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Arthit really doesn’t know why he does it. He’s at the cinema for goodness sake, no-one ever goes there alone. But he likes to and now his worst nightmare is coming true - Namtarn and Jay have just walked in and joined the line for tickets, popcorn and snacks only a few people behind him.
He can’t leave the line because they’ll see him if he tries to slink away, but equally if he stays here, there’s a very good chance that when he turns from the counter, they’ll still catch sight of him.
It’s a huge dilemma. He really doesn’t want the two people he used to know best in the world feeling sorry for him because he’s here alone.
If it was anyone else he really wouldn’t care. Bright or Prem or Knott, sure they might tease him a little but it would be good natured teasing and they know him better than even Jay and Namtarn now, so he knows they wouldn’t feel sorry for him. Instead, they would respect that he quite likes to see films by himself, without anyone irritating him by talking through it or trying to steal his popcorn and drink.
He’s just eyeing up the largest popcorn bucket and wondering if he’ll be able to hide his whole head behind it and navigate to the screen without tripping up, when the man in front of him starts a rather loud phonecall.
He seems to be talking to someone who is stuck in a tunnel, because he’s having to yell a lot. Arthit would never yell in public like this, he’d take his phone and lose his place in line if he needed to.
But the guy in front of him doesn’t seem to care, although he does seem to be mad.
“I can’t believe you Em, you’ve totally let me down! I’m so angry at you. You promised…”
Whatever this Em replies has the man stabbing at his phone frantically as he tries to hang up, then thrusting it into one of his pockets.
As he does, Arthit happens to huff a little and the man turns his gaze on him. He must see that Arthit feels second hand embarrassment, because he apologies profusely in a soft voice, not at all like the one he had turned on that Em guy.
“It’s okay,” Arthit says calmly, holding up his arms palm out, like his mother has always taught him when faced with something overwhelming.
The man seems to note the gesture and takes a step back from Arthit’s space.
“I am sorry,” he says, “I have an idiot best friend and now I have no-one to watch the movie with.”
He must see the pinch in Arthit’s expression, because he immediately follows it up with, “Not that it’s a bad thing, seeing a film on your own. At least no-one interrupts you or tries to eat your snacks.”
Arthit feels a bubble of laughter escape him, as the man unconsciously echoes his thoughts from before. It seems to please the man, because he inches a tiny bit closer and offers his hand, “I’m Kongpob.”
Arthit doesn’t take his hand, but does offer his name, and once again, the man seems to understand him, smiling as he lowers his hand without any concern.
“Nice to meet you Arthit. What are you here to see?”
They discuss the movie that it turns out they are both here to watch and Arthit’s anxiety about Namtarn and Jay slowly abates. Kongpob is funny and clearly very passionate about the series they have come to see the finale of. He’s got so many opinions about the first two films in the trilogy, that Arthit feels his head start to spin from the amount of knowledge being stuffed into it.
“Oh man,” Kongpob says at last as he trails away from his views on the cinematography and location choice, “I’m talking too much, right?”
Arthit nods his head a little, but offers him a smile at the same time.
“My friends always tell me I talk far too much, it’s one of my major faults. I didn’t mean to overwhelm you. Maybe we could start again?”
Arthit feels his smile widen, Kongpob is cute.. maybe in another life, they would have been best friends. But it’s hard for Arthit to maintain strong friendships and he’s sort of wondering if maybe he should step out of the queue and try watching the movie another day when his anxiety over Namtarn and Jay is lessened.
But his decision is made for him, when suddenly the young woman he’s been thinking about steps into his line of sight and starts to coo over him.
“Arthit! It’s been too long, wow! What a surprise to see you here!”
He can feel himself withdrawing as she gets too close and he knows that’s she’s planning to come in for a hug - something he had suffered through in high school before he had understood himself and his reactions better.
He does not want her to hug him.
And it must show on his face, because Kongpob finds a way to subtly insert himself between them, sliding out his hand and introducing himself.
Arthit takes small steadying breaths as Namtarn looks between them in surprise.
“Oh, you have company, Ai’Oon,” she says, bringing out his nickname to assert her prior claim on him, which makes him gulp hard. “Sorry I didn’t realise you were here.. on a date?”
Instead of replying to her, Arthit can’t help that his eyes head straight for Kongpob, who is still smiling as their gazes meet. The other man ducks his head, a question in his eyes and an answer too - ‘This can be a date if you want.’
Arthit is still trying to decide if it’s better she thinks he’s here alone or that he’s on a date with another guy, when she interrupts the silence.
