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It’s been three months since Arthit stumbled into Kongpob in the cinema. Three months since Kongpob rescued Arthit from Namtarn having a hissy fit and being rude to him.
Three months of cinema trips and coffee catch-ups (pink milk for Arthit), casual meet-ups in the park by Arthit’s dorm and weekly late night phone calls.
Three months of a type of torture that Arthit never thought he’d experience.
Three months of Kongpob being the most perfect gentleman and friend. Aware of Arthit’s anxiety issues, knowledgeable about how to support him through them, careful to always make sure Arthit is comfortable with everything they do.
And Arthit is grateful - so grateful! Kongpob is the first person outside of his closest group of university friends who has managed to take down his barriers and give him space to be himself.
But it’s slowly killing him. Because he doesn’t just want to be Kongpob’s friend - he wants to be more than Kongpob’s friend.
And he has no clue how to go about telling him.
Despite his extreme shyness and the near-constant anxiety that dogs his footsteps, Arthit is actually very interested in most things that other nineteen year olds are.
He loves movies and anime, video games and robotics, he isn’t a big drinker but he’s tried it, and he likes his university lectures and working with his close friends on group projects.
He wants to try everything that the others try. He wants to go on dates where he holds (Kongpob’s) hands, wants to know what it’s like to be hugged closely (by Kongpob), wants to try out kissing for the first time (with Kongpob).
He just doesn’t know how to initiate it.
They held hands three times the first time they met.. three more times than they’ve held hands the dozens of times they’ve met since.
Arthit is certain that Kongpob is waiting for him. For some kind of sign. But he isn’t sure how to show him he’s ready.
Despite how confident he was during that first meeting, Arthit knows that it was a lot to do with his anxiety about seeing Namtarn and Jay, and that since that time in the cinema, there hasn’t been a catalyst to encourage him to follow his instinct to hold Kongpob’s hand.
So he decides to fake one.
“Kongpob, can we meet at my dorm today? I have to go there after classes and it’s on your way to the park?”
Kong readily agrees and says he’ll wait in the lobby for him at 5 o’clock.
Arthit wants to ask him to come to his room instead of the lobby, but as he opens his mouth, fear floods his senses and he ends up mumbling something incoherent that Kong takes to mean yes.
5 o’clock comes, and passes, and Arthit forces himself to stay seated on his bed - around him the room is spotless and he’s even got a cupboard of snacks and drinks and there are noodles and rice waiting on the side along with a stir fry dish.
He just has to work up the courage to invite Kongpob up.
At quarter past five his phone rings and he ignores it.
It rings again at twenty past.
He wonders if Kongpob will give up if he continues to ignore his calls. Or, if he’ll get curious.
Artht thinks it will be the second option, but he’s not certain.
However, the knock on his door five minutes later shows that his first instinct was right. Kongpob is here.
His heart thuds and on shaky legs he heads for his door, a poster of Kurt Cobain tacked up messily on it, other band posters dotted around his room as well. It’s going to be the first time Kong sees his inner sanctum and he hopes it doesn’t disappoint.
Hopes that he doesn’t disappoint, if he finally gets what he’s been waiting for.
Kongpob has his hand raised to knock again as Arthit tugs it eagerly open.
“Oh, Arthit! I thought something must be wrong or you got held up, you didn’t answer your phone?”
Arthit nods, remembering the story he has come up with to explain this, “I was in the bathroom. I didn’t hear it.”
He manages to say both sentences without blushing, but he doesn’t manage to look at Kongpob while he speaks.
“Oh, no problem, I just thought you weren’t home yet, shall I wait downstairs while you get ready?”
This is it. Time for Arthit to invite Kong in.
He freezes, heartbeat quickening and a burst of adrenaline rushing into his limbs to prepare him for flight or fight.
‘Arthit?” Kongpob whispers gently, holding his hands out palms up. “Want me to go? Or..”
“Or..” Arthit repeats, still looking at the ragged hole he’s worn in one of his favourite socks.
“Okay,” Kongpob says, still calmly, still quietly. “Then.. can I come inside?”
Arthit bobs his head fiercely and finally manages to lift it to see Kongpob smiling gently, hands still stretched out in front of him.
Taking a chance, Arthit reaches up and tugs Kong inside. Then he doesn’t let go of Kong’s fingers until they are seated side-by-side on his bed.
Other than their connected hands, they aren’t touching, but it’s more than Arthit expected from the evening and he feels like he’s glowing with pride and happiness. Of course, he feels a little awkward and shuffles nervously as he lets Kong’s warm hand go.
