Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

My cat son hates me so I have to get him a boyfriend, send tweet - Gakuhou

" Ga-ku-shuu, come on!" 

From where he's braced against the dresser, Gakushuu hisses at him.

"Bath time, Gakushuu," Gakuhou scolds. He slowly edges forward, one arm extended (clad in the thick leather they sold at the hunting store meant for perching birds of prey).

Gakushuu hisses again, and then pounces. 

On Gakuhou's face.

"Arghh!" 

"You got into another fight again?" Tadaomi stares at him wryly, lips quirked in amusement.

"I don't understand why he hates me," Gakuhou laments, pressing a hand to the bandage on his cheek. "Why does he hate me?"

"I don't think your cat hates you," Tadaomi says.

Gakuhou points to his face.

"So he's a little bit aggressive." 

"A little bit? He tries to maul me once a week!"

"Other than that, he's very well-behaved," Tadaomi points out.

"Other than trying to kill me," Gakuhou mutters, but he has to admit it, Gakushuu is very well-behaved. He doesn't scream (at anyone except Gakuhou) or scratch (anything except for Gakuhou), he eats on time and he's good about taking kitty medicines and sits quietly in his little kitty carrier when they need to go out.

The same cannot be said for Tadaomi's own cat, aptly named Karma, who is possibly the most cuddly cat in the world and wrecks every material possession in sight.

They've been meaning to set up a cat play date for a while, except that their temperments are so wildly different that there's no telling what might go down, and also Gakuhou is afraid for the stuff he owns.

In the end it's Gakuhou who brings Gakushuu over to Tadaomi's apartment, because Gakushuu is more amendable to be in his carrier (and Gakuhou doesn't have his house cat-proofed to the degree Tadaomi must have). 

When Gakuhou steps into the house, a reddish ball zooms past his field of vision. 

From inside the carrier, Gakushuu yowls. 

Tadaomi dashes forward and plucks out a vibrating mess of fur from under his chair. 

"Please get along," Gakuhou prays. He pops the carrier door open.

Karma's tail swishes.

Gakushuu stays adamantly in the carrier.

"Come on," Gakuhou says, reaching a hand in to carry Gakushuu out. "Ouch!" Maybe not, then.

"Maybe we can leave them to familiarize," Tadaomi suggests.

When Gakuhou means Gakushuu hates only him, he means it. 

Gakushuu's an absolute angel of a furball with literally anyone else, people or cats or other animals alike. He adored Tadaomi the first time they met. He gets along with other cats and dogs and birds??? Gakuhou entered him into a national pageant on a whim once because his groomer said Gakushuu was model cat material and Gakushuu actually won . 

So maybe half of Gakuhou's income was because of cat food commercial royalties. Maybe Gakushuu has a blue check mark on his instagram. Maybe Gakuhou's cat is more successful than he ever will be. So what?

"Is this what it's like?" Gakuhou says, as he and Tadaomi anxiously wait in the kitchen, keeping their ears open for sounds of kitty distress. "Having children?"

"Ugh," is Tadaomi's answer.

They sit in silence for a bit.

"It's getting a bit quiet for two cats," Gakuhou says.

Tadaomi nods. "It's getting a bit too quiet for Karma." 

They slink into the living room, where they can see the cats staring at each other. Gakushuu is out and perched on top of his carrier, Karma on the floor.

"Is that good?" Gakuhou

"I'm going to google it," Tadaomi says. Tap, tap. "Oh, no, it's aggressive staring."

"Let's split them up," Gakuhou says. 

Tadaomi plucks Karma off the floor and sits on the couch. Gakuhou, who didn't bring his Falcon gloves and doesn't have a death wish, sits across Tadaomi and claps his hands once. "Gakushuu!"

Tadaomi's eyebrows rise to his hairline as Gakushuu daintily gets off the carrier, trots across the room, bound up the couch, and sits next to Gakuhou.

Tadaomi blinks. "When you said he was well behaved…"

"Yeah," Gakuhou says. He gets that a lot. No one expects well-behaved to be well-behaved . 

Gakuhou raises a hand to pat Gakushuu.

Gakushuu hisses at him.

Alright then.

"I don't suppose we have anything they could play together," Tadaomi says, patting a very fluffy Karma. Gakuhou's not jealous, he's not.

"Gakushuu doesn't play," Gakuhou says solemnly. He's tried, he really has, but Gakushuu always gives the toy and him such a disdainful look that Gakuhou feels embarrassed for trying to play with his pet cat.

It's a little refreshing and mournful to see so many cat toys littered in Tadaomi's apartment. 

Sometimes Gakuhou thinks that if he ever saw Gakushuu's first owner, he would punch them in the face. 

"Oh?" Tadaomi says. He picks up a feather string from the floor and waves it at Gakushuu.

Gakushuu affixes him with such a bland look that Tadaomi stops.

Karma bats at Tadaomi's hand to get him to continue. 

Gakushuu settles into the seat like a little prince, watching with boredom as Karma darts around the place. Eventually he hops off and goes to poke around Tadaomi's apartment, leaving Gakuhou and Tadaomi to entertain Karma.

Karma chases the feather string around, and then he plops down in Gakuhou’s lap and purrs, and then Gakushuu comes out from his explorations and goes up to Tadaomi. 

Karma is so fluffy! But Gakuhou may be (definitely is) biased, and he thinks Gakushuu has much smoother fur - shiny, lustrous, pageant worthy. He appreciates it - they've come a long way from the mangy cat Gakuhou picked up from the shelter. That is, if Gakushuu would ever let Gakuhou pet him. 

The cats have an amicable meal, which means Gakushuu settles in and eats his food quietly while Karma yowls at Tadaomi for his dinner. 

“Well, I’ll call today a success,” Gakuhou says. He hands Karma back to Tadaomi.

“Given that they didn’t actually get into a fight,” Tadaomi agrees, even though that was on them keeping the cats physically apart. 

“Mhm,” Gakuhou says. “Gakushuu, we’re going home.”

Gakushuu hops off the couch, trots over to his carrier, and settles in comfortably.

“I will never understand how you do that,” Tadaomi says.

“Honestly, me neither,” Gakuhou says. 

As per his nightly routine, Gakuhou watches Gakushuu take his mandatory stroll of the house, before he heads to Gakuhou's bedroom and sits his regal ass on top of the very plush and very expensive cat bed that Gakuhou used his first regional cat pageant prize money to buy.

"Nights, Gakushuu," Gakuhou says. He switches off the lights.

Pppprrrrrrr.

Gakuhou switches on the lights. 

He immediately phone calls Tadaomi. "What did you do to my cat?"

"Gakuhou, it's midnight," Tadaomi says. "What? Is Gakushuu okay?"

"He's next to me," Gakuhou says, as he tries his best not to move, because Gakushuu is dangerously close to his face right now.

"What?" Tadaomi says. 

Gakuhou turns the call to facetime.

"Holy shit," Tadaomi says. Gakuhou watches him take a screenshot of the fluffy ball that is Gakushuu curled up in the crook of his neck and tucked under his chin.

Gakushuu, ever the diva, raises his head and looks into the phone camera. Tadaomi takes more screenshots.

"Help," Gakuhou squeaks.

"This is a once in a lifetime opportunity," Tadaomi says to him, grinning. "Don't waste it. Cuddle your cat!"

"He's going to kill me," Gakuhou pleads.

In response, Gakushuu curls deeper into Gakuhou's neck, purring. 

Tadaomi takes another screenshot.

"What has gotten into you?" Gakuhou says, as Gakushuu lets Gakuhou pet him without making so much as a noise of protest.

“Mrrowwww,” Gakushuu says.

“You’re worrying me,” Gakuhou says, sounding very silly. Who gets worried that their cat is showing them affection? 

Gakuhou, that’s who. 

“Mrrowww,” Gakushuu says, again.

This time, to Gakuhou’s dismay, they’re having a cat playdate at his apartment instead. 

He’s tried to cat-proof every corner of his house. He bought a couch cover for this occasion. 

He watches as Tadaomi struggles to bring Karma - an angry pissy mess of a cat in a carrier - through the door. From his perch on the dresser, Gakushuu watches in disdain.

When the carrier door opens, Karma darts out, annoyed. He makes fussy noises as he sniffs around the apartment. 

“Sorry Karma,” Tadaomi says, patting the cat.

Experimentally, Gakuhou reaches out to pat Gakushuu.

Gakushuu lets him.

It’s probably something Gakuhou will never get used to.

Although Gakushuu still scratches him to tell him to stop patting.

It’s a win, all things considered.

They decide to let Karma explore for a bit before coaxing the cats to interact again. 10 minutes pass without much fanfare before-

-riiiippppp-

"Oh no," Gakuhou says, looking sadly at his torn couch cover and an unrepentant Karma.

"Karma no!" Tadaomi says in dismay.

Then Gakushuu bolts across the room and lunges at Karma. The two of them explode in a ball of hissy cat fighting and angry meowing.

Gakuhou is not afraid of cat scratches, so he dives in and immediately pulls them apart.

"Gakushuu, no!" Gakuhou scolds. 

"Mrrowww!" Gakushuu protests.

Karma is hissing and spitting and Gakuhou quickly deposits him into Tadaomi's arms.

"We don't shred things, Karma," Tadaomi wags a finger in Karma's face. Karma, unapologetic, licks the finger.