“Oh, sorry! I thought… Never mind, silly me, I’ve put my foot in it again! Ai’Oon will tell you, I used to do that all the time, Kongpob, in school. I was the worst. I never even knew he had a crush on me, right Arthit? And by then our other best friend had already confessed so it was kind of weird right.. I mean, I’m sure Arthit can get a date now, right.. it’s not like he’s undateable even with his little… oddities..”
She says it all with a condescending smile and it makes Arthit’s blood boil.
Beside him, Kongpob discretely holds out his hand and Arthit makes a split second decision, reaching out to lace their fingers together.
It’s a cool hand, not sweaty like Arthit’s might be. It’s cool and Kongpob’s fingers are long and slender and seem to fit perfectly between his own slightly shorter, thicker fingers.
It’s the first time he’s held another person’s hand like this and he’s surprised that it’s actually not as bad as he had imagined. In fact, it feels a lot like when his mother held his hand as a child - comforting and not at all anxiety inducing. The fact that Kongpob holds it lightly and that he’s not expecting anything from Arthit makes it feel even better.
There’s a beat as Namtarn finishes speaking and then Kongpob gives her a signal with his eyes that has her glancing down at their joined hands.
Again, she gasps and starts to speak, “Oh.. I’m so surprised because I never thought that Arthit might like men, I mean he always fawned over me.. but this must be new, I mean...”
As she pauses to toss her hair over her shoulder, posturing, Kongpob interrupts in a calm, soft voice.
“It’s not new. We don’t advertise it. We like our relationship to stay private. But it’s great that you know now, that Arthit’s feelings for you,” he pauses and stares at Arthit who gives him a soft nod, “Were never anything serious - just puppy love, unlike the way we feel about each other. Now, if you’ll excuse us, it’s our turn.”
He indicates the counter where a member of staff is ushering them forward and leads Arthit away, leaving Namtarn standing alone at the side of the queue, lost for words.
They hold hands loosely the whole time they are choosing seats and buying the couple sets of popcorn and drinks - one of each, each thankfully.
Arthit reaches for his wallet, but Kongpob has already handed over his card before he can get it out with one hand still clasped in the other man’s.
“You can get it next time,” Kong whispers and then slides their hands apart so they can pick everything up.
Arhit finds it weird that he immediately misses the sensation of a heavy hand in his own, and ends up following Kongpob while rapidly flicking through different scenarios in his head.
Maybe, he finally thinks as they hand over their tickets, I’m just touch starved? It’s beeen a long time since Arthit’s seen his mother and she’s been the only one allowed to touch him since he was in high school. Maybe that’s it?
One hand held, and he’s craving touch?
But Arthit can’t help but think that if Namtarn or Jay had been the one holding his hand, he wouldn’t feel the same.
There’s something about Kongpob, it seems.
Once they’re in the theatre, Kongpob leads the way to seats near the middle, but at the end of the row as Arthit had quietly requested. Then they flop down, Arthit on the aisle, the only place he ever feels comfortable in a large space with a lot of people present. As long as he has an escape route, he’s fine.
“I’m sorry we can’t sit in the middle,” he whispers as they arrange themselves, drinks in the cup holders, popcorn on the floor at their feet while they settle.
“It’s fine. Every seat has a view of the screen. I would have even sat on the front row and craned my neck if needed to see this film!”
Arthit gets lost in Kongpob’s enthusiasm, enjoying listening to him describe one of the eight times he saw the last film in the cinema. He seems to have learned pretty quickly that Arthit needs to be offered small amounts of information with a break in between to process it. It’s so nice to not have to explain to someone how it’s easiest for him to chat that Arthit sinks into the conversation, even sharing a few of his own thoughts.
Before the lights go down, Kongpob points out Namtarn who is slinking down their row towards them.
“Oh great,” Arthit mutters and Kongpob surprises him by laughing musically. It’s a lovely sound and Arthit gets swept up in it, forgetting his anxiety at seeing Namtarn and Jay for a moment.
But then they are sitting themselves next to Kongpob, Jay leaning over to greet him politely.
They had never been as close as he and Namtarn in high school and he doesn’t have to worry about him launching into a huge diatribe about their relationship in front of Kongpob.
But Namtarn doesn’t seem to have gotten the picture that Arthit isn’t eager for her to be around either Kongpob or himself.
“Jay and I haven’t seen you for so long, Arthit that I simply had to ask for the seats next to you. Isn’t this exciting, we haven’t been to the cinema together since we were about fifteen or something, right? When did we get together Jay?”
“We were sixteen, Nam,” but to Arthit it sounds like he’s reluctant to say anything and would rather that his girlfriend shut up.
