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There were a pair of glowing red eyes staring at him, unblinkingly. They seemed to pierce his chest and look right through him.
He tried to run from them but the air was like glue and he could only move in slow motion.
They came closer and closer dulling out until they became spots of blood on Castiel's trench coat as he lay on the ground, bloodied, beaten and somehow Dean knew - dead.
Dean tried desperately to call out but his voice was raspy and weak. He tried again and again until he yelled out loud enough to wake himself up.
Sitting bolt upright in bed he shivered from the cold sweat that lay heavy on his skin.
He tossed and turned trying to shake the memory but after so many nights of the same nightmare, it was impossible. The red eyes were burned into the backs of his eyelids and he saw Cas’s broken form every time he closed his eyes.
He was restless for hours, grabbing the covers then throwing them away until he fell into a sort of half doze where he was vaguely aware of the surroundings and would certainly wake up at the first noise but was just as close to slipping into painful dreams.
Morning came both too soon and not soon enough.
Dragging his feet and rubbing his eyes he stumbles into the kitchen hands reaching for the pot of coffee he knew Sam would have brewed.
Sipping it thoughtfully he checked his Phone for any updates from Cas.
It had been two days since the last text from Cas, saying that he had managed to drop the angels from his tail and might manage to make it back.
That said Dean didn’t want to get his hopes up again. The last time he said he was coming home Dean had waited for days in vain and even if Cas did make it back he would probably only be able to stay for a few hours before having to dash off again, doing his best not to bring all of heaven down on the bunker..
He considered texting Cas but Sam was coming in after another one of his ridiculous early morning jogs. Checking the fridge he realized it was almost bare so Dean busied himself making them a rudimentary breakfast from the provisions they still had.
They had been busy with a hunt all week and had only consumed stale nachos and beer so were in dire need of a supply run.
As Dean made an omelette for them - one of the things he had learnt to cook while in the bunker, he hummed along to the music playing on the radio but was so tired he barely noticed what was playing.
The sizzling smell of the omelette was oddly comforting. It was homey and calmed him in a way nothing had for a long time.
Sam walked in rubbing his hair off from a shower although how he had had time for a decent shower was a mystery to Dean.
“Ready for an omelette Sammy?” He attempted to sound more alive than he was feeling but his brother wasn’t fooled. He could see the bags under Dean's eyes and his hand clutching the coffee cup like it was the last one on earth.
He also new that Dean had been having frequent nightmares, having been woken up by Deans shouts several times.
The first time he heard Dean yell for Cas he had rushed in and woke Dean up but Dean had growled at him and sternly told Sam to leave him alone so he hadn’t dared mention it since.
Ignoring Sam's concerned look Dean sat at the kitchen table and dumped ketchup - the one condiment they had remaining - onto his omelette.
“Are you really going to do that in front of me? Isn’t there anything else you can put on it?
“I’ll pop out for supplies later ok? Dean needed some fresh air and it was an excuse to stock up on beer.
Putting all the dishes in the sink for Sam to do later he headed to the garage, Sam watched him wondering if it was safe for him to drive in that condition but then again Dean hadn’t crashed all the times he had been drunk off his ass so who was he to judge Dean's driving capabilities.
A few minutes after the thrum of the impala's engine had faded from the air Sam was surprised to see Castiel appear in the Library in front of him with his hair ruffled and his tie squint.
“Sam,” he inclined his head in greeting.”Do you know where Dean is?” Cas looked slightly tired but Sam was just glad to see him after weeks of near radio silence.
“He’s out shopping right now but he’ll be back in half an hour or so.” The relief was evident on Castiel's face.
“That’s good” He replied gruffly “Is it ok if I sit here with you while you wait for him?”
“Yeah Cas of course it is. We have books if you want to read.” Sam assumed that Cas knew that already but you could never tell with him.
But Cas had something else on his mind, “Actually I wanted to ask you something…about Dean” Sam was slightly mystified at that.
“Sure Cas, what is it?” Cas was avoiding Sam's eyes and was shifting restlessly in his seat.
“Sam.” He faltered, “as you know Dean and I share a profound bond. This means I sometimes hear Dean's prayers even when he is not aware of them himself, when he’s dreaming for instance.”
Sam was still confused about what exactly Cas was getting at but he was beginning to piece it together.
Cas seemed reluctant to actually ask his question and his cheeks were tinged with a pink blush.
“I was just wondering if you knew how Dean felt about us-, about me”
Castiel's throat was unnaturally dry and there was blood rushing in his ears. It was a peculiar feeling for him, one he had certainly never felt before and he doubted if any of his brethren had either.
“Cas, you're his best friend, you know that. He loves you like family.”
Cas’ face held a pained expression,”like family” he echoed sadly and Sam felt like he was intruding on something not meant for him.
In an instant he realised what Cas had been asking, mentally cursing himself for not seeing it sooner.
“Cas?” He asked gently. “How do you feel about Dean?” Sam honestly wasn’t expecting an answer but he looked up at Sam, his eyes wide and sorrowful.
“I don’t know, I’ve never felt this emotion before. When I look at him he makes me so happy I just want to reach out and touch him but I get a strange feeling in my stomach like little buzzing honeybees.”
