaron’s partner.”

Emily feels like all the breath has been knocked out of her body the second she hears the nickname the SWAT team had given Aaron on his first day on the team. She knows there is only one reason Steve would be calling her, the agreement him and Aaron have in place to be the one to call each other’s family in case the worst happened. She uses the hand not holding the phone to steady herself on the table in front of her. “What happened? Is he ok?”

“He was shot, Emily. It’s pretty bad. I should have been me, he pushed me out the way.”

She stutters out a breath as he rambles, clearly in shock himself, and she tries to compose herself so she can get a handle on the situation. “Steve, what hospital have they taken him to?”

‘George Washington University Hospital, I’m there now. He’s in surgery.””

“Ok, thank you.” She goes into autopilot, knowing she needs to see her fiancé as soon as she can. “I’ll come now, I’ll meet you there.”

She hangs up the phone and brings her hands to her face in shock, she jumps when she feels a hand on her shoulder and turns to see her father stood just behind her.
“Emily? What’s happened?”

“Aaron’s been shot.” She breathes out, “I need to go see him, I need to go.” She grabs her car keys from the table and tries to catch her breath.

“Emily, you are in no place to drive right now.” Elizabeth is now stood near her too,

“I can’t not go, Mother.” Her voice is louder than she means it to be, but she is spiralling. She just needs to see him.

“I’m not suggesting you don’t go, Emily.” Elizabeth implores. “We have a car on standby and we’ll take you to the hospital. Last thing we need is for you to get into an accident because you’re in shock.”

Emily takes a moment to register what her mother says before she nods, placing her car keys where they belong. “Okay.”

When they get to the hospital her parents insist on staying, and she doesn’t have it in her to argue with them, but sends them to the canteen to get some coffee so she can just have a moment to herself. She doesn’t get it, Steve finds her and tells her again that Aaron had pushed him out of the way, taken a bullet for him, and she’s never been so simultaneously angry at him and proud of him in the time she’s known him. She knows Steve has a newborn baby girl at home, and she knows her fiancé well enough to know that is exactly what would have gone through his head in the split second he made that decision. She sends him home, knows he’s got a family of his own to go to, and promises she’ll update him when she can.

Whilst her parents are gone the doctor comes and goes too, updates her on the surgery Aaron is still in the middle of getting and she somehow holds it together. When she is finally alone, all of her energy is being used to not lose it, to stay as calm as possible. The bouncing of her foot on the ground and the thumbnail in her mouth tell her she’s not fully achieving it. She takes the fact she isn’t crying in a ball on the floor as a win, because that’s all she wants to do.

Her father makes her jump out of her revere as he passes her a cup of terrible hospital coffee, but she takes it gratefully. “Thanks, Dad.”

He sits next to her and Elizabeth sits next to him, the three Prentiss’ sit in silence for a moment before her mother speaks.

“What did the doctor say?”

Emily turns her attention from the spot where she had been staring at the floor and looks at her mother. “He was shot twice in the upper chest. Apparently it was touch and go for a while,” She hears her breath hitch and takes a moment to centre herself, “I spoke to Aaron’s partner too. Aaron pushed him out of the way.”

Emily wasn’t sure how long they sat there waiting, but eventually they heard someone call out Aaron’s name.

“Family of Aaron Hotchner?” A surgeon walks overtop them as Emily stands.

“I’m his fiancé, is everything ok?”

The surgeon nods, “He made it out of surgery, and is now in recovery. He will be ok. Someone will come take you to him as soon as possible.” He smiles at her as she lets out a breath of relief. “Agent Hotchner is very lucky, if any of those bullets hit even slightly different places we would be having a very different conversation.”

Emily vaguely hears her mother thanking the surgeon, ever the polite woman she was, and it wasn’t long before the Prentiss’ were left alone again.
Emily slowly sinks back into her chair, placing her elbows on her knees and her head in her hands. All of the emotions she had been suppressing in the time since she got the call all come flooding to the surface and she bursts into tears. For once, not caring that her mother of all people is there to watch her fall apart.

“Emily.” Her mother sat next to her and placed a hand on her shoulder, a maternal tone to her voice Emily didn’t remember hearing since she was a small child. “You heard the doctor, he’s going to be ok.”

“I thought I was going to lose him. I almost did.” She sobs, lifting her head from her hands and looking at her mother. “I love him so much.” She wipes tears from her cheeks, but they are immediately replaced.

Elizabeth smiles sadly at her daughter before pulling her into a hug, the physical contact renewing Emily’s tears even further. “I know you do.” She rubs her hands up and down her daughters back to sooth her, and did so until a nurse appeared calling Aaron’s name.

Elizabeth pulled back from the hug and ran her thumbs under Emily’s eyes. “Now go see him so you can convince yourself he is ok.”

Emily nods before standing and goes to follow the nurse before turning back briefly. “Thank you for staying. Both of you. You can go home.”

When she gets to his room he is awake, and looking more than worse for wear. She tries to smile when he looks at her, but he sees right through her immediately. “You crying over me, Agent Prentiss?”

She chokes out something that sounds like a laugh and a sob mixed together. “If you wanted me to take more time off work, Agent Hotchner, there was no need to go to these lengths.” She sits on the edge of his bed and grabs his hand. “How are you feeling?”

“Sore, but I’m ok. I promise. You don’t need to take any more time off work.”

“Already spoken to my boss, so don’t try and talk me out of it.” She thinks about how ridiculous it is he is claiming he is merely sore after he’s been shot, and she looks down at their joint hands on his hospital bed. “Steve told me you pushed him out of the way.”

“He has a kid at home, Em.”

“You have me at home.”

“Em, sweetheart. You’d be ok-“ His voice is imploring, trying to make her see his point of view but she cuts him off, not being able to bear listening to him explain that she would be fine without him.

“I wouldn’t be ok, Aaron.” She says louder than she intended, pausing to squeeze her eyes closed so she can calm herself down. She blows out a breath, opens her eyes and looks right at him. “I wouldn’t be ok.” Her voice has a tremor to it this time and she feels him hold her hand a little tighter.

She’s not good at this - at expressing the depth of her love for him. She tells him she loves him all the time, but the words never seem enough to explain how she felt for him. Years of emotional repression at the hands of being raised in a political world left her often unable to be as free with her words as he was. He loved how his words would make her scrunch her nose up at him, how she’d tell him he was being cheesy whilst a faint blush painted her pale skin.

“It would break me.” She reaches out to touch his face with the hand that isn’t grasped in his and she straightens out the cannula delivering oxygen into his nose. “I want to marry you and have a family with you. There could never be anybody else. So please, no more throwing yourself in front of bullets.”

She knows it’s not that simple, she knows the job too well to think that is something he can truly promise her. But he sees the poorly concealed desperation in her eyes and in that moment he’d promise her anything just to see it go away. “Ok.” He says simply, turning his head slightly to press a kiss to her palm where it was still resting on his cheek.

She opens her mouth to speak, but a gentle knock to the door to his room stops her and she turns to look at it as it opens. She is only a little shocked when her parents walk in. “I told you that you could go home.”

“We wanted to see how Aaron was doing.” Elizabeth replies, the use of his given name not lost on anyone in the room. “Also we brought you here so you have no other way to get home.”

“Oh, it’s ok I’ll stay here tonight anyway.”

“Em-“ He is cut off by her snapping her head back to look at him, a look on her face telling him not to argue with her. “Never mind.”

She hears her father snigger behind her at that and mutter something under this breath about strong Prentiss women, which earns him a glare from both his wife and daughter. He clears his throat, “Are you ok, Aaron?”

“I’m fine.” He answers, ignoring the raised eyebrow from Emily as he does so. “Well, I will be.”

“Once you’re better we’ll have to get to wedding planning. I’ve already thought of an appropriate venue.” Elizabeth says. Emily forces a smile for her mother, and Aaron doesn’t quite stop himself from laughing at her which causes pain to rip through his chest.

Emily whips her head back round to look at him. “Aaron?”

“I’m ok, Just maybe shouldn’t laugh for a while.” He tries to reassure her, placing his hand over where the pain had come from in his chest.

“We should probably leave you to rest.” John says, seeing the concern painted on his daughters. face.

Her parents say their goodbyes and leave, and the second the door closes she groans and puts her head on the edge of his bed. “Can we just elope?”

He puts his hand on top of her head, running his fingers through her hair, his movements slightly sluggish as the exhaustion starts to overwhelm him. “I think your mother would hurt me more than any meth head with a gun ever could if we did that.”

“Not funny.” She says, lifting her head to look at him her eyes narrowed.

“Too soon?” His voice is groggy and she can see he is struggling to keep his eyes shut.

She stands, keeping her grip on his hand as she does, and she presses a kiss to his forehead. “Let’s wait until after you’re home from almost dying before we start making jokes about it.” She smiles when his only response is a grunt. “Now go to sleep, I’ll be here when you wake up.”
_______________________________

Ever since they had told the team, their friends , about Haley and Jack they had been driving her insane. Their protective instincts that had increased when they found out she was pregnant had only got worse, and Morgan in particular kept looking at her like she was made of glass. It was driving her insane. Which is why, when it became apparent her team were stood down for the weekend, she took the Friday off work so she could just spend some time alone at home. It had been going well, right up until the moment her mother showed up.

She sighs as she opens the front door and stands aside so her mother can enter. “Mother, is everything ok?”

“Everything is fine, Emily. I just thought I’d drop by.”

Emily narrows her eyes slightly, checking the time to see it was still technically the middle of the working day, “How did you know I’d be here?”

“I may have spoken to your husband.”

Emily groans in response. “Of course you did.” She leads her mother into the kitchen. “Do you want a drink?”

“Coffee would be lovely.”

She nods. “Of course.” She busies herself making the coffee and senses her mother staring at her. Emily was wearing yoga pants and a tank top, the slight curve to her abdomen was visible in her outfit. She catches her mother out in staring out her and Elizabeth looks away.

“How are things going with Aaron and Jack?”

Emily still finds it odd when her mother shows interest in her life, it hadn't always been the case. In recent years she had been trying more, and Emily wonders if it was related to her keeping her struggles to get pregnant from her. Something a daughter would likely usually share with her mother, the first person she'd go to for advice. She smiles as sheplaces the coffee in front of her mother. “Good, he spoke to his friend who is a lawyer. They are working on getting him parental rights, and working on how often we get to have him. Haley is agreeable to it which is good. Makes it easier.”

“Is she ok? Aaron mentioned she just got out of hospital.”

She wonders just when her mother and husband had this conversation, and what else it entailed. Their relationship had always been strange to her, they were fond of each other in their own way, although Emily knew he was often frustrated at how her mother treated her. She makes a mental note to ask him.

“She discharged herself early, the doctors tried to make her stay but she didn’t want to. I think she was mostly concerned about the medical bills.” Emily says sadly. It had been hard to watch Haley force herself to go home even though it wasn’t the best place for her yet.

“Did the day care she worked at not have good healthcare?”

“No, just the basic-“ she stops talking and looks to her mother. “How did you know she worked at a day care?”

“You must have told me.”

“I didn’t.” The neutral look on her mother’s face doesn’t change, but Emily sees her avert her gaze very briefly. Realisation struck her immediately and she closes her eyes. “Damn it, Mother.”

“Emily.”

She looks right at her mother, fire in her eyes she usually reserved for unsubs. “You lied to me. I asked you if you knew and you lied.”

“I didn’t lie, Emily. I had him looked into in more depth once you were engaged. That included her, and I found out she had a son. I didn’t have it looked into any further. I saw no need.”

Emily glares at her mother, taken aback by how much conviction she has in her own decision. “That is such bullshit. You’re not stupid, Mother. You knew if you carried on digging you’d find out for sure he was Aaron’s. So you stopped.”

“I did what I had to do to protect you.” Elizabeth says primly.

“Protect me? From what?” She asks incredulously, furrowing her brow at her other.

“Aaron is an honourable man, even I can admit that. Do you really think he would have gone ahead with marrying you if he found out the love of his life was out there with his son?”

Emily felt like she’d been sucker punched at her mothers inference that Haley was the love of Aaron’s life, and she once again marvelled at the woman’s ability to really seek out a person’s insecurities so easily. Emily was grateful that she was able to keep her face neutral. “Don’t pretend you did this to do me a favour.”

“You aren’t a mother Emily, you don’t know the lengths you would go to so you can protect your child.”

Emily’s face hardens, and she can see her mother regrets saying it as soon as she does, eyes moving to her daughters stomach.

“You need to go.” She walks towards the front door and opens it, stood there waiting for her mother to do as she has asked.

“Emily.”

“Mother, please don’t make me beg. I need you to leave.” She can’t stop the tears that gather on her lashes and she curses her pregnancy hormones. She had always kept herself in check in front of her mother, not wanting to display any weakness. The last time she remembered crying in front of her was years ago when she was first engaged to Aaron and he was shot in the line of duty. Elizabeth nods and walks past her daughter out onto the porch.

“Mother,” Emily says, and Elizabeth turns back to look at her. Emily wipes an errant tear from her own cheek. “Don’t pretend for a second you did this for me, out of some kind of twisted way of protecting me. You did this for you. And the family reputation.”

Elizabeth opens her mouth to argue, but stops herself, knowing that her daughter was partly right. It certainly had played a role. “Call me when you’re ready to talk about this civilly.”

Emily scoffs, looking down at the hardwood floor of her foyer. “Goodbye, Mother.”

She closes the door before her mother can respond. She presses both hands into the door and leans her forehead against it. She finally lets herself cry properly, and she wonders when she will be able to stop telling her husband life changing things other people had kept from them.

_______________________________

He’d been quiet since she told him. He had walked away from her, saying something about needing some time, and she felt her heart leap into her throat when he did. The silence in the house feels suffocating, so she ends up putting the television on, channel surfing until she settles on the news but she doesn’t take any of it in.

Eventually, she checks her watch and sees it’s been an hour as his footprints echo down the stairs, she hears him walk into the living room, taking a seat on the couch opposite her instead of where he would usually sit next to her. She turns the tv off and puts the remote on the arm of the couch she’s on. He usually tells her off for that, says that’s why they lose it down the cushions all the time as he places it on the coffee table. But this time he says nothing.

“You ok?”She asks softly and he nods. She bites her lip and the question that’s been plaguing her since she told him leaves her mouth before she thinks about it. “You know I didn’t know right?”

He tilts his head at her slightly. The confusion on his face would usually make her smile and he’d grumble when she’d say he was cute. It doesn’t now, because she is desperate to know that he isn’t thinking the worst of her, and she can barely keep it out of her voice. “If she’d told me I would have told you. You’ve got to know that.”

“Emily, of course I know that.”

She looks so relieved at the certainty in his voice it cracks his heart a little, and he realises the cold shoulder he’s given her all evening as he processed the latest information had left her feeling like he somehow blamed her. Aaron noticed for the first time how tightly she has her arms around herself and he internally curses. He stands and sits on the couch next to her, turning his body to face her as he places a hand on her ankle.

“Good.” She says tremulously, chin wobbling as she tried to push back tears. She was so sick of crying but her mother’s words from earlier in the day keep playing on a loop in her head, even if deep down she knows they aren’t true. “I would have told you even if it meant losing you to her.”

He sighs and looks at her with such tenderness in his eyes that her tears do escape as he pulls her into his arms. “You wouldn’t have lost me, Emily.”

“You don’t know that.” She mumbles into his shoulder.

“I do.” He says firmly, pulling back so her can look at her. He cups her cheeks in his hands and wipes her tears away with his thumbs. “I would have wanted to get to know my son, of course I would have. But I would not have run back off to Haley.”

She nods, trying her best to believe him. She moves her hands to grab his wrists. “I am so sorry about my parents, honey. Every time I think they’ve done their worst they truly outdo themselves.”

“You have nothing to apologise for, Em.” He leans forward and presses a kiss to her hairline.

She can’t help the stream of tears that continue at how understanding he is being, and she groans frustratingly at herself. “I can’t stop crying.”

He smiles at her, moves one of his hands from her face to her stomach, the slight bump under her shirt making his grin widen. “I don’t think that’s going to stop anytime soon.”

She hums in her throat, smiling at him despite the tears that are still on her cheeks. “It’s completely worth it.”

_______________________________

By the time she’s half way through her fourth month of pregnancy they have fallen into somewhat of a routine. Aaron’s parental rights over Jack were now legal, a combination of the friends he made as his time as a prosecutor and the time critical nature of Haley’s illness rushing the application through. They had Jack a couple days a week now, trying to maintain the balance of making sure Jack is comfortable with them, and ensuring he gets as much time with his mother as he possibly can. They were still working on the long term plan, although they all knew the only sensible option now was for Jack to live with Emily and Aaron once Haley passed away.

Haley was tired a lot of the time now, and irritable, something Jack had commented on to Emily the day before when they were out shopping for things to decorate the room in their house that had now become his. She was struggling to figure out her place in his life, not wanting to step on Haley’s toes, but she liked that Jack trusted her with these things, that he felt like he could speak to her.

He’d asked her the previous week if Aaron would mind if he called him dad, and she had just about held it together when she said he would love it. She’d kept it to herself, dying to tell her husband about the conversation but knowing it wasn’t her place to tell him. The look on his face when Jack simply called him dad when they dropped him back off to Jessica’s, like he had always called him that, had been pay off enough for her.

Emily is sat at their kitchen island, reading a book and nursing a cup of herbal tea when she feels an odd sensation in her abdomen, almost like little gas bubbles. She’d felt it earlier in the day in the middle of a meeting with the other unit chiefs, and she had dismissed it as another weird, slightly grim, pregnancy symptom. Now she was feeling it again she wondered if it was the baby moving. She moves her hand to her abdomen, cradling what was now obviously a pregnancy belly and not just bloating. She was so delighted to be visibly pregnant, and she hoped she’d hold onto that feeling throughout.

“Are you saying hi in there?” She says to her belly, “I can’t wait to meet you.”

She hears a car door close outside the house, and realises Aaron is home. He’d been stuck in a meeting with his superiors and had sent her home not knowing how long he would be. As he approaches the front door she can hear him talking loudly to someone, she assumes on the phone since she can’t hear another voice, and he doesn’t seem happy.

The front door opens and he walks in, and even though she has no direct line of sight of him she can hear the tension in his voice when he promises whoever he is speaking to that he will sort out what they are talking about. She gets off of the bar stool at the island and goes to walk to towards him, but he appears in the kitchen before she can. She frowns when she sees the fury on his face, seemingly directed at her. “Aaron?”

“What did you tell your mother?”

She is taken aback by the tone in his voice, the barely suppressed anger. “What? I haven’t spoken to her since I found out she knew about Jack, you know that.”

“Do I?”

She scoffs at that, “Of course you do, I wouldn’t lie to you.”

“Well maybe it runs in the family.”

She sucks in a breath, and blows it back out slowly, feeling her own anger start to build. “Aaron-”

“She contacted Haley, went to see her.”

“She did what?” Emily sighs, wondering how her mother always managed to outdo herself in surprising her.

“She offered to pay all her medical bills, and inferred that we should get to see him more. Haley just called me accusing us of trying to buy time with Jack.”

“Aaron-”

He interrupts her again, and this time he does shout at her. “She is talking about taking him away from me, Emily. Even though I am just getting to know him.”

“Haley won’t do that.” She implores, knowing that legally she can’t now, but also that it would be impractical for her to do so.

“You don’t know that. You don’t know her. Maybe you don’t care because this is what you’ve wanted all along.” He roars, and he realises what he has said as soon as he has said it. “Em, I”

She blinks, pulling herself out of the stupor she had ended up in, and puts her hand between them, effectively stopping him from speaking. “You can shout at me about this crap if you want to, Aaron. If that helps in someway to get you through this insanity our lives have become I’m the safest person because I’ll forgive you and still love you afterwards, but you don’t get to say I don’t care about Jack.”

“I know you care about him,” His voice is calmer now, more rational. “Em-”

“I am not responsible for my mother’s actions, Aaron. You know as well as I do that she does things of her own accord, with little regard for me or anyone else.” She feels the movement in her belly again, and places a hand over her bump.

“I know,” He pinches the bridge of his nose, eyes cast downwards. “I am sorry.”

She nods, clearing her throat and moves past him, “Can you sleep in the spare room tonight, I would but it doesn’t do my back any good.”

“Sweetheart.”

“Please, Aaron.” She turns back to look at him. “I just need some space.” She smiles sadly at him, “I was going to tell you when you got home that I think I felt the baby move today.” She hates the way her voice breaks on the word baby, but she manages to keep the tears at bay.

She thinks of all the times she imagined this over the years, of how she would tell him she felt their baby move, and he’d be frustrated it was something he couldn’t feel from the outside yet - not that it would stop him from trying. She never thought they’d be stood on opposite sides of their kitchen, his harsh words still ringing in her ears, making her feel like her chest could split open. He looks at her open mouthed, as if he was going to speak, but she does so before he can. “Goodnight, Aaron.”

She walks away without looking back.

Chapter Text

September 1995

He gets home to an empty apartment and he’s immediately concerned. His new job at the BAU had him working all sorts of hours, so it was rare he was home before her.

Emily was spending the day out shopping with her mother, one of the aims being to find a wedding dress. It was their third attempt at doing so and he knew his fiancé was at her wits end with her mother and her hyper critical opinions. She should have been home hours ago and he searches for a note to see if she had changed her plans without telling him. Thats when it catches his eye.

Her engagement ring, just sat by the sink on its own. He picks it up and his throat immediately goes dry, remembering this exact moment over three years ago when he got home to find Haley had left.

At least she’d left a note.

Just as he’s about to spiral, and wonder how he’s going to tell his family, how he will bear his mother’s condescending comments again about being too much of a workaholic for a woman to handle, he hears a key scrape in the lock and suddenly she’s there.

“I’m sorry I’m so late.” She turns and locks the door, seeming not to have noticed the way he is stood there in what mere moments ago he was sure were the ruins of their life together. He stares at her as she puts down her shopping bags and takes off her shoes, groaning as her feet are freed from the impractical heels she had chosen for the day, claiming she just had to wear them otherwise Elizabeth would make comments she didn’t have the energy for. “Mother turned the whole thing into more wedding planning, so she extended it into dinner. I swear you’d think we were royalty or something.”

He’s by her side before he realises he’s crossed the space between their kitchen and the front door. Just as she returns to her full height after taking off her shoes he pulls her into a tight hug, making her grunt with the force of it. He doesn’t say anything and just takes the time to hold her.

“Aaron?” She moves her arms from her sides to put them around his waist, the initial shock of his fierce embrace wearing off. “This might be why Mother always says we’re codependent if this is the welcome home I get after being gone all day.” She jokes but she furrows her brows when he doesn’t respond and pulls her impossibly closer. “Is something wrong?”

He shakes his head where he had buried it against her neck but she puts a hand on each side of his face and pulls his head back. “Aaron, you’re worrying me.”

“I found it.” His voice is almost devoid of emotion despite the tear tracks she can still see on his cheeks, and he removes one of his fists from her back and shows her the engagement ring in her hands. “I found it and you weren’t here.”

Realisation hits her and she sighs sadly, “Oh, Aaron. I’m so sorry.” She leans her forehead against his. “I took it off to do the dishes after breakfast this morning so I didn’t lose it down the sink, I only realised when I was out that I forgot to put it back on.”

He looks back over to the sink where he had found the ring, and sure enough there are the plates they ate breakfast off together only that morning on the draining board. He groans to himself, chastising himself for jumping to conclusions and she smiles widely at him before becoming serious again.

“I would never do that to you, ok?” She cups his cheek, running her thumb back and forth over his cheekbone. She wonders if she should say the words on the tip of her tongue, if they will help at all, but she says them anyway. “I’m not Haley.”