They look over their cats, no wounds, harm done. Tadaomi kisses the top of Karma's furry head, and Gakuhou briefly wonders if he should try to as well, but Gakushuu is testy now so Gakuhou settles for a head pat.

"I'm so sorry," Gakuhou says.

"With any other cat I'd be skeptical to say this but it's like Gakushuu is protecting your property," Tadaomi says. "No harm done. Right Karma?"

Karma, now tucked in his owner's arms, purrs blissfully.

Gakushuu licks a paw.

The cats over at Tadaomi's house is the better idea after all. This time they leave the cats to their own devices, and Karma must be in a playful mood because he takes one of his toys - a ball with a bell jangling on it - and bats it towards Gakushuu.

Gakushuu looks at him with visible boredom. How Gakuhou managed to adopt such an expressive cat, he wouldn't know.

Karma says, "Mrrrowww."

Gakushuu ignores him.

"He's usually friendlier," Gakuhou says. "To anyone except for me."

"But he liked you best in the end," Tadaomi points out. "He screamed at you until you adopted him."

"Yep," Gakuhou says.

They watch as Karma bats the ball several times into Gakushuu's face, before Gakushuu swats at him and reprimands him with a sharp "Mrow!"

"Do you think that means they're getting along?" Tadaomi says.

"Tadaomi," Gakuhou says. "Is my cat a tsundere?"

Karma seems to have the need to christen every single piece of furniture in Tadaomi's home with his signature. The couch cover is new (his old one was ripped to ribbons), so it takes only three seconds after Gakuhou helps Tadaomi swap it out when Karma makes a beeline for it.

And then Gakushuu intercepts him.

Tadaomi and Gakuhou watch in rapt attention as Gakushuu seemingly scolds Karma, and it's not even his house.

Karma yowls.

Gakushuu yowls back.

Karma raises his claw, motioning at the couch covers.

Gakushuu smacks him.

Karma yowls again, then runs to his cat bed and sits there, as petulant as a cat can be.

"Gakuhou," Tadaomi says in awe. "I think your cat is a good influence on my cat."

Gakushuu was... well, like that. Sometimes Gakuhou wondered if Gakushuu was secretly human. He was certainly a genius level of a cat, and here he was, teaching Karma not to scratch up his own stuff?

But it's not like Karma didn't affect Gakushuu at all. Come to think of it… Gakushuu was very intelligent… Did he cuddle Gakuhou because he saw Karma do it, for some reason?

"Same," Gakuhou says, equally in awe.

Gakushuu looks pleased at winning the fight in defending furniture he doesn’t own. He lies back down with a satisfied purr. 

Karma hisses.

Gakushuu flicks his ear, unbothered. 

“No, he shredded the couch cover immediately after you two left,” Tadaomi is saying. 

“Maybe I should bring Gakushuu around more to save your furniture,” Gakuhou says. 

“You should,” Tadaomi agrees.

“We're going to see Karma again," Gakuhou tells Gakushuu. "You like Karma, don't you?"

Gakushuu graces him with a flat look.

"Aww, come on," Gakuhou says. "Don't look at me like that. Get in your carrier."

Gakuhou swears Gakushuu slows down his movements on purpose, but in the end he gets in the carrier anyways and meows a meow that gives Gakuhou the distinct impression that Gakushuu is rolling his eyes at him..

At Tadaomi's apartment, it's Karma that bounds up happily to greet Gakushuu. Gakushuu entertains him by not entertaining him, instead picking a couch pillow to curl up on and ignore Karma’s yapping.

“They’re getting along great,” Tadaomi says. “Hey, let me show you a video I took the other day.”

The video is of Karma, claws against the curtains. Tadaomi’s voice is in the background and he was saying, “hey, what would Gakushuu think if he saw you doing this?”

“Mrow,” protested video-Karma. 

“Yeah, he’ll be mad at you, fight?” Video-Tadaomi sounds too smug. “You don’t want your best friend to be mad at you, right?”

“Mrowww,” protested video-Karma, again.

By which time in the video the cats are curious enough to come poking around for the source of the sound. Gakushuu squeezes his head against Gakuhou’s arm to peer at Tadaomi’s phone. Can cats understand video?

Real-life Karma bats at Tadaomi’s phone.

“That’s you,” Tadaomi says.

Karma bats at Tadaomi’s phone again.

And then, in an incredible turn of events, Gakushuu turns to Karma and chirps at him.

Karma jumps three feet in the air, spins around, and dashes off.

Gakushuu runs after him.

“I feel like we just witnessed something,” Gakuhou says. 

This semester’s finals come around, so both Gakuhou and Tadaomi are too busy to arrange more time for the cats. They do meet up, themselves, at lunch or dinner, and Tadaomi tells Gakuhou that Karma is growing more restless. Gakuhou, who sports a fresh new set of cat scratches, has to agree that Gakushuu seems incredibly testy these few days. 

"Remember when I adopted Gakushuu?" Gakuhou says. 

"Of course," Tadaomi says. Gakuhou tells that story all the time. He visited Gakushuu at the shelter for weeks on end until his finals came around, and he didn’t go back for two weeks. Two weeks later when he did step in again, Gakushuu runs up to him, pissed off, and quite literally demanded Gakuhou to finally adopt him. 

Lovingly, with cat scratches and screaming.

Gakuhou looks particularly teary. It might be the fond memories of the adoption, or Tadaomi dabbing antiseptic on his wounds. 

Finally, they arrange another playdate.

"Gakushuu, we're going to Karma's!" Gakuhou says.

Gakushuu emerges from the room, tail swishing in irritation. He stalks over to his carrier and yowls. 

"We're going to visit Karma," Gakuhou says. "Do you want to see him?"

"Mrow."

"Then you'll have to get into your carrier," Gakuhou says. "Tadaomi would bring Karma over but he can't even catch him."

"Mrrrrowwww."

"Sorry, I know it's been a few weeks since we saw them."

Gakuhou is bargaining with his cat. What even is his life. 

"Mrrrow!"

Gakuhou kneels down on the floor. "You don't want to see him?"

Gakushuu turns his head up and runs back to the bedroom.

Holy shit. His cat is throwing a tantrum.

He calls Tadaomi. "Gakushuu doesn't want to come."

"Are you serious?!" Tadaomi sounds distressed. In the background, Gakuhou can hear Karma causing a racket. "I already told Karma he was coming! He's too excited."

"Fine, I'll bring him over, but get the bandages ready at your place," Gakuhou says. 

In the end, Gakushuu doesn't put up that much of a fight, and Gakuhou does keep his nails trimmed (very, very often) so any wounds he suffers at any time are all shallow and quick healing.

The moment he steps through Tadaomi's door, Karma yowls and hops over from where he's desecrating Tadaomi's couch. Gakuhou quickly sets the carrier down and Gakushuu darts out, hissing at Karma.

Karma hisses back.

The two start chasing each other.

"Oh my god," Tadaomi says, relieved. "Karma finally stopped screaming."

Something crashes in the bedroom. Then Gakushuu audibly reprimands Karma, who protests back. 

When Gakuhou finishes cleaning his new wounds, they go to check on the cats, who have grown suspiciously silent once more. But they're not in the kitchen or Tadaomi's bedroom or the kitchen or-

Tadaomi pokes his head out of the guest room. "Hurry! Bring your phone!"

The cats are cuddling. They're cuddling .

"Oh my god," Tadaomi says.

Karma lifts a head and licks a long stripe up Gakushuu's cheek.

"Mrow," Gakushuu says, and closes his eyes, purring. 

"Holy shit," Gakuhou says. "My cat is a tsundere."

"Alright, alright," Gakuhou says. "We're going, we're going- give me a moment, Gakushuu!"

Gakushuu yells at him from the carrier. 

"At least let me put on pants first," Gakuhou says. Gakushuu huffs, clearly displeased, but even as a cat he seems to understand human propriety, so he waits until Gakuhou puts on pants. Then he screams again.

"Geez! Alright, alright!" He bundles Gakushuu in the carrier, straps it securely into his car, and pulls out of his parking spots..

"Mrrowww!" Gakushuu complains.

"Alright, alright!" Gakuhou is not getting a speeding ticket because his cat is rushing him.

“Mrrow!”

“If I get a ticket it’s coming out of your paycheck,” Gakuhou threatens.

When he finally, finally makes it to Tadaomi’s house, Tadaomi practically tears the door off its hinges. Karma bounds up to greet Gakuhou and Gakushuu (mostly Gakushuu), and when Gakuhou sets the carrier down, Gakushuu darts out.

“Meow, meow, meow!” Karma says.

“Meooooowww,” Gakushuu says.

They start chasing each other around the house.

“Oh thank god,” Tadaomi says, collapsing on the couch. “If you took any longer Karma would scream my ear off.”

No sooner than when Gakuhou sits down does a crash come from one of the bedrooms. Tadaomi groans. A loud reprimanding meow can be heard, followed by a softer, more contrite complaint.

Gakushuu comes trotting out, head lifted haughtily like the little pageant cat he is. He bounds up the couch next to Gakuhou with a leap.

Karma scrabbles up the side of Tadaomi’s pant leg.

“What did Karma break, Gakushuu?” Gakuhou asks.

Gakushuu tilts his head.

“Was it in the guest room?” Gakuhou asks.