“Oh yes, I remember now, because we had the prom that year, but you didn’t go, did you Arthit?”
Arthit feels the anxiety starting to rise as he is brought back in time to his junior prom. He had decided to go and had even got as far as the entrance to the grand ballroom, before he had felt surrounded and unable to step a foot inside. He had called his mother to collect him and had sneaked away without anyone seeing him.
Again, Kongpob seems to sense his discomfort, laying his hand palm up on the armrest between them. Arthit’s whole body relaxes a small amount as the cool fingers slot between his own again.
Namtarn notices and immediately snuggles up to Jay, who protests, “Nam, you made me spill, now we don’t have anything to drink!”
Then blissfully, the previews start and the lights go down and the cinema settles. And Kongpob squeezes Arthit’s hand lightly and whispers to ask if he’s okay, and Arthit is.. sort of.
Except Arthit has forgotten that Nam likes to talk in the cinema. It’s one of the reasons he stopped going with them. She can talk through anything and regularly does. And it drives Arthit insane the same way it did in the past.
Beside him Kongpob stiffens too as they have to listen to her whisper-shout her opinions on every new film coming up. It’s so irritating that even Jay seems to get annoyed, whispering loudly that she should let others watch it in silence.
“Will she stop when the film starts?” Kongpob asks, and Arthit sadly shakes his head. “Then, do you want to bail? And come back for the later showing?”
Arthit raises his head fully and looks at Kongpob who is giving him a small smile.
“Can we do that?”
“We can.”
“Can we still eat the popcorn? And get more later?”
“We can do that too.”
Arthit takes a deep breath, he’s never walked out of a movie once seated, too aware that people will see him. In fact once, he had almost wet himself waiting for the end credits because he didn’t want to leave.
“But we’ll draw attention..”
“It’s okay. I’ll be right there beside you.”
“Holding my hand.”
“Yes, if you’d like.”
“I’d like,” he whispers.
“Okay, then. Now before it starts properly, we don’t want any spoilers.”
“Okay.”
They stand together, each clutching their popcorn, but abandoning their drinks in favour of holding hands.
“Where are you going?” Namtarn hisses.
“Where?” Kong repeats, he looks over atArthit again, “I’m going to treat Arthit to a nice dinner and then we’re going to come and see the film another time, when it’s a little less crowded and… noisy. We’re not taking the drinks, if you’d like them Jay.”
“Thanks,” Jay whispers.
“But you can’t leave, we were catching up!”
“No, Kongpob says firmly. “You were trying to make Arthit feel bad. I won’t let you do that.”
Arthit squeezes Kongpob’s hand tightly, a warm feeling in his stomach that he’s being stood up for. Then he takes a deep breath and leans round Kongpob to say, “Exactly as Kong said. Also, you’re going to talk through the whole film and ruin it. So we’re going to do more pleasant things.”
“What?” Nam says loudly, an edge of nastiness in her tone, “you’re going to make out with your boyfriend or something?”
Arthit feels fear clench his heart - she’s outed him but she doesn't know she's outed him. Sure, he agreed to pretend that Kong was his boyfriend for show, but he actually is gay, it’s a big part of his anxiety, sharing that with the world.
But he’s pissed off at her too, and today has been a day full of firsts, so he tugs Kongpob’s hand and says, “Yes, that’s exactly what we’re going to do. Enjoy your film, Jay.”
They leave with their heads held high, but as soon as they are outside, Arthit feels his knees begin to buckle, and Kongpob pulls him to a couch, hidden down one of the many corridors.
He sits Arthit down and quietly talks him through his breathing, and Arthit manages to calm down much more quickly than normal with someone kind and caring to help him through it.
When his breathing is back to a normal rate, he lifts his head and gives Kong a smile which he returns straight away.
“So, Arthit,” he says, “Want to go have a drink somewhere and eat this popcorn?”
Arthit’s smile widens and he feels brave enough to ask, “What you mean you don’t want to go make out?”
There’s a high blush on Kongpob’s cheeks when he looks back, “Well, we should probably take this relationship one step at a time, Arthit. Maybe kissing can come after we’ve gotten to know each other better?”
Arthit is taken aback, “But, I mean.. this was just for show, right?”
“Maybe,” Kongpob says, “But, there’s something about you Arthit. You make me feel something I’ve never felt before..”
“Oh! You mean that?” Arthit has to duck his head down as Kongpob nods furiously.
“Well, then, okay. Let’s go eat the popcorn.”
“No pressure, Arthit. I think we should take this slow.”
“Slow is good.” Arthit agrees and holds out his hand, “But, can we hold hands? I like it.”
“Yes.” And they do…
The end.