Work Text:
You know those people. They bottle up their feelings inside and never let them out. The pressure of emotions keep growing and growing while they are tightly surrounded by a bubble that's keeping them from escaping. Over the time the pressure on the bubble grows so much that it eventually cracks and breaks and all those pent up emotions will crash through all at once. They just keep coming and coming without a stop.
These people could go ballistic over their pencil breaking or something not ordered the right way. Everything could be the last druppel that could snap the bubble.
For Marco was that last druppel Ace. He knew he hadn't meant anything by disrupting his peace. Marco had already been having a bad day. Everything just seemed to anger and annoy him. So he decided to lock himself in his room, before he could do any harm. There he was met with a huge pile of paper work that still needed to be completed, which angered him more.
So he had began sorting those out and getting everything ready. It was just he, him and himself. No one else to make his day worse, right? Yeah, no. He was out of ink. On his way to get more he had gotten pranked by Thatch and Haruta. Back in his room he noticed that his bed wasn't made. Great, another thing he has to do.
All these little things were flaring up anger. He had decided to not go out anymore that day, to skip dinner and just stay in his room. He needed to calm down, badly.
Ace. Sweet, caring Ace hadn't got the message. He came barging in his room, without knocking, disrupted his plans of being alone, was way to happy for Marco's liking and came bringing in food he didn't want to have.
That and along side the other thousand thing that happened on this ship in the last few week just flooded over him.
—————
Marco put a hand over his watery eyes as he sat in the corner. That had happened a few hours ago. The broken plate with food was still there, now on the ground and the food most likely cold. He noticed that it was his favorite. Ace had brought it specially for him to cheer him up, because he knew he was having a bad day.
Marco felt like an absolute asshole. The biggest douchbag on the entire crew. He was supposed to be the big brother. How could he have let this happen! His overflowing anger had been quickly replaced with unbearable guilt, but it was too late now. The words were already said and Ace was already long gone when he finally realized what he had done.
Marco punched the wall next to him so hard that he broke through the wood. He knew he needed to find Ace. Get over his pathetic self and fix this, but he felt like he couldn't. Ace would never forgive him for this. Hell, he himself would never forgive himself for this. Would Ace even want to see him right now?
Even if he found Ace, what would he even say? "I'm sorry?" He had attacked everything Ace was insecure about. What kind of screwed up big brother was he?
Would Ace rather talk about this to someone else? Did Ace want to calm down first?
Marco let out a sad laugh. Was he really delaying the problem so he wouldn't have to confront Ace? Yes, he was. He couldn’t believe that he was such a coward.
He needed someone to punch him to get his shit together, preferably Ace, but since no one was around he had to do it himself. He got himself out of his sad corner and walked out of his room. He knew he looked like a mess. He only had his pants and jacket on, his hair looked like shit and his eyes were probably still glossy from almost shedding a few tears. If someone were to see him right now he would be questioned about it and he couldn't have that. He didn't have time for that.
He needed to find Ace. He reached out with observation haki and traced Ace down. It wasn't that difficult. Ace had a particularly strong presence and he wasn't surrounded by any people. He was in one of his hiding spots in the lower part of the ship.
So Marco made his way there, avoiding every other presence and crew like the plague.
He felt so disgusted by himself. He could feel that there was something wrong with Ace's haki presence. Marco did that. It was his fault.
—————flashback begin—————
Marco slammed his hand down on his desk. "Ace, get out of my room-yoi." His voice was all but nice. He had hoped Ace got the message.
Leave him alone, he wasn't in a good mood.
No. He didn't. Ace threw his big happy smile at him and showed him the food. "Hey Marco! I didn't see you at dinner and I know you didn't feel well. So to get your strength back I brought you food! It's your fav-"
Marco felt his blood boil. He slammed the plate out of Ace's hand. The plate it was on shattered with a bang and the food fell all over the floor. Why was Ace still here?! "What part of get out of my room didn't you get? You aren't stupid-yoi. Fuck off Ace!
Ace's eyes widened in surprise. He had never seen Marco this angry. He recognized the look in Marco's eyes. He sometimes also had it. It was bottled up anger, ready to come out.
It was targeted at him.