He nods, turning his face so he can press a kiss to the palm of her hand. “I know.” Sometimes he wonders what Haley would have made of Emily, whether they could ever have been friends. They were so different in so many different ways.

“Can I have my ring back now?” Her voice interrupts his revere and he smiles at her as he slips her ring back on her left hand. “Thank you.” She leans forward and kisses him deeply, grasping the back of his head with her hands. When she pulls away she’s beaming. “Guess what?”

“What?” He smiles at her finding the look on her face infectious.

“I found the dress.” She pulls her hands away from the back of his head and lowers them to grab at the lapels of his suit jacket. “And before you ask, no I will not tell you anything about it.”

“Spoilsport.” He says with no malice at all.

“Now,” She presses a quick kiss to his lips before pulling away completely, walking into their kitchen, opening the pantry and pulling out a box of Mac and Cheese. “I could do with some proper food, that restaurant my mother took me to had the worlds smallest portions I swear.”

“You are the only person I know who would call that proper food Emily.”

“And yet, you love me anyway.”

He smirks at her, invading her personal space so quickly it makes her yelp in surprise. He grabs her, his hands resting on her hips. “I really do.”

When she comes home from work the next day there is a pair of rubber gloves in a packet by the sink with a small note on top of them.

“This way you won’t have to take your ring off and give me a mini heart attack. A”

She smiles and wonders what she would ever do without him.

______________________________________

When he wakes in the morning he is acutely aware of not just how empty their bed feels, the lack of her pressed up against his side making the California King feel almost infinite in its size, but he also notes how quiet the house is. He gets out of bed quickly, passing the open door to the spare room to find she is not there. He walks down the stairs and walks to the front door, notices how her keys and favourite jacket are gone telling him that she has already left for the day.

He sighs and runs his hands through his hair, the regret for what he had said to his wife the night before taking over this thoughts. Aaron loved his son and, despite the circumstances, couldn’t regret his sudden introduction to him. He just wished it wasn’t so complicated. That Haley wasn’t dying, that it hadn’t all come to light just as Emily’s fertility treatment was successful.

He walks into the kitchen and immediately feels worse when he sees she put the coffee pot on for him before she left.

______________________________________

Emily has never been more grateful to catch a case. She wants out of Virginia as quickly as possible, just to get some space from what her life has become, from him , and she briefly thinks that when they catch the unsub she might actually thank them.

The not very subtle worried looks the others give her on the jet frustrate her, but she ignores them.

It’s only later that during first night they are away, sat in a cheap motel room in a small Californian town, she realises she hasn’t contacted him all day. She checks her phone and sees several texts, and missed calls, from her husband that she had dutifully ignored.

Garcia said you got a case in California, let me know when you land.

Are you ok?

Emily.

Garcia said she spoke to you.

I know you’re mad at me, and I deserve it, but please just let me know you’re ok. Both of you.

She sighs as she reads the last message and runs a hand over her bump, the feeling she now knows is her baby moving had been pretty consistent all day. “Daddy is an idiot.” She says gently, “But we love him anyway.” She sends a short text back.

I’m ok. So is baby.

The response is almost immediate, and she wonders just how long he had spent staring at his phone waiting for her to respond. She knows that, despite her frequent reassurances over the years, the way Haley left him had made him hyper aware of Emily and where she was. Almost as if she would disappear if he didn’t hear from her for a day. She winces when she realises she had let him wallow in that feeling all day but a small part of her, a part she doesn’t like very much, is almost pleased. He’d hurt her so she’d hurt him back.

Good, I’m glad. Do you have time to talk?

She immediately feels tears start to well at the idea of talking to him right now, and she hates it. She knows both of them are still too raw from the argument the night before, and she doesn’t want to make it worse. Emily can’t remember the last time she didn’t want to talk to him.

I’m pretty tired. Maybe tomorrow?”

She throws her phone on the bed and gets herself ready to go to sleep. When she returns from the ensuite bathroom in her pyjamas, an old t-shirt of his and some sleep shorts, she sees she has another message from him.

Ok. I love you.

She smiles sadly at her phone and sends a quick text back before settling it on the night stand for the evening.

I know

______________________________________

She doesn’t call him the next night, or the night after that. Before she knows it she has been in California for a week on a case they have just closed, and hasn’t spoken to her husband in that time at all apart from a few texts a day. He hasn’t called her either, which she is grateful for, giving her the space he knows she needs. It is the longest they have gone without speaking since they started dating. Even in the days when he was new to the BAU before she joined and trying to prove himself by working every hour known to man, he’d always make a point of calling her everyday.

On the jet home JJ sits opposite her and tries to drag her into a conversation. Emily is acutely aware that she has been snapping at them all this week, picking up on small mistakes that she would usually let slide, so she tries to engage in it but finds she can’t. She eventually tells JJ she needs to sleep, and the other woman gives her a disbelieving smile but leaves her to it.

Emily doesn’t sleep a wink but finally feels ready to talk to Aaron by the time they land.

______________________________________

He’s wearing the polo neck she loves. That’s the first thing she notices when she walks into their house and dumps her go bag by the front door.

She is mad at herself for her reaction to it, for the way his forearms make heat pool in her belly despite how hurt she still is after their argument. Some of it she knows is pregnancy hormones, the copious amount of books she has read warned her that in the second trimester her sex drive would increase. She has, however, always had a weakness for his arms. For how safe they make her feel when she’s in them, how strong they are. And he knows that.

She briefly wonders if he has done it on purpose, as some kind of attempt to distract her from the conversation they so desperately need to have.

“Jack’s here.” He says in lieu of a greeting, pressing a small kiss to her cheek.

“Oh, She furrows her brow. “We don’t usually have him on a Wednesday.”

He walks towards the kitchen and she follows, the smell of the dinner he has been cooking wafting through the house. “Haley had another seizure a few hours ago. She’s back in hospital and Jess is with her.”

“Is it bad?” She asks, knowing it would be anything other than good.

He opens his mouth to answer, but Jack comes barrelling into the room and he simply nods instead.

“Emily!” He exclaims, throwing his arms around her as he approaches her. “I missed you.”

She returns his hug and smiles at him. “I missed you too, Jack.” The nine year old had wormed his way into her heart quicker than she thought possible. He looked so much like Aaron it made her heart full and ache at the same time. She looks over his head to her husband and doesn’t miss the softness in his eyes as he’s watching them. “Looks like your dad has cooked my favourite for dinner.”

“Mac and cheese is your favourite?” He asks, joy seeping out of him over something so simple in the way it only can out of a child. “Is it the baby’s favourite too?”

She smiles widely at him when he places a hand on her small bump. They had told him about the baby when it became something they could no longer really hide. He was delighted, saying that he had been asking his mom for a sibling for years. She ruffles his hair, laughing when he grumbles. “Well right now their favourite has to be my favourite.” He finally pulls himself out of her embrace. “Why don’t you go set the table, Jack. We’ll be through with the food in a minute.”

He nods and bounds off towards the dining room. Emily hopes their child has slightly less energy than their big brother, but she isn’t going to hold her breath. She looks at her husband and blows out a breath. “Aaron. We need to talk.”

He looks up from where he is putting out plates on the kitchen counter and offers her a half smile. “I know, we’ll talk when he’s in bed later.”

Several hours pass until it’s just the two of them, and when Jack has gone to bed they sit next to each other on the couch in silence. She hates the awkwardness between them, can’t remember a time when they didn’t know what to say to each other.

“I am so sorry, Emily.” He says softly breaking the impasse they had found themselves in the last several days. He takes her hand, and she lets him, linking their fingers together as he has done countless times before.

“You can’t speak to me like you did the other day, Aaron.” She looks at him, noting every micro expression that crosses his face. She knows he is doing the same to her. Sometimes being married to a profiler had its drawbacks - nothing could be a secret unless you were wilfully ignoring it. “I know it’s hard for you, this circus our lives have become, but it’s hard for me too.”

“I know it is.”

“What’s happening is not your fault, I still don’t understand why Haley kept him from you for so long.” She had always known how good a dad Aaron would be despite his own concerns about how his childhood could impact his ability to be a father, and watching him with Jack had only proven that to her. Emily sees Haley watch them together sometimes, and she can see the regret in her eyes at what she could have had if she hadn’t left. “I can’t imagine how you feel knowing a woman you once thought you’d spend your life with is dying. But we cannot let this break us, and I worry it might.”

“Sweetheart,” He implores her, making her look at him by hooking her chin with his forefinger. “I won’t let it.”

She smiles sadly at him. “How?”

“I just won’t.” He says as if it’s the most simple thing in the world, like their life together hasn’t been thrown into utter chaos during what should be one of their happiest times, and she loves him for it.

“Okay.” She leans forward and presses a small kiss to his lips before pulling back. “Have you seen Haley?”

He nods at her. “Briefly, I went to collect Jack from the hospital earlier.” He sighs deeply. “He saw it happen this time. It really scared him.”

“Poor Jack.” Emily can feel her heart breaking for the young boy and what none of them can protect him from. “I’ll go see her tomorrow, apologise for Mother.” She says wryly.

“You don’t have to do that.”

“I’d like to. I know what it’s like to be on the receiving end of Elizabeth Prentiss thinking she’s in the right.”

He chuckles in response, knowing she is right. “We’ll take Jack tomorrow too, I think he needs to see her again.”

She nods in response and smiles when she feels movement in her belly again. She puts her hand on her abdomen to see if she can feel it from the outside but she can’t yet. She knows it might only be a matter of days now until it can be felt from the outside and she can’t wait to share it with her husband.

“Is the baby moving?”

“They never seem to stop.” She smiles.

“Your 20 week scan is Friday, right?” He moves his hand to her belly, knowing he won’t be able to feel anything yet but loving the evidence of the child they have wanted for so long.

“Yeah, can’t believe we are almost half way through already. We should be able to find out what it is. If we want to.”

“Do you want to?”

She’s gone back and forth on it so many times. Part of her wanting to be surprised when she gave birth. The rest of her so badly wanted to grasp control of something in her life she wanted to know immediately. “I think I do,” She replies, smiling at him. “It would be good to have a nice surprise for once.”

“I agree.”

She places her hand on his arm, and is immediately reminded of her initial thoughts when she got home about that damn polo neck, and she swears she can practically feel her hormones flood her body. “We’re going to bed.” She stands up and offers him a hand, raising an eyebrow at him as he looks at her with a confused look on his face.

“Emily, it’s 9.30pm.”

“I wasn’t suggesting we’d be sleeping, Aaron.”

This time he raises his eyebrows before smirking at her and taking her proffered hand as he stands. “In that case, lead the way.”

She scoffs at him. “Don’t play dumb with me, Aaron. You knew exactly what you were doing when you put that polo neck on.”

______________________________________

She knocks on the door to Haley’s room the next morning and walks in when she hears her other woman speak.

“Who is it?”

“Haley, it’s Emily.” She walks takes the seat next to the hospital bed, and frowns when Haley doesn’t turn her head to look at her. “How are you?”

“I’m great. Best I’ve ever felt.” The sarcasm dripping from Haley’s done made her wince. “Sorry, that was unkind.”

“No, it was a dumb question. I’m sorry.” An awkward silence falls over them before Emily speaks again. “I wanted to apologise for my mother. I had no idea that she would come see you, I really am sorry.”

Haley continues to look towards the ceiling above her bed. “She really is something isn’t she?”

“You don’t know the half of it.” Emily quips. The slight smiled that had formed on her face falls away again when Haley doesn’t respond. “For what it’s worth I’m not one to defend my mother, Aaron could tell you that, but I do think it came from a good place. She has an abundance of money and almost no tact. The two often collide with each other when she’s trying to be helpful.”

“It’s not the kind of help I want.”

Emily nods, bites back the comment on her tongue about it being the help Haley probably needs . “That’s your call.” She looks down at her hands and can see she’s been picking at the skin of her thumb without realising again. “Haley, I’ll completely understand if you don’t want me to have anything to do with Jack, but don’t stop Aaron from seeing him.”

Haley continues to lay on her bed, head not turning towards her. “He really likes you, you know?”

“Jack?”

“Yeah. He talks about you a lot. I heard him telling Jess that he thinks you’re the prettiest girl he’s ever seen.”

Emily blushes. “I’m not sure what to say to that.”

“Well, I don’t think it would be fair of me to tell you to step back from getting to know him. Not on him or you.”

“I appreciate that, Haley.”

“And you don’t have anything to apologise for. I overreacted.” Haley says, before clearing her throat. “I’ll be honest Emily, I’m not feeling up to visitors.”

“Oh, that’s ok. I’ll go.” She says standing up and putting her purse over her shoulder. “Do you want us to bring Jack by later?”

“No.” Haley answers quickly and it takes Emily aback. “Maybe tomorrow.”

“Ok. We’ll do that.” Emily says gently as she goes to leave the room. “Bye Haley.”

She doesn’t get a response from Haley and she can’t shake the feeling something has happened that they don’t know about.

______________________________________

The next day she is sat outside an examination room at her OBGYN’s office, nervously bouncing her foot as she checks the time for what feels like the 100th time in the last few minutes. She checks her phone again, still no texts from Aaron, and she wonders where the hell he is.

Jessica had called late the night before, well after Jack was in bed, and let them know that Haley wanted to speak to Aaron alone as soon as possible. He went first thing that morning, with the absolute promise that he would make it back for Emily’s scan in time. He was 30 minutes late, and counting, and her doctor had been kind enough to push the appointment back after seeing the anxiety on her face when she found her alone in the waiting room.

“Emily?” She turns to see Joanne popping her head out of her door. “I’m really sorry but I can’t push it back any further.”

Emily sighs and nods, standing as she goes to join her doctor in the examination room.

______________________________________

Aaron gets caught in traffic on the way to the hospital, and he already knows it is cutting his tightly packed morning short. He’s got to speak to Haley, then get to Emily’s doctor appointment. All before a day full of budget meetings.

He walks into Haley’s room as he sees the consultant leaving, clearly finishing their morning rounds. “Haley?”

“Aaron, thank you for coming by so quickly.”

He takes a seat next to her bed. “Emily was concerned. She said you seemed upset yesterday.”

“Very observant your wife, isn’t she?”

He doesn’t like the tone in Haley’s voice, and finds himself warning her about it before he can stop himself. “Haley.”

“Sorry."Haley clears her throat, and turns her head towards him for the first time since he arrived. Her gaze goes past him though, as if she can’t see him. “Aaron,” Her voice is tight, and he can see the tears escaping her eyes. “I need to talk to you about something.”
______________________________________

She is just about to close the door to the examination room behind her when she hears his voice. “Emily.” She pops her head out of the room to see him walking quickly towards her, a nurse calling after him not to run in the corridors. He looks winded, like he’d run from Quantico itself to get here.

“You made it.” She smiles at him, placing a hand on his shoulder as he gets level with her. She doesn’t think she has ever been so glad to see him.

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world.” He breathes out. He looks concerned, upset even, and it immediately worries her.

“What’s wrong?”

He shakes his head at her. “Not now, Em.”

“Aaron-”

“You’re cutting it very fine, Mr Hotchner.” Joanne quips from the doorway, smiling as he blushes.

“Come on,” Emily says taking his hand, deciding she can ask him what has him so upset later. “Lets go find out what we’re having.”

When Joanne tells them it’s a boy they both cry, and for one perfect moment it feels like everything Emily always hoped it would be. Then she turns to her husband, and the smile falls off her face. He has his chin resting on their joint hands, and amongst the happiness on his face she can see sorrow.

______________________________________

He wouldn’t speak to her after the appointment, not about anything other than the baby, and they go back to work in their separate cars. She knows not to push him, that like her he needs time to process things but her mind is going into overdrive.

He gets home from work much later than her and he finds her in their bed sat up waiting for him to get back. He looks at her and sighs before sitting on the edge of the bed, head in his hands,

“Aaron, please tell me what’s wrong.”

“She’s gone blind, Emily.” He rasps out, still reeling from what Haley had admitted to him that morning. “When she woke up from the seizure she couldn’t see.”

“Oh my god.” Emily exclaims, hand covering her mouth. She gets out from under the covers and gets out of bed, rounds it so she can sit next to him. He immediately grasps her bare thigh when it is pressed against him, clearly looking for some kind of purchase on something. “She didn’t say anything when I was there yesterday.”

“They did a scan after you left.” He looks at her and she can see the unshed tears in his eyes, she cups his cheek. “She wanted to know if it was permanent before she told anyone.”

Emily bites her lip, forces back her own emotions and she pulls him into a hug. He buries his face into the juncture of her neck and shoulder and holds her tightly. “Poor Haley.” She whispers as she runs her fingers through his dark hair

“That’s not all,” He murmurs into her neck before pulling back so they could look at each other. “She said she doesn’t want Jack to watch her get worse.”

Emily frowns at him. “What do you mean?”

“She said to me that she wants to say goodbye to Jack properly, whilst she still can, and she doesn’t want us to let him see her again once she has. So he has a good last memory.”

“Aaron,” She breathes out, “That’s,” She closes her eyes and shakes her head, the words she wants to say escaping her. “How the hell are we meant to do that?”

“I have no idea, sweetheart.” The tears that have been gathering in his eyes finally fall, and for the first time in as long as she can remember he cries. “I have no idea.”

She pulls him back into a hug, his face pressed into her neck again. The feeling of his hot tears against her skin bring on her own tears and she places her cheek on the top of his head.

Emily feels their baby, their son move and it’s the sharpest it has felt yet. She knows Aaron has felt it too when he jolts back from her slightly, and looks at her in awe despite the tears on his face.

“Em, is that-”

“Yeah, thats the baby.” She grabs his hand and places it on her stomach where she can still feel movement. She smiles when he has obviously felt it too.

“Hi there,” Aaron says to her stomach. “Things are a little all over the place out here at the moment. It will be better by the time you get here. I promise.”

Emily feels her tears returning as he speaks so reverently to their son, and she wishes with everything she had that she believed him.

______________________________________

Chapter Text

“Emily?”

She looks up from her paperwork to see her father standing at her office door, a visitor badge clipped into the lapel of his jacket. He was never one to look out of place, always seeming to command a room right alongside her mother no matter where they were. Here though, standing in the doorway of his daughter’s office, he looked uncomfortable and she didn’t know what to expect.

“Dad. What are you doing here?”

“I came to see you. I think we need to talk.”

She sighs deeply, putting her pen down on her desk as she raises her hand to signal her father into her office. “Can you at least close the door? My personal life is already quite the topic of conversation around here.”

He does as she asks and closes the office door before sitting opposite her. “That will happen if you’re married to the boss.”

Her first reaction is to be annoyed, feeling her temper rise almost immediately, but then she sees the sparkle in his eyes. The same one that was always there when he would sneak her candy during her mothers events when she was a child. She settles herself down and tries to lighten her mood. “Hey, I was married to him before he was my boss.”

Despite her effort, an awkward silence falls over them both. The air becomes tense. Her relationship with her father had always been easier than the one with her mother, but it wasn’t perfect. The expectations they both always had of her, their only child, so different to what she wanted for herself.

Eventually, he speaks. “You aren’t answering your mother’s calls. Or mine.”

“Given the circumstances I can’t see how that’s surprising.” She looks at her father and can see her own stubbornness reflected in his eyes. She sighs, “So, she sent you here to do her bidding?”

“She doesn’t know I’m here.”

Emily bites her lip and nods, knowing that makes more sense. John Prentiss was not a pushover, not by any means, but his wife was a formidable force. A force that you eventually learnt was useless pushing against. “Then why are you here?”

“Your mother has a new assignment in Germany. We’re leaving in a few days. We’ll be gone for several months.”

“I see.” Emily knows what that means - they’ll be gone until after the baby is born. It makes her feel oddly pleased. It would be one less complication to her life. Her mother, if she was around, would no doubt have suggestions about baby names and pre-school lists even when Emily’s son was a newborn.

"I have spent as long as I can remember trying to build bridges between you and your mother, only for one of you to knock it down again.” He explains, putting his hand up in a way he so often did when she was a child to stop her from interrupting when she opened her mouth indignantly. “You might not be as guilty as she is Emily, but you aren’t exactly innocent either.”

“Well,” Emily coughs out. “I guess I can accept that.” She looks at her father and bites her lip. “I expected it from her, but not from you. You knew. All these years you knew Aaron had a son.”

“A couple years back I almost told you, your mother’s opinion be damned. But then you told us you were struggling to have a baby and it seemed almost cruel to tell you after that. What good could it possibly have done?”

Emily bites her lip and looks down at her desk, unable to handle her fathers unyielding gaze anymore. “Aaron would have got to know his son years ago.”

“It would have broken your heart, Emily.” She can’t deny that, knowing it’s true. Jack’s existence would have been so much harder to take in those early days when it took everything in her to believe Aaron when he tried to convince her she wasn’t to blame. “I didn’t want to risk that for anything. I still don’t.”

She looks back up at her father and sees nothing but love for her in his eyes. She knows she has no choice. “Ok. I’ll go see her.”
_______________________

Emily takes a deep breath as she knocks on the door of her mother’s office, steeling herself for a conversation she really doesn’t want to have. Something about the situation made her feel like a teenager again, waiting to be called in to be chastised for something the security team had caught her doing.

“Come in.” Elizabeth calls from the other side and Emily gives herself a moment to take another deep breath before she walks in. Her mother casts a look to the door and covers the shock on her face a fraction of a second too late. “Emily.”

“Dad said you’re going to Germany.” She replies by way of greeting, closing the door behind her and approaching the desk and sitting in one of the plush chairs opposite her mother. “I thought I’d come by and see you before you left.”

Elizabeth sets down her pen and links her hands together over her paperwork. “How are you doing?”

The tension in the room isn’t lost on either of them and Emily wonders what it would take for them to have a conversation that was completely honest, uninhibited by the world she had been raised in by her mother.

“Fine. I’m fine.” She pauses, taking a moment to gather herself to prepare for a conversation she really didn’t want to have. “You shouldn’t have gone to Haley.” Emily firmly maintains eye contact with her mother, neither one of them wanting to give in.

“I was trying to help.” The curt response from her mother is not a surprise, and it makes Emily smile slightly, purely because of the predictability of it. Emily knows she won’t get an apology, not even an acknowledgement that her mother understood that she had overstepped the boundaries by keeping Jack a secret and by going to speak to Haley.

“I know that, I do. But it wasn’t helpful.” She carefully chooses her words, walking the constant tightrope she always does when her mother is involved, not wanting to fall head first into an argument. “It wasn’t your place and it made things difficult.”

“What was I supposed to do? Sit back and watch what this was doing to you?”

Emily isn’t sure what makes her do it, whether it's the tone of her mother’s voice or the implication that she couldn’t handle it herself, but she snaps.

“Do you think this is how I saw any of this going for us? I wanted this baby more than anything, Mother. And the second the fertility treatments work, the fucking second , his ex pops out of nowhere, terminally ill and with his son. Like my life is some kind of made for TV movie about the importance of family or some bullshit.” She feels tears hit her cheeks before she even registers them at her lash line, and she frustratingly wipes them away. “Damn it.”

“Emily.”

At first she expects her mother to chastise her for her language, but when she looks up at her over the desk her mother is holding out a tissue to her which she gladly accepts. “Thanks.” She wipes her face quickly before balling the tissue up in her hands, needing to get her anxious energy out in a way that wouldn’t leave her already tender cuticles bleeding. She feels all her anger drain out of her, and she is just left with sadness. “You just don’t get it. I didn’t need the ambassador and her money and the endless resources. I needed my mom.”

She sees the shock on her mothers face, and she realises it’s probably the most honest she has ever been with her. Despite everything, Emily knows on some level that her mother tried her best. It just hadn’t been enough.

Emily clears her throat before she speaks again to clear the lump that had formed there. “I know that’s never how we worked.” She looks right at her mother and rests her hand over her own child in her belly when she feels him kick. “I just wish it was sometimes.”