Gakushuu blinks at him.

“Tadaomi’s bedroom?”

“Meow,” says Gakushuu.

“Bedside cabinet?”

Blink.

“Bookshelf?”

“Meow.” Gakushuu licks a paw.

“I will never understand how you two do that,” Tadaomi says.

"Mrow,” Karma says, and trods over Tadaomi and Gakuhou’s lap to get to Gakushuu.

Gakushuu bats him in the nose.

Undeterred, Karma meows again and nuzzles up to Gakushuu.

Gakushuu plops over, boneless. Karma clambers all over him, chirps, and then purrs.

“I feel like we should give them privacy,” Gakuhou says to Tadaomi.

“Siri,” Tadaomi says to his phone, “can cats be gay?”

Then a few weeks later Tadaomi calls Gakuhou at 3 in the morning.

“Gakushuu’s mad at me for waking him up at 3 in the morning,” Gakuhou says. “I’m mad at you for waking me up at 3 in the morning.”

Tadaomi, having called Gakuhou at 3 in the morning, in a panic and telling him to get Gakushuu and come over immediately, quickly, now, right the fuck now no this can't wait till morning, steps back to let Gakuhou and the cat carrier into his house.

“Sorry,” Tadaomi says. “But I need to borrow your car.”

“Why-”

“Meow,” Karma greets, hopping out from in between Tadaomi's legs. 

Gakuhou leans down to let Gakushuu out of his carrier. “Hey, Karma.” 

“Meow,” Karma says, then darts off. Gakushuu bounds out and follows.

Tadaomi startles like he remembers something, and gives chase. “Karma, no, I told you not to bother them!”

“Them?” Gakuhou says, and follows them into the sitting room, where the cats are curiously peering into a cardboard box in the center of the rug. Gakuhou looks in. There are three kittens in the box.

“Holy shit,” Gakuhou says.

“I found them when I was taking out the trash,” Tadaomi says. “Karma’s scaring them with how excited he is, I was hoping Gakushuu can calm him down... There’s the 24-hour vet downtown I was thinking of- Karma stop!” He quickly plucks Karma off the ground from where he has one foot in the box, no doubt trying to further investigate the squealing kittens. Karma fusses in protest.

“Meow,” Gakushuu says.

Karma stops fussing.

Neither Tadaomi nor Gakuhou stop Gakushuu when he gets into the box (Karma narrows his eyes at Tadaomi), but Gakushuu is a soft dainty pageant cat and not the large scary tomcat that Tadaomi still has to regularly drag out of the ditch every so often when he gets into a fight with the sewer rats.

“Don’t male cats usually kill kittens?” Tadaomi says nervously, despite making no move to stop Gakushuu.

“Gakushuu’s a sweet thing,” Gakuhou says, despite having few-day-old scratch marks from when he tried to give Gakushuu his weekly bath. 

The kittens are clambering over each other at the corner of the box, letting out little distressed yips. Gakushuu sniffs them for a bit, and then starts licking one of them.

“Mrow,” Karma wails at being left out.

Gakushuu moves on to grooming the second kitten. The first is now kneading its paws into Gakushuu’s fur, meowing happily.

“Huh,” Tadaomi says.

“Apparently they had Gakushuu be one of those intermediary cats when they’re trying to acclimatize new kittens or street cats at the shelter,” Gakuhou says. “They actually still call sometimes, when there’s a particularly difficult cat.”

Gakushuu lies down on his side, and yawns. The kittens chatter noisily and start sniffing around Gakushuu and the box.

Karma makes a mournful keen, so Tadaomi sets him down. He immediately makes for the box, meowing excitedly and startling the kittens-

Gakushuu snaps at him.

Karma jumps three feet in the air, yelps, and then retreats into one of the rooms.

The kittens chirp.

“Let’s take them to the vet,” Gakuhou says. 

It’s five in the morning when they get back to Tadaomi’s place. They’re now kitten-free, because three kittens at once is too much responsibility even if Gakushuu seems content to keep attending to them, and the vet said that they should probably go to a professional, given that Gakushuu (as wonderful of a cat dad as he is) wouldn't be able to suckle them.

“Karma’s going to be so mad that we left him home alone,” Tadaomi says.

“Why did you take out the trash at 3 in the morning?” Gakuhou gripes, with no real heat.

“Karma, we’re home!” Tadaomi says, opening the door.

Karma pokes his fluffy head out from under the couch, blinks, then slithers back in.

“Meow,” Gakushuu greets, then when he receives no reply, “Mrrrowww!”

Silence.

“Is Karma mad at you for snapping at him?” Gakuhou teases.

“Mrow!” Gakushuu scolds, and bites Gakuhou.

“Ow! Bite me for speaking facts,” Gakuhou says. 

“Mrow!”

“Well, you can’t blame him for being hurt when you’re so cold towards him!”

“Mrrroww!”

“I’m not the one you should be arguing with!” Gakuhou says.

Gakushuu huffs and turns his head away, dismissing the conversation. He prances off towards the direction of the couch.

“What,” Tadaomi says.

Gakushuu pokes his head under the couch. There’s a beat of silence, and then a sad-sounding meow from Karma, a sharper meow from Gakushuu, and then Gakushuu wriggles underneath as well.

“Do you think they’ll make up?” Tadaomi says.

“Make out,” Gakuhou snorts.

Tadaomi smacks him.

“I’m not the one who said our cats are gay,” Gakuhou says.

“But they are!”

“They’re just cats .”

“They groom each other.”

“Yeah, that’s what cats do.”

“Do you think Karma wants a family, the way he looked at Gakushuu and the kittens tonight? Oh no, do we need to buy extra cat beds? I have Karma neutered but-”

“Tadaomi, they’re both male cats . Even if they were gay and not neutered, they’re not going to have kittens.”

“Why don’t you ask Gakushuu if he’s gay?”

Gakuhou stares at Tadaomi. Then he sits on the floor. “Gakushuu, come out here for a bit, I want to ask you something.”

There’s a pause, and Gakushuu slinks out. He sits in front of Gakuhou, blinking lazily.

“Remember the talk we had?” Gakuhou says. “About sexualities?”

“Are you seriously going to ask- wait, why did you talk to Gakushuu about-”

“You’re the one who said they were gay. Gakushuu asked me what that meant so I explained it to him.”

“What the fuck-”

“Shush.” Gakuhou says. He turns back to his cat. “Gakushuu, are you gay?” 

“Meow,” says Gakushuu.

“Is that a yes?” Tadaomi says.

“Yes,” Gakuhou confirms. “Wow, okay. Are you sure, Gakushuu?”

“Meow.”

Gakuhou leans forward. “That’s nice. Is Karma your boyfriend, Gakushuu?”

Then suddenly Karma darts out from under the couch and headbutts Gakushuu in the stomach.

Gakushuu yowls at him, Karma chirps and runs away, and without giving Gakuhou an answer, Gakushuu dashes off after him.

“I don’t need to be a cat whisperer to know that’s a yes,” Tadaomi says.

"I'm not a cat whisperer," Gakuhou says.

"Sure you aren't," Tadoami rolls his eyes. "And our cats aren't gay."

Gakushuu, papa cat extraordinaire: the saga

Gakuhou: did you teach your kids to attack me?!?!

Gakushuu: >:3

(Eventual) Adopted kittens: >:3

Karma: <3

Chapter Text

The apparently 3k word long process of Gakuhou adopting Gakushuu, his tsundere cat

Gakuhou had followed his then girlfriend to an animal shelter, where she spoke at length about wanting a kitten or a puppy and Gakuhou left her to her own devices. He'd definitely not gone in with any intention of getting a pet - in fact, he'd been fully prepared to talk his girlfriend out of the effort of pet care.

And then there it was - dirty matted fur and large unblinking eyes, staring straight at Gakuhou as he was being bundled in by one of the shelter staff. 

The receptionist follows his line of sight.

"Where is it from?" Gakuhou asks.

"Abandoned or neglected," she says. "We get calls for that all the time."

"Ah," Gakuhou says. "It was staring at me."

"Maybe it likes you," the receptionist - her nametag says Sayuri, jokes.

The staff and cat disappear through the door. Miss Sayuri hums for a moment as she clicks through her computer. “Ah,” she says, “he was just rescued from an illegal breeding shelter.”

“Oh,” Gakuhou says. “The conditions must have been terrible.”

“Indeed,” Miss Sayuri says. She looks at Gakuhou for a beat longer, then grins. “If you want to see him again, you can probably come back tomorrow, once we get him settled in."

“A-ah,” Gakuhou says, feeling a little bad for getting her hopes up. “I’m not looking to adopt.”

Miss Sayuri looks disappointed. "That's alright. You can always come back if you change your mind."

Lacey had gone back without a pet, grumbling something something about not being cute enough, and Gakuhou clicks through news articles until he lands on a recent one about a report on an illegal cat breeding and smuggling operation.

He clicks it.

The shelter cat is not listed in the several pictures on the article - all gruesome, unsightly pictures. It’s been a few days since, Gakuhou reads, and that all the cats that made it were going to go through strict checkups before being adopted out to loving homes. That means the timelines match up. 

Gakuhou is back the next day. Out of curiosity.

"The one from yesterday," Gakuhou says eagerly, to Miss Sayuri’s knowing grin. She leads him further into the shelter.

