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You sigh and watch the newly appointed Firelord go about his business over the breakfast table. Despite, being Firelord for less than a month the man, your unofficial partner in crime, is sat sifting through a mountain of paper.
"Zuko" you say, his eyes immediately darting to greet yours "You should probably eat something before I find you collapsed from exhaustion" you tell him after noticing his still full plate pushed away from him in favour for the less delectable papers. The man sighs knowing you're right and takes a pathetic bite of his toast.
You cock a brow at the man clearly asking 'really?' he scowls at you in a more harsh way then he probably intended to but you can still understand that at least some of his scowl wasn't intended to offend you.
Living a monotonous life wasn't for you. Days would often slip into weeks, and before you even thought about it it was the next month. Its not like you ever forgot things, just the passage of time for you could be wacky, especially when you're working tirelessly at the same schedule day in and day out.
You think back to the aforementioned partner in crime, you reminisce to your playful encounters in the streets of Ba-Sing-Se. The Firelords uncle was what originally bought you to meet the grumpy prince. The thought of a nice water tribe tea warming you up was what drew you to a tea shop in the first place. But, by some blasphemy the great city of Ba-Sing-Se wasn't equipped for your preference in beverage. Which you were offended by in the first place but the teamaker, Iroh, more than made it up to you with exotic teas you had never heard of.
Getting closer with the dumb hothead really infuriated you when you first met. The way he reminded you of everything you had to keep hidden from himself. The way he has to wear a scar given to him by his abuser. You're thankful the people who hurt you never maimed you in such a way.
The thought of brutally maiming a child brings you to your next thought. Zuko has told you everything he could about the horrific things his father did and the abuse he had to suffer because of it. The firelord had opened yourself up to you like the most beautiful, tragic book you had ever read. And yet here you were, your pages sealed shut and daring anyone to come closer.
It isn't like you tried to open up to your lover. But every time you've tried to open up your brain shuts down and doesn't let you speak your memories.
But its not like you don't remember them.
On more than one occasion you've woken Zuko up with your dumb flashbacks and reruns of things you would rather forget. Blaming it on traumatic experiences from the war was the easiest excuse you could think of. You're sure that the Firelord doesn't believe you but he is forever patient with you no matter how angry you get at yourself and your dumb brain.
You rub your eyes with your hand trying to push your thoughts back. You can't help but notice Zuko has eaten the majority of his breakfast. You lock eyes with him for a moment and his tight expression softens. He smiles with both his mouth and his eyes. It always feels like a blessing to see Zuko smile at you.
Your eyes fall from his to your hands, the thoughts of the things you should tell him bubbling to the top of your brain. You fiddle with your hands thinking of ways to tell Zuko the things that have settled at the forefront of your mind. You close your eyes and take a breath. You look back to the man who, for the most part, has gone back to his work. He occasionally gives you a glance, a wash of worry on his face.
'Great. Well done, you've made him worry' you chastise yourself. You barely notice the man sitting beside you until his hand settles onto your own fiddling ones
"What's going on in that mind of yours?" he asks, his voice filled with concern. He moves his head to search for your eyes. You greet them a small frown ghosting on your lips.
"I feel bad" you start, Zuko cocks his brow his eyes not leaving yours. Zuko seems to be looking into your very soul, trying to get a read on you. He's not one for comfort but he tries anything he can for you. Its flattering. "You've told me everything about you, yet every time I try and tell you the important things that I need to share I falter" you tell him your gaze breaking from Zukos and settling on his nose.
The man squeezes your hands and with his other hand cups your cheek. You rest your face on his palm and close your eyes for a few moments.
"You don't need to tell me anything" he tells you with a scary amount of calmness to his voice. You nod and sigh
"Its just-" you pause greeting Zuko's eyes again. His forehead rests against yours, his eyes close. "I want to tell you these things"
"I know, but it's not like you have to do it now" he comforts, you let out another deep breath.
"I- all the words are at the tip of my tongue" you tell him "I know what I want to say, I've done it before with other people" you add pausing for an almost dramatic amount of time "But, I don't want to scare you, I don't want you to only look at me with pity beacuse of it all" you sigh again, you barely notice tears wetting your face
"I won't" he assures you, albeit it bluntly. A chuckle escapes your lips and you curse a few times.
You pull your foreheads apart and look the Firelord, your Firelord, Zuko in his far too beautiful eyes. He looks at your with a inconceivable amount of worry sitting in his eyes.
You sigh again and talk.
You're not sure how long you're telling Zuko all the things your brain would let you remember. It feels like hours. You see the twinges of pity in his eyes, even if he tries to hide it. You're far too gone into spilling everything to stop by the time you notice it.
Before long you've stopped talking, stopped talking about how hated you are, stopped talking about how you sook out ways to be appreciated, to be loved. Whatever form of twisted love you had in your mind as a child. You stopped talking about how you escaped your own mind by moving to the Earth Kingdoms capital city. You stopped talking after you told Zuko that he saved you from going back into the streets and seeking the approval in the same way as you did before you moved. You stopped talking after you tell him how grateful you were of him in the small time you had with him in the city. You failed to mention how your heart broke after noticing his and Iroh's departure and Azula's usurping of the Earth Kingdom throne.
The firebender takes in every work you speak, he nods along to your words committing them to memory. He promises internally to never treat you how all those people did, even if it was the furthest thing for him to think of.
Never have you been more grateful of a pair of arms holding your body tight. The sensation grounds you, stops you from diving deep into those memories like you have done so, alone, for so many days and nights.
Zuko doesn't offer any words for the longest time, he lets you just sit in the silence with him and let you gather you, and your thoughts. His, warm, hand sits atop your head and strokes your hair in soothing strokes.
"Have I scared you off yet?" you ask before a mixture of a chuckle and a sniffle escapes you. The man holding you shakes his head
"No" he says a little flatly and firmly. It sets your mind right nonetheless.
Finally content with your stability Zuko leads you through the castle. You remember the path you're taking. To Zukos not so private garden sanctuary. Filled with one too many memories from the mans past.
You sit beside the cute pond in the center of the garden, a few turtle ducks quacking as they go about their royal turtle duck business. That's working on the assumption that all the dumb little animals that grace the Firelords castle are royals, otherwise they wouldn't dare enter. You internally chuckle at the thought.
Pushing the thoughts down you and Zuko wordlessly sit beside each other. You rest your head on his lap and his rough hands make friends with your hair. You're sure at one point he traces his name against your scalp a few times before going back to fiddling with the ends of your hair. Your hear Zuko speak your name and you look up to him.
"Thank you" he smiles at you "For telling me, you didn't have to you know" he reassures and plants a soft kiss on your nose. You acknowledge the mans words but also have a lack of energy to respond to him. The biggest response you give is a small tension in your brow, to which the Firelord promptly kisses from your face.
The rest of the morning is kept between the two of you. As much as you hate to keep the Firelord from his work, you can't help but love the moment with Zuko. Even if the next time you see him today is when he tiredly stumbles into bed just after midnight.
At least you can savour this moment where you've finally unloaded a Sky Bison sized set of baggage.