They share a sad smile, both of them aware that with the best will in the world they will never have the relationship Emily so desperately hoped she would have with her own child.

“You’ll be a better mother than I ever was.” Elizabeth says, as if she has read her daughter's mind.

Emily smiles at her, the first genuine one since she arrived. “Did I tell you it’s a boy?”

She doesn’t think she has ever seen joy on her mothers face like it.
________________________

Aaron hated it, talking about the logistics of what would happen once Haley died. The five and a half months since she had entered their lives again having flown by faster than he’d anticipated. Her sudden arrival in Emily’s office caused a ripple effect throughout their lives that would still be felt long after Haley was gone.

“I know I’m not in a position to ask anything of you, not when you’re already doing so much, but I’d like it if you still let Jessica see him.”

He looks up from his hands that he had been studying in his lap to look up at her. “Of course, she’s part of his family. I’d never stop him from seeing her.”

“He doesn’t have much family. It’s something I didn’t think about until I found out I was sick. Dad died so long ago, I still remember how nervous you were to be a pallbearer.” She smiles at the memory, they were only just 20 at the time and Aaron felt as if he couldn’t say no to her mother when she asked him to help at the funeral. “Mom went while I was gone. I didn’t leave a forwarding address or number so Jess couldn’t contact me. I couldn’t say goodbye to my own mother, and that’s on me.” Haley clears her throat. “We were never close, not really, but I would have liked to say goodbye.”

Aaron sees that as a chance to bring up what he wants to say, to try and convince her to not go through with her plan of only seeing Jack once more. She interrupts him though and his moment is lost.

“I really am sorry, Aaron.” Haley says, turning her head in his direction. She can’t see him but she can smell him, his cologne the same as it was all those years ago. “I know I keep saying it, but I don’t think I can ever say it enough. I thought I was doing the right thing for both of us, but now I know I was wrong.”

He appreciates her honesty and he knows this might be one of the last chances he has to have an actual conversation with her. It feels cruel in some way, to take the opportunity to tell her everything he had wanted to for years, but it was necessary. “I was heartbroken when you left, I tried everything to find you short of misusing bureau resources. You didn’t even give me a chance, Haley.”

“We never would have made it, Aaron. In the end something would have come between us.” She sounds so sure, so convinced of their inevitable downfall that it hurts him. It causes a pain deep in his chest he hadn’t felt in so long, something Emily had filled the cracks of with her smile and her love. “And you found Emily.” She whispers, no bitterness in her voice but plenty of sadness.

“And I found Emily.” He smiles at the thought of his wife. How she had just appeared one day and chosen him, playfully pushing her way into his life. He looks at his wedding ring and twists it on his finger. “She really is something else.”

“She loves you a lot you know. I think she thinks she is good at hiding it, but she isn’t. I could see it written all over her face.”

“I love her too.”

Haley smiles at him, but it slips off her face as quickly as it came. “This isn’t what you came here to talk about. You want to try to tell me you think I’m wrong to make tomorrow the last time I see Jack.”

He sighs, frowning at her despite the fact he knows she can’t see it. “Haley, I don’t think this is the right thing to do. He isn’t going to understand.”

“This is my decision, Aaron. The last one I’ll ever get to make for him.” She squeeze his fingers in hers and goes for what she hopes is a smile. “Promise me you’ll help me see it through.”

He doesn’t want to, but he knows he has to. He’d never been able to say no to her. “I promise.”
_________________________

The next day Aaron crouches down to Jack's level in the corridor outside of Haley’s hospital room and places a hand on his shoulder. “Do you want me to come in with you?”

Jack looks like he is considering for a minute, his face contorted in a frown Aaron just knows the boy got from him. For the first time since they met Jack he can see what Emily means when she says his son looks like him. Up until that moment, all he has ever seen in the boy’s face is Haley.

“Can you wait out here?” Jack asks gently, as if he doesn’t want to upset him.

“Of course.” He assures his son, returning the hug the young boy gives him. Once they pull away he stands to his full height and sits on one of the chairs in the corridor. He watches as Jack hesitates at the door, his small hand hovering over the handle as he looks back at his father. “I’ll be right here.”

Jack nods before he walks into the room, closing the door behind him. He turns to see his mom lying in the bed.“Mom?”

“Hi Jack.” She reaches an arm out and gestures for him to join her on the bed. “Come here.”

She feels him settles against her side like he has done countless times since he was a baby. His forehead rests against her neck and he throws an arm over her. Haley holds him as tightly as her weakened arms allow. Haley can feel his fingers trace the neckline of her hospital gown, playing with a loose thread he finds there.

“Dad and Emily said you can’t see.”

Haley takes a deep breath. “That’s right.” She strokes her son’s hair in an attempt to soothe them both, something they have both found comforting since he was very small. “You remember you saw me fall over last week?” She feels him nod against her. “Well, when I woke up I couldn’t see anymore.”

“Is it scary? I don’t like the dark.”

She can’t help the smile that comes at his innocence, his understanding of the situation still somewhat limited. “It’s different than that, but I’m not scared.”

It’s not a lie, not exactly. She’s not scared of the fact she’s getting sicker, or that she can feel how weak she is. She’s scared of leaving her son behind, although she knows he will be in good hands with Aaron and Emily. She clears her throat, preparing herself to say what she wants to say before she loses her composure.

“I need you to be good for your dad and Emily.” Haley says, holding him tightly. “You do what they say.” Haley smiles when she feels him nod against her neck. “Pay attention in school. Go to a good college. Your dad will try and convince you Harvard is the only option, but you do what you want.” She feels her emotions start to slip, the control she has worked so hard on in the time since Jack came into her hospital room fading away. “And when you find a girl a long time from now that you want to marry, you make sure she’s kind. Kindness is so important.”

He pulls back from her and she can just imagine the look on his face, and she knows she would give anything to see it. “Girls are gross, Mom.”

Haley laughs through her tears and pulls him back into a hug. “You think that now, but give it a few years.”

“Mommy?”

She bites her lip to stop a sob. “Yes, sweetie?”

“I’m going to miss you.”

“Oh Jack,” She presses a kiss into his hairline, then another one. “I’m going to miss you too.”

__________________________

Jack runs up the stairs the moment they enter the house, the emotions of the day finally taking its toll on the young boy. He rushes past Emily without acknowledging her. Aaron is in the house moments after him just in time to hear his bedroom door slam. He presses a hurried kiss to his wife’s cheek as he passes her and follows his son up the stairs. Aaron gently opens the door and finds his son lying on his bed, curled up in a ball and sobbing.

“Jack.” He sits on the edge of the boy's bed, the Spiderman sheets Emily had picked out crinkling underneath him. Jack rolls further away from him, avoiding his touch.

“Why won’t you let me see my mom?” He turns towards Aaron, the tears in Jack’s eyes almost break. His fingers itching to grab his car keys and his son, just drive to the hospital and walk into Haley’s room. But he’d made a promise to her, and he wasn’t going to break it. “I want my mom.”

“I know you do.” He can’t tell him that it will be ok, because he knows it won’t be, and he doesn’t want to lie to him. “Do you want me to stay?”

Jack shakes his head in response and Aaron reluctantly leaves the room, not knowing what else he can do except comply with his son's wishes. He pulls the door closed behind him and sighs as he walks down the stairs.

“He won’t talk to me.” Aaron sighs as he enters the dining room and joins his wife there, sighing as he sits in the chair next to her. He places his elbows on the table and his head in his hands. “He’s beside himself.”

She places her hand on his arm. “It will take some time. It’s an awful situation.”

He turns his gaze to look at her and spots the magazines and catalogues she has on the table. The list in her untidy handwriting next to her. “What are you doing?”

She frowns at the abrupt change in subject, wishing he would just talk to her, but she lets it pass her by. She knows he won’t open up to her if she forces him too. She looks down at the table herself. “I’m starting to think about how we might want to decorate the nursery.”

He frowns. “Does now seem like the right time?”

“I know it seems stupid Aaron, when your son is crying himself to sleep upstairs. But this baby is coming whether you like it or not.” She realises what she’s said when she sees the pain in his eyes, but she can’t bring herself to apologise. She’s spent so much of this pregnancy feeling like she’s in it alone and she can’t bring herself to pretend she doesn’t anymore. “Do you even want this?”

“Emily, of course I do.” He tries to implore her, but his patience with her is not the same as it usually would be after the emotionally draining day he has. He can hear the frustration in his own voice.

She stares at him and the question that had been rolling around her head for weeks, that she had held back in fear of hearing his answer, comes flying out of her before she can stop it. “If Haley had come a week earlier, instead of the day after the implantation, would you have wanted to delay it?”

He hesitates, but only because he had not even considered it. No matter how hard things were he wouldn’t lose out on this, on seeing her finally pregnant with their child. Their son.

She takes his silence as confirmation of her worst fears and blows out a shaky breath. “That’s what I thought.” She moves to get up from the chair she is in but she is slower than she is used to and he is able to stop her with a hand on her arm. She doesn’t turn back to look at him because she is sure if she does she will cry, and she doesn’t want to. "Aaron, please let me go.”

He sighs when he hears the defeated tone in her voice. “Emily, of course I wouldn’t have.”

“You can’t say that for sure.”

“I can.” He stands and rounds the table, kneels at her side and puts himself into her line of sight. “We have wanted this for so long, sweetheart.” He puts his hand over her own on her bump. “I would have let nothing stand in the way.”

She smiles tremulously at him. “When I used to picture all of this, back when it felt like the chance of us having a baby was nothing but wasted hope this isn’t how I saw it. At all.”

“Me neither.” He admits as he reaches up to wipe a tear away from her cheek that had escaped. “I do want this, Emily.’

“I feel like I’m in this by myself.” She admits and he blanches. “I know I’m not, really I do.” She says reassuring him. “I know you want the baby too. I just wish this had all happened so differently.”

He doesn’t reply, he can’t find the words she needs from him so desperately. He rests his head in her lap and sighs when her hand finds his way to the back of his head.

“You’re drifting away from me, Aaron.” She says, running her fingers through his hair. “I can feel you holding things back from me, and I don’t know how to stop it.”

He doesn’t say anything. Has no reassurances because he can feel it too, he’s not able to find comfort in her for the first time since he met her and it hurts him, almost as much as it hurts her.

______________________________________

February 1996

Aaron smiles when the phone in his hotel room rings, knowing it could only be one person. He answers almost immediately. “You know you shouldn’t be calling.”

“If I kill my mother will you help me flee the country?” She sounds annoyed, far too annoyed for his liking on the eve of their wedding.

“What did she do now?” He asks, sitting down on this plush hotel bed. Elizabeth had taste, he’d give her that. The hotel she had organised them all to stay in the night before was the nicest he had ever stayed in, especially since he started work at the BAU.

“She’s just unbelievable. You’d think it was her wedding.”

He laughs at her. “Well for all intents and purposes sweetheart, it is. The only thing she didn’t pick is the groom.”

It was a decision they had reached early on, after one too many dinners with her mother about the wedding ended in tears of frustration from Emily. Ultimately, Emily only really cared about marrying him, she didn’t care how she did it. She told her mother that she wanted to pick her own dress but apart from that she handed over control. It hadn’t stopped them from arguing over the finer details but it had made her life easier in the long run.

“Well thank God for that, otherwise who knows who I’d be marrying tomorrow.” He can practically hear her smile through the phone and he’s glad he has been able to cheer her up even a little. “We should have just eloped.”

“Too late for that now I’m afraid.” He hears her groan through the phone and laughs again. “Em, just think about the honeymoon. In two days time we’ll be in Athens. Just us.”

“I can’t wait.” He hears a disturbance on the other side, her mothers voice in the background, “It’s just room service, mother. I’ll be in soon.” The noise quietens down again and she starts to talk to him again. “Great, now I’m actually going to have to order room service.” She grumbles. “Oh, by the way I think we should keep our mothers apart as much as possible.”

“What? Why?”

“Well, they kind of got into it a little over the flower arrangements. Ended with my mother threatening your mother with security.”

He frowns at that, a disbelieving laugh escaping him. “There is security at our wedding?”

“That’s what happens when you have an ex-president on the guest list, honey.” She laughs, the noise deepening at his shocked silence. “Eloping doesn’t sound so bad now, does it?”

_____________________________

It was easy to forget that there were so many people watching them when she was in his arms, swaying together to their song. Emily knew she would always remember the look on his face when their eyes met as she walked down the aisle, arm linked through her fathers. She would never admit it to Elizabeth, but the day had been perfect.

“What are you thinking about?” He murmurs into her ear, keeping his voice low so only she can hear him. They hadn’t had a moments peace all day, and even this one had observers.

“You.” She smiles up at him, her love for him shining out of her face. “Us.” She kisses him, and it's only slightly inappropriate given their audience. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Mrs Hotchner.”

She smiles brightly at him and he doesn’t think she’s ever looked so beautiful.

Chapter Text

October 1992

Haley watches Aaron as he gets ready for work, unable to stop the smile on her face when he reaches for a second cup of coffee in the space of 20 minutes. He’s talking about their wedding that is only a couple months away. He mentions something about the caterer and she hums her agreement even though she isn’t listening. She can’t bring herself to listen or to talk to him about a wedding that she knows is never going to happen.

Things between them had been off for months. His work at the FBI had driven a wedge between them she never saw coming. This had never been the plan - she had always expected she’d be a prosecutor's wife, not the wife of an FBI agent. She had spent her childhood watching what her fathers job as a police officer had done to her mother, and what the fallout of his eventual death in the line of duty had done to their family. Despite her misgivings, which she made clear to Aaron in the beginning, she loved him and could see that he was getting so much more out of his career than he ever had in his brief stint as a lawyer.

At the start, she could just about bear it - the fear, the worry that he simply wouldn’t come home one day. Eventually he did stop coming home. Their date nights that they had the last Friday of every month, even back when they were in high school, slowed to a stop. He cancelled plans, called two hours after he was supposed to be home saying he was still stuck at work. Despite that she had still planned to stay, to marry him, and try and see it through. She had loved Aaron for so long and she knew it wouldn’t stop even if she did walk away.

Then the pregnancy test came back positive. She had felt off for weeks and deep down she knew why but hadn’t wanted to admit it to herself. Suddenly her mind had been made up - she had to go. She couldn’t put her child through what she had been through herself and she knew that, no matter how much love they had for each other, her and Aaron would not make it.

She met him when he was an awkward 16 year old, fresh out of a growth spurt that made him slightly out of sync with his limbs. The lack of coordination in his arms as he accidentally slammed a door in her face on their first date was not something she could reconcile with the way he moved around their apartment in front of her. The confidence in his voice as he talks about a new assignment he’s been asked to start soon for an ambassador incongruent to the shake in his voice when he has asked her to marry him two years ago.

Haley knew him better than she had ever known anyone. She had been through his side throughout college and law school, watched as his ambitions changed from being a prosecutor to joining the FBI. He was good, and kind and just so loyal. He loved her. She knew that. It just wasn’t enough anymore.

She manages a smile as he presses a kiss to her cheek.

“I’ll see you when I get home.” He murmurs against her skin, his voice still slightly rough given the early hour.

“Ok.” She kisses him, allows herself to enjoy it, and smiles when he pulls away. He turns towards their front door. “Aaron,” he looks back at her and she almost tells him that she’s pregnant, almost lets all her concerns flow out of her but she stops. Knowing the decision she is about to make for both of them is the right one, no matter how much he won’t understand that. She settles on telling him what she has been saying since she was 16, back when love seemed to be all she needed and she thought she’d be with him forever. “I love you.”

He smiles at her, the smile she hopes he will pass on to the child he knows nothing about. “I love you too, see you tonight.”

She’s gone by the time he gets back.

______________________________________

March 1993

She looks down at her baby in her arms, her son, and she thinks about Aaron as she has so often over the last six months. She wonders what he’s doing right now, completely unaware that he now had a son.

Part of her had expected him to simply show up at her tiny one bedroom apartment one day, having used the bureaus resources to find her in Philadelphia, but he never had. She knew he would have been heartbroken by her sudden departure, Jessica had told her as much in the one brief phone call she’d had with her to let her know she was ok just after she left.

The baby grizzles in her arms and her attention is drawn back to him, she smiles and runs her finger down his cheek, then the nose he inherited from his father.

She wonders if she will ever be able to look at her son and not feel like she is looking at Aaron.
_________________________________________

September 1993

Jack won’t stop crying. She’s pacing her apartment, rocking him in her arms, and she's just praying to whoever will listen that he will settle down soon. He was teething and it was really taking it out of both of them, the lack of sleep making Haley feel just as frazzled as she did when she first brought Jack home and realised it was truly just down to her.

She grabs the phone before she really thinks about it, dials the number that once belonged to her and waits as the ringing on the line goes on just long enough she thinks the phone will dial off. She’s about to hang up when a woman’s voice replaces the ringing. “Hello, Aaron Hotchner’s phone.”

Haley is momentarily stunned into silence. She knew logically that Aaron would likely move on at some point, but the righteous anger she feels bubbles up in her chest at the thought of another woman being in the apartment they once shared together surprises her. She’s about to give this woman a piece of her mind, her frustration increasing with each passing second as Jack screams directly into her ear, but then her voice comes down the phone again. “Hello?”

All the fight leaves Haley as quickly as it came, the concern in the strangers voice hampering any hope she had of having the moral high ground. “I’m sorry, wrong number.”

She hangs up before anything further can be said. She readjusts Jack in her arms and presses a kiss to the side of his head. “We’re fine just the two of us aren’t we baby?” She kisses his head again. “We don’t need anyone else.”

If Aaron had moved on with his life, leaving their relationship firmly in his past, she could do the same.
_________________________________________

January 2002

Haley sits in her sister's house, opposite her in the arm chair she remembers helping her pick out a long time ago. She’d shown up that afternoon, Jack by her side on the doorstep, and it only occurred to her after she had rung the bell that she didn’t even know if Jessica still lived here.

It had been a difficult conversation, although Haley knew it wouldn’t be the only one like it she would have in the coming weeks. She somehow found the words to explain where she had been the last 9 years, what she had been doing, that she had found out only a month ago that she was dying.

Jessica sat in silence, staring at her like she was a ghost, for a long time. Taking in nearly a decades worth of information from her sister all at once. Eventually she spoke, asking the only thing that seemed appropriate. “What are your plans, Haley? For Jack?” Her voice shakes around the name of her nephew she only just met.

Haley clears her throat. “I haven’t thought that far ahead. As soon as Christmas was over I packed up what I owned from the apartment and left. I just came here.”

“Haley, you just left us.” Jessica says, angry tears in her eyes as she looked at her older sister. “You just walked away, and now it turns out you had a kid this whole time? What were you thinking?”

“I was thinking I could do better for my child than what we had.”

Jessica sighs and runs her hand over her face. “Aaron doesn’t know does he?”

Haley shakes her head. “No. He never would have let me leave if he did.”

“You have to tell him.”

“Jess-”

“Haley, you have to tell him.” Her voice is firm, leaving no room for argument. “You are dying,” She says quietly so Jack won’t overhear from where he is two rooms away. “He deserves to know about all of it.”

“I saw him once, about a year after you left. He was in a bar in DC with a woman I didn’t recognise.” Jessica averts her eyes from her sister's gaze as she continues. “She was pretty, really nice too. I think her name was Emily.”

“You spoke to her?”

“Yeah, I went over to ask him if he’d seen you. He got flustered,” Jessica laughs at the memory, “She introduced herself to me as his girlfriend after he didn’t.”

Haleys eyebrows raise at that, and she can just imagine Aaron awkwardly trying to introduce his new girlfriend to his ex’s sister. “Did he seem happy?”

Jessica thinks back to the night in the bar all those years ago, how she’d watched Aaron and his girlfriend before she walked over and saw how at ease they had both seemed. “Yeah, he did.”

Haley feels guilt burn in her stomach when she realises she’s about to change that.
_________________________________________

Haley takes a moment to watch the woman in the office she was told belonged to Aaron. She’s tall, she can see that even with her current position of being hunched slightly over the desk as she is looking for something, her dark hair obscuring her face.

She watches as the other woman gathers some papers from her desk, and before she really registers what she is doing she knocks on the door.

“Come in.” The other woman says without looking up, her voice giving away her distraction.

“I’m sorry,” Haley says, grasping onto the handles of her purse a little tighter as she feels nervous energy flood her body. “I was told this was Unit Chief Hotchner’s Office.”

That gets the woman's attention and she looks up at Haley, tucking some of her long dark hair behind her ear as she straightens up. “Well, I’m the Unit Chief and my married name is Hotchner,” She laughs and realisation dawns on Haley immediately. She takes a tentative step further into the room when the other woman indicates she can with her hand. “Sometimes, people around here forget I work under my maiden name. My husband is the Section Chief though, if you are looking for him.”

Haley doesn’t reply and finds herself staring at the nameplate on the desk that tells her this woman in front of her is called Emily Prentiss, the surname familiar to Haley even though she isn’t sure why. Next to the nameplate is a picture of Emily and Aaron on what was clearly their wedding day, and even though she knows she has no right to feel it Haley feels like the wind has been knocked out of her.

“Can I help you at all ma’am?” Emily asks, and Haley looks up at her and sees the confusion on her face.

She speaks before she thinks. “You’re married to Aaron Hotchner?” She winces at the accusatory tone to her question, and she doesn’t miss the way Emily narrows her eyes at her slightly.

“I’m sorry, who are you?”

Haley wonders how much Emily knows, if Aaron had told her the ins and outs of the relationship that came before her. “I’m Haley Brooks, I knew Aaron a long time ago.”

The look on Emily’s face tells her that she knows everything.

______________________________________

“You weren’t what I expected.” Haley says, breaking the silence that had settled over the room. She had asked to see Emily, alone, and despite her reservations she felt that she had no choice. How could she deny a dying woman whose son now lived in her house.

“What do you mean?” Emily asks, brow furrowed in confusion.

“I knew I wouldn’t come back to find Aaron alone. He’s a good man. Intense, stubborn and very single minded at times. But good. But I wasn’t expecting you.”

Emily lets out a laugh. “I’ll take that as a compliment.”

“Please do.” Haley smiles, or at least tries to. Emily can tell she’s tired, and she wonders if this is one of those last good days she has read so much about. “You’re good for him. I could see that the moment I walked into your house and you tried marking your territory by aggressively calling him babe.”

Emily laughs, and it makes Haley laugh too although it quickly turns into a coughing fit. Emily gets out of her chair as quickly as her 6 month baby bump will let her and she hands Haley a glass of water.

“I’m ok.” Haley says as she takes a sip of water. Emily settles herself back into the chair and runs her hand over where she can feel her son kicking her. “You understand him more than I ever did. He deserves to be loved by someone who knows him like that.”

“I think we all do.”

Haley hums in her throat. “I am so sorry, Emily. For coming back when I did, for resenting you for fixing what I broke. For everything really.”

Emily closes her eyes and wills back the emotions she can feel overtake her. She has so much anger and sadness and just about everything in between that threatens to bubble to the surface. There are so many things she wants to say. She wants to tell Haley that she still doesn’t understand why she walked away in the first place, why it took her to find out she was dying to come back. Mostly she just wants to scream about how wildly unfair it is that Haley had Aaron’s child in secret, and then came back just as she was finally on the precipice of motherhood herself.

She doesn’t say any of that, because she knows it won’t benefit either of them. So she settles on a level of honesty that she thinks she can live with, knowing Haley won’t have to for much longer. “I should thank you really,” She says gently. “If you hadn’t left I never would have been loved by him, and I can’t imagine my life without him in it.”

Haley cries. She doesn’t try to cover it. “You’ll look after them, right?”

Emily sets her lips in a grim line. “Of course.” She nods even though she knows Haley can’t see it. “Of course I will.”