The cat was lounging languidly in it's little cage like it was a throne and not a prison, and it lifts its head to stare at Gakuhou. The cat blinks, looking bored.

"Hi," Gakuhou says, kneeling down. 

"Meow," says the cat.

"He's been very nice and docile," one of the staff members says. "He was from that cat farm, I’m sure you’ve heard. A little malnutritioned, but he’s already got all his shots at the vet, and he’s been very well-behaved. Would you like to hold him?"

"Yes," Gakuhou says.

And then the cat gets gently placed in Gakuhou's arms, stares at Gakuhou, and then chomps down on his finger.

There's a momentary burst of a scuffle to extricate Gakuhou from the suddenly-aggressive cat, but the moment the cat leaves Gakuhou's arms, he settles down.

"We are so sorry, sir," the staff says.

"Holy shit," Gakuhou says, appalled. "This cat hates me!" 

"He's very new, he's not used to strangers," Miss Sayuri hastily says. "Let us bandage your wound."

Gakuhou watches as the cat gets passed around by several very perplexed workers, who mutter to themselves about how well-behaved this cat is otherwise - and Gakuhou can see that, with how calm he is despite being handed around like a party favor. 

Gakuhou feels betrayed . 

So this cat just hates him? Only him? 

The cat, being held calmly in one of the staffworker’s arms, blinks at Gakuhou like he’s mocking him.

“You?!” Gakuhou hisses, a little dramatic and a little silly. He’s not going to get into a petty pissing contest with a cat in the middle of a shelter-

“Meow,” The cat says, and licks a paw.

He’s definitely making fun of Gakuhou, Gakuhou knows it. 

He's back the next day because he's a glutton for punishment and also who wouldn't be curious about a cat that likes everyone except yourself?

"Our animals suffer from trauma," one of the staffworkers from yesterday -  Juli, explains to him. “Just like humans, they have their own emotional triggers. We’re still not sure what set him off yesterday, perhaps it was just a bit of stress for him because he’s been around so many people-”

“Can I see him again?”

Juli and Miss Sayuri startle at his request.

“See him again?” Miss Sayuri repeats.

“Well,” Gakuhou says, knowing it is probably a little bit of an unusual request to want to see the cat who attacked him. But he’s curious, and the cat is a subject of interest, and all things considered he’s the tall big human in the equation. Logically, the cat should be more scared of him than he is of the cat.

“I don’t have a grudge,” Gakuhou says. “I’m just. Well, all of you keep saying he’s very well-behaved. I want to see that.”

He’s put in a larger room this time, with instructions to keep calm and let the cat come to him. So that’s what Gakuhou does, twiddling his thumbs as the cat stares at him from his corner of the room. Eventually the cat slinks over, and Gakuhou watches with bated breath as he sits directly in front of him.

“Hi,” Gakuhou says.

“Mrow,” the cat says. He makes no move to attack Gakuhou again, which must be a positive sign, right?

Gakuhou reaches out to pet him.

“Ow!”

“Why does he hate me?” Gakuhou laments, going back the next day and earning another scratch for his efforts. 

“I commend your commitment,” Miss Sayuri greets him on day four. “But perhaps the cat isn’t ready for adoption. If you’re interested, we have plenty of other-”

“I’m not interested in adopting,” Gakuhou corrects her. “I’m just. Curious. About that cat, please.” Who wouldn’t be interested in such peculiar behavior?

Today, he observes the cat in a play room with the other cats. There are toys strewn all over the area, kittens and older cats all scampering around.

The cat itself is lounging in the middle of it all, peacefully observing the proceedings and making no move to join in. 

One of the more active kittens bounce around the newcomer to coax him to play with a toy in its mouth. The cat indulges the kitten with a flick of his paw that sends the toy flying - the kitten goes running after it, letting the cat lie back down.

“He’s social,” Miss Sayuri says, watching the cat behind the glass. “Not active, but he gets along well with the others.”

“If he was from a breeding farm, he’s probably used to spending more time with other cats,” Gakuhou hypothesizes.

Juli glances over at Gakuhou. “How much are you interested in cats?”

“Not at all,” Gakuhou says. He’s never wanted a pet, not really, they were too much effort to keep and too messy for his standards. If he wanted a little annoying animal to live with, he’d get a baby - at least they’d age out of the messy stage of their life.

And yet he comes back on day five.

“He’s very intelligent, isn’t he,” Gakuhou observes, as Gakushuu observes him back. Behind him, Mitsuya hums in affirmation.

Despite being a regular visitor for less than a week, Gakuhou’s spoken to all the staff there. To be more accurate, all the staff have spoken to him, eager to learn about the man who the cat-that-likes-everyone doesn’t like.

Gakuhou tilts his head.

The cat mirrors his movement. 

Gakuhou narrows his eyes.

The cat narrows his eyes.

“Hey, kitty,” Gakuhou says, and the cat’s ears twitch. “Your claws are very sharp.”

The cat blinks at him.

“Do you know what claws are?” Gakuhou says. He raises his hand, and curves it into a claw like shape. “These are your claws. Sharp. They hurt, do you know that?”

The cat stares at Gakuhou like he’s an idiot. And then the cat, in perhaps what is a stunning feat of listening comprehension, raises his own paw and looks at it - and then flexes to revea; his very sharp claws.

Mitsuya gasps.

Gakuhou gasps too, and leans forward in excitement, a little bit too far and a little bit too fast, startling the cat-

“Ow!”

This goes on for three weeks, because Gakuhou is a masochist, apparently, and far too intrigued by the cat that he watches gets along with the staff and other visitors and other cats and even the dogs and the parakeet and every living thing except for him. 

The only reason he’s not available for adoption yet is because… well, there’s no reason for it, really. The cat is just… to put it simply, the cat just doesn’t want to be adopted.

“The kids were very excited to take him home,” Miss Sayuri says, sighing, in reference to a family that dropped by a week ago and seemed enamored with how mild-mannered and adorable Gakushuu was - who, after three long weeks, seems to be growing in a nice, short coat of fur that looks very nice to touch.

If he’d let Gakuhou touch him.

“What happened?” Gakuhou says.

“He wouldn’t move from his cage,” Miss Sayuri says. “We got him out, placed him in front of the family, and he ran away! We tried coaxing him to come over and he wouldn’t. He didn’t attack anyone, but it was obvious he was reluctant, so we told the family to come back.”

“Ah,” Gakuhou says, secretly relieved. As much as he wants the cat to go to a nice home, he’d be a little disappointed if he could never see him again. The cat was more interesting than most people, if he was being honest.

Miss Sayuri leads him to the back rooms again where, as expected, the staffworkers greet Gakuhou.

“His Highness in the playroom today,” Hana says to him.

When Gakuhou steps up to the glass, he sees the cat lying with two others peacefully. He opens an eye and looks through the glass to Gakuhou, like he’d expected to see him, and then lies back down.

“Little shit,” Gakuhou says.

When Gakuhou gets into the room and sits down, the cat walks up to him and sits down across him.

“So we tried positive affirmation yesterday,” Gakuhou says, “and it seemed to work - for a little bit, I guess. Let’s do it again. I think you’re a very intelligent, cute cat.”

“Meow,” the cat says, sounding pleased.

“Yes,” Gakuhou nods. “What do you think about me?”

When he’d asked this question yesterday, the cat had come up to him, let Gakuhou pet him on the head once, and then promptly bit him in the forearm.

Today, the cat blinks at him, and yawns. 

That is… good, in cat language, right? Right? Gakuhou tells himself not to get excited, but he gets excited anyways. “Thank you! I think you’re a very adorable and sweet little- oW! I take that back you little gremlin!”

Then his college finals pick up, and he doesn’t go in for two weeks.

Two weeks and three days later Gakuhou goes back to the shelter, and Miss Sayuri seems surprised to see him. “I thought you wouldn’t be back.”

“I was busy the past weeks,” Gakuhou says. It’s been two whole weeks, and he wished he had the time to come by, he did! But… he’d been neglecting his studies for a month prior (because he came to this place instead of hitting the books whenever he had free time).

“I assume you want to see that cat again,” she says.

“How are his adoption processes?” Gakuhou asks.

“Many people have shown interest in him,” Miss Sayuri says. “He has shown the opposite of interest in anyone.”

“Spoiled little highness,” Gakuhou says - a running joke he has with the staff. He instantly feels relieved, because he’s still here! And then guilt, because this is a cat in need of a loving home, and Gakuhou is selfish. 

“We almost had him adopted last week again,” She says.

“What happened?”

“He ran off and hid until the family left.”

“Wow.”

“Wow is right,” she rolls her eyes. “He’s a dear, but…”

The cat is in the cat playroom today, amongst with the other cats. He looks up when Gakuhou enters, and Gakuhou swears the cat is glaring at him.

“Hi,” Gakuhou says, crouching down. “Sorry I haven’t visited lately, I-”

“Mrow,” the cat says, the only warning Gakuhou gets, before it suddenly lunges at him in the highest level of aggression it has ever shown. 

Gakuhou screams, falls back on his ass, the cat digs his claws into Gakuhou’s shoulder and yowls angrily at him. Juli hastily makes to remove the cat from Gakuhou, but then the cat hisses so loudly it makes her stop in her tracks. 

The other cats watch on curiously.

Gakuhou winces, but once he settles… he realizes the cat isn’t really doing much other than cling on to him very painfully.