Ace had his fits sometimes, especially when he was younger. Like all the anger he felt when Sabo died was directed at Luffy. Ace knew Marco needed to let those emotions out. It helped to vent. It had certainly helped him. Luffy had, regrettedly, always been the one at the receiving end of his anger.
Maybe he could be at Marco's?
That's the least he could do in return for the things Marco always did for him. He just needed to stay calm, stay smiling and not take anything Marco would say personally, because he didn't mean the things he said in anger. So Marco mustn't mean them either.
"Oh, I'll clean this up and I can always get some more when you are hungry. You want to talk about it? I can listen."
The restraints holding Marco's emotions desperately together snapped. Ace was still here. He wanted to listen? He would listen. "Did those last two braincells of yours stop working-yoi!? Your are stupid, aren't you? I don't want you here! The only things you do is making things worse. I have so many better things to do than spend time with an attention seeker like you-yoi! That you are able to clown around almost all day, sleeping and joking wherever and whenever you want, doesn't mean I can. I have actual work to do."
Ace opened his mouth, trying to come in between Marco's rant. Hoping to calm him down.
"You better shut your worthless mouth-yoi. I didn't ask for your opinion. How about you stop bothering me and go be fucking mister accident prone somewhere else! I don't need a repeat of the sails incident-yoi. I can't believe you thought I would have time for you! Guess me learning you things like basic math and reading hasn't made you smarter."
Those words hurt a lot more than Ace could have anticipated. Marco was using his personal information that he had confided in Marco. Marco was straight up attacking his insecurities with no remorse.
He reminded himself that Marco didn't mean it. This was just Marco venting. He wasn’t in control. It wasn't true. "Marc-"
"I don't want to hear one of your stupid excuses-yoi. Maybe it would have been better if Oyaji hadn't picked you up. I would have cause me to have much less work, but no. I don't know what Oyaji saw in you but it was clearly a mistake if you can't fucking listen. How about you go back to your so called other father-yoi?!"
Marco grabbed him by the shoulder and, almost literally, threw him out of his room, before slamming the door in his face.
Oh
...Oh
Silent tears ran down his face. He hadn't even noticed them before. Had they been there while Marco had been yelling at him? Why was he crying? He knew Marco's words were going to be mean. He had been prepared for this.
Why? Than why did it hurt so much to hear them?
Marco hadn't mean it. Right? He considered knocking on the door to come and apologize, but decided against it. He couldn't while looking like this and it seemed like he did make it worse, just like Marco said he always did.
His words were biting his heart and mind.
No. He wasn't stupid. He couldn't control his narcolepsy. He isn't worthless. He isn't accident prone. Oyaji didn't regret having him as his son. Marco did want him here.
He wasn't stupid. He couldn't control his narcolepsy. He isn't worthless. He isn't accident prone. Oyaji didn't regret having him as his son. Marco did want him here.
He kept repeating it over and over again as he slowly walked away. He tried so hard to convince himself that it was like that. But somewhere along the way it changed.
He was stupid. He could have controlled his narcolepsy better. He is worthless. He is accident prone. Oyaji did regret having him as his son. Marco didn't want him here.
Marco did want him dead, join his bastard father in hell. Get the same fate, because he deserved it. It would have been better if he hadn't been born. If Marco thought so, did that mean that the rest of his family also thought that?
It became harder to breathe. He felt like he was hyperventilating. He probably was. Was this a panicking attack?
He needed to calm down. Calm down. Think about Luffy. But instead of those happy memories, the bad ones came up. So many flashed through his brain, proving and supporting all of Marco's points.
Him accidentally ruining Izo's favorite kimono. Him accidentally ruining he maps in navigation. Him accidentally setting fire to the mast or sails. Him not knowing how to read or write. Him not knowing what a cheese slicer was. Him falling asleep in important meetings and him failing missions he should have been doing with ease.
Ace didn't remember in which part of the ship he was anymore. He couldn't breathe. He needed to find somewhere safe. Somewhere alone. No need to bother anyone. He couldn't blame Marco for pointing out facts, even if they were mean.
He found a door. Ace opened it and stumbled inside, before tumbling to the ground. His eyes quickly darted around, trying to see if anyone was there. Lucky for him there was no one. He slowly crawled to the nearest corner and sat against it. He made himself as small as possible as he clawed at his chest, trying to get more air in.