It’s a promise she knows she’ll keep forever.
_________________________________________

“I have an idea for a name.” His voice comes from the bedroom doorway and she looks up at him, love blooming in her chest at the look on his face. He’s looking at her in a way he hadn’t in weeks, like she was the most precious thing in the world.

“Oh? What is it?” She asks, tapping the space on the bed next to her, smiling at him when he enthusiastically joins her.

“Theo.”

She nods, considering it. “It’s a nice name.” Her mother would love it, she thinks. “What made you think of it?”

“I was reading one of the baby name books.” His ears tinge pink slightly, as if it’s something to be embarrassed about.

“You were reading one of the books?” She smiles brightly at him. Logically, Emily knows he wants this as much as she does, but the introduction of Jack into his life and the sadness around Haley has left him distracted. She can’t blame him for it, not when her hormones aren’t controlling her emotions, but this isn’t exactly how she pictured this season of their life.

“I am excited about the baby too, Emily.”

“I know you are. It’s just nice to be reminded about that sometimes.” She drags his hand and places it on her stomach where she can feel their son moving around, and she smiles at him. “Why Theo?”

He looks up from where their hands are laced on her stomach. “It means gift.”

She bites her lip to stop herself from smiling as widely as she wants to. “That’s incredibly sweet, Aaron. And really cheesy.”

“And if you ever tell anyone I will deny it.” He suddenly seems unsure of himself, “If you don’t like it that's fine. It’s just a suggestion.”

“No, I love it.” Emily leans towards him and presses a kiss to his cheek. She opens her mouth to say something about middle names when the ringing of his cell phone stops her. She sees Jessica's name appear on the screen and sighs. “You should answer that, it could be important.”

He hesitates, knowing the moment they’d been having was broken. “This is important too.”

She tightens her hold on the hand over her bump. “I know, but we’ll still be here when you’re done.”

He moves away and answers the phone, leaving their room as he does so. She waits until he’s gone for the smile to slip off of her face, closing her eyes as she feels a sharp kick from within her abdomen. “Hi Theo,” She tries the name out and smiles when she feels another kick, almost as if he was replying to her. “I’m sorry things are so messy out here.”

Aaron appears in the doorway, phone in hand as he looks at her with such concern on his face she swears she could feel her heart stop. “Jessica said we should get to the hospital.”

Emily gets out of bed and walks over to him, she places her hand on his arm. “I’ll wake Jack up, you sort yourself out.” She kisses his cheek and feels his arms wrap round her, holding her tightly to him. She leans her head against his shoulder and hugs him back, letting him find whatever comfort he needs from their embrace. She’s not sure how much time passes before she finally pulls back enough to look up at him. “We should get going.”

______________________________________

Aaron is sitting in Haley’s room, watching her drift in and out of consciousness. Jessica is with him, and all he can think about is his wife and his son in a waiting room down the hall. There had been no one else to take Jack. They hadn’t felt like they could call someone to watch him in the middle of the night, so they brought him with them. He didn’t understand why he was led past his mother’s room and Emily promised to sit with him as long as was needed. He thought of his pregnant wife, in an uncomfortable hospital chair comforting his son who was about to lose his mother when she should be sleeping, and it made him love her more than ever.

He suddenly makes a decision, one he thinks he should have made weeks ago. He stands and walks over to Haley’s bed, grabs her hand in his as he so often did years ago.

“Haley, you told me once that you wished you could have said goodbye to your mother.” Aaron says, tears welling in his eyes as he talks, watching her breathing get slower, “Don’t deprive Jack of being able to do the same thing.”

Haley doesn’t speak, Aaron isn’t sure she could if she wanted to, but she nods ever so slightly. He doesn’t think he’s ever moved faster. He makes it to the waiting room down the hall as fast as he can, and Emily and Jack both turn to look at her, immediately assuming the worst.

“Jack,” He says gently, taking a seat next to him. “Your mom wants to see you.” He smooths a hand over his hair as he looks at his wife over the top of the boy's head. “We should go now.”

Jack looks at him contemplatively, before looking at Emily who was still sitting on his other side. “I’m scared.” He admitted softly, biting his lip to stop himself from crying.

“That’s ok, sweetheart.” Emily assures him, holding his hand.

“I’m scared too, Jack.” Aaron says honestly as he stands, also offering Jack a hand. He’s about to watch the first woman he ever loved, the woman he once thought he would spend his life with die. He can feel himself shutting down, wanting to keep himself together for his son. “So we’ll do it together.”

Jack pulls them to a stop outside of Haley’s room, not wanting to go any further. Emily looks down to see tears running down his face. “I don’t want Mommy to know I’m crying. I need to be brave for her.”

“Oh Jack.” She lowers herself down to his height as best as she can with her bump. “You’re allowed to cry, okay? This is really sad.” She presses a kiss to his forehead. “There will be plenty of time for bravery tomorrow.”

He nods, which causes more tears to fall from his face. Aaron helps Emily straighten up. She looks at him to see tears in his own eyes and she holds his hand, giving it a quick squeeze. He tries to take as much comfort from her as he can in the moment, knowing the days ahead would be hard. He looks down to his son and holds his hand with his free one. “Come on Jack, your mom is waiting.”

Haley dies a few hours later, surrounded by people who love her and the press of her son's cheek against her own.

______________________________________

That evening, after a long day full of planning and conversations he wished he could avoid, he finds his wife standing at the door of Jack’s bedroom. She’s leant against the door frame, one hand on her bump and the other up near her mouth where he can see her biting at the skin of her thumb nail. “He finally fell asleep.” Her voice is quiet, and she turns to look at him, lips set in a firm line. “I asked him if he wanted to sleep with us but he said no.”

They walk towards their bedroom, leaving their door ajar just in case Jack changes his mind and decides to join them in the night, and Emily sighs as she sits on the bed, exhaustion seeping out of her every pore.

“I don’t think I’ve thanked you for any of this. For being here without question, and making room in our house for a child that isn’t yours.” He says, his voice tight as he sits next to her. “I don’t know what I would have done without you.”

“You don’t have to thank me, Aaron. I’m your wife and I love you.” She looks at him and wipes a tear from her own cheek. “And I love Jack.” She sees the barely suppressed emotion on his face, in the way he firmly has his hands clasped in his lap. She wants him to open to her so badly, but she knows he’s holding back. “I’m sorry that a woman you loved died today.”

“Emily-”

“Don’t say you didn’t love her, because you did. You still do.” She smiles sadly at him, reaching out to cup his jaw in her hand. “I’ve always known that.” She sees the tear fall before he even seems to be aware of it himself, and she thumbs it off his cheek before he can react. “It doesn’t mean I think you love me any less.”

He doesn’t reply or acknowledge that she has spoken, instead he pulls back from her causing her hand to fall to the bed between them. “You should get some sleep.” He presses a kiss to her forehead and stands up.

She stands up too, standing next to him and grabbing his hand to stop him from leaving the room. “Where are you going?”

“Downstairs.” He answers simply. “I’ll be back up in a bit.” He promises seeing the concern on her face. He kisses her cheek as he moves past her and out of their room.

When she wakes in the morning his side of the bed hasn’t been slept in.

______________________________________

Chapter Text

Emily takes Jack suit shopping. Aaron offered to take him, but she rebuffed him citing that she needed a new dress herself. None of her black clothes big enough to stretch over her bump. In all honesty, she just needed to get out of the house. The grief in the air was thick, and it was suffocating her, and she knew it was doing the same to Jack.

It’s the first time she has spent alone with Jack since Haley died, and she is acutely aware that as she walks from store to store with him in the mall that she is helping him choose something to wear to his mother’s funeral. She finds her dress quickly. Picks the first one she finds that seems appropriate and will fit. She knows she will only wear it once.

Finding something for Jack proves more difficult, but eventually they find a black two piece suit he likes, and she lets him pick out a tie to wear. It’s bright blue, and not really appropriate for a funeral, but when he says it was Haley’s favourite colour any encouragement for him to go for a darker shade dies on her lips.

She stands at the counter, waiting for the suit to be bagged up, and is drawn out of her thoughts when the woman standing opposite her speaks.

“Your son is adorable.” The well-meaning shop assistant says as she wraps up their purchase, and Emily feels her breath hitch in her chest.

“She’s not my mom,” Jack says from beside her before she can speak, his eyes fixed on the ground. “My mom is dead.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry.” The woman stutters, eyes flicking between Emily and Jack.

“It’s ok.” Emily placates, shooting the stunned shop assistant a sympathetic look as she takes her credit card back along with the suit bag. “Thank you.” She gives the woman a tight smile before turning away, offering her hand to Jack as she does. “Come on, Jack.” He holds her hand and follows her out of the store. Once they are just outside she brings them to a stop and looks at him. “Do you want to go home?”

He shakes his head. “Not yet. Dad and Aunt Jess are probably still talking about sad stuff.”

It was part of the reason she had brought Jack out today. Aaron and Jessica were going over plans for Jack going forward, wanting to make good on their promise to Haley that her son would have his family around him.

Emily squeezes his hand. “I tell you what, why don’t we go to the food court and grab something to eat? Me and the baby could go for a giant pretzel.”

The smile he gives her in response is the first one she has seen on his face since Haley died just a few days before.
________________________

The funeral is small. The team comes along to support them despite the fact they only met Haley once, very briefly, in the time she was back. A few of her friends from Philadelphia, only recognised by Jack, come too, having made the journey after they found her obituary in the paper. Her disappearance from their lives was as sudden as it had been from Aaron’s all those years before.

Aaron thinks of how many people they invited to their wedding, everyone he’d had to contact to let them know it was no longer happening, and how so few of them were here today. Most of them had been her friends, his social skills always lacking somewhat even back in high school and college, meaning he had always tagged along with her and spoke to her friends' boyfriends. For the first time he really considers how completely Haley had cut herself off from her old life. Severing every tie she had without a second thought just so she could leave him without looking back.

He turns to look at his wife, standing dutifully beside him with one hand in his and the other resting on his son's shoulder, and he wonders when he’ll drive her away too.
________________________

“It was nice of you to come.” Emily says curtly, smiling tightly at her mother. “You didn’t have to fly back.”

As awful as it sounded, Emily almost wished her parents hadn’t made the effort, that they had simply sent their condolences from a distance. The tension that was slowly building in her marriage was splitting her ability to compartmentalise apart, fracturing her tiny constructed boxes into pieces. Her mother always had the uncanny ability to find her weak spot and she worried it would be the thing that would shatter her.

“We’re only here for a couple of days.” Elizabeth explains simply, before looking at her daughter intently. “Emily, are you ok?”

She sucks in a breath, feeling the tension her mother always brought out in her spreading out from her chest. “I’m fine.”

“Emily-”

“My feelings are the least important in all of this, Mother.” She clears her throat and puts the cup she had been drinking from down, desperately wishing she could have another coffee. “I’m fine.”

Elizabeth starts to protest, seemingly not minding she was picking at her daughter's already frayed nerves at a wake of all places. Jack appears at her side, out of nowhere, and any concern Emily had about her mother disappears in a moment when she sees the look of distress on his face. “Can we go home yet, Emily?”

She runs a hand over his hair and puts an arm around him, holding him tighter when he leans into her side. “Not quite yet, Jack.”

“Everyone keeps smiling at me strangely, like they are trying to make themselves happy.” He looks up at her, furrowing his brows in a way that was just so Aaron it made her heart ache. “But this is sad. Grown-ups are weird.”

Elizabeth clears her throat and Emily looks up at her, realising that this was the first time her mother was meeting Jack. “Jack, this is my mom - Elizabeth.” She says, nodding towards the woman in question. She watches as the boy looks at the woman standing opposite them, and she doesn’t miss how he steps slightly closer into her side. “Mother, this is Jack.”

Elizabeth smiles at the boy. “You can call me Lizzie if you’d like.”

Emily can’t stop the way her nose scrunches at the out of character behaviour from her mother. By some kind of deep rooted instinct she turns to her side to exchange a look with her husband, part of one of their long standing inside jokes about her mother’s behaviour, but he isn’t there. He hasn’t been since they left Haley’s grave.
________________________

Jack falls asleep in their bed after the wake. It’s just the two of them, and she knows Aaron will be late home, having promised Jessica he would help her tidy away. She settles in the bed next to Jack as the exhaustion of the day catches up with her. She moves as gently as she can so she doesn’t disturb him, but she can only do so much with her nearly 7 month baby bump encumbering some of the grace she once had. As she gets in a comfortable position she feels the boy shift closer into her side, turning so he’s facing her.

He curls himself around her bump in a way she is sure is uncomfortable but immediately falls back to sleep. She drifts off to the feel of Jack’s breath on her neck and the rolling of her own son in her stomach.

She wakes briefly sometime later, the mattress dipping on Aaron’s side of the bed. She blearily opens her eyes and looks at her husband as he gets under the covers on the other side of his son.

“Go back to sleep, sweetheart.” His voice is soft, the softest she’s heard it in weeks, and his hand comes to rest on the arm she has thrown over Jack. He runs his fingers up and down her arm, his touch lulling her back to sleep.

“Love you.” She murmurs, her voice thick with exhaustion.

She falls asleep before she can hear him say it back.

________________________

He comes to a stop outside Jack’s room when he hears laughter floating from inside. Emily was in there with him, reading the first Harry Potter book with the boy. Aaron had offered to read with him at first, but as he had done every night Jack had requested Emily did instead, claiming that she was better at putting on the voices for the characters.

Emily was the only one who had been able to make Jack laugh since Haley’s death. Aaron hated that the sound of his son's laughter made him bristle, knowing that deep down he should be pleased that Jack was, despite everything, able to have a few moments where he was just a normal child. He just wished he could comfort his son in the way his wife so easily could.

He always knew she would be a great mother, he just never expected to be proven right by watching her with a child he had with someone else.

He’s brought out of his train of thought by the door to Jack’s bedroom opening and his wife stepping out, closing the door behind her as she does so. He looks at her and takes in just how beautiful she is, something he has done countless times since he first saw her in her parents house all those years ago. She has somehow got more beautiful as time has gone on, even more so now she’s pregnant. Her face slightly fuller than he is used to, her rounded belly that seems bigger every day. The way her skin glowed and her hair was softer, something he never thought would be possible.

She also looked tired. The strain of what had happened to their lives in the last few months taking its toll, and it just makes him so angry. Angry that this time in their lives, something they have waited so long for, has been marred by everything he can feel the void it has put between him and his wife, that he still feels awkward around his son.

Most of all he’s angry that the one person he wants to yell at about this, who is as responsible as he is for the poorly disguised pain he can see in his wife's eyes, is dead.

“Aaron, are you coming to bed?” Emily asks softly, tilting her head towards their bedroom down the hall.

He wants to, more than anything. He wants to hold her and let her hold him and take the comfort from her that he so desperately needs. But he can’t.

He knows she’ll want to talk about it and still doesn’t have the words to describe how he feels. He knows he’d take it out on her, yell at her about something that was simply not her fault. Emily and Jack were the innocent ones in this situation, caught up in the mistakes made by him and Haley long ago, and he wouldn’t let either of them be on the receiving end of his frustration.

“I’m not tired yet,” He says as he steps towards her, presses his lips to her forehead. “You go ahead though.”

He pretends he doesn’t see the disappointment on her face as he walks back downstairs.
________________________

“He’ll be starting school again soon.” Emily says as she puts the last of the dishes from dinner away. “I think we should set up a meeting with his teacher, explain everything.”

“I’ve already sorted that.” He says casually from behind her and she turns to look at him, confusion on her face. “I’m meeting with her on the first day of the new semester.”

“Oh,” She crosses her arms across the top of her bump, biting at her lip as she tries to figure out how to respond. “I’ll make sure I’m there.”

“Don’t worry about it.”

The bluntness in his voice makes her frown at him, and she can feel the anger she’s barely suppressing rise up in her. After everything from the last few weeks, every night she has fallen asleep alone in their bed while he sits in his office, and this is what pushes her to say something.

“I’m going to worry about it, Aaron. I want to know he’ll be ok when he goes back. It will be a new routine for all of us.”

“You aren’t his mother, Emily.”

She had been anticipating this conversation, it was one they had been on the precipice of for days. In the two weeks since Haley died, she has seen his barely contained annoyance at Jack always coming to her. She hadn’t missed the tight way he would set his lips when Jack would choose to lean against her when he was sad, or how he would look so stern when the boy asked for her after a nightmare.

“I know I’m not, Aaron.” She stares him down, keeps her voice quiet so she doesn’t wake the boy sleeping in the room above them. “And I’m not trying to be, but I’m the best he’s got left.”

“I think we need to set boundaries.”

She scoffs at that, looks up at the ceiling as she shakes her head at him. “Like what exactly? Do you want me to ignore him when he’s upset?” She looks back at him. Her chest feels tight with everything she has repressed over the last several months, and her eyes start to fill with tears. She feels the baby kick it just about tips her over the edge. “And what about when Theo gets here? Do you want me to treat Jack differently to how I treat my own son?”

He shakes his head at her, taking a step towards where she is standing when he seems to notice that she is upset. “Of course not.”

“Then what do you want, Aaron? What do you need me to do? Because I’ll do it. Whatever it is.” She can hear the desperation in her voice, and she sees all the fight that had been building in him disappear.

He sighs, the noise catching in his throat on something that sounded a lot like a sob. “I just want him to need me.”

She tilts her head slightly as she looks at him, registering the shock on his own face as he realises what he has said. She wipes a tear away from her cheek with the heel of her hand. “He does need you. We both do.” She takes a step towards him, places her hand on his chest before grabbing the collar of his polo shirt in between her forefinger and thumb. “He’s lost his mom, and he’s just grabbing onto me because I’m what he sees as the maternal figure in his life now.” She smiles at him, her lips trembling slightly as she forces back her emotions. “It doesn’t take a profiler to figure that out.”

Her attempt at lightening the mood is cut off as her phone rings and she curses, pulling it out of her pocket. She places her palm on his chest as she answers.

“Prentiss.”

He watches as she takes in whatever is being said to her on the phone, he can hear JJ’s voice but not what she is saying. She closes her eyes and rests her forehead against his shoulder.

“I’ll leave now, should be there in about 40 minutes.” She hesitates, cursing the universe for interrupting the one real moment they’d had in weeks. “I’ve got to go.”

“It’s ok.” He nods at her. “I get it.”

She nods almost hesitantly, knowing if he asked her to stay right now she would. Regardless of the consequences. “I can’t fly anymore, so I’ll be back later when they are gone.” She places her hands on his shoulders, cell phone still clutched in her left. “Wait up for me?”

“Always.”
________________________

He opens his front door to find his mother-in-law standing on the other side, frowning at the unexpected visit. “Emily isn’t here.”

“I know. I called her when she was on her way to work.”

He frowns at her, stepping back to let her into the house. “You called her?”

“We do speak occasionally. I wanted to say goodbye to her before we headed back to Germany.” She turns back to look at him, an unreadable look on her face that he knew came from years of playing politics. “I thought we could have a chat while she’s not here.”

Aaron keeps his face neutral but is surprised by that. His relationship with his mother-in-law had always been tenuous, but he hadn’t spoken to her apart from exchanging pleasantries at Haley’s funeral since Emily revealed her parents had known about Jack. “We should probably sit down then.”

“We don’t have a lot in common, Aaron but one thing we have always shared is our love for my daughter.” Elizabeth walks into the living room, her eyes catch a photo she hasn’t seen before of Emily, Aaron, and Jack all together and she wonders when it was taken.

“We both go about it in very different ways.” He says evenly, trying his hardest to keep his tone even.

Elizabeth nods, agreeing with his statement. “I may not know her as well as you do, but I do know her well enough to know that she won’t tell you how she’s really feeling right now. So I will.”

He bristles, not liking the implication that his wife is hiding something from him. “We tell each other everything.”

She finally takes a seat on the couch and he sits on the one opposite. “That may well be the case, but she doesn’t want to burden you.”

“She’s never been a burden.”

“I know that, Aaron. Even when I disapproved of your relationship, I haven’t been able to deny how much you love each other.”

He stares at his mother-in-law. “Just say what you came here to say Elizabeth.”

“She’s struggling with all of this, and I think it hurts her more than she’d ever admit to even herself that you have a child with another woman.” She pauses, and for a moment the tension in the air becomes thicker, both of them thinking of how Elizabeth knew Haley had a child all these years and how she had kept it from them. “I can’t imagine how this situation feels for you Aaron, but you have to remember Emily is your wife and she is pregnant, her emotions would be all over the place in the best of circumstances.” Elizabeth sighs, “She actually told me that her feelings are the least important in all of this.”

He furrows his brows at that. “She really thinks that?”

“Yes.” Elizabeth answers simply, “I assume you will correct her when you next see her.”

He nods his response, averting his gaze from the hard look of his mother in law. It occurs to him that this is the first time in their relationship that this type of conversation has gone this way. “Of course.”

Elizabeth smiles tightly at him, opens her mouth to speak but hesitates. She clears her throat before trying again. “I cannot change my actions, Aaron. But I am sorry for them. I thought I was protecting Emily by keeping what I had found out about Haley a secret, but I know it was wrong.”

He knows it's deeper than that. Whilst Elizabeth is a mother, and clearly loves Emily, he knows a lot of the motivation behind her actions were more steered towards protecting the family name from embarrassment. He doesn’t say anything, not wanting to destroy this delicate truce they had built. “I wouldn’t have left her, Elizabeth.”

“I know that now.” She clears her throat again, the tell she has had for years that she is saying something that makes her uncomfortable. “I thought about telling you both after a few years, when John kept badgering me that it was unfair you didn’t know. But then Emily told us you were struggling to conceive, and I knew it would break her heart.”

He knows Elizabeth is right, it would have done. In those early days when they were first told just how unlikely it was Emily would be able to conceive naturally she had been inconsolable. Convinced it was somehow her fault. This, he thinks, would have destroyed her. And for the first time since he found out his mother-in-law had essentially kept his son a secret for the best part of a decade, he understands part of her motivation.

“Look after her, Aaron.” Elizabeth says, “And your sons.” A small smile crosses her face. “And let her look after you. The rest will fall into place.”

________________________

April 1998

She wakes to the feel of the mattress next to her shifting, her husband's arm drifting over her waist as he pulls her back into his chest. “You’re home.” She murmurs, smiling as he presses a kiss to her neck. “What time is it?”

“3am,” He presses a kiss to her head this time and tightens his hold on her. “Go back to sleep, Em.”

“You were gone a long time,” she keeps her eyes closed but turns in his arms and presses herself into his chest. “I thought you’d decided to start a new life in Boston.”

He chuckles into her hairline and runs his hands up and down her back. “Not quite, sweetheart.”

“Did you catch him?”

He sighs, the way the case came to an end still unsettling him just as much as it did when they boarded the jet to come home. “No, the lead detective sent us home.”

She hums into his chest, sleep only just evading her as his hands on her back lull her towards it. Even in her sleepy state she knows him well enough to know he would be disappointed in that as an outcome during his first case as agent in charge. He won’t want to talk about it, not yet, so she settles on distraction. “What was his name again?”

“Detective Shaunessy.”

”I’ll have to send him something to say thanks for sending my husband home.”

He kisses the top of her head again, smiling against her hair. “Go to sleep, sweetheart.”

“Missed you.” She’s half asleep by now, her words slurring together against his chest.

“Missed you too.”

________________________

June 1998

Penelope Garcia may not have been a profiler like the rest of her team, but she was good at reading people. She had briefly met her boss's wife once before, and remembered even then thinking their relationship seemed odd to her. The mischief and sarcasm rolling off of her in a way, even in their brief interaction as the woman waited for her husband by the elevators on the floor of the BAU, seemed incongruent with her serious boss.

Then Emily joined the team and it confused her even more.