“Hi,” he says again, cautiously.

“Mrow,” the cat says, and Gakuhou might have even called his meow petulant.

Then the cat presses a furry, non-clawed paw to Gakuhou’s face, noses at a cut that he left there, and gives it a lick.

Gakuhou... finds himself grinning so hard his cheeks ache. He turns to look at Juli, who seems equally shocked at the turn of events.

“Hey,” Gakuhou says, “are you mad at me for being gone so long? Did you miss me?”

“Mrrrroooooow,” the cat scolds, and licks him again. “Mrrrowww, mrrrrowww, mrrroowww!”

Gakuhou can’t stop smiling. “I missed you too!”

“Mrrrowww!” The cat screams at him, pressing both his paws to Gakuhou’s face. Without claws extended. He bats at Gakuhou’s nose.

Gakuhou feels breathless. He turns to look at Juli, who is now joined by the other staff members, and they all stare at Gakuhou at the cat, all smiling.

Something hitches in Gakuhou’s throat. God, he feels ridiculous. His heart is beating so fast in his chest.

“Mrow, mrow, mrow!”

“I know, I’m sorry for being gone so long,” Gakuhou says, and his voice is shaky when it comes out.

The cat blinks at him, then licks him on the nose, and… rubs his face against Gakuhou's face.

Why is Gakuhou feeling so emotional? This is a cat he’s known for a month! This cat, who hated him, who attacks him every time he sees Gakuhou and- and- 

“You missed me, r-right? I missed you too, you know!”

“Mrow, meow!”

“I hope you don’t think I abandoned you, because I wanted to come, honest! I was just really busy!”

“Mrow!”

“I know, I know,” Gakuhou coos, hugging the cat - who, for the first time, lets Gakuhou do so, and he seems equally happy to have Gakuhou there. “I know! I don’t think I could go without a day not seeing you, ...honestly…?”

Honestly, Gakuhou would, in fact, be very sad if he had come back to the shelter today and realized this cat was gone. He would be extremely torn if Miss Sayuri walked in right now and told him that this cat would be adopted by someone else. He would, however, be very very happy if this cat... his cat, his little highness, cuddled him like that every single day, scratches or no.

Then Gakuhou glances up, at the beaming faces of all the shelter staff. He’d told everyone here countless times again and again that he’s not looking to adopt, but… they’re looking at him like they’ve been waiting forever for him to come to this conclusion.

“Do… do you want to come home with me?”

The cat purrs.

“Oh my god,” Gakuhou says. “Oh my god. Am I crying? Oh my god!”

“Prrrr,” says the cat, and it nuzzles into Gakuhou’s cheek.

Gakuhou gasps. “Holy shit. Oh my god.”

"Prrrrrr."

Gakuhou cradles the cat to his chest. "I want him. I want him."

"Well, looks like he wants you too," Miss Sayuri says happily.

One week later (and Gakuhou makes sure to visit every day), seven new scratches don't deter him, he rearranges everything in his apartment twice over and orders so many cat things online and feels like a giddy new parent, and the cat comes home.

Lacey is unimpressed. "I thought you didn't want a pet."

"He's different," Gakuhou protests.

The cat - Gakushuu, Gakuhou's new son - lets Lacey pat him absently. 

"Sure, whatever," she says.

"I swear," she says, four whole days later. "You like the cat better than me."

"I do not," Gakuhou says, moving to kiss her. She swats at him, like Gakushuu. "You're the one who wanted a cat in the first place."

"I wanted a kitten, not some old mangy stray," she says.

Gakuhou scowls at her. "Gakushuu is not a stray. And he's not mangy."

Gakushuu trots into the room. 

"I've been training him," Gakuhou says. "He's a very good boy." 

"Uh huh," Lacey says flatly.

Gakuhou turns to Gakushuu. "Can you go get my phone, please?"

Gakushuu stares at him with irritation, then spins around and stalks out of the room.

Lacey stares. "Gakuhou, this is stupid. There is no way-"

Gakushuu comes trotting back with Gakuhou's phone balanced on his head. "Meow."

Lacey's jaw dropped.

"Good boy," Gakuhou praises, and Gakushuu seems to preen. Gakuhou knows his cat's moods over the course of two months, so he knows this mood means that Gakushuu will allow two head pats.

"Holy shit," Lacey says.

And then she leaves him three days later for someone with a kitten, so whatever.

Two days after that, his group mates for his Economics II project come over, and the video of Gakuhou asking Gakushuu to fetch a bottle of water from the kitchen goes viral. (Gakushuu opens the refrigerator door, slaps down a bottle of water from the bottom shelf, kicks the door shut, rolls the bottle over, and then screams at Gakuhou for making him do such mundane tasks.

"Thanks," Gakuhou says.

Gakushuu swats at him, displeased, and then kneads his little sharp claws into Gakuhou's thigh.)

Under the first viral post, Gakuhou plugs his newly made cat instagram account. He posts two videos - the water bottle one, and another one of Gakushuu moving pillows on the couch to make his favorite pillow fort arrangement before he settles in to take a nap. It gains a hundred thousand followers overnight.

Next chapter's summary:

Tadaomi: so I need advice on how to deal with a stray cat

Gakuhou: why are you asking me? i don't have a cat

Tadaomi: oh, i assumed you do, you come to school with cat scratches

Gakuhou: oh yeah I've been visiting the same cat every day for a month at the shelter

Tadaomi: so when are you planning to adopt him?

Gakuhou: i'm not really interested in adopting a cat right now

Tadaomi: okay-

Gakuhou: but you're going to sit here for 15 minutes and listen to me talk all about him

Chapter Text

Another 3k words but this time with Tadaomi and Karma

Tadaomi has a dilemma. Luckily, he knows the person to help him with it.

“Asano,” Tadaomi says. 

“Oh, hi,” Asano - a boy from his economics class, who is such a smart student he always seems to be distracted and yet scores straight As. “Can I help you?”

“It might be a weird request, but I honestly don’t know anyone else,” Tadaomi says, and Asano regards him with interest. “It’s not school related. So you have a cat-”

“I don’t have a cat,” Asano says, brows furrowed.

Tadaomi pauses, confused. “You don’t?”

“No.” Asano tilts his head at him. “What makes you think I do?”

“Uh- well, you come to school with cat scratches all the time, I thought…”

“Oh, no,” Asano laughs. “Funny story. I’ve been visiting this cat I saw recently at a shelter. He likes to scratch me.”

“Oh,” Tadaomi winces. “That’s dangerous.”

“Strange thing though,” Asano says, leaning forward, “he scratches only me. He’s an extremely friendly car to anyone else.”

Tadaomi… has no idea what to say. “I’m… sorry?” And if that were true, perhaps Asano is not the best person to help with his problem, given that a cat hates him?

“Oh, no, I’m actually quite interested in him,” Asano says. “He’s a curious thing, that one. Do you want to see some pictures?”

Apparently, if you get Gakuhou Asano talking about his cat, it’s impossible to get him to stop. 

“Uh, he’s a very nice cat,” Tadaomi says awkwardly (he knew his classmate was an extrovert, but not this much of a chatterbox.) “So when do you plan to adopt him?”

Asano looks startled at the question. “I’m not planning to adopt him. I have no interest in pets.”

“But…” Tadaomi glances up at the clock. Was the past half an hour of cat pictures just a hallucination? “How long have you been going to the shelter to see this cat?”

Asano shrugs, “I don’t know, three weeks?” And then steamrolls past Tadaomi’s entire train of thought. “So what was the issue you needed help with?”

“Oh, ah,” Tadaomi shakes his head. “I thought you were a cat person. See, there’s this stray that’s been coming round to my apartment, and I was wondering how I could coax him to be friendlier.”

“Ah,” Asano says. “Well, I may not be a cat owner, but I have read up a lot on cats in order to learn to get along with the little highness-” Tadaomi has never heard of someone in denial about wanting to adopt a pet before, “-so I can still give you some tips, if you need a place to start?”

“That’d be great,” Tadaomi says.

He’s been feeding the stray for a week now, but after Gakuhou’s encyclopedia-lecture (“technically, the meat we eat isn’t the best for cats,”) he heads down to a pet store to pick up cat food and a bowl. 

Tadaomi lives on the second floor, and he has a good view into the alleyway that is a regular junction for cats. Most of the cats are pets from the neighbouring apartments, obvious by their collars and pristine fur, and every day they congregate about the alley to do whatever it is that cats at PTA meetings do. 

However, as of late, there’s a new stray stalking the alley that sends the sheltered house cats running. Tadaomi has seen him - a large hulking cat pacing up and down the block. At night he yowls and scratches and gets into fights with other stray tomcats making their rounds, and in the morning he sleeps on the heating vents just out of reach below Tadaomi’s apartment.

Tadaomi has to admit he misses having Nonnie - the cat of the elderly neighbour two floors above him - come ask for ear scratches, but the new cat is easily twice the size of petite little Nonnie over there, so Tadaomi doesn’t blame her.

He supposes he will have to settle for when he helps Granny Shan bring in her weekly groceries to greet her cat.

He’d never fed the housecats, who he’s sure have their own happy diet regime and warm bed. He does feel bad for the stray, through, who he saw squeeze tighter into the heating vent when it started to rain and ignored all of Tadaomi’s “pspspsps” attempts.