Sam chuckled, “Cas do you think that feeling might be love?”
There was an expression on his face that Sam couldn’t quite unravel. But before he could answer he sat bolt upright and whispered “Dean is coming. Don’t tell him about what I said,” and disappeared in an instant.
Sure enough the impala’s engine could be heard in the garage and a few minutes later Sam met him in the kitchen, Dean's arms full of grocery bags.
“Give me a hand with these Sammy.” Dean put the bags onto the table and started putting the groceries away seeming considerably more relaxed than before.
“I just talked to Cas,” said Sam, picking his words carefully.
He hadn’t expected Dean to whip round so quickly, “what did you talk about?”
“Oh nothing much”
Dean narrowed his eyes at him but let the matter rest.
For the rest of the day they did research and looked for cases and Dean cooked burgers for dinner with the ingredients he had bought.
Sam declared he wanted an early night while Dean tried to put off going to bed for as long as possible.
Once he was in bed it took at least another hour for him to fall asleep and once he was asleep the nightmares started again.
Suddenly he was running, running as fast as he could but not fast enough. Not gonna get there in time,can’t save him.
Tripping over thin air he sprawled on the ground.
Lying in the darkness it was absolute silence except for a steady drip,drip,drip.
He reached up to his face dabbing his fingers on the moisture but when he pulled them away there was red blood dribbling down them.
But there was a light. He squinted at it but It was shining too bright, like an avenging angel.
‘Cas’ he breathed in the dream. Reaching out but couldn’t grab it. It’s too far. Clasping thin air until his hand hit something solid startling him awake.
Dean's heart was racing, there was a blurry figure kneeling next to his bed. Blinking rapidly his eyes cleared and he saw a familiar trench coat underneath a worried face.
“Cas” He groaned.
“Dean?” Cas tentatively touched his shoulder, his eyes wide with concern.
“Dean you’re shaking”
Deans breathing was rapidly getting quicker. He gave a strangled gasp and reached out for Castiel's arm.
In that moment Cas felt Deans mind reaching out for him like a prayer but stronger.
His soul was searching for something solid to cling onto.
There was a tug on his sleeve and for a moment he thought Dean was speaking to him before he realised it was a prayer.
The voice in Cas’ head was quiet but so genuine it made Cas’s heart melt.
“Come closer please” Another tug on his sleeve. “I’m scared, I need you.”
“Are you sure?” Dean nodded and shakily moved over in the bed.
Trying to disturb it as little as possible Cas sat on the edge of the bed his hand still on Deans shoulder, almost exactly on top of the handprint he had left on Dean's arm all those years ago.
“Take off the damn trench coat” Dean smirked slightly before closing his eyes.
Shrugging it off he quickly took his shoes off. Slipping under the covers he helped Dean get his sweat-stained shirt off. Underneath his chest was slick with sweat and he was still trembling.
Dean rolled over to face Cas, his emerald green eyes centimetres away from Cas’. Dean closed the distance resting his heated forehead on Cas’ cool one.
Cas dragged his fingers lightly up Dean's arm before cupping Dean's face and softly stroking his cheekbone with the lightness of a baby duck's downy feathers.
Cas moves his face up and gently pressed his lips to Dean's forehead.
A wash of warmth spread over Dean's body. It was like nothing he had felt before and he couldn’t place it before realising it was safety.
Dean rested his hand on Cas’s hip making it tingle pleasantly.
All their movements where slow and calculated each making sure the other was comfortable.
Trying to ease some of the tension out of his shoulders Cas tenderly rubber circles on Deans back feeling them relax after only a few minutes.
Surprising Cas, Dean reached over to the buttons of his shirt and started unbuttoning them slowly, giving Cas a chance to back out if he wanted however Cas had no intention of doing that and instead helped undo the buttons and work his arms out of the sleeves.
Dean pressed kisses to Cas’ shoulder, working his way up the collarbone and neck. Each kiss was delicate,precise and perfect.
When their lips met the kiss was filled with a quiet passion Dean had never before experienced.
Their lips fitted perfectly together and Dean wondered why he’d never tried it before.
Castiel could feel the waves of exhaustion washing of Dean and his eyelids dropping as they kissed.
Smiling to himself he let Deans head rest comfortably on his chest, his arm wrapped firmly around Cas.
For the rest of the night Dean lay in a peaceful dreamless sleep, something he hadn’t had for weeks and the whole time Cas gazes fondly down at him.
When Dean woke up his mussed up hair was perhaps the most adorable thing Cas had ever seen.
Dean rubbed his eyes staring up at Cas, a small smile turning up the corners of his mouth.
Up the hallway they heard the front door bang - Sam coming back from another run and Castiel half expected Dean to jump up and pretend nothing had happened. However Dean kept his eyes fixed in Cas’s face as he changed into fresh clothes and handed Cas his trench coat from where it lay discarded on the floor.
And when they went out into the kitchen their fingers were firmly intertwined.
Cas’s fingers rubbed Dean's hand comfortingly as they passed Sam making a smoothie.
He saw them out of the corner of his eye and the corners of his mouth twitched up.
“You two sleep well then?”