He felt like he was six years old again. The first time he had asked his question about Roger's son.
Everyone around him was laughing at him.
"It would be real bad if he had one!"
Everyone around him hated him.
"A child of that monster deserves to be beheaded."
His chest hurt so much, but it wasn't bleeding.
"No! How about we stick a needle in him for every person who has a grudge against Roger!"
His ears were ringing.
"How about we burn him half to death first?"
He felt so incredibly alone.
"Everyone would say 'SERVES YOU RIGHT!"
Why couldn't he breathe?
"His last would should be something like this 'I'm sorry I was born. I'm just a piece of garbage!'"
It hurts. Please stop.
—————
Marco slowly made his way down the hall to Ace's haki presence. He felt so lost. He didn't know what to do. He always knew everything for others, but the one time he needed it for himself it left him.
He had no idea of how he going to make it up to Ace. He hated it. It was his mess. He should be able to fix it.
Stupid, stupid, stupid.
He finally reached the room Ace was in after what felt like an eternity. The door was closed. Should he knock? Would Ace want to see him? What would he say? What to do?
Marco didn't know how long he stood there like an idiot before he realized he was unconsciously stalling for time.
No. No more.
He gently knocked on the door. "Ace-yoi? It's me, Marco. Can I come in? It's fine if you don't want to see me-yoi."
Marco waited for a response that didn't come. Was Ace giving him the silent treatment? "Ace? I know you don't want to see me, but I need to know if you are okay-yoi. Just one words and you can ignore me again...Please." Nothing. "Maybe I can get someone for you? Is there anything you want?"
No answer. "That's fine. I'll be here outside-yoi. If you want or needs anything, just say the word." Marco dropped to the ground with his back against the door. He deserved the cold shoulder for being an asshole. He gladly would have accepted an additional punch to the face or Ace screaming at him. He would wait for eternity here if it meant Ace's forgiveness.
He sat there for a few minutes, before he heard it. It was Ace gasping for air. Marco focused his ears more. Ace's breath was ragged and uneven. It was almost as if...FUCK!
Marco opened the door as fast as he could. Ace was having a panic attack. Marco was panicking. What to do? What to do?
Marco approached Ace slowly so he wouldn't startle Ace if he were to notice him. He had to swallow hard. Would his presence make it worse?
Ace looked so venerable, curled up in a corner, eyes staring into nothingness as he kept whispering apologies. "Ace-yoi?" Marco called out.
He wanted to see if Ace would react to his voice. He didn't. He lightly touched Ace's arm which cause Ace to jerk away from him. But it did help getting Ace's attention. He layer his hand softly on Ace's hand, making sure Ace could follow every move.
"Ace, I need you to breath with me. Breath in.........breath out.........breath in.........breath out-yoi." Ace tried to follow his breathing. "That's it. You're doing great. I'm proud of you."
Ace's breath sped up again as he once again jerked away from Marco's touch. "Lies! Lair! You're just like them!" Ace screamed, before starting to apologize again.
“Ace. I’m sorry. I-I’m so incredibly sorry-yoi. I swear on Oyaji’s mark that I didn’t mean what I said. I know don’t deserve your forgiveness, but please let me help you-yoi.” His voice broke somewhere, but couldn’t find it in himself to care.
Marco didn’t know when he started crying. Ace was crying, he was crying. It was all a big mess. A mess that Marco was determined to clean up.
He sat down next to Ace and cradled the him gently in his arms. “I’m sorry-yoi. I’m so sorry.” Marco kept whispering apologies, compliments and assurances. He felt Ace’s hand grip his purple jacket as he pressed his head into his shoulder.
Marco didn’t know how long they sat there like that. It could have been hours. He didn’t know. Somewhere in his mind he could remember Ace going limp. He had fallen asleep from exhaustion. Marco didn’t blame him. He didn’t dare move. He didn’t want to accidentally wake Ace.
Only an uncertain amount of time later he had the courage to move the boy. He carefully picked Ace up and walked to the second division commanders room, laying Ace in bed. He pushed back a few black strands of hair, before stepping away.
He would fix this. It might take a lot of time, but he would no matter what. He would earn back Ace’s trust and his big brother position. That was a promise.