When it got wet, its heavily-matted fur clung to its back and revealed that under all that mass of fluff, the actual cat was pretty scrawny for someone its length. So Tadaomi adds a cut of meat to his grocery run.

Tadaomi, as he’s been doing for the last week, places the food bowl on top of his own air conditioning vent. “Hey, kitty.”

The cat lifts his head from the vents, blinking at Tadaomi. “Meow.”

“I got you real cat food this time,” Tadaomi says. 

The cat’s tail flicks, and it makes no move.

That’s fine. Tadaomi hasn’t actually seen it eat the food, if he was being honest. But it’s here most of the time. Other cats and birds are too afraid to approach it, so there’s no one else who can eat the food. 

As usual, Tadaomi leans back to give the cat a bit of privacy. He has errands to run and housework to do, and if things go according to routine, he’d return an hour later to see the food bowl polished clean.

“How’s the cat?” Asano asks the next day, a fresh new bandage on his arm.

“It ate the new cat food I bought,” Tadaomi says. “How’s your arm?”

“The cat scratched me again yesterday,” Asano says, grinning.

Tadaomi will never understand him. 

“I can’t believe finals is already next week,” Tadaomi says. “I don’t feel ready at all.”

“A-ah,” Asano says, looking guilty. “Neither am I. I’ve been spending so much time at the shelter lately...”

Tadaomi raises an eyebrow. “And you’re very sure you don’t want to adopt him?”

“I’m not looking to adopt a pet,” Asano says.

“What if someone else adopts him?” Tadaomi says.

“W-well,” Asano says, straightening up. “Then I’d be very happy for him.” He says, sounding miserable.

“Uh-huh,” Tadoami says.

Tadaomi goes home with more cat tips. He prepares some food, puts it in the food bowl, and sticks his head out of his window.

The cat is on the neighboring vents again today, and it lifts his head to look at Tadaomi.

“Hey, kitty,” Tadaomi says. “I hope you liked yesterday’s meal, because I have a new one today. It’s the same brand, but a different flavor and…”

Tadaomi keeps talking as he sets the food out. Asano had shown him a video of his cat, in which Asano rattles off mathematical equations to the disgruntled kitty, and the last 3 seconds of the video is the cat lunging forward and Asano’s startled yelp. Is Tadaomi being influenced by him to start speaking in long rambling sentences to the cat?

The cat continues staring.

Tadaomi sets the bowl down. “Enjoy your meal.”

“Meow.”

Then, the cat gets up and stretches for the longest second. Tadaomi watches with bated breath as the cat yawns, flicks its ear, and then leaps up to Tadaomi’s vents in one graceful bound.

Tadaomi quickly retracts his hand - the cat landed next to it. He’s glad he didn’t scare the cat into attacking him with a sudden movement - none of the usual alley cats have ever scratched him because Tadaomi keeps his respectful distance, but after hearing Gakuhou’s stories, he doesn’t want to take his chances. Maybe those were polite cats because they were housecats, he wasn’t going to take his chances with a stray.

Tadaomi’s cat glances over, unimpressed, and then sniffs at the food.

Tadaomi holds his breath.

“Meow,” the cat says, and takes a bite.

“Oh my god,” Tadaomi says. He doesn’t squeal, or clap, or take a picture - no, he definitely takes a picture. He feels pride and relief and a bit of warmth at this achievement of cat-feeding and trust, that he starts to understand Asano’s ramblings a little. 

The cat finishes its food, meows at Tadaomi, and jumps off.

The same thing happens for the next two days, and on the third day it starts to rain. 

“Shit,” Tadaomi says, sticking his head out. “Kitty! Kitty!”

He sees the cat one floor below, sopping wet and blinking up at him with large eyes.

“Hold on,” Tadaomi says. He sheds a layer, turns on his heater, and feels the heating vent outside his house start to warm. Then he opens up and umbrella and ties it to his window to keep the top of the vent dry. On it he places a dry fluffy towel.

The cat, who’s been watching Tadaomi with interest, flicks its ear.

“You can come up any time you want,” Tadaomi says. He steps back to give the cat a bit of time to decide.

Five minutes later he hears a thud outside his window, and a meow.

He does not run over. He brisk-walks over, there’s a difference.

The cat, curled up on the towel, peeks at him from below the edge of the umbrella. “Meow.”

“Oh, hey, kitty,” Tadaomi says. 

“Meow,” the cat says, and rolls over to reveal it’s belly.

Tadaomi doesn’t need Asano’s cat tips to know not to touch it. 

Even if it looks very fluffy. 

“I’ll leave you to it, then,” Tadaomi says.

The next day during dinner, the cat is waiting at Tadaomi’s vents instead of his neighbor’s. (The damp towel has been swapped out for a dry one, but Tadaomi keeps the umbrella there.) He feels like he’s won a competition he didn’t even know he was participating in. 

“Here’s your meal,” Tadaomi says, and when he puts his hand out to place the bowl on top of the vent, the cat bumps its head against his fingers. 

Tadaomi freezes.

The cat bumps his hand again. 

“Um,” Tadaomi says, and he gives the furry head an experimental scratch. 

The cat, who is apparently much nicer and amicable than Asano’s cat, settles in to let Tadaomi pet him better. 

Tadaomi takes a video.

“I haven’t gone to the shelter for the past week,” Asano says, sounding absolutely miserable as he watches Tadaomi’s video. “I miss him.”

“...I’m sorry?” Tadaomi says.

“Once finals are over,” Asano nods to himself. “I’m going to visit him again.”

“Great,” Tadaomi says. “Maybe he won’t scratch you this time.”

“Maybe,” Asano says, sounding way too downright crestfallen at the fact that he has no new scratches on his arm. Is he a masochist? Maybe? Okay, Tadaomi is not going to think weird things about his classmates, no.

And then three days later when Tadaomi opens the window to feed the cat, the cat leaps into his arms.

“Holy shit!” Tadaomi says, and it’s only years of physical exercise experience playing ball sports that he does not fall on his ass or flail his arms or drop the cat-

“Meow,” the cat says.

“Um,” Tadaomi says. 

Why. What. Huh?

Tadaomi… has no idea how to hold a cat.

“Meow,” the cat says again, making himself comfortable in Tadoami’s arms anyways.

They exchange looks.

Tadaomi takes small tiny steps towards one of the readily available empty surfaces and sets the cat on top of it.

The cat blinks.

“Um,” Tadaomi says. “Uh. Welcome to my house?”

Then he jumps backwards when the cat leaps off the dresser and starts ambling around his house like he owns it.

“W-wait! Where are you going?”

The cats runs around his house, knocking everything over, and Tadaomi chases it all around his house. 

“Hey! That’s a- watch it- hey!” 

Aren’t cats supposed to be graceful? He watched all those videos where cats walk on their tip-toes to stop breaking things-

“Kitty! Stop!”

“Meow!” The cat says. And then promptly jumps on his bed.

“Oh no,” Tadaomi says, watching the cat roll around his bedsheets, all dirty and grimy and now Tadaomi has to clean his whole house and-

“Meow.”

Tadaomi sighs. 

The cat is peeking up at him, half-buried in the covers he’s managed to pull off the sides of the bed. 

“At least you’re cute,” Tadaomi says, and he figures this invasion of personal space means the cat is okay with being petted, so Tadaomi pets him. 

The cat blinks, then closes its eyes and purrs

Tadaomi feels his heart melt .

He scratches the cat under its chin. “You don’t suppose you’d let me give you a bath, huh?”

The answer was not at all willingly.

The cat, having leapt out of Tadaomi’s bathroom window when Tadaomi tried to get it in the tub, reappears at his vents with a betrayed look on its face.

“Sorry,” Tadaomi says, “but I’m going to have you cleaned up if you want to stay, you know.”

The cat huffs at him.

“Fine, but you have to stay out here, okay?” Tadaomi gives him a head rub. “You tracked dirt all over my floors.”

“Meow.”

Tadaomi lays out his already-messy bedspread for the cat, who seems satisfied enough with the new addition, and starts cleaning itself.

He decides to ask Asano for help.

Turns out, Asano has his own share of updates. “I’m adopting him!” Asano says, teary, and he drags Tadaomi with him to watch more videos of his new cat.

One hour later, they finally approach Tadaomi’s problem. “How do you give a cat a bath?”

“Oh!” Asano perks up. “Do you want to come over! You can practice on Gakushuu!”

“Oh,” Tadaomi says. “Are you sure he’d be okay?”

“Gakuhsuu loves everybody,” Asano reassures him. “Except me.” Not reassuring.

Tadaomi meets Gakushuu-Asano-the-cat that weekend. He’s an adorable thing, meowing so sweetly and letting himself be handled anywhere that Tadaomi can’t even imagine him being the one who makes Gakuhou’s face look like a bandaged mummy. 

“Don’t be fooled,” Gakuhou says, with immense affection. “He’s a menace.”

Contrary to anecdotal evidence, Gakushuu is an absolute angel. Tadaomi learns how to carry a cat, wash a cat, pet a cat, dry a cat, brush a cat.

He steps out of the guest bathroom with Gakushuu happily bundled up in a towel and runs into a woman.

“Oh, hi,” Tadaomi says cautiously.

The woman glares at him.

Then, Asano steps into the hallway from where Tadaomi remembers is the direction of the kitchen. “Oh, you two have met.”