“So,” Kong says after a beat and breaks the comfortable silence that has settled between them, “This is your room?”
He makes a point of looking around and giving Arthit a chance to calm his feelings.
“Umm, yes. Is it.. okay?”
Kong twists back to face him, eyes alight with pleasure, “It’s ace! I think it teaches me lots about you.”
Arthit feels his face heat up, “Like what?”
“Well.. you like robots,” Kongpob points to the ones displayed on his shelves in the corner, “which I already knew, I suppose, and there are some bands I didn’t know you listened to. And I’m guessing the guys in the pictures are your close friends?”
Arthit smiles, happy to see Kongpob smiling at finally seeing parts of him he hasn’t been hiding but that haven’t come up naturally in conversation. He nods and Kongpob grins, showing his teeth.
“And.. I’m seeing some pretty tasty looking food over there.. that wouldn’t be for our dinner would it?”
Arthit tucks his chin to his chest, eyes wandering to the bags of food he had been out specially to get, “Oh, errr, yes. I thought maybe.. canweeathere?”
“Sorry, I didn’t quite catch that?”
“Can we eat here?”
“Of course, that sounds like a great plan. Maybe you can reheat the food and I’ll just go and use your bathroom, if that’s okay?”
Arthit quickly praises himself for having had the foresight to pick up his wet towel and for hiding his toothpaste and shampoo and shower gel in his cabinet. Not that those things were embarrassing necessarily, but it would be weird to think of Kongpob looking at things he used intimately.
He nods and Kongpob gives him another gentle grin and then reaches out with one long finger to lightly stroke the back of Arthit’s hand.
“Thank you for inviting me up.”
“Oh! I.. I don’t think.. I mean, I didn’t.” Arthit fumbles with his words as he wonders what Kongpob’s thinking.
“You did. Just.. in your own way. And I like it. Thank you for wanting me to be in your personal space. I’m glad to be here.”
Then he stands and heads for Arthit’s tiny bathroom and Arthit ducks his head into the crook of his arm and tries to fight the blush on his cheeks again. He’s not anxious about Kong saying those things or being in his room, but now he is wondering how on earth he is going to try and kiss the other man when he gets so flustered by his sweet words alone.
Once the bathroom door closes with a soft snicker, Arthit jumps to his feet and paces back and forth quickly three times before he heads to his mirror to check out the damage.
His milky white skin is flushed, but it’s not too bad. It hasn’t spread to his ears for once.
He supposes that if he does manage to initiate any kind of kiss, then his ears will be blazing hot by then end of it.
But he’ll deal with that when it happens.
For now, he gives himself a serious and silent talking-to, glaring in the mirror at his reflection as he reminds himself that he wants to do this. That he’s desperate for something more with this man.
And that he’s chosen tonight for a reason.
It’s a Friday and neither of them have lectures tomorrow, so they could stay up late watching a movie or.. something.. and it would be fine. Also, most people on his floor will be out drinking, so no one will have any concerns that Arthit has a strange man in his room. No one will be spreading gossip about him later on. Which will help him to manage his feelings about having Kongpob here.
Yes! He stares into his own eyes and reminds himself sternly, you like this guy. You want him to be something more than just a friend and he’s a nice guy. If this all goes disastrously wrong, he isn’t going to be teasing you or hurting your feelings about it.
Kongpob is one of your safe people. He’s the nicest guy you’ve ever met.
And the only guy you’ve ever lusted after.
So come on, he tells himself, you’re ready for this. Just try!
After giving himself his little pep talk, he hears his toilet flush and the sink start to gush out water, so he quickly dashes to his kitchen area and plates the food and starts to heat it, a bowl at a time.
He’s so busy he doesn’t hear Kongpob exit the bathroom and jumps at the sound of his voice nearby.
“Shall I put out cutlery?”
“Oh! Umm, yes please. It’s over there.”
When they are seated, Arthit shuffles his chair into the table and lets his knees knock against Kong’s.
He’s pleased when the only acknowledgement is Kongpob inching his chair in so that their legs press more firmly against each other.
His little smile doesn’t go unnoticed either and Arthit finds his own lips quirking in response.
They eat slowly, Kongpob chatting about a new film he’s excited about and Arthit telling him about his newest robotics kit that is coming in the mail next week and his plans for customising it.
It’s a gentle and relaxed meal and Arthit feels completely at ease with Kongpob, even if they are in his room together for the first time.