If she didn’t know they were together, that they had celebrated their two year wedding anniversary just a few months prior, she would never have seen it. At work, they were both professional. Both of them maintained a distance that Morgan told her even took place on the jet, unless the case was particularly hard on one of them. In that case they’d sit next to each other, shoulders pressed together in silent comfort.

Garcia knew that some of it came from Emily’s desire to prove herself, knowing how it would look to so many other people when she got a high desired spot on her husband's own team. Gideon in particular had given her a hard time at first, his annoyance at however having the married couple work together would change the dynamic of the team. She wore him down though, a case that required her fluent French tipping the opinion of the older man in her favour.

It was the first time Garica had seen a flash of poorly disguised pride across her boss’s face as Emily explained that French was one of six languages she spoke.

She genuinely really liked Emily Prentiss. She was funny, kind, smart, annoyingly beautiful and had so much compassion Garcia often found herself opening up to her without meaning to. Which made Emily’s infatuation for the Unit Chief all the more confusing.

“He’s different out of work, when the Hotch mask is off.” Emily had once told her when one drink too many had led Garcia to ask her about it.

She’d made it her mission to see if for herself one day, and she was delighted when it happened one night in a bar after a case. It had been awful - dead children and grieving families, and an unsub that was caught a moment too late for the last victim. They needed to blow off some steam, and the team had watched as Emily disappeared into Aaron’s office after he had told them to go ahead without them, only for them to both emerge from behind the closed door a couple of minutes later, the Unit Chief now clearly joining them for drinks.

Garcia watched, sipping her cocktail, as Emily dragged her husband out onto the dance floor. She saw in real time as Aaron’s stern look gave way into adoration as he looked at his wife. He leant in and whispered something into Emily’s ear, his hands gripping her hips, and she threw her head back in laughter. The couple, lost in each other, seemingly forgot that the rest of the team were around and shared a kiss that eventually Garcia felt voyeuristic watching.

She turned her gaze away only to find Morgan stood right next to her, an amused look on his face, causing her to jump. “God. I need to get you a bell or something, I need some warning before I see that gorgeous face of yours.”

He laughs at her and places another drink in front of her. “Why were you watching Hotch and Prentiss so intently?”

She huffs out a breath at him. “I was just intrigued, that’s all. They are both so tight lipped about their relationship.”

“So you thought spying was your only option?” He raises an eyebrow at her and she reaches out to smack him.

“Are you going to make fun of me, or are you going to ask me to dance, hot stuff?”

Morgan drags her out onto the dance floor, and she smirks as she spots Aaron and Emily sneak off down the hallway to the bathroom out of the corner of her eye.

________________________

October 1998

Emily walks out of their closet and worries her lip between her teeth when she sees her husband sitting on the end of the bed, head in his hands, as he waits for her. She blows out a breath as she smooths her hands over the material of her black dress, walking toward him and joining him at the end of the bed.

She’s not sure what to say, how to help him through something as big as this. He places a hand on her thigh as she sits right next to him, their sides pressed up against each other.

“My parents sent some flowers, they arrived this morning.” She settles on, linking her fingers through his on her leg. “I spoke to my mother on the phone, she said she’s sorry they couldn’t make it back.”

He hums at the thought of his mother-in-law making the effort of literally travelling halfway across the world to make it back for the funeral of a woman she never even pretended to like. Elizabeth Prentiss was all about keeping up appearances though, and he knew that if it had been possible she would be there, standing next to the grave of her son-in-law’s mother even though they had never once exchanged a polite word.

When he doesn’t say anything, and his eyes remain fixed on the floor in front of them, she speaks again. “Have you heard from Sean?”

“Yeah,” He rasps out. “He said he’d meet us there.”

In the week since their mother had died, she had watched as Aaron and Sean tried to reconcile their differences. The hostility between the brothers had grown as Sean did, the now 18 year old seemingly bitter that his older brother had done the one thing he could never see himself doing - getting out of the world they had been brought up in.

“He’s never quite forgiven me for leaving.” He says, and she wonders if he meant to speak out loud. She moves her hand from his and places it on the back of his neck, trying to rub some of the tension she found there away.

“You were a kid, honey. You were allowed to start your own life away from it all.”

He nods, face still largely unreadable. “It’s weird, not having much family left. Not that I had a whole lot in the first place.”

It’s something they had in common, regardless of how different their childhoods had been. Her parents loved her, but their emotional distance that still existed to this day had caused her more damage than they knew. Aaron’s childhood was different. His father was abusive and had died before Aaron had been able to understand what that really meant. His mother had been a closed book, shutting herself off from her sons so she didn’t have to deal with the life she had brought them into. Emily wondered how he would cope knowing he would now never be able to reconcile his relationship with his mother.

Sean had few memories of their father, and the ones he did have weren’t good. The age gap between him and Aaron meant they had spent only a few years in the family home together, and Sean had essentially been raised as a single child by a single parent.

“We’re a family, Aaron. You and me.” She takes in a deep breath when he finally gives in and leans his head on her shoulder, pressing his face into the juncture of her neck, nose grazing her collarbone. She can feel him take in a breath, the smell of her skin inevitably invading his senses. “What do you need?” She asks gently, she wraps her arms around his shoulders, knowing she would give him anything asked for.

“Just you.”

She presses a kiss to the top of his head, and moves a hand to tangle in his short hair. “Good thing you already have me then.”

________________________

February 1999

They groan almost in unison as the door to their apartment closes behind them. Aaron drops their go bags on the floor, telling himself he’ll put them away properly after they’ve had some sleep. He watches as his wife takes off her coat, and immediately brings his hands to her shoulders once she has hung it up. He digs his thumbs into her skin, having been acutely aware of the tension she had been carrying there on the jet home, and smiles as she leans back into him and moans.

“I am so tired.” She mutters, leaning even further into him so her back was flush with his chest. He moves his arms around her waist and presses a kiss into the side of her head.

“Let’s go to bed.” He whispers against her skin, unable to stop himself from smiling when he feels her shake her head.

“No, drink first.” She pulls herself out of his arms and walks towards the kitchen. “Sleep later.”

It’s one of the many things he loves about her. That she is a woman who can speak so many languages fluently, but when she gets this tired she can barely form coherent sentences. He’d wager she’d fall asleep on the couch half way through her glass of wine, and he’d be tasked with getting her upstairs.

He joins her in the kitchen, slips his arm back round her waist as she grabs two wine glasses and a bottle of red. He guides them to the living room and they sit on the couch, pressed closely together as they drink in silence.

As he predicted, notices her grip on her glass start to loosen, and he gently eases it out of her hand and places it on the coffee table. She presses her face into his shoulder and murmurs something unintelligible. He smiles again at her behaviour and thinks, not for the first time, about how he can’t wait to see a child of theirs being exactly like her. He imagines a little boy or girl, inflicted with a mix of her wilful behaviour and his stubbornness, fighting sleep just as she was doing.

“What did you say?” She asks, pulling away from him and blinking up at him, something that looked like awe in her eyes.

It takes his brain a moment to catch up, and he realises he has spoken out loud. He smiles down at her, cups her cheek with his palm. “I can’t wait until we have kids.”

She smiles brightly at him and leans into his hand. “Me neither.”

Chapter Text

Feb 2000

He finds her crying in their bedroom. He knows why immediately, does the math in his head from when he last found her like this.

She looks up at him and sniffs. “I got my period.”

“Oh sweetheart.” He strides towards the bed and sits in front of her, grasps her hands from where they are on the bedspread. “I’m sorry.”

“Me too. I guess I just thought it would be easier.” She admits, smiling sadly at him. “I got pregnant the first time I ever had sex for fuck’s sake.” She lets out a shaky laugh and he cups her cheek, wipes away the tears that escape her lash line with his thumb. “We’ve been trying for a year, Aaron.”

“Em,” He breathes out before pulling her into a hug, her forehead pressed against his chest. “We’ll go to the doctor if you want, check everything is ok.” She nods against his chest and he tightens his hold on her. “Everything will be fine.”

“What if it isn’t?” Her voice is muffled by his sweatshirt, but she makes no attempt to pull back from him. “What if I can’t…” She doesn’t finish the sentence, her voice sounding tight as she can’t bring herself to say what she had been fearing for months now.

“If something is wrong, we don’t know what the issue is. It could be me.” He pulls her gently from his chest, framing her face with his hands as he presses their foreheads together. “Baby,” He chokes out the word, the rarely used endearment between the two of them slipping out without thinking. “Listen to me, no matter what happens it will be fine.” He closes his eyes when he hears, and feels, her sob. “It will be fine because we have each other.”

She nods, her forehead knocking against his slightly, but she says nothing. Wrapping herself back into his embrace.

He’s not sure how long they sit there, wrapped in each other as she calms down. “Do you need anything?” He asks gently, pressing a kiss into her head. “Your heating pad? Chocolate?”

She sobs around a laugh, “Both. And you.”

He kisses her head again and pulls back, pushes some hair away from her face. “I’ll go heat it up and get some peanut butter cups. Then I’ll be back.”

___________________________

April 2000

Emily knows the moment they sit opposite the fertility doctor, Dr Gorman, that her OBGYN had referred them to that it wasn’t good news. The sympathetic look on her face, the smile she tried to keep plastered on as she greeted them.

Sometimes, profiling behaviour for a living was a curse.

“As I explained on the phone last week, I wanted to go over your test results in person.” Dr Gorman explains. Emily feels Aaron grab her hand from the arm of the chair she is sitting in, he links their fingers together but for once she can barely feel it. Her whole body felt almost numb. “I am very sorry Emily.”

As soon as the words are out of Dr Gorman’s mouth, Emily’s eyes close and her head drops forward slightly. She listens as she is told that her fallopian tubes are the problem, the shape of them making conception without intervention incredibly unlikely.

The doctor's words hang heavy in the air, making Emily’s lungs feel like they were restricted. She’s vaguely aware of Aaron holding her hand tighter, as if he is trying to give her some of his endless strength.

“But,” Emily stutters out, her voice briefly failing her. “I got pregnant once before, I was 15.”

The doctor nods, the sympathetic smile on her face making Emily’s stomach turn. “I know you did,” She passes Emily a tissue, which is the exact moment she realises she is crying. “That was either incredibly bad or incredibly good luck, depending on how you look at it. It’s not impossible for you to get pregnant naturally, Emily. Just very unlikely.”

Emily scoffs at Dr Gorman’s lack of tact when talking about her teenage pregnancy, but no words come to her. She knew this was what was coming, could sense that something wasn’t right, but having it confirmed had shattered the one tiny bit of hope she had left and she could feel the splinters of it in her chest.

“What do we do now?” Aaron asks, and she's never been more grateful for him.

“We can discuss your options, from what the tests have shown your ovaries are fine, Emily. So IVF using your own eggs is a good possibility.”

She is aware of both Aaron and Dr Gorman’s eyes on her but she can’t bring herself to raise her gaze from her lap, acutely aware if she makes eye contact with either of them the silent tears slipping down her face will turn into sobs.

“I’d recommend going home and processing this news, and then when you are ready we can talk about next steps.” Dr Gorman directs towards Aaron.

“Thank you.” He says tightly, his voice giving away his own sadness.

Emily is vaguely aware of being guided out of the doctors office. The fresh spring air that hits her as she gets outside seems to bring her back to herself, and she turns to look at Aaron. Their eyes briefly meet and she is lost. She throws herself into his arms and cries harder than she thinks she ever has, standing in the entryway of the fertility clinic.

Aaron holds her tightly, pressing a kiss into the top of her head as he feels his own tears slide down his face. He’s not sure how long they stand there. He notices the sympathetic glances sent his way by the other couples walking past them, and he decides he needs to get her away from here. “Em, let's go home.”

Her only answer is a nod against his chest.

___________________________

July 2000

Despite her best attempts, she cannot get them out of a dinner party at her parents house. Her mother insisting that their presence was necessary. If the withering look her father sends her as they arrive at the house says anything, it’s that he’d had a very similar conversation with his wife.

Dinner itself is a relatively boring affair, loaded conversations between her mother and her friends. All of them speaking but saying nothing at all. Emily often wondered what would have happened if she had been the child her mother wanted, if she had been able to fit into the boxes Elizabeth expected her to. The thought that this could have been her life makes her shiver, and she feels Aaron’s hand graze her leg. They look at each other and he raises an eyebrow at her, silently asking if she’s ok. She smiles at him over her wine glass in response and makes a mental note to tell him later.

“So, tell me Emily,” one of her mother’s friends, the wife of a senator, says from across the table, “How long have you been married now?”

Emily smiles at the woman and places her hand on Aaron’s thigh under the table. “Four years.” She turns to look at her husband and they exchange a smile.

“Any plans on making Elizabeth here a grandmother anytime soon?”

Emily feels like all the breath has been knocked out of her, but she recovers quickly. Grateful for her years of training in the political world and the FBI on how to keep a straight face, and for Aaron linking his fiingers through hers under the table. Before she can say something, softly rebuff with a blase comment about waiting to have a child that she does not mean, she hears her mother’s voice come from the other end of the table.

“Oh I don’t see that happening any time soon, Emily is very committed to her career.”

This time she doesn’t recover as quickly, sucks in a breath as she looks down to her lap for a moment as she closes her eyes. She stands, squeezing Aaron’s hand as she does, and removes the napkin in her lap before she throws it down on the table in front of her. “If you’ll excuse me for a moment.”

She walks as fast as she can away from the dining room, turns down a corridor so she can’t hear the din of the conversation she had left behind. After what feels like only a second to herself her mother appears behind her, given away by the click of her heels and her step pattern.

“Really, Emily is there any need for the dramatics?” Elizabeth asks with a huff in her voice. Emily turns to look at her, and the unshed tears in her daughter's eyes makes any further chastisement die on her tongue, concern immediately filling the space annoyance had occupied only seconds before. “Emily?”

“Why can’t you just leave things alone, Mother?” She crosses her arms across her chest and looks down at the floor.

“What’s going on?”

“Nothing,” Emily sniffs, “It’s fine. Let’s go back, we wouldn’t want to cause any more of a scene.” She tries to step past her mother but she moves into her path, making Emily sigh. “Please.”

“It’s unlike you to not tell me what’s on your mind. Even if it is something I don’t want to hear. Especially if it’s something I don't want to hear.”

“Not here. Not now.” Emily says firmly. “You can come round tomorrow if you’d like, we’re on stand down this weekend. I’ll explain then.” She walks past Elizabeth before anything further can be said, walks back into the dining room and ignores how a few of the guests briefly look at her before going back to their own conversations.

As soon as she’s sat next to Aaron again he puts his arm over the back of her chair, leans in towards her in a way he never usually would in front of her parents. “You ok?” He whispers in her ear, hand slipping from the back of her chair to her shoulder, trying to press all of his love into her skin through his fingertips. She sees her mother re-enter the dining room over Aaron’s shoulder, her political game face only slipping for a second when she makes eye contact with her daughter. “Em?”

She turns her attention back to her husband and nods, his face so close to hers his nose brushes against her cheek as she does so. “I’m ok.” She turns and their noses touch, she leans forward and kisses him quickly. “I promise.”

___________________________

Emily is sitting pressed up against Aaron, the space between them almost non-existent. Her parents are sitting on the couch opposite them in her living room, the look on both of their faces not giving away how they felt about the news Emily had just delivered them.

“I’m so sorry, Emily.” John eventually says, a frown forming on his face.

Emily smiles sadly at her dad. “Thanks, Dad. Me too.”

“Have you decided what you’re going to do?” Elizabeth asks looking directly at her.

Emily looks to her side to look at Aaron before turning back to her mother. “We’re going to do the fertility treatment.”

Elizabeth smiles at her, a genuine one that Emily rarely sees. “That sounds like the right choice.”

As her parents are leaving her mother pulls her into a hug, holds her tighter than she has done since she was a little girl. “If you need the money for the treatment, you know we’ll give it to you in a heartbeat right?”

Emily nods, successfully holding back the emotion her mother’s offer brings forward. She knows it’s how she shows she cares, the way she has always tried to fix things. “Thank you, Mother. We are fine, there is still more money than anyone would ever need in my trust fund, but I’ll let you know.”

The second they leave she feels Aaron’s arms wrap around her, and in the warmth of her husband's embrace Emily allows herself to believe that everything will work out in the end.
___________________________

It’s past 1am when she texts to say she doesn’t know when she’ll be home. They are still in the briefing, the case as complex as it is gruesome, and she won’t leave until the team is wheels up.

He decides to go to bed, making himself comfortable in it for only the second time since Haley’s death.

He had been struggling to accept the fact he’s still here, married to a woman he loves so deeply he can feel it bursting out of his chest, and Haley is gone. It keeps circling round his mind what would have happened if Haley had stayed, if they had worked it out. He’d be a widower. Emily would be no one to him except the daughter of someone he once worked with, probably in Europe somewhere for the job working with Interpol that she turned down for him, for them, all those years ago.

The thought of it all makes his heart ache, a grief he never expected. Haley had crossed his mind over the years. On her birthday, on his. The day that would have been their wedding day. At first it was painful, even after he met Emily. He had loved Haley so completely that reconciling with the fact she was no longer in his life had been difficult. Over time it changed, those memories, that used to cut repeatedly through his chest like a knife, hurt less. They became a slight sting when he heard a song she liked, or saw her favourite Halloween candy in the grocery store.

Eventually, he would just smile if he thought of her, and hoped she had found happiness as all-encompassing as he had.

As Aaron lies down he realises that his pillow smells like Emily. The guilt he feels makes the lavender scent of her shampoo turn his stomach for the first time since he met her. The image of her alone in their bed, head buried in his pillow as she tries to lull herself to sleep, makes a lump form in his throat, the knowledge that he had let her down threatening to choke him. He falls into a fitful sleep, an unspoken promise in the air that he would do better for her, for his family, going forward.

He wakes as she gets into bed, her baby bump making it impossible for her to get down into the bed gently, and the clock on his bedside table tells him it's 2.30am. She gets into the bed next to him, settles facing away from him either unaware or ignoring the fact he’s awake. He finds himself moving without really thinking about it, moulding himself against her. Chest pressed against her back and a hand drifting over her stomach, coming to rest over their son. He can practically feel the tension in her dissipate, her shoulders relax further into him and her hand comes up to rest over his.

“You really shouldn’t work this late.” He murmurs, pressing a kiss into the back of her head. “You need to rest.”

She chuckles, exhaustion evident in the sound as it stays in her throat. “You should tell my boss that, he’s a bit of a hardass.”

He smiles, nips at her ear in retribution for her comment. “I’ll get right on that.” He tightens his hold on her, and he can’t help but wonder why he had denied himself of this, of her, for the past couple of weeks. “Em-”

“Not now, Aaron.” She says gently, linking her fingers through his over her belly. “In the morning.”

He can hear how tired she is so he lets it go, letting them sit in this limbo for one more night. He feels their son move below their joined hands. “He’s active tonight.”

She hums in her throat, voice thick as she starts to drift off. “He’s always active.” She moves their hands from her stomach, brings them up to her chest, hugging his arm to her. “Love you.”

“Love you too, sweetheart.”

___________________________

They don’t get a chance to speak in the morning. It’s his first day back at work since Haley died, and Emily is awake and out the house before he wakes up, a note left on the kitchen counter saying she’d been woken by Morgan with an update about the case. He tries not to think about the feeling that she is avoiding him, and the fact he knows he deserves it.

The day flies by quickly, a series of meetings and piles of paperwork that make it feel like he was never away. Like his world hadn’t been irrevocably shifted by the death of his ex. At the end of the day he makes the journey down to her office, wanting to see her despite the fact they will both be heading home soon.

When he gets to her office she is nowhere to be found. The room abandoned, paperwork strewn all over the desk and the light still left on. He decides to walk to Garcia’s office, figuring his wife went there for some company.

Garcia beckons him into the room, but he frowns when he sees she is alone. “Have you seen Emily?”

“I haven’t seen her in a couple of hours, she left like a bat out of hell earlier, saying to send her updates about the case via text.”

“And you didn’t think to tell me?” He can tell he’s being harsher than necessary, but he can’t stop himself. Just as he’s starting to panic and considers getting Garcia to trace Emily’s cell phone, his own phone rings from his jacket pocket. He frowns at the number on the screen as he answers, he doesn’t recognise it but it seems familiar. “Hello?”

“Aaron? It’s Joanne. Dr Hughes.” Emily’s OBGYN must sense his panic over the phone, his sharp intake of breath at the sound of her voice. “She’s fine, they are both fine. But she is here at the hospital.”

“What happened?” His voice is tight as he strides out of Garcia’s office and heads for the elevators, glad he’d had the foresight to bring his briefcase with him.

“She noticed some decreased movement,” Joanne explains softly, “But everything is ok, I promise. I think you should come down here though, she’s upset and it took some convincing to get her to let me call you.”

“Already on my way.” He hangs up, striding towards the elevator without a second glance back at Garcia who shouts his name after his retreating figure.

___________________________

He opens the door to the examination room Joanne points him towards, spotting his wife sat on the bed in the room. He closes the door behind him, desperate for just a moment of privacy with her. She looks up at him, and he can see she’s been crying by the puffiness in her eyes. Her hands are both on her stomach, and it looks like she has a new ultrasound photo clutched in one of them.

She clears her throat as their eyes meet. “Hi.” She looks back down at her hands, shying away from his concerned gaze.

“Emily.” He sighs, he walks over to the bed and takes a seat on the edge of it, taking one of her hands in his. “What happened?” He tries to kiss her, but she moves her head, his lips landing on her cheek instead.

She looks at him again, ignores that she had just denied him a kiss for the first time in their relationship, and she works her lip between her teeth. “I was doing some paperwork, I’d just come off the phone with Morgan, and I suddenly realised I hadn’t felt the baby move in a while.” Her chin wobbles as she tries to suppress more tears, and he squeezes her hand, still limp in his, in reassurance. “I did all the things I usually do to try and get him moving, but they didn’t work. So I came here.”

“Joanne said everything is ok.”

She nods, and passes him the ultrasound she’d been clutching. “He’s fine, he was sleeping.” She flushes slightly, a pink tinge to her pale complexion. “I overreacted.”

“Sweetheart,” He passes her back the picture and leans in to press a kiss to her forehead, placing his hand on her belly, smiling softly as she doesn’t flinch below his touch. He pulls back from her to look into her eyes. “If you were concerned it’s not an overreaction.” He pauses for a moment, waits until she nods in agreement, before he continues. “Em, why didn’t you tell me?”

She breaks eye contact with him immediately, looking back down at her abdomen. “I didn’t want to bother you.”

“You could never bother me, Emily. Never.” He says firmly, he removes the hand that had been grasping hers to hook a finger under her chin, guiding her to look back at him. “Nothing is more important to me than you and our family.” He chastises himself for making her feel like this, for making her believe that anything to do with her or their son would ever be more than his priority. “I think we need to talk.”

“Yes, we do.” She smiles at him. It’s a sad smile, one that makes his heart clench like it’s in a vice, but she is still so beautiful. “Can we go home though? I think I’ve wasted enough of Joanne’s time today.”

“Whatever you want, sweetheart.”

She smiles brighter this time, a spark of mischief in her eyes he hasn’t seen in weeks. “Whatever I want? So we can get cheeseburgers on the way home?”

It’s a tentative truce, even ground for the first time in what feels like forever. “I’ll even get you a milkshake.” He stands and takes both her hands, helps her sit up properly and get up off the bed.

She groans. A groan he only used to hear when they were having sex, but more recently seemed to be soley reserved for food. “I knew I married you for a reason.”

___________________________

When they get home, fast food in hand, Jack greets them with a smile. Aaron thinks it has more to do with the food than the pair of them being home early, but he’s grateful to see the boy look something other than sullen. They ask if Jessica wants to stay for dinner, having bought enough food to feed a small army, but she politely declines and heads home not long after they arrive.