“Yeah,” the woman snaps, before Tadaomi gets to reply. “I see he’s here for the cat.”

“You wanted a cat,” Asano points out, sounding irritated. Tadaomi wants to leave, right now.

“I wanted a cute little kitten, Gakuhou, what kind of weirdo gets a cat that hates him?”

Gakushuu, the cat in question (still in Tadaomi’s arms), blinks peacefully at the couple.

“I like him,” Asano insists.

“We haven’t even gone out in over a month because all you’re interested in is seeing that stupid cat-”

“First of all that’s wrong because I take you out to dinner on Saturdays and second of all-”

“-the cat’s more important to you than me, I bet your friend here doesn’t even know you have a girlfriend.”

“Why would he know I have a girlfriend? It never came up in conversation!”

“Oh, and a cat did? It’s just something you tell people!”

“Do you start your self-introductions with Hi I’m Lacey, I’m 22, and I have a boyfriend? And we talk about cats because he also has a cat-”

Tadaomi, who’s successfully backed his way into the bathroom and has shut the door, sets Gakushuu on the sink. “I’m going to blow dry you now because a hairdryer makes lots of noise,” he says.

“Meow,” Gakushuu agrees happily. 

“Look, no more baths, alright?” Tadaomi says placatingly to the cat on his windowsill, who is eyeing the brush in his hands with suspicion. “This is just a grooming brush. It’d feel great, I promise.”

“Meow,” the cat says, which Tadaomi takes as assent. It doesn’t move away when Tadaomi gets closer, so he starts brushing it with slow methodological strokes, until the cat stretches and sprawls out on the ledge and-

“Prrrrrrr.”

“Oh!” Tadaomi says, delighted. 

The cat squints with that happy squint that cats usually do. Tadaomi continues brushing it. 

When he pauses (because his hand started to ache a little) he does not expect the cat to get up and jump onto Tadaomi’s shoulder.

“Woah!” He drops the brush and tries not to move. The cat scrabbles on his jacket sleeve for a while before tipping over and landing softly on his floor. 

“Meow,” the cat says, and goes to run around his house. Again.

“I feel like I asked for this,” Tadaomi says, two hours later when he’s on his bed, spread-eagle as he tries to breathe with a large heavy weight pressing on his chest. “This is karma for what I’ve done. This is karma, isn’t it?”

“Purrrrrrrr,” the cat says.

Tadaomi sighs. “Goodnight.”

“Prrrrrr.”

And then suddenly the cat just. Conveniently comes into Tadaomi’s house whenever he cracks the window open. 

To wage war on his furniture.

“Goddammit you little shit! What do you have against my curtains?”

“Mrrrowww!”

“Oh come on!” Tadaomi plucks a wriggling cat off the floor. “You’re such a menace, kitty.”

“Meow.”

“Maybe I’ll introduce you to Gakushuu. Oh, I don’t know if you’ll like him…”

“Meow.”

“Well, at least you like me better than he likes Gakuhou.”

“Meeeow.”

“I don’t suppose you’d let me give you a bath? I practiced for it, you know. I can clean behind your ears.”

“Meeeeeooooooowww.”

“Maybe next time, then.” 

And then suddenly the cat just. Conveniently stops leaving his house.

Conveniently staying at his house.

It’s all Asano’s fault, really.

Asano offers him discounts for cat products and cat beds and a scratching post because Gakushuu is internet famous now or something, and “Oh, I got sent a toy but Gakushuu doesn’t really play with toys, do you want it?” 

So suddenly Tadaomi’s house has more cat things which Tadaomi supposes is an open invitation for the cat to keep staying, so the cat-on-the-windowsill becomes the cat-hanging-by-the-window-curtains and Tadaomi stands in a sea of ripped feathers from his couch cushion and a cat tossing around a felt ball rolling in the mess and wonders, how did his life come to this?

“Aww,” the receptionist to the veterinarian clinic says, when Tadaomi (with a lot of difficulty) drags a cat carrier through the clinic’s doors, shaking vigorously with a very volatile and pissed cat. “Who do we have here?” 

“Karma and retribution for all my questionable decisions,” Tadaomi says.

The receptionist’s eyes crinkle in amusement. “That name’s a little long,” she quips, as she writes “Karma” on the line of the form she’s filling out.

Huh.

Karma the cat is sent back with a clean bill of health and all his shots, which means it's time for Tadaomi to begin the ordeal of transporting Karma home. 

"Mrrowww!"

Tadaomi, balancing his keys and groceries and school bag and his cat whom ran up to him from the alleyway by his house and immediately pounced to cling onto the back of his shirt, tries and fails to unlock the door.

He sets down his groceries and school bag and moves the cat from the back of his shirt to a one-armed cradle, and tries again.

“You’re a big baby Karma, you know that?”

Karma purrs.

Tadaomi: my big baby... HAS a baby

Catrma: =^owo^=

Katrushuu junior: =^uwu^=

Chapter Text

Gakuhou: king of making bad decisions

Gakushuu: king of insulting those bad decisions

"You have pet giant centipedes ?”

Tadaomi cannot believe Gakuhou sometimes. Make that: most of the time. Scratch that, all the time.

“I didn’t go out to buy them or anything! It was a favor for a friend.” Gakuhou protests, over the phone. “Besides, Gakushuu’s so well behaved I thought that he wouldn’t mind- Gakushuu no!”

Tadaomi listens, almost smugly, to the crashes and bangs that happen on the other end of the call. It’s a little therapeutic to listen to Gakushuu acting like a normal cat and being rowdy for once. Is this what Gakuhou feels like whenever he calls Tadaomi only to have to listen to Tadaomi try and wrangle Karma for five minutes?

This is pure nirvana, that's what it is.

Two minutes later Gakuhou is back on the line, noticeably out of breath. “Gakushuu tried to eat a centipede.”

Tadaomi is grinning. “Uh huh.”

“I’m more worried that they’ll try to eat Gakushuu! (Softly) Ouch, don’t bite me, I’m telling you the truth! They’re venomous, you know, don’t- ow!”

“Gakuhou, whatever possessed you to get venomous insects into a house with a cat ?”

Gakuhou actually sounds mournful. “I thought Gakushuu would get along with them.”

Tadaomi looks over at Karma, who’s trying his best to chase a toy across his living room floor. “I know he doesn’t usually behave like a normal cat, but he’s still a cat!”

“I know, I know,” Gakuhou sighs. “Listen, would you mind if I come drop him off? Just for a night, then I can hand them back to Tsurata when he comes back tomorrow.”

“There’s no way those centipedes are getting anywhere near Karma.”

“I meant Gakushuu.”

“Oh, yeah, sure.”

“Hey sweetie,” Tadaomi says, opening the door.

“Um, hi.” Gakuhou says, face pink.

Tadaomi blinks at him, feeling his face warm. “I was, um, talking to Gakushuu. Hi to you, too.”

“Right. Yeah. Hi.”

“Meow,” chirps the carrier.

Gakuhou opens the door. Gakushuu comes sauntering out, and stares flatly at the both of them. Can a cat look judgmental? Tadaomi feels like Gakushuu is mocking the both of them with his happy, successful gay cat relationship.

Speaking of: Karma trots up to the door happily, in his mouth the squeak toy that he had conquered earlier that day. He drops it at Gakushuu’s feet, chest puffed and tail swishing proudly.

Gakushuu, who still ignores his own toys when they come in his mail, does the gentle-catly thing and humors Karma by making a show of inspecting the toy, meowing, and then sending his affirmation with a lick on the head.

Then they run off to do whatever it is that cats do on dates.

“They’re so sweet together,” Gakuhou says, sighing.

“Why did you agree to help Tsurata take care of his centipedes again?”

“It’s just for a day,” Gakuhou says. “No one else agreed to.”

“For good reason,” Tadaomi mutters.

Gakuhou elbows him. “They’re kinda cute.”

“You adopted a cat that hates you, and you think centipedes are cute. You have weird tastes, Gakuhou.”

“Not that weird,” Gakuhou says, and follows him into the kitchen.

Gakushuu and Karma are on the counter, where they both know they definitely don’t belong.

“Karma, down!”

“Gakushuu, you know you’re not allowed up there. Karma’s a bad influence on you.”

They get two indignant meows. 

“Karma is definitely a bad influence on you,” Gakuhou scolds. 

“Mrow!”

“Yes, I know you stop him from shredding the furniture but influence goes both ways!”

“Mrrrowww!”

“Yes, I know you like Karma!”

Karma and Tadaomi blink at the both of them. Karma saunters up to Tadaomi and asks to be carried, the big baby, so Tadaomi picks him up and heads to the living room. Gakuhou and Gakushuu are still bickering.

“I’ll never understand them,” Tadaomi says.

Karma meows in agreement.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, okay, honey?” Gakuhou coos. 

Gakushuu stares at him, tail swishing. “Mrow.”

“Yes, I’ll never look after centipedes again. Be good for Tadaomi and Karma, okay?”

“Mrrow.”

“Come on, you’ve spent plenty of time here before.”

“Mrrrrrowwwww.”

“Yeah, that’s right. Just one night. Love you.”

It’s a heartfelt scene. Karma’s watching in rapt attention. Tadaomi’s recording.

Gakuhou kisses Gakushuu on the forehead, and Gakushuu bites him, with affection. 