He’s almost forgotten his resolve to kiss Kong by the time they are seated side by side on the end of his bed discussing which movie to watch. It just feels like any other ‘date’ they’ve had before.
Except, having already planned this, Arthit holds up his DVD copy of the first film they had ever watched together and enjoys the way Kong grins at him, eyes sparkling.
Once the DVD is in, Arthit brings the snacks and drinks he has specially chosen, recalling their conversation about 7/11 convenience food and which ones were their favourites - he’s chosen several of the ones Kong had mentioned and is happy when his friend acknowledges it.
But then, there’s an awkward moment when Arthit sits on his bed, back against the headboard and Kongpob stands and looks between the space beside Arthit and his desk chair.
It’s a silent question and Arthit wants to tell him to please sit with him, but for a minute he loses his confidence. Kong nods his head and heads for the desk chair, but as he does, something awakens in Arthit and he pats the bed beside him and whispers, “Please.”
Kong’s eyes widen and he asks another silent question and Arthit nods his head. Then Kongpob takes three quick steps as though scared one of them might lose their nerve, and plops beside him, several inches of empty bed between them.
It’s not quite what Arthit had in mind, but it will do… for now.
They start the film, occasionally reaching for a snack or whispering to one another. In a cinema, it is an absolute no-no for Arthit, but when he’s on a second watch and away from the crowds, he's okay with some chatting. And today, he really wants to hear Kongpob talk. He doesn’t want to sit in silence in case his thoughts take over his head and he convinces himself that Kongpob isn’t actually interested and that none of their get together were really dates and…
Arthit focuses on the film and Kongpob and calms himself down with slow even breaths.
Eventually, they reach the scene Arthit has been waiting for. Yes, he’s had to plan this out carefully or else he wouldn’t be able to do it and he really wants to, so badly.
The two characters are talking about their feelings, even as a giant asteroid is headed for their spaceship. It’s a heartfelt scene and both of them had enjoyed it when they saw the film together and had discussed the scene in detail afterwards.
“Umm, Kong?” He looks over and sees that Kongpob has already turned his head to face him.
“Yes, Arthit?” He lifts one perfect eyebrow, smiling gently.
Arthit feels his coiled muscles relax inch by inch. This is his friend who makes him feel comfortable. His friend who started their unusual acquaintance by caring for him and making sure he felt safe. The guy who he has spent three months getting to know enough that he feels like he’s known him for most of his life.
The guy he doesn’t want to be just his friend.
“Remember when we talked about this scene before? And you said that you thought that it was wonderful how Marie told Byron she loved him, because you think that if someone really liked someone else, they should show it, even if they were in a life threatening situation and neither one was likely to survive it?” Beside him, Kong nods seriously,” Because you think that it’s a wonderful thing to have someone tell you that they like you?”
Kongpob nods again, “I do remember.”
“And you remember how I said that I would be far too shy to ever tell someone that I liked them, so I would end up being like Robin in the engine room gets blown up without ever confessing to the captain?”
“I can remember that too, yes?” Kong raises his other eyebrow, silently challenging Arthit.
“Well.. I decided to change my mind.”
Kongpob tilts one side of his mouth and Arthit feels a rush of adrenaline start to sneak into his limbs. His skin is tingling and he’s starting to sweat a little. But he’s determined that he’s not going to give up this chance, so he pushes on.
“I really don’t want to be Robin.” He makes himself look up and into Kongpob’s warm eyes, “I want to be Marie. And I want to tell Byron.. no, I want to tell Kongpob, tell you, that I .. like him… err, you.”
It’s awkward as he stumbles through his little speech which has gone quite a ways off the script he had planned.
But, he also feels pride fill his heart. Pride that he’s finally done it. Finally spoken of his feelings.
Kongpob doesn’t move and then Arthit starts to feel the waves of adrenaline crash through him in the worst way and his fight or flight instinct kicks in and he wants to get up and run away.
Has he got this wrong? Isn’t Kongpob interested?
His ears are heating up and his heart is thudding painfully as he waits.
When he’s just about to get up from his bed, has already put his hands down under his legs to push himself up and away, Kongpob’s hand shoots out and gently strokes his.
“Can I hold your hand, please?” Kongpob sounds like he’s restraining himself from displaying his emotions and Arthit is confused.
Is he happy that Arthit has confessed? Or distraught that someone he thinks of as a friend, has told him he has romantic feelings for him?
Whatever it is, Arthit started this and he knows he needs to let Kongpob have his moment to react. It’s only fair.
