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Death doesn’t discriminate
Oikawa smiled as he entered the shared apartment. He wasn’t sure if his boyfriends were home or not, but he knew that he had to put up a facade in case they were.
Between the sinners and the saints
Oikawa called out in the apartment. Receiving no answer, he sighed, his shoulders sagging in relief. That’s good. That means he has some time to get all sad out of his system before his boyfriends see.
It takes and it takes and it takes
Oikawa had tears in his eyes as he remembered how practice went once more. His team had a practice match against Ushijima, and they lost. Ushijima had become very vocal since Oikawa had last seen him, not to mention he also grew an attitude similar to Suguru Daishou. Very foul. But, Ushijima didn’t focus on the whole team, no, he focused on Oikawa. Ushijima seemed to push every single one of Oikawa’s buttons today. The match was all aggression. It was what Ushijima said after the match that made Oikawa all torn up.
Ushijima looked at Oikawa with a smirk on his face. “You’ll never be as good as me. In fact, you’ve gotten worse. Or maybe, I’ve just gotten better. Better than you will ever hope to be.”
But we keep living anyway
Oikawa quickly changed into Iwaizumi’s big grey sweatpants that just barely stayed on his hips as he walked. He also grabbed one of Mastukawa’s favorite shirts and Hanamaki’s green hoodie, along with his favorite fluffy alien socks. He walked back to the couch with a big fluffy blanket and curled up there.
We rise and we fall and we break
And we make our mistakes
Oikawa went to Netflix and turned on some random show before going on his phone, mindlessly scrolling through social media. He really didn’t want to think about anything right now, and if he was being honest with himself, he really just wanted to sleep it off. Actually, he considered, he would. With that thought, Oikawa sat his phone down on the coffee table and laid down on the couch, watching the Office, which was what he mindlessly picked to watch apparently.
And if there’s a reason that I’m still alive
When everyone who has loved me has died,
I’m willing to wait for it
I’m willing to wait for it
As Oikawa started to slip into unconsciousness, his last thoughts were about how he knew that this wouldn’t last forever. His volleyball career, mainly. He loved volleyball. Other than his boyfriends, Oikawa’s life was volleyball. It was everything to him. Well, second to his boyfriends. But he met his boyfriends through volleyball, which made it that much more important to him. Even though none of his boyfriends played volleyball anymore, they still enjoyed the sport.
“ Wait for it. Wait for it. All you have to do is wait for it. Just wait for it .” Oikawa whispered to himself. There was no stopping time, like he wished he could. There was no stopping Ushijima, who was seemingly better than him.
Oikawa sat back up, looking a bit sad. He got up and grabbed his journal and a pen from the desk in the bedroom, heading back to the couch. He aggressively started writing in the journal.
“I am the one thing in life I can control.
I am inimitable I am an original.
I’m not falling behind or running late.
I am not standing still,
I am lying in wait.”
Oikawa felt his eyes tear up from the anger. There was nothing he could do except prove everyone wrong. He knew how strong he was, he knew how successful he was. One practice match lost should mean nothing. There were still games against Ushijima that he had a newfound determination to win. And he will win.
The pages in the notebook were almost ripping; he was writing so hard.
“ Hamilton (ushijima) faces an endless uphill climb.
He has something to prove, he has nothing to lose.”
Unlike Ushijima, who was alone and only did things for himself, Oikawa has a family. He has his three boyfriends, he has his supportive parents, he has those people in his life. If he went and abandoned them, just for his own desires, he would never forgive himself. Oikawa doesn’t even do much extra practice anymore; he doesn’t want to upset anyone, and he also knows it’s better for him as a player.
Oikawa has learned in the past few years, that taking care of himself will not only please others, but make his dream more possible. His knee still aches every now and then, but he takes care of it.
“Hamilton’s pace is relentless, he wastes no time.”
But Oikawa can’t help but think…
“What is it like in his shoes?
Hamilton doesn’t hesitate.
He exhibits no restraints,
He takes and he takes and he takes
And he keeps winning anyway.
He changes the game
He plays and he raises the stakes
And if there’s a reason why he seems to thrive
When so few survive,
Then god damnit,
I’m willing to wait for it
Oikawa closed his journal, feeling relieved and sated. He was glad he could get all that out. As Oikawa was about to get up, the door opened, chatter and shoes being heard from the doorway.
“I’m telling you Makki, they are gay! Have you seen them interact?”
“And I’m telling you that they aren’t. They both have huge egos, huge fanbases, and really fancy dresses. They are straight. Or at least not gay.”
Oikawa snickered. He could practically hear Mattsun’s eyes roll. Oikawa bounded over to where his boyfriends were walking through the door. “Hey guys.” He said, giving them a soft smile.
Immediately, they all frowned, worry crossing their eyes. “You ok, Tooru?” Makki asked. Oikawa rolled his eyes, but went to hug them all. “I’m fine. It’s been a tiring day and I missed you all.” All his boyfriends perked up at that, smiling delightfully.
Iwaizumi pecked Oikawa’s cheek before moving to the kitchen. “What do you guys want for dinner tonight?” He asked, opening the fridge. Mattsun headed to the kitchen, helping Iwaizimu decide. “Stir fry sounds good. And easy. What do you guys say? Oikawa, Makki?” Both boys sent a thumbs up and a “sounds good”.
Iwaizumi and Mattsun went to work on the stir fry, occasionally listening in on their other boyfriends conversation. They paid extreme attention when Makki asked Oikawa if he was ok again. They could hear Oikawa sigh.
“Yes, Takahiro. I’m fine. We had a practice match against Ushijima today and we lost. I was feeling down when I got home and was going to sleep it off when I remember that Dr. Haru (i just thought of a name idk what this is) said to write it in my journal, so that’s what I did. And I felt much better afterwards.”
Oikawa couldn’t see it, but all his boyfriends smiled at that. Makki placed a kiss on Oikawa’s head. “That’s awesome Tooru. I’m glad you did that and not bottle it up.” Oikawa rolled his eyes again, but smiled nonetheless.
Dinner was done and Iwaizumi and Mattsun plated the stir fry and brought it to the living room. Oikawa smiled up at them. “Thanks for the food.” Both boys nodded and smiled in return. They all fit themselves on the couch, turned on some random K-drama, and talked about their days over dinner.
Overall, it was a good day.