“Alright,” Gakuhou laughs. “I’ll miss you. See you bright and early tomorrow, okay sweetheart?”

Gakuhou leaves. Gakushuu sits at Tadaomi’s door, staring at it.

“Come on Gakushuu,” Tadaomi says, plucking the cat up. “Gakuhou left his jacket here the last time. I’ll go get it.”

Gakushuu breaks his stare at the door to now stare at Tadaomi. Tadaomi feels, distinctly, like revealing this information is going to bite him back in the ass.

But it’s not like Gakuhou’s a real cat whisperer, right? Surely Gakushuu can’t say something as sophisticated as “Tadaomi kept the jacket you left here last time in his closet.” Can he?

The rest of the night passes with relative ease. Karma works hard to get Gakushuu’s mind off of things. As familiar as Karma and Tadaomi are, it’s the first time Gakushuu been over without Gakuhou, which can be stressful.

Gakuhou seems to be dealing with this separation just as poorly, if all indications show. He’s called about three separate times to ask Tadaomi about Gakushuu (yes, he’s still eating dinner since the last time you called me, Gakuhou,) and Tadaomi sends him about a hundred pictures.

It’s only during bedtime when problems start to arise.

Tadaomi watches, smiling, as Karma tucks Gakushuu into his cat bed and pampers him prim and proper, before settling and curling round him as well. The two blink up at Tadaomi with innocent cat eyes. They both look sleepy from a whole day of playing.

“Goodnight, guys,” Tadaomi says, and flicks off the lights.

Scuffle, scuffle. 

Mrow.

Whine.

Scuffle, scuffle.

Mrrrowww!

Tadaomi turns on the light. “What is it?”

But all he sees is Karma, abandoned in his marital bed, making a mournful keen at Tadaomi’s open bedroom door.

Gakushuu is waiting by the front door. Is he pouting? If there was any cat in the world that could pout, it'd probably be Gakushuu.

Now, cats are creatures of habit, so maybe it’s just not Gakushuu’s bed time yet. Tadaomi shoots a quick text to Gakuhou, who calls him back almost immediately.

“Yes, yes, he’s awake,” Tadaomi says. “He went to wait by the door again.”

He holds the phone at length’s arm as Gakuhou sobs into the receiver, spluttering sad lines about being a bad parent and missing his cat, it’s past both their bedtimes. 

Karma has migrated to sniffling and batting at Gakushuu, trying to get sleepy cuddles from his unresponsive boyfriend. He yowls sadly and looks at Tadaomi, pleading.

“No, that yowl was Karma,” Tadaomi says. “He’s sad that Gakushuu’s not paying attention to him. Uh huh, uh huh. Uh huh… wait, you’re coming over? Now? Gakuhou, it’s past midnight-”

“Mrrrowwww!”

“No, no, it’s okay, that was Karma again. He’s still trying to get Gakushuu’s attention. Yes, Gakushuu is fine. He ate his dinner. What? A sleeping bag? You can just take the couch, you know-”

The door opens, and Gakushuu launches himself like a speeding bullet straight into Gakuhou’s arms.

Tadaomi quickly shoves them in and shuts the door, lest he has to explain to his neighbors why he has a crying man and a crying cat at his doorstep at one in the morning. The gossip ring is bad enough. 

Mrs Hayasaki would definitely be delighted by this turn of events - she’d congratulated him on the “nice young man” when she’d overheard them talking about boyfriends when she passed them on her way to get the mail. It took a lot of blushing and stuttering on Tadaomi’s part to convince her that their cats were boyfriends, not them, and Tadaomi doesn’t think she fully believes him, at any rate.

“Meeeoooowww!” Gakushuu scolds.

“I missed you so much!” Gakuhou sobs.

“It’s been six hours,” Tadaomi sighs. “You go to school longer than that.”

Karma’s already fallen asleep. He cracks open an eye to meow briefly in greeting, and then continues dozing in the crook of Tadaomi’s arm. Tadaomi rocks him, like a baby.

“Sorry to barge in on you at this time,” Gakuhou says, not sorry at all.

“It’s fine,” Tadaomi says. “I see you’re already in your pyjamas.”

“I didn’t see the need to change when I’m coming to sleep over, anyways,” Gakuhou shrugs. “I’m sure the centipedes will be fine. It’s better I stay over, since I can’t bring Gakushuu back lest they kill each other in the night.”

“Mrow,” Gakushuu complains.

“I know, I love you,” Gakuhou says back.

“Sorry the couch is a little small,” Tadaomi says. “I don’t have a guest room.”

“It’s fine. I’m intruding,” Gakuhou says. This is one of the times Tadaomi sees Gakushuu content to be snuggled by his owner, and Gakuhou looks like he's milking it for all it's worth. “Goodnight, Tadaomi.”

“Goodnight, Gakuhou, Gakushuu, Karma.”

Tadaomi goes back to his room, plops the cat on the cat bed, and turns off the lights.

Scuffle, scuffle.

Mrow.

Meeeoooww. 

Scuffle, scuffle.

Knock, knock.

Tadaomi turns on the lights.

Gakuhou stands at his bedroom door, sheepish, hand raised for a knock. “Sorry. Gakushuu ran away from me, so I followed him here, but it looks like he just came for Karma.”

The lovebirds - lovecats? Are snuggled back together again. Karma looks very much like a smug kitty, head on Gakushuu's head, and they both look very comfortable.

Tadaomi squints at his clock. It’s almost 2 in the morning.

“Sorry, you should go back to sleep,” Gakuhou says. "See you in the morning-"

“Mrow!” Suddenly Gakushuu bolts upwards, displacing Karma, who lets out a surprised yelp. With one graceful leap Gakushuu bounds onto Tadaomi’s bed, curls up in a ball, and then meows a very sharp meow.

Karma follows suit, scrabbling up the side of Tadaomi’s bedsheets and plopping himself over to Gakushuu’s side.

They do look very, very comfortable.

Then Gakushuu meows again, angrily, this time directed at Gakuhou.

Gakuhou... blushes.

“I don’t need a cat translator for this,” Tadaomi says. “Gakuhou, it’s two in the morning. Can you just get in the bed so Gakushuu will let us sleep?”

“Oh, um-”

“Turn off the lights when you do,” Tadaomi says, and closes his eyes.

“Zzzz.”

“Zzzz.”

“Mrow!”

“Karma, go away.”

“Mrrrow!” 

“Karma, shoo.”

“Mrrrrrowww!”

“Karma!” Tadaomi scolds. He opens his eyes.

Closes them.

Right. Gakuhou’s here.

“Open the window on your side to let Karma out. He likes to go on morning walks.”

“Sure.”

“Mrow?”

“You can go too, Gakushuu.”

“Mrow!”

“Bring me back a souvenir.”

Tadaomi groans. “Don’t encourage them. Karma brought me a rat once.”

“...was it aliv-”

“Yes. He set it free into the house.”

“Oh.”

“If Karma brings back another rat you’re helping me catch it.”

“Okay.”

“...”

“...”

“You kept the jacket I left here the other time in your closet?”

“For fuck’s sake, how did he even- Gakushuu!-”

“He bit my jacket, jumped into your closet with it, and then jumped out.” Gakuhou looks incredibly amused.

“Closets are just where people keep clothes, it’s normal!” Tadaomi refuses to be embarrassed. This cat is a fucking snitch. He’s never letting Karma see his boyfriend ever again, he swears.

“Mrow!”

“Oh, they’re back,” Gakuhou says in delight. Tadaomi refuses to turn around and look at both cats climbing in through the window, because he’s giving them the silent treatment to show them how much he disapproves-

“Gakushuu, did you steal someone’s wallet?!”

Tadaomi whips around. “What?!”

“Mrow,” Gakushuu says, pawing at a - yes, that is indeed someone’s brown leather wallet, now with small teeth puncture marks on it.

Gakuhou opens it, and pulls out a card. “Hey, it’s from our university.” Pause. “Aguri Yukimura. You know her?”

Tadaomi shakes his head. 

“I’ll send her an email.”

“You know her?”

“No, but I’ll just look up her student number.” Tap, tap, tap. “Ah, okay. Found it.”

Tadaomi looks over his shoulder. “You don’t know me,” he reads, “but my cat stole your wallet. Charming.”

“Mhm, I always am.” Gakuhou winks at him. The stupid thing is, he’s right. Not that Tadaomi will ever admit it.

Gakuhou plucks Gakushuu off the windowsill. “You’re in trouble, young man. Theft is against the law. Don’t look at me like that, laws apply to cats now. Starting today. That’s right, I’m turning you in. Ow! I’m actually going to put you in jail, you little-”

Tadaomi sighs. “I’ll never understand them. Right, Karma- oh that better not be a living butterfly you little shit-”

Aguri: It's alright, really! I chased them for a few blocks but I didn't have anything too important in there that couldn't be replaced. 

Gakuhou: I'm sorry, my boyfriend's cat is a very bad influence on him.

Gakuhou: Ahem, I meant, I'm sorry, my cat's boyfriend is a very bad influence on him. autocorrect lol 

Tadaomi: 

Aguri: I found a little kitten the other day! I named her Akari and she's an absolute angel! My boyfriend hates cats so I need to get her adopted as fast as possible. Would you two-

Gakuhou: I'm starting to think Gakushuu is psychic