So he forces his chin up and down and breathes out to stop a tear from creeping onto his eyelash, as Kongpob laces their fingers together, like he did three long months ago at the cinema in front of Namtarn.
His hands are still cool, and his fingers are still longer than Arthit’s. And Arthit’s fingers still slot perfectly between them. And it still sends a tingle down his spine even as he’s silently freaking out.
“Arthit, do you think you can look at me?” Kong’s voice is gentle and full of admiration. “I would really love to say this to your face if possible. But if you can’t, that’s okay too. I will understand.”
It takes Arthit a moment, but just as Kongpob sucks in a breath to speak, he raises his head and turns so he can see Kongpob’s handsome face. He feels Kong squeeze his fingers and he squeezes gently back.
Kongpob pauses in whatever he had been about to say and just breathes steadily for several long beats as he looks at Arthit, then gives him a tiny grin.
“Thank you, Arthit. I’m really pleased you felt comfortable to say something to me. I’ve.. well, I’ve kind of been waiting for you if I’m honest.”
Arthit feels himself nodding along, aware that his earlier thoughts were correct - Kongpob was respecting his space. It’s a nice feeling to know that he was right. And it becomes an even more pleasant feeling as Kongpob continues to speak.
“I hope that you understand me a little at least, Arthit. I wanted to make sure you felt really comfortable with me before we talked about how we feel.. I didn’t want to overwhelm you or push you for something you weren’t ready for.” He squeezes Arthit’s hand again and Arthit grips it back which makes Kong’s grin widen.
“The thing is - and I don’t want you to think that anything needs to be done with this information, though if you do want to.. oh, I’m getting ahead of myself!” He offers Arthit an apologetic smile and then continues, “It’s just that.. I like you too Arthit. I like you like Tony Stark likes Pepper Pots, and how Superman likes Lois Lane, and how Midnighter loves Apollo.. oh!”
Arthit can’t help but smile as Kongpob blushes and ducks his head as he says the ‘L’ word.
“You were right,” Arthit whispers into the space between them, “It is a wonderful thing to hear that someone likes you!”
Kongpob lifts his chin and gives Arthit a soft look that makes him feel like his insides have rearranged themselves.
“I like you, Arthit. I really like you.”
“I like you too.” For the first time, Arthit doesn’t look away. It’s hard, but he makes himself look at Kongpob, really look.
Arthit looks so hard, he sees the way Kong’s tongue darts out to wet his lips, the way his eyes narrow as they continue to share a lingering look.
Suddenly, Arthit feels like he’s floating. Like all of his worries have lifted and he’s lighter than he’s ever been.
This is his moment. This is the right moment.
He needs to ask him now.
“Kongpob?”
“Hmmm?”
“Can I kiss your lips?”
Kong’s eyes widen and then he nods slowly, “Yes please.”
“Oh!” It’s like fireworks go off in Arthit’s chest, the feeling of elation at being brave enough to ask the guy he likes to kiss him.
But then they dampen down as he realises that he doesn’t have a clue what he’s doing.
It’s clear that Kongpob recognises the signs, hand tightening on Arthit’s as he gently pulls him closer into the gap between them.
“It’s okay, Arthit. It’s easy, I promise. Two actions - one, you lean in and two you put your lips against mine. That’s as far as it needs to go, and I’ll do it too. I really want to do it too. Okay?”
Arthit feels himself nod, but it’s almost like he’s outside his body watching himself lean in.
But he snaps back as their lips press together. It’s a feeling like no other. And it’s good. Really good.
It’s so good in fact, that as Kongpob pulls away, Arthit chases him, pushing back against his mouth.
When a warm hand cups his jaw, he nuzzles into it and a moan escapes him. He almost pulls back then, but Kongpob mumbles, “It’s okay, it’s good,” against his lips and he just… doesn’t.
When Kongpob tilts his head and massages his lips gently with his own, he copies him and tingles run through him at the contact.
Then he gets really brave and slides one of his own hands up and over to rest on Kong’s shoulder.
The owner of the shoulder lifts his free hand and drags him a little closer, “Arthit?” He mumbles against his mouth, “Do you want to stop or..?”
Arthit considers his actions tonight. He’s finally been brave enough to follow his feelings. He doesn’t really want to stop now.
“Or..” he whispers and Kongpob pulls back so they are properly looking into each other’s eyes.
“I’m going to kiss you now.” He says.
“I thought we were kissing?”
“I’m really going to kiss you now. Is that okay?”
“Yes please!”