Once Jack has gone to sleep, gently convinced by Emily to let his father read with him that evening instead of her, Aaron pulls the door to the boys room closed. He makes the short journey to their room, and takes in a breath as he prepares himself for everything he has to say, and then he walks in.

Emily looks up at him from her book. She is sat on the bed, up against the headboard as she reads in the low light of their bedside lamps. She smiles at him and sets her book down. “Did he go down ok?”

“Yeah,” He smiles, walking to the bed, getting in under the covers next to her. “He still said you do the voices better.” He grumbles good naturedly.

She chuckles. “Well, I guess we know who will be on bedtime story duty with Theo.”

The smiles slip off both their faces, and the air becomes tense, an awkwardness that usually didn’t exist in the walls of their home. “I don’t know where to start.” He says quietly, almost a whisper.

“It’s been hard. You’ve been...distant.”

He nods, knowing she is right. “Haley dying hit me harder than I thought it would. Even though we knew it was coming. I didn’t know what to say, so I just didn't say anything.”

“It hasn’t just been that. You haven’t even been sleeping up here.” She tilts her head at him. “You know I don’t sleep well without you.”

“Em.” He doesn’t say anything further, his voice trailing off whilst he struggles to find out what to say.

“Aaron, the love of your life died. I’m not saying you can’t be sad or grieving, but you can’t keep pulling away from me. I’m your wife.”

He frowns, not taking in anything other than the first thing she said. He pushes her back from his embrace, placing a hand on each of her shoulders. “You think Haley was the love of my life?”

“You’ve loved her since you were 16,” she smiles sadly, reaching a hand up to push his hair back from his forehead. “I’ve always known I can’t compete with that.” She is taken aback by the frown on his face, worried she has upset him further. “I’m not saying you don’t love me, I know you do.”

“Emily.” He says her name sternly, a tone he so rarely uses in their home life, something she only really recognises from work. “You are the love of my life.” He sees her open her mouth to argue, his hands move from her shoulders to cup her cheeks. “Haley was my first love, and yes I’ll always love her. But you - you’re everything.” He can feel tears gather in his eyes, his vision slightly blurred by them as he looks at her. “I’m sorry that I’ve ever made you doubt that.”

“I’ve tried so hard to be supportive throughout this. I’ve bitten my tongue more than once, let you treat me in a way you never have before, because I love you. And I know this will pass.” She sighs, lips set into a firm line. “But these last couple weeks since she died have been awful. You’ve barely even looked at me. It makes me feel like I’ve done something wrong.”

“Oh no, sweetheart. You’ve been incredible. Just like always. And I love that Jack loves you, and that you love him. I shouldn’t have said what I did yesterday.”

She nods, agreeing with him. “We need to do better than we have been, Aaron.” She runs the back of her fingers over his cheek, smiles as she feels the day old stubble against her skin. “And not just for Jack, or for Theo when he gets here. But for us.”

“I know.” He replies, resting his hand on her bump, the movement of their son underneath her skin making him smile. “I am so sorry, sweetheart.”

“I know you are.” Emily places her hand over his on her stomach. “What we’ve been through recently, what you’ve lost - it isn’t easy. Fuck, I don’t think saying it’s been hard even covers it.” She settles into his side a little more. “I love you,” She brings up a hand to cover his mouth as he tries to automatically reciprocate. “And I know you love me. We’ve just got to make sure we never lose sight of that. No matter what happens.”

He removes her hand from over his mouth and kisses it as he returns it to the bed. “I think my ex showing up with a child I didn’t know I had is enough drama to last me a lifetime.”

She lets out a laugh and turns her head to press a kiss against his shoulder. “You said it.”

They settle into bed, him pressed against her back. The closest they can get to each other now given her baby bump.

"Do you forgive me?" He asks, finding it easier to do so now she's no longer facing him, his face pressed into her hair.

She hums, as if she's considering it. "Maybe." The mischief in her voice, one of the first things he loved about her, tells him he is already forgiven, although he is sure he doesn’t deserve it, but she isn't about to let him off the hook. "I'm sure you could convince me though."

___________________________

Two Months Later - October 9th, 2002

The day disappears in a blur of meetings and paperwork, peppered with texts he sends her to make sure she’s ok. Her responses are short and sharp, her irritation at being overdue shining through in a way that makes him smile. He is desperate to get his paperwork finished, a boring budget review he has to sign off making concentration difficult. He wants to get home to his wife and his son, enjoy the remaining time they have as just the three of them before the baby arrives.

He sighs when he hears a knock at the door, and can’t contain his irritation when he looks up to see Morgan standing there. “This better be good, Morgan. I have a very pregnant wife at home and a mountain of paperwork before I can get back to her.”

“That's the thing,” Morgan says, both eyebrows raised as he crosses his arms, leaning against the doorframe to Aaron’s office. “She’s here.”

Aaron drops the paper he had been holding in his hand to his desk. “She’s what?”

“She arrived about 30 minutes ago, said something about not seeing the point of being at home if she hasn’t had the baby yet.”

Aaron rests his elbow on the desk and pinches the bridge of his nose. It was a conversation they’d had several times over the last few days, and the further beyond her due date she got the more frustrated she was. She was one day short of being 42 weeks pregnant, an induction booked for the following day, and she was furious about it. He couldn’t blame her, he could see the discomfort she was in. The desperation in her eyes whenever she said she just wanted to hold their son. He looks back up at Morgan. “And why are you here?”

Morgan rubs the back of his head and averts his gaze. “Mostly because I lost rock, paper, scissors on who was coming to tell you.” He looks back at Aaron and clears his throat when he sees the stern look on his Section Chief’s face. “She doesn’t seem like herself, she’s...emotional.”

Aaron frowns. “What do you mean?”

“She’s just at her desk. Crying.”

For a moment Aaron sits there, slightly dumbfounded by what Morgan had said. The behaviour is usually so out of character for his wife, but he knows from experience that her ability to compartmentalise her emotions is long gone at this stage. Something he learnt the hard way a couple of weeks before she started her maternity leave when he gently suggested it was time for her to stop working when he found her asleep in her office in the middle of the day.

His back still felt off from the half a night he had been made to sleep on the couch. She had woken him up at 2am, tears in her eyes as she insisted he came back to bed because she couldn’t sleep without him.

Aaron quickly gathers his things and follows Morgan back down to the bullpen. He can see the rest of the team, minus Gideon who was clearly above such things, gathered around Reid’s desk not so subtly watching Emily through her window. He clears his throat as he walks past them, raises an eyebrow that makes them all pretend to look elsewhere.

He quickly walks up the stairs leading to her office and enters the room. He tentatively approaches her where she is sitting, leaning forward slightly to get as close as she can to the desk with her baby bump in the way. He can tell she isn’t really working, the paperwork she’s got in front of her merely a prop, and he can see her swipe her fingers under her eyes as she stares downwards. “Sweetheart?”

Her head shoots up and she looks up at him. “Aaron.” She sniffs, wiping away another tear from her cheek. “What are you doing there?”

He tries to suppress his smile at her as he steps closer into her office. “I was about to ask you the same question.” He walks over to her desk and rounds it, perches on the edge of her desk right next to her. “I distinctly remember you starting your maternity leave. Garcia brought in a cake and everything.”

She narrows her eyes at him. “Don’t try and be cute with me, Aaron.” She grumbles, sighing as he removes her pen from her hand.

“Em, sweetheart, you should be resting.” He implores her, grabbing her hand in between both of his. “You’re being induced tomorrow.”

“I do know that.” She replies, the fight in her voice now replaced by a shakiness he knows is from her repressing tears.

“Then why are you here?” He asks softly, tucking some hair behind her ear as it falls when she looks down to her desk to avert her gaze from his. He knew that he was one of the few people in the world she trusted completely, and probably the only person she would usually allow herself to be this vulnerable in front of. Her pregnancy hormones, combined with everything that they had been through the last several months and the fact she was now really overdue meant her famous control over her emotions was practically non-existent.

Whilst it was so very typical of her to ignore both him, and her doctor’s, instructions to stay home and rest before she gave birth, it wasn’t like her to put herself in this situation. Sat in her office with the door and blinds open, her emotions on display to anyone who walked by. He could sense the team watching them from down in the main bullpen, their attempt at being subtle failing, and he knew she could feel it too.

“I was just so bored at home. I hate waiting around” She sniffs, looking back up at him with tears shining in her eyes. “I want him here. He should be here by now.” Her hand that isn’t in his rests on her belly, her fingers stroking over the skin where she can feel their son moving underneath.

“I know,” He leant forward and pressed a kiss to the top of her head, keeping his head pressed against hers. “He will be soon.”

She hummed disbelievingly. “So who ratted me out?”

___________________________

He takes her home, the promise of whatever she wants to eat for the rest of the day dragging her from her office. He doesn’t let her move a muscle, forces her to sit on the couch as he waits on her hand and foot. It makes her grumble, but she cannot suppress her smile. It reminds her of the day she had the implantation, just hours before Haley came and turned their lives upside down.

She finds herself grateful that, despite everything, her pregnancy has been bookended by his enduring, at times frustratingly coddling, love.

___________________________

Chapter Text

January 4th 2002

He wakes in their bed alone. He’s unsure what’s woken him, but his alarm clock tells him it’s 2.30am and as he reaches over to her side of the bed the sheets are cold. He sighs and swings his legs over the side of the bed in search for his wife.

He finds her exactly where he expected to, and it makes his heart constrict in his chest. He stands in the doorway of the room they had always intended to be the nursery and watches her for a moment. She’s sitting in the middle of the room, knees pulled up to her chest as she thinks in the dark. It’s something she’s always done, claiming it makes her think clearer.

“You aren’t as quiet as you think you are.” She says quietly, not even turning to look at him.

He walks over to her, taking his place by her side as he joins her on the floor. “You should be sleeping.”

She lets out a laugh and leans her head on his shoulder, curling into his side to find solace there. “I can’t sleep. I’m too nervous.”

“Big day tomorrow.” He wraps his arm around her, pulling her completely into his lap.

“Yeah. Big day.” She holds him just as tightly as he is holding her, hoping to pull some of his strength into her body. “Aaron, what if it doesn’t work again? I don’t think I could take it.”

“Of course you could, Em. You’re the strongest person I know.”

“I’m serious.” She pulled away from him, and he could see the lights from the hallway reflected in the unshed tears in her eyes. “What if it never works?”

“Then we’ll be fine. Just the two of us. I love you whether we ever have children or not.” He kisses her cheek and then the tip of her nose before pulling her back into his embrace. “Besides, I have a feeling everything will work out.”

“Oh,” She says, sarcasm dripping from her voice. “As long as you have a feeling.”

He laughs and wonders just what he did to deserve the amazing woman in his arms. “Come on sweetheart, let's go to bed.”
________________________

It takes 14 hours for her to ask for the epidural, and Aaron doesn’t even try to hide his relief. The pain and exhaustion is written all over her face and she needs rest, her labour drawing out into another day. He holds both her hands tightly as the drug is administered. He presses a kiss to her sweaty forehead when the doctor is done, smiling when she grimaces at him and mutters something under her breath about being gross.

He can tell when the epidural has kicked in, her whole body no longer tensing every time the machine indicates she is having a contraction. They talk about anything and everything, Emily’s eyes drifting shut as they do. Aaron looks at one of the many monitors she is hooked up to and smiles when he sees it showing another contraction. “You’re having another one.”

“Aaron.” She grumbles, opening bleary eyes to look at him. “If you point it out every time it’s happening it goes against the point of having the damn thing in the first place. I’m trying to sleep.”

He does his best to repress his smile at the annoyance in her tone, finding it incredibly endearing that she was attempting to intimidate him whilst she was literally unable to move her lower body, but the way she raises her eyebrows at him tells him he has failed. “Sorry, sweetheart.”

She hums at him. “Can you help me get onto my side?”

He stands quickly, he puts his arms around her and helps her move so she is lying facing him. Once she is resettled he sits back down, and smiles as she reaches out for him with her hand, which he immediately holds in his own. He leans forward and presses a kiss to her forehead. “Get some sleep.”

____________________

Emily wakes to a hand running through her hair and her husband gently saying her name. She groans as she becomes aware of her surroundings, but she doesn’t open her eyes. “What time is it?”

“5am, you got about 3 hours sleep.”

“Then why did you wake me up you dick ?” She asks sternly.

“The midwife wanted to check your progress.” He says as he clears his throat.

Emily opens her eyes and looks towards the doorway of her room, flushing slightly when she realises for the first time that they aren’t alone. “Sorry.” She mumbles under her breath.

“Oh I have heard much worse Emily, don’t you worry.” The midwife says kindly, not even looking slightly affected as she walks further into the room. Between Aaron and the midwife, they get her back onto her back so she can be examined.

The string of curses that leave her mouth when she is told she is still only 5cms dilated after 17 hours of labour does make the midwife raise an eyebrow.

Emily considers it a badge of honour.

_____________________

She watches as his head starts to dip forward, exhaustion all over his face. He jolts as his head slips off his hand, and she’s too tired herself to hide her laugh at him.

“Aaron, you should try and get some sleep.” She reaches out for his hand, fingers lacing through his. “The midwives brought that cot for you to sleep in, not just to make the room look pretty.”

“Em, no.” He shakes his head as if he is trying to wake himself up and she smiles fondly at the bleariness in his eyes. “I’m fine. I’ll get some coffee.”

“I’d much rather you were awake for the main event.” She pulls at his hand, encourages him to stand and he follows her lead immediately. She guides him down to her and presses a quick kiss to his lips, she pulls back enough so she can speak. “Just take a nap, ok? You could get the full recommended 8 and a half hours and I’d probably still only be 6cm dilated.”

He smiles and leans in to kiss her again. “Wake me if anything changes.” She nods her agreement and he eventually disentangles himself from her to go lay on the cot on her other side.

When he wakes 90 minutes later she is furious, angry tears streaming down her face because she hasn’t progressed any further. He’s grateful for the small amount of sleep he was able to get as he comforts her.

He’s even more grateful when a kind nurse brings him some coffee, even though he does get shouted at by his wife for drinking it in front of her.

_______________________________

She isn’t sure how much time has passed, but she knows it’s sometime in the evening when Aaron’s cell phone rings. He answers it quickly, his usual dexterity gone as he almost drops it, his tiredness and nervousness at her prolonged labour making him uncharacteristically clumsy.

It makes her think of when he proposed. The look of frustration at himself that passes over his face is the same as it was all those years ago when he dropped her engagement ring at the bottom of the stairs in their old apartment. The thought makes her smile, her love for him blooming in her chest so wildly she felt as if she could cry.

She watches as he answers the phone, and listens to him speak to Jessica as he paces the room slightly. He’d never been able to stand still when he was on the phone. She found it as endearing as she did annoying.

He turns to her and takes the phone away from his ear, covering the end of it with his hand so Jessica doesn’t hear him. “Apparently Jack wants to see you. He’s in the car and refusing to get out of it unless Jessica brings him here.”

Emily frowns. “That’s not like him.”

“Would you be ok if they came here? Just for a little bit?” He can hear Jessica talking to Jack through the phone, her kind voice trying to calm the boy down.

She smiles at him. “Of course.” She replies without hesitation. “At this rate I’ll still be in labour by the time he’s in high school anyway, so it will be nice to see him at some point.”

“Cute.” He deadpans, pressing a kiss to her forehead before turning his attention back to the phone and speaking to Jessica.

“I thought so.” Emily grumbles, placing her hand on her bump. “You’d better get out of there soon, or I’ll ground you for your entire life. We’ll see how much you like staying inside then.”

_________________________

When they arrive Jessica takes one look at Aaron and forces him to go to the cafeteria with her. He resists at first, insisting he needed to stay with Emily, but she told him to go

Jack pokes at her belly. “You really can’t feel that?” He asks, his eyes full of wonder.

She shakes her head. “They’ve given me medicine to help with the pain, it means I’ve been able to sleep whilst we wait for Theo to get here.”

He frowns, concentration moving from her stomach up to her face. “He’s hurting you?”

“Oh, sweetie no.” She suppresses a smile, his concern for her melting her heart. “He’s not hurting me, I promise.” She pauses as she tries to think of how to explain it. “He just has to come out and join us, and it’s just uncomfortable, that's all.”

Emily almost laughs at her own choice of words, uncomfortable nowhere near covering it. It had been nearly 30 hours now, and she was sure she could feel her epidural starting to wear off. She’d be due another check soon, and her midwife's warning that if things didn’t move along relatively soon they’d have to intervene kept rolling around in her mind.

“Emily?” Jack asks, and her attention is back on him in a second, immediately seeing the worry on his face.

“Yes, Jack.”

“Theo will call you mommy right? And Dad, daddy?”

She nods at him. “Yeah, that’s right.” He looks down at his lap and she wishes she could get out of the bed to hug him, help him with whatever he is worried about. “I won’t have to call you mommy will I?”

“Jack, you don’t have to call me anything you don’t want to.” She says, reaching a hand out to him. He’s out of the chair and climbing onto her bed quicker than she thought he could. He’s gentle, impossibly aware of not hurting her or the baby still safely in her belly as he leans into her side. She presses a kiss into the top of his head. “Your mom will always be your mom, ok? I’ll always be here though. However you need me to be.”

He settles further into her, and she wonders how they will ever convince him to go home this evening. “I love you, Emily.”

“I love you too, Jack.”

_______________________

“I don’t know how much more of this I can take.” She is squeezing the life out of his hand but he knows better than to even flinch as he feels his knuckles crack against each other. “It’s been 34 hours Aaron. 34.”

Her head lands back on her pillow as the contraction ends.The epidural had started to fail a few hours ago and the pains had returned in full force. He runs his spare hand over her hair, fingers tangling in the now very messy ponytail. “I know, sweetheart.”

“Why won’t he come out?” She turned her head to look at him, tears pooling in her eyes. Her usual control over her emotions are long gone, lost somewhere among the pain and the lack of sleep. “Why won’t my body just do what it’s supposed to?”

He doesn’t say anything since there is nothing he can say to make her feel better that she would believe in this moment. Instead, he continues to stroke her hair as he whispers nonsense to her, shushes her as she cries over something she desperately wishes she could control.

“Damn it.” She exclaims as she feels another contraction beginning and holds his hand impossibly tighter. It passes, time moving like syrup as it does, and she settles back down, slightly releasing her grip on his fingers. “I can’t do this.”

“Of course you can.” He assures immediately, pressing a kiss to the fingers of her hand that is clasped in his. “You can do anything.” She scoffs at him, and it only encourages him further. “You don’t believe me? You were the first female Unit Chief of the bureau, and you beat my record of being the youngest.”

She smiles at that, the first one he’s seen on her face in hours. “By quite a few years too, Agent Hotchner. Were you slacking?”

It’s a conversation they’ve had countless times, and it never fails to make him smile wryly at her, one dimple coming out to play as he tries and fails to act affronted. “I was busy. Falling in love with you.”

“That line never works on me.”

He leans forward in his chair, back protesting from being sat in it so long as he does, and presses a kiss to her lips. “Whatever you say, sweetheart.”
_______________________

Joanne appears in her room some time later, Emily isn’t keeping track of the passing hours anymore. Aaron all but refused to give her updates on the time after she burst into tears when he told her only 30 minutes had passed since she last asked.

“What are you doing here? Isn’t it too late for you to be here? Or too early.” Emily says, voice laced with exhaustion that was clear to both her husband and her doctor.

“That depends on who you ask.” Joanne says kindly as she sits at the stool at the end of the hospital bed. “I switched my shift, wanted to be here with my favourite patient.” She puts a glove on her hand and gestures for Emily to open her legs.

Emily groans and allows Aaron to help her shift in the bed. “I bet you say that to all the women whose cervix you examine.”

Joanne laughs as she does the exam. “You’re mean when you’re in labour.”

“You have no idea.” Aaron says, the words escaping him before he realises he’s speaking. He meets his wife's eyes and cowers slightly at the look she gives him. “Sorry.”

Joanne suppresses a smile at the exchange and clears her throat to get the couple's attention back on her. “Well, I was coming in here to tell you we needed to start discussing next steps.” She smiles kindly when she sees the look of panic flood Emily’s face. “But, it turns out there is no need.”

Emily looks at Aaron quickly before looking back at Joanne. “Do you mean it’s time?”

“You’re 10cm dilated, Emily. Let’s get your son here shall we?”

__________________

She isn’t aware of anything except her son being placed directly on her chest, unsure even when the midwife had pulled her hospital gown down so they could do skin to skin. Her hands shake a little as she puts her hands on the baby’s back, cradling him to her. It briefly crosses her mind that she should feel embarrassed, exposed even given that she is essentially naked in a room full of people, but she can’t bring herself to care. His cries turning to whimpers almost immediately when his skin touches hers, and his bleary eyes meeting his mothers. His eyes looked like they were as dark as hers, his dark hair matted to his head. He was bright red and wrinkly, and Emily thought he was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen.

“Hi baby.” She says, the words coming out more like a sob than anything else. “Hi Theo.” She looks up at her husband and sees the tears in his eyes too, which make hers come even faster. “Aaron.” Her voice cracks and she can’t say anything else.

He rests his forehead against hers, puts one of his hands on the back of her head and the other over hers on their son's back. “I love you so much, Emily.” He presses a kiss to her forehead before turning his attention to their baby, staying close to his wife but leaning down to meet his son. “Hi Theo,” his own voice cracks in a way he hadn’t anticipated, and he feels Emily lean her head forward so her forehead touches his temple. “We’ve waited so long for you.”

Emily lets out a sob against the side of his head, and when he pulls back to look at her she’s shaking her head at herself. “I can’t stop crying.” She chastises herself, “Just look at him, Aaron.”

“I know, sweetheart.” He kisses her forehead again and wipes some tears from her face. He notices her tense, and his concern starts to mount again. “You ok?”

“Yeah, just a contraction.” She sniffs, not tearing her eyes away from her baby, who was now contently lying with his head pressed against his mothers breast.

“That means it’s time for us to deal with the placenta.” Joanne says kindly from the end of the bed, and she smiles at the couple when they both seem to simultaneously remember there are other people in the room. Joanne nods her head towards one of the midwives, “Why don’t you let Elaine here take Theo to check him over and give him a clean, and by the time we’re done you can have him back.”

Emily reluctantly nods, pressing a couple of kisses to the top of Theo’s head and then releases her grip on him. She immediately wants to take him back when he starts to cry again, settling on bringing her gown back up to lay against her chest, feeling the cold of the room now she no longer had the warmth of him pressed up against her.

“Looks like someone is a mama’s boy already.” Elaine croons at the baby as she carries him away towards the corner of the room.

“That seems unfair, Jack always takes your side on everything. Now it will be three against one.” Aaron comments, stroking hair that had stuck to her face away from her, and he smirks down at Emily who narrows her eyes at him, but he sees nothing but love on her face.

She grimaces again as Joanna massages her stomach, trying to encourage her body through the last stages of birth, and tries to distract herself from the fact all she wants is her baby back in her arms immediately. “What time is it?”

Aaron blinks and looks down at his watch. Time felt like it had no meaning since she was induced and he’s surprised when he notices that it was almost two days ago. “It’s 2am.”

She smiles widely at him. “So it’s the 12th?”

He nods, a smile spreading over his own face as he realises what that means. “Happy Birthday, Sweetheart.”

______________

Emily cradles Theo in her arms, smiling down at him as she tries to find a comfortable way to sit. She gives up after a few seconds, remembering just how many stitches she had ended up having, wincing as she settles.

“You did a real number on me, little one.” She whispers to the baby, stroking his soft cheek with the back of her forefinger. “And I’m going to remind you about this every single time you sass me. So I hope you’re ready for that.”

The baby blearily opens his unfocused eyes and she finds herself falling in love with him all over again, the feeling intense and she’s sure if she was standing, or even able to stand, it would have knocked her over. “We’ve waited so long for you.”

She looks at the clock on the wall and notices the time, knowing her time alone with her son would be over soon - at least for now.

“Your daddy will be back soon with your brother, he’s been so excited to meet you.”

She finds herself unable to take her eyes off of him, as if she’s worried in some way he will be snatched from her if she stops looking at him even for a second. Eventually, she hears voices outside her room, the hushed tones of her husband telling his son he needs to be gentle. The door opens to reveal Aaron and Jack behind him - birthday balloons grasped between his fingers.

“What’s all this?” She asks brightly, accepting a kiss from Aaron when he leans down.

“Well, since it’s your birthday and we can’t celebrate at home like we planned, Jack and I thought we’d bring the fun to you.”

She smiles at the two of them and looks to Jack, who is nervously standing behind his father - eyeing both her and Theo cautiously. “You ok, Jack?”

He nods in response and walks closer to the bed. “Is that Theo?”

“Yeah it is,” She replies gently. “Do you want to come meet him?”

It takes a bit of manoeuvring, and some barely disguised wincing from Emily, but they eventually get Jack sat on the bed next to Emily, peeking at the baby safely nestled in her arms. “He’s small.”

“He is.” Emily says, holding back the thought that he certainly hadn’t felt small as he exited her body. “Would you like to hold him?”

Jack enthusiastically nods and Emily smiles as she moves the newborn into her step-son’s arms, hand resting behind Theo’s head as Jack mirrors how she had been holding him. Emily looks up at her husband and she doesn’t miss the shine to his eyes as he watches his sons together for the first time.

His phone rings in his pocket, making them both jump slightly and the baby fuss in his brother's arms. Emily shushes him and runs a finger over his forehead. Aaron grabs his phone and looks at the screen. “It’s your mother - I should answer it.”

She nods as he steps out of the room, and she is left alone with Jack and Theo. She looks down to where Jack is holding the baby, her hand still cupping Theo’s tiny head to provide additional support, and she doesn’t think her heart has ever felt so full.

“Emily?”

“Yes Jack?”

He looks away from the baby for the first time since she placed him in his arms. “Will you and Theo always have the same birthday?”

She smiles, pushing his hair off of his forehead with her spare hand. “Yes, sweetie we will.”

Jack scrunches his nose at that. “That seems unfair, I wouldn’t like to share my birthday.”

Emily laughs. “Well, I don’t mind. He’s the best birthday present ever.”

“And you’re both definitely ok?”

She furrows her brows at him slightly, “We are Jack, I promise.”

“So you can come home?” He asks enthusiastically.

“No, we have to stay here a little while, we’ll probably come home tomorrow.” She says softly, and she sees something flash across Jack's face that looks a little too close to fear for her liking. “What’s wrong, honey?”

“My mom went to hospital and never came home.”

“Oh sweetheart.” She wonders how long he’d been worrying about this and they’d missed it, and she feels terrible. “This isn’t the same. Your mom was really sick. I just had a baby and this was the best place for us to do that.”

“You promise?”

She nods at him and wraps an arm around him, pulling him as close as she could. “I promise. I’ll never lie to you Jack.”

_________________________

He calls Garcia so she could tell the rest of the team, but she keeps him on the phone far longer than he anticipates, asking every conceivable question about the birth. Part of him expects to walk back into the room to find his wife and newborn son asleep, the stress of the last few days finally winning out.

What he doesn’t expect is to find her crying, holding their baby tight to her chest as if something is wrong.

“Em?” He walks over, sits on the edge of her bed and hooks a finger under her chin to make her look at him. She looks bereft, so different from the happiness she’d had on her face when he left only twenty minutes before. “Sweetheart, what’s wrong?”

She opens her mouth to talk, but a sob escapes her mouth instead. She shakes her head at herself before leaning forward, grimacing as she does, to place her forehead on his shoulder. He isn’t sure what to do. He glances at their son who is awake but quietly laying in his mothers arms, so he gently puts an arm around her carefully so they don’t squish the newborn between them. She calms down eventually, lifts her head from his shoulder and looks at him sheepishly.

“I’m sorry.” She sniffs, smiling at him as he wipes the tears from her cheeks. She settles back against the bed, shifting so she can get at least a little comfortable. She readjusts Theo, lays him on her chest, before she looks back at Aaron. “When you were gone the nurse came in and tried to help me feed him,” her voice cracks again, “It didn’t go well.”

“Oh sweetheart,” He runs a thumb down her jaw, tucks a piece of escaped hair behind her ear. “It takes time sometimes, and if it doesn’t happen that's fine too.”

“I know that,” She replies, looking back down at their newborn, smiling as she took in the sight of him. “I read the same books you did. I just,” She pauses, unsure how to phrase it. “I just wish that something about this could happen as it’s supposed to.” She shakes her head at herself, the hand that's not securing Theo to her chest wipes at her cheek as she starts to cry again. “I couldn’t get pregnant without help, I couldn’t even go into labour without help. I just wanted this one thing to be easy.”

“Em, you were in labour for almost two days. You’re exhausted. Give yourself a break.” He leans forward and presses a kiss to her lips. “Did the nurse say when she’d come back to try again?”

“In about an hour.”

“In that case, why don’t I take him,” He says, already lifting the baby from her, smiling as her hands twitch almost as if she was going to snatch him back. “And you try and get some sleep.”

___________________________

Emily was laying in their bed, nursing her two week old son, and reminding herself repeatedly how much she loved her husband. He had been hovering around her like he never had before, not even letting her go to the bathroom by herself the first few days that they had been home. She was losing her patience with him.

She knew what it was. Guilt. He was thinking about all the time she’d been by herself emotionally during her pregnancy. Since Theo was born she could see it in Aaron's eyes, the understanding that he had missed out on part of something they had waited so long for.

Sometimes, Emily thought he forgot that she was a profiler too.

She was planning on letting him work through it himself, but she was so tired. Theo didn’t seem to like sleeping, but he loved to eat. Meanwhile, she was just about running on fumes, her nerves fraying further with each passing day.

So when he walks into their bedroom and brings her the fifth cup of tea he had made her that evening alone, something inside her snaps.

“Aaron.” It comes out harsher than she intends and she looks up at the ceiling to try and calm herself down. “You have got to stop.”

“Stop what?”

“Doing this.” She says, gesturing at him by moving the hand not securing Theo to her breast. “Trying to make yourself feel better about everything that happened whilst I was pregnant.”

“Emily-”

“That’s exactly what you’re doing.” She raises a brow at him, daring him to argue with her. “And you don’t need to. I’ve already forgiven you. It would be a shame to have to kill you now because you’re annoying me so much.”

He can’t help but laugh at that and raises his hand in surrender, abandoning the cup on top of the dresser. He moves over to the bed and settles next to her, head resting on her shoulder as he looks down at their nursing son. “Ok, I’ll stop. I just want to be what you need.”

“If you ever tell anyone I said this I’ll deny it, but you’re always what I need.” She turns her head from looking down at Theo to press a kiss to Aaron’s forehead. “I can’t imagine my life without you in it.”
___________________________

5 Years & 9 Months Later - Boston, July 2008

“I’m sorry it’s not better news, Tom.”

He looks at the man who had just delivered him his death warrant. “How long?”

The doctor sighs, leaning back in his chair. “Less than a year.” He clears his throat. “Enough time to get your affairs in order.”

Tom laughs at that, thinks about commenting that the doctor really has no idea of the implications of what this means. What his death will bring.

As he leaves his doctors office he thinks about a deal he made all those years ago. He sees a familiar figure standing by his car and swears he sees the man smile at him, his phone rings, distracting him. By the time he looks up the man is gone. He sighs as he answers.

“Detective Shaunessy.”

Chapter Text

August 2008

“Theo David Hotchner, I swear to God if you aren’t down those stairs in the next 30 seconds I won’t be held responsible for my actions.” Emily shouts up the stairs, painfully aware of how late they are. Aaron had an early meeting so the school run, usually his responsibility in the morning, was left to her.

“Teddy, she's full naming you.” Jack shouts over his shoulder as he bounds down the stairs himself. “You’d better hurry up before she comes up there.” He winks at her as he walks past her, rushing for the school bus before he misses it. “See you later, Emily.”

“Bye Jack.” She smiles at him as he walks by. At 15 he’s almost taller than her now, a tall lanky thing who goes through new clothes faster than she ever thought possible. Despite the age difference between them, he and Theo are thick as thieves, and often use their closeness to wind her and Aaron up.

“I’m coming, Mommy.” Theo runs down the stairs at full speed jumping down the last few stairs in a way that makes her heart drop every time he does it, and lands next to her. He smiles up at her, showing off the dimples he shares with them all, and wraps his arms around her waist to hug her. “Love you.”

“Uh huh,” Emily says disbelievingly, knowing her son’s tactics to diffuse her frustration very well, but she can’t help but smile at him. “Go put your shoes on. I have a doctor's appointment I have to go to once I’ve dropped you at school.”

He frowns at her as he pulls back from hugging her. “Are you ok?” He looks so much like Aaron when he is concerned that it never fails to make her heart constrict.

She grabs his chin and leans down to kiss his forehead, “I’m fine sweetie. it’s just a check up.” He still looks at her unsure. He knew about Haley, and understood as well as a 5 year old could that his older brother’s mother had died. It made him very wary whenever there was anything even slightly wrong with Emily. When she had a cold the previous winter her husband and both the boys had driven her close to losing her mind with their coddling. “I promise, ok? Now please go put your shoes on.”

Theo nods before disentangling himself from his mother, rushing towards the front door where all their shoes were kept. Emily sneaks a glance at her watch and curses to herself when she realises how late they are. She’d have to call her OBGYN’s office as soon as she dropped Theo off at school.
_____________________

Her foot bounces nervously as she sits outside Joanne’s office. She’d only come in for a pap smear, something she had gone through countless times. Emily had been distracting herself from the discomfort by regaling her doctor about Theo and Jack’s latest antics when she noticed Joanne’s attention shift. The kind smile she’d directed at her as she asked her to give her a urine sample and then wait outside her office had set Emily’s nerves on edge. She had tried to use her best interrogation techniques on the other woman, but she had simply raised an eyebrow at her and led her to sit in a hard plastic chair in the waiting room.

Emily was just sending her husband a text saying she had been held up, but not giving away any of her growing concerns over what Joanne had maybe seen, when she heard her name being called.

“Emily, you can come back in now.”

She doesn’t think she’s ever moved faster, and finds herself sitting opposite Joanne. “I’m sorry about the wait, the lab took a bit longer than I expected.”

“That’s ok.” Emily’s calm tone is betrayed by the way she picks at her thumbnail. “What’s wrong?”

Joanne’s face breaks out into a smile. “You’re pregnant, Emily.”

Emily scoffs at her doctor. “That’s not funny, Joanne.”

“I’m not joking, I promise.” She hands the piece of paper that has the test results on it over to Emily, who grabs it with both hands. “I suspected it when I examined you, but given your history I didn’t want to get your hopes up until it was confirmed.”

“But I can’t get pregnant.” Emily stutters, looking up from the piece of paper that says the total opposite back to her doctor. “Theo was an IVF baby.”

“I do know that.” Joanne says with amusement in her voice. “I was your doctor back then too.”

Emily lets out a laugh, which turns into a sob as quickly as it leaves her, and then covers her mouth. “Oh my God.” Her hand shakes a little when she pulls it away from her mouth. “I thought you were going to tell me I was sick.” Her hands are shaking, adrenaline coursing through her. “Is everything ok?” Her hand falls to her abdomen. “Will my age be a problem?”

“It’s definitely a factor we will have to keep a close eye on, but you are nowhere near the oldest mother I’ve worked with.”

Emily nods absentmindedly, her hand falling to her stomach. “I can’t believe it.”

“Do you want to do an ultrasound? See it for yourself.”

Emily smiles brightly, although she is sure the disbelief is still evident on her face. “Can we?”

“Of course.” Joanne stands and points her hand back towards the gurney she wants Emily to hop onto. “I think you’ll be relatively early on, so it will be an internal scan. So pants back off, I’m afraid.”

Emily’s fingers fumbled as she pushed her pants back down, unable to have the usual back and forth she enjoyed with Joanne because she just couldn’t focus on anything other than the fact she was apparently pregnant.

The couple of minutes it takes to get the scan set up feel like the longest of her life, she can’t bring herself to look at the screen. Already terrified that Joanne was somehow wrong, and the idea of another baby was going to be torn from her before she had even had the chance to get used to it.

“Here we go.” Joanne says, drawing Emily’s attention to the screen. “It looks like you’re around 7 weeks along.”

Emily gasps as she takes in the image on the screen, disbelief melting away into joy. She covers her mouth as she looks at the tiny little baby she had always thought couldn’t exist. She doesn’t even realise she’s crying until Joanne hands her a tissue, and she gratefully accepts it.

It doesn’t escape her that Joanne has tears in her eyes too.
_____________________

She nervously fiddles with the skin around her thumb nails, already torn from her nervous wait outside Joanne’s office earlier. She’s suddenly unsure if this was the right way to do this, to deliver this impossible news she never dared to hope was in their future. She looks nervously at him as he picks up the picture of the ultrasound she had nestled in the gift bag she’d impulsively bought in the hospital gift shop. He looks up at her from where he is sitting next to her on the couch, something like awe on his face.

“You know, all those years ago when we first started trying I thought of loads of different ways I could tell you. Then it never happened as we expected.” She smiles, chin wobbling at the almost overwhelming emotions she had been pushing back since that morning. She had spent the whole day as if things were normal, and hadn't mentioned the life changing news to him when they had a rare lunch together.

“Em…”

“This was stupid wasn’t it? I should have just told you.” She stands and starts to pace, her nerves frayed around the edges in a way she wasn’t expecting. She jumps when his hand lands on her shoulder, stopping her from moving, ultrasound picture in his hand. She hadn’t even realised he’d stood up.

“Nothing you ever do could be stupid.” He assures her, his hand without the scan clasped in it cupping her cheek. “You’re pregnant?”

Tears immediately flood her eyes, her hold on her emotions failing the second she can hear the happiness in his voice, and they fall down her cheeks before she can do anything about it.

“Yeah. I’m pregnant. 7 weeks” She laughs, but it comes out more like a sob. “Part of me didn’t believe Joanne until she did the scan.”

“Is everything ok?” He thumbs a tear away from her cheek, soothing her soft skin with his touch.

She nods. “Everything is perfect.” She buries herself in his embrace and cries into the lapel of his jacket.

She finally lets herself believe this is happening, that they might get the soft epilogue they deserve. It feels like her world has shifted on its axis, her life forever changed in that moment.
_____________________

She gets the same feeling again less than a year later. Only this time instead of it filling her chest with joy, so much that she could burst, her lungs constrict with grief.
_____________________

She thinks it’s psychosomatic at first. The way the nausea hits her full throttle only days after she finds out she’s pregnant. It’s constant, in a way she doesn’t remember it being when she was pregnant with Theo and it was making her miserable. She couldn’t keep anything down, and was becoming increasingly worried she wouldn’t be able to keep this a secret until she was 12 weeks along like she so desperately wanted to.

Aaron climbs into bed next to her, laying down behind her and gently rubbing her back. “Not feeling any better?”

“No.” She grumbles, frustrated at how emotional she felt at the kindness he was showing her. “I feel awful, Aaron.” He doesn’t miss the sadness in her voice and he presses a kiss to the back of her head.

“It will get better, it did when you were pregnant with Theo.”

“This feels different, worse.” She groans as he rolls her towards him, burying her face in the side of his neck as he holds her close. “Why does anything to do with pregnancy never end up being easy for me?”

He suppresses a smile at the petulant tone to her voice, knowing it is not worth the retribution if she catches him. He runs a hand up and down her back. “I don’t know sweetheart, but just think what we get out of it.”

“Easy for you to say.” She grumbles, pressing herself tighter to him. “It’s not your vagina they ruin.”

“Oh I wouldn’t say it’s ruined.”

She hits him in the chest. Hard. But her laugh gives away that she isn’t mad at all.
_____________________

Jack was going through another growth spurt and needed new jeans. She knew the mall was her husband's personal idea of hell, so she suggested she takes Jack by herself while Aaron took Theo to his soccer game. Emily considered it a win-win situation. Aaron got to avoid shopping and she didn’t have to watch bored housewives thirst over her husband as he coaches their son’s team.

Despite how awful she felt, and the fact she hadn’t kept food down in days and was barely able to keep water in her for long enough for it to count as hydration. She was looking forward to going out and doing something just for her and Jack, even if it was something as simple as buying him some new clothes.

It had seemed like a good idea until the second she stepped into the mall. Her senses immediately overwhelmed by the smell of the greasy food coming from the food court. She stops for a second, takes a deep breath to try and push the feeling back down.

“Emily, are you ok?”

She looks up to see Jack looking at her, concern written all over his face. She nods and instantly regrets it. “I’m fine.”

She somehow makes it around the first store, slowly walking around behind Jack as he takes an age to pick jeans that are cool enough. That’s about as far as she gets, the journey to the second store taking them past a pretzel stand that makes her nausea feel like it’s flooding through her entire body. She tries to blink it away, but the bright lights of the mall makes the vertigo she’d been battling for days hit her with a vengeance, making her vision go and her limbs feel numb.

Her vision narrows, and her hearing starts to fade. The last thing she is aware of before she hits the ground is Jack calling her name, unrestrained panic in his voice.

_____________________

Everything feels hazy when she wakes up. She doesn’t remember falling asleep. Her hearing and vision are fuzzy around the edges. It all returns at once, the sharpness of it making her groan as she opens her eyes, suddenly aware of the fact she is laying on the floor of a mall. She feels too awful to even feel embarrassed.

She looks around her, realises she has a paramedic knelt on either side of her and she just wonders how long she’s been unconscious.

One of the paramedics is speaking to Jack, who is standing nervously nearby. “What’s your mom’s name, kid?”

“Emily. Her name’s Emily.” She hears Jack stutter out. “Is she ok?”

“That’s what we are going to figure out. What’s your name?”

“Jack.”

“Well Jack, I’m Peter. I’m going to look after her, why don’t you go call someone to meet us at the hospital.” He explains as he attaches a blood pressure cuff to Emily’s arm. She’s vaguely aware of the female paramedic on her other side talking to her in hushed tones, but she doesn’t take it in.

“The hospital?” The panic in Jack’s voice rises. “Why the hospital?”

She finally makes eye contact with Jack and smiles at him. “Hey honey, go call your dad. I’ll be fine.”

Jack looks unsure but nods, walks away from them as he pulls his phone out of his pocket.

“Come on then, Emily.” Peter says kindly, placing a hand on her shoulder. “Let’s get you up.”

She slowly sits up, guided by the paramedics who are kneeling on either side of her. The motion makes her feel immediately sick, and the paramedic to her right gets a bowl under her mouth just in time.

Emily feels like she can’t turn her head, can’t seek Jack out with her eyes, but she can hear him. His voice is desperate as he speaks in rushed tones.

“I’ve left you like 3 messages, Dad. Answer your damn phone. What is it you always say to me? What’s the point of having a cell if you aren’t going to answer it?”

Emily can’t help but smile at that, the times Aaron has practically vibrated with worry next to her when Jack is one minute late for curfew and not answering his cell phone bursting into her mind.

She turns to Peter and swallows against the foul taste in her mouth. “It would probably be helpful for you to know I’m pregnant, right?”

He raises both his eyebrows at her, amusement washing over his face as he exchanges a glance with his colleague sitting on the other side of her. “Yes, Emily. That would be very helpful.”

She finally feels like she is able to move her head, turns to see Jack staring at his phone, typing what she can only assume is a furious text to Aaron. She looks back between the paramedics. “Jack doesn’t know yet. We didn’t…” She drifts off, unsure what she’s trying to say. “Is the baby going to be ok?”

Peter smiles kindly at her. “We’ll get you to the hospital and get you checked out.”

The paramedic who had introduced himself as Peter turns back to Jack and smiles kindly at him. “You said your name is Jack, right?” He waits for Jack to nod in response. “Your mom will be fine kid, we just need to get her to the hospital to get checked out.”

Jack nods before looking at Emily again, who still looks very sick, but he was relieved she was conscious at least. She smiles at him in a way he assumes is meant to be reassuring, although it doesn’t make him feel any better. His concern mounting by the second, the fear that he was about to lose another mother weighing on his chest.

They travel to the hospital in silence. Emily felt too sick to even open her mouth to speak, and Jack was too scared to get the answers for the questions he desperately wanted to ask.

It isn’t lost on either of them that he didn’t correct Peter when he assumed they were mother and son.

_____________________

Aaron doesn’t feel like his heart calms down until he sees his son sitting in a hard plastic chair in the hospital waiting room. “Jack?”

Jack stands quickly, hugs his father in a way he hasn’t in a long time, and releases a breath he’d been holding since he saw Emily collapse an hour ago. “The doctors took her through those doors. They wouldn’t let me go with her.”

Aaron pulls back from Jack, aware that Theo is standing next to them, unsure what’s going on but looking anxious nonetheless. “Was she awake?”

Jack nods, running a hand through his hair. “She was insisting she was fine. Even though she clearly wasn’t.”

A nervous laugh peels out of Aaron at that. “That sounds about right.”

“Family of Emily Hotchner?” A voice from behind them gets their attention, a kind looking doctor looking right at them.

“I’m her husband.” Aaron says. “Can I see her?”

The doctor nods, her eyes flicking from the boys back to him. “She is asking for you.”

Aaron nods, looking back to Jack. “You look after your brother, I’ll go see her and come get you when we’re done ok?”

Jack looks like he wants to argue, but he looks at his younger brother, recognises the fear on his face from back when he had been only a few years older, and he knows he is the best person for Theo right now. Jack nods at his dad as he gets Theo to sit in a chair.

As he walks away Aaron hears Jack reassuring Theo, talking to him softly as he tries to encourage his brother to talk.

_____________________

The guilt she feels over what Jack had seen only increases when her husband enters the room quickly followed by the doctor who had examined her when she arrived. He looks so concerned that it feels like a physical ache in her chest, and she realises how stupid she has been in hiding how terrible she felt from him.

“Em.” His voice is soft, kinder than she thinks she deserves, and he quickly makes his way across the room and sits on the edge of her bed facing her. He presses a slightly desperate kiss to her lips and she returns it, both of them ignoring for a moment that they aren’t alone. He pulls away, tucks some hair behind her ear. “What happened? Why didn’t you say that you felt so sick?”

He’d noticed that she was struggling. Of course he’d noticed. But she had snapped at him when he’d questioned it, a comment that she looked like she was losing weight instead of gaining it going down like a lead balloon. He had left it alone after that, but kept an eye on her, seeing how she was barely holding it together. He’d planned on bringing it up with Joanne at her 12 week appointment and living with the consequences of her wrath later. Afterall, it had been her who had taught him the merits of ‘it’s easier to ask for forgiveness than permission.’

They hadn’t got that far though, her fainting at the mall cutting his self imposed time frame short by 10 days.

“I thought it would get better.” She answers. “But it just never did.”

The doctor finally clears her throat, reminding them that she is in the room with them.
“Your wife has something called hyperemesis gravidarum. It’s an extreme form of morning sickness.” She says gently. “Emily, you fainted because you were incredibly dehydrated. It could have been very dangerous for you and the baby.”

He feels Emily tense and he grabs one of her hands. “Are they both ok?”

“Yes, they are.” The doctor smiles, refocusing her attention on Emily. “We’ll need to keep you in at least overnight, get some fluids back into you.” She says gesturing to the IV attached to Emily. “And we’ll prescribe you some anti-nausea medication, take the edge off.”

“Will that be safe for the baby?” Emily asks, the hand not grasping her husband resting on her barely there bump. “I can handle this without the meds.”

The doctor levels a look at her. “With all due respect Emily, you haven’t been handling this. The medication is perfectly safe for you and your baby. A hell of a lot safer than you not even being able to keep water down.”

Emily nods, worried if she tried to speak she’d cry.

The doctor advises that someone will come by with the medication later, and she leaves the room, leaving Emily alone with her husband. As soon as the door closes Emily shrinks down into the bed a bit, trying to remove her hand from his but he just holds it firmer.

“If you’re going to tell me I’m an idiot, save your breath.” She furiously wipes a tear from her face. “I know it already.”

“Em, you’re not an idiot.” He says firmly, hooking a finger under her chin to make her look at him. “But you absolutely should have told me. You scared me, Theo hasn’t spoken a word since I told him you were here. Jack is beside himself.”

“Are you trying to make me feel like shit?”

He sighs. “Sweetheart, you know I’m not. We all just worry about you - and you know you being sick is a trigger for them both.”

“Why do you think I was trying to keep it to myself?” She asks, voice raising slightly. “I break a fingernail and you all look at me like I’ve been stabbed.”

“That’s not fair, Em.”

She blows out a breath. “You’re right, I’m sorry.” She leans forward and presses her forehead to his shoulder. “I’m really sorry.”

“I know you are. Just...please tell me next time. That’s all I ask.”
____________________

She asks Aaron if she can see Jack alone, wanting to see the teenager herself and explain that she would be ok, and he easily complies, taking their youngest son to the gift shop under the guise of buying her something she doesn’t really need.

Jack looks awkward as he sits in the chair next to her bed, clearly unsure what to do. She can practically see the memories of Haley’s illness building in his eyes, his concern for her making him obviously nervous. “I’m sorry you saw that happen, Jack. It must have been scary.”

He shrugs, opens his mouth but no words come out at first. He looks at the floor, unable to make eye contact with her and he tries again. “What happened?”

“I’m not sick, Jack.” She says firmly, it makes his eyes jump back up to hers. She smiles at him. “I’m pregnant.”

He looks at her in shock for a moment, before he smiles. “What?”

“I’m pregnant.” She repeats. “And I’ve been feeling sick because of it, that’s why I fainted.”

The 15 year old looks confused for a second. “You’re both ok? You and the baby?”

Emily smiles widely. “Yeah we’re ok. They have given me some medication to make me feel better.” She grabs his hand from his lap, squeezes it in hers. “I need you to know I am ok, Jack. But I will be staying here for a couple days, ok?”

He nods, understanding what she wasn’t saying. This was not like his mother all over again, she would be coming home soon.

Emily watches with concern as his face turns into a grimace as he pulls his hand away from hers. “Jack, what’s wrong?”

“You and dad had sex.” He looks so disgusted she can’t help but laugh at him.
_____________________

Theo scampers onto her hospital bed immediately, brand new teddy bear in hand, the need to be close to his mother almost constant when she is nearby. Aaron always joked it’s why he took his time to be born, not wanting to lose his opportunity to be so close to her since he was literally under her skin. “Mommy, Daddy said you are sick and I need to be careful.”
She shoots her husband a look over their son's head before focusing back on the 5 year old who was busying himself cuddling up to her side. “I’ll be ok, I promise.” She presses a kiss to his head. “I always feel better after a Theo snuggle.”

He seems to take her words seriously, burrowing further into her side. “Why are you sick?”

She looks at Aaron again, who nods at her, and then she answers. “Well, I’m going to have a baby - your baby brother or sister - and it’s just made me feel icky, that's all.”

She hears Aaron and Jack scoff simultaneously, but they quickly shut up when she narrows her eyes at him.

Theo frowns. “The baby made you sick?”

“It’s not the baby’s fault, it just happens to mommy’s sometimes.”

She looks down to Theo who is sitting on her hospital bed curled next to her, anxiety written all over his face. She runs her hand through his hair briefly before putting her arm around him, pulling his small body fully into her side. She wants to inject some normality into this, to lessen the looks of concern on all of her boys' faces, so she changes the subject. She pretends they are at home like they usually would be on a Saturday afternoon when she wasn’t away on a case, not in a hospital room with her on an IV and them all looking like the world was coming to an end.

“How was soccer, little man?” She presses a kiss to his head and smiles when she can practically feel his enthusiasm returning.

“It was so good, I scored a goal!” He beams up at her, the smile he inherited from her spilling all over his face. It almost immediately becomes a confused frown, the one he got from Aaron, he crinkle in between his eyebrows identical to her husband’s. She reaches out and soothes it, ignoring how the movement pulls at her IV slightly. “That weird lady kept talking to daddy again though.”

Emily raises her eyebrows and bites her lip in amusement, turning her head to look at her husband sitting in the hard plastic chair by the side of her bed. “Did she now?”

“Em, it’s fine. She was just being nice.”

“She told Daddy that she liked his polo shirt.” Theo says innocently, not understanding why his older brother starts laughing hysterically.

There is a knock on the door before it is opened, Joanne taking a step into the room, a look on her face that made Emily squirm slightly in her bed. “Hello Emily.”

Emily clears her throat, shifts her eyes away from her doctor. “Hi Joanne. How are you?”

“I’m fine.” Joanne says as she steps further into the room. “It’s you I’m worried about. Why didn’t you mention just how sick you were feeling?”

Emily groans, runs her hand through Theo’s hair as he snuggles deeper into her side. “Aaron has already told me off, I don’t need it from you too.”

“I think you do. I know that you literally are a superhero, Emily.” Joanne says, throwing a wink at Theo who was sitting on the hospital bed next to his mother. “But there is no need to be with this.”

Emily nods, relenting because she knows this isn’t an argument she will win with either her husband or her doctor. “I’ll behave, I promise.”

“I’ll believe that when I see it.” Aaron mutters, although not as quietly as he meant to if the look on his wifes face was anything to go by.
_____________________

The team is delighted when they tell them. A dinner party at Rossi’s the week after she starts her second trimester was a perfect opportunity to share the news. Her nausea was still present, lingering in her system in a way that sometimes takes her breath away, but it’s bearable with the medication.

Garcia pulls her into a tight hug, making Emily grunt with the force of it. “Why didn’t you tell us you guys were going through treatment again? I would have brought you all the peanut butter cups you wanted after your appointments.”

Emily lets out a laugh as her friend releases her. “We weren’t trying.” She says, a wide smile on her face. “It just...happened.”

She gets pulled into another big then, JJ joining in this time too. She sees tears in her friends eyes as they pull away, the happiness they have for her and her family making her heart swell.

Later in the evening she’s alone with Rossi, Aaron somewhere with Morgan, teasing Reid about a new haircut.

“So, can I be Godfather to this one?” He asks, a teasing tone to his voice that always manages to irk her no matter what the circumstances.

“Not a chance, Rossi.”

He laughs, takes a sip of his wine before looking back at her. “If it is a boy you could use David for the first name this time.”

Emily narrows her eyes at him, but can’t help the smile that spreads over her face. “Me allowing my precious little boy to have your name as a middle name is all the evidence that we will ever need that I shouldn’t make a decision when I am delirious, even if it is with happiness.”

He smiles at her, and she returns it easily. “I’m happy for you kid. You and Aaron both deserve this.”
_____________________

Rossi takes a deep breath as he sits outside Aaron’s hospital room, the way the machines all started going off at once echoing in his ears as he sat impatiently waiting for an update.

He looks up as a doctor walks into the hallway out of Aaron’s room, a solemn look on his face.

Rossi stands, straightens his back as he prepares himself to hear whatever news the doctor is about to deliver, pours all his strength into being there for his friend.

He has a promise to keep afterall, and Emily wouldn’t make his life worth living if he didn’t keep it.
_____________________

They sit together waiting for Joanne to call them in, his hand grasped in hers as they impatiently wait to find out if they are having a boy or a girl. She runs her hand over her bump, smiling as she feels their baby move in her stomach. The nausea was more bearable now, all but gone in comparison to how she had felt earlier in her pregnancy, meaning she was now able to enjoy it. To appreciate that this was happening for them, and they could just live in the knowledge their family was growing.

Emily can’t help but let her mind wander back to when they found out Theo was a boy, Aaron narrowly making it to the appointment on time. His emotions clouded by Haley’s impending death and the ramifications it would have on all of them. It caused him to hesitate, holding back his happiness as the thought of so many conflicting emotions overwhelmed him.

This time it wasn’t there, she could feel the excitement and nervousness flowing off of him in waves and she knew he was in it as much as she was, not even a second of doubt crossing her mind.

When Joanne tells them they are having a girl both of them cry, a wish granted that they hadn’t realised they had asked for.
_____________________

She holds her crying four month old to her chest, squeezing her own eyes shut in a last ditch attempt to not cry herself. She gently shushes her daughter, rocking her as she does to try and lull her to sleep.

“I know baby, I know.” She hears the ragged nature of her own voice, tries to keep herself as quiet as possible as a sob rips through her so she doesn’t wake the boys on the other side of the paper thin wall. “I miss daddy too.”

_____________________

She sneaks into Theo’s room early in the morning, the sound of Jack and Aaron making breakfast downstairs being shut out as she closes the door. She climbs into his bed, gently wakes him up with a hand through his hair. “Wake up, baby.”

He stirs, grumbling as he presses himself into her side, arm thrown over her growing bump, his hatred of mornings one of many things he had inherited from her.

“Come on.” She rubs his back, taking the sleepiness away. “Daddy and Jack are making us our birthday breakfast.”

That gets him to sit up, rubbing his bleary eyes as he settles next to her properly. “Are they making pancakes?”

“Well that’s our favourite isn’t it?” She tickles him, smiling as he laughs and tries to wiggle away. She can’t believe he’s 6 now. Her once tiny baby is this small person right next to her, with her nose and eyes, his fathers jawline and lips and the dark hair and dimples he got from them both.

“Happy birthday, Mommy.”

“Happy birthday, sweetie.” She presses a kiss to his head, smiling into his hair as his hand rests on her stomach, feeling his baby sister move around.

The bedroom door opens and Jack and Aaron are standing there, both still in their pyjamas and holding two trays with plates piled with pancakes in their hands.

They eat breakfast together in Theo’s room like they do every year, a tradition started when he was sick on his second birthday and unable to get out of bed, and as Emily feels her daughter rolling in her stomach she doesn’t think life can get any better.
_____________________

She leans her forehead against the shut door that separates her from the room the boys share, the palm of her hand up against the cheap wood. “Theo, honey, I need you to come out ok?”

“I don’t want to.” There’s a petulance in his tone that isn’t usually there. She knows he is sitting there, back up against the door making it impossible for her to open it without the fear of hurting him.

Emily lifts her head from the door to look at Jack behind her, his face solemn as he holds his 9 month old sister on his hip. She sighs and turns back to the door. “I know you miss Daddy. I do too.” Her voice wavers, and she wonders how long it will take before she can talk about any of this without it feeling like it was going to break her apart. “It’s my birthday too, little man. And I don’t want to spend it without you.”

For a second she chastises herself internally, wondering if it was too dirty a trick to get her son out to see her, but the door opens and he’s got his arms wrapped around her before she knows what's happening. She kneels down to his level, holds him as tight as she can without hurting him, and she feels his tears hot against her neck.

“Happy birthday, Mommy.”

She presses a kiss to the side of his head, and wishes so many things could be different. “Happy birthday, baby.”
________________________

It starts as a normal morning. She wakes slowly to the smell of the one cup of coffee she is allowed a day, turns her head and opens her eyes to see it sat on her nightstand. She slowly sits up in bed, groaning as she lifts her very pregnant body up. She holds the coffee, breathes in the smell as she takes a sip, a moan leaving her lips at the taste.

“It’s been a while since I’ve heard that noise.”

She looks to the doorway, glares at her husband as she looks at him leaning on the doorframe. “And it will be even longer if you’re not careful.”

He grins at her, walks into the room and sits on the edge of her side of the bed and kisses her quickly, grimaces at the sweetness of the coffee on her lips. “What do you want to do today?”

“We need to go grocery shopping, and get the last few bits for little miss Hotchner.” She places her spare hand on her belly, smiles as their daughter rolls under her skin. “But first, I need you to help me up so I can go to the bathroom.” She places her coffee back on the nightstand.

“As you wish.” He stands and helps her up, and she kisses him as a thank you before waddling past him into the bathroom.

She closes the door behind him, sighs as she takes in her appearance in the mirror and takes a step towards the toilet. Suddenly, she feels a gush of liquid run down her legs, hears it hit the tiled floor. “Oh no.” She feels panic rise in her chest. “No, no.” She leans back, sits on the edge of the bath, both hands on her belly. “Aaron.” She shouts, desperation straining her voice.

He’s in the room in a second. “Em? What’s wrong?”

“My water broke.” Her voice is shaky, and she can feel panic gripping in her throat. “It’s too soon, I'm only 36 weeks.”

He kneels in front of her, avoiding the amniotic fluid on the floor as he does. He looks calm, his face neutral, but he can see the concern in his eyes. “Sweetheart, everything is going to be fine. I’ll get you a clean pair of sweatpants, call Jessica to come get the boys and then we’ll go to the hospital, ok?”

She nods, the movement causing tears to fall onto her cheeks. “It’s too soon.” She repeats, taking in a shuddering breath. He helps her stand, presses his forehead against hers as he holds her tightly.

“It will be ok, I’m right here.”
__________________________

On the drive to the hospital he keeps her hand in his the whole way, wanting to give her the physical reminder he is there. She seems a bit calmer, right up until the moment she has a contraction just before they arrive.

She is admitted and immediately sent to the same maternity ward she had their son over 6 years ago. He can’t help but think how different this is, Theo had been almost wilful in his refusal to be born easily. Emily’s labour with him was long and drawn out. Their daughter seemed insistent on her presence being known sooner rather than later, making a statement with her arrival.

It’s not lost on him that both of those traits came from his wife, but he was smart enough not to say it out loud.

He holds her hand when a doctor comes in, not Joanne because she’s not on shift yet, and insists on calling her Mrs. Hotchner despite her saying to call her Emily. He can feel her whole body tense as she has another contraction and he holds her hand throughout it. The doctor does a scan, shows them that the baby is in a breech position, and explains that natural labour would not be possible.

As soon as the words cesarean section leave the doctor’s mouth he feels her tense again, fear this time instead of a contraction, and he pulls her into his arms, whispers reassurances he doesn’t quite believe himself into her hair.
____________________

He was petrified, the turn the day had taken setting every nerve in his body on edge. Aaron knew that no matter how afraid he was, Emily’s fear would be tenfold. So as he pulled on the scrubs the nurse had put in his shaking hands he grounded himself, used his years of training to pull himself together because this was about her, not him, and he could always fall apart later when everyone was ok.

They have only been apart a few minutes when he’s guided into the operating room and onto a stool by his wife. He sits next to her and puts his hand on her head, fingers curling into her hair slightly, disturbing it from the bun she had thrown it into.

She looks at him, a shaky smile on her face as her eyes shine with unshed tears. “Hey.” Her voice is cracked, the fear that she is trying to hold back breaking through.

“Hey sweetheart.” He keeps tenderly playing with her hair, knowing how it calms her.

“You look good in scrubs.” She tries to joke, tries to ignore the number of doctors and nurses there are in the room with them. “It’s a shame you went into law enforcement instead of the medical field. Seems like a wasted opportunity.”

He smiles at her and leans down to press a kiss to her forehead. He hears one of the surgeons say something about them being almost ready, and she’s immediately tense. “It’s ok, sweetheart. You’re ok.”

“I’m scared.” Her voice is small, quieter than he’s heard her in a long time.

“I know, but before you know it our daughter will be here. And you can hold this against her when she starts to act out in about 15 years time.”

The anaesthesiologist says something about pre-dinner drinks, a playful glint in her eye as she injects medication into Emily’s IV. He sees the moment the painkillers enter her system, her eyes become a little more unfocused, the paralysing fear that had been in them just seconds before fading slightly.

A voice comes from the other side of the partition between them and the medical team. “In about 15 minutes your baby will be here.”

Emily is sure it is the longest 15 minutes of her life, the pressure she feels in her abdomen as the surgeons bring her daughter into the world muted by the way Aaron runs his fingers over her forehead.

Suddenly she is there, held up high enough so Emily and Aaron can see her over the curtain in between them and the surgeons. She’s tiny, looks delicate even from where they can see her, and judging by the way she was crying she was furious at her rude introduction to the world.

“Is she ok?” Emily asks desperately, watching as the nurses in the room take the baby girl to the corner of the room to be checked out. She’s vaguely aware of Aaron pressing a kiss to her forehead, words of his love and appreciation muffled into her skin.

“They are just checking her over, Mrs. Hotchner.” The surgeon replies kindly. “It sounds like her lungs are doing just fine, and once they are happy she doesn’t need any help, your husband can hold her until we are done with you.”

She can feel the nervous energy coming off of her husband, the uncharacteristic show of it in the bouncing of his knee. He only stops when the impossibly small bundle is brought over to them, their new baby squirming slightly in the nurse's arms.

“Do you want to hold her, dad?” The woman asks kindly, passing the baby into his eager arms. “She seems just fine, 5lbs 6oz. We’ll keep you both in a few days to monitor you.”

Aaron rocks their daughter slightly, shushing her as he brings her level with Emily’s head without her asking, knowing she would snatch the baby from his arms if she was in any position to. “This is your Mommy.”

Emily has tears running down her cheeks into her hair as she takes in the sight of their little girl. “Hi baby.” Aaron holds her close enough for her to press a kiss into her dark hair. “Aaron, look at her.”

He looks up from his newborn daughter to his wife. “You’re amazing, you know that?”

She smiles at him, adoration flowing from her eyes. “In comparison to when I had Theo I barely did anything. I’m just laying here, gutted like a fish.”

He hears one of the nurses in the room laugh, and he bites his lip to stop himself from joining in. She always had become uninhibited when she had painkillers in her system, her stream of conscious thought becoming random outbursts she would usually keep to herself. He’s reminded of a long time ago, back when she was still just his girlfriend, when she told a nurse he was good in bed.

“That’s nonsense and you know it.” He says gently, sitting back onto his stool and holding the baby in his arms.

“I want my baby.” She says, a slight pout on her lips.

“I know sweetheart.” He looks to the nurse still hovering nearby and they exchange a smile. “Soon, I promise.” He decides to distract her, can tell the surgeons are wrapping up and they will be heading back to a room soon. “So do you think the name we chose works?”

Her pout gives way to a smile, her eyes still fixed on the baby in his arms. She couldn’t help but think just how small their daughter looked in comparison to his hands. “I think it does.”

He smiles brightly at her before looking down at the baby in his arms. “Hi, Ameila. It’s nice to meet you, despite the circumstances.”

_____________________________

As soon as they are settled back in the hospital room she demands to be handed the baby. He gladly complies, gently placing their tiny daughter in her arms as he sits next to her on the hospital bed.

“Hi Amelia,” Emily says softly, adjusting her grip on the little girl. “I hope your dramatic entrance to the world isn’t an indication of things to come, I don’t think your dad can handle it.”

“Definitely not.” He deadpans, smiling widely at his wife when she turns to look at him. His smile falters slightly, the memory of the last few hours flooding back.

“Hey,” she easily holds the baby to her chest with one hand and uses the other to cup his cheek. “What’s wrong?”

“That was scary, Em. I’m just happy you’re both ok.”

She runs her thumb gently over his cheekbone. “I know. Today was a lot.” She looks back down to their daughter, her tiny fingers curled around the neckline of her mother’s hospital gown. “When we woke up this morning we didn’t even know she’d be here today.”

He hums in his throat, turning his head to press a kiss into the palm of her hand. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

The baby gurgles, drawing both of her parents' attention back to her. Emily laughs, removing her hand from her husband's cheek to place it on her baby’s back. “And we both love you, Amelia.” She presses a kiss to the top of the baby's head before resting her cheek gently against her. “Are the boys on the way?”

Aaron nods. “Jessica is bringing them, they should be here soon.”

They hear a knock at the door before it opens, Joanne walks in and smiles at them. “I heard that you guys were here, so I thought I'd come to meet the new arrival.” Joanne walks over, peers down to look at Ameila in Emily’s arms. “She’s beautiful. What is it with Hotcher babies and their dramatic arrivals?”

“They get it from him.”

“They get it from her.”

Emily and Aaron speak in unison, turning their heads to look at each other through loving, but narrowed, eyes.

Joanne laughs, taking a step back from where she had been looking at the newborn. “You guys are adorable, it’s actually kind of gross.” She smiles kindly at them, in the reassuring way that Emily had missed earlier in the day. “I’ll make sure you’re added to my rounds. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Not long after she leaves the boys arrive, excited as they greet their newborn sister. Theo is so enthusiastic to see his mother Aaron has to remind him she’d just had surgery so he had to be gentle.

Aaron sits back and watches his sons interact with the new addition to their family. He sees the exhaustion in his wife's eyes, the stress of the day and the pain from her incision clearly creeping in, but all that is outweighed by how happy she looks. The smile on her face as she gently helps Theo hold his baby sister, Jack watching over them in a way only a big brother could, was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen, and he finds himself more in love with her than ever before.
____________________

He’s sitting alone in their living room, in the place they used to call home before everything fell apart. It now felt like a foreign land to him, too quiet and too empty to ever be associated with her or their family. Toys scattered throughout the room abandoned by his youngest son on his last morning in the house, baby toys from his daughter on the floor from where he had done tummy time with her. A handheld video game Jack was obsessed with.

There were traces of her throughout the house, her presence unavoidable at every turn. The ache of missing her almost felt worse than the pull of the healing stab wounds in his abdomen.

His eyes fix on the spot on the floor where his blood had seeped into the wood, the stain gone but still visible to him. He wonders if this house, the place they had bought to build their family together, would ever feel like home again.

He realises in his loneliness that it was her smile that had been his home all along.
____________________

She’s sitting on the couch holding Amelia after she’s finished feeding her, she runs her finger down her soft cheek as the baby sleeps. It’s early in the morning, too early to be awake, and she’d decided to sit downstairs so she didn’t disturb Aaron as he tried to catch up on precious sleep. She hears her husband walk into the room behind her, and realises it had been a wasted endeavour. “Can you believe today was supposed to be her due date?”

“She doesn’t let anyone tell her what to do, just like her mother.”

She turns to look at him, ready to tell him off for his comment, but is confused when she sees him standing there in a suit. “It’s 5am - why are you ready for work?”

“I got a call, I’ve been asked to go see a detective in Boston about a case.” He sits next to her on the couch, smiles as he presses a kiss to the baby's head.

She furrowed her eyebrows at that, uneasiness spreading through her gut in a way she doesn’t fully understand. “You aren’t unit chief anymore.”

“No, but I was when the BAU worked on this case. It was my first one as agent-in-charge.”

“That’s the case where you were gone for a week, and the detective sent you home once the killings stopped. Why would he want to see you now? It’s been years.”

“I don’t know, sweetheart.”

She bites her lip, uneasiness spreading out from her gut, vibrating through her whole body. “Do you want me to come with you?”

He raises an eyebrow at her, a smirk on his face that she hates as he leans forward and presses a kiss to her forehead. “And bring the baby with us? Or maybe we can leave her with Jack and Theo. I’m sure they’d do great.” He quips, running the back of his finger down their daughter's cheek.

“Funny man.” She grumbles, adjusting their one month old on her chest. “Just be careful ok, I have a weird feeling about this.”

He presses a kiss to her head again before standing from his place next to her on the couch. “I’ll call you when I get to Boston.”
____________________

“If tomorrow starts without me, don't think we're far apart, for every time you think of me, please know I'm in your heart